Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's your host, Jana Kramer.
Speaker 1: And as we enter in this new year of twenty
Speaker 1: twenty six, sometimes it's a good idea to get some
Speaker 1: sound advice from people outside of our own circle. Today,
Speaker 1: I'm going to chat with some women who are out
Speaker 1: there sharing their Chapter two journeys on the internet who
Speaker 1: have some great advice. And they're all very different. So
Speaker 1: let's dive in with our first one. Her name is Annie,
Speaker 1: and she's great, so let's get her on and hear
Speaker 1: all about her new co parenting journey. Hello, Hi girl,
Speaker 1: how are you. I'm Jana, So nice to meet you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so nice to meet you. So I just stopped
Speaker 1: your Instagram. Yes, I'm like, you're so cute.
Speaker 2: Thank you, You're so sweet.
Speaker 1: How long have you been divorced?
Speaker 2: For? Three years?
Speaker 1: Three years? Okay, what's your split?
Speaker 3: We have fifty fifty custody and we're on a two
Speaker 3: two three schedule, so it's.
Speaker 1: A lot of back and forth for the kids because
Speaker 1: at first, so when I'm watching it right, it's you know,
Speaker 1: you're like, I didn't realize how often I see my
Speaker 1: co parent and I get and I get that when
Speaker 1: it's around sports seasons, Like I, you know, I definitely
Speaker 1: see my ex way more when it's the spring and
Speaker 1: fall sports. Of the four different sports, you know, it's
Speaker 1: a lot. So that is a lot. But I you
Speaker 1: have a different co parenting schedule, So I feel like
Speaker 1: that with that back and forth amount, that's probably I mean,
Speaker 1: that's that you do see them more because I only
Speaker 1: he's got thirty percent. I've got seventy. So his drop
Speaker 1: offs are at school.
Speaker 3: We do that too, We do the transition at school.
Speaker 3: But I see him a lot during the transitions too.
Speaker 3: During summer break, of course, he's always like dropping the
Speaker 3: kids off coming to my front door.
Speaker 2: It's it's seeing.
Speaker 1: Him a lot.
Speaker 3: But then you have to factor in all the other
Speaker 3: not only games and practices, but you're seeing him at
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments.
Speaker 1: Oh see, we don't do this, that's all my girlfriend?
Speaker 1: Why are you doing that? Like, I'm like, you go dentist.
Speaker 3: I know it's written in agreement that he both go
Speaker 3: to every single appointment.
Speaker 1: How old are your kids?
Speaker 2: Eight and ten?
Speaker 1: Okay, girl, we can split that, right, can we? How
Speaker 1: are you guys on the communication level? Because I'm very
Speaker 1: much like, hey, I don't like going to the dentist.
Speaker 1: It's just some and I've I've done it a couple times, right,
Speaker 1: but I like today I'm taking Jase to the glass
Speaker 1: to get his glasses, like he doesn't need to be there.
Speaker 1: We really just need one adult present.
Speaker 3: No, I agree one hundred percent about that. But we
Speaker 3: also have it written in that since the kids are
Speaker 3: on my insurance, that I'm the one that books the
Speaker 3: appointment so when they're but I have to do it
Speaker 3: off of my schedule, right, So I'm just doing the
Speaker 3: appointments and he takes that as an opportunity to come.
Speaker 3: Yet it's another reason for us to butt heads real
Speaker 3: hard because we don't see eye to eye even on
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments.
Speaker 1: And there's no way to change it to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm good, I got them, I'll take them.
Speaker 3: Oh not not with this co parent No, I wish.
Speaker 1: Do you think is it a control thing? Okay? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So how do you walk through then that dynamic of
Speaker 1: that piece because you know it's coming from a control piece, right,
Speaker 1: and managing that with him?
Speaker 3: I know I've learned to just step aside because at first,
Speaker 3: at the very beginning of the co parenting situation, It
Speaker 3: ruffled my feathers to the nth degree because I knew
Speaker 3: what he was doing and I could see right through it.
Speaker 3: If you're married to someone that's controlling, they're going to
Speaker 3: get you been more controlling post divorce, and it took
Speaker 3: me a long time to wrap my head around that.
Speaker 3: But now that I know it's not about me one percent,
Speaker 3: it's not about the kids. It's about him and his control.
Speaker 3: I just look at it like, let it ride. You know,
Speaker 3: I don't want him to see that it affects me
Speaker 3: because if he sees me mad, it's gonna he's gonna
Speaker 3: do it more.
Speaker 1: Does he watch your Instagram?
Speaker 3: So I do have him blocked, but of course one
Speaker 3: percent he watches girlfriend.
Speaker 1: We know how to make fake profiles?
Speaker 3: Well I know, right, but like, I don't know. It's
Speaker 3: it does really make.
Speaker 1: Me as he brought that up, because there are there
Speaker 1: is there is a lot of moms that I have
Speaker 1: talked to in the co parenting space where they want
Speaker 1: to share their story, but they're afraid that sharing their
Speaker 1: story is going to get them in trouble with their comparent.
Speaker 3: You're that all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I say listen, as long as it's your
Speaker 1: truth and your experience. You make it about you and
Speaker 1: not about your ex one percent.
Speaker 3: I tell my story and it's my truth. At the beginning,
Speaker 3: I was scared because because he did reach out to
Speaker 3: me numerous times kind of like in a threatening way,
Speaker 3: and so in my defense, I did to cover my faces.
Speaker 3: I met with a what is it called, like an
Speaker 3: attorney that specializes in defamation. Sure, and I wanted to
Speaker 3: cover myself to make sure I wasn't doing anything that
Speaker 3: wasn't right. And of course, with freedom of speech and
Speaker 3: telling our story and never using his name, never saying
Speaker 3: his occupation, never giving him a title, and like labeling him,
Speaker 3: I would never do any of that out of respect
Speaker 3: for him and out of mostly respect for my children.
Speaker 3: You know, I know that the Internet is forever and
Speaker 3: what we put out there is going to stay. So
Speaker 3: I do watch myself in that regard. But I like
Speaker 3: to share my story because I feel like divorced women,
Speaker 3: especially as co parents.
Speaker 2: We go through a lot.
Speaker 3: And there are a ton of people in the space podcasters, Instagrammers,
Speaker 3: but they're not a lot of them don't share everything.
Speaker 3: You know. There is a lot of bad, but there's
Speaker 3: also a lot of good. And there's the day to
Speaker 3: day stuff, and I just want people women, especially because
Speaker 3: that's my demographic that I talk to on Instagram. I
Speaker 3: just want them to see that even though it sucks,
Speaker 3: it's still okay, Like you're going to be okay.
Speaker 1: Right And I think one of the videos that I watched,
Speaker 1: you know, you're just like, I'm gonna get hate for this,
Speaker 1: and I know I'm supposed to be okay and be
Speaker 1: around them with the kids, and I do feel like
Speaker 1: there comes a point where it's like, yeah, do I
Speaker 1: want my ex husband at the house at the birthday parties? No,
Speaker 1: but I do do it. And over time it's gotten
Speaker 1: easier because I do kind of look at them and
Speaker 1: I'm just like the yes, he hurt me so bad
Speaker 1: and there was so much pain in that, but I've
Speaker 1: released it. That's this point, you know, and it's like
Speaker 1: he just is who he is now and it's he
Speaker 1: doesn't get to affect me anymore. That's you know, like
Speaker 1: I allowed that, yes, but now it's like, it's what's
Speaker 1: best for the kids. And I know, you know, people
Speaker 1: have their things on that, but I do think at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, as parents, we should do
Speaker 1: what's best for the kids.
Speaker 3: And as cliche as it sounds, I do think that
Speaker 3: time makes everything better. I think the birks during cold
Speaker 3: parenting are always the hardest, right the first first birthdays.
Speaker 3: It's all so hard and so sad, and you cry
Speaker 3: so much and you don't think it's ever going to
Speaker 3: get any better. And I'm only three years into it,
Speaker 3: Like it's not like I've been divorced for ten years
Speaker 3: or something. But I will say it's gotten. I don't
Speaker 3: know if I'm more numb or if I'm stronger, but
Speaker 3: it's getting better.
Speaker 4: To do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it has nothing to do with my relationship
Speaker 3: getting better with my ex husband. It's just my mentality
Speaker 3: and how I'm approaching it.
Speaker 1: I think too. It's one of those things where even
Speaker 1: the conversations that I have with my ex, you know
Speaker 1: that the battle he's never going to understand you. He's
Speaker 1: never going to be like you know what, you're right, Like,
Speaker 1: he's not going to get your So it's like you
Speaker 1: just have to you know, as the mom, what to do,
Speaker 1: and it's you don't have to. There's no fight because
Speaker 1: why like, what's the point. You know you're never really
Speaker 1: going to see you got you got divorced because you
Speaker 1: didn't see Idee. You're never going to see ide So
Speaker 1: it's it's really putting more of a uh, you know,
Speaker 1: pressure on yourself and making yourself more miserable, trying to
Speaker 1: fight something that he's not going to be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, I was or I should do this, you know, and.
Speaker 3: Then you're carrying that weight with you throughout the day
Speaker 3: when you're supposed to be enjoying your time with your kids.
Speaker 3: So you're just drinking this poison and poisoning yourself when
Speaker 3: there's you don't have to, you don't have to.
Speaker 1: It is true though, with the with with time again,
Speaker 1: like you said, it is cliche, but it's true. I mean,
Speaker 1: this year was coming up on five years of being divorced,
Speaker 1: and you know, yes, was I sat on Christmas when
Speaker 1: I had to say goodbye, of course, But did I
Speaker 1: cry the whole day.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I just had a tearful moment at dinner, you know,
Speaker 1: and it's like, Okay, this was better than the last
Speaker 1: couple of years because I wouldn't be able to pick
Speaker 1: myself up, you know, because I just wallowed in my like,
Speaker 1: oh this is not the life I wanted. You know
Speaker 1: I agree, but you're doing the very best you can.
Speaker 1: So if there's someone out there that is dealing with
Speaker 1: your situation with a controlling person, a co partner, what
Speaker 1: would you say to them to kind of walk through it?
Speaker 1: And I always say, like be a boulder, you know,
Speaker 1: like they can't affect a boulders.
Speaker 3: So I've been dealing or I've been working a lot
Speaker 3: on my nervous system regulation lately, and I'm trying to
Speaker 3: get myself more centered and more zen and lately it's
Speaker 3: this thing where I pretend that I'm walking around with
Speaker 3: like this golden glow around me and nothing can penetrate it,
Speaker 3: nothing negative, nothing harmful, especially nothing from this man. He
Speaker 3: just can't pay. You just have to walk around thinking,
Speaker 3: this is my life. I cannot control anything that's happening
Speaker 3: over here. All that I can control is my reaction
Speaker 3: how I respond to it, And you just have to
Speaker 3: live your life being optimistic that maybe one day it'll
Speaker 3: get better. Maybe one day it won't, but this is
Speaker 3: the way life is panning out. So you can either
Speaker 3: look at it the glass is half full or not.
Speaker 3: So when you wake up every day, it's a choice
Speaker 3: you have to make. How am I going to approach this?
Speaker 3: Are you going to wallow in it? Or are you
Speaker 3: gonna thrive? Because I think it's a lot more sad
Speaker 3: to wallow in it.
Speaker 1: So let's see. Well, and what do our kids deserve
Speaker 1: a thriving mom?
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly. And I think the majority of women get
Speaker 3: divorced for the kids, right. I made this decision for
Speaker 3: a better life for all of us.
Speaker 1: So we stay for the kids, and then we leave
Speaker 1: for the kids. It was my I stayed for six
Speaker 1: years and then leave for them. Yeah, yep, Annie, where
Speaker 1: can our listeners find you?
Speaker 3: You can find me on Instagram at Annie dot stoykov.
Speaker 2: Yay.
Speaker 1: You're so cute and are you dating anyone now?
Speaker 3: I am not. I hopefully we'll find someone soon.
Speaker 1: In time. Girl. Thank you, it's coming for you. It's
Speaker 1: coming for you. Well, we're excited for your part two
Speaker 1: and we appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Thanks girl. Next up we got shab and she's about
Speaker 1: how to marry a rich man. I've got some questions
Speaker 1: about this.
Speaker 3: Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: I am great? How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good? I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1: You're so cute and I what I just love about
Speaker 1: you is that you have such a great, great advice
Speaker 1: for divorced women, but yet you're not divorced, so I know,
Speaker 1: but you talk me through that.
Speaker 2: I'm in the age group where, you know, it's all
Speaker 2: the housewives and their husbands are all on second wife.
Speaker 2: I call it second wife syndrome, and I'm around that,
Speaker 2: and I've also had to try to avoid being one
Speaker 2: of them. You know, marriage is hard, and so I
Speaker 2: just give practical advice to It started off as just
Speaker 2: me giving advice to my friends and then it just
Speaker 2: blew up on social media. But it's just really practical advice.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so the videos that I saw were geared
Speaker 1: to finding a rich man, right. So my thing with that, though,
Speaker 1: is the relationships that I've had where the people had
Speaker 1: a lot of money. Okay, Like when I got divorced,
Speaker 1: all my girlfriends were like, find a man that's got
Speaker 1: a yeah and a private plane and listen, I could
Speaker 1: have been with someone like that, but I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't want that doesn't make me happy, Like none of this.
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I attracted to him? No? Okay, am
Speaker 1: I why would I want to continue dating this man?
Speaker 1: This is just so my girlfriends and I can all
Speaker 1: fly on a private plane in a yacht like this
Speaker 1: isn't And now one of my recently divorced friends as well,
Speaker 1: like she's just you know, She's like, I've got this guy,
Speaker 1: he's got so much money, but I just can't do it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: money doesn't make you happy. But are you agreeing to
Speaker 1: that or do you still think that that's important listen to.
Speaker 2: I totally completely agree with you. Everybody's definition of rich
Speaker 2: is different. So when I made that video, it was
Speaker 2: kind of tongue in cheek about rich because for me,
Speaker 2: when I married my husband, I wanted him to be
Speaker 2: educated and to have a really good job. Was you rich,
Speaker 2: yacht rich?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: But it was rich enough for me that I could
Speaker 2: feel secure. I'm an educated woman, so I wanted somebody
Speaker 2: to be at the same education level as me, at
Speaker 2: least making relatively the same income. I think when you
Speaker 2: get into that level of wealth where they have their
Speaker 2: own plane and their yachts and whatever. I have a
Speaker 2: lot of friends like that, that's a whole different set
Speaker 2: of problems because those dudes, they don't care like they
Speaker 2: can they have a lot of women around them all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they got manys on both sides, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like they have they can have it all.
Speaker 1: And that's to me scary, yes.
Speaker 2: And it's gross, it's good. So I would say that,
Speaker 2: you know, you first have to like the guy and
Speaker 2: be attracted to him. But also, why are we not
Speaker 2: wanting the expectation that he should have something like? Why
Speaker 2: why are we trying to make it okay that we
Speaker 2: shouldn't expect a man to have any money. I don't
Speaker 2: want a data guy that's poor. You know I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't want a data guy that was poor. I
Speaker 2: knew that I wouldn't do well. I don't like to
Speaker 2: use the word part. I wouldn't do well with, you know,
Speaker 2: having a guy who didn't have anything, because I I
Speaker 2: knew what I wanted for my life and I value
Speaker 2: myself and if I'm an educated woman, then why should
Speaker 2: I settle just because society tells us we are asking
Speaker 2: for too much. If we want a man who you know,
Speaker 2: has some money or has a good job.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think for me, it's always come down to
Speaker 1: their work ethic. So, you know, someone that I had
Speaker 1: been with in the past. I remember, you know, when
Speaker 1: we were living together, it's okay, well you made this money,
Speaker 1: where did it all go? And then I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that the red flags of all that was is he
Speaker 1: spent it on all these things. And then when we
Speaker 1: were together, he was lazy, he didn't work, he and
Speaker 1: it was so unattractive to me, you know. And it's like,
Speaker 1: I what I love about my now husband is he
Speaker 1: works his ass off, you know, and he's just like
Speaker 1: constantly like grinding and and you know, in working, and
Speaker 1: I love that about him. Does he make, you know,
Speaker 1: millions and millions of dollars? No, but I respect his
Speaker 1: work ethic and I think that is something so sexy
Speaker 1: about a man who wants to be there, you know,
Speaker 1: but you know, is just grinds. And I think that
Speaker 1: is so attractive in a guy, because of course, you
Speaker 1: don't want someone that's just sitting there playing video games
Speaker 1: on their little bean bag. No, exactly, because I've been
Speaker 1: there too, and it's not attractive at all.
Speaker 2: It's not is not cute. When I started dating my husband,
Speaker 2: I started dating in because first of all, he was
Speaker 2: cute and he was the complete opposite of the bad
Speaker 2: boys that I had been dating. But he also had it,
Speaker 2: like what you said, a really strong work ethic. He
Speaker 2: knew he needed to work to make money to also
Speaker 2: feel self actualized and fulfilled. And I also found that
Speaker 2: super attractive in him, and I think that's really important.
Speaker 1: But you know, for the listeners that do want to
Speaker 1: find the rich man, I mean, what what the video
Speaker 1: of you being like, go to that sweet little grandma
Speaker 1: in what is their name? In the in the synagogue?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the church, mosque, synagogue, temple, okay, listen that.
Speaker 1: I was like, you're a friend. I was like, do
Speaker 1: you know how.
Speaker 2: Many women have met men like that? Like even to
Speaker 2: this day Because I'm Canadian, Okay, I talk to everybody
Speaker 2: I know, you know Americans maybe, well, my daughter lives
Speaker 2: in the States and she's like, Mom, you know it's
Speaker 2: kind of weird in New York to just be talking
Speaker 2: to strangers.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why if.
Speaker 2: You want to meet somebody, you talk to the little
Speaker 2: old lady at the grocery store. Find the little old
Speaker 2: lady that looks really super cute, and you go start
Speaker 2: chatting with her. Hey, do you like this soup? Like listen,
Speaker 2: It's also about being.
Speaker 1: Kind sure of course, like you have to have a
Speaker 1: kind heart to yeah, and you know.
Speaker 2: Being kind in society to seniors and whatever, that's also
Speaker 2: a part of it too. But if you want to
Speaker 2: meet the man, you got to go through the mom
Speaker 2: or the grandma and then that's where you know, because
Speaker 2: they will advocate for you. Like even I think it
Speaker 2: was like last week or two weeks ago, I just
Speaker 2: started chatting with this lady and I was at somebody's house.
Speaker 2: Somebody had passed away, and so you know, you go
Speaker 2: give your condolences at the house and whatever. So I'm
Speaker 2: talking this lady. I've never met her, and so she
Speaker 2: starts chatting with me and she's like, are you married?
Speaker 1: And he said, yes, I am.
Speaker 2: I've actually been married for almost thirty years. And she goes, wow,
Speaker 2: she laughed, and she goes, well.
Speaker 1: Are you happily married?
Speaker 2: And I said yes, I am mine, and she goes
Speaker 2: because I have a son and he's really nice and
Speaker 2: he's educated and he has a really good job and whatever.
Speaker 2: And I laughed and I go, Okay, well if my
Speaker 2: husband steps out of line, I know who to call.
Speaker 2: So she goes one step further and she goes, you
Speaker 2: know what, he's you just let me know because he
Speaker 2: doesn't live far from you. He's in Seattle, and so
Speaker 2: he could come here.
Speaker 1: Like ine a date that's fantastic.
Speaker 2: Happens all the time, and so if you're just kind
Speaker 2: and you start chatting with people, also having that curiosity
Speaker 2: wanting to learn about people and whatever. But I'm telling you,
Speaker 2: it's the old ladies. The old ladies are the key.
Speaker 1: So it's not sitting at a bar at a nice restaurant.
Speaker 1: It's fine. The old lady that's at the bar, I
Speaker 1: think so.
Speaker 2: I think so. I think the whole sitting at a
Speaker 2: bar is I mean, it still works, it still works,
Speaker 2: but I think this way is just better. It's just
Speaker 2: more organic and it's just fun. You know, if you
Speaker 2: don't have a seventy year old best friend, you're missing
Speaker 2: out in life. Like those ladies are awesome.
Speaker 1: What do you think the three great questions you should
Speaker 1: ask on a first date to see if the man
Speaker 1: is for you, because obviously you're not going to go
Speaker 1: into be like how much do you make a year?
Speaker 1: But I think job question is kind of tells you
Speaker 1: where he might be.
Speaker 2: I think is fundamental. I think there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 2: saying what do you do for a living? Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think that's important for us for our own security and
Speaker 2: peace of mind. But the other thing I'd like to
Speaker 2: ask I would ask is how what is your relationship
Speaker 2: like with your mom and dad? What is your relationship
Speaker 2: like with your grandma and your grandpa? Because you know,
Speaker 2: everybody tends to may have a tumultuous relationship with one parent,
Speaker 2: so that's totally also not a indicator. But what's the
Speaker 2: relationship like with your grandparents? That's usually a really good indicator.
Speaker 1: But what's they're dead?
Speaker 2: Oh, what was it like before? Or do you have
Speaker 2: siblings or are you close to your siblings? I think
Speaker 2: that's a good question. And then also what are your
Speaker 2: hopes and dreams? What are your goals for your life,
Speaker 2: for your career.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, while I was walking with one of
Speaker 1: my girlfriends, she's like, well, she's like, I got a
Speaker 1: date with this agent. She's like, but you know, they
Speaker 1: don't really make a lot of money, And I said,
Speaker 1: you know, girl, I said, it's about what Maybe they've
Speaker 1: something on the side, like investments or they've you know,
Speaker 1: they're doing this and like that, you know where it's
Speaker 1: not just and that's fine.
Speaker 4: Too.
Speaker 1: It's just a nine to five job whatever, and that's
Speaker 1: what they love to do. But she's also wanting the
Speaker 1: richer man because I'm like, it's about their heart, girl,
Speaker 1: It's not about what they do. I'm like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe he's got something on the side and he likes
Speaker 1: to invest. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's also about kindness and what their
Speaker 2: heart is. And also I tell people also look at
Speaker 2: the potential, like if they're a really hard worker, if
Speaker 2: they love what they do, they might they might end
Speaker 2: up becoming bigger than what they are. Right, It's not
Speaker 2: money is not the be all end all. Some women
Speaker 2: are happy with making more money than their husbands or
Speaker 2: their their partner, But it's I think having kindness and
Speaker 2: having somebody who's just just a nice person that is
Speaker 2: reliable and steady and has a good job that will
Speaker 2: trump having yacht money. I think any day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you'd get bored on the yacht. You would.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's fine, right, it's fun for a bit, and
Speaker 1: then it's like, wow, okay, where can our listeners find
Speaker 1: your sweet videos?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Thank you, I'm on TikTok install. That's TikTok is usually
Speaker 2: that's my bigger account.
Speaker 1: What's your TikTok name?
Speaker 2: Not too shabby dot life sont and then the number
Speaker 2: two shabby dot life.
Speaker 1: Love it. Well, thank you for coming on. You're a sweetheart.
Speaker 2: This was so fun.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks girl, Thanks for coming on. All right,
Speaker 1: Next up, we've got Taylor. She is a divorce lawyer. Hey,
Speaker 1: how are you? How are you girl? I'm doing great.
Speaker 1: So were you a divorce lawyer before you got divorced
Speaker 1: or did you become a divorce lawyer after your divorce?
Speaker 4: I get this question all the time.
Speaker 1: I was a divorce lay first. Okay, so you were
Speaker 1: just like you knew exactly what to do when it
Speaker 1: all ended.
Speaker 4: Maybe so funny, So procedurally, I definitely knew what to
Speaker 4: do as far as like what paperwork to file and
Speaker 4: all of that. But I talk about it a lot
Speaker 4: now when I'm helping other women that like, I made
Speaker 4: a lot of mistakes with how I thought things would go,
Speaker 4: and like in the decision making criteria that I had
Speaker 4: when I.
Speaker 1: Got divorced, and what would that be?
Speaker 4: So I have children, and so like in co parenting
Speaker 4: and making a lot of the decisions I think women
Speaker 4: make where they just want to be nice and they
Speaker 4: want to appease their acts, and so they think they're
Speaker 4: going to agree, just agree on things long term. So
Speaker 4: we had a lot of like, oh, we'll just agree
Speaker 4: on what the holidays will look like and we'll be
Speaker 4: flexible with you know, money and paying for things for
Speaker 4: the kids. And it didn't work out that way. It
Speaker 4: was like a train wreck, to be very frank. And
Speaker 4: it's been five years, but there have been a lot
Speaker 4: of ups and downs in that in that time period.
Speaker 1: So your advice and would be to make sure you
Speaker 1: have it written out more in a sense instead of
Speaker 1: just going on the word of what they say during divorce.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just being much more clear, like knowing what it
Speaker 4: is that you want and need, having some non negotiables,
Speaker 4: talking about what will this look like in reality, you know,
Speaker 4: going forward, Like what is we're just going to agree
Speaker 4: even mean for.
Speaker 1: Sure, No, I mean I feel like, yeah, with our
Speaker 1: with my divorce and the parenting plan, it was very
Speaker 1: much we have gone so far from it, but at
Speaker 1: least we have a structure that's there, Like you know,
Speaker 1: he's he's supposed to we're supposed to flip flap, fall
Speaker 1: break and spring break, but I'm like, hey, it's you know,
Speaker 1: to really make memories. What if I take now every
Speaker 1: fall and you take every spring and so and you.
Speaker 1: But as long as you know we had the framework
Speaker 1: that we all agreed on in writing before because and
Speaker 1: now it's like hey, now that we're seeing it doesn't
Speaker 1: really work. Luckily I have a flexible co parent that
Speaker 1: is helpful with with that. But that's the key, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: having it down because if not, I mean yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it wouldn't because at times when you're angry at
Speaker 1: the person, or if you're get into a fight again,
Speaker 1: because that will happen. It's they could just like, well sorry,
Speaker 1: and at least you have something in writing.
Speaker 4: That's it. That's it. Like there may be times where
Speaker 4: whatever happens in your life or the other person's life,
Speaker 4: and maybe you take a step back and communication and flexibility,
Speaker 4: and maybe you're not getting along like you would like,
Speaker 4: maybe you're not making choices or the other person isn't
Speaker 4: making choices with the kids front and center, and you
Speaker 4: have to have something to go back and rely on
Speaker 4: so that you're not just always in conflict with nowhere
Speaker 4: to go.
Speaker 1: That's so true. So I saw on your Instagram you did.
Speaker 1: It was so funny. You said, what you were tacky,
Speaker 1: what the tackiest trend that you were seeing last year was,
Speaker 1: and it was fifty to fifty? Can you go into
Speaker 1: that specifically?
Speaker 4: It was meant asking for fifty to fifty parenting time
Speaker 4: who didn't know what grade the kids were at and school,
Speaker 4: didn't know what shoe size they wore, and couldn't answer
Speaker 4: who their best friend was. And there were a ton
Speaker 4: of moms who chimed in in the comments and were like,
Speaker 4: I can so relate. I'm on the hook for fifty
Speaker 4: to fifty parenting time with someone who sends them to
Speaker 4: school and their pajamas. So, yeah, a lot of people
Speaker 4: felt it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, so I've got what is your split.
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 4: It's about sixty forty. We've been much less than that.
Speaker 4: This is kind of the most we've ever been. I've
Speaker 4: got four kiddos, ok, so yeah, it's about sixty forty.
Speaker 4: I've got Sunday through Thursday, and he's got three weekends
Speaker 4: a month Thursday through Sunday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've got seventy thirty. And it's one of those
Speaker 1: where when I have friends that get divorced. Now I've
Speaker 1: said I think sixty forty feels because sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 1: the seventy is it's a lot, you know, and they
Speaker 1: also get a lot less responsibility than they should too,
Speaker 1: you know, and so I'm always I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: sixty forty sounds like a lot, but it's it's something
Speaker 1: where I've gone, you know, I kind of wish that
Speaker 1: was what it was because I then had to take
Speaker 1: on so much more that I didn't have the help then,
Speaker 1: Like now he's again a bit more flexible with you know,
Speaker 1: when I work and stuff. But it does feel like
Speaker 1: they just get the They're just like the fun parent,
Speaker 1: you know, seven days a month, and it's you know.
Speaker 4: The reality with that, though, is it's dependent upon who
Speaker 4: you're co parenting with. You know. You could have somebody
Speaker 4: who has thirty percent and they could step up big time,
Speaker 4: but they can't have more because of their job or
Speaker 4: what have you. So you could have sixty forty and
Speaker 4: be with your children on their parenting time. Almost I
Speaker 4: see my kids every day like, yeah, I'll roll over
Speaker 4: to the ice arena after this and it's not my
Speaker 4: night and I'll go be locker room mom and do
Speaker 4: the volunteer shifts and cheer them on and then go home.
Speaker 4: So it's not my day and I'll spend four hours,
Speaker 4: So sixty forty is it's sometimes when you're co parenting,
Speaker 4: the numbers are vanity numbers for people that want them,
Speaker 4: and it's it doesn't reflect the reality of who shows
Speaker 4: up and how they show up.
Speaker 1: That is so true. Yeah, that's so true. I love that, Taylor.
Speaker 1: Where can our listeners find you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram at mom
Speaker 4: dot lawyer dot divorced, and then on YouTube at the
Speaker 4: at the Taylor wins on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Awesome, Thank you Taylor for coming on. Take care Bi
Speaker 1: Gral all right, so we're actually going to take a
Speaker 1: pause because we have so many more content creators that
Speaker 1: want to hop on and share their experiences. So you
Speaker 1: know what, you got a part two coming, and you
Speaker 1: know we love a part two, So stay tuned for
Speaker 1: next weeks Part two of our content Creators with great
Speaker 1: Advice