1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,520 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: adding a really special offering onto the back of my 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily 4 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,160 Speaker 1: series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: free life. We dive into a range of topics and 7 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long, 8 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter 9 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: how busy you are. This week, we're talking about your 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: habits and how to develop better daily routines. Of course, 11 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: if you want to listen to The Daily Jay every day, 12 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: you can subscribe to Calm, So go to calm dot 13 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: com forward slash Jay for forty percent off your membership today. 14 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one 15 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 16 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, 17 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: and more healed. Now, guys, I'm back from tour. I'm 18 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: actually back, and I'm so excited to be back here 19 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: with you on our Friday workshops. Your support has been 20 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: incredible to me. So many of you, tens of thousands 21 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: of you came out to see me on tour, so 22 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,119 Speaker 1: many of you. I got to hug and look into 23 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 1: your eyes and hold your hands, which I so deeply 24 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:27,680 Speaker 1: wanted to do, and it was just an unbelievable shared experience. 25 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: But even over here on the podcast, you've been supporting 26 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: me through all the incredible episodes this year. We've had 27 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: Dr Joe Dispenser, We've had Kim Kardashian, We've had Lewis Hamilton, 28 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,320 Speaker 1: Kevin Hart. It has been an incredible roster of guests, 29 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,679 Speaker 1: and you keep sharing the episodes, you keep telling your 30 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 1: friends about them. You are allowing for this wisdom to 31 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: spread so fast, so far and so wide, and for that, 32 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: I am so deeply grateful to you. But I'm back 33 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: for these Friday workshops. Whether you're listening on a Friday 34 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: or any other day, I'm just happy that you're here. 35 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: And I just wanted to take a moment to say 36 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 1: just how thankful I am for all the engagement on Instagram, 37 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: on TikTok, for the sharing of the episodes. It's unbelievable 38 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 1: and I don't take it for granted. I value you 39 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: so so much. Keep it coming makes you leave a 40 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: review makes you tag me on Instagram and on TikTok. 41 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 1: I'm always looking out, I'm always commenting, I'm always replying 42 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: as much as I can. So thank you so much 43 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: for doing that. Now, today's topic is something that I 44 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 1: think a lot of us struggle with, a lot of 45 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: us deal with, and it's quite a tough one to 46 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 1: talk about because it's uncomfortable to recognize that a lot 47 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: of our behaviors, a lot of our traits, a lot 48 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: of our ways of being are defined by wanting to 49 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: be a people pleaser. How many of you already identify 50 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:04,359 Speaker 1: as a peace people pleaser and feel uncomfortable or unhealthy 51 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: about what it is like to be one, And how 52 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: many of you are listening and you're thinking to yourself, well, 53 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm people pleaser. I've been hearing 54 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: about this term. I feel like I might be. I'm 55 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: not sure, and I want to have a healthier relationship 56 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: with it. And maybe there's some of you who are 57 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: like Jay, I've been a people pleaser for so long 58 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: it is wrecking my life. I need to fix it. 59 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 1: I need to figure it out. How do I do this? Now? 60 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: I want to start off by saying this. Whether you're 61 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: a people pleaser or you think you might be one, 62 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: it's natural. It's normal to want to see other people happy. 63 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,839 Speaker 1: I don't think that's a bad thing. For wanting other 64 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: people to be happy, for wanting other people to be healthy, 65 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: for wanting people to feel good, for wanting people to 66 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: be joyful. That is a beautiful feeling that you should 67 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: always hold on to. I have that feeling. When I 68 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: was on stage, I was pouring all my energy out 69 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: into the audience, all my love, all my joy because 70 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: I wanted you to feel that. When I'm recording these episodes, 71 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: when I'm working hard every day to create this incredible 72 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: content that we get to do here add on purpose, 73 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: I'm pouring my heart into I'm pouring all my energy 74 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: into it because I want you to feel that when 75 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 1: you experience it. But here's the difference between people pleasing 76 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: and helping and serving people. People pleasing is where we 77 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: displease ourself In the process of pleasing others, we put 78 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: ourselves second to put others first. Actually, we put ourselves seventh. 79 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: By putting everyone else first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, 80 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:55,919 Speaker 1: we deprioritize what we truly are searching for by prioritizing 81 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: what other people want. What it basically means is that 82 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: when you're a people pleaser, you will even go to 83 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 1: the extent of disliking yourself for someone else to like you. 84 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: Let's just let that settle. A people pleaser is someone 85 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:19,040 Speaker 1: who will go to the extent of even disliking themselves 86 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:24,159 Speaker 1: in order for others to like them. So, when I'm 87 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: pouring out on stage, or I'm pouring out in these episodes, 88 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: or I'm trying to share my love through my books 89 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be, I want to please you. 90 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: I want to make you happy. That's a beautiful mindset 91 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 1: to have, But I don't want to do it to 92 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: the extent that I end up hurting myself, that I 93 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 1: end up disliking myself, or I end up being frustrated 94 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: or overwhelmed with myself. Right, sometimes you want to make 95 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: someone so happy, but you get so stressed, you take 96 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: on so much overwhelm, you take on so much pressure, 97 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: and in the end of it, whether they're pleased on not, 98 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: you're just exhausted. We don't want to be in that position. 99 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: We don't want to be in a position where we 100 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: have no energy left to give to ourselves. That is 101 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: the difference between a people pleaser and someone who's trying 102 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: to serve, trying to help, trying to make an impact. 103 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: When you're living for people with purpose, it's different than 104 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 1: when you're living for people trying to please them. In 105 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,679 Speaker 1: your purpose, you take care of yourself so you can 106 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 1: serve and help others. In people pleasing, you just try 107 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,160 Speaker 1: and please others, hoping it makes you feel better. Right, 108 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: Notice that difference. So, and I've been there, by the way, 109 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: I remember being a full on people pleaser in thinking 110 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: it with service, being a martyr, thinking it was about sacrifice. 111 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:54,840 Speaker 1: And what I didn't realize was that real purpose was 112 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: to take care of myself, to prioritize myself, to work 113 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:03,359 Speaker 1: on myself, togize myself so that I could extend myself 114 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: to others. If you just focus on yourself and you 115 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: don't care about anyone else, that selfishness. If you only 116 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: focus on other people and not yourself, that's self sabotage 117 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 1: and self sacrifice. But if you work on yourself, if 118 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: you take care of your health, your mental health, your 119 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: physical health, your fitness, your finances, in order to be more, 120 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: give more, serve more for others. That's what we want 121 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 1: to get to. And I'm on this journey myself because 122 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: it's so easy to slip back into those old habits 123 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: of being a people pleaser. So today we're going to 124 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: talk about the key traits of people pleasers, and we're 125 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 1: going to talk about the transformation that we need to 126 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: make into people with purpose. Right. So I learned this 127 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: really interesting term from the National Health Institute, and it's 128 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: the word sociotropic. You might I've heard it before, but 129 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:06,679 Speaker 1: socio tropic individuals, the National Health Institute says, are characterized 130 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:12,679 Speaker 1: by an overvaluation of closeness and social acceptance in order 131 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: to boost low self esteem, while autonomous individuals base their 132 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: self esteem on achievement, independence, and control. So we all 133 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: know what autonomy looks, right, The independence, the healthy independence 134 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,640 Speaker 1: of being able to have freedom to make decisions, to 135 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: make choices. Socio Tropic individuals are the opposite. They find 136 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,079 Speaker 1: their worth in not having a choice, in giving up 137 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 1: their independence, in letting go of a personal pursuit, and 138 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 1: often end up as people pleases. Now, the Yugo of Pol, 139 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: ended in August twenty twenty two, says about half forty 140 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: seven percent of American adults believe that other people in 141 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: their life would definitely or probably describe them as a 142 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: people pleaser. Nearly half of us feel that other people 143 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: would describe us as a people pleaser. So you're not 144 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: alone when you feel this way. And among women, fifty 145 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: one percent believe others see them this way, and forty 146 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 1: two percent of men say the same. So we can 147 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: see that this is a challenge that a lot of 148 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: us have. It's something that a lot of us experience. 149 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: And again, I want to remind you, the challenge is 150 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: not that you want other people to be happy. Wanting 151 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: other people to be happy is a beautiful motive. It's 152 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: when you're willing to make yourself unhappy to make others 153 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: happy where there becomes a challenge. And what I mean 154 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 1: by that is when you really start destroying or deconstructing 155 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: your own identity, You start dissolving your own nature, your 156 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: own qualities and abilities, in order to make someone else 157 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: feel good. Now, among self identified people pleases in Yugov's poll, 158 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: thirty nine percent say being this way has made their 159 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 1: life harder. Being a people pleaser makes our life harder. 160 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,319 Speaker 1: And I think you're here because you've experienced that you've 161 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,720 Speaker 1: felt that in your own life where it can become 162 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: really difficult. Now why does it become difficult? I want 163 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 1: to walk you through these traits because I want us 164 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: to be conscious of the different ways in which we 165 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: behave when we're people pleasing. You may think it's like, 166 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: you know, you have low self esteem and you're always 167 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,440 Speaker 1: just trying to make other people smile and laugh, and 168 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: those are parts of it. But I want to give 169 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: you a few new perspectives, hopefully reaffirming some of your 170 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: beliefs as well, so that you can be more conscious, 171 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: because the more conscious you are, the easier it is 172 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: to break through. Remember, all amendments in our life start 173 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: with awareness. You can't address something until you're aware of it. 174 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: Let me say that again. You can't address something. You 175 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: can't amend something until you're aware of it. And you're 176 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 1: only aware of it when you're aware of how differently 177 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 1: it shows up in your life. You're only aware of 178 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 1: it based on how deeply you know the intricacies and 179 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 1: the nuances of how it shows up in your life. 180 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: So here are the traits of being a people pleaser. 181 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:30,320 Speaker 1: The first one is struggling to say no how many 182 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: times does someone message you and say, hey, do you 183 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: have a minute to catch up right now? You've got 184 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: like one hundred emails to look at. But you say yeah, sure, 185 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: and then you hesitate and you feel upset. Right, So, 186 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,080 Speaker 1: what happens You pick up the call. That person starts 187 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: telling you their life story, starts telling you everything they're 188 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: struggling with, starts telling you about their challenges at work. 189 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: What happens next? You help them solve their problems. You 190 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: listen to them. In your head, you're being torn because 191 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: you also want to solve your own problems. Two hours later, 192 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 1: you come back to your one one hundred and fifty 193 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: nine emails, and all of a sudden, you're now frustrated 194 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 1: at yourself. You might even feel frustration towards them. I 195 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: think that's one of the most interesting things about being 196 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: a people pleaser is that not only then are you 197 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: upset at yourself, you actually become upset at them. You go, well, 198 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: why can't they be more conscientious? Like, why didn't they 199 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: think about my feelings? Why do they never ask about me? 200 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: Why do they never think about how I'm feeling what 201 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: I'm doing? Maybe I'm busy right now? Where else do 202 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: you struggle to say no. Maybe there's a family event 203 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 1: and maybe there's someone that you don't quite see I 204 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: toy at that family dinner, but when it comes to 205 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: the holiday, you always say yes. Maybe you struggle to 206 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 1: say no when your friends says, hey, do you want 207 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: to help me move this weekend? Or you know what, 208 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: can you organize this for our friends this year? And 209 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 1: all of a sudden you become team planner, event planner, 210 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: party planner, and you struggle to say no. We struggle 211 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: to say no because we're scared that it makes us 212 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: unlikable if we're useless. We're scared that if we are unuseful, 213 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: we are unlikable. We believe that we are only likable 214 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:19,319 Speaker 1: if we're useful to others, that if we're of some requirement, 215 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: then that gives us significance. Now that's natural, right when 216 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: you think you offer something to someone, that's when you 217 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 1: feel significant. But you have to realize that the people 218 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 1: that love you in your life, they don't love you 219 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,679 Speaker 1: because of your use of a requirement, of a need. 220 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: They love you because of who you are. They love 221 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: you as you are. We think saying no is us 222 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 1: closing the door and being liked. We think that's it. 223 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: They're going to think I'm useless. They're going to think 224 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: I'm unlikable. They're going to think that I'm not worth it, 225 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: and my only worth is if I can do something 226 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: for this person. Right, I know you can feel that 227 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 1: when I say it. I know you relate to that 228 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 1: when I say it, And in we keep saying yes 229 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: even when we can't take it anymore, to the point 230 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 1: that one day we've said so many yess that we 231 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: finally burst, we finally spill over. And then at that 232 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:17,440 Speaker 1: point when everything's tipped over the edge, we then are 233 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: upset with that person for not noticing, for not feeling 234 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: how we were feeling. So how do we overcome this? 235 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: Learning to say no is probably the hardest thing ever. Right, 236 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: someone says, hey, do you want to come out tonight 237 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 1: and you say no, I'm not sure, and they say, oh, 238 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: stop being a loser, come out right like that kind 239 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 1: of attitude, Or hey, you know, we're thinking of planning 240 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: this trip that we're going on and you're like, oh, no, 241 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: I don't think I can go. I've got work priorities, 242 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, you're boring, right, Like we feel 243 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: that pressure. My wife and I sometimes feel that because 244 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: we go out to hang with our friends, but we're 245 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: their friends that want to go sleep by ten pm, 246 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 1: and so we're like leaving and they're like, oh, why 247 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: don't you watch a movie? And we're like, you know what, 248 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: really want to wake up early tomorrow night today? And 249 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: the number one thing is like, well, you know, why 250 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: do you need to do that? Like why can't you 251 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 1: just have fun? Now? As time's gone on, I've spent 252 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,080 Speaker 1: less and less time with that. I don't have friends 253 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 1: that say that to me anymore, which is a beautiful thing. 254 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: And it's been really clear in guiding me as to 255 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: who likes me for who I am the way I am, 256 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 1: or who wants me to become more like them in 257 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: order for them to like me right? Think about that clearly. 258 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: Who likes me right for who I am the way 259 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 1: I am? I like sleeping at ten am. I like 260 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: we get up at six am. I like meditating in 261 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: the morning. I like getting sleep before midnight. Who likes 262 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: me that way for who I am the way I am? 263 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 1: Or who only likes me when I do things that 264 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: please them? People who like me for who I am 265 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: the way I am are so important to me compared 266 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: to those who want me to be like them for 267 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: them to like me. Right for some of those friends 268 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: who's like, well, if you don't stay up to watch 269 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: a movie like I like to, then I don't like 270 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: you as much. Right. If you're not going to be 271 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: the person who entertains me in this way, then I 272 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: don't like you as much. And learning to say no 273 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: is accepting that you may lose that person or that 274 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: person may distance themselves from you. And I think that's 275 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 1: what we're getting at here, is that we're actually developing 276 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: the ability to sit in the discomfort of someone not 277 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: liking us. The way to do this effectively is learn 278 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: to say no in a nice way. I think when 279 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: we first practiced this, we start learning to just say no. 280 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 1: We're like, no, I'm not coming, No, I can't make it. 281 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: And all of a sudden that person's like, well, why 282 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: are you being so abrupt? You literally were saying yes 283 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: until yesterday, and now you listen to a Jay Shaddy 284 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 1: episode and now you're just say no all the time. Right, 285 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: But it's like, no, let me say no in a 286 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: nice way. Let me give my explanation. You're not remember 287 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:55,480 Speaker 1: giving an apology or a context for trying to make 288 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 1: them happy. But you're being honest. So I'll say to 289 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 1: a friend, I'll be like, you know what, I actually 290 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: did this this weekkend right. It was fourth of July, 291 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: last weekend. It was a big holiday weekend. I had 292 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: a lot of wonderful friends. I'd just come back into 293 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: town after my tour. Everyone's like, Jay, we want to 294 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 1: see you, want to hang out And I wanted to 295 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 1: see them too, And I said, you know what, I 296 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,199 Speaker 1: literally just came off tour. I'm pretty exhausted. I just 297 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 1: need to spend a bit of a loan time this weekend. 298 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: And That's what I'm going to do. And I'll see 299 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,040 Speaker 1: you as soon as I can. I would really appreciate 300 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for understanding this in advance. And hey, 301 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 1: none of my friends were like, oh, Jay, you're so ungrateful, 302 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 1: Like why are you acting like that. Everyone's just like, Jay, 303 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 1: we get it. Let us know when you're free, right. 304 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 1: And so that's the kind of community you want to 305 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:40,239 Speaker 1: surround yourself with. If someone's not reciprocating or responding to 306 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 1: your honesty and your communication in a healthy way, you 307 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: have to really ask yourself whether they're the right person 308 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: that you want to have in your life. Now. Number two, 309 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: which is linked to this, is a lot of us 310 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 1: constantly apologize, Oh, I'm so sorry that happened. Oh, I'm 311 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: so sorry I did that almost so sorry, I can't 312 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: make this. I'm so sorry that it wasn't per I'm 313 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,400 Speaker 1: so sorry. Right, we threw a dinner party, but we're 314 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: so sorry that it wasn't what people expected. We're always 315 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 1: over apologizing. How many of you find yourselves when you 316 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:16,640 Speaker 1: don't know what to say, you just overapologize. Like, let's 317 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 1: say someone's into you, right, someone's been flirting with you, 318 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,399 Speaker 1: someone's slid into your DM, someone's messaging you, someone's talking 319 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 1: to you. You're not into them. They tell you that 320 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:31,360 Speaker 1: they're into you, and now you are telling them you're 321 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 1: not into them. But you're like, I'm so sorry, I'm 322 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,159 Speaker 1: not into you, Like I feel so bad, like you know, 323 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. And by the way, it's 324 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: great for you to have feelings for how they feel, 325 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:45,920 Speaker 1: but we constantly make it feel like it's our fault. Right, 326 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,600 Speaker 1: and now that you say no to them and they say, oh, well, 327 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: I still want to be friends, or like let's still 328 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 1: connect or let's still talk, and then we feel even 329 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: more sorry because then we want to spend time with 330 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: them because we want them to like us. But then 331 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 1: we're like, oh, wait a minute, I feel bad because 332 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,440 Speaker 1: maybe I'm still teasing them, or maybe they're still into me, 333 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. And so now you're making 334 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: out like this was all your fault. How many times 335 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 1: have you made it out, be honest with me, how 336 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: many times have you made it out that it's all 337 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: your fault? How many times do you feel that way? 338 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 1: That's actually at the root of constantly apologizing. You constantly 339 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: apologize to your parents. You feel like the challenges they 340 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: had were all your fault. You constantly apologize to your boss. 341 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,439 Speaker 1: You feel like everything is all your fault. How many 342 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,439 Speaker 1: of us walk around with that mindset that everything is 343 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,479 Speaker 1: our fault, that in some way, if things aren't perfect, 344 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,920 Speaker 1: it's our fault, That it's our problem, that we did 345 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 1: something wrong, that we made a mistake. Now, how do 346 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: we work on that? How do we stop thinking everything's 347 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 1: our fault? The biggest thing for me was to realize 348 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,400 Speaker 1: that if someone was an adult, they had to take 349 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,640 Speaker 1: responsibility for their actions, and I had to take responsibility 350 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 1: for mine. If we're adults now, if we're over eighteen 351 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: years years old, right, if you're over twenty one years old, 352 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,199 Speaker 1: everyone is old enough to make their own decisions and 353 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: do what is right for themselves and take care of themselves. Yes, 354 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 1: I'm there to support, Yes I want to be a 355 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: good friend, but I have to acknowledge that if something 356 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 1: didn't work out, it is not my fault because we 357 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: have to take accountability. Right, we have to take accountability, 358 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: and to me, instead of apologizing, what became a healthier 359 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: solution was asking questions. So let's say that something didn't 360 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 1: go the way someone wanted it to. Instead of me 361 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: saying I'm so sorry, I'll sort it out, I'll be like, well, 362 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: how do you think it should have gone? What do 363 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 1: you think we could have done better? What is it 364 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,640 Speaker 1: that you could have done and I could have done? 365 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: How could we have approached this better? I found that 366 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,960 Speaker 1: replacing apologies with questions. Now again, I'm not saying when 367 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,359 Speaker 1: you're at fault, don't say sorry, right, That's not what 368 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 1: I'm saying. I'm saying that, A, don't think everything is 369 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,640 Speaker 1: your fault, and B when something feels like it's being 370 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: blamed on you, or it's coming back to you. It's like, well, 371 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 1: how should we deal with this? So going back to 372 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,719 Speaker 1: that idea of someone being into you and you're feeling 373 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: like it's all your fault, saying well, let's navigate this better, 374 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 1: like how can we keep hanging out together if you're 375 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 1: still into me? You can't just not be into me tomorrow. 376 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: If you ask that question, that person now has to 377 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 1: think about it. Chances are they haven't thought about it. 378 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,120 Speaker 1: Chances are in their head, they're still thinking they're gonna 379 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 1: get you, they're still gonna win you over, They're still 380 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 1: going to find a way to lure you into their 381 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,119 Speaker 1: life if they're really into you, right, that's what they're thinking. 382 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: But when you ask the question and say, well, wait 383 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 1: a minute, how can we just hang out as friends? 384 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 1: Because you just told me you're into me and I'm 385 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 1: not going to change my mind about you, So how's 386 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: this going to work? And then all of a sudden 387 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: they have to say, oh, I'm not sure, like oh 388 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: it will be fine, and it's like, well, no, how 389 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 1: will it be fine? So asking questions is better than saying, look, 390 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 1: i'm so sorry, this is going to be tough for you, 391 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: but we'll figure it out and then you start consoling them. 392 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,680 Speaker 1: This is huge, by the way, I hope, I hope 393 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 1: you're listening, and I hope that this is resonating with you. 394 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:05,119 Speaker 1: The third trait is not communicating your needs. This is 395 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: a big one for people where we spend months go by, 396 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: even years go by, and we never felt like we 397 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 1: had an opinion or we never felt like we could 398 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: share our opinion, and then years later we said, well, 399 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,000 Speaker 1: why never you asked me what I want? And the 400 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,639 Speaker 1: person's like, well, you never said what you want. And 401 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: it's interesting because we think that if we don't communicate 402 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 1: what we want, then that person will be happy because 403 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 1: they'll get to do what they want. And often, if 404 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: you're around someone who's quite a leader, they will lead 405 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 1: with that way without even asking. But it's so important 406 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 1: that you take time daily to sit down just for 407 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: five minutes at the start of your day and five 408 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: minutes at the end of your day. At the five 409 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 1: minutes at the start of your day, ask yourself, what's 410 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: the one thing I need to do today to make 411 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,199 Speaker 1: today feel like a great day. I ask myself this 412 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 1: every day, what's the one thing I need to do 413 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: today to make today feel like a great day. And 414 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,160 Speaker 1: often the answer will be workout. Sometimes the answer will 415 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 1: be sleep early. Sometimes the answer will be have dinner 416 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: with friends. Sometimes the answer will be hang out with Radi. 417 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: Actually it's hang out with Radi pretty much every day, 418 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: but you know that that isn't always possible if we're traveling. 419 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 1: But the idea is, if you have that one question, 420 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: that one thing, you're communicating your needs to yourself. Communicating 421 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,719 Speaker 1: your needs to yourself is the first step to a 422 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,400 Speaker 1: healthy relationship with someone else. It's not that you don't 423 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,639 Speaker 1: communicate your relation your needs to them, it's that we 424 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:43,639 Speaker 1: don't communicate our needs to ourselves right we're not even aware. 425 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 1: So every day, sit down at the start of the 426 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: day five minutes reflect what's the one thing I need 427 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 1: to do today to make today a great day. And 428 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: at the end of each day, ask yourself, have I 429 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:58,080 Speaker 1: done it yet? And what am I grateful for that 430 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:02,200 Speaker 1: I did for myself, reminding yourself, closing that loop, because 431 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 1: too many of us don't even know what we want. 432 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: Number four signs of a people pleaser is that you 433 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: often feel rejected or left out. You feel like everyone 434 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 1: gets along, but somehow you're not getting along. And in 435 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,679 Speaker 1: order to solve that feeling, you try and people please, you, 436 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: try and over deliver. You try and be there and 437 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:28,240 Speaker 1: be everything and be around. And what I find for 438 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 1: this one is that we often feel rejected and left 439 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 1: out because we're trying to be part of a group 440 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 1: that we don't naturally fit into. There is a natural 441 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: group for all of us, all across the planet. For 442 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: some people, it's a club for some people, it's a 443 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: cycling group for some people. It's game night for some people. 444 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: But you know, we always want to be part of 445 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,240 Speaker 1: that one group of friends. It's kind of like that 446 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,879 Speaker 1: movie Mean Girls, if you remember it, and it's like 447 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 1: there are so many groups of friends at college or 448 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 1: at high school, but everyone wants to be part of 449 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,840 Speaker 1: that one group because we think that that one group 450 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 1: is cooler, smarter, more attractive, more talented, and more beautiful, 451 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,200 Speaker 1: whatever it may be. And the truth is that that 452 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 1: isn't necessarily our group, and that's okay, And even us 453 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: wanting to be in that group is inauthentic. And I 454 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: think that's what's so interesting. We think, oh my gosh, 455 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,119 Speaker 1: they're so inauthentic. Because they don't want to be my friend. 456 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 1: And it's like, no, we're in authentic for wanting to 457 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 1: be at that party, for wanting to be in that 458 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: friend group, for wanting to be in that circle. So 459 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,680 Speaker 1: the soul for this is find your group, find different 460 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,439 Speaker 1: people for different things. I like to dabble in different 461 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,520 Speaker 1: social circles and I have friends that I see in 462 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 1: different environments in different reasons, and that allows you to 463 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: live a truly authentic life because not all my friends 464 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 1: love football, not all my friends love game night, not 465 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: all my friends love hanging at the pool, not all 466 00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:00,679 Speaker 1: my friends love meditation, And it'll allows me to be 467 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: all of myself. And yes, there are a few people 468 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: who know me completely three sixty and that's beautiful. But 469 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,159 Speaker 1: we're trying so hard to be part of one group 470 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,240 Speaker 1: that we end up feeling rejected when there are so 471 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: many beautiful groups to be a part of and finding 472 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,920 Speaker 1: our misfits. Right, it's like, let's be the misfits. Let's 473 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 1: find our community, rather than forcing ourselves into the community 474 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: that we suppose is more interesting, more cool, or more 475 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,160 Speaker 1: relevant or or the place to be, which necessarily wouldn't 476 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: make us happier. Now, The fifth trait is you tend 477 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,440 Speaker 1: to be agreeable, and this goes with the next one 478 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: sixth trait, which is you avoid conflict or tough conversations. 479 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: So listen to this. Thirty three percent of men said 480 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: they often mirrord the behavior of others in social situations 481 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 1: to make them comfortable. Thirty four percent of women say 482 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,719 Speaker 1: the same. So you tend to be agreeable. Now, what's interesting. 483 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 1: The thing about this is agreeable doesn't just mean I 484 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 1: agree right. It's not just saying yes. It's not as 485 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 1: simple as that. What it actually is is if everyone's 486 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:15,280 Speaker 1: gossiping in a circle, you feel it's okay to gossip, 487 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: even if you don't do that in order to fit in. 488 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 1: I fell into this trap with negativity. If I was 489 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 1: standing in a room and everyone was sharing something negative 490 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: that they are experiencing or something bad, I would join 491 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 1: in too, even though that's not really where I place 492 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: my energy. If everyone in a room is saying that 493 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:39,120 Speaker 1: they don't like something, you feel scared to voice your opinion. Now, 494 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 1: sometimes it's safe to not voice your opinion. Of course, 495 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 1: you have to be in a safe space to truly 496 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,679 Speaker 1: be unagreeable or disagreeable. But I find that we do 497 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 1: it in those ways where like I said, like, if 498 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 1: someone is being negative, we be negative. If someone gossips, 499 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: we gossip. If someone is being mean, we're mean, right Like, 500 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: we mirror that. And that's what a third of people 501 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,640 Speaker 1: are saying, is that we mirror other people's behavior. And 502 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 1: what I found in this regard is we have to 503 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:15,120 Speaker 1: learn to share our opinion without being combative. Right We 504 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 1: think that disagreeing has to be a debate. We think 505 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:25,639 Speaker 1: that disagreeing has to be a dispute, but it doesn't. 506 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,360 Speaker 1: A disagreement is different from a dispute. It's different from 507 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 1: a debate. It's different from deconstruction of an argument, right, Like, 508 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 1: you can share how you feel without being combative. How 509 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 1: do you do that though, So let's take that example 510 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:47,800 Speaker 1: again of me feeling like I'm going to be negative 511 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:53,520 Speaker 1: or I'm going to be gossipy. Silence, being quiet is 512 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:57,440 Speaker 1: one of the best ways to share your opinion without 513 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 1: being combative. You're not on your high hole, you're not 514 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: guiding everyone. The preachy version never works, right like telling everyone, hey, guys, 515 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: we shouldn't be doing this like that doesn't go down well. 516 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 1: And so sometimes the best way of raising your voice 517 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 1: is being silent in the sense that you don't join in. Now, 518 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 1: if this is an issue you really care about. If 519 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 1: this is an issue that's really important, and you can 520 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: see people being really vocal about something that you don't 521 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: agree with, you fighting them doesn't actually change how they 522 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: feel about it. You're making them feel bad about what 523 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 1: they're saying. Doesn't make them change how they feel about it. 524 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 1: What makes someone change how they feel about how they 525 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 1: feel is when something is presented in such an awful, 526 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 1: thoughtful way that they are charmed and disarmed by it. Right, 527 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: if someone is shouting at you, or if someone's telling 528 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 1: you you're wrong, that doesn't change how you feel. What 529 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 1: changes how you feel is when someone proposes something with 530 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 1: so much humility, When someone proposes something with so much 531 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: peace and ease in their voice and their heart and 532 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:18,960 Speaker 1: their eyes, and you think, huh, maybe they are right. Okay? 533 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 1: In this, like I said, relates to the next one, 534 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: which is you avoid conflicts or tough conversations. Two thirds 535 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 1: of Americans, including seventy percent of women and sixty three 536 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: percent of men, say they often go to great lengths 537 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 1: to avoid conflict. Now, I used to hate conflict and 538 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,800 Speaker 1: I don't enjoy it. Definitely don't enjoy it. But I 539 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,760 Speaker 1: used to avoid it so badly. I used to like, 540 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,040 Speaker 1: be agreeable, be nice, be kind, just avoid the fight 541 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: and think that that's the right thing to do. And 542 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: what I realized is you don't have to get as 543 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 1: far as a fight. Actually, if you put off conflict 544 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 1: in tough conversations too many times, that's what leads to 545 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:58,480 Speaker 1: a fight, Whereas if you're forward thinking, you can avoid 546 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 1: a fight by actually having a tough conversation up front. 547 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 1: The way that has helped me the most is practicing 548 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:10,720 Speaker 1: and rehearsing tough conversations. The biggest mistake with conflicts and 549 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 1: tough conversations is that they are not practiced and not rehearsed, 550 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 1: and they happen spontaneously randomly when you're not in the 551 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: right mindset and not being articulate about what's going on. 552 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 1: So if I want to have a tough conversation, I 553 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: will make a list of notes to say, here is 554 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: what we're struggling with, here is the challenge, and here 555 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: is my solution. Notice how that is so different from 556 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 1: this is wrong. I just don't like how you feel 557 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:40,400 Speaker 1: about this. You need to change. If I walk someone 558 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: through and I say, hey, these are the things I'm 559 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,600 Speaker 1: struggling with. Here's how it's causing a challenge for me. 560 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 1: Here's the solution. What's your take? It transforms in if 561 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: you've practiced and rehearsed that, it changes the quality of 562 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 1: that conversation. Now, I want to share one more trait 563 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,080 Speaker 1: with you. You don't want people to not like you 564 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: you so you'll be anything or do anything. Sixty four 565 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 1: percent of people say they often put other people's needs 566 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,880 Speaker 1: first at the expense of their own. Now, this is 567 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 1: the root of it, the root of all of it 568 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 1: is we don't know who we are. We don't know 569 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: who we are, so we're happy to be anyone in 570 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 1: anything that anyone wants us to be. So how do 571 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 1: I find who I am? Like? How do you even 572 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: work on that? Like? What does that look like? Well? 573 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: I want you to spend time doing an activity that 574 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,120 Speaker 1: I put at the beginning first chapter of my first book, 575 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,479 Speaker 1: Think like a Monk. This activity asks you what are 576 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 1: your current values? How's the current mindsets or the ways 577 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 1: you think? Where did they come from? Did they come 578 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 1: from with parents, your family, your school, your teacher, society, 579 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,720 Speaker 1: or yourself and do you still want them to be 580 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,120 Speaker 1: your values. If you can do that activity in the 581 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,360 Speaker 1: first chapter of Think like a Monk, what are your 582 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: current values, where did they come from? And do you 583 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 1: still want to keep those values? It will transform how 584 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: you realign with yourself. I want to thank you so 585 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,600 Speaker 1: much for tuning in to today's podcast. I'm so grateful 586 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: to all of you who are sharing on Purpose with 587 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 1: your world. I am so thankful for all the reviews. 588 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,560 Speaker 1: I saw all these reviews on Spotify that I didn't 589 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: even know were there. It's incredible to see just how 590 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: many of you have left beautiful reviews, which I'm so 591 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:34,000 Speaker 1: so grateful for. I'm so thankful for, and honestly, I'm 592 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 1: just so grateful I got to meet so many of 593 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: you this year. I love bumping into you on the streets. 594 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,600 Speaker 1: If you're an on Purpose listener, tell me you're on 595 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:41,080 Speaker 1: Purpose listener, I want to give you a big hug 596 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: and I will see you again next week for another 597 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,480 Speaker 1: episode or I know a lot of you are listening 598 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 1: every day. Thank you for those of you who have 599 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 1: made on Purpose a daily companion. Very grateful, see you soon. 600 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 1: Check this out. On an average commercial flight, the captain 601 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 1: has the autopilot engaged about ninety percent of the time, 602 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:14,040 Speaker 1: and some psychologists estimate that we make about ninety percent 603 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:20,440 Speaker 1: of our decisions similarly on autopilot without thinking. But unlike 604 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:24,520 Speaker 1: an airline pilot, when we take our hands off the controls, 605 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,359 Speaker 1: we don't usually end up where we want to go. 606 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:31,239 Speaker 1: But don't worry. There's a simple way that we can 607 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,400 Speaker 1: stay dialed in the next seven minutes are about intention 608 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,680 Speaker 1: and adding direction to the choices you make in life. 609 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:45,480 Speaker 1: I'm Jay Sheddy. Welcome to the Daily Jay. Now, before 610 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: we take off, let's pause and take three deep breaths 611 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:58,120 Speaker 1: to help us get centered, breathing in and breathing out, 612 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:17,040 Speaker 1: inviting inward and releasing outward, opening up and settling in. Now, 613 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:21,880 Speaker 1: let me tell you a story. Before I started high school, 614 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: if you'd have asked me what my worst subject was, 615 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 1: I'd have said art, no question. But then I met 616 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 1: mister Buckridge. He was an art teacher in my school. 617 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,280 Speaker 1: Tall and thin, and I remember how he always wore 618 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:43,000 Speaker 1: these red checked shirts and knit ties. I also remember 619 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 1: something mister Buckridge would do that really bugged me. At 620 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,759 Speaker 1: least at first, He'd stroll around the room looking at 621 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,800 Speaker 1: our work, and each time he'd stop at my desk 622 00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 1: and ask me this question why, like, why had I 623 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 1: decided to use that color combination? I don't know, I'd say, 624 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:09,040 Speaker 1: because it looks cool. Mister Buckrage would shake his head. 625 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:14,360 Speaker 1: That's not a real reason. He always pushed me to 626 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 1: really think things through, to be clear about my choices, 627 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,759 Speaker 1: and honestly, that's where I first learned the power and 628 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:28,480 Speaker 1: the importance of intentionality. That lesson has helped me throughout 629 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,439 Speaker 1: my life, and it's one that can help you too. 630 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,359 Speaker 1: When I left high school, art had gone from being 631 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:39,160 Speaker 1: my worst class to my best. But it wasn't because 632 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 1: I got good at painting or drawing. I didn't. I'm 633 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:47,040 Speaker 1: still terrible at them. It's because I learned to look 634 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:51,320 Speaker 1: at the world through the lens of intention. And now today, 635 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,840 Speaker 1: if I'm launching a new project, or even just decorating 636 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:58,680 Speaker 1: my office, at every step along the way, I know 637 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: my why. When we ask why, it's like turning on 638 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: a light in a dark room. We're no longer just 639 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 1: feeling our way around, hoping we'll eventually find the door. Instead, 640 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:17,360 Speaker 1: we have a vision and a direction. It also ensures 641 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,480 Speaker 1: that we're living with purpose instead of being driven by 642 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:27,400 Speaker 1: unquestioned impulses or unexamined emotions. That we're not living life 643 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:32,400 Speaker 1: on autopilot or playing follow the leader. Why is an 644 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,440 Speaker 1: opportunity to check in with yourself to make sure that 645 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:42,279 Speaker 1: your actions align with your values and your priorities. Here's 646 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:48,400 Speaker 1: a simple, yet profound exercise today. At each decision point 647 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:53,239 Speaker 1: you encounter as you contemplate your choice, pause and ask 648 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 1: yourself why. Okay, it doesn't have to be every decision, 649 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,200 Speaker 1: considering how many we actually make in a day, but 650 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:05,400 Speaker 1: try to do it for a few hours. Why am 651 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 1: I having cereal for breakfast? Why am I opting to 652 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 1: wear this shirt? Why am I stopping to buy a 653 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,799 Speaker 1: coffee on my way to work? And why did I 654 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:22,000 Speaker 1: choose this coffee shop? Remember answers like because it's cool 655 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: or because I always do? We'll get the mister buckrage buzzer. 656 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:32,560 Speaker 1: Challenge yourself to go deeper. You might be surprised at 657 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:37,080 Speaker 1: what you discover and how being more thoughtful and deliberate 658 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 1: impacts your life. I know it may seem like a 659 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:45,120 Speaker 1: little thing, but asking yourself why gives you back the 660 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:51,080 Speaker 1: controls so you can fly with direction and intention. And 661 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 1: with that in mind, let's practice our intentionality as we 662 00:38:55,960 --> 00:39:01,080 Speaker 1: turn to our meditation first. Yet, come comfortable wherever you 663 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:05,400 Speaker 1: are and be purposeful about what that means for you 664 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:13,400 Speaker 1: in this moment. During this practice, you shouldn't do anything 665 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:20,360 Speaker 1: just because it's what you usually do. Instead, be very deliberate, 666 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 1: so eyes open or closed, and consider why you're making 667 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:39,239 Speaker 1: that choice. Tune into your breath here and you can 668 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:46,840 Speaker 1: keep flowing along with your natural rhythm, or mindfully breathe 669 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 1: a little deeper. Feel free to hold your attention on 670 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:07,240 Speaker 1: your your breath, or consciously shift your awareness somewhere else, 671 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,680 Speaker 1: like a sensation in your body or a sound in 672 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:22,839 Speaker 1: the environment. Now, take a moment to think about your 673 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:29,360 Speaker 1: day so far. Why are you where you are right now? 674 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:42,920 Speaker 1: Why are you listening to the Daily Jay? Why are 675 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:47,120 Speaker 1: you listening at this time of day, in this place? 676 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:56,040 Speaker 1: And now let's open this up. How often do you 677 00:40:56,120 --> 00:41:01,600 Speaker 1: do things with clarity of purpose and intention? And how 678 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:09,359 Speaker 1: often would you say you're an autopilot as you moved 679 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:16,640 Speaker 1: through life? When and where could you ask yourself why? 680 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: How could this transform your life for the better? Personally, 681 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:31,439 Speaker 1: my wife for the Daily Jay is very clear, I'm 682 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:36,240 Speaker 1: incredibly motivated to help others live their most mindful lives. 683 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,680 Speaker 1: I hope mister Buckrage would be proud. Thanks for being 684 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 1: here and I'll see you tomorrow.