WEBVTT - You Need To Know This To Survive Divorce 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:16.360 Hey, I do Part two. It's your host, Jana Kramer. 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:18.760 And as we enter in this new year of twenty 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.280 twenty six, sometimes it's a good idea to get some 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.160 sound advice from people outside of our own circle. Today, 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:26.920 I'm going to chat with some women who are out 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:29.840 there sharing their Chapter two journeys on the internet who 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:33.760 have some great advice. And they're all very different. So 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:36.960 let's dive in with our first one. Her name is Annie, 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:39.479 and she's great, so let's get her on and hear 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:44.320 all about her new co parenting journey. Hello, Hi girl, 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:47.880 how are you. I'm Jana, So nice to meet you. Yeah, 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:51.040 it's so nice to meet you. So I just stopped 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.480 your Instagram. Yes, I'm like, you're so cute. 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:56.520 Thank you, You're so sweet. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:00:58.640 How long have you been divorced? 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:00.880 For? Three years? 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.560 Three years? Okay, what's your split? 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.920 We have fifty fifty custody and we're on a two 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:08.840 two three schedule, so it's. 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:11.320 A lot of back and forth for the kids because 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:14.480 at first, so when I'm watching it right, it's you know, 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.679 you're like, I didn't realize how often I see my 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:20.400 co parent and I get and I get that when 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:24.600 it's around sports seasons, Like I, you know, I definitely 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:28.520 see my ex way more when it's the spring and 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:32.920 fall sports. Of the four different sports, you know, it's 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:35.600 a lot. So that is a lot. But I you 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:39.319 have a different co parenting schedule, So I feel like 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:43.160 that with that back and forth amount, that's probably I mean, 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:45.720 that's that you do see them more because I only 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:51.280 he's got thirty percent. I've got seventy. So his drop 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:52.960 offs are at school. 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:55.880 We do that too, We do the transition at school. 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:58.960 But I see him a lot during the transitions too. 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.480 During summer break, of course, he's always like dropping the 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:04.120 kids off coming to my front door. 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:05.720 It's it's seeing. 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:06.200 Him a lot. 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:08.400 But then you have to factor in all the other 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:12.000 not only games and practices, but you're seeing him at 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:13.480 doctor's appointments. 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:15.760 Oh see, we don't do this, that's all my girlfriend? 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:18.600 Why are you doing that? Like, I'm like, you go dentist. 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:23.040 I know it's written in agreement that he both go 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.200 to every single appointment. 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:26.920 How old are your kids? 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:28.240 Eight and ten? 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.960 Okay, girl, we can split that, right, can we? How 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:35.520 are you guys on the communication level? Because I'm very 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:38.720 much like, hey, I don't like going to the dentist. 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.000 It's just some and I've I've done it a couple times, right, 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:44.040 but I like today I'm taking Jase to the glass 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:46.320 to get his glasses, like he doesn't need to be there. 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:48.680 We really just need one adult present. 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:52.600 No, I agree one hundred percent about that. But we 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:54.639 also have it written in that since the kids are 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:58.240 on my insurance, that I'm the one that books the 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.240 appointment so when they're but I have to do it 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:04.520 off of my schedule, right, So I'm just doing the 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:08.160 appointments and he takes that as an opportunity to come. 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.120 Yet it's another reason for us to butt heads real 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.399 hard because we don't see eye to eye even on 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:17.280 doctor's appointments. 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:19.400 And there's no way to change it to be like, hey, 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:21.480 I'm I'm good, I got them, I'll take them. 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:25.720 Oh not not with this co parent No, I wish. 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:30.359 Do you think is it a control thing? Okay? Yeah, 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:34.960 So how do you walk through then that dynamic of 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:40.520 that piece because you know it's coming from a control piece, right, 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:42.960 and managing that with him? 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:47.040 I know I've learned to just step aside because at first, 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:50.800 at the very beginning of the co parenting situation, It 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:54.040 ruffled my feathers to the nth degree because I knew 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.280 what he was doing and I could see right through it. 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.640 If you're married to someone that's controlling, they're going to 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:04.000 get you been more controlling post divorce, and it took 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:05.880 me a long time to wrap my head around that. 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:08.880 But now that I know it's not about me one percent, 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:12.320 it's not about the kids. It's about him and his control. 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:16.560 I just look at it like, let it ride. You know, 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.120 I don't want him to see that it affects me 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:22.599 because if he sees me mad, it's gonna he's gonna 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:23.479 do it more. 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.080 Does he watch your Instagram? 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.440 So I do have him blocked, but of course one 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:29.200 percent he watches girlfriend. 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:30.720 We know how to make fake profiles? 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:35.640 Well I know, right, but like, I don't know. It's 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:36.719 it does really make. 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:38.640 Me as he brought that up, because there are there 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:40.359 is there is a lot of moms that I have 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:42.920 talked to in the co parenting space where they want 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:44.920 to share their story, but they're afraid that sharing their 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:46.800 story is going to get them in trouble with their comparent. 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:48.480 You're that all the time. 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:50.240 Yeah, And I say listen, as long as it's your 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:52.720 truth and your experience. You make it about you and 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:54.839 not about your ex one percent. 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:58.920 I tell my story and it's my truth. At the beginning, 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.599 I was scared because because he did reach out to 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:04.440 me numerous times kind of like in a threatening way, 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:11.520 and so in my defense, I did to cover my faces. 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:16.040 I met with a what is it called, like an 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.640 attorney that specializes in defamation. Sure, and I wanted to 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:22.240 cover myself to make sure I wasn't doing anything that 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.719 wasn't right. And of course, with freedom of speech and 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:29.360 telling our story and never using his name, never saying 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:34.880 his occupation, never giving him a title, and like labeling him, 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:37.839 I would never do any of that out of respect 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.320 for him and out of mostly respect for my children. 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.080 You know, I know that the Internet is forever and 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:46.440 what we put out there is going to stay. So 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:49.120 I do watch myself in that regard. But I like 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:53.520 to share my story because I feel like divorced women, 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:55.920 especially as co parents. 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:57.400 We go through a lot. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:02.279 And there are a ton of people in the space podcasters, Instagrammers, 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:06.839 but they're not a lot of them don't share everything. 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.720 You know. There is a lot of bad, but there's 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.680 also a lot of good. And there's the day to 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.960 day stuff, and I just want people women, especially because 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:21.200 that's my demographic that I talk to on Instagram. I 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:24.880 just want them to see that even though it sucks, 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:27.839 it's still okay, Like you're going to be okay. 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:30.679 Right And I think one of the videos that I watched, 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:32.800 you know, you're just like, I'm gonna get hate for this, 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.479 and I know I'm supposed to be okay and be 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:39.640 around them with the kids, and I do feel like 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.760 there comes a point where it's like, yeah, do I 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:46.280 want my ex husband at the house at the birthday parties? No, 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:48.640 but I do do it. And over time it's gotten 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.520 easier because I do kind of look at them and 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:56.920 I'm just like the yes, he hurt me so bad 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.920 and there was so much pain in that, but I've 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:02.360 released it. That's this point, you know, and it's like 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:04.760 he just is who he is now and it's he 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.359 doesn't get to affect me anymore. That's you know, like 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:12.440 I allowed that, yes, but now it's like, it's what's 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:15.280 best for the kids. And I know, you know, people 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:18.360 have their things on that, but I do think at 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.240 the end of the day, as parents, we should do 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:21.320 what's best for the kids. 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.000 And as cliche as it sounds, I do think that 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:29.440 time makes everything better. I think the birks during cold 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:33.240 parenting are always the hardest, right the first first birthdays. 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.560 It's all so hard and so sad, and you cry 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:38.200 so much and you don't think it's ever going to 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:40.800 get any better. And I'm only three years into it, 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:42.920 Like it's not like I've been divorced for ten years 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:46.960 or something. But I will say it's gotten. I don't 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:51.360 know if I'm more numb or if I'm stronger, but 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:52.600 it's getting better. 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:54.320 To do. 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.880 Yeah, And it has nothing to do with my relationship 0:07:56.920 --> 0:08:00.240 getting better with my ex husband. It's just my mentality 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:01.600 and how I'm approaching it. 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.080 I think too. It's one of those things where even 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.160 the conversations that I have with my ex, you know 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.080 that the battle he's never going to understand you. He's 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:12.320 never going to be like you know what, you're right, Like, 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:14.280 he's not going to get your So it's like you 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:17.360 just have to you know, as the mom, what to do, 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:22.000 and it's you don't have to. There's no fight because 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:24.160 why like, what's the point. You know you're never really 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:25.720 going to see you got you got divorced because you 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:29.240 didn't see Idee. You're never going to see ide So 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:33.679 it's it's really putting more of a uh, you know, 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:36.920 pressure on yourself and making yourself more miserable, trying to 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.240 fight something that he's not going to be like, oh, yeah, 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:42.520 you're right, I was or I should do this, you know, and. 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:45.000 Then you're carrying that weight with you throughout the day 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:48.360 when you're supposed to be enjoying your time with your kids. 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:52.360 So you're just drinking this poison and poisoning yourself when 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.480 there's you don't have to, you don't have to. 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.520 It is true though, with the with with time again, 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:01.800 like you said, it is cliche, but it's true. I mean, 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:05.240 this year was coming up on five years of being divorced, 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:07.920 and you know, yes, was I sat on Christmas when 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:09.520 I had to say goodbye, of course, But did I 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:10.440 cry the whole day. 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:10.640 No. 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:12.640 I just had a tearful moment at dinner, you know, 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:15.200 and it's like, Okay, this was better than the last 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:17.240 couple of years because I wouldn't be able to pick 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:19.640 myself up, you know, because I just wallowed in my like, 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:21.920 oh this is not the life I wanted. You know 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:26.360 I agree, but you're doing the very best you can. 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:29.400 So if there's someone out there that is dealing with 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:34.400 your situation with a controlling person, a co partner, what 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:37.280 would you say to them to kind of walk through it? 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:39.800 And I always say, like be a boulder, you know, 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:42.760 like they can't affect a boulders. 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:47.720 So I've been dealing or I've been working a lot 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:51.000 on my nervous system regulation lately, and I'm trying to 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:54.960 get myself more centered and more zen and lately it's 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:57.960 this thing where I pretend that I'm walking around with 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:02.040 like this golden glow around me and nothing can penetrate it, 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:07.800 nothing negative, nothing harmful, especially nothing from this man. He 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:11.040 just can't pay. You just have to walk around thinking, 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:15.880 this is my life. I cannot control anything that's happening 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:18.960 over here. All that I can control is my reaction 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:23.240 how I respond to it, And you just have to 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:26.400 live your life being optimistic that maybe one day it'll 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:29.640 get better. Maybe one day it won't, but this is 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:32.320 the way life is panning out. So you can either 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.640 look at it the glass is half full or not. 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.280 So when you wake up every day, it's a choice 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.439 you have to make. How am I going to approach this? 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:42.400 Are you going to wallow in it? Or are you 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:46.040 gonna thrive? Because I think it's a lot more sad 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:46.720 to wallow in it. 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:48.600 So let's see. Well, and what do our kids deserve 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:49.360 a thriving mom? 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:53.320 Exactly exactly. And I think the majority of women get 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:57.400 divorced for the kids, right. I made this decision for 0:10:57.600 --> 0:10:59.480 a better life for all of us. 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:02.600 So we stay for the kids, and then we leave 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.440 for the kids. It was my I stayed for six 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:09.560 years and then leave for them. Yeah, yep, Annie, where 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:11.200 can our listeners find you? 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:14.480 You can find me on Instagram at Annie dot stoykov. 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:15.440 Yay. 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.760 You're so cute and are you dating anyone now? 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:23.680 I am not. I hopefully we'll find someone soon. 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:27.960 In time. Girl. Thank you, it's coming for you. It's 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.960 coming for you. Well, we're excited for your part two 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:32.760 and we appreciate you coming on. 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:33.760 Thank you so much. 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:47.280 Thanks girl. Next up we got shab and she's about 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.800 how to marry a rich man. I've got some questions 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:51.160 about this. 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:52.760 Hi, how are you? 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:54.800 I am great? How are you? 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:56.840 I'm good? I'm so excited to be here. 0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:01.520 You're so cute and I what I just love about 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:04.320 you is that you have such a great, great advice 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:09.199 for divorced women, but yet you're not divorced, so I know, 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:10.600 but you talk me through that. 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:13.960 I'm in the age group where, you know, it's all 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:17.200 the housewives and their husbands are all on second wife. 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.480 I call it second wife syndrome, and I'm around that, 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.960 and I've also had to try to avoid being one 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:27.720 of them. You know, marriage is hard, and so I 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:31.280 just give practical advice to It started off as just 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:33.920 me giving advice to my friends and then it just 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.560 blew up on social media. But it's just really practical advice. 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:43.760 And yeah, so the videos that I saw were geared 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.720 to finding a rich man, right. So my thing with that, though, 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:51.800 is the relationships that I've had where the people had 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:54.680 a lot of money. Okay, Like when I got divorced, 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:58.040 all my girlfriends were like, find a man that's got 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:01.320 a yeah and a private plane and listen, I could 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:04.760 have been with someone like that, but I'm like, I 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.600 don't want that doesn't make me happy, Like none of this. 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:09.600 I'm like, am I attracted to him? No? Okay, am 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:12.120 I why would I want to continue dating this man? 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:14.320 This is just so my girlfriends and I can all 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:16.600 fly on a private plane in a yacht like this 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:21.120 isn't And now one of my recently divorced friends as well, 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:22.920 like she's just you know, She's like, I've got this guy, 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:24.840 he's got so much money, but I just can't do it. 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:26.160 And I'm like, yeah, because at the end of the day, 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:30.480 money doesn't make you happy. But are you agreeing to 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:35.800 that or do you still think that that's important listen to. 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:40.040 I totally completely agree with you. Everybody's definition of rich 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:43.240 is different. So when I made that video, it was 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.280 kind of tongue in cheek about rich because for me, 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:48.640 when I married my husband, I wanted him to be 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:51.839 educated and to have a really good job. Was you rich, 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:52.680 yacht rich? 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:53.080 No? 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:57.040 But it was rich enough for me that I could 0:13:57.040 --> 0:14:00.840 feel secure. I'm an educated woman, so I wanted somebody 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:03.040 to be at the same education level as me, at 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.880 least making relatively the same income. I think when you 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.640 get into that level of wealth where they have their 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.480 own plane and their yachts and whatever. I have a 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.360 lot of friends like that, that's a whole different set 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.760 of problems because those dudes, they don't care like they 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.840 can they have a lot of women around them all 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:22.280 the time. 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.840 Yeah, they got manys on both sides, you know what 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:26.720 I mean, Like they have they can have it all. 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:29.000 And that's to me scary, yes. 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:32.320 And it's gross, it's good. So I would say that, 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:35.680 you know, you first have to like the guy and 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:38.920 be attracted to him. But also, why are we not 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:43.600 wanting the expectation that he should have something like? Why 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.120 why are we trying to make it okay that we 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.760 shouldn't expect a man to have any money. I don't 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:50.920 want a data guy that's poor. You know I didn't. 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:52.640 I didn't want a data guy that was poor. I 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:55.160 knew that I wouldn't do well. I don't like to 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:57.680 use the word part. I wouldn't do well with, you know, 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:00.080 having a guy who didn't have anything, because I I 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.640 knew what I wanted for my life and I value 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.000 myself and if I'm an educated woman, then why should 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:11.600 I settle just because society tells us we are asking 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.760 for too much. If we want a man who you know, 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:16.000 has some money or has a good job. 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:18.360 Yeah, I think for me, it's always come down to 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.040 their work ethic. So, you know, someone that I had 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.080 been with in the past. I remember, you know, when 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.680 we were living together, it's okay, well you made this money, 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:27.680 where did it all go? And then I didn't realize 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.240 that the red flags of all that was is he 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:34.000 spent it on all these things. And then when we 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:37.160 were together, he was lazy, he didn't work, he and 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.800 it was so unattractive to me, you know. And it's like, 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.560 I what I love about my now husband is he 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.000 works his ass off, you know, and he's just like 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:48.960 constantly like grinding and and you know, in working, and 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:51.120 I love that about him. Does he make, you know, 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:54.440 millions and millions of dollars? No, but I respect his 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:57.680 work ethic and I think that is something so sexy 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:01.160 about a man who wants to be there, you know, 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.800 but you know, is just grinds. And I think that 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:07.320 is so attractive in a guy, because of course, you 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.840 don't want someone that's just sitting there playing video games 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:14.480 on their little bean bag. No, exactly, because I've been 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.840 there too, and it's not attractive at all. 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:20.160 It's not is not cute. When I started dating my husband, 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.000 I started dating in because first of all, he was 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:24.920 cute and he was the complete opposite of the bad 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:28.280 boys that I had been dating. But he also had it, 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.480 like what you said, a really strong work ethic. He 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.360 knew he needed to work to make money to also 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:39.800 feel self actualized and fulfilled. And I also found that 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:43.360 super attractive in him, and I think that's really important. 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:45.680 But you know, for the listeners that do want to 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:49.680 find the rich man, I mean, what what the video 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:51.840 of you being like, go to that sweet little grandma 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.600 in what is their name? In the in the synagogue? 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:59.600 Yeah, the church, mosque, synagogue, temple, okay, listen that. 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.200 I was like, you're a friend. I was like, do 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:04.520 you know how. 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:07.439 Many women have met men like that? Like even to 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:11.480 this day Because I'm Canadian, Okay, I talk to everybody 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:14.960 I know, you know Americans maybe, well, my daughter lives 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:16.560 in the States and she's like, Mom, you know it's 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:18.200 kind of weird in New York to just be talking 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:18.680 to strangers. 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:20.439 I'm like, why if. 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.480 You want to meet somebody, you talk to the little 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:25.240 old lady at the grocery store. Find the little old 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.920 lady that looks really super cute, and you go start 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:30.960 chatting with her. Hey, do you like this soup? Like listen, 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:32.119 It's also about being. 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:34.359 Kind sure of course, like you have to have a 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:36.800 kind heart to yeah, and you know. 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:39.680 Being kind in society to seniors and whatever, that's also 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:41.760 a part of it too. But if you want to 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:43.240 meet the man, you got to go through the mom 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.280 or the grandma and then that's where you know, because 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:48.960 they will advocate for you. Like even I think it 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.399 was like last week or two weeks ago, I just 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:55.119 started chatting with this lady and I was at somebody's house. 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:57.239 Somebody had passed away, and so you know, you go 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:59.720 give your condolences at the house and whatever. So I'm 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:02.800 talking this lady. I've never met her, and so she 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:05.760 starts chatting with me and she's like, are you married? 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:07.080 And he said, yes, I am. 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:09.760 I've actually been married for almost thirty years. And she goes, wow, 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.000 she laughed, and she goes, well. 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:13.520 Are you happily married? 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.160 And I said yes, I am mine, and she goes 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.840 because I have a son and he's really nice and 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:22.600 he's educated and he has a really good job and whatever. 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:25.280 And I laughed and I go, Okay, well if my 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.680 husband steps out of line, I know who to call. 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:30.240 So she goes one step further and she goes, you 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:33.080 know what, he's you just let me know because he 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:36.119 doesn't live far from you. He's in Seattle, and so 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:37.000 he could come here. 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:39.920 Like ine a date that's fantastic. 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.240 Happens all the time, and so if you're just kind 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:45.440 and you start chatting with people, also having that curiosity 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:48.560 wanting to learn about people and whatever. But I'm telling you, 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.040 it's the old ladies. The old ladies are the key. 0:18:51.400 --> 0:18:53.879 So it's not sitting at a bar at a nice restaurant. 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.920 It's fine. The old lady that's at the bar, I 0:18:56.960 --> 0:18:57.359 think so. 0:18:57.640 --> 0:18:59.960 I think so. I think the whole sitting at a 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.240 bar is I mean, it still works, it still works, 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:06.159 but I think this way is just better. It's just 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:09.840 more organic and it's just fun. You know, if you 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:12.320 don't have a seventy year old best friend, you're missing 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:14.200 out in life. Like those ladies are awesome. 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:17.560 What do you think the three great questions you should 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:21.600 ask on a first date to see if the man 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:24.200 is for you, because obviously you're not going to go 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:25.720 into be like how much do you make a year? 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:30.439 But I think job question is kind of tells you 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:32.440 where he might be. 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:36.199 I think is fundamental. I think there's nothing wrong with 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:38.399 saying what do you do for a living? Yeah, I 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:40.600 think that's important for us for our own security and 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:44.480 peace of mind. But the other thing I'd like to 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:47.719 ask I would ask is how what is your relationship 0:19:47.760 --> 0:19:49.879 like with your mom and dad? What is your relationship 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.800