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Speaker 1: This is the Fread Show. Let's get you Hotel, a

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Speaker 1: Jennifer Lopez off All Night Live in Las Vegas March thirteenth,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty six at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace. Text

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Speaker 1: dance to three seven three three seven right now for

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Speaker 1: show at two Night Hotel's Day March twelve through the fourteenth,

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Speaker 1: added the Flamingo Hotel Casino Las Vegas and brown Javert Fair.

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Speaker 1: running December thirtieth through January third, and March sixth through

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Speaker 1: the twenty eighth. This day or go Okay, you guys,

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Speaker 1: sething going on? You want us to talk about you? Well,

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Speaker 1: He'll be on the phone for part of it, so

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Speaker 1: it's not all behind your back. You can hit us

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Speaker 1: up on all the different social search for The Fread

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Speaker 1: Show and Fred Show Radio dot com. I gotta pull

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Speaker 1: out my phone because you know my outlook doesn't work.

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Speaker 1: Why would it? Hey, Kelsey, how you.

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Speaker 2: Doing good about yourself?

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Speaker 1: Kelsey doing all right? Welcome to the program here. So

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Speaker 1: you have been in a relationship for a year and

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Speaker 1: a half and it says here that you think your

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's wonderful. Okay, great, well thanks for calling. I mean,

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Speaker 1: what are we talking about here? Your boyfriend's wonderful, You're

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Speaker 1: and a half a nice run, So what's the issue?

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Speaker 2: Okay? So I'm going to say it again. He's really great.

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Speaker 2: He's very loving, very helpful around the house.

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Speaker 1: Here's a big butt coming, There's a big butt coming.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He gets angry, okay, Like I mean, you know his

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Speaker 1: sports seems losing angry or you know his I don't know,

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Speaker 1: he stuffed his toe angry or you ran out of

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Speaker 1: fish ticks, its angry? You know, Like what kind of

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Speaker 1: angry are we talking about here?

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Speaker 2: So I would definitely say he has anger issues. Heels,

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Speaker 2: He's punched a ball or two. Okay, sometimes he'll throw

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Speaker 2: things and it's it's a lot. And it's not like

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Speaker 2: he's ever hit me or anything like. I don't think

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Speaker 2: he would ever do that. But it's just kind of

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Speaker 2: terrifying to be around.

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Speaker 3: Him.

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Speaker 1: Is he mad at you or is he mad about

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Speaker 1: other things? Or it? Does it matter?

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Speaker 2: It doesn't matter, it's just the way that he expresses

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Speaker 2: whatever he's feeling is not healthy. It's scary, okay.

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Speaker 1: And do you feel in danger? I mean you say

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Speaker 1: that you don't think he would hit you, but like,

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Speaker 1: do you feel do you feel at risk by this

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Speaker 1: behavior or is it just scary because of how quickly

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Speaker 1: it ramps up in the way that he sort of

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Speaker 1: you know, it's communicated, I guess or manifest.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't feel like I'm in danger, but it's

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Speaker 2: just stressful having to witness it and be around it.

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Speaker 2: And that's just how he is when he's upset.

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Speaker 1: And has it always been this way the whole year

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Speaker 1: and a half or is this something that you're only

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Speaker 1: now seeing. Maybe he was able to sort of keep

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Speaker 1: it under wraps for a while.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean I would say like the first few months,

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Speaker 2: like I hadn't really seen that side of him. But

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Speaker 2: you know, a few months in that's when you.

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Speaker 1: Start to see, right, you're not really dating the real

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Speaker 1: person for about six months I found that if you

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Speaker 1: make it that far, yeah, you're only seeing you're seeing

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Speaker 1: what they want you to see. So this is more

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Speaker 1: likely what you would be dealing with if you were

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Speaker 1: with him forever. A lot of texts already coming in.

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Speaker 1: You got to you gotta run, like you gotta go

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Speaker 1: the other way, Like this is a huge red flag. Now,

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Speaker 1: do you have any idea where this is coming from?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 1: Is it where this why it ramps up so quickly?

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Speaker 1: I mean, is it?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: Is it? Do you feel like he's really stressed out?

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Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's some sort of childhood trauma?

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Speaker 1: Do you think it's anxiety or I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: is this something that a medical professional could address? Is

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Speaker 1: he willing to go to therapy? I mean, have you

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Speaker 1: talked about any of this with him? Have you said, hey,

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Speaker 1: I watch you go from zero to one hundred so

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Speaker 1: quickly and it really concerns me? Or does that just

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Speaker 1: cause him to go zero to one hundred.

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm a little scared to talk to him about it, and.

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Speaker 1: That's a problem. Flag beak grid flag. Yeah, she's scared. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I don't think anything's gonna change unless you communicate

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Speaker 1: to him that you are concerned about it, and if

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Speaker 1: you already feel trepidation about sharing it, with him or

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Speaker 1: sharing your thoughts with him. Then that's the problem, because

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Speaker 1: how is it ever going to be resolved. Do you

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Speaker 1: guys live together?

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Speaker 2: We don't, not yet.

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Speaker 1: Huh. But you say he's wonderful. I mean, so every

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Speaker 1: other aspect of the relationship you're happy with, except when

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Speaker 1: he gets angry, he gets really ang.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, huh yeah, And that's what's that's what's difficult here,

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Speaker 5: is he's actually really wonderful. It's just he's got a

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Speaker 5: short fuse and his emotional regulation just isn't good when

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Speaker 5: he's mad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it's overwhelming on the text, like it's

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Speaker 1: blowing up eight five five five three five you can

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Speaker 1: call him text the same number. It's it's overwhelming that

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Speaker 1: you have to move on. And I know that's easy

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Speaker 1: for other people to say. Unfortunately, it sounds like a

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Speaker 1: lot of people have lived through this before, though, and

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Speaker 1: so they're they're they're coming, you know, they're they're talking

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Speaker 1: to you, or they're they're giving this advice from their perspective,

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Speaker 1: and and maybe some of these people have seen it

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Speaker 1: through a little bit longer and it's been bad. Uh.

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Speaker 1: This is above my pay grade, though, which is why

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Speaker 1: I think when you have a bunch of strangers tell

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Speaker 1: you what to do eight five five three five. Fortunately,

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Speaker 1: this is not one that I've encountered before. I've encountered

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Speaker 1: people that drink way too much and then their behavior

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Speaker 1: become extremely erratic and dangerous, and that's a problem, But

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Speaker 1: I've never encountered anybody who gets just just hair pin

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Speaker 1: trigger angry. But if you can't talk to him about it,

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Speaker 1: I guess that's the first sign that I mean, how

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Speaker 1: do you expect it to be any different if you

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Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable talking to him about it and thus

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Speaker 1: coming up with some kind of a resolution, him getting

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Speaker 1: some kind of help. I mean, I guess I don't

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Speaker 1: know what. I don't know what to tell you. If

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Speaker 1: you can't talk to him about it like that to

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Speaker 1: me says everything.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I could try to talk to him, I

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Speaker 2: just I haven't yet.

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Speaker 1: Hmmm. I'm gonna take some phone calls on this, Kelsey.

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Speaker 1: I want you to listen, because I do think that

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Speaker 1: a lot of people out there, you know, something about

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Speaker 1: our show is when we talk about stuff, and people

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Speaker 1: can call from their perspectives and a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have lived this before, So maybe someone will say something

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Speaker 1: that's helpful to you or that inspires you to know

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Speaker 1: what to do next. But I wish you the best,

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Speaker 1: you know, be safe. Please Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Have a good day. Yeah. People are saying,

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Speaker 1: I do feel like she's she's looking for validation to leave.

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Speaker 1: That's what I think. She's looking for someone to tell

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Speaker 1: her to leave. And I agree with that. A bunch

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Speaker 1: of texts like that, Hey Jessica, good morning.

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Speaker 6: Good morning, how are you?

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Speaker 1: And I was kind of serious to start the day.

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Speaker 1: But nonetheless, I think people out there may have lived

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Speaker 1: this before and might have some perspective to offer. This

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Speaker 1: woman is concerned because she's been with a guy for

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Speaker 1: a year and a half and she says he's a

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Speaker 1: great guy. Maybe she's saying next week, doesn't get mad,

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Speaker 1: but she says he's a great guy. He said he

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Speaker 1: has a temper and it hasn't really necessarily come out

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Speaker 1: at her, but it comes out, you know, punching walls

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Speaker 1: and you know, really sort of over the top, and

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Speaker 1: it's scary. What do you think.

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Speaker 6: Well, I'm kind of on the other end of this.

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Speaker 6: I married this person. We dated for about four years,

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Speaker 6: and unfortunately I had unknown resolve unresolved childhood traumas, and

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Speaker 6: I thought this was no normal and we got married,

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Speaker 6: we have some kids, and I finally threw my therapist

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Speaker 6: have taken a standards and I'm not doing this anymore.

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Speaker 6: You have to go to therapy, you have to be

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Speaker 6: on medication. It have gotten better, but he still has

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Speaker 6: never said this is a problem, like he always says,

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Speaker 6: I'm working on myself. If he's never really come out

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Speaker 6: and said that, you know, I have this problem. I

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Speaker 6: have anger issues of fatality issues, like it's really hard.

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Speaker 6: It's really hard. So if I could go back in time,

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Speaker 6: sad to say, I love my children, but I would

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Speaker 6: not have played with it.

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Speaker 1: It's such an interesting thing, Jessica, because I guess I

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Speaker 1: never really understood this until recently, and I've I've been

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Speaker 1: alive for a while. But you are saying that you

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Speaker 1: grew up seeing this or experiencing this, and so as

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Speaker 1: obvious as it sounds, you know, you just thought that

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Speaker 1: was how everybody was, and at some point what you

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Speaker 1: had an awakening, like you just said, wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: this isn't how, this is not how every relationship is.

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Speaker 1: It was modeled for you, and so now it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: hold on, I don't want to live this way. Is

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Speaker 1: that what happened? How did you come to that spot

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Speaker 1: where you realize, Okay, no, this isn't how it's supposed

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Speaker 1: to be.

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Speaker 6: Well, I started going to therapy and I explained all

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Speaker 6: my situations to my therapist and she's and I mean

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Speaker 6: I've been with her for probably about four years now.

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Speaker 6: I've been married for seventeen. But yeah, she's just like,

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Speaker 6: this is not normal, and she kind of, you know,

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Speaker 6: let me see that it's not okay that he yells

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Speaker 6: at loud and throws things, and you know, I've actually

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Speaker 6: had to call the police, and I feel like that

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Speaker 6: that was kind of like an awaking me for him, Like, Okay,

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Speaker 6: she's not dealing with this anymore. This is not going

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Speaker 6: to be okay. Like I have to change. And my

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Speaker 6: kids are now experiencing, you know, problems because they witnessed this,

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Speaker 6: and so we're having to go through therapy with them

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Speaker 6: and you know, unresolved trauma. And I mean it's big.

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Speaker 6: Like she, like I said, if I could go back

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Speaker 6: in time, I wouldn't. I would have left him.

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Speaker 1: Do you see a world Jessica where he I mean

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Speaker 1: he recognizes it and actually makes big steps towards changing it,

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Speaker 1: or do you think it's a lost cause.

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Speaker 6: Well, my therapist says, I still have hope. So if

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Speaker 6: I still have hope, then there's you know, I shouldn't

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Speaker 6: leave yet He's actively working on it, and he has

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Speaker 6: gotten better. And I know that people in a piece

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Speaker 6: of situations often say, you know, like, oh, but he's

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Speaker 6: gotten so much better since then, But he has, and

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Speaker 6: so I'm trying to focus on that. And I've laid

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Speaker 6: out to him what I need in this marriage for

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Speaker 6: it to work. And we're actually we have a couple

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Speaker 6: of therapy tomorrow, so I'm going to present.

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Speaker 7: Him with that.

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Speaker 1: But that's what you're doing, Jessa. Takes a lot of

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Speaker 1: courage because everyone on here saying roun and I know

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Speaker 1: why they're saying that, because it's dangerous. There could be dangerous.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you're fighting for it and you know,

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Speaker 1: giving this guy opportunity to change, uh, And that takes

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Speaker 1: a lot of courage. So good for you.

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Speaker 6: Thanks, Thanks, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: You have a good day, Jessica.

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Speaker 6: Thanks you too.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing how like you can not to make it

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Speaker 1: about me, but like you. You can experience something growing up,

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Speaker 1: you can know what it was, you can and then

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Speaker 1: and then you can be triggered by that behavior all

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Speaker 1: your life until one day you just say and it

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Speaker 1: happened for me recently. It's like wait a minute, no,

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Speaker 1: like no, I'm not you're not You're not gonna do that.

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Speaker 1: And then you you connect it with the thing that happened,

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Speaker 1: you know, early on in your life, and you're like, well,

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Speaker 1: that's why that triggers me. But now I'm taking a

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Speaker 1: stand like no, not no, like I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: be treated that way by anybody. And unfortunately sometimes it

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Speaker 1: takes over correction to then come to the place where

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Speaker 1: you just avoid it entirely. But that that makes me sad.

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Speaker 1: It makes me sad that this woman got herself into

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Speaker 1: a marriage thinking this is this is how it, this

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Speaker 1: is just how it is right because it's what she

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Speaker 1: saw and it and it doesn't have to be that way.

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Speaker 1: Hey Becky, good morning.

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Speaker 6: It's good morning.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing I Becky, Okay, so you're not

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Speaker 1: a total random you are a therapist. You know, we

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Speaker 1: did not check your licensure, but we'll go with it.

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Speaker 1: You hear this, what do you think.

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Speaker 4: A person doesn't have emotional regulation, which is really control

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Speaker 4: of their emotions. Right now the relationship as relationship coach,

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Speaker 4: I will tell her, he's only going to get to

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Speaker 4: know you. He's going to become familiar, which once you

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Speaker 4: can he becomes familiar with you, he's going to feel

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Speaker 4: comfortable lashing out.

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Speaker 1: You.

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Speaker 4: And you don't know where that lashing is going to

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Speaker 4: go to indefinitely if he's behaving like that, asis well,

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Speaker 4: adverse childhood traumas have come in those experiences. So if

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Speaker 4: he doesn't have control of it, you have an individual

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Speaker 4: with unmanagemental health issues. They may manage it.

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Speaker 7: What a faz with alcohol?

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Speaker 1: You never know in your experience, Becky, you for your life? Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, so she says, go now in your experience, though,

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Speaker 1: have you ever seen where people can be rehabilitated from this?

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Speaker 1: Like if the guy is really opened, if he accepts

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Speaker 1: the fact that this is really happening, and he wants

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Speaker 1: to save his family, and he goes to the right

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Speaker 1: person and he leans into the process. I mean, does

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Speaker 1: it have to be a go.

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Speaker 8: No, it doesn't have to be a goal. But she's

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Speaker 8: afraid to address him, and and he's he hasn't taken

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Speaker 8: responsibility for his actions, because if he took responsibility for

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Speaker 8: his actions, you think it is when you look at

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Speaker 8: an individual you care about and you see how you've wounded.

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Speaker 4: Them, or you see how you've brought them to fear,

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Speaker 4: you try to comfort them in that, whatever means it takes.

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Speaker 4: You would try to you know what, I'm going to

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Speaker 4: talk to somebody about this. You should be your own advocate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's yeah, that's not happening. Becky, Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day, you too. Yeah. I mean I'm

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Speaker 1: not naive to the fact this is happening a lot,

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Speaker 1: but my god is the text is blowing up with

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Speaker 1: people who, unfortunately can relate to this very scenario. Hey Monica, Hi,

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Speaker 1: good morning, Hi Monica. Yeah. So, if you're just joining,

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Speaker 1: and I know you're not, but if you're just tuning in,

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Speaker 1: stare go this woman you know he loves your boyfriend

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Speaker 1: says he's a great guy, but things go zero to

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Speaker 1: sixty with the anger. He gets very angry, very quickly,

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Speaker 1: and well it's not directed at her yet it concerns her,

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Speaker 1: but she's not willing to talk to him about it,

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Speaker 1: and she's wondering if she needs to get out. It

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Speaker 1: sounds like if she's not willing to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: then there's nothing left to talk about. Like she's got

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Speaker 1: to go.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she has to absolutely go. And as out listening, the.

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Speaker 6: Fact that she says that I don't think.

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Speaker 3: He'll hit me, Oh, she's not certain. I've been married

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Speaker 3: with my husband for over eighteen years and I can

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Speaker 3: say he will not hit me. There's a difference between

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Speaker 3: being angry simply.

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Speaker 9: Just you know, the temple of angry old you know,

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Speaker 9: I'm hungry or I've lost the game. But the fact

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Speaker 9: that she cannot say he won't hit me, and even

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Speaker 9: listening to her talks, she sounds very scared to get

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Speaker 9: the words out.

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Speaker 6: All the red flags are there.

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Speaker 10: She has to go.

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Speaker 6: She's setting herself up for a.

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Speaker 3: Lifetime a failure, and one she brings kids into the mix,

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Speaker 3: it's gotta be even harder to leave. So I hope

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Speaker 3: that she's listening, but she needs to go.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, needs to go.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, Bonica, have a good day.

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Speaker 7: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I think it sometimes gets you into a value proposition too.

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Speaker 1: Some people think that they just don't they don't deserve

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Speaker 1: to have it all. And I'm not sure if that's

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Speaker 1: what she's thinking. But you know, for some people, it's well,

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Speaker 1: they just stay in it because it's like, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: he's nice most of the time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you make excuse excuses, and you see potential and

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Speaker 4: you and.

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Speaker 1: When it's good, it's probably really good, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean.

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Speaker 10: Like when they make up, it probably feels great, but

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Speaker 10: then it happens again.

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Speaker 1: It's a cycle. Yeah, maya, hi, Hi, good morning, Hey,

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Speaker 1: good morning. Stay or go? What do you think when

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Speaker 1: you hear this it's kind of overwhelming today?

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Speaker 10: Yeah, she needs to go, definitely. I sadly was in

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Speaker 10: a similar situation and he was throwing things and screaming

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Speaker 10: on stop until one day he drew something towards me

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Speaker 10: and smashed my face.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and.

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Speaker 10: He said he would never hit me, he would never

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Speaker 10: do anything like that, but one day it happened.

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Speaker 6: He was so remorseful.

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Speaker 10: I'm so sorry, But you know what, I walked away good.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, a lot of strength and I'm sorry it

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Speaker 1: came to that. But so for you, when you hear this, it's, well,

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Speaker 1: it's not happening yet, but you know, we're on the trajectory.

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Speaker 1: It's escalating and so you hear this and you think, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, we're certainly headed in the wrong direction. As

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Speaker 1: far as he may not, he may say that, or

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Speaker 1: you may feel that now, but it's but since they've Matt,

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Speaker 1: it's gotten so much worse. So it's possible that it

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Speaker 1: turns on her.

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Speaker 2: See.

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Speaker 10: The scary thing about this is that God forbade it

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Speaker 10: turns on her, and then when she walks away like

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Speaker 10: myself now, if I hear a man yelling or loud

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Speaker 10: noises or anything smashing, I jump. And I was in

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Speaker 10: therapy for three years because of him. I'm much better now,

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Speaker 10: but I still get triggered.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, that's stuff that Steph lingers

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Speaker 1: very strong. Yeah, thank you, Maya, Thanks for sharing. Have

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Speaker 1: a good day.

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Speaker 10: Thank you you too.

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Speaker 1: All Right, I was gonna move on. I got time

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Speaker 1: for one more though, Albert, goodmore.

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Speaker 7: Good morning. How you guys doing this guys all the time?

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Speaker 1: And this guy kind of heavy, But I maybe it's

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Speaker 1: something that people need to hear because it obviously resonates

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Speaker 1: with people. But you are calling because you were this guy.

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Speaker 1: In some ways, I'm not saying this guy because I

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Speaker 1: don't know what you were, and I don't know what

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Speaker 1: he is, but but you were the angry guy. Yes, So.

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Speaker 7: Childhood trauma all of that aside. There were issues in

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Speaker 7: our marriage and I became very angry and hateful and

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Speaker 7: verbally would lash out and things like that. Unfortunately, my

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Speaker 7: kids also saw me acting like that, and I knew

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Speaker 7: I needed to get better. I knew I wanted to

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Speaker 7: be better, but I was just in my own little

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Speaker 7: world with that hate and anger for so long that

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Speaker 7: that that was my normal. And it took for my

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Speaker 7: ex wife to actually go through with the whole divorce

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Speaker 7: process for me to you know, hit rock bottom man realize, hey,

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Speaker 7: I need to change. I need to you know, work

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Speaker 7: on myself and get rid of this anger that's built up.

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Speaker 7: So I'm in a much better place now. But and

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Speaker 7: I'm not trying to victim blame or anything like that,

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Speaker 7: but I feel now that I can think clearly about

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Speaker 7: how I behaved and how my anger was and what

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Speaker 7: I put my ex and the kids through. I'm a

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Speaker 7: little ashamed that, you know, my ex stayed with me

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Speaker 7: for as long as she did, because I kind of hope,

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Speaker 7: you know, she would have left that situation before it

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Speaker 7: got to that point.

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Speaker 1: I hear you saying that you're accepting your behavior, and

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Speaker 1: you look back and think, how on earth would someone

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Speaker 1: stay with me through that, which is something you weren't

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Speaker 1: able to see at the time.

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Speaker 7: Correct.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And so here's here's a guy in a situation go. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's telling this woman to go from his perspective, use

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Speaker 1: I need to relationships say I'm going to stay for

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Speaker 1: the kids. I'm going to stay and work it out

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Speaker 1: for the kids. If you are in a use of relationship,

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Speaker 1: the best thing you can do for your kids is

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Speaker 1: to leave. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And abuse can be emotional and it can be burner.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be physical. Yep. I appreciate you calling, man,

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Speaker 1: because you know, we really we had only heard from

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Speaker 1: you from the other side. So and the fact that

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Speaker 1: you can say that now and you could admit that

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Speaker 1: you were that person, and I appreciate that, it's valuable.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day, man, Yeah, I have a good one.

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Speaker 7: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: And then we did get a text it to Taylor

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Speaker 1: Swift announced an album. So just so you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: did you guys know Tailor Swifts announced very heavy, very

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Speaker 1: heavy topic. But Taylor Swift announced an album, So