WEBVTT - Karol Markowicz Show: Understanding Sexuality and Its Misconceptions with Dr. Logan Levkoff 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:05.960 Hi, Welcome back to the Carol Marcowitch Show on iHeartRadio. 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:10.160 Last week I talked about the slew of articles about 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.720 how women are staying single. The tone is very much 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:17.480 you go girl, with quotes on how happy they are 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:21.240 and what they're doing instead of getting married and having families. 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:25.440 They're traveling, they're building businesses or climbing in their careers. 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:28.440 They're going to bed at eight pm snuggling their cat 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:30.440 because that's what they want to do and no one 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:33.440 is there to stop them. I've said on this show before, 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:37.640 but all of that, even the early bedtime and the cat, 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:41.919 could be better and easier in a good relationship. I 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.559 was a big traveler even before I started dating my husband, 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:50.159 but having someone to travel with and combine resources, you know, 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.080 whether that means money or planning or spending the dull 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:56.920 parts of traveling, like they getting their part together. It's 0:00:56.960 --> 0:01:00.440 better with someone you're into. And I've talked about how 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:04.399 my career took off when I got married. I was 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:07.759 able to take chances and opportunities that I couldn't take 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:11.240 when I was on my own, and that's a frequently 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:14.679 missed angle of the whole career or family non debate, 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:17.319 and I say non debate. I know people who listen 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:18.960 to the show a lot know that I think this 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:23.200 because I don't actually believe that anyone is choosing one. 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:23.480 Or the other. 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:27.160 As I've said, I think people lean into their career 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:30.000 more when they haven't met someone to be with, and 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.680 then it becomes they've quote chosen career over a spouse, 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:36.720 when really the choice was kind of made for them. 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:40.319 One of the stats I shared last week is the 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:44.000 share of women age eighteen to forty foorse single that 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:48.000 is neither married nor cohabitating with a partner was fifty 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:51.080 one point four percent in twenty twenty three, according to 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:55.480 an analysis of census data by the Aspen Economic Strategy Group, 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:58.279 and that numbers up from forty one point eight percent 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.960 in two thousand. Now, I tried find a similar stat 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.640 for men to see what are men up to? And 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:09.080 I came across this one from twenty twenty three that 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:12.440 I had seen before, and I always find amusing Among 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:16.320 those eighteen to twenty nine years of age, sixty three 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:20.519 percent of men versus thirty four percent of women consider 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:24.160 themselves single. And I remember when this stat came out 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:27.440 and a lot of people were confused, How could it 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:30.600 be that sixty three percent of men are single but 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.760 only thirty four percent of women are. But anyone familiar 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:37.760 with the dating world knows exactly how. A woman goes 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:41.320 on four dates with a guy and considers him her boyfriend. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:45.360 A man goes on those same four dates and continues 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:49.680 dating other people until they specifically have the talk about 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:53.240 whether they're going to be exclusive. The man generally assumes 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.799 they will not be. It's funny because lately I've seen 0:02:55.919 --> 0:03:00.440 videos of young people in other countries marveling kind of 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:04.720 mocking Americans about the whole talk thing. Apparently, when you 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.600 go on some dates in France or Italy, you're together 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:11.240 and that's it. Of course, those countries are also known 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:15.399 for kind of loose standards of monogamy, especially for the men. 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:19.679 So while I agree that needing to have that exclusivity 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:23.560 talk is silly, at least American couples know where they stand. 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.639 So I looked, and I looked, and it doesn't seem 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:30.680 that men are getting the same glowy. He just wants 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.960 to stay single and hang out with his friends, soft 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.320 pieces that single women do. That's a tell to me 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:40.839 that women are being lied to. A number of years ago, 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:44.480 my daughter started noticing that there were always shirts for 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.720 sale that said stuff like girls Rule and girls run 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:51.760 the world, and it became obvious to her that boys 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:55.480 didn't have similar clothing because the clothing aimed at girls 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.920 was a lie, or if not a lie, then maybe 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:02.120 a fib to them up. And that's what's happening now 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.680 with these articles about amazing singlehood that are only aimed 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:09.240 at women. They're being lied to, maybe to make them 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:10.920 feel better, but it's a lie. 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:11.760 Nevertheless. 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:15.840 Recent show guest Abigail Schreyer had a really good piece 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:19.559 on romantic comedies and love in general in the Free 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:22.200 Press a few days ago. I'm going to read kind 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:26.120 of a longer clip because I really enjoyed it. She writes, quote, 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:31.440 every story involves daring, chance, and above all serendipity. Love, 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:34.799 we are reminded again and again, is ultimately an act 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:38.440 of surrender, Which is perhaps why our Bye with one 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:42.360 click era struggles when it comes to romance, why it's 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:47.839 technological wizardry invariably comes up short. We shop for mats 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.440 online like we shop for clothing, determined to call up 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:55.400 precisely and exclusively what we've already decided will please us. 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.640 But real love can't be prime delivered like toilet paper. 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:03.080 The precondition for romance, and especially of marriage, is our 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:07.400 willingness to move beyond consumption, to shift our focus from 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:10.880 I need a foodie who loves rock climbing to imagining 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:14.400 what you might give to another and create together. Sally, 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.760 and she's talking about when Harry met Sally would never 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:21.520 have matched with Harry on hinge. Height alone would likely 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:25.520 have preweeded him. He of slim build and average looks 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:30.839 nothing like the boyfriend who couldn't commit to marrying her tall, agreeable, blonde, 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:35.640 newcast handsome Joe. But rom coms exist to remind us 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:39.239 that we don't know everything, not even about what we need, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:44.479 and that intimacy, like humor, involves surprise, which also means 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:47.520 we must be open to finding someone who isn't simply 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:51.120 a reflection of ourselves. End quote. I love that, and 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:54.680 that's what women and men need to be told. Love 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.600 is amazing and you should want. 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:57.040 To find it. 0:05:57.320 --> 0:06:00.279 You can still travel and girl boss and have a cat, 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:03.560 and all of that will be better with someone. Thanks 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:07.600 for listening. Coming up, my interview with Logan Lefkoff. But first, 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:11.240 after more than a year of war, terror and pain 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:15.039 in Israel, the need for security essentials and support for 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:19.280 first responders is still critical. Even in times of ceasefire. 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:22.840 Israel must be prepared for the next attack, wherever it 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:26.080 may come from. As Israel is surrounded by enemies on 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:30.480 all sides. The International Fellowship of Christians and Jews has 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:34.239 supported and will continue to support the people of Israel 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:38.320 with life saving security essentials. Your gift today will help 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:43.720 save lives by providing bomb shelters, armored security vehicles and ambulances, 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:48.200 fire fighting equipment, black jackets and bulletproof vests, and so 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:53.120 much more. Your generous donation today will help ensure the 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:55.760 people of Israel are safe and secure in the days 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:59.240 to come. Give a gift to bless Israel and her 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:05.200 people by visiting SUPPORTIFCJ dot org. That's one word support 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:09.680 IFCJ dot org or call eight eight eight for eight 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:14.600 eight IFCJ that's eight eight eight for eight eight if 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:19.320 CJ eight eight eight four eight eight four three two five. 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:26.600 Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:30.840 guest today is Logan Lefkoff, a sexuality educator and host 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.880 of a show called The Sexy Side of Zionism on 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:36.160 Izzy Stream Israel TV. 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:38.280 Hi Logan, so nice to have you on. 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.280 Hi Carol, It's so nice to see you sort of 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:41.800 in person. 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:45.360 Yeah, that's sort of in person. We've never met in person. 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:48.280 But we have to rectify that, I think soon. But 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.960 I have to start off with what is a sexuality educator? 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:55.760 And does everyone need one? Personally? 0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:01.560 I mean, yes, obviously right guarded in this field. I 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:04.760 was a fifteen year old peer HIV and AIDS educator. 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:06.960 I came of age, you know, I grew up on 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:10.280 Long Island at a time when HIV was being talked 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:13.280 about as a virus that didn't discriminate, and so for 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:18.160 whatever reason, my parents became super involved in HIV and 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:21.640 AIDS awareness and fundraising, even though we had no like real. 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.120 Personal connection, right. 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:26.560 And I came home after school one day and there 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:29.920 were condoms and bananas on my dinner table, and my 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.520 parents said, Okay, next week you go to become a 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:36.920 peer educator and to teach others, and I okay. And 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:40.360 what I learned was that I was really good at 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:44.040 talking about things that made other people uncomfortable. 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:45.720 And I wound skill. 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.319 That's a real skill, Yeah, thank you. I mean, I 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:49.240 don't know. 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:51.680 I guess I was just mauthy enough and had a 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.080 big enough ego to think like I could do anything 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.400 like that didn't seem to stop that line of thinking, 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:02.160 so I wound up. I really I went to college 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:04.319 thinking I was going to be a lawyer. I went 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:07.040 to the University of Pennsylvania, which you know, I'm so 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:14.400 proud of these, so proud. And I found myself watching 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:18.560 my friends and I like smart and sophisticated women making 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:22.480 eight shittiest decisions about sex. And it wasn't like the 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.360 no protection question like issue. 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:25.720 It was no equity. 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:27.200 We didn't know how to speak up for ourselves, we 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.640 didn't understand our own bodies. And I just thought there 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.920 has to be a better way. And I called my 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:35.760 parents and said, I'm not I'm not going to law school. 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.520 I'm going to get my master's and then eventually a 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:40.960 PhD in this field that no one knew existed. 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:42.520 Friend, what are you going. 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:42.880 To do with it? 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:45.280 I said, I don't know, I don't know, but I'm 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:46.120 going to do something. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.680 And so really, nowadays, or at least for the last 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.880 you know, three decades. I design and implement sex SED 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:55.840 programs and a lot of schools. I've done a lot 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.320 of consulting with organizations. I did a lot of work 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:02.960 in the media in this space of sexuality and healthy relationships. 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:07.120 And now I don't I don't know what I do, 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:11.160 but clearly difficult conversations is right wheelhouse. 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.319 So it's interesting because normally, if you call your parents 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:16.120 and say, I'm really into sex and I'm going to 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:18.920 pursue this as as a career path, I don't know, 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:20.720 a lot of parents might not be happy with that. 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:23.520 But your parents seem like they almost, like, you know, 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:25.120 kind of led you in that direction. 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:30.200 I think my parents were. They were definitely blindsided that 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:31.280 this was going to work. 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:34.200 Okay, I mean they didn't know the bananas and the 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:35.280 condoms that not. 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:38.079 Like, no, I just just not like this what we 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:40.640 are in the middle of, like a global health crisis. 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:42.400 And so we're going to do our part in our 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.080 own that's really nice, Yeah, which amazing. It was. 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.680 It was definitely amazing. And I also think that my 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:52.680 parents knew, no still, that the person I am today, 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:58.120 for all the good and sometimes not good, it's very 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:00.920 much a result of being raised to have a voice 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:03.560 and to use it and to be fearless. And so 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:07.160 I'm sure there are times they think what did we do? 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:10.760 And then also they're very proud to. 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:13.720 What do people misunderstand about sex? 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:19.040 Everything they misunderstart at the beginning, tell us everything. So 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:24.000 I think that what most people misunderstand is that sexuality 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.319 is not like a switch that gets flipped on at 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:27.599 some magical time. 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.160 And shut off at a magical time. 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:32.199 That you know, we have a sexuality from birth to death. 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.079 It's made up of all of the things that make 0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:37.200 us who we are. So you know, sure our you know, 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:40.560 anatomy and gender, the way we express ourselves, the roles 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:43.760 we play in relationships, who were attracted to what we 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:47.240 like to do, and we express that differently throughout our 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.120 throughout our lives. Uh, And that there is I think 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.839 the biggest issue becomes in a world where we are 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:56.760 so consumed with with what it means to be normal, 0:11:57.360 --> 0:12:00.680 to realize that there is no one way to be 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.199 normal when it comes to your sexuality. I think fear 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:08.600 of being normal prevents us from feeling fulfilled, whether that's 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.319 emotionally or sexually, or or intellectually. 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:14.959 Even so, where does Zionism come in. What's the sexy 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:16.040 side of Zionism? 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:17.760 How do they how do they intersect? 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:21.320 It's it's really I mean, I think Zionism sexy, but 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.520 I don't feel like that's necessarily the popular opinion. 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:30.920 Apparently not. But I too, find find it very sexy. 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:35.719 So I am a very, very proud Zionist. I am 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:39.800 the granddaughter and great daughter of great granddaughter of American 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:44.280 Zionist leaders. The sense of connection to Israel, to our story, 0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:47.960 to self determination was a huge part of who I 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:52.160 was throughout my life, and I would say that, you know, 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:55.480 anytime someone like offensively says you should stick to talking 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:59.439 about sex, my answer is always my Zionist and Jewish 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.880 values in form everything I do in my professional life. 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:07.800 I can't separate them. So, you know, as in the 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:10.160 last couple of years, and I'm sorry, I don't want 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:11.760 this to be long winded, but it might be, so 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:14.640 I have to tell us go ahead, Yeah, obviously, you know, 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:18.560 in the last you know, I mean decade, sure, but 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:22.040 in the last five years, spaces that have been historically progressive, 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:26.200 mainly my own field, have let's just say, turned out 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:32.080 to be reaching anti Semits. And so what I decided 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:36.480 to do years ago was just be unapologetically Zionist. And 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:39.440 it wasn't like I ever hit that part of who 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.400 I was, but I didn't realize I had to lead 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:46.000 with it. And so I've made my platform very much 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:52.640 unapologetically Jewish, unapologetically Zionist, and you know, pro Israel as 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:54.719 if by the way, there, I've never heard of any 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.240 other place where you're like pro We're anties. 0:13:56.840 --> 0:13:59.960 Right, who's pro France or like pro Italy? You know 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:01.360 it just it makes no sense. 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:02.680 Yeah, ridiculous. 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:06.760 And the sexy side of Zionism came about to be honest, 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:11.400 because my media life, my TV life, kind of took 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.720 a well died died in the last couple of years, 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.839 right around the time I started speaking out very publicly 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:19.920 about Israel. 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:23.360 I don't you know, it might be a chicken red question, 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:25.720 It might be a very big coincidence. I don't know. 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:29.480 But this, this space that I love to play in, 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:32.200 was not really calling me anymore. 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:36.080 And I had an opportunity to meet the CEO of 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.480 Izzy Stream Israel TV Nazi Dinar, and he said, do you. 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:43.680 Want to do something on TV again? And I said yes, And. 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:45.200 He said, you want to like talk about what you 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:48.000 love and Israel. I'm like yes, And so we came 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.600 up with the sexy side of Zionism. It's been amazing 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.240 because yeh, scientism is sexy, right, As some of my 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:58.680 guests have said, moral clarity is sexy, right. Being able 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:01.120 to stand up for yourself, to be empowered by your 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:02.560 voice and your story. 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:06.840 Is knowing who you are. Yeah, resilience is sexy. So yeah, 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.600 there seems to be a very nice connection. 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.040 So what are the episodes like? 0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:16.960 So the episodes are basically a conversation which. 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.600 Always starts off with why is Zionism sexy? 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:19.840 You know? 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.600 We start with, like to use the sex term, the 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:28.440 money shot first that we established okay, start. 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:30.320 And then people get to tell their own story, their 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:33.280 own journey, not just about zioni is, but how they 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.080 found their voice, how they got to where they are. 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:38.280 And then the part that I really really love is 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:41.720 every I get everyone's hot takes on Israel. So everything 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:45.320 from your favorite Hebrew word, do your favorite you know music, 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.040 to your favorite place in Israel to what's the best 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.840 thing about israelis were the one thing that everyone should 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:53.840 know about Israel, and for the people who have never been, 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:55.960 or the people who haven't been in a long time, 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.440 it's a way to bring them in and to remind 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:02.640 people that there is a world beyond this absurd like 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:06.440 sided lens that we we see every day. 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:07.400 So it's been a. 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:08.600 Very sexy place. 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:13.280 Everybody looks really good, and it's just it's you know, 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.760 warm weather and the beach and it's it's it's really 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:18.520 a wonderful, wonderful place. 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:22.160 So, Carol, I have to I would say of the. 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:28.200 Twelve interviews that are that are basically in the Canton, 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:32.320 ninety percent of maybe one hundred percent. Everyone says, I 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.640 don't know if I can see this, it's reelis are 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:39.560 just really hot. Yeah, I said, don't be ashamed. Everyone 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:40.120 says that. 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:41.000 And it's not untrue. 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:44.480 It's one interesting We're going to take a quick break 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:50.440 and be right back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. So 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:52.360 I've written about sex in my life. 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.800 I mean, you know my columns at the Post, I've 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:57.560 written about all kinds of you know, social things, friendship 0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:58.400 and marriage. 0:16:58.640 --> 0:16:59.280 And when I've. 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.960 Written about sex, I remember I had one article and 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:03.720 this was a big one for me. 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.199 But it was because I got a lot of it 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.720 was passed around a lot. Obviously, anything sexu realated is 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:09.840 always going to be kind of popular. 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:13.880 But my argument was that sex is the most important 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.399 part of a relationship, and I've done monologues on this 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:21.119 show about that also, and people hate that because they're like, no, 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:24.359 what about honesty, what about connection? What about I'm not 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.680 saying it's the only important part of a. 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:27.960 Relationship, that's crazy. 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:29.800 Why would I say that. I'm saying it's. 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.960 The most important part of a relationship because it's what 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:35.120 separates friendship from relationship. 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:38.439 Is that generally your take as well? Or are you 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:39.159 going to argue with me? 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:43.040 No, I'm not going to no argument. 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:46.000 Let's go yeah, yeah. 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:49.080 Have you seen me online? I love to argue. It's 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:52.400 my favorite job. I would say this that I think 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:54.520 the first thing we everyone needs to establish was what 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:56.840 kind of relationship that they want throughout their lives, Like 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:01.840 what is important? However, physical intimacy and connection to a 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:05.480 partner beyond just friendship is important. Then yes, of course, 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:09.679 sexual intimacy and pleasure and good communication so that everyone 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:12.720 gets out of sex what they want is critically important. 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:18.280 That being said, great sex cannot sustain a crappy relationship, 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:21.639 and the law not just about sex, but sex. If 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:23.639 it's not good, if there's not a connection, then it 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:26.800 becomes an overwhelmingly big part of your relationship. 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:30.400 So the reverse of that for me is, could crappy 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:34.040 sex be okay? Can you live with that in a 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:37.119 great relationship? And I think no, I don't know. I 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:39.800 think that then you have a really great friendship and 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.000 you know, not the relationship part. 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:46.320 But I don't think you are wrong. I think that 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:47.600 that pleasure. 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:50.120 Are you going become a sex therapist because I'll do it? 0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:52.520 I mean, please, please, We. 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:56.800 Need honestly, we need, we need smart, some more ethical 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:58.919 people in our field these days. 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.240 So the more the merrier. 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:05.840 I do think that it is really hard to be 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:10.240 in a relationship where there is bad sexual and physical 0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:14.720 and maybe not in the beginning like of someone's relationship 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:16.840 trajectory where maybe they're deciding on kids and there's a 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.879 lot of other stressors, but at some point when everyone 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:22.800 unloads the baggage of like what it means to live 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:27.320 a fairy tale life whatever bs that means, the sexport 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:30.879 kicks in and people remember, oh wait, I enjoy that. 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:32.800 Yeah, it's good. 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:34.560 And this is important to need this, and so if 0:19:34.560 --> 0:19:36.720 I'm not getting it, then we need to figure out 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:38.960 how to kind of make all parties fulfilled. 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.720 Yeah, what was the plan? B if you didn't go 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:43.359 into this. 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:48.240 Field law school? I guess I have a particular like brand. 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.360 No, I think that might be a lie. 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:53.840 I didn't and maybe this is maybe this is my 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:55.320 m O, which might be a problem. 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:58.879 I don't really ever have a plan B. I just 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:03.800 assume the plan it's no work, and and I run 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:04.680 with it. 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:09.439 It may not be the most strategic strategy, but I 0:20:09.480 --> 0:20:12.280 never really thought about what what if it didn't work? 0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:13.920 And my parents asked me, what are you going to 0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:16.240 do with this career? And I thought, don't know, but 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:19.119 I'll just figure it out. And I was at this 0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:24.919 moment when in the I guess late nineties, early eighties, 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:27.120 there weren't a lot of us in this in the space. 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:29.200 It was the early days of the internet. 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:33.040 Like once you got on a TV show, your voice 0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:35.320 was out there and other people called in the field 0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:39.000 wasn't crowded. So I like to think I was am 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:41.400 really good at what I do, But also I recognized 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:44.240 it was this moment in time too, that that gave 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:48.879 me an opportunity to find a to find a public voice. 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:52.879 Because there was no career preath. I had no idea 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:55.840 what this career was going to look like. All I 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:57.919 know is that I was a grad school student on 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:01.040 the Howard Stern Show, and the cat, the taxi driver 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.600 I was in recognize my voice from the show, and 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:05.520 I thought it was the weirdest thing. 0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:07.399 Yeah. 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:11.560 Ever, that's awesome is this saying I'll either find a 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:14.120 way or make one. It just sounds like you made 0:21:14.119 --> 0:21:15.000 one for yourself. 0:21:16.200 --> 0:21:16.600 I think so. 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:19.520 I think I'm I think I'm continuing to do that 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:23.680 as I'm in this weird space now professionally. 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:24.040 Where I'm so. 0:21:25.840 --> 0:21:28.560 Angry so many times that the people who I thought 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:32.840 were my peers, my professional peers and friends, and now 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:35.040