WEBVTT - “I REGRET JOINING THE ARMY” 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:04.760 Paul from Mike Hello, Hello, what's up? Man? Hey? Man? 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:07.280 Is this Lyle sure is? Who is this? 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:09.119 My name's Mike, Mike. 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:10.799 Baby, what's going on? Hit me? 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:14.200 Oh? You know? Just living man? How what's going on 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:14.560 with you? 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:16.560 What's going on with me? 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:17.600 Uh? 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:20.720 Dude, I don't know. I'm all over the place. Uh 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:22.000 I'm a little crazy. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:22.599 You know. 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:25.120 What I hate is that this is as not your fault. 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:26.119 By the way, there is something to do with you. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.520 But have there been in a situation where you feel 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:36.760 insane and you're in like a normal human being situation 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:41.120 and someone asks how you're doing, and you're not supposed 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:47.120 to say, I'm I'm in I feel insane, and. 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:49.880 So you say, happen to me all the time? 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:53.640 Yeah, yeah, what do you do? What? What normal human 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:55.319 being situations are you normally in? 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:59.200 I mean, I guess, like normal human situation. I'm a 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:03.960 I'm a school team. I interact with like thirteen to 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.440 fifteen year olds all the time, and they just say 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:10.160 the most ridiculous stuff, And half the time it's like 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:13.600 kind of funny, and I want to react like, oh 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.679 that was funny, But half the time it's not funny, 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.720 and I'm like why on earth did that just come 0:01:18.760 --> 0:01:21.760 out of your mouth? But you can't say that. Most 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:23.080 of the time, you can't say that. 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:27.880 Okay, that's see, that's cause you can't, like you can't 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:30.880 trauma dump on the thirteen year old. Like if a 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:32.959 thirteen year old has asked how you doing, you can't 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:38.360 show any sign of like, I'm kind of going insane 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:39.680 right now. You really, you really can't. 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:42.080 You have to be like the rock in the room 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:42.600 for sure. 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.360 Yeah, you have to be the rock in the room 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:48.640 for sure. But also I feel like something about being 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:50.880 a rat something, you know what. It is interesting. I 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:56.400 feel like in that position, right, I feel like you, 0:01:56.840 --> 0:02:00.040 even if you're having an insane day, I feel like 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:05.080 you naturally become the rock in the room, even if 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:06.000 you're having anything right. 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:10.440 It's almost like grounding. But then that process is like 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.880 super wearing, I think really so like sometimes like I'll 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.880 get out of work and I'll come home, I'll be 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.480 talking like my family and I'm just like I can't. 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:21.120 That's that's like normal human stuff where I'm like, Okay, 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.400 I can't function right now, and you're expecting me to 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.600 function right now and it's not working the way they want. 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:28.240 It to you know. 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:32.480 Yeah, but but being being like having to teach a 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.560 classroom of kids, I feel like something that does like 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:37.440 that that must like just do something to your system 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:42.079 where you're like naturally, because that happens to me too, 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.080 where like certain situations just kind of demand me to 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:47.720 be a normal human being. And it's not like I'm 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:49.359 not putting it. It feels like I'm not having to 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.360 put an effort to it because my brain and my 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:55.120 body are just like naturally adapting to the necessity of that. 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:57.960 Going through the most like you're on like autopilot or something. 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:02.480 A little bit, yeah, a little bit, mm hmmm. What 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:04.600 kinds of shit are the kids saying these days? 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:10.480 Honestly, it's so much just like grain rot garbage that 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:14.040 it's like hard to be around it. Sometimes, like ask 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.200 like a serious I teach English, so they talk a 0:03:16.200 --> 0:03:19.880 lot about like literature, and uh, I'll ask like a 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:23.000 serious question, like a deep question, you know, and I'm like, Oh, 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:24.320 this is gonna be so good. We're gonna have like 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:26.560 a great conversation. And it killed this razor hand and 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:29.040 be like, yeah, what do you think, like six seven? 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.480 We are they still doing? Six seven? 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:35.680 Oh? Dude? 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.040 It's like the I don't even know if it's I 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:40.839 think it's ironic at this point, but it's become it's 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:43.280 gone from like a real meme to like an ironic meme. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.320 It hasn't run its course. 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:49.640 And I would have thought it ran its course by now. 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:53.480 It's so stupid, Like I don't know, there was a 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:55.880 period where everyone was like that's so last year, but 0:03:56.640 --> 0:03:59.000 still it's still like the most prominent one. 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:02.480 I would say, like when you're about to when you're like, uh, okay, everyone, 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:04.920 your homework tonight is to read chapter six, are you 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:06.320 like fuck they're going to say it? 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:07.320 Yeah? 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.240 Of course, of course absolutely, the big what page are 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:12.560 we supposed to be on? Even if it's like i'd 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:17.280 be like fifty six the fifty six seven, Like, there's 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:22.400 no escaping it. There's no escaping at all. I was 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:25.240 talking about coworker that math teachers in the same boat, 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:26.800 like obviously that comes up all the. 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:27.400 Time for them. 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:29.760 Oh no, I was like, I don't envy it. 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:30.600 I don't envy it. 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:34.239 Oh no, being the math teacher, being the math teacher 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:43.520 in the six seven era, that's crazy. Yeah, man, okay, 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:47.760 so well, shit, would you want to talk about today, man, 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:52.159 if anything, I actually. 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.159 Was like thinking about that when I saw that you 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:57.640 were recording and taking calls, and I was like, I 0:04:57.640 --> 0:04:59.440 don't know. It kind of relates back to what we 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:01.839 were just talking about out because I feel like I'm 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.839 trying really hard to be a human and do a 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:06.839 good job at it, but I feel like I'm getting 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:11.520 caught sometimes in between, like the balance of trying to 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:16.640 do day to day like normal shit, but also wanting 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:20.920 to do like fun stuff Like my job opens up 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.080 a lot of time, especially in like the summer, so 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:27.080 teaching the United States obviously with often the summertime, I 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:29.400 like to travel a lot. But I also feel like 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:31.000 now I'm kind of coming into this part of my 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:33.560 life where I'm like I kind of have to save money, 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:37.239 and traveling can be pretty expensive even if you're frugal. 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:39.919 So I'm like, I don't know, but that's what I 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:43.240 wanted to talk about, is like kind of coming into that. 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:48.839 Like I turned twenty seven yesterday and like looking at them, like, Okay, 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:51.279 the kids love to call me unk. They're like, you're 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:55.160 old as fuck, dude. I'm like, yeah, I don't feel old, 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.279 but like also I do feel old. 0:05:57.680 --> 0:05:58.320 You know what I mean. 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:00.320 Yeah, I do know what I mean, And I mean 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:04.880 I'm twenty eight, and uh do I feel No, I 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:06.839 don't really feel. I mean we're still in our twenties. 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:09.039 I mean you ever meet like a thirty something year old, 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:11.400 like they're Yeah, most. 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:13.440 Of my coworkers are a lot older than me, and 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.719 I fee always like funny too, because like most of 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.360 them are like settled, they have kids, and I don't 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:20.880 have any kids or anything yet, So I always think 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:22.720 like that. I listen to your podcast all the time, 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:24.839 like always like, yeah, that's true when you're like, you know, 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:27.080 you have kids, and then you're like changes like I'm 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:30.440 not there yet, but I'm like at the cusp of it, 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:31.400 it feels like, you. 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:34.599 Know, interesting. No, I don't actually think thirty is that old. 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.520 I mean I don't think any of like every age 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:40.160 you think. I mean I have. I was reading a 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.919 journal of mine the other day where I was like, 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.120 I was like, I turned twenty three today, and I 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:49.200 feel old. So you can. I mean, you can feel 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:53.280 old at any age, and uh yeah, we are. We 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.440 are the problem is that we are getting to a point. 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:59.240 I mean we're still chilling for like a pretty long while, 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:00.960 But we are getting to a point where you have 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:04.400 to make certain major like you kind of you do 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:10.040 at some point have to declare a major in terms 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:14.840 of like life like that analogy. Well it's it freaks 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:16.520 me out a little bit because I'm like, yeah, at 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:22.440 some point you do have to like decide certain things 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:24.480 like are you going to have kids? Are you going 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:26.480 to be with this person or are you going to 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:31.360 find somebody else? Are you going to you know, try 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:33.200 to do this career or try to do that career. 0:07:33.240 --> 0:07:34.720 And you can, look, you can change it up. You 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.840 can like you know, you can start doing something or 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.920 start to I mean, my parents were in a crappy 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:45.280 marriage for eleven years and then they broke up and 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:48.440 got remarried in their late forties to and you know, 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:52.320 they had you know, twenty something years of like great 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:58.240 time with their current people. And so life can take 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:03.239 on a variety of stuff. But I do, I do. 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.840 I am a little wary of like, oh, you have 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:09.160 time to do this, that and the other thing, because 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.400 I always feel like I don't have time to do shit. 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:15.160 I mean, I feel like I speed ran a lot 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:16.920 of my life in a good way. 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:19.920 I kind of get that yeah, I definitely get that. 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:24.080 But I did that because I never felt like there 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:28.000 was enough, like there's only now that's all. That's all. 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:30.920 That's all that Like I. 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:32.600 Had a lot too, and I feel like that's kind 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:34.400 of what I was what I was thinking about when 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.200 I was saying like I'm at this like struggle with 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:39.800 a balance type point where it's like I try to 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:43.000 be very very now oriented, but I'm also at this 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.280 like like we should say, like this cusp and I 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.480 guess that could occur at any given time in your life, 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:50.959 but like the cusp of like, Okay, what is next? 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:52.800 Like I do have to plan for a future a 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:55.480 little bit, like you can't at least I feel like 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:57.920 I can't just make like stupid decisions. But then it's 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:01.120 like sometimes stupid decisions are fun, you. 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.560 Do I agree, and I listen, I've I've made stupid 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:05.360 decisions that are very fun, and I don't. 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:05.640 I don't. 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:09.319 I have no regrets for any I mean, I there 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:12.200 are things in my life that I wish I there 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:16.480 are things in my life that I I wish there 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:19.920 was a different word that I could use than regret, 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:23.599 because I don't like regret. 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:24.800 Is this is. 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:30.439 I'm kind to myself in the sense that like I'm 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:34.000 aware that, like I'm aware of my like human finititudes, 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:42.600 and that my human finititudes are the you know, kind 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:45.600 of drive most of my actions and I and I 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:47.280 like looking at that, and I I I you know, 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:51.160 you analyze the past so that you don't repeat mistakes. 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:55.400 I've made so many. I've made tons of mistakes, but 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:57.520 I don't have any like but like I got to 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:01.360 do a lot of great off and like I'm very 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:05.520 grateful for my life. Like if you make if you 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:07.199 make me really look at it, and if you make 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:09.880 me look at it when I'm in the throes of 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:13.000 like my anxiety or depression, then I'll look at it 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.120 like fuck, I you know, did this say? I think? 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:17.560 But if you make me look at it when I'm 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:20.560 feeling good, I'll be like, yeah, I got to you know, 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.320 this was this was awesome. 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.240 Yeah, I get that. I totally get that. 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:26.800 I don't know, I feel like I get that thought 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:30.199 often of like is you know, do do you have regrets? 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:31.920 It's like I feel like I'm in that same boat 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:33.720 what you were talking about of like I don't feel 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:35.880 like I have regrets. There's definitely things where I'm like, 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:39.000 you know, how would that have turned out, or like, 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:41.280 you know what would have played out differently is like 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:45.080 learn from the mistakes or you know, try and try 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.520 not to put yourself in the positions that you don't 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.760 want to be into the future. But like that idea 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:54.160 of your current mood playing a big factor into that. 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.960 Like I've been thinking a lot. My my two siblings 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:03.680 moved pretty far away, like across the country and constantly 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.000 like I'm very close with them. We talk pretty much, 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.520 I would say at least two plus times a week 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:11.640 on the phone and stuff. And they're always like, oh, 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.240 come out. My one brother lives out in Texas, my 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.080 my brother and my sister lives in Tennessee. They're like, oh, 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.520 you got to come out, Like you know, don't don't 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.040 you think you could do something different and blah blah blah. 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:23.520 I'm like, I don't know, Like I like what I'm 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:25.480 doing right now a lot, but then like I also 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.360 I've traveled around the country a number of times. I 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.480 love road tripping and camping and stuff. I'm like, I've 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.679 met so many cool people, Like it would be there 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:35.480 is that like call to wouldn't it be amazing to 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.080 just like pick up, start somewhere fresh, meet a bunch 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:41.040 of new people, do something new and interesting and cool. 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:43.480 But then it's like then that other voice comes in. 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:46.080 It's like nah, like no, don't do that, Like you know, 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.240 that would be a lot of work, first of all. 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:53.520 Second of all, be like pretty scary, like just starting over, 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:56.800 especially being like rather set up for something. 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:57.719 You know what I mean? 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:02.880 Yes, I do know what you mean. It is scary 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:06.440 to start over when you're rather set up for something. 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:07.959 I mean, what if what would you think? What have 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.000 you thought about starting over about? 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:11.440 Well, like, I don't know. 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.480 There was a pretty long period of time when I 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:16.440 first started my job. I've been I've been working for 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:20.800 not the same exact school, but the same area for 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:24.640 four years now, and like when I first started here, 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:27.319 I was like I really want to do this. It's 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.120 also like a big commitment, like I'm from New York 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:33.200 and like the teaching system is really good. It's also 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.040 like a pretty big commitment if you start buying into 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.040 like the retirement systems, like you know you're gonna be 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.280 there for thirty years. And I constantly have that thought 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:44.800 where I'm like, damn, thirty years of my life. That's 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:46.600 a long I mean, that's like that could be that 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:48.240 could be almost that could be all my life, you 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:48.800 know who knows? 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.000 Yeah, well what else you want to do? 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:54.240 Well? So that's like I don't know, Like I've talked. 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.200 It's funny. My sister and I have had this conversation 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:59.679 because she also teaches, but she's like kind of disillusioned 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.920 with this things right now, and so she's like intent, 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:04.840 She's like, you could come down here, we should open 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.839 a gym together, and like it's a lure ring. 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:09.000 I like going to the gym. 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:11.680 I'm pretty active, but it's also something I have a 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:15.360 zero experience in. So it's like kind of jokey between us. 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:16.960 But I think like part of her really wants to 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:18.440 do it, and part of me is like that'd. 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:21.480 Be kind of cool, you know, why not? What's stopping me? 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:23.120 I'm not a dumb person. I could do that. 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:28.400 Hmm. But I don't think is that something you'd be 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:29.400 interested in doing? 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:34.080 You know, I don't know. I don't know. 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:35.960 I feel like this is like the idea of like 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.000 there's a lot of things I think would be interesting. 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:40.040 I think that would have a lot of headaches attached 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:42.439 to it, so like, ultimately, I don't think that's something 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:46.800 I would do completely, but like I don't know. I like, 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.800 you know, that's very business oriented too. I like humanity. 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.959 Like I said, I teach English, I like writing. I'm 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.080 big into music, and like, I don't know, I've thought 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.400 about that too, Like I've done music in the past, 0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:01.559 and like I've made some and put it out there. 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:02.840 And I'm like that'd be cool. 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.160 But then also like that's I don't know if I 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:07.839 would like that, Like I don't know, I don't know. 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.600 I love what I do. That's the thing is, like 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:14.000 I have this conundrum where I'm like, would something else 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.560 really be better? Kind of like when you have a 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:19.160 good hand, do you want to, you know, try and 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:20.640 trade it in for something even better? 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:21.760 I don't know. 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:26.040 Uh, yeah, I actually know exactly what you mean about, Like, yeah, 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.240 the grass is kind of always greener on the other side. 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.640 But also, dude, I don't know. It's funny. I'm not 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:32.120 gonna pretend like I don't have answers to any this 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:33.960 shit because I'm like also dealing with it right now 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:36.840 where I'm like, uh, I mean, I'm pretty happy with 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:38.200 everything I've gotten to do with in my life. But 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:39.400 like I, I, you know, I have a lot of 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:45.640 existential dread about like oh uh, you know, am I 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:51.920 like like shit like picking the right like romantic partner, 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:58.600 picking the right thing to do with your life and 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:01.240 most of you, and a lot of like like career wise, 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:05.920 for me, I've been kind of like career rush me. 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:07.760 I've been kind of like, all right, let me do everything, 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:10.840 you know, Like I make these documentary I make these documentaries, 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.760 I do this podcast, I do my live shows. 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:17.520 I like to perform, right, come to your live show 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:18.800 in Brooklyn. I'm super echoing. 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:22.240 Oh cool man, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome cool. Yeah, fucking 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:23.200 shout up Bellhouse. 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:25.440 Yes yeah. 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.880 But I'm and I'm like, oh fuck, should I like 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:31.560 stop doing this podcast so I can just focus on 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:32.760 making those documentaries? 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:33.520 You know? 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:39.480 Should I like start like focusing harder on that or 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:43.480 can I like, can I, like, you know, manage doing 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.320 everything because it all feeds into itself, you know. I 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:47.840 have dreams of like I you know, I used to 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:50.120 dream about like opening a venue, and then part of 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.120 me is like, well, you know, I'm only twenty eight. 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:56.120 Maybe that's like a project, you know, in twelve years 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.280 from now, when I have, you know, more money or 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:03.360 like right I have career wise, I'm kind of like, 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.920 well fuck it, let me just fucking like do everything. 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.120 You know, it's actually for me. It's a lot of 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:11.720 like the personal stuff that uh is weighs on me. 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:14.200 This stuff where like it's like how do you find 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:16.160 how do you pick the right partner? How do you 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:19.600 make sure that, like you know, when's the right age 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:23.160 to have kids? What you know? Like one person, dude, I've. 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:26.880 Been getting that like crazy incantly, not necessarily the kids 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:29.760 thing per se, but like I'm the oldest of my siblings, 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.440 and both of my siblings in the past six months 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.640 have gotten engaged and are like getting ready to go 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.440 and like take this next step in their life. And 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:40.360 I'm like, you know, like I said, like I like 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.840 what I'm doing. I'm very content honestly, but like I 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:45.480 look at that and I'm like, damn, am I like 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:49.520 am I behind? And like I get that question. I'm 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:51.120 like no, no, no, no, Like you said, like I 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:52.840 got a lot of time. I'm like, at twenty seven, 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:55.360 I'm not that old, but then I feel old and 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:57.720 I'm like, dang, and then they're doing it younger. It's like, 0:16:57.800 --> 0:16:59.760 am I what's the right thing to do? 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:01.480 And is it a rat thing to do? I don't 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.480 think there is, but I don't know. This is a question. 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:04.920 This is the conversation that I've been having, you know 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:05.280 what I mean? 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:06.760 Yeah, No, I know exactly what you mean. 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:06.960 Man. 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:09.199 I have all the same crazy I have all the 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:12.440 same insane anxieties. I wish I wish I didn't. It's 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:14.840 it gives me a ton of anxiety. I think it 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:19.760 gives a lot of people a ton of anxiety. That's what. 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:20.080 You know. 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.439 What's funny about America, dude, is we just have like 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:26.280 fucking problems of abundance. It's so funny because like if 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.360 we were living if we were living in like I'm 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.640 gonna say, I don't even like eight early nineteen hundred's 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:36.400 India or whatever, like we would just be like arrange 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:41.880 married when we were like you know, like fucking like eighteen, 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:44.200 and then like that would yeah, and then we were 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.000 just like have to make it work different. The problems 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:49.600 that would be extraordinary. I mean there would be you know, resentments, 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.560 and there'd be a whole other problems set right, But 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:55.800 it's like we wouldn't we have all this Like uh, 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:58.840 I feel like I feel like in America we have 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.280 we just have all these like problem of like abundance 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.760 that cause us anxiety. You know, yeah, I don't. I 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:08.720 don't know what the right fucking answer is, Dude, I am. 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:11.160 Dude, I don't either, honestly. That's like I get into 0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:14.040 that sometimes too with like students, like you know, the 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:16.959 ones I'm close with might ask similar questions, like you know, 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.360 especially kids that get super anxious about stuff. 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:21.640 They'd be like, oh, like, you. 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.560 Know, it just feels like I shouldn't even be feeling 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:27.679 these things because like, you know, realistically, my problems aren't 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:30.000 that big. It's even compared to like other people here. 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:32.560 And it's just like yeah, like but doesn't mean your 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.200 problems don't exist, Like I don't know. It's again, it's 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:38.719 like it's that question of balance that I that I 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:41.520 keep bringing up. It's like, you know, there's there's definitely 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:46.400 some degree of like you know, it's real because it's 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:48.880 right in front of you and like the hypotheticals are 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:51.360 are huge, But then I don't know, you don't want 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:55.520 to get lost in like that infinite possibility type thing. 0:18:56.680 --> 0:19:02.240 Yeah you don't. I mean, I dude, shit, there's something 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:05.000 I was gonna say just now. Oh yeah, I was 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:07.720 like a friend about this today, Like you know, I'm 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:12.560 you know, a dude. Another thing is like like as 0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:16.119 you get older, uh, you have all these people who 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:17.679