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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's looking for funding for his

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Speaker 1: new invention that combines an alarm clock with a tiny cage,

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Speaker 1: and when six am rolls around, there's no loud noise.

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Speaker 2: It just releases spiders directly into your bed. Oh you're awakenal'

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Speaker 2: oh say you think that would actually work for you?

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Speaker 3: Yes, it would just be big spoony that spider.

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Speaker 1: If you want it, you should invest in Laser Stories,

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Speaker 1: a segment where we read weird news stories around the glove,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we have a laser. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Those other snoozer newsers just don't. Okay, I've probably just

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Speaker 2: moved to my couch. Yeah, okay, we'll put it in

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Speaker 2: there too.

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Speaker 1: First Laser Stories out of Saint Louis. A paramedic called

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Speaker 1: the cops the other night after he found that someone

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Speaker 1: had broken into his car and stolen a bunch of

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Speaker 1: his stuff.

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Speaker 3: Hey, nobody got tipsy.

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Speaker 1: But then about fifteen minutes later, he got an emergency

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Speaker 1: call about a guy who'd been hit by a car,

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Speaker 1: So he got in his ambulance and rushed to the scene.

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Speaker 1: When he got there, he noticed his gym bag was

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Speaker 1: in the street next to the guy because Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: turns out the guy who'd been hit by the car

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Speaker 1: was the same dude who just robbed him.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Wow. And if you're wondering, the paramedic handled the whole

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Speaker 1: situation like a pro. First, he treated the guy, made

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Speaker 1: sure he wasn't in a life or death situation. Then

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Speaker 1: he called the cops and told him that he found

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Speaker 1: the burglar.

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Speaker 3: I would say, then he beat him up and he

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Speaker 3: got his stuff back.

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Speaker 1: The police haven't released any details yet on whether they

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Speaker 1: arrested the guy, but they did say it was the

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Speaker 1: most karma thing to happen to someone in their area

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Speaker 1: for a very very long time. This next laser stories

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Speaker 1: out of all over North America, the small area, if

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Speaker 1: you can believe it, School has already begun in some parts,

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Speaker 1: and teachers are already being terrorized.

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Speaker 2: By who may you ask that quick? None of them

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Speaker 2: than the coin boys.

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Speaker 5: Boys.

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Speaker 2: Good question, you group.

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Speaker 5: Thank you, guys and gals.

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Speaker 1: Apparently it's the latest trend for middle school kids who

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Speaker 1: carry a quarter in one hand at all times and

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Speaker 1: constantly flip it.

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Speaker 2: Oh, what are we like back in the fifties. I

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Speaker 2: don't know, that's what they do.

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Speaker 1: The teens have their entire personality revolved around coins, coin flips,

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Speaker 1: and chance. For example, in one Phoenix classroom, a teacher

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Speaker 1: said when they got assigned the first homework of the

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Speaker 1: school year, one of the coin boys was bold enough

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Speaker 1: to stand up and say heads, I do it, tails,

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Speaker 1: I don't.

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Speaker 4: Coin mafia his two faces from Batman exactly.

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Speaker 1: The teacher told him if he flipped the coin, he

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Speaker 1: would be getting a call home on the first week,

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Speaker 1: even just fluts.

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Speaker 2: He flipped it anything.

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Speaker 5: Bad.

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Speaker 1: Coin boys don't play by the rule. I guess it

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Speaker 1: did land on heads, so he would still.

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Speaker 2: Have to do the homework.

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Speaker 1: Disappointed one of the other classmates, coins landed on tails,

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Speaker 1: and that kid said the coin has spoken okay, and

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Speaker 1: he said he is not doing the assignment.

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Speaker 3: Damne Middle School. I wonder if he's a coin boy.

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Speaker 3: I gotta say the title of it is pretty cool. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: like the coys. I just wish that they kept it.

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Speaker 3: You know, maybe out of.

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Speaker 1: School teachers are hoping the trend dies off soon, But

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Speaker 1: if you spend any time on Twitter, it's.

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Speaker 2: Not looking good.

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Speaker 3: Oh man.

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Speaker 1: There are tons of rallying support for the coin boys,

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Speaker 1: with thousands of memes on the top of Alexis.

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Speaker 4: You better tell your mom to lock up that change

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Speaker 4: jar next to the dryer.

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Speaker 1: Just don't give him access this next the story is

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Speaker 1: out of Career Central. Another day, another strange job listing

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Speaker 1: just to get attention.

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Speaker 3: So bitter about these.

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Speaker 1: We're dumb enough to keep covering these. This time the

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Speaker 1: Coco Bodu hit the resort in the Maldives in South Asia. Okay, listening,

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Speaker 1: they're looking to hire a Ken. So what's the job beach?

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Speaker 1: Just which is what Ryan Gosling says. His job is

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Speaker 1: in Barbie.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, god, I think that's amazing movie.

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Speaker 1: Whoever gets chosen is going to be flown out for

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Speaker 1: ten days, along with quote a partner or allan of

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Speaker 1: their choosing.

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Speaker 3: Ken's best friend.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, okay, yeah, it's.

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Speaker 4: Kind of like Skipper to Barbie, but Skipper's are a

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Speaker 4: little sister anyway.

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Speaker 2: There are some requirements for the gig.

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Speaker 1: The winning applicant will have to know how to stand

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Speaker 1: proudly in the sand, anti his head of all thoughts,

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Speaker 1: hold and lean on a surfboard.

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Speaker 2: Actual surfing not required.

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Speaker 3: That's awesome.

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Speaker 1: Plus, the resort's requiring the winning Ken to know all

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Speaker 1: the words by heart to push by Matchbox twenty.

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Speaker 4: That he sings it in the in the movie or something.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Does he have to bleach his hair though, that's not

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Speaker 3: a requirement in here.

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Speaker 4: There's a lot of different kens, just like there's a

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Speaker 4: lot of different barbies. I want to know if he's

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Speaker 4: allowed to bend any of his elbows?

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Speaker 2: Yea full time.

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Speaker 1: Apparently it's only for residents of the UK, though, which

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Speaker 1: sucks because it does sound kind of awesome.

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Speaker 3: You can't have a British can, Yeah you can? You

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Speaker 3: can ye with an accent.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, then we talked about an English.

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Speaker 5: Can on that to t this next things stories out

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Speaker 5: of relationship h Q.

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Speaker 1: There's a new survey on when people hit different milestones

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Speaker 1: in their relationships, and the first one is surprisingly or

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Speaker 1: not surprisingly physical intimacy.

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Speaker 4: Oh average, I hate these surveys.

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Speaker 1: On average, they say it happens after just five dates.

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Speaker 2: Oh wait, five forever should have more than five hours.

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Speaker 3: Of the day, Jose, get down a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Here's the other major moments in a new relationship. Talking

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Speaker 1: about politics and religion for the first time after six weeks.

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Speaker 4: Oh oh, man, see you hit five dates?

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Speaker 2: You do it?

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Speaker 3: And then you get to the dark stone.

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Speaker 1: You go to your girlfriends and you're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: we talked about Congress last night. Everybody also use the

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Speaker 1: terms boyfriend and girlfriend. That tends happen around eight weeks

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Speaker 1: while bringing up your ex two months and three days

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Speaker 1: into the relationship, not after you already a couples.

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Speaker 3: Had to be people who are sober and dating. You know,

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Speaker 3: this is can't be for people who drink alcoholic.

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Speaker 1: Wearing unattractive underwear three months and twenty four days.

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Speaker 4: Oh dude, you need to set the expectations low ceriously

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Speaker 4: else we're going to have to keep that up the

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Speaker 4: rest of the relationship.

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Speaker 2: Own hot underwear. Yeah, that's that's what you mean.

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Speaker 1: You just set the bar and that's where it's as

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Speaker 1: just don't wear any under it. Say, introduce them to

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Speaker 1: your family. It happens around four months.

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Speaker 2: Who is your daddy and what does he do? Passing

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Speaker 2: gas in front of them?

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Speaker 3: That happens by accident. Yeah, you're right.

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Speaker 2: It's always like in the middle.

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Speaker 1: So let's call this purposely passing gas and being okay

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Speaker 1: with it five months and twenty one days on average.

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Speaker 3: I'm still not okay with it. I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I don't purposely do that in front of my

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Speaker 4: husband ever.

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Speaker 1: And finally considering getting engaged twenty three months. Wow. Again,

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Speaker 1: that's the average timeline for adults in our country.

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Speaker 2: But I know some people like to move.

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Speaker 3: A lot faster, Like Joy.

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Speaker 2: It is the sound of a.

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Speaker 1: Turtle meeting a k Swiss just two minutes in. Slow

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Speaker 1: down and talk about politics for a second. That's how

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Speaker 1: means the Laser Stories has come to an end for

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Speaker 1: the day. We'll do it again the same time on

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Speaker 1: Wednesday

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Speaker 4: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning,