WEBVTT - Evan Rachel Wood 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.320 Today's quote is from Emma Goldman, who was an anarchist 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:06.840 and feminist in like the eighteen hundreds into the early 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:11.680 nineteen hundreds and uh. She is famous for saying something 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:14.880 generally along the lines of if I can't dance, I 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:17.480 don't want to be part of your revolution. And I 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:20.439 think that's good to remember when we are talking about 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:23.040 the voice and how you know, what frees us the 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.880 most is when we have a sense of humor and 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:39.320 fun and a little dancing doesn't hurt. Our voice is 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:42.680 a reflection of our life experience, where we've been and 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.519 who we've listened to. But we can also own it 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:49.000 and even change it if we want. This is the 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:52.159 podcast that's all about the voice, but it's also all 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:55.600 about power. Who has it, how we get it, how 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:58.920 we sound when we have it. I'm Samara Bay. I'm 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.680 a dialect coach for actors in Hollywood on movies like 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:05.440 the upcoming Wonder Woman's sequel and a bunch of other 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:09.120 stuff I can't talk about. And I'm also a speech 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:13.120 coach for entrepreneurs, for politicians, for women everywhere ready to 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:15.800 use their voice to get what they want. Welcome to 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:23.360 permission to speak let's do this today. I have on 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.640 Evan rachel Wood. She's been professionally acting since she was 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:30.240 a kid. Her breakout role was in thirteen. She was 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:34.280 also in Across the Universe, the wrestler True Blood, and 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:37.360 now the third season of West World is upon us 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:40.280 in just a few weeks. I wanted to have Evan 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:44.000 on the show because over the last decade, she's come 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:47.360 out as by when it wasn't necessarily convenient to do so. 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:51.040 She's come out as a domestic violence survivor, and she's 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:54.440 found her way into using her story as an advocate 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:57.600 for other survivors in Congress, at the state and the 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:02.200 national level. That is like so much public bravery to navigate, 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:05.240 and she and I got to talk about how she 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.520 did that. We also get to talk about her turn 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:12.840 as a Disney queen that's like a strikethrough princess sub 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.679 in queen, and the way that she crafted the voices 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:21.519 plural of Dolores Abernathy, as well as her own sort 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:24.400 of surprise experience as a leader behind the scenes. Here 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:33.840 is Evan. So I want to talk first about Dolores. Yeah, 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.800 this is season three is like happening a second and 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:40.760 I'm wondering specifically about the voice, because that's what this 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:43.000 podcast is all about. There's a lot going on with 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.120 the voice. What's up? What I really want to know 0:02:45.200 --> 0:02:47.720 is like how you approached it in terms of the 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:51.760 accent and also relatedly in terms of like being kind 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:57.399 of on script versus going rogue. Yeah. We uh actually 0:02:57.440 --> 0:03:00.920 talked a lot about her voice during the pilot, and 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:05.040 we tried a few variations. I think at first, Dolores 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:11.000 and character sounded like an old Hollywood version of a Western. 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:13.359 So it was much more, you know, that kind of 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:19.239 weird affected, affected affected, like um, gone with the wind 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:21.720 kind of thing. And they were like, this is too much, 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:25.320 like you're not a debutante from New York, like, you know, 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:28.200 just do your accent that you know, And so I 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:30.560 kind of went back to my North Carolinian roots a 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:34.320 little bit, but made it a very generic Southern accent, 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:37.000 and we made it much more realistic rather than like 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:41.160 a you know, a siren. And then there's the analysis voice, 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:46.040 which I sort of based off of, you know, when 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.040 you type in a sentence into a computer and that 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:49.880 voice kind of reads it back to I wanted her 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:53.480 to have a slight cadence of the computer, but like 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.360 a just a little a little s of Stephen Hawking, Yeah, 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.480 just a bit of Serrie, a bit of um. The 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:04.360 inflo actions on the words just are slightly off um, 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.520 and they the sentences run together a bit more. So 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:09.800 it gives us this really kind of strange rhythm that 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:14.880 she has and it's like there's something slightly unsettling about it. Um. 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:17.720 So we worked a lot on that, and then you know, 0:04:17.839 --> 0:04:20.760 season two isn't completely different thing. It was like, we 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.240 talk a lot about the mixtures of the characters, so 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:25.720 they'll say, we want your voice to be a bit 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:27.720 of Analysis with a bit of Wyatt, or a bit 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.800 of Wyatt with a bit of Dolorus, or a bit 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.120 of this new version of Dolorus which you're gonna see 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.839 in season three that's gonna start creepy. And so it 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:38.200 is kind of it makes my head spin. Yeah, like 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.839 what were you were like in your trailer being like, okay, whoa, 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.359 but that sound like a little bit. But what's nice 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:47.960 is once you decide what you're gonna do, you know, 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.280 I always view it as you know, I build these 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:53.760 kind of four walls and then I just bounced around 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:56.720 inside those four walls, like okay, here's my parameters and 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:59.640 now play and just feel it out. That reminds me 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.320 an act school, like you can't make multiple choices at once. 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:03.440 You have to make one and then a different one 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.320 than a different one than a different one unless you're 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:08.800 on what door. But it's it seems like the four 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:10.960 walls thing might be a way to not make yourself 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.040 go crazy and try to play you know, three things 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:15.960 on top of each other when really like, you know 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:18.400 this than this, than this would do the same thing, 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:21.120 but then you know what you're doing exactly. And I 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:23.520 also love what you're saying because as somebody you know 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:26.960 who coaches actors when it comes to dialect, stuff like, 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:29.600 what we're really talking about is what story are we telling? 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.560 So it sounds like with stuff like the Wyatt and 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:34.960 the analysis that it isn't just like this is the 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:37.719 accent I will switch into, But it's like, who is 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.360 this version of her? And when do those versions come out? 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:44.479 On what moment? And when is it important? And when 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.719 does it serve the story? Not just be cool if 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:48.040 it came out here and be like no, no, no, 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:49.800 on this line, she's angry, So this would be a 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:51.880 bit more wyat, or this would be a bit more 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:53.880 of the computer because it's more strategic, or you know, 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:56.320 you have to pick and choose. When the choreography of 0:05:56.320 --> 0:06:01.080 that is like stunning bananas? Do you go to work 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.599 being like just another chilled I mean it's not only 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:06.600 the subject matter the subject Yes, And on top of it, 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:10.040 the subject matter is incredibly heavy and very heavy, So 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:14.000 it's exhausting. It's really exhausting. And I think I underestimated 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:17.000 how difficult it is to play such a contained character 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:21.080 because in her programming, she has no cortisol, she has 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:24.120 no adrenaline. She she's there's a reason why she is 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:29.479 very steady, even in the most heightened, uh you know, 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:34.440 kind of insane shootouts or fights or you know, hyh 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.480 drama scenes. She's very level headed. It's because she's literally 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:40.279 programmed to be level headed. Don't act like a human, 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:42.920 don't act like a human. Really hard not to act 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.320 like a human. And also there's a camera right there 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.119 capturing you know, what we hope will be a human 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.280 enough thing that an audience relates to you, So we 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.560 do that. Do you think about it when you're not 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:56.960 Flora's I think about the ways we are. I think 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.080 about it all the time. I think I'm always thinking 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.360 about people and why we are the way that we are. 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:03.640 I'm always going back and I'm one of the actors 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:07.440 that looks at my past performances and I see where 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:09.520 I can improve, and I see, you know, what I 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:12.000 want to do differently next time. And you know, I'm 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:14.760 a perfectionist, so I'm always looking for more things to 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:19.960 explore and learn. Yeah, something that strikes me when I 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.080 was thinking about your performance in this and the fact 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:24.440 that you've been doing it for the last few years, 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:27.280 it seems like it also coincides with the Phoenix act stuff, 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:31.720 which is really another So yeah, how did it come 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:35.080 about that you got involved with policy stuff and also 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:38.120 became a voice of it. It just sort of happened. 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:42.280 And I actually credit Westworld a lot for my awakening, 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:45.360 which is what the show is about, and I think, 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:47.280 but it's also what the show is meant to do 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:50.360 to wake us up. And man, did it really work 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:55.160 on me, um, because it was during that first season 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.920 where I started to wake up to my own traumas, 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:00.560 and um, I really got to work a lot of 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:03.400 it out on screen, and it showed me a strength 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.120 of myself. It gave me permission to be strong in 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:10.080 a way that I just hadn't felt before. And did 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:13.160 you seek out this sort of you know, activism or 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:14.720 did somebody find you or had it been in the 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:17.400 back burner but suddenly you knew what to do with it? 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:20.920 You know, I hadn't even admitted to myself a lot 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:23.640 of things were what they were. Um, I didn't call 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:26.480 myself a domestic violence survivory, you know. I couldn't. I 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.520 couldn't say I was raped. I hadn't gone there yet, 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:31.800 which is by the way, part of the point of 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:35.920 the Phoenix Act for anybody listening, the whole idea of it. 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:40.520 And it's California and also ideally nationally, although we're we're 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.160 starting there. We're starting and we're starting to get sponsors 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:47.480 on other states. And the idea is not even to 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:52.960 change how domestic violent perpetrators are handled, but actually just 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:56.320 the statute of limitation so that people who have gone 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.400 through something and have the time. We're learning so much 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.960 about tron the effects it has on our minds and 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:04.640 bodies and the amount of time that it takes to 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:08.360 really process a traumatic event, and there's so much research 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.440 to back this up with. The laws still aren't really 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:15.079 reflecting it, and victims are suffering and not able to 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:20.360 seek justice because they've been so hurt they haven't even 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:25.880 begun to face what happened, or identify what happened, or 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:28.920 to feel safe enough. Um, there's a there's a quote 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:32.280 that you said, I did whatever I could to feel safe, 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:35.440 which meant putting time and space between me, him and 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:39.800 the abuse. It's very true, yeah, and really really terrible circumstances. 0:09:39.840 --> 0:09:44.760 You need years too sometimes become financially independent. You need 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:47.080 to hide, you need to set up a new life somewhere, 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.760 You need to process what happened to you. And it 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:53.960 can sound like three to five years is a long time, 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:56.280 and you think, well, you should know when a crime 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:59.240 has been committed against you immediately, but you don't, especially 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:03.000 when love is andvolved, especially when trauma is involved. Domestic 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:08.000 violence is just such a complicated psychological roller coaster, and 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.920 there's virtually no education about it. Um. I mean, that's 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:12.600 what it seems like. You're kind of on like an education. 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:14.680 You can't really, that's what it feels like. You can't 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:16.840 really blame people for not being able to identify something 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:20.640 that that just actually said, just for people if they 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:24.319 want online. Are both of your testimonies, the one of 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:25.840 the state level and the one of the national level, 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:27.480 which are by the way, very different in a year 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:29.760 apart from each other, and I'm very interesting we're going 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:32.240 to get into actually if you don't mind, no technical 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.960 of how you prepped for that. Absolutely, but I just 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:37.320 want to say that like one of the experiences that 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:39.839 I had listening to it was that it did feel 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:49.080 like you were educating people on how laws don't reflect humans. Yeah. Absolutely, 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:52.200 there's a lot we don't know about the legal system 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:54.920 or the legal terms. And I will say the press 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:57.400 takes advantage of that a lot in the way they 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:00.559 spin cases. You had this line that you yes, you 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:02.480 this line that you said where you were like, you 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:06.960 know what you had you know conditioned in you, which, boy, 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:08.720 does it sound like the sort of thing all of 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.640 us grew up with was that when he hits you, 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:15.000 you leave, and so if you haven't left, then there's 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.880 something wrong with you. And then whose fault is that? Exactly? Fault? 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.160 That's exactly And that's what a lot of people say, 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:24.599 and uh, you know, depending on who the perpetrator is 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:27.679 Some people go, oh, well, what did you expect? Yeah, 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.360 checking up with that guy thinks to happen. What were 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.400 you wearing? Yeah, what we're wearing. It's the same thing. Yeah, 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.160 it's it's it's it's the same thing. So how did 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:39.280 you prep They were two different experiences. I'm guessing they were. Um. Well, 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:41.599 the first time I testified, somebody approached me about it. 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:43.719 I wasn't planning on, you know, sharing my story with 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.559 the world. But given the state of where we were 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:49.080 and you know, our views on this kind of thing, 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.439 I thought, oh god, if I don't tell my truth, now, 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:53.680 what the hell am I doing? Like I'm being called 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.520 to do it? What was that decision process? Like, was 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:59.680 it a was it that or was it like sitting 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:02.760 with it when I asked myself what I really stand for, 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:06.280 what I really believe? And you know, it was you know, 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:08.720 this is this is what you believed, and this is 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:11.520 your time and you gotta take it. I would argue 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:15.080 about the platform, but it's hard because like when when 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:17.679 ME two came around, and the whole idea of telling 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.160 your story with that hashtag was empowering and community building. 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:24.520 It also I was struck. Watching all my friends post that, 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:27.360 I was struck, being like, how dare society say that 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:30.400 you have to go through something else? And then they 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:33.240 finally with a no brainer. I mean, living your values 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:35.440 is what you're saying you did, and that is you know, 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:39.199 deserves all the everything. And also the other way of 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:40.959 living your values would have been to say, like, I'm 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:42.920 just going to protect myself and that's also fine. That 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.400 would have been fine too. You know, there were times 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.280 when I wasn't ready to say anything because I was 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.880 too scared, and I also was open about my decision 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.400 not to say anything, and I, you know, let people 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.480 know it's not my fault that I'm too scared to 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.240 say something. You know, it shouldn't be my responsibility. Hey, 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:01.600 why don't we not also shame victim exactly? Um, but 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.760 then we shame them when they do come forward as well. 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:05.959 And I think that's what I was really afraid of, 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:08.880 because there's already so much shame involved that just for 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:11.560 my psyche, I thought, oh god, you know, I'm going 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.440 to come forward. I'm gonna say all this stuff happened 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:16.959 to me. And I just thought, what if I get creamed? 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.840 You know, what if I get you know, drug again? 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:27.439 Um uh no, um no. That the majority has been 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:31.160 so supportive and was such a relief and meant so much. 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:36.280 People's response was amazing. You know, now it's different because 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.800 I think now it's really fun to spend me as 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.080 a like angry feminists, and so now every time I 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:44.880 do try to say something that to me, it just 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:48.280 seems education based, like get like every Rachel food goes 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.360 on rants or like every Rachel would And I'm like, whoa, 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:54.760 what it feels like farthest you are from your from 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:57.559 just telling your own story. The more that like suddenly 0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:00.240 you're a mouthpiece for some you know, nameless You're just 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:05.760 nagging nazi. Yeah that's gone too far. You're nagging nippick 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.720 T shirt that says feminist kill joy that I'm really 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.480 by the way, it also in rainbow, Oh my god. 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:15.400 But yeah, okay, So I want to talk just super 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:17.760 specifics before we move on from this though, because how 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:20.400 did you write it? Right? I mean, not because I 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:22.800 just want to kind of probe, but because for people 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.040 who are listening, who really are thinking about not just 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:27.520 a presentation they have to give. That's like, let me 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:31.000 show my amazing new idea, but rather something that is 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.920 serving a larger purposely, as you said in one of 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.280 your testimonies, like, this isn't about changing what would happen 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:38.720 with your own case. It's actually about lending your voice 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:42.240 to future people exactly. Yeah, the Phoenix Sack doesn't affect 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.160 my case, but I didn't want anybody to have to 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.160 go through what I went through. I wanted my evidence 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:49.920 to matter. There were provisions in the Phoenix Act that 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.320 we had that got taken out at the last minute, 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.160 not by us, which was disappointing, because we had a 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.440 clause in there where three or more women came forward 0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:01.200 than their sati limitations would temporarily be lifted, so that 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.200 would stop serial abusers, which was a big deal if 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:06.360 we had some of those in the US, you know. 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.560 But anyway, they gutted that from our bill. Yeah, I'm 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.400 still fighting for that. That's another fight. But the prep 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:16.160 for it, you know, I was working with other survivors 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:18.880 at the time, and I let them read it because 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:21.880 you know, I wanted to make it all about the 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:24.440 world and this and that, and they were like, you know, 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.120 I know, it's really tempting to say everything you want 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.240 to say in this, but remember this is a testimy, 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:31.080 this is your experience, and you just need to tell 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:33.880 the truth about your experience, and that helps. So I 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:37.560 condensed it more to just here are the facts, here's 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.320 my truth, you know, and also here are a couple 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.480 of things I want to say about how we raised boys, 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.960 and you know the our our views on this. But ultimately, 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:48.320 you know, I just poured my heart out and they 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:51.440 only give you two minutes to tell your life's trauma. 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:54.080 You know, there's literally a timer in front of you 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:58.040 that's taking down as you're reliving all the worst moments 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:01.040 of your life. And it was an complete out of 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.480 body experience. Were you just like in the moment, what 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:07.440 were you telling yourself? I was so scared. I don't 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:09.440 think I've ever been more scared to do anything in 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.720 my life. Like I get choked up just thinking about it, 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:16.080 Like walking into that room, the House of the House 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:19.840 of Representative Room Congress, going to the underground tunnels in 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.200 Washington and coming into that room and staring them all 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:25.800 in the face and knowing why I was there. You're 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.520 just going, this is not my life. What the funk 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:30.040 am I doing here? Sorry? I don't over a lot 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:33.280 of by w there is no way that this is 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.920 real and that I'm actually having to do this right now. 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.360 You know, there's nothing about me that's going this is 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.960 my story. Yeah, you're going this can't be right. So 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:46.560 what made you like continue walking? Were you just like 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:50.320 keeping yeah, just keep going, just keep walking, keep walking? 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:52.400 And I just took a deep breath and did it, 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:55.600 you know. But I also, Um, I devour like ted 0:16:55.680 --> 0:17:02.560 talks and speeches, and I'm always moved. I a good speech, 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:06.280 you know that flows and you know, tells a story, 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:08.959 reveals itself in the right way, leads you to this 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.240 kind of amazing conclusion that's also a little open ended, 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.840 so that you get to, you know, have your own 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:17.320 opinions about it. I devour those all the time, and 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.040 so I feel like I maybe have an understanding of 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.920 how they work, and I think I've been pretty good 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:25.440 at being able to give them. Um, I'm a mess 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:29.399 in my everyday life in normal conversation, I'm super awkward. 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.199 But if I can write it down, I'm serious. If 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:34.520 I can write it down and be able to look 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:36.199 at it and revise it, I can get to a 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.000 really good place with my words. But I usually fumble. 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:43.440 One of my favorite moments from your concert that I 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:46.080 got to see this weekend is a moment when you 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.119 said on stage, if you're a California resident, you have 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.720 more rights now. Yes, And it was like that version 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.600 of you that has gone through that that isn't the 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:58.000 same girl who is in that no space either at 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.080 the time of you know, everything that was happening to 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:03.159 and also at the time of having to relive it. 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:10.240 But like what you um the reward, the reward was great. Um. 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:12.800 I remember the second time I testified, I thought, well, 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.920 it'll be easier this time because I've done it once. Boy, 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:19.000 was I wrong to me that one felt from the 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.320 outside watching the one that was the closer. Yeah, Well, 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.760 the first one was about a very specific law and 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:30.479 the second one was really, hey, this is my story 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:33.199 and this is why this law was important, And it 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:37.040 was just they were different angles, same topics, but yes, 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:40.040 it was the goal was different, so what I decided 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:44.600 to tell changed And yeah, the second one was very difficult, 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:46.520 and there was also so much writing on it. That 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:50.040 was our first vote, and so we really didn't know 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:51.840 what was going to happen. It was either going to 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:55.840 live or die on our testimonies. I also wonder there's 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:57.480 like a stereotype about this, so tell me if it 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.959 feels true or not. But when you're acting, and probably 0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:03.800 when you're singing, there is a persona that you can 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:09.480 put on that feels safer. Yeah. Yeah, there's a meditative space. 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.800 It's the flow state. You know. I'm big into the flow. 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.960 That's always my goal. If I can't remember doing half 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.720 of my shows, then that's a great sign to me 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:21.320 because that means I was just in a flow state. 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:23.080 I was just in it, you know, I wasn't thinking. 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.280 And same thing with scenes. You know if I black 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:28.200 out during a scene, and that means I was just 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.280 completely in it. Well, now it sounds like you actually 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.080 had some of that experience then when you were doing 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.760 the congressional stuff too, So you just you go into 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:37.600 blackouts every once in a while. And yes, it shouldn't 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:41.920 be worried. It's true though, it's a I do. It's 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:44.920 a meditative place. What does it feel like on stage 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:48.600 when you're singing? How is it as a communication. It's 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:52.199 like opening the doors to my heart and you know, 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:55.320 like a flock of birds flying out. That's what it 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:59.240 feels like. I just love it. I know it sounds 0:19:59.240 --> 0:20:01.040 so cheesy, but it's true. It's like that's where I 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.880 feel the most expanded, because again, I feel like sometimes 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:09.560 language can be limiting, but music is so complicated and nuanced, 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:13.520 and like one little note or inflection of a word 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.480 can change the whole meaning. Um, you know, and sometimes 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:19.879 you don't even need words, you just need sounds and 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:22.439 you understand. So I don't know, I just feel like 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:25.760 also the I'm talking specifically about the Evan and Zane 0:20:25.800 --> 0:20:29.080 show for people who are listening, which is so delightful 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:30.919 and as you said when I was there, it's like 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:37.119 a cover band but not it's like experience. Yeah, and 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:41.040 just like such top notch you know, performance and talent 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:44.960 and creativity and your guys band part of the band 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:46.760 are also just struck me. When I was thinking about 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.879 interviewing you that it's a real version of you, it's not. 0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:51.560 I mean, I was thinking about the idea of an 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.040 alter ego, and maybe you think about that too, but 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:56.280 it also feels like the dream with the real alter 0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:58.880 ego is it's not somebody who isn't you? The heightened 0:20:58.960 --> 0:21:02.199 version of you? Yeah, it's like that you with who 0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:05.440