1
00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,680
Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's suing the Hershey's Company because

2
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,720
Speaker 1: it finally found a wrong way to eat a reesiss

3
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:13,720
Speaker 1: tongue up.

4
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:18,079
Speaker 2: Through the middle with reverse Wow Girl thrown in number

5
00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:22,400
Speaker 2: one issue. Peanut butter burns all up and down the tongue,

6
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:27,440
Speaker 2: so I didn't even know that. Don't try it.

7
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,640
Speaker 1: You're gonna be seeing warning labels on there soon thanks

8
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,920
Speaker 1: to Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news

9
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,360
Speaker 1: stories around the globe, just like everyone else does, except

10
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:40,000
Speaker 1: we've got a laser and those other Choco slappos just don't.

11
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,199
Speaker 2: This first Laser Stories out of England.

12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,080
Speaker 1: A few years ago, a conceptual artist from Italy made

13
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:50,080
Speaker 1: a toilet out of eighteen carrot gold and proudly named

14
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:56,280
Speaker 1: it America Out. It's a commentary on unbridled capitalism or

15
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,080
Speaker 1: something like that.

16
00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:57,640
Speaker 2: Anyway.

17
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,560
Speaker 1: It was originally on display at the Guggenheim and New York.

18
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,960
Speaker 1: This is what it looked like. You could actually wait

19
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,280
Speaker 1: in line and go in and use it to no way.

20
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:17,720
Speaker 2: I would totally wait for that. You doesn't matter.

21
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:20,640
Speaker 1: The time limit was three minutes that you had to

22
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,960
Speaker 1: use it, and if you went over, a security guard

23
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,080
Speaker 1: would bang on the door and tell you to finish

24
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:25,840
Speaker 1: up your business.

25
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,520
Speaker 2: I can't be that quick. Never mind, dude. The pressure.

26
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,640
Speaker 1: Eventually that got moved to a World Heritage site in

27
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,920
Speaker 1: England where Europeans could see it. But in September of

28
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:40,160
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, the Golden commode mysteriously vanished in the middle

29
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:40,600
Speaker 1: of the night.

30
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:46,480
Speaker 2: Whoa a plumber A ghost plumber.

31
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,720
Speaker 1: Authorities have been searching for it ever since, and they

32
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,080
Speaker 1: finally got a break the other day when a tip

33
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,680
Speaker 1: led them to four men, all between the ages of

34
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,560
Speaker 1: thirty five and thirty nine, and there's some strong evidence

35
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:02,120
Speaker 1: against them. They're facing charges for and conspiracy to transfer

36
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,240
Speaker 1: criminal property.

37
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,080
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Maybe they just stole it because they

38
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,360
Speaker 2: needed more than three minutes on.

39
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,040
Speaker 1: That thing, you know, like it's the right age men

40
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,480
Speaker 1: need a little bit more time. Sadly, police still don't

41
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,400
Speaker 1: know where the toilet is, but chances are it's no

42
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: longer a toilet anymore. They think the guys melted it

43
00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,200
Speaker 1: down long ago to just sell the raw goal.

44
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,360
Speaker 2: You don't think they installed it in the suburban home.

45
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:27,799
Speaker 2: That would be kind of cool.

46
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,160
Speaker 1: Let's go to your next Lazer story out of the

47
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:35,160
Speaker 1: happiest place on Earth. I'm not sure who needs to

48
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,800
Speaker 1: hear this, but Disney theme park workers would really appreciate

49
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,520
Speaker 1: it if you'd stop pooping in line.

50
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:43,920
Speaker 2: I thought about this recently.

51
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,440
Speaker 1: Two and a half hour way and you're in the middle,

52
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,359
Speaker 1: what would you do?

53
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,639
Speaker 2: You just leave and let your family hold your spots?

54
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,440
Speaker 2: You can leave, Yes.

55
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,880
Speaker 1: A very famous newspaper just did a big article on

56
00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:56,840
Speaker 1: a long standing rumor that some Disney guests are so

57
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,800
Speaker 1: desperate to keep their spot in line they'll resort to

58
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:05,240
Speaker 1: leaving themselves right there on the ground. On the ground

59
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,400
Speaker 1: like you don't even have the decency to put on

60
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,880
Speaker 1: an adult diaper before this plan takes place.

61
00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:12,960
Speaker 2: Brought a whole bag of adult diapers in case you

62
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,400
Speaker 2: need that. If you're this person, have some forethought and

63
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,239
Speaker 2: some decency.

64
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,520
Speaker 1: This happens at Disneyland and Disney World more often than

65
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,680
Speaker 1: you'd realize. In fact, someone on Reddit recently said they

66
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,600
Speaker 1: saw a parent letting their kid take a tusie while

67
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,120
Speaker 1: standing in line for the ride Star Wars Rise of

68
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:29,800
Speaker 1: the Resistance.

69
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 2: It's like a three hour wait. That's a lot of resistance.

70
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,720
Speaker 1: An employee backed them up in the commons and said

71
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,480
Speaker 1: there were actually three poop related incidents that day. Just

72
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,400
Speaker 1: in that one line alone.

73
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,200
Speaker 2: I will say I was in a downtown department store

74
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,680
Speaker 2: one time. Please don't finish this story. Don't don't finish it.

75
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,560
Speaker 2: We don't need to know the rest of the story.

76
00:03:54,600 --> 00:04:01,880
Speaker 2: Thank you. Back to Disneyland. Two former disney.

77
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,880
Speaker 1: Land chanitors also talked about it in a twenty fifteen

78
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,680
Speaker 1: book called Cleaning the Kingdom.

79
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,400
Speaker 2: They wrote a whole book about it. They said, it's

80
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,200
Speaker 2: so common.

81
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,800
Speaker 1: There's a secret code for it now, code H, which

82
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,800
Speaker 1: used to mean a horse relieved itself on main Street.

83
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,599
Speaker 2: Now the H also stands for human.

84
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:24,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, the question is what should you do if you're

85
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,520
Speaker 1: halfway through a four hour line and you need to

86
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,440
Speaker 1: use the john Just ask the person behind you, even

87
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,400
Speaker 1: if you don't have someone with you, be like, hey,

88
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,160
Speaker 1: I don't know you, but we will hold my spot

89
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,160
Speaker 1: while I go to the bathroom.

90
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,839
Speaker 2: Wrong, you can't trust other people there.

91
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,919
Speaker 1: You have to flag down an employee and tell that,

92
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,000
Speaker 1: and they would let you back into the line rather

93
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,000
Speaker 1: than clean up yesterday's.

94
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,560
Speaker 2: Lunch for you. Oh, that's actually good to know. Why

95
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,960
Speaker 2: do we have to tell people's just logic? All right?

96
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,159
Speaker 1: That story perfectly transitions into our next laser story out.

97
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 2: Of Food News. We started the segment with a toilet

98
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,920
Speaker 2: jet Like what, here's a hypothetical for you.

99
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:07,560
Speaker 1: If a company took all of your favorite burger toppings

100
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:12,120
Speaker 1: and condiments, blended them up and released one sauce to

101
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,080
Speaker 1: save you time.

102
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:17,839
Speaker 2: Would that be awesome or gross? Gross? I don't know,

103
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,920
Speaker 2: but that's what fried dip is. Well.

104
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,640
Speaker 1: I say that because Hines is coming out with a

105
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:24,239
Speaker 1: new flavor.

106
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:29,800
Speaker 2: Pickle ketchup sounds it's kind of like tartar sauce, but

107
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,960
Speaker 2: for ketchup. Oh yeah, there's a photo of it.

108
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 1: It is what It sounds like, a condiment that combines

109
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,800
Speaker 1: the tangy and savory flavor of pickles with traditional Hines

110
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,000
Speaker 1: ketchup creamy.

111
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,960
Speaker 2: I need some chunks though this looks smooth.

112
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,960
Speaker 1: Do you do you have any report on the consistency

113
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,880
Speaker 1: of this guy who chunky ketchup? Yeah? I know someone

114
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,520
Speaker 1: who's tried it says that it's like they bottled up

115
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,360
Speaker 1: the flavor of McDonald's pickles and ketchup. It isn't super dilly,

116
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,480
Speaker 1: and if you dip French fries in it, it takes

117
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:58,559
Speaker 1: it to another level.

118
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,200
Speaker 2: Oh ya. The best part is.

119
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,559
Speaker 1: This isn't a limited release that you'll have trouble getting

120
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,760
Speaker 1: your hands on. It's gonna start showing up on shelves

121
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:09,200
Speaker 1: nationwide early next years.

122
00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,240
Speaker 2: A lot of confidence in it. Okay, why are they

123
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:11,720
Speaker 2: doing this?

124
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,640
Speaker 1: According to Hines, seventy three percent of Americans like pickles,

125
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,560
Speaker 1: and if you're one of them, would you give this

126
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,440
Speaker 1: new condiment a shot?

127
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,320
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

128
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:21,799
Speaker 1: Sure?

129
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:22,160
Speaker 2: Good.

130
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,039
Speaker 1: We found an old pickle in the break room fridge.

131
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:28,240
Speaker 1: We chopped it up our watch jose In Brook eat

132
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,200
Speaker 1: it on our Instagram at Brook and Jeffrey.

133
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:37,239
Speaker 2: It's chunky, old pickle, A fresh pickle.

134
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,320
Speaker 1: Tap his next laser stories out of the animation station.

135
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:41,920
Speaker 2: That's fine.

136
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,599
Speaker 1: I know Brook's going to be sad about this, but

137
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,120
Speaker 1: The Simpsons is dropping one of its longest running gags,

138
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,440
Speaker 1: child abuse.

139
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 2: I saw this already, Jeffrey, and I'm not. I mean, wait,

140
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,160
Speaker 2: I am happy about it. Decide how she feels.

141
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,760
Speaker 1: In an episode a few weeks ago called mcmanson and wife,

142
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,520
Speaker 1: Homer and Marge made a new neighbor and when Homer

143
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,119
Speaker 1: shakes his hand, the guy comments on his strong grip,

144
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:12,880
Speaker 1: and Homer says, Marge strangling the boy paid off, But

145
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,640
Speaker 1: then he adds quote, just kidding, I don't do that anymore.

146
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:21,000
Speaker 2: Times of change. That's right, Yeah, you can't strangle kids anymore.

147
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,000
Speaker 1: The Simpsons is in its thirty fifth season now, and

148
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,560
Speaker 1: that begs the question. Our show has been on the

149
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,840
Speaker 1: air for years and many many people have wondered when

150
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,880
Speaker 1: or if the ending of Laser Stories will ever make

151
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,640
Speaker 1: a change from an amorous turtle getting busy with a shoe.

152
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,920
Speaker 2: A lot of people a requested it. Well, here you go.

153
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:46,600
Speaker 2: This is a turtle humping a drone. Dangerous. It's an

154
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,720
Speaker 2: Amazon drone that's delivering shoes. But you know what, at

155
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:55,000
Speaker 2: least sits a step towards the future for dear life.

156
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,760
Speaker 2: Does he have a little para watch out for the blades, buddy.

157
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, there he goes right by our studio. That's how

158
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,800
Speaker 1: means Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.

159
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,920
Speaker 1: We'll do it again, same time on Friday

160
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,960
Speaker 2: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning,