WEBVTT - Third Time's The Charm?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, guys, It's I Do Part two and I am

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<v Speaker 1>one of your celebrity mentors, Jen Fessler, and today I

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<v Speaker 1>am so weak and excited because normally I'm talking with

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking. We usually talk to like celebrities on the show.

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<v Speaker 1>This celebrity is actually none other than my sister, Robin Gutterman.

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<v Speaker 1>And she's not really a celebrity, but she's a celebrity

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<v Speaker 1>to us.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, Robbie, Hi, Jenny. So happy to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I am thrilled to have you. And like most people,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys, though, she has gone into Robin's rather unique story.

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<v Speaker 1>So firstly, a little bit about I guess just us.

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<v Speaker 1>So you guys may think that Robin is the older one,

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<v Speaker 1>just based on looks, but I'm actually fourteen months older

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<v Speaker 1>than my sister. Yes, and she's always been perfect, beautiful,

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<v Speaker 1>little blonde. Not sure one of you, It is so true.

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<v Speaker 1>And uh, but Robin and I are as we've gotten older.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean we had our fights right over the years,

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<v Speaker 1>you did. There's a time actually with your second husband,

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<v Speaker 1>who we can remain nameless, but where we didn't speak

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<v Speaker 1>for like over a year, right.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, we did and get along during that relationship

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<v Speaker 2>I think you aren't happy with that relationship at all,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was a tough one for you to watch.

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<v Speaker 2>I think, yeah, it was.

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<v Speaker 1>But it doesn't really matter when it comes to sisters.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we're Robin and I are very very close.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're going to get into all things Robin's love life.

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<v Speaker 1>So Robbie, let's just like, you know, this show is

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<v Speaker 1>about love the second time around. And in our family,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of times there's a second time around, there's

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<v Speaker 1>the third time around, there's the fourth time around. Our

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<v Speaker 1>parents have been married and divorced. I don't know you

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<v Speaker 1>want to count. I mean I think seven six or

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<v Speaker 1>seven come between them? Yes, yes for mom, Yes, well

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<v Speaker 1>now add me in and now yes yes.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're the only one who's been on the first Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know what, I host the show because I'm

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<v Speaker 1>also kind of on my part two in the sense

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<v Speaker 1>that we were separated for a year and a half

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<v Speaker 1>and things definitely changed after that. But for once, you'll

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<v Speaker 1>be happy to hear Robin, it's not about me, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>So let's just like, you know, talk a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>about let's go one marriage at a time. So Robin

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<v Speaker 1>has been married, Oh you tell everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>I've actually been married three times.

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<v Speaker 1>Married three times, divorced three times. So but we'll get

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<v Speaker 1>you know, let's start with your first marriage. Tell us

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit about how you met your first husband,

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<v Speaker 1>what that was like, what you think happened there, how

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<v Speaker 1>that ended in.

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<v Speaker 2>My first husband I met in college in Austin and

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<v Speaker 2>we were best friends. Our personalities were very similar. We

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<v Speaker 2>just we were kind of the partiers and we had

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<v Speaker 2>a little group of partiers and we were just friends.

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<v Speaker 2>But I started to like him, and I was actually

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<v Speaker 2>dating someone at the time, and I started to like him,

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<v Speaker 2>and I moved to New York after college, and he

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<v Speaker 2>moved back to Miami, and we remained friends, and he

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<v Speaker 2>started coming for business to New York and we ended

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<v Speaker 2>up going out one night and that was it. We

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<v Speaker 2>were dating long distance for a year. I think it

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<v Speaker 2>was a little over a year, and then he basically said,

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<v Speaker 2>either you need to move to Miami or you know,

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<v Speaker 2>this is over, because he didn't want to continue with

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<v Speaker 2>the long distance. All right, why not? I was living

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<v Speaker 2>in New York City at the time, waiting tables, had

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<v Speaker 2>just finished getting my graduate degree, and so I moved

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<v Speaker 2>and you know it, he was my best friend, the

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<v Speaker 2>person that I laugh with. I don't know if I

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<v Speaker 2>ever felt a crazy in love spark. I felt a

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<v Speaker 2>you'd be the best father. You have a phenomenal family,

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<v Speaker 2>and we were best friends. And he was Jewish. I

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<v Speaker 2>mean he kind of checked all the boxes, right, he

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<v Speaker 2>was good looking, tall.

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<v Speaker 1>We all loved him.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean yeah, everyone loved him.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone our family loved him.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I mean he's just good people. Like, there's nothing

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<v Speaker 2>that I can really say in a negative way about

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<v Speaker 2>who he is as a person.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you think do you think that when you were

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<v Speaker 1>walking down the aisle, did you know it was wrong?

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<v Speaker 1>Like I think about how Mamma always says that when

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<v Speaker 1>she was walking down the aisle with Dad, she knew

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<v Speaker 1>it was wrong, and Grandma had no problem telling her

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<v Speaker 1>she was making a mistake.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I got emotional before I walked down the

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<v Speaker 2>aisle because my friend was actually getting together with a

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<v Speaker 2>guy I used to date on the day of my wedding,

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<v Speaker 2>and I had like a little tinge left of feeling

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<v Speaker 2>for him. So I was walking down the aisle and

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<v Speaker 2>that was the thing I was thinking about, you know, like,

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<v Speaker 2>f you you're sitting here dating someone I dated I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't know with our family what

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<v Speaker 2>I thought I was supposed to feel or have. I

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<v Speaker 2>just thought that he was going to be just a

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<v Speaker 2>great man to be with, you know, he was just

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<v Speaker 2>going to be He was smart, ambitious, you know, had

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<v Speaker 2>a business degree. I mean, he checked he checked the boxes,

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<v Speaker 2>and he was friends and that's just I just thought

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<v Speaker 2>that it was going to be him.

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<v Speaker 1>So you guys were married. How many years was it.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it was seven when you had Jake and Danielle.

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<v Speaker 1>And what do you think happened?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, we ended up there was a period of time where,

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<v Speaker 2>you know most men, he was the bread winner for

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<v Speaker 2>a minute, and he had a business with his parents,

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<v Speaker 2>and they shut down his business in Miami, and so

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<v Speaker 2>I think he fell into quite a bit of a depression.

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<v Speaker 2>It was the only thing that he had really known.

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<v Speaker 2>They were in the toy business, and so I think

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<v Speaker 2>it was really really difficult for him after that. And

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<v Speaker 2>at the same time, I had decided I wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>get a second master's degree, so I was looking at

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<v Speaker 2>doing that, and then I got an opportunity in Boca.

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<v Speaker 2>We were living in Weston at the time. I got

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<v Speaker 2>an opportunity in Boca to run a treatment center, and

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<v Speaker 2>so my salary went.

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<v Speaker 1>Up because she would just just tell the people. So

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<v Speaker 1>Robin is a therapist, yes, and was specializing in the

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<v Speaker 1>time in drug and alcohol.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, an addiction addiction. So I had gotten an opportunity

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<v Speaker 2>to run a treatment center, a big treatment center in Boca,

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<v Speaker 2>and so my career was kind of going up up,

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<v Speaker 2>and he could not find the right job for him

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<v Speaker 2>at all, and he was very depressed. He was kind

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<v Speaker 2>of became a stay at home dad. He was the

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<v Speaker 2>one taking the kids to school and picking them up,

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<v Speaker 2>and he was basically in his underwear every day on

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<v Speaker 2>a laptop, trying to create business in the same field.

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<v Speaker 2>And it wasn't working out, and my life was crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>I was driving an hour back and forth from Boca

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<v Speaker 2>to Weston every single day, leaving early in the morning,

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<v Speaker 2>getting home late. And I don't think that helped our

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<v Speaker 2>marriage at all. There was no nurturing going on in

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<v Speaker 2>the marriage. It was really just about the kids and

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<v Speaker 2>work at that point in time. And then, if I'd

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<v Speaker 2>be brutally honest about it all, I ended up meeting

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<v Speaker 2>someone while I was working at the rehab and ended

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<v Speaker 2>up having an affair and he found out about it.

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<v Speaker 1>When you look back on that, do you word do

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<v Speaker 1>you think it without if you hadn't had an affair,

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<v Speaker 1>do you think you guys would still be married?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's funny people ask me that all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I mean, when I talked to the kids,

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<v Speaker 2>they say, absolutely not. We wouldn't have. But there was nothing.

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<v Speaker 2>He is an awesome person, you know, as a whole person.

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<v Speaker 2>He's a good person. I don't always think he was

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<v Speaker 2>the best parent, but he is. He was a good husband,

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<v Speaker 2>and he was a good friend. And I can't say

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<v Speaker 2>anything negative. I just think I was never really in

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<v Speaker 2>love with him, and I found someone that I became

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<v Speaker 2>head over heels with and unfortunately he found out about it.

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<v Speaker 1>We tried to make it, and he also, right, you

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<v Speaker 1>guys tried and he didn't want it to end. I

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<v Speaker 1>remember him saying to me back then. I think I

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<v Speaker 1>said to him at one point his name is, well, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not going to say his name. Actually, like you

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<v Speaker 1>gotta you should you should go. This is not because

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<v Speaker 1>I knew that you were. You had checked out the marriage, right, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Had definitely checked out. I would probably say, talking about addiction.

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<v Speaker 2>I came into this almost obsessive addicted state with the

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<v Speaker 2>person that I was seeing at the time, and it

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<v Speaker 2>was a lot. It was a lot things that happened.

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<v Speaker 2>We tried to go to couples counseling, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>of course, the contingency was I could never talk to

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<v Speaker 2>this guy again, see him again, whatever it was. And

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<v Speaker 2>I knew why I was doing couples counseling. I was

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<v Speaker 2>not going to stop. I had no doubt in my mind.

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<v Speaker 2>I thought maybe I could go to counseling and the

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<v Speaker 2>counseling would put my head back in the right direction. Right,

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<v Speaker 2>your family, your kids, all the things that people talk

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<v Speaker 2>to me about on a daily basis, right, their priorities,

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<v Speaker 2>their work, their family, you know, their home, all of

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<v Speaker 2>those things. And people don't get divorced for that reason

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<v Speaker 2>most of the time. In my profession and now I

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<v Speaker 2>work as a marriage therapist, which is the most hilarious,

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<v Speaker 2>but at this point that's what I hear about. People

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to get divorced because they don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>mess up the kids and their of what would happen

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<v Speaker 2>to them. I didn't have any of that fear of

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<v Speaker 2>what was going to happen to my kids. I knew

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<v Speaker 2>I was a great mom, but I figured give it

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<v Speaker 2>a shot, maybe something in me would change with the counseling.

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<v Speaker 1>But I know, all these years, all these years later,

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<v Speaker 1>you've said to me, and it always sticks with me.

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<v Speaker 1>You always say, like, how well, you don't really get

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<v Speaker 1>jealous of me, and I don't get jealous of you.

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<v Speaker 2>There's one thing I'm jealous of you for Jeff Fessler.

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<v Speaker 1>Jeff Fessler, not Jeff Besler per se, my marriage. Correct,

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<v Speaker 1>because you have said to me right like like that.

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<v Speaker 1>You I guess at the time when we came from

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<v Speaker 1>so much divorce, even when when I was separated, I

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't I just thought that's how the world worked. I

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't really that worried about my kids. Yeah, I was

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<v Speaker 1>worried about them, of course, It's natural to be. And

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<v Speaker 1>then when I saw how sad they were, Like they

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<v Speaker 1>would go with Jeff away for a weekend or he

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<v Speaker 1>would take them and they would come back distraught. And

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think, well, actually when we would leave, when

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<v Speaker 1>we would we would I would leave Dad. I was

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<v Speaker 1>we had that sad. But the thing is I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>foresee it to me. Divorce is just that's what people do,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. Then all of a sudden, I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>wait a second, yeah, and I was sick. The kid

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<v Speaker 1>thing was brutal.

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<v Speaker 2>Your kids were older, though, yeah, right, my kids were

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<v Speaker 2>three and four years old. I don't even think the

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<v Speaker 2>only conversation, the only thing they remember, which Jake likes

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<v Speaker 2>to tell me my twenty seven year old that the

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<v Speaker 2>only thing he remembers about us living together was the

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<v Speaker 2>day that we sat them down and told them we

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<v Speaker 2>were getting divorced. Now my son, my son doesn't remember

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<v Speaker 2>what he did yesterday, but but okay, yeah, that's what

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<v Speaker 2>he says.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember telling my kids that day. I remember all

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<v Speaker 1>of that. I remember Rachel saying to me, what about

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<v Speaker 1>all our traditions? What about what about going to Rachel?

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<v Speaker 1>I know, and I'm sick even saying it out loud.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to throw up. But I guess I would

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<v Speaker 1>just talking about it because weighing it now, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and knowing that you feel that way, and you didn't

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<v Speaker 1>realize you were going to feel that way maybe at

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<v Speaker 1>the time, just like I don't think I realized how

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<v Speaker 1>hard it was going to be watching my kids deal

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<v Speaker 1>with it but anyway, But would you do it differently?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I wouldn't do it differently. But just as you

0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:14.360
<v Speaker 2>had started saying the moments that we're like at Thanksgiving, right,

0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:17.240
<v Speaker 2>because no one in our family is divorced except for me.

0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:19.640
<v Speaker 1>And it's weird because I always thought to think of

0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:21.679
<v Speaker 1>I always think everyone's divorced, but.

0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:25.800
<v Speaker 2>Of our kids, of our all of us, right, the kids, Yeah,

0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:28.560
<v Speaker 2>all the I'm the only one divorced. So when you

0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:31.360
<v Speaker 2>guys are preparing things and fun things are coming up

0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.920
<v Speaker 2>and making family memories, I'm making them. But they're the

0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.760
<v Speaker 2>connection that you guys have right with your children together,

0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.880
<v Speaker 2>That bond, I guess is what I always say to you.

0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:42.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't have that.

0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:44.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't have that, and that's definitely sad for me.

0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:46.960
<v Speaker 1>That makes me sad. I just want to cry.

0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:53.760
<v Speaker 2>Everything makes you want to cross. I mean, if I

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.320
<v Speaker 2>was to go back, no, I wouldn't change it, do

0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.920
<v Speaker 2>I feel. Listen, the kids know about the affair. I

0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.840
<v Speaker 2>was never dishonest with my children when they were old

0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:07.240
<v Speaker 2>enough to know. Marriages though, don't die from an affair.

0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:09.240
<v Speaker 2>They die from the things that led up to the

0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.720
<v Speaker 2>affair that you didn't deal with and of course, the

0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.800
<v Speaker 2>betrayal from the affair hits differently than other things that

0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:17.400
<v Speaker 2>are problematic in a marriage.

0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.120
<v Speaker 1>But it's so funny. While you're saying this, I'm thinking,

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:22.720
<v Speaker 1>I wanted you to come on to tell your story

0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.400
<v Speaker 1>and we could just spend a whole session because you're

0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:29.960
<v Speaker 1>you're a marriage counselor like that whole part of it.

0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.079
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, you know what I was telling Heather,

0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:33.960
<v Speaker 1>my producer. I got to have my sister on. She's

0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:37.480
<v Speaker 1>been through it, not at all thinking but it's different.

0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:39.760
<v Speaker 1>This is personal, this is your stuff. That's you know,

0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:40.760
<v Speaker 1>a different discussion.

0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:44.280
<v Speaker 2>It's personal, but it's also you know, interesting that I

0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:47.160
<v Speaker 2>ended up doing this right because this is where I

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:51.760
<v Speaker 2>feel probably the most connected with my client and my

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.120
<v Speaker 2>ability to jump in and understand where they're at.

0:13:54.240 --> 0:14:06.079
<v Speaker 1>So I was going to ask you, like, after the divorce,

0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.360
<v Speaker 1>what was dating like? And of course now I'm thinking,

0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:11.480
<v Speaker 1>there wasn't dating. You were in a relationship, and that's

0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:14.840
<v Speaker 1>what you tell our listeners a little bit about that.

0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:16.800
<v Speaker 2>That's the one that I would probably say in a

0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.680
<v Speaker 2>lot of ways, I end up regretting emotionally.

0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:21.880
<v Speaker 1>For sure, you got married again.

0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:25.600
<v Speaker 2>We did, and I guess for some reason that made

0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.360
<v Speaker 2>my ex husband, my first husband, actually feel better. He

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.560
<v Speaker 2>said that to me once, that I didn't just have

0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:35.080
<v Speaker 2>an affair and that was it. I ended up getting

0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:38.000
<v Speaker 2>married to the guy that I divorced him like it.

0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:41.000
<v Speaker 1>Was more like it was more important. You didn't just

0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:44.000
<v Speaker 1>give up on the marriage for ruffling. Right.

0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.360
<v Speaker 2>He was a very different person than I had probably

0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.040
<v Speaker 2>ever met before I met him.

0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:51.760
<v Speaker 1>He was exactly like your father. I don't know what

0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:52.400
<v Speaker 1>you're talking about.

0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:56.240
<v Speaker 2>I met him when I was working at the rehab. Yes,

0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.520
<v Speaker 2>they both have narcissistic traits, but at the time, right

0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.680
<v Speaker 2>one who gets suckered by someone who has narcissism. He

0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.440
<v Speaker 2>was the most charming person in the room. He would

0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:11.520
<v Speaker 2>walk in and command attention. He had gone through it.

0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:17.000
<v Speaker 2>He was an addict in recovery, and right into recovery,

0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:20.360
<v Speaker 2>he had opened up a halfway house. He came from

0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:26.040
<v Speaker 2>his Egyptian so he had come from a very well

0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.880
<v Speaker 2>to do family in Boston, so he was highly educated.

0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:31.520
<v Speaker 2>He had a nursing degree, but was a drug addict.

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:36.040
<v Speaker 2>So he was in recovery ended up very quickly like

0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:38.720
<v Speaker 2>moving up the ranks in Boca. He had come down

0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:44.080
<v Speaker 2>for treatment from Boston and ended up staying anyway. So

0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:48.840
<v Speaker 2>when we first met, it was almost an immediate attraction.

0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:52.080
<v Speaker 1>Do you think you're addicted to him? Speaking of think

0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.400
<v Speaker 1>you said that before? Oh yeah, we lost you, you

0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:56.240
<v Speaker 1>were gone.

0:15:56.560 --> 0:16:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and listen, there was maybe that piece that he

0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 2>definitely had traits of her father. He was brilliant, for sure.

0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:09.240
<v Speaker 2>He was the most driven person I've ever met. He

0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.160
<v Speaker 2>basically took himself out of the slums to being I

0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:16.360
<v Speaker 2>don't know, worth about eighty million dollars now. He built

0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.720
<v Speaker 2>an entire rehab but along the way. I met him

0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:22.120
<v Speaker 2>when he was first starting out, but I knew that

0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:26.360
<v Speaker 2>he was going to be successful. He made me laugh.

0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.560
<v Speaker 1>He flagged his wealth because I know he came from

0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:29.360
<v Speaker 1>a wealthy family.

0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.640
<v Speaker 2>He didn't come No, he didn't come from a wealthy family. Initially,

0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.240
<v Speaker 2>they were actually very very poor. They came over from

0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.520
<v Speaker 2>Egypt when they were eighteen years old to go to school.

0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:42.120
<v Speaker 2>So Dad went to Harvard, Mom went somewhere else. They

0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:46.000
<v Speaker 2>were very poor, and Dad made his money in his profession.

0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:47.200
<v Speaker 1>Got it, but.

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.560
<v Speaker 2>Yes he did. They made a lot of money over time.

0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:52.040
<v Speaker 2>He was in real estate in Boston and was a

0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:56.240
<v Speaker 2>nurse as well. And yes, one of the traits of

0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.720
<v Speaker 2>his was when he started making money, the whole world

0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:00.840
<v Speaker 2>had to know he was making money. I mean, it

0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.720
<v Speaker 2>was so narcissistic. I have more than you. I remember

0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:07.159
<v Speaker 2>when he told Randy, my best friend Randy, the first

0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:09.160
<v Speaker 2>time he met her, he said, how much do you make?

0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:10.880
<v Speaker 2>This is how much I make. I bet I make

0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:17.080
<v Speaker 2>more than you. She still brings it up. Yeah, So listen.

0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:21.600
<v Speaker 2>He was driven and dedicated and charming, and I was enamored.

0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.239
<v Speaker 2>I really had never met anybody like him before in

0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:28.960
<v Speaker 2>that capacity, and I was taken in.

0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:32.359
<v Speaker 1>Do you think that you were because I'm comparing it

0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.800
<v Speaker 1>to your first marriage, right, that was I don't think

0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 1>you ever scared of your first husband, But I alway

0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:39.640
<v Speaker 1>felt like you were a little scared of your second.

0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:42.160
<v Speaker 2>You always say that, which is so interesting.

0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:43.360
<v Speaker 1>Is it not true.

0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.400
<v Speaker 2>I was never physically scared of him. I don't think

0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.919
<v Speaker 2>I was emotionally of losing him. Yes, that's what I

0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:51.439
<v Speaker 2>was scared of.

0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:52.120
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.239
<v Speaker 2>I always felt like I loved him more than he

0:17:54.280 --> 0:18:00.280
<v Speaker 2>loved me. He's Muslim, and the way that he's sees

0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.200
<v Speaker 2>the world was that we were never going to be partners.

0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:05.760
<v Speaker 2>As long as he made more money than I did,

0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:10.000
<v Speaker 2>we were never going to be partners. So what happened

0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:14.320
<v Speaker 2>in the end, I mean this relationship was it became

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:22.280
<v Speaker 2>very emotionally abusive. It was I worked for him and

0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:22.960
<v Speaker 2>he had a.

0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:25.359
<v Speaker 1>Rehab literally right, literally.

0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:28.800
<v Speaker 2>I worked for him. He had a humongous rehab in Boca.

0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:32.440
<v Speaker 2>I was the clinical director. And when we started having

0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:34.520
<v Speaker 2>problems in our marriage, a lot of times it was

0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:38.240
<v Speaker 2>related to our communication, and the communication being if I

0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:41.560
<v Speaker 2>didn't agree with you, that I was being dramatic and

0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.440
<v Speaker 2>there was something wrong with me. Very narcissistic, right, that's

0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:48.000
<v Speaker 2>the twist. Narcissists make you feel like you're crazy. Right,

0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:51.040
<v Speaker 2>They're always right. They're always waiting to fill their ego.

0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:53.600
<v Speaker 2>If you do something that doesn't fill their ego, then

0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:58.520
<v Speaker 2>you're the problem. So you know, it was I was

0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:01.240
<v Speaker 2>so obsessed with him and keeping him, but he had

0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:04.280
<v Speaker 2>all the power in the relationship. I worked for him,

0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:08.280
<v Speaker 2>he paid my salary. The home we lived in initially

0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:11.879
<v Speaker 2>was his home. I moved my kids into his home,

0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:14.600
<v Speaker 2>so there was nothing in my life. As he was

0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:17.320
<v Speaker 2>on the up and up in his career, he was

0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:21.359
<v Speaker 2>great and generous with money, phenomenally so, because that was

0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:24.520
<v Speaker 2>also the thing that helped to fuel his ego. He

0:19:24.520 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 2>helped my kids financially, he paid for camp, he paid

0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:30.679
<v Speaker 2>for bar mitzvahs, he did all of those things. But

0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:34.000
<v Speaker 2>he was completely and utterly emotionally abusive.

0:19:33.760 --> 0:19:36.680
<v Speaker 1>Right I think about how that affected all Although it

0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:39.280
<v Speaker 1>certainly affected our relationship, it was just hard for me

0:19:39.320 --> 0:19:40.200
<v Speaker 1>to watch it. I guess.

0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.159
<v Speaker 2>Yes, Listen, I always stood up for myself. Let's not

0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:46.800
<v Speaker 2>keep myself. I am not some you know, shrinking violet. No,

0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:49.159
<v Speaker 2>I am not a shrinking violet. There was never a

0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:51.560
<v Speaker 2>time that I did not open up my mouth and

0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:54.520
<v Speaker 2>give my side. But it didn't matter what my side was,

0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:55.720
<v Speaker 2>because I was always.

0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:59.200
<v Speaker 1>Wrong in the end. What do you think was the clincher?

0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:02.199
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, he'll never admit it, but he was cheating on

0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:05.439
<v Speaker 2>me at that point. I think he was cheating on me.

0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.720
<v Speaker 2>He had a gambling problem at the time as well,

0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:12.560
<v Speaker 2>and I think that he was going out. Who knows

0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:16.080
<v Speaker 2>if he had cheated on me before he had relapsed

0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:19.560
<v Speaker 2>at one point, But that really wasn't a big part

0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.159
<v Speaker 2>of the issue. To be honest with you, I have

0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:25.280
<v Speaker 2>great boundaries when it comes to relapse, and he didn't really,

0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:28.920
<v Speaker 2>at least while we were married. I was told that

0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:32.520
<v Speaker 2>he did at times drink, but he never did it

0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:35.280
<v Speaker 2>around me, and I couldn't prove anything. But at the

0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:38.960
<v Speaker 2>end of the day, it was what I believe was

0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:42.840
<v Speaker 2>an affair, what I believe was impulsive behavior in a

0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:46.040
<v Speaker 2>lot of different ways. If you were to ask him,

0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:49.480
<v Speaker 2>he would say that the wedding was us getting married

0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:52.520
<v Speaker 2>was wrong from day one. That's what he likes to

0:20:52.560 --> 0:20:53.080
<v Speaker 2>tell people.

0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:58.680
<v Speaker 1>When you look back on it, would you do it again?

0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:03.919
<v Speaker 2>No? I think it was a toxic relationship, and I

0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:07.880
<v Speaker 2>was definitely part of the toxicity. You know, in terms

0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:10.560
<v Speaker 2>of you have to be a really great codependent to

0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:11.520
<v Speaker 2>be with a narcissist.

0:21:12.200 --> 0:21:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Robin, I am that I have to write that down.

0:21:16.200 --> 0:21:18.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure you said it to me before. I have

0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:20.159
<v Speaker 1>put quotes around it and make it into a poster.

0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:24.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's kind of that piece of you end up

0:21:24.320 --> 0:21:26.800
<v Speaker 2>when people you say that you're codependent, it's really that

0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:29.320
<v Speaker 2>you kind of begin to do things at the expense

0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.680
<v Speaker 2>of your own values. You cross your own lines of

0:21:31.800 --> 0:21:34.360
<v Speaker 2>things you never said, you do things you never said

0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:37.399
<v Speaker 2>that you'd put up with right, things that you felt

0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:39.760
<v Speaker 2>that you never thought that you would stay involved in

0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:43.480
<v Speaker 2>something that you felt hopeless in, and your whole life

0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:48.040
<v Speaker 2>becomes about making the other person happy, trying to identify

0:21:48.200 --> 0:21:50.760
<v Speaker 2>with the other person, Right, you lose your own identity

0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:53.960
<v Speaker 2>for the sake of fitting into somebody else's and I

0:21:54.000 --> 0:21:56.080
<v Speaker 2>think that's what happened. And by that time you get

0:21:56.119 --> 0:21:59.760
<v Speaker 2>so worn down emotionally that you almost begin to believe

0:21:59.800 --> 0:22:00.960
<v Speaker 2>that you or the problem.

0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:04.199
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so you know, just in terms of family and

0:22:04.200 --> 0:22:06.520
<v Speaker 1>how all this affects family. So we didn't talk for

0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:09.720
<v Speaker 1>a lot of that marriage. You were orn't married for

0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:11.560
<v Speaker 1>that long? How how long were you actual?

0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:12.280
<v Speaker 2>Years?

0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:15.919
<v Speaker 1>Four years? So we probably didn't speak half. I don't remember.

0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:18.280
<v Speaker 1>We didn't speak when you got married, we didn't well.

0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:21.760
<v Speaker 2>We were together for eleven years, interestingly.

0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:24.679
<v Speaker 1>Enough, Yeah, during that marriage, that was when we were like,

0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:27.320
<v Speaker 1>I almost didn't go to the wedding, and then we

0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:31.320
<v Speaker 1>stopped speaking, but that we reconciled. I think the day

0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:35.960
<v Speaker 1>the day like you were, you knew that you guys

0:22:35.960 --> 0:22:37.639
<v Speaker 1>were in trouble, and you reached out to me and

0:22:37.680 --> 0:22:39.800
<v Speaker 1>you're like, I need my sister. Yeah, But I mean

0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:43.919
<v Speaker 1>I think we didn't speak because I just didn't like

0:22:44.040 --> 0:22:46.639
<v Speaker 1>the way you were when you were around him. I

0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:51.359
<v Speaker 1>didn't like. I didn't I wasn't a fan, you know,

0:22:51.560 --> 0:22:54.919
<v Speaker 1>he he and I just we butted heads. But I

0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:56.359
<v Speaker 1>mean for you and I not to speak, and I

0:22:56.720 --> 0:22:58.639
<v Speaker 1>was also going through my As a matter of fact,

0:22:59.200 --> 0:23:01.480
<v Speaker 1>is that when I was separated.

0:23:01.320 --> 0:23:03.359
<v Speaker 2>That's when you came to Florida for the summer.

0:23:03.840 --> 0:23:06.879
<v Speaker 1>That right, That's when I went to Florida and for

0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:10.800
<v Speaker 1>that summer Jeff and I had separated, And I meant,

0:23:10.800 --> 0:23:12.520
<v Speaker 1>I think you were a big Jeff Essler fan. You

0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:15.680
<v Speaker 1>probably could see that I was, you know, fucking things

0:23:15.760 --> 0:23:18.119
<v Speaker 1>up in my life, my own life. We just but

0:23:18.160 --> 0:23:18.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't.

0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:20.879
<v Speaker 2>Think you could see that at the time either. I

0:23:20.880 --> 0:23:23.000
<v Speaker 2>don't think just kind of like when people were telling

0:23:23.000 --> 0:23:25.200
<v Speaker 2>me what I was doing, and I was so invested

0:23:25.240 --> 0:23:27.640
<v Speaker 2>in what I was doing, I couldn't see it. I

0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:33.600
<v Speaker 2>don't think at that time you were able to see

0:23:34.400 --> 0:23:38.200
<v Speaker 2>the concern about, you know, some of what was going

0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:40.600
<v Speaker 2>on on your end of it. I think it was

0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:43.040
<v Speaker 2>just I don't know, you tell me, I don't know

0:23:43.080 --> 0:23:43.760
<v Speaker 2>what it was for you.

0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:45.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, my sh is so complicated. I think that

0:23:46.040 --> 0:23:48.119
<v Speaker 1>a lot of it had to do with our childhood

0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:51.200
<v Speaker 1>that I thought I was always so insecure growing up

0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:54.879
<v Speaker 1>and so miserable and needed this tension from men. I

0:23:54.880 --> 0:23:58.119
<v Speaker 1>think I had such daddy issues. I mean, Jeff had

0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:01.560
<v Speaker 1>an affair obviously that set things in motion, but we'd

0:24:01.560 --> 0:24:06.080
<v Speaker 1>stop connecting. Really, I mean, we were the cliche seven

0:24:06.119 --> 0:24:08.560
<v Speaker 1>year itch and the kids, the kids, the kids, and

0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:12.280
<v Speaker 1>we weren't focused at all on each other. And I

0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:15.400
<v Speaker 1>didn't feel the spark. And I defined spark today very

0:24:15.400 --> 0:24:18.879
<v Speaker 1>differently than I did when I was in my thirties.

0:24:19.040 --> 0:24:21.840
<v Speaker 2>It was also that attention piece for you too, I

0:24:21.920 --> 0:24:26.159
<v Speaker 2>think at that point, yeah, especially after how you felt

0:24:26.280 --> 0:24:29.679
<v Speaker 2>with the betrayal, Yes, of what happened. I think you

0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:33.000
<v Speaker 2>were looking to be filled right by something outside of

0:24:33.040 --> 0:24:34.920
<v Speaker 2>you that was just going to make you feel better.

0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Yes, but I'm going to try to not make this

0:24:38.680 --> 0:24:40.679
<v Speaker 1>all about me, which you know is difficult. That you

0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:44.000
<v Speaker 1>have my narcissistic tendencies.

0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:44.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't think anyway.

0:24:44.760 --> 0:24:49.199
<v Speaker 1>So all right, so that marriage ends, and that was

0:24:49.320 --> 0:24:52.199
<v Speaker 1>you had a road to recovery. Certainly that was not easy.

0:24:52.680 --> 0:24:54.040
<v Speaker 2>That was brutal.

0:24:54.680 --> 0:24:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Were you thinking, like, first of all, did you think

0:24:57.240 --> 0:24:59.600
<v Speaker 1>you'd ever get married again after that? No?

0:24:59.680 --> 0:25:01.320
<v Speaker 2>Because I didn't know how I was going to live

0:25:01.359 --> 0:25:04.800
<v Speaker 2>another day without a minute, to be honest with you, Yeah,

0:25:04.840 --> 0:25:08.359
<v Speaker 2>and if it wasn't for you guys and another friend

0:25:08.720 --> 0:25:11.919
<v Speaker 2>who literally basically took care of my kids with me

0:25:12.119 --> 0:25:14.040
<v Speaker 2>but was at my house every night for a year,

0:25:14.600 --> 0:25:17.520
<v Speaker 2>and you know, my best friend in Dallas. But I

0:25:17.600 --> 0:25:20.680
<v Speaker 2>think that for me, it was just how am I

0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:23.359
<v Speaker 2>going to breathe in and out? And that's the destruction

0:25:23.520 --> 0:25:27.000
<v Speaker 2>of being in such a narcissistic relationship is I didn't

0:25:27.000 --> 0:25:29.720
<v Speaker 2>even know who, what where I was coming from after

0:25:29.720 --> 0:25:32.560
<v Speaker 2>that marriage, how I was going to live without this

0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:35.119
<v Speaker 2>guy who was emotionally abusive, because that's what I had

0:25:35.200 --> 0:25:38.879
<v Speaker 2>learned was okay, And I literally did, like I didn't

0:25:38.880 --> 0:25:40.760
<v Speaker 2>know how I was going to survive it. It was

0:25:40.760 --> 0:25:43.760
<v Speaker 2>the worst year or two of my life for sure. Yeah,

0:25:43.880 --> 0:25:45.159
<v Speaker 2>it was hard one.

0:25:45.280 --> 0:25:50.800
<v Speaker 1>And then he started dating again. You had several boyfriends, actually, right, that.

0:25:50.880 --> 0:25:53.120
<v Speaker 2>Is when I did a Jen Fessler. So I decided

0:25:53.160 --> 0:25:55.080
<v Speaker 2>I was going to date every human on the planet

0:25:55.080 --> 0:25:57.239
<v Speaker 2>and just have fun and not care. That's what I

0:25:57.280 --> 0:25:59.920
<v Speaker 2>was going to do, Like whatever, I don't want any

0:26:00.040 --> 0:26:03.479
<v Speaker 2>big series this. Oh I had a blast. I had

0:26:03.520 --> 0:26:06.800
<v Speaker 2>a blast. I probably dated more guys in two years

0:26:06.800 --> 0:26:07.560
<v Speaker 2>than I dated my.

0:26:07.640 --> 0:26:12.399
<v Speaker 1>Entire life, right, yeah, right right? And so so I mean,

0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:14.960
<v Speaker 1>would you recommend that to people because personally, I don't

0:26:15.000 --> 0:26:18.159
<v Speaker 1>mean professionally, but after divorce, like you jumped into the

0:26:18.200 --> 0:26:21.400
<v Speaker 1>first marriage the second marriage when you ended up getting

0:26:21.400 --> 0:26:23.160
<v Speaker 1>married again, but you would say.

0:26:23.920 --> 0:26:27.639
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, for first, take care of you, make sure you're healed,

0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:30.760
<v Speaker 2>right that you know, put someone under you to get

0:26:30.760 --> 0:26:32.600
<v Speaker 2>over the other thing. What is that expression?

0:26:32.960 --> 0:26:35.240
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, you do, that's dad, our father. Is it

0:26:35.320 --> 0:26:37.479
<v Speaker 1>the only way to get over someone is to get

0:26:37.560 --> 0:26:41.000
<v Speaker 1>under under? Yes, I don't necessarily, I don't necessarily.

0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:44.960
<v Speaker 2>Curtly think that, but I think that rebuilding yourself is

0:26:45.000 --> 0:26:47.200
<v Speaker 2>a process. So I think going out and having fun

0:26:47.240 --> 0:26:50.119
<v Speaker 2>where you're trying to heal is more important, you know

0:26:50.240 --> 0:26:53.000
<v Speaker 2>than just acting stupid. But definitely go and have fun

0:26:53.080 --> 0:26:53.480
<v Speaker 2>for sure.

0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:57.600
<v Speaker 1>And okay, So tell us about your third husband.

0:26:58.119 --> 0:27:01.320
<v Speaker 2>Yes, his name's John God. We met a couple of years.

0:27:01.320 --> 0:27:03.359
<v Speaker 2>I was dating people for a couple of years before

0:27:03.400 --> 0:27:07.000
<v Speaker 2>I met John. We met on match dot Com. I

0:27:07.080 --> 0:27:09.240
<v Speaker 2>had been on some of those, you know, all of

0:27:09.280 --> 0:27:14.960
<v Speaker 2>those stupid whatever sites and he was the only one

0:27:15.160 --> 0:27:20.280
<v Speaker 2>that I actually reached out to first, which I find

0:27:20.359 --> 0:27:24.000
<v Speaker 2>so interesting because everyone. Yeah, he was the only person

0:27:24.040 --> 0:27:27.000
<v Speaker 2>that and the guy I dated before him, but and

0:27:27.080 --> 0:27:32.160
<v Speaker 2>we met. We met at a bar restaurant in Boca Ratone,

0:27:33.160 --> 0:27:36.000
<v Speaker 2>and just he was just such a breath of fresh

0:27:36.040 --> 0:27:38.640
<v Speaker 2>air from the second I met him, like just manners

0:27:39.680 --> 0:27:42.600
<v Speaker 2>and I don't even know how to explain it. He

0:27:42.680 --> 0:27:46.080
<v Speaker 2>was cute, he was well put together, and we hit

0:27:46.119 --> 0:27:48.280
<v Speaker 2>it off from the get go. There was something about

0:27:48.320 --> 0:27:51.240
<v Speaker 2>him Jewish and I had been with someone who wasn't,

0:27:51.880 --> 0:27:54.040
<v Speaker 2>so it almost felt like coming home a little bit,

0:27:54.280 --> 0:27:58.080
<v Speaker 2>being with someone I could just connect to in that capacity. Yeah,

0:27:58.160 --> 0:28:03.240
<v Speaker 2>and it was personality wise from the get go. We

0:28:03.280 --> 0:28:07.720
<v Speaker 2>had so many things in common. The things we liked

0:28:07.720 --> 0:28:12.600
<v Speaker 2>to do were both big wine drinkers, very into red.

0:28:12.440 --> 0:28:14.720
<v Speaker 1>Wine back then, into travel.

0:28:15.040 --> 0:28:20.399
<v Speaker 2>The hobbies, yeah, movies, TV, working out, just there was

0:28:20.440 --> 0:28:22.520
<v Speaker 2>it was. There was an easiness that I had not

0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:27.200
<v Speaker 2>been with probably since my first husband. Right, I wasn't

0:28:27.280 --> 0:28:30.080
<v Speaker 2>There wasn't any anxiety or you're saying the wrong thing,

0:28:30.480 --> 0:28:34.399
<v Speaker 2>or he just genuinely liked me for who I was.

0:28:35.960 --> 0:28:37.560
<v Speaker 2>And the fact that he just thought I was pretty

0:28:37.680 --> 0:28:40.720
<v Speaker 2>was also helpful. I'm a little cutter, I'm a little

0:28:40.720 --> 0:28:41.320
<v Speaker 2>cutter than him.

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.400
<v Speaker 1>So okay, So what happened.

0:28:45.920 --> 0:28:50.480
<v Speaker 2>We started immediately dating, and we just kept seeing each other,

0:28:50.520 --> 0:28:52.360
<v Speaker 2>seeing each other. And this was at the point in

0:28:52.440 --> 0:28:55.160
<v Speaker 2>time I think when I told you I wanted to

0:28:55.200 --> 0:28:57.600
<v Speaker 2>move to New Jersey. It was right before.

0:28:57.280 --> 0:28:58.960
<v Speaker 1>I am right.

0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:01.400
<v Speaker 2>So, after our third date, I told him that I

0:29:01.480 --> 0:29:06.320
<v Speaker 2>was still looking to move to New Jersey and he

0:29:06.480 --> 0:29:09.440
<v Speaker 2>ended it because of that. He's like, I don't want

0:29:09.440 --> 0:29:11.840
<v Speaker 2>to do a long distance I'm here, you're there. So

0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:14.880
<v Speaker 2>we didn't talk for a couple of months, and then

0:29:15.000 --> 0:29:17.400
<v Speaker 2>on his birthday, which is the twenty ninth of December,

0:29:18.000 --> 0:29:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I decided I had been thinking about him. I decided

0:29:20.360 --> 0:29:22.520
<v Speaker 2>to reach out and wish him happy birthday. We started

0:29:22.600 --> 0:29:25.320
<v Speaker 2>texting back and forth and I told him I was

0:29:25.360 --> 0:29:28.120
<v Speaker 2>going to be with you at the Boca Resort for

0:29:30.000 --> 0:29:31.160
<v Speaker 2>the New Year's party.

0:29:31.480 --> 0:29:33.160
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, yes, yes.

0:29:32.920 --> 0:29:35.880
<v Speaker 2>And he said he was going there as well. He said,

0:29:35.920 --> 0:29:38.720
<v Speaker 2>maybe you can come by and say hello. I had

0:29:38.760 --> 0:29:41.440
<v Speaker 2>another date. I never remember that.

0:29:41.480 --> 0:29:43.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we had. We had. Yes, we had to like

0:29:43.840 --> 0:29:46.600
<v Speaker 1>like sneak away and I came with you to go

0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:49.320
<v Speaker 1>see John. It was like a whole thing. I felt terrible,

0:29:50.000 --> 0:29:51.480
<v Speaker 1>pulled me into your web of deceit.

0:29:51.720 --> 0:29:55.640
<v Speaker 2>I know, I left my other, my boyfriend of two

0:29:55.720 --> 0:29:57.320
<v Speaker 2>years at the time to go.

0:29:57.680 --> 0:30:00.560
<v Speaker 1>Well, he wasn't your boyfriend because you were seeing No.

0:30:00.680 --> 0:30:02.960
<v Speaker 2>John and I had broken up, and so I got

0:30:03.000 --> 0:30:05.280
<v Speaker 2>back together with my ex boyfriends. I didn't put that

0:30:05.360 --> 0:30:07.080
<v Speaker 2>in for like a brief minute in time.

0:30:07.400 --> 0:30:17.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:30:17.760 --> 0:30:20.880
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, all right, so long story short, because I can't.

0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:25.360
<v Speaker 1>You ended up married and then you ended up divorced. Correct,

0:30:25.520 --> 0:30:26.400
<v Speaker 1>tell us what happened.

0:30:26.520 --> 0:30:30.560
<v Speaker 2>Yes, we dated for a year and then we were

0:30:30.600 --> 0:30:32.560
<v Speaker 2>in love with each other and decided to get married.

0:30:32.600 --> 0:30:39.240
<v Speaker 2>Same dreams, same value, same everything. And three weeks after

0:30:39.360 --> 0:30:42.000
<v Speaker 2>we got married, I think we were on our honeymoon. No,

0:30:42.400 --> 0:30:45.520
<v Speaker 2>not on our honeymoon. A little while after that, maybe

0:30:45.560 --> 0:30:48.800
<v Speaker 2>a cup Sorry I lied. Three months later we were

0:30:49.000 --> 0:30:53.200
<v Speaker 2>away on vacation. We were with you in Boston, No,

0:30:53.400 --> 0:30:56.720
<v Speaker 2>in Cape Cod and John got a call on the

0:30:56.720 --> 0:30:59.840
<v Speaker 2>way home that his father was in the hospital. Is

0:30:59.840 --> 0:31:03.480
<v Speaker 2>after three months of marriage. Long story short, It was

0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:07.240
<v Speaker 2>the worst thing. His father died soon after. And I

0:31:07.320 --> 0:31:10.960
<v Speaker 2>think John and his father were best friends and had

0:31:10.960 --> 0:31:14.040
<v Speaker 2>a business together, and you know, he was his hero.

0:31:14.280 --> 0:31:18.600
<v Speaker 2>He was John's hero, and John fell apart from that

0:31:18.800 --> 0:31:21.840
<v Speaker 2>at the time they had just switched businesses as well,

0:31:21.920 --> 0:31:24.360
<v Speaker 2>one company to another. They were at a brand new

0:31:24.400 --> 0:31:29.520
<v Speaker 2>transition to another company. They're both financial advisors, so new

0:31:29.560 --> 0:31:32.480
<v Speaker 2>transition to a company that wasn't working out very well.

0:31:33.960 --> 0:31:38.800
<v Speaker 2>His father's death, we definitely had differences in our parenting style.

0:31:38.960 --> 0:31:43.920
<v Speaker 2>He had a young child at the time and my

0:31:44.000 --> 0:31:47.240
<v Speaker 2>kids were in high school, and I initially didn't want

0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:48.680
<v Speaker 2>to be with someone who had a young kid. I

0:31:48.720 --> 0:31:51.080
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to be a parent again. Been there, done that,

0:31:51.200 --> 0:31:54.920
<v Speaker 2>No desire to parent your kid. And his daughter at

0:31:54.920 --> 0:31:56.720
<v Speaker 2>the time had been through a lot. She was young,

0:31:56.840 --> 0:31:59.600
<v Speaker 2>she was four or five years old when I met her. Yeah,

0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:04.000
<v Speaker 2>and we couldn't see eyed I on the parenting at You.

0:32:03.960 --> 0:32:06.120
<v Speaker 1>Would have stayed You would have stayed married even with

0:32:06.160 --> 0:32:08.120
<v Speaker 1>all of that. You always say that you would not

0:32:08.160 --> 0:32:11.160
<v Speaker 1>have gotten divorced. No, you did not want another divorce.

0:32:11.320 --> 0:32:13.920
<v Speaker 2>I would not have gotten divorced. I don't think he

0:32:14.040 --> 0:32:17.800
<v Speaker 2>was in an emotional space to deal with the things

0:32:17.840 --> 0:32:20.640
<v Speaker 2>that I was bringing to the marriage of things that

0:32:20.680 --> 0:32:25.440
<v Speaker 2>weren't working, things that I wasn't okay with, things about

0:32:25.560 --> 0:32:28.440
<v Speaker 2>parenting that I didn't like, the custody stuff he had

0:32:28.480 --> 0:32:32.400
<v Speaker 2>going back and forth. It was a lot and listening. Obviously,

0:32:32.520 --> 0:32:36.160
<v Speaker 2>he has his side of who I was. I can't

0:32:36.200 --> 0:32:38.920
<v Speaker 2>really think about anything I did wrong, but other than

0:32:38.960 --> 0:32:42.000
<v Speaker 2>being a bitch because I am. But I really can't

0:32:42.080 --> 0:32:44.400
<v Speaker 2>like I can fault myself for a lot of things

0:32:44.440 --> 0:32:50.800
<v Speaker 2>I did wrong in my marriages. I think that the

0:32:50.840 --> 0:32:55.280
<v Speaker 2>aftermath of my second marriage, I can say emotionally for

0:32:55.440 --> 0:32:58.280
<v Speaker 2>me at times, and I was still going through it

0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:02.600
<v Speaker 2>with him and turns of finances. Even when John and

0:33:02.640 --> 0:33:04.840
<v Speaker 2>I married, I was still going through it with my

0:33:04.920 --> 0:33:10.720
<v Speaker 2>ex and he think that there were so many issues there.

0:33:10.760 --> 0:33:13.000
<v Speaker 2>I think he knows that this guy still had a

0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:15.640
<v Speaker 2>piece of my heart as toxic as I knew it

0:33:15.720 --> 0:33:19.120
<v Speaker 2>was at this point. I think the issues that arose

0:33:19.160 --> 0:33:24.400
<v Speaker 2>from that relationship were difficult. Financially, he had a lot.

0:33:24.520 --> 0:33:28.360
<v Speaker 2>My second husband was very, very wealthy, and John has

0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:31.000
<v Speaker 2>a good living. But the only thing is that I

0:33:31.200 --> 0:33:33.920
<v Speaker 2>could count on in that second marriage was the money.

0:33:34.240 --> 0:33:36.440
<v Speaker 2>And it was probably more money than I had ever

0:33:36.520 --> 0:33:38.840
<v Speaker 2>had in my own right or been with someone who

0:33:38.880 --> 0:33:39.840
<v Speaker 2>had that kind of money.

0:33:39.920 --> 0:33:41.600
<v Speaker 1>Definitely right, and it kind.

0:33:41.400 --> 0:33:43.600
<v Speaker 2>Of took away the emotional pain at the time that

0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.360
<v Speaker 2>I had money, and so John was just a guy

0:33:46.400 --> 0:33:49.520
<v Speaker 2>who made a good living, right, I mean, he's successful

0:33:49.680 --> 0:33:52.760
<v Speaker 2>in his own right, and argued about money, always argued

0:33:52.760 --> 0:33:55.280
<v Speaker 2>about money, because now I felt like I needed to

0:33:55.320 --> 0:33:58.040
<v Speaker 2>be taken care of financially because I was taken care

0:33:58.080 --> 0:34:00.000
<v Speaker 2>of financially. I didn't have anything else in the second marriag,

0:34:00.640 --> 0:34:03.600
<v Speaker 2>but I was taken care of financially, So now I

0:34:03.720 --> 0:34:06.600
<v Speaker 2>wanted to be taken care of and John wasn't really

0:34:06.640 --> 0:34:09.319
<v Speaker 2>in that position. We had both been married before to

0:34:09.400 --> 0:34:10.359
<v Speaker 2>take care of me.

0:34:11.040 --> 0:34:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Right, right, So okay, so you ended up getting divorced,

0:34:16.200 --> 0:34:20.080
<v Speaker 1>so okay, but there is a line here after a year,

0:34:20.400 --> 0:34:22.920
<v Speaker 1>right after year of marriage, so then what happened tell

0:34:23.000 --> 0:34:24.920
<v Speaker 1>us about where we are today.

0:34:25.560 --> 0:34:28.279
<v Speaker 2>So after that marriage, I was like, that's it. I'm done,

0:34:28.320 --> 0:34:32.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm not getting getting married. I moved out, got an apartment,

0:34:32.800 --> 0:34:36.680
<v Speaker 2>and for a year we didn't really speak at all,

0:34:37.040 --> 0:34:39.960
<v Speaker 2>only when it was in reference to things we needed

0:34:39.960 --> 0:34:44.240
<v Speaker 2>to speak about, right, So the belongings, the divorce selling,

0:34:44.280 --> 0:34:46.799
<v Speaker 2>the house selling. That's right, all of that stuff, But

0:34:46.840 --> 0:34:51.719
<v Speaker 2>there was always an underlying kind of I miss you,

0:34:52.560 --> 0:34:57.040
<v Speaker 2>but he wanted the divorce. I did not, And even

0:34:57.040 --> 0:34:58.680
<v Speaker 2>though there were issues in it, I'm like, I am

0:34:58.719 --> 0:35:01.400
<v Speaker 2>not doing this again. This guy. I married him. I

0:35:01.440 --> 0:35:05.439
<v Speaker 2>wanted it to work, so I felt very betrayed. He

0:35:05.520 --> 0:35:07.279
<v Speaker 2>was the one who asked for the divorce. He was

0:35:07.320 --> 0:35:10.920
<v Speaker 2>the one who couldn't do it anymore, and he knew

0:35:11.040 --> 0:35:13.839
<v Speaker 2>that it wouldn't have been me who wanted to do this,

0:35:14.239 --> 0:35:19.680
<v Speaker 2>and he was in a bad space. So we talked,

0:35:19.880 --> 0:35:23.000
<v Speaker 2>didn't really talk, but talked, you know, for for reasons

0:35:23.000 --> 0:35:24.840
<v Speaker 2>we needed to. But every now and then there'd be

0:35:24.840 --> 0:35:26.960
<v Speaker 2>and I miss you. I miss you too, but I'm

0:35:26.960 --> 0:35:29.200
<v Speaker 2>too hurt, and I don't You had your chance and

0:35:29.239 --> 0:35:32.040
<v Speaker 2>you lost me, and that's it, right, black and white thinker.

0:35:33.000 --> 0:35:36.560
<v Speaker 2>So it went on like this for a while, and

0:35:36.600 --> 0:35:39.400
<v Speaker 2>then one day he called me up and said, I

0:35:39.480 --> 0:35:42.840
<v Speaker 2>really need to make amends for our marriage. Are you

0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:46.359
<v Speaker 2>willing to meet me? So I did. I met him

0:35:46.360 --> 0:35:49.480
<v Speaker 2>at a cute little place we used to go to together,

0:35:51.320 --> 0:35:54.920
<v Speaker 2>and he was crying and he said, I did this

0:35:55.120 --> 0:35:58.400
<v Speaker 2>all wrong. I gave up on you, I gave up

0:35:58.440 --> 0:36:02.400
<v Speaker 2>on us. I wasn't emotionally capable of being present in

0:36:02.440 --> 0:36:05.799
<v Speaker 2>this marriage. I wasn't able to take on, you know,

0:36:06.760 --> 0:36:12.080
<v Speaker 2>any accountability for why it went wrong. And he, you know,

0:36:12.160 --> 0:36:14.920
<v Speaker 2>he basically just fell apart. He said it was my fault.

0:36:15.080 --> 0:36:17.680
<v Speaker 2>I should not have given up on this, and I didn't.

0:36:17.719 --> 0:36:20.319
<v Speaker 2>With all the other trauma and all the other things

0:36:20.360 --> 0:36:23.080
<v Speaker 2>going on in his life and us disagreeing on certain things,

0:36:23.560 --> 0:36:28.960
<v Speaker 2>we couldn't handle it. So he apologized. We started talking

0:36:29.080 --> 0:36:32.000
<v Speaker 2>after that, and it was a lot of talking, you know,

0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:35.759
<v Speaker 2>hours and hours and hours of talking, and I still

0:36:35.840 --> 0:36:37.920
<v Speaker 2>was like, that's it. I'm not you know, I can't

0:36:37.920 --> 0:36:42.880
<v Speaker 2>go backwards. I've done this enough. And he wouldn't stop calling,

0:36:42.960 --> 0:36:45.160
<v Speaker 2>and eventually he asked me if I would meet him again,

0:36:45.800 --> 0:36:50.799
<v Speaker 2>and I did, and slowly, over time we got back together.

0:36:50.800 --> 0:36:53.520
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't sleep with him for months. I remember that

0:36:53.520 --> 0:36:56.000
<v Speaker 2>that was like the punishment, right use sex is the

0:36:56.840 --> 0:36:59.360
<v Speaker 2>as the thing, and not really because not because I

0:36:59.400 --> 0:37:03.880
<v Speaker 2>wanted you to eight because I was so angry about

0:37:03.920 --> 0:37:05.960
<v Speaker 2>what had happened. Even though I was kind of bringing

0:37:06.040 --> 0:37:07.759
<v Speaker 2>him back in my life, I wasn't going to let

0:37:07.840 --> 0:37:10.719
<v Speaker 2>myself lose that part of this kind of control that

0:37:10.760 --> 0:37:12.359
<v Speaker 2>it was going to go the way I wanted, how

0:37:12.400 --> 0:37:17.440
<v Speaker 2>I wanted at my pace. So yeah, so we've been

0:37:17.480 --> 0:37:20.000
<v Speaker 2>back to back together ten years.

0:37:19.719 --> 0:37:24.480
<v Speaker 1>Plus ten years plus Robin. The big question, the burning question,

0:37:24.760 --> 0:37:26.560
<v Speaker 1>why didn't you get married again.

0:37:27.719 --> 0:37:30.120
<v Speaker 2>I hope he's not listening to this podcast right now.

0:37:30.440 --> 0:37:31.920
<v Speaker 1>Why, I don't think you're saying anything.

0:37:32.280 --> 0:37:35.520
<v Speaker 2>No, I can't ever say that I wouldn't get married

0:37:35.560 --> 0:37:39.760
<v Speaker 2>again at this point in my life. He lives in

0:37:39.960 --> 0:37:42.160
<v Speaker 2>Boca and I live in New Jersey.

0:37:41.880 --> 0:37:45.800
<v Speaker 1>Which, by the way, I think has worked out beautifully.

0:37:45.840 --> 0:37:47.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm a big fan of not being on top of

0:37:48.000 --> 0:37:50.359
<v Speaker 1>each other in a marriage. I mean, that's that's really

0:37:50.360 --> 0:37:51.279
<v Speaker 1>not on top of each other.

0:37:51.320 --> 0:37:54.120
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, no, I mean he comes every two weeks, right,

0:37:54.239 --> 0:37:55.520
<v Speaker 2>so I see him a lot.

0:37:55.800 --> 0:37:57.319
<v Speaker 1>Right, of course, I'll see him a lot.

0:37:57.520 --> 0:38:00.200
<v Speaker 2>He would love to be together more. He's heard me

0:38:00.200 --> 0:38:02.920
<v Speaker 2>say it. I'm okay with it, Like I find that

0:38:03.040 --> 0:38:09.440
<v Speaker 2>it has really made our relationship blossom. He's the greatest

0:38:09.480 --> 0:38:12.399
<v Speaker 2>man to me. No man's ever treated me better than

0:38:12.400 --> 0:38:14.560
<v Speaker 2>this man treats me. You always tell me that. My

0:38:14.600 --> 0:38:15.480
<v Speaker 2>whole family.

0:38:15.200 --> 0:38:17.279
<v Speaker 1>Tells me that he is so good to you.

0:38:17.600 --> 0:38:19.960
<v Speaker 2>He's almost too good at times. So I want to say,

0:38:20.040 --> 0:38:22.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, get some balls somewhere, be me to me

0:38:22.520 --> 0:38:24.560
<v Speaker 2>every now and then. He just can't do it. It's

0:38:24.560 --> 0:38:30.400
<v Speaker 2>not in his DNA. So he wants to get remarried.

0:38:30.719 --> 0:38:34.480
<v Speaker 2>I just don't know if I necessarily see a point,

0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:38.840
<v Speaker 2>we've already separated everything. The first time we went through lawyers.

0:38:38.880 --> 0:38:40.919
<v Speaker 2>The first time it didn't work out.

0:38:41.239 --> 0:38:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean, do you think that a lot of that

0:38:42.560 --> 0:38:46.520
<v Speaker 1>is just about the fact that you're now after three marriages,

0:38:47.520 --> 0:38:52.680
<v Speaker 1>just like how great can marriage be? Really? I mean

0:38:53.120 --> 0:38:56.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about it like it didn't work out. It

0:38:56.120 --> 0:38:58.319
<v Speaker 1>didn't work out, It didn't work out. Now things are

0:38:58.320 --> 0:39:01.520
<v Speaker 1>working out, right, worked out, They actually did work out.

0:39:01.560 --> 0:39:03.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you guys would be together forever regardless.

0:39:04.040 --> 0:39:07.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they did work out. And I think that we

0:39:07.239 --> 0:39:09.799
<v Speaker 2>already consider ourselves married. You know, we both wear our

0:39:09.880 --> 0:39:14.719
<v Speaker 2>rings at this point. We're completely committed. We're not with

0:39:14.880 --> 0:39:17.239
<v Speaker 2>anyone or have any desire to be with anyone else.

0:39:17.640 --> 0:39:19.759
<v Speaker 2>We our relationship, he would say it too, is the

0:39:19.800 --> 0:39:23.799
<v Speaker 2>best it's ever been. We laugh all the time. I

0:39:23.840 --> 0:39:26.680
<v Speaker 2>always tell you everything. We have so many things in common.

0:39:26.760 --> 0:39:29.080
<v Speaker 2>Finish each other's sentences or take that back. He thinks

0:39:29.080 --> 0:39:31.440
<v Speaker 2>he can finish mine all the time, which actually annoys me.

0:39:31.960 --> 0:39:35.080
<v Speaker 2>But right, I talk and then he finishes my son,

0:39:35.080 --> 0:39:36.799
<v Speaker 2>and so I'm like, Hi, I'm sitting here. You don't

0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:39.840
<v Speaker 2>need to finish my son, as I got it. But

0:39:41.320 --> 0:39:43.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't need to. I don't. I don't. We're together.

0:39:43.640 --> 0:39:46.719
<v Speaker 2>I don't see a reason for it at all. I'm

0:39:46.719 --> 0:39:50.680
<v Speaker 2>on his insurance without being married. That's okay, right, So

0:39:51.000 --> 0:39:54.440
<v Speaker 2>it just it works for us. I know he really

0:39:54.440 --> 0:39:56.719
<v Speaker 2>wants that. I think it's very important to him, but

0:39:56.760 --> 0:39:58.480
<v Speaker 2>at this point in my life, I'm not ready.

0:39:59.200 --> 0:40:02.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they do it. Yeah, no, I mean listen, for me,

0:40:02.360 --> 0:40:05.080
<v Speaker 1>as your sister, who loves you more than anyone, I

0:40:05.200 --> 0:40:08.479
<v Speaker 1>just see you so happy now. It's like but then again,

0:40:08.520 --> 0:40:10.279
<v Speaker 1>and I think also maybe part of that is that

0:40:10.320 --> 0:40:14.400
<v Speaker 1>you don't need the financial security like you used to.

0:40:14.560 --> 0:40:16.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think that for a lot of women,

0:40:16.160 --> 0:40:19.000
<v Speaker 1>you know, they're home raising kids and they don't they're

0:40:19.000 --> 0:40:22.560
<v Speaker 1>not not necessarily working and although the hardest job in

0:40:22.600 --> 0:40:26.040
<v Speaker 1>the world, but you know, their career hasn't blossomed like

0:40:26.080 --> 0:40:29.320
<v Speaker 1>their husbands has, and that can be scary, right, But yours,

0:40:29.600 --> 0:40:33.400
<v Speaker 1>you have a full, serious career. So I don't know

0:40:33.400 --> 0:40:35.200
<v Speaker 1>if that's you know how much that would have to

0:40:35.200 --> 0:40:35.520
<v Speaker 1>do with it.

0:40:35.600 --> 0:40:38.719
<v Speaker 2>I mean, listen, it wasn't. He wasn't taking care of

0:40:38.760 --> 0:40:42.319
<v Speaker 2>me financially when we were married, so John, I mean,

0:40:42.360 --> 0:40:44.719
<v Speaker 2>we were fifty to fifty all the way through. So

0:40:44.920 --> 0:40:47.000
<v Speaker 2>there wasn't he wasn't taking care of me, and that

0:40:47.120 --> 0:40:49.400
<v Speaker 2>was part of the problem in the marriage at the time.

0:40:50.160 --> 0:40:52.440
<v Speaker 2>Is that I just you know, again, call me traditional.

0:40:52.520 --> 0:40:54.239
<v Speaker 2>I just always felt like he should pay for a

0:40:54.239 --> 0:40:56.880
<v Speaker 2>little more. He's the man, and he didn't. And that

0:40:57.000 --> 0:40:59.960
<v Speaker 2>might be an unwoke way to say things, but that's

0:41:00.120 --> 0:41:05.239
<v Speaker 2>the truth. I just don't. It didn't happen. And you

0:41:05.280 --> 0:41:09.120
<v Speaker 2>are right though, there is a freedom in not having

0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:12.480
<v Speaker 2>to rely on anybody right for your life and to

0:41:12.520 --> 0:41:14.520
<v Speaker 2>have someone in it because you want them in it,

0:41:14.600 --> 0:41:15.719
<v Speaker 2>not because you need them in it.

0:41:17.120 --> 0:41:21.239
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love that. I mean any like, I don't know.

0:41:21.239 --> 0:41:23.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean you obviously you give advice for a living.

0:41:23.320 --> 0:41:24.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean that's what you do. And I know you

0:41:24.920 --> 0:41:26.680
<v Speaker 1>believe in marriage. I mean, I know how much you

0:41:26.760 --> 0:41:30.000
<v Speaker 1>love my marriage, how much you love my relationship with Jeff,

0:41:30.520 --> 0:41:34.239
<v Speaker 1>the best close to Jeff. But I mean that's maybe

0:41:34.239 --> 0:41:36.799
<v Speaker 1>we need another to do another pot on it. But

0:41:36.960 --> 0:41:39.560
<v Speaker 1>like you know, for your kids in terms of like

0:41:39.640 --> 0:41:41.240
<v Speaker 1>cause I always say to my kids now, like it's

0:41:41.280 --> 0:41:44.200
<v Speaker 1>it's probably the most important decision that you'll ever make,

0:41:44.320 --> 0:41:46.120
<v Speaker 1>right who you pick is a life partner.

0:41:46.280 --> 0:41:48.000
<v Speaker 2>It's so funny because I don't say that to my

0:41:48.080 --> 0:41:51.560
<v Speaker 2>kids at all. You don't know both my kids believe

0:41:51.600 --> 0:41:54.960
<v Speaker 2>in divorce. I don't, and not because they don't want

0:41:55.000 --> 0:41:58.120
<v Speaker 2>to be in a loving relationship. They do. Obviously. Everyone

0:41:58.239 --> 0:42:01.480
<v Speaker 2>goes into a marriage hoping that it's their life partner.

0:42:02.239 --> 0:42:04.200
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, sometimes your life partner is not

0:42:04.239 --> 0:42:08.440
<v Speaker 2>your first partner. Sorry, And we grow and we change,

0:42:08.520 --> 0:42:10.359
<v Speaker 2>and we have to do our best right while we're

0:42:10.400 --> 0:42:13.040
<v Speaker 2>in a marriage, to try to nurture it, to give

0:42:13.080 --> 0:42:16.040
<v Speaker 2>it the presence, the time that it deserves, right, to

0:42:16.120 --> 0:42:18.560
<v Speaker 2>deal with the things that keep it together, and make

0:42:18.600 --> 0:42:20.840
<v Speaker 2>it the number one priority in our lives. Our children

0:42:20.880 --> 0:42:23.600
<v Speaker 2>should not be a number one priority. There as important,

0:42:23.600 --> 0:42:25.440
<v Speaker 2>but they should not be the number one priority in

0:42:25.440 --> 0:42:28.759
<v Speaker 2>a marriage. That marriage, the marriage should be. And I

0:42:28.800 --> 0:42:30.759
<v Speaker 2>don't think I don't think we do that enough. So

0:42:30.800 --> 0:42:33.359
<v Speaker 2>I think if we put in all that we can

0:42:33.400 --> 0:42:36.000
<v Speaker 2>put in, and things happen and things change, and you

0:42:36.719 --> 0:42:39.319
<v Speaker 2>fight like hell to try to stay in it, but

0:42:39.400 --> 0:42:42.920
<v Speaker 2>if you are unhappy you do not stay. That is

0:42:42.960 --> 0:42:45.520
<v Speaker 2>not your most important decision to stay in something. You

0:42:45.560 --> 0:42:47.960
<v Speaker 2>stay in it for the things that Rachel.

0:42:47.680 --> 0:42:49.239
<v Speaker 1>I always mean it like, well, I just think I

0:42:49.320 --> 0:42:52.240
<v Speaker 1>see so much. Obviously, what is it more than half

0:42:52.280 --> 0:42:55.960
<v Speaker 1>of marriages and a divorce. But it's just I don't know.

0:42:55.960 --> 0:42:59.160
<v Speaker 1>I think if you to really like the person and

0:42:59.239 --> 0:43:02.520
<v Speaker 1>love but also a really it's a choice that I

0:43:02.520 --> 0:43:05.520
<v Speaker 1>think is can just affect you can affect your happiness.

0:43:05.520 --> 0:43:07.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. That's for another pod, because it.

0:43:07.800 --> 0:43:12.080
<v Speaker 2>Is it is. But they I think they they're good

0:43:12.280 --> 0:43:14.600
<v Speaker 2>with where with where I'm at, and I think that.

0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:18.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, they love John. I mean I think

0:43:18.480 --> 0:43:19.879
<v Speaker 1>they'd be happy if you got married, but I think

0:43:19.880 --> 0:43:20.840
<v Speaker 1>they're okay if you don't.

0:43:20.920 --> 0:43:22.960
<v Speaker 2>I mean, they care more about their own lives and

0:43:22.960 --> 0:43:24.919
<v Speaker 2>giving a shit if I get married for a fourth time.

0:43:24.960 --> 0:43:27.239
<v Speaker 2>To be honest with you, so that's true to you

0:43:27.239 --> 0:43:30.759
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean, he's ten years and they love

0:43:30.800 --> 0:43:33.600
<v Speaker 2>him and they treat him like he treats them like

0:43:33.600 --> 0:43:36.960
<v Speaker 2>like they're hist So I mean he's he's the best

0:43:37.000 --> 0:43:39.800
<v Speaker 2>and they love him, and I'm happy and it works

0:43:40.120 --> 0:43:44.400
<v Speaker 2>third time around four, fourth time something, I don't know.

0:43:44.760 --> 0:43:45.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:43:45.160 --> 0:43:46.399
<v Speaker 2>It's a lot, it's a lot.

0:43:46.520 --> 0:43:48.560
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, I love you so much, thanks for having

0:43:48.560 --> 0:43:52.440
<v Speaker 1>to talk to you later. Wow, right, she's the best.

0:43:52.840 --> 0:43:55.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm very, very very lucky and blessed to have her

0:43:55.160 --> 0:43:56.839
<v Speaker 1>as a sister, and she's actually helped me so much

0:43:56.880 --> 0:44:01.239
<v Speaker 1>in terms of my marriage and our issues and she's

0:44:01.239 --> 0:44:05.040
<v Speaker 1>been through it, but it worked out and that's the point, right, Well,

0:44:05.040 --> 0:44:09.720
<v Speaker 1>that's what we hope for anyway. So one more time, Robbie,

0:44:09.960 --> 0:44:12.200
<v Speaker 1>if you're listening, thank you for coming on. Thank you

0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:14.879
<v Speaker 1>for sharing your journey. You guys, are you thinking about

0:44:14.880 --> 0:44:16.839
<v Speaker 1>reconciling with an X? Have you been through a couple

0:44:16.840 --> 0:44:19.440
<v Speaker 1>of divorces? Do you need help finding love again? Follow

0:44:19.520 --> 0:44:22.080
<v Speaker 1>us or email us all the infos in the show notes.

0:44:22.760 --> 0:44:24.960
<v Speaker 1>Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review

0:44:25.000 --> 0:44:28.719
<v Speaker 1>the podcast I Do Part two and iHeart Radio podcasts

0:44:28.719 --> 0:44:30.960
<v Speaker 1>where falling in love is the main objective.