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Speaker 1: So the reality reckoning. There is an article that just

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Speaker 1: came out in Vanity Fair. A writer named Ann Appeal

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Speaker 1: is writing about what she calls a small corner in

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Speaker 1: this issue of the toxicity and reality TV, and the

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Speaker 1: article basically is through highlighting Ebonie Williams Leah, a little

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Speaker 1: bit about me, a little bit about Jill, a little

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Speaker 1: bit about Sonya, a lot about Bravo and it's production companies,

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Speaker 1: specifically Shed Media, who produced New York Housewives, a lot

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Speaker 1: about that production company and how women's mental health and

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Speaker 1: addiction and drinking and just their rights are violated and

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Speaker 1: not really valued, and that Bravo is trying to now

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, like close up holes in a

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Speaker 1: boat that have been there for decades, to clean up

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Speaker 1: a mess that is getting out of control with this reckoning.

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Speaker 1: People in the comments will say to me what they've said,

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Speaker 1: You bit the hand that feeds you. Now you're not

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Speaker 1: profiting off this machine, so you want off, so you

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Speaker 1: want to take it down. I could have been profiting.

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Speaker 1: I walked away from a reality show that I had

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Speaker 1: that was basically greenlit this year. I walked away. I

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Speaker 1: have all the receipts, so to my lawyers, and I

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Speaker 1: walked away from the show. So you could tell me

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Speaker 1: a million times that I profited off of this. True,

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Speaker 1: you could tell me that I was part of this,

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Speaker 1: as I said in the article. True, you can't tell

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Speaker 1: me that I'm trying to take down something because I

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Speaker 1: couldn't monetize it. Because I could have gone back anytime

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Speaker 1: I wanted. I was invited to go back anytime I wanted.

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Speaker 1: That's a fact. So come for me. But you can't

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Speaker 1: land it. If you're going to take a shot at

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Speaker 1: this bee, you better not miss. You cannot land it.

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Speaker 1: And the thing is a lot these women in this article,

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Speaker 1: whether it's Ebony or Leah, really Leah. Leah came in

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Speaker 1: fragile with challenges. She came in wu a little bit

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Speaker 1: wounded and this took her out. And there are other

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Speaker 1: people in this franchise, like Brandy, like Danielle, like others

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Speaker 1: who have gone through different traumas, divorces, like a Camille,

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Speaker 1: people that this medium really really profits off of and

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Speaker 1: capitalizes and exploits the really vulnerable aspects in someone's life.

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Speaker 1: Like this person's coming in. They're teetering on falling off

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Speaker 1: the wagon. So let's push her. Let's let's let that

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Speaker 1: will be the most entertaining, or this person's a train

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Speaker 1: wreck going through a divorce and they just got cheated on,

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Speaker 1: so let's exploit that. You know, it's not like an

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Speaker 1: environment that builds women up. It's an environment that really

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Speaker 1: could push you off the edge, or could really empower

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Speaker 1: someone like me who could clean up the floor with

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Speaker 1: all these women, you know, like I was part of it,

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Speaker 1: and as the article says, I guess this might be

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Speaker 1: part of my penance and about this reality reckoning. Now

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Speaker 1: you have a lot of housewives coming out and awkwardly

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Speaker 1: speaking for the realm. You have Leah Black who acted

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Speaker 1: like she didn't understand what I was talking about in

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Speaker 1: doing this. Luanne who also she's had a wonderful, pleasant

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Speaker 1: experience and nothing's ever gone wrong, you know, like not

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Speaker 1: like when they exploited her affairs, or when she went

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Speaker 1: to jail, or when she was drinking, or when that

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Speaker 1: was all on the show, or when people like Candy

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Speaker 1: who are currently employed there saying if there was something

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Speaker 1: wrong that they did to her. She's a strong woman.

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Speaker 1: She can handle herself, and she would say something. Erica

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Speaker 1: Jane saying something very similar. These women aren't helping other women.

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Speaker 1: They all know what we're talking about. We've all seen it.

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Speaker 1: And when the music turns on us and it's bad

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Speaker 1: for us, that's when we get really upset, or when

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Speaker 1: Sonya's taking pills, or when Raquel's go into an emotional

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Speaker 1: health facility. Like only when the music turns really bad

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Speaker 1: on you do you then feel what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: But if you could turn it back and get the

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Speaker 1: mute and get the shit to slap on somebody else,

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Speaker 1: and then you can make more money. You don't want

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Speaker 1: to betray the realm and the leaders of this cult

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Speaker 1: because you want to make the money, to come out publicly,

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Speaker 1: to act like they don't know this is happening. It's

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Speaker 1: not true. And I applaud the women who have publicly

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Speaker 1: said that this is important. The Gina from I Think

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Speaker 1: It's Orange County, Garcel Bouvey currently employed by them, Cynthia

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Speaker 1: Bailey often employed by them, like I give them credit

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Speaker 1: for speaking up, Kathy Wakeuiel commenting on my posts and

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Speaker 1: then Anniny leaks, Jill Zarn coming on the podcast, and

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Speaker 1: I applaud a number of people who've called me quietly

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Speaker 1: to discuss what's going on with the and to want

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Speaker 1: help and to say I know I've been perpetuating this,

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Speaker 1: and I know I'm part of it, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like a hypocrite and I'm scared, but I want to talk.

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Speaker 1: I give them a lot of credit. You cannot expect

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Speaker 1: everybody to come forward, but for people to come forward

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Speaker 1: and proactively act like they don't know what's going on,

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Speaker 1: that can be damaging. And Arianna did a post saying

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Speaker 1: like I did a special post at US Weekly, posted

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Speaker 1: about how production only pays for the first two drinks

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Speaker 1: and really being like a good Bravo soldier in coming

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Speaker 1: out to basically make it like vander pumpt Rules has

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Speaker 1: not been fueled by alcohol and fueled by scandal and affairs.

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Speaker 1: You know. I mean, we can't close our eyes, but

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it's not happening. Also on the group

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Speaker 1: of people that acted like nothing's going on, as Kate Chastain,

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Speaker 1: there's a theme if you're making money on this medium

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Speaker 1: and profiting from this realm, you're one of the few

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Speaker 1: people acting like you don't know that this is going on.

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Speaker 1: Matthew Perry passed away. He is another one who's around

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Speaker 1: my age. I watched the first episode of Friends. I

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Speaker 1: remember it, and they were part of our vernacular, our culture.

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Speaker 1: It was such a ground sweeping, iconic success. Jennifer Aniston

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Speaker 1: was all of us. I'm watching her now on the

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Speaker 1: Morning show also, and I'm watching her some of my age.

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Speaker 1: And I've watched Matthew. I've watched Matthew Perry's journey because

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Speaker 1: I know that he had a jet ski accident, got

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Speaker 1: involved in painkillers. I've experienced people who have passed away

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Speaker 1: allegedly because of pain killers and naracan and overdoses and

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Speaker 1: things like that, and it's a struggle, it's a battle.

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Speaker 1: God knows what happened that night, but he played pickaball

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Speaker 1: for two hours and he was in a jacuzzi and

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Speaker 1: got overheated. And I mentioned this because as we get older,

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Speaker 1: we're not as indestructible and we're more vulnerable. And I've

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Speaker 1: had autoimmune issues. I've had pots pots, this thing that

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Speaker 1: many of you educated me on, and I was looking

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Speaker 1: it up. What happens to me personally is I get

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Speaker 1: really dehydrated. I have to constantly drink hydration drinks, and

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Speaker 1: my blood pressure will crash and I'll faint and I've

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Speaker 1: been in a cryo tank and I've fainted, hit the

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Speaker 1: bottom of the tank, like passed out. I've been in

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Speaker 1: a sauna. I don't do this anymore. And my favorite

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Speaker 1: thing is to do sauna and steam and I have

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Speaker 1: one and I don't even use it because I've been

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Speaker 1: in esteem and then come out and then two hours

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Speaker 1: later I faint at dinner, thinking it's because of an

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Speaker 1: allergic reaction, but it's because, you know, my blood pressure

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Speaker 1: has crash, and so you have to know your body.

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Speaker 1: And apparently he was on heart medication. I'm sure he's

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Speaker 1: weakened his heart over all the damage he's done. You know,

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Speaker 1: our hearts are fragile, Our bodies are fragile. We beat

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Speaker 1: them up and we party and we drink and do

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Speaker 1: drugs and eat steak and drink sugar and don't sleep.

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Speaker 1: And you know the young kids are just beating down

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Speaker 1: their bodies. It's glamorized to pound alcohol. It's glamorized to

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Speaker 1: not get sleep. It's glamorized to black out and do

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Speaker 1: an all nighter. And like, we only have one body.

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Speaker 1: And the sadness about him healing and recovering and it's

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Speaker 1: saving his life. And the poor guy is just playing pickleball.

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Speaker 1: And so then he's in a jacuzzi which is so hot,

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Speaker 1: and I'm thinking about he's probably dehydrated. I look this up.

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Speaker 1: Dehydration can weaken your heart. He passed out and he died,

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Speaker 1: and it's just so terribly sad. He was so funny,

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Speaker 1: he seemed so nice. He came out with this amazing

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Speaker 1: book to really talk about his addiction and how it

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Speaker 1: changed his life to be sober. And people who are

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Speaker 1: sober say that that's their number one. It's before family,

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Speaker 1: it's before money, it's before work, it's before God, it's

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Speaker 1: before anything. It's what you have. And so I guess

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Speaker 1: that should just be a message, you know, how we

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Speaker 1: treat our bodies. And it's just so fucking sad. It's

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Speaker 1: just so tragic and so sad. It really is, because

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Speaker 1: it sucks, and it's frustrating when you hear of somebody

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Speaker 1: finally like doing the work and getting to the place

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Speaker 1: and then the goddamn guide dies in a fucking jacuzzie

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Speaker 1: after a pickleball. It's just like not fair. There's this

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Speaker 1: mural that this person Eternal Possessions put on the side

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Speaker 1: of a building in the West Village and so many

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Speaker 1: people sent it to me. It's called mention it All.

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Speaker 1: Apparently this mural artist was on reality shows for years

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Speaker 1: in production, was totally abused. It ruined their life, and

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Speaker 1: they were just putting this up as a message to

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Speaker 1: honor and acknowledge and empower the reality reckoning. And I

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Speaker 1: just didn't feel worthy. I just felt really moving. And

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Speaker 1: it was on this crazy week of mine where I

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Speaker 1: rang the Nasdaq closing bell. Things move so quickly, and

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Speaker 1: things are just little pieces on the board, little marks

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Speaker 1: on the calendar, and not until I get to them

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Speaker 1: do I realized, Wait a second, when was the last

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Speaker 1: time I stopped and really celebrated something that's happening. I'm

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Speaker 1: on three pages of Vanity Fair photographs of me, and

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Speaker 1: it's just like I read it to make sure what

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Speaker 1: it said, and then I move on to like what

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Speaker 1: I'm doing about it. But let's just like sit for

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Speaker 1: a moment and think about the fact that for years,

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Speaker 1: all I would want was to be in Vanity Fair.

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Speaker 1: That's like credible, and all I want is to be

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Speaker 1: on SNL, like that's my dream life. And yes, I've

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Speaker 1: been mentioned and that's been never lost to me, that's

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Speaker 1: one thing I always do revel in. But I go

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Speaker 1: this week to do the closing bell, and I had

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Speaker 1: said to Brinn that she should come because it's super important.

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Speaker 1: And then at the last minute, I said, you know,

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Speaker 1: you have math and I know school is hard right now,

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Speaker 1: and you don't have to come. And I got down.

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Speaker 1: I got to Times Square and I was by myself

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Speaker 1: ringing the bell on behalf of be Strong, and there

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Speaker 1: were lights everywhere I could see Times Square, the windows

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Speaker 1: were open. I was with a few people from my

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Speaker 1: PR team, and I then got exasperated because Brent's school

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Speaker 1: is like thirty five minutes from there, and I was

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Speaker 1: trying to rush and I wanted her to then come

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Speaker 1: because she would have loved it. It was really her too.

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Speaker 1: You know when you taste something and you're just like,

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Speaker 1: I want you to taste this. It's so good. I

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Speaker 1: can't enjoy it unless you taste it. I want you

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Speaker 1: to see this. I can't enjoy it unless you see it.

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Speaker 1: So I was having hard time enjoying it. Paul wasn't

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Speaker 1: bust and I didn't ask him to come. He you know,

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Speaker 1: he he would have absolutely come, and I was not.

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Speaker 1: I was like exactly, it felt like New Year's even

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Speaker 1: Times Square, and I just wanted my daughter to get

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Speaker 1: to me, and I missed her in the crowd, and

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Speaker 1: then she was freaking out because she was feeling guilty

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Speaker 1: and she was realizing how big it was. And I

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Speaker 1: was sending her pictures and she was texting my assistant,

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't present. I wasn't paying attention to what

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Speaker 1: was going on. I was acting like I was paying attention,

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Speaker 1: but inside my body, I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm alone and I'm doing this alone, and I wish

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Speaker 1: my daughter was here, and I was just having displaced anxiety.

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Speaker 1: It was not proportional to what was happening. It was

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Speaker 1: like my whole life gathered and crystallized in this one moment.

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Speaker 1: But then I also had unleashed something. So she was

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Speaker 1: trying to get to me, So she was going to

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Speaker 1: get in the car and go the opposite direction to

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Speaker 1: Times Square when we were going to after this, go

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Speaker 1: all the way back uptown to get her to leave

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Speaker 1: the city. So I was then preoccupied by that. My

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Speaker 1: assistant was trying to take pictures of me trying to

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Speaker 1: talk to Brinn. I was trying to be present. I

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Speaker 1: was trying to listen to what the people were saying there.

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Speaker 1: And I get up and the can explodes and it's

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Speaker 1: all this confetti and all these people are cheering because

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Speaker 1: and then we're in Times Square and my name and

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Speaker 1: name or in this giant much bigger than billboard because

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Speaker 1: it goes the whole side of a building. And it's

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Speaker 1: like the culmination of his career. And I didn't even

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Speaker 1: make a big deal enough about it even to invite

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Speaker 1: people I work with or share it with anyone. I

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Speaker 1: was just like, didn't want to inundate anyone or pose

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Speaker 1: to come to Times Square. And when it was done,

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Speaker 1: I I crumbled. I broke down. I cried for hours.

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Speaker 1: When I mean, it took me out. I was having anxiety,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep, my eyes were swollen. It took me

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Speaker 1: out for two days. I just I said it was

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Speaker 1: the closing bell, but it was a wake up call.

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Speaker 1: It was just like, let's make meaning out of things.

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Speaker 1: I felt so entirely alone. I've always been an insular person.

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Speaker 1: I've always been someone who just likes to be alone

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Speaker 1: and processes alone and id eights alone and works alone.

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Speaker 1: And I, you know, I just it just really hit me.

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Speaker 1: It was extremely bad, powerful. And this guy who's on

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Speaker 1: the stock market, I think he's in the New York

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Speaker 1: Stock Exchange. His Instagram is something like Einstein of Einstein

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Speaker 1: of Wall Street, and he reached out. He said, he went,

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Speaker 1: he's been on Wall Street for years and he's like

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Speaker 1: a little fame. He's got one hundred and something thousand followers,

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Speaker 1: and I guess he had a picture of me when

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Speaker 1: I came to the Stock Exchange to do I think

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Speaker 1: it was Cheddar or a show, and he messaged me

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Speaker 1: and he said I had the exact same experience. It

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Speaker 1: was like a culmination of my career and only certain

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Speaker 1: people get to ring the bell and they gave me

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Speaker 1: the honor, and he said I felt entirely alone, and

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Speaker 1: he was like, I'd love to do a duover for

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Speaker 1: you with you, and it was just like really sweet,

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Speaker 1: even just him reaching out. And then my good friends

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Speaker 1: reached out, people I work with, like a lot of

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Speaker 1: people were like I would have comment. It was just

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Speaker 1: really meaningful. I just wasn't ready to talk right away,

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Speaker 1: and now I've started to connect people about it. It was

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Speaker 1: sort of embarrassing and it was like just like a loser.

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Speaker 1: It was extremely me, you know, so dramatic. So what

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Speaker 1: I want to say is there were many people that

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Speaker 1: reached out. Many moms are reached out saying we strip ourselves,

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Speaker 1: we do for everybody else, and we don't take time

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Speaker 1: to celebrate and you are worthy. And they're saying that

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Speaker 1: they are worthy. And because I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: felt worthy, I don't. Sometimes it feels like it's all

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Speaker 1: you know, the Emperor has no closed imposter syndrome. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't happening at that moment. But just overall, thank you

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Speaker 1: to all the people that reached out to me and

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Speaker 1: felt that. And I don't want them to feel it

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Speaker 1: for me. I want them to feel it for them.

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Speaker 1: I shared it on social media and not because I

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Speaker 1: need them to feel it for me. They were feeling

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Speaker 1: it for themselves, like they were feeling it in their

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Speaker 1: own lives and they needed it. And that's the beautiful

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Speaker 1: power of social media when you can help someone who

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Speaker 1: really needed it in their own life because they don't

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Speaker 1: feel alone. So while I spend a lot of time alone,

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Speaker 1: when there's these big things that I really feel and think,

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Speaker 1: I do want to share them because I want people

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Speaker 1: to feel not alone and women are so powerful and

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Speaker 1: never before have I been connecting to women so strongly, frankly,

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Speaker 1: since I left the show. The show of housewives, when

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Speaker 1: you're surrounded by women, is the worst environment to support

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Speaker 1: other women. It's not designed for that. It's designed to

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Speaker 1: protect yourself, fight for your own and not embrace other women.

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Speaker 1: And since leaving, I'm this leader for all these women

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Speaker 1: that call me every day crying and texting and need

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Speaker 1: support and need help. That reality reckoning is that the

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Speaker 1: environment of Bravo has broken so many women down that

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Speaker 1: already were on their way out. They walked and they're

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Speaker 1: broken down, thinking this was going to lift them up,

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Speaker 1: and this took them out of the knees even lower.

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Speaker 1: And now they're trying to make sense of it and

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Speaker 1: pick up the pieces