1 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: Take Personally. Listen, Morgan Felsman, what is up, everybody? Welcome 2 00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 1: to the first ever episode of Take This Personally. I 3 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: am so excited right now because this podcast has been months, 4 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: almost years in the making, and it's just been a whirlwind, 5 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,959 Speaker 1: and I'm so excited to finally share this incredible project 6 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: with all of you. 7 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 2: Guys. 8 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: You may know me from the Bobby Bone Show. My 9 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: name is Morgan, and I've been through a lot of 10 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: things and I felt it was time for me to 11 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: share and talk and just expose the vulnerable parts of 12 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: myself to help some other people, wherever they may be 13 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: in their lives. 14 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 2: The idea for this podcast was. 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: Born out of the moments that I felt the most 16 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: alone in my life, and in the conversations that I 17 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: would have with my family and friends following those moments, 18 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: I knew that if what I was going through was 19 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: happening to me, it was most likely happening to other 20 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: people in some form or fashion, and they were likely 21 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: going through really dark moments as well. And for me, 22 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: I've really hated navigating a lot of those moments feeling 23 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: so alone. No matter that I had great support systems, 24 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: I still felt very alone in what I was going through, 25 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 1: and that's where this podcast kind of was born, because 26 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 1: I no longer wanted to feel alone, and I didn't 27 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,040 Speaker 1: want anybody else to feel alone, whatever. 28 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 2: Situation they may be going through. 29 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 1: I want people to be able to listen to this 30 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: podcast and feel heard, whether it's through laughter or tears 31 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 1: or they're like, oh my gosh. 32 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 2: That's me. 33 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: Even if this just helps one person, I will know 34 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: that all of the dark moments and everything that I'm 35 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: going through and me getting vulnerable on this microphone and 36 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: sharing my stories is totally worth it. I'm going to 37 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: bring on Amanda White to share her expertise in therapy 38 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: on dating, how to see red flags, what it's like 39 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: to be vulnerable after hard relationships, and how we can 40 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 1: be in charge of changing our own lives. But first 41 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,079 Speaker 1: I want to share a little background here or inside 42 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 1: Baseball if you will, about my story and why I 43 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: am the way that I am. So for me, I've 44 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: been through a lot of kind of pivotal moments, you 45 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: could say, in my life where I could have taken 46 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,239 Speaker 1: the bad path or taken what happened to me and 47 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:29,800 Speaker 1: used it for good. 48 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 2: When I was in high. 49 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 1: School, I was bullied by girls who I believed were 50 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: some of. 51 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: My best friends. 52 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: In that moment, I went through depression and anxiety and 53 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: suicidal thoughts. And that was my first kind of kick in. 54 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 2: The butt of what the real world was really like. 55 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: And I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old. I didn't 56 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: really know that people could be mean. I had been 57 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 1: very lucky in my life to believe that everybody was awesome, 58 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 1: and I had a lot of empathy for people. So 59 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: this was my first experience at the fact that not 60 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,080 Speaker 1: everyone is always going to be kind to you, and 61 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 1: I obviously didn't handle that very well. Hints where the depression, anxiety, 62 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,920 Speaker 1: and the suicidal thoughts that I experienced and my first 63 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: ever experience with therapy happened In Pivotal moment number two. 64 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 1: I found myself in an abusive relationship and of course 65 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: you know toxic heartaches that came before and after said relationship. 66 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: This moment of my life was probably the darkest and 67 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: the hardest. I really found out who I was. I 68 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: learned a lot about myself in the moments that followed. 69 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: I experienced PTSD in trauma, bonding, more anxiety and depression, 70 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: and a lot of loneliness and a lot of things 71 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: that I had never believed actually happened in real life. 72 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: I felt like I was going through something that I 73 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: see in the movies. That's not a kind of movie 74 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 1: I ever want to see or experience again. Pivot moment 75 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: number three is when I went through an identity crisis 76 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: and I was trying to navigate who I was and 77 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: who I wasn't. And this followed that abusive relationship but 78 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 1: really made me question everything about myself, everything I thought 79 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: I knew, and I experienced so much loneliness because I 80 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: didn't know who I was, I didn't know who to trust, 81 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: and I didn't know what to believe in. 82 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 2: So these pivotal moments have shaped me to be who 83 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 2: I am today. 84 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:29,160 Speaker 1: And they are dark, and they are hard, and they 85 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: were emotional. 86 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 2: But I want to be vulnerable in. 87 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: Each of those as these episodes come out and I 88 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: share my story because if these stories that I've been 89 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: through can connect to you and maybe you find yourself 90 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: in one before currently or later on, maybe these stories 91 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: can help you navigate it so it doesn't feel so heavy. 92 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 2: And these are just naming a few. 93 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,280 Speaker 1: These are just very big moments that I can recall 94 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,279 Speaker 1: at this point in my life and look back on 95 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 1: and say that changed who I was. You know, for 96 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 1: good or or worse, it changed to who I was 97 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: for me, the person that I am. I have always 98 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 1: been able to find the silver lining in situations. I've 99 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: been blessed with that gift of being the person who 100 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:14,599 Speaker 1: is very empathetic and compassionate and understanding. I love that 101 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: about myself, but it's also the reason I found myself 102 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: in a lot of hard situations. 103 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,720 Speaker 2: People take advantage of that. But I have to believe 104 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 2: that those. 105 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: Moments and these very pivotal things that I just kind 106 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: of bowl appointed here, I went through them for a reason. 107 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,280 Speaker 1: I have to believe that the darkness and the heartache 108 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: in the hurt that I experienced was for a reason. 109 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: I like to believe that that possible reason is so 110 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: that I could use this platform that I've been given 111 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: from Bobby, from the Bobby Bone Show, from all of 112 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,919 Speaker 1: the wonderful people who follow me on social media, to 113 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: actually do something with this platform and share my story 114 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: in these moments of my life and other people's moments 115 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 1: of their lives. When I bring on guests and experts 116 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: so that we can all connect. We can all feel 117 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: less alone, we can feel seen and heard, and all 118 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: of these moments don't have to be in vain. Everything 119 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: that I experienced, everything that you experienced, or everything my 120 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 1: friends and the people that I know experienced. None of 121 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: those things have to be as dark as they were 122 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: when they happened. They can now provide a lesson a reason. 123 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,840 Speaker 1: And that's my hope with doing this. I want to 124 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 1: explore what it looks like to be the best version 125 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: of ourselves when we face everything we've been. 126 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 2: Through head on. I absolutely love who I am now. 127 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 2: It has been the most. 128 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: Crazy and rewarding experience of my entire life to be 129 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: able to look back and say I did that, or 130 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: I went through that and I'm here now because of it, 131 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: or I had to suffer through this, and now look 132 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 1: at me, look at the strength that I have. I 133 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: want other people to feel what that joy is like 134 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: to be the best version of themselves and feel proud 135 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: and constantly want to work to just keep being the 136 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: best version of themselves, because the reality is just because 137 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 1: we get to a point of being the best version 138 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: of ourselves doesn't mean we're done, doesn't mean it's over. 139 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: That just means that season is over and now we 140 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: got to move on to the next one. And I 141 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: just want this podcast and me talking to you all 142 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: to be that for you, guys. Maybe it's tools, maybe 143 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 1: it's resources, maybe it's just a friend that you feel 144 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: like you're listening to them at a dining room table. 145 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 2: There is no better place for me to share these stories. 146 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: These life lessons and everything that I've been through in 147 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: between then right here on this microphone where I can 148 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: be very vulnerable and hopefully, as the title of this 149 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: podcast says, you guys can take this. 150 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 2: Personally and run with it. 151 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: I've been so lucky in my life to have people 152 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: who have inspired me, empowered me, given me strength from 153 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,119 Speaker 1: my incredible parents, all of my sisters, to the great 154 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: girlfriends who I have made over the course of my life, 155 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: and the wonderful mentors that I got a chance to 156 00:07:55,920 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 1: be around throughout these different phases. Take this personal, maybe 157 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: me sharing my stories and talking with experts to help 158 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: you on yours. But the goal of this podcast is 159 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 1: so that we, as. 160 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 2: A community of men and women, and in. 161 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: This era of life that we're in right now, feel 162 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: connected and feel loved and supported. 163 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 2: One of the biggest questions I often get. 164 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: Asked is how are you so happy? It feels like 165 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: you figured everything out. And I'm gonna tell you right now, 166 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: I have not figured everything out. There are many things 167 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 1: that you do not see on social media, and I've 168 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: tried to create a place not only on social media, 169 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 1: but now with this podcast, to show you that not 170 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,319 Speaker 1: everything is perfect. So one, I am not always happy, 171 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: and life is not always glamorous, but I am in 172 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: a wonderful place where I can now share the strength 173 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: that I have with all of you. And so to 174 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: answer that question, this story, these pivotal moments of my life. 175 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: That's why I am the way that I am. And 176 00:08:57,559 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: you will hear moments where I talk to these experts 177 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: and talk to my friends where you will see these 178 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: bleeding parts that show the finer details of those pivotal moments. 179 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: But just know that in all the chaos that I 180 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: went through, I found happiness because I chose it. 181 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,679 Speaker 2: Anybody can choose happiness. 182 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: It's straight up a decision you make in your brain 183 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: when you wake up in the morning. And so this 184 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: podcast is me choosing happiness, is me choosing you all 185 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 1: in us doing this together because life just sucks when 186 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 1: you're alone. 187 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 2: Let's kick this off, y'all. 188 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: I'm so ready to be here with you guys, and 189 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: that you guys are listening. I've got so many awesome 190 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: guests stopping by, and we're starting it with a really 191 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:46,439 Speaker 1: cool one. And now that you've heard a little scope 192 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: into the story that made me me, especially the most 193 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: vulnerable parts. I mean, gosh, this is only the first episode, 194 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,959 Speaker 1: and I just got very vulnerable. So I'm gonna try 195 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: and keep it together. I want to bring on Amanda White. 196 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: She's a therapist and the founder of the Therapy for Women. 197 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: You know, she was super frustrated and the options out 198 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,680 Speaker 1: there for modern approaches to therapy, so she created Therapy 199 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,719 Speaker 1: for Women to help provide people with authentic and compassionate 200 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: therapists who provide people with real life tools, and that's 201 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: so important, especially right now in the society and space 202 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: that we're in. She's also been an incredible follow for 203 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,679 Speaker 1: me on Instagram when I need a daily dose of honesty. 204 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, we can all use that a little 205 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:27,720 Speaker 2: bit more. 206 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: And I know she's definitely gonna give us some more 207 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: tools today to use in our own lives. Hey, Amanda, 208 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: I want to jump right in with you about why 209 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: you've dubbed yourself a retired party girl. 210 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 3: Yeah. 211 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 4: Absolutely, I dubbed myself that because I used to be. 212 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 3: I mean, I don't drink anymore. 213 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 4: I've been sober for almost eight years now. But to me, 214 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 4: it's more than that. It's not I don't identify as 215 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:58,439 Speaker 4: much as someone who's sober because so much happened during 216 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 4: my partying phase. Ruggled with my mental health, I struggled 217 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 4: with an eating disorder, I struggled with people pleasing and boundaries. 218 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 4: So I think a lot of that all kind of 219 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 4: inner sex when I just wasn't taking care of myself. 220 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 4: And I think a lot of us relate to kind 221 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 4: of having something that we did in the past that 222 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 4: we've moved through and it's shaped how we see the 223 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 4: world and how we show up now when I love that. 224 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 2: I don't think there's enough retired party. 225 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 3: People in general out there, you know. 226 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 1: I think it's really easy to socially drink and stuff. 227 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: So I think that part of your story is so cool. 228 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: So so thanks for sharing that. 229 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. 230 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 2: You know, you talked about some behaviors that you had. 231 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: I know something that you're familiar with is addictive behaviors. 232 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: How are we supposed to distinguish between the two? 233 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think the best way to understand an addictive 234 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 4: pattern is it does serve a purpose in our life. 235 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,199 Speaker 4: And addiction can get this bad reputation as something that's 236 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 4: you know, immoral, or something that someone is you know, 237 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,560 Speaker 4: doing to harm themselves or others. But it's important to 238 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 4: remember that someone wouldn't have started doing it if it 239 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:07,839 Speaker 4: wasn't helping control pain in some way, if it wasn't 240 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 4: giving them a sense of control over their emotions or 241 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 4: their life, or giving them an escape. So it's a 242 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 4: myth that there's an addictive personality. The truth is addiction 243 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 4: is complicated. It is a variety of different factors, and 244 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 4: some of us are more genetically predisposed to it. And 245 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 4: also if you've been through trauma, depending on how you're raised, 246 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 4: if you grew up around certain substances, that can definitely 247 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,239 Speaker 4: make it more likely that you'll turn to that substance 248 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 4: or develop an addictive behavior. 249 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 3: But it's complicated, so it's hard to know. 250 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: A lot of us know about the ones like alcohol 251 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 1: and drugs, but I think there's more to it than that. 252 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 1: What are the other types of addictions we can have 253 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 1: that maybe we just don't realize we could have. 254 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. 255 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 4: Absolutely, I mean there's a whole kind of classification of 256 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:02,079 Speaker 4: process addictions, which is kind of like we get addicted 257 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 4: to the process of doing something, so often kind of 258 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 4: common process addictions. You hear about our gambling, you know, 259 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 4: the process of kind of gambling. Eating disorders can end 260 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 4: up kind of as a process addiction. The idea of 261 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 4: starving ourselves, changing our bodies. 262 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 3: How we look can be very addictive. But even stuff kind. 263 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 4: Of like overworking, I mean, you know, working really hard, 264 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 4: people pleasing those can all be patterns that we get 265 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 4: stuck in because again, it is serving a purpose for us. 266 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 1: One of my coping strategies that I've always seen that 267 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 1: I tend to do, whether I'm angry, sad, happy, anything, 268 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 1: My natural thing is to eat my comfort foods, like 269 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: that is my number one thing. Is that something that's 270 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: healthy or is that normal? You know where does that 271 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: fall on this kind of category of coping behaviors. 272 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 3: It's a very normal thing. 273 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 4: I Mean, the truth is we're biologically wired to seek 274 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 4: comfort when we're having big emotions. You think about being 275 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 4: a child, we often seek, whether that's physical comfort from 276 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 4: our parents, whether it's just like getting into bed when 277 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 4: you're young, you know, you seek comfort, So it completely 278 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 4: makes sense. I think the hard part is when we 279 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 4: become so in the habit of it that we don't 280 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 4: have other coping skills as well. So I'm really against 281 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 4: like the demonizing of like comfort food. I think that 282 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 4: can happen sometimes on social media and things like that, 283 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 4: and I want to I want people to really know 284 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 4: it's a normal, natural thing that your brain is wired 285 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 4: to do. But yeah, it's important to also look at 286 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 4: the bigger picture and recognize is this actually helping me? 287 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 4: Because yeah, everything that we do is going to have 288 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 4: pros and cons to it, so it's important to also 289 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 4: look at, yeah, what other things might you be able 290 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 4: to do, and maybe certain emotions it may be. 291 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 3: More helpful to do other coping skills. 292 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: I also picked up boxing like four years ago. That's 293 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: a huge strategy for me. 294 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 3: Love that. 295 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: Do you feel like working out is one of those 296 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: I know that's also a hard balance for people as well. 297 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 4: It can be a hard balance, but I mean the 298 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:07,359 Speaker 4: research is really clear that exercise can be extremely beneficial 299 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 4: just moving your body in general. Obviously, like you kind 300 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 4: of alluded to, if it's becoming you know, you are 301 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 4: become obsessed with changing your body, losing weight, doing things 302 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 4: like that. But even it can be you know, your 303 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 4: form of exercise could be walking, it could be stretching, 304 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 4: it could be doing yoga, doing something that's not super 305 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 4: high impact. Also, but we do know that endorphins really 306 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 4: help us and being able to release that energy really 307 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 4: can help your brain process difficult emotions. 308 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: So basically, Legally Blonde was correct in telling us, like, 309 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: endorphins are what makes us happy, right, we need to relate. 310 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 2: I was thinking about happy. 311 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 4: People may still shoot their husbands, but endorphins do make 312 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 4: you do help with your mental health for sure. 313 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Yes. 314 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: As soon as anybody says endorphins, I have to immediately 315 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: legally Blonde every time I do. 316 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 2: Want to kind of change. Yeah's here too. 317 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: I don't think there's a woman I've met in my 318 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: life that doesn't deal with some kind of body image issues. 319 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: Whatever that looks like, however that came to be, everybody 320 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: deals with it in a different way. What are some 321 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: steps that you suggest for any of us who feel 322 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: that body image is a struggle to just kind of 323 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 1: start to get out of that constant negativity space. 324 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I completely agree with you. I think it's 325 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 4: something that women especially struggle with because we are objectified 326 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 4: much more in the media. So what happens often is 327 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 4: we start to objectify ourselves. So self objectification is when 328 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 4: you kind of pick apart your body and you imagine right, 329 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 4: like maybe you're getting dressed right and you imagine what 330 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 4: someone is thinking about how you look, or you know, 331 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 4: you're sumped over in a chair, and you like correct 332 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 4: yourself because you don't want anyone to see a certain 333 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 4: angle of you that is objectifying yourself. So one thing 334 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 4: that we can do kind of to snap out of 335 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 4: that is to stop looking at ourselves as just body 336 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 4: parts and try to look at ourselves as. 337 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 3: A whole, holistic being. 338 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 4: And when you notice yourself, maybe like in the mirror, 339 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 4: body checking or checking out different angles, trying to come 340 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 4: back to wearing things that make you feel comfortable, wearing 341 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 4: things that make you feel like you, that make you 342 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 4: feel beautiful. 343 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 3: I mean, a big thing I say. 344 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 4: To people often is if you had the body you loved, 345 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 4: if you were totally confident in how you felt, how 346 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 4: would your life be different, What would you wear, what 347 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 4: would you do, what would you say? And then try 348 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,679 Speaker 4: to practice that even if you're in a body that 349 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 4: you don't feel that way. 350 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 1: And yet there's a connection as women too that we've 351 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: been taught not only have we been objectified so much, 352 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,680 Speaker 1: but also. 353 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 2: We've been told not to love ourselves. 354 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: We've been told, you know, if we take too many 355 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,639 Speaker 1: pictures of ourselves, or if we do things that make 356 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:03,120 Speaker 1: us feel good, we are narcissistic, or we are too 357 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 1: much into ourselves. And I do feel like as we 358 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: keep having these conversations and women keep talking about, oh, 359 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: we're all feeling this way, there's this huge empowerment happening 360 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,399 Speaker 1: of like, no, we deserve to feel that way about ourselves. 361 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 1: Are you seeing that kind of happen right now? 362 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:19,920 Speaker 3: I am? I am. 363 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 4: I think it's a good change, and I think it's 364 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 4: I'm excited to see more women kind of taking back 365 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 4: the idea too, that like, your hobbies matter, Like what 366 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 4: you like matters, even if other people think it's dumb 367 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 4: or they're not interested in it. 368 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 3: It's okay to like what you like. 369 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 4: It's okay to be basic, it's okay to enjoy things 370 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 4: that maybe other people don't, and it makes me so 371 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,680 Speaker 4: sad when I mean, people are struggling with their mental health, 372 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 4: people struggle to find things they care about these days 373 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 4: and love, and what we don't need is a bunch 374 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 4: of people telling women what is okay for them to 375 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 4: care about or be interested in. 376 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,719 Speaker 1: Speaking of taking things less personally, I know you can 377 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: touch on this a lot. I want to know the 378 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,919 Speaker 1: world of social media and just in person too, But 379 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,399 Speaker 1: how can we try to not take things so personally? 380 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,119 Speaker 4: I mean, I will say it's very difficult, and I 381 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 4: don't think anyone can do it one hundred percent perfectly. 382 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 3: My best tip for it, what I. 383 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,560 Speaker 4: Do and what I teach clients to do is when 384 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,680 Speaker 4: someone gives you a piece of feedback or says something 385 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 4: that's particularly difficult for you, I would write down on 386 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 4: a piece of paper what the person said, and then 387 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,679 Speaker 4: on the other side of the piece of paper, write 388 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:37,399 Speaker 4: down what is your interpretation of what they said? Because 389 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:41,360 Speaker 4: words are painful, for sure, and a lot of times 390 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 4: what keeps us up at night, what really stings, is 391 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 4: the interpretation of what that means. 392 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: Oh that's such a good tip and really hard to do. 393 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: Too. It's really hard to take it out of your 394 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: head and your emotions and just leave it as what 395 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: was said. I think it's imp important to also talk 396 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,879 Speaker 1: about that you can work so hard get in a 397 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,639 Speaker 1: new relationship and still deal with what happened in the 398 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: past a lot. Yeah, even if you've perfectly went through 399 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,159 Speaker 1: all your growth period. And so I'm kind of seeing 400 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 1: what advice you may have for those who have struggled 401 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 1: with maybe cheating in past relationships or just bad past 402 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 1: relationships and it caused them to have insecurities about themselves 403 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: and like how to feel good in a really new, 404 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 1: healthy relationship, because I think it's not talked about enough. 405 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 4: I mean, I think my first piece of advice is 406 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 4: for everyone to give themselves a break. I think that 407 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 4: we may have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Have been through 408 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,399 Speaker 4: like you were talking about relationships where you've been cheated 409 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 4: on multiple times. 410 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 3: It's going to impact. 411 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 4: You because people probably told you, or you told yourself 412 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 4: it's not like, don't worry about it, it's not happening, 413 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 4: and you react differently when something that you are thinking 414 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 4: about actually gets proven to be true multiple times. Makes 415 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 4: it even more difficult. So this may always be something, 416 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,640 Speaker 4: you know. I think there's this idea like healing is amazing, 417 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 4: trauma work is amazing. We change our lives and you know, 418 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 4: be different people. And at the same time, this is 419 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 4: kind of like a scar for you. And it may 420 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,400 Speaker 4: always be something that's a little bit in the background, 421 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,160 Speaker 4: and it may be something where it's a little more 422 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,399 Speaker 4: difficult for you to open up and trust people. And 423 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 4: I think as much as you can trying to rely 424 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 4: on if the person's actions and words are in alignment, 425 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,119 Speaker 4: and trying to stay in the present moment of the 426 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,880 Speaker 4: relationship as much as you can, and you may need 427 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 4: more support from that person too, you know. I think 428 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 4: it's important to share if you're at that point in 429 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,959 Speaker 4: a relationship about our past, so that that person can 430 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 4: you know, be a little more understanding and reassure us. 431 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,199 Speaker 4: But it may always be a scar, you know, like 432 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 4: a real scar on your body that. 433 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 3: Never totally goes away. 434 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 4: It can be clean and not have an infection and 435 00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 4: not be leading anymore, but there may always be a 436 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:00,680 Speaker 4: sar are there. 437 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 1: And I think it's cool to connect with people to 438 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 1: know that that exists. At least I know that I 439 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: felt like when leaving a relationship, I'm like, Okay, I've 440 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: got through that one. 441 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:09,920 Speaker 3: I'm moving on to the new one. 442 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,399 Speaker 2: This is clean slate. But that's not the case. We 443 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 2: all come with baggage, and we all come with flaws 444 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 2: and things that have happened in the past. 445 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 1: And yes, to your point, we can all work through 446 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 1: them as much as we want, but it's still going. 447 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 2: To be there. 448 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,639 Speaker 1: So what do you think for women who maybe, like 449 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: right now, in this relationship turmoil, especially with the dating 450 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 1: world the kind of way it is, can they move through? 451 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 1: What are some I guess steps I keep asking you 452 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,440 Speaker 1: for steps and tips, but I think it's so important 453 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: to have tools. So what are some things that you 454 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 1: do that kind of help women through these phases. 455 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 4: One thing is to start to understand what some of 456 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 4: your triggers are. 457 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 2: Explore what are. 458 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 4: You know, things that have bothered you in past relationships, 459 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,640 Speaker 4: What are some signs, what are things that you're especially 460 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 4: sensitive to, so that you can kind of be mindful 461 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 4: of those that come up in a relationship for you. 462 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 4: And I think really starting to learn how to manage 463 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 4: how you feel. I mean, I think emotional regulation is 464 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 4: one of the most important skills all of us can learn. 465 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,880 Speaker 4: Most of us were never taught how to process our emotions, 466 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 4: how to sit through our emotions, or anything like that. 467 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,680 Speaker 4: So if you can start to understand what some of 468 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 4: those pain points are, what things tend to get you, 469 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 4: you know, your nervous system activated. When our nervous system 470 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,640 Speaker 4: gets really activated, we're not able to kind of tap 471 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,520 Speaker 4: into our rational brain. We're not able to think super 472 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,200 Speaker 4: clearly or make super well thought out decisions. So it's 473 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 4: important to start to be able to notice when that 474 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 4: happens to us, so we can pause. 475 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 3: We can maybe go. 476 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 4: For a walk, take a shower, lay down on the floor, stretch, 477 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 4: do something to kind of regulate your nervous system and 478 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 4: bring yourself back down before you maybe have a conversation 479 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,159 Speaker 4: with someone. 480 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,439 Speaker 1: As I've gotten older, my regulating of my nervous system 481 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:00,400 Speaker 1: has changed so much. 482 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 2: It used to be going for. 483 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,159 Speaker 1: A long drives, listening to music, and now it's fetal 484 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 1: position while my shower goes down on me. 485 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 2: Last difference in time. But I think so many of 486 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:11,880 Speaker 2: those things are really helpful. 487 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 1: And those past relationships for me also came abuse, so. 488 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 2: There's deep trauma there. 489 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: Surprisingly, there's so many more women that go through that 490 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 1: that don't feel comfortable talking about it. So I like 491 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,080 Speaker 1: creating a space for people to feel like they can 492 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 1: listen to this and have the resources to at least 493 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,720 Speaker 1: put one foot in front of the other forward. From 494 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: your perspective, you working with so many women too, I 495 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: know you've seen so much. 496 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 2: What are some red flags maybe we should also be 497 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,639 Speaker 2: looking for in the dating world. 498 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,120 Speaker 4: I mean, I think the biggest one is whether someone's 499 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 4: actions match up with their words. I think it's really 500 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,199 Speaker 4: easy and a lot of people can say lots of 501 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 4: things on first dates or initial conversations and make women 502 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 4: especially feel really really special, you know, because they're still 503 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 4: getting to know you and stuff, and if their words 504 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 4: are not being backed up by actions, I literally, in 505 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 4: the beginning of a relationship, think go by actions less 506 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,439 Speaker 4: than what someone says. And I think another important thing 507 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,399 Speaker 4: to remember is often people are the best version of 508 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:19,400 Speaker 4: themselves very early in the relationship. They're typically the most polite, 509 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 4: the most understanding, the most kind, you know, the most 510 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 4: considerate in that beginning stage because they want you to 511 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 4: like them. So if they are not able to be 512 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 4: what you want in terms of understanding or kind or 513 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,879 Speaker 4: any of those things in those first few dates. 514 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 3: It's not going to get better from there. 515 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,119 Speaker 4: I think two people aren't all good or bad, so 516 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,920 Speaker 4: I think also sometimes people can be a fine person, 517 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,399 Speaker 4: but they're not the right match for you. Really, I 518 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 4: think focusing on I tell people like maybe picking five 519 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 4: important qualities for you and everything else is kind of bonus. 520 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,680 Speaker 3: I think we can get so caught up in. 521 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 4: All the different characteristics we want, but at the end 522 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,959 Speaker 4: of the day, it really matters what works for you. 523 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 4: What you know might be a trigger for you might 524 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 4: not be a trigger for me. What bothers one person 525 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 4: in a relationship doesn't bother someone else, And trying to 526 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 4: use your past history as you know, a lesson for 527 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 4: what you need in a future relationship. 528 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: On social media, with some celebrity couples, and I'm not 529 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,119 Speaker 1: gonna sit here and name them, but toxic relationships are 530 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: also a part of this that are very We're seeing 531 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,399 Speaker 1: more of it. I feel like on social media, what 532 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,200 Speaker 1: is a way to make sure that you don't put 533 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: yourself in that If you feel a toxic situation coming on, 534 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 1: how can you kind of remove yourself and not get 535 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 1: into it, because those are hard to get out of. 536 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: Just as much as a really close trauma bond type relationships. 537 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,120 Speaker 1: An abusive relationship toxic is all the same in that. 538 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 4: It's on the spectrum for sure, and a lot of 539 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,679 Speaker 4: toxic relationships become abusive given enough time. I think some 540 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 4: of the biggest qualities there are important to look for 541 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,680 Speaker 4: is someone who's willing to say that they're wrong, someone who. 542 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,239 Speaker 3: Is willing to say they made a mistake, own up 543 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,920 Speaker 3: to it, take feedback. 544 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,840 Speaker 4: I mean, at the end of the day, I think 545 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 4: there's this unhealthy belief that there's only one person right 546 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 4: out there for us and love is. 547 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 3: All you need, and really we need a lot more 548 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:20,880 Speaker 3: than love. And one of the. 549 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 4: Most important qualities for relationship working long term is being 550 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 4: able to give and receive feedback, is being able to 551 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 4: have healthy communication skills. So those I think are some 552 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 4: of the and almost every toxic or abusive relationship one 553 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 4: person is not able to apologize, not able to take feedback, 554 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,639 Speaker 4: not able to change their behavior if they do something 555 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 4: that someone doesn't like, they don't have good communication skills. 556 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 4: I don't want to end on that note, so I 557 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 4: also want to add because I think this is all 558 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 4: so important for people to hear, because again, we don't 559 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,840 Speaker 4: talk about it enough, and if we start putting it 560 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 4: out there, maybe some people can recognize that they're in 561 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 4: these situations and get out of it early. 562 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:02,920 Speaker 2: That's always the hope. 563 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: But you know, I do want to throw some like 564 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,560 Speaker 1: positivity out in the world too. You've created such an 565 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,719 Speaker 1: awesome brand for yourself in the sense of being that 566 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,880 Speaker 1: retired party girl, but it's also just you've created. 567 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:16,680 Speaker 2: This life that you really love. 568 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:18,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, so a few. 569 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,880 Speaker 1: Words, how did that kind of happen for you? And 570 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,160 Speaker 1: how can others start to kind of create a life 571 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 1: that they would really love? 572 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,520 Speaker 4: I think so many of us can get caught in 573 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,879 Speaker 4: this is who I am. I was caught for a 574 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 4: long time, and I'm a party girl. I have an 575 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:36,199 Speaker 4: eating disorder, you know, I'm a drunk whatever, and I 576 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 4: think people really underestimate that. Yeah, some of your personality 577 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 4: is fixed, but a lot of it is also what 578 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 4: you want, what you want to choose to do with 579 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 4: your life, and how you want to show up. And 580 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 4: if people can think about what values are important to 581 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 4: them in their life, how do they want their life 582 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 4: to look, and then start thinking about what action they 583 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,400 Speaker 4: can take part of why I stopped drinking was because 584 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 4: I really wanted healthy friendships, deep important friendships in my life, 585 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 4: and I was not a good friend when I was drinking. 586 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 4: I would desert people at bars, would not I was 587 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,720 Speaker 4: super flaky, And I realized that if I wanted to 588 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,640 Speaker 4: have those friendships and I wanted to have good self esteem, 589 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 4: I had to start doing things that didn't make me 590 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 4: feel terrible about myself. So I think, yeah, some of 591 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 4: it is just Also, you're not stuck the way that 592 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 4: you are. It may feel that way. It doesn't mean 593 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 4: it's easy. But if you want something, if you want 594 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 4: to be a better friend, if you want to have 595 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 4: more self esteem, if you want to be in a relationship, 596 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,360 Speaker 4: you can start taking action towards those things. 597 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: I think that's such a good thing to end on too, 598 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 1: because it's incredibly important to take action for yourself, not 599 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 1: only for this you, but past you future. 600 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 2: You all deserves it. Yes, well, thank you so much 601 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 2: Amanda for joining me. Hanging out with me answering all of. 602 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: My crazy questions about everything from serious to happy, so 603 00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. 604 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me more. 605 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 1: All right, y'all, that's it for the first ever episode 606 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,680 Speaker 1: of Take This Personally, y'all learned a little bit about 607 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 1: me and my story, and plus I know that I 608 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 1: got some incredible tools and advice from therapist Amanda, and 609 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 1: I hope you did too. On the next episode, I 610 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 1: have on doctor Solomon, who is a psychologist and one 611 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 1: of the most trusted voices in the world of relationships, 612 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 1: and country artist Kylie Morgan, who shared some difficult moments 613 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 1: in her life and in her career. If you have 614 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: some questions or advice you want answered by the experts 615 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: that I bring on or myself, you can email Take 616 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 1: This Personally Podcast at gmail dot com. Thank you all 617 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: for listening so much. I hope you have a fabulous day. 618 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:46,360 Speaker 1: Take Personally as Listen Morgan, Juelsman