WEBVTT - Liz Marie Gallavan: Best selling author is an open book in this interview about multiple miscarriages, adoption, her sweet family, and the passion behind her new book “Cozy White Cottage Season.” It’s a must have! 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:17.439 Carol. She's a queen and she's getting I'm not afraid 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:25.479 of so just let flu No one can Caral this 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:30.320 sounds Carol. I am grilled to be here with Wed 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.360 a cozy, which is my love language, and I feel 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:35.640 like probably most people's love language. If it wasn't your 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:38.239 love language before the pandemic, it definitely became your love 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:42.200 language after the pandemic. How to make your life, your house, 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:46.919 everything about your existence cozy. This is Liz Galvan and 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:53.200 you are absolutely a powerhouse, incredible woman, mother, inspiring human. 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:55.520 I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you for 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:58.120 joining me, thank you for having me, and thank you 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.280 for that peff talk. I feel like I want to 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.760 hear that every morning and to get me going, So 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:07.320 thank you. I have a lot of friends who are 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.399 incredible like you, because I I live in this space 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:14.640 where women, women especially have just taken life by the 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:18.960 horns and like sees the moment and created incredible businesses 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:22.000 and companies. And I always just marvel and you are 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:25.880 one of those. I just marvel at a woman like 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:30.200 you who writes this is your second book, right, it 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:34.040 is second book. I mean, you have a New York 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.440 Times Best selling book already and then this is your 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:40.040 second one, which is Cozy White Cottage Seasons a hundred 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:42.839 ways to be cozy all year long. I mean, you 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.840 have a book, you have a is it a is 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.320 it called a brick and mortar? Is that what it's called. Yeah, 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.800 So we have a brick and mortar and an online 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.840 shop that we run as well, called the found Cottage, 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:58.960 and then we also have one on our personal um 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:02.440 on our farm here, a shop on my blog lisbe 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:06.320 blog dot com as well. And then you have a 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.480 it's a whole like it's not it's not a festival, 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:11.959 but you have all as like a vender thing once 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:14.720 a year where everybody comes. What is that going? Sorry, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:16.480 I'm so like naive to all that. I'm like my 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.680 dram I love talking about it. So it's the found 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:23.360 Cottage Mercantile and it's every Labor Day weekend in Holland, Michigan, 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.640 and people from all over the country come. We have 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:29.520 about a hundred and fifty vendors from around the country 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:33.200 and ten thousand plus people come to visit in shop 0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:37.080 and it's the best weekend of the year. So do 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.680 you are you just a visionary? Do you just like 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.880 dream these things up and how do you actually make 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.200 them reality? That's what I always am marveling at. It's 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.000 like a lot of people have ideas, but then to 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:50.840 actually put the pin to paper and the boots on 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:52.799 the ground and to make it happen like that takes 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:54.960 so much energy and work and so many people have 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:57.600 to be involved, and you're managing so many plates. How 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:00.359 do you do all that? I think it's too things. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:02.280 And I think one thing is the thing that you've 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:04.359 already said that you do as well, So I hope 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:07.360 you give yourself credit on this. But it's surrounding yourself 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:11.040 with um go getters that want to join you or 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:14.120 just cheer you on the whole time, and that's huge, 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:17.480 but also kind of just taking leaps of faith and 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.120 it's your passion. So you either do it or you 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:22.720 sit back and watch someone else do it. And so 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:26.640 it's like not thinking maybe sometimes and just taking that 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.680 leap and praying for the best and it's it's worked. 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:32.600 So yeah, So tell me how you got into all 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:34.080 of this. How did you get your start? I want 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:35.800 to talk about all your journeys, because you've had a 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.600 very long journey to becoming a mother, which is such 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:42.520 a very important topic for me because motherhood. I have 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.680 a mother. I'm a mother material too. And I didn't 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:47.960 have a big infant to your infertility struggle, but for 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.960 a year we couldn't get pregnant. I had a couple 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:53.600 of miscarriages and it was very heartbreaking. And I know 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:57.640 you had like years of trying and miscarrying, like I 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:01.720 know you had like several maybe like tin miss carriages. Yeah, yeah, 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.400 so our way, I guess way back in the day 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.760 for talking the start of everything, it was I was 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:12.320 always doing creative things. I was always going to garage sales, 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:15.040 thrift shops from the time I was in high school 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:18.279 and kind of just doing all of this stuff. And um, 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:22.240 I'm married really young to a marine and we're still 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:26.640 married fourteen years later, and thank you. Life has been 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:29.400 great and wonderful and he's my biggest supporter and has 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:32.320 pushed me as well. So I think finding those people, 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:36.880 including a partner that pushes you and encourages you to 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:39.640 do the things that you love. Um. But one day 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.119 my friend said you should start a blog and start 0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:44.440 sharing what you do. I had no idea what the 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.640 word blog was. It sounded dirty. To me, I was like, 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:49.279 what is that? And my husband, yeah, I know. I 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:56.800 was like, okay, yeah, g Blogger two thousand, two thousand nine. 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.120 It was just for the fun of it and to 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:01.760 meet people that we're doing what you were doing. There 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:04.839 was no money involved. It was the wild West. It 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:07.920 was great. So you always were known though, for being 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:10.480 the Queen of cozy to your friends, like you always 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:13.800 were known for like house styling, and and like or 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.600 and I like you like was that like a home 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:19.120 decor and the way you like put things together? And 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:22.440 three everyone knew that was your gift. Yeah d I 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.880 y maybe yeah, family, Like I was the kid that 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:28.479 wasn't watching cartoons. I was watching I don't know if 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:33.600 anyone remembers Christopher Lowell, Um, he was my hero. I'm listening, 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:35.760 probably knows what I'm talking about. But he was on 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:39.920 daytime TV talking about tassels and stuff, but in trading spaces. 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:42.800 So it was always a passion um and over time 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.400 it evolved into what it is today, and um, you know, 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.880 we're able to make a living off of it. It's 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:52.960 obviously as different um things that's taken on, like markets 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.840 and the store and things like that. But UM. In 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.040 between there as well, we started to try to grow 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:01.320 our family and quickly realized that wasn't going to be 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:05.760 an easy journey. And we have had ten miscarriages and um, 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:10.440 I'm years of infertility and no answers, you know, and 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:13.320 you know that struggle too. It's like losing a child 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.960 why you want to know why? And so that was 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:18.320 always a struggle. And so I started blogging about that 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:21.440 as well. And I think that's when UM I started 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:25.320 really growing a following and meeting this community. Is when 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.400 I started to share the real things UM and that 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:30.599 it wasn't that hard for you to share when you 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:32.640 were going through it, because I feel like when you 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:35.000 want to grow your family, most people are like, Okay, 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:37.160 I'm gonna wait to grow my family because then I'll 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:39.640 just get pregnant and it will happen. And then you 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.240 try and it doesn't happen. That everyone else around you 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:44.640 is getting pregnant, everyone is growing their families and like 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:48.360 all the and then it's like the only thing that 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:50.599 you want in your life is a child. Like it 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:52.320 makes me tear you thinking about it, because it's like 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.320 that burning desire and it's like, why is this not happening. 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.640 Why am I having to lose these children? It's like 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:02.520 the I can't even imagine your journey, having to go 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:05.880 through it so many times, like that's just how did 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:09.680 you get yourself up to go again? It was really hard, 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.640 and to be honest with you, um I I do 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:18.160 think that it pushed me to find my passion for 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:22.880 sharing cozy because I needed that in my life. I mean, 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.880 if you can imagine years of infertility and miscarriages and 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:30.360 being far away from my family at the time as well, Uh, 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:32.560 you know, we were living the Marine Corps life, and 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.640 so my husband was also deploying. You mean, it was 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:39.080 I had to find the sanctuary and make it. And 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.440 so I do think that it pushed me to where 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:43.120 I'm at today and to be able to share that 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:45.920 with other people and help other people. Um But I 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:49.080 do think it was just keeping faith alive and um 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:52.600 just knowing that one day God was going to give 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.520 us a baby. It just wasn't gonna be on my timing, 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:59.800 and so letting that go helped a lot. And now 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:03.840 we have adopted our beautiful soun of CoA limbo who's 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:09.280 too and I just can't imagine any other plan for me, 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:11.120 and so I'm glad it wasn't my plan, you know. 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:14.360 And it's just it's really cool to witness that being 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:17.760 on the other side. Um, and so anyone listening who's 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.440 having that struggle with anything in your life, if you're 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.280 in the storm right now, it gets better and you'll 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:26.960 look back and be really appreciative of yourself if you 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:30.880 use your time now in that storm wisely and maybe 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:33.400 start a new business, maybe do something, you know, do 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:36.920 something exciting with your time, or um, just keep your 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:40.440 hope and yeah, you'll be proud of yourself. That's really 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:46.920 powerful that you said the storm of infertility and miscarriages 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.920 is what kind of led you to creating what is 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.720 blessing so many people. And in your blog blessed talking 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:56.440 talking about your journey, but this like blesses so many people. 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.959 And that is such a great point because I didn't 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:01.560 do that when I was in the storm, and I 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:03.200 was only in the storm for like a year, but 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:06.000 I just stayed in the storm like I was depressed, 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:09.280 I was sad, I was like kind of hopeless, and 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:11.600 like I just like it. And then I did end 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.600 up getting pregnant and so I didn't continue I was 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:18.160 able to move on that way, but like I didn't 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.160 see any hope from it. Like I felt like it 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:23.520 was life ending when you want a child, so not 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:25.240 life ending. That's dramatic. I'm sorry. I don't mean to 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.360 say that, but like it was like the only thing 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:30.160 that I wanted in life anymore. And it's like when 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:31.800 you don't get it, it's so hard to get out 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:34.320 of that storm. But the fact that you poured into 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:38.079 your passion what and what a great message to send 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:41.520 to people. I hope so. And you had asked earlier 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:44.000 if it was hard to share, and I do think 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:46.640 you know, it's it's really awesome that you're sharing now 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:50.360 to um. It gives other people hope and it also 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:53.280 makes them feel less alone. When I started sharing, it 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:55.440 was kind of similar to you. It was out of 0:09:55.480 --> 0:10:00.160 anger and it was out of um, I guess, you know, 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:02.600 losing that hope and faith in that moment, and it 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:04.800 pushed me to share. It was actually on Mother's Day 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:08.480 after maybe like our second or third I everyone was 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.320 sharing their Mother's Day posts and I was like, you 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:13.079 know what, I'm a mom too, but my babies are 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.800 in heaven, and so I just wrote this blog. Post 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:20.199 is I know, my God? Yeah, And I pressed published 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:22.240 and I was like, what did I just do? I 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.240 just told the world. And at this time, when I 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.800 was doing it many years ago, I didn't feel like 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.120 it was like a heavy topic in the blogging world 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:34.319 or something talked about often. But it led to really 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:37.120 good things. It was therapy for me. I had I 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.320 met other people going through similar struggles and so it 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:43.559 helped me and in turn, I hope it helped others too. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:48.280 Isn't life just so? It just it's so fragile, It's 0:10:48.320 --> 0:10:53.000 so there is no playbook, there is no We have 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:55.800 all these dreams and all these ideas for our lives, 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:59.160 but when it comes down to it, there it's just 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.280 we just have to kind of like roll with the 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:06.800 circumstances that were dealt with and make them beautiful and 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:10.440 cozy and into something that has a meaning or else 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:14.640 it will swallow you whole. That's incredible, is like incredible? 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:19.560 How and then how did you guys decide that it 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.280 was time for adoption? Like what was that moment when 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:25.040 you released because I'm sure that was like a moment 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:27.920 for you when you was it releasing that post to 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:31.959 Mother's Day? No so we had many many years after 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:36.560 that of infertility and miscarriage. UM, I mean many many years. 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.920 And then it was actually we moved after my husband 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.640 got out of the marine, where we moved back to Michigan. Um. 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.040 We opened our store, the found Cottage, and then one 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:48.360 day at our market, we my husband and I work it. 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:52.360 You know, we obviously we're helping and doing all this stuff, 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:56.679 but we are not together the entire day. And we 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:58.520 came together at the end of the day and we 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.040 looked at each other and we're like, everyone talked to 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.880 you about adoption today, and it was the weirdest thing. 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.240 We had never mentioned. We wanted to do it, and 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.319 hundreds of people came up to us. They were birth moms, 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:13.960 people who had been adopted, or people that had adopted, 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:17.440 and they all came up to us and shared their story. 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:19.360 But it was like kind of like every time, I 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:21.120 was like, why did you just share that with me? 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:23.120 And so at the end of the day, we like 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.400 looked up at the sky like, Okay, God, we'll look 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.840 into it. You know. It's one of those moments. And 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.080 I always used to hate when people said they had 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:34.400 like a calling. I didn't. I'm like what does that mean? 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:38.079 I know too. I'm like, yeah, I love to use 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:39.720 that word too, but I'm like, this is so lame. 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.800 That's how I feel. Okay, Well, the weirdest thing, um, 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:46.400 I know, God, I just talked to you. I know, 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:50.960 are you? Are you Moses exactly? Like where's the burning bush? 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:55.640 I now know though, what I think a lot of 0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:58.560 people mean, and my definition of getting a calling is 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:03.760 feeling complete peace about a decision. I mean, you do 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:06.920 not question it, you do not hesitate, and you're like, 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:10.280 this is my path to me. That's what it was. 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:13.080 It was like we went to one class about adoption 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:15.960 and we're like, oh my gosh, I do not ever 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:18.200 want to be pregnant again. That is not our journey 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:20.679 and to let that go and have complete peace. I 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:24.760 was like, ohill telling yeah, and so that's what it was. 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.520 It was. I honestly, it was like, this is how 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:29.200 we want to grow our family, and that's how we 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:32.880 still feel and we've never been like, oh maybe we 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:36.440 could do No, it's just complete peace. And I now know. 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.480 I think that's what the majority of people are saying 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.760 when they feel they have a calling, Like that's where 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:44.280 God wants us and so adoption, and I never saw 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:47.000 us here. I always looked at families that adopted. I 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.920 always put them on a pedestal like they were this perfect, 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.520 like they were at some point in their life that 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:54.760 I would never be until I was like maybe fifty. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:59.199 I totally get that, like so much more spiritually evolved 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:03.360 a whole as a human, Like yeah's able to do this. 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:06.960 I feel that same way. It's like it's so powerful 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:10.040 the people who adopt them, like, wow, that's amazing. I can't. 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:12.600 I can tell you that there are normal people who 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:16.120 are very because that's where we're at. I mean, I 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:20.760 just never and for a birth mom to select us 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:23.920 and entrust us with this child she gave birth to 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:29.400 and loves wholeheartedly is the best gift that I mean. 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.640 I think of her every day and we talk and 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.800 thankfully we have an open relationship with her where she's 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:38.120 able to come and see him and she's like, wow, 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:45.840 she's so so cope knows his mommy or whatever. How 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.280 do you how do you do it? How do you so? 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.560 So he's too and so I you know, we talk 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:55.680 about it, like we say her name and then we say, 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.520 you know, you grew inside her belly and you know 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:02.000 he doesn't grasp it. Yeah, And it's really cool because 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:05.280 another way I can explain it is she actually allowed 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:07.960 me to be in the room when she gave birth, 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.840 and which was the best gift ever. And so I 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:13.520 got to cut the cord, which how symbolic is that? 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:16.520 Oh my god, that is I'm like, I'm gonna I 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.440 already mess, I know. And I got to do like 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.120 the first hour of like skinness, like she gave me. 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:28.360 She gave me that she was there. Yes, she was there. 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:30.440 I was at the end of the bed, which no 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.680 one ever talks about as um an adoptive mom. The 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:38.720 guilt that you feel watching this amazing woman in labor 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:44.040 and at the end you will be receiving the baby. 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.680 And it's no one tough. I got that overwhelming feeling, 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:49.440 and I was like, I wish someone had warned me, 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:53.160 but maybe I would have been too nervous. But about 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:56.280 that experience, Like what is that experience like? Because that 0:15:56.480 --> 0:16:00.360 is so powerful and bigger than this life, Like that 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.360 is so beyond this life. Yeah, So she could have 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.480 chosen meant, she could have chosen to parents. She's an 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:10.000 amazing woman, She's a nurse, UM. I mean, she could 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.200 have chosen to parent like she would have been an 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:17.640 amazing mom to cope, UM. And she could have chosen 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.240 another option as well. You know, it probably maybe would 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:24.440 have been easier, UM, But she chose adoption, and she 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:27.760 chose to give us that time in the hospital when 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.600 that is her time, that is a birth mom's time, 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:33.640 and she chose to let us in. And she said, so, 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:35.960 my husband was there too. He was not there for 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.520 the labor um as far as like the pushing and 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.560 things like that, but um, he was there all before 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.440 in an hour after, and she allowed us um to 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.400 sleep with him at night. We got our own room, 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:49.280 and then we would wheel him in during the day. 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:54.280 And it honestly was four days of blocking the entire 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:56.640 world out and we all were there as a family 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:59.440 with her mom and dad, and we could pretend like 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:03.560 nothing was happening. The last day was hard because obviously 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.159 we were leaving the hospital with baby, and she was 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.439 leaving with no baby, UM. And so I'm sure that 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:12.520 was probably the worst day of her life. UM. And 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:16.800 it it really is, UM, such a crazy junxtaposition that 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:20.399 your happiest day of your life is someone else's most 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:24.240 tragic day. UM. And so that's something that you have 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.680 to work through on both ends. UM. And you really 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:36.040 have to love each other to keep this open relationship. Gosh, yeah, 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:40.400 it's heavy. And I have a friend right now who 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.080 just got the call that they are adopting, Like they 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:47.720 just are flying to go be in labor with the mom, 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:52.400 like right now, like today. And I have another friend 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:54.800 who was telling me her story where the baby was 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:57.200 born and she was in the room as well, and 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:00.560 the birth mom just like hated her the baby. You know, 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:04.400 it's like, yeah, this is your baby, but like what 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.600 the power to like do it for the child. It's 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:10.639 all for the child, you know. That's exactly it. And 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:14.480 and every eye anyone listening to who wants to adopt 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:17.760 or maybe feels like, oh wait, that's not how adoption goes. 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:21.639 I want to like emphasize how every adoption is different 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:26.000 and and everyone is you know some end where birth 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:29.240 mom comes back and wants maybe and and so there 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:34.480 are so many different avenues and different things to think about. Um. 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:38.360 And and no story is perfect. I mean, it's kind 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:41.400 of I always compare it to pregnancy. You know, some 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:44.879 pregnancies and and some you know, you know, it's it's 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:48.600 you have those ups and downs. Just with any journey 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:53.000 to motherhood, there's these ups and downs and different roadblocks 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.119 and um, different things. So I want to emphasize that 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:59.560 too totally. And I want to go back to the 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:02.679 point it you said, if you have a calling on 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:05.280 your heart to be a mother, you will be a mother. 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:09.000 Like it will happen in in the calling word all that, 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:12.720 but like you know, when you have a desire that 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:15.399 is beyond just like a want, it's like it's like 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:17.560 a part of who you are as a human, your soul. 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.840 When you have that calling, like, it will happen, it 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:24.320 will take form, it will you will get led down 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:27.760 the road. But it doesn't mean it's gonna It could 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:29.680 be the hardest word of your life. Yes, And I 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:33.399 do think God puts these um callings and desires on 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:35.760 us because that's where we are meant to be. And 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:37.840 it's hard to be like, Okay, if you want me there, 0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:39.600 then why do you not just give it to me? 0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:43.080 But right, yeah, And but being on the other side 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:47.080 when it happens, you're like, oh, because the craziest thing 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:52.639 to um is every time I had a miscarriage, something 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:55.399 very big happened, like right then, like what do you 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:58.800 mean we would I had a miscarriage, and then the 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:02.600 opportunity to open our store happened. I had a miscarriage 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:04.720 in a week later, a publisher called me to write 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.359 a book. It was like, I would look make any 0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:10.080 of that out it all to you, yes, And I 0:20:10.080 --> 0:20:13.080 would have chills just being like, okay, God, like I 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:16.439 am meant to be here. So yeah, So if we 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:20.280 really look about ourselves too, we can be like, oh, 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:22.000 you know what I mean, I think we just have 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:25.080 to keep our eyes open and our hearts open and 0:20:25.080 --> 0:20:28.040 our ears open for these things. And I'm not saying, 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.760 like again that God speaking to us through burning bushes 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:33.639 and things like that, but if you really look about 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:37.440 your life right now, it's, oh, yeah, you're right. I 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:41.000 got this job opportunity after my boyfriend broke up with me, 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:42.760 you know what I mean. Like, I just think that 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:46.040 if you really look around you, you can feel that 0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:48.920 you are meant to be where you're at um And 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:51.520 and that was really cool that be significant things happened 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:53.480 because I don't know if I would have survived tennis 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:58.479 carriages if you had to add something to pour into yes, something. 0:20:58.640 --> 0:21:01.240 It was another passion of heart. Obviously being a mother 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:03.919 was a huge focus and passion of your heart. But 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:07.399 like these opportunities that showed up for you, that came 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:11.160 to you seemingly out of like nowhere, maybe like getting 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:13.160 a publisher come to you. I feel like people hound 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:15.080 down publishers, like, don't hunt them down to get a 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:18.199 book deal. You know, I actually hate talking about that 0:21:18.320 --> 0:21:20.520 because I know there are a lot of publishers out 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:22.080 there that are like, oh, come on, they like a 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:25.360 big I roll and I get it. I actually when 0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:27.160 they called, I was like, there's no I am writing 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:30.040 a book. I There's just no way. And again my 0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:32.800 husband pushed music, you can do this. And I've since 0:21:32.920 --> 0:21:37.159 learned that there are editors and there are people that 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:40.800 photographers that help with these things, you know, as professionals, 0:21:40.880 --> 0:21:43.159