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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, on dating, work, sex, parenting,

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Speaker 1: and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

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Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be

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Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

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Speaker 1: gonna read this one right here, right now, all right,

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Speaker 1: right now, hold on tight. We got it for you.

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Speaker 1: Here it is Strawberry Letter. Thank you. A few subjects.

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Speaker 1: I'm submissive, but is he worth it? Dear Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: I've been married for three years and he cheated before

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Speaker 1: our wedding. We met online in an online chat room,

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Speaker 1: and he said I had all of the values that

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Speaker 1: he desired and a wife. He quoted some scripture and

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Speaker 1: I was hooked. He'd been married before, and he said

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Speaker 1: his biggest problem was that his wife was not submissive.

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Speaker 1: He said she was stubborn and argumentative. I was forty

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Speaker 1: eight when we got married, and it was my first marriage,

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Speaker 1: so I aimed to please him and do everything just

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Speaker 1: like he asked me to. I let him run his

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Speaker 1: house and mine, and I was the ideal girlfriend because

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Speaker 1: I never stressed him out by questioning him. He came

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Speaker 1: to see me have sex and then leave. I did

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Speaker 1: not say a word, because for the most part, he's

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Speaker 1: a good man. I would listen to him bragging to

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Speaker 1: his friends about how lucky he was to have me.

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Speaker 1: Then he cheated. Excuse me, but try to hold it. Sorry.

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Speaker 1: Then he cheated, and he couldn't lie about it because

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Speaker 1: his shirt was dirty and he smelled like a woman.

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Speaker 1: He told me that it was the alcohol, and he

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Speaker 1: said he'd never drink hard liquor again, but he lied.

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Speaker 1: His affair happened just two months before our wedding. He

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Speaker 1: got drunk on our wedding night and told his parents

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Speaker 1: that he hopes he didn't make a big mistake that

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Speaker 1: rocked my soul. Because all I've done from beginning is

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Speaker 1: catered to him and make sure all of his needs

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Speaker 1: were met. I should have left before I made any

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Speaker 1: vows to him. Now, when I try to spoil him,

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Speaker 1: he tells me to leave him alone. He picks fights

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Speaker 1: so he can sleep on the couch. I haven't slept

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Speaker 1: in the bed with my husband in three weeks. I

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Speaker 1: vowed to stay for better or worse, but we've hit

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Speaker 1: rock bottom. Is he worthy of a good submissive wife

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Speaker 1: like me, or should I change my ways and start

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Speaker 1: acting like his equal and see what happens? Please advise,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing? Really? What is going on in

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Speaker 1: this relationship period? I mean you said he came to

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Speaker 1: see you to have sex and then leave right there.

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Speaker 1: You should have known that something was wrong. That was

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Speaker 1: the first rib flag, and you let it happen. That

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Speaker 1: should never have been okay with you. You waited a

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Speaker 1: long time to get married, and this is what you

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Speaker 1: end up with, like this control freak, this dictator. You

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Speaker 1: allowed him to treat you any kind of way. You

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Speaker 1: put your needs and your wants on the back burner

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Speaker 1: to submit to him. For what because he quoted a

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Speaker 1: couple of scriptures to you in the beginning, Because you

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Speaker 1: said after he quoted those scriptures, you were hooked. You

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Speaker 1: thought that that would make him a good husband. Really,

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Speaker 1: anyone can quote a scripture and that's certainly no reason

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Speaker 1: to marry that person. You see now, anyway, I hope

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Speaker 1: you see now that all that catering to him was

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Speaker 1: just stupid on your part. You're his wife, you're not

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Speaker 1: his child, you're not his servant. He got everything from you,

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Speaker 1: and what did you get in return? You didn't get anything.

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Speaker 1: I just think this is wrong. You should have you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have to walk on eggshells in your own marriage.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what to do now. None of this

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Speaker 1: has worked out for you. Now you're miserable, you're unhappy,

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Speaker 1: you're writing a strawberry letter. You know marriage is about

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Speaker 1: or I hope you should know that marriage is about

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Speaker 1: compromise and love, commitment, among other things. You're marriage doesn't

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Speaker 1: have any of that because it's all about him. You're

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Speaker 1: in this one sided situation with a man who doesn't

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Speaker 1: love you. He doesn't respect you. He told his parents

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Speaker 1: on his wedding night. Maybe he hopes he didn't make

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Speaker 1: a mistake. You know, now you're sleeping on the couch.

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Speaker 1: He's sleeping on the couch, and he's picking fights with you.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't want to be with you at all. You know,

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Speaker 1: I think Steve said this last week or earlier. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: last week, he doesn't like you. He was talking about

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Speaker 1: another situation. But it doesn't sound like this man likes

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Speaker 1: you at all. I think you've wasted enough time trying

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Speaker 1: to please this man. He's ungrateful. I think you now

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Speaker 1: should focus on yourself because you deserve way better than him. Steve,

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Speaker 1: the subject of this letter is I'm submissive, but is

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Speaker 1: he worth it? Now? I'm not a professional on submissive wives.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what that is, and I'm not an

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Speaker 1: expert on how that part it should go, because you're

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Speaker 1: trying to throw some scriptures in there that you heard

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Speaker 1: him say. But let me just walk you through all

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Speaker 1: the mistakes. I've been married for three years and he

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Speaker 1: cheated before our wedding. Now this was two months before

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Speaker 1: the wedd Now, I've learned from several people. One time

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Speaker 1: I was in counseling and he said, the thing about

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Speaker 1: marriage is the only thing that changes a person after

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Speaker 1: the wedding is the appearance of his left hand third finger.

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Speaker 1: If he has a behavior pattern that he does and

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Speaker 1: you think marriage will change it, it won't. We met

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Speaker 1: online chat room. He said I had all the values

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Speaker 1: he desired in a wife. He quoted some scriptures and

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Speaker 1: I was hooked. He was married before, and his biggest

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Speaker 1: problem he was to set up y'all. His biggest problem

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Speaker 1: was that his wife was not submissive. He says she

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Speaker 1: was stubborn. In all commentative, I was forty eight when

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Speaker 1: we got married. It was my first marriage, So I

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Speaker 1: aim to please ere men do everything just like he

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Speaker 1: asked me too. You were set up to do this

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Speaker 1: because he told you what happened to his first marriage

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Speaker 1: was she was not submissive. She was argumentative and stubborn.

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Speaker 1: So you proceeded to be the direct opposite of what

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Speaker 1: she was to please him. Thus we began the downfall

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Speaker 1: of this letter. I would explain it to you more

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Speaker 1: when we come back, because I know this one inside out.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, all right, Steve, hang on, we'll have part

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Speaker 1: two of your response coming up to today's Strawberry letter,

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Speaker 1: the subject I'm submissive but if he worth it? We'll

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Speaker 1: be back right after this. You're listening show, Come on, Steve,

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Speaker 1: let's recap today's Strawberry letter, the subject I'm submissive, but

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Speaker 1: is he worth it? Well, you're gonna find out very

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Speaker 1: quickly that he's not. And you're also gonna find out

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Speaker 1: something about this thing you keep calling submissive. You met

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Speaker 1: this man online chat room, y'all got married. He cheated

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Speaker 1: two months before the marriage. You found out about it anyway.

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Speaker 1: You don't say all that yet, but you say he

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Speaker 1: had been married. His biggest problem with his wife was

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Speaker 1: not submissive. So he told you this to set you up.

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Speaker 1: So the setup was she was not submissive, she was

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Speaker 1: stubborn and ARGUMENTI. So you, realizing this and he knows

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Speaker 1: what he's doing, you began to act the direct opposite

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Speaker 1: because he didn't want to run up into no more

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Speaker 1: non submissive women. He didn't want to run up into

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Speaker 1: somebody talking back to him. He just didn't want that,

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Speaker 1: so he told you that's what he un So you

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Speaker 1: said you would never been married before, so you aim

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Speaker 1: to please him and do everything just like he asked

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Speaker 1: you to. I let him run his house and mine.

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Speaker 1: I was an ideal girlfriend because I never stressed him

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Speaker 1: out by questioning him, which means you had some questions,

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Speaker 1: but you allowed yourself not to question him because you

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Speaker 1: didn't want to appear stubborn, argumentive, or non submissive. Well,

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Speaker 1: now he has you right where he needs you. He

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Speaker 1: came to see you have sex and then lead. You

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Speaker 1: didn't question that because you didn't want to be You

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Speaker 1: wanted to be submissive, You didn't want to be stubborn,

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Speaker 1: and you didn't want to be argumentive. So now he

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Speaker 1: can come over, have sex with you, and leave. I

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Speaker 1: didn't say a word. Because for the most part he's

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Speaker 1: a good man. I was listening bragging to his friends

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Speaker 1: about how lucky was to have me. Oh, he can't

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Speaker 1: believe I got this ship right here, and I can

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Speaker 1: do like I want to, and she let me do

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Speaker 1: it because you're submissive thing. You're not agumentative, and you're

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Speaker 1: not stubbing. Then he cheated and he couldn't lie about

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Speaker 1: it because his shirt was dirt and he smelled like

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Speaker 1: a woman. And this on the card. I have to

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Speaker 1: interject myself into this right here? What he cheated and

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Speaker 1: he couldn't lie about it? What? What? What did that mean?

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Speaker 1: What you mean he couldn't lie about it? How the

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Speaker 1: hell he could? I don't give a damn what I

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Speaker 1: smelled like. And what's on that shirt? You would still lie.

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Speaker 1: She could have wrote her sale number on that shirt

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Speaker 1: with glitter mass care on it, and I smelled just

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Speaker 1: like Chanelle number five. He would have still come up

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Speaker 1: with a life Hell yeah, he yeah, So I'm comfusing.

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Speaker 1: He told me that it was an alcohol and he

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Speaker 1: said he never drink hardnook again. He lied. His affair

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Speaker 1: just happened two months before I wed, and he got

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Speaker 1: drunk on our wedding night, and he told his parents

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Speaker 1: that he hopes that he didn't make a big mistake

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Speaker 1: that rocked my soul. Because all I've done from the

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Speaker 1: beginning is cater to him and make sure all his

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Speaker 1: needs were met. Here's the biggest mistake you made. You

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Speaker 1: made sure all of his needs was meant. What about

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Speaker 1: your charge? Not one place in this letter has this

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Speaker 1: man done anything to you except brad to his friends

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Speaker 1: how lucky he was. I should have left before I

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Speaker 1: made the vows to him. Now when I try to

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Speaker 1: spoil him, he tells me to leave him alone. He

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Speaker 1: picks fights so he can sleep on the couch. I

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Speaker 1: haven't slept in the bed with my husband in three week.

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Speaker 1: I vowed to stay for better or for work. You

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Speaker 1: vowed to stay for better or for worse. He didn't.

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Speaker 1: He didn't. You are submissive, he ain't. He starts argumented arguments.

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Speaker 1: You're not augmented he is. You're not stubborn he is. See,

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Speaker 1: you became everything he wanted, but you didn't require him

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Speaker 1: to be nothing you wanted. And so now you left

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Speaker 1: holding the bag. But we've hit rock bottom. Is he

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Speaker 1: worth a good submissive wife like me? Or should I

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Speaker 1: change my ways and start acting like his equal. What

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Speaker 1: where did you come from? Who? Who are you? Should?

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Speaker 1: I start acting like his equal and see what happened?

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Speaker 1: What is she doing? I got a little green eyed

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Speaker 1: equal right now? Shut up? When I ask nothing I asked.

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Speaker 1: Ain't submissive to no? Often I tell hunted, dude, unless

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Speaker 1: you agree with it. I don't know what you have.

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Speaker 1: I'm so he's so fortunate. But see, listen to me.

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Speaker 1: Here's your problem system. I got a great marriage. I

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Speaker 1: got a great wife, were partners. Submissive doesn't mean to

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Speaker 1: any and everything. That's where you got off the boat wrong.

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Speaker 1: That submissive does not mean you have to be submissive

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Speaker 1: to abuse. You have to be submissive to loneliness, you

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Speaker 1: have to be submissive to any quality, and you have

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Speaker 1: to be submissive to doubt. You can post your comments

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Speaker 1: on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on Instagram

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Speaker 1: and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand

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Speaker 1: coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. It's

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Speaker 1: Junior and Sports Talk. Right after this you're listening, she

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Speaker 1: will stained Friday Morning Show