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Speaker 1: March twelfth through the fourteenth at Keith Flamingo Hotel Casino,

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Speaker 1: ticketmaster dot com for all shows running December thirtieth through

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Speaker 1: January third, and March sixth through the twenty eighth. The

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Speaker 1: Fresh Show is on is Stay or Go Hard Kelly?

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Speaker 1: Good morning to Kelly. How you doing, Welcome to the program, Kelly,

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Speaker 1: So you are you're a married woman, congratulating congratulations for

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Speaker 1: being a married woman. I don't know if you've made it.

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Speaker 1: Have you been married for a while, a couple of years,

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Speaker 1: something like that. That's a big accomplishment.

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Speaker 2: We've been together a long time.

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Speaker 1: I'm serious. I feel like being married for any period

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Speaker 1: of time like past maybe I don't know, twenty four

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Speaker 1: months is impressive for me. I've been being with someone

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Speaker 1: longer than six months is impressive. But anyway, nonetheless, this

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Speaker 1: is about kids, though. So what's going on with you

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Speaker 1: and your husband?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you know, when we were younger, we both

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Speaker 2: agreed we just didn't want children, and so that was

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Speaker 2: our thing. But we've gotten a little older, and unfortunately

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Speaker 2: I'm one of the people that they kind of talk

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Speaker 2: about that I've changed my mind and I want kids.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So you you guys have this conversation. This is

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Speaker 1: and this is a very fundamental thing to talk about

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Speaker 1: in here. I am talking about relationships like I've ever

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Speaker 1: been successful in one. But nonetheless I have I can,

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Speaker 1: I can observe, I give great advice, I give excellent advice,

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Speaker 1: and I have great perspective. I just myself cannot really

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Speaker 1: seem to find very much success. But you have this

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Speaker 1: conversation ahead of time, Hey, kids, no kids. I think

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Speaker 1: talking about money ahead of time. I think talking about

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Speaker 1: you know, love, languages and that kind of thing. I

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Speaker 1: think there's all stuff to get ironed out before you

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Speaker 1: get married, so that you're on the same page, that

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Speaker 1: you don't commit to each other for life legally, and

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Speaker 1: then decide one person's like I want to spend all

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Speaker 1: of our money and the other person like I want

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Speaker 1: to save all of our money. Or I want to

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Speaker 1: have kids and I don't want to have kids, or

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Speaker 1: you know, these fundamental things. And now you guys are

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Speaker 1: latched together and you're going to be unhappy because you

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Speaker 1: view things differently. So you guys had the conversation before

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Speaker 1: you got married, no kids, that was what you determined.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we definitely had this conversation, and I mean

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Speaker 2: I definitely didn't want them, and he didn't either. But

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Speaker 2: it's just we'd gotten older and I have changed my mind,

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Speaker 2: and I went and told them, though I, of course

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Speaker 2: we are really communicative, this is this is just one

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Speaker 2: of our busses. But I told them that I had

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Speaker 2: to change to hurt and he he was like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I appreciate you telling me, but I don't my mind

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Speaker 2: hasn't changed. So anyway, he still doesn't want kids, but

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Speaker 2: he did have a compromise, Well.

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Speaker 1: A compromise that's exciting. What was it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What is it?

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Speaker 2: Well, well, he said that if I wanted a kid

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Speaker 2: bad enough, he said, he would obviously contribute financially. But

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Speaker 2: he's not doing diapers, he's not doing feedings, like waking

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Speaker 2: up in the middle of the night, warming bottles, all

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Speaker 2: of the thing. I'm going to be doing all of them.

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Speaker 1: So he'll help you make the kid, but you get

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Speaker 1: to raise it. And he's just he's and he'll give you,

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Speaker 1: he'll write a couple of bucks towards it, but he's

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Speaker 1: not going to be involved in like the hard work.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you're right, but I want to.

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Speaker 1: Make sure I have this right.

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Speaker 3: I'm not. I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's that's a wild take. But

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Speaker 1: I want to make sure I have this right. So

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Speaker 1: he's not telling you you're fine, we can have a kid.

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Speaker 1: I'm just not going to do the hard stuff. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's not.

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Speaker 2: He's exactly. Yeah, he's not going to do any of that.

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Speaker 2: If I want, if we're going to do this, how.

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Speaker 1: Does that make you feel?

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Speaker 2: Change my mind?

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Speaker 1: Well, and that's fair, but how does that make you

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Speaker 1: feel because you're allowed to change your mind?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's a pretty significant thing to to

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Speaker 1: then say, well, now I want to add a human

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Speaker 1: to our sort of existence. Now, I mean, but you

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Speaker 1: also have every right to change your mind. I suppose

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Speaker 1: he has every right to say. But we talked about

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Speaker 1: this and I've never wanted kids, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: them now. I think that's a weird compromise. But how

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Speaker 1: does this all make you feel?

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Speaker 2: I mean at first it was like that is but

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Speaker 2: I mean again, I'm the one that made this decision

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Speaker 2: in my head. I changed my mind. And if he's

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Speaker 2: gonna he's not going anywhere, he's going to be financially supporting.

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Speaker 2: I mean, plus, you know what, what's the difference between

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Speaker 2: like having a kid on your own. You know, there's

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Speaker 2: plenty of single moms that do it every day. And

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking he's going to change his mind over time,

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Speaker 2: you know. And so I don't know, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: What do I do?

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Speaker 4: I don't know?

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Speaker 1: I mean, what are the options? Right? The options are you?

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Speaker 1: You do it this way? You know, you have your

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Speaker 1: kid with your partner who you love, and he's just

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Speaker 1: not involved very much. Somebody tells me he'll be okay.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he'd be okay with like some of the upside,

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Speaker 1: but doesn't soun like he doesn't want to be up

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Speaker 1: in the middle of the night changing diapers, He doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to do right, he doesn't want to hear you're

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Speaker 1: the nurturing part of it. Maybe okay, you could not

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Speaker 1: have a kid, which means then that you're not fulfilled

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Speaker 1: in this way because this is what you want and

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Speaker 1: that's a big deal. Or you could divorce him, uh

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Speaker 1: and then go find somebody who does want to have

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Speaker 1: a kid? Am I missing any options here? And I

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Speaker 1: know this all stops cut and dry and like very simplified,

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Speaker 1: But am I missing anything? Bill?

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Speaker 2: That's it?

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Speaker 3: That's it.

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Speaker 1: I don't really like this very much.

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Speaker 5: And I only say that. And you can totally have

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Speaker 5: a kid on your own, that is not even the issue.

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Speaker 5: But I feel like, because you are married to somebody,

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Speaker 5: and that person, you know, is quote okay with this

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Speaker 5: idea and kind of treating it like almost like you're

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Speaker 5: bringing home a puppy or something like he's like, you

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Speaker 5: know what I mean, He's like, Oh, I'm not gonna

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Speaker 5: get up in the middle of the night and do

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Speaker 5: this and that like that's that's a single married mom

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Speaker 5: in my opinion, and I don't really like that.

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Speaker 1: If you're gonna do it.

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Speaker 5: On your own, I would just say do it fully

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Speaker 5: on your own, and like not even like truly I

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Speaker 5: have to leave this man because also too, so you're

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Speaker 5: gonna bring him a baby and there's gonna be a

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Speaker 5: man living there, but he's not involved. But he's a dad,

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Speaker 5: you know what I mean. It's like, who's that man

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Speaker 5: walking in the hallway, Like, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 5: How involved does he think he's gonna be? Like you're

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Speaker 5: the father and you also live here, and.

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Speaker 1: I suppose he might change his mind once the kid's

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Speaker 1: there and he sees you working hard and doing all this,

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Speaker 1: he might decide, well, maybe I should be involved. It's

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Speaker 1: my offspring too. I guess there's a chance of that.

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Speaker 1: I just from the jump, I just don't like the

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Speaker 1: way that feels, you know, like, hey, yeah, you can

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Speaker 1: have the kid, but like I'll just I'm just sort

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Speaker 1: of here, don't don't, don't, don't encis me with it.

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Speaker 1: But for the people who are texting saying this guy's

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Speaker 1: a jerk, that that is a jerk, that's kind of

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Speaker 1: a jerky response by all means. But he did say

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Speaker 1: from the beginning. His truth was I don't want kids, right,

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Speaker 1: So that does not make him a bad guy. He

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Speaker 1: was very clear about that. So I mean for the

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Speaker 1: people who are like, this guy's terrible, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if he's his response is not great,

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Speaker 1: but he's allowed to be a person who doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to have kids like that's not And and you guys

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Speaker 1: didn't talk about it and agree on that initially.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And I understand where he's at. That's why, because

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Speaker 2: we were hard knows. So I get where he's at.

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Speaker 2: So you know, that's why I'm struggling with this.

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Speaker 1: And you're going to resent him.

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Speaker 5: You're going to resent him when the baby's there middle

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Speaker 5: of the night. You're the one changing diapers, you're the

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Speaker 5: one doing all these things.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I feel like it's a terrible idea, and you're allowed

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Speaker 5: to change your mind. And Fred was right about that,

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Speaker 5: Like you guys were very clear in the beginning. You guys,

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Speaker 5: you know, grew in your marriage. Whatever you want different

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Speaker 5: things now. I think, I hate to say it, doesn't

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Speaker 5: that call for like some form of like I don't know, separation,

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Speaker 5: going your own ways, then living your life on your terms,

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Speaker 5: both of you doing what you both want.

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Speaker 3: My crazy.

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Speaker 2: I think even this is bigger than oh god, someone,

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Speaker 2: this is even bigger than the baby.

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Speaker 1: Someone texting, have the baby and then divorce him. Do

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Speaker 1: not do that, Yeah, do not do that. That is

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Speaker 1: the that's the worst. I love you, but that is

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Speaker 1: the worst advice, because you're still tied to the guy. No,

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Speaker 1: this is what you do either. You may have to

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Speaker 1: leave this dude. If you really want a kid, you

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Speaker 1: deserve a supportive partner who's in it with you, it

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Speaker 1: also wants the kid. Maybe give him a little bit

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Speaker 1: of time to marinate on this, but you I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's unfair. If this is really your calling and

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Speaker 1: really what you're drawn to do, and you feel very

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Speaker 1: strongly about it, you have one life. You deserve a

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Speaker 1: supportive partner with whom to do this. You may have

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Speaker 1: to go to shay him and say, look, I love you,

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Speaker 1: but we are now fractured. We are fundamentally on different

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Speaker 1: sides of this, and I don't want to do this

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Speaker 1: with somebody who's going to be absent minded. And maybe

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Speaker 1: if you have that conversation, he comes around because he

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Speaker 1: loves you, and maybe he can see it, and maybe

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Speaker 1: he does it. I actually know a couple. This is

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Speaker 1: a real story. I know a couple that had this

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Speaker 1: very thing happen. They decided no kids, no kids. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to get into too many details because

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Speaker 1: these people might know who I'm talking about. I don't

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Speaker 1: know people might know who I'm talking about. But let's

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Speaker 1: just say that he was willing to take on some

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Speaker 1: other responsibilities, but he did not want kids. He never did,

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Speaker 1: but he loved her. They got married. She says, you know,

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Speaker 1: in somewhere in years into the marriage, I want kids,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, I don't want kid. I told you

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Speaker 1: I really don't like I have my whole life planned out,

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Speaker 1: and I told you this. And at some point the

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Speaker 1: conversation was, if you need to leave me, I would

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Speaker 1: be heartbroken. But I understand. I'm not going to stand

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Speaker 1: in your way, but I'm not one hundred percent in this.

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Speaker 1: They wound up staying together and having a kid, and

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Speaker 1: everything is wonderful. But it wasn't the It wasn't it

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Speaker 1: kind of all didn't happen in order or as you know.

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Speaker 1: It kind of just happened, and that's a different story.

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Speaker 1: But nonetheless, everything works out fine, everyone's happy, and it

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Speaker 1: turns out. I think this guy would tell you that

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Speaker 1: it's the greatest thing that ever happened to him. But

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Speaker 1: if a guy's telling you right now, I don't want

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Speaker 1: it and I'm not going to be involved, that is

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Speaker 1: bad right like that, I can't imagine starting that way.

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Speaker 1: You know, do you really.

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Speaker 2: Think I could do it on my own?

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Speaker 1: Of course you as someone wants to know how old

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Speaker 1: you are? By the way, how old are you in

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Speaker 1: your thirties?

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Speaker 2: I'm in my thirties.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, you absolutely can do it on your own.

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Speaker 1: I mean, here's what I'll say. I don't know you.

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Speaker 1: People can do it on their own, and I believe

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Speaker 1: you're you're probably very capable of it. But I don't

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Speaker 1: think this is going to work. And it's it's heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: But eight five, five, five, nine, one on three five

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Speaker 1: the text are going crazy. I would love to know

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Speaker 1: what people have to say about this though. I hate

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Speaker 1: to say this, but I think you you know, have

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Speaker 1: to have a very and it's not a mean conversation.

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Speaker 1: It's not you know, there's no lack of love. I

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Speaker 1: don't think it's spiteful or hateful. This guy didn't lie

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Speaker 1: to you. He told you the truth. But I think

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Speaker 1: it may it may be the kind of conversation where

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Speaker 1: you have to just say, look, I gotta do this

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Speaker 1: and so, and I want to do it with somebody

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Speaker 1: who either either is going to be an active participant

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Speaker 1: who wants to be there, or I'd rather do it

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Speaker 1: on my own. I know people who've done that too. Well, Kelly,

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Speaker 1: let me take some calls and have the radio one

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Speaker 1: and thank you for sharing this. I know it's very personal,

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Speaker 1: and good luck to you.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for having me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it. We appreciate you. I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think she's gotta probably leave this guy.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, from his perspective too, like he came into this

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Speaker 6: relationship like thinking one thing and now yeah, she gets

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Speaker 6: to choose her what she wants to do. But in

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Speaker 6: a way is also like blowing up his life, you know,

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Speaker 6: like now he may lose his marriage because of it,

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Speaker 6: and he had the same intentions from the jump.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like his response, but don't I don't

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Speaker 1: disagree with with him having a say in this and

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Speaker 1: having a vote and having a desire for his life too.

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Speaker 1: I mean again, the whole. I'll well, I'll knock you

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Speaker 1: up and then just be here. I don't like that,

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Speaker 1: but I also for the people like this guy is

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Speaker 1: such a d I he didn't have to want this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he didn't have to wun the jump. This is what

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Speaker 1: I want. She's the one switching up with Yeah, she

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Speaker 1: can do. But it's sad, but it happens.

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Speaker 5: I think in marriages people just outgrow each other, not

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Speaker 5: because okay, but other things too, right, And I think

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Speaker 5: it's sad and it blows up everyone's life.

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Speaker 1: And now you know you're divorced. But it is what

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Speaker 1: it is. Autumn, Good morning, Hi, welcome.

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Speaker 7: Hi, I'm your fourteenth color.

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Speaker 1: Just so you guys know, Oh you're the fourteenth. You

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Speaker 1: know why that's impossible. We only have thirteen listeners, will

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Speaker 1: only ever have thirteen listeners. Right when we think we

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Speaker 1: got fourteen, someone moves to somewhere where they don't have

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Speaker 1: the Internet yet. It's crazy. Anyway, what do you think?

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Speaker 7: So I just I'm thinking about the child. That's always

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Speaker 7: my number one is do you really want to raise

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Speaker 7: a child or have even a fifty percent chance of

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Speaker 7: like this child not having the father being around, like

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Speaker 7: in their life. So I just think that that's that's

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Speaker 7: what I would think about. I'd leave, I for sure leave,

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Speaker 7: especially if she really wants a baby, because you don't

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Speaker 7: know for sure if he's going to want to be around,

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Speaker 7: and you don't want to do that to the baby either,

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Speaker 7: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, and and you know what it could

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Speaker 1: be like my friend who had a kid that he

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Speaker 1: wasn't expecting and and loves that kid more than anything

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Speaker 1: and it changed his life. If you're here right now,

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Speaker 1: he would tell you it's the greatest thing that ever

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Speaker 1: happened to you. I know he'd say that, but he

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Speaker 1: didn't see it. But you're taking a race, you're taking

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Speaker 1: a risk.

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Speaker 7: He's an exception, he's not the rule. Right, isn't a movie?

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Speaker 1: And I can't I can't with much confidence, Uh, engage

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Speaker 1: in that agreement, you know what I mean? Like that's

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Speaker 1: that doesn't feel good. My partner is gonna my partner

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Speaker 1: is willing to sleep with me, and you know whatever,

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Speaker 1: But but but he's not really willing to do this

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Speaker 1: with me.

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Speaker 7: So sometimes you grow apart like that just is you'd

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Speaker 7: want different things and you grow in different directions, and

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Speaker 7: that's okay. And she shouldn't feel ashamed about that. But

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Speaker 7: if she doesn't want the same things, then I mean

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Speaker 7: it might be time to part ways.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Maybe, So thank you autumn listener number. You say

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Speaker 1: fourteen and you're still thirty. But Hi, have a good day.

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Speaker 7: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I love you mean it? Hi, Kelly, Good morning, Kelly. Hello, Hi,

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Speaker 1: Hi Kelly. What do you want to say?

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Speaker 8: Hi?

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Speaker 2: I want to say that she needs to go.

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Speaker 7: This is so selfish. She should not bring a child

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Speaker 7: into this world knowing that their father wants nothing to

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Speaker 7: do with it. It's so cool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't think it's going to work under

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Speaker 1: the current arrangement, and I think it's a risk if

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Speaker 1: you do it within these the confides of this relationship,

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Speaker 1: because he's telling you he doesn't want to do it.

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Speaker 1: But thank you, Kelly. I'm glad you called. Have a

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Speaker 1: great day, you two, and thank you for listening. Brandon.

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Speaker 1: So you say stay, Why I.

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Speaker 3: Say stayed because he was honest from the very beginning.

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Speaker 3: He told her exactly what the situation was. While there's

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Speaker 3: a good chance that his mind will change when he

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Speaker 3: sees that precious young one and he holds it in

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Speaker 3: his hands. However, there's so many fathers who never were

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Speaker 3: honest from the beginning, who have a just who actually

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Speaker 3: never told their wives that, oh no, I'll do everything,

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Speaker 3: but then never do anything. Who who are married now

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Speaker 3: but never take care of the child in any way,

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Speaker 3: who perhaps live from the beginning.

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Speaker 1: I think we're talking about it. He told two different things, Brandon.

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Speaker 1: Now we're talking about dead bee dad. We're talking about

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Speaker 1: people who want a kid but don't want to work

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Speaker 1: for it. This guy, and you don't find that out

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Speaker 1: until after the fact. This guy's telling you. He's telling

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Speaker 1: you right now. Hey, he's calling a shot, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: just heads up, I don't want to do this. Like

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Speaker 1: that's I think that's a little bit different, because good

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Speaker 1: enough if you have a kid and then yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah kid, and then you don't want to raise it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's a different I think it's a different problem.

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Speaker 3: That's true. But however, he is willing to take care

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Speaker 3: of in every way. But the amount of single moms

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Speaker 3: out there who have zero support whatsoever, have to do

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Speaker 3: it all on their.

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Speaker 2: Own, well, not every way, not the emotional part.

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Speaker 1: You know, he's saying, I want to be like a

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Speaker 1: hands offstage.

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Speaker 5: So I wonder Okay, if she goes to a sperm

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Speaker 5: make and the kid doesn't hack quote unquote have a dad,

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Speaker 5: is that less painful than having a dad that's like

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Speaker 5: one foot in, one foot out the door, you know

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Speaker 5: what I mean?

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Speaker 1: On the risk that he's somehow going to buy in

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Speaker 1: after the fact. But Brandon, I appreciate you, man, Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for calling Katie. Katie, you say go,

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Speaker 1: she's got to go.

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Speaker 7: Yes, I do, well. I think if they can find

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Speaker 7: a compromise, great, But I think the idea at hands

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Speaker 7: is a bad idea, and if that's the only idea,

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Speaker 7: she should go.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So we got to vote for go.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Katie. Yeah, Larry, vote for stay. Hi, Larry,

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Speaker 1: hellover there, Larry you stay? Why?

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Speaker 8: So the reason why is that And I don't know

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Speaker 8: this gentleman's circumstances, but depending if he was an only

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Speaker 8: child or something like that, I had the same.

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Speaker 3: Thing with my folks.

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Speaker 8: So when my folks got married, my dad wanted to

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Speaker 8: have kids, but until we were like, I don't know,

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Speaker 8: seven or eight years old, he didn't really he wasn't

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Speaker 8: involved in our in our you know, raising us and

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Speaker 8: what have you. Thus he would do is probably wipe

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Speaker 8: a butt every now and then, but other than that,

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Speaker 8: he didn't do much. But as we got older, he

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Speaker 8: got more involved and active. And I think that has

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Speaker 8: a lot to do with it. Since we don't know

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Speaker 8: the gentleman's circumstances here and what his upbringing is. I

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Speaker 8: think that it's the same thing that maybe once this

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Speaker 8: child gets older, he may get more involved.

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Speaker 1: And so we love Larry, but Larry, no, I hear

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Speaker 1: what you're saying, that's a risk. I mean, I hear

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Speaker 1: what you're saying. Does a chance he buys in over

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Speaker 1: time right or warms up to the idea, But that

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Speaker 1: now you have another human involved, and I think we

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Speaker 1: have to consider not only her needs, his needs, as

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Speaker 1: Jason pointed out, but also like how's this how's this

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Speaker 1: kid going to feel if dad is truly detached from

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Speaker 1: the process. Sample Jenny, good morning, Hey, good morning. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna let you have the final say here. What do

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Speaker 1: you think? So?

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Speaker 4: I think they both should try to work it out,

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Speaker 4: only because it's a little different. But I had a

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Speaker 4: friend or I have a friend who they both got married.

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Speaker 4: In all their lives, they said, you know, we don't

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Speaker 4: want kids both but when she turned forty I think

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Speaker 4: forty one, she accidentally got pregnant. They baby, and now

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Speaker 4: they're in love with this little boy now I think

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Speaker 4: eight years old, and he says it's the best thing

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Speaker 4: that's ever happened to their lives.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's very possible.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, once the baby's here, he could easily change his mind.

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Speaker 4: You never know.

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Speaker 1: It's possible.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, but not guarantaking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a risk. I mean that's a risk. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's that's a big risk because you know he's telling

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Speaker 1: you his truth. It's almost like when people show you

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Speaker 1: who they are, you should believe them kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know that applies to different scenarios, but

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Speaker 1: it's like he's telling you. So then when when the

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Speaker 1: kid's five years old and he's like, I told you

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Speaker 1: I don't want any I don't want to do this,

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Speaker 1: you can't be mad at him, I guess because he's

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Speaker 1: as messed up as that is. He told you that.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know, Jenny, but thank you, thanks for calling.

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Speaker 1: You have a good day. Okay. Well, I don't think

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00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 1: we solve their problem, but anyway, ye