1
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,360
Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's your host, Jana Kramer.

2
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,760
Speaker 1: And as we enter in this new year of twenty

3
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,280
Speaker 1: twenty six, sometimes it's a good idea to get some

4
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:25,160
Speaker 1: sound advice from people outside of our own circle. Today,

5
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to chat with some women who are out

6
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,840
Speaker 1: there sharing their Chapter two journeys on the internet who

7
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,760
Speaker 1: have some great advice. And they're all very different. So

8
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,960
Speaker 1: let's dive in with our first one. Her name is Annie,

9
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,479
Speaker 1: and she's great, so let's get her on and hear

10
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:44,320
Speaker 1: all about her new co parenting journey. Hello, Hi girl,

11
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,880
Speaker 1: how are you. I'm Jana, So nice to meet you. Yeah,

12
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,040
Speaker 1: it's so nice to meet you. So I just stopped

13
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:54,480
Speaker 1: your Instagram. Yes, I'm like, you're so cute.

14
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,520
Speaker 2: Thank you, You're so sweet.

15
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,640
Speaker 1: How long have you been divorced?

16
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 2: For? Three years?

17
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,560
Speaker 1: Three years? Okay, what's your split?

18
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,920
Speaker 3: We have fifty fifty custody and we're on a two

19
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:08,840
Speaker 3: two three schedule, so it's.

20
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,320
Speaker 1: A lot of back and forth for the kids because

21
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,480
Speaker 1: at first, so when I'm watching it right, it's you know,

22
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,679
Speaker 1: you're like, I didn't realize how often I see my

23
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,400
Speaker 1: co parent and I get and I get that when

24
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:24,600
Speaker 1: it's around sports seasons, Like I, you know, I definitely

25
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,520
Speaker 1: see my ex way more when it's the spring and

26
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,920
Speaker 1: fall sports. Of the four different sports, you know, it's

27
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,600
Speaker 1: a lot. So that is a lot. But I you

28
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,319
Speaker 1: have a different co parenting schedule, So I feel like

29
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,160
Speaker 1: that with that back and forth amount, that's probably I mean,

30
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,720
Speaker 1: that's that you do see them more because I only

31
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,280
Speaker 1: he's got thirty percent. I've got seventy. So his drop

32
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,960
Speaker 1: offs are at school.

33
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,880
Speaker 3: We do that too, We do the transition at school.

34
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,960
Speaker 3: But I see him a lot during the transitions too.

35
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,480
Speaker 3: During summer break, of course, he's always like dropping the

36
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,120
Speaker 3: kids off coming to my front door.

37
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,720
Speaker 2: It's it's seeing.

38
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:06,200
Speaker 1: Him a lot.

39
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,400
Speaker 3: But then you have to factor in all the other

40
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,000
Speaker 3: not only games and practices, but you're seeing him at

41
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,480
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments.

42
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,760
Speaker 1: Oh see, we don't do this, that's all my girlfriend?

43
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,600
Speaker 1: Why are you doing that? Like, I'm like, you go dentist.

44
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:23,040
Speaker 3: I know it's written in agreement that he both go

45
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,200
Speaker 3: to every single appointment.

46
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,920
Speaker 1: How old are your kids?

47
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,240
Speaker 2: Eight and ten?

48
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:32,960
Speaker 1: Okay, girl, we can split that, right, can we? How

49
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,520
Speaker 1: are you guys on the communication level? Because I'm very

50
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,720
Speaker 1: much like, hey, I don't like going to the dentist.

51
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,000
Speaker 1: It's just some and I've I've done it a couple times, right,

52
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,040
Speaker 1: but I like today I'm taking Jase to the glass

53
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,320
Speaker 1: to get his glasses, like he doesn't need to be there.

54
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,680
Speaker 1: We really just need one adult present.

55
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,600
Speaker 3: No, I agree one hundred percent about that. But we

56
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,639
Speaker 3: also have it written in that since the kids are

57
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:58,240
Speaker 3: on my insurance, that I'm the one that books the

58
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,240
Speaker 3: appointment so when they're but I have to do it

59
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,520
Speaker 3: off of my schedule, right, So I'm just doing the

60
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,160
Speaker 3: appointments and he takes that as an opportunity to come.

61
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,120
Speaker 3: Yet it's another reason for us to butt heads real

62
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,399
Speaker 3: hard because we don't see eye to eye even on

63
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,280
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments.

64
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,400
Speaker 1: And there's no way to change it to be like, hey,

65
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 1: I'm I'm good, I got them, I'll take them.

66
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,720
Speaker 3: Oh not not with this co parent No, I wish.

67
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,359
Speaker 1: Do you think is it a control thing? Okay? Yeah,

68
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,960
Speaker 1: So how do you walk through then that dynamic of

69
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,520
Speaker 1: that piece because you know it's coming from a control piece, right,

70
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,960
Speaker 1: and managing that with him?

71
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:47,040
Speaker 3: I know I've learned to just step aside because at first,

72
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,800
Speaker 3: at the very beginning of the co parenting situation, It

73
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,040
Speaker 3: ruffled my feathers to the nth degree because I knew

74
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,280
Speaker 3: what he was doing and I could see right through it.

75
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,640
Speaker 3: If you're married to someone that's controlling, they're going to

76
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,000
Speaker 3: get you been more controlling post divorce, and it took

77
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,880
Speaker 3: me a long time to wrap my head around that.

78
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,880
Speaker 3: But now that I know it's not about me one percent,

79
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,320
Speaker 3: it's not about the kids. It's about him and his control.

80
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,560
Speaker 3: I just look at it like, let it ride. You know,

81
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,120
Speaker 3: I don't want him to see that it affects me

82
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,599
Speaker 3: because if he sees me mad, it's gonna he's gonna

83
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:23,479
Speaker 3: do it more.

84
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,080
Speaker 1: Does he watch your Instagram?

85
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,440
Speaker 3: So I do have him blocked, but of course one

86
00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:29,200
Speaker 3: percent he watches girlfriend.

87
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,720
Speaker 1: We know how to make fake profiles?

88
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:35,640
Speaker 3: Well I know, right, but like, I don't know. It's

89
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,719
Speaker 3: it does really make.

90
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,640
Speaker 1: Me as he brought that up, because there are there

91
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,359
Speaker 1: is there is a lot of moms that I have

92
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,920
Speaker 1: talked to in the co parenting space where they want

93
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,920
Speaker 1: to share their story, but they're afraid that sharing their

94
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,800
Speaker 1: story is going to get them in trouble with their comparent.

95
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,480
Speaker 3: You're that all the time.

96
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I say listen, as long as it's your

97
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,720
Speaker 1: truth and your experience. You make it about you and

98
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,839
Speaker 1: not about your ex one percent.

99
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,920
Speaker 3: I tell my story and it's my truth. At the beginning,

100
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,599
Speaker 3: I was scared because because he did reach out to

101
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,440
Speaker 3: me numerous times kind of like in a threatening way,

102
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:11,520
Speaker 3: and so in my defense, I did to cover my faces.

103
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:16,040
Speaker 3: I met with a what is it called, like an

104
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,640
Speaker 3: attorney that specializes in defamation. Sure, and I wanted to

105
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,240
Speaker 3: cover myself to make sure I wasn't doing anything that

106
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,719
Speaker 3: wasn't right. And of course, with freedom of speech and

107
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,360
Speaker 3: telling our story and never using his name, never saying

108
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:34,880
Speaker 3: his occupation, never giving him a title, and like labeling him,

109
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,839
Speaker 3: I would never do any of that out of respect

110
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,320
Speaker 3: for him and out of mostly respect for my children.

111
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,080
Speaker 3: You know, I know that the Internet is forever and

112
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,440
Speaker 3: what we put out there is going to stay. So

113
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,120
Speaker 3: I do watch myself in that regard. But I like

114
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,520
Speaker 3: to share my story because I feel like divorced women,

115
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,920
Speaker 3: especially as co parents.

116
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,400
Speaker 2: We go through a lot.

117
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:02,279
Speaker 3: And there are a ton of people in the space podcasters, Instagrammers,

118
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:06,839
Speaker 3: but they're not a lot of them don't share everything.

119
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,720
Speaker 3: You know. There is a lot of bad, but there's

120
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,680
Speaker 3: also a lot of good. And there's the day to

121
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:16,960
Speaker 3: day stuff, and I just want people women, especially because

122
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,200
Speaker 3: that's my demographic that I talk to on Instagram. I

123
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,880
Speaker 3: just want them to see that even though it sucks,

124
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,839
Speaker 3: it's still okay, Like you're going to be okay.

125
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,679
Speaker 1: Right And I think one of the videos that I watched,

126
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,800
Speaker 1: you know, you're just like, I'm gonna get hate for this,

127
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,479
Speaker 1: and I know I'm supposed to be okay and be

128
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,640
Speaker 1: around them with the kids, and I do feel like

129
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,760
Speaker 1: there comes a point where it's like, yeah, do I

130
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,280
Speaker 1: want my ex husband at the house at the birthday parties? No,

131
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,640
Speaker 1: but I do do it. And over time it's gotten

132
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 1: easier because I do kind of look at them and

133
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:56,920
Speaker 1: I'm just like the yes, he hurt me so bad

134
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,920
Speaker 1: and there was so much pain in that, but I've

135
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,360
Speaker 1: released it. That's this point, you know, and it's like

136
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,760
Speaker 1: he just is who he is now and it's he

137
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,359
Speaker 1: doesn't get to affect me anymore. That's you know, like

138
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:12,440
Speaker 1: I allowed that, yes, but now it's like, it's what's

139
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,280
Speaker 1: best for the kids. And I know, you know, people

140
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,360
Speaker 1: have their things on that, but I do think at

141
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,240
Speaker 1: the end of the day, as parents, we should do

142
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,320
Speaker 1: what's best for the kids.

143
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,000
Speaker 3: And as cliche as it sounds, I do think that

144
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:29,440
Speaker 3: time makes everything better. I think the birks during cold

145
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:33,240
Speaker 3: parenting are always the hardest, right the first first birthdays.

146
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,560
Speaker 3: It's all so hard and so sad, and you cry

147
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,200
Speaker 3: so much and you don't think it's ever going to

148
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,800
Speaker 3: get any better. And I'm only three years into it,

149
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,920
Speaker 3: Like it's not like I've been divorced for ten years

150
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 3: or something. But I will say it's gotten. I don't

151
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,360
Speaker 3: know if I'm more numb or if I'm stronger, but

152
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,600
Speaker 3: it's getting better.

153
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:54,320
Speaker 4: To do.

154
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it has nothing to do with my relationship

155
00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:00,240
Speaker 3: getting better with my ex husband. It's just my mentality

156
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,600
Speaker 3: and how I'm approaching it.

157
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,080
Speaker 1: I think too. It's one of those things where even

158
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,160
Speaker 1: the conversations that I have with my ex, you know

159
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,080
Speaker 1: that the battle he's never going to understand you. He's

160
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,320
Speaker 1: never going to be like you know what, you're right, Like,

161
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,280
Speaker 1: he's not going to get your So it's like you

162
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,360
Speaker 1: just have to you know, as the mom, what to do,

163
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:22,000
Speaker 1: and it's you don't have to. There's no fight because

164
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,160
Speaker 1: why like, what's the point. You know you're never really

165
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,720
Speaker 1: going to see you got you got divorced because you

166
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:29,240
Speaker 1: didn't see Idee. You're never going to see ide So

167
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:33,679
Speaker 1: it's it's really putting more of a uh, you know,

168
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,920
Speaker 1: pressure on yourself and making yourself more miserable, trying to

169
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,240
Speaker 1: fight something that he's not going to be like, oh, yeah,

170
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,520
Speaker 1: you're right, I was or I should do this, you know, and.

171
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,000
Speaker 3: Then you're carrying that weight with you throughout the day

172
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,360
Speaker 3: when you're supposed to be enjoying your time with your kids.

173
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,360
Speaker 3: So you're just drinking this poison and poisoning yourself when

174
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,480
Speaker 3: there's you don't have to, you don't have to.

175
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,520
Speaker 1: It is true though, with the with with time again,

176
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,800
Speaker 1: like you said, it is cliche, but it's true. I mean,

177
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,240
Speaker 1: this year was coming up on five years of being divorced,

178
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,920
Speaker 1: and you know, yes, was I sat on Christmas when

179
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,520
Speaker 1: I had to say goodbye, of course, But did I

180
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,440
Speaker 1: cry the whole day.

181
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:10,640
Speaker 3: No.

182
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,640
Speaker 1: I just had a tearful moment at dinner, you know,

183
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,200
Speaker 1: and it's like, Okay, this was better than the last

184
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,240
Speaker 1: couple of years because I wouldn't be able to pick

185
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,640
Speaker 1: myself up, you know, because I just wallowed in my like,

186
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,920
Speaker 1: oh this is not the life I wanted. You know

187
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,360
Speaker 1: I agree, but you're doing the very best you can.

188
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,400
Speaker 1: So if there's someone out there that is dealing with

189
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:34,400
Speaker 1: your situation with a controlling person, a co partner, what

190
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,280
Speaker 1: would you say to them to kind of walk through it?

191
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,800
Speaker 1: And I always say, like be a boulder, you know,

192
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,760
Speaker 1: like they can't affect a boulders.

193
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,720
Speaker 3: So I've been dealing or I've been working a lot

194
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,000
Speaker 3: on my nervous system regulation lately, and I'm trying to

195
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,960
Speaker 3: get myself more centered and more zen and lately it's

196
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,960
Speaker 3: this thing where I pretend that I'm walking around with

197
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:02,040
Speaker 3: like this golden glow around me and nothing can penetrate it,

198
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:07,800
Speaker 3: nothing negative, nothing harmful, especially nothing from this man. He

199
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 3: just can't pay. You just have to walk around thinking,

200
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:15,880
Speaker 3: this is my life. I cannot control anything that's happening

201
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,960
Speaker 3: over here. All that I can control is my reaction

202
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:23,240
Speaker 3: how I respond to it, And you just have to

203
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,400
Speaker 3: live your life being optimistic that maybe one day it'll

204
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,640
Speaker 3: get better. Maybe one day it won't, but this is

205
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,320
Speaker 3: the way life is panning out. So you can either

206
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 3: look at it the glass is half full or not.

207
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,280
Speaker 3: So when you wake up every day, it's a choice

208
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,439
Speaker 3: you have to make. How am I going to approach this?

209
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,400
Speaker 3: Are you going to wallow in it? Or are you

210
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,040
Speaker 3: gonna thrive? Because I think it's a lot more sad

211
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:46,720
Speaker 3: to wallow in it.

212
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,600
Speaker 1: So let's see. Well, and what do our kids deserve

213
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:49,360
Speaker 1: a thriving mom?

214
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,320
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly. And I think the majority of women get

215
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,400
Speaker 3: divorced for the kids, right. I made this decision for

216
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,480
Speaker 3: a better life for all of us.

217
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,600
Speaker 1: So we stay for the kids, and then we leave

218
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,440
Speaker 1: for the kids. It was my I stayed for six

219
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:09,560
Speaker 1: years and then leave for them. Yeah, yep, Annie, where

220
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,200
Speaker 1: can our listeners find you?

221
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,480
Speaker 3: You can find me on Instagram at Annie dot stoykov.

222
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:15,440
Speaker 2: Yay.

223
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,760
Speaker 1: You're so cute and are you dating anyone now?

224
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,680
Speaker 3: I am not. I hopefully we'll find someone soon.

225
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Speaker 1: In time. Girl. Thank you, it's coming for you. It's

226
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960
Speaker 1: coming for you. Well, we're excited for your part two

227
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,760
Speaker 1: and we appreciate you coming on.

228
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:33,760
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

229
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:47,280
Speaker 1: Thanks girl. Next up we got shab and she's about

230
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,800
Speaker 1: how to marry a rich man. I've got some questions

231
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:51,160
Speaker 1: about this.

232
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:52,760
Speaker 3: Hi, how are you?

233
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,800
Speaker 1: I am great? How are you?

234
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,840
Speaker 2: I'm good? I'm so excited to be here.

235
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:01,520
Speaker 1: You're so cute and I what I just love about

236
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,320
Speaker 1: you is that you have such a great, great advice

237
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:09,199
Speaker 1: for divorced women, but yet you're not divorced, so I know,

238
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,600
Speaker 1: but you talk me through that.

239
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,960
Speaker 2: I'm in the age group where, you know, it's all

240
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,200
Speaker 2: the housewives and their husbands are all on second wife.

241
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,480
Speaker 2: I call it second wife syndrome, and I'm around that,

242
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,960
Speaker 2: and I've also had to try to avoid being one

243
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,720
Speaker 2: of them. You know, marriage is hard, and so I

244
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,280
Speaker 2: just give practical advice to It started off as just

245
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,920
Speaker 2: me giving advice to my friends and then it just

246
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,560
Speaker 2: blew up on social media. But it's just really practical advice.

247
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 1: And yeah, so the videos that I saw were geared

248
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,720
Speaker 1: to finding a rich man, right. So my thing with that, though,

249
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,800
Speaker 1: is the relationships that I've had where the people had

250
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 1: a lot of money. Okay, Like when I got divorced,

251
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:58,040
Speaker 1: all my girlfriends were like, find a man that's got

252
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:01,320
Speaker 1: a yeah and a private plane and listen, I could

253
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,760
Speaker 1: have been with someone like that, but I'm like, I

254
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,600
Speaker 1: don't want that doesn't make me happy, Like none of this.

255
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I attracted to him? No? Okay, am

256
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 1: I why would I want to continue dating this man?

257
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,320
Speaker 1: This is just so my girlfriends and I can all

258
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,600
Speaker 1: fly on a private plane in a yacht like this

259
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:21,120
Speaker 1: isn't And now one of my recently divorced friends as well,

260
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,920
Speaker 1: like she's just you know, She's like, I've got this guy,

261
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,840
Speaker 1: he's got so much money, but I just can't do it.

262
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,160
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, because at the end of the day,

263
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:30,480
Speaker 1: money doesn't make you happy. But are you agreeing to

264
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:35,800
Speaker 1: that or do you still think that that's important listen to.

265
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,040
Speaker 2: I totally completely agree with you. Everybody's definition of rich

266
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,240
Speaker 2: is different. So when I made that video, it was

267
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,280
Speaker 2: kind of tongue in cheek about rich because for me,

268
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,640
Speaker 2: when I married my husband, I wanted him to be

269
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,839
Speaker 2: educated and to have a really good job. Was you rich,

270
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:52,680
Speaker 2: yacht rich?

271
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:53,080
Speaker 1: No?

272
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,040
Speaker 2: But it was rich enough for me that I could

273
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,840
Speaker 2: feel secure. I'm an educated woman, so I wanted somebody

274
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,040
Speaker 2: to be at the same education level as me, at

275
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,880
Speaker 2: least making relatively the same income. I think when you

276
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,640
Speaker 2: get into that level of wealth where they have their

277
00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,480
Speaker 2: own plane and their yachts and whatever. I have a

278
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,360
Speaker 2: lot of friends like that, that's a whole different set

279
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,760
Speaker 2: of problems because those dudes, they don't care like they

280
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,840
Speaker 2: can they have a lot of women around them all

281
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:22,280
Speaker 2: the time.

282
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, they got manys on both sides, you know what

283
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,720
Speaker 1: I mean, Like they have they can have it all.

284
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,000
Speaker 1: And that's to me scary, yes.

285
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,320
Speaker 2: And it's gross, it's good. So I would say that,

286
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,680
Speaker 2: you know, you first have to like the guy and

287
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,920
Speaker 2: be attracted to him. But also, why are we not

288
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 2: wanting the expectation that he should have something like? Why

289
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,120
Speaker 2: why are we trying to make it okay that we

290
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,760
Speaker 2: shouldn't expect a man to have any money. I don't

291
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,920
Speaker 2: want a data guy that's poor. You know I didn't.

292
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,640
Speaker 2: I didn't want a data guy that was poor. I

293
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,160
Speaker 2: knew that I wouldn't do well. I don't like to

294
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 2: use the word part. I wouldn't do well with, you know,

295
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,080
Speaker 2: having a guy who didn't have anything, because I I

296
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,640
Speaker 2: knew what I wanted for my life and I value

297
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,000
Speaker 2: myself and if I'm an educated woman, then why should

298
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,600
Speaker 2: I settle just because society tells us we are asking

299
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,760
Speaker 2: for too much. If we want a man who you know,

300
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 2: has some money or has a good job.

301
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think for me, it's always come down to

302
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,040
Speaker 1: their work ethic. So, you know, someone that I had

303
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,080
Speaker 1: been with in the past. I remember, you know, when

304
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,680
Speaker 1: we were living together, it's okay, well you made this money,

305
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,680
Speaker 1: where did it all go? And then I didn't realize

306
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,240
Speaker 1: that the red flags of all that was is he

307
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:34,000
Speaker 1: spent it on all these things. And then when we

308
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,160
Speaker 1: were together, he was lazy, he didn't work, he and

309
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,800
Speaker 1: it was so unattractive to me, you know. And it's like,

310
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,560
Speaker 1: I what I love about my now husband is he

311
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,000
Speaker 1: works his ass off, you know, and he's just like

312
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 1: constantly like grinding and and you know, in working, and

313
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 1: I love that about him. Does he make, you know,

314
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,440
Speaker 1: millions and millions of dollars? No, but I respect his

315
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,680
Speaker 1: work ethic and I think that is something so sexy

316
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,160
Speaker 1: about a man who wants to be there, you know,

317
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,800
Speaker 1: but you know, is just grinds. And I think that

318
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,320
Speaker 1: is so attractive in a guy, because of course, you

319
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,840
Speaker 1: don't want someone that's just sitting there playing video games

320
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,480
Speaker 1: on their little bean bag. No, exactly, because I've been

321
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,840
Speaker 1: there too, and it's not attractive at all.

322
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,160
Speaker 2: It's not is not cute. When I started dating my husband,

323
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,000
Speaker 2: I started dating in because first of all, he was

324
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,920
Speaker 2: cute and he was the complete opposite of the bad

325
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,280
Speaker 2: boys that I had been dating. But he also had it,

326
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,480
Speaker 2: like what you said, a really strong work ethic. He

327
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,360
Speaker 2: knew he needed to work to make money to also

328
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,800
Speaker 2: feel self actualized and fulfilled. And I also found that

329
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,360
Speaker 2: super attractive in him, and I think that's really important.

330
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 1: But you know, for the listeners that do want to

331
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:49,680
Speaker 1: find the rich man, I mean, what what the video

332
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 1: of you being like, go to that sweet little grandma

333
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,600
Speaker 1: in what is their name? In the in the synagogue?

334
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, the church, mosque, synagogue, temple, okay, listen that.

335
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 1: I was like, you're a friend. I was like, do

336
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: you know how.

337
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,439
Speaker 2: Many women have met men like that? Like even to

338
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:11,480
Speaker 2: this day Because I'm Canadian, Okay, I talk to everybody

339
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 2: I know, you know Americans maybe, well, my daughter lives

340
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,560
Speaker 2: in the States and she's like, Mom, you know it's

341
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,200
Speaker 2: kind of weird in New York to just be talking

342
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:18,680
Speaker 2: to strangers.

343
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,439
Speaker 1: I'm like, why if.

344
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 2: You want to meet somebody, you talk to the little

345
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 2: old lady at the grocery store. Find the little old

346
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,920
Speaker 2: lady that looks really super cute, and you go start

347
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,960
Speaker 2: chatting with her. Hey, do you like this soup? Like listen,

348
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,119
Speaker 2: It's also about being.

349
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,359
Speaker 1: Kind sure of course, like you have to have a

350
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,800
Speaker 1: kind heart to yeah, and you know.

351
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,680
Speaker 2: Being kind in society to seniors and whatever, that's also

352
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 2: a part of it too. But if you want to

353
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,240
Speaker 2: meet the man, you got to go through the mom

354
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 2: or the grandma and then that's where you know, because

355
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 2: they will advocate for you. Like even I think it

356
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,399
Speaker 2: was like last week or two weeks ago, I just

357
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,119
Speaker 2: started chatting with this lady and I was at somebody's house.

358
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,239
Speaker 2: Somebody had passed away, and so you know, you go

359
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,720
Speaker 2: give your condolences at the house and whatever. So I'm

360
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 2: talking this lady. I've never met her, and so she

361
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 2: starts chatting with me and she's like, are you married?

362
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,080
Speaker 1: And he said, yes, I am.

363
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 2: I've actually been married for almost thirty years. And she goes, wow,

364
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 2: she laughed, and she goes, well.

365
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:13,520
Speaker 1: Are you happily married?

366
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,160
Speaker 2: And I said yes, I am mine, and she goes

367
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 2: because I have a son and he's really nice and

368
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 2: he's educated and he has a really good job and whatever.

369
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 2: And I laughed and I go, Okay, well if my

370
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,680
Speaker 2: husband steps out of line, I know who to call.

371
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,240
Speaker 2: So she goes one step further and she goes, you

372
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 2: know what, he's you just let me know because he

373
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,119
Speaker 2: doesn't live far from you. He's in Seattle, and so

374
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,000
Speaker 2: he could come here.

375
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,920
Speaker 1: Like ine a date that's fantastic.

376
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 2: Happens all the time, and so if you're just kind

377
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,440
Speaker 2: and you start chatting with people, also having that curiosity

378
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,560
Speaker 2: wanting to learn about people and whatever. But I'm telling you,

379
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 2: it's the old ladies. The old ladies are the key.

380
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 1: So it's not sitting at a bar at a nice restaurant.

381
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 1: It's fine. The old lady that's at the bar, I

382
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 1: think so.

383
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 2: I think so. I think the whole sitting at a

384
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 2: bar is I mean, it still works, it still works,

385
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,159
Speaker 2: but I think this way is just better. It's just

386
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 2: more organic and it's just fun. You know, if you

387
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 2: don't have a seventy year old best friend, you're missing

388
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 2: out in life. Like those ladies are awesome.

389
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 1: What do you think the three great questions you should

390
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: ask on a first date to see if the man

391
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,200
Speaker 1: is for you, because obviously you're not going to go

392
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 1: into be like how much do you make a year?

393
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 1: But I think job question is kind of tells you

394
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 1: where he might be.

395
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,199
Speaker 2: I think is fundamental. I think there's nothing wrong with

396
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 2: saying what do you do for a living? Yeah, I

397
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 2: think that's important for us for our own security and

398
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 2: peace of mind. But the other thing I'd like to

399
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,719
Speaker 2: ask I would ask is how what is your relationship

400
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,879
Speaker 2: like with your mom and dad? What is your relationship

401
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 2: like with your grandma and your grandpa? Because you know,

402
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 2: everybody tends to may have a tumultuous relationship with one parent,

403
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 2: so that's totally also not a indicator. But what's the

404
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 2: relationship like with your grandparents? That's usually a really good indicator.

405
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 1: But what's they're dead?

406
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:13,919
Speaker 2: Oh, what was it like before? Or do you have

407
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 2: siblings or are you close to your siblings? I think

408
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 2: that's a good question. And then also what are your

409
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,199
Speaker 2: hopes and dreams? What are your goals for your life,

410
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,480
Speaker 2: for your career.

411
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, while I was walking with one of

412
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 1: my girlfriends, she's like, well, she's like, I got a

413
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,479
Speaker 1: date with this agent. She's like, but you know, they

414
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 1: don't really make a lot of money, And I said,

415
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 1: you know, girl, I said, it's about what Maybe they've

416
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: something on the side, like investments or they've you know,

417
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,400
Speaker 1: they're doing this and like that, you know where it's

418
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 1: not just and that's fine.

419
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 4: Too.

420
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 1: It's just a nine to five job whatever, and that's

421
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,879
Speaker 1: what they love to do. But she's also wanting the

422
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 1: richer man because I'm like, it's about their heart, girl,

423
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 1: It's not about what they do. I'm like, I don't know,

424
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,440
Speaker 1: maybe he's got something on the side and he likes

425
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 1: to invest. I don't know.

426
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's also about kindness and what their

427
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 2: heart is. And also I tell people also look at

428
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,280
Speaker 2: the potential, like if they're a really hard worker, if

429
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:11,959
Speaker 2: they love what they do, they might they might end

430
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 2: up becoming bigger than what they are. Right, It's not

431
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 2: money is not the be all end all. Some women

432
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 2: are happy with making more money than their husbands or

433
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 2: their their partner, But it's I think having kindness and

434
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 2: having somebody who's just just a nice person that is

435
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:34,200
Speaker 2: reliable and steady and has a good job that will

436
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 2: trump having yacht money. I think any day.

437
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you'd get bored on the yacht. You would.

438
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's fine, right, it's fun for a bit, and

439
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 1: then it's like, wow, okay, where can our listeners find

440
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 1: your sweet videos?

441
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 4: Oh?

442
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 2: Thank you, I'm on TikTok install. That's TikTok is usually

443
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 2: that's my bigger account.

444
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 1: What's your TikTok name?

445
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 2: Not too shabby dot life sont and then the number

446
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: two shabby dot life.

447
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: Love it. Well, thank you for coming on. You're a sweetheart.

448
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 2: This was so fun.

449
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks girl, Thanks for coming on. All right,

450
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: Next up, we've got Taylor. She is a divorce lawyer. Hey,

451
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 1: how are you? How are you girl? I'm doing great.

452
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,199
Speaker 1: So were you a divorce lawyer before you got divorced

453
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 1: or did you become a divorce lawyer after your divorce?

454
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 4: I get this question all the time.

455
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 1: I was a divorce lay first. Okay, so you were

456
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 1: just like you knew exactly what to do when it

457
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: all ended.

458
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,679
Speaker 4: Maybe so funny, So procedurally, I definitely knew what to

459
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 4: do as far as like what paperwork to file and

460
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 4: all of that. But I talk about it a lot

461
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 4: now when I'm helping other women that like, I made

462
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,919
Speaker 4: a lot of mistakes with how I thought things would go,

463
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 4: and like in the decision making criteria that I had

464
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 4: when I.

465
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 1: Got divorced, and what would that be?

466
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 4: So I have children, and so like in co parenting

467
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 4: and making a lot of the decisions I think women

468
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 4: make where they just want to be nice and they

469
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 4: want to appease their acts, and so they think they're

470
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 4: going to agree, just agree on things long term. So

471
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 4: we had a lot of like, oh, we'll just agree

472
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 4: on what the holidays will look like and we'll be

473
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 4: flexible with you know, money and paying for things for

474
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 4: the kids. And it didn't work out that way. It

475
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 4: was like a train wreck, to be very frank. And

476
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 4: it's been five years, but there have been a lot

477
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,479
Speaker 4: of ups and downs in that in that time period.

478
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: So your advice and would be to make sure you

479
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 1: have it written out more in a sense instead of

480
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 1: just going on the word of what they say during divorce.

481
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, just being much more clear, like knowing what it

482
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 4: is that you want and need, having some non negotiables,

483
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 4: talking about what will this look like in reality, you know,

484
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 4: going forward, Like what is we're just going to agree

485
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 4: even mean for.

486
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,440
Speaker 1: Sure, No, I mean I feel like, yeah, with our

487
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 1: with my divorce and the parenting plan, it was very

488
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 1: much we have gone so far from it, but at

489
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,439
Speaker 1: least we have a structure that's there, Like you know,

490
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: he's he's supposed to we're supposed to flip flap, fall

491
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: break and spring break, but I'm like, hey, it's you know,

492
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: to really make memories. What if I take now every

493
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: fall and you take every spring and so and you.

494
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: But as long as you know we had the framework

495
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 1: that we all agreed on in writing before because and

496
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: now it's like hey, now that we're seeing it doesn't

497
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: really work. Luckily I have a flexible co parent that

498
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: is helpful with with that. But that's the key, I mean, yeah,

499
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 1: having it down because if not, I mean yeah, I

500
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 1: mean it wouldn't because at times when you're angry at

501
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 1: the person, or if you're get into a fight again,

502
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,919
Speaker 1: because that will happen. It's they could just like, well sorry,

503
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: and at least you have something in writing.

504
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 4: That's it. That's it. Like there may be times where

505
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 4: whatever happens in your life or the other person's life,

506
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 4: and maybe you take a step back and communication and flexibility,

507
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 4: and maybe you're not getting along like you would like,

508
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 4: maybe you're not making choices or the other person isn't

509
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 4: making choices with the kids front and center, and you

510
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 4: have to have something to go back and rely on

511
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 4: so that you're not just always in conflict with nowhere

512
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 4: to go.

513
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: That's so true. So I saw on your Instagram you did.

514
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,399
Speaker 1: It was so funny. You said, what you were tacky,

515
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: what the tackiest trend that you were seeing last year was,

516
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: and it was fifty to fifty? Can you go into

517
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: that specifically?

518
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 4: It was meant asking for fifty to fifty parenting time

519
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 4: who didn't know what grade the kids were at and school,

520
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 4: didn't know what shoe size they wore, and couldn't answer

521
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 4: who their best friend was. And there were a ton

522
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 4: of moms who chimed in in the comments and were like,

523
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 4: I can so relate. I'm on the hook for fifty

524
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 4: to fifty parenting time with someone who sends them to

525
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 4: school and their pajamas. So, yeah, a lot of people

526
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 4: felt it.

527
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, so I've got what is your split.

528
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 2: Now?

529
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 4: It's about sixty forty. We've been much less than that.

530
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 4: This is kind of the most we've ever been. I've

531
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 4: got four kiddos, ok, so yeah, it's about sixty forty.

532
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 4: I've got Sunday through Thursday, and he's got three weekends

533
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 4: a month Thursday through Sunday.

534
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've got seventy thirty. And it's one of those

535
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: where when I have friends that get divorced. Now I've

536
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,159
Speaker 1: said I think sixty forty feels because sometimes I'm like,

537
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: the seventy is it's a lot, you know, and they

538
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: also get a lot less responsibility than they should too,

539
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 1: you know, and so I'm always I'm like, I know,

540
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 1: sixty forty sounds like a lot, but it's it's something

541
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: where I've gone, you know, I kind of wish that

542
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 1: was what it was because I then had to take

543
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 1: on so much more that I didn't have the help then,

544
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 1: Like now he's again a bit more flexible with you know,

545
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: when I work and stuff. But it does feel like

546
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 1: they just get the They're just like the fun parent,

547
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 1: you know, seven days a month, and it's you know.

548
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 4: The reality with that, though, is it's dependent upon who

549
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 4: you're co parenting with. You know. You could have somebody

550
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 4: who has thirty percent and they could step up big time,

551
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 4: but they can't have more because of their job or

552
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 4: what have you. So you could have sixty forty and

553
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 4: be with your children on their parenting time. Almost I

554
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 4: see my kids every day like, yeah, I'll roll over

555
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 4: to the ice arena after this and it's not my

556
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 4: night and I'll go be locker room mom and do

557
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 4: the volunteer shifts and cheer them on and then go home.

558
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 4: So it's not my day and I'll spend four hours,

559
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 4: So sixty forty is it's sometimes when you're co parenting,

560
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 4: the numbers are vanity numbers for people that want them,

561
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 4: and it's it doesn't reflect the reality of who shows

562
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 4: up and how they show up.

563
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: That is so true. Yeah, that's so true. I love that, Taylor.

564
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: Where can our listeners find you?

565
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram at mom

566
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,880
Speaker 4: dot lawyer dot divorced, and then on YouTube at the

567
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 4: at the Taylor wins on YouTube.

568
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: Awesome, Thank you Taylor for coming on. Take care Bi

569
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 1: Gral all right, so we're actually going to take a

570
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: pause because we have so many more content creators that

571
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: want to hop on and share their experiences. So you

572
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: know what, you got a part two coming, and you

573
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 1: know we love a part two, So stay tuned for

574
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 1: next weeks Part two of our content Creators with great

575
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 1: Advice