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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her.

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Speaker 2: Space with self compassion, all that is is we're taking

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Speaker 2: all of that lack of judgment, that kindness, that grace,

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Speaker 2: that warmth, that care, and we're turning it inward towards

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Speaker 2: ourselves and we're saying, I am going to care for myself,

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Speaker 2: love on myself, have understanding and grace and kindness for

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Speaker 2: myself in the same way that I would for someone else.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 3: black women can just be.

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Speaker 2: Hey, lady's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

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Speaker 2: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

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Speaker 2: in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

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Speaker 2: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brussard dot com.

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Speaker 2: That's Dr Domi ni q U E B R O

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Speaker 2: U S S A r D dot com to schedule

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Speaker 2: a free fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing

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Speaker 2: from you our quote of the day. What we say

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Speaker 2: to ourselves matters and where focus goes energy flows. So

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna say that one more time for the folks

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Speaker 2: in the back to make sure you've heard that what

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Speaker 2: we say to ourselves matters because where focus goes energy flows.

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Speaker 2: Our author is unknown, and so t you know how

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Speaker 2: we do. I'm gonna turn it over to you and

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Speaker 2: ask you what comes up for.

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Speaker 3: You when you hear this quote, yes, or when I

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Speaker 3: hear this quote. Well, one thing I'm going to say

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Speaker 3: is that I think we all have heard this quote

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Speaker 3: or some variation of it, and I think that sometimes

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Speaker 3: when we hear these quotes, sometimes it can sort of

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Speaker 3: diminish the the meaning, the power, and the value of

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Speaker 3: it because it's like, Okay, yeah, whatever, you know, what

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Speaker 3: we say to ourselves matters, where your focus goes, energy flows, Okay,

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Speaker 3: But when you really break it down to me, it

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Speaker 3: is a reminder for us to be mindful of what

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Speaker 3: we're thinking about, to be mindful of what we have

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Speaker 3: in our mind and what we're entertaining, and how we're

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Speaker 3: letting our thoughts guide our days and guide our moods.

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Speaker 3: And so I think for me, it's I'm so excited

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Speaker 3: for this topic, first of all, and I think it's

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Speaker 3: just again a reminder for us to focus on what

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Speaker 3: we're focusing on, because it really is important and it matters.

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Speaker 3: And I think that when we're talking about mental shifts

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Speaker 3: in our life, everything starts in the mind, right, Like

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Speaker 3: you see it in your mind first and then you

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Speaker 3: can see it in reality. So those are the things

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Speaker 3: that I think of when I hear that quote about you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, when I hear that quote, like, it

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Speaker 2: feels pretty literal to me, right that if I am

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Speaker 2: focused on one whatever it is that I'm focused on

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Speaker 2: that's where all my energy is going to go, right,

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Speaker 2: And so if I'm focused on the negative, then my

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Speaker 2: energy is going to become negative and the things that

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Speaker 2: I then my actions, then aligned with that negativity, and

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Speaker 2: then the things around me align with that negativity, and

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Speaker 2: then it becomes a cycle.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 2: And so I initially, you know, use that example of

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Speaker 2: like negativity, but also recognizing that it also works with positivity.

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Speaker 2: Then if I put my perception on the positive, if

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Speaker 2: I focus on the positive things in the situation, then

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Speaker 2: what will happen then is that things will start to move,

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Speaker 2: I will start to move in more positive ways. And

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Speaker 2: I want to be clear because I think that's sometimes

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Speaker 2: what happens is is when people here, well, if you're

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Speaker 2: focused on the negative, then everything is always going to

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Speaker 2: be negative, and people think in like absolute and extremes,

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Speaker 2: and the reality is that that's not how that works, right,

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Speaker 2: That bad things in life, tragic, unfortunate things in life

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Speaker 2: are going to still happen to us.

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Speaker 4: Amazing, wonderful, stupendous things are going to also happen to us,

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Speaker 4: and that's part of the life cycle.

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Speaker 2: But it's really about how we choose to engage with it.

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Speaker 2: Because you could have something that is amazing that happens

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Speaker 2: to you, but if your focus is in a negative, sad,

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Speaker 2: maybe depressed face, you're not going to receive it in

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Speaker 2: the same way if your focus is and your perception

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Speaker 2: is based in positivity.

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Speaker 3: Exactly. Yes, go ahead, preach job lady. We're about to

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Speaker 3: dive in deeper into this and dom I want to

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Speaker 3: share with you some areas in my life that I

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Speaker 3: feel like I reached somewhat of a break like a

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Speaker 3: new breakthrough this week where I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I'm tired of just not getting results in this area.

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Speaker 3: I need to change something. And so, lady, as you're listening,

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Speaker 3: we just kind of want to set the stage for

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Speaker 3: this conversation so you can join us as you, you know,

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Speaker 3: live your life, whether you're driving, in your kitchen, cooking,

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Speaker 3: taking the bath, whatever it might be. So, lady, if

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Speaker 3: you ever found yourself in a situation where you are

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Speaker 3: striving for a goal and you just can't seem to

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Speaker 3: achieve it, you just can't seem to reach it, or

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Speaker 3: maybe you've noticed that you're finding yourself falling into certain

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Speaker 3: patterns and you're like, hm, these patterns don't align with

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Speaker 3: my desired outcome, like I'm probably not going to achieve

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Speaker 3: this goal because I keep on doing this and it's

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Speaker 3: undermining the goal that I have. Right. If that's you,

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Speaker 3: stay tuned because this episode is just for you. We

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Speaker 3: have specifically tailored it for you. And I really think

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Speaker 3: this conversation is important, don because as we navigate towards

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Speaker 3: our goals, and of course we know it requires a

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Speaker 3: level of discipline and accountability. In my opinion, I think

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Speaker 3: sometimes accountability can become toxic if we employ harsh methods

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Speaker 3: like shame or comparison to push ourselves. And I think

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Speaker 3: that a lot of times we are our worst own critic,

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Speaker 3: or we're our worst critic. Maybe I'm speaking to myself.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it's just me. I ain't trying to be in

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Speaker 3: your business, lady. It might just be me because I

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Speaker 3: know sometimes the thoughts in my head, I'm like, girl,

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Speaker 3: put some respect on Terry name. You're doing too much.

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Speaker 3: So I know that I can be my own worst creak,

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Speaker 3: and sometimes there are harsh tactics that I employ to

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Speaker 3: hold myself accountable and it doesn't always seem to work,

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Speaker 3: and it doesn't make me feel good, and it doesn't

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Speaker 3: it lacks self compassion a lot of times, and so

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Speaker 3: I try to be very intentional to bake in self

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Speaker 3: compassion with the accountability. So I think there needs to

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Speaker 3: be a balance there, lady, which is why we're having

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Speaker 3: this conversation today. And so, dom I want to share

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Speaker 3: a few areas in my life that I am sick

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Speaker 3: and tired of being sick and tired, and I've had

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Speaker 3: a huge mental shift this week. But I want to

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Speaker 3: check in with you to see what are your thoughts

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Speaker 3: on self compassion and the balance of accountability, and maybe

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Speaker 3: we can define some terms and all that good stuff

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Speaker 3: we like to do before we jump in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think I want us to kind of

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Speaker 2: set the stage and understanding like what self compassion is right,

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Speaker 2: and so one of the things, so one of the

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Speaker 2: people who's like a leading researcher in in navigating and

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Speaker 2: understanding self compassion and psychologists by the name of doctor

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Speaker 2: Christen Eppens. She has a book that came out years

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Speaker 2: ago on self compassion, and I think that it's helpful

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Speaker 2: for us in really just kind of understanding what it

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Speaker 2: is right. And essentially, self compassion is the grace and

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Speaker 2: the kindness that you extend to yourself, right, and also

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Speaker 2: recognizing that if you think about how you extend grace

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Speaker 2: and kindness to other people, because we recognize, like usually

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Speaker 2: it's we recognize that this person might be suffering, right,

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Speaker 2: or you recognize that whatever it is that they're going through,

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Speaker 2: maybe it's not suffering, but it's something difficult, right, and

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Speaker 2: you are moved by You're having emotional reaction. Maybe your

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Speaker 2: heart is tugging towards I want to help this person.

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Speaker 2: And it also involves a lack of judgment. And so

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Speaker 2: with self compassion, all that is is we're taking all

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Speaker 2: of that lack of judgment, that kindness, that grace, that warmth,

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Speaker 2: that care, and we're turning it inward towards ourselves and

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Speaker 2: we're saying, I am going to care for myself, love

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Speaker 2: on myself, have understanding and grace and kindness for myself

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Speaker 2: in the same way that I would for someone else.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, dom and I want to

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Speaker 3: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 3: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 3: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 3: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 3: about this.

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Speaker 5: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 5: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

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Speaker 5: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

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Speaker 5: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

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Speaker 5: with like minded black women like you and share your

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Speaker 5: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

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Speaker 5: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

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Speaker 5: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

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Speaker 5: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and or

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Speaker 5: personal wins.

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Speaker 6: How does that sound? Hopefully this is up your alley, lady,

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Speaker 6: we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 3: Okay, don you just made me think of a bunch

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Speaker 3: of things that I think we should revisit in a minute,

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Speaker 3: because oh, okay, I'm just gonna wait and hold my

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Speaker 3: thoughts on that. I want to share these two areas

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Speaker 3: with you, and I want to see if there are

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Speaker 3: any areas that you might want to share. But was

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Speaker 3: there more to self compassion?

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Speaker 2: There was just a couple of things that I wanted

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Speaker 2: to stay ut with, not okay, so then we can

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Speaker 2: be clear. Well, you know, I want to make sure

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Speaker 2: we're all on the same page. Right, So self compassion

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Speaker 2: is not self pity, So it's not self pity is

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Speaker 2: like and you're like you're in it, like you're in

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Speaker 2: your own stuff and you're feeling sorry for yourself.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 2: Self compassion is when you are able to look at

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Speaker 2: what you are experiencing, almost from an objective less and

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Speaker 2: recognize the humanity in what you might be experiencing. Right.

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Speaker 2: Self compassion is not necessarily about being indulgent. So self

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Speaker 2: compassion is not Okay, today, I'm feeling stressed, so I'm

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Speaker 2: going to watch TV in bed all day. Now. That

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Speaker 2: might be a self care tactic for that moment, an

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Speaker 2: indulgent self care tactic in the moment, and might be

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Speaker 2: very much needed, but that's not self compassion. Self compassion

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Speaker 2: would be I've been stressed. It's okay that I have

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Speaker 2: slacked off on some of the things that I've experienced

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Speaker 2: or you know that I need to do, right, Like,

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Speaker 2: I can understand why I have slacked off on some

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Speaker 2: of the things that needed to get done because I

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Speaker 2: have been stressed. So it's about not being hard on yourself.

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Speaker 2: And then also people tend to sometimes compare a self

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Speaker 2: compassion to self esteem. Right, self esteem is about your

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Speaker 2: self worth, how you how you perceive yourself and your values. Right.

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Speaker 2: Self compassion again is about extending some kindness and understanding

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Speaker 2: about who you are, your humanity, why you might be

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Speaker 2: engaging in a certain thing over another. M So I

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Speaker 2: just want to clear that up so we kind of

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Speaker 2: we know the difference and that we're all clear on

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Speaker 2: what you know, the lady, as you're listening, and we're

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Speaker 2: all clear on what self compassion really looks like.

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Speaker 3: That's good down. I'm glad that you broke down what

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Speaker 3: it is also what it is not. I think that's

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Speaker 3: super important. And I want to preface this, I guess

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Speaker 3: date or what I want to share by saying that

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Speaker 3: I've come to the realization and dom you may have

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Speaker 3: realized this as well, and lady, you two there's certain

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Speaker 3: lessons in life need revisiting, and their significance can evolve

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Speaker 3: based on where we are in our journeys.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 3: I think that many of the concepts that we're going

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Speaker 3: to discuss today have been learned and applied. I know

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Speaker 3: in my life at least but now the context has shifted.

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Speaker 3: I'm a new woman, I'm in a different phase of life.

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Speaker 3: And so I remember when I was younger, like in

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Speaker 3: my grad school days, in my early twenties, I'd be like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm working on my self esteem confidence. I did. I

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Speaker 3: read this book, I got these affirmations. I did this,

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Speaker 3: and I thought, low key thought like okay, cool, I'm done.

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Speaker 3: I'm good for life. No no, no, no, boom. And

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Speaker 3: then I think about when you know, after having a baby,

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Speaker 3: It's like, oh, I'm revisiting the confidence stuff because my

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Speaker 3: body's changed. I need to learn how to love this

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Speaker 3: new phase that I'm in. So I wanted to preface

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Speaker 3: this by saying some of the stuff. You might be like, girl,

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Speaker 3: you already knew that, yes, but I'm relearning to get

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Speaker 3: because the context has shifted. So the first child, the

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Speaker 3: first thing is my relationlationship with my time. And I

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Speaker 3: realize that I have gotten into this habit because life

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Speaker 3: does feel busy A lot of times. I've gotten into

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Speaker 3: this habit of saying I don't have time, I'm so busy,

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Speaker 3: and I kind of have these I don't even want

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Speaker 3: to call them affirmations or mantras, but these statements where

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Speaker 3: I'm sort of putting myself in this perpetual cycle of

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Speaker 3: not having enough time, of being busy, of going you know,

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Speaker 3: to and fro, running from this, running to that, being exhausted,

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Speaker 3: and so I'm kind of constantly speaking that energy over

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Speaker 3: my life. And of course we know the power of

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Speaker 3: our words, right, We know that what we say to

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Speaker 3: ourselves matters, and where focus goes energy flows, and where

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Speaker 3: energy flows or energy flows wherever you're focusing on, right,

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Speaker 3: And so in other words, we get to control or

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Speaker 3: we're controlled by what we focus on, right, And so

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Speaker 3: we get to control that narrative. And so that will

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Speaker 3: probably be the first one. So this week I've been

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Speaker 3: restructuring what does my life look like if I were

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Speaker 3: to have the ideal of relationship with my time, Like,

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Speaker 3: what does it look like for me to say every day,

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Speaker 3: I have all the time, I need to get all

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Speaker 3: the things done I need to get done. And I've

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Speaker 3: been saying that affirmation and it's allowed me to release

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Speaker 3: some of the shit that like, usually I power on

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Speaker 3: my to do list every day and I'm like, I

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Speaker 3: gotta get all these things done. I don't never get

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Speaker 3: all the shit done, and so now I'm being more realistic,

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Speaker 3: but I'm also having compassion for myself. And then the

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Speaker 3: second thing, now before we jump back into what you

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Speaker 3: were saying about self compassion, because I have some thoughts

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Speaker 3: on that. The second thing, girl, is my relationship with

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Speaker 3: my money child.

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Speaker 2: Girl.

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Speaker 3: It has been a journey. I am way better today

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Speaker 3: than I was back when I was younger, but there's

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Speaker 3: still room for improvement. And there is some tension that's

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Speaker 3: built up that I think got me to a place

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Speaker 3: where I'm like, bro, we gotta make some changes. We

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Speaker 3: need a mental shift, we need some actions to shift,

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Speaker 3: like we need some long standing changes because or running

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Speaker 3: into the same cycles. And at this big age, I

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Speaker 3: don't want to be dealing with the same stuff I

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Speaker 3: was dealing with when I was in my twenties. So

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Speaker 3: I think for me this week down, what I had

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Speaker 3: to do was instead of saying, oh, my money, this,

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Speaker 3: my money, that, or my time, I had to take

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Speaker 3: an honest look in the mirror. And this is where

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Speaker 3: the accountability comes in, and I had to ask myself,

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Speaker 3: what role are you playing in this story? Because it

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Speaker 3: can't always be oh it's them, or oh I wasn't

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Speaker 3: taught this, or oh I just I'm not making enough.

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Speaker 3: What role are you playing? And I had to be

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Speaker 3: honest and tell myself, like, you have room for improvement.

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Speaker 3: There are lots of things that you can do to

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Speaker 3: improve your current situation. And sometimes it's hard as fuck

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Speaker 3: to look in the mirror and say like, but it's you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it is, and to sit with it, not to

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Speaker 3: just bypass it right, not to just like, oh, yes me, okay,

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Speaker 3: well let's move on to the next thing. No, let

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Speaker 3: me sit with that discomfort of like you did this

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Speaker 3: and this and this to get yourself in this predicament

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Speaker 3: and to sit with it and that shit is uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: I had to have that honest conversation dom and it's

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Speaker 3: not easy, but I think that there's value in sitting

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Speaker 3: with yourself to be honest. And I think that for

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Speaker 3: my personality type, there's I have self compassion, but I

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Speaker 3: also have tough love, and I know that for me

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Speaker 3: sometimes it's that tough love that gets me moving where

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Speaker 3: it's like no, bu like get this together. So that's

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Speaker 3: why you were eating about the self compassion and you

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Speaker 3: were like it lacks judgment. I get that, But then

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Speaker 3: Also sometimes I feel like I do need to low

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Speaker 3: key judge myself a little bit, like I need to

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Speaker 3: be like this, you don't learn this and learn that,

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Speaker 3: And I feel like there's a level of not not

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Speaker 3: scolding or punishment, but it's just the best way to

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Speaker 3: describe it for me is tough tough love where it's like,

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Speaker 3: let's really hold yourself accountable and I can be loving,

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Speaker 3: but it's also like, no, but you did this and

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Speaker 3: this and this and this is what's contributing to that.

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Speaker 3: Does that make sense?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I want to push a little Yeah, go ahead,

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Speaker 2: push it because because I hear you on that, but

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Speaker 2: I don't think that that's judging yourself.

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Speaker 3: What would you call it?

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Speaker 2: Right? Because to me, when I hear when we when

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Speaker 2: we think about like we're judging ourselves, it's to me

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Speaker 2: the judgment has more of a negative connotation to it,

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Speaker 2: a more of a negative tone to it of girl,

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Speaker 2: you ain't shit, you need to get your you need

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Speaker 2: to get it together. This is you know better? Like

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Speaker 2: why you being like this? You should you should be

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Speaker 2: doing way better than what you're doing at this point

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Speaker 2: in life. What the hell is your problem? That feels

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Speaker 2: more like judgment okay, And I didn't hear that necessarily

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Speaker 2: in what you were saying, right, What I heard was

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Speaker 2: more accountability of like, okay, yeah, let me take a moment,

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Speaker 2: let me step back and look in this mirror, look

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Speaker 2: look within and really ask myself what am I? What

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Speaker 2: am I doing? M h, It wasn't to me. The

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Speaker 2: judgment is more about putting yourself down, gotcha. And I

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Speaker 2: didn't hear you putting yourself down. I heard you like

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Speaker 2: taking ownership for what was happening, but not not in

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Speaker 2: a you fucked up kind of way. Right.

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Speaker 3: I appreciate you saying that because I was going to

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Speaker 3: ask you, well, what does judgment sound like? So I

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Speaker 3: can like and when as you were saying that, that

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Speaker 3: doesn't really fit with the energy that I was that

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Speaker 3: I was speaking to myself with. But there was definitely

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Speaker 3: a point of like, you know better, like you learned this,

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Speaker 3: like we need to do better. And so I actually

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Speaker 3: have this notebook. I ain't gonna put it too close

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Speaker 3: to the camera because I want all my business on

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Speaker 3: the camera. But what I was doing, dom is I

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Speaker 3: made it constructive. So in addition to like, I didn't

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Speaker 3: just leave it at girl, you gotta do better what

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Speaker 3: you've been doing. I was like, okay, so we're gonna

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Speaker 3: couple it with action. So I think that's the other

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Speaker 3: key is okay, always like taking a look at where

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Speaker 3: are we right now? How did I get here? And

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Speaker 3: it's like, well, baby, you got you this is how

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Speaker 3: we got here. We got to improve some of this,

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Speaker 3: and then where do we want to go and how

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Speaker 3: do we get there? So I think that was more

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Speaker 3: so the holistic conversation that I was having, but I

396
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Speaker 3: think there was this tension and frustration that prompted a

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Speaker 3: big move and shift in that direction. And so yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's kind of what I wanted to talk about and share.

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Speaker 3: I guess when it comes to I don't know, don

400
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Speaker 3: are there areas in your life where you feel that

401
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Speaker 3: you're having those types of conversations. Are those thoughts at

402
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Speaker 3: least where you're like, you know what, we got to

403
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Speaker 3: change something? And then how do you sit with those feelings?

404
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Speaker 3: Because it sometimes it makes me want to cry, like

405
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Speaker 3: if I sit with something and I'm really sitting in

406
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Speaker 3: the accountability aspect of it, because it's important to be

407
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Speaker 3: able to look at yourself in the mirror and not

408
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Speaker 3: be delulu like I know, sometimes we get delusional, but like,

409
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Speaker 3: you can't be Delulu all the time, Like, sometimes got

410
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Speaker 3: what are we doing? Why did we do this? How

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Speaker 3: do we get here? And oftentimes it's because we are

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Speaker 3: using the tools that we believe are available to us

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Speaker 3: based on the knowledge that we have right now. So

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Speaker 3: that was I feel that was a loaded question, don

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Speaker 3: But what are your thoughts on that?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: No, I think I think for me, some of what

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Speaker 2: I am like working on is working out in my

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Speaker 2: eating habits, right, and that's where that's something that I

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Speaker 2: have been trying to figure out over the last couple

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Speaker 2: of years. And I think you know that I reflect

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Speaker 2: on their points in my life where I was super

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Speaker 2: disciplined and really on top of it, and then I

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Speaker 2: have moments where okay, I remind myself of that and say, like,

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Speaker 2: so you you have evidence that you can do this, right, girl,

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Speaker 2: there are moments where it's like, well, let's really reflect

427
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Speaker 2: on were you happy in those times, like what were

428
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Speaker 2: the emotions and things that came up, what were the

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Speaker 2: circumstances of life at that time, and then how do

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Speaker 2: we apply that to what where you currently are? Right?

431
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Speaker 2: Does that realistically fit with where you are in life.

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Speaker 2: And so I think it's in those examples where I

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Speaker 2: do find myself practicing a lot more self compassion and

434
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:50,719
Speaker 2: really trying to figure out, Okay, well, where is it

435
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 2: going to be best for me to dive in on

436
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 2: this fitness and what does it really look like for me? Right?

437
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 2: Like waking up at four thirty in the morning. Does

438
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 2: that feel right for me at this stage in life

439
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 2: because that's what I was doing before? Does that feel

440
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 2: right in the stage in life? No? No, no, no,

441
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 2: that's a hard note. We're not waking up at four

442
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 2: thirty in the morning because that doesn't fit where I

443
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 2: am in life right now, right, And so it's about

444
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 2: for me, it's really about figuring out, like you said,

445
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 2: where am I in life in the current stage and

446
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 2: what might need to shift so that I can really

447
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 2: incorporate working out and eating differently.

448
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 3: Yes, oh, dom, I love what you started off with.

449
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 3: Go I'm taking notes of your speaking so I don't

450
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,639
Speaker 3: forget what I want to touch on. I love that

451
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 3: you leaned into evidence that is so important. Sometimes we

452
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 3: haven't achieved a goal in a while, or we're unsure

453
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 3: of ourself because it's like, damn, I haven't done this

454
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 3: in so long, I'm not as familiar going back to

455
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 3: evidence like Boo, you did this before, you can do

456
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 3: it again. That is so powerful. I love that you

457
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 3: mentioned that. I think another thing I've been asking myself

458
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 3: as well is like how bad do you want it?

459
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 2: You know?

460
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 3: Like I remember when I was girl. I was on

461
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 3: my fitness journey right after having BABYZ and my body

462
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,639
Speaker 3: was just in a very different shape and position, and

463
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,680
Speaker 3: I was like, how am I going to lose this weight?

464
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 3: How am I going to get to the place that

465
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 3: I feel comfortable looking at my body naked in the mirror?

466
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 3: And I was struggling so much to be consistent with

467
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 3: the workouts because I hadn't been in mo. I ain't

468
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,719
Speaker 3: work out my whole pregnancy. I was eating baby I

469
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 3: gained it a nice amount as I shoulder, I'll get yes,

470
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 3: eating all the things. I was having an amazing time,

471
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 3: and then when it was time to move again, I'm like,

472
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 3: I don't even know how to do this. So I

473
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 3: had I decided to get a trainer. That was what

474
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 3: I did to hold me accountable. But sometimes I'm like,

475
00:28:58,480 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 3: you know, I want to be able to do it

476
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 3: on my own. I want to do it about myself.

477
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 3: I don't like for my time and the money shifts.

478
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily want to invest in that. So now

479
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 3: it's up to me. It's like, okay, what are you

480
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 3: going to do? So I think about a couple of things.

481
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 3: How are you setting up? How are you setting yourself

482
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 3: up for success? So for me, it was literally today

483
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 3: taking out my notebook, cause I think there's power in

484
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 3: writing and write things down. Believe there's like an energetic

485
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 3: excuse me, all that's my payment if you hear that,

486
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 3: but there's like an energetic contract, right, And so I

487
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 3: wrote down, Okay, what are my top five goals for

488
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 3: next year or for this year? And then what does

489
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 3: it look like to achieve the goals? So I feel

490
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 3: like getting clear on what are the next three steps

491
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 3: I need to take to achieve the goal? I think

492
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 3: that is super important as well. And so for me,

493
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 3: I have some body goals and so I'm writing down, okay,

494
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 3: working out three days a week and stretching meal prepping

495
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 3: on Sundays and Wednesdays, so making it more actionable, so

496
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 3: it's not this figment of your imagination or this you know,

497
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 3: far off thing that's not attainable. I think that's a

498
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 3: important and also not being afraid to audit. I think

499
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 3: when it comes to money, especially, it can be so

500
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 3: scary to look at the numbers like boom, let's look

501
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 3: at audit debt. What is the number? Because if we

502
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 3: don't know the number, how are we going to allocate

503
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,239
Speaker 3: money accordingly to pay it off? Like, go look at

504
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 3: the numbers, Go open up the envelopes, go understand where

505
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 3: do what do I owe? And just get clear on

506
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 3: it so you so it's not this ambiguous thing and

507
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 3: it's not this big scary monster. Face it head on.

508
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 3: That's what I think is really important to just be

509
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 3: real with yourself. And I think that also kind of

510
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 3: goes back to the accountability, really looking in the mirror

511
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 3: and taking a full analysis of where am I right

512
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 3: now and where do I want to go? Right?

513
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 2: Yes, I think I do think that the writing down

514
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 2: is important because it helps you. You know, there's a

515
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 2: lot of folks that says they're visual learners or things

516
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 2: help when they can they can actually see it right.

517
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 2: And I think that what that does also is as

518
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 2: you the people that I want to add to that

519
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 2: is right it down and put it somewhere where you

520
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: see it often, right, because it's one thing to write

521
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 2: it down and don't do anything with it, exact cause

522
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 2: we can write down our goals in the notebook and

523
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 2: then take that notebook away and not pull it out

524
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 2: again for another six months. Yeah, And so to me,

525
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 2: one of the things that's important with that is to

526
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 2: just to write it down, but then put it somewhere

527
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 2: where you see it, so that you're constantly revisiting it

528
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 2: and you're saying it to yourself. So it's kind of

529
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 2: like the affirmations, like you know, towards the end. At

530
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 2: some point towards the end of twenty three, I put

531
00:31:53,320 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 2: affirmations back in my bathroom, and I was intentional about

532
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 2: out the affirmations that I put up because I wanted

533
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 2: those affirmations to align with being compassionate towards myself but

534
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 2: also with the things that I'm focused on, because again

535
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 2: going back to our code of the day, where we focus,

536
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 2: our energy is gonna flow. And so if I'm focused

537
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 2: on those particular affirmations because I see it written, then

538
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 2: my energy is gonna move towards making those things happen.

539
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 3: Yes, And I think it's also about faith and belief,

540
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 3: like if you don't believe it's gonna work, it ain't

541
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 3: gonna work. And I one of the things I've also realized,

542
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 3: like there have been a couple really busy, like jam

543
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 3: packed weeks that I had and I had to interact

544
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 3: with a lot of different clients, and I was I

545
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 3: just had to be on in a certain way. And

546
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 3: that requires a lot for me energetically as an introvert

547
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 3: who is often mistaken as an extrovert, and so I

548
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 3: just lot of mental prep for me that was like meditating.

549
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 3: It was visualizing the success. It was having those positive affirmations.

550
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: And then once I lived out that particular week, because

551
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 3: I sort of scripted it out in advance and sett

552
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 3: an attention for how the week was going to go,

553
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 3: it was an amazing week. Everything worked out amazingly. There

554
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 3: were mishaps and there were things that happened, but because

555
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: my perspective was already on the wavelength of everything's working

556
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 3: out for my good, this is going to be great.

557
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 3: When little mishaps happened, I'm like, Okay, you know, maybe

558
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 3: I'm running late to this. Maybe it was, you know,

559
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 3: a car accident that I was avoiding, Like whatever, it

560
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 3: might be. It's all about how I was sort of

561
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 3: tuning my mind. And so the one thing I also

562
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 3: wanted to talk about dom around this is like gentle accountability,

563
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 3: and so I think about you know, for me, that

564
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 3: means if you're struggling to work out, lady, maybe that's

565
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 3: your goal, going to sleep with your workout gear on.

566
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 3: Like I actually I did not go to the gym

567
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 3: this morning because I'm working on having home workouts now.

568
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 3: But if I stand up, you can see I have

569
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 3: on my gym shorts and my gym top because I'm

570
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 3: gonna I'm going to get a workout in today. It

571
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 3: didn't happen in the morning, but I'm giving myself a

572
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 3: backup so it doesn't happen at six am. Okay, we'll

573
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 3: do it at lunch, or we'll do it in the afternoon.

574
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 3: Like we'll still give ourself grace and it doesn't have

575
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 3: to be perfect or the way that we envisioned it,

576
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 3: but as long as it gets done. I think also

577
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 3: telling your friends, like I was telling I sold two

578
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 3: friends in particularly that I'm starting a cleanse on January first.

579
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 3: And baby, actually it was supposed to be decemvered the

580
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 3: first and then when you tell your friends, they be

581
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 3: asking you questions. They be following up like, oh, when

582
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 3: you start your cleanse yet? And I was like, now

583
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 3: I have this. I don't like to look like I

584
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 3: fail each other people. So when I tell people something, oh,

585
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 3: I'm definitely gonna do that shit. So I'm literally my

586
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,400
Speaker 3: cleanse lady will recording this at the end of December.

587
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 3: Just FYI. So the cleins is coming up in a

588
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 3: couple of days, and I'm like, Okay, what do I

589
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 3: need to do to set myself up for success? So

590
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:48,959
Speaker 3: I need to know how many capsules am I taking

591
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 3: each day? What are the meals I'm going to be

592
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 3: eating throughout the cleanse? Will work out routine. I'm putting

593
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 3: you on the calendar to hold myself accountable in various

594
00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 3: ways so that I don't fail, right, Like, the goal

595
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 3: is to write achieve what I set out to achievement,

596
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 3: So I'm putting things in place to ensure that I

597
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 3: can do that.

598
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 2: I think that that's important. I like that the gentle

599
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 2: accountability right acknowledging that it's important to not just set

600
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 2: the goal, but to find ways to make sure that

601
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 2: it happened right, you know, I think about if we

602
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 2: go back to, like the working out example, Oftentimes, when

603
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 2: it comes to working out, like for me, I don't

604
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 2: know about for you, lady, or anybody or anybody listening.

605
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 2: For me, the working out oftentimes is more likely to

606
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 2: happen if I have an appointment with a trainer or

607
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 2: I have a class that I'm attending because one, I

608
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: don't like to be late for other people, like if

609
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 2: it's meant I run a few minutes the high and

610
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 2: if it's me. But when it comes to I have

611
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 2: an appointment, like other people are waiting on me. I

612
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 2: don't like other people to be left waiting, right, And

613
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 2: so that makes me more That's something that makes me

614
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 2: more accountable. And I think the thing like for me

615
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,880
Speaker 2: and for a lot of us, I think the next

616
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 2: step in that phase is getting to a point where

617
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 2: you are accountable to yourself as right where you're not.

618
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 2: It's not oh, I'm only doing this, I'm only getting

619
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 2: up and going to this class or meeting with this

620
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 2: trainer at six am because they're waiting on me. It's

621
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 2: even without the trainer, I'm gonna get up and I'm

622
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 2: going to go work out at six am, or maybe

623
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 2: it's not six am because that was the only time

624
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 2: the trainer was available, so I took that time. But

625
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 2: like you said, I'm going to go and work out

626
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 2: at some point in the day and then that's how

627
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:06,479
Speaker 2: I'm holding myself accountable to myself. I'm doing it for

628
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,479
Speaker 2: me and not for someone else.

629
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, Tom, aiming to all that I do

630
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 3: think that, and I'm sure you would agree that sometimes

631
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 3: it's helpful to bake in that accountability. Like I've been

632
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 3: working with the trainer for you know, over a year now,

633
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 3: and so now I'm trying to scale back because I

634
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 3: don't want to be dependent upon someone else, so my

635
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 3: training to be going on vacation and guess who don't

636
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 3: be working out? I'd be like okay. So now I'm like, okay,

637
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 3: Now you know you can do it because you've done

638
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 3: it for a year and a half and you've done

639
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 3: it with someone else, so you can do it by yourself.

640
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 3: I know what workouts I need to do. I know

641
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 3: how to have done this before, like I was saying,

642
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 3: I did this before, so you can do it again.

643
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 3: But down one of the things you made me think

644
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 3: about as well is your why, Like every goal should

645
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 3: have an underlying why, and ideally the why should be

646
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 3: bigger than ourselves. I think that's really a compelling why

647
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 3: if it's bigger than yourself, or if it's something that

648
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 3: is like a game changer in your life. For instance,

649
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 3: for me working out, yeah, I want to look good.

650
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 3: Yeah I want to be you know, a mile f

651
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,919
Speaker 3: and a baddy and all that, but I also want

652
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 3: to be I want to be fit and I want

653
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,240
Speaker 3: to be strong when I'm in my seventies and eighties.

654
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 3: And I know that me developing these habits now will

655
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 3: ensure that I'll be in a space where I can

656
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 3: be independent and I can be mobile and I can

657
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 3: be healthy when I'm older. I don't want to wait

658
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 3: until I'm in my sixties and seventies to start that journey.

659
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 3: I want to do it now. So it's a lifestyle,

660
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: and it's a habit that it's going to be super

661
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 3: hard to break because I'm so accustomed to doing it.

662
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 3: So I think leaning into your why is also super

663
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 3: important because that can sometimes get you going on those

664
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 3: rough days when you're like, I don't feel like doing it.

665
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 2: You know, right, right, you know, you're absolutely right on that.

666
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:56,359
Speaker 2: And I think the thing too, is also figuring with

667
00:38:56,400 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 2: the why, making sure that your why is something that's attainable, right,

668
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 2: and that whatever the goals that you set is something

669
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 2: that's realistic and attainable. Right. So if we're sticking with

670
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 2: the working out, because I also recognize that this episode

671
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 2: is airing at the top of a new year, and

672
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 2: for a lot of votes, everybody's like, all right, you

673
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 2: know it's the start of a new year, new year,

674
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 2: new meaning, new body, and so we're going to get

675
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 2: to this gym. We're going to start working out again,

676
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 2: really being clear on what is the goal and what's

677
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 2: reasonable for you. Right, if you have spent the last

678
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 2: two months not working out at all, and prior to

679
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 2: that you were in the gym five days a week,

680
00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 2: it is unrealistic to say that you're gonna get to

681
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 2: the gym five days a week when you've had two

682
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 2: months of not working out.

683
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 3: Mm hm.

684
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 2: And what then happen is you're gonna put yourself in

685
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 2: this cycle where you're gonna get up one morning and

686
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:24,359
Speaker 2: you're gonna go You'll make it to the gym. Day two,

687
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 2: Day three, you're gonna make it to the gym. But

688
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 2: you've added that on to your regular routine and your

689
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 2: body is like, girl, what you're doing. We're not we're

690
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 2: not used to this, this team too much, we're hired.

691
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 2: So by day four you're skipping the gym and then

692
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:51,760
Speaker 2: you're engaging in that that criticism and that negative self talk,

693
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 2: and now day five rolls around and you're like, whatever,

694
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 2: I'm out. When really, if we step back and say,

695
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 2: all right, let's say that maybe we decided we was

696
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 2: gonna go hardcore and do the five days a week,

697
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 2: and day four rolls around and we're not feeling it, Well,

698
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 2: let's give ourselves some compassion here. Let's practice self compassion.

699
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 2: And what that looks like is saying you are doing great,

700
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 2: starting this workout journey again. You have done three days

701
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 2: in a row in your first week. That's a lot

702
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 2: considering where you come from, where you've come from. It's

703
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 2: okay to take a rest day today. Tomorrow we'll get up,

704
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:51,879
Speaker 2: it's a new day. We'll try again. And the next

705
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:57,800
Speaker 2: day we get up and we try again. And that's

706
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 2: giving ourselves that self compassion versus engaging in that negative

707
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:08,240
Speaker 2: self talk. Because my guess, and from what I've seen

708
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 2: and experienced personally, is that once we give ourselves that

709
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 2: felf compassion day five, we're more likely to get up

710
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 2: and go Versus if we don't give the self compassion,

711
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 2: it turns into it's going to take another two or

712
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 2: three weeks before we can find the motivation to get

713
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 2: back into the gym again.

714
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 3: I guess I think I was gonna say something about

715
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:42,320
Speaker 3: navigating mental roadblocks. And I know when I think about

716
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 3: the mental roadblocks, I think a lot of times it

717
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 3: revolves around fear of failure, possibly fear of success, sometimes

718
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:56,800
Speaker 3: self esteem, or some type of lingering inner child something

719
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 3: that we're holding on to, like, even if it doesn't

720
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 3: have anything to do with you don't think it has

721
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 3: anything to do with childhood. I remember when I had

722
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 3: a money coach and we were going over my relationship

723
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 3: with money, and you know where it was birth and

724
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 3: this is stuff I never had a reason to talk

725
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 3: about outside of this particular focus with my money coach,

726
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 3: And I thought back to, you know, being raised in

727
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 3: a poverty stricken environment and never having enough and having

728
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 3: a scarcity mindset, and so I would be saying that

729
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 3: I want certain things, But sometimes I think there was

730
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 3: like a lack of worthiness around it, or I didn't

731
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 3: truly believe it deep down with them, but I was

732
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 3: saying one thing, And so I say all that to say, ladies,

733
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 3: sometimes I think it's important to explore, like where this

734
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 3: mental block came from, and sometimes we do need some

735
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 3: support for that. So I am a huge advocate of

736
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 3: getting coaches, obviously therapy trainers. I mean, whoever is going

737
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 3: to be able to help you sort of address those

738
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 3: mental blocks and kind of help you create a pathway

739
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 3: so that you can be independent and hold yourself accountable.

740
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,439
Speaker 3: I think that is something we should definitely look into

741
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 3: as well, because a lot of times that mental block

742
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 3: started long ago and it's impacting us today, right.

743
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think too with those yes, with those

744
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 2: mental roadblocks, having those folks who are there to kind

745
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 2: of help guide you, but also recognizing, you know, I

746
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 2: want to acknowledge that for some of us, but we

747
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 2: are coming out or we are feeling like this real

748
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 2: harsh economy right now and the coin then coining like

749
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,400
Speaker 2: they used to, and so I want to, you know,

750
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 2: I want to acknowledge that for some of us, paying

751
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:43,280
Speaker 2: someone else to help us navigate these things might feel

752
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:49,879
Speaker 2: really difficult, right And for some people that's actually part

753
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 2: of your mental roadblock is believing that you don't have

754
00:44:56,239 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 2: the finances available to you, or that you for whatever reason,

755
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 2: aren't worthy or can't have the support people in your

756
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 2: life who can help take you to the next level.

757
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 2: And so I think it's twofold one giving yourself really

758
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 2: taking a look at one. Is it that I, legit

759
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 2: don't have the finances to pay for the support person

760
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 2: in my life, or is it my own thinking that

761
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 2: I can't or I'm not worthy or that's not something

762
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 2: that I would do, or that black women do or whatever.

763
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 2: You know, whatever the negative thought is right. If it's

764
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 2: the case that you legit can afford the therapist and

765
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 2: afford the trainer and afford the coach, look online for

766
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 2: free resources because there are free resources out there that

767
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 2: can help you. And it may require more work on

768
00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 2: your end, but there are resources out there that can

769
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 2: help you achieve whatever the goal is that you're working towards.

770
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 2: If you legit cannot afford to have someone else helping

771
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 2: you out.

772
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 3: What don said is spot on, and I want to

773
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 3: say something, but this is going to be for a

774
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 3: very specific person. You know who you are. Sometimes it's

775
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 3: not that we can't afford it. It's that the money

776
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 3: that we could use to get support is being spent

777
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 3: on random Amazon purchases throughout the week that are adding

778
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,439
Speaker 3: up over time. And I'm talking to my goddamn self

779
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 3: right now. So don't even think I'm judging you, lady,

780
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 3: because I'm talking about myself. I need to get a

781
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 3: hold of my Amazon spending. Like that's what we're doing it, okay,

782
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 3: because it's dom It's like, girl, you have all the closure,

783
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 3: you have all the shoot, you don't need anything else

784
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:23,319
Speaker 3: what to just get your shit in order. So that's

785
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 3: what I'm doing. That's what I'm working on. But Lady,

786
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 3: we have some reflection questions for you, and what we're

787
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 3: going to do is we're going to read two reflection

788
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 3: questions here and then Domini are going to head on

789
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 3: over to the after show and we're going to continue

790
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 3: this conversation talk a little bit about some behind the

791
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 3: scenes stuff. So you need to go to herspace podcast

792
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 3: dot com and click on Wisdom Wednesday with Terry or

793
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 3: click on Patreon and you can get access to our

794
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 3: exclusive content. Also, as a reminder, Lady, this is a

795
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 3: black founded, black owned, and black funded podcast, Domini are

796
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:58,399
Speaker 3: the owners of this platform, so help us small businesses out. Lady,

797
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 3: we appreciate you, all right, So these questions dom The

798
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 3: first question just some reflection questions based on the conversation.

799
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 3: The first question here is are you consistently finding yourself

800
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:13,439
Speaker 3: stuck in the same patterns of thought or behavior? If yes,

801
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 3: what might be triggering these repetitive cycles? And this is

802
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 3: a great question to even dive into in therapy or

803
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 3: with your coach or with a support person, because you

804
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 3: might be able to really uncover what might really be

805
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:29,279
Speaker 3: at the crux of the mental block that you might

806
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:29,760
Speaker 3: be having.

807
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 2: I like that question. I like that question. I think

808
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:38,719
Speaker 2: it's important, yeah, to think about those to overcome those

809
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 2: mental roadblocks. And so then I think it lets me

810
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 2: it gets me to the next question of how are

811
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:55,479
Speaker 2: you talking to yourself? Right? What? Then? And we've heard

812
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 2: this question before, right like, how are you talking to yourself?

813
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 2: Would you talk to your best friend that way? Would

814
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 2: you would would your best friend talk to you that way?

815
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 2: And if that's if that's not the case, then let's

816
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:20,759
Speaker 2: reevaluate because I think also part of it is part

817
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 2: of getting rid of these roadblocks, is enacting that self.

818
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 3: Compassion, yes, and Dom, I just want to add a

819
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 3: little asterisk and another question under that, how are you

820
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 3: talking to yourself? Dom said, right? Would you talk to

821
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 3: your best friend this way? But also, how do you

822
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 3: feel about the way you're talking to yourself?

823
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:40,480
Speaker 2: Right?

824
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 3: Because sometimes yes, it's like, you know, I'm talking to

825
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 3: myself this way. Would I talk to my best friend

826
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 3: that way? Maybe you and your best friend have that

827
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 3: type of relationship where you're talking a little crazy. But

828
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 3: how do you feel about it afterward? Right, like when

829
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 3: you're just with you and you and those thoughts?

830
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: Right?

831
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 3: So those are all important things to think about.

832
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 2: Lady.

833
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 3: We're going to dive into three additional questions after show

834
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 3: and some behind the scenes content, so we'll catch you

835
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 3: on the other side.

836
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

837
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

838
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

839
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

840
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

841
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

842
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

843
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:39,799
Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

844
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 3: the conversation going, Visit our website at heirspacepodcast dot com

845
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:46,879
Speaker 3: and be sure to click the Patreon tab. You get

846
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:51,240
Speaker 3: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show

847
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 3: and before we meet again, Repeat after me. My thoughts

848
00:50:56,800 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 3: create my reality today, those thoughts that empower and uplift

849
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 3: me