WEBVTT - Denise Mina 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:04.400 The Craig Ferguson Pants on Fire Tour is on sale now. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:07.880 It's a new show, it's new material, but I'm afraid 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:12.480 it's still only me, Craig Ferguson on my own, standing 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:15.800 on a stage telling comedy words. Come and see me, 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:18.520 buy tickets, bring your loved ones, or don't come and 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.400 see me. Don't buy tickets and don't bring your loved ones. 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:23.919 I'm not your dad. You come or don't come, but 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:26.160 you should at least know what's happening, and it is. 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:30.160 The tour kicks off late September and goes through the 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:34.000 end of the year and beyond. Tickets are available at 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:36.960 the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour. They are 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:40.080 available at the Craig Ferguson show dot com slash tour 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:44.960 or at your local outlet in your region. My name 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:49.040 is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:53.840 I talk to interest in people about what brings them happiness. 0:00:56.520 --> 0:00:56.760 Ah. 0:00:56.880 --> 0:01:00.440 Yes, My guest today is one of my oldest friends. 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:03.160 When I say one of my oldest friends, she's younger 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:04.720 than me, but I've known her for. 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:05.560 A very long time. 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:08.960 She gets very uncomfortable when I say how clever she is. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.920 But she's very clever. She's a great writer, and she's 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:17.000 a great person. And her name is Please Minor. 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.040 Hello, Hello darling. 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:31.240 How are you doing? You know, I'm okay. How are 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:31.600 you doing? 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:35.600 Yeah? I'm not bad at all. Yeah, not bad. I've 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:37.479 got massive gosses on and I don't know what you're 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:40.680 I'm just going to be like Deardrey barlowing it the 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:41.199 whole time. 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:45.240 Well, I think for American listeners we have to explain 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:48.040 who Deardrey Parlow is before we go any further. 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:51.360 She was a soap star in Britain in the seventies. 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:55.120 He was famous for wearing gigantic eye obscuring glasses, so 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:57.720 she looked like a serial killer. But she did She 0:01:57.760 --> 0:01:58.560 didn't kill anybody. 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:01.080 I don't think, well, I would say, I think the 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:05.880 show she was on was Coronation Street, right, and Coronation 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:09.280 Street is the longest running soap opera I think in 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:09.840 the world. 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:12.840 Yeah, I think. I think you're right. 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.720 Yeah, And I think that by now they've probably had 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.519 at least one My guess is they've had at least one. 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:21.639 Serial killer storyline by now. 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:25.600 No, no, you don't understand. Nope, you're wrong, or you 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:28.680 have to stay on brand, you see. So it's like 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:33.360 certain certain magazines will only have people falling over. They 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:35.920 won't have they won't have violence, they won't have So 0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:39.640 maybe someone fell over, or maybe several people fell over 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.440 in the vicinity of the same person, but I very 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:45.880 much doubt they had a serial killer. It's so off brand. 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:49.560 Well, but I see, I think that if someone falls 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:53.000 over and dies, maybe towards the end of a season, 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:55.560 and that happens a few times, we've got to think 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.960 we might have a serial killer on our hands, a 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:00.400 serial toppler. 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:02.239 Pushing people over. 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:05.840 Look, I'm not trying to steer your career anywhere, but 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:09.640 I think an idea for a book next book could 0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:13.560 be the pushing people over, making it look like they 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:14.840 fell serial. 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:21.639 Killer in real life. There probably has. 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:24.720 Actually one of the things that I really can't because 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:26.480 you and I have known each other since I think 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:29.560 even before you wrote your first book. 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:34.639 Actual, yes, that's. 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:40.040 Well, so, I mean there have been times when you know, 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:42.800 I've thought, because I've known you for such a long 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:48.600 time that you I read everything you do because I 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:52.720 like it, and it's it's tricky because sometimes when you 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:55.080 have a friend who writes and you're like, oh, yeah, 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.360 that was good, but it wasn't that good. But I 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:00.920 have read everything you've done, and I. 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:05.520 My whole career. 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.560 It's like your whole career. This is the opposite of that. 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:11.720 What I'm saying as I've read it all, and what 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:15.040 I was trying to get to is was the the 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:18.760 you are. I always think of someone who's very positive 0:04:18.960 --> 0:04:23.560 and cheerful, and you kind of you head towards positivity 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.880 all the time, and you've always done that and all 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:30.919 the time I've known you, And yeah, some of your 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:33.480 work is the darkest I've ever read, as part of 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:34.960 the reason why I love it so much. 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:37.880 And I wonder if what do you think that is? 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:41.200 Do you think you get out all your dark shit 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:42.480 when you're writing? 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:43.320 Is that what it is? 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:47.640 I don't think so. I think we tend to think 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:51.719 of light and darkest binaries, and actually there's a lot 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:53.960 more mix. And I see that in your comedy all 0:04:54.000 --> 0:05:05.240 the time. Thank you, and you really really really funny, 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:08.680 are very very dark. Like I mean, I remember you 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:12.640 being unable to stop laughing because you were describing yourself 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:16.000 sitting on the end of the pit in Yours pants 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:20.679 happing the breakdown. Yeah, you know what I mean? I think, actually, 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:24.040 what does what does? What does lightness do? Do you 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:27.080 know what I mean? It makes the dark bearable? And 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:30.160 actually it's kind of like it's like only eating salt 0:05:30.279 --> 0:05:33.320 or only eating meat. I mean, you really want them together, 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:36.279 do you know what I mean? And I think people 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:39.080 people always say that to crime writers, you're also jolly, 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:40.960 do you get all your darkness out of the page? 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.320 And it's like, no, we're really kind of thick fox. 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:49.440 Or very well adjusted in the fact that you understand 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:52.240 because what you what you described the idea of being 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.919 able to keep light and darkness and you know, and 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:58.000 it's all you know, it's a spectrum or a or 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:01.599 a flavor and a recipe. I think that's a very healthy, 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:05.160 well adjusted way of looking at things. But but I 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.279 think that there's a couple of times. There's a couple 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:11.200 of instances I can't remember. Oh god, there was one 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:14.000 of the books. I can't remember the exact book, but 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:18.640 it was about a horrible kelly person that was going 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:22.080 into a room to and he didn't know what he 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:23.960 was going to in, but he was going to fuck 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:25.799 it when he got in there. That was the phrase, 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:29.200 and that said, do you remember that that book? That's 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:34.440 that's about as as twisted and hard as anything I've 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:35.039 ever read. 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:37.240 And the knowledge of that. 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:41.880 See, I think I try and keep darkness away by 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:44.400 what I do, and I think you're quite brave. 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:47.560 I think you just like let it roll in. 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.960 I don't think you are keeping I mean in front. 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:54.440 I'm just saying that that is what I'm trying. 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.520 I don't know. I mean, I think I think if 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:02.040 you really of the world, and you really love life 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:04.640 and you really love people, you have to be able 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:06.240 to see both sides, do you know what I mean? 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.040 And everything gets heightened if you go through if you 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:12.760 have a very kind of you know, boring narrative and 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.520 it's you know, the steaks are low and do you 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:17.880 know what I mean, It's like everything's very heightened if 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:19.520 you I mean, that's one of the reasons I love 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:22.720 horror so much is because everything very things are funnier, 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.720 you know. I mean, I don't think you really do 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:29.360 you know yourself any favors by trying to sanitize everything. 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:34.680 Life isn't vanilla, you know. Yeah, I mean, I know 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.160 I can't think of anything darker than standing up in 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:40.680 front of an audience fill of people and trying to 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:41.320 make them laugh. 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.440 Well, certainly it has. Have you never tried it? 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:51.600 I couldn't do it because if the audience hate me, 0:07:51.880 --> 0:08:00.720 I just I don't care. I've died really talking oh 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:05.080 so badly. I was in front of five hundred people. 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:07.880 There's a whole lot going on. I gave an after 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:12.600 dinner speech and everyone hated me. I mean, I mean 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:16.000 it was tangible. You could feel the hate, and I 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:20.400 insulted everybody, and then I doubled down on it by saying, 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.400 I don't care what you think. And then I said 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:26.520 thank you for giving me this appalling experience. To tell 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:28.040 on another account. 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:35.040 Thats like a lot of stand up comedy performances, particularly 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:38.120 in the early years, that when you start to love it, 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.320 so when you start to look for that failure, I 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:44.080 think that that's that's what it is. 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:45.319 That's when you know you are. 0:08:45.840 --> 0:08:47.559 I don't know. I wouldn't give up on your stand 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:48.080 up career. 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:50.200 Just yeah, I think I think it might be one. 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:52.400 But it's part of life now for authors, isn't it 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.400 that you have to do all that you have to 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:57.000 be much more social. 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:00.160 Much more social. And I've got a bit two in 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:03.200 a quarter hours of social in me, and then I 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:06.520 start to actually kind of see things or epic to 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:10.880 go to the toilet because I'm really introversive. There's a 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:12.640 thing at London Book Club and it was a post 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:14.400 on the back of the wall from the Finnish Book 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:17.040 Society and it was a picture of a woman with 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:19.760 her kN knickers around her ankle, sitting on the toilet 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:24.359 and it said, thank God, I'm finally alone. 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:29.160 I understand it, I understand why. Why is what? 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:31.800 Do you think the thing is that people have to 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.640 have a connection par certainly with crime writers. I think 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:38.600 that although I feel like, and I mean this is 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:41.480 one hundred percent as a compliment, I feel you've kind 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:44.320 of transcended that a wee bit. You you've kind of 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:47.440 brished out a little bit from only writing about you know, 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.040 you never really only wrote about crime anyway, because it 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:54.040 was always at of psychological and a and a personal 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:56.760 kind of depth to it. It wasn't kind of like 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:00.839 just procedural. But with crime writers, if you're perceived to 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.520 be a crime writer, you have to go to these 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:06.800 conventions and and and people need a connection with you. 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:08.439 Do you think that's about. 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:13.319 I have no idea because these audiences are not really 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.520 our readers. It's all women who look a bit like me. 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:19.480 So I'm just in a room full of women of 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.240 my age who look a bit like me. That's not 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:27.160 who reads my books. And and I'm not that interesting 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:31.800 on stage. You're listening right now. It's quite banale. Do 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:33.160 you know what I mean? I don't have the answers 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:37.079 to anything. Yeah, I don't really don't know what it's 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:38.960 about it. There's a lot of. 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:42.880 Collectors, does that And do you think maybe that it's 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:45.080 aspirational if you're talking about there's a lot of women 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:46.800 who look like you and the audience, but they don't 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:47.320 buy your book. 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:48.640 Do they want to be writing your book? Do you 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:49.560 think that's what it is? 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.880 There's a lot of questions about how do you do 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.000 you write with the pen or a pencil? Do you 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:56.400 where you get your ideas from? 0:10:57.960 --> 0:10:58.160 You know? 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:04.760 All that stuff to my next question. I remember one 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:06.640 hundred years ago you said to mate for did you 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:10.440 get your ideas for your feminism from? After somebody been No? 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:15.320 I say that, say that you know you're confused mabe 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:16.040 somebody else. 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:18.160 I feel like I know where you get. 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:21.319 I feel you've never been kind of reticent about telling 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:23.439 me where you get your ideas for your feminism. 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:25.400 Bro, I don't think I need to push you for it. 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:29.760 Funny though, I mean, it's such a strange thing though, 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:33.440 because I was thinking today before we started talking about 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:35.960 when you and I met, like, which is you know 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:40.320 it's about thirty something years ago now, like it's really 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:41.160 a long time. 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:45.880 Yeah, and that strang we're so old. 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:50.520 Well yeah, but we look fantastic, So I think it's okay. 0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:52.360 We kept her here, croik. 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:55.320 We kept her hair and we both moisturize, and I 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:56.959 think that's that's the key. 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:01.440 And we can't take the sound. I had to move 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:02.720 from La it was too much. 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:05.600 I've had that. You ever had things that toffee? I've 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:07.679 got age spots that I've had to have taken. 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:09.800 Off from being in l A. 0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:13.280 Yeah, yeah, as well from driving. 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:17.600 Wow, you sill like that and your knuckles got all 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:18.920 age spots on them. 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.040 Wow. I live where the sun don't shine, so you do? 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:24.880 You live in Glasgow, which I'm always I've always been 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:28.960 very envious that you. I like, I love Glasgow but 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.120 I always have a complicated relationship with it. 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:36.000 You seem to be very at home there, like you, 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:36.120 you know. 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.040 I mean I've seen you ride about your bike and 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.000 you wave to people and you're kind of quite you see, 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:43.240 you're not social, but I feel like you're very social 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:43.760 in Glasgow. 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:45.920 I feel you're very much part of the community. 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:48.839 Well, yeah, it's so. I mean, I didn't drow up here. 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:53.160 So my dad is an engineer, and I grew up 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:59.160 in Paris and Norway and London and Amsterdam because he 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:02.800 was a draftman. So Glasgow sort of where I chose 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:04.920 because I grew up in South London as well. So 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.240 like you probably feel the way I feel the way 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:10.040 about Glasgow that you do a bit of places that 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:11.760 you choose to stage, you know what I mean, it's 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:12.800 a different relationship. 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:17.280 That's funny because you've got a very Parisian and Norwegian accent. 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:21.360 I think, do you speak Norwegian? 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:27.360 Yeah? The Janahan snickers. 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:27.480 That was is that true? 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:33.120 That is true? That's me asking for snickersners. 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:35.520 That's that's the extent of my Norwegian. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.520 But that's as much as you get out. Because if 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:41.240 you even get on the bus and say in a barn, 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.760 they say, oh, English speaker, because they know your accents 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.320 rubbish and everyone's everyone's fluent, you know. 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:51.360 I know Mexican people do that to me and Los Angeles. 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:54.160 I try and speak Spanish and they just they smile 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:57.840 indulgently and then just speak English to me, which is 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:01.040 kind of embarrassing, but also there's a kindness to it 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:01.440 as well. 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.480 But why did you choose Glasgow? Then? 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:07.160 If you went because your because your family was from there, 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.720 as that one, well. 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:10.360 To be honest, I took a lot of drugs and 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:12.760 I kind of black shout and woke up here. That 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:16.000 is essentially what happened. And my mom was here because 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:17.920 my parents had just split up, and she said you 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.040 can sleep on my couch. So it's a very thought 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:23.640 out life plan. I mean, I had yacht. 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:30.200 I've taken a lot of drugs and woken up places 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.680 and thought I don't want to live here. 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.520 I want to live somewhere else but Glasgow. 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.280 At that time it was the eighties, right, So everyone 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:42.240 with any ambition left and they all went to where 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.520 I'd been living because I'd been living in South London, 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:48.080 which was a thatcher, you know, And then it was 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:51.200 like you know, capitalism on steroids. And I came to 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.920 Golasgow and it was there were all these beautiful buildings. 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:56.200 You couldn't get anywhere to live in London as well. 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.480 We were all swating and you came to go Husgo 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:01.280 and it was like you know these you could get 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.520 these rooms that were like ballrooms and you could rent 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:05.800 them for twenty quite a week, and it was like 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:09.760 West Berlin. It was like an abandoned city that nobody 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:12.440 wanted to live in. And you know, there's a lot 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.760 of freedom in that, you know, and I just completely 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:17.600 fell in love with it. And also people were quite 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:20.920 kind to each other. You know, they would chat to 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:23.880 each other and they would, you know, ask how you 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:25.720 were and then they would listen to how you went. 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:28.760 I mean, it was just a really odd place. You 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.320 know it still does it still have that? Because it's funny, 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:33.680 I don't. It's my hometown, but I don't feel that 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:37.040 way about it at all. I mean, and it's does 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:40.000 it still have that? You think it really has that? 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.680 But I have to say, you are from Cumbernauld, which 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:43.160 is like. 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:45.960 Well, I know, I'm from springber but I grew up 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:49.800 in Cumbernauld, which is it's not not good. 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:55.640 No, I'm from easco Bride, right, very similar. I didn't 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:57.560 move back too right. I think he's scow Bride was 0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:01.360 a Catholic version of Cumbernauld. I think there are. 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:04.280 Catholics in Cumbernall that would be outraged by that statement. 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:07.040 But I think a lot of the Catholics moved to 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:08.880 go Broad and a lot of it. And these are 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:11.520 new towns. These are like seventies towns that were built. 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:14.800 He's the housing sortage, and they're quite far away from 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:18.560 the city and they're very different than the actual city. 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:21.440 The actual city feels very glamorous in comparison. 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:30.320 I always thought that. I always thought like the West 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.440 End of Glasgow. To me, it still kind of does. 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:34.800 Actually when I go there, I feel like it has 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:38.840 a kind of it feels like Paris, or or or 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:40.880 the Upper West Side of New York or something like that. 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:42.800 It's got sort of glamor about. 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:46.040 It, which is strange, but it's true. And you and 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:50.680 I both worked in the ubiquitous chip Bar as well, 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:53.680 which seems and Kelly McDonald worked there as well. And 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:57.240 I think I think if you were, if you were 0:16:57.280 --> 0:16:59.840 an artist of a particular type, you had to spend 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:01.600 it at least a year working as a waiter. 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:02.720 And the Ubiquitous Chip. 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.919 Everyone I know works in the Chip. Everyone I know 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.919 works in the Chip. For people who don't know that, 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.000 it's a restaurant, and it was named after a line 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.399 in a play about Scottish cuisine, and the line was, 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:20.520 you know, over boiled potatoes, ruined vegetables, and of course 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:24.399 the ubiquitous Chip. So it's a fine dining restaurant called 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.280 after that. It's called the Ubiquitous Chip. So it's quite pretentious. 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:31.119 And it was full of pretentious whankers like us. They 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.760 had aspirations, do you know what I mean? We had aspiration. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.880 But you were sober when you worked there. I wasn't. 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:37.280 I was. 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:39.760 I was still drinking when I was working there, because 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.399 I remember how much I it was a real illustration 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:44.560 because I would work in the bar. 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.199 I wouldn't be able to drink that much while I 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:47.080 was working the bar. 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:50.440 And I would see people drink that first and for lagger, 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:54.440 and it was like people that would come win normal 0:17:54.480 --> 0:18:00.119 and go fucking crazy after like four pints. And and 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:02.600 I kind of think there was some information about me 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.159 about this is what you are like Craig when you 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:07.199 start drinking it. I think it began to kind of 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:10.160 sink in a bit because there's a lot of back 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:12.479 and alien behavior in that. I don't know if there 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:15.560 still is, but there certainly was in the eighties. There 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:16.520 is it still there? 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.320 Oh yeah, it's still mental. And there's a roof garden 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:22.080 now where everyone goes up and smoked hash and pretend 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.520 they're not smoking hash. But there used to be a 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:31.040 spiral staircase down to the toilets, and we installed a 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.960 video camera. I'm sure you remember. I'm sure your face 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:38.879 remembers it. Video camera, that's all. And at the end 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.000 of the night you used to say time, gentlemen place 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.320 and the bar would empty, and then we'd all stand 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:45.440 and watch the video monitor and killer still lot. 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:50.040 I remember working there. 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.240 You would get an extra four pounds on your shift, 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.240 an extra four quid if you cleaned up, if you 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:59.280 took the bucket and cleaned up any sick so if 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.920 there was any lying around, you would get an extra 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:03.520 four quada on the top of yourself. 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:07.720 I always would do it. Oh yeah, oh yeah, sometimes 0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:08.520 it was my sick. 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.360 Well. Just to give you some idea of the management 0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:17.320 of that place. They adored you, right because you weren't 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:19.960 even famous when I worked there. I worked there after you. 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:24.880 I was not drinking. They hated me. They could never remember. 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:26.680 They did not like me. Thought it was a torn 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:32.520 face bitch. Every time they had a parsy, they'd get 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:34.879 you all presents and everybody would get whiskey and I 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:37.119 would get a bottle of blank de blanc because they 0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:38.919 couldn't remember that I didn't drink. I mean, it was 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:41.520 just like you just we're very suspicious of me. 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:46.560 You have just described my exact experience of twenty three 0:19:46.640 --> 0:19:47.600 years in Hollywood. 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.520 Oh really yeah, yeah. 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:53.879 I felt like like it was there and they kind 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.680 of tolerated me, but it was like, no, you are 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:57.720 not part of this. 0:19:57.880 --> 0:19:59.520 We are a different gang to you. 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:03.320 And and it's but I wonder if that's if you 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:05.199 choose that a little bit, because you and I are 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:05.760 quite similarly. 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:07.520 You and I could be brothers and sister. Really, I 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:09.080 think people have said that. 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:13.400 I think it might be some way back, which is. 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:17.120 Great because I'm glad that we never like kissed her anything. 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:17.719 When we were drinking. 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:22.040 That that would have been bad. 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:23.359 Although I would have done it, but I don't think 0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:25.480 you would have done it. I don't think I remember. 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:28.200