1
00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,760
Speaker 1: All right, guys, time now for the Strawberry Letter. And

2
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:07,560
Speaker 1: if you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting,

3
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,360
Speaker 1: and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

4
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,280
Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be

5
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,640
Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

6
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,560
Speaker 1: gonna read this one right here, right now. Buggle up

7
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,280
Speaker 1: and hold on tight. We got it for you here.

8
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,520
Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry Letter. Subject. I married a narcissist.

9
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,199
Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm in need of some sound advice.

10
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,120
Speaker 1: I got married six and a half months ago after

11
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,559
Speaker 1: reuniting with my man. We had an off and on

12
00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,519
Speaker 1: relationship for years, and he started seeing a woman that

13
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 1: catered to his big personality. She dumped him and he

14
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,080
Speaker 1: came running back to me after he begged me to

15
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,879
Speaker 1: give him another shot. I took him back and we

16
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,640
Speaker 1: got engaged. As soon as he put the ring on

17
00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,840
Speaker 1: my finger, his personality started to change, but I married

18
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,560
Speaker 1: him anyway. Every day he comes home from work and

19
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,880
Speaker 1: tells me about his day. He's a car salesman and

20
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,480
Speaker 1: swears he's the best dressed, best looking salesman in the

21
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,880
Speaker 1: entire state. And that is why he's the top seller.

22
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: He never asked how my day was. And I'm a pediatrician,

23
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,200
Speaker 1: so I always have an interesting story to tell if

24
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,200
Speaker 1: I'm in a bad mood or had a bad day.

25
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,680
Speaker 1: He tells me stories of how he deals with stress.

26
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,520
Speaker 1: He talks about himself a lot, and spends more time

27
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,600
Speaker 1: primping in the bathroom mirror than I do. Last week,

28
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,080
Speaker 1: I invited my parents over for dinner and my husband

29
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,360
Speaker 1: puts some steaks on the grill. My husband dominated the

30
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,920
Speaker 1: conversation talking about the botox he planned to get, and

31
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,640
Speaker 1: my parents were looking at me like I was crazy.

32
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,120
Speaker 1: I tried to change the subject, and my husband went

33
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,560
Speaker 1: ride back to talking about himself. I also want to

34
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,680
Speaker 1: add that during sex is all about him, and he

35
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,400
Speaker 1: likes me to play with his ariola and kiss his

36
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:06,680
Speaker 1: back and do a few other things. He always gives

37
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,520
Speaker 1: me instructions and it ruins the sexual experience for me.

38
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,120
Speaker 1: He's turned into a narcissist and I'm so sick of

39
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:20,400
Speaker 1: his ego. Can professional counseling help him? But I married

40
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:25,639
Speaker 1: him anyway. Okay, he said he had a big personality.

41
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,400
Speaker 1: You've known him for a while, so I got to

42
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,840
Speaker 1: ask you whose fault is this? I mean, you knew

43
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:36,560
Speaker 1: who this man was long before you got with him.

44
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,360
Speaker 1: What did you think was gonna happen? Oh, let me guess.

45
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:43,120
Speaker 1: I know you thought he was gonna change, right, You

46
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,960
Speaker 1: thought he was gonna change. Nope, you said it. He

47
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,919
Speaker 1: just went right back to who he really is, him,

48
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,760
Speaker 1: all him, him, him, all the time. And that's what

49
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,960
Speaker 1: a narcissist does. I mean, I believe in counseling to

50
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,880
Speaker 1: answer your question, but he's not gonna go. Narcissists don't

51
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,640
Speaker 1: think they need therapy because they don't think anything is

52
00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:10,000
Speaker 1: wrong with them. The universe revolves around them. They're enormous egos.

53
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,239
Speaker 1: Lets them think that it's everyone else. I mean, unless

54
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,519
Speaker 1: you're planning a breakup with him or something, your best

55
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,079
Speaker 1: bet right now is to ignore him. I mean, because

56
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,280
Speaker 1: they can't stand not being the center of your world,

57
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,960
Speaker 1: or the world for that matter. It's just a shame

58
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,919
Speaker 1: that your accomplishments. You said you're a pediatrician. I'm sure

59
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,160
Speaker 1: you do have some great stories and your life are

60
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:41,119
Speaker 1: completely ignored by him. That's a shame, Steve, I need

61
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,160
Speaker 1: some sound advice. You got married six and a half

62
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:49,360
Speaker 1: years ago. I'm subject. Got married to a narcissist, got

63
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,520
Speaker 1: married six and a half months ago. We had an

64
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,880
Speaker 1: off and on again relationship for years now. If you

65
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,840
Speaker 1: have an own again off again relationship, I'm assuming that

66
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:04,720
Speaker 1: there's a reason for the off and it's probably the

67
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,560
Speaker 1: same reason that broke it up, because he didn't just

68
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,920
Speaker 1: start becoming a narcissist after he put this ring on.

69
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:17,039
Speaker 1: He was the same way. He started seeing another woman

70
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,400
Speaker 1: that was catering to all this big personality. She dumped him.

71
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,240
Speaker 1: He came running back, beg me give him a second shot.

72
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,760
Speaker 1: They hear the problem. He come home every day. He's

73
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:30,880
Speaker 1: a car salesman, right, and he swears he's the best dress,

74
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,880
Speaker 1: best looking car salesman in the entire state. And that's

75
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,320
Speaker 1: why he's the top seller. Let's go over this right here.

76
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,719
Speaker 1: First of all, he swears he's the best dress. He

77
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,200
Speaker 1: the best dress car salesman. How hard is it to

78
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:54,400
Speaker 1: get that title just based on the movies of car

79
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:59,000
Speaker 1: salesman I've seen. Yeah, Now, a lot of the brothers

80
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,360
Speaker 1: I know to sell car they be clean when they

81
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,440
Speaker 1: had worked. They wear ties, you know, some of them

82
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,839
Speaker 1: just wear their sleeves rolled up. They out there walking

83
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,840
Speaker 1: him lot to that heat. It's hot. It's hard work, man.

84
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,080
Speaker 1: But if you want to claim the title as the

85
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,479
Speaker 1: best dress car salesman, how hard is it to get

86
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:22,480
Speaker 1: that title? Then you said you're the best looking salesman

87
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 1: in the entire state. Now that depends on what car

88
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:31,640
Speaker 1: you're selling. Cause I can tell you right now, I

89
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:36,680
Speaker 1: ain't never seen nobody cute selling them jeeps. I wish

90
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:41,400
Speaker 1: I knew what car salesman he was. If he's selling Lexus,

91
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,200
Speaker 1: you know he got a shot and might be you know,

92
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,240
Speaker 1: Lamborghini is something he might have a shot. You know,

93
00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,560
Speaker 1: maybe it must say it is. I don't know. You

94
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,160
Speaker 1: can't tell me nothing, man, what I'm in my forward truck,

95
00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,679
Speaker 1: But the guy has sold it to me. He looked

96
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:05,760
Speaker 1: like he made it his back, y'all. He's just regular.

97
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,760
Speaker 1: It's what you say, regular, dude, that made me want

98
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,479
Speaker 1: the truck. He knew so damn much about the truck.

99
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,240
Speaker 1: But they ain't never been all that good looking at them.

100
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,920
Speaker 1: But that ain't what this about. Your man is a

101
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,920
Speaker 1: nausis he always got stories about what happened to him

102
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:23,440
Speaker 1: and work. You're a pediatrician, an educated woman with a

103
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,320
Speaker 1: high skilled job. He don't want to hit nothing by

104
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:31,600
Speaker 1: your day. Right, all right, we'll have pariatrician with kids, Yes, absolutely,

105
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,320
Speaker 1: no with kids. Pediatrist is with feet. All right, here

106
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:41,560
Speaker 1: we go. We'll have they start with a pee. I

107
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:46,360
Speaker 1: get it, all right, listen, we'll have part two of

108
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:51,120
Speaker 1: sticks response coming up. I'm married. I'm married to a narcisses.

109
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:56,039
Speaker 1: We'll be right back. You're listening to morning show, all right,

110
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,240
Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter. The subject

111
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:04,040
Speaker 1: I'm married read to a narcissist. Well, you know, married

112
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,960
Speaker 1: this guy? Thank you everything that here, car salesman. You're

113
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 1: married him after own again off relationship, y'all been married

114
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,600
Speaker 1: now six and a halfs Mom. He broke up and

115
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,120
Speaker 1: started seeing a woman had accepted the big personality. She

116
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,320
Speaker 1: sent him right on back to you. He begged back,

117
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,200
Speaker 1: and you took him back. But as soon as he

118
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,400
Speaker 1: put the ring on, he changed again. I mean he

119
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,679
Speaker 1: is he is what he is right here, Car sellser

120
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:31,160
Speaker 1: swear he the best dress best looking salesman in tire state.

121
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,280
Speaker 1: And that's why he's the top seller. Well, who said

122
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,400
Speaker 1: he the top seller? He did? I could probably bet

123
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:45,120
Speaker 1: you he's the top seller in the state. He might

124
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,800
Speaker 1: be all right at that dealership, might be top seller

125
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:53,960
Speaker 1: one day, but somebody down there warming because people that

126
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:58,560
Speaker 1: buy cars they like to light the salesman. He don't

127
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,360
Speaker 1: sound that likable to me, ever asked how your day was.

128
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,600
Speaker 1: You're pediatrician, you have always has interesting stories to tell.

129
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,760
Speaker 1: If I'm in a bad mood or had a bad day,

130
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,240
Speaker 1: he tell me a story about how he deal with stress.

131
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,120
Speaker 1: You know, he that dude here in the bathroom more

132
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:18,440
Speaker 1: than you. I don't like me and like that. I

133
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,720
Speaker 1: invited my parents over for dinner. My husband puts some

134
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,760
Speaker 1: mistakes on the bill, and my husband dominated the conversation

135
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,520
Speaker 1: talking about the botox he planned to get, and my

136
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 1: parent was looking at me like I was crazy. Okay,

137
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:33,480
Speaker 1: excuse me, ladies, miss question. Botox is injections to like

138
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,160
Speaker 1: make you get them in your face. You're four, You

139
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,880
Speaker 1: know people get them in their forehead to get the

140
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:42,079
Speaker 1: wrinkles out, the lines out of it. Mark, ohhead is

141
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,640
Speaker 1: permanently wrinkled. You think I need to get so No,

142
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,040
Speaker 1: you don't need them smooth them out. Some people get

143
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:55,559
Speaker 1: them under their arms too, to stop um perspiration. Oh,

144
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,760
Speaker 1: you should have told me about that. Because my partner

145
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,760
Speaker 1: onion I Lone had told him about that, because he

146
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,600
Speaker 1: didn't made us all climb out the carbingfo we didn't

147
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 1: got so rough in there in the wintertime. We climbed

148
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,640
Speaker 1: out him sixty from the saber because the windows was

149
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,080
Speaker 1: rolled up and the heat was on high, and Gil's

150
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,840
Speaker 1: car only ran on eighty high heating. He was in

151
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,360
Speaker 1: that car had a winter coat on, and that winter

152
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 1: coach smell like just like him. We had to get

153
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,480
Speaker 1: about that car. Anyway, Let's go back to last time.

154
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:29,120
Speaker 1: So I tried to change the subject, and my husband

155
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,560
Speaker 1: went right back talking about herself. And then I want

156
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,120
Speaker 1: to add doing sex is all about him. He likes

157
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,840
Speaker 1: he likes for me to play with his ariola and

158
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,120
Speaker 1: kiss his back. I don't really want my back kiss.

159
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:46,600
Speaker 1: I'm not comfortable right there, you know. But I don't

160
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:50,439
Speaker 1: want you to touch in my not with your fingers,

161
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,880
Speaker 1: not with your mouth. You I will buy your card

162
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,400
Speaker 1: on if you do buy your car, so that you

163
00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,400
Speaker 1: can tell you right now, don't you do that for me? Girl?

164
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:06,480
Speaker 1: You better get your look. Girl, don't don't don't you.

165
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,360
Speaker 1: I just that it was ariola, not there was ariolas

166
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,160
Speaker 1: she said anymore. But he all kissing me all in

167
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,600
Speaker 1: the back. I don't want you back there. What you're doing.

168
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,320
Speaker 1: This is about you, though, Well it's about him. That's

169
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,959
Speaker 1: what the letter is about us to do that. They

170
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,880
Speaker 1: made it all about him, and I want to show

171
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:27,200
Speaker 1: you how ridiculous it sounds. And then he always doing sex.

172
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,440
Speaker 1: It's all about he liked it and do this, and

173
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,240
Speaker 1: he always gives me instruction and it ruined the seclist.

174
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:36,280
Speaker 1: Hey hey, hey, come on, now come around this way

175
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,360
Speaker 1: with that around your hold, come up a little bit high.

176
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,719
Speaker 1: There we go the hold, slow down instruction. Where you're

177
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,080
Speaker 1: going around here? Right here? Come on our back up,

178
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,600
Speaker 1: hold up yourself, simple water what we're doing here? Now,

179
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:51,080
Speaker 1: come on, see all this here. I'm going to get up,

180
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,600
Speaker 1: putting my clothes on. Not fit to do this to me.

181
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,200
Speaker 1: He's turned into a narcissist and I'm sick of his ego.

182
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:02,440
Speaker 1: Can professional counseling help help probably, hood, But I think

183
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:06,280
Speaker 1: nobody can help him better than you can. The next

184
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:12,439
Speaker 1: time he starts talking about himself, walk out the room. Okay,

185
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,480
Speaker 1: when you're sitting at the table, No, but I want

186
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:19,040
Speaker 1: you to do it in a noticeable way and then

187
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:23,840
Speaker 1: walk out side and walk out. You know, y'all at

188
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,319
Speaker 1: the dinner table, he talking about himself. Get up and

189
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,520
Speaker 1: take your plate and going there and start watching TV

190
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,400
Speaker 1: with it in the living room, you know, just stuff

191
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,880
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, you know you're in the bed room.

192
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,680
Speaker 1: He coming there. He want all this bad kiss. You

193
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,679
Speaker 1: can tell me to kiss your back. As soon as

194
00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:43,720
Speaker 1: he kiss your back, get up and go whoo. Well

195
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:49,600
Speaker 1: that does it for me, and challenge all that talking

196
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,600
Speaker 1: every time he does it. You can help him, Babe,

197
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,640
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you? I'll be trying to talk with you. No, no,

198
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,560
Speaker 1: you be trying to tell me about you. You never

199
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,880
Speaker 1: asked me about me. You never talk to me about me.

200
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,520
Speaker 1: It's always about you, and I'm tired of hearing it

201
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,920
Speaker 1: without you listening to me, and get up and walk off.

202
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,599
Speaker 1: You gotta take a chance at this. Then if that

203
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,240
Speaker 1: don't work, go ahead and try to get him in therapy.

204
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,120
Speaker 1: But all they're gonna do is talk to therapists after death,

205
00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:23,760
Speaker 1: all right, step, So that's really it. That's the best

206
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,040
Speaker 1: I can do for you. Man. Post your comments on

207
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,240
Speaker 1: Today's Strawberry Letter. It's Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and

208
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,079
Speaker 1: Facebook and check out the Strawberry Letter podcast done demand,

209
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,840
Speaker 1: coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. From

210
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:40,080
Speaker 1: the Talk, It will be a girl and we love her.

211
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,120
Speaker 1: From the Talk, you can see it every day Monday

212
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,800
Speaker 1: through Friday. She is here. We got to ask her

213
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:48,160
Speaker 1: what's going on with the Republicans. It is our girl,

214
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,120
Speaker 1: Cheryl Underwood. She will be in the mist. She wanted

215
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,760
Speaker 1: to talk about you, Junior. I try to get him wack.

216
00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:00,520
Speaker 1: She like your Ariel. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show