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Speaker 1: The only real important thing in the world is that

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Speaker 1: we developed these young men and women in such a

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Speaker 1: way that they understand how to compete, and they understand

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Speaker 1: how to play fair, and they understand that they are

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Speaker 1: not going to be defined by the outcome of this game.

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Speaker 2: This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring

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Speaker 2: healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through

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Speaker 2: education and advocacy.

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Speaker 3: Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the Reform Sports Podcast. Today,

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Speaker 3: I'm speaking with Adam Gold, longtime North Carolina sportscaster who

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Speaker 3: just celebrated twenty five years on the radio. The host

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Speaker 3: of The Adam Gold Show, Adam covers North Carolina's collegiate

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Speaker 3: and professional teams, talking sports year round, a staple of

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Speaker 3: sports radio for over two decades. Adam was named the

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty two North Carolina Sportscaster of the Year and

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Speaker 3: is an Emmy winner for a multi platform documentary on

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Speaker 3: the influence of money and college sports. Adam and I

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Speaker 3: discuss why it's important to remember that players mimic both

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Speaker 3: the good and bad behavior of their coaches, the media's

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Speaker 3: role in professionalizing youth sports, and why as a coach

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Speaker 3: he prioritizes players mental and emotional wellbeing over the technical

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Speaker 3: aspects of the game.

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Speaker 2: I am really really excited. I have someone who I

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Speaker 2: listened to daily. He's a long time sportscaster. He's a

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Speaker 2: damn stud. He was named the twenty twenty two right, Adam,

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Speaker 2: I gotta blow you out man, twenty twenty two North

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Speaker 2: Carolina sportscaster of the Year. And you just celebrated twenty

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Speaker 2: five years on the radio. So Adam gold Man, thanks

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Speaker 2: for hopping on.

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Speaker 1: Adam gold The pleasure is mine. Nick. The word stud

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Speaker 1: got me. It has been a long time since I

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Speaker 1: have thought of myself in that manner, but thank you.

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Speaker 2: Listen. My job is to have We're gonna have a

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Speaker 2: great interview. We're going to talk about some important things,

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Speaker 2: and I got to stroke your ego a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you'll come on. That's fun. But what made me

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Speaker 2: want to and for those listening, wanted to reach out

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Speaker 2: to Adam having come on. Obviously I listened to him

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Speaker 2: all the time. Covers you know, majority in the Triangle

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Speaker 2: area in North Carolina and also nationally professional sports and

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Speaker 2: collegiate sports, particularly here in North Carolina, and Adam, like

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Speaker 2: I've heard you talk about youth sports. I know you're

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Speaker 2: a sports parent, and we recently just had like a

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Speaker 2: piece of legislation in the state of North Carolina that's

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Speaker 2: like up for review, and I want to start here

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Speaker 2: with you because it's something that's near and dear right

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Speaker 2: here in our state talking about, you know, making a

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Speaker 2: law outlawing participation trophies in youth sports. What the hell's

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Speaker 2: going on there?

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Speaker 1: I you know, for the life of me, somebody brought

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Speaker 1: it to my attention and just said, have you seen this?

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Speaker 1: And I went and read it and it's only like

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Speaker 1: a two sentence bill, and all I could think of was,

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Speaker 1: who hurt you that you would actually take the time?

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Speaker 1: You know, it didn't take a lot of time to

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Speaker 1: write it, because again it's a two sentence bill, But

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Speaker 1: who hurt you that you would go and actually think

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Speaker 1: that this is something necessary as the participation true the

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Speaker 1: anti participation trophy. People feel like this is a scourge

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Speaker 1: upon our society from their perspective, at worst, it's a

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Speaker 1: net zero. At the absolute most evil, it's a net zero.

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Speaker 1: It's neither good nor bad. It is not a sign

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Speaker 1: that our society is becoming somehow soft. I'll kid, you not.

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Speaker 1: We talked about it on the radio for about thirty

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Speaker 1: minutes one day. It was actually because we were and

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Speaker 1: had finally given up waiting for the state senator who

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Speaker 1: wrote it to respond to our calls and texts to

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Speaker 1: come on. I mean he gave us, he gave us

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Speaker 1: his phone number and then ghosted us, which is fine.

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Speaker 1: I don't I mean, that's fine, I don't care. But

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Speaker 1: I hadn't talked about it because I wanted to talk

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Speaker 1: about it with him first. But it had been like

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Speaker 1: two days and he's not getting back to us, and

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Speaker 1: they weren't even session, so I mean, he could have

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Speaker 1: easily just said, hey, can't do it now, would love

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Speaker 1: to do it in the future. He just was not

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Speaker 1: interested in having a conversation, and that's fine. I don't

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Speaker 1: blame him. I wouldn't be either. So we talked about

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Speaker 1: it on the radio and actually had somebody use the

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Speaker 1: term that's why we're creating sissies today, and I thought, well,

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Speaker 1: that's a thing that just happened. Cool. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: funny you called me a sports parent, and I am.

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Speaker 1: My son plays fairly competitive youth soccer. He's fourteen. But

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Speaker 1: I also coached for a long time. I coached before

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Speaker 1: I had kids. I coached when I lived in Baltimore.

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Speaker 1: I coached baseball twelve thirteen fourteen year old kids in

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Speaker 1: a city league. I coached for three years there. I

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Speaker 1: coached when I moved to Raleigh. I just loved doing

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Speaker 1: it and I was I'm a baseball player first, as

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Speaker 1: I know you are, so I wanted to coach little

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Speaker 1: league baseball. So I had no kids. City Raleigh allowed

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Speaker 1: me to coach a team, so I coached for a

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Speaker 1: couple of years Citi Raleigh, and then I married a

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Speaker 1: woman and she had already She already had a son,

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Speaker 1: which was awesome. He was at the age where he's

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Speaker 1: starting to play sports, so I coached him in basketball,

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Speaker 1: and coached him in baseball, coached him in soccer at

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Speaker 1: the why level, which is really what this guy is

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Speaker 1: talking about. It's that level of soccer, the rec league

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Speaker 1: level of sports. So I've been in both sides of it.

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Speaker 1: I've been in the parent side of it, and I've

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Speaker 1: been to the coach side of it, and I can

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Speaker 1: actually see problems in both areas that need to be

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Speaker 1: dealt with by not just smart people, but people who

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Speaker 1: are aware of all of the elements in play.

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Speaker 2: That's a great segue because I know you've spent, as

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Speaker 2: I mentioned, the majority of your career covering high level

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Speaker 2: collegiate professional sports. What changes have you witnessed over the

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Speaker 2: span of the twenty five years that you've been covering

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Speaker 2: at those levels and you know, good, bad, are indifferent,

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Speaker 2: and what if anything have you noticed has trickle down

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Speaker 2: to youth sports?

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Speaker 1: Well, everything trickles down to youth sports because everything they

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Speaker 1: see they do so And again, my son right now

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Speaker 1: is playing at a pretty high level of classic soccer,

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Speaker 1: so it's very competitive, but at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: it's still just youth sports, right And the roles for

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Speaker 1: substitutions are different. It's not like you start and when

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Speaker 1: you come off the field you're done. There's free substitutions,

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Speaker 1: so it's still kind of a hybrid. And I'm amazed

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Speaker 1: at the way everybody celebrates a goal or you know,

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Speaker 1: acts on the field, and they act exactly as what

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Speaker 1: they see. Yeah, no, I don't have a problem when

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Speaker 1: people celebrate goals. I don't have a problem when I'm

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Speaker 1: watching the Premier League. If I'm watching Liverpool and Arsenal

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Speaker 1: I don't have a problem when Gabrielle Jsus scores a

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Speaker 1: goal and goes to the corner and shushes the crowd.

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Speaker 1: I have zero problem with that, and I really don't

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Speaker 1: have a problem that much when I see players do

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Speaker 1: it at my son's level. But all I'm saying is

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Speaker 1: that they copy everything they see. At some point it

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Speaker 1: becomes this is what is done, and again I'm generally

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Speaker 1: okay with it. There are times when it seems excessive unnecessary,

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Speaker 1: but that's what they see, and again I think that's

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Speaker 1: basically harmless. There are certain gamesmanship that happen at the

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Speaker 1: professional level that have no business at the youth level.

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Speaker 1: But again, we're imitating everything that we see, and I

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Speaker 1: think in some ways that has trickled down to the

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Speaker 1: adults that have something to do with youth sports, and

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Speaker 1: they treat it as though this is the be this

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Speaker 1: is the absolute most important thing in the world, and

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Speaker 1: the only real important thing in the world. Is that

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Speaker 1: we develop these young men and women in such a

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Speaker 1: way that they understand how to compete, and they understand

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Speaker 1: how to play fair, and they understand that they are

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Speaker 1: not going to be defined by the outcome of this.

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Speaker 2: Game as you were talking right there. I literally as

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Speaker 2: you were saying, it trickles down to the adults in

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Speaker 2: youth sports. I literally visualize, you know, watching loup panella,

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Speaker 2: you know, going bananas. Yeah, you know. And then you

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Speaker 2: say it doesn't happen all the time, But turn on

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Speaker 2: social media. You see it doesn't matter the sport. But

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Speaker 2: you'll see a baseball coach at a nine YOU game

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Speaker 2: or a basketball you know, they Bobby Knight, the fifteen

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Speaker 2: year old referee, they're freaking loop Penelli in the twelve

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Speaker 2: year old umpire at a seven U game. It's like,

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Speaker 2: you know, that's a great point, Like it's not. And

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Speaker 2: I interviewed Jim Calhoun and he talked about it. He's like,

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Speaker 2: it's not the same. Like we're being coaches at the

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Speaker 2: kyle and professional level are being compensated millions of dollars

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Speaker 2: and high salaries. There's a lot more at stake. Volunteer

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Speaker 2: coaches don't need to mimic the likes of the intensity

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Speaker 2: of a final four game.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's I think it's funny. I'll just bring up

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Speaker 1: a an anecdote from a youth game that my son

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Speaker 1: played in, and this is actually this is about a

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Speaker 1: year and a half ago, so he wasn't even playing

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Speaker 1: at this level yet. NCFC has three tiers of football.

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Speaker 1: They have REC, which is really just these kids aren't

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Speaker 1: all that great or for whatever reason, they didn't have

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Speaker 1: the time to devote for the extra practice every other

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Speaker 1: week to play at a challenge level, so they're just

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Speaker 1: playing REC. They can get on the field, run around,

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Speaker 1: kicking soccer ball, and that is purely just you know, fun.

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Speaker 1: It wouldn't even matter if they didn't keep score. Sure,

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Speaker 1: there's that, and then there's Challenge level, which is the

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Speaker 1: middle point between REC and classic. The level kids they're

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Speaker 1: not quite good enough to be high level competitive players.

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Speaker 1: And for most of his time, jack my son Jack

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Speaker 1: was playing at that level. And we were playing a

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Speaker 1: match and Jackson keeper and one of his best friends

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Speaker 1: was one of our forwards, and a team we were

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Speaker 1: playing against the coach was screaming not only at his players,

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Speaker 1: but screaming at referees throughout the game, and it took

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Speaker 1: about fifteen minutes twenty minutes for this to happen for

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Speaker 1: him to get going, and then by the time we

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Speaker 1: got to the second half, the other team was screaming

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Speaker 1: and yelling at referees. Teams will take on the personality

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Speaker 1: of their coach, whoever is in charge of leading them,

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Speaker 1: especially at a youth level. It is just an absolute

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Speaker 1: guarantee that if the coach behaves poorly on the sideline,

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Speaker 1: the players will behave poorly on the field. It is

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Speaker 1: a direct I mean, it's immediate, and it is an

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Speaker 1: absolute certainty. So predictably, that game got out of hand

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Speaker 1: at the end and to the point where parents got involved.

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Speaker 1: It was a very ugly scene and it was it

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Speaker 1: was shameful to even be a part of it. I

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Speaker 1: know this is going to sound like, well, my son

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Speaker 1: would never do anything like that. There's no question that

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Speaker 1: our team said things to the other team in the

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Speaker 1: course of the game, but it definitely began when the

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Speaker 1: other team just went absolutely I could not believe we

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Speaker 1: went to an eleven midway through the first half. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: why are we here? And then they ended up tying

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Speaker 1: us in like the last sequence of the game, and

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Speaker 1: so our emotions are our players emotions were pretty raw,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden I realized that we have

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Speaker 1: a bunch of kids arguing and there was nothing physical

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Speaker 1: about it. And then parents got involved. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what is going on here? But it really began because

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Speaker 1: the other coaches decided that. And I think this is

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Speaker 1: the way they act. This is just the way they coach.

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Speaker 1: And look, it's not that important to get a call.

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Speaker 1: It just isn't that at that level, It's not that

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Speaker 1: important to get a call. I get you know, when

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Speaker 1: we're getting up into really competitive sports, I get it,

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Speaker 1: but we weren't at that in challenge. But again, this

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Speaker 1: is about the adults also mimicking what they see on television,

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Speaker 1: so working the refs, screaming at the refs. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie and say I have questioned a

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Speaker 1: call or I have asked a question, what did you

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Speaker 1: see here? Why did you say that? Why did you

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Speaker 1: do that? But you know at that point, these are

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Speaker 1: these are not the best referees in the world. Pretty

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Speaker 1: safe to say that many times these are sixteen year

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Speaker 1: old boys or girls who are just you know, making

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Speaker 1: an extra twenty five dollars on a Saturday, So why

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Speaker 1: would we be giving them a hard time? Real quick

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Speaker 1: about referees. And I actually wrote this down because I

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Speaker 1: thought it was important. I think the most important and

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Speaker 1: not just how coaches and players deal with referees. We've

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Speaker 1: told our players don't ar don't ever argue with a

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Speaker 1: referee a You're not going to change their mind and

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Speaker 1: be You're only going to make them mad at you.

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Speaker 1: If you want to ask them a question in a

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Speaker 1: respectful way. I have no problem with that because I

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Speaker 1: think that is helpful to you and them. But the

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Speaker 1: referees that we deal with on a regular basis, and

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Speaker 1: I'll just use the sport of soccer because that's what

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Speaker 1: my son plays. Your primary job or basketball too. Actually

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Speaker 1: it works out well. Your primary job as a referee

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Speaker 1: is not to call the game. It's to protect the players.

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Speaker 1: And we can say, well, you have to get the

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Speaker 1: calls right. Sure, we'd like you to get the calls right,

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Speaker 1: but again, these are not professional referees. They're going to

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Speaker 1: get a lot of calls wrong, and they do, and

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Speaker 1: you just deal with it. But games will get out

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Speaker 1: of control physically unless the referees do a better job

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Speaker 1: of policing it. And that is the only thing that

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Speaker 1: I have ever argued with a referee about as when

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Speaker 1: I was a coach, is can we please make sure

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Speaker 1: that nobody gets hurt here? Because I have seen games

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Speaker 1: physical and I'm not even arguing that a foul. It

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Speaker 1: could have been just two guys fouling each other.

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Speaker 2: Sure right.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that we deserve to call or they

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Speaker 1: deserve to call. I'm just saying the way we are

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Speaker 1: playing this match is way too physical, and it is

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Speaker 1: your job to make sure that nobody gets hurt. That

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Speaker 1: is the first job of the referee. So that's the

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Speaker 1: only time I have ever yelled with a referee. And

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Speaker 1: I actually he was running past me and I said,

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Speaker 1: are we going to protect these kids from each.

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Speaker 2: Other or no?

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Speaker 1: And he looked at me. Up. I'm like, you think

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Speaker 1: this is okay, because I don't. I don't. I don't

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Speaker 1: care who you put call a foul of, but that

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Speaker 1: has to stop. Uh So that was my only concern.

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Speaker 1: The only time I've ever as a youth referee, as

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Speaker 1: a youth coach in soccer, it's the only time I've

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Speaker 1: ever yelled at a referee.

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Speaker 2: I think that's I mean, I want to say it's

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Speaker 2: it's obvious, but I mean it's not. I mean, I love,

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Speaker 2: you know, sports, I love the physicality. My sons are wrestlers.

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Speaker 2: I mean, they played football. I love hockey. I love

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Speaker 2: all you know, I love when things get a little physical,

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Speaker 2: but there's a there's a right physical and there's a wrong.

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Speaker 2: And I think to your point, and I mean, maybe

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Speaker 2: you got to have a little bit of feel, but

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Speaker 2: you can kind of sense when things are getting a

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Speaker 2: little chippy, you know, when you see a little a

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Speaker 2: little extra, you know, And that's kind of I think

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Speaker 2: what you're talking about.

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Speaker 1: I I mean, soccer is a contact sport. Basketball is

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Speaker 1: a contact sport. They are they're contact sports. There's a

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Speaker 1: lot of physicality. There's a lot of danger involved in

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Speaker 1: playing these sports. Even at the competitive youth level, there

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Speaker 1: is a ton of danger involved. I've seen kids, uh

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Speaker 1: break bones. I saw a match that we played in.

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Speaker 1: It was actually it was a challenging match. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: even a classic match. I saw collision on the on

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Speaker 1: the field actually involving my son as a goalkeeper, where

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Speaker 1: he came out to play a ball and he collided

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Speaker 1: with turns out a friend to his uh. And it's

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Speaker 1: just an honest, innocent collision. There's gonna it's gonna happen,

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Speaker 1: and that kid suffered a separated shoulder and a broken

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Speaker 1: classical There are going to be injuries that happened, but

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Speaker 1: that didn't happen because the game got too physical. That

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Speaker 1: was just a freak. But these are contact sports and uh,

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Speaker 1: they just have to be. You just have to monitor

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Speaker 1: it and not let it get out of hand, because

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Speaker 1: again that that's the first job of youth officials. It's

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Speaker 1: to make sure the kids don't get hurt as best

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Speaker 1: they can.

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Speaker 2: You know, I've heard you talking about this a lot,

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Speaker 2: not just you, but I mean it's a nationwide topic

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Speaker 2: right now. It's completely changed the landscape of recruiting and

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Speaker 2: collegiate sports, the professionalization even you call professionalization of youth

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Speaker 2: sports for crying out loud, forget about collegiate I think

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Speaker 2: it's been professional for you know, as long as we

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Speaker 2: can bring back. But as a radio host journalist, what

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Speaker 2: role does the media play in terms of exposure or

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Speaker 2: more specifically, in perhaps fueling the exposure and hype around you,

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Speaker 2: you know, young athletes who are still developing not just

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Speaker 2: as athletes, but maturing as individual people as well, particularly

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Speaker 2: when it comes to things like nil. How can the

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Speaker 2: media not like, for instance, I give you an example

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Speaker 2: you might see in baseball and particular now there was

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Speaker 2: a big rule change here recently where collegiate baseball used.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you see kids in seventh and eighth grade

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Speaker 2: announcing their commitments, and you have some quessanies out there

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Speaker 2: that are literally doing like live Instagram. I mean, these

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Speaker 2: are I don't want to name them, but they's some

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Speaker 2: of the biggest gorillas in the room in travel baseball.

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Speaker 2: Having seventh and eighth graders announced on Instagram their commitment

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Speaker 2: to accoueage. Well, theoretically, there's nothing binding with that commitment.

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Speaker 2: You don't sign a national letter and until you're a senior.

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Speaker 2: There's so many kids who commit and then that they

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Speaker 2: don't develop and that scholarship goes away. But yet you

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Speaker 2: have people in the media fueling the Listen, there's only

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Speaker 2: going to be how many Lebron James are going to

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Speaker 2: be being called the Chosen One at seventeen years old?

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Speaker 2: So how does that help the overall development and their identity?

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Speaker 2: And how does the media do you think play the role?

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Speaker 2: And maybe the good and the bad of that.

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Speaker 1: I think it all comes down to. In my profession,

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Speaker 1: I think there's not a lot of honest, like thoughtful

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Speaker 1: perspective on things like this. The way what you described

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Speaker 1: to me is more of a parental issue than anything else.

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Speaker 1: As a parent. You know, let's just pretend that my

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Speaker 1: fourteen year old is good enough right now to be

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Speaker 1: college is if you want to play here, you've got

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Speaker 1: a spot. Well, let's just assume that that's true. Am

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Speaker 1: I going to encourage him to go on his Instagram

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Speaker 1: account and commit or have some sort of a show. No, man, Like,

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Speaker 1: I know too much about life to know that. You know,

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Speaker 1: you know what could really change between fourteen and seventeen

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Speaker 1: years old. Everything your body could change. You could stop growing,

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Speaker 1: you could grow too much, you could grow too much

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Speaker 1: in the wrong direction. There's a thousand things that could

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Speaker 1: happen to kids that I would never I would never

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Speaker 1: encourage them to put themselves out there like that because

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Speaker 1: it just I think it's a bad look. And I

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Speaker 1: think those types of things are about parenting more than

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Speaker 1: they are about anything else. And I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: teach anybody how to parent. You do whatever it is

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Speaker 1: you want, but I don't. I would not be interested

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Speaker 1: in having my son do that. But like all this

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Speaker 1: other stuff, in all I mean, it's what they see,

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Speaker 1: you know, the high school seniors and with the hat show,

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Speaker 1: and you know what those kids have achieved at that level,

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Speaker 1: if they want to have a little fun with it,

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Speaker 1: and if it's good for their high school and all

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Speaker 1: of that, and in some respects it's a life changing thing. Yeah, Okay,

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Speaker 1: do I like it? Not? Really? Do I hate it

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Speaker 1: to the point where I'm gonna complain about it? Nah,

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Speaker 1: they gonna do it. But I do think that there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who do what I do for

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Speaker 1: a living that they're looking at it from all right,

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Speaker 1: we have to celebrate this because this kid is either

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Speaker 1: front by area or coming to school in my area.

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Speaker 1: So you're going to play it up. So we're kind

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Speaker 1: of feeding the beast. If we didn't want it, we

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Speaker 1: wouldn't give it the attention that they are seeking. But

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Speaker 1: I do think that we look at these things. I

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Speaker 1: literally could care less. I don't follow recruiting at any

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Speaker 1: level in any sport. I do not know who any

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Speaker 1: of let's just say, dukes in becoming basketball players are.

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Speaker 1: If they were sitting in this room with me, I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't know who they are. I will figure them out

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Speaker 1: when they get on campus in the fall. And I

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Speaker 1: will say that about any sport. I just don't know.

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Speaker 1: Every time you go up a level, whether it's from

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Speaker 1: youth sports to middle school, middle school to high school,

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Speaker 1: high school to college, the cone is getting narrower and narrower.

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Speaker 1: It's a big code at the bottom. It's an inverse code.

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Speaker 1: It's not like an ice cream cone. The further you

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Speaker 1: get up, the more narrow it gets. And only the

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Speaker 1: best team going up. It's going to get harder and

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Speaker 1: harder and harder. And enjoy your youth sports while you can.

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Speaker 1: But man, the older you are as you keep playing,

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Speaker 1: the more serious it becomes, the more serious the people become.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not a fan of all that,

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Speaker 1: but I think it's a parent Pasian.

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Speaker 3: When you return, Adam and I discuss why playing sports

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Speaker 3: at the youth level is an achievement that should be celebrated.

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Speaker 3: Where we left off, Adam and I were about to

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Speaker 3: talk about why sports can be a life changing experience

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Speaker 3: for kids when coaches prioritized well being over results.

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Speaker 2: Just judging by the fact that you said you wouldn't

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Speaker 2: know who the uh you know, the top duke recruit

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Speaker 2: would be if they were in your office right now,

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Speaker 2: I'm guessing you wouldn't know who the top ten you

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Speaker 2: nationally ranked kids are in the core. Let's say there

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Speaker 2: are nationally ranks.

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Speaker 1: Why why are there that?

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Speaker 2: Exactly? That's my point.

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Speaker 1: Why do we have that?

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Speaker 2: Exactly? It's a money grab. That's why.

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Speaker 1: Yes, somebody gets paid to rank ten year olds in

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Speaker 1: a sport. I'll never, ever, ever in my life understand

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Speaker 1: why that's a healthy thing. It just look one of

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Speaker 1: the things that I've always believed in. And this goes

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Speaker 1: back to my time coaching, and it was I stopped

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Speaker 1: coaching last year. I coached my son at a challenge

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Speaker 1: soccer team because I had the opportunity to do it,

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Speaker 1: and last year was the last year I'm ever going

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Speaker 1: to coach. I believe that the kids are so much

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Speaker 1: smarter than the adults to them credit. And just to

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Speaker 1: go back to the dufus in the state legislature who

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Speaker 1: wrote the bill outlawing participation trophies for the lowest level

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Speaker 1: of sports, basically because those are the only people who

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Speaker 1: give out participation trophies like city leagues. And by the way,

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Speaker 1: playing is a level of achievement. Making every practice, making

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Speaker 1: every game is a level of achieve especially.

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Speaker 2: When seven years old. For crying out loud exactly.

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Speaker 1: So the players, the young boys and girls who play,

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Speaker 1: they understand how good they are. They understand how good

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Speaker 1: the players on their own team are. They get the

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Speaker 1: hierarchy of who's good, who's not, who should play more,

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Speaker 1: or who should play. They get all of that. We

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Speaker 1: don't have to protect them from any of that because

433
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 1: they get it. I mean, I can't even put a

434
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,359
Speaker 1: figure on it, but I'll just say they are five

435
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:15,959
Speaker 1: hundred percent more intelligent than adults give them credit. And

436
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 1: I think we would be much better to stop trying

437
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: to protect them from that and just watch, just watch,

438
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: and if a problem comes up, then we can address it.

439
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 1: But I think you create more problems by trying to

440
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 1: prevent a problem that doesn't really exist. I've coached I

441
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: don't know how many years, it's got to be a

442
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: dozen years total in Baltimore City or Raleigh and then

443
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: youth Sucker, not all as the head coach. But I've

444
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: coached probably for ten twelve years. I've had zero Actually, no,

445
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: I shouldn't say zero. I've had one parent problem one

446
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: and it's because I was coaching Baseball City and after

447
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:00,199
Speaker 1: our first practice, I had all players and all of

448
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: their parents around me, and I was saying, I have

449
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,919
Speaker 1: one ground rule, and this ground rule is not for

450
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: the players in front of me. The ground rule is

451
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 1: only for the parents. Do not coach your kids. Don't please,

452
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: I'm begging you. Don't coach your kids while we are

453
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: at practice or while we are at a game. If

454
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: they're doing what I have asked them to do right,

455
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,719
Speaker 1: then let them do that. Do not tell them to

456
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 1: do something, because who may be telling them to do

457
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 1: something that I have asked not to do or I

458
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: am not telling them to do. I want you, as parents,

459
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:38,120
Speaker 1: I'm taking all the pressure off you. Come watch your

460
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: son play, enjoy it, and be there for them if

461
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,120
Speaker 1: they have questions. I've told every single player if there

462
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 1: is a problem with anything I am doing or singing

463
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 1: to you, please tell me you're not going to hurt

464
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: my feelings. I want to know if you are okay.

465
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: I want all of you to have fun. I want

466
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,640
Speaker 1: all of you to be happy. And I have one

467
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 1: parent who didn't like the fact that I told turn

468
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: not to coach her kid and she had two boys

469
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: on my team, and I said, if that is a

470
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: problem for you, and you would like to have them,

471
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: move to another team. I will call the league and

472
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: will get them switched. I have no problem with that. Yeah,

473
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,120
Speaker 1: I didn't realize at the time that one of her

474
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: sons would ultimately be my best player and the other son.

475
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 1: And they were not twins, but they were born in

476
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: the same year, so they played at the same level.

477
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 1: One was like in eighth grade, the other was in

478
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: seventh grade.

479
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 2: Perish twins or something like that.

480
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: Right, the eighth grader was my best player. The seventh

481
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:39,439
Speaker 1: grader was my smartest player. And I still I still

482
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 1: have a relationship with that kid who was in the

483
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: seventh grade then today. I still communicate with him. This

484
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: is twenty years ago.

485
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 2: That's awesome.

486
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: So he is married, he's got kids. I still talk

487
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: with him today. Needless to say, they didn't leave the team.

488
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 1: They told their mother coach is right, you just need

489
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: to sit and watch. She did not like me from

490
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 1: that moment, but her boys. She allowed her boys to play.

491
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: I never had a problem with her, but she also

492
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: really didn't say another word to me for the balance

493
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: of that season. But the parents need to stop being

494
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 1: coaches on the field. I see it every game. I

495
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 1: gold every single game. You just have to shut up

496
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,880
Speaker 1: let the coaches coach. If the coaches are not good,

497
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 1: they're not supposed to be good. They're not paid, they're

498
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: just parents for the most part. But we're doing the

499
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 1: best we can. I don't know a soccer ball. I

500
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,120
Speaker 1: don't know if a soccer ball is blown up or stuffed,

501
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: but I know kids. I know. My job was to

502
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: manage the emotions of what at that point, depending on

503
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: the age, twelve, thirteen or fourteen year old kids. I

504
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: wasn't coaching them in soccer, right. I have an older

505
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: son who played. He actually did the technical coaching. It

506
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 1: was my job just to make sure everybody was in

507
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,400
Speaker 1: a good headspace. That was what I did. I think

508
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 1: that's my best skill as a coach, to recognize when

509
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 1: kids needed, uh, just kind of a mental break, or

510
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: when kids need to be told, look, you're you can't

511
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: do this. You're hurting them, You're hurting your teammates. Uh,

512
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: they all want to be they all want to be

513
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: good teammates. That's what I found is that the if

514
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: you have, if you have good players, they generally all

515
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: want to have all want to be good teammates. I

516
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: think I rambled. I'm not even sure it made me

517
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: sense there.

518
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 2: I love it, especially the teammate part. But I want

519
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 2: to finish with this. I mean, considering your longtime involvement

520
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 2: in sports, what positives and negatives do you see in

521
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 2: the youth sports experience today? And what do you want

522
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 2: for your son or your kids in their youth sports experience.

523
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: Uh, that's that is a great, great question. Problem I

524
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: see in youth sports is unfortunately, like everything else in life,

525
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: it's become a money grab. For instance, and this is

526
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: not Germane too NCFCU because I see it in every

527
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: single goal club that pops up, and it gets back

528
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: to a parental problem. If a kid is not good

529
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: enough to play classic level soccer, somehow the parents feel like,

530
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: how can we we're as good as that player. You

531
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: might be. The evaluation process is not foolproof, but there's

532
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: not spots for everybody. But what those what the clubs

533
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: will do is that they will create another level of

534
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: team and every As a matter of fact, in the

535
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: last year, two clubs that didn't have a third or

536
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: a fourth team created one because there was a demand

537
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: by parents who wanted to get their kids into classic soccer. Essentially,

538
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: they're glorified challenge teams where they're just not good enough

539
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 1: and that's it's okay, not everybody is good enough. What

540
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: we're doing is we're kind of inflating their sense of well,

541
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: how good we are and don't I don't think that's

542
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: fair to to the kids. But it's really about how

543
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: much money can we get out of parents. Youth sports

544
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: are too expensive to begin with, and then we get

545
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 1: into that. So that's the problem I have with youth sports.

546
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: It's ultimately about making money. I want for my son

547
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: whatever he wants to get out of it, So it's

548
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 1: not about what I want. Look, what I would love

549
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: is for him to be good enough to get some

550
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: scholarship money to go to school. But if he wants

551
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: to take soccer beyond high school, then that's what I

552
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: want for him. I want him to be able to

553
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: do that. I want him to I mean, at one

554
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: point he was like, I'm going right to Arsenal's academy.

555
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: Of course you are, But you know, I just want

556
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: him to be able to get everything he can out

557
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: of it, and I'm going to help him do that

558
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: to a point. I'm not going to baby him about it.

559
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: But here, this is work that needs to be done,

560
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: We'll get evaluated. They'll tell you what you need to

561
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: improve on, and then it's up to you. Mean, part

562
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: of it is up to them. How hard are they

563
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: willing to work? And that has to be told. It

564
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 1: can't do the work for them. So I mean, I

565
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: was a very competitive youth athlete. I was a very

566
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:17,479
Speaker 1: good baseball player, but I wasn't willing to do what

567
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: was necessary to continue beyond high school. And that was

568
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 1: my own fault. I do regret that, but okay, that's fine.

569
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,959
Speaker 1: I got through it. I'll help him understand what he

570
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 1: needs to do through the help of the people who

571
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: really know what he needs to do to get better.

572
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: The positive of it of youth sports is when the

573
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 1: adults handle it properly, it is a life changing experience

574
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: for the kids. And if the experience is positive, it

575
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: does not matter what the end game is. It doesn't

576
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: matter if these kids go on to play high school

577
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: or college or they just develop a love for what

578
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: they do and they play adult rec league later on

579
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: in life. As long as the kids have a positive experience,

580
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: that's the only thing that matters. And I will tell

581
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: you this my most gratifying thing. I've one quick thing

582
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 1: to say about coaches, And then I'm gonna tell you

583
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: my most gratifying thing as a coach. Coaches have to

584
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: make sure at the youth level to have it not

585
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: be about you. There are a lot of coaches that

586
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 1: want to win, and let me tell you, I have

587
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: never gotten enjoyment out of winning. The enjoyment I get

588
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: is watching the kids. And I'm an emotional person to

589
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: begin with. But we won a soccer tournament, our last

590
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 1: hurrah as a club last May, and it was the

591
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: first time in three years because of the pandemic that

592
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: we had traveled as a team in stayed in a

593
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 1: hotel and the kids got to play in the pool

594
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: when they weren't playing soccer, because that's what it's all about.

595
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 2: Is there an indoor pool.

596
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: Nobody cares about anything else. And I couldn't keep it

597
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: together emotionally. Had nothing to do with the fact that

598
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: we want and had only to do with the fact

599
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 1: that they had a blast. They accomplished something that they

600
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: tried to do, and they did it as a complete team.

601
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: Everybody played, everybody contributed. I pointed out something that you

602
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 1: did positively in the game to help us win. It

603
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: got very emotional for me because I saw what it

604
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 1: meant for them. I don't care whether my team wins

605
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: or loses a game as a youth coach, that's not

606
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: the job. The job is to make the experience positive

607
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: for kids. And if you do that right, I mean,

608
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: you might win by accident, Yeah right, I mean that's fine,

609
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: and I'd rather win than lose, because they'd rather win

610
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: than lose. But my interaction the relationships I still have

611
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: with every parent other than that woman back in the day,

612
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: that that I've encountered and I've developed friendships with, and

613
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: I still see a lot of the players because you

614
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: know my son, you know, you come across each other

615
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: down the road at different levels. It's just it's it's

616
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: heartwarming to know that the experience was good and that

617
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,399
Speaker 1: the kids grew of it, and you can see when

618
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,760
Speaker 1: you see kids get better or you see kids really

619
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 1: enjoy each other and being teammates and developing friendships. It's

620
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 1: the greatest thing in the world because you feel like

621
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: you're actually having a positive impact on who they are.

622
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 1: I don't miss the time that it took to be

623
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: a coach. It's not just the practices and the matches

624
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: and all of that, but it's the headspace that you

625
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 1: use in preparing for practices and matches and the decompressing.

626
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 1: I don't miss that time. I'm glad I have that

627
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 1: back because I don't have enough time in the day

628
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: to do everything I want to do anyway. But I

629
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 1: absolutely miss being around, you know, the thirteen of the

630
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: fourteen year old kids and watching them grow as players

631
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 1: and kids and being around and seeing them interact. I

632
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 1: mean that it was That's what I got out of it.

633
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,919
Speaker 1: It had nothing to do with win. We had plenty

634
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: of years where we didn't win and I still had

635
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: a good time doing it. So it's really about that.

636
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 1: But you got to make it positive for them. The

637
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: kids are smart enough to understand and if there's a

638
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: participation trophy at the end, if they participated, that's an achievement.

639
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:38,359
Speaker 1: That's an accomplishment, and that state centator can go stuff it.

640
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 2: Adam freaking Gold, I love listening to you. Where can

641
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 2: they connect with you?

642
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 1: I am available on Twitter at a gold fan if

643
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: they want to hit me up there. I don't do

644
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 1: the other forms of social media, but you can also

645
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: reach me on You can send me an email a

646
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: goldfanat me dot com.

647
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: I love it man. Well, I appreciate your time. I

648
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 2: can't wait to listen to you later. Big fan for

649
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Speaker 2: a long long time, and I can't thank enough for

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Speaker 2: coming on and sharing.

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Speaker 1: Nick. Thank you very much. I appreciate that a lot.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for reaching out, it was an honor.

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Speaker 3: That's Adam Gold, longtime sportscaster and former youth sports coach.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports Project podcast. Dominick

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Speaker 2: Bonacor and Our goal is to restore a healthy balance

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Speaker 2: and perspective in all areas of sports through education and advocacy.

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Speaker 2: For updates, please follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram,

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Speaker 2: or check out our website by searching for the Reform

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Speaker 2: Sports Project