Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Now New York City, it's King Kong's favorite place to
Speaker 2: pole dance. For most of the country, election season isn't
Speaker 2: happening until next year, But for America's biggest and most
Speaker 2: Apple like city, the mayoral election is already in full swing,
Speaker 2: and there's no shortage of candidates trying to fill build
Speaker 2: the Blasio's freakishly large shoes.
Speaker 3: Now the race to become the next and one hundred
Speaker 3: and tenth mayor of New York City.
Speaker 4: A large and diverse group running for the open seat
Speaker 4: mayor to Blasi, of course, is term limited.
Speaker 5: Entrepreneur Andrew Yang joins a big field that includes Burrough
Speaker 5: President Eric Adams.
Speaker 2: And if you want a sense of Adams's general vibe,
Speaker 2: well this will give you a pretty good idea.
Speaker 6: Eric Adams has yet to comment on a video from
Speaker 6: twenty eleven where he shows parents how to search their
Speaker 6: homes for any illegal items their children might bring in.
Speaker 7: No one can state that you can't search a rule
Speaker 7: in your own home. You write the Constitution. There are
Speaker 7: no First Amendment rights inside your Householme, you can look
Speaker 7: in the jewelry box. A jewelry box of this nature.
Speaker 7: Maybe a simple jewelry box, but if you look through
Speaker 7: it closely, you don't know what.
Speaker 1: Your child may be hiding.
Speaker 7: For instance, a gun could be hitten when your child
Speaker 7: bring in his popular knapsack, but many different locations look
Speaker 7: through it to see what exactly is your child carrying.
Speaker 7: In addition to a book, something simple as a crackpipe
Speaker 7: or use crackpipe behind a pitchure frame. You could find bullets.
Speaker 7: Just look and see what's inside your bookcases. It could
Speaker 7: be more than just books. Perfect place to hide a
Speaker 7: cocaine or other illegal substance inside the room. Something simple
Speaker 7: as a baby doll could be just a baby doll,
Speaker 7: but also it could be a place where you could
Speaker 7: secrete or hide drugs.
Speaker 2: Holy shit, who is this kid? El Choppo's long lost son?
Speaker 8: Yo?
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something. If I went through my
Speaker 2: kid's bedroom and I found all that stuff, I would
Speaker 2: not confront them about it. Yeah, I'd go to my
Speaker 2: spouse like, yo, baby, we got to move out of
Speaker 2: the house. As soon as he leaves, we move to
Speaker 2: another country, we start a new life. This kid is
Speaker 2: not playing.
Speaker 5: But if this.
Speaker 2: Video shows one thing about Eric Adams, it's that he
Speaker 2: is thorough as hell. I half expected him to be like,
Speaker 2: don't forget to look everywhere. Even a mayor old candidate
Speaker 2: can be a great place to hide drugs. Now, Eric
Speaker 2: Adams has been surging recently, and in part this is
Speaker 2: because of his tough on crime approach, which is appealing
Speaker 2: in a city where shootings have soared eighty three percent
Speaker 2: in the past year. Also, Mayor Adams is a vegan.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, I thought he was black, I know.
Speaker 2: And this week he announced that going forward, all New
Speaker 2: York City schools would have to have mandatory vegan Fridays,
Speaker 2: which I actually think is a great idea. Yes, because Friday,
Speaker 2: I think needs to be taken down a peg.
Speaker 9: You know.
Speaker 2: Oh you're excited for the weekend. How about a tofu sandwich. Now,
Speaker 2: obviously because of this decision, a lot of people are mad.
Speaker 2: Like a lot of people are mad.
Speaker 10: You have to eat meat or it's not a meal.
Speaker 2: But if you ask me, there's nothing wrong with kids
Speaker 2: being exposed to different kinds of foods and different kinds
Speaker 2: of diets. And yeah, I'm talking about you kids with
Speaker 2: peanut allergies. Stop being so close minded. So, yeah, schools
Speaker 2: in New York are going to serve vegan food on Fridays,
Speaker 2: partly because the mayor himself is vegan, well is he.
Speaker 5: It's a big city scandal.
Speaker 1: In New York. Mayor Eric Adams is making waves.
Speaker 11: With the revelation that he eats fish.
Speaker 5: Adams is a self proclaimed vegan.
Speaker 3: A report in Politico New York over the weekend cited
Speaker 3: restaurant sources at a midtown eatery frequented by the mayor.
Speaker 4: Who say Adams often dines on fish.
Speaker 11: He released a statement saying, I want to be a
Speaker 11: role model for people who are following or aspire to
Speaker 11: follow a plant based diet.
Speaker 6: But as I said, I am perfectly imperfect and have
Speaker 6: occasionally eaten fish.
Speaker 10: Okay, everybody calm down. Everybody calm down. I can feel
Speaker 10: the stress in the room right now. Everybody calmed down.
Speaker 10: I know you're angry right now, and I know you
Speaker 10: want him to step down. But give the man a chance.
Speaker 2: Yes, he's a vegan who sometimes eats fish, but don't
Speaker 2: get a twisted man. Being a vegan isn't about eating vegan.
Speaker 2: It's about telling everybody that you're vegan. So technically, this
Speaker 2: man's legit, and that is what's great about New York.
Speaker 2: We're imperfect here, We're perfectly imperfect. You can label yourself
Speaker 2: whatever you want in New York. Whether it's true or not,
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 2: That's why the vegan mayor isn't vegan, and that's why
Speaker 2: the New York Jets can call themselves.
Speaker 1: A football team.
Speaker 2: You know, if you ask me, the weird thing to
Speaker 2: me is not that he cheats occasionally on his veganism.
Speaker 2: It's the fact that his cheat meal is fish. I mean,
Speaker 2: if you're gonna cheat, cheat, my man, cheat, eat a
Speaker 2: cheeseburger or pepperoni pizza. Eating fish as your cheap meal
Speaker 2: is I getting a whole post from your spouse and
Speaker 2: using that whole post to have sex with a fish.
Speaker 2: It's a total waste of a whole posse and a fish.
Speaker 9: Let's kick things off with a big problem facing New
Speaker 9: York City right now. Mister met started in only fans.
Speaker 9: I had no ideas balls had balls. But there's another
Speaker 9: issue that's even more of a crisis for New York
Speaker 9: the influx of migrants. Okay, every week thousands are arriving
Speaker 9: in the city, and now Mayor Eric Adams is taking
Speaker 9: a break from the club to figure out.
Speaker 1: What to do with them.
Speaker 12: Mayor Eric Adams is now looking for new shelter locations,
Speaker 12: including outdoor spaces, in tents and other temporary shelters. Now,
Speaker 12: the mayor says, the city is just out of room.
Speaker 12: City officials say they are trying to re ticket and
Speaker 12: encourage migrants to go elsewhere. The mayor says he wants
Speaker 12: to convene a roundtable discussion with city officials, the public,
Speaker 12: and even the media. At this point, he says if
Speaker 12: anyone has any better ideas what they can do, he
Speaker 12: says he wants to hear them.
Speaker 4: If you have some good ideas for us on how
Speaker 4: to manage the situation, I am begging for your ideas.
Speaker 9: No, no, our ideas. That's not how this works, okay.
Speaker 9: Our idea was to elect you to handle this all right.
Speaker 9: Imagine a doctor asking, hmm, what do you think your
Speaker 9: kidneys need?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 9: I get crowdsourcing for fun stuff like who should be
Speaker 9: on a new stamp or you know, what should the
Speaker 9: state flower be? But you're asking random people from Staten
Speaker 9: Island and the Bronx. Okay for ideas on how to
Speaker 9: handle immigrants. That's not gonna end well, Eric Adams has
Speaker 9: New York is all wrong. New Yorkers give you opinions,
Speaker 9: not ideas. It's always q asshole, okay, it's never signal
Speaker 9: before you turn next time, asshole?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: And what buz me is?
Speaker 9: Eric Adams was very progressive on immigration when it wasn't
Speaker 9: a problem in New York, Okay, when it was only
Speaker 9: Texas dealing with it. He was like, we need to
Speaker 9: open our hearts to the migrants now that they're coming
Speaker 9: to New York. He's like, build a wall o. What
Speaker 9: it all comes down to is a lot of people
Speaker 9: are progressive in theory until they get tested. Half the
Speaker 9: people who want to boce the police the moment they
Speaker 9: get robbed, they calling nine one one, like send me
Speaker 9: your most racist cop.
Speaker 6: All right, let's kick things off with our old friend
Speaker 6: hashtag me too.
Speaker 2: Remember her?
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Last year, New York passed a new law that gave
Speaker 3: people a one year window to file lawsuits for sexual
Speaker 3: assault that otherwise would have been pasted the statute the
Speaker 3: Statute of Limitations. Last weekend was the deadline, and boy
Speaker 3: did the lawsuits come.
Speaker 5: Rolling in the Mayor of New York is accused of
Speaker 5: sexually assaulting a woman thirty years ago in a new
Speaker 5: court filing. The woman alleges that she was sexually assaulted
Speaker 5: by defending Eric Adams in nineteen ninety three. The woman
Speaker 5: filed her claim just before the midnight expiration of New
Speaker 5: York's Adult Survivors Act. The temporary law signed last year
Speaker 5: by Governor Kathy Hochel allows adult sexual misconduct accusers to
Speaker 5: file lawsuits that previously would have been barred by the
Speaker 5: statute of limitations.
Speaker 6: But like, why is there a deadline for rape victims?
Speaker 9: You know?
Speaker 6: Right after Thanksgiving?
Speaker 7: Too?
Speaker 3: Makes me feel a little like the greasiest Black Friday
Speaker 3: email ever. A's fast, you only have two hours to
Speaker 3: get justice for the worst day of your life. File
Speaker 3: a lots to today and receive a free tote?
Speaker 4: Are you man? His dude could see know you Lee?
Speaker 4: When I beat you here? It's all on time, So
Speaker 4: film work. Thank you, I mean thank you?
Speaker 8: So yosa is qua asking the mayor and real politicians
Speaker 8: real questions that the real niggas want to know.
Speaker 1: Fill me all right, maya, yo this bug? Why do
Speaker 1: I hear that all the time?
Speaker 4: When I meet people in the trade, when I meet
Speaker 4: people inside the homeless shelter, but I meet people in
Speaker 4: the club. It's I cannot believe I'm sitting here kicking
Speaker 4: it with the man.
Speaker 1: Nah, I just can't believe. I what you look like.
Speaker 1: Damon Wayne Ship.
Speaker 8: Yo, I'm like, Yo, that bug you put the mask
Speaker 8: on you be blank man, bro Yo.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm not But that's it's wild. Like, Yo,
Speaker 1: I voted for you. I'm lying. My mom's voted for you.
Speaker 1: I don't really that. I don't want them to come
Speaker 1: get me for your dude.
Speaker 4: Listen, moms, all the moms said, Man, they saw in
Speaker 4: me what they see in you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's deep. You look that's some lady man ships.
Speaker 4: Yo.
Speaker 1: Man, you bump how you buffed son got to be.
Speaker 1: You're the most buffed man ever.
Speaker 4: You should do an action movie like on some all
Speaker 4: those swaps every days, an action movie, man, all.
Speaker 1: Those swaps of Negro ship. Yeah, and you look like
Speaker 1: young like it's being a mayle. Stress. It depends, you know.
Speaker 4: It's stressful is growing up in the neighborhood, not knowing
Speaker 4: when your meal is going to come from and eat
Speaker 4: that hard ass cheese that they used to make us eat.
Speaker 1: That's stress. So you plan on softening the government sheet.
Speaker 4: If you can't soften that, it'll melt. You tell me
Speaker 4: to see because we used to put it in the
Speaker 4: oven and we're leaving it there for half an hour.
Speaker 8: And it was still hard. You aren't that saying shit?
Speaker 8: You know I couldn't shit for months? Yo, this bug
Speaker 8: I had a question, this is random. How come I
Speaker 8: can't buy hot food on my EBT card?
Speaker 1: That's a good question. And I didn't even know that, bro,
Speaker 1: just cold shit. Why poor people gotta eat coal?
Speaker 5: Shit?
Speaker 4: And it shouldn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't know. You can't change that, beat over that
Speaker 1: were changing that.
Speaker 4: Bill you're gonna look at and we're gonna name the
Speaker 4: bill after you. Qualm Yes, the qualm bell Yes me holes,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna get for that qualm be.
Speaker 8: We got got a bill named after me. Oh, I
Speaker 8: got a bill named after me. Nah, but real talk,
Speaker 8: Let me give us some real serious shit.
Speaker 1: You really do be working out?
Speaker 4: Got you every morning?
Speaker 1: Man? Five am? Son? Do you or do you not
Speaker 1: being the clubs? Because I hear you be parting lit
Speaker 1: a night life. Man. Man, I got to test the product,
Speaker 1: so so you don't.
Speaker 8: Say you up at five am when you ain't even
Speaker 8: sleep son.
Speaker 4: Listen, my dad said, you hang out with the boys,
Speaker 4: you got to get up with the men.
Speaker 1: Oh that's the real y'all. Cut you, ma'am, So let
Speaker 1: me ask you some real ship. We ain.
Speaker 4: Yes, you smoke. That's a tough question. Man, it's legal,
Speaker 4: you know now. I don't smoke secondhand all you gotta
Speaker 4: you just walk down the block. Secondhand is everywhere. Now,
Speaker 4: all right, we made it legal, but we just don't
Speaker 4: want it.
Speaker 1: We don't.
Speaker 4: We don't want our children smoking on their way to
Speaker 4: school or getting that gummy baths and other bullshit that
Speaker 4: they selling. You know, we need to be real clear
Speaker 4: on that because I know if you makes.
Speaker 1: Your smoke after school. Now let's get real. Yes, man,
Speaker 1: I'm soften you up. Now we got some real ship
Speaker 1: to ask.
Speaker 8: You said that prayers go out the classroom, guns come in.
Speaker 4: I'm a church boy, Yes, I could tell. I could tell.
Speaker 4: My grandmother go to church. She prayed a lot.
Speaker 1: She prayed a lot. That's how you made it. But see,
Speaker 1: prayer don't always work this, it does, no.
Speaker 8: Because my grandma prayed over my gay cousin her whole life.
Speaker 1: She's still gay as hell.
Speaker 4: If your grandmother prayed for your cousin that she gonna
Speaker 4: pray for her to be happy and find peace. And
Speaker 4: that piece may not be your piece.
Speaker 1: Balls. That man got balls.
Speaker 5: All I know.
Speaker 1: I put your mayor yo next time if I vote,
Speaker 1: going for you.
Speaker 8: So with that said, when exactly did they take prayers
Speaker 8: out the classroom in New York City?
Speaker 4: Sometimes they believe constitutionally you're not supposed to have prayers
Speaker 4: in school, And I think that you don't have to
Speaker 4: do it in school around school, but our children need
Speaker 4: some spiritual thinks some white shit. No, I think it's
Speaker 4: the right shit. Come on, it should be able to Brad.
Speaker 4: We got here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you want to put it back into school shopping?
Speaker 1: That up to me.
Speaker 4: What I want to do is introduce our children to
Speaker 4: spirituality with that.
Speaker 1: You know that I do.
Speaker 8: I do because one time I took this dude's shame.
Speaker 8: It was a Jesus chain, and I felt real bad.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm sure you gave it back to it.
Speaker 1: Na, I just felt real bad. You may have usually
Speaker 1: for a reason, right, you know.
Speaker 8: Because I did point it during quarantine and got me
Speaker 8: that EBT card that you ste just that terble.
Speaker 1: Food that you gonna make hon know what right. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you real ship.
Speaker 8: People want to know, Son, what the hell you're gonna
Speaker 8: do about the NIXT Listen you mayor Son, you can't
Speaker 8: have your the team New York Team looking like that
Speaker 8: Spike Lee don't even go to the games no more.
Speaker 1: You gotta do something.
Speaker 8: You should go there with all your cops and if
Speaker 8: they don't play right, you should rest them.
Speaker 4: Listen, all I know about New York fans is an
Speaker 4: n the swarznaka moment they'll be back.
Speaker 1: Could be gonna win. Saying that for thirty years, you
Speaker 1: don't even go to the game. Yo, he asks what
Speaker 1: you Listen, I'm gonna give you my math. Let's link
Speaker 1: up again. Pop some bottles. You don't get some you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I'm looking for a fifth baby, Mary, my guy, all day,
Speaker 4: all day, Thank you, Thank you.
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