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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor Dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you

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Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 3: Always be moving towards your goal, not what other people

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Speaker 3: tell you. Is to go if they don't know you, right,

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Speaker 3: and the universe put a seed in you, right you,

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Speaker 3: Miss Terry have a seed. You, Doctor Dom, have a seed.

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Speaker 3: That seed is in you, it's yours, and you have

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Speaker 3: a responsibility I think on this planet to water, nurture

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Speaker 3: and make that scene grow. So that's what I would

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Speaker 3: say to people. Don't ever let people tell you what

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Speaker 3: you're supposed to be doing because they don't know you.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode. Please leave us a

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Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 4: where black women can just.

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Speaker 1: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're

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Speaker 1: dying to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased

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Speaker 1: perspective on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatinghirspace

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Speaker 1: dot com and click ask doctor Dom under the start

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Speaker 1: here option. Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and

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Speaker 1: answer them at random.

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Speaker 4: All right, lady, get ready to get ready now? Dom

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Speaker 4: and I were talking and we are so surprised that

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Speaker 4: we have not covered this topic on the podcast before.

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Speaker 4: But let's go ahead and tell you a little bit

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Speaker 4: about our special guest today, and then we're going to

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Speaker 4: jump right on in, all right. Doctor Althy Breelan's Noble

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Speaker 4: is a pioneering psychologist, scientist, media personality, author and speaker.

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Speaker 4: As founder of the mental health nonprofit Acoma Project, Inc.

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Speaker 4: She translates complex scientific concepts into useful everyday language for

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Speaker 4: communities of color. A sought after mental health expert, Doctor

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Speaker 4: Alfie's media work includes hosting her new video podcast, Couched

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Speaker 4: in Color with Doctor Alfie, addressing mental health issues and youth,

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Speaker 4: young adults, and marginalized communities. She regularly appears on media

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Speaker 4: platforms including CNN, NBC, The Finary, twenty nine Sheep Magazine,

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Speaker 4: Roland Martin, Unfiltered, Avera Martin's Special Report, NPR, and many more.

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Speaker 4: Doctor Alfie, welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, Doctor Dom. And I'm so sorry. I just

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Speaker 3: like it's late, and I'm kind of excited, and I

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Speaker 3: never get nervous, but I don't know for whatever reason,

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Speaker 3: and I'm a little nervous. So Miss Terry, you gotta

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Speaker 3: forgive me, but it's wonderful to be here with you both.

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Speaker 3: It is okay.

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Speaker 4: We appreciate your honesty and transparency. We're happy here and

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Speaker 4: we're about to just have a conversation. So by the

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Speaker 4: time this is over, you'll be good.

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Speaker 3: That's good, sounds good.

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Speaker 1: Yes, we are so excited to have you in this

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Speaker 1: space with us today, and so we are going to

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Speaker 1: jump in with our quote of the day, which doctor Alfie,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure will sound familiar to you, because you know,

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Speaker 1: we just we stalked your Twitter page and found something

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Speaker 1: out of all of the amazing things that you put

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Speaker 1: out there, if we stopped saying we know what works

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Speaker 1: because we actually don't from the way we traditionally science,

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Speaker 1: and started asking what works for you, then bild together

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Speaker 1: from that shared understanding, then we see some real positive changes,

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Speaker 1: Doctor Alfree. We chose that quote because we thought that

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Speaker 1: it was so fitting for our conversation tonight around addressing

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Speaker 1: mental health in young adults, but particularly mental health in

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Speaker 1: black and brown young adults. So, as you were hearing

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Speaker 1: your words reflected back to you, can you tell us

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Speaker 1: you know what came up for you, But then also

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Speaker 1: what inspired that particular quote.

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Speaker 3: So when you started reading, I'm thinking, oh Lord, what

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Speaker 3: did I say? Because I've putting a lot of stuff

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Speaker 3: on Twitter, and I have to laugh at myself because

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Speaker 3: you know, as I've aged, let me say that or matured,

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Speaker 3: I get, I get less and less censored. I feel less,

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Speaker 3: less desire to since to myself because I've been in

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Speaker 3: this space for at this point over twenty years. And

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Speaker 3: yes I started when I was ha ha. But in

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Speaker 3: any event, what I've learned is that we have this

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Speaker 3: bad habit of saying and when I say we, I'm

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Speaker 3: talking about all of us who come from the academic space,

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Speaker 3: and I, for full disclosure, I consider myself and I

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Speaker 3: joke a lot about being a recovering academic because for

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Speaker 3: those of us who are black and brown and find

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Speaker 3: ourselves in these academic spaces, I don't know if I've

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Speaker 3: met too many folks who are black and brown, who

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Speaker 3: are of color, who have any kind of marginalized identity,

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Speaker 3: who have said that these academic spaces, traditionally speaking, are

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Speaker 3: non toxic. And I'm honest when I talk about these

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Speaker 3: being I come from the tradition of HBCUs, so I

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Speaker 3: was trained at Howard University, HU, you know, a few

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Speaker 3: years behind Vice President Kamala Harris, and you know, that

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Speaker 3: was a safe haven for me. In all honesty, it

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Speaker 3: wasn't perfect, but it was a safe haven. I never

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Speaker 3: worried about who I was as a black person. I

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Speaker 3: didn't really think about it. My eyes just got open

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Speaker 3: to the beauty and the diversity of the African diaspora.

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Speaker 3: I just it was wonderful. But then I have degrees

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Speaker 3: from three predominantly white institutions, and so my point is

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Speaker 3: is that those spaces are toxic. Often I can think

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Speaker 3: of one that it's not, but for the most part

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Speaker 3: they are. And so when I'm speaking to that quote,

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Speaker 3: what I'm speaking to is those of us who work

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Speaker 3: in mental health disparities research or clinical care or policy

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Speaker 3: who are trying to make things better. But you often

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Speaker 3: run into folks who will say stuff like, oh, well,

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Speaker 3: we already know what works. We don't need to test

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Speaker 3: a new depression intervention, we don't need a new anxiety intervention.

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Speaker 3: And I'm always coming back to, but do you really

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Speaker 3: know what works? Because if you knew what worked, we

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Speaker 3: wouldn't have disparities, right, So we don't tell truth and

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Speaker 3: shame the devil. So you don't know what works. And

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Speaker 3: so I want us to really get be honest and

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Speaker 3: have gotten really bold about saying, no, you don't know

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Speaker 3: what works. You know what works for one segment of

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Speaker 3: the population under one set of circumstances. We want to

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Speaker 3: know what's going to work for a wider range for

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Speaker 3: all of our kids. So that's where that comes from.

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Speaker 5: Wow, that is so incredible.

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Speaker 4: Well, and I will say, doctor Alfie, We've had other

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Speaker 4: doctors and psychologists on our show, and I noticed that

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Speaker 4: when Dom and those professionals speak, there's often the same

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Speaker 4: tune of these environments we toxic as hell. And I'm like, wow,

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Speaker 4: I mean, I can only imagine what it takes to

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Speaker 4: be a professional color You probably sometimes already have so

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Speaker 4: much against you, and then you go into these workspaces

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Speaker 4: you're trying to make a difference in your community, and

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Speaker 4: you're like, God, damn, I got to put up with

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Speaker 4: the toxicity here.

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Speaker 5: So can you just tell.

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Speaker 4: Us, like, what was your journey like and what led

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Speaker 4: you to becoming a psychologist Before we dive into all

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Speaker 4: the great content and the gyms, we're going to get

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Speaker 4: into what.

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Speaker 5: Even inspired you to do this?

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Speaker 4: Twenty years ago when you were two years old.

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Speaker 3: I love y'all, Atlady, you're good, mis Terry, you're good.

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Speaker 3: We're friends. So for me, it's really about I grew

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Speaker 3: long story short, I told this story before, so I'm

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Speaker 3: like sort of sensitive to I feel like I'm being redundant.

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Speaker 3: Let me say that. But basically, in a nutshellt I

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Speaker 3: grew up in Virginia Bee, Virginia, which was at the

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Speaker 3: time a very white area, and probably ten to fifteen

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Speaker 3: percent of my high school was literally was black kids.

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Speaker 3: Another fifteen to twenty percent was Filipino kids. And I

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Speaker 3: tell everybody I did not say agent, I said Filipino

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Speaker 3: because it was really specifically that population, primarily because of

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Speaker 3: the large naval base in Norfolk, and you know, just

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Speaker 3: the history of a lot of Filipino people joining the Navy,

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Speaker 3: coming to the mainland and you know, just building their

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Speaker 3: lives in that way. So in that environment, it was

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Speaker 3: hard to be a high achieving black or Filipino kid.

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Speaker 3: And literally there was a handful of us who are

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Speaker 3: all in advanced classes and that was my experience. So

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Speaker 3: trying to navigate those spaces was stressful because you were

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Speaker 3: never you know, you know. I mean, well, I'm an

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Speaker 3: teletoop about myself. I'm a gen exert and so in

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Speaker 3: those days, it was sort of there was this thing

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Speaker 3: about you know, being black enough or you ain't black enough.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like real chocolate. People can't see me, but

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Speaker 3: I'm nice and chocolate brown. So it was really not

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Speaker 3: a question when you look at me as to whether

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Speaker 3: or not I'm black, but it was It's just at

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Speaker 3: times a really difficult experience, and so I always felt

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Speaker 3: like there had to be somebody who could help kids

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Speaker 3: like me and the other kids who were in my

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Speaker 3: circle navigate these spaces. And that's really what put me

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Speaker 3: on the path. And then I had a godmother. I

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Speaker 3: still have a godmother, doctor Mona Thornton, who has a

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Speaker 3: PhD I'm sorry Edd in early childhood development from UMass

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Speaker 3: Amhurst and she has a very famous mentor who everybody

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Speaker 3: in the child development space knows her name is. Her

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Speaker 3: name is doctor Ronnie McLoyd. And you know, those were

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Speaker 3: the people who were like, well, I feel I think

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Speaker 3: you could do like you love children because at one

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Speaker 3: time I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician, but

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Speaker 3: it was really more about I wanted to have the

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Speaker 3: connection with the kids. So it almost didn't matter sort

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Speaker 3: of what that role was going to be. I just

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Speaker 3: wanted to be a support to children, and lo and behold,

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Speaker 3: I found myself drawn to psychology again going back to

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Speaker 3: my childhood experiences, and I happened to have two very loving, wonderful,

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Speaker 3: kind open parents. My mom's deceased, but she was one

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Speaker 3: of the people who you literally could go to Mama

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Speaker 3: and tell her anything and she would just love on you.

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Speaker 3: And so I wanted to be that for young people,

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Speaker 3: and psychology really ended up feeling like the best place

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Speaker 3: for me to develop the skill set to be able

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Speaker 3: to help young And my passion has always been all children,

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Speaker 3: but a particular passion for children of color, teenagers, and

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Speaker 3: it's grown over the years to include young adults. So

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Speaker 3: that really was how I got on that path, was

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Speaker 3: having the right mentors and sponsors and people who supported

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Speaker 3: me and said, we see you in this space, and

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Speaker 3: I was able to start seeing myself in that space.

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Speaker 3: So that's really what my journey was.

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Speaker 1: Wow, that is a beautiful journey. And I think it's

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Speaker 1: also kind of similar to a lot of folks that

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Speaker 1: when I think about other psychologists that I talked to

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Speaker 1: in my classmates, and you know, I think about particularly

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Speaker 1: for those of us who are black identified like that

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Speaker 1: is a huge piece of what got us into this field, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, a true desire to want to make a

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Speaker 1: difference in the mental health of young black and brown kids,

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Speaker 1: or young black and brown folks in general.

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Speaker 3: Yep, I agree, definitely, And that's what it was for

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Speaker 3: me too. Just you know, you your mirrors. You always

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Speaker 3: have a friend named doctor David Rivera. He's Latino, and

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Speaker 3: I heard him say once, I've never forgotten it. We're

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Speaker 3: all searching for those mirrors you want to see. They

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Speaker 3: don't have to look exactly like you, but you want

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Speaker 3: to see yourself in them. And so for me, so

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Speaker 3: often in all the workspaces i've been, it's not just

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Speaker 3: the black kids who come seek me out, like the

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Speaker 3: black young people, particularly in the college setting. It's literally

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Speaker 3: when you look at my research lab that I had

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Speaker 3: before I turned it into a nonprofit, it was all

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Speaker 3: kind of young people, right like I've had Arab meny

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Speaker 3: young people who work for me, LATINX young people, Asian,

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Speaker 3: even the diversity of the black population. One of my

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Speaker 3: favorite pictures is a picture of me for black women

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Speaker 3: and an Asian American women, and the story is literally

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Speaker 3: every single one of those black women in the picture

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Speaker 3: is from a different place. There were two Caribbean black women,

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Speaker 3: one with black Latin X, one with black African immigrant,

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Speaker 3: and it was me, who, you know, defined I define

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Speaker 3: myself as more traditionally what we think of as African

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Speaker 3: American people with who are the descendants of those who

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Speaker 3: were kidnapped and enslaved in the United States. And so

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Speaker 3: I think we all go to it, We're all drawn

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Speaker 3: to it for some of those same reasons. You want

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Speaker 3: to see people who you feel like I can understand

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Speaker 3: your experience. And we come from these spaces where we're

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Speaker 3: so isolated, and people don't even act like they want

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Speaker 3: to pretend like they want you in them spaces, right,

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Speaker 3: they are like actively hostile. And so I always said,

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Speaker 3: you know, when people come into my space, you know

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Speaker 3: people can see the room I have, like all kinds

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Speaker 3: of nice sayings and encouragement, because that's what I needed.

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Speaker 3: I needed to walk into somebody's office and feel like, oh, child,

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Speaker 3: let me breed.

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Speaker 6: I can breathe.

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Speaker 3: And you know, once I left power, I hate to

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Speaker 3: say it them spaces didn't exist even throughout my early

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Speaker 3: stages of my professional career, just didn't exist, and so

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Speaker 3: I felt like I need to help create that. And

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Speaker 3: that's really what the Acoma Project is about, trying to

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Speaker 3: create those spaces.

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Speaker 4: One thing I definitely want to dive into based on

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Speaker 4: what you just said, because that is so powerful. I'm

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Speaker 4: thinking about people that are listening that want to get

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Speaker 4: into this field. Maybe they have the same desire that

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Speaker 4: you know Dom had, and like, I want to give back.

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Speaker 4: I want to be able to be that mirror for

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Speaker 4: someone else. Are there any words of wisdom that you

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Speaker 4: could offer to someone who's on that journey where they

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Speaker 4: are pursuing a career in psychology to give back? And

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Speaker 4: it's tough for them because they may be in a

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Speaker 4: toxic environment, but they also, you.

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Speaker 6: Know, they paid this money and they got to get.

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Speaker 4: This degree and these crudentials, So like, what advice would

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Speaker 4: you give to those folks that are in that space now?

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Speaker 3: It's a wonderful question, Miss Terry, And so part of

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Speaker 3: it I really rest my hat on you treat other

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Speaker 3: people the way you want to be treated, the way

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Speaker 3: you want to be treated, and if you start there

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Speaker 3: I had this wonderful mentor when I was I don't know,

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Speaker 3: or kind of early on in my career. It's a

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Speaker 3: Latina sister who grew up on South Side Chicago, and

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Speaker 3: her name will come to me in a minute, but

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Speaker 3: she's the person who taught me to seek first to understand,

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Speaker 3: then to be understood. And you know, Nellie. Her name

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Speaker 3: is doctor Nelly McNeil McNeely. I'm sorry, mcdoctor McNeely, Maya McNeely.

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Speaker 3: Lloyd had mercy, doctor Mayah McNeely, and this is when

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Speaker 3: I was faculty at Duke, and she was a person

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Speaker 3: who really opened my eyes to this idea of if

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Speaker 3: a space is toxic, you don't have a responsibility to

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Speaker 3: stay there. So I talk about often how at the

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Speaker 3: time I was in a really toxic working I mean toxic,

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Speaker 3: like I was having to get up in the morning,

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Speaker 3: and this is one of the things I would say

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Speaker 3: to people and prepare myself to go in and do battle.

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Speaker 3: So I would sit and meditate. And this is when

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Speaker 3: my kids were small. I had both of my children

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Speaker 3: when I worked at this academic institution, and I would

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Speaker 3: get up in the morning at five am, before everybody

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Speaker 3: was awake, and I would meditate for forty five minutes,

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Speaker 3: just like complete silence, because I needed to arm myself

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Speaker 3: to go into a really hostile environment. And looking back

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Speaker 3: on it, what I wish I had done was really

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Speaker 3: figured out how could I get the heck up out

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Speaker 3: of there? You know what I mean? Like we weren't

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Speaker 3: independently wealthy, we still are not, But what could I

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Speaker 3: have planned for getting out of there? And I think

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Speaker 3: what we don't tell young people enough is you get

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Speaker 3: in these settings and we allow people to convince us

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Speaker 3: that this is the only path to success. No, you

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Speaker 3: got to stay at such and such institution because it's

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Speaker 3: a research one university and you know, or it's a

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Speaker 3: teaching institution and you really want to be at a

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Speaker 3: teaching teaching institution, and this is the only way you're

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Speaker 3: ever going to be successful. No, it's not right. And

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Speaker 3: so it's figuring out what's your north star? So it's

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Speaker 3: self care, taking care of yourself first. What is your

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Speaker 3: north star? What do you want want to do? And

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Speaker 3: I had a girlfriend, she's an Emmy Award winning producer,

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Speaker 3: and she told me this maybe and I just burst

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Speaker 3: into tears. And this was when I decided to leave

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Speaker 3: and take Viacoma Project, which is my research lab, out

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Speaker 3: of psychiatry and make it a nonprofit. She said, look, Alfie,

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Speaker 3: we were sitting in a cafe in DC, and she like,

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Speaker 3: she knows I tell this story all the time. Her

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Speaker 3: name is Nicki Webber Allen, and Nicki said, Alfie, the

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Speaker 3: academic is in you. The academic that you are does

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Speaker 3: not reside in that institution. And like, I feel myself

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Speaker 3: getting choked up now. She was like, baby, you got

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Speaker 3: that knowledge and nobody's gonna take it from you. And

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Speaker 3: she gave me permission. It still makes me emotional. She

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Speaker 3: gave me permission to acknowledge and embrace. I worked to

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Speaker 3: get that knowledge. They didn't give me nothing, if anything.

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Speaker 3: They fought me while I was trying to get it.

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Speaker 3: And so that's what I want young people to know

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Speaker 3: that if you have a north star that says I

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Speaker 3: want to help these young people out here, black and

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Speaker 3: brown young folks, or I want to help people who

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Speaker 3: are imm like me, or I want to help queer

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Speaker 3: LGBTQ folks who are like me, whatever their race is,

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Speaker 3: that's your north star and that's the thing that you're

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Speaker 3: working towards. So if you have to be in a

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Speaker 3: temporarily hostile place to get there, get your supports, you know,

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Speaker 3: make your supports national. They're not all going to be

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Speaker 3: right there where you are. They might not physically be

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Speaker 3: with you. But use your FaceTime, use your zoom, use

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Speaker 3: whatever you need to use to build your tribe. Hold

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Speaker 3: onto that tribe with dear life. Maybe try to find

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Speaker 3: you one safe person in that toxic environment that you

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Speaker 3: can talk to and lean on. Practice self care, and

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Speaker 3: move towards your goal. Always be moving towards your goal,

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Speaker 3: not what other people tell you is to goal. If

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Speaker 3: they don't know you, right, and the universe put a

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Speaker 3: seed in you, right you, Miss Terry have a seed. You,

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Speaker 3: doctor Dom have a seed. That seed is in you,

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Speaker 3: it's yours, and you have a responsibility I think on

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Speaker 3: this planet to water, nurture and make that scene grow.

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Speaker 3: So that's what I would say to people. Don't ever

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Speaker 3: let people tell you what you're supposed to be doing

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Speaker 3: because they don't know you.

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Speaker 5: Where are the tissues that down?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 3: Wow? Wow?

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Speaker 1: Okay, doctor Alfie, Like we just need to have you

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Speaker 1: on all the time and just have you just dropped

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Speaker 1: the gyms all the time like that was just so powerful,

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Speaker 1: And so I know that you are having, just in

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Speaker 1: these few moments with us, just the impact that you

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Speaker 1: are having on us, I can only imagine the immense

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Speaker 1: impact that you were having on the young people that

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Speaker 1: you work with. And so I want to shift a

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Speaker 1: little bit to talk more about the young people that

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Speaker 1: you work with, because I think that some of the

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Speaker 1: things that you brought up that like we might experience

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Speaker 1: as we're going through academia, the young people are experiencing

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Speaker 1: those similar things, but also well, because we're currently in

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Speaker 1: a pandemic, they're experiencing things on a much different, unexpected level.

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Speaker 1: And so can you talk to us about what are

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Speaker 1: some of the things that you are noticing amongst young

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Speaker 1: people right now in terms of their mental health?

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Speaker 3: Of course, it's a wonderful question, Doc. So for me,

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Speaker 3: some of the things that I see are the kids

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Speaker 3: who are struggling, you know, immensely with their identity, and

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Speaker 3: part was supported when they went to school, right, not always,

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Speaker 3: but for maybe for kids who are out or queer LGBTQ,

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Speaker 3: school might have been a safe place because they had

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Speaker 3: that little core group two or three friends who were

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Speaker 3: comfortable with who they are, right, who accepted them for

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Speaker 3: who they are, and maybe they didn't have that at home, right,

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Speaker 3: And so I'm not gonna label it by a racial

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Speaker 3: ethnic group because any queer LGBTQ kid is probably dealing

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Speaker 3: with some level of that, whatever their whatever community they

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Speaker 3: come from. So there's some of that, the isolation that

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Speaker 3: comes from, honestly having to go back into the clause

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Speaker 3: because that's the only way you're really physically and it's

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Speaker 3: mostly going to be safe, so to speak, in relationship

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Speaker 3: to your family members. The same is true for college students.

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Speaker 3: I think as well. It's really important to acknowledge that

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Speaker 3: for some of our young people, their emotional and mental

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Speaker 3: health supports, right, professional supports were really coming from what

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Speaker 3: they were getting at school. Some not all right, because

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Speaker 3: you know, I have to be honest, I come from

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Speaker 3: a family of educators. My great great grandmother she was

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Speaker 3: a teacher, as was her daughter, her daughter and her daughter.

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Speaker 3: So for including me when I was a professor, and

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Speaker 3: all the four women before me, four generations back, I'm

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Speaker 3: fifth generations basically a teacher, although that's not how I identify,

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Speaker 3: but I did teach, so you know, I know that

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Speaker 3: for some children, you know, they don't have the social

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Speaker 3: support that they were getting from the few people that

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Speaker 3: were at school. For other young people, there's that real

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Speaker 3: strong sense of isolation. I think about a couple of

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Speaker 3: patients I had that I was seeing virtually too, and

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Speaker 3: because of the pandemic, there's no physical contact. All you

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Speaker 3: can do is, you know, you can't hug your friends,

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Speaker 3: you can't dap them up like, you can't do any

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Speaker 3: of that stuff because you physically really shouldn't be touching them.

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Speaker 3: So that's the struggle. And then I think another one

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Speaker 3: that people don't really think about a lot for a

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Speaker 3: lot of black and LATINX folks, not all by any means,

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Speaker 3: but when you think about both aspects of the diaspora,

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Speaker 3: a lot of us who are of color get social

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Speaker 3: support from going to faith communities, right, And I don't

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Speaker 3: think people think about that. So think about how many

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Speaker 3: times I know, for my children, we're an ecumenical family,

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Speaker 3: that's what we're gonna call it. I'm Catholic, my spouse's Baptists,

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Speaker 3: and so we go to both churches. But I can

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Speaker 3: think of so many times when you know black churches

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Speaker 3: that home Protestant, black churches, is the youth Day, it's

432
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 3: the women's day, right, it's the men's day. So you

433
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 3: have all of these opportunities for young people to be

434
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 3: front and center and uplifted. Like the most powerful thing

435
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 3: for me is quarterly when the report cards come out

436
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 3: and they do the honoring of the kids who've done well.

437
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,640
Speaker 3: So at my house's church, it's not just the ones

438
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 3: who got a's and beef, it's improvement. So if your

439
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 3: grades improved significantly, you get to go stand up in

440
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 3: front of church with your little certificate and your little

441
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 3: gift card for twenty five dollars, right, and that you're

442
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 3: gonna fight over your with over your parents because you

443
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 3: want to waste it on stuff your parents, won't you

444
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 3: say some of it?

445
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 5: That's right, you know what I mean.

446
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 3: Like, so you get these opportunities to be uplifted and

447
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 3: supported those natural cultural supports, and that's in the many

448
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 3: communities of color. So you lose access to a lot

449
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 3: of that and a lot of our young people have

450
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 3: because of quarantine, and it's having pretty significant impacts on

451
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 3: our young people.

452
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 4: That is so eye opening just to hear all those

453
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 4: various examples, and you brought me back to youth Sundays

454
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,199
Speaker 4: and getting those little checks. Oh my goodness, wow, so

455
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 4: much that are that our young people are faced with.

456
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 4: Right now, I'd love to talk a bit about how

457
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 4: parents and those that care for you can connect with

458
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,640
Speaker 4: their young people because Domini, before we you know, hit

459
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 4: record and we went live, we were talking about how

460
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 4: sometimes when you talk to a young person like how

461
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 4: is your day good?

462
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 5: Would you learn nothing? And it's like, well, what else

463
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 5: do you say? To dig in and get the tea?

464
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 5: Because you know, you know.

465
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 4: Young people always got a little drama going on in

466
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 4: that life, right, There's always something with a relationship, somebody,

467
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 4: booththing on social media something like right, So how do

468
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 4: you connect with young people and get them to open

469
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 4: up and build that trust so they have someone to

470
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 4: talk to.

471
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,120
Speaker 3: I love that you said booth ay because my daughter

472
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: has a crush. I'm gonna put her business out there.

473
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 3: Nobody know who she is. Her booth ay. She is

474
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 3: in love with Jalen Hurts from the Philadelphia Girl. That's

475
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 3: her boothday. She'd be walking both day. She loves him

476
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 3: like she's like obsessed. So when you said boothday, I

477
00:24:58,119 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 3: had to crack up. So because I hear that like

478
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 3: every day, so I'm putting it into universe for her.

479
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 3: When she gets old enough, we put it out there

480
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 3: like that, when she's legal and immature, then she can

481
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 3: beat her blue thing.

482
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 5: There were good But.

483
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 3: So for parents, one, I'll teach you one quick thing.

484
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 3: I always teach this to my patients. I tell parents,

485
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 3: don't ever say to kids, it's not bad, it's just

486
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 3: that you're going to get a yes or no answer.

487
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,360
Speaker 3: Ask the question in a way that they can't give

488
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 3: you a yes or no answer. So what I say,

489
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: and I do this with my own children back in

490
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 3: the day, like in the before times, when we would

491
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 3: pick them up from school or drop them off at school,

492
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 3: I would say, tell me one good thing that happened

493
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 3: in your day today, or tell me one bad thing

494
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 3: that happened in your day today. Most of the time

495
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 3: I made them answer both, and I don't know it's

496
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 3: not an acceptable answer, but guess what. Yes and no

497
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,199
Speaker 3: are not acceptable reasonable logical answers to that question. So

498
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,959
Speaker 3: if nothing else, you're making them, you're forcing them to think.

499
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 3: So that's one thing is ask these kind of opening

500
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 3: into questions that they can't just give you a yes

501
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 3: or no answer. I think the second thing is before

502
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 3: the child is thirteen fourteen and turns into you know,

503
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: like they have that show big mouth where it's like

504
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 3: the hormone monsters up before the horrmone monsters jump on them,

505
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 3: and they like think you're the dumbest person in the

506
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 3: world until they go to college or leave your house

507
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 3: and then realize you were really smart or that you

508
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 3: just got all this knowledge just like that. I think,

509
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 3: what you It's important to build connections and build open

510
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 3: lines of communication very early on, so that looks like

511
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 3: the adults in your life. We as adults have to

512
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 3: model for our young people what this open communication looks like. Look,

513
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 3: some people are independent parents, which is what one of

514
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 3: my patients taught me. She said, I'm coming noose, single

515
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 3: parent comming and independence. So that's what I say, independent parents.

516
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 3: But you have a support group, right, So my godchild

517
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 3: was raised by an independent parent. My girlfriend had lots

518
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 3: of people in her circle, one of her best girlfriends,

519
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 3: one of her line sisters, and she basically helped raise

520
00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 3: my god daughter with my girlfriends. And so making sure

521
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 3: that you know the child sees you and the people

522
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 3: you're close to have open healthy ways of communicating even

523
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 3: when you're angry, Demonstrating how to fight fair, how to

524
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 3: have a healthy fight that leads towards something good, how

525
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 3: to take a break and step away if it gets

526
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 3: too heated. All of these are things that we want

527
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 3: to be modeling for young people so that they understand

528
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 3: what kind of person we are and how we value communication,

529
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 3: because I do feel like communication is a primary foundation

530
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 3: of our relationships. If you can't communicate, you know, you're

531
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 3: just going to be in trouble. So those are some

532
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 3: of the things that I tell parents, And then I

533
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 3: tell parents, you know, not trying to fix everything for

534
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 3: the children. And the way that I make it makes

535
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 3: sense for parents is I say, look, besides the fact

536
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 3: that I'm a parent, because before I had kids, they

537
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 3: would look at me decide, I like, child, you ain't

538
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 3: got no kids. Shut up. So now that I have kids,

539
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 3: I can say it. But what I say to them is,

540
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 3: I really want you to always be thinking about what

541
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 3: might the long term impact of my behavior now be

542
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:03,159
Speaker 3: on my child. Now when you mad, you not necessarily

543
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 3: thinking like that, but you always want to be sort

544
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 3: of modeling and thinking through if I do this or

545
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 3: say this, or I don't know, engage in this behavior

546
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 3: with my kid today. What impact is it going to

547
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 3: have on my kid in the future. And then what

548
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 3: would I want my child to do if this was

549
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 3: my grandbaby or my niece or my nephew, or what

550
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 3: I want another person speaking to my child the way

551
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,239
Speaker 3: that I'm about to speak to my child. So if

552
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 3: you can sort of take yourself out of the situation

553
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 3: for a second, you learn better ways to communicate. And

554
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 3: the final thing is just this thought about fixing things.

555
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 3: If you fix it for your child, whatever it is,

556
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 3: you are robbing that child of the opportunity to develop

557
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 3: that life skill. And every time I say that to

558
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 3: a parent, they burst into tears. You're like, oh, I

559
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 3: never thought about it like that. So yeah, so you

560
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 3: can't fix it because if you fix it now, when

561
00:28:56,280 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 3: the situation comes back up, which it inevitably will, it's

562
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 3: not going to be equipped to fix it. Then, So

563
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 3: allow them this space to figure some of this stuff out.

564
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: Ooh, yes, you are dropping all of the knowledge. And

565
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: I love, love, love how you are making it so

566
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: easy to understand. Right, I think that one of the things,

567
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: and I know I experienced it sometimes myself that it's

568
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 1: hard when we are steeped in the scientific and academic

569
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: jargon to put it in terms that everybody can understand.

570
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 6: Because as you were.

571
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 1: Explaining, you know, I was like, oh, yeah, this is

572
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: simply this is about development, like this is lifespan development.

573
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: I understand adolescent development, but you didn't use those terms

574
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: at all. And I love that. I love that because

575
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: someone can hear that. Someone may hear me say adolescent

576
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: development and then their eyes roll on the back of

577
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 1: their head and then they zone out and they stop.

578
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: They're like, doctam, I don't know what you're talking about, okay,

579
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: and then they don't soak in the information. And what

580
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 1: we want them to do is to be able to

581
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 1: soak in the information. So I love that. I love

582
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 1: how you are breaking this down. And so I think

583
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: my next question is for our parents who are sitting

584
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: there and like they figured out how to have those

585
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 1: conversations with their kids, and it feels like they've got

586
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: a good handle on things, and then the next thing

587
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: you know, they're getting a phone call from school because

588
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: their child is exhibiting some type of behavior that the

589
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: school feels is problematic. Right, But what we generally know

590
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:54,719
Speaker 1: means that the child may be having some anxiety, some depression,

591
00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: having normal responses to the system thematic issues that are

592
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 1: taking place at school. What would you say to parents

593
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 1: in terms of navigating those situations, but then also how

594
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 1: to identify when there are some changes that need addressing

595
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: that it's not like, Okay, I'm gonna let you fix it.

596
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 6: To develop the life skill.

597
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: This is when I step in as your parents to

598
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 1: really assist.

599
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 3: That's a wonderful question, Doc, And I think for me,

600
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 3: really what it comes down to is really trying to

601
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 3: strike a balance between I think, just as you were saying,

602
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 3: there's a point at which I need to let my

603
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 3: child manage and handle some of this on his her

604
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 3: or their own, then there's a point at which I

605
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 3: need to intervene. And so I always come back to

606
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 3: That's why I say communication is the foundation of a

607
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 3: healthy relationship, because if you don't have open minds of

608
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 3: communication with your child, you don't really have a way

609
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 3: of assessing when things are sort of veering off the path,

610
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 3: right because you know, like you just you don't have

611
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 3: any really anything to calibrate again, so you always want

612
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 3: to be trying to calibrate and what I always my

613
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 3: barometer for my kids is always same thing I share

614
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: with parents. I'm paying attention every every day. But you know,

615
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 3: this is what we do. Like, So when you study behavior,

616
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 3: you always looking at it, right. If you study development,

617
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 3: you're always looking at it. If you're a physician and

618
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 3: you know something about you know, you know aspects of

619
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 3: physical health, you always paying attention. Right. If you're like

620
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 3: an orthopedist, you're watching how people walk, what's their gate

621
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 3: looks like? Right, because that's the stuff that you know.

622
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 3: So I think what we have to do as parents

623
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 3: is use the knowledge that we have to make accurate

624
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 3: and regular. It's on the fly, they don't know you

625
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 3: doing it. Assessments and evaluations of our kids, so you

626
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 3: can establish what I call a baseline. And people who

627
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 3: know me have heard me speak. I'm always talking about

628
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 3: know your baseline. It's parents. We have to know our

629
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 3: children's baseline. So if you have a child who is

630
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 3: generally pretty quiet and reserved and you see them become

631
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 3: sort of withdrawn, well you need to be able to

632
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 3: calibrate to distinguish between quiet and reserve versus like fully withdrawn.

633
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 3: So an example of that might be normally they come

634
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 3: home from school and they just need a little bit

635
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 3: of quiet time. You know, some people are like that,

636
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 3: don't talk to me, don't bother me, leave me alone.

637
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 3: I just need like to clear my head. My spouse

638
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 3: is like that before I can engage you. So they

639
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 3: got to build up their reserves of outward energy before

640
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 3: they can engage people. Well, if you have a child

641
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 3: like that and they're coming home from school, let's stay

642
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 3: there in elementary school, like a fifth or sixth grader,

643
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 3: and they normally get their little thirty minutes, and you

644
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 3: notice that that period of time starts getting longer and

645
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 3: longer and longer, such that the kid disappears from the

646
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 3: time they get home until it's time to eat dinner

647
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 3: and it's like three hours. Okay, will you know you

648
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 3: need to intervene, you need to do something. So I

649
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 3: think if we don't pay enough attention, that's sometimes where

650
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 3: we get caught up because we're so busy being parents

651
00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 3: and we got to work to put food on the table.

652
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 3: My parents told us, Chilotte, my job is putting a

653
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 3: whoop over your head, putting food in your mouth, put

654
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 3: clothes on your back, and got times to that up

655
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 3: stuff right, But I think we have to work on right.

656
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: I grew up with a Southern mama. She's famissive, and

657
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 3: so we have to work on making sure that we're

658
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 3: attending to an always watching. I'm not saying stalk your kids.

659
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 3: I'm saying you got to do some of this stuff

660
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 3: on the slash so they don't know. But if you

661
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 3: establish a baseline for your child's behavior, then you have

662
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,879
Speaker 3: a sense of when you need to intervene Number one

663
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 3: and two. If the kid that that school is describing

664
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 3: right school the prison pipeline, we ain't gonna forget that now.

665
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: And then, Doc, you also talked about we know about anxiety, depression, trauma, exposure,

666
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 3: some of these other things, and at school sometimes if

667
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 3: they're not culturally competent, all of that becomes conduct disorder.

668
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 3: All of that becomes disruptive behavior disorder. Like it doesn't

669
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 3: matter that it's anxiety, boredom, depression, you know, trauma, exposure,

670
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 3: the after effects. If none of that matters, it's like, oh, well,

671
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 3: I just I can't deal with so and so you

672
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:03,359
Speaker 3: need to come get him, but you need to come

673
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 3: get hurt. So we have to be aware of who

674
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,399
Speaker 3: our child is and raising my hand. I have had

675
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 3: to spend a lot of time up in school getting

676
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 3: folks straight. I'm the first one. I will be up

677
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 3: at school in a minute. My kids no, And that's

678
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,400
Speaker 3: the final thing I'll say. Your children need to know

679
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 3: that you have their back so that they are not

680
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 3: afraid to come home and tell you this teacher. You know,

681
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 3: I think this teacher a little sexist. I think this

682
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 3: teacher a little racist, I think this teacher is a

683
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 3: little homophobic, or my environment doesn't feel safe. But again,

684
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 3: it comes back to communication. So we got to pay attention.

685
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 3: Just to summarize, we have to know our children's baseline,

686
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 3: which means we have to attend to them. We have

687
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 3: to be observant, and we also have to use all

688
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 3: of that knowledge to really calibrate against what we're hearing

689
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 3: when we're hearing reports from school. And finally, our children

690
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 3: always need to know that we have their back and

691
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 3: they should never be afraid to come tell us stuff

692
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 3: because our first response is not going to be what

693
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,760
Speaker 3: the hell you do? No, Our first response is gonna

694
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 3: be I'm listening, I'm gonna be quiet. I'm not happy

695
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 3: right now because this report I got, but I'm gonna

696
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 3: need you to explain and break down this situation, and

697
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 3: you be surprised at how much stress it eliminates when

698
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 3: you let that kid walk you through what happened, because

699
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 3: I'm taated with mine. Sometimes the teacher was fussing at everybody,

700
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,800
Speaker 3: but your kid is like, she was just fussing at me.

701
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 3: She raised. I'm like, baby, who was she looking at

702
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 3: when she was looking at so and so? Okay, baby,

703
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 3: she won't talking to you. She was talking to everybody.

704
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,240
Speaker 3: So you need to be able to calibrate.

705
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 5: Now.

706
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,479
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's not always like that, but just being able

707
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 3: to calibrate those kinds of way, that's what Those are

708
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 3: the things that I personally find helpful.

709
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 4: That is so powerful and definitely so helpful. And it's

710
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 4: nice to know that we're in this age where parents

711
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 4: are being encouraged to just build a relationship that's so important.

712
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 4: It sounds like everything goes back to this foundational relationship

713
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 4: and communication. Like you said, back in the day, things

714
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 4: may have been a little different for some of us

715
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 4: because I remember times down you can probably relate to

716
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 4: this too, where you know your parents like come and

717
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 4: tell me everything, or tell me what's going on when

718
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 4: you tell them and it's like, well, dang, now I'm

719
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 4: in trouble. I'm getting smack thus out of the head

720
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 4: on me. So what I do want to ask you

721
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,720
Speaker 4: about is there's this article that talks about how African

722
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 4: American teens face mental health crisis but are less likely

723
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 4: to get treatment than their right counterparts, and it says

724
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,720
Speaker 4: that now suicide is the leading cause of death among

725
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 4: Black children ages ten to nineteen. And so when we

726
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 4: talk about helping your child one, having the conversation with

727
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 4: you about mental health, but then also helping them cope,

728
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 4: whether it's the time that we're in now or just

729
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 4: in general, what does that look like, supporting them with

730
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 4: those mental health needs and having those potentially difficult conversations.

731
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,879
Speaker 3: Absolutely, so that to me, it really brings a lot

732
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 3: of the conversation that we've been having prior to now

733
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 3: really does bring it full circle because we don't really

734
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 3: know why we have these this skyrocketing rate of suicidal idiation, attempts,

735
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 3: and completions among within that age group. These a baby, right,

736
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 3: a ten year old is a baby they shouldn't be

737
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,240
Speaker 3: you know, in the ideal world, they would never consider

738
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 3: or contemplate suicide. I think, think about that nine year

739
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 3: old girl, fools. I'm just gonna say, at Pepper's braid,

740
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 3: a nine year old, that's a baby. I don't care

741
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 3: what she was doing. If she ain't six foot two

742
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 3: and two hundred and fifty pounds, you can find another

743
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 3: way to restrain a dad going nine year old child.

744
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 3: That's hard by that's child. It's traumatized, right, and that's

745
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 3: for these years to undo that. So I think when

746
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:31,320
Speaker 3: we have these experiences like the adultification of black children,

747
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 3: we're gonna keep it real. People see a twelve year

748
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 3: old black girl or black boy, they might as well

749
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 3: be grown. The videos we've seen of what they call

750
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 3: them school safety patrol, not safe patrol, but school resource officers,

751
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 3: basically police in school body slamming these kids. Like I

752
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 3: watched one a couple of weeks ago, and I just

753
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 3: I had to turn it off because it made my

754
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,720
Speaker 3: heart hurt. The child hit her head and she was unconscious.

755
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 3: So like, if that's how you look at black children,

756
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 3: that's how we're gonna engage black children, which is basically

757
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 3: how many black adults are engaged. And that's not right.

758
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 3: Latin next children too. I will add so I think

759
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 3: some of it is really about we fail to account

760
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 3: for racism, sexism, discrimination in general, racial trauma, exposure to

761
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:19,840
Speaker 3: racial traumas that our young children who are black faced,

762
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,760
Speaker 3: and because we don't account for that, we're not trying

763
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 3: to put things in place to address those things. And

764
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 3: so if nobody's talking to our children about or doing

765
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 3: things like preventing them from sitting in front of the

766
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 3: TV and watching the news while the police officers need

767
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 3: is in George Floyd's neck, you don't need your ten

768
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,839
Speaker 3: livem twelve, thirteen year old. They don't need to see that, right.

769
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 3: And I will argue with anybody about that, and people say, oh,

770
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 3: they need to be informed, Okay, but you can have

771
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 3: a conversation. They don't need to watch that, right. And

772
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 3: so there's data, there's literature. I was just seeing. I

773
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 3: just saw something today from an article or story in NPR.

774
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 3: I think it was Michelle Norris who was talking about

775
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 3: or repeating or sharing the literature on how watching these

776
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 3: horrible things happen to black and brown people in the news,

777
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 3: what kinds of mental health, negative mental health impacts that

778
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 3: has on black people. We call that vicarious trauma. You

779
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 3: ain't got to be the one getting hit for it

780
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 3: to traumatize you. So I think there's something about the

781
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 3: way in which we fail to address the racial trauma

782
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 3: that even our young babies, right, I just said a

783
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 3: nine year old girl are experiencing that prevents us from

784
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 3: being able to try to build the kind of supports

785
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,320
Speaker 3: around these children to help them manage all the negative

786
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 3: downstream effects that come from racial trauma. I mean, let's

787
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 3: be honest, we live in a society where so much

788
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 3: of your life experience we talk, we call it social

789
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:51,399
Speaker 3: determinants of health. These social things around you are determined

790
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 3: in part not by your race, I want to be clear,

791
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 3: but by how people respond to your race. I love

792
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 3: being black. I can't. This don't come off right. And

793
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 3: so it's not about they did that because I'm black. No,

794
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 3: they did that because they're racist. They did that because

795
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 3: they have they feel a certain way about black and

796
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 3: brown people, so they can change their behavior. I can't

797
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 3: change you, I am. So I don't own that. And

798
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 3: I think because we don't teach our children enough about

799
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 3: these kinds of ways of reframing protecting them without exposing

800
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 3: them to some of these things. And then trying to

801
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 3: address the trauma after it's happened, and also not talking

802
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 3: about mental health right like the only way a lot

803
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 3: of our communities talk about it. I'm talking about all

804
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 3: of our communities of color. It's a dichotomy. You crazy,

805
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 3: which I tell my Keeop, we don't say in my

806
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 3: house unless you talk about somebody like funny or hilarious

807
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 3: or something like that. But you don't call people with

808
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 3: mental illness crazy. Or you're saying like there's no in between,

809
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 3: or they're saying I have to say it when people say, oh, child,

810
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,479
Speaker 3: I'm too blessed to be stressed, don't say that because

811
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 3: it's creating a dichotomy between either you love God and

812
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,320
Speaker 3: you don't have no stress, or if you guys that

813
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 3: I mean you don't love Jesus. No, it doesn't, or

814
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,439
Speaker 3: you don't love our lie or you don't love whoever worse.

815
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 3: That doesn't mean that. It means that you're struggling with

816
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 3: something and your faith should be big enough that it

817
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 3: can account for you being able to go see somebody

818
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 3: and work through it, in addition to going to see

819
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 3: your mom or your pastor or whoever your faith leader is.

820
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 3: So I think these are some of the things that

821
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 3: are impacting our young people that I don't think as researchers,

822
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 3: let me say that we're doing a good enough job

823
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 3: of trying to account for and then for the rest

824
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 3: of us, maybe we're not doing everything we can to

825
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 3: try to limit some of those negative impacts on our children.

826
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:45,360
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I love the reframe, you know, I really

827
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 1: appreciate that that piece around not saying it happened to

828
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: me because I'm black, but acknowledging that no.

829
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 6: It's because they're racist.

830
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: Your racial identity is a beautiful thing, and being black,

831
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 1: I wouldn't trade that for anything, like never, no, nothing

832
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: in the world.

833
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 3: I love it. Yes, okay, and.

834
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: Yes, any negative thing that happens to me is rooted

835
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 1: in white supremacy.

836
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 6: Point blank period.

837
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 3: Amen.

838
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,960
Speaker 6: And saying that allows me to.

839
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: One put the onus on the person who's actually committing

840
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 1: the offense in the first place, and allows me to

841
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: continue to be rooted in pride in who I am.

842
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 3: Amen. That's it. That's it. That's that's it.

843
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 1: I can only imagine that these are the types of

844
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 1: conversations that are taking place with the youth that you're

845
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: working with. So can you tell us about the Acoma

846
00:43:56,000 --> 00:44:00,080
Speaker 1: Project and Couched in Color podcast and all of the

847
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: amazing projects you have going on to work with our youth.

848
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 3: So first I'll say I received it you describing it

849
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 3: with those nice superlatives and adjectives. I'm gonna receive that,

850
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 3: and I'm a whole space and I'm gonna hold that.

851
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 3: I do feel like we as black people, as black

852
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 3: women in particular, it's like, oh, gir, I just did it.

853
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 3: Like if somebody tell your hair looked good, because you know,

854
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 3: like a man to see your says when sisters go

855
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 3: out the house, we at dressed up for nobody, but

856
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,280
Speaker 3: other sisters like, come on, poker Dot's right, Like that's

857
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 3: really how you want sisters to acknowledge you, because that's

858
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 3: a reflection of each other. And so I just want

859
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 3: to acknowledge and hold space for you saying those nice

860
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 3: things about what I'm doing, and so for me the

861
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 3: podcast and the a COMA projects. So let me tell

862
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 3: you the acronym because I'm gonna bring it all the

863
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 3: way home. When I started, the acronym stood for African

864
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 3: American Right our people, African American Knowledge Optimized for mindfully

865
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,240
Speaker 3: healthy Adolescents, and it was just a really long winded

866
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 3: way of saying their strength in my culture, their strength

867
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 3: in the culture cultures of the people of the African diaspora,

868
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 3: and we're going to build on that to extend it

869
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 3: out to everybody. That's really the goal. And so now

870
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,280
Speaker 3: we just say the acronym. In the middle of the acronym,

871
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 3: the O is a heart which comes from the West African,

872
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 3: a dinker symbol that's a kama with one a in

873
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 3: the front, which is really about It's not about tolerance.

874
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 3: It's more about what can I hold, how much can

875
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 3: I hold in my heart? And the concept the way

876
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 3: I interpret it, is really about bringing in all those

877
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 3: good things and holding space for those good things right

878
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 3: at my center, at my core. And so for me,

879
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 3: a coma is really about what can I do to

880
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 3: make every little kid I encounter, every teenager, every young adult,

881
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,839
Speaker 3: even grown folks. I say young at heart to make

882
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,920
Speaker 3: them feel that there's a light in them. The thing

883
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 3: I'm always saying to people, I say it on my

884
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 3: Instagram page. I say it everywhere. You are valuable simply

885
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 3: because you exist. And I have this thing that I

886
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 3: do every Wednesday on my Instagram page where I call

887
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 3: it mental health mantras for marginalized people, and I'm always

888
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,240
Speaker 3: trying to promote for people. The one I did today

889
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 3: was about even when you're tired, you're still here. I

890
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 3: got that from my dad. You can be upset or

891
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 3: have any kind of negative emotion, but you're still here.

892
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 3: We get to be with you, We get to enjoy

893
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 3: your company, we get to see your beautiful face, we

894
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 3: get to hear your lovely voice. And that's a gift.

895
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 3: So that's what I'm always trying to communicate through the podcast,

896
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 3: through the work that we do with the COMA. I

897
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 3: just want everybody to feel like there is space for

898
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 3: them with me, right And I'll say if a lot

899
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 3: of times I'll say if you feel like I know

900
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 3: I can't physically see you, but if you're listening to

901
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 3: me and you're watching me what you see me on TV,

902
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 3: or you hear my voice on a wonderful podcast like this,

903
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,879
Speaker 3: or you see me on my Instagram page, I want

904
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 3: you to know that theoretically and sort of metaphysically, I

905
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 3: see you. Even if I don't physically see you, I

906
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 3: see you. I understand your experience. Maybe I don't know

907
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 3: all of it, but I understand a part of it.

908
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 3: I know what some of that pain feels like. I

909
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 3: know what some of that struggle feels like. And so

910
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 3: I want young people to know they're not alone, right,

911
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 3: and that who they are is valuable, and that we

912
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 3: want to be able to always celebrate that. So if

913
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 3: they're feeling like they don't want to be on this

914
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 3: earth anymore, which I hope they would never feel, they

915
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 3: should know that there's at least one person, doctor Alfhae,

916
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 3: who wants them to still be here. So that's really

917
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 3: what we're trying to promote with the podcast and with

918
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 3: the nonprofit and with the podcast. The reason is visual

919
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 3: and audio is because I want these young people to

920
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 3: see the diversity and the beauty of all the people

921
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 3: who want to help them. So we have Asian American folks,

922
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 3: we have Arab Mena folks, we have Native American folks,

923
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 3: we have Black folks of the diaspora. We have creatives,

924
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,919
Speaker 3: we have mental health professionals, we have parents. We try

925
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 3: to have all kinds of people, LGBTQ, queer color folks.

926
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,720
Speaker 3: We want to make sure that when the young people

927
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:08,720
Speaker 3: come watch, they're seeing the full representation of both themselves

928
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 3: and the people in this world who potentially could be

929
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 3: a help or support to them.

930
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 5: So incredible.

931
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 4: Oh my, I wish I was a teenager again so

932
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,399
Speaker 4: I could tap into these resources. I'm young, Get heart,

933
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 4: I'm young, Get heart, and Doctor Alfy at this point,

934
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 4: I mean, that was just so inspiring. I do want

935
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 4: to say one time for the reframe, because that was

936
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 4: a powerful point. I'm going to use that moving forward,

937
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 4: not letting someone else define what my blackness means.

938
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 5: But that was powerful.

939
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 4: But at this time, Doctor Alfie, we have to shift

940
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:44,840
Speaker 4: up the energy of this interview, all right. And because

941
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 4: we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and we

942
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 4: believe that it's okay to be glassy and ratchet you

943
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 4: can still be elegant and dance to strip club music,

944
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 4: we want to invite you to the oh you clatch

945
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,800
Speaker 4: it segment Dot to o'fee.

946
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 5: Do you take on the challenge.

947
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:04,640
Speaker 3: One hundred percent?

948
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 6: Let's go, Yeah, I love it.

949
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,240
Speaker 4: So we're just going to dive in with our first question,

950
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 4: but not a difficult question, very easy to kind of

951
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 4: ease you into the segment. So this question is, what's

952
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 4: one question or topic that you wish people asked you

953
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 4: about more often. It can be random, be related to

954
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 4: your field, But what is that thing that you're like?

955
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 4: I wish people ask me about this more.

956
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 3: Oh, that's a great question. I wish people would ask

957
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 3: me how they can support my nonprofit and other nonprofits

958
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 3: that are simple. I'm always scared to say that to

959
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 3: people because I feel like to be like, oh, you

960
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 3: begging for money. So it's not just about me, But

961
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 3: I wish people would ask what can I do to

962
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 3: financially support the work that you and other people like

963
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 3: you do? Because people say, oh, how can I help?

964
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 3: And I'm not the kind of person who was like,

965
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,439
Speaker 3: can you give me some money? You better go get

966
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 3: some of these other people money. I'm not going to

967
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,879
Speaker 3: do that. So I don't know. That's just my thing.

968
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 3: I guess I'm like a little anxious about that. Oh,

969
00:49:57,800 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 3: and that's the other thing I do. I am an

970
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 3: ancient person. I like to be like real transparent. But

971
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 3: that's the one thing. What what physically what can I

972
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 3: do to support the work that you do and the

973
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 3: work that other people like you do. I would say

974
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 3: that's one question. I don't get asked a lot, but

975
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:14,240
Speaker 3: I wish people would ask.

976
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 5: Now.

977
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 4: Before I passed it to Dom, I just thought of

978
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 4: a new question, how can people support your nonprofit?

979
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 3: That's such a good question. I like it. I love

980
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 3: you girl. So they can go to our website at

981
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 3: a comaproject dot org and they can click to donate button.

982
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,359
Speaker 3: I don't care if you give us five dollars RTE

983
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,399
Speaker 3: five dollars to help somebody that'll buy a candy bar

984
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 3: or you know, like a I don't know, like a

985
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,760
Speaker 3: granola bar or something for one of these young people

986
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 3: when we do our event. We have an event coming

987
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 3: up that I can tell you about it that's really

988
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 3: briefly at the end. But you know, any tiny amount helps,

989
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 3: And even if you don't want to give it to

990
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:53,320
Speaker 3: the a COMA Project, go find somebody to support. Support

991
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 3: this podcast. These sisters out here like balling out trying

992
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,799
Speaker 3: to spread a good word to the people. We I

993
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 3: really want us to put our money and whatever little

994
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 3: teeny resources we have toward these things that are out

995
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 3: here uplifting us as black and brown people. Right, some

996
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 3: of the other folks out here they got enough. We've

997
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 3: got to make sure that what the kind of work

998
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,319
Speaker 3: that we do is supported. So they can go to

999
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 3: the a Coma project page and donate. Other folks can

1000
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,320
Speaker 3: do like what they do for you and sponsor the

1001
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 3: podcast for your How can they sponsor the podcast financially?

1002
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:25,240
Speaker 3: So that's what I would say, And thanks for the question.

1003
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 6: I love it. I love it all right.

1004
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 1: So for a little ratchetness, I mean, okay, lady, if

1005
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 1: you're as you're listening, I wish you could see doctor

1006
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: Alfren because she was already ready for this next question

1007
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 1: and she didn't even know what it is.

1008
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 6: She doesn't even know what it is. Guys, twerk or

1009
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 6: two steps?

1010
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 3: We girls work seven seven? That's too slow, girl, you

1011
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 3: have dropping dropping love. Look look I'm Jed grapping like

1012
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 3: it's hot. Come on now, I know what's up. I

1013
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 3: used to go to the Essence Festival. I was yes

1014
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 3: right when it came out, So yeah, drop it like

1015
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:03,759
Speaker 3: any day of the week.

1016
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:04,840
Speaker 5: I love it.

1017
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 3: I love it.

1018
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 4: Well, we got to follow up with this next question,

1019
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 4: Doctor Alfie. What song gets you on the dance floor

1020
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:11,880
Speaker 4: at the club or party?

1021
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,959
Speaker 3: Oh my god, there's so many, but one I really

1022
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,840
Speaker 3: used to love is party up. Y'all gonna make me

1023
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:23,240
Speaker 3: bse my mind of been here that was my jam.

1024
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 3: I love that that would get me out there, and

1025
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 3: then kind of anything by outcasts, like if you put

1026
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 3: some outcasts on, I'm like, I'm gonna go off. So

1027
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 3: I love outcasts.

1028
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,919
Speaker 5: I love it. It's being on the dance floor, y'all.

1029
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, party all right.

1030
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:43,959
Speaker 1: One final question, how do you want to.

1031
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 3: Be remembered as somebody who made young people of color,

1032
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 3: young people with any kind of marginalized identity, grown folks,

1033
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 3: anybody who's ever felt ostracized. I want to be remembered.

1034
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 3: It makes me, emotionally said, as somebody who cared and

1035
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 3: made them feel seen.

1036
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: Well, doctor Alfie, I can say that in this conversation

1037
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:10,319
Speaker 1: you have made Terry and I feel seen, and so

1038
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 1: I just want to express my deepest, deepest appreciation for you,

1039
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 1: blessing cultivating her space with your presence today.

1040
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I receive it, and thank you

1041
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 3: all for the invitation, thank you for your kindness, and

1042
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 3: just thank you for even in ratchet questions. I love them.

1043
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 3: Question like turk, Yeah, let's talk about it. You can

1044
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,560
Speaker 3: be all of that, right, I can work, and I

1045
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:39,320
Speaker 3: can stand up and give you a lecture about my science,

1046
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 3: and both of those things are okay. So I appreciate

1047
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 3: y'all deeply for that.

1048
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 4: Yes, thank you, thank you, Thank you, Doc yaf We

1049
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,240
Speaker 4: appreciate you and all that you do for our community,

1050
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,840
Speaker 4: the representation that you provide, and I cannot wait to

1051
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 4: personally listen to this interview after So we'd love to

1052
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 4: just give our listeners more information about you.

1053
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:58,479
Speaker 5: Where can they find you? What would their.

1054
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 4: Next step be as far as connecting with you before

1055
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:01,799
Speaker 4: we close out?

1056
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 3: Sure, so thank you again for the question. So the

1057
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:09,280
Speaker 3: best thing to do is follow my so many pages.

1058
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:12,399
Speaker 3: I'm on Instagram at doctor Alfie d R A L

1059
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 3: F I E E. I know I said it best.

1060
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 3: You can google it. I'm the only Alfie out there,

1061
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 3: Doctor Alfie. They can find me on Twitter, you know,

1062
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 3: twitter less. So I'm on Twitter kind of regularly. And

1063
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:24,400
Speaker 3: Twitter needs to go and give me that dag on

1064
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 3: blue check and stop playing because they don't be giving

1065
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,759
Speaker 3: out them blue checks evenly and inquitably. I'm just gonna

1066
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,800
Speaker 3: put in universe right tell.

1067
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,320
Speaker 6: You, I've been waiting to see that on your page.

1068
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 3: Girl, Wait a minute, how many times I got to

1069
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 3: tell them? People? So you know, it's like whatever, But

1070
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 3: we're gonna put it in the universe. We're all gonna

1071
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 3: get us a blue check. They can find me on

1072
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:46,839
Speaker 3: my website at doctor Alfie It's d R A L

1073
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 3: F I E E dot com Doctor Alfie dot com,

1074
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:53,839
Speaker 3: and then across all social media chat pretty much all

1075
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 3: social media channels except snapchack because I haven't figured that

1076
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:58,319
Speaker 3: out yet, but my daughter swears I need to. I'm

1077
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:00,800
Speaker 3: even on TikTok, believe it or not, at doctor Alfie,

1078
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 3: but at a coma project all one word across all

1079
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 3: social media channels. Also couched in color pod all in

1080
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,799
Speaker 3: all one word, not podcast, but pod couch the color

1081
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 3: pod across all social media channels. And I think I

1082
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 3: said a coma project website, so two websites and all

1083
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 3: social media And thank you for the question.

1084
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from cultivating her Space. Are

1085
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 2: you tired of working hard for your money? Do you

1086
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 2: want your business to run smoothly when you're out of office?

1087
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 2: If you want to learn how to automate your business

1088
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 2: cash flow and increase your impact and influence, join me

1089
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 2: from our free workshop at Brand with Terry dot Com. Again,

1090
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 2: that's brand with Terry dot com. My name is spelled

1091
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 2: te double Ri. I hope to see you there, Lady.

1092
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:57,240
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1093
00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1094
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

1095
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:10,800
Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1096
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:14,880
Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

1097
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:18,240
Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

1098
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:24,240
Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

1099
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1100
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:31,360
Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com, and

1101
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 4: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

1102
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 4: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show. And

1103
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:43,360
Speaker 4: before we meet again, repeat after me, I'm aligned with

1104
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:44,840
Speaker 4: my inevitable outcome.

1105
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:47,280
Speaker 3: We'll see you next week, lady,