1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: This is the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 1: with her radio Wow Ashley. It is nine thirty at 3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 1: night where I'm at in Orlando, Florida. I'm here for 4 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: the Dim Resorts Golf tournament, and we felt like it 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: was time to have a special almost famous podcast with 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,959 Speaker 1: the huge Bachelor news that came up this week. Yep, 7 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 1: so Claire and Dale broke up. And if you guys 8 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,040 Speaker 1: are looking at the post on social media, doesn't seem 9 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: like anybody is surprised. That is kind of sad to say, 10 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,480 Speaker 1: but I would say that there's been signs. Last week 11 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: we were talking about how there was a report that 12 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: there was some tension going on, because actually it wasn't 13 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: even last week. It was a couple of days ago. Um. 14 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: She was holding her mom's hand, talking about how it 15 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,200 Speaker 1: was an emotional day. She wasn't showing off her wedding ring. 16 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: Claire and Dale hadn't been up, hadn't been seen together 17 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: on social media for I guess a little over a week. 18 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: And Dale had also posted a Bible passage, so people 19 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 1: were just thinking that they were going through a rough 20 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: time at the same time. So it put up red 21 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 1: flags for the fandom. And just yesterday they confirmed that 22 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: they broke up. It was kind of interesting the way 23 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 1: it unraveled though. So first there was a report from 24 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 1: E News that Claire and Dale were taking time apart. 25 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: They said that they've been fighting a lot recently, that 26 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: the main disagreement was over lifestyle differences, lifestyle preferences, and 27 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: that Dale wanted to live in a lively, big city 28 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: focus on his career and Claire wanted to stay in 29 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: Sacramento and helped take care of for mom. Bottom line 30 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: is it was very tense between them. Um. And then 31 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: there was also an insider who said that Dale felt 32 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: like he was rushing into something that he was unsure 33 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: about that were still trying it to know each other, 34 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: figuring it all out. So the whole BottomLine, like earlier 35 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: in the day, was that taking some time apart was 36 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: the theme. But it wasn't that long after that report 37 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 1: came out that Dale posted a breakup announcement and this 38 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: was not a time apart type situation that he was 39 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: a painting a picture of. He was telling everybody it's 40 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: done now. Ben. My theory on this. My theory on 41 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: this is that Claire and Dale felt like they needed 42 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: to acknowledge all the rumors. So they put out or 43 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: she put out, this is just speculation that they were 44 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:42,839 Speaker 1: taking time apart, and she in her head was thinking, maybe, um, 45 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: we can reconcile, maybe we can figure this out. I 46 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: don't want to announce anything like a definitive breakup yet. 47 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: And then I think that that Dale was like, I'm 48 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: over it. No, this is a breakup. This isn't time apart, 49 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: And that's why he went on Instagram and just addressed 50 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: it himself. I hope not like, I really hope that's 51 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: not how that's played out. So there's a lot to 52 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: uncover here. Obviously, we have a whole podcast to talk 53 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: about it. Actually, just gave you the headlines and everything 54 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 1: going on. Actually, I wanted to dissect a little bit 55 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,519 Speaker 1: of what you said. One of the things is you 56 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: kind of started out by saying, it doesn't seem like 57 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: many people were surprised by this. Well, I think there's 58 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,639 Speaker 1: a few reasons for that, right. One is, the rumors 59 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: have been swirling for the last week and a half 60 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: that something was going on, right, so like the surprise 61 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: had been taken away. I know when you and I 62 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: first saw the headlines, Uh, that there is trouble and paradise. 63 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,119 Speaker 1: We both in a sense of this mystic, like there's 64 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: always these type of rumors with bachelor couples. And then second, 65 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 1: as they continued and we started to read why people 66 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: were assuming this, we were shocked at first as well. 67 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: But the shock we're off when it just kept happed, 68 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: like when the headline just kept coming out every day 69 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: that something was going on. So that's one reason why 70 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: I don't think it was shocked. The second reason is 71 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: obviously the storeline that this couple has with fascination. We've 72 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: never seen anything like this before. You know, they came 73 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: on a show. A few weeks later, they leave together. 74 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: Like when they left together, our hope as somebody that 75 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 1: like Claire a lot, was like, Hey, I hope she's 76 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: throwing all of rigs into this basket because she knows 77 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: that's the right thing. That's why I then, and I 78 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: want to throw it to you for a second. That's 79 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: why Then when the comment is made, uh that somebody 80 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: said Dale felt like they're rushing into something, Well, yes, 81 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,680 Speaker 1: but he agreed to that, Like you know what, he 82 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: knew where Claire was at, he knew where she stood, 83 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: She knew her where her intentions were. He knew that 84 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: by her saying, Dale, if you're into this thing, like 85 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: we're going to leave together, Like he knew the risk 86 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: that she was taking and so like did he just 87 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: not like a what? Like why now is he gonna 88 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 1: over rushing? Like back then there rushing. I feel like 89 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: I'm going to say something that I don't know for sure, 90 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 1: but I think that a lot of people listening will 91 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: agree with me on I feel like there are a 92 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 1: lot of signs from the start. Then he was in 93 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: it for the fame and his Instagram. It was a 94 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: little bit worrisome early on, just like the vibes you 95 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:13,919 Speaker 1: got from it just seemed like a guy who like 96 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: wanted the limelight, right, And I think, if I'm going 97 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: to be super honest, there were a lot of signs 98 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,039 Speaker 1: during that sit down with Chris Harrison, like I really 99 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: didn't want to believe it, and especially when I was 100 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: watching her four weeks of the episodes, I was like, yeah, 101 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: like I'm into it. I'm just gonna like try not 102 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: to be so cautious because this is a little bit bizarre, 103 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: you know, Like I don't think love at first sight 104 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: is bizarre, but like I do think that it was 105 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: an unconventional way of like going through your season and 106 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,479 Speaker 1: leaving really and not really like getting to know the 107 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: guy completely. But I get it. I get it. I 108 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: totally get it. And you guys know, like how many 109 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 1: times I explained like how you were Actually I was 110 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: like drawing fully, Yeah, exactly, I was, but not at first. 111 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: You You Dale won you over because you finally said, 112 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 1: I'm gonna shoot, like, I'm liking him because of the 113 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 1: way he's speaking to Claire and the way he's reaffirming 114 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 1: Claire and the way that he's processing like the quick 115 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,359 Speaker 1: movement of this relationship. You won his team because you 116 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,280 Speaker 1: thought he had Claire's best interest in Yeah. So, like 117 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,119 Speaker 1: I was really hesitant at first, and then I was like, Okay, 118 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: I'm just going to be who I am truly, which 119 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: is the internal optimist. And then and I bought it, 120 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: Like I was totally like all in felt it felt 121 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: felt it until that sit down with Chris Harrison, and 122 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: I just thought there was like a lot of bi 123 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,599 Speaker 1: language things, like I just felt like he was like 124 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: trying to he was forcing a smile. I think when 125 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: she said babies, it's wild that stood out like everyone 126 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: everyone so clearly like yes it's TV, and yes we 127 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: watch this and a lot of times like did it 128 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: really happen that way? But live TV doesn't lie. And 129 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: when we all saw that, we went something's wrong here, Yeah, 130 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: we all did. And like I think some of us 131 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 1: try to laugh it off, be like, oh my god, 132 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: she went straight for the babies and he said marriage. 133 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: But if you rewatch that clip like I did this week, 134 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 1: it's like all over his face that he's kind of like, 135 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 1: oh God, what have I gotten myself into? I wonder 136 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: if that's a moment to hit like one of the 137 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: moments to hit him, But you know, it's what Okay, 138 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: So if you know that your opinion, um, what you're 139 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: intelli to is like hey, using it for the fame, 140 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 1: I wouldn't disagree with you. I think, like a lot 141 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: of people are. I think he came onto this excited. 142 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: I mean his Instagram profile said that he wanted to 143 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: be a host. Is that the career now? Like you 144 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: think he's focusing on do we know, like is that 145 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: kind of is the modeling and hosting the career path 146 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: he's going down? And he was maybe at first going 147 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: on the show, like a lot of people do to say, hey, 148 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: this is going to help that career, and now he 149 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 1: found himself in a relationship and now he's like, well, crap, 150 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do, which just like, seriously, 151 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: no shame to that. Like I've been very honest that, 152 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: like I had those sorts of intentions as well going 153 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: on the show. But I also, like I've said a 154 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: ba jillion times, I knew that my number one priority 155 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: in life was finding love, was having a family and 156 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: all that, and Claire just made it so clear that 157 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: like marriage and children were her priority in this that 158 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 1: I think it was a little bit I don't know 159 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 1: what the right word is, Well, certainly unfortunate that I 160 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: don't think that Dale was ready for that. And I 161 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: say that because that is one of the things that 162 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: the insiders are saying. I don't even know if it's 163 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 1: an insider. I think it actually might be Dale himself, 164 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 1: um who says that he just isn't ready for kids 165 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: in marriage right now, which is fine, But then you 166 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,680 Speaker 1: don't go on Claire Crawleys season. You don't do that. 167 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: You can go on you can you could go on 168 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 1: somebody else's season and then be like okay, and then 169 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,079 Speaker 1: we're gonna we're gonna date and we're gonna be engaged 170 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: and we're gonna enjoy that for like two years. But 171 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: you know that Claire wanted that immediately and definitely. Well, actually, uh, 172 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: let's take a break here. When we came back, I 173 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: want to talk to you about some headlines leading up to, 174 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,079 Speaker 1: you know, their breakup that confused me and I need 175 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: your clarity on we'll be back with the almost furna 176 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: this podcast. All right, Ashley, I don't think it was 177 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 1: any more than a week here, maybe two episodes ago 178 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: that we had read a headline that Dale had gone 179 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: onto the bachelorette. He was obviously asked on, but he 180 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: only went on because Claire Crawley was the bachelorette, like 181 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 1: and he and this obviously was a recent article. So 182 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: he was speaking about this and and saying it with 183 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,440 Speaker 1: you know, positive with positive words about Claire not more 184 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 1: than two weeks ago. So do you think this breakup 185 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: kind of like when do you think it ended? Um? 186 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: Because I remember the headline that came out this said 187 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,079 Speaker 1: he only went on this season for Claire also was 188 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: kind of coming out alongside the headlines that were saying, hey, there, 189 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: this isn't going well for Dale and Claire. Okay, I 190 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: actually feel like some sort of back alleyway I know 191 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: when it happened, because you know that beach house that 192 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: they spent some time at a couple of weeks ago, 193 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 1: maybe like a month or so ago, it's called it's 194 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: called Lahoya Beach House. Um, well, they reached out to 195 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 1: us to see if we wanted to have a little 196 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: stay there as well. So I was going back and 197 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: forth with the owner and they were like, Claire and 198 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: Dale are right are there right now? Um, they just 199 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:46,320 Speaker 1: can't get enough of it there. And that was a 200 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 1: week ago, last Friday, So that was like okay, so 201 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 1: maybe almost two weeks ago. Okay, So I feel like 202 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: that was I'm totally speculating here, but that really aligns 203 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,199 Speaker 1: with the meaning at those Instagram posts. So I think 204 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 1: that that was like their last trip together, like the 205 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: last extended period of time I had together. Yeah. Well, uh, 206 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 1: I mean, I know there's there's a lot of speculation 207 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 1: going on here, and I know having a kind of 208 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: like a rush podcast about a breakup seems and sensitive. 209 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: But let's stop here and just say, like we're just 210 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: trying to talk about something it's obviously bigger in Bachelor Nation. 211 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: And really this whole podcast is to go through a 212 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: lot of the recent breakups and bachelation because there has 213 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: been a tome quarantine has been hard on people, and 214 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:40,679 Speaker 1: it's it's left some couples kind of looking for answers. Uh, 215 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: breakup suck, um, and they really suck when you're there. 216 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: They're talked about publicly, but they're gonna be talked about 217 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: publicly as part of going on the show. We're invested 218 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: into the love stories of these couples. Uh. I do 219 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,320 Speaker 1: want to stop here though and say, Ashley, I really 220 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:02,679 Speaker 1: feel for Claire just so much, Like she really wanted 221 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 1: this opportunity. We've been always speak to her privately a 222 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: few months back, and like being the Bachelor was a 223 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: big deal to her. She was very excited for it. Um, 224 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: she thought this was her chance that love. Remember Chris 225 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 1: Harrison telling her like this big chance that love, and 226 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: she felt like she got that second opportunity. And now 227 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 1: she finds herself it sounds like single again. Um. I 228 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,839 Speaker 1: mean it just sucks. Like it's just hard to it's 229 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,679 Speaker 1: hard to process. Yeah, it's just hard to process. Where 230 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: Claire is sitting, because we all know Claire was very 231 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: invested in this. Where does this leave Claire? Actually, you 232 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: know Claire fairly well, Like what where does this leave her? Um? 233 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: I mean, I just hope that she finds somebody like 234 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: right away and it's a big laughing the in Dale's face, 235 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 1: because she'll end up getting her happily ever after. And 236 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: maybe if it's like the way that you did, maybe 237 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: this guy sees her on the show, or like she's 238 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 1: led to this person because of her involvement in the show. 239 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,000 Speaker 1: I don't know, And I just want to clarify what 240 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: I said earlier about Dale not being ready for marriage 241 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: and kids. That was from the source. Um, he's the 242 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,800 Speaker 1: source says he did have feelings for Claire, but just 243 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 1: wasn't on the same page as her. He was hoping 244 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: it would grow, um and he would come around to this, 245 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: but just no, Well it's heartbreaking. Ben. Do you remember 246 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,319 Speaker 1: how excited I was, like so so excited when Claire 247 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,439 Speaker 1: was announced as the bachelorette, And I was like, nobody 248 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: is more deserving than this, And I hate using that 249 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: we're deserving in this situation because I think everybody truly 250 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: deserves love. But everything that she went through and like 251 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: the way she carries herself, I just really felt like 252 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 1: it was her time. Well, her time might not be up, 253 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,719 Speaker 1: actually be as there's a recent turn of events. Uh, 254 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: Dispatch nations very Spencer Robinson, if you remember, I think 255 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: he received as like first impression resume. We've never really 256 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: heard from him again. Um, he has already shot his 257 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: shot with Clear on Instagram publicly. Is it too soon 258 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: to do that? It's not too soon for Spencer to 259 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: do that, That's cute. It would be too soon for 260 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: Claire to accept via Twitter or Instagram? Okay, what do 261 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: you Yeah? You agree? Yeah, I mean we've we've talked 262 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: about any times on the podcast. How soon is too soon? 263 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if you can answer that, Like, I 264 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 1: don't know if there is a good answer. We've asked everybody. Um, 265 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 1: it's whenever Claire feels like she's ready. And but yes, 266 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: Spencer has reached out to her. Um, he's obviously interested. Uh. 267 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: You know, I think we could probably assume that he 268 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: went on to the season expecting Claire to be the 269 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: bachelor at Yeah, so he you know, we know he 270 00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: has intrigued there. Uh not against it. I'm glad he 271 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: kind of did it. Maybe a little too soon for him, 272 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 1: like maybe he should have just take a step back 273 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: if he's really interested in this and said, Okay, let 274 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: me give her some time to heal. But then again, 275 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 1: like what if she is to find somebody, you know, 276 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 1: Prince Charming in the corner, he would miss a shot. 277 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: So hey, I can't hate the guy for it. Um Now, 278 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: Ashley to kind of close this thought about Dale and Claire, uh, 279 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: we we have heard that they're trying to work through this. 280 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: This is came in from a couple of sources that yes, 281 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: they're taking time apart. Yes they you know this isn't 282 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: going well, but they are trying to work through it. 283 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: Do you believe they're working through it? Do you believe 284 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: the Claire and Dale story is over? If you had 285 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: to guess, no, I think it's over. I think that's 286 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 1: why he put kind of like the bullet through it 287 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: yesterday when he posted that Instagram, because she hasn't said 288 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: anything yet, so I think he was like, this is over. 289 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 1: Don't want anybody to think that there's hope. And I 290 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: think it's so sad, Like it's so sad. I know, like, 291 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: there were just so many breakups this year that we'll 292 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: go into. But like this one deaf when really ranks 293 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: as far as the heart ranch goes, it really does 294 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 1: what it has actually just mentioned. There has been a 295 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: couple of breakups in Bachelor Nation this year. Some hurt 296 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: really bad. Most of them hurt really bad. Breakups just 297 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 1: hurt in every way. Uh, we're gonna talk about all 298 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: these breakups kind of run through the list. Um and 299 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: when we come back with almost Fanas podcast, Well we're back. 300 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about the breakups this uh, well within 301 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 1: the last like twelve months in Bachelor Nation. Uh. This 302 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: list is surprising because there's a lot of people here 303 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: we know, we love. Uh, it's just not ideal. And 304 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: obviously with the recent news of Dale and Claire, which 305 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: is huge news and Bachelor Nation, it's a it's a 306 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: lead and and their partner breaking up. We have to 307 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: talk about it this week because we didn't get to 308 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 1: it on the last episode this week because it hadn't 309 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: happened yet. Well, Ashley, let me read through this list. 310 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,640 Speaker 1: There's another big breakup that was announced and this one, 311 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,119 Speaker 1: this one really hurts too. It's Brees styles and Chris 312 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: Watson announced their breakup in January. This January, I mean 313 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: that one's really hard. They're they're from Listen to Your Heart. 314 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:24,440 Speaker 1: That one sucks. And then um, JP and Ashley obviously 315 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:30,359 Speaker 1: that was the one that shocked that donation. The next 316 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: one is one that I know you have a heart 317 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 1: tied to Carly and Evan. Yeah. Um, Crystal and Chris, 318 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: Now that's one that's like really was hard to hear. 319 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 1: You know. We like when it happened, We're like, man, 320 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: we were there at the wedding, We're excited for them. 321 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 1: But then it looks like Crystal has like found her 322 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 1: perfect match, and so what do you do? Do you sell? 323 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: You know, it was hard at first, but now we 324 00:17:54,280 --> 00:18:00,400 Speaker 1: celebrate her. Um. Becca and Garrett, Now that's one, Yeah 325 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,400 Speaker 1: that like, you know, I was with him on a 326 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,840 Speaker 1: bus and there was no signs at the time. I 327 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,879 Speaker 1: could have never told you that. And then it ended 328 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,199 Speaker 1: and they've both got their separate ways. Garrett, you know, 329 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: I think it's still dating the girl that he moved 330 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: on to after Becca. Becca's in l A. Now, Um, 331 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,199 Speaker 1: that one was wild. And then Peter and Kelly, Uh, 332 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: that one, I would say it feels most like Clarendale. 333 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: It was like, what's really going on here? This seems wild, 334 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,680 Speaker 1: this seems crazy. Nobody can keep up with it. So like, 335 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: but I mean, that's a wild list. And and the 336 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 1: one that I don't want to dismiss and I want 337 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,119 Speaker 1: to hear your thoughts on is the one Breathe and 338 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,840 Speaker 1: Chris from Listen to Your Heart. I mean I watched 339 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,439 Speaker 1: that show for the podcast, and not a lot of 340 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,800 Speaker 1: people in Batchel Nation watched that show, but we watched 341 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 1: that show because we covered it. And that was a 342 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: couple that you're like, this is magical, Like this this 343 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 1: show is gonna work for at least one couple and 344 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: it's all been worth it. That one's tough. Yeah. I 345 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,919 Speaker 1: felt it between them too. I guess I feel like 346 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: for them, it like probably was a distance thing. I 347 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: just don't know if they ever really like decided to 348 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 1: move closer to each other. But then you know, there's 349 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: the age old. If you really need to be with somebody, 350 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 1: you figure that out. So they probably weren't meant to be. Yeah, Well, 351 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 1: a lot of breakups and Batchel Nation this year. Hey, 352 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: somebody's been there. I'm sorry. This sucks. It's not fun. 353 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 1: It's not fun to have to listen to a podcast 354 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: that people talk about it. It's not fun to see 355 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: that on TV. But I mean, it is what you 356 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 1: sign up for. Um. You know you sign up to 357 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 1: find love. You also sign up for with the risk 358 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: that that love is gonna work and that everybody is 359 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: going to talk about your breakup. And here's the truth. Um, 360 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: the hope I guess, because I know from my experience too, 361 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 1: is uh that you're better for it, that you find 362 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: the love of your life. That Claire finds love of 363 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 1: for life. We want Dale to find that as well, 364 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,439 Speaker 1: and all these other couples that we just talked about. Um, 365 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 1: but until you can do that, there is some grieving 366 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: that's going to take place, I know from experience. In 367 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,960 Speaker 1: and in just a second, we're gonna have one of 368 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 1: our favorite guests, Dr Hillary Goldscher. She came on to 369 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 1: a past episode just a few months ago. She is 370 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 1: a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in Beverly 371 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: Hills and specializes in treatment of couples, relationships, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, 372 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: and eating disorders. We're going to just dig into what 373 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: it's like to go through a breakup how do you 374 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 1: process best, and then how do you speak to somebody? 375 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 1: I think, um, who is within that trauma and who 376 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 1: has been hurt? Dodger. Why has more bachelor couples broken 377 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:45,000 Speaker 1: up this year than any other year in the past. Well, 378 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,879 Speaker 1: I don't think that we can ignore that that we 379 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 1: are in a pandemic and all of the restrictions and 380 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:59,439 Speaker 1: intimacy requirements that that bestows upon couples. And so whether 381 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: it's a distance challenged or a um distance challenge from 382 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: the standpoint of being away from each other or together 383 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,679 Speaker 1: too much, I think it certainly can bring to the 384 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,199 Speaker 1: forefront issues that can get diluted, and particularly in the 385 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: bachelor world by all the outside noise and stuff, um, 386 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:22,400 Speaker 1: the fame and the excitement of the activity and attention, 387 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: I think can dilute some of the core issues that 388 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 1: perhaps more easily and painfully reveal themselves in a pandemic setting. 389 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,760 Speaker 1: You know, it's so it's interesting, It's always helpful talk 390 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,360 Speaker 1: to you because obviously we sit and we just had 391 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: we've had a whole podcast talking about breakups, and you know, 392 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,640 Speaker 1: Astley I were texting before this was like, hey, does 393 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: this feel insensitive? And obviously we have to cover the news, 394 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 1: and we have to cover what's going on in bachelination. 395 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: But just like last weeks with you, how do you 396 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 1: talk to somebody that's like just fresh out of into 397 00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,159 Speaker 1: a breakup, like they're just starting to like recon this 398 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 1: new season a lot? How do you become a friend 399 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 1: to them? How do you speak to them? Yeah? I 400 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 1: love that you asked that question. I think it's so 401 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:12,199 Speaker 1: important because I think people have go to tactics in 402 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 1: these kind of scenarios, sensitive scenarios that may not be useful. 403 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: Either they want to move people off of the like 404 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: painful difficult feeling, or they want to avoid it so 405 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,240 Speaker 1: as not to provoke the painful difficult feeling. And I think, 406 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 1: as we talked about last time, UM though in a 407 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,679 Speaker 1: different context, that empathy is the best place to start. 408 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 1: Empathy and acknowledgement, that being able to say, I know 409 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,959 Speaker 1: you're going through a tough time, I'm so sorry. That 410 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,400 Speaker 1: has to be so hard, and not being able, not 411 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,439 Speaker 1: trying to push them to another spot, not trying to 412 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,200 Speaker 1: use like platitudes are hyperbole, like you're gonna be okay, 413 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 1: there's so many great guys out there for you, um 414 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 1: or whatever, folks might say as as meaning to be 415 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: of support, but um disallowing the person to kind of 416 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: linger um this difficult season of life that they're experiencing. 417 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 1: Nobody likes to go to go to someone and say 418 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 1: I'm really suffering and have someone else say some version 419 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,920 Speaker 1: of like, you're gonna be okay? Right? That is so annoying. 420 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: But is it bad that I just said, Like, my 421 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 1: greatest hope for her is that she finds a guy 422 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: right away and can show him well, look, I think 423 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,399 Speaker 1: things can coexist, right, and we can we can we 424 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: can have these things all co exist. We can both 425 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,360 Speaker 1: say to someone I'm so sorry you're in pain. I'm 426 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: I'm so available to sit with you in it. We 427 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 1: don't have to fix it in this moment. You can 428 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 1: just be in the messiness of it. And we can 429 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,600 Speaker 1: also hold out hopes and wishes for them right that. 430 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 1: I hope you find love. I hope it happens quickly. 431 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: I hope that the suffering um doesn't last as long 432 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: as um one might imagine. Right, those things can co exist, 433 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,560 Speaker 1: and I think it's okay to allow them to. After 434 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 1: you've spent enough time lingering in the difficult parts with 435 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: someone it's it's really important to linger in difficult spaces 436 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 1: with people and not um try to move over them 437 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: too quickly. People can feel abandoned or not seen or 438 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 1: heard if we do that, even if we have the 439 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 1: best of intentions. How common is it in relationships to 440 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:19,239 Speaker 1: have one person to have the breakup be over the 441 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:25,639 Speaker 1: speed of the relationship, like I want to have kids 442 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 1: and get married right now, and the other person being like, WHOA, 443 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: I'm not in that place of life. I think that's 444 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,679 Speaker 1: a regular theme that emerges for folks, and it can 445 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,920 Speaker 1: be a heartbreaking one because people can have a lot 446 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: of love for each other and be compatible in so 447 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:49,879 Speaker 1: many critical ways, but if that lifestyle piece is misaligned, um, 448 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:54,719 Speaker 1: reasonable reasonable people will decide that they probably shouldn't say together. 449 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: Do you know that if people have different ideas about 450 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:01,240 Speaker 1: what their timelines are uncritical life stuff like marriage and kids, religion, 451 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 1: et cetera, that it makes sense I'll be at quite 452 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 1: painful decisions to make. It makes sense to decide to 453 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 1: part ways if those those differences can't be bridge and 454 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 1: that happens a lot for people on those are the 455 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 1: sources of some of the biggest heartbreaks is when there's 456 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: love there, but you can't um um find a way 457 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 1: to to bridge that gap. Well, it brings us into 458 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 1: kind of a question that I think so many people ask, 459 00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:30,879 Speaker 1: and right now it feels like a good time to 460 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: ask you if you were to give your high level 461 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,960 Speaker 1: I don't know if there is one on when a 462 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:40,200 Speaker 1: relationship is no longer healthy and when it does need 463 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:44,239 Speaker 1: to end? What are the signs? Um? If anybody's out 464 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: there listening in a relationship but they're like, hey, I 465 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: just don't know where this is going, I don't know 466 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: if this is right or wrong, how would you guide them? 467 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,800 Speaker 1: How would you counsel them? Yeah? I mean I mean 468 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,199 Speaker 1: starting from the general and maybe breaking down to the 469 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,360 Speaker 1: more specific. I mean, if if there is pain more 470 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 1: often than pleasure, a conflict more often than peace, if 471 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:12,119 Speaker 1: the rhythm of the relationship is intervening with you know, 472 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: daily functioning, your relationships with your family, being effective at work, 473 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 1: your sense of your own self concept um, those are 474 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 1: our times that we really need to do some deep 475 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: reflection whether or not a relationship is serving us, you know. 476 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: So I think that's a more general answer, but a 477 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: really critical one that when it becomes um uh, invasive 478 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: in our daily functioning and in the critical areas of 479 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 1: our life that we want to be UM content and 480 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,520 Speaker 1: peaceful is when we really need to do deep assessment 481 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,119 Speaker 1: and deep evaluation. And one of the things that we 482 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,800 Speaker 1: were just talking about is is having conflict or misalignment 483 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,639 Speaker 1: around critical issues. And of course UM communication styles and 484 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,359 Speaker 1: ability to navigate conflict is critical. I'm a couple of 485 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: therapist with couples all the time on on managing conflict 486 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: UM and building intimacy and navigating difficult topics. So it's 487 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,320 Speaker 1: not that if you have trouble in these areas you 488 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: should just you know, break up. That's that's a mark 489 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 1: of of any couple really is to struggle on some 490 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 1: of these critical issues. But if UM you find no 491 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 1: way through even with UM uh professional help or deep 492 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,560 Speaker 1: support from family or friends or pastors or um you know, 493 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: other areas of support and you can't find your way 494 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 1: through UM, it's it's important to do that that deep 495 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 1: reflection whether or not the relationship is serving you. So 496 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 1: we saw with Chris and Crystal, she moved on real quick, UM, 497 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: like really quick. Is there such thing as moving on 498 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 1: too soon? I Mean, it's such a tough one. I 499 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: I don't think, UM, you know, one size fits all 500 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,800 Speaker 1: and UM we I'm sure everyone I'm in your audience 501 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: knows someone who's moved down too quickly and it didn't 502 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: serve them. And I'm sure everyone in the audience knows 503 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 1: someone who moved on quote too quickly and it did 504 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,360 Speaker 1: serve them that it worked out. So I don't think 505 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: we can we can come up with sort of one 506 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,399 Speaker 1: approach UM that makes the most sense. But to the 507 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 1: extent that UM, one needs to self reflect on what 508 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,359 Speaker 1: didn't work in a relationship and how UM their own 509 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 1: contribution to the dynamics that were dysfunctional, UM, how it 510 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 1: showed up, how it emerged, how they managed it, where 511 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 1: it comes from. Those sorts of self evaluations and analysis 512 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,960 Speaker 1: are critical not just to be in a relationship, but 513 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,200 Speaker 1: critical to one one's own personal sort of sense of 514 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 1: groundedness and happiness. So I think post a relationship, it's 515 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 1: a good time to do a deeper dive into some 516 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 1: of those issues. But how we move through the world, 517 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: how we move through the relationship. I would always recommend UM, 518 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,080 Speaker 1: to the extent possible, take time to to have a 519 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 1: post relationship like UM analysis you know, to understand what 520 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 1: worked and what didn't work, what we want moving forward, 521 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 1: what we don't UM. But sometimes timing um is a 522 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 1: funny thing, and someone shows up in our life UM 523 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 1: at a time that arguably is an ideal, But somehow 524 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: we can find a way to to merge. So UM, 525 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: I'm saying two things that could be considered conflictual. But 526 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: in the in the world of love, it it can be. Um. 527 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 1: It's not always linear. Mm hmm. It's a It's such 528 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: a great note for me that I'm writing down here 529 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 1: is the self awareness, the analysis, taking time afterwards to 530 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: be honest with yourself and be honest with the situation 531 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: and learn from it. Like I mean, how great a 532 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: teacher than pain? And it's uh, there's obviously a lot 533 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 1: of couples going through a lot of painful things right now, 534 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: and uh learning from that feel special. So you know, 535 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 1: to kind of close here, um, just because we're on 536 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: the topic. Oftentimes, Uh, you know, the breakup brings people 537 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 1: into a place of anxiety or or depression or there's 538 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 1: a lot of trauma involved. How do you how are 539 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: we to be good friends? And then how do we 540 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 1: also notice the signs of those things after a breakup. Yeah, 541 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 1: I mean, I think people sometimes fear that mentioning sadness 542 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 1: or asking about someone's grieving period will somehow make the 543 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 1: grieving worse or bring up something uncomfortable that the person 544 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: wasn't UM currently thinking of. But that's not really how 545 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: it goes people, UH sort of. Studies show UM areas 546 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,479 Speaker 1: in arenas around this that UM when people bring up 547 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: feelings that are suppressed or already inside of us at 548 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: a make the feeling worse. It in fact helps it 549 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 1: to come up and out of us, rather than living 550 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: inside of us and becoming UM toxic or creating symptoms, 551 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,720 Speaker 1: you know, like anxiety or depression or isolation. So all 552 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 1: of this to say that asking you know, how how 553 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 1: are you doing, or noticing you still seem really sad, 554 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,120 Speaker 1: you really seem like you're struggling, how can I help? 555 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 1: And if you notice that someone's really struggling, UM, you 556 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 1: know that symptoms are impeding daily functioning that you help 557 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 1: guide them to UM the notion of UM outside professional interventions. 558 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 1: As you said, the aftermath of a of a breakup 559 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: can be really traumatic and cause a lot of brief 560 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:45,520 Speaker 1: and depression anxiety. UM sort of uh, an interruption of 561 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 1: oneself concepts, and those can be really big critical things 562 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 1: and so sometimes a friend and familiar support is enough 563 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 1: and sometimes outside UH support is required. So I would 564 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 1: say like acknowledging and noticing out loud and not avoiding 565 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:04,360 Speaker 1: the dis comfort of that well as always, Dr gold 566 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 1: Shirt's so great to have you on. Thank you once 567 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 1: again for coming and talking to us about some tough topics. UH. 568 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,320 Speaker 1: This really helps summarize and put everything that we've talked 569 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: about before into a helpful place. DOCKR Gould Scher, thank you, 570 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 1: thank you. That'sua. Thanks for having me. Guys by. Okay, well, 571 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: weird episode because you know, it feels weird for us 572 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: to talk about people's breakups, but you know, this is 573 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:35,000 Speaker 1: sort of like a huge headline, and that's what we 574 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,400 Speaker 1: do here on the Almost As podcast. We have to 575 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 1: talk about huge headlines and Bachelor Nation. So our hearts 576 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: go out to Claren Dale. Um. Oh, it's sad, it's 577 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: really sad. Um, but we hope the best for them. 578 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 1: And until next week we have better news and we 579 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 1: try to find Matt James a wife. I've been actually 580 00:32:58,440 --> 00:32:59,960 Speaker 1: and I've been been. We'll talk to you later. Guy 581 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 1: followed the Bennon Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on iHeart 582 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 1: Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. M