Speaker 1: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. He
Speaker 1: talks back, what's up, y'all, thank you for tuning in
Speaker 1: for a new episode or week? What you need some
Speaker 1: warm on? They're nothing I could do, ain't nothing I
Speaker 1: can do? Is not a wait. This is just the
Speaker 1: voice they're gonna get. Okay, everybody, it's me A J. Holiday.
Speaker 1: That's your regular voice, granny, Miss Helen. I was just
Speaker 1: talking about talking about your voice. Uh my girl, scouts lady.
Speaker 1: Her name was Miss Helen. Y'all sound exactly alike Miss Helen.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you Miss Helen going forward. Bitch, don't
Speaker 1: do this. Hey, y'all tell me talking about my morning voice.
Speaker 1: She got me up early as fuck. So here we are. Okay,
Speaker 1: So thank you guys for tuning in for a new episode.
Speaker 1: And we talked back to show dedicated to you niggas
Speaker 1: and these home. It's your co host, A J. Holiday.
Speaker 1: I said, damn, oh the deal you y'all? This has
Speaker 1: been It's nine o'clock, y'all. It's been staring as early
Speaker 1: as fuck. I don't be talking this early in the morning.
Speaker 1: But I don't be talking you know how that go?
Speaker 1: She got me earliest. It's all nine o'clock, about to
Speaker 1: be lunching a little while frog Man, Hey, y'all's be
Speaker 1: tim bam. I love y'all. Thank y'all for tuning in again,
Speaker 1: A j A, thank you for joining me so early
Speaker 1: in the morning. Whatever, How how is our weekend? Bit?
Speaker 1: What you mean? We was the game? Now? We was
Speaker 1: together again? Wends y'all. We went to see Um. It
Speaker 1: was Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock and Donnelle Rollins. Niggas
Speaker 1: was so funny. It was so hilarious. I wish I
Speaker 1: could have recorded it by my phone, but they took
Speaker 1: my phone and made us put it in a little
Speaker 1: case that was locked, so I couldn't record the footage.
Speaker 1: Because I swear I probably would have recorded the whole
Speaker 1: show social media, right. The funniest part is when Dottie
Speaker 1: Rollins that nigger was like, I had just said this ship.
Speaker 1: I leaned over to my home girl. I was like, um,
Speaker 1: should everybody phone locked? I'm not as gonna be talking
Speaker 1: helly ship. As soon as I said that, that nigga said, yeah, y'all, crackers,
Speaker 1: phone locked up. Crack crack crack cracker. Yes he was
Speaker 1: definitely cutting up. I love a lot of Yeah, everybody
Speaker 1: was funny. I can't it's smart to make us locker
Speaker 1: phones because I can't remember not a single joke that
Speaker 1: I laughed at. I know I was like holding my
Speaker 1: gut laughing, but I can't remember nothing of Nigga said.
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I couldn't retail the joke right now for
Speaker 1: you at all. But just know that Chris Rock went
Speaker 1: in on Will's Smith. Oh my goodness, he did about
Speaker 1: twenty five minutes. If y'all have an opportunity and you
Speaker 1: see this tour coming through your city, you probably should go.
Speaker 1: That was That's that. Charleston was the last stop. It
Speaker 1: was only a five show tour. Oh no, my, I
Speaker 1: gotta catch it on I don't know HBO Max And
Speaker 1: that was recording it, so it's probably gonna become available
Speaker 1: to you soon. Yeah. That was a good weekend. It
Speaker 1: was outside from Thursday to Sunday. My body was out
Speaker 1: on something, bitch. It wasn't even karaoke that I was
Speaker 1: grabbing the mic and then people club. Every time I
Speaker 1: go to the club, like, man, let me get the mic.
Speaker 1: Why I travel with one? Because motherfucker's be stingy with
Speaker 1: the mic I don't get at you, Djen. Sunday, my
Speaker 1: my best friend had her gender real veal from my
Speaker 1: new guy baby and it's a boy, y'all. So babe, uh,
Speaker 1: y'all come to my instagram, y'all see that picture. Just
Speaker 1: put a little baby, a blue baby, not a blue baby,
Speaker 1: a blue heart and a baby, and there show me
Speaker 1: some love for my new guy baby. This probably might
Speaker 1: be closest I get your having babies, I think, so
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for them. I'm grateful for her. So that
Speaker 1: was my Sunday. Oh no, no, no, that's not all.
Speaker 1: Then after the the gender reveal, we went to see
Speaker 1: um oops Oo's had a comedy show. I'm not know
Speaker 1: if you're all familiar with him. He's really funny. Went
Speaker 1: to see him in Charlotte and he's done quite a
Speaker 1: few things, so y'all look for him, my boy. That
Speaker 1: was my weekend. Let's get in this stupid internet news.
Speaker 1: What is the sins of this past week? Well, the
Speaker 1: biggest since um, the unfortunate you know, passing of Tyree
Speaker 1: nichols Um. The incident actually took place on January the seventh,
Speaker 1: I believe, but he actually passed away on January tenth,
Speaker 1: and since then, there's been five officers arrested, and I
Speaker 1: think they're contemplating arresting the sixth office officer. The five
Speaker 1: five black officers arrested essentially for the lynching. I'm Tyree Nichols. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't know what they thought the outcome was going
Speaker 1: to be. I didn't watch the video, did you? No?
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't like the consume things of that nature. No,
Speaker 1: it's not a movie. This is a real person. I
Speaker 1: don't want to see that. And I'm blocking anybody that
Speaker 1: sends that ship to my phone or Instagram. I swear
Speaker 1: for God, oh block you, but I'll let you know,
Speaker 1: like that's just not my particular aesthetic that I like
Speaker 1: to consume. So please don't send me that because I'll
Speaker 1: carry it with me forever. So I can't handle it.
Speaker 1: So police on Friday this past Friday released more than
Speaker 1: an hour worth of footage showing the deadly confrontation on
Speaker 1: January the seven between twenty nine year old Tyree Nichols
Speaker 1: and the officers of Memphis Police Department. UM. He died
Speaker 1: three days later after just a normal traffic stop that
Speaker 1: turned into a homicide essentially, And to me, it took
Speaker 1: no time for these guys to be arrested, losing of
Speaker 1: jobs all that ship, whereas we have to march with
Speaker 1: the streets when it's a you know, a white officer
Speaker 1: in a black victim. But this is two birds one stone.
Speaker 1: At this point, I find it kind of awkward that
Speaker 1: five excuse me, four of the five officers are q dogs.
Speaker 1: So the thing is is that you you haven't heard
Speaker 1: of uh mob mentality? M Like it only takes one
Speaker 1: out the bunch to activate the others. So like, just
Speaker 1: think of a pack of wolves. They have a leader.
Speaker 1: So when the leader does something, it's like something happens
Speaker 1: in the rest of these Yes, so it's not like
Speaker 1: somebody has to even verbally say, hey, beat his ass.
Speaker 1: It's like, uh, some type of I don't know, um,
Speaker 1: possession essentially, because what would possess y'all do this horrific
Speaker 1: crime to another black man, brother, to your brother. And
Speaker 1: that's the thing, um, Because there's a Tarree Nichols in
Speaker 1: every neighborhood every day. When are we gonna start seeing
Speaker 1: each other as see you as my brother, see you
Speaker 1: as my sister? What happened and what happened with the
Speaker 1: white officer on site? So where y'all showing off for him?
Speaker 1: And you know, they locked him up fast. But I'm
Speaker 1: okay with that. I'm not okay with them not locking
Speaker 1: up the white officers quickly do the same, keep the
Speaker 1: same energy. But y'all beat the dogshit out of this
Speaker 1: your brother on the street to death, lock him up.
Speaker 1: So each was charged with one count of second degree murder,
Speaker 1: two counts of official misconduct, one count of official oppression,
Speaker 1: one count of aggravated assault while acting in concert uh,
Speaker 1: and two counts of aggravated kidnapping, and the death of Nichols,
Speaker 1: according to Shelby County Sheriff's Sheriff's Office, So he tried
Speaker 1: to run, like your body is gonna kick into fight
Speaker 1: or flight. You physically, one black man a hundred forty
Speaker 1: five pounds six cannot beat these big football player looking dudes.
Speaker 1: It's impossible. So he ran, and you can hear them.
Speaker 1: I did hear some of the audio saying, UH, don't
Speaker 1: make us chase you. So y'all made I had to
Speaker 1: do some physical activity on the job. I don't understand.
Speaker 1: And then so now the next thing that pissed me off.
Speaker 1: Involving this case is Jason Whitlock. Um. He's a media
Speaker 1: uh commentator. He used to work for the Fox Sports
Speaker 1: uh MSNBC. I believe also black man. Okay, that's all.
Speaker 1: So the things that he had to say about this
Speaker 1: case and black women, because for whatever reason, this day
Speaker 1: and time, we get blamed for every fucking thing. So
Speaker 1: the disparaging things he had to say about black women,
Speaker 1: like I wish I could smack his ass. I swear
Speaker 1: to God his his face on his ass. I probably
Speaker 1: shoot him in the ass. How about that? Don't shoot
Speaker 1: to That's the problem. Black on black violence is the problem.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you, but I am violence. We just
Speaker 1: need to listen. Violence is necessary sometimes, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Violence is necessary Sometimes a lot of times
Speaker 1: change don't come without violence. Unfortunately, on this realm mm hmm,
Speaker 1: it's necessary. Sometimes. I don't think that people should be
Speaker 1: able to say and do what the funk they want
Speaker 1: to do. Period. There has to be law and order.
Speaker 1: And as a black man to publicly disparage black women,
Speaker 1: I'm sick and tired of that ship. I'm sick and
Speaker 1: tired of it. So he was like there's a racial element. Um,
Speaker 1: and this story about young black men and their inability
Speaker 1: to treat each other in a humane way. I agree
Speaker 1: with everybody involved in this on the street level was
Speaker 1: either twenty four to thirty two years old. Everybody. It
Speaker 1: was a group of young black men five o one.
Speaker 1: Looked like gang violence. To me, I can agree. So
Speaker 1: he goes on to say, um, it looked like what
Speaker 1: young black men do when they're supervised by single black women.
Speaker 1: And that's what they got going on in Memphis in
Speaker 1: the Memphis police department. They've elected some or put some
Speaker 1: black woman in charge of the police force, and we're
Speaker 1: getting the same kind of chaos and this unity and
Speaker 1: violence that we see in a lot of our cities
Speaker 1: ran by single mothers. Black man black is so unfair.
Speaker 1: That is so unfair to all of this on black
Speaker 1: single mothers. Wow, because we make ourselves single mothers. You know,
Speaker 1: black men are literally out here creating single mothers. And
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say all because I'm coming to find
Speaker 1: that there's a lot of black men that don't have children.
Speaker 1: So it may be that women are having children with
Speaker 1: men who already have children, right, because there are a
Speaker 1: lot of single black men who don't have kids, But
Speaker 1: to put the onus on black women alone, as if
Speaker 1: we're making ourselves baby mamas. I understand baby mama culture
Speaker 1: is it's it's a nasty thing, and it's something that's
Speaker 1: almost damn has celebrated in the Black community. I wish
Speaker 1: it would be abolished. But we are having these children
Speaker 1: by ourselves, Like women are choosing to stay in the homes.
Speaker 1: Men make the choice to leave the homes. It's not
Speaker 1: the women. I don't even think the women have much
Speaker 1: of a choice. Yes, they're gonna be daddy maybe right
Speaker 1: what they're gonna do. Yeah, So Sierra took to um
Speaker 1: Twitter and she added him it says, as a black man,
Speaker 1: to get on national TV and say something like this
Speaker 1: is irresponsible. A lot of amazing kids have come from
Speaker 1: singer mothers. For you to also undermine single black women
Speaker 1: in the midst of a tragedy is so sad. This
Speaker 1: woman just lost her son. Do better, he responds to Sierra.
Speaker 1: Jason Whitlocke responds to Sierra and says, I appreciate the
Speaker 1: feedbacks here, but at some point we are going to
Speaker 1: have to deal with the negative impact of baby mama culture.
Speaker 1: It's destructive and unsustainable. Come up out of the nile.
Speaker 1: The nile won't fix the problem. Thanks, But first of all,
Speaker 1: how did you know that these men come from single mothers?
Speaker 1: You don't know exactly. He's literally talked about the chief
Speaker 1: of police being a woman, right, that's what he's saying. Essentially,
Speaker 1: you don't know these these people's background because they went
Speaker 1: to college. Okay, the college educated black men who stole
Speaker 1: chose to do this stupid ship. You don't know what
Speaker 1: type of household they came from, right, And that's the
Speaker 1: woman who runs the police force is not their mother.
Speaker 1: That's not their mama. She's doing a job that doesn't
Speaker 1: make her incapable because she's a woman. That's what it
Speaker 1: sounds like to me, as if this ship doesn't happen
Speaker 1: under the watch of black men, white or white men
Speaker 1: or anybody, Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, he's ignorant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's very ignorant. I just wish that if you don't
Speaker 1: have anything encouraging to say, say to funk off TV
Speaker 1: and then you're having this conversation in mixed company, is
Speaker 1: wow to me, Like it sends a message like everything
Speaker 1: bad in the black community blame black women, and I
Speaker 1: feel like we get blamed for the majority of the
Speaker 1: things that happen in our community, and some of the
Speaker 1: stuff I can agree with, because when we do set
Speaker 1: the standard and you have children out here being raised
Speaker 1: by the unraised, it still boils down to just broken families.
Speaker 1: Where are the black men? Where are the black men? Young?
Speaker 1: And y'are supposed to be to leaders? Were all at
Speaker 1: Why y'all ain't staying at your homes and leading your family,
Speaker 1: leading your woman, leading your children. You make a choice
Speaker 1: to leave, and now it's still mama's fault. And I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of that should even plays out
Speaker 1: in relationships between black men and women, like intimate relationships.
Speaker 1: You got all this um, all this disdained for your
Speaker 1: mama because your daddy made a choice to leave. You
Speaker 1: don't even realize that the real problem is with your daddy.
Speaker 1: It's not even what your mom. Mama. Your mama was
Speaker 1: there and she did the best she could, oftentimes of
Speaker 1: multiple children, and she could have been married and ended
Speaker 1: up a single mom. That's my mom story, mine too,
Speaker 1: mine too. So it's no accountability for black men. No
Speaker 1: account I never hear accountability come from them now. And
Speaker 1: I know for a fact that black women do have
Speaker 1: a problem accepting accountability. I know that I'm a black woman, okay,
Speaker 1: but we are not about to put the issues of
Speaker 1: our entire community on black women. That is fucking disgusting.
Speaker 1: You know, they told us to hate the man, hate
Speaker 1: the white man, and somehow now black women are the
Speaker 1: white man. I want to do an episode on that.
Speaker 1: Are we the black Are we the white man now?
Speaker 1: Um man? Me, definitely not. But in their eyes, it's
Speaker 1: like we're being We're being put up on a pedestal
Speaker 1: above them and all this other ship. And I mean
Speaker 1: it's a certain demographic of black men who think this way.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's all of them, but it's a
Speaker 1: good bit. We need to get one of them all
Speaker 1: so we can have the conversation that necessary conference. I
Speaker 1: would love to I would love to do that, um
Speaker 1: and hopefully it wouldn't tear into an argument. I think
Speaker 1: I can have a conversation about that ship. I get
Speaker 1: real personal about black women, real personal, because because we
Speaker 1: are one. Yeah, I just wanna semi condolences to the
Speaker 1: family of Tyree Nichols. Man. This ship is disgusting yes, yeah, UM,
Speaker 1: moving on, UM, this is this next story is just
Speaker 1: I something I agree with. So the Surgeon General, UM,
Speaker 1: the US Surgeon General vi Vic Murphy says he believes
Speaker 1: thirteen is too young for children to be on social
Speaker 1: media platforms because all those UM sites allow children of
Speaker 1: that age to join. Kids are still developing their identities.
Speaker 1: I agree. So. I know, like Twitter, TikTok especially, that
Speaker 1: was a kids app initially, somehow adults got their ass
Speaker 1: up on there um and turned it out a little bit.
Speaker 1: TikTok is supposed to be banned soon, I believe, also
Speaker 1: UM in the US because it is a Chinese rand application. UM. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think thirteen is he says, not until thirteen. No,
Speaker 1: he says it's too early. He said, what parents need
Speaker 1: to get together and decide what's the best age for
Speaker 1: their children, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. He doesn't know what the
Speaker 1: age is, but he's just saying that thirteen, which is
Speaker 1: the age that most of these platforms allow people to join, UM,
Speaker 1: it's just too young. Yeah. I can't agree with that,
Speaker 1: just because it's almost impossible to monitor what they're consuming,
Speaker 1: you know. UM. And he says he's based this off
Speaker 1: of data he's actually seen, and thirteen is just too
Speaker 1: early because these kids are having like identity crisis. And
Speaker 1: then also if you're feeling just a little bit like
Speaker 1: a boy or a little bit like a girl, like
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like you have all these
Speaker 1: different outlets online to help you know, sway, yeah, push
Speaker 1: those those thought processes. And it's fucking dangerous because it's
Speaker 1: adults who probably have mental health issues who are on
Speaker 1: these apps, um soliciting the kids in all different facets,
Speaker 1: not just like your sexuality, but you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of different things. So I agree that thirteen is rather young,
Speaker 1: but I mean it's up to the parents too rear
Speaker 1: your children and regulate what they're watching. Like is it
Speaker 1: is it too early for a thirteen year to have
Speaker 1: a cell phone? I would say not, you know, because
Speaker 1: you know your kids are going to school and ship
Speaker 1: like that. I feel like if we, you know, back
Speaker 1: when we were in school, if we could have a
Speaker 1: cell phone, our parents probably would have had as one.
Speaker 1: Because she is getting way more dangerous out here now
Speaker 1: than than then anyway, so you need to be able
Speaker 1: to contact your kids. Things are happening at schools, shootings
Speaker 1: and all types of crazy ship. Your kids need to phones,
Speaker 1: but I know they have like the Parental um Guide
Speaker 1: stuff like on phones where you could block certain app
Speaker 1: block certain websites. I think parents need to be knowledgeable
Speaker 1: and implement those those things. If you're paying the bill,
Speaker 1: who'll funk arguing with a thirteen year old about an app?
Speaker 1: But here's the thing I feel like oftentimes, and y'all
Speaker 1: might get mad at me as parents. I'm not a parent,
Speaker 1: but I see a lot of parents letting social media
Speaker 1: raise their kids because they don't want to be bothered. Women.
Speaker 1: They come in, get your tablet, Go get your tablet.
Speaker 1: Did not buy you a tablet? Go get it? And
Speaker 1: there's their way of not having to deal with their ass.
Speaker 1: That's a problem. Yeah, you're not really an active parent, right.
Speaker 1: I think kids should have a certain amount of time
Speaker 1: they have access to electronics and social media and ship
Speaker 1: like that, like maybe hour two a day. You have
Speaker 1: to monitor as a parent. Kids are kids are going
Speaker 1: to do what they want to do, but you have
Speaker 1: to have you know, you gotta have some type of
Speaker 1: guidance skills in a way, you just letting your kid
Speaker 1: run them up like that because you don't feel like
Speaker 1: dealing with him McDonald see the McDonald's McDonald's every day
Speaker 1: where you're tabbing that. Yeah, I agree with the Surgeon
Speaker 1: general though. I just want to talk about that. Just
Speaker 1: I'm scared of what the world is gonna be like
Speaker 1: when we're when we're elderly, you know why you gonna
Speaker 1: be something broke back, tat it up, fake booty, fake
Speaker 1: titty bitches in church, second tattoos in your neck. That's fine,
Speaker 1: But will the kids care for us and respect this?
Speaker 1: Probably not? It depends on how you raise your kids.
Speaker 1: Probably not. You better have some money in the bank,
Speaker 1: tell me what you think. They're already beating the funk
Speaker 1: out of their teachers, now, you know, did you see
Speaker 1: that video? It was like a black girl she basically
Speaker 1: attacked her teacher and looks like the teacher was trying
Speaker 1: to call for helping the cell phone. She knocks her
Speaker 1: cell phone out the teacher's hand. Then like they end
Speaker 1: up at the door. She's trying to us to teach
Speaker 1: her out the door and close the door, and the
Speaker 1: teachers like stop putting your hands on me. See me? Personally,
Speaker 1: I would clean every classroom with that little girl ass
Speaker 1: mm hmm, there's no way. You know, like parents y'all
Speaker 1: seeing your kids at school and they're terrorizing the fucking teachers, right,
Speaker 1: no home training, respect, And then you come up there
Speaker 1: and you get mad with the teacher too, and no,
Speaker 1: damn well you'd be having to beat her ass at
Speaker 1: home too. But you're mad because another adult outside of
Speaker 1: you put their hands on her trying to teach her
Speaker 1: some respect. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out, like, how
Speaker 1: do you get to that point? How do you get
Speaker 1: that fucking mad that you attack a teacher, that you
Speaker 1: that you have no respect for authority or adults. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You know, I would love my um.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to build a school. I
Speaker 1: was thinking about like prisons, hospitals, schools, they all look alike.
Speaker 1: What have you had, like a glass dome with a
Speaker 1: lot of greenery, a lot of sunlight so kids can
Speaker 1: actually grow, you know what I'm saying, Like you're in
Speaker 1: school all day, you come out to sun Damn they're gone.
Speaker 1: Like kids are not even getting the vitamin D the sunlight.
Speaker 1: They need to just grow properly. It's depression. Then you
Speaker 1: got throw social media on top of that and throw
Speaker 1: McDonald's on top of that anyway, dealing with a lot
Speaker 1: of social issues, y'all. We're doing No, we're not. We're
Speaker 1: gonna be good. Oh goodness, take care of us. That's
Speaker 1: all I can say. So last week we talked about
Speaker 1: breaking up. This week we want to get into dating, Like,
Speaker 1: how do you actually date? What's the process of dating?
Speaker 1: Is there a process for dating? Is there um some
Speaker 1: extra steps all that ship, We'll see. We'll talk about
Speaker 1: it when we come back from this break. All right,
Speaker 1: So we're back. So Tam, what's your definition of dating?
Speaker 1: My definition of dating? Mm hmm. It's going out with
Speaker 1: someone with the intention of getting to know them in
Speaker 1: a more intimate way and potentially fucking after the third day.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that sounds about, right, you know.
Speaker 1: I think we skipped some steps sometimes though. But so
Speaker 1: the Cambridge Dictionary definition um says to regularly spend time
Speaker 1: with someone you have a romantic relationship with. When people
Speaker 1: say they're dating a lot of times, I would think
Speaker 1: you date more than one person, right, So do you
Speaker 1: have a romantic relationship with multiple people? I think that's like,
Speaker 1: that's like the general definition, But is that really what
Speaker 1: we believe dating is well. Romance doesn't have to be physical.
Speaker 1: You're right, it could be platonic. Mm hmm. I guess no, No,
Speaker 1: it doesn't even have to be platonic. But it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be like. Romance doesn't have to be like
Speaker 1: we have sex at the end of the night. Romance
Speaker 1: could be like someone taking you on a nice date,
Speaker 1: somewhere quiet and quaint and sexy, you know, and then
Speaker 1: on Tuesday you go to the same place with a
Speaker 1: different person. That don't mean, you know, that's still dating.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean sleeping with everybody. You just have
Speaker 1: romantic intention, you know, right. Look, I got a disclaimer
Speaker 1: for men that I'm dating. Men oftentimes don't have like
Speaker 1: the go to spots they don't know. Women be like
Speaker 1: yoping and figuring out like places. If I catch you
Speaker 1: at a place that I introduce you to with another bit,
Speaker 1: I'm flipping the table over. I'm clearing it with my forearm.
Speaker 1: And if you or that bit, you got something to say,
Speaker 1: I'm kick sweeping, y'all, because why are you in my spot?
Speaker 1: You own the place. This is my place. You didn't
Speaker 1: know about to place. You didn't even know this place existed.
Speaker 1: Or not, you're showing it off to another bit. I'm
Speaker 1: mad and I don't even care if I'm in there
Speaker 1: with another nigga my place. So you can take all
Speaker 1: the niggas there, but I can't take nobody else. I
Speaker 1: take all my niggas. The Pearls Oyster Bar. I love Pearls.
Speaker 1: Is only a couple of people I've been there with,
Speaker 1: but that's like my goals to spot, even with friends
Speaker 1: in town and ship like that. I love Pearls Oyster Bar.
Speaker 1: So if I catch you there with somebody else sitting
Speaker 1: at my goddamn bar, like on the bar, you don't
Speaker 1: own the bar. You don't own the restaurant. Bitch, I'm Pearl.
Speaker 1: I get I'm Pearl. I get what you're saying, but
Speaker 1: you don't have that right at all. I don't have
Speaker 1: a spot. I used to when I was living in Columbia,
Speaker 1: South Carolina. I used to have like a spot that
Speaker 1: I would take everybody. I don't have that in Charlotte.
Speaker 1: I don't have that type of space. I guess I
Speaker 1: guess Capital Grill if I had to pick one, but
Speaker 1: they're kind of falling off lately. Honestly, that food isn't
Speaker 1: good to me, you know, like they haven't Yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know what's eating some oysters and fish. They
Speaker 1: got fish, but it's not that good. Um. I'll go
Speaker 1: on like maybe two days in a week with different people.
Speaker 1: M hmm. Are you having sex to any one of them? No?
Speaker 1: Are you actually active right now, tam No, note I
Speaker 1: ain't now yet. It's only January, you know, February. I
Speaker 1: haven't found nobody yet. I want somebody. I know Valentine's
Speaker 1: they come and I ain't got no. Right, I wasn't
Speaker 1: supposed to be active this year, but something happened anyway.
Speaker 1: Well that was like the at the beginning of the
Speaker 1: year you told us, right, and yeah, it kept happening.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. I already don't have sex that crazy, not
Speaker 1: not that often anyway. So it's still like at a minimum, essentially,
Speaker 1: it's it's first date sex. Okay. I have had sex
Speaker 1: one time, first date mm hmm, two times like that.
Speaker 1: I can really twice and I'm still like good friends,
Speaker 1: you know, like cool with the people. Um, So it's
Speaker 1: not like it was like a real like one night stand.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had I've never had a
Speaker 1: one night stand before. Have you mm hmmm, like just
Speaker 1: funk on the nigga and never talked to him again. Yeah, interesting,
Speaker 1: tell us about it. Listen, whole story's coming from college.
Speaker 1: Y'all right, a long time ago. It was just like, ah,
Speaker 1: we had fun. I got it wasn't even a date
Speaker 1: that we were on. We met at the club. I
Speaker 1: was drunk and ship happened. But I was like super drunk.
Speaker 1: I probably like he probably shouldn't have had even wanted
Speaker 1: to do it to me, honestly, but he probably was
Speaker 1: drunk too, Like who's the onus on when both plies
Speaker 1: are drunk, like men should you probably was taking his
Speaker 1: clothes off. I'm like, just yeah, hein't had no night stand.
Speaker 1: And he was older. He was an older guy. He
Speaker 1: was in town from New York. I think he like
Speaker 1: words it like he was like a New York trash man.
Speaker 1: Ye what hey, that's a good job in New York, right,
Speaker 1: He probably was making money. He was he was like
Speaker 1: he was young, but he was older than me, and
Speaker 1: he was swagging and he said that's what he did
Speaker 1: for a living. Girl. I don't know what happened to
Speaker 1: the mean that is a city worker. He was getting
Speaker 1: that check okay in New York, Like, that's the job
Speaker 1: to have, not you're working on rock girl, couldn't have
Speaker 1: been None of that should count middle fingers all old life.
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, right, So this article I read it said
Speaker 1: dating someone is not considered as being in a relationship
Speaker 1: with them. Um, like the current definition of dating right.
Speaker 1: Dating is really more of a stepping stone to get
Speaker 1: into a relationship where one gets to know someone romantically.
Speaker 1: Being in a relationship comes much later. Um, we're excuse me. Um.
Speaker 1: Being in a relationship comes much later where the dating
Speaker 1: partners do not wish to date other people. Um. They
Speaker 1: have now committed to each other and intend on cultivating
Speaker 1: their shared connection. I think when um and I would,
Speaker 1: and I always say this, I don't think that black
Speaker 1: women we were able, ever like able or even taught
Speaker 1: to date, you know, like your mom and be like
Speaker 1: you better get your work, stop worrying about those boys.
Speaker 1: Then you go to college, worry about your career because
Speaker 1: you can't. Ain't nobody gonna take care of you. Da
Speaker 1: da da da. Whereas our white counterparts, white women, you know,
Speaker 1: oftentimes they meet their husbands in college and they go
Speaker 1: from their daddy house to their husband's house. You know. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: black women out here buying their frost first homes by themselves.
Speaker 1: But why do you think our parents were teaching us
Speaker 1: set based on their experiences and they don't want us
Speaker 1: to be out here funked up? You know, there is
Speaker 1: a culture of us ending up our selves, you know,
Speaker 1: So Mama is just preparing us for the harsh reality
Speaker 1: that that could possibly potentially happen to us. Be able
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself. That's how my mom ever said. Um.
Speaker 1: And this even goes back to the Jason Whitlock eye man,
Speaker 1: Black women have been uh conditioned like we gotta survive.
Speaker 1: What what would you have us? Do? You talk ship?
Speaker 1: When we in the projects, you talk ship. We're in
Speaker 1: the corporate setting, you talk ship, and we're the chief
Speaker 1: of police, Like when is enough isn't enough for black women?
Speaker 1: And you're talking ship when we're waiting on the nigger
Speaker 1: to take care of us exactly, But it's okay for
Speaker 1: any other group of women. It's okay for any other
Speaker 1: group of women to depend on their men, and they're
Speaker 1: actually taught that, you know what I'm saying. And if
Speaker 1: they can't depend on the man, or if they still
Speaker 1: can at least depend on their daddies. A lot of
Speaker 1: us don't even have that. The next part of this thing,
Speaker 1: it says, the exhausting part of this, however, is the
Speaker 1: stage where one does not know what is going on
Speaker 1: and it's not sure when or how to ask. And
Speaker 1: I think a lot of women end up in limbo
Speaker 1: limbo in this little yeah, what are purgatory? Essentially? What
Speaker 1: are we? Um It says, First, it's very difficult to
Speaker 1: find someone you actually like and are attracted to, And
Speaker 1: then if you've been on a few great dates, you
Speaker 1: don't know how or if you're exclusively dating each other.
Speaker 1: Often when one partner does bring up the fact that
Speaker 1: they are not dating other people while dating each other,
Speaker 1: they are met with an unexpected reaction like oh, I
Speaker 1: didn't know we were supposed to be exclusive, or um,
Speaker 1: I think it's too soon togo to that direction, or
Speaker 1: even worse, getting ghosted. I feel like that's why a
Speaker 1: lot of women don't even ask, or they don't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable enough asking a man like what's next? Where are
Speaker 1: we having? Like a temperature check of the relationship, because
Speaker 1: there we are, we've dated right? The three four dates
Speaker 1: might start having sex m hm. And every man you
Speaker 1: date isn't your husband. I think that women authentis fantasized
Speaker 1: about men immediately, like damn, I could see myself being
Speaker 1: with him, especially after a certain age. Yes, because we're
Speaker 1: we're dating with attention, you know, typically four husbands after
Speaker 1: a certain age. I think most of us anyway. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I want to get into what is dating with
Speaker 1: intention also, um, because I think like that's the new thing,
Speaker 1: dating with intention? But do we really even know what
Speaker 1: that is? Because oftentimes you gotta be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1: Do you even want a relationship for real? Because you
Speaker 1: the the right guy that you thought you wanted may
Speaker 1: very well come along and you'll pass up on him
Speaker 1: because really you aren't ready for him. Yeah you know, well,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm I'm more ready now. But during pandemic,
Speaker 1: I just didn't want to be in the house pot myself.
Speaker 1: A lot of people ended up in relationships or ended relationships, um.
Speaker 1: And the pandemic. I think if you were in a
Speaker 1: relationship and you made it through, y'all supposed to be
Speaker 1: together solid, y'all solid in the mother. Um. I don't know.
Speaker 1: So how do you generally meet men, tam, I meet
Speaker 1: a lot of men on social media. Okay, so social media,
Speaker 1: so my my d M box be quaking. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing, but it's hard to you know, filter through
Speaker 1: those people, honestly. So I have trouble with that because
Speaker 1: a lot of oftentimes it feels like everybody is just
Speaker 1: the same robot right with a face with an avatar.
Speaker 1: I prefer to meet people in like social circles or
Speaker 1: social like settings. That's better to me because you really
Speaker 1: get to experience them, even just a little bit, versus
Speaker 1: social media. Social media, everybody's presented themselves like a resume,
Speaker 1: you know, m they only got their highlight reel up.
Speaker 1: You know, all you see is the best of what
Speaker 1: they got to offer. You don't, right, and it don't
Speaker 1: even be real half the time. You know, Like they
Speaker 1: all have a picture of room and it looked nice,
Speaker 1: but if you would actually walking that room, that motherfucker
Speaker 1: is dirty as hill. The only spot that's clean is
Speaker 1: the spot where they're taking that picture of no headboard,
Speaker 1: flat pillows, like you, this is where you live at.
Speaker 1: So I prefer organic interaction, honestly, Yeah, me too. I UM,
Speaker 1: I've never really gotten into like the online dating. I
Speaker 1: met one man on online dating. We're still friends to
Speaker 1: this day. When I first moved to St. Louis, like,
Speaker 1: I intentionally got on uh pieces of fish. Either it
Speaker 1: was pieces of fish or bubble. That's not what it's called,
Speaker 1: I know. But it's a getting frenzy on plenty of fish,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. It's a feeding frenzy. Like
Speaker 1: most of those guys are on there looking for somebody
Speaker 1: just to smash You's not really relationships. But I've actually
Speaker 1: known a couple of people who ended up in relationships
Speaker 1: off of dat naps ship plenty of fish, bumbole. I
Speaker 1: have a homegirl who got married off. Yeah. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get on ray right, me too, bitch. I've
Speaker 1: been trying to get on ray It for two years.
Speaker 1: They won't let me on that mother. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's for us anyway, not the black girls. Um yeah
Speaker 1: yeah so um so the five steps online, the five
Speaker 1: steps to dating pretty general. Okay, So there's the initial attraction,
Speaker 1: what attracts you to a man, Like, what's your initial
Speaker 1: attraction to a guy? Teeth? Yes, I'm a big mile Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm a big teeth person. I was telling one of
Speaker 1: our mutual friends I won't say their name. I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: if you just go fix your teeth, your pussy stock
Speaker 1: is gonna go up. Wait up, you gotta go fix it, right,
Speaker 1: But everybody don't care about that. Yeah, I think teeth
Speaker 1: is like definitely top of my list because um, and
Speaker 1: I mean, they could just be fucked up teeth. That
Speaker 1: doesn't mean your mouth is nasty, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But I think as adults, we should definitely be taking
Speaker 1: care of our teeth. With everybody out here getting the
Speaker 1: I'm not saying for you to go giving airs and
Speaker 1: nothing like take care of your current teeth, like I'll
Speaker 1: giving airs when these ones drop out, like motherfucker's these
Speaker 1: If me and Tam don't got shit else, we got
Speaker 1: fucking perfect teeth. I'm on my way to the motherfucker
Speaker 1: did as soon as we finished record. That's why we
Speaker 1: had to get up and do it so early. It's
Speaker 1: just important. Yes, like so teeth um for me. Um physique.
Speaker 1: I like bodies. They don't have to be like a
Speaker 1: muscle up body. But I like nice looking, fit looking
Speaker 1: men is what I like. I like backs. I like backs.
Speaker 1: There you gotta be my niggas. Ain't gotta be fit
Speaker 1: just you gotta be clean, smell good and dressed nice
Speaker 1: and nice. Watch you can have a little belly. I'm
Speaker 1: okay with that, baby. I'll rub all over that little,
Speaker 1: good little little man. Yeah, they gotta be adult boy belly.
Speaker 1: It can't just be like a nigger wear a big
Speaker 1: belly and hips. Come on, man, yeah you canta be
Speaker 1: fat the funk up. Yeah, I don't like too fat,
Speaker 1: but a little little little extra cushion, that's okay. I
Speaker 1: don't care about that. I like beards. I love a beer. Yes,
Speaker 1: I went through like just looking at men that I've
Speaker 1: actually dated and ship like everybody gotta a bear, damn there.
Speaker 1: I love a beard, so a nice man of hered beard.
Speaker 1: I like them bears with them long strings hanging off
Speaker 1: the bottom, like stop doing that, cut that piece. I
Speaker 1: don't like them sucking uh like chin strap looking beers
Speaker 1: like nick, if you don't let that ship grow a
Speaker 1: little bit more underneath the neck, like what he doing?
Speaker 1: He trying your barbera fucking you up, but to make
Speaker 1: you change your barber. Dog, I'm gonna call him like listen,
Speaker 1: if you take more hay off my nigga neck. We're
Speaker 1: gonna fight. I'll pushing their hairline back. I hate when
Speaker 1: the barbera do that, like stop pushing my nigga hairline back?
Speaker 1: Right alright. So now it's the initial initial attraction. The
Speaker 1: next comes reality, like now you get to know the person.
Speaker 1: Look yeah, us dirty, it looks clean in that picture.
Speaker 1: You get to see all the fun about each other,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Like women, oftentimes we think
Speaker 1: like we don't come with bullshit. You know what they're
Speaker 1: wrong with us? Yeah? And you know we probably point
Speaker 1: it out to men more and they just like either
Speaker 1: they'll just suddenly go to funk away from your ass
Speaker 1: or you know, when they say something something to you,
Speaker 1: you feel something, boy, but you have no problem telling
Speaker 1: them what their issues are. I snore so bad, I
Speaker 1: think I need to like go this weekend. Talk about
Speaker 1: I slept in late. I went wake up. Bit it
Speaker 1: took me a while to go to sleep because your
Speaker 1: ass a snore. First of all, I bit, you asleep
Speaker 1: before me, so how is that possible? But then I
Speaker 1: woke up and I couldn't go back to sleep, yes, bitch,
Speaker 1: And it was yes, I know it's a problem. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do when I finally went to sleep,
Speaker 1: like I overslept because like my body reset mm hmm,
Speaker 1: bit you snore? I never knew. Yeah, I feel like
Speaker 1: all my friends snore aloud. I'm gonna get one of
Speaker 1: them ships to go on my face, you know. So
Speaker 1: I sleep breathing math and then when I have a
Speaker 1: nigger come over and be like you like annig like
Speaker 1: dark vaders. That's what this ship about to turn into. Shame.
Speaker 1: Put that motherfucking shot on my face. You got to
Speaker 1: go go to sleep first before them goddamn snores. Man,
Speaker 1: that ship can get you. Ain't gonna be able to sleep.
Speaker 1: I dropped thirty pounds. Maybe the snores will go away,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna see. I think, what the what the
Speaker 1: with a lot of men when they lose that weight
Speaker 1: off their chests like they do? Stop snoring snoring? Um,
Speaker 1: do you sleep in your back? I sleep on my stomach. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't sleep on my back. I feel like he
Speaker 1: was laying on your side and you was snoring like that.
Speaker 1: I was on my stomach, for sure. I used to
Speaker 1: be so afraid to sleep on my back. But it's
Speaker 1: like the most proper way to actually sleep. It used
Speaker 1: to remind me of laying in a coffin, So I
Speaker 1: would avoid sleeping on my back now and give a
Speaker 1: funk about dying. So I try to go to sleep
Speaker 1: on my back because it is like that's body is aligned. Yeah,
Speaker 1: who who body? My booty be making my back like
Speaker 1: it's a big space in between the top of my
Speaker 1: back and my blood. Like that makes it uncomfortable laying
Speaker 1: on my back. But your back don't be hurt. And
Speaker 1: when you sleep in your stomach, mind does Yeah, my
Speaker 1: ship hurt right now? Yeah, you gotta probably try sleeping
Speaker 1: on your back. You think it's gonna be like uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But what I do? I set my pillows up in
Speaker 1: a certain way and comfortable a pillow in the small
Speaker 1: of my back, trying to balance it, but so stepping
Speaker 1: aside with the pillow in between your legs like pregnant ladies.
Speaker 1: That keeps everything in line too. I don't see what
Speaker 1: we can do anyway. Commitment come next, y'all. Commitment is
Speaker 1: the third step in dating. So now, um, you guys
Speaker 1: have said, okay, we're just gonna be dating each other
Speaker 1: if it goes this way, we know, like in real relationships,
Speaker 1: So that's dating exclusively. Yes, so dating and then dating exclusively.
Speaker 1: So I went on like I was talking to a guy.
Speaker 1: We went on like one real day. He didn't live
Speaker 1: in my city, right, so um, he flew in. We
Speaker 1: went on the date. It was then, but he you know,
Speaker 1: he had potential to me, so I wanted to see
Speaker 1: him again. And he said that we needed to start
Speaker 1: dating exclusively at that point, and I was like, Uh,
Speaker 1: we've been on one day. I'm not ready to date
Speaker 1: you exclusively. And he was like, well, I don't want
Speaker 1: to date you if you're gonna be dating other people
Speaker 1: at the same time. M M. I felt like that
Speaker 1: was unfair. Well, I don't think that you can date
Speaker 1: with intent with and dating multiple people. How what we
Speaker 1: just said in the beginning it said the first thing
Speaker 1: we said was date multiple people at one time, right,
Speaker 1: But that's just regular datings. If you're actually trying to
Speaker 1: date with intent, how do you date multiple people with intent?
Speaker 1: I feel like that has to be done one person
Speaker 1: at a time. I attentually want to decide which niggas
Speaker 1: you I want. I haven't decided that you're the one
Speaker 1: that I want to date, but he decided that you
Speaker 1: were the one. Yeah. Yeah, you have to have a
Speaker 1: mutual agreement, like you can't one day we went on
Speaker 1: one day we live in a different city. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't decide I want to date you exclusively after one encounter, right,
Speaker 1: mm hmm. And y'all you don't know what the dick like. No,
Speaker 1: not even I don't even know what the dick like
Speaker 1: it it's too fast. You're moving too fast. Right, and
Speaker 1: then comes intimacy, so you know if we're going there
Speaker 1: the real steps this should be when sex comes in.
Speaker 1: I assume reality, intimacy, and commitment all go together. I
Speaker 1: don't know why that would be, Um, three different steps
Speaker 1: because um, in order to get to know somebody like realistically,
Speaker 1: you'd have to have those intimate conversations with them. Um.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but this is this is just a
Speaker 1: wicker online dating wiki how dot com um? And then
Speaker 1: engagement and then hopefully marriage is the steps. So five
Speaker 1: steps to dating. So now step right, I try to
Speaker 1: do like a realistic list. Okay, so again there's the
Speaker 1: initial attraction I can agree with, then sex, recording, couples, date, couple,
Speaker 1: a couple of days or whatever. It is, but I
Speaker 1: think that sex comes too early sometimes yeah um, And
Speaker 1: then that's when the lines get kind of blurred, all right,
Speaker 1: Like sex don't come early for me, no, more like
Speaker 1: it comes real late, and I think niggas get tired.
Speaker 1: The right one is gonna get tired. Though. That's why
Speaker 1: some women too, because I don't wait. And then i'd
Speaker 1: be like, like, that's why I didn't give you no now,
Speaker 1: because you don't have no patience. But that's why it's
Speaker 1: important to make men wait, because you know they come
Speaker 1: up what they represented it first, you don't meet the
Speaker 1: real yet until you after, after you don't have you know, sex,
Speaker 1: now it's like, oh this you nigga's like, damn, you
Speaker 1: was sucking the trash worker on the first night. Now
Speaker 1: I gotta wait, tiffany years ago. I want a different plane.
Speaker 1: I got hired standards now people are allowed to change.
Speaker 1: So then on my list, I have a situation ship.
Speaker 1: So you're in that stage for about a year, and
Speaker 1: this is when you're like, damn, are we together? Are
Speaker 1: we not together? I feel some type of way when
Speaker 1: he don't call me back or don't answer the phone,
Speaker 1: like it's just gray area that can last for a
Speaker 1: long time if you let it. And I think that
Speaker 1: if women don't pull themselves out of that area, a
Speaker 1: man will stay there as long as you let him
Speaker 1: his whole life. Yes, you better learn how to use
Speaker 1: your goddamn words masturbate before you go on your dates
Speaker 1: so you won't be so horny, right. I don't think
Speaker 1: a lot of women are. Um. I know one of
Speaker 1: my friends, Like, I remember the first time she she
Speaker 1: called me, she was like, bitch, I bought a vibrator, Like,
Speaker 1: why didn't nobody ever tell me? Like, some people just
Speaker 1: don't know that. Yeah, you could come for real, we
Speaker 1: have a real right and come to your senses exactly
Speaker 1: and go on your date and have a good night, like,
Speaker 1: and you're not, you know, hot and bothered the whole time.
Speaker 1: I feel like I have stole been hot and bothered.
Speaker 1: If I want to fuck you, I wanna fuck you.
Speaker 1: I don't give a damn if I just played with
Speaker 1: my pussy before I came my house. It was just
Speaker 1: a hold though, so it's different. I'm not a hole girl.
Speaker 1: I'm in a hole and over two decades to a
Speaker 1: decade and a half, I'm exaggerating with that over too,
Speaker 1: But a decade half even old enough to if you
Speaker 1: want to college your hole. All right, So after the
Speaker 1: situation ship for a while, then he may get to commitment. Right,
Speaker 1: even if somebody's still cheating, that's your man, now, that's
Speaker 1: your woman. Now people may still be doing a little whatever.
Speaker 1: But what does that look like? Because do you have
Speaker 1: a conversation, like, hey, we're together. Nobody has a real conversation.
Speaker 1: They just fall into weird together. I've never had a conversation.
Speaker 1: It's like I meet a nigga and we together. I've
Speaker 1: never actually had the conversation. That's why I be working
Speaker 1: a back. Let me tell you every relationship I was in,
Speaker 1: I've been given the ultimatum. That's how I ended up
Speaker 1: in the relationship. What are you a man? I know
Speaker 1: it swe to God, Swear to God God, because ain't
Speaker 1: a way. Every single relationship I was given like an
Speaker 1: ultimatum and like Tommy, I'm about to play with you
Speaker 1: no more man either, we're gonna be together. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: you get the ultimatum. Yeah, yo, this is God. Every
Speaker 1: time commitment is like you know, it's scary anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's scary if you know. For me, I've been always
Speaker 1: been a commitment for like, why do we need that?
Speaker 1: Why do we need to do that? Everything is fine
Speaker 1: how it is, you know, why do we have to
Speaker 1: this determined? Like what this is? It's good? Ain't you happy?
Speaker 1: I'm happy? Why we gotta put labels on it? That
Speaker 1: was me? Shame? That's a grown man, Okay. I don't
Speaker 1: like feeling confused. I don't like it. I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. Like, and I'm at a place
Speaker 1: now I'm not waiting in no situation ships for no
Speaker 1: long as fucking time. If I'm like, if I'm working
Speaker 1: with somebody now, like I don't have no expectations out there,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I'm still no I expect you
Speaker 1: to be exactly where you are right because you probably
Speaker 1: already did some ship for me to side eye to you,
Speaker 1: side eye you anyway. So now I'm looking forward to
Speaker 1: the next bullshit. But in the meantime, like I'll still say,
Speaker 1: especially if we have good times together, we're good friends
Speaker 1: and ships like that. But I can't have expectations for
Speaker 1: um a man who doesn't want kids, I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 1: I don't have any kids, but you do. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. Why do you still entertain them if you
Speaker 1: have no dictations at their point? Um, because it's like
Speaker 1: it's no pressure, it's no like. Maybe I don't want
Speaker 1: to be in a committed relationship right now, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I feel like if I get to
Speaker 1: that point to where I'm ready for that, then I
Speaker 1: would probably just be by myself. And that just means
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be having sex with anybody, because I mean
Speaker 1: the person having sex with. Like, we go out, we
Speaker 1: do things, but um, could we ever be in a
Speaker 1: committed relationship. I don't think so. No, No, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. We probably have different life paths
Speaker 1: at this point. Yeah, I want a boyfriend now, though
Speaker 1: I think I'm in a space where the nixt guy
Speaker 1: that I date seriously would not have to give me
Speaker 1: an ultimatum for a relationship, right growth. Look at there,
Speaker 1: because almost in her mid thirties, finally ready to get
Speaker 1: serious with a nigga. Shame, shame, shame, shame, all right, y'all.
Speaker 1: So after this break, I want to get into what
Speaker 1: black men dislike the most about dating, all right, And
Speaker 1: some of you ladies, this might be you. So this
Speaker 1: is from Essence You guys, an article about what black
Speaker 1: men dislike the most about dating. So a list a
Speaker 1: few things from um black men between the ages of
Speaker 1: like thirty five and forty, um, different walks of life essentially.
Speaker 1: So one of the things that black men don't like is, uh,
Speaker 1: women changing after becoming exclusive. So this guy says, don't
Speaker 1: change once we become exclusive. The dating period is a
Speaker 1: time for evaluation. It's a chance for us to get
Speaker 1: to know each other and decide whether or not we
Speaker 1: want to take the relationship to another level. If you
Speaker 1: were okay with me going out with my boys, pr
Speaker 1: periodically enjoyed physical fitness and cooking meals, and kept yourself
Speaker 1: well primped throughout the dating period, don't change those things
Speaker 1: once we become exclusive. I think that that's probably like
Speaker 1: one of the number one complaints for men is that
Speaker 1: women change after they actually get into the relationship. So
Speaker 1: they I feel like that's fair they changed too, though
Speaker 1: I don't think they recognize it. Everybody changes. Some men
Speaker 1: don't transition from single to in relationship, so they think
Speaker 1: they can still do the same things that they are
Speaker 1: supposed to change exactly. You know, So you want me
Speaker 1: to be you want me to be your wife or
Speaker 1: your homie, love a friend? Which one? Because that looks different?
Speaker 1: And then when a woman has the baby is hard
Speaker 1: to get that weight off. Don't judge your helper. Well,
Speaker 1: we didn't even talk about kids. We talk about the
Speaker 1: dating ships. But no, that happens. They're like physical fitness.
Speaker 1: Typically that's what they're you know, talking about when a woman,
Speaker 1: I don't think so I always gain relationship weight, like, yes,
Speaker 1: like laying up eating y'all eating out more. You have
Speaker 1: a partner to eat out with all the time, Like
Speaker 1: you start getting a little bit of that happy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it happens to women a lot. So we have to
Speaker 1: find a balance. Um. Usually we get fit after we
Speaker 1: get hurt. Yeah. In fact, like somebody get my body down.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what like, I don't my way.
Speaker 1: I don't know what my way. I can attribute it
Speaker 1: to just eating by myself dating, it's still dating. Um.
Speaker 1: The next thing, having expectations you don't meet yourself. Um.
Speaker 1: I get discouraged a lot when I hear women say
Speaker 1: what they are looking for but not truly meaning it.
Speaker 1: You want a business owner, you want a go getter,
Speaker 1: but upset when he is working to go get it.
Speaker 1: You want someone who is financial stable, but you're spending
Speaker 1: habits are terrible. Uh know that if you want a
Speaker 1: business owner, you may have to bring dinner to the
Speaker 1: office because true business owners work late hours. So you
Speaker 1: want this man who's getting to the bag, y'all get
Speaker 1: into the bag that looks different, you know, as oppos said, nigga,
Speaker 1: who I'm working on? Who's not working anywhere? Right? What
Speaker 1: do you really want? But we want to both. We
Speaker 1: want a man who got money and can be at
Speaker 1: home all the time. No, you don't want a man
Speaker 1: that could be at home all the time. You're gonna
Speaker 1: get sick of seeing. I'm like, you don't want it
Speaker 1: has to be not all the time. But you know,
Speaker 1: like when we want it, we want them there is
Speaker 1: that realistic. It's not, but that's what we want. But
Speaker 1: you have That's why you have to have some business
Speaker 1: about yourself. Then that way you're not concerned about what
Speaker 1: he's doing all day long with his time. You guys
Speaker 1: ship to do too, and then when we all come together,
Speaker 1: everything is copasthetic. Right. Um, next thing having parameters around sex,
Speaker 1: especially if you want it two. Uh, that one's kind
Speaker 1: of sketchy, because what do I mean by parameters around sex?
Speaker 1: So it says secould not be a reward and in
Speaker 1: a relationship, this is what the guy says. Um not
Speaker 1: saying that if you're not in the mood, it isn't valid.
Speaker 1: It is. However, if it's a simple argument or misunderstanding
Speaker 1: that you know it's not a deal breaker. Don't lay
Speaker 1: on the other side of the bed or in another
Speaker 1: room when you know sex is nothing, when you know
Speaker 1: that sex has nothing to do with the issue. I
Speaker 1: gotta be happy to have sex. Yeah, I'm gonna want
Speaker 1: to have sex with you if I'm manage you know,
Speaker 1: I gotta be happy to have sex. Otherwise it feels
Speaker 1: like rape. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel. Eventually,
Speaker 1: I'm not there, Like my pussy is not gonna work.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna work, and I just don't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: just doing it because you gonna do You ain't gonna
Speaker 1: one none of my pussy if I'm mad, because it's
Speaker 1: not gonna be good. Hurry up, hurry up, Lucas, just
Speaker 1: looking like that's how I sound. Do that sound good?
Speaker 1: You're gonna go down quick? Hurry Just pushing my leg
Speaker 1: over like mad, get out the bed like they still
Speaker 1: they'll still get it though they still take it. That's terrible.
Speaker 1: That is terrible. Why would you want it? Hurry y'all?
Speaker 1: Pull your dick out. You know my fucking nerves. Here's
Speaker 1: a big one, y'all. And this is a lot of
Speaker 1: women's issues, not mine because I don't do the social
Speaker 1: media ship like that, But letting social media control your
Speaker 1: expectations posting, you gotta post your relationship, you gotta post
Speaker 1: every place, y'all go like you're letting social media solidify
Speaker 1: your relationship with your partner. That ship is very dangerous.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that is stupid too. Yeah, so men have
Speaker 1: a problem with that. Um, this guy says, I hate
Speaker 1: the constant need to be seen and trying to live
Speaker 1: up to celebrity relationships instead of building one. I understand
Speaker 1: that everyone wants to be noticed, but I feel as
Speaker 1: though women have taken that to another level with social
Speaker 1: media being your biggest influences and my relationships, I never
Speaker 1: I've only had like one like public relationship like on
Speaker 1: social Well, I'll say too, but I never initiated like
Speaker 1: the posting and stuff like that, Like if they started it,
Speaker 1: I might post a picture too. Um. I got off
Speaker 1: of social media in two twelve because my ex started
Speaker 1: the posting ship right, and then he took all just
Speaker 1: abruptly took all our ship off of his social media.
Speaker 1: So I was like, what the funk you got going
Speaker 1: on mind? You only had like a couple of ship
Speaker 1: posted on mind, So I'm like, what is your Why
Speaker 1: are you deleting memories from your social media? What's up
Speaker 1: with that? Just don't post no more? So mine would
Speaker 1: be the exact opposite, would be like we together, but
Speaker 1: you only posting pictures of you like we're not together? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so why this is my social media about me? That's
Speaker 1: what you were saying. I mean, I never got into
Speaker 1: that because I don't like people in my business like that.
Speaker 1: That's what I don't like either, Like together, why do it?
Speaker 1: Why do everybody need to see it? Right? We're together?
Speaker 1: If they see its outside, they see yourseluftside, right, guys?
Speaker 1: Was to assume I would be just trying to make
Speaker 1: myself more available to other men because I didn't post
Speaker 1: them like that. I feel like they're trying to use
Speaker 1: your social media for their promotion, Like I felt like
Speaker 1: that in a relationship like, why are you pressing me
Speaker 1: to post you on my page? You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You barely have anything of me on your page. That's
Speaker 1: in that's a different relationship, but the original one where
Speaker 1: there was like a lot of posting and ship like that.
Speaker 1: Once he deleted all those pictures off his social media,
Speaker 1: and I like, I started deleting pictures off mine and
Speaker 1: it should hurt my feeling so bad to delete the pictures.
Speaker 1: I just deleted social media, Like, I don't even want
Speaker 1: to be on social media. Now you can have it, nigga,
Speaker 1: do what you want to do online. Line, I'm not online,
Speaker 1: so you don't gotta worry about me. I'm not posted.
Speaker 1: Was gonna be in my wed and dress, right, I
Speaker 1: posted today we got married. That's only right. That's only
Speaker 1: right because essentially you're single until you get married. Man.
Speaker 1: Anything can happen in between time. Yep. Um. So the
Speaker 1: next is dependency without support. This is this is ah,
Speaker 1: this is a good one. So this guy says, I
Speaker 1: believe my biggest complaint would be dependency displayed by women. Updated. Traditionally,
Speaker 1: men assume the role of the provider, although that that
Speaker 1: isn't an issued It becomes one when I become a
Speaker 1: sole provider for a relationship only for purposes of living
Speaker 1: two expectations of social media. This includes lavish vacations, expensive dinners,
Speaker 1: and other things they like to pose for the world
Speaker 1: to enjoy. That end of itself is not a problem. However,
Speaker 1: if it's expected for us to live this lifestyle, plan
Speaker 1: to support me and see how you can help so
Speaker 1: we can feel like we've arrived together. So that's that
Speaker 1: was kind of sad to me. So it says dependency
Speaker 1: without support. So now you're dependent on this man to
Speaker 1: do all these things. But what are you doing to
Speaker 1: support the relationship? What are you what are you doing
Speaker 1: um to support your goals? Right, everything can't be on
Speaker 1: the man. I feel like that could be women, that's fair.
Speaker 1: I don't receive that. I don't feel like I go
Speaker 1: into relationships like codependent. Yeah me me, me, me, give me,
Speaker 1: give me, give me right. But I am that kind
Speaker 1: of way when it comes to affection, Like I'm clingy
Speaker 1: that that run niggas off too, get off me. I
Speaker 1: like intimacy more than sex, like I just want to
Speaker 1: make touch on each other. Let's watch the six nineteen
Speaker 1: Projects Club. It on the couch, you know, Yeah, ain't
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. Ain't nothing wrong with that? Um.
Speaker 1: I guess dating is different for everybody. M is this
Speaker 1: episode is about essentially, it just looks different. It's not
Speaker 1: no one set uh definition of dating. But women, we
Speaker 1: definitely have to start putting the expectation out there before
Speaker 1: having sex if you're actually dating with intent, And we
Speaker 1: didn't even get to that, um, because it's it's about
Speaker 1: knowing yourself first, if you're actually dating with intent, knowing
Speaker 1: what you want, what you want out of out of
Speaker 1: a relationship, with goals, things like that, instead of just
Speaker 1: jumping off a ledge and dating a bunch of niggas
Speaker 1: and and men. Also, if you're dating with intent, you
Speaker 1: won't be complaining about dates and how much they cost
Speaker 1: in your budget for him, because you'll have you would
Speaker 1: have selected like one or two women that you don't
Speaker 1: mind being what you're gonna eat anyway, right, And you
Speaker 1: won't feel slighted because I think a lot of times
Speaker 1: often times men feel slighter because they spend so much
Speaker 1: money on a date and the outcome doesn't go exactly
Speaker 1: how they intended. Yeah, because they should get a prostitute
Speaker 1: instead of trying to get regularly. Yes, stop thinking that
Speaker 1: your girl owe you some cooch, because y'all you took
Speaker 1: you spend a couple of dollars on a date. That's
Speaker 1: so dumb. Yeah, and that's why they'd be mad instead
Speaker 1: of dating with uh intentions and actually dating people you
Speaker 1: like and who like you and who already want to
Speaker 1: fuck you after the date. Right, you are basically we
Speaker 1: gotta pay for a dinner with pussy and you're paying
Speaker 1: with money. That's basically what's happening. That's not an even exchange.
Speaker 1: It's just not so you could just get a hole,
Speaker 1: pay her and you don't gotta worry about none of this. Ship.
Speaker 1: But y'all want where do you find holes at now? Though?
Speaker 1: Like what is the form they aline too? What you
Speaker 1: talking about? But I mean, like the type of holes
Speaker 1: that you can just pay to have sex. We had
Speaker 1: one on the show before. Like they are on social media,
Speaker 1: they are on only fans like it's the same holes.
Speaker 1: Instagram is a whole horrid x. It's somebody out there
Speaker 1: that's gonna bust it open. But that's that's not what
Speaker 1: they want. Men don't like to feel like they're paying
Speaker 1: directly for couci. A lot of them they want to
Speaker 1: They still want to do it like indirectly, discreetly because
Speaker 1: they don't want to feel like they have to pay
Speaker 1: for it. You know, Yeah, they don't want to feel
Speaker 1: like they get like they're tricking. But I mean, essentially
Speaker 1: that's what it is. So the same way I understand
Speaker 1: men men are concerned about their wallet, the same way
Speaker 1: we're concerned about a man taking advantage of us sexually. Right,
Speaker 1: it's understandable, make better choices, make better dating choices, no
Speaker 1: more pussy mismanagement or you know, you could do what
Speaker 1: you want to do, but you have to understand, like
Speaker 1: the outcome might be a little bit different. If you
Speaker 1: actually want to be in a relationship with a man
Speaker 1: and your goal is to be married, you need to
Speaker 1: state that early and soon. You know, usually on the
Speaker 1: first date, first date, even if you're dating multiple men.
Speaker 1: First date. You also don't want to come off as
Speaker 1: you can't be concerned about how you look into somebody
Speaker 1: because the right person is going to receive it. The
Speaker 1: saint that exactly what you're saying. It It's true, what's thirsty.
Speaker 1: I want to be married in a year. I want
Speaker 1: to be married in two years. How is that thirsty? No,
Speaker 1: not that, but I mean I'm just saying, if you
Speaker 1: go on and on and on about it, it will
Speaker 1: scare in the golf And nobody's saying on and on
Speaker 1: and on about it. See. The thing is you've been
Speaker 1: thinking like, no, that's That's what I'm just saying. You're
Speaker 1: thinking like, oh this bitch and agamy like that's how
Speaker 1: you're thinking. Like the right man who's ready for marriage,
Speaker 1: he'll receive it the way you're saying it, not on
Speaker 1: and on and on. But yeah, that's state you're tensions.
Speaker 1: But don't go crazy with it, That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1: How does that look going crazy with it? If you
Speaker 1: get in there talking about like you already picked water
Speaker 1: colors and you know what your winter dress, they're realistic,
Speaker 1: Come on me like that. But just be out here
Speaker 1: like that. I've been wondering. I got a scrap book
Speaker 1: from when I was five. I brought it with me.
Speaker 1: Do you like these colors? That does not happen in
Speaker 1: real life, But just put your expectations out there so
Speaker 1: there's no confusion, you know what I'm saying, Because girl,
Speaker 1: it will still be some fucking confusion a man? A
Speaker 1: man don't know you ready for marriage and still play
Speaker 1: with you? Are you playing with yourself? Well, I ain't
Speaker 1: ready for that, but still dating you knowing that you're
Speaker 1: not ready. And see, this is why I do reverse
Speaker 1: psychology on them the same way. You can tell me
Speaker 1: what you're not ready for and you continue to work
Speaker 1: with me. Well, I continue to work with you, right,
Speaker 1: and I'm telling you this is what I want and
Speaker 1: you continue to funk with me. How is the onus
Speaker 1: only on me at the end of the day. Oh,
Speaker 1: you knew what it was, nigga? So did you? You
Speaker 1: knew what it was? You knew I wanted a baby.
Speaker 1: You knew I wanted a relationship? Why is it only
Speaker 1: on me? Right? Don't let these niggas handle you all, ladies,
Speaker 1: don't do what told you all. I want that. I
Speaker 1: told you I did period, and you stayed right, So
Speaker 1: clearly I wanted to, clearly wanted. And you've been coming
Speaker 1: to me so clearly wanted. You're the pappy. You're not
Speaker 1: coming to me though, because I'm using a condom. I'm
Speaker 1: watching my ovulation every time, All right, y'all, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I hope this is helpful for dating and summer games.
Speaker 1: I really hope this is helpful. Make better choices, ladies
Speaker 1: and gents, and hopefully we'll have our marriages. A lot
Speaker 1: of breakups during during the pandemic, but maybe people will
Speaker 1: start getting married again. I thought Gucci, Maine and Keisha
Speaker 1: was gonna like up the marriage rating for black people,
Speaker 1: but it didn't work. I don't think it's gonna work
Speaker 1: like that, not when you still got future doing numbers.
Speaker 1: I'm future at heart a little bit. I'd be giving
Speaker 1: future hard time, but I could be future sometimes. I
Speaker 1: understand now I don't think our future never mind, let's
Speaker 1: just do it. Wait before we go. It is February.
Speaker 1: It is Black History Month. It's Black history all year long,
Speaker 1: but in the month of February, we love to observe
Speaker 1: and celebrate our black batties who talked back. And for
Speaker 1: this week, I have to start with Diane Nash. Of
Speaker 1: many accomplishments Nash has made in her lifelong commitment to
Speaker 1: civil rights activism, her most famous contributions include her work
Speaker 1: organizing and leading freedom rides and sit ins. Nash, who
Speaker 1: was born in Chicago, got involved with the civil rights
Speaker 1: movement when she enrolled at Fisk University in Nashville, Tennessee,
Speaker 1: in nineteen fifty nine. In April nineteen sixty she helped
Speaker 1: found the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committing Nash also coordinated the
Speaker 1: Nashville Student Movement Ride, which was part of the Freedom
Speaker 1: Rides in nineteen sixty one. Coordinating between her fellow students,
Speaker 1: the media, and the Department of Justice. She engaged in
Speaker 1: sittings herself, even spending time in jail in February nineteen
Speaker 1: sixty one in solidarity with the Little Rock Nine. Now,
Speaker 1: if you don't know who that is, you need to
Speaker 1: get your ass up in Google is Free. But anyway,
Speaker 1: they're nine students that were imprisoned after a sitting in
Speaker 1: rock Hill, South Carolina. Nash also coordinated the Nashville Student
Speaker 1: Movement Ride, was part of the Freedom Rides in nineteen
Speaker 1: sixty one. Coordinating between her fellow students, the media, and
Speaker 1: the Department of Justice. She engaged in sentence herself, even
Speaker 1: spending time in jail in February nineteen sixty one in
Speaker 1: solidarity with the rock Hill Nine, nine students that were
Speaker 1: imprisoned after a sitting. Nash also played a crucial role
Speaker 1: in the desegregation campaign in Birmingham in nineteen sixty three.
Speaker 1: She also received a Rosa Parks Award from the s
Speaker 1: c ELSE along with her husband in nineteen sixty Diane Nash,
Speaker 1: we salute you girl. You are a batty who talks back.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your contribution. If you enjoyed
Speaker 1: this episode, please tune in every Thursday on the I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Apple wherever the fun you get your podcast at.
Speaker 1: This is your co host a J Holiday, y'all. Follow
Speaker 1: me on Instagram. It's AJA holiday to point oh because
Speaker 1: I'm white bitch took my AJ holiday, y'all. I'm official
Speaker 1: tam Bam on Instagram, y'all for all of me. I
Speaker 1: love y'all. Thank you apportuning in and we will see
Speaker 1: you next week. God willing. Remember to speak now and
Speaker 1: never hold your peace doing yah