WEBVTT - As My Father Before Me

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to On the Job. On today's episode, we're headed

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<v Speaker 1>to Western Pa to speak with Brian Murphy, who's a

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<v Speaker 1>fifth generation small business owner and now with his kids

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<v Speaker 1>nearing adulthood. The question is will there be a sixth

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<v Speaker 1>when you're a kid? If you're lucky, death is a

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<v Speaker 1>distant thing, something you rarely have to deal with. But

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<v Speaker 1>for Brian Murphy, being the son of a funeral home director,

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<v Speaker 1>meant that death was all around him, or more accurately,

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<v Speaker 1>right in his backyard.

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<v Speaker 2>And we lived behind the funeral home in a house behind.

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<v Speaker 2>So as far as growing up next to the funeral home,

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<v Speaker 2>I have very vivid memories of my dad going back

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<v Speaker 2>and forth all the time, dinner's being interrupted.

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<v Speaker 3>It was really hectic.

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<v Speaker 1>Did the funeral home scare you as a kid or No?

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<v Speaker 2>No, it never really scared me and maybe intrigued me

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<v Speaker 2>first short period of time. But I think because in

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<v Speaker 2>our house where we lived, on the first floor was

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<v Speaker 2>the meeting room, so it was filled with caskets and

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<v Speaker 2>all the memorabilia and merchandise. So every day walking home

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<v Speaker 2>from school, coming in, that's the first thing you see.

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<v Speaker 2>You kind of get used to it and it's like

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<v Speaker 2>second nature almost, But as far as being you know,

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<v Speaker 2>in the Morgars seeing things like that, no, it really

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<v Speaker 2>never really bothered me.

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<v Speaker 1>It might sound surprising that a young kid would be

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<v Speaker 1>so blase about death, but as Brian sees it, that's

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<v Speaker 1>just part of being a Murphy because for about as

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<v Speaker 1>long as his ancestors have been in these parts, they've

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<v Speaker 1>been in the funeral business.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, like I said, it started with William Andrew Hartzel,

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<v Speaker 2>then it moved to Fred C. Murphy who was my

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<v Speaker 2>great grandfather, and then William A. H. Murphy who was

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<v Speaker 2>my grandfather, William F. Murphy who was my father, and

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<v Speaker 2>then there's me.

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<v Speaker 1>Though interestingly enough, that wasn't their original business plan.

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<v Speaker 2>The funeral home was actually wasn't a funeral home. That

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't our purpose. My great great grandfather he moved to Rochester, Pennsylvania,

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<v Speaker 2>and he was a cabinet furniture maker and opened Heartsol's

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<v Speaker 2>Furniture Company.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, it didn't take long for.

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<v Speaker 2>That to snowball into Heartsol Furniture and Undertaking Company because

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<v Speaker 2>back in those times, the furniture makers.

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<v Speaker 3>Also built the caskets.

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<v Speaker 2>So a lot of the furniture makers who built the

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<v Speaker 2>caskets just became snowballed into a funeral director and an embalmer.

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<v Speaker 1>While the funeral business might not have been Brian's great

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<v Speaker 1>great grandfather's initial choice, that pivot from furniture maker to

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<v Speaker 1>undertaker turned out to be a savvy career move because

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<v Speaker 1>the funeral home that he started has managed to stay

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<v Speaker 1>in Brian's family for five generations, which makes the William

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<v Speaker 1>Murphy Funeral Home a complete rarity in American business. According

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<v Speaker 1>to a study by Cornell University, only forty percent of

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<v Speaker 1>American owned businesses are passed down to the next generation,

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<v Speaker 1>and only thirteen percent make it to the third, and

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<v Speaker 1>amasly three percent reached the fourth generation. So what the

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<v Speaker 1>Murphy family has managed to do for five generations in

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<v Speaker 1>Rochester is quite the feat. In fact, that study I

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<v Speaker 1>cited didn't even have statistics on fifth gen businesses.

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<v Speaker 2>He started the funeral home here in Rochester in eighteen

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<v Speaker 2>eighty five, the same location and same family ever since.

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<v Speaker 4>When you were a kid, were you proud of what

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<v Speaker 4>your dad did?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh? Yeah, I was definitely proud.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, you went to high school, you went to

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<v Speaker 2>Wittenberg University, went immediately to the Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary

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<v Speaker 2>Science immediately into here and from that point on. My

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<v Speaker 2>dad was twenty five and was running pretty successful business

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<v Speaker 2>and only made it more successful with all his time

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<v Speaker 2>and dedication.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, Brian was proud of the business his family had

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<v Speaker 1>built and maintained through the years. He could also see

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<v Speaker 1>that running such a business didn't come easy, So.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't really see a whole lot of him other

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<v Speaker 2>than at the funeral home. If I were to go

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<v Speaker 2>to the funeral home, I would see him a lot

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<v Speaker 2>over there, but not so much at the house.

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<v Speaker 1>Did that leave a negative impression on you about the

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<v Speaker 1>business that it took so much of your dad's time.

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<v Speaker 2>It did, but I didn't realize it until I got older.

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<v Speaker 2>I always, you know, wondered why we couldn't go on

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<v Speaker 2>vacations like every other family, or you know, why my

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<v Speaker 2>dad wasn't at my sporting events or different activities was

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<v Speaker 2>because he thought he was the only one available to

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<v Speaker 2>be here, and he just surrounded himself with the funeral

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<v Speaker 2>home and everything else kind of came in second fiddle.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you at any point feel on the most trapped

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<v Speaker 1>or the fact that you if you didn't want to

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<v Speaker 1>go into the family business, like you'd be letting him

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<v Speaker 1>or your grandparents down, or great grandparents.

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<v Speaker 2>More so my grandparents, I feel like I'd be letting

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<v Speaker 2>them down. My grandpa and I were thick as thieves,

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<v Speaker 2>and as close as we were, that's how close my

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<v Speaker 2>father and I weren't. So I felt more of an

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<v Speaker 2>obligation towards my grandfather at that point in time than

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<v Speaker 2>I did to my dad, for a bunch of different reasons.

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<v Speaker 1>In his teens, Brian had always hoped that one day

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<v Speaker 1>his father would sit him down and have that talk,

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<v Speaker 1>the talk that had been passed down from one Murphy

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<v Speaker 1>generation to the next.

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<v Speaker 2>And say, Brian, we've been here since eighteen eighty five.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm the fourth generation. You're my son, I'm your dad.

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<v Speaker 2>I really want to work with you. I really want

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<v Speaker 2>you to join the business. Looking back on it now,

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<v Speaker 2>he would tell you he wanted me to come to him.

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<v Speaker 2>So it was kind of, you know, butting heads. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>with that being said, he was just kind of a

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<v Speaker 2>little colder than I would have liked him to be.

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<v Speaker 1>But in fairness to Brian's dad, William Murphy, Brian admits

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<v Speaker 1>that he wasn't in any condition back then to be

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<v Speaker 1>entrusted with such responsibility.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I started. I had my first drink when I

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<v Speaker 2>was thirteen, and it just snowballed. By the time I

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<v Speaker 2>was a senior in high school, I was drinking, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>probably four or five nights a week.

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<v Speaker 3>I tried to go to college. That didn't work. I

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<v Speaker 3>went there for about a year.

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<v Speaker 1>Brian described himself in those years as a functioning alcoholic,

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<v Speaker 1>able to hold down jobs and make ends meet, but

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<v Speaker 1>far from thriving.

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<v Speaker 2>My life really didn't have any function or purpose, you

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<v Speaker 2>know what I mean. I wanted it to mean something,

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<v Speaker 2>but I was I wanted my career and profession to

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<v Speaker 2>do something.

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<v Speaker 1>Fortunately, though, soon after getting married, Brian realized the path

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<v Speaker 1>that he was on would only end in tragedy, and

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<v Speaker 1>that's something needed to give.

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<v Speaker 2>And I just decided it was time to get sober.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, it had been a long, miserable road and

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<v Speaker 2>I just felt I needed to make a change. I

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<v Speaker 2>entered rehab. I was supposed to be in there for

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<v Speaker 2>thirty days. They let me out after sixteen because they

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<v Speaker 2>said my accountsor had never He said he had never

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<v Speaker 2>seen an alcoholic attack his sobriety the way I did

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<v Speaker 2>so they cut me loose. I worked three jobs for

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<v Speaker 2>the next year and a half, trying to prove myself

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<v Speaker 2>and staying sober and staying straight.

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<v Speaker 1>Then on Brian's two year anniversary of getting sober, his

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<v Speaker 1>father said it was time they talk. When we come

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<v Speaker 1>back from the break, Brian Murphy joins the family business.

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<v Speaker 1>We're back with Brian Murphy, who, after getting sober, had

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<v Speaker 1>just been asked by his dad if he'd like to

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<v Speaker 1>go into the family trade.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, by that time, I was thirty six or thirty seven,

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<v Speaker 2>so I had a pretty late start, but I was

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<v Speaker 2>still starting, and I enrolled in the Pittsburgh Institute of

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<v Speaker 2>Mortuary Science when I was thirty seven and graduated right

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<v Speaker 2>after my fortieth birthday.

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<v Speaker 4>Well done, nice, thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>I imagine that must have been stressful, coming off your

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<v Speaker 1>recent sobriety to sort of dive in to this thing

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<v Speaker 1>and the sort of stakes of being the fifth generation

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<v Speaker 1>and the responsibility you felt.

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<v Speaker 2>Definitely, I mean it was all or nothing at that point.

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<v Speaker 2>I had put everything into that basket. I worked really

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<v Speaker 2>hard at obtaining my sobriety, worked even harder at maintaining it.

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<v Speaker 2>My family had noticed that, My father had seen that,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was proud of all the work that my

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<v Speaker 2>predecessors had put in to get this place to where

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<v Speaker 2>it is today. And like I said, I wasn't going

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<v Speaker 2>to be the one to let everyone down and be.

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<v Speaker 3>The last generation.

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<v Speaker 2>I just became a different man, did a complete one eighty,

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<v Speaker 2>and was ready to take on the responsibilities now of

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<v Speaker 2>the funeral home.

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<v Speaker 1>There are a few reasons that family businesses don't tend

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<v Speaker 1>to last, but one of the biggest is that it

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<v Speaker 1>can be really hard to mix the two, and Brian

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<v Speaker 1>knows that all too well. He says, those first two

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<v Speaker 1>years of working with his dad, we're far from easy.

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<v Speaker 4>Is it problematic to mix family and business?

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<v Speaker 3>I think you know the answer to that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, definitely, because you're family, but you're also coworkers, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and sometimes that's hard to differentiate. That's a real fine

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<v Speaker 2>line because my dad and I have had some real

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<v Speaker 2>knockdown drag outs in this building and we're supposed to

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<v Speaker 2>have a family birthday party that night, you know what

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<v Speaker 2>I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's just kind of.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you maneuver and how do you work around

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<v Speaker 2>everyone's feelings? And it's really made me a better person.

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<v Speaker 2>It's made me a better person, better a husband, better father,

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<v Speaker 2>better funeral director, better listener because instead of trying to

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<v Speaker 2>get my point across, I'm now listening to what you

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<v Speaker 2>need and then find some common ground.

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<v Speaker 1>But there was one thing that Brian was unwilling to

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<v Speaker 1>compromise on, and that was a love and attention that

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<v Speaker 1>he gave to a wife and kids.

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<v Speaker 3>I stood my ground, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 2>He's the type if you let him take it, he's

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<v Speaker 2>going to take it, you know what I mean, which

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<v Speaker 2>isn't a bad thing when it comes to the business,

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<v Speaker 2>because that's his primary focus. I'm focused on the business,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm focused on my family at the same time.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to be able. The way I look

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<v Speaker 2>at it is, how am I as a funeral director?

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<v Speaker 2>Going to be able to take care of you and

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<v Speaker 2>your family and your time of need when my family's

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<v Speaker 2>a mess. It's hypocritical to a degree, I think, but yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I have to have my house in working order for

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<v Speaker 2>me to take care of you and yours.

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<v Speaker 1>Over time, though, Brian and his father came to understand

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<v Speaker 1>each other in ways they hadn't before, and at the

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<v Speaker 1>end of the day, both of them knew that they

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<v Speaker 1>shared the same goal serving their community the way the

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<v Speaker 1>Murphy family always had.

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<v Speaker 4>Do you enjoy the funeral business?

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<v Speaker 3>I do. I do.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm very glad and satisfied that I got into it.

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<v Speaker 2>It satisfies me both physically and mentally. You know, as

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<v Speaker 2>long as I can put in a good, long day

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<v Speaker 2>of hard work and I can rest easy at night

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<v Speaker 2>knowing I did something positive, not only for myself, but

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<v Speaker 2>maybe for someone else too.

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<v Speaker 1>And while Brian admits that the job is very demanding,

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<v Speaker 1>he makes great efforts to maintain a relatively healthy work

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<v Speaker 1>life balance, even though he and his family now live

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<v Speaker 1>in his childhood house just steps from the funeral home.

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<v Speaker 2>My dad moved out and my family and I moved in,

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<v Speaker 2>so I'm seventy four feet from the front door.

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<v Speaker 3>But it works to a degree.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess it's nice when I need to be here,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's kind of a paint in the butt when

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<v Speaker 2>I don't need to be here, but I'm still here,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>But we make it work.

0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:48.679
<v Speaker 4>The commute's not bad, no, not at all.

0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.600
<v Speaker 3>Saves on gas so well.

0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.640
<v Speaker 1>He might have gotten a bit of a later start

0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.319
<v Speaker 1>than some of the other Murphys that came before him.

0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.600
<v Speaker 1>Brian has come into his own as the fifth member

0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.359
<v Speaker 1>of the family to run the businesusiness.

0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:06.880
<v Speaker 2>I particularly love embalming. I love bringing someone's loved one

0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 2>back to where they can remember them and having closure,

0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:13.200
<v Speaker 2>get good closure.

0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:14.200
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't want someone that's been ravaged with a disease

0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:20.320
<v Speaker 2>for four years. I don't want their family having to

0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:22.839
<v Speaker 2>come in and relive that. I want to make this

0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:26.840
<v Speaker 2>person look like they did at their sixty fifth birthday party,

0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:28.840
<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean, and give the family some

0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:32.840
<v Speaker 2>solace and some comfort knowing that their loved one, you know,

0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.199
<v Speaker 2>looks fine and it's going to be laid to rest

0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:38.760
<v Speaker 2>in a peaceful manner. One of the first things I

0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:41.120
<v Speaker 2>said when I was licensed and started this, I said,

0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.600
<v Speaker 2>my last day will be the day that I don't

0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:48.120
<v Speaker 2>feel some sort of emotion for the family or the deceiting.

0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:51.920
<v Speaker 1>Well, that day seems a long ways off. The question

0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.680
<v Speaker 1>on the back of Brian's mind is who will take

0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:58.319
<v Speaker 1>over the business. So far, Brian's two kids, who are

0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.679
<v Speaker 1>seventeen and nineteen, have expressed that they might want to

0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:06.320
<v Speaker 1>try different career paths, which Brian accepts, wanting, as any

0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:09.880
<v Speaker 1>great dad would, whatever is best for his kids, even

0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.240
<v Speaker 1>if it means the end of a nearly century and

0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:13.079
<v Speaker 1>a half streak.

0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:16.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I would love to have them join me and

0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:20.080
<v Speaker 2>my dad and work side by side and just flourish

0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.760
<v Speaker 2>and have it become what it will become.

0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:23.960
<v Speaker 3>That would be great.

0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:26.880
<v Speaker 2>But if they choose not to, then no, I'm not

0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.520
<v Speaker 2>going to heart any ill will or ill feelings because

0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:35.520
<v Speaker 2>I know what this profession asks of you and that

0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:36.600
<v Speaker 2>can be a lot.

0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.240
<v Speaker 1>In the meanwhile, he's taken on some interns from the

0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:43.840
<v Speaker 1>nearby mortician school and tries to prepare himself for a

0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:46.560
<v Speaker 1>day in which the funeral home will no longer have

0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:47.960
<v Speaker 1>a Murphy at its helm.

0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:52.280
<v Speaker 2>And I'm sure there will be some feelings because it's

0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:53.560
<v Speaker 2>going to be hard, you know what I mean? It's

0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:57.920
<v Speaker 2>something I've known my entire life, but I can honestly

0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:01.680
<v Speaker 2>tell you that I think when that day comes, I

0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:05.640
<v Speaker 2>can hand those keys over knowing that myself, my dad,

0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:09.640
<v Speaker 2>my grandfather, my entire family did the absolute best we

0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:10.960
<v Speaker 2>could for this community.

0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, Brian has made sure that his kids know

0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:17.840
<v Speaker 1>he supports whatever it is they choose to do with

0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:21.600
<v Speaker 1>their lives, but regardless of where their roads.

0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:22.720
<v Speaker 4>Might lead them.

0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:25.960
<v Speaker 1>Brian also felt a need to sit his kids down

0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:27.920
<v Speaker 1>and have that old Murphy talk.

0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:31.920
<v Speaker 2>And even though I knew, you know, Parker and Ella

0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:36.040
<v Speaker 2>probably weren't going to come this path, I at least

0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:38.520
<v Speaker 2>wanted them to know that I wanted them to and

0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:41.400
<v Speaker 2>the door was open. It was actually like two weeks ago.

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:43.240
<v Speaker 2>I sat them both down and said, hey, guys, you know,

0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:47.120
<v Speaker 2>I know you're probably not interested or you know, don't

0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.360
<v Speaker 2>want anything to do with the funeral home professionally, I said,

0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:52.760
<v Speaker 2>but I need you to know, as your father that

0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:54.000
<v Speaker 2>I welcome you if.

0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:54.720
<v Speaker 3>You so choose.

0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:55.840
<v Speaker 4>They said no.

0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:58.760
<v Speaker 2>My son kind of chuckled because we both knew where

0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:03.080
<v Speaker 2>that was going. My daughter, on the other hand, lately,

0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:07.080
<v Speaker 2>within the last probably two months, has shown more interest

0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:10.080
<v Speaker 2>than she ever has. She actually wants to come over

0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:13.200
<v Speaker 2>and witness an embalming and kind of get the feel

0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.480
<v Speaker 2>for that to see if she may or.

0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:18.920
<v Speaker 3>May not like it. So there's a heartbeat.

0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.720
<v Speaker 1>For on the job. I'm Averrey Thompson.