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Speaker 1: Look married. Oh I see you look over there? How

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Speaker 1: is that nulture? Yes? Goodness, let's we've had some incredible

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, so far we have. Let

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Speaker 1: me tell you, actually, twenty six more tonight because we

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Speaker 1: have somebody rejoined the lineup. Just little minutes, little minutes,

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Speaker 1: that's all. Yeah, come on, we're gonna braace through this.

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Speaker 1: Three hours later, we're dying over time, all right? Are

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Speaker 1: you guys ready to resume? And I also just want

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Speaker 1: to do say thank you guys so much for coming

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Speaker 1: out and bow and Yang does send all of his love.

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Speaker 1: He's busy spending time with his new best friend and

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Speaker 1: podcast partner Jason Momoa, who will host SNL this week.

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Speaker 1: And I think we'll be good. But you know what,

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Speaker 1: you guys didn't even notice Bone was gone right too much?

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Speaker 1: All right? So this next group is called Life Style

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Speaker 1: and Lifestyle give it up for Jackie Johnson, give it

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Speaker 1: up a title man, Emily fight Master and calls that

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Speaker 1: are man, oh my god, oh ladies, no ladies, stand up.

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Speaker 1: You gotta give it up because when we asked for

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Speaker 1: a look, this is why we asked for our match,

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Speaker 1: and that's why I instinctually new to put them together. Yes,

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Speaker 1: because podcasts are famously a visual medium. I'm gonna say

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Speaker 1: this is stunning on the eyes, stunning on the eyes, truly. Now,

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Speaker 1: I would say, why don't we go ahead and bring

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Speaker 1: Jackie Johnson. Jackie Johnson, get up, beauty very Hello, Jackie,

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Speaker 1: you're hung these are here, I do think, so, honey,

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Speaker 1: appreciate that. Yes, okay, So Jackie, listen, we got a

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Speaker 1: trouble here. We also have I'm sure a planned topic.

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Speaker 1: What do we think prel okay, okay, dat drama. I

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Speaker 1: love the drama. So Jackie Johnson, it's your time to

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Live your time will start now.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Celebrities doing podcasts, Okay, listen, listen,

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Speaker 1: we are all you see me improvisers trying to sell

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Speaker 1: fucking quick tooth brushes. Just fucking pay our rent. Okay,

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Speaker 1: fuck you on embarrass fucking coned. I really thought more

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Speaker 1: of you. Fuck you, dat Shepherd and you're fucking armchair

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Speaker 1: and you're fucking matching that. Kristen Bell's frozen residuals bought

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Speaker 1: come to my fucking apartment pretty seconds. I don't have

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Speaker 1: a c I don't have a covered parking spot, so

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Speaker 1: fucking us natch okay, by square space, by fucking blue

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Speaker 1: Liberty and Oprah, Oprah. I'm really disappointed. You're worth two

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Speaker 1: point eight billion fucking dollars and now you're selling Caspers.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever stuck? Got a Caramader's oper now, bitch,

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Speaker 1: second one every fucking night, use code match support comedians

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Speaker 1: and that's one minute, Jackie Johnson, it's rule of culture

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Speaker 1: number forty nine. Use code nash shite, Jolly john please

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Speaker 1: run for president and can start a podcast. And that

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Speaker 1: wasn't what we wanted, our men. Here's an old pro

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Speaker 1: coming to the stage, one of the icons of the form.

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Speaker 1: The skin on these ladies. I could really teach a

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Speaker 1: college course in this bullshit. You really could run back to.

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Speaker 1: Don't be nervous, you're just like souling everyone. Now, you

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Speaker 1: said you weren't sure, what are you gonna do? What

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Speaker 1: are you gonna do? Right now? You're said I had

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Speaker 1: a pre select, but I'm a crazy bitch and I

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Speaker 1: want a troll bag. I'm a rich ind and I'm

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Speaker 1: don't know it though you know it, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you know this is gonna be This is meant to be.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy you did this title. Man, you're I

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Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Trouball topic is Gwyneth Paltrow in

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Speaker 1: the lifestyle category even and your time starts now. I

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Speaker 1: don't think so, honey, Gwyneth Paltrow, because you fucking suck

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Speaker 1: and we all hate you and leaking unite on that, okay,

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Speaker 1: with your jade egg and your goop and your beauty

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Speaker 1: secrets and all this ship. I look hot fucking too

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Speaker 1: if I had a chef and his staff and I

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Speaker 1: used to fuck Brad Pitt. The best you ever were

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Speaker 1: was when you fucked Brad Pitt, and I'm sorry that

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Speaker 1: you let him go. Seven was the best time for

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Speaker 1: you because your head got cut off. That's seconds. I

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Speaker 1: don't even know what else you've been in. So you

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Speaker 1: wear Calvin Klein and symmetrical bland colors. I don't give

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Speaker 1: a funk about you change your hair. Black Danner is

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Speaker 1: hotter than you, and that is something you have to seconds.

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Speaker 1: You want to know who's a good actress your mom,

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Speaker 1: You want to know who's a good musician. Your ex

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Speaker 1: fucking husband named your kid Apple, and then you have

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Speaker 1: the audacity to name your son, Moses, they will hate

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Speaker 1: you big that one minute. That was one minute that

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Speaker 1: and I want to say something. I want to say something, right, heir?

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Speaker 1: And now that was a real because she went negative.

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Speaker 1: She went for Gwyneth Patrol's whole life. Who knows? Who

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Speaker 1: knows how Greta really feels about Gwyne's Okay knows, It's unclear,

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Speaker 1: is what she just did. And you know what it

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Speaker 1: was like watching a new supreme come into being. Okay,

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Speaker 1: And with this in mind, everyone, Emily fight mass I

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Speaker 1: don't rip that suit right off? Okay, Emily, what are

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Speaker 1: we thinking? So there's a bowl. It just produced quite

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Speaker 1: a result. There's also the pre planned, pre prepared if

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Speaker 1: you will, option whatever you want. No, I've been upset

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Speaker 1: for a while about this, and you gotta speak. So

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Speaker 1: this is Emily fight Masters. I don't think so, honey,

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Speaker 1: time starts now, I don't think so, honey. Fucking Oceans eight,

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Speaker 1: fucking lesbian melo drama. You play k Blanchet and Sandra

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Speaker 1: Bullock in the same movie, and you refer to them

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Speaker 1: as partners, and they get this close to each other,

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Speaker 1: but they never fuck man fuck yes, yes, And I'm

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Speaker 1: so tired of I love Kate, but she can't be

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Speaker 1: a queer icon if the only thing she's known for

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Speaker 1: his big Dike energy. But she's not a Dike in

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Speaker 1: real life. Okay, that doesn't count. Okay, And Carol, I

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Speaker 1: did some scientific research and it turns out I'm the

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Speaker 1: only fucking person in the world that's saw Carol. So

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Speaker 1: how the fuck is Kate a queer icon from this movie? Y'all?

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Speaker 1: And I don't think it's so honey. If you put

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Speaker 1: Kate Blanchet in her fucking cheekbones in one more movie

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't wear her female co stars pussy like

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Speaker 1: a glove. Five seconds watching and that's one minute. Emily

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Speaker 1: fight master, I'm Master of the farm. Unbelievable. It's true.

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Speaker 1: She asked real questions all of a s and she's

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Speaker 1: a queer icon. Have we seen her, like, really kissed

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Speaker 1: a woman? I don't know because I haven't seen Carol Mae. Alright,

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Speaker 1: here she comes. I'm true icon at Suko. Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: here we go and listen, we got the trouble, probably

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Speaker 1: mini rule. I don't know what I see you. I

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Speaker 1: see you trouble, but I think I'm gon troll on something. Here, Okay,

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Speaker 1: troll on something there. Your time begins now. I don't

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Speaker 1: think so, honey, Julie Chan, move this Asian wife, Asian

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Speaker 1: wife of Let's move ves. That's why you're gonna hear

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Speaker 1: it twice tonight. Why, Auntie Chan, I do not think so?

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Speaker 1: What did I move to the States illegally live in

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Speaker 1: a garage for seven years? That's right for you to

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Speaker 1: turn your back on me? What do you mean? What? Girl?

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Speaker 1: We're both immigrants, grew up in poverty, both married a

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Speaker 1: white man. Why we should be the same person? I mean,

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Speaker 1: have seconds got through the same trials and tribulations? You

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Speaker 1: turned your back? What? Oh to only to watch you

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Speaker 1: on Big Brother signing off as I've been Julie Chan

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Speaker 1: Movis that hurt me? Oh, Julie Chan Movis whatever happened

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Speaker 1: to Julie Chen being an independent woman? Oh? That really

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Speaker 1: hurt me? And also what a shitty way to find

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Speaker 1: out Big Brother was still on air? I have no

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Speaker 1: happy take that sh off. Five seconds, Julie Chen, Let's

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Speaker 1: just move this out of here one minute. Give it

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Speaker 1: out for her, Julie one more time. Let's say one

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Speaker 1: more time, Julie Chen, history will remember you, and I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: but we have another rule of culture. It's rule of

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Speaker 1: culture number ninety eight. Julie chen moonves at it here

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Speaker 1: with that, and the obsession continues because Nicole, it's here,

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Speaker 1: you are here. I make up inspired by Tracy Ellis Ross.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. Tracy's gonna be doing and I

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Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. So what is it gonna be?

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Speaker 1: Is it gonna I'm a little scar but I think

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do the trollball? Yes she is, Yes, she

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Speaker 1: is pry for me, right for me. She got training,

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Speaker 1: she got training it. Okay, I like this one. I

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Speaker 1: like this one. I think this is good for you. Okay, Nicole,

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Speaker 1: Yes you are. I don't think so, honey. Trollball topic

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Speaker 1: is the legendary Clint Eastwood bring him down that your

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Speaker 1: time starts now. Okay, I don't think so, honey, Clint Eastwood,

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Speaker 1: listen up, bitch, your old ass bitch. You don't think

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Speaker 1: that we don't know you an old ass, Rice is bitch.

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Speaker 1: We don't like you. You still and look like my grandma.

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Speaker 1: And you know what that is said for you. My

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Speaker 1: Grandma's hot. You got a problem, dude. I don't think so, honey,

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Speaker 1: Clint Eastwood, you used to think you were some big,

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Speaker 1: badass guy and I used the little man. When you

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Speaker 1: get Clint Eastwood thirty seconds, I don't think so, Honey's

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Speaker 1: old as dude. This ain't a Western anymore. Okay. I

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Speaker 1: saw that movie where you're sitting on your porch being

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Speaker 1: racist for those Asian people. You think that was okay.

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Speaker 1: You directed that movie and you think that was okay?

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Speaker 1: It was okay, Pleaswood, you're trying to play your stuff.

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Speaker 1: You're trying to play You're trying to make us pay

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Speaker 1: sixteen dollars se see her racist movie. Five seconds Eastwood,

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Speaker 1: I will say that your son is very freaking hot

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Speaker 1: and you can call me anytime you want. Man, think

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Speaker 1: so honey, yod you and even more extra points. You

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Speaker 1: know what men shooting on Grand Torino. That is intersectionality. Okay,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Please give it up for lifestyle

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Speaker 1: Jackie Chompson and Title Fights. That was an extremely strong good.

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Speaker 1: That was the way to come out the gates Trump.

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Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm excited about this next group.

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Speaker 1: I'm excited about this next game. The next group is

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Speaker 1: called ak Bar Trash. Everyone give it up for Jimmy Folly,

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Speaker 1: Jerry Goldstein, John Hartman, Peter Kim and Justin Say, look

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Speaker 1: at this act bar trash. Not one of these insight.

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Speaker 1: Look at these act bar trash. So many sisters on

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Speaker 1: the stage. So I with some trash. Let's start with

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Speaker 1: Jimmy Folly. Please, Hey, bitch, we have the trouble here,

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Speaker 1: celebrated improviser. We also have I know, some fucking fabulous

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Speaker 1: ideas up in that head. I don't know. I'm actually undecided.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I should do the trollball trouball.

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Speaker 1: They're always gonna say, they're always gonna Okay, well, we'll

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Speaker 1: see how this goes. I'll do the troll ball. Yes,

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Speaker 1: here we go. You've ordered the troll ball. Okay, ball,

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Speaker 1: it's giving you something. I think good. Your I don't

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Speaker 1: think so, honey. Trollball topic Jimmy Fowley is Abraham Lincoln

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Speaker 1: and your time starts now. I don't think so, honey,

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Speaker 1: Abraham Lincoln. You think that you're so great because you're tall,

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Speaker 1: is adding honey. I'm so tired of you coming around

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Speaker 1: here being like I'm the sixteen president. Bitch. I've been

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Speaker 1: following the elections and I'm not that impressed with sixteen.

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Speaker 1: As far as I know, it's sixteen. You're on the

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Speaker 1: penny high me. Oh wow, wow, that's really I mean, honey,

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Speaker 1: you're not to me anymore. Honey, I saw your face,

197
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Speaker 1: and this is rude to call someone ugly, but that mole, like,

198
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Speaker 1: there's other stuff you can do. Grow the beard up,

199
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Speaker 1: I mean. And I don't think that I haven't heard

200
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Speaker 1: the rumors about you. Honey. You're married, she loves you,

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Speaker 1: be loyal. I believe you're married. Yes, honey. It's all

202
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Speaker 1: gonna come down to this. That cherry tree, you chopped

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Speaker 1: it down. Honey, I'm gonna chop you down. That's one minute.

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Speaker 1: You guys don't say anything, don't want to say anything.

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Speaker 1: No one say God damn working. Here's the thing, I Jimmy,

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Speaker 1: I wish Abraham Lincoln had chopped down that tree. We

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Speaker 1: wouldn't tell you. And then at a hundred points, Jimmy Fairley,

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Speaker 1: everyone but you had amazing points about the fact that

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Speaker 1: he was gay. Oh really, another sister coming to the stage.

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Speaker 1: Please give it up for Jared gold See look at

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Speaker 1: those locks. Oh best tear in the room to male

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Speaker 1: female non binary doesn't matter best hair. J you can decide.

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Speaker 1: I've decided pre select that. So listen, Jared, You're I

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Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Time we'll begin now. I don't

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Speaker 1: think so, honey. The leper Con from the movie The

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Speaker 1: leper Con. You are ugly and I don't like you. Bitch,

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Speaker 1: you are too scary. I am still scared of you

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Speaker 1: too this day, and I am thirty. It is not okay.

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Speaker 1: It is sad. A friend of mine sent me a

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Speaker 1: gift of the leper Con. It scared me so much

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Speaker 1: I had to run up my stairs every night for

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Speaker 1: three weeks. I'd don't think so, honey, You're too scary.

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Speaker 1: The only thing scarier in that movie was remember Anniston's

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Speaker 1: original no, I don't care and to quote to quote,

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Speaker 1: sister Pod seek treatment the leper Con. The leper can

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Speaker 1: look at me, look at me, fix your face, fix

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Speaker 1: your body, and stop scaring everybody's look. You have had

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Speaker 1: so many sequels, but you will never be Glamor. In

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Speaker 1: the fourth movie, you went to Space. In the fifth movie,

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Speaker 1: you went to the Hood. This bitch went to the

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Speaker 1: Jupiter before she went to Compton. That's fucking racist. I

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Speaker 1: don't think the Hondadson briefly seek treatment here tonight coming

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Speaker 1: for Jay Anniston. Okay, another great cardigan coming to the stage.

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Speaker 1: Please give it up for my friend art Man. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I love City. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. Gonna

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Speaker 1: be again another It's like it's crazy. The Trouball is

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Speaker 1: screaming out. But you know what, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: take the fact away that you might have an amazing professor.

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Speaker 1: He's got a great brain. Well, I'm going to do

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Speaker 1: something near and dear to my heart. Um, it's the Trouball. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, I love it. We're

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Speaker 1: getting lots of people. I don't know. Okay, maybe one

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Speaker 1: of your idols. Yeah, I don't know. He's a Second

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Speaker 1: City alone, is it, Julie Chen your I don't think so, honey.

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Speaker 1: Trollball topic is in fact Steve Correll and your time

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Speaker 1: begins now, I don't think so, honey, Steve Correll. Okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe we both did come from the same hollowed institution

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Speaker 1: of the Second City. Let's forget that right now. What

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Speaker 1: happened to your wife, nan Sea Wall? She had a

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Speaker 1: wonderful career going and now she does opening bits on

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Speaker 1: SNL for you, and you get to do everything serious movies,

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Speaker 1: funny movies, theater. You know who else does theater that

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Speaker 1: we aren't talking about thirty seconds Cherry Jones, the first

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Speaker 1: woman of the American Theater. But we can't talk about

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Speaker 1: her because Steve Correll is doing something instead. So I

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Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Steve Correll. You brought your children

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Speaker 1: to SNL, which is fine, that's a lovely gift for them.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think so, honey. Welcome to Marwin. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what it's about, but there's talk of a

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Speaker 1: hate crime in it, and it doesn't look like you're

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Speaker 1: doing something five for gay people in that five seconds left,

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Over fifty years of L

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Speaker 1: O L at Second City, only about five of them

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Speaker 1: were from you. That's what I'm so happy you brought

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Speaker 1: this up, John Harmon, What the fuck is Welcome to Marrowin?

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Speaker 1: Is your next favorite movie? Okay, I'm gonna see it

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Speaker 1: probably opening day. I want to see it midnight midnight?

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Speaker 1: Is it Barbies? I think it's Barbie's. I think it

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Speaker 1: might be Barbies. He is supposed to be gay. To

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Speaker 1: be continued anyway, Sister Peter can get up here, Hi,

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Speaker 1: Peter Caim. I love to share the stage. I love

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Speaker 1: to share the stage with What are we doing? Um?

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Speaker 1: I have something I want to rant about. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: get Peter Kim. Your time begins now. Okay, I don't

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Speaker 1: think so, honey, Tops who refused to eat? But okay,

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Speaker 1: are you fucking crazy? My ass is like a hoofy

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Speaker 1: in the winter. You gotta warm it up before you

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Speaker 1: take all ride on. Okay, what the funk? Tops who

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Speaker 1: don't eat? But what else do you bring it to

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Speaker 1: the table? Residual misogyny? I don't think so, honey. Okay,

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Speaker 1: bottoms have to do everything. We have to eat right,

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Speaker 1: We have to clean out. We gotta sprints the hole

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Speaker 1: with the rosewater. What the fund are you bring? You

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Speaker 1: come over with your dirty asked dick that's been scrunched

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Speaker 1: up in box the briefs all day, and you set

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Speaker 1: me to suck it. I mean I will because I

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Speaker 1: was raised with manners. Honey. Okay, let me tell you

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Speaker 1: as my body the cave of wonders and the secret

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Speaker 1: pass code ain't open cess to me. It's I like

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Speaker 1: rosewater on your ass, Honey. I don't think so, honey,

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Speaker 1: that's culture, that's we just spent a long time, and

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Speaker 1: that I don't think so, honey, grilling our friend who

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Speaker 1: doesn't eat butter. There's a few tops in here who

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Speaker 1: aren't eating ass and we see you, and history will remember.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, the stage, this is an icon. He's

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Speaker 1: the children. He's about to feed the children tonight. I

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Speaker 1: am so sad he only gets a minute. Justin, justin,

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Speaker 1: thank you for gracing Thank you? Do you like my outfit?

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Speaker 1: I dressed as your mom doing a community theater production

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Speaker 1: of Greece? And that is and that is exactly what

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Speaker 1: she wore. That is what she wore. Were worst things

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Speaker 1: she could do? Justin, justin, there's there's two options, as

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Speaker 1: you're probably well aware, Yes, I prepare something because it's

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Speaker 1: my birthday tonight, and can we say happy birthday? And

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Speaker 1: can we say happy birthday on three? One two three?

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Speaker 1: And we don't have time? Justin, what are you gonna do?

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Speaker 1: Oh you're gonna go your own pre select? Yes, your

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Speaker 1: time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Planning your

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Speaker 1: birthday as an adult, I'm sorry. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: clean my apartment for two days and buy a mountain

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Speaker 1: of humus that nobody's gonna eat because your boyfriend's still

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Speaker 1: on method. We're all not talking about it. I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna invite you over to my house and

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Speaker 1: put out coasters, but nobody's gonna sucking use those coasters

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Speaker 1: because they're all ethens. And I'm sorry that you're just

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Speaker 1: gonna sit around my house and bore up the place

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Speaker 1: when we could be at a restaurant where when the

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Speaker 1: bill comes, I watch you nickel and dime how much

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Speaker 1: you love me. Birthday to me, for Christ's sakes, And

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Speaker 1: I don't want your presents from Urban out there there said.

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Speaker 1: I don't want some stupid mug that has some funny

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Speaker 1: saying on it or some RuPaul's drag rags jot if

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Speaker 1: you want to buy me a present and Harry stuffs

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Speaker 1: to sit on my fucking baste, because and that's what

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Speaker 1: I want. I don't want to travel with you because

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Speaker 1: you don't travel well, just like the Hummus. I'm stuck

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Speaker 1: with my fucking reference my birthday, and I want to

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Speaker 1: celebrate how I like. It's why I always carrying my

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Speaker 1: keys in l A because I'm always going the fuck home.

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Speaker 1: And that's one Man Sayer and a rule of culture.

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Speaker 1: It's rule of culture number one hundred. If you want

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Speaker 1: to get me a birthday present, have harrys I'll sit

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Speaker 1: on my face. Give it up for this off bar,

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Speaker 1: Trashi Valley, Jared Goldstein, John Harden, Peter Kim, Iconic, Justin Sayer. Oh,

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Speaker 1: he is not invited to my thirty feet where we

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Speaker 1: will be going to Key West. Okay, this next group

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Speaker 1: coming to the state. What what'd you say? I'm just sad.

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Speaker 1: We're almost We're all like there at the end we

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Speaker 1: have three more groups of sucking Iconic. I don't think

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Speaker 1: somebody's through it. It's really sad. This next group is

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Speaker 1: called screaming infidelities. Give it up for Jan Salami, Breath Brewett,

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Speaker 1: Drew Craft and Medicine Shepherd. Come on, iconic folks, now listen.

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Speaker 1: I heard we have a one Jim Salami here, Jan Salami,

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Speaker 1: here we go, get over here to the mic. Do

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Speaker 1: you want some of these your condition condition? She did?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Jan, she did a one in each nostril.

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Speaker 1: She's ready to go. Jan Salami. It's an honor to

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Speaker 1: have you here first of all. J or Ms Salami,

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Speaker 1: how do you prefer. Okay, So, Jan, you know how

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Speaker 1: this works, right? You know where you are the Whole Foods.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, um so at this Whole Foods. We got

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Speaker 1: a troll ball and that there's topics in it. You

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Speaker 1: can talk about for sixty seconds, or you can do

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Speaker 1: your own thing to talk about something very important to

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Speaker 1: talk about. Okay, Jam, okay, Jam, one minute, Jan, you

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Speaker 1: got one minute, and that minute begins. Now I'm really

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Speaker 1: feeling that thing. I snowed o. I don't think so, honey.

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Speaker 1: The big fake teeth from Bohemian City. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: ride my bicycle out of the theater. Now take it

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Speaker 1: from a woman who has snorted cocaine of Freddy McCurry's

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Speaker 1: ass and spit it right back into his mouth. No, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: those teeth were not that big, because sorry, Rammy, Rammy, schmummy,

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Speaker 1: it's not art or method. Okay, uh, it's distracting. The

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Speaker 1: camera adds ten pounds and it adds a few molders too. Okay, Scaro,

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00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,479
Speaker 1: no one's going on fandango to go back. Now, let

366
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Speaker 1: me tell you how many times I'm so hot hive seconds?

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Speaker 1: Can anybody fathery someone who won't made the movie about

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Speaker 1: do it right instead of about Chris Lions who designed

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Speaker 1: the teeth. That's what the movie was about. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry you got so high. No double scorpio there

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Speaker 1: real ammu nitress. Okay now, breathe, bruett Oh, I didn't

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Speaker 1: know it was a two piece. I did not know

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Speaker 1: it was look and thank you for delivering. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you for feeding my family. What is it gonna

375
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:29,720
Speaker 1: be tonight? Is it going to be a pre selector?

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00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 1: Is it going to be? As much as I want

377
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: to make you happy, I have to pre select. That's fine.

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00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: It all makes us happy. It all makes us happy. Breathe,

379
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Speaker 1: you know what you're I don't think so any time

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00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: it starts now, I don't think so, honey. Movies in

381
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Speaker 1: which someone falls in love with a fat woman because

382
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Speaker 1: of literal magic no no, no, honey, no no no

383
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Speaker 1: rom com rebel Wilson vehicle, no no, no no no.

384
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Speaker 1: Here's a list of things fat women do not need

385
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,040
Speaker 1: to fall in love. A magic, a brain injury, a

386
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:06,199
Speaker 1: gypsy's curse, high stakes bet, an emotional connection. Bitch, there's

387
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Speaker 1: a man in Seattle wants to marry me because we've

388
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: made out one time on me. No, no, no, honey,

389
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: we're not doing it. Honey. We're not shallow howling, We're

390
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,640
Speaker 1: not I feel pretty. In fact, we're not even referring

391
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Speaker 1: to Amy Schumer as fat anymore because she's a white

392
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Speaker 1: person who upholds normal beauty standards. Honey, she's gone an

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Speaker 1: outsider on the answer. Honey, you have to tell real

394
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 1: stories about fat woman, Hollywood. Buy them from me. I

395
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 1: already wrote them. I tell you about the bad meetings

396
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: all that time that feel bad for fat woman in

397
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: two thousand nineteen, because we're coming for your men and

398
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 1: your money. Honey, I think that makes you some sort

399
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 1: of alderman in West Hollywood. Yeah, I don't know. I

400
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: felt that one in my toe. I don't think somebody

401
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: did it for me. Alright, Mr drew Craft, please get

402
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: to them. Thank you for this top. You are welcome,

403
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 1: just for you. Thank you, said fashion. And I brought

404
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: as best as I could. And hello, fashions don't stay

405
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: just this moment. So it's subjectives that the fashion means

406
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 1: blue camo, so we have you know, famously, there's a

407
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,640
Speaker 1: troll ball. I'm going to do a little pre selected

408
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: drew Craft, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey.

409
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: People who stay dumb shipped to Ginger's yep, okay, I'm

410
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 1: sick of your ship. No, just because I'm the only

411
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: Ginger and my family doesn't mean I'm adopted. It is

412
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: a recessive trade. Bitch. Oh you you want to know

413
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 1: why Gingers are hot headed? Because every celebrity quiz tells

414
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: you that you look like Karen top That is off

415
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: and said bait. That is offensive to any human alive.

416
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 1: Were you curious if the carpet matches the drapes? Yes

417
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 1: it does? When does it not match the drapes? Why

418
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: are you asking? You're not gonna see and you gaze,

419
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: don't fall for it. Debra Messing is not a natural redhead.

420
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: Gay emojis were released and we have two options male female,

421
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: and Mermaid is the third because wouldn't be true. Craft

422
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: crafts crazy and and l A comics singing unbelievable. That's

423
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: gonna be in fighting now, in fighting in the community.

424
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: Speaking of an l A comic, Please welcome the very

425
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: funny Jonathan right. Oh ja, he love the girls, love

426
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: the love your choice. Someone stole my fucking topic, Kim, Peter,

427
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: Kim stole my topic. So what now? I mean the

428
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: question we have to I don't know what to do.

429
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: I'm doing I I have no trolls choice. But did

430
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: you Troball? I love it when you're back into a corner.

431
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it when you're back into

432
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: a corner. Joel Kim Booster said that I love it

433
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: when you're back into a corner. Alright, fight or flight?

434
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 1: Fight or flight? Okay, Okay, I don't know actually how

435
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: this is gonna go for you. You might have a

436
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: lot of different feelings, so your I don't think so, honey, Trouball,

437
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 1: topic is vegan is um and your time starts now.

438
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, vegan iss um. Okay, we

439
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: are animals. What do you have against eating animals? Okay?

440
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 1: I would eat most of you in a pinch. Okay,

441
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: I don't care about a dog. I don't care about

442
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: a lamb, and I don't care about a cow. I

443
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 1: definitely don't care about a human. I am I eat meat, bitch.

444
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 1: I don't fucking care. How many of you guys are beating?

445
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,479
Speaker 1: Raise your hand, Raise your hand right now? One person?

446
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: Everyone else tail here eats meat to people, but she's

447
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: drunk as fuck. I don't think so, honey. Vegan is

448
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: of me is how we survived, It nurtures us. It's

449
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: how Joel got this fucking leather hat. It's made of

450
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: real cow. I know the name of that cow. The

451
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: name of that cow is okay, that's one minute. Thank

452
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: you say their name. Their name was La and Joel

453
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: killed them for this. It'sleather. It's leather. Note all right,

454
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 1: he killed. Closing out this group is please give it

455
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: up for Madison Shepherd, giving you just a peak, just

456
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: a peak? Hi, Hi, can we do for you? Look?

457
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 1: My manager's here, I'm I'm pre selected. What's doing it

458
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: for Madison's manager? Everybody get her that temper? Madison? Your

459
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Theater coming

460
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: for you. Excuse me. They say that the theater is dying. Honey.

461
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: Well that's the case. Find your light and step into it. Honey.

462
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: Fucking cross over, bitch, because you're done. Do you know

463
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: what theater is? Okay? Um? Nobody wants to see your

464
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: gender swapped color blind production of Grease near the airport Honteing.

465
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 1: Not for fifty dollars a ticket, not even with a

466
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: promo code. Honey, I can't Maria from accounting. I haven't

467
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 1: never wanted to know what your lady McBee was like

468
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: out damn spot indeed, honey, thank you ten um okay,

469
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: okay bye for the theater. And to be honest, I

470
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: would see that gender swapped version of Grease by the

471
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 1: airport terminal to thank you up for screaming inftalities Cat Party,

472
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: free true Crab, Jonathan R. Medicine Shepherd and it's cat

473
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: polar Party. I'm sorry, cap all right you guys the

474
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: penultimate group coming to the stage. Are you ready for

475
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: a Legends ball? Please give it up for Casey Salva, Sorry,

476
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: Jesse Davison and Frances. Come on, y'all come up the

477
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 1: different there to find the fact that no one has

478
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: come here before. My god, and we got a wild

479
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: card on the stage as well. I'm so sorry, please,

480
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 1: Fresh off the heels of seeing the Queen herself Dolly Parton,

481
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: she saw Dolly Parton, didn't think she can make it

482
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: Dolly in Earli and now she's here Lydia Papovitch right

483
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: in case you are first to the should have been

484
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 1: in the act bar trash group because exactly have some

485
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: hi take some to and then tell us what you're

486
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: gonna I don't think so, honey. Your troll balls so

487
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,279
Speaker 1: my head, okay, so pre selected. It sounds like, oh, there,

488
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: go for it, and your time begins. I don't think so, honey.

489
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: Shaming plastic straw use, it's fucking discriminatory against those of

490
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,359
Speaker 1: us who want to drink a zesty blood orange diet

491
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: coke while wearing lipstick or full face. Okay, if I

492
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: want to drink cancer through a piece of trash, my body,

493
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 1: my choice, and sure, straws are just disposable pieces of

494
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:42,800
Speaker 1: thin plastic. But so has half the population of los angeless.

495
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,800
Speaker 1: Who's gonna be in all the movies if l A

496
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: starts banning plastic garbage, just regular looking people like Jonah

497
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: Hell and all the straight boys from your Mad team.

498
00:35:53,280 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: Gross fucking fucking what ever? Um, Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm

499
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 1: still more concerned about years of discrimination, years of institutionalized race,

500
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: years ofalized racism, instead of what some sea turtle got

501
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 1: stuck up its nose. And I am I the only

502
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,919
Speaker 1: person who saw that sea turtle with a sucking straw

503
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: up his nose. It was like that reptile knows how

504
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: to party way not everybody shall be drinking juice. Think

505
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 1: your juice shall be there. We go, Casey Lie Health

506
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: is coming to a little Miss America wave just to say, hey, Asha,

507
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: what are we thinking? We're working. We're going to use

508
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 1: the thinker and give them something I thought about, Asha Alfa,

509
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Women

510
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 1: in two thousand and eighteen who asked me when I'm

511
00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:01,320
Speaker 1: going to change my last name when I just got married? Okay,

512
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: have you heard my name Aisha Alpha? It sounds like

513
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 1: a name that I got to choose and did. Okay,

514
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: I sound like a bond villain from Wakanda. I mean,

515
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: people tell me, but it's okay. You can go buy

516
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 1: Asha Green. Nay Alpha Alpha, bitch, I was Nay Alpha.

517
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die Alpha. It's insane. All of my social

518
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: media is my first and last name. Everything at Alpha,

519
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 1: not I Sha Underscore Alpha sixty nine. It's just me.

520
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 1: People's one. You think I'm gonna change that and then

521
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: confuse and disappoint my literally dozens of fans seconds. I

522
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,839
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Okay, it's just the patriarchy trying

523
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: to make me feel invisible again. As a woman, but

524
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 1: I have a strong alpha female that's not gonna change.

525
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you this, it's not my husband who

526
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: asked me to change it because he wants my last name.

527
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 1: That's one then as alpha Alpa, I want your last name,

528
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 1: marry me. People think I made up Booster. Okay, oh

529
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: my god. We got another bi coastal beauty kind of

530
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: stage her name and she just moved. Here is me.

531
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: She was bi Coasta currently. She was like, is it me?

532
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: She's by UM's by me? Famously trained at the Annoyance

533
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: Theater in Crooklyn. True shady bitch for three people in

534
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 1: the audience. Um, I ever did poppers only time with

535
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: Joel Kim Booster during Yeah, because he forces you to

536
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 1: do it. It's harassment during during I'm concert. I don't

537
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 1: think so, honey, you went to an eminem concert. You're

538
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 1: both discussed. When he says bitch, it really does sound

539
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 1: like a slur. We left early, okay, we did go

540
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 1: um um, I am gonna I'm gonna do trouble. Wow, Yes,

541
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: it's my I never do trouble. I'm gonna do it.

542
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: You never do And you told me you had another thing,

543
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm just gonna say for the fans

544
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: it was new Grinch. Okay, I do like this for you, though, Okay,

545
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 1: I don't even know what. I don't think, so honey.

546
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: Trouball topic is the Atlantic Ocean. I don't think so honey,

547
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: Atlantic Ocean. You are cold, you bore me, your sand

548
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 1: is bad. I don't like you. You're by all the

549
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,720
Speaker 1: worst dates. How about you be buy a hot place. Okay,

550
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 1: Atlantic Ocean. I haven't seen one dolphin in you, and

551
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: my family went to South Carolina all the time. Atlantic Ocean, Um,

552
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 1: how about be a more interesting ocean like Pacific where

553
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 1: you can actually surf. I never heard of someone surfing

554
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 1: in the Atlantic Ocean, and if it is happening, no

555
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,320
Speaker 1: one's talking to me about it, and I would like

556
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: to know. I don't think so honey, Atlantic Ocean because

557
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: you touch. You touch the Cold States too, and an

558
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: ocean should be hot. I should be able to swim

559
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 1: in an ocean year round. I don't think so honey,

560
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 1: Atlantic Ocean because you go all the way over to

561
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: other countries and I don't feel like I don't think

562
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: so honey, Atlantic Ocean because if I want to go

563
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: to Europe, I'm gonna fly. That's one wants nothing to

564
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: do with the cruise across the Atlantic. If she's going

565
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: to Europe. Fuck you for putting the Atlantic Ocean in there,

566
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 1: you stupid bitch. You're the dumbest bitch I ever met.

567
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 1: Chelsea Davisson. Please come to the stage. She is getting

568
00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 1: us full SAG Awards beauty though like your heels three times?

569
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,479
Speaker 1: You do? You want to know what great I bought

570
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: these in eighth grade. Yes, they're back, Horner, I said,

571
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: turn look, she said, I'm going to get my eighth

572
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:19,360
Speaker 1: grade shoes. Okay. So, Chelsea, yeah, a bed of the

573
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 1: show you know about? You know about? You know, I'm

574
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 1: gonna go with with my own way. Your time begins now.

575
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Pugs, Okay, Pugs, you look

576
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: like a burrito someone dropped on fresh asphalts. Okay, Pugs,

577
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,280
Speaker 1: you look like a potato left in a bathtub. Pugs,

578
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:48,320
Speaker 1: you look like fat Mr Bean. Okay. And why do

579
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:52,240
Speaker 1: you have so many health problems? Pugs? Were you exclusively

580
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: bread and chair noble? I mean, guy's wrong. I've seen

581
00:41:56,400 --> 00:42:00,720
Speaker 1: tumors healthier than you. Pugs. I mean, have hurt yourselves.

582
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 1: I mean plugs. Do you sound like that weird guy

583
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 1: on the bus who's just sweating everywhere? You know, what

584
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 1: is wrong with you? I mean pugs. You can't even

585
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: be born naturally. Most of you are delivered by six pugs.

586
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 1: If you can't find your way out of a birth canal,

587
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 1: maybe you don't deserve on this to be here on

588
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: this earth pugs. And then I don't think so, honey.

589
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,359
Speaker 1: People who buy selling pugs. If you're buying a pug,

590
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: you're basically dr Moreau. Okay, it's just a thousand dollar

591
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: fuckut evolution. It's in bread and that's one people loved

592
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: dogs us on fire. If you love pugsuck you my

593
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:48,320
Speaker 1: favorite name of the night coming to the stage. Chessca

594
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: ane in my mouth and our next are warm? Yes?

595
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: And our brands are they warmer? Or do we need

596
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 1: the trollball? We need the trouble? We don't need it.

597
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 1: We've been thinking all the way over here, and Francesca,

598
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 1: you're I don't think sotime, Honey, time begins now. I

599
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Coca Cola Polar Bear ad campaign,

600
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 1: you're still here. You know who's not Polar Bears? Okay,

601
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 1: what kind of sick corporate fuck wants to feed corn

602
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,719
Speaker 1: syrup to an endangered species to put us in the

603
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 1: holiday spirit. That doesn't make me want to deck the hall,

604
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 1: to make me want to deck an oil executive. Honey, fuck,

605
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 1: have you seen are bears recently? They're emaciated. They don't

606
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 1: look like they drink coke. They look like they do coke.

607
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: I don't know whether to save them or a fall

608
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: them into the bathroom. I don't think so, honey, Coca

609
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 1: Cola Polar Bear ad campaign. Co Cola, your carpet footprint

610
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 1: is the reason that the Polar Bears are extinct. Okay,

611
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: that's like if Odine made mac Miller the face of

612
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:07,359
Speaker 1: their new campaign. Thank oh yeah, I guess what. They

613
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,240
Speaker 1: don't give a funk about Christmas because they are white, fierce,

614
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: and they are always under attack. They're Jewish. Bit that's

615
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: one man something to think about here tonight. I hope,

616
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: I hope, Arianna, here's this episode and close out this

617
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: group of budgeons ball please welcome Lidia. Hello, Hello, queen,

618
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: Hello there, what are we doing tonight? Now? You're high

619
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: on Dolly? So I am high on Dolly and I'm

620
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: torn because I kind of want to talk about it,

621
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,800
Speaker 1: but they're also angry about other things. Who knows, you

622
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: know what? Go with what you're most angry about God?

623
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 1: I mean Dolly Parton. Okay, I'm ready, you're ready. Okay,

624
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 1: Lydia Popovich, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey,

625
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 1: James Gordon, who the fund do you think you are?

626
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 1: You don't have a motherfucking icon like Dolly Parton on

627
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: your show and then have the audacity to sit her

628
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 1: next to Twiggy, asked Jennifer Aniston, and then talk over

629
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: a bit? What is wrong with you? Dolly Parton is

630
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: a shining beam of original God light. She is here

631
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: to light the entire earth that we can find our

632
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 1: way and know the pure joy exists on this earth. Sconds,

633
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 1: And you want to talk to this bitch about ghosts

634
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: in a house in Laurel? Can you get the funk

635
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: outta here? Dolly Parton relieved that she actually has tattoos

636
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: all the way down between those precious titties under her stuff,

637
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:43,359
Speaker 1: like and you didn't have the time to ask her

638
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: about that, but I know that Jennifer Aniston's roommate was

639
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 1: a cut fuck you Chans called it. I want to

640
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,879
Speaker 1: hear this bitch sing. She didn't sing one fucking note.

641
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 1: He had her hum into a kazoo, which is adorable.

642
00:45:58,200 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: And I get it. I love the pan. But if

643
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 1: dolly sucking part and that's what that's what dolly fucking

644
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: parton man, it's rural culture number sixty eight, it's dolly

645
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: fucking part. Jen Aniston is some real collateral damage tonight,

646
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 1: she is. This is not a safe space for her.

647
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 1: Here's the region under that bus that Mary Holland does

648
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: not want to see her. Is she here? Imagine she

649
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 1: were to step forward, we would all lose our minds.

650
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 1: We'd all take it back, all right, you guys, that

651
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 1: was a let's ball casey Lie, I Shall, Chelsea Davison,

652
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 1: Francesca Fiant. Unfortunately, y'all, this is gonna be our last

653
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: group coming up right now? Are you ready for it?

654
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 1: Are you ready for it? Oh? Wow, that's a funny,

655
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: that's are you ready for it? Because this group is

656
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: called Taylor Swift, Tay Taylor Swift, Swift Swift, and please

657
00:46:56,280 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: welcome Alexandra Ford, Sue Elisa in Paris and Tammy saying, oh,

658
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:10,879
Speaker 1: some looks, some looks like Alexandra. Thank you, my very

659
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: exciting Alexandria. Hello, now she brought the jumps to what

660
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: are we bringing? Are we bringing your idea? And you're

661
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:24,239
Speaker 1: percolating with no. This has really been hard my heart.

662
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 1: For months. This has been and you gotta get it out, girl,

663
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: You gotta get it out. So get it out right

664
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 1: now your time begins. I don't think so, honey. The

665
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 1: romanoffs on Amazon Prime. If you don't even know what

666
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 1: the funk that show is, congratulations, But I do. I

667
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: am a real Anastasia head. I have a gorgeous thirty

668
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 1: two bar cut of Journey to the Past, so I

669
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 1: know I know what a show called The romanofs about

670
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: the last Imperial family of Russia should be. Bitch And

671
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 1: it is fur, it is snow, it is sex, it

672
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 1: is Samovars, it is Winter Palace, Summer Ballace, and Jude

673
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:02,920
Speaker 1: Law has a hot resputed Do not give me what

674
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 1: you gave me Amazon, which is ten episodes ep by

675
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: noted creep Matthew Weiner about a bunch of boring white

676
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 1: idiots who think they might need be kind of related

677
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:19,800
Speaker 1: to the Ramazon Also, if I wanted to watch a

678
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 1: show where boring white actors go over who their relatives?

679
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 1: Right be, I'd be watching who do you think you are?

680
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:31,279
Speaker 1: On t S. Also, every episode of the show is

681
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: ninety motherfucking minutes long. Do you know what I want

682
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 1: to watch for ninety minutes? Paddington? That's it. That's one man.

683
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: Alexandrasandra Ford stunning. We're gonna need to hear that. Thirty

684
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: two bar cutoff. Journey to the journey to the past,

685
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 1: whispered into my year later. All right, another bicoast of beauty, Saith,

686
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: Now you've got the red pants, we've got a red ball.

687
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:05,239
Speaker 1: What's it's crazy going to be? Sorry? She she knows her,

688
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,399
Speaker 1: she knows her heart, Sue Smith, your time begins now.

689
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, adult to her into Disney,

690
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's fucking weird, it's creepy. You're a pedophile.

691
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 1: We'd get it. You had a happy child, hud You

692
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 1: you came from money, your parents could afford the channel.

693
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: We get it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting alone in my shared

694
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:53,279
Speaker 1: living room with a TV watching fucking snack. We get it.

695
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 1: You had a pool, you went to our Lando every year.

696
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 1: We get it. Also, Walt Disney is fucking problems and

697
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: also you will never be sitting cerella. I don't think

698
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 1: so that's quite enough that you know what, that's quite enough.

699
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,239
Speaker 1: There's been a lot of attacks on me personally in

700
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,839
Speaker 1: a night. I'm glad someone finally took down Matt Thank you, Sue.

701
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Someone said, is singing funny? And

702
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: there wasn't. I don't think the many New York comics,

703
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 1: and now I have to deal with this fucking bullshit

704
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 1: attacking Disney, which honestly is having birthday parties, and that's

705
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 1: my thing. Was he what can someone answer me? This

706
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: was he buried with Nazi Ship. We'll never know, We'll

707
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: never know, we'll never know. A group later at the time, Ship,

708
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 1: please give it up for a listen in Paris, love

709
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,320
Speaker 1: to bring her up to Nazi Ship. This is a

710
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:05,280
Speaker 1: talk about later at precincts where we'll discuss this in Paris.

711
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, What are we fucking doing? Are we

712
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 1: doing the trouble? Are we doing you? I can't, I can't,

713
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry to pile on and ruin some

714
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 1: people's evenings, but I do not think a GLOSSI A okay,

715
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:33,839
Speaker 1: why are your models faces so wet? What happened? Why

716
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: did they go swimming? Why are they say? You're selling

717
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 1: me water? You're like, oh no, it's to make you

718
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 1: look naturally beautiful. No, that's a gorgeous model whose face

719
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 1: is wat Okay. If I went outside with a wet face,

720
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: people would say, sweetheart, do you have the flu? Are

721
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 1: you okay? Also also okay, the boy brow, that's their

722
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 1: big thing. Your eyebrows, bigger girl. I'm Greek and Italian? Okay.

723
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 1: I came out of the wound with a full bush.

724
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,760
Speaker 1: I don't need your hair. I came out in the doctor.

725
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna cut the umbilical cord and

726
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:17,040
Speaker 1: we're gonna trim the mustache. Okay. Second, I don't need

727
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 1: to play forty dollars for your hair. I can just

728
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 1: wait ten minutes. I can go from this. Don't free

729
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 1: to callow in a commercial. I don't think so, honey,

730
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:36,439
Speaker 1: Paris legendary grief sister, Oh my goodness, another gorgeous woman

731
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:40,320
Speaker 1: with a gorgeous brow coming to the stage. Jamie, Please report,

732
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 1: Please report to the principal's office. Now, how are you

733
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 1: color story? I love the coach story beginning? What don't

734
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:55,399
Speaker 1: we doing tonight? J good am? I what may I start? Well?

735
00:52:55,680 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 1: What do you want to just consider? I have a take.

736
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 1: I know I'm penultimate, but I have a strong, strong take.

737
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 1: The word will begin now. I don't think so, honey,

738
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 1: middle school horse girls, who the fuck do you think

739
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: you are? I don't know when it became the epitome

740
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 1: of young Caucasian womanhood to straddle an oversized dog with

741
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: teeth the size of my fist. But that's out of

742
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 1: my tax bracket and quite honestly, my comfort zone. I

743
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 1: don't want to do it, honey. I don't want to

744
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: go to Bible study and straddle a dog. I simply don't.

745
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:44,839
Speaker 1: I also do firmly believe that every middle school horse

746
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: girl is actively campaigning a smear campaign on any girl

747
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 1: who doesn't also play the piccolo. So, honey, I would

748
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:59,360
Speaker 1: like to personally say, why be a middle school horse

749
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 1: girl when you could be a middle school back braise

750
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 1: o bow players. It's a little too into porny Roman mythology.

751
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:13,240
Speaker 1: I don't think so. That's one minute A real question

752
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 1: post there now the question of why, Wow, you guys,

753
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 1: we are down to our last performer, and this woman

754
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: this woman. Her writing on television shows has shaped all

755
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:32,399
Speaker 1: of our comedic voices, the iconic Tammy Fanny sega, Oh

756
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 1: my god, it makes it makes me proud, It makes

757
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 1: me proud. All right, Tammy, we have the trouball here,

758
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: it be there without you. What are your god? Why

759
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 1: do you thinking? What do you got? I don't need

760
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 1: the trouble because I'm looking at my troubal Oh okay,

761
00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means, but your time begins now.

762
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, making me be the closer, okay, bitch,

763
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:09,800
Speaker 1: I don't do stand up. I can't close anything. I'm talking,

764
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 1: not even a fucking cupboard in my home. And maybe

765
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 1: I do that so I can pretend I live with

766
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 1: an inconsiderate man. But I don't close, okay. And I

767
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. People who prepared and turned to

768
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,240
Speaker 1: look and emailed you in advance because they have another

769
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 1: show to go to the other walk that all night.

770
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 1: I see you, Sabrina Jelise, and I read through that

771
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:38,439
Speaker 1: sharpie that showed that she took my spot. I don't

772
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:41,399
Speaker 1: think so, honey. People who use the trouble tonight even

773
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:43,799
Speaker 1: fucking killed it every single one of them, because I've

774
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 1: listened to that. I don't think so, honey, and they

775
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 1: have not always even known who they were there, like

776
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 1: John for Anderson, I don't know that, or Alex Song.

777
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,320
Speaker 1: You are an adorable improviser, but here you say what

778
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 1: is the trouble? Maybe hate you for a brief second take.

779
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 1: So those of you who are plodded cheer when we

780
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:04,960
Speaker 1: came at New York Comedians because New York might be

781
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 1: making my hair gray. But you all are not brave

782
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 1: for choosing great weather and copious entertainment comedy. That's one minute.

783
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:23,400
Speaker 1: You're not brave. You are not it was brave. Please

784
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: give it up for Taylor swim Smith and Tammy Listen.

785
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:33,919
Speaker 1: I'll be the first two minute. I moved here because

786
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 1: I'm a coward and not moving here because there's nothing

787
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 1: left for me there. Everyone has Abster, Thank you so

788
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: much for coming here, Bow and Yank senses love. My

789
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:49,879
Speaker 1: name is Matt Rogers. Thank you to everyone. We're gonna

790
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: say all their names. Lauren Hols, Alexis Cheese, Kansas Thompson,

791
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:59,799
Speaker 1: Big Dipper, I'll ask a thunderful gay believe w town

792
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 1: Backs Sabrina Julie's just ping a fucking clap, Mean christ As,

793
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 1: Tony Newsom, Price, Peterson, Dan Robert, Michael, Benjamin and Milliam

794
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 1: Sacknoy Towers, My Castle, It Different, Zaylauren Labkus, Jackie Johnson,

795
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 1: that a Title Man, Emily Five Buster at SUSA, Nicole Cleman,

796
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 1: Jimmy Valley, Jared Dolson, John Harmon, Peter Kim, Justin Sayer, Catarty,

797
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 1: reprew It, Drew Grab, John Rollo, Casey Liefa Harry, Chelsea Davison, Francesco,

798
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: Lydia Popovich, Alexandra Ford, su smith A, Lissa Embarrass, Jamie Loftus,

799
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 1: Danny say I love you, Thank you so much for coming,

800
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:59,680
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Thank you, by bye. This has

801
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:03,480
Speaker 1: been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Baham,

802
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:08,600
Speaker 1: Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please

803
00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 1: visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our

804
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 1: shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

805
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 1: Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following

806
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and

807
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 1: liking our page on Facebook