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Speaker 1: Hi, this is Jolan Victoria. Thanks so much for listening

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Speaker 1: to the podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. We

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Speaker 1: believe you're going to have an awesome twenty twenty four, healthy, productive,

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Speaker 1: and favor filled. God bless you today and enjoy the message. Well,

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Speaker 1: God bless you. It's a joy to come into your homes.

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Speaker 1: We want you to know that we love you and

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Speaker 1: we're believing that two thousand and six is going to

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Speaker 1: be your best year so far. That's what I've been

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Speaker 1: telling them here in this auditorium, and we speak the

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Speaker 1: same thing over you, pray for you every single day.

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Speaker 1: We may not know you, but we feel like you're

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Speaker 1: a part of our extended family. And if you're ever

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Speaker 1: in our area, I hope you'll stop by and see us.

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Speaker 1: We'd love to have you be a part of one

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Speaker 1: of our services. Love to meet you in person. I

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Speaker 1: say it often, but these are the finest people in

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Speaker 1: all of Houston, So come on out whenever you can.

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Speaker 1: But God bless you. Thanks for tuning in. I like

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Speaker 1: to get started with something funny each week, and I

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Speaker 1: heard about these three sisters that all lived together. They

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Speaker 1: were ages ninety six, ninety four and ninety two day,

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Speaker 1: the ninety six year old draws a bath and she

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Speaker 1: puts one foot in and she pauses. She hollers, downstairs,

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Speaker 1: I can't remember if I was getting in or getting out.

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Speaker 1: The ninety four year old says, I don't know. I'll

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Speaker 1: come up there to see. She gets halfway up the

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Speaker 1: stairs and she pauses and says, I can't remember if

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Speaker 1: I was going up or coming down. The ninety two

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Speaker 1: year old shook her head and said, man, I hope

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Speaker 1: I never get that. Forgetful, And she knocked on wood

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Speaker 1: for good luck, and then she said, hang on, I'll

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Speaker 1: come help both of you as soon as I see

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Speaker 1: who's at the door. All right, hold up your bible.

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Speaker 1: Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible.

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Speaker 1: I am what it says I am. I have what

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Speaker 1: it says I have. I can do what it says

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Speaker 1: I can do. Today I will be talked the word

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Speaker 1: of God. I boldly confess. My mind is alert, my

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Speaker 1: heart is receptive. I will never be the same. In Jesus' name,

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Speaker 1: God bless you. We've been talking about being the individual

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Speaker 1: that God's made us to be, not living just to

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Speaker 1: try to please everybody. It's very easy to take on

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Speaker 1: a false sense of responsibility to where we think it's

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Speaker 1: our job to keep everybody happy, to fix this person,

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Speaker 1: to rescue this person, solve this other person's problem. And

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Speaker 1: of course it's good to want to help, it's good

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Speaker 1: to reach out to others, but too often we get

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Speaker 1: out of balance. We're doing everything for everybody else, but

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Speaker 1: we're not taking any time to keep ourselves healthy. And

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Speaker 1: I found when I try to keep everybody around me happy,

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Speaker 1: when I try to meet all their needs, I'm the

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Speaker 1: one that ends up suffering. And God does not want

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Speaker 1: you to sacrifice your happiness in order to keep somebody

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Speaker 1: else happy. And I know that may sound a little selfish,

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Speaker 1: but there's a balance here. Your first priority is to

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Speaker 1: take care of yourself and some people, no matter what

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Speaker 1: you do for them, no matter how nice you are,

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Speaker 1: no matter how much time and energy you give them them,

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Speaker 1: they're still not going to be happy. They've got issues

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Speaker 1: on the inside they need to resolve. And you should

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Speaker 1: not take responsibility for someone else's poor choices. When you

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Speaker 1: do that, before long, they'll be controlling you and manipulating you,

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Speaker 1: and some of you right now, you're not happy because

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Speaker 1: you're allowing someone else to keep you unhappy. A spouse,

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Speaker 1: a child, a friend, a neighbor. They won't do right.

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Speaker 1: They're always dumping their problems on you. They expect you

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Speaker 1: to come bail them out and keep them cheered up.

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Speaker 1: And so now you're kind of frustrated because you're spending

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Speaker 1: all your time and energy on them, and it seems

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Speaker 1: like every time you get them fixed up, they're back

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Speaker 1: a week later with that same problem. And do you know,

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Speaker 1: if you continue to help them, you're not only hurting yourself,

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Speaker 1: but you're doing them a disservice. You become a crutch

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Speaker 1: to them, because as long as they know they can

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Speaker 1: come running to you and make you feel kind of

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Speaker 1: guilty and talk you into solving all their problems, then

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Speaker 1: they'll never deal with the real issues on the inside.

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Speaker 1: Then they won't change. Now, I found a lot of

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Speaker 1: times people like that. They don't really want to be helped,

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Speaker 1: They don't really want to change. They like the attention

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Speaker 1: that it brings in. And sometimes the best thing you

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Speaker 1: can do for somebody like that is to not help them.

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Speaker 1: Think about a little child. If every time they throw

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Speaker 1: a fit, you come running and give them exactly what

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Speaker 1: they want, they're going to continue to do that. They

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Speaker 1: know what they have to do in order to get

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Speaker 1: their way, and they'll use that to control of you.

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Speaker 1: But if you let them throw that fit five or

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Speaker 1: six times, and even though they're hollering and screaming, you

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Speaker 1: don't give in, you just ignore it, well, it won't

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Speaker 1: be long until they realize throwing a fit doesn't do

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Speaker 1: any good, and then they'll have to change. Really, it's

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Speaker 1: the same principle in adults. As long as you allow

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Speaker 1: somebody to pressure you into giving in and doing what

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Speaker 1: they want, they're going to continue to do it. But friends,

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Speaker 1: life is too short to go through it being controlled

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Speaker 1: and manipulated by people that won't make good choices on

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Speaker 1: their own. Please understand, you are not responsible for everybody

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Speaker 1: else's happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness. And

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Speaker 1: if somebody is controlling you today, the fact is it's

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Speaker 1: not their fault. It's your fault. Many times they don't

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Speaker 1: even realize it. You've got to learn to set some boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Quit allowing them to call you all hours of the

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Speaker 1: day and night and dump their problems on you. Quit

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Speaker 1: catering to them and giving in every time they throw

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Speaker 1: a fit. Quit loaning them money every time they make

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Speaker 1: poor choices. What I'm saying is you have to let

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Speaker 1: them take responsibility for their actions. Now, I don't mean

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Speaker 1: to sound harsh or non caring, but you know as

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Speaker 1: well as I do. Sometimes we can be so good

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Speaker 1: hearted and so generous that we allow people to control us.

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Speaker 1: We have to realize at some point we're not helping

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Speaker 1: that person anymore. And not only that, now they're hurting us.

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Speaker 1: And I see too many people going around upset, frustrated, discouraged,

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Speaker 1: and it's all because somebody in their life won't do right,

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Speaker 1: and they've made the mistake of taking on this false

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Speaker 1: sense of responsibility. Now they go around carrying this heavy load,

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Speaker 1: trying to fix this person, trying to keep this person happy.

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Speaker 1: Now you can be free from all that if you'll

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Speaker 1: just give those people to God. Quit trying to be

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Speaker 1: the keeper of the universe. That's not your job. You

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Speaker 1: can't make everybody do what's right. You can't make your

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Speaker 1: children serve God. You can't force your relatives to make

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Speaker 1: good decisions. Why don't you take the pressure off yourself

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Speaker 1: and let God deal with them. Well, Joel, if I

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Speaker 1: don't loan them the money, they may get upset. If

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Speaker 1: I don't call them every morning, they'll get mad at me.

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Speaker 1: Or if I don't give in when they throw a fit,

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Speaker 1: they may not talk to me for two weeks. Or

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Speaker 1: do you want to live the next twenty years like that?

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Speaker 1: Or do you want to help that person get free?

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Speaker 1: Because you're not doing them a favor by allowing them

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Speaker 1: to control you. You're taking the easy way out. Now,

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Speaker 1: I realize at first it made me a little difficult.

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Speaker 1: But if you'll put your foot down and make these

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Speaker 1: necessary changes, then in the long run, both your life

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Speaker 1: and that other person's life are going to be much

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Speaker 1: much better. Now. I know this couple, and for the

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Speaker 1: first few years of their marriage it was miserable. And

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Speaker 1: this lady had come from a very negative background. She

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Speaker 1: had gone through a lot of unfair things growing up,

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Speaker 1: and now she was just a very negative, very unhappy person.

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Speaker 1: And if she didn't get her way, she'd go around

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Speaker 1: throwing fits. She'd go through the house palutin for two

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Speaker 1: or three days. She was always having some kind of

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Speaker 1: crisis where she needed attention. And this husband, he was

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Speaker 1: just as good as gold, and like probably most of us,

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Speaker 1: he would do anything he could to try to keep

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Speaker 1: her happy. He was always encouraging her, trying to fix

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Speaker 1: her problems, letting her know she is going to be okay.

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Speaker 1: And for three years he catered to her night and day,

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Speaker 1: and he basically gave up his happiness in order to

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Speaker 1: try to keep her happy. But one day it dawned

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Speaker 1: on him that she was never going to change. He

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Speaker 1: finally got fed up. He realized although he had good intentions,

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Speaker 1: he was not helping her anymore. He was hurting her.

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Speaker 1: He had become a crutch. He was very bold. He

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Speaker 1: went to her and he said, listen, I love you,

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Speaker 1: but I realized there's nothing I can do to keep

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Speaker 1: you happy. I've done everything I can and I'm just

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Speaker 1: letting you know that I'm finished trying. And as harsh

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Speaker 1: as that consound, she said later, that was the best

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Speaker 1: thing that ever happened to her. That made her look

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Speaker 1: inside and deal with the real issues, that forced her

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Speaker 1: to take responsibility for her own actions. That was the

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Speaker 1: wake up call she needed. That was over twenty years ago.

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Speaker 1: Today their marriage is stronger than ever. But see, up

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Speaker 1: to that point, she was miserable, and she was making

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Speaker 1: it her business to make everybody around her miserable. You

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Speaker 1: may be in relationship with somebody kind of like that today,

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Speaker 1: but you should not allow them to steal your joy.

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Speaker 1: Do not make the mistake of going through life unhappy.

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Speaker 1: If they're making poor choices, if they're choosing to live

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Speaker 1: down and depressed and in the pits, be kind, be courteous,

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Speaker 1: but don't get in the pits with them. Your attitude

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Speaker 1: should be If you don't want to be happy, that's fine,

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Speaker 1: but you're not going to keep me from being happy. Now.

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Speaker 1: I know there's a very fine line here. There's a

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Speaker 1: fine line here, but really, you are not responsible for

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Speaker 1: your spouse's happiness. You're not responsible for all your children's happiness.

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Speaker 1: All of us are responsible to keep ourselves happy. I

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Speaker 1: know some of you today, you're on the flip side

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Speaker 1: of what I'm talking about. You're the ones doing the controlling.

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Speaker 1: Sure's you better lock the doors. So you've got to

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Speaker 1: quit relying on that other person to carry you. Quit

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Speaker 1: making your spouse cheer you up every day and keep

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Speaker 1: you encouraged. That's not fair to that other person. Take responsibility.

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Speaker 1: Quit being a baby, Quit throwing a fit when you

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Speaker 1: don't get your way, Quit going around manipulating that person

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Speaker 1: for three days until he does what you want. No,

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Speaker 1: take responsibility and learn to keep yourself happy. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not talking today about being selfish or self centered. We

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Speaker 1: should be givers, but there's a big difference between giving

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Speaker 1: and allowing somebody to control us and make us feel

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Speaker 1: guilty until we do what they want. One thing I've realized,

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Speaker 1: God has not called me to be unhappy in order

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Speaker 1: to keep somebody else happy. And if that's happening, it's

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Speaker 1: not the other person's fault. It means that I've taken

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Speaker 1: on this false sense of responsibility and now I'm allowing

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Speaker 1: them to control me. And if you're in relationship with

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Speaker 1: somebody where you're always doing the giving, you're always encouraging,

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Speaker 1: you're always rescuing, well that's a good sign that something's

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Speaker 1: out of balance. You become a crutch. And unless you

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Speaker 1: make these changes that I'm talking about, then, most likely

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Speaker 1: twenty years from now, it's going to be the exact

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Speaker 1: same way. You got to take a stand. You don't

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Speaker 1: have to be mean or rude about it. You can

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Speaker 1: do it in love, but you need to go to

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Speaker 1: that person and say I love you, but I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to allow you to keep dumping your problems on

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Speaker 1: me and making my life miserable. I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: let you keep draining all my time and energy. You've

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Speaker 1: got to take responsibility and learn to keep yourself happy. Well, Joel,

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Speaker 1: If I do that, they may get their feelings hurt,

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Speaker 1: they may get upset. Well, that's between them and God.

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Speaker 1: When you stand before God, he's not going to ask you, hey,

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Speaker 1: did you keep everybody around you happy? He's going to

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Speaker 1: ask you, did you fulfill the call that I placed

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Speaker 1: on your own life. I read about this couple. They

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Speaker 1: had a grown son. He was thirty one years old,

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Speaker 1: but he was still living at home. And this young

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Speaker 1: man was very lazy and undisciplined. He wouldn't go out

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Speaker 1: and get a job. He just liked to sit around

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Speaker 1: the house and watch television. And the funny thing was,

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Speaker 1: he didn't think that he had a problem. He didn't

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Speaker 1: see anything wrong with that. As far as he was concerned,

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Speaker 1: life was just great. And these parents were constantly catering

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Speaker 1: to him. And of course they loved their son like

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Speaker 1: we all do, and they didn't want to be too

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Speaker 1: hard on him. They tried to get him to go

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Speaker 1: out and get a job, but he wouldn't take any initiative.

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Speaker 1: He didn't have any motivation. And they allowed this to

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Speaker 1: go on year after year. But one day they were

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Speaker 1: so distraught by it they went to see a professional

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Speaker 1: counselor and they explained the situation to this doctor and

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Speaker 1: told how the son was very lazy. And they said, doctor,

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Speaker 1: on top of all of this, our son doesn't even

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Speaker 1: think that he has a problem. And the doctor said

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Speaker 1: something that really shocked him. He said, well, I agree

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Speaker 1: with your son. He doesn't have a problem. You have

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Speaker 1: the problem because you've delivered him out of all of

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Speaker 1: his problems. He went on to say, if you want

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Speaker 1: your son to get better, you need to give him

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Speaker 1: back his problem. In other words, he was saying, you

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Speaker 1: got to quit making it so easy on him, quit

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Speaker 1: delivering him out of all of his trouble. See, it's

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Speaker 1: not always the best thing to rescue somebody and make

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Speaker 1: their life easy. It's not always the best thing to

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Speaker 1: solve their problems for them. Sometimes you've got to have

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Speaker 1: tough love. Sometimes you've got to say I love you,

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Speaker 1: but if you're gonna live in my household, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to get up and go get a job. You're

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Speaker 1: gonna have to start taking some responsibility. The Bible says,

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Speaker 1: if you don't work, you won't eat. You need to

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Speaker 1: say to somebody like that, if you don't go get

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Speaker 1: a job, you're about to find out what it means

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Speaker 1: to go in a long, long fast. But when somebody's lazy,

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Speaker 1: when they're irresponsible, when they're going around palt and all

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Speaker 1: through the day, we do them a disservice to make

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Speaker 1: their life easy and just to deliver them from all

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Speaker 1: of their problems. I heard somebody say there are two

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Speaker 1: important qualities that all of our children need to have.

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Speaker 1: They need to be grateful, and they need to be eager.

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Speaker 1: If they're not grateful, they're gonna take everything for granted.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna expect everybody to give them what they need

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Speaker 1: on a silver platter in life. Then they need to

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Speaker 1: be eager, eager to learn, eager to serve, eager to achieve.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes as parents, this is difficult. I know, I

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Speaker 1: like to make it easy on my children. We have

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Speaker 1: a little help around the house, and the easy thing

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Speaker 1: is to let the help do it, let the help clean. No,

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Speaker 1: I know that's not the best. Our children are ten

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Speaker 1: and seven and every morning, they set their own alarm,

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Speaker 1: they make their own bed, they get their own clothes on,

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Speaker 1: they get dressed by themselves. They come down, they have

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Speaker 1: their chores to do, and sure, we could have somebody

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Speaker 1: else do it, but I know if we make it

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Speaker 1: too easy, they're going to develop the wrong habits, the

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Speaker 1: wrong mindsets, and it's gonna hurt them later on in life. Really,

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Speaker 1: we all need to be grateful and we need to

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Speaker 1: be eager. But see, I have that tendency to want

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Speaker 1: to help everybody. I want to solve all their problems.

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Speaker 1: Let me do it for you. But I had to

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Speaker 1: realize that's not always the best. I remember one time,

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Speaker 1: several years ago, I ran into this homeless man. He

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Speaker 1: was a young man about my age, and I had

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Speaker 1: this twenty dollars bill that I was just about to

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Speaker 1: give him, but I felt a little check down in here,

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Speaker 1: and so we begin to talk and he told me

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Speaker 1: his story, how he had gone from city to city,

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Speaker 1: had a pretty rough life, and he tried to hold

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Speaker 1: down a job but it just didn't work out. And

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Speaker 1: I really felt compassion for him. I really wanted to

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Speaker 1: help him, and so I invited him to church. I said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm a pastor of a church here in town. Where

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Speaker 1: are you on Sunday mornings? And I'll have somebody come

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Speaker 1: by and pick you up. He said, oh, no, I

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Speaker 1: can't come to church. I don't have time to come

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Speaker 1: to church here. He was homeless. I thought, man, what

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Speaker 1: are you gonna be doing. You don't have to mow

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Speaker 1: your lawn, you have to clean your house. The more

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Speaker 1: I talked to him, the more I realized he didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be helped. He didn't want to change, He

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Speaker 1: didn't want to live in victory. He wanted to take

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Speaker 1: the easy way out. He just wanted my money. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying he didn't have a hard life, But

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Speaker 1: when somebody doesn't want to change, when somebody doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to be helped, we do them a disservice by delivering

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Speaker 1: them out of all their problems. And I could have

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Speaker 1: easily given him that money, but I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: do anything to prolong his misery. And yes, we should

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Speaker 1: help the needy, but there comes a point where if

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Speaker 1: you continue to help somebody, you're actually hurting them more

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Speaker 1: than you're helping them. And I think a lot of

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00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 1: times we're being controlled and manipulated more than we realize. Hell, Joel,

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Speaker 1: I got to work sixty hours a week, or my

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Speaker 1: boss will look down on me. He won't invite me

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Speaker 1: to important meetings, he'll lead me out. No recognize what's happening.

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Speaker 1: That's a controlling spirit. You're doing things because you're being manipulated.

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Speaker 1: The thing to do is to set some boundaries. Just

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Speaker 1: go to your boss and say here's what I'm able

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Speaker 1: to do. I cannot work late every single night. I've

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Speaker 1: got a family, I've got commitments, but when i'm here,

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Speaker 1: I'll give you one hundred and ten percent. You need

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Speaker 1: to confront it. Don't go ten years being manipulated and

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00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 1: doing things out of guilt. Start paying attention why you

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00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 1: respond to a certain way and why you do certain things.

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Speaker 1: Some of you are doing way too many things out

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00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,480
Speaker 1: of guilt. You're working late because you feel guilty. You're

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Speaker 1: helping somebody because you feel guilty. You're over committed, worn out,

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Speaker 1: run down because you're guilty. You're afraid you're going to

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Speaker 1: hurt somebody's feelings. This is all rooted in that taking

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00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:21,439
Speaker 1: on a false sense of responsibility, trying to keep everybody happy,

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00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,760
Speaker 1: that you should not feel guilty because you can't meet

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00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:28,119
Speaker 1: the demands that everybody put on you. You've got to recognize

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00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,320
Speaker 1: what's happening and then learn to change how you respond.

337
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 1: If every time you disagree with your spouse you get

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Speaker 1: the cold shoulder and life is miserable for the next

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00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 1: four hours, that's a form of manipulation. The next time

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00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,160
Speaker 1: that happens, you need to address it and don't respond

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Speaker 1: the same way. Well, Joel, she's ignoring me. I'll show her.

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00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 1: I'll go to the ballgame, I'll go play golf. No,

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Speaker 1: if you'll change how you respond and not give in,

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00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 1: not play those games, it'll force that other person to

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Speaker 1: change how they respond. Or if a person that invites

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00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 1: you to an event, you check your schedule and you're

347
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 1: not able to you're way too busy. But you feel

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00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,560
Speaker 1: that pressure and you know they're gonna get upset, you

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00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,119
Speaker 1: know you're going to fall out of their good grace. Well,

350
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,240
Speaker 1: you got to recognize that's a controlling spirit. That's not normal.

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Speaker 1: You need to be able to say I would love

352
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,800
Speaker 1: to go, I'm sorry, I'm just not gonna be able

353
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:24,160
Speaker 1: to And if they can't understand that, that's their problem.

354
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Speaker 1: But don't go through life being controlled and being manipulated,

355
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 1: and be aware of high maintenance people. These people are

356
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Speaker 1: almost impossible to keep happy. You've got to call them

357
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Speaker 1: so many times a week. You got to make sure

358
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Speaker 1: you're stroking them enough, make sure you're at their backing call.

359
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,840
Speaker 1: If not, they're gonna get upset. They'll be disappointed in you.

360
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Speaker 1: They'll make sure that you'll feel guilty about it. I

361
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 1: found that high maintenance people are almost always controllers. They're

362
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 1: not interested in you. They're interested in what you can

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00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,400
Speaker 1: do for them. They're interested in how you can make

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Speaker 1: their life. And if you fall into that trap of

365
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 1: trying to keep them happy, you're gonna be totally worn out.

366
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Speaker 1: You're gonna go around all frustrated. I remember one time,

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Speaker 1: many years ago, I knew this couple and I really

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Speaker 1: liked them. They were fine people. In fact, I went

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Speaker 1: out of my way to help them. They moved to

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Speaker 1: another state. I gave them some money, and I tried

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00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 1: to stay in touch, and they ever needed anything. I

372
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: was always available, but it seemed like I was never

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Speaker 1: doing enough. They were never happy here. I had gone

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Speaker 1: out of my way to help them, I was being

375
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: kind and generous, but they never saw any of that.

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Speaker 1: They just found some reason to find fault. They found

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00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 1: some way to make me feel a little bit guilty,

378
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 1: like I wasn't doing enough. But one day it dawned

379
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,679
Speaker 1: on me. They are just high mating its people, and

380
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 1: I am not responsible to keep them happy. I can't

381
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: make them like me. I can't make them be grateful.

382
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 1: I need to just run my race and not allow

383
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Speaker 1: them to steal my joy. And that's a very freeing

384
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,879
Speaker 1: way to live. You need to examine how you spend

385
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 1: your time and why you do what you do. Is

386
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: it out of guilt? Is it because somebody is manipulating

387
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:13,160
Speaker 1: or controlling you? If so, make these changes I found.

388
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 1: If you don't take control of your life, somebody else

389
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 1: will control it for you. You've got to learn to

390
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 1: set these boundaries. You need to be secure enough in

391
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 1: yourself to tell people no. If a friend invites you

392
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 1: to dinner, you're not able to go, and yet they

393
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 1: get all upset. You know what, They're not really your friend.

394
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 1: They're a manipulator. They're using you for what they want.

395
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: Because a true friend understands. A true friend doesn't get

396
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 1: upset when you can't meet every one of their demands.

397
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: I know I get invitations to speak at other places.

398
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 1: I would love to. I'm very honored, but with my

399
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,360
Speaker 1: obligations here and with my family at this time, I'm

400
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: not able to. And I've received several invitations from very

401
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 1: good friends of mine, people that I've loved and respected

402
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: for many, many years, and it was very hard for

403
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,679
Speaker 1: me to tell them no because I don't like to

404
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: disappoint people. But I've learned what I'm telling you today

405
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 1: that I got to take care of myself. That's my

406
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: first priority. But the first time I declined that these invitations,

407
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 1: was kind of nervous and kind of wondering what they

408
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,959
Speaker 1: were going to think. Ah, man, they may think that

409
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,360
Speaker 1: I've got the big head. I think I'm too important.

410
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 1: But every time those people wrote back, they said, Joel,

411
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: it's no big deal, it's no problem. Whenever you can come,

412
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 1: the invitation is always open. And see, that's a true friend,

413
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,479
Speaker 1: somebody that's not just out for themselves. Somebody's not going

414
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: to pressure you and make you feel guilty unless you

415
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 1: do exactly what they want. It's really free to understand

416
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,439
Speaker 1: that you don't have to keep everybody happy. And I

417
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: really believe that if you live your life just trying

418
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 1: to please people, you will not be able to fulfill

419
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: your God given destiny. I know when I went away

420
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,880
Speaker 1: to college after that first year, I knew, deep down

421
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: on the inside that I was supposed to come back

422
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 1: to Lakewood and start a television outreach. I felt it

423
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: so strongly down in here. But I was very concerned

424
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 1: about what my parents were going to think. After all,

425
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: my brothers and sisters had all graduated from college. Hear

426
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: my brother Paul, he had spent twelve thirteen years studying

427
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: to be a surgeon. Of course he failed it three times.

428
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding it was twice, you know. I came

429
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: back home and I didn't know what my parents were

430
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: going to think. And I was talking to my father

431
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 1: about it one day, and he was very open. He said, Joel,

432
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 1: that'd be great. Just do what you feel good about doing.

433
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,679
Speaker 1: Daddy was fine with it, But now my mother was

434
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 1: a different story. Mother needed prayer. She couldn't stand the

435
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 1: thought of one of her children not graduating from college.

436
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 1: And as I said, I don't like to disappoint people,

437
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 1: and I really struggled with that. But I finally had

438
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 1: to make the decision to just do what I felt

439
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,199
Speaker 1: good about. I had to follow my own heart. And

440
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 1: of course Mama eventually she came around. Told her the

441
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,440
Speaker 1: other day, Mother, I didn't graduate from college, but I'm

442
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:14,359
Speaker 1: doing pretty good today. Sometimes sometimes you're not going to

443
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 1: be able to keep everybody happy. And of course we

444
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: should honor our parents, respect them, listen to their advice.

445
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 1: But in the end, you got to just follow your

446
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: own heart. And the scripture says they're in Solomon one,

447
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 1: verse six and the second part they have made me

448
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 1: a keeper of vineyards, but my own vineyard I have

449
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 1: not kept. In other words, he was saying, I was

450
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: real good at keeping everybody else happy. I kept my

451
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: parents happy, kept my family happy. I took care of

452
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 1: all of my relatives, my friends, but in doing so

453
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: I neglected to take care of myself. So many times,

454
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 1: that's what we do today. We live to please everybody else,

455
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 1: but we never take time to really please ourselves. We

456
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 1: end up allowing somebody else to run and control our lives.

457
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,439
Speaker 1: Remember my father told about when he first started pastoring,

458
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: this lady came up to him after the service. She

459
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: was one of the longtime members of that church. And

460
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: here my father was the new pastor a very young man,

461
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: and she told my father to go visit someone in

462
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: the hospital. She didn't ask him, she told him, she

463
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 1: ordered him to do it. Well, that kind of aggravated

464
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: my father. He was already working himself to death night

465
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: and day, and he was not able to go that week. Well,

466
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,239
Speaker 1: the next Sunday rolled around and this lady came up

467
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: to and she was so mad. She wagged her finger

468
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: in Daddy's face and she said, didn't I tell you

469
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: to go visit my friend in the hospital. Well, Daddy

470
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,199
Speaker 1: was fed up with it by then. He put his

471
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 1: finger in her face and he said, yes, you told me,

472
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 1: but I didn't go, and I'm not planning on going. Well,

473
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: she nearly hit to see him. She was furious. She said,

474
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 1: John Osteen, I'm gonna have you voted right out of

475
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 1: this church. Daddy smiled and said, the sooner you could

476
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: do it, the better off I'm going to be. But

477
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: my father wasn't trying to be rude, but he made

478
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 1: a decision to just put his foot down and not

479
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: let other people run his life. You've got to learn

480
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 1: to do the same thing, you know, as well as

481
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 1: I do. They may not mean to, but if you

482
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: allow them, they'll draw all the time and energy right

483
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: out of you. You give them an itch, they'll take

484
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 1: a mile. And most of the time people like that.

485
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: They're not interested in you, they're not concerned about your

486
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 1: well being. All they care about is what you can

487
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: do for them. And some of you have lived year

488
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: after year being controlled and manipulated by other people. And

489
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 1: you would see your life go to a new level

490
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 1: if you would start confronting these people and start making

491
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: the necessary changes. And I'm not saying it's going to

492
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 1: be easy. If someone has controlled you for a long time,

493
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 1: they're not going to like the fact that you're putting

494
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 1: your foot down and you're not going to allow it anymore.

495
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 1: Always do it in love, Be respectful, but stand firm

496
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 1: and make a decision that you're going to be free.

497
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: And if you're one of the ones today that are

498
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,439
Speaker 1: doing the controlling, you too need to change. You're not

499
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 1: going to be blessed that way. Quit manipulating people in

500
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,880
Speaker 1: order to get your way, Quit pressuring people into doing

501
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: what you want, Take the high road, walk in love,

502
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,439
Speaker 1: and you'll see your relationships in your life go to

503
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: a new level.

504
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:18,719
Speaker 2: Now.

505
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: I believe for some of you. This can be a

506
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: turning point because you just live to please everybody. You're

507
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 1: constantly trying to fix everything, and when you can't, you

508
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: feel guilty about it. Now you've got to get rid

509
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: of that false sense of responsibility. Yes, reach out to others, Yes,

510
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 1: be kind and compassionate, but make sure that you're keeping

511
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: yourself happy. That's your first priority. Take care of your

512
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: own vineyard. Friends. If you will run your race and

513
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 1: not let people control you and manipulate you, you'll not only

514
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 1: have more time and energy, but I believe you'll be

515
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 1: happier and you'll fulfill the best plan that God's got

516
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 1: laid out for you. Amen. Do you receive it today?

517
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 1: We never like to close our broadcast without giving you

518
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: an opportunity to make Jesus the lord of your life.

519
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord, Jesus, I

520
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 1: repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make

521
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: you my Lord and savior. Friends, if you prayed that

522
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: simple prayer, we believe you got born again. Get in

523
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: a good Bible based church, keep God first place. He's

524
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 1: going to take your places that you've never dreamed of.

525
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 2: Three minutes can such a small amount of time make

526
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: a big difference to your day, to turn worry into confidence,

527
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 2: frustration to hope, defeat to victory. Maybe you just need

528
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,159
Speaker 2: a boost of faith.

529
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: When we put God first place and get our thinking

530
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 1: in line with his, even a small seed of time

531
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 1: can make a huge difference. We have a new resource

532
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: called three minute Mornings. Start your day the blessed way.

533
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: My challenge is when you wake up, before you leave

534
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: the house, take three minutes to speak blessings over your

535
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 1: life and to declare God's favor. Get your mind going

536
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 1: in the right direction. When you do that, you're setting

537
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 1: yourself up for a blessed, victorious day.

538
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 2: As our way of saying thank you for your gift

539
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 2: of any size to the ministry, this month, Joel and

540
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: Victoria would like to send you this just released life

541
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,479
Speaker 2: giving new daily devotional. Before your feet hit the ground

542
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 2: or go out the door, have your heard experience a

543
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 2: bit of heaven. Set your mind on the things above

544
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 2: with our new three minute Mornings devotional. With this new

545
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 2: three hundred and sixty five day devotional three Minute Mornings,

546
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 2: You'll experience God showering down his favor like never before.

547
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 2: You'll focus on the better that is coming and fully

548
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 2: realize the freedom of not worrying about tomorrow.

549
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: Victorian, I pray for you and your family every day.

550
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your prayer and support. You're

551
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: making a difference all over the world. Remember you can

552
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: watch the services online every Sunday morning, download our daily podcast,

553
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 1: listen on Sirius XM. But until we meet again, met

554
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: the Lord bless you and keep you.

555
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: Be sure to request your copy of Three Minute Mornings today.

556
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 2: Visit Joelostein dot com or call eighty eight five six

557
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 2: seven Joel