00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited. 00:00:10 Speaker 2: You here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. 00:00:17 Speaker 1: But you're a. 00:00:17 Speaker 2: Guess to my home. You gotta come to be empty, and I said, no, guests, your presence is presence enough. I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 1: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Britchard Wineker. I hope, uh I found you. Well, I hope you're having a nice stay or doing your thing. Uh, maybe you're maybe you're in a high speed chase and my obnoxious voice is distracting you. I don't know. Look, I'm excited. I'm uh. I've got a guest today who I just adore. Just a sweet man, a very funny comedian. His name is Dave ross Bridger. Hi, Dave, Welcome to. I said, no gift. I'm so happy to be here. Man. 00:01:25 Speaker 3: I love that you referred to your obnoxious voice in quite possibly the most serene way humanly possible. 00:01:35 Speaker 1: Well, you know, I feel like if you were I guess, if you were in a high speed chase, the just someone talking to you while you're sweating, and this annoying little man is probably too loud on the stereo to a podcast. 00:01:50 Speaker 3: We've we've gone from through your obnoxious voice, and you're an annoying little man. I find your presence relentlessly pleasant Bridger, and but you. 00:02:01 Speaker 1: Think even well, I appreciate I do. 00:02:03 Speaker 3: Appreciate that, which is why I'm listening to you on my high speed page page. 00:02:09 Speaker 1: A fake word, that's that's a nice word, though, A pacha what is that? It's like a that's a peach with somebody with a accent. Yeah, totally. 00:02:21 Speaker 3: That's an obnoxious, annoying little man, the guy who says pach. 00:02:26 Speaker 1: I do. I wonder what how you would get yourself into a high speed chase while listening to a podcast. Who is that person that we're talking about? 00:02:33 Speaker 3: Absolutely definitely someone who probably if anyone on earth found you obnoxious, it's that person. 00:02:41 Speaker 1: That's that's actually this little asshole that's a horrible little man. 00:02:47 Speaker 3: Yeah, because the only way that could happen would be like I mean, or the exact opposite, where they're so stressed out from their high speed chase that they're like and it's been going for a while, like you know what I got to put on? 00:03:01 Speaker 1: I said no, because they're running their hair to their hair and they throw on the podcast. They're like, let's get some smooth just talking with friends. Absolutely, that would be yeah, mate, Smooth Talking with Friends is. Smooth Talking with Friends is a great podcast. That's an amazing name for a Welcome to Smooth Talking with Friends. I'm Richard Warnecker. I'm here with a friend talking smoothly. 00:03:32 Speaker 3: I don't know how many, how much, how many high speed things have happened in my life, and sure, except for me talking you talking is high speed. I especially on stage recently. For whatever reason, I'm a high speed talker. 00:03:48 Speaker 1: I never noticed that. You do have a you can definitely command volume, but I've never noticed you as a high speed talker. Is this a new dynamic you're staying new. 00:04:01 Speaker 3: Or yeah, it's a more recent thing for some reason. I'm very I don't know, I'm very like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give. 00:04:10 Speaker 1: It to you. You're gonna get them bet you on the edge of your seat. Yeah, it's gonna happen hard at you. 00:04:16 Speaker 3: You're gonna be You're gonna you're gonna hate it. 00:04:20 Speaker 1: Yeah, an hower of just full discomfort. Yeah, well that's another thing. Is that like doing when I'm on the road. So okay, Okay, if I were to break it down, I'll bet you here's why. So there are I'm very excited about stand up right now. I feel really. 00:04:43 Speaker 3: Good about it and I feel good at it, so I like feel confident. 00:04:47 Speaker 1: And excited about what I'm doing. 00:04:49 Speaker 3: And it's hard to get to that mindset stand up because it's so long. 00:04:56 Speaker 1: It's your whole life. Basically, if you want to spend a day before you see any excitement, yes, and so those periods of like spikes and interest and not talent but like but like I don't know, like like what's the word. I mean, if you have talent, it's there, but like the talent to then the momentum and the skill all matching up at once exactly. That's just very exciting. And when I get in that mode, I get very excitable on stage. But also. 00:05:30 Speaker 3: I'm touring right now a lot, doing hours of stand up, and I hadn't been doing that for the past year because I put an album out last year. 00:05:38 Speaker 1: Sure, And when I'm doing. 00:05:42 Speaker 3: That and building a new hour, I tend to start my sets very high energy because I just, I don't know, get used to that on the road, and I want people to get excited and. 00:05:56 Speaker 1: Love me right away on the same page, and then yeah, run out of energy and just drag them through the next place. 00:06:03 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, I like it. I like to do an hour. I like to have a really good ten minutes up top and then for you to just just really, just really because just get sort. 00:06:18 Speaker 1: Of immediately confused about how you got there. Yeah, you're going to spend that goodwill that you built up with those ten minutes and just people will hate you by the end of the show. I just like to just shove their face in dog shit. Yeah ten minutes in. This could be my new favorite comedian too. This person should not be working in the business. 00:06:38 Speaker 3: Yeah, I want you to dive at the comment card, you know what I mean, And I want you to spend the next forty five minutes filling it out. But then for the last five minutes and I said to be pure joy and so you rip up that comment. 00:06:51 Speaker 1: Yeah right, and you're famously the comment card comedian and you're handing those up. 00:06:55 Speaker 3: I do a lot of show I do a lot of clubs. I love a club in general. I love to be a member of a club. And I just to dance at a club and perform at a comedy club. 00:07:06 Speaker 1: Right, I'm a club and I beat the shit out of people with a stick, right right. 00:07:12 Speaker 3: Uh No, I like it's high energy up top, and then that sort of slows down because no one can maintain that, no sane person. But then I come back to LA and every set is seven or ten minutes long, and I'm. 00:07:22 Speaker 1: Used to too big for your full set in total. And are people responding to it? Yeah? 00:07:28 Speaker 3: I mean it is like it's all yeah, all of those things that I just said are like sort of it's a it's a recipe for for doing well for sure. 00:07:37 Speaker 1: Yeah. And uh, after I say this to you, immediately my next set is going to be garbage. Well, I'm sure it's gonna probably tank your career. I think this is the one that just destroys you. I said, no career, Yeah, I said, no career. I will be in the audience filming. I will leak it to the internet and booing and holding my phone and just loudly fuck you. Well, I look forward to it. Well, I'm excited to have you here. The very loose theme of this podcast obviously is gifts. Dave, what's your general feeling about gifts are you a gift giver or you a gift receiver. Is it something you enjoy? I would say that I'm a gift receiver. You enjoy getting a gift? Yeah, well, I definitely do receive them, Okay, you do. So you have people in your life who care about you. So we've confirmed that really many, not many. The gifts are seven, right, there's not a lot of gift giving amongst thirty seven. When you get a gift, what is it for your birthday? Yeah, and even that's remembers giving you gifts. 00:08:52 Speaker 3: You know, Yes, I get gifts at Christmas, right, and I guess I get some gifts on my birthday. But really, okay, when I get gifts, it's like randomly a friend is like I thought of you and that's the best time, of course, and uh I will. 00:09:07 Speaker 1: Yes, I do like to get gifts. 00:09:09 Speaker 3: I don't think it happens often because I'm in the period of my life where like I'm single and I'm I mean, I was going to say a little older. I'm thirty seven is not older, but it's like past the age of being around people all the time, Like I'm alone a lot of the time. 00:09:25 Speaker 1: You could choose to just be alone forever, forever. Yes, if I died, you wouldn't know for a while. I okay, Yeah, I don't know a lot of things anymore because I'm also isolating myself. So I'm hearing less and less news from the outside. And so your death probably three weeks later. Yeah, I would miss the funeral. Sure, Wait what, I'm sorry, It's just you're busy, and no, I'm not busy. I would just not hear the news. Oh, I see, And then you know, I would hear about your Why weren't you at Dave's funeral? I feel like you would hear the news. That's interesting. So you're saying that you're so isolated. Well, I feel like we're both so isolated. Yes, so that creates a third isolation, which would allow me to avoid the news of your death for weeks. Sure, I would get to live in the world of Dave is still alive while everyone else is grieving. You interesting, and I'm out, you know, Well, I'm just sitting around my apartment playing Zelda. You know what's so. 00:10:31 Speaker 3: Funny is that I you know, I think I think what we're learning right now is that we're both. 00:10:37 Speaker 1: We both have low self esteem. Oh, absolutely, you know, this is the meeting of two men who just have no self. That a meeting of two men. And then, dude, if that were just randomly the end of that sentence, that would have been so wonderful. This is the meaning of two And then we stare at each other, just quiet breathing. 00:11:00 Speaker 3: Because I was imagining that I would die and then no one would find the body for weeks. 00:11:06 Speaker 1: Oh. Interesting. So you're slipping in your apartment, You're choking on a peanuture, right, which is definitely how I'll die, in some sort of microcosmic way, some sort of like wow, that's even a death, like I bought too many napkins. I don't know you could buy that way. Wow for him? Yeah, it turns out he put on a shirt that was too thin. There wasn't enough fabric in his house, and it's a beautiful way to die. Yeah. 00:11:41 Speaker 3: No, I just think that there's this interesting period in the middle of your life where, like you, I think I'm in the period of my life, the first period of my life where I interact with the least amount of people I will ever interact with, right, right, probably like the second least amount of people, second only to the very end of my life. 00:12:00 Speaker 1: When people have fully you don't have children, yes, and it's like there's one orderly who doesn't even want to talk to you. 00:12:09 Speaker 3: But for me, it's for a different reason. I'm hoping to outlive my kids. 00:12:12 Speaker 1: Oh, not a bad idea. Yeah, maybe I want to be the last. Okay, I think that that's an admirable goal. Just you bring them into the world and say I'll see you out you push them off. Yes, of course, yeah, I don't plan on having children, but I always thought that if I did, for them to receive their inheritance, I would want them. I want to live to one hundred and fifteen and then they have to push me out of a plane. And I think that's a nice way to get rid of the father. That's so funny, And that's what a wonderful way to die one hundred and fifteen falling out of a plane. Your children have achieved their goal. They're going to get their inheritance. 00:12:57 Speaker 3: What's so funny about that is that how you know I'm thirty five, you're thirty five. Okay, So if you have kids in five years, yes, and when for your kids to push you, Let's say hypothetically for your kids to push you out of a plane when you're one hundred fifteen, they would be seventy five. 00:13:18 Speaker 1: You want to stage seventy five year old to be murdering one hundred and fifteen year old. And maybe one of their children is flying the plane at like fifty at fifty sure because they had kids early. Yeah, so it's like a nice uh older group of people out on the planet a plane totally. And Grandpa Bridger is are. 00:13:42 Speaker 3: You thinking you would charter this plane or would this be like it would happen on Delta? 00:13:47 Speaker 1: This is like a hijacking situation. It's who was, uh the guy in the seventies who hijacked that plane? I don't want It's like, uh, well the guy Cooper dB Cooper, thank you? Oh I thought you met the guy in his seventies. Oh interesting, Well he could have been. We never found him. He hijacked the plane, got a like a Duffel bag of money, leaped out of the plane and was never found again. So I could be kind of a dB Cooper situation where I hijacked the plane and jump out and then also my son, well, actually my sons are pushing me out so they would be immediately caught to board delta flight what have you. 00:14:29 Speaker 3: Unless you hijacked the plane and then at gunpoint forced them to. 00:14:33 Speaker 1: Push you out. Not a bad idea. Yeah, and so then there's Scott Free. Yeah, everyone's dreams come truck and there are you know, there are witnesses all aboard the plane. They get this insane hundred and fifteen year old took over the pla. Yeah, and the oldest man on earth by far hijack this plane I was on. They let him fly and man, the definition of spry was man. Well, that's a great think about being one hundred and fifteen. People would allow me to do whatever, that's true. They would let me into the into the cockpit. They're like, what's this guy gonna do? Little did they know I'm on my way out? Yeah, you're and you're very You're very capable. I'm extremely capable. If there's one thing people know about me, it's that I'm just skilled. Even refer to you now with any I just meant you're saying it like eighty years, like y'all have developed a skill. That's very optimistic of it. I feel like if in the next eighty years, I learned one thing. It will be too It'll be the way into a delta flight. Yes, this is gonna get me on some sort of list. Well, it won't matter. You'll be fucking dead. Yeah, or maybe you won't. Airline industry, I'm not planning on this for another eighty eighty to ninety years. Hold off on keeping me off your flights. I'm a perfectly pleasant passenger. I occasionally push my seat back, big deal, but otherwise I'm very polite to flight attendants. Are you? Of course? 00:16:08 Speaker 3: I feel like, how wild would it be? My answer was like, no, I fucking hate flight attendants. 00:16:14 Speaker 1: Some people I think are like proudly mean passengers. Really, I mean, I wouldn't expect you to, but you never know. You could be a maniac. Yeah, you never know. But then I feel like, just in order to be someone who is mean to first of all, in order to be mean to people in any sort of service job, I'm just gonna hate you like I hate you. 00:16:38 Speaker 3: But in order to be mean to them and proud of it, that carries with it. I think a lot of other personality characteristics. Yeah, Like if you were like, how do you feel about flight attendants? And I'm like, oh, dude, I fucking hate flight attendants, and any chance I get, I make them feel bad. 00:16:57 Speaker 1: I the antagonized. 00:17:02 Speaker 3: Yeah, I call them all stewardess, all of them. I call pilot stewardess. 00:17:09 Speaker 1: Turns out I don't know the definition of stewardess. I don't know what it means. I feel like, look, if I'm over a mile in the air, fuck everyone up there. That's how I feel. I don't like anyone in Denver, anyone or Albuquerque or on any plane that Albuquerque is a high high city. It's higher than Denver. Yeah, Albert, Well, Denver needs to back off. I agree, Yeah, give Albuquerque the credit to deserve. 00:17:37 Speaker 3: Denver also does a lot of we we're the ones with green Chili's. 00:17:41 Speaker 1: Oh, that's definitely an Albuquerque I think. So, yeah, Denver, what is your thing? What are you actually famous for? Yeah? I don't know. It's a perfectly nice place. But I don't feel like has ever happened there? Yeah, nothing has ever happened. Nothing has ever happened there, Nothing ever will. I can't. I actually can't, but that's just because I don't have a knowledge of anything. 00:18:06 Speaker 3: I suppose there's a chance people listening might know that, might not know that. I love Denver and I have a great deal of family there, which is all over your fair side. 00:18:15 Speaker 1: Okay, I don't think has any excuse. I simply don't know anyone in Denver, and that's fun. Or should you I've spent some good I shouldn't know it because nothing's ever happened there, nor will it. I've enjoyed my time in Denver me too, It's perfect. I've never been to Albuquerque, and here I am defending Albuquerque like it's my hometown. So I don't know what's wrong with me. 00:18:34 Speaker 3: I just think it's really funny that that that Albuquerque Denver thing is so it's so telling to me about all life, or at least all of history. Really, it's all like people in places and things and whatever just choose how they are defined, and whoever says it first gets it. 00:18:56 Speaker 1: Yeah, say it first and loud, and then you have ownership. Dave, I feel like you're distracting from the fact that I asked you about gifts. I want to hear have you got any gifts recently that you've enjoyed last Christmas? Did you get something? 00:19:11 Speaker 3: I went home for Christmas? And I did Christmas with my parents, but they don't understand me, nor do they try. 00:19:17 Speaker 1: To okay, which used to not be okay with me, but it's perfectly fine with you. Yeah, I don't point. What understanding do you need from these two adults? Yeah, so I got a lot of books that they like, socks and shit. What sort of books are they giving you? Like? Anything from a book like a Tony Hillerman book? You know that. I don't know who that is. 00:19:37 Speaker 3: He's one of those you know, your Clive Cussler's or your love of course got a grocery store book, Yeah, exactly, but he's all his is about like Native Americans or Native American centric things. 00:19:51 Speaker 1: Okay, but he's not Native American. I don't think so. But maybe you know what. I didn't read it. Yeah, so choose to say you should ask my dad on the line. 00:20:03 Speaker 3: I'm trying to think though, because I do know to answer your questions. I don't give a lot of gifts, but I like to. Yes, it does feel good. It's one of those things where, like much like everything about socializing as an adult, I forget to do it because I'm obsessed with work, right, But every time I do it, I'm reminded how much I love it. And when I get a gift, it's so touching, because yeah, I generally get gifts from my family that are just sort of like, because we're doing Christmas over, yes. 00:20:37 Speaker 1: We have to do this no matter what. And maybe I'll get something in the mail on my birthday. 00:20:44 Speaker 3: But randomly every now and then is I'll get a gift from a friend who's like, hey, I just thought I saw this and thought of you, and that is that the sweetest It's the best ever. And I'm just trying to think, I can't I know that there's something I can't. You know, I knew it was a gifts podcast, and. 00:21:04 Speaker 1: So I should have thought of that. Look, I'm not out here really pushing the gift thing. I'm not expecting you to have a list of gifts you've got. Well you've brought. I don't know if you're not pushing the gift thing because you keep bringing it up. Well, I did say you kind of shamed you on the show already about this, I suppose, but I think this is a failure on the people in your life. They haven't given you enough thoughtful gifts. So are memorable gifts, I know, so maybe it's time to take a look at who you're getting gifts from and just say, up your auntie, up the game. Oh wow, I'm glad you said auntie auntie. I don't know that I use that correctly, and that's fine. Well, it just seems like you're seeing something angry. You were like you, I am angry at the people in your life, and you were about to say up your ass, up your ass, mom and dad. Dave doesn't want Tom clancy novel. 00:21:54 Speaker 3: I don't. Yeah, I don't need any more Michael Crichton. But right, take your Louis Lamorage of it up there. I haven't read any Louis Lamore. I've read a in middle school. I had a weird period where I read essentially only Tom Clancy and Mary Higgins Clark odd dynamic. 00:22:14 Speaker 1: What is Mary Higgins Clok's like she's the queen of suspense, Dave. She's writing murder Mysteries. Well, she recently died, so I guess we can't say she is. She was, she was the queen rest her soul. She was writing kind of like murder Mysteries for And do we know who killed her yet? Well? It has to be the daughter. She was co writing these books with her daughter later in life, and obviously the daughter was like, I don't need mommy's name on the book anymore. It's whatever my name is, Melinda Higgins clark Er, I don't know. Yikes, Melinda, if that's your name, reach out. 00:22:51 Speaker 3: I do recall seeing these books around and that the covers of the books were the types of covers that were bumpy, they like. 00:22:58 Speaker 1: Pretty, Oh yeah, a three D printing. That's a sign of a good piece of literature. So there's like a texture on the cover. 00:23:05 Speaker 3: And it was always like like satin sheets, yeah, blowing, and it was like two items a compass in a night yes, or like a piece of paper in a mass, like glasses in a mouse trap, in a mouse trap, I don't know, Yeah, totally a piece of cheese. 00:23:27 Speaker 1: And always comes back to a rodent. She has this menace rodent just murdering people. Well, you know, the thing is, as I've said from the very beginning of the podcast, I'm really pushing the gift theme. You are, and we've been talking about gifts here and of course you showed up to the studio tonight and I saw you first and I was happy to see you. Here comes Dave. I'm glad he found a good parking spot. I'm so glad he's here. He's here to do the show. And then I see in your hand what appears to be a gift. Dave. The podcast is called I said no gifts, and I don't understand you've got You're across the table. You're kind of diagonal for me. I see what seems to be like a black I like this. It's like a black wrapping paper on something with little golden stars. Is Yeah, Dave, did you bring me a gift? I brought you a gift? Is a gift for you? Yeah? A gift? Do you want me to open it? Yeah? 00:24:34 Speaker 3: I mean the gift is for you. I would love it if you opened it right now? Sure, and wait, but I should I didn't need to do not want it. 00:24:41 Speaker 1: I mean I didn't want you to bring it, certainly, but I'm not star you know. Let me say I'm sorry, Okay, thank you. Yeah. I it's the first time I've heard that word tonight. 00:24:51 Speaker 3: So I mean, I know that you said I said no gifts, right, but I you know, we're old friends a long time, and I also sort of I got the impression that maybe you did want a gift. 00:25:04 Speaker 1: Okay, okay, and. 00:25:05 Speaker 3: You said the podcast is called I said no gifts, and then in the email, you were like, no gifts, right there, do not under any circumstances bring a gift. But it sort of seemed like you did want me to bring a gift. Because here's the thing. I do a lot of podcasts, right, and there's never been any other email where people even bring up the concept of a gift. So interesting you were perhaps sandbagging a little bit. 00:25:32 Speaker 1: Well, no, I feel like for me, it was just like, I know, Dave's a nice guy, so it goes a little too far. So it's not just me going out of his way to come here. Don't bring a gift. Wait, so it's just me. You don't say that to every guest. You don't hard to say, hard to say. My memory is failing me every day, it's worse. 00:25:52 Speaker 3: But let me just say, truly, Bridger, I just am. I am deeply sorry. I didn't mean to thank you. 00:26:00 Speaker 1: I did love to hear that work, and I would love for you to have it. I'm going to open it. I might as well. I mean, otherwise, you know, why would I bring it? Right? Yeah, me, open this up. I really like this wrapping paper. I got it at Target. Target. I've had bad experiences with wrapping paper at Target recently, so have wait what do you mean they just didn't have anything I wanted? Yeah, you know, this doesn't look like something you would buy at Target. It's a very totally When I saw it, I was like, holy, I was really high quality, very happy about it. I'm going to open it up. Let's see what's happening. It's just a bunch of wrapping paper in there. It's just wrapping paper up. Oh what is Dave? This is beautiful? This is absolutely okay. So what I've opened here, it's a white baseball cap with an We're gonna have to get into this because this is an embroidered uh picture of Dave. Yes, Dave is an excellent graphic artist, which thank you. This is something we've never really discussed. But this is from your special Yeah. So yes, the graphic is something you designed for it. But it's like very stylish. Sure, yeah, okay. Can I be honest with you right up top? I want you to I want to hear everything. 00:27:21 Speaker 3: I felt very self conscious about giving you this okay, because uh, I, I mean it's my. 00:27:33 Speaker 1: It's a thing I sell, right, so it is a it could be. It's like I didn't want to just show up and be like, here's a plug for my shit, you know what I mean? 00:27:46 Speaker 3: That makes me feel insecure? But then truly, I mean I was gonna plug it anyway, right of course. Well, unfortunately we have one rule. You're not allowed to promote anything on this podcast. Okay, Well, then when I mentioned my merch store, which did just launch, I do want you to know that it's just something that you know, it's I'm saying it on the way to say something else right out. 00:28:07 Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, conversation as you do, you're just kind of pepper conversations references to your merch No, I have to say, this is something I've always admired about you. I mean, you're obviously a very funny comedian, but you're also able to package what you do very well because you're a graphic artist. Thank you. Did you go to art school? How does this all? No? I didn't. 00:28:33 Speaker 3: I The way that my life moved was I like my work life. I went to college. Immediately after college, I was a radio DJ, right. I then became a web and graphic designer right after that for a documentary film company in La Okay. And I did web and graphic design up until I started comedy, and then four or five years in to comedy, and then I just now I'm a comedian. 00:29:02 Speaker 1: So you kind of just tell yourself. Yeah, I literally started with editing my MySpace page. Oh yeah, how interesting. I thought that that's happened to more people than you would think because it kind of allowed you know, you could get a different backdrop, all this sort of thing just. 00:29:20 Speaker 3: By changing there were just like you would copy code from places. 00:29:26 Speaker 1: That were knew what they were doing or whatever. 00:29:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like used that you can throw this background on your MySpace page by dropping this code in, and then you learn over time that that's HTML code and CSS code and you learn how to play with that. Also, it was this era of like the Internet was still new enough where everyone who owned a company was old enough to have no idea how to use the Internet. Yes, and so it was this like five or ten year period whereas young people were just like robbing the old mind of their money by telling them that it cost a lot of money to do very simple things on the Internet, and so I literally like, that's how I got that job working for that documentary film company. I was like, oh, yeah, I know how to do that, and I had no idea how to. 00:30:13 Speaker 1: Do it, just figured it out. Yeah, we'll probably you had enough skill to prove. 00:30:18 Speaker 3: To make it to get shited done at a low level right away, and then it just yeah. I just lied on resumes over and over and over again until I was working on the website for the Oscars, which won, and now I have an Emmy in web design. 00:30:31 Speaker 1: Wait, wait, is that true? True fact about me? Yes, walk me through this again. You designed the Oscars website. Well, I didn't design the Oscars website, but you worked on it. I worked. So that's the thing. 00:30:45 Speaker 3: Is that, like, even though this is true, the way that it happened at all, the story is very thin. The fact is very thin. I guess that is what I'm saying. So here's what happened. I lied on resumes and light on resumes until I actually was a web developer and knew how to make websites and I was doing it freelance, and had I had worked for this jewelry company for a while, and like didn't know what I was doing at the start, and by the end had built them two websites and all this stuff, and so I started trying to get real web development work. And then the first job I got was a four month contract gig for ABC. Okay, in the ABC building on the Disney Lot, and ABC hosts the Oscars, and the Oscars of course have to have a website. And there are so many Emmys there that are not televised. They're called the Creative Art Semis. 00:31:39 Speaker 1: Yes kind, it's pushed into a ditch, pushed into a ditch. There's a whole ceremony there is. It's a weird like alternate universe happening over there. It's like the same thing. It's just not televised. It's not televised, and it's like every single possible thing that goes into making some TV is up for. Like the best of that is nominated for. The ceremony is fifty hours long. I think it's probably pretty fucking long. Yeah. 00:32:11 Speaker 3: Yeah, I did not go. So that's the thing. It was a four month contract gig. My contract was not renewed. I was not good at my job. 00:32:22 Speaker 1: Okay, but you were involved, so you can take credits. 00:32:26 Speaker 3: Yeah, and to say I wasn't good at my job is a little unfair to myself. I don't it would be a little boring for your podcast. But front end work and back end work are two like broad different types of web development. Front End is making the website look away. 00:32:42 Speaker 1: Back end is making it work in the background. I was good at front end and bad at back end. You could do the design, but you couldn't work the storeroom exactly. 00:32:52 Speaker 3: And in the interview I told them that and they're like, yeah, yeah, totally. 00:32:57 Speaker 1: And so. 00:32:59 Speaker 3: I like, I'm working on a team of like fifteen people for the Oscars websites, and there's one side of front end work that is JavaScript, that is like making small functions happen after the page is already loaded, and I could do that. So I made the countdown clock until the Oscars oh, for the website. Yeah uh, And so I was very proud of that. I made the countdown clock on oscar dot com. 00:33:25 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:33:26 Speaker 3: But then that was the only thing that I could possibly contribute, Okay, and they started they moved me over to working on ABC Family TV show websites and it was all back end. 00:33:38 Speaker 1: And none of these websites needed a countdown clock. No, I think every website should have a countdown clock, just to make any Richard things like, oh, time is running out, Yeah, why are you? Why are you looking at the Girl Meets World website? So long, you psychopath? 00:33:55 Speaker 3: But and then it wasn't renewed and then uh so, yes, it is ironic that you can win an Emmy for the Oscar website. 00:34:05 Speaker 1: But it was impressive. 00:34:06 Speaker 3: Like they the Oscar website that year, they had this new camera technology where there were tiny cameras on these like maybe they were drones. 00:34:15 Speaker 1: I think they were actually little zip. 00:34:17 Speaker 3: Lines all canopying the red carpet and so you could they The people on our team designed a website where you could go to Oscar dot com and you could just roam around the red carpet live while it was happening and sort of be there felt. 00:34:39 Speaker 1: Cameras were moving around or I'm an idiot and I made that up, but they did it. But there's no way this is an actual technology. I'm just going to stand up and say that's not I've looked at you know, these three D home tours or whatever barely function. 00:34:56 Speaker 3: It was live and look, man, it won an Emmy Okay, well, I definitely there. 00:35:03 Speaker 1: I definitely just made up the little zip lines or drone things, but there were there was the technology were you attached to the backs of hummingbirds buzzing around the ceremony, but you could you could literally get a virtual tour of the red carpet live though, like while it was happening. 00:35:22 Speaker 3: Oh wow, and uh, I have no clue how they did it. So I did make it up. Absolutely, I made all that up. And now that. 00:35:29 Speaker 1: I've said it, I realized why I didn't end my contract recoup because just truly on a fundamental level, had no idea what was happening. I just walk in and be like, hello everyone, I made I made a do you need another clock? I'm Dave Clockman Clockmaster. And actually I was so. 00:35:52 Speaker 3: They so rude the day that they hired me that I got a text that said, Dave, we won an Emmy. 00:35:58 Speaker 1: And it was like months after. 00:36:00 Speaker 3: I was fired, and I was like, oh great, and it was my old bosson He was like, do you want to come in and take a picture with your emmy? 00:36:06 Speaker 1: There was one Emmy for the office. Sure, with your emmy? 00:36:09 Speaker 3: Yeah, because the team won one Emmy and I was like, yeah, I would love to come in when do you want me to? And then I texted him a couple more times asking when and no response at all, So there's no evidence. 00:36:21 Speaker 1: See, I was under the impression that when a team of people won an Emmy, everyone like basically put an order in and then you like had to buy it. So maybe I don't understand how anything works either, but I imagine one that one got. If you wanted one, you could get one. There are several possibilities here. 00:36:39 Speaker 3: One possibility is that that's just not true of the Creative Arts Emmy. 00:36:43 Speaker 1: Oh maybe maybe. 00:36:45 Speaker 3: Another very big possibility is that that is true and they did not offer me this option. 00:36:50 Speaker 1: Oh sure, but I hope that's I hope that's the case. Don't let Dave have one. I now you know. 00:37:01 Speaker 3: I am now so embarrassed of what I said about the cameras. Can I tell you, little zip lines, what was I even thinking when I said that? 00:37:09 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, As somebody, I can say, I have a very limited knowledge of mechanical things. My spatial reasoning skills are like sub infant, and what you told me, even I know that that couldn't possibly be a real well situation. 00:37:28 Speaker 3: Then explain to me how one of the thousands I would imagine of users of oscar dot com might themselves navigate a view through the red carpet that was a personalized experience to them. 00:37:44 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. It's an army of mice. Oh, it's an army of them, just an army of trained rodents. I forgot that this is actually what the movie Cats is about. Yes, this is exactly anyone who saw cats mice running wild on the red carpet for part of a social media campaign. It's a beautiful movie. Well want to I want to talk a little bit more about this hat. You know, I used to wear hats a lot. I haven't worn a hat in a long time. Are you a hat man? 00:38:15 Speaker 3: I am a hat man, yes, but I'm at. I don't want to be. I do don't want to. You have at. 00:38:21 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a. 00:38:23 Speaker 3: I am more often than i'd like in a rush. 00:38:27 Speaker 1: Okay, And in order to make my hair not. 00:38:30 Speaker 3: Look like a puffball, I have put product in it, right, and so I'll put a hat on. 00:38:36 Speaker 1: I throw a hat on. I don't I need somebody. There are two things that I don't know how to do one is wear a hat. The other is tuck in a shirt. I need somebody to just take me aside and teach me how to do these things, because whenever I wear a hat, I'm like, I'm not wearing this like a normal person, and people are gonna notice and it's going to be a distraction. I'd love to be able to wear a hat. 00:38:57 Speaker 3: I feel like the untucked thing, though I don't know. I mean, I don't know a lot of people that tuck. 00:39:04 Speaker 1: Well, it's a hard thing to do, yeah, but what if you can do it? Well, what a beautiful thing to be able to do. But you're some sort of pilot or doctor right right one of these times? Well, pilot, I don't like pilots. I have a we've we've figured that out. I have about six shirts which I can't wear because they're too long and they're tuck only. Tuck only. Unfortunately, I can't tuck, So I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You know what, I find a trusted friend. 00:39:36 Speaker 3: I think that the tucking is supposed to I think you're supposed to have a blazer a jacket over it. You've got you a bunch the folds of the tuck in the back. I think that that's what people do. What are you talking? 00:39:52 Speaker 1: I think what you've just described as someone who's never worn a shirt, I don't think so well, it sounds like that's a paper No, I'm picturing just a what when you know, when you. 00:40:05 Speaker 3: Look at someone who's wearing a button up shirt, the shirt is inevitably at least the littlest bit bigger than their body, and so in order to tuck the shirt in at some points at the waistline, it's going to be folded over a little bit. This is what you're talking about, right, You don't know how to tuck a shirt in. 00:40:19 Speaker 1: I just don't know. I like, I tuck it in and I just feel unbalanced or something like that. Oh right. My problem is I always am like, is it I just feel like it looks bunched up. Okay. And the reason I said that is I think that the people who tuck were originally people who like they had like the original tux yeah these yeah, theseus, the duck the dockers. Yeah, they would have like something to cover up part of their tuck because so it didn't bunched up. Got a tuxedo jacket, yeah, they would have little little shaws. They have zip lines which people around the world are logging onto oscars dot com to tux this. I do think that there is some sort of thing how I don't know, you know what, Dave. I headed back to the zip line because that is not that is I don't even think you've worked on this website. The more that we talk about this, the more skeptical I become that you have any web development skill. 00:41:23 Speaker 3: Can I tell you though that? And I also want to talk about this hat. I have a great many thoughts, but uh I. As a result of working on that website, I did one of the most interesting things I will ever do, for sure, because when they when they announce the Oscar nominees, there's a big press conference obviously right and when they're announced, the website has to be live with all the information on it. But they can't just give us the information because it would get leaked. So there was a night in my life where I was taken to the top of a building in Beverly Hills. My phone was taken away from me and locked in a fucking safe and we pulled an all nighter with our laptops and they created like a little intranet, and then a guy two guys walked in and one of them had a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. Oh wow, and they had the nominee information. We were the yes, second group of people that year to get the nominee information, and we had the website ready to go without the info on it. But of course there were like bugs that would come up, and then we like from midnight to five am coded the Oscars website so it was ready for the press conference. 00:42:39 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy, is insane? Yeah, what are we doing? Get real? It's what for movies? Oh yeah, just who cares? Let's just announce it. I agree, I agree, but and that's how I felt. But I just also exciting. It was like a spy ittle yeah, which you know might have been nominated. I'm going to put this hat on, and I'm going to ask you, and I'm going to ask Steven if I'm wearing it correctly and if I would love for you to to just coach me into wearing this hat, because I do feel like in the last few years, hats, the way we're wearing them has changed. There's a lot of like barely putting it on. Yes, of course, no one's really doing the bill anymore, folding the bill? Is this what that's folding the bill? What is this personal hat called? That's a dad hat? This is a dad hat. But this part of the hat that what's the portion of a hat that is a bill? Right? Kay? You actually, like I was saying, I know the folding thing. I thought you meant. I thought you meant another type of folding the brim. And I was shocked that you would ask, and I, oh, brim, brim, brim, it's part of a hat, the hat brim. Then no one is what this is? Is this the dome? This is the skull cover? Yes, tell me how to put it on before I put it on, so I don't want to embarrass myself too much here, can I tell you? By the way, I there are a few types of. 00:44:19 Speaker 3: Like clothing that I'm selling now, both on the road and online, and so there were a few things when I decided like, Okay, you know, I'm just gonna bring my stuff. I'm gonna feel I'm gonna feel weird about it, but I'll bring it. Doesn't that feel weird to just I don't know, it feels weird to promote yourself. 00:44:36 Speaker 1: But anyway, Oh, of course, self promotion is the most agon. I mean, it makes me feel horrible and it's absolutely terrible. And we're unfortunately in a business where you have to you're rewarded for self promotion. This is interesting though too, because they do not feel guilty for bringing Also it's a tasteful hat. Well, that's the thing that's interesting, is it. Like it's also. 00:44:59 Speaker 3: I'm in a weird place right now with this shit because I. 00:45:04 Speaker 1: Just started selling merch at all. I also feel weird about it. 00:45:08 Speaker 3: Monetizing myself in a non my comedy way almost felt off. But I'm doing it and uh, and that's why I made stuff that I like. And so it is interesting, like it is inherently self promotion, but it's also interesting to have this physical product that I created that I actually do like it. 00:45:26 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an odd thing. It's like almost like making food for yourself and you enjoy the food. Yeah, that makes sense, where it's like, yes, I don't trust myself to make something that I'll enjoy. 00:45:37 Speaker 3: Yes, and for me to make it for others, and so I like, it's just weird to be like I'm proud of this but also buy it. 00:45:45 Speaker 1: Right, That's why it's you fausing ten of your own hats from yourself. Yes, it's ruining you financially. 00:45:52 Speaker 3: But so I couldn't figure out like whether to bring you a hat or a shirt. And I'll be honest with you, I don't. You don't strike me as the type of person who would wear a hat it all. And you don't strike me as a person who would wear a T shirt with any comedians anything on it. Ever, you nailed it there, yeah, And so I brought you the hat because a white hat with that design on it, I just think as a thing. 00:46:15 Speaker 1: This sort of suits you, if somebody, And right now this is really the moment of truth. I have two men who I think both wear hats at some point are going to coach me and wearing a hat. But my point is I gave it to you expecting it to be something that would happily go on a mantle. And I so I, oh, sure, I thought like a thing that you could own, that would be a nice thing for you to have, But I expect nothing. Is my point. Well, I would like to be able to wear the hat, Okay, okay, tell should I just do I put it all the way on my head. Traditionally you put it all the way on your head because the brim is like that, I look like I feel it. You look inside right now, you look very very bad. You do not look good. How am I supposed to wear this thing? Do I work like this? Actually, it doesn't work. You look greats It looks great. That's exactly how I was going to take it. It looks better now because you need to see some of your hair. You need to see a little hair. I only wear hats when I have long hair, right, like something sticking out. But I think because in the back, can you tighten that up a little bit? Let's see you here. 00:47:19 Speaker 3: It depends on this the shape of your head and the shape of your hair. But for me, like, okay, I don't wear dead hats a lot because wearing them I look kind of ridiculous unless I prop them up. 00:47:31 Speaker 1: On my hair entirely. Now it's too small. 00:47:34 Speaker 3: So like whereas I there's a five panel hat, a five panel hat, when I put it on it, it's like fits the shape of my head, and. 00:47:40 Speaker 1: It's more of like a basketball hat. No, a five panel hat is it's hard to describe it's uh like that, Yeah right. 00:47:48 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're great. Do I look cool? You're like halfway between. So what Bridge is doing is like there's one thing you can do where. 00:47:55 Speaker 1: You can originally he pulled he pulled it all the way over his hair, or you can just sort of set it on top of your hair. You're doing halfway in between where you told it over your so it's firmly on your head. Purity popping out. I don't want to blowing off in a gust of wind. Stephen, does it? Is it on me? Yes? I think you could tuck a little bit of the hair back in. Let's see here, this may pop out the end looks good to me personally? Does does that? 00:48:23 Speaker 3: I think I look good? I think it like actually it's funny. I wouldn't have guessed it, but I think it like entirely suits you. 00:48:29 Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear it for the rest of the podcast and see how I feel. I'm it's now you know I'm on oneasy ground here. This is a new me. This is me talking in a baseball or a dad I guess it's a baseball hat, but it's also a dad hat. Dad hat is the like, which is the news of our time, everything I feel. I hopefully I'll become more comfortable as I wear it, but it is nice to get some honest opinions. I really fell right on my face with the first attempt putting on the hat. No, but you did it on purpose. You know what you were doing. You know I did go too far. I know I was going too far. Well, you have to to get those reactions, to get the honest reactions. Well, we want to know what it could be, yes, before we know what it is. What you know and been the thing? I say, Yes, we want to know what it could be before we know what it is. So here I am in my hat, tasteful white hat with a little cartoon picture of Dave with some roses. Yeah, tell me about this design. 00:49:29 Speaker 3: The cover art for my album is a photo of me with a sweatshairt covering half my face that my friend Megan Thompson took that always. I thought it was so funny amongst like a bunch of flowers and yeah, I just it was a design that I had made just messing around, and then when I was putting an album out, I was like, this is what I want to be the album art, right, So then I decided when I decided to sell merch. Literally, what happened is I were going to wear House sometimes to make some extra money, and they had some extra hats, and I was like, can I have these? And I was I've been trying to This is the reason I wanted to bring it in. The most exciting part of my thing about my life right now is I decided at the end of twenty nineteen to start completely approaching comedy in my life as a small business. Sure, and I had been thinking. My perspective was like, I'm an artist. I make art of whatever kinds, and if I focus on that and I make it good, the money will come. And it wasn't really happening. It was happening some and I was like, well, what if I just actually try to make money, you know, like people who own businesses do, rather than just waiting for it to show up totally just like sitting. 00:50:49 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:50:50 Speaker 3: And so as a result, I like changed some things about my touring and I was like, I should have merchant to sell. It shows people are likely to buy stuff the most after they see you, and I should open a store. And so I was just thinking about all these things I'll sell and but also I don't. I don't want corny merch. I want my merch to look good. Yes, that's why I made my album arnt that. And it's tough, Like it's just tough to make merch as a comic because as a band, you put the name of your band on a shirt, and that's a thing that people don't feel crazy. 00:51:23 Speaker 1: It's like the normal thing we've been doing. I was at a concert last night. Sure I bought a T shirt. Yeah, I'll wear it. 00:51:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, But if you were to see a comedian and really like them, would you? Or if you were to never not have heard of me and then see me and be like, wow, that comedy truly spoke to me in the way that bands usually do, Like the best example ever of you liking me? Wow, that stand upset saved my life? Would you put my name on your chest? 00:51:55 Speaker 1: I don't. I would No. It seems like the only comedians people wear a T shirt of are dead. Yes, right for them to die, than you wear their T shirt? Right, But you have this edge where you actually know how to design things that look tasteful that don't necessarily scream comedian. I'm wearing a comedian T shirt, right. 00:52:17 Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's the thing, that's the other way you can go. I know, I have a lot of friends who successfully have made something that was their own merch that was funny, right, And I also know a handful of people that unsuccessfully. 00:52:32 Speaker 1: Have done it. Oh sure that's the majority. 00:52:36 Speaker 3: But yeah, I was like, I'm not gonna go the funny route. So anyway, I was just like, I'm just gonna use my album art. I love the album art, but I had the hats and you can't. I wanted to get it embroidered. So I have horrible news for you, Bridger. I did not design the embroidery. 00:52:51 Speaker 1: I had it. Yeah, I had to like hire a a second designer who understands how embroidery work to design it for like to be optimized for a sewing machine. Yeah, totally, but it's very true to what you did, so you know. And then after I. 00:53:10 Speaker 3: Designed it, it's so I don't know, it's so funny. I never after well after they designed it and sent it to me and then I messed with it a little bit. 00:53:19 Speaker 1: I loved it. 00:53:20 Speaker 3: So much that I now not only am putting it on everything, I think I'm going to start a clothing brand, record label kind of thing with this as the image, because I really I don't know. 00:53:35 Speaker 1: This whole thing is. 00:53:36 Speaker 3: I'm having this really interesting fun year where I'm now opened up to the possibility of like, oh, I am just the sentity that creates, and I can choose what I put forward and how I monetize them, and how to release it, when to release it, when to stop releasing it, and like, just because I'm a comedian doesn't mean that other types of art aren't a part of my existence as someone who creates things. And so yeah, it's like, uh, it's it's just this. It's made me. I'm now thinking maybe I'll design. 00:54:13 Speaker 1: Fashion. Why not? Why not? I've never even imagined I would start a fashion line, but I but everybody needs fashion, sure, and people are still willing to pay for fashion, right. People are not paying for comedy, they're not paying for music, they're certainly not paying for podcasts, They're not paying for anything. So let's make some T shirts. Yeah, totally, everybody has to have a T shirt, right, So I think you're on a good path here. Well, this is wonderful. I'm very excited about this. I feel like we should head into the game territory. We love to play the game I want. Do you know what I want to play with you? Is a game called Gift Master. Okay, and I need a number between one and ten. Okay, do you want to know? Yes? Eight? Okay. While I calculate this, I mean, you've already done a little self promotion, but now I'm going to just throw you into the deep end. You can promote whatever you want. You don't even have to promote yourself. You can recommend something, do whatever you want until I've calculated. 00:55:13 Speaker 3: Oh wow, okay, be back. Okay, Well, this is a nightmare just being told to talk ount know where, so just know that about me. My website is Dave toothoross dot com. D A V E T O T H E R O s S dot com and all my stuff is on there. I hope that you go there and find something you like. Truly, I'm touring a lot. I will probably be doing a headlining show somewhere near wherever you live very soon. All those tour dates are there. Also, I have a podcast, and by the time this comes out, I might have two. I'm starting a new podcast this year. And you know, there's other stuff on there if you want to see videos of stand up oh yeah, and then my merch story is shop dot davet theirross dot com and you can buy my album. Oh yeah, check out my album please. Really it's tour n eight's podcasting album with me. And I can't believe that I didn't remember that, Dave. 00:56:15 Speaker 1: The game is about to begin. Okay, let me explain the rules to you. I'm going to tell you three celebrities, three famous people, and I'm going to tell you three potential gifts. You have to tell me which of those gifts you'll give to which celebrity and why does that make sense to you? Yes? Okay. The celebrities you're going to be giving gifts to Tricia Yearwood, Tim Allen, and what's the third one here? Do Nicole Kidman? Okay? So those Tim Allen, Nicole Kidman, Trisha Yearwood. 00:56:50 Speaker 3: How honestly my three favorite celebrities kind of your artists? 00:56:55 Speaker 1: Yes, those are the artists. You've three of my four mount Rushmore heads. Now you've got to the fourth is Trump ban blacklist? You have been removed from the podcast. Okay. The gifts you have to give are a waterbed, a VR headset, okay, and a Baja Fresh franchise. 00:57:20 Speaker 3: Holy shit, Okay, right off the top, I'm gonna give the Baja Fresh franchise to Tim Allen because that seems like a fucking hassle. 00:57:33 Speaker 1: And I can't stand that dude. Last Man Standing. 00:57:37 Speaker 3: God damn, the existence of that show I find so annoying. 00:57:42 Speaker 1: So I haven't watched it. Well, I mean I haven't tied there, but I don't need to. 00:57:47 Speaker 3: Yeah, the premise was told to me of Last Man Standing that it's a he's a man and he is married to a woman and they are the parents of only daughters. 00:57:59 Speaker 1: Oh, just how horrifying his life tribulations this man, The amount of women he has to talk to and listen to. What a fucking especially when you're like such a man. Well, when you're a guys guy, yeah, when you be surrounded by gals. Look, he's not a bad guy. He's good to his girls. But sometimes, I mean, is it so much to ask that one night a week I can watch a monster truck rally while I'm eating like a shitload of pizza and you and no One's going to come in and be like I have a field trip tomorrow or some other female. Bullshit, dude, I'm fucking it's that concept for ish, a rough, rough idea for a television show, and so okay, so that's mine. You're going to give him a Baja Fresh franchise. I feel like he wouldn't know what to do and running around At the. 00:58:55 Speaker 3: Very least, he would have to get some people to deal with it for him, and it would like fuck up his. 00:59:00 Speaker 1: Day, like every day he has to check in with the franchise, like yeah, well, best case scenario is that he would love it and then he would just do that. He would remove himself from entertainment, and that would be great. If Tim Allen opened a Baja Fresh and was like, you know what, man, I love this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. 00:59:21 Speaker 3: Come to my Baja Fresh and it'll be me serving you. I would go to that. 00:59:26 Speaker 1: Baja absolutely to get a salsa bar from Tim Allen. 00:59:30 Speaker 3: Oh, totally, totally, so yes, absolutely, And it's a waterbed in a VR headset. Right, Nicole Kidman and Trisha Yearwood. Right, man, Well. 00:59:43 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't really know so much about Trisha Yearwood. I believe she's married, to Garth Brooks. Okay, wow, that's weird. Good perfect, Yeah, I know that there's some country superstar couple. Okay, well, turn to Steve and I think he might be looking this up now just to confirm, but I'm pretty sure she's married to Chris Kanes himself. Oh my god, it's correct. I'm ding ding ding. Does she have a Chris Kanes esque name? Oh? She should should? What would it hurt that name be like Waterbed v our headset. That's an incredible I think. Uh yeah, No, Arizona Waterbed. That's her. That's her rock and roll name, Arizona. 01:00:30 Speaker 3: Oh man, do you remember the day when Arizona Waterbed was wed to Chris Kanes? 01:00:36 Speaker 1: Uh? He has her to bury him on the top of a mountain. They bolt released one album, which was quickly forgotten. What was that, Chris Kanes? What? I know? What was it? I know? I mean, I know it didn't it didn't not work. I mean we're still talking about it people here we are twenty years later. 01:01:01 Speaker 3: I feel like it was sort of similar to when Michael Jordan played baseball for a while, except the reason wasn't that his father was murdered. 01:01:11 Speaker 1: Is that wait? Is that why that story? 01:01:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there's all sorts of weird stories about like, yeah, his father died in some sort of like weird accident and people think it's murder. 01:01:23 Speaker 1: And he had a lot of gambling daytime. Yeah, it was like on the side of the freeway or something, and there were conspiracies about him being caught up with ye sambling. 01:01:32 Speaker 3: Exactly so, and apparently it was his like sort of disappearing from that. 01:01:37 Speaker 1: Oh or maybe that was did Michael have to to help win some more bets he had to go play baseball. 01:01:44 Speaker 3: I will say that we are pretty fast approaching the cameras on zip lines part of this conversation. 01:01:53 Speaker 1: We're both speaking to something that we knows so much about. Yeah, two experts just digging in. Yeah. 01:02:02 Speaker 3: So, yes, I know very little about Garth Brooks and I know even less about Tricia Yearwould. 01:02:08 Speaker 1: All right, So so. 01:02:11 Speaker 3: I'm really going to focus my energy here on Nicole Kidman and sadly get. 01:02:16 Speaker 1: The leftovers right. It's not about a gift giving strategy. Can you tell me a little bit about where Nicole Kidman's at now? Nicole Kidman as far as geographically or well, hopefully you don't graphically know exactly where she is. I could. I could guess she's either in Australia or here in Los Angeles. 01:02:33 Speaker 3: That's a good bet. Nicole Kidman is the one who is married to Tom Cruise. She was married to Tom kru escaped him. Yes, I think that's when scientology really started to ramp up in the Cruise household. Kidman was like, I'm out of here. 01:02:47 Speaker 1: Well, then she's getting the waterbed because she needs to lay down, she needs to take a minute to breathe. Yes, scientology, And you know what, I would imagine that she's got a lot of things in life. 01:03:00 Speaker 3: But I'll bet you that Nicole Kidman doesn't have a waterbed. I'll also bet you she doesn't often want to lay in a waterbed, because laying on a waterbed is usually very bad. 01:03:12 Speaker 1: Uh. We held onto the dream of the waterbed for a very long we sure did. And then I think everybody immediately was on the same page and we said we're not doing that anymore. Yeah. 01:03:22 Speaker 3: I don't really know why. I don't really know what had to happen for us to finally agree that waterbeds are bad, But it did seem to happen overnight one night. 01:03:33 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think in like nineteen ninety seven we said goodbye right New Year's too many waterbeds blew up totally. Were they blowing up? I think that they can like explode. I mean it's it's it is. It's a water balloon. It's not a water it's one hundred percent of water. 01:03:52 Speaker 4: It is not one hundred A water mattress is not a water because a water balloon has pressure in it has like air in it as well, whereas a water bed isn't nearing explosion. I suppose like if you were to drop some sort of anvil on a waterbed, perhaps it would explode. So like yes, if you're jumping up and down, I don't think that it's really in the cards for it too. 01:04:18 Speaker 1: I think it could split and leak. No, I think they exploded. There's pressure air, yes, I think they're packed with water, yes, but not like yeah, and then there's sort of like a vacuum ceiling element to it where it's like a it's sort of like what wavy. No, it's just not just water. There's like something in the water what a fish? Tiny cameras? Uh yeah, No, like have you been on a waterbed before, not in the last thirty years. Well you haven't lived thirty years. Yeah, that's probably true, but I mean it is probably just I mean, it's it's a water balloon. Police, they beg you. You put a sheet over a water balloon and that's a waterbed. I don't know what to tell you. 01:05:17 Speaker 3: I mean, it is a sack filled with water. Like obviously I don't so we disagree with you there. 01:05:23 Speaker 1: Maybe we meet halfway and we call it a water sack. I don't know. Well, no one's seen one since nineteen ninety seven, so we to and we can theorize all we want. 01:05:34 Speaker 3: But yes, either way, I don't think Nicole Gidman has one. And I'll bet you that that's not really for for because she wants she doesn't want one. 01:05:46 Speaker 1: But I'll also bet she has an extra room sure. 01:05:50 Speaker 3: And were she to get a waterbed, she'll be like, oh my god, fine put it in. 01:05:54 Speaker 1: The guests in the room were when it comes to visit the kids or whatever, they let him stay there. I would really doubt it. I feel like this is kind of one of these families with you know, just weird stuff. 01:06:07 Speaker 3: I just mean, I don't think Tom Cruise has slept in years. That's probably true. 01:06:10 Speaker 1: The last time he stuff was on a waterbed in like nineteen eighty seven, and then l Ron Hubbard came knocking, and it's just been awake. Yeah. Yeah. 01:06:21 Speaker 3: But then every now and then she'll be like thinking about scientology a lot, you know, and she's like, oh God, I wish that I could sleep, but also that it was like sort of an advance. 01:06:30 Speaker 1: Kind of slosh around. Well, scientologists love to be at sea, so this feels like a little harder her ideologically to see. Oh, Dave has gone political again and again on this podcast. I know, Yeah, you don't know what I believe if we found out right now that you're a scientologist, I don't know. 01:06:50 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not a scientologist. But I'm just a fan of l Ron Hubbard. They call us Hubbies. You love his you love his fiction. 01:06:58 Speaker 1: I do. He's a good writer. I mean, it's kind of in the same category as the whatever your parents gave you, the book, oh, the Tony Hillerman Tony Hilly trash, right, Yeah, but like now it's a religion. Yes, very interesting. 01:07:19 Speaker 3: And so I'll give a VR headset to Tricia Yearwould and there's not really a reason. But maybe there's a program in there where she could talk to someone who is not Garth brook Maybe she there's a game where she can have another husband, or. 01:07:36 Speaker 1: Maybe it's the Chris Ganes experience. Oh wow, you plug into the VR and you're rocking out as your alter ego. How funny would that be? 01:07:46 Speaker 3: If it's like in the in the Gaines Brooks Yearwood Household, which I'm sure they referred to it as that she Chris Gaines gets Tricia. Garth Brooks would never do this, but Chris. He gets Tricia a VR headset for her birthday, and she's like, thank you, Chris, because she plays along entirely, right, yeah, yeah. But then it turns out slowly over time that every time she's she has the headset on, she's just hanging out with Toby Keith. But he doesn't know, and there's no way of knowing. 01:08:21 Speaker 1: I could see that happening me too. I mean, you know, Tricia, once she gets the VR headset for me, if she can do whatever she wants. Yeah, she can live as Arizona Waterbed. 01:08:31 Speaker 3: The only VR game I've ever played was a game where you throw dildo's at Donald Trump. 01:08:37 Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, it feels right for VR. I agree. I mean, I think everyone would like to give that a shot out. It was super fun. Interest. It was at the Riot Comedy Festival one year and somebody just developed a whole video game about throwing dildo's at Donald Yeah, and you were like inside a whole like three D world and there was like a fantastic orange, orange fat man just nailing right in the face. Yeah. Okay, Well I think you h. I think you handled that really well. Wow, thank you. That's a really funny way to end a game. I help them. They handled it well. I think you handled that like an adult, Dave. Thank you, and I'm proud of you. And so we're gonna head in, uh, we're gonna head into the next portion of the podcast, and we're just gonna use that knowledge that you've demonstrated to help somebody pick a gift for someone in their life. I'm going to read a question somebody's written into I said no gifts at gmail dot com and they said, Dear Bridger, what could my husband and I gift his mother for Mother's Day? She goes above and beyond helping us raise her grandkids. She's obsessed with them. Thanks for your time, Resa in New Jersey. Well, I think you should give her the kids. We've demonstrated right here that grandma's obsessed. She's obsessed, she's hooked, and she's helping raised them. So you clearly don't want you have you've checked out. Yeah, I've become like a morning radio DJ. Well you're clearly a fucking idiot. So I oh man, wow, I'm sorry to have even joked in that way. What is their name? 01:10:20 Speaker 2: Ri? 01:10:20 Speaker 1: I s a in New Jersey? Oh, I wonder because it say where in New Jersey doesn't say it's too bad. I am from southern New York. I spent a lot. Oh interesting, Okay, what a what a? Whereabouts is that? I grew up in Orange County, New York, which is which is very confusing. Yes, it's about an hour north of New York City. It's if you keep driving up from New York City, it is the first place that is poor. Okay, just keep driving until people are poor. And that's where I until people couldn't afford to live in Manhattan. Uh And it's yeah near like right on the Jersey board. Okay. 01:11:01 Speaker 3: If she's from Ringwood or Paramus or Ramsey or you know, even Clifton, you know Morristown. 01:11:10 Speaker 1: Jim, my boyfriend is from lynd Hurst. I don't know. I believe that's your Giants stadium. Yeah, lynd Hurst is in Central Jersey. Okay, so that's central. I don't know any of the to me, New Jersey is on New Jersey. I don't really know where lynd Hurst is. Okay, so central. I mean, it's such a small state. Why can't we just north south? We don't need any of that. Let's just call it New Jersey. We should just make it a part of New York. And maybe New Jersey wouldn't want to blow up. But whatever? Can I tell you? By the way, I love your boyfriend. I'm a big fan. Oh. I love hanging out with him. Oh that's very sweet. He's a sweet man. He's a sweet man. 01:11:41 Speaker 3: I'd never see him except at our yearly Mafia game at Mattinger Britzton's Broidy. 01:11:46 Speaker 1: He gets out of control, he gets very angry, and I lose. 01:11:50 Speaker 3: I lose because I just in every game I ever play, I get really excited and then ten minutes in I get I no longer. 01:11:58 Speaker 1: I just want to hang out and talk to people, of course, so I just sort of just let it go. Yeah, And meanwhile, Jim is smarting into maybe some patterns. You know, an Italian from New Jersey is just getting two into the mafia. I do feel like he's perhaps in the mafia. He might be. He's a little bit too worried that we're going to find out. Yes, exactly. Yeah, maybe if I'm finding something out about my life right now, I don't know. Well, Resa, what do you think you know, the grandkids, grandma, Maybe it's time to give her a few days off. Oh wow, that's interesting. Maybe you get her a couple of hotel nights. But she loves the grand kids. I keep it. 01:12:40 Speaker 3: Yeah, well yeah, I mean right, so you're trying to honor someone who has helped relieve like a like a very I don't want I was going to say burden. I don't mean to say that in a shitty way. 01:12:54 Speaker 1: But you know what I mean that these kids are a burden. 01:12:58 Speaker 3: Right, that's true. But she's helping and you want to thank her for that. But also the thing she's helping with she likes a lot. Perhaps it is like a combination. Is there some sort of like vacation with the kids, go. 01:13:11 Speaker 1: To the beach down the shore, as they say in New Jersey, down shore. Well that you take? Okay, you go down shore? Well forgive me, yeah, well I won't. Look, I'm not Tony Soprano. I'm sorry. Well you're wearing a hat. 01:13:26 Speaker 2: I wonder. 01:13:27 Speaker 1: I don't either. This is a new energy for me, and I apologize. I think that a little vacation downshore actually is it? Probably whatever? Find out what her which shore town is her pleasure? Maybe she doesn't, But I find grandma's in Jersey tend to want to go to the Jersey Shore. They want to go to the Jersey Shore. What is it about the Jersey Shore that attracts Grandma's. I don't know. 01:13:51 Speaker 3: It's the breeze. And also they're from Jersey. Pick one that's not scary, you know, don't take them to Asbury Park. 01:14:02 Speaker 1: Oh okay, they sound dangerous. It's funny. 01:14:04 Speaker 3: I don't even really, I'm kind of being dumb. I don't really remember which one. Some of are nicer than others. 01:14:09 Speaker 1: Okay, to find a nice little is that one of the nice better be or they've got a horrible name. Sometimes they flip it though, Yeah, that's true. Yeah, kind of surprise people. I say, pack a picnic. Yeah, throw Grandma on the back of the car, literally throw hurl grandma. Thank you while you're doing it. Yes, get the kids in their car seats or what have you, and go have a go build a sand castle. Yeah. And then maybe there's something. 01:14:43 Speaker 3: I'm trying to think, like, is there a way to give her time with the kids and your Like, would it be like you go, maybe the gift is just you go to her house and you do you do her chores for the day and she gets to hang out with the kids. 01:14:57 Speaker 1: Oh, not a bad ideas. She gets to leave Eve and they go have a fun day exactly at that giant mall they've built in New Jersey, at the Palisades Mall. Have you heard of this new mall like a ski slope. Oh my god, I don't know about this, and I feel like it's already being abandoned. There was a brand there was a new mall built in New Jersey. Oh, maybe it's actually not in Jersey, maybe it's in Rockland County, New York. But anyway, it was a mall. 01:15:20 Speaker 3: The Palisades Mall is a four or five story massive mall that was built while I was there and we would go and there was like a roller coaster in there, and. 01:15:29 Speaker 1: Right's small one. Sure it doesn't seem like it's big ause of that one, but I love. 01:15:36 Speaker 3: My favorite thing about that mall is that they built it in a marsh and it is sinking a couple of inches a year. 01:15:43 Speaker 1: About thirty years. That's going to be a real destination. Yeah, totally come visit us at the marsh. Okay, Resa, you know we've given you some ideas here. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, take care of Grandma. Also an easy thing. It's like a picture of the kids. Yeah, that's a nice or you know, or like a hat with the kids embroidered in it. Yeah, if you want me to do that for you, Jam I could do that for you and reach out to his website. Yeah, grandmamerch dot com. Well, I think we're about done here. It's been an absolutely wonderful having arm in a hat. If I'm easing into it, I'm feeling a little more comfortable. Maybe I'll wear it on my way home and Jim I'll probably say, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it does suit you, Okay, I'm going to take I'm taking you both. Jim definitely will say, Dave, I'm taking you at your word here, I'm trusting you. I'm going to at least drive home in a hat. We'll see how I feel. 01:16:41 Speaker 3: Here's one thing you might come across though, What is that I also wear my hat the way that you're wearing it with the brim up, because I feel like I look crazy with it down. Sure, but while you're driving, sometimes the brim hits this roof of your car. 01:16:57 Speaker 1: Oh no, And you'll like sometimes I'll just have a head on it, and then I'll like go to look over my shoulder and I can't turn my head, and I'm like trapped, Yeah, absolutely trapped in your car, trapped in my car, trapped in a hat. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna give it a shot. Dave. Thank you so much for being here. Oh you kidding me? Thank you so much for having me. And that's the end of the show. I hope that if you're still in the high speed chase that things work out for you. I said, No. Gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter. At I Said No gifts, and if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're at it? 01:17:53 Speaker 2: Hell, did you hear fun a man? Myself? Perfectly clear? But you're I guess to my home? You gotta come to me empty? And I said, no, guess your own presences persons enough. I already had too much stuff. So how do you dare to surbey me?