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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke.

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Speaker 1: I'm your host, Coleen Witt, and today we have a

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Speaker 1: very special guest. I'm super excited about you, mainly because

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Speaker 1: I feel like you are inspiring. You're a woman's woman.

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Speaker 1: You're just very open and for me, that vulnerability is

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Speaker 1: very beautiful. But without further ado, sex educator, author, podcaster

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Speaker 1: lovers by Shan shout out, Shan Boudrum Brady is in

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Speaker 1: the building.

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Speaker 2: Guys.

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Speaker 3: You did it, Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on. Guys. Just a little backstory.

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Speaker 1: I was at an event with Nick Cannon and I

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Speaker 1: saw her walking Rome and I immediately went to my

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Speaker 1: brother like, oh my god, I watch your stuff. I

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Speaker 1: listen to your stuff. There's areas in my life that

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm more in the taboo sexist or a

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Speaker 1: little bit more taboo on my side. So seeing you,

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Speaker 1: kind of seeing you be liberated, allows other people to

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Speaker 1: do the same. So definitely a huge fan. But the

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Speaker 1: second I saw you walking the room, I saw her

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Speaker 1: walking room, I was like, oh my god, and you

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Speaker 1: didn't see me.

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Speaker 2: You were doing you were just looking amazing, And I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, she's stunning it.

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Speaker 1: For yes, I promise you all of the all the

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Speaker 1: good girly feelings.

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Speaker 2: Was flowing, and I just I couldn't. I didn't care

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Speaker 2: about Nick or nothing he had going on.

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Speaker 1: I said, Yo, I watched this girl and I'm a

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Speaker 1: huge fan and you're a woman's woman, just everything about y'all.

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Speaker 1: So I've been bragging all week and I even told

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Speaker 1: my team we have a new member on our team,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, we can't. You can't even test

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Speaker 1: your anything on this episode because I'm very honored to

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Speaker 1: have you. Shout outs to my girl that made sure

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Speaker 1: it happen, but you being so sweet and being like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it and doing it well.

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Speaker 3: You had this drop dead gorgeous woman approached me afterwards

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Speaker 3: and say there's this podcast. You have to go on it.

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Speaker 3: She's a really big admirer of your work. I think

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Speaker 3: you guys would have an amazing conversation. I think it'll

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Speaker 3: be great for you. And you're cooking, so I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it sounds really fun.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're cooking.

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Speaker 3: Shout out to you for knowing what you want and

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Speaker 3: going after it. And I'm really grateful to be here

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Speaker 3: and I love that you showed the love, Like as

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Speaker 3: soon as I parked there was a smile on your

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Speaker 3: face and said like welcome, Yeah, excited, And I love to.

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Speaker 1: Answer the call like yo, yeah, Like I probably shouldn't

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Speaker 1: have answered that excited, but you know, I think people

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Speaker 1: need to know they're loved and you know, and just celebrated.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes you never know the impact you have on

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Speaker 1: others or what have you. So, like I said, we're

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Speaker 1: like a little bit more opposite, and I think that's

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Speaker 1: the more beautiful part about it. It's like you think

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Speaker 1: you only attract people like yourself, Yeah, but it's like

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Speaker 1: you letting your life shine allows others to do the same.

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Speaker 1: But before we get into the goodies of your background,

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Speaker 1: which I did study and I try not to do

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Speaker 1: too much research, guy, but go ahead and tell us

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Speaker 1: what your go to eating while broke dish is my go.

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Speaker 3: To eating while broke dish is tomato besk best, which

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Speaker 3: we have been debating whether tomato beeesk and tomato soup

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Speaker 3: are different or it's just a way of making yourself

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Speaker 3: feel more fancy. But it comes into can It's Campbell's

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Speaker 3: and I have been eating this pretty much my whole life.

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Speaker 3: But it became a huge staple for me while I

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Speaker 3: was broke.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so go ahead and tell us what are your

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Speaker 1: ingredients for your tomato baske me. No, one's can soup,

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Speaker 1: but you added something else.

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Speaker 3: Yes, so it's a can of soup and then you

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Speaker 3: have to do I'm pretty sure the ingredients is one

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Speaker 3: dump of soup and then one dump of either water

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Speaker 3: or milk. So depending on where I was add financially,

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Speaker 3: it would be water or milk I asked for. I

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Speaker 3: should have asked you for milk.

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Speaker 2: But wait, you're going to heat up the milk, and

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Speaker 2: you can heat up milk like that.

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Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure I think I used to do that.

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Speaker 3: Now that I'm like doubting myself. I had a water

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Speaker 3: but you dump it and you add water, then you

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Speaker 3: put this, and then you add the cheese to give

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Speaker 3: it some texture, so you're tubing.

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Speaker 1: I just love that it's a memory because that shows

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Speaker 1: how far the road has come.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like questioning my milk theory. I'm like, did

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Speaker 3: I used to use milk?

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Speaker 2: Because if you think about it, you're like boiling the milk.

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Speaker 3: Right, but you boil the milk for other things like

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Speaker 3: cream of wheat, oatmeal almost another huge eating wall.

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Speaker 2: Bro oatmeal, and you put milk in your own.

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Speaker 3: One hundred Yes that I do know. I'm very confident.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So then you're you should be confident that you

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Speaker 1: do it in soup, because I should be.

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Speaker 2: I don't do it in either. I'm like, yo, that's

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Speaker 2: a little risk gay for me. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: My husband makes pancakes with water. I make pancakes with it.

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Speaker 2: I make pancakes with water.

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Speaker 3: What maybe I just like milk like milk.

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Speaker 1: Oh my, you're like my daughter. I don't know where

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Speaker 1: that comes from. Bo Okay, so go ahead start cooking

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Speaker 1: us the water version of Fortunately.

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Speaker 3: We don't have milk version, the cheaper version, the.

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Speaker 1: Cheaper version that's the budget friendly version. And while you

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Speaker 1: get started on the why don't you take me back

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Speaker 1: to the dire days of Super Survival all right?

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Speaker 3: Let me just read the instructions first before I because

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Speaker 3: I actually haven't made the canned version in a really

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Speaker 3: long time. All right, So if we go on the stove,

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Speaker 3: we're gonna heat during a occasionally where it's the directions microwavey,

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Speaker 3: I think you're just supposed to add the soups and

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Speaker 3: one can of water thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you got it.

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Speaker 3: Very good milk.

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Speaker 2: By the way, guys, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So I'm gonna pour our soup in there. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to put this on high. It's gonna come out

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Speaker 3: delicious on the bottom.

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Speaker 2: Knop.

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Speaker 3: Okay, we want it on power boil mh boom.

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Speaker 2: And then you're gonna add your water, okay, and you

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Speaker 2: don't add flavors to it.

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Speaker 3: You could add a little bit of time or some

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Speaker 3: oregano doesn't need it. I like hot foods, hot foods

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Speaker 3: or foods that are like very difficult. I mentioned to

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Speaker 3: you artichokes another option. Anything that takes a long time

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Speaker 3: to eat is good because it makes you feel more full.

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Speaker 3: So meals that are like really fast to eat, you're

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Speaker 3: gonna feel hungry afterwards. So something that's super hot, like

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Speaker 3: a soup, or something super complicated like crab legs.

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Speaker 2: Or feel like that's more annoying to eat when I'm starved.

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Speaker 3: But now you're going slowly, so you fill up faster.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm a mom.

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Speaker 1: So, by the way, I forgot to shout out Shan's

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Speaker 1: hardest title is an I'm curious for this followup for this,

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Speaker 1: But you're.

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Speaker 2: A mom, a mother of two, and it's too harder

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Speaker 2: than one.

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Speaker 3: In some ways, yes, In some ways no, I think

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Speaker 3: it's like kind of evens itself out. They kind of

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Speaker 3: distract each other kind of, but you feel less guilty

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Speaker 3: for them having alone time because they have each other.

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Speaker 3: So if they're playing in their room or you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, like even sleeping in the same bed,

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Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, there's another person there to monitor you. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 3: Like if I'm not in the room, someone else is

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Speaker 3: there to tell me if you're choking on your vomit whatever.

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Speaker 3: So I think that in that capacity, I also think

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Speaker 3: it was much better for the relation my romantic relationship

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Speaker 3: really much, because with one, there's like this one on

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Speaker 3: one off thing that happens, and then that leads to

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Speaker 3: a lot of like feelings of unfairness because it's like, well,

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Speaker 3: I did this last time or you did this this time,

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Speaker 3: and you're dipping out a lot. When there's two, it's

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Speaker 3: all hands on deck all the time, so nobody has

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Speaker 3: the option of like sneaking away or going on their phone.

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Speaker 3: It's like everybody at all times, everywhere. So I found

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Speaker 3: that once we had two, we just just completely locked

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Speaker 3: in and there was just a lot less resentment. Of course,

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Speaker 3: we roll some more seasoned as parents, so that helped.

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Speaker 1: You're not like worried that Like for me, I always thought, like,

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Speaker 1: what happens if something happens to this child, Like do

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Speaker 1: will they believe that it was an accident?

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Speaker 2: Like well, my first one.

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Speaker 1: I was like, if she'd like dies by accident in

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Speaker 1: my possession, Like do I go to jail or will

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Speaker 1: they believe that?

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Speaker 2: Like why would you give someone who has never had

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Speaker 2: a kid a kid?

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Speaker 3: Like you know, that's so funny.

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Speaker 1: When we came home from the hospital with our daughter,

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Speaker 1: my husband, I swear to God, was like.

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Speaker 2: Okay, get in the car, hurry up, hurry up. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: what are we rushing for? Get in the car.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, it's because we both realized,

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Speaker 1: like why would they give us a kid? And he

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Speaker 1: just kept going, hurry up, let's get her in the

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Speaker 1: car before they changed their mind. It's like, bruh, I

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Speaker 1: don't think they're gonna change their mind.

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Speaker 2: We need them. We need to stay as long as possible.

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Speaker 1: You know, they give you like three days in the husble,

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Speaker 1: like no, let's stay a little bit longer, just make

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Speaker 1: sure we worked.

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Speaker 3: Out all the kids. Yeah. You know what's so funny

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Speaker 3: about that is that having kids made me realize how

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Speaker 3: much of an empty fear having your kid kidnapped is,

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Speaker 3: because it's like, Ooh, I want this kid.

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Speaker 1: That's all the time if you're a background Like. But

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes if I was like a kidnapper, I

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Speaker 1: would go to a playground.

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Speaker 2: But then sometimes I'm like, who on earth would want

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Speaker 2: a kid?

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Speaker 3: A kid? RESPONSI But I would make a joke that like,

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Speaker 3: if they would get to kidnap my kid, they'd take them.

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Speaker 3: They'd have them in the car, and my kids to

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Speaker 3: start being like, I need snacks, red water, I'm hungry,

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Speaker 3: that seatbelts too tight, change the mirror, Zach. And then

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Speaker 3: they would just turn right back around and drop them

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Speaker 3: off and just push them out. So I think it's

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Speaker 3: their own protection. Being very annoying is their way of

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Speaker 3: protecting this because they're so cute, but it's so annoying.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the second you realize that, all the level of yeah,

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Speaker 1: all that comes with it. But okay, so take me

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Speaker 1: back to what was going on during the milk and

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Speaker 1: tomato biscare.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'll take you to. I think like my lowest

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Speaker 3: point of era because it lasted for a little bit.

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Speaker 3: There was two times I went through it. One when

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Speaker 3: I first moved out at I moved out at age eighteen,

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Speaker 3: and then twenty four, and then I moved to California

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Speaker 3: at twenty eight, So twenty four, I it was not

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Speaker 3: a bad time. Actually, I used to do background work

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Speaker 3: so like people might recognize me from Mean Girls. I

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Speaker 3: bumped Lindsay Lohan in the beginning. It's like, unfortunately the

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Speaker 3: thing my mom my mom was so proud. She would

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Speaker 3: like tell everybody like my daughter's and Mean Girls, like mom,

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Speaker 3: I was paid six dollars that day and I ate

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Speaker 3: Cheetos like I'm not a star in Mean Girls. But

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Speaker 3: that was a moment. So around that time is when

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Speaker 3: I really got into the soup. I ate it growing

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Speaker 3: up as a comfort food, and then when I didn't

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Speaker 3: have a lot of money, you realize you can get

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Speaker 3: sometimes you could get two cans for a dollar, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and you could get another can of dice tomatoes added

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Speaker 3: in there. You can add some cheese for some che

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Speaker 3: and it's a slow eat.

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Speaker 2: I used to boil.

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Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, it's really boiling, and I love it because

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Speaker 3: it's kind of like every nice restaurant has tomato bisk

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Speaker 3: so it's pretty cheap, even like seven bucks there. So

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Speaker 3: when I moved to La for example, I had a

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Speaker 3: lot of friends who had money, and I would go

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Speaker 3: out for dinner with them. You know, at the end

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Speaker 3: of dinner, everyone just throws their credit card down, but

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Speaker 3: they had the surf and turf with this big bottle

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Speaker 3: of wine, and I had a tomato soup because all

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Speaker 3: I could afford. So I kind of learned very quickly

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Speaker 3: that I'd always bring ten bucks because that would cover

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Speaker 3: my food plus the tips. Like that was my go

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Speaker 3: to meal going out.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 3: But around the time the second time, at twenty eight

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Speaker 3: years old, twenty nine maybe no, I was thirty. So

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Speaker 3: between twenty eight and thirties when I was eating this

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Speaker 3: a lot, or just through my very broke LA phase,

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Speaker 3: I was living in my first studio apartment, my first

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Speaker 3: place to myself. All the rest of the time of

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Speaker 3: my life, I'd had roommates, or I was subleasing, or

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Speaker 3: I was renting a room. This is really special because

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Speaker 3: it was my first place. But even that it was

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Speaker 3: my first place, it wasn't the best building, so I

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Speaker 3: had bed bugs. So I had bed bugs. My immigration,

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Speaker 3: because immigrated from Canada to America, was on the fritz,

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Speaker 3: so I wasn't actually legally allowed to work in America,

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Speaker 3: which meant I had to live off of my savings.

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Speaker 3: So I had basically nothing left, and I was.

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Speaker 1: Your savings were from I just want to backtrack a

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Speaker 1: little bit. I know you published a book before you

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Speaker 1: came to La, Yes, So I just want to backtrack

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Speaker 1: to that. Can we can we start your story on

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Speaker 1: the original on you kind of publishing this book or

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Speaker 1: after Mean Girls. I'm sure it's after Mean Girls.

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Speaker 3: You was after me Girls, Okay, Okay, I.

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Speaker 1: Don't want to skip over any of that, Okay, because

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Speaker 1: I feel like at the time that you published your book,

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Speaker 1: were ready to add our cheese lade right it was late, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: at the time you published Laid, it was still you know,

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Speaker 1: sex isn't It wasn't like talked about the way it

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Speaker 1: is now.

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Speaker 2: So I just want to go back to that experience

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Speaker 2: and how you broached that subject and did that with

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Speaker 2: your parents knowing, and like the whole awkwardness. I don't

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Speaker 2: want to skip over any of this.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Great, I love that. We're ready to eat whenever

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Speaker 3: you are too.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this divine dish is ready to be served. Is

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Speaker 2: the cheese like melted in the fall?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very melted.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, you can serve us up girl.

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Speaker 3: If you want. I can let it sit for a second.

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Speaker 3: But we can let it sit in our bowls to

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Speaker 3: set in our bowls, so it's not it's not too hot.

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Speaker 3: It's also good at the cheese isn't completely melted because

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Speaker 3: then you get more chew.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I like stretch.

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Speaker 3: We need the chew. The chew is what tells your

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Speaker 3: belly that you're more full.

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Speaker 2: Oh, there's little tomato chunks in there. Is there there's

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Speaker 2: a little tomato.

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Speaker 3: That's the bisk all right.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, don't sleep on campbells on campbellstoes, all right.

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Speaker 3: So I grew up running track and field, and my

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Speaker 3: parents are Caribbean, so they're both ran track growing up,

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Speaker 3: and we're very passionate about sports. And so I just

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Speaker 3: thought my whole life I was going to be an Olympian.

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Speaker 3: The I was going to do And I got a

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Speaker 3: full scholarship to Coppin State University in Baltimore when I

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Speaker 3: was eighteen. It was my family's dream. I didn't have anything.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have a college fund or anything safe, so

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Speaker 3: that was my plan. I went to school for a year,

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Speaker 3: realized I was not going to the Olympics, like my

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Speaker 3: skill set was not going to take me there. And

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Speaker 3: essentially my sister got kicked out at home back in

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Speaker 3: Canada and she needed a roommate. So I was like,

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Speaker 3: I don't think I'm going to run anymore anyways, So

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to come back and

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Speaker 3: do my scholarship. So I think I'm going to enroll

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Speaker 3: in college in Canada and then just try a new

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Speaker 3: life path. So I started when I came back, because

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Speaker 3: it was probably June by that time. The only school

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Speaker 3: still accepting were colleges universities. Of course, you had to

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Speaker 3: apply long before. S ended up at Centennial College. Also affordable.

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Speaker 3: It was like twelve hundred bucks per semester, right, yeah,

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Speaker 3: so a few days on background whatever, So I was

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Speaker 3: able to enroll in that school. And when you go

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Speaker 3: to journalism school, day one, they'll tell you write what

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Speaker 3: you know, and so I always wanted to be an athlete,

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Speaker 3: but I also was really good at writing, so I

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Speaker 3: was like, Oh, I'll go into you know, school for

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Speaker 3: print journalism. And so if someone in the class was

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Speaker 3: like I love politics, okay, be a political reporter. Someone

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Speaker 3: was like, I love sports, be a sportscaster. I love entertainment,

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Speaker 3: be an entertainment reporter. And then I was like, damn,

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Speaker 3: they have all those good ones. What do I really love?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, I love fucking That's what I'm

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Speaker 3: going to write about. And so that's what I centered

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Speaker 3: really my whole college experience around writing and talking about

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Speaker 3: sex and relationships. And when I graduated from school, I

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Speaker 3: went on to University of Toronto and did a c

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Speaker 3: E course there to be a sex education counselor, and

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Speaker 3: so I worked doing that volunteer and then simultaneously I

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Speaker 3: started writing my first book Late, which was an anthology

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Speaker 3: of people's sexual experiences that others could learn from.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay okay.

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Speaker 3: And this was in two thousand and nine. So why

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Speaker 3: that's relevant is like, that's kind of around the time

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Speaker 3: that social media started, so it was a whole different

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Speaker 3: landscape in terms of how people were coming int their

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Speaker 3: sexual selves learning about sex. Many people's first sexual experience

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Speaker 3: was through AOL or through MSN Messenger or through black Planning.

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Speaker 2: I remember all those, right.

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Speaker 3: So it was the book was to account for the

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Speaker 3: new ways. So it was called Young People's Experiences with

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Speaker 3: Sex in an Easy Access Culture, so kind of just

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Speaker 3: noting the fact that times have really changed and so

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Speaker 3: our education has to change as well. That book came out,

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Speaker 3: I got paid ten thousand dollars for it. I spent

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Speaker 3: nineteen to twenty four, so five years writing it. As

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Speaker 3: you have elluded, did not go well with my family.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because you had to have the goals, because like

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Speaker 1: even in class when everyone's like this, this this right,

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Speaker 1: and you're a female, Yeah, you're not a man, so

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Speaker 1: like you're this is what I'm going like, I'm curious,

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Speaker 1: like how did everyone perceive that off jump?

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Speaker 2: And how did you? I guess not sway.

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Speaker 3: I think that I have a natural disagreeable personality, which

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Speaker 3: really worked in my favor as an entrepreneur, didn't work

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Speaker 3: in my favor when it came to creating relationships. But

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Speaker 3: I didn't address that until my thirties. But my twenties

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Speaker 3: was a time to really lean into that like fuck

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Speaker 3: you mentality. It really that's what disagreeability is. Everyone's going left,

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Speaker 3: and you're like, I think I need to go right.

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Speaker 3: But I also just intuitively knew how important it was.

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Speaker 3: I had a really negative sex life, and I'd always

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Speaker 3: had a really strong passion towards sex from a very

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Speaker 3: young age, and that wasn't fueled bisexual assault or anything.

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Speaker 3: It was just my natural knowingness. This was a beautiful

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Speaker 3: part of the human experience, and I always I feel

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Speaker 3: like I had an age appropriate interest in it that

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Speaker 3: was really discouraged at every turn, which is natural because

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Speaker 3: parents are obviously like trying to protect you, yes, or

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Speaker 3: protect your heart too, because remember it's not just physical, right, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and trying to protect the reputation or trying to protect

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Speaker 3: your safety. There's a million different ways. You know that,

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Speaker 3: it was like heavily discouraged. And so when I got

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Speaker 3: a little older and I had hormones mixed with that interest,

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Speaker 3: with the knowledge that my parents were disappointed in this

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Speaker 3: part of.

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Speaker 2: Me, it, oh they were voicing it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I got in the trouble. My barbies were banned

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Speaker 3: from being naked. By age seven. I had a sleepover

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Speaker 3: with a friend where we had like a very like

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Speaker 3: platonic sort of sexual experience with our pillows and I

386
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Speaker 3: enjoyed it, and my friend told her parents like kind

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Speaker 3: of like in a oh we did last night. I

388
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Speaker 3: got in so much trouble for that. I was called

389
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Speaker 3: loud a lot growing up because I was just very touchy,

390
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Speaker 3: like stop being lued or so inappropriate your lude. So

391
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Speaker 3: I just kind of knew. Yeah, and I went to

392
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Speaker 3: a Catholic school. Yeah, so all of these things combined,

393
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Speaker 3: I knew that my parents did not appreciate this part

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Speaker 3: of me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a twin, just a terrible embarrassing story.

396
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Speaker 1: My twin will kill me as hopefully she doesn't really

397
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Speaker 1: listen to my show, so I'm safe.

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Speaker 2: But we're twins. And I remember the Funds. Do you

399
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Speaker 2: remember the Funds from probably yes?

400
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Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, So I used to watch and I used

401
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 1: to pretend to be like him and I try to

402
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,159
Speaker 1: like Maget to my sister and my mom hurt us up.

403
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Speaker 2: One night, and boy did we get in trouble.

404
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Speaker 1: I was mortified, but my mom like they nailed us

405
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,520
Speaker 1: to cross over that. But that and like playing doctor

406
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Speaker 1: when you're a kid, I remember those ages of curiosity.

407
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Speaker 2: But I also remember the amount of trouble you got

408
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Speaker 2: into if your parents discovered it became instantly a bad thing.

409
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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, And you learned that really early on, that

410
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,360
Speaker 3: this is a bad thing. And so some people keep

411
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Speaker 3: that lesson and they just substain other people have and

412
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,080
Speaker 3: we just went different paths because I essentially was like, ooh,

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Speaker 3: this is bad, so I'll keep it a secret. So

414
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Speaker 3: I watched lots of porn. I read fiction books as

415
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Speaker 3: if they were scientific texts. Coldest Winter Ever, fly Girl,

416
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Speaker 3: Omar Tairi.

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Speaker 2: But but at what age are you reading these things?

418
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Speaker 2: Thirteen fourteen, So you were on your path early.

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Speaker 3: Oh I guess I got my period at thirteen. So

420
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Speaker 3: you start to get those hormones that make sex less

421
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Speaker 3: of an interest and more of an urge around the

422
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Speaker 3: time that you have your first menstrual cycle. Yeah, because

423
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Speaker 3: I mean that's your body starts to feed you hormones

424
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Speaker 3: to say that your body is ready. Obviously your body

425
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Speaker 3: is not. But'll have the same programming from the Jesus

426
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Speaker 3: era when we used to have kids at fourteen years old.

427
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Speaker 3: So yeah, I was starting to get those messaging. And again,

428
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Speaker 3: I think I always had that natural interest, and so

429
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Speaker 3: that essentially taught me all the wrong things about sex.

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Speaker 3: So when I started engaging insects at sixteen, which was

431
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Speaker 3: the time I had my sexual debut, I was just

432
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Speaker 3: going about it the wrong way. By seventeen, I had

433
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Speaker 3: seven sexual partners, zero orgasms, had never really had a

434
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Speaker 3: meaningful relationship, very low self esteem, and I found myself

435
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 3: at a crossroads of Okay, either your parents and your

436
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,160
Speaker 3: school and your culture was right, this is a really

437
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 3: dangerous thing you have to put down, or you were

438
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 3: right when you were five, this is a really beautiful thing.

439
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 3: But you've just never gotten good information. So I got

440
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 3: myself a library card, which I always think that version

441
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 3: of myself for that small act. I was like, let

442
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 3: me just see for myself. So I started reading all

443
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 3: of these texts about sex, like scholastic, scholarly text and

444
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 3: my mind was blow. I was like, Wow, there's such

445
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 3: good information here. But sex said is bad sex. It's boring,

446
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,160
Speaker 3: it's faceless, it's not missed.

447
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 2: I know, I remember sex said being good.

448
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not goodenough too, it's awkward. But even if

449
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 3: it's good information, Like what makes you know porn really

450
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 3: great is like you're attracted to the people, You're invested

451
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 3: in the storyline, Like even movies or TV shows. So

452
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,400
Speaker 3: if you're just providing seventy percent of women orgasm this way,

453
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 3: ten percent of people with penises do that. This is

454
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,159
Speaker 3: what your follicular stage is, like, this is why you're

455
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,159
Speaker 3: horn during ovulation. You're just like, unless you have the

456
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,920
Speaker 3: extreme interest, you're going to tune that out and go

457
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 3: for the fiction book. So I just had that aha

458
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 3: at around you know, eighteen nineteen years old, of oh,

459
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 3: there's great information here, but sex said needs to be

460
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,479
Speaker 3: sexy and someone needs to do that. So that's kind

461
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 3: of around the time that I enrolled in my program

462
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,440
Speaker 3: for print journalism. Anyways, I'd already started to have that aha,

463
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 3: like yeah, like someone should be making this information more accessible,

464
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 3: more interesting, and then you know, skip to that first

465
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 3: day of journalism school. It just clicked like, oh that

466
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 3: someone needs to be me, and it was discouraged every

467
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,120
Speaker 3: step of the way, just like when I was a kid.

468
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 2: Now, how did you get to the ten thousand dollars endorsement?

469
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:15,800
Speaker 2: Out of all this.

470
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:21,439
Speaker 3: Discouragement, I sensually said, I'm going to do what the

471
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 3: books did. I'm going to write the story of my

472
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 3: first sexual experience in great detail, but I'm not going

473
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 3: to skip out on the truth. I didn't orgasm, the

474
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 3: person didn't call me again. I never saw the person

475
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 3: I had sex with for the first time until ten

476
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 3: years later. I felt really shamed. I went to the

477
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 3: sexual health clinic. Afterwards. I was certain that I had

478
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 3: contracted HIV. Just that would be my luck. So I

479
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 3: told the story of like how cool it because it

480
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 3: was a really cool the book, Oh my gosh, I

481
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,399
Speaker 3: had a really you know, I've come to reframe it.

482
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 3: But my first time having sex was very sex in

483
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 3: the city and I got very kind of interesting. I'll

484
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 3: give you a TLDR of it. I ran track, so

485
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 3: I made it to the World Youth Games in Hungary.

486
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,680
Speaker 3: So I traveled there and for some reason they were

487
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 3: like letting us take the train to and from the

488
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 3: competition area from our hotel by ourselves. So I'm sixteen

489
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 3: years old, I'm taking the train by myself. And I

490
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: got eliminated really early on in the competition. So I'm like,

491
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 3: I'm here for like five more days to do nothing.

492
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 3: I'm like, let me just take pictures of all the

493
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 3: hot guys around the world. I'm bored.

494
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 2: I like that.

495
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 3: And there was one guy from England who was so hot.

496
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 3: He was one hundred meter runner, and so I approached

497
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: him and I was like, Hi, I'm just taking pictures

498
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,719
Speaker 3: of really beautiful people. You're so gorgeous. Can I take

499
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 3: your photo? He's like, oh, I can't really do that

500
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 3: because like, I'm old, sweaty.

501
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 2: He had an accent too, I'm really sweaty.

502
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,360
Speaker 3: So I can't really do that right now. But late

503
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,679
Speaker 3: to love and then I was just like, well, if

504
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 3: you're worried about, you know, not being clean, come back

505
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 3: to my hotel and take a shower there. Why did

506
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 3: I say that at sixteen?

507
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 2: Girl? You were focused on in the picture, right?

508
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 3: I don't know I was. I was not. I was

509
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 3: a virgin, but I was like, come, it's like a picture.

510
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 3: And then he was like kind of startled. He was

511
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 3: like okay. So then he took the train back to

512
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: my place. It was like this silent, sort of weird

513
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 3: thing that happened. He comes up to my hotel room,

514
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 3: he takes a shower, and then he pops his head

515
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 3: out afterwards, and he was like, I need a shit please,

516
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 3: and so I go to hand in his shirt. He

517
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 3: grabs it and then I pull him out of the

518
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 3: bathroom I know.

519
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 2: Holy shoot, this is like some very visual.

520
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 3: Well remember the books I was reading, Okay, remember call

521
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,959
Speaker 3: this winterever, remember my influences. But it could take me

522
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 3: that far. But it didn't know how to tell how

523
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 3: to teach me how to advocate for protection, so it

524
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 3: was unprotected. Those books didn't know how to teach me

525
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 3: about my pleasure, about what I needed to feel safe,

526
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 3: and what conversations I wanted to have afterwards to make

527
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,199
Speaker 3: sure that I felt good about everything. It didn't even

528
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 3: teach me how to ask that person for their information

529
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 3: to stay in touch. So that's where I say that

530
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 3: the education stopped short. So I told that story in

531
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 3: great detail on the Internet, and then I said, to people,

532
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 3: submit your stories. I want to help people learn through

533
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 3: real life stories because the truth is much more interesting

534
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 3: than fiction, and there's so many gaps in what you

535
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 3: know and what you don't know that I want to

536
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 3: help you fill in. So I waited till my parents

537
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 3: went away on vacation, and then I sent them the

538
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 3: link to the website and said, this is what I'm

539
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,879
Speaker 3: doing in my life now. They were so livid, and

540
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 3: I thought that they would calm down because my parents drove.

541
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 3: They drove everywhere. They drove to Florida. I thought they'd

542
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 3: be calmed down by the time they got back. They

543
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 3: were not. My mom was just came to the front

544
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 3: door and she was like, there's going to be groups

545
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 3: of men laughing and masturbating at your story and just

546
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 3: laughing and masturbating some kind of but that's like her

547
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 3: extreme fear, right, And so after that point, I stuck

548
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,639
Speaker 3: with it against what their desires were, and they just

549
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 3: kind of acted like it wasn't happening. And so for

550
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 3: the next four years I used to DM people fifty

551
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 3: people a day through Facebook, through black Planet, and through

552
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 3: some messenger services and just tell them what I was doing,

553
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 3: sent the link to my site, and I tried to

554
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 3: get them to submit their stories. Eventually I collected enough

555
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 3: stories and then I started looking for publishers. I reached

556
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 3: out to different sex educators within my city, Toronto. One

557
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 3: lady named Josie Vogels took me under her wing and

558
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,239
Speaker 3: she introduced me to a literary agent who was then

559
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,880
Speaker 3: able to hook me up with a feminist press in

560
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: California called Seal Press, and that's how I got my

561
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 3: first book deal.

562
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 2: Holy Cow, and how old were.

563
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 3: You twenty four when the first book came out.

564
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 2: That's huge. Yeah. Way. I usually make us eat the

565
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 2: soup together, but I was scared it was gonna get cold,

566
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 2: and the story was good.

567
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 1: But this soup is amazing, amazing, totally do this at home.

568
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 1: Like I did not know, I get there is a

569
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: difference between tomato soup and tomato bisk.

570
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 3: I think this is a good soup. It's so good

571
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 3: water and all.

572
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 2: I think the water makes it taste great.

573
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 3: You might be right, because I'm not feeling it's missing anything.

574
00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 2: Yo, this is perfect. And I love the mozzarella that's

575
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 2: tomato trunks.

576
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 1: It's if you're at home, you just literally good a

577
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: can of soup and listen to this story. It's really good, okay, So,

578
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: and I love that it's like not too hot, so

579
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 1: it's like we could really enjoy it now if we

580
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 1: were starving, I know you would like it hot, so

581
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: you could eat it slow.

582
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 3: But we're already eating it slow. This is gonna take

583
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 3: us ten minutes to finish, even if we're focused.

584
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: I'm like the mom that eats over the sink. I

585
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 1: don't know what kind of mom you want. I eat

586
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: like this, let's do this. Like I my daughter eats

587
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: cereal on the way to school in the car. Oh,

588
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: yesterday we were driving the car. She's like, Mom, where's

589
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: my cyrial?

590
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, it was on top of

591
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: the car. And my guardian's on the phone like I

592
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 2: guess you're having McDonald's for breakfast, Like so right, you

593
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 2: want McDonalds. But but no, I make her eat soup

594
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 2: on the go, Like I'm that mom. That's like, we

595
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 2: gotta go, we gotta go. You what captain crunch or Flintstones?

596
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,400
Speaker 2: Like which one? Let's take it and slurp the milk

597
00:26:58,440 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 2: before it gets a ball over your left.

598
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 3: My husband's more like that. I'm more of a savor

599
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 3: because I don't mind being late, which is not a

600
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 3: positive trait, but I don't mind being late places.

601
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: No, if you hung out with me, you would be

602
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 2: like annoyed, and I watched the clock.

603
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 3: Everywhere I live with you. My husband is just like that.

604
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 3: Literally will get so stressed out and he wants to

605
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 3: arrive places thirty minutes before so he has an opportunity

606
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 3: to get in his zone.

607
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 1: I promise you you do live with me, because if

608
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: I'm on time, I consider it late and I plan

609
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: like if you hung out with me, Like my dad's

610
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: like my obsession with the minute. I'm like, by this minute,

611
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: we should be here and here and here and here,

612
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: And he's like, no one does time subtraction like you

613
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: a time everything. So yes, eating in the car is

614
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: a must, okay, because that's thirty minutes.

615
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 2: Also, what's it? You don't waste it?

616
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: But anyways, back to your story, I personally don't know

617
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 1: how it survived because I think I love that like

618
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 1: you're disagreeable. I've never even heard of that versus someone

619
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: that's like, oh, like me or whatever like me. I

620
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: was a whatever I can do to impress the parents

621
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 1: or whatever you're on this rebel route, so it actually

622
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: added fuel to your fire. But now, how did it

623
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 1: feel when you got to tell your parents like I

624
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 1: got a book deal from this.

625
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 2: Hmm.

626
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 3: I don't remember them being happy for me. I don't

627
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 3: mean that in a bad way. I just mean the

628
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 3: first time that I remember my parents being happy is

629
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 3: after my book came out. I had a book launch

630
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 3: in Toronto and I had about fifty people come. They

631
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,439
Speaker 3: came as well. It was an anthology, so i'd other

632
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 3: people come and read their stories and they got to

633
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 3: see it. And my mom didn't see anybody laughing and masturbating.

634
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 3: She saw people coming up to me and saying, thank you.

635
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, this is amazing. I feel so seen.

636
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 3: I learned a lot. I feel not alone, like this

637
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 3: book has been so healing. So that was the moment

638
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 3: for them that they turned around of like, okay, this

639
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 3: is going to be okay. And but after that point,

640
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 3: you know, that was twenty four years old. They watched

641
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 3: me really struggle financially from twenty four till twenty nine

642
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 3: thirty maybe thirty one two. So for them, you know,

643
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 3: it was still a scary thing to watch your kid

644
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 3: go through. But I think they had faith that I

645
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be physically harmed because of my career profession.

646
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you stuck shots to the path.

647
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 3: Not really I did. I mean I did for a bit,

648
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 3: but I will say I've been around twenty six twenty

649
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 3: seven or so. I ended up switching to wedding photography.

650
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 3: So in journalism school you learn a bunch of different,

651
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 3: you know, skills. Photography was one of them, and I

652
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 3: started to get a lot of job excuse me, doing

653
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 3: photography and then weddings is kind of the most you

654
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 3: can make and I love love, so I really enjoyed it.

655
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 3: So I was basically doing that and I had almost

656
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 3: like let go of my dream. I ended up in

657
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 3: a very toxic relationship with my high school crush. So

658
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 3: when he asked me out, I knew that he was

659
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 3: not the right fit. I knew his history, he had

660
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 3: two kids at the time, but I thought, man, I

661
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 3: had such a crush on this guy. It would be

662
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 3: a shame if he wasn't my ex. And I had

663
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 3: that thought going into it. But you get stuck in

664
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 3: the toxic loop and they belittle you and they make

665
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 3: you feel like you can't do any better. And so

666
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 3: we ended up moving in together. The same week I

667
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: found out that he had been seeing this girl who

668
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 3: he swore was his best friend from the beginning of

669
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 3: our relationship, and it was an awful scenario. And so

670
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 3: I was working my sort of settlement job of a

671
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 3: wedding photographer and this is La or Not Toronto in Toronto,

672
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 3: and I was paying the bills for both of us

673
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 3: because typical toxic and I was just We lived in

674
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 3: a six hundred square foot apartment, and I knew for

675
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 3: a fact that I had cried at every square inch

676
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 3: on the floor at some place at some time. And

677
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 3: I was just like, I guess this is my life.

678
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 3: And then a freak email came in from b Et

679
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 3: who was like, we're doing a show. We're looking for

680
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 3: a woman sex expert. We saw your book. Do you

681
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 3: want to come down to LA to audition? And I

682
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 3: was like absolutely, So I flew out there did the audition.

683
00:30:58,480 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 2: He sounds like a negative person.

684
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 3: Tell him no. He actually was supportive of that. It's

685
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 3: when it happened that he wasn't. But the idea of it,

686
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 3: I think yes, And so then I went and I

687
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 3: shot it.

688
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 2: I got it.

689
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 3: But it turns out that the show didn't get picked up,

690
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 3: which we are in Hollywood, that's ninety percent of the shows, right.

691
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 3: But what it did allow me to do was have

692
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 3: a work order that I could then apply for an

693
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 3: immigration visa. Hey, okay, So I started my application process.

694
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 3: It took me a year because it's expensive to kind

695
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 3: of save up for it and submit it. It got approved.

696
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 3: By that time, I had no reason to move down there.

697
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 3: I was still living with my ex, and so I

698
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,239
Speaker 3: was like I'll just wait until something comes. And then

699
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 3: I was just incredibly more miserable as the months went on,

700
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 3: and I was like, you know what, fuck it. So

701
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 3: I broke our lease, and I broke our lease in

702
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 3: a way that the landlord was like, I'm going to

703
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 3: make sure that you never can rent in Toronto ever again.

704
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: I didn't break up with my ex. I just told

705
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 3: him that we're going to be long distance. I promised him.

706
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 3: I was only going for two months just to see

707
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 3: if I could make something work. And it was really tumultuous,

708
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 3: but I made the move. My dad drove me down

709
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 3: with my car and whatever I could fit in it.

710
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 3: I slept on my friend's couch for a couple of

711
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 3: weeks and I figured it out and ate.

712
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 2: Lots of tomato.

713
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 3: Tomato, tomato, MIESK, what a story.

714
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, so then you're here.

715
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: You're not getting the bet job, but you got the

716
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: immigration situation out of it, so that's a win win.

717
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: And you didn't I'm guessing you didn't get paid for

718
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: what you did either, for the bet.

719
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 3: One you did, but like even like it's two thousand bucks, Yeah,

720
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 3: it's not going to last you a long enough time. Thankfully.

721
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 3: I had the photography skills. So when I moved to LA,

722
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 3: I did under the table, which I'm like, can I

723
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 3: say that in retrospect of what's happening now. I'm a

724
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 3: sitizen now, so don't try to come for me ice.

725
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 3: But I worked under the table doing photo boots, Okay,

726
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 3: So I used to. I worked for this amazing guy

727
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 3: and I did photo boots and there's always events happening

728
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 3: in LA. So that's how I made a way for

729
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 3: myself and paid my bill while I still tried to

730
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 3: pursue my passion. And I also went back to school

731
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 3: to get my sexology certification and my associate and sex

732
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 3: said during this time, so it was a time of

733
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 3: deep building and of deep faith. And I think about

734
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 3: that version of myself every day and thank.

735
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 2: Her really mm hmm. You think her for the strength

736
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 2: to like.

737
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: The vision, yeah, oh, the vision, the strength, like yeah,

738
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 3: like the knowingness, the knowing that this is something that

739
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 3: people needed, that knowing this that one day that things

740
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 3: would turn over for me. I was so skinny, like

741
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 3: I would regularly see people who would be like, are

742
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 3: you okay? Like I was probably one hundred and twenty

743
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 3: seven pounds for clarification. I'm one hundred and fifty right now.

744
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, So well you're tall too, You're like, are you

745
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 2: five seven?

746
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 3: Five eight?

747
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 2: Okay?

748
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 3: I was close, Yeah, you were close, but.

749
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I realize you're tall. I was like, okay, but yeah,

750
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 2: that's that's very slim for five eight. Yeah.

751
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 3: It was very slim, very malnourished, very like I went through,

752
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 3: I guess, a period of depression where I just would

753
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 3: and I could sleep for fourteen hours a day sometimes.

754
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: So you were like hustland, paying the bills but still

755
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: pursuing this dream. Went back to school, and your parents

756
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: from Afar like, yikes, but we.

757
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 3: Support, Yeah, they did.

758
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: They did.

759
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 3: My dad loaned me some money too, which I thought

760
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,399
Speaker 3: was a gift until I got on my feet again.

761
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 3: He was like, I'm gonna eat that back.

762
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 2: So you gave it back? I did.

763
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,799
Speaker 3: I feel like you actually even put some interest on there,

764
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 3: because I like, I don't remember boring this, not that

765
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 3: that's hilarious. But my parents are wonderful. They're both immigrants

766
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,720
Speaker 3: as well, so they understood the grind. And I remember

767
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,759
Speaker 3: actually when I called my dad and I was just

768
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,839
Speaker 3: bawling because it's hard, you know, you'd have no credit

769
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 3: when you move to this country, so you're starting from scratch.

770
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 3: So you have to not just like get your power turned.

771
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 2: To learn credit.

772
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 3: You got to learn credit.

773
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 2: Credit is a learning thing.

774
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 3: You have to drive to the main station, give them

775
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,959
Speaker 3: a cash deposit to try to get your electricity turned

776
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 3: on because there's no trust in you, and you're mine

777
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 3: to do my license again. So it's just a lot.

778
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 3: I call my dad one day, She's like that, this

779
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 3: is like so hard if I can do it, this

780
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 3: is too hard, And he was like your grandmother who's

781
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 3: from Guyana. She immigrated by herself when she had three

782
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 3: children at home to England. She barely spoke the language

783
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 3: there because Guyanese English as Patsoa's like very broken, didn't

784
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 3: know anybody, looked extremely different and didn't have the internet.

785
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 3: If she could do it, I think you're asking do it?

786
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I love your dad, you okay, parents, right, Okay,

787
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 2: I like them. I like them.

788
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 1: So at what point do you start to see some

789
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 1: glimmers of you know, like when you see a rock

790
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: and it has the little crystals you start at what

791
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 1: point do you start to see glimmers of hope? Yeah?

792
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 3: You know what, I think on your path to your

793
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 3: dream come true? Is it doesn't happen like how it

794
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 3: does in the movies, like the Overnight Success. One year

795
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 3: I moved to la Maybe two to three days that

796
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 3: year I had dream come true.

797
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:51,359
Speaker 2: Days.

798
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 3: I would get booked on the Kiki Palmer Show. She

799
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 3: had a talk show to be a guest expert. I'd

800
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 3: have an amazing segment with her. It would feel like

801
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 3: so much kismet happened. People will be applied me and

802
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 3: then nothing would happen. But I had the feeling of

803
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 3: what it felt like to be in my power, in

804
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,319
Speaker 3: my truth and in my purpose. And then the next year,

805
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 3: maybe you'd have a job that was a week that

806
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 3: you're like, Oh, this is what I really want. This

807
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 3: is the feeling. The following year, I got booked on

808
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 3: BET's Wrap It Up Tour, which was an HIV awareness campaign.

809
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 3: It didn't pay, but I got to travel around the

810
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 3: country with other experts I admired, making connections, teaching people, educating,

811
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 3: and so you kind of get these like little hopes

812
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 3: along the way, and it goes from a few days

813
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 3: a year to a week a year. Maybe you have

814
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 3: a good quarter the next year and the next thing.

815
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 3: You know, you have half of the year where you're

816
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:40,839
Speaker 3: doing well and then you look up and you're like, oh,

817
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 3: I made four hundred thousand dollars this year, Like how

818
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:44,240
Speaker 3: did that happen?

819
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 2: Yeah? You got to that point though I.

820
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 3: Make I consistently make one point, tell it, I do.

821
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 3: I do very well, tell it.

822
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 2: And doing what you were designed to do. And you

823
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 2: fought that journey I did.

824
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it was it was like again, like I said,

825
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 3: I always sometimes people ask me questions about ambition right now,

826
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 3: like how do you stay motivated or how do you

827
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 3: get up and keep going? It's like, at this point,

828
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 3: it's very easy, right, I'm so incentivized, I'm so motivated.

829
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,399
Speaker 3: I'm so covered by amazing people like yourself, who it's

830
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 3: not even just making sud that people care about. It's

831
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 3: making stuff that people that you admire and respect, who

832
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 3: see value in it. Like that's the real win. So

833
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 3: I have so many great motivations to keep going right now.

834
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 3: So I'm more impressed with the version of myself who

835
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 3: didn't have any of that, no deadlines, no care, no money,

836
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 3: no interest, no viewership, but did it anyways?

837
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, And what I love about your story too, was.

838
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: Of course, I really try not to research people just

839
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: because I feel like it's easy to stay engaged and fascinated.

840
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 2: It's your story, and couldn't do.

841
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 1: It, especially because you had it on your site, so

842
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: it was helpful. But what I like about your story

843
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: is almost like the fairy tale in a sense, just

844
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 1: from an outside because it's like you're working hard, you

845
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: beat the tides. You went against the grain, which I

846
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: think is the hardest part, which I've emphasized before you

847
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: got here, was like going against the grain at that time,

848
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: like mental health ten fifteen years ago, wasn't like this

849
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: cool advocacy thing, like sex education definitely wasn't.

850
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 2: A woman definitely wasn't, you know. And so now it's

851
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 2: a little bit more embraced.

852
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: But when I look at your story, I think it's

853
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: even more beautiful even hearing it. We're in a toxic

854
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: relationship because like it seems to like it all came

855
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 1: together like in this beautiful package where your mom, your

856
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: husband is a partner too, so it's like you find

857
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: this amazing partner that can also it's not intimidated or

858
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: a freight to embrace. I've seen some really cute videos

859
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: you guys did online about like I don't know, like

860
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,399
Speaker 1: spiffs on like how your relationship.

861
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 2: Is everything about it to me?

862
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 3: I love like I love it, you know.

863
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 2: But it's like for for you see the journey song.

864
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 2: I hope everyone you know gets the idea of.

865
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: The timeline trusting me in an immigrant way harder than

866
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 1: I even thought it was hearing it up close, but

867
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 1: like when you see the whole package come together in

868
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:02,720
Speaker 1: the end, like the alignment of your partner, the timing

869
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: of the kids and being a mom and all that, like.

870
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: Like, how do you I don't know, cause you have

871
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 2: ever envisioned it to wrap so perfectly in alignment.

872
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 3: I guess yes, and no, I mean I guess. I

873
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 3: remember my toxic ex actually telling me when we lived

874
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 3: together at twenty eight. He was like, you're not going

875
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 3: to be successful until you're thirty two, and I was

876
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 3: like so hurt by that and from his lips to

877
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 3: the universe's years, like I really didn't kind of figure

878
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,839
Speaker 3: things out until thirty two. I got married at thirty three,

879
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 3: I had my first kid. At thirty five, I had

880
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 3: my first, like I said, apartment that I lived in

881
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 3: by myself that I was able to support solo rent

882
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 3: at thirty. When I turned thirty, I told people that

883
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 3: was twenty eight because I was like, there's no way

884
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 3: I'm going to embarrass myself in La, girl, I know.

885
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: Accomplishment, didn't I don't think I moved out a roommate

886
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: out of my house till I was thirty two. That's

887
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: because I used to always have like a roommate in

888
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 1: my house, like you know, And then I was like,

889
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:01,320
Speaker 1: thirty two, that's it.

890
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 2: I just gotta be got to try living a lowe.

891
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 2: Yeah you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but like in La,

892
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 2: it's a huge fee.

893
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,720
Speaker 3: It is. It is a huge feet And I honored

894
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 3: the version of myself who was like deeply embarrassed, but

895
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: then I would also pull her aside and be like

896
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 3: you were not alone, and.

897
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: You're pursuing your dreams like you're whooping ass. I was

898
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur. From you being an entrepreneur to like one

899
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 1: hundred percent. When okay, you gave up your your wedding photography,

900
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: you went one hundred percent. You were doing like the

901
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: little gigs on the road. Yes, little spots.

902
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 2: I say little because well I was doing I was

903
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:37,800
Speaker 2: saying little only because you said.

904
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 3: That, yeah, weeks days in a time while also doing

905
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 3: full time photo booth.

906
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 2: Oh you're still doing it.

907
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 3: Yeah. So that was a really great job because it

908
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 3: was flexible, but it was really consistent and I would

909
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 3: have like travel jobs where I would go to like

910
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 3: the Chicago Wine Tasting Festival, or I went to Coachella

911
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 3: when I first moved to LA and I did photo

912
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 3: booths there for a couple of days. So it took

913
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,399
Speaker 3: me to some really amazing places I remember. Or actually

914
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 3: I did a photo booth for The Essence Woman in

915
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 3: Hollywood Brunch, and I met so many people that I

916
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:07,759
Speaker 3: was like, one day, they're gonna look at me in

917
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 3: the eyes. Because you don't look at the photo booth girl, Right,

918
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 3: she doesn't exist, She's just the person. You don't make

919
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 3: it sound sad you don't remember them. If you probably

920
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 3: had been to a party with a photo booth and

921
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 3: try to recall the person who operated it. Right, they're

922
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 3: a little invisible to you. And so you're seeing all

923
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 3: these people that you want to be peers with or

924
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 3: that you want to interview one day, and you just

925
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 3: kind of know that right now they don't see you.

926
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,800
Speaker 3: One day they will, So I had. I think that

927
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 3: was a really perfect job for me, and I rode

928
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,919
Speaker 3: that until the wheels fell off, Like I really held

929
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 3: onto that job until it was super logical that I

930
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:39,720
Speaker 3: didn't need it anymore.

931
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 2: Let's get into some of the good stuff. I don't

932
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:44,879
Speaker 2: know why I feel so low.

933
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 1: Okay, some of the good more recent stuff. I want

934
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: to touch on Lovers by Shan, But before that, I

935
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: want to talk.

936
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 2: What is the name Katie back? There is going to

937
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 2: be clamoring right now. She is it Lovers Island or

938
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 2: lover Which one is?

939
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 3: Love Island Island?

940
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 1: Okay, we got to talk a little bit about that.

941
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: How did that whole thing come about? How did that

942
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 1: impact your career in any way?

943
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 3: Well, I wasn't on Love Island, but and also that's

944
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 3: because they're all the same show. I was on Too

945
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 3: Hot to Handle, which is like Netflix's version of that.

946
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 3: I was their workshop expert. No, it's the more popular one.

947
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:22,919
Speaker 3: I wish I was on Love Island.

948
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 2: Sorry, I was no use that Lover's Island, so I

949
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 2: just went with it.

950
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Right, it would have been nice in the

951
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 3: branding world. But yeah, I think like kind of as

952
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 3: my career picked up and like you said, I'm grateful

953
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:38,439
Speaker 3: that the way that I was able to forge a path.

954
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 3: I think in the beginning was difficult because people had

955
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 3: never heard this career before, and now it's so much

956
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 3: more common. So when I started in the beginning, there

957
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 3: wasn't really a lot of people I was competing against

958
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 3: because there wasn't a lot of jobs. But now it's

959
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 3: very different. Now that's like a huge market, which is incredible.

960
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: And you probably know a sex educator, a relationship educator,

961
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 3: a dating coach.

962
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 2: You're like a pioneer, though one of og.

963
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 3: I'm not like a doctor Ruth og or doctor Joyce

964
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 3: on Elders, but I'm definitely a millennial og of that.

965
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 3: So that job came during the pandemic, actually just before it.

966
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 3: And yeah, I don't have much to say about it.

967
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:14,280
Speaker 2: I really don't.

968
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 3: I really do not. I'm really not a fan of

969
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 3: the dating shows. They're so fake, as somebody who has

970
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 3: been on the other side of it, and as somebody

971
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,959
Speaker 3: who earnestly wants to teach people, empower people, help people

972
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,800
Speaker 3: figure out this part of their life, which to me,

973
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 3: I in the fact that I didn't share about the

974
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 3: tomato soup, is that the year of twenty fifteen, I

975
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 3: had bed bugs. I was on the fritz to deportation.

976
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 3: I legally couldn't work. And then I met Jared and

977
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 3: who is now my husband, and he was just such

978
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 3: a bright, brilliant, beautiful light in my life. He was

979
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 3: the one who came and throughout my furniture with me,

980
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 3: helped me spray down my apartment, and he was just

981
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 3: my friends with benefits. At the time. He wasn't even

982
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 3: a serious relationship, yeah, but he was just kind of

983
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 3: there and he was there through my transition. He came

984
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 3: with me on some of my jobs to like photo

985
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 3: boot stuff because he worked for Denny Treyo for Traios Taco,

986
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 3: so he knew what it looked like when someone was

987
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,840
Speaker 3: just getting started, and so he really empowered that beginning

988
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:20,759
Speaker 3: transition from worker to entrepreneur for me, and lat love

989
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 3: just filled up every part of my life, every bit

990
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 3: of confidence and self assuredness and safety and someone to

991
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 3: be there with. I remember there was like a really

992
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 3: big defining moment where because my immigration thing, I had

993
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 3: to deport my car and then re import it, which

994
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,240
Speaker 3: the easiest way to do that was to drive to Mexico.

995
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 3: So I drove by myself to Mexico to deport my car,

996
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 3: and then I didn't do something at the border because

997
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 3: I don't know if you know this, When you drive

998
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 3: to Mexico, it's like driving into Costco. There's nobody who's

999
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,399
Speaker 3: like stopping you to ask for paperwork. You just drive

1000
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 3: on through. So I didn't know that. So I had

1001
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 3: to have gotten my car stamped before I left. But

1002
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 3: because I I didn't realize all. I was all of

1003
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 3: a sudden in Mexico. So now the officer was like,

1004
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 3: you didn't legally export this car, so now you cannot

1005
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 3: import it. So I was stuck at the border. I

1006
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 3: was balling my eyes out. I called one guy. He

1007
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 3: didn't come to the rescue. But there was another guy

1008
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 3: that I was dating who was like very well.

1009
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 2: Off, hilarious.

1010
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 3: He was super well off, very connected. I called him

1011
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 3: and I was like bawling. I'm like I'm stuck. I'm

1012
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 3: so scared of this, and he was like, oh, I'm

1013
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 3: in a meeting right now. I gotta like talk to

1014
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 3: you later. And then that was it, and then I

1015
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,839
Speaker 3: didn't even hear from him for hours. I called Jared,

1016
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,880
Speaker 3: he was at work. He stopped everything was googling with me,

1017
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 3: like walked me through it. We figured it out. I

1018
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 3: came back that guy other guy called me that night

1019
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 3: and I was like, I'm fine now, right, But I

1020
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 3: just need to say, like that love story was such

1021
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 3: a pivotal component, I think, to that transition in my

1022
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:48,959
Speaker 3: life and also giving me the confidence that I needed

1023
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 3: to say, like, I can tell people to pursue love

1024
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 3: with reckless abandon because it's genuinely worth it. It's so

1025
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 3: worth it, and it creates such a beautiful, lived and

1026
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 3: full enrich life and it really did power my why

1027
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 3: So that allowed me to get insert the amendment, start

1028
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 3: building stuff. So when I finally kind of you know,

1029
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 3: got to a place of getting bigger jobs. And the

1030
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:12,879
Speaker 3: whole goal has always been how do I make sex

1031
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,320
Speaker 3: sad sexy? So I love the idea of a reality

1032
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 3: show because in theory, it's amazing, great, you're using sexy singles,

1033
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 3: relatable storylines, like beautiful locations, and now you get to

1034
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: like hook them in with some really solid good information.

1035
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 3: But they don't.

1036
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,840
Speaker 2: It's like because it's like taped in like two weeks

1037
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 2: and it's like a wham maam thank you man.

1038
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 3: No it's just like so fake, so manufactured. They just

1039
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 3: like want a very particular story told over and over again.

1040
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 3: They don't expand beyond that, they don't really challenge people.

1041
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 3: The people who come to those things genuinely don't really

1042
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 3: want love. They want a social media following at this point.

1043
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 3: So even working with them, there's kind of like a

1044
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 3: hollow ness to it, so you're almost talking over them

1045
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 3: rather than directly to them. And then you see the

1046
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 3: edit and they take out all of the hardy parts anyways,

1047
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 3: and it's just very like ick. So that to be said,

1048
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 3: I hope if I ever do work on a reality

1049
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 3: dating show again, but I'm able to actually have more

1050
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 3: influence in infusing it with more of what it's missing,

1051
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 3: which is heart. Which is a strange sentence to say

1052
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 3: for shows that are about.

1053
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: Love maybe Lovers by Shan Brandy, because I know that's

1054
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 2: the podcast, But I'm.

1055
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 1: Saying, maybe you never know you have the power you

1056
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 1: Jared the whole fam Bam. I believe that maybe you

1057
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: know you have the power to create the show that.

1058
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 2: You want to see.

1059
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 3: That's actually a really important note for me to say,

1060
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 3: because I only branded myself this year. Before that, I

1061
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,959
Speaker 3: was just like, I want to be the Walmart greeter

1062
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 3: of sex. That was my thing because we grew up

1063
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 3: in a time where no one talked about it. So

1064
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 3: I was like, people don't know, people don't know, like

1065
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 3: everybody has to know, and so I'm like, I don't

1066
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 3: even care what walk of life you're from, on interest

1067
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 3: level whatever. I want to be that general store person

1068
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 3: that you just come in for toothpaste and you leave

1069
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 3: with a life changing lesson.

1070
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 2: I love that you actually coined the.

1071
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 3: But during the pandemic, let me tell you, people know

1072
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 3: now right, there was an explosion of relationship podcasts and

1073
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 3: sex podcasts and commentators and it kind of became its

1074
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 3: own industry. And then I quickly realized that there's a

1075
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: difference between people who talk about sex and love because

1076
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 3: it's trendy and those who do it because they actually

1077
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:20,280
Speaker 3: want to empower and educate.

1078
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 2: And there's definitely an empower and educate, thank you and

1079
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 2: excited about.

1080
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,800
Speaker 3: And then I realized that, like, not only from a

1081
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:32,240
Speaker 3: speaker standpoint, but consumers, some people can consume love island,

1082
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 3: Love is blind, every relationship celebrity drama all day long,

1083
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 3: but they're just watching it for sport, Like some people

1084
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 3: watch basketball religiously but never pick up the ball. And

1085
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 3: so I'm like, I actually don't think I'm for that person.

1086
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 3: I want to be for the person who wants to

1087
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 3: pick up that ball and become great. So Lovers became

1088
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 3: a hub not just for people to learn about love,

1089
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 3: but for people who love love and want to achieve

1090
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 3: their intimate potential to learn about it with me. So

1091
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 3: I only really want to work with people who genuinely

1092
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 3: want this, and I have real skin in the game

1093
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 3: and stick in the game and want to see it

1094
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,320
Speaker 3: through beyond the viral moments.

1095
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 1: I love that Lovers by Shan Chef. Look, I'm watching

1096
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 1: to clack too. I respect it Lovers by Shan. Let's

1097
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 1: talk about that whole birth of baby in that whole thing.

1098
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was just essentially that of like I'm forty now,

1099
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:25,760
Speaker 3: so like I'm in my new chapter.

1100
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1101
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 3: You could have had me fooled, but thank you for

1102
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 3: the welcome. Heykay, we're very close. So I think like

1103
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 3: my thirties was, you know, the time I moved to

1104
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 3: Los Angeles, and it was like everybody needs to know.

1105
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 3: My twenties was the same thing. And they put this

1106
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 3: book outs people know and then now my forties, it's like, Okay,

1107
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,879
Speaker 3: what is my genuine legacy? Who can I really help

1108
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 3: an impact? How do I do that?

1109
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:49,920
Speaker 2: How do I not do that?

1110
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 3: And how do I not get myself lost in the

1111
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 3: sauce of what's trending right now. So it's just a

1112
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 3: time for me to be more mindful and have start

1113
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 3: the kind of career or restart my career in a

1114
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 3: way that is going to allow me to be here

1115
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 3: for ten more years. So that's what the Lovers by

1116
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,839
Speaker 3: Shan branding was. And it's a place where you can

1117
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 3: go to get free quizes and worksheets. I write a

1118
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,360
Speaker 3: weekly newsletter which is like a love lesson from me

1119
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,399
Speaker 3: each week, usually through a lived experience. I still kept

1120
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 3: up with that same formula for my first book. I

1121
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:20,879
Speaker 3: have my podcast, which is free, and then I also

1122
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 3: have a community which is not free as twenty dollars

1123
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 3: per month, but I give one on ones. I teach

1124
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 3: weekly classes there yeah too. Yeah, and then it's just

1125
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,320
Speaker 3: a casual place for us to informally like share, like

1126
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 3: we'll talk about that coldplay a fair thing there. I

1127
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 3: talked about why I'm not talking you know, I'm not

1128
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,280
Speaker 3: interviewing people from Love Island, you know. On my platforms,

1129
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 3: I get to kind of have the kinds of discussions

1130
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,400
Speaker 3: that I want to have about love with my genuine community,

1131
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 3: not with six hundred thousand people who, like some might

1132
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 3: be into it, some are just there because they saw

1133
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 3: that one viral clip. You know, people who are really

1134
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 3: about this life just like I am.

1135
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a safe place for people to be vulnerable.

1136
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1137
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I love that your whole thing is centered

1138
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 1: around love and then like the whole package of sex,

1139
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,440
Speaker 1: like you know, like what you talked about, like the safety,

1140
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 1: Like I didn't even think about that as a part

1141
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: of sex, you know, just those little intricate details.

1142
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 2: So I love everything about your girl. I was excited, okay,

1143
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 2: but thank you guys for tuning in and feeding me

1144
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 2: tomato bisc I know.

1145
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,240
Speaker 3: I wanted to actually ask you before we go, because

1146
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 3: I love to learn from people. What is one lesson

1147
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:34,399
Speaker 3: about intimacy, love relationships are dating that you have learned

1148
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 3: through lived experience that you can share with me today?

1149
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 2: Yeahn wow, I don't know. My husband has been giving

1150
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 2: me a room for my money. Girl, I tell you something,

1151
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 2: He's like the polar opposite of me. I don't know.

1152
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 2: I was thinking about you, and I do all my

1153
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 2: thinking in the shower, So that's sound that came out funny.

1154
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: But for whatever reason, I do my thinking in the shower.

1155
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 1: But I was thinking about you earlier, not in that way. Guys,

1156
00:51:58,400 --> 00:51:59,800
Speaker 1: I think sexual.

1157
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 3: Ask the question again, what's something that you have learned

1158
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 3: about intimacy that I can learn from you?

1159
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 2: Right now?

1160
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 3: It can be something to learn from me. I can

1161
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 3: look what my number one educator is people by far,

1162
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 3: but more than any book, more than any class, more

1163
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 3: than any PhD or master's degree has been people.

1164
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:26,399
Speaker 2: I definitely think safety. Feeling safe, I think, at least

1165
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 2: for me personally, even when you touched on it, I okay, So.

1166
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:34,400
Speaker 1: Hell hell a tmi, hell a tmi. So like I

1167
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 1: me and my girlfriend. I thought I liked sex right.

1168
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 1: I thought I was like, oh I love sex right.

1169
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity late. So me and my girlfriend

1170
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 1: we went to a store. We got like a vibrator,

1171
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,320
Speaker 1: like a little butterfly whatever, And then I realized.

1172
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 2: That's not the sex that I God was like, whoa girl?

1173
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,279
Speaker 1: I had three guy roommates. When I say like I

1174
00:52:56,360 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 1: could touch the walls of my house. Like I had

1175
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: to turn up the TV because I was like, what

1176
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 1: the fuck? I didn't want nobody to know about this

1177
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 1: little thing I had just discovered. But then I was like,

1178
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 1: I don't think sex is ever going to be the same.

1179
00:53:10,239 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 1: So anyways, fast forward, shout outs to my hubby I

1180
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: in the Butterfly and the Butterfly later on it took

1181
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 1: years later. Again, I'm forty one, I would been buried

1182
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: like four years so and anyways, long story short. In

1183
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 1: all of that, I think the sex with my husband

1184
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 1: is probably the best. And I think it's only because

1185
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 1: there was a place of maybe safer comfort or whatever.

1186
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1187
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 1: He was supposed to be my friend's, my f buddy

1188
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:45,320
Speaker 1: or whatever, but somehow I got trapped around, so I

1189
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: got trapped. But I think that I guess incorporating some

1190
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 1: level of safety. But when the safety was.

1191
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 2: Removed, because it was my husband's a bad boy. When

1192
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 2: the safety was removed, so did the intimacy. So I

1193
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:01,480
Speaker 2: guess the thing I would.

1194
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 1: Share is probably safety, because the second it was removed,

1195
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 1: all that great feelings kind of dissipated with it.

1196
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 3: Did you grab that lesson from the Crese summer episode.

1197
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 3: That was her big thing of how much her safety

1198
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 3: was tied to her sex drive, but for her safety

1199
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:21,280
Speaker 3: meant an knowingness that tomorrow was going to be okay.

1200
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:23,839
Speaker 2: So that's one hundred percent how I feel.

1201
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, She's like when she had romantic partners in the

1202
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 3: past who would be stressed about finance, or stressed about

1203
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,439
Speaker 3: the future, or just so boggled and overwhelmed by life

1204
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 3: that they weren't able to provide that optimism of like

1205
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 3: I got you, I got us. She's like that my

1206
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,360
Speaker 3: sex drive would immediately dry up.

1207
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 2: Oh I wasn't thinking that, but she Maybe I was thinking,

1208
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 2: like my husband could be unpredictable sometimes. M h. I'm like, yo,

1209
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 2: your switch up game just makes me uneasy, like I

1210
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,920
Speaker 2: can't It's like I don't know if I could trust

1211
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 2: it and puts me in the defense.

1212
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 1: I guess you could say, but I just learning this

1213
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 1: about myself. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I'm just

1214
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 1: like kind of trying to figure out like my triggers

1215
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 1: or whatever. But I do notice, like, oh, something's changing,

1216
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,280
Speaker 1: and sometimes I'm like, man, maybe I'm just getting old,

1217
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 1: you know.

1218
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 2: But I don't think that's it. I think it's just

1219
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 2: something tied to that unpredictability for me kills it.

1220
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 3: That makes complete logical sense from a biological or an

1221
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 3: animalistic perspective. Right, Like mating doesn't happen during drought, it

1222
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:31,799
Speaker 3: doesn't happen during like seasons of migration. It happens when

1223
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 3: the flowers are out and the birds are chirping and

1224
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 3: the grass is green, and now you have the time

1225
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 3: to actually sit and focus and select a mate. So

1226
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 3: I think if you're worried about your safety or on edge,

1227
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:44,760
Speaker 3: or you're in fight or flight mode, it's very difficult

1228
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 3: to get to calm and connects. That makes a lot

1229
00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:46,800
Speaker 3: of sense to me.

1230
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 2: You know, it actually makes even more sense what you say,

1231
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 2: because I didn't get married or have a baby till COVID.

1232
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 2: It took the whole world stopping and like all like

1233
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 2: the I'm an entrepreneur, so every day is a gamble

1234
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,719
Speaker 2: kind of sort of saying. I mean, it's stable, but

1235
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 2: for the most part, it's still a gamble. But it

1236
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:06,320
Speaker 2: took like the whole world freezing for me to be

1237
00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 2: like hmm, me, yeah, you know, but I feel it.

1238
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 1: I feel it coming back, and I still blame my

1239
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 1: husband for most of it. But I'm just saying, after

1240
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 1: talking to you, I did not know that till this conversation.

1241
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's a helpful thing to be able

1242
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 3: to communicate to your partner too. So it's like, this

1243
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 3: isn't this mysterious elusive thing, right, Like, this is something

1244
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 3: very tangible and also very much within not just my

1245
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 3: control but your control for us to create an environment

1246
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 3: where I feel like we can share the kind of

1247
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:37,359
Speaker 3: intimacy that we'll both enjoy.

1248
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I saw this, I got other questions.

1249
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 2: I got three minutes left, Thank you guys for soon

1250
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 2: and in did you have any more questions? No?

1251
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 3: This was great?

1252
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,240
Speaker 2: Did I help you it anyway? Of course?

1253
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was a great answer, really really helpful.

1254
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 2: Answered it like kind of right, Yeah, Well because.

1255
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 3: It expanded I think off of what Cree said, right,

1256
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 3: because I think for her it was really tied to

1257
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 3: like not necessarily money per se, but about family security

1258
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,440
Speaker 3: and the securedness of their future. But I think that

1259
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 3: yours is talking about emotional security, Like I have to

1260
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:13,840
Speaker 3: feel like tomorrow emotionally we're going to be in a

1261
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 3: good place. And if yesterday was good and the day

1262
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 3: before it was kind of weird, and the week before

1263
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 3: that was really off, but the week before that we

1264
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 3: were really on. I just need more consistency before I

1265
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 3: feel like I can get to a space of genuinely

1266
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 3: feeling like, yeah, let's.

1267
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 2: Fuck yeah, let's fucking make it great? Right? I miss

1268
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:34,439
Speaker 2: the great you know? But okay? Cool? Thank you? Thank

1269
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 2: you for asking me that, because it helped me answer

1270
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 2: a question I didn't even know was there or an answer.

1271
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 3: So cool, all right?

1272
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 2: And then how can everybody keep up with it's lovers

1273
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 2: by saying, God, that's it?

1274
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 3: Period, finish your too, we've done everything?

1275
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 2: Podcast? And is there gonna be more books? Yes? I

1276
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 2: hope so.

1277
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 3: I hope so.

1278
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,760
Speaker 1: And maybe hopefully there'll be a show really about love

1279
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: and all of that encompasses sex.

1280
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, so too. I hope so too. Thank you for

1281
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 2: giving me your time. All right? Thanks you out. We're

1282
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 2: gonna finish this suit.

1283
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 3: I'm already done.

1284
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 2: I know. I and I eat fast.

1285
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 3: Ye all right, peace out, guys, gotta be faster than that.

1286
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:18,200
Speaker 2: For more eating.

1287
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,280
Speaker 1: While broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect, visit the

1288
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

1289
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 1: favorite shows,