Speaker 1: Speaks to the planning.
Speaker 2: I'll go by the name of Charlamagne the God and
Speaker 2: guess what I can't wait to see y'all at the
Speaker 2: third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
Speaker 2: back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman
Speaker 2: Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions
Speaker 2: May Be Be and Weezy.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: We got the R and B Money podcast with taking
Speaker 2: Jay Valentine. We got the Women of All Podcasts with
Speaker 2: Saray Jake Roberts, we got Good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie
Speaker 2: Champion will be there with her next sports podcast and
Speaker 2: the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced. And
Speaker 2: of course it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black
Speaker 2: Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses plus the food truck
Speaker 2: court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen,
Speaker 2: you don't want to miss this. Tappen and grab your
Speaker 2: tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival Atlanta.
Speaker 3: Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city
Speaker 3: on April twenty six, We're pulling up at the Black
Speaker 3: Effect Podcast Festival.
Speaker 4: That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot
Speaker 4: podcasts like R and B, Money Trap Nerds, Naked Sports,
Speaker 4: and Sarah Jakes.
Speaker 3: And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad
Speaker 3: Choices show.
Speaker 1: You know it gets real, real bad, and we.
Speaker 3: Have some special guests. So I'm so excited to meet
Speaker 3: our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April twenty
Speaker 3: six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get your
Speaker 3: tickets at Black Effect dot com Slash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 1: See you there.
Speaker 5: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 5: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the
Speaker 5: man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
Speaker 5: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
Speaker 5: a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 1: That shit off, we're good Mom's Bad Choices. Who's single mom?
Speaker 4: Who said fuck the patriarchy shared all their bad choices
Speaker 4: and sound out they were so bad after all, we're
Speaker 4: expert Overshares and your new bestie Sit back and hear
Speaker 4: the ride.
Speaker 1: I can do a pat.
Speaker 3: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 3: I'm Meila.
Speaker 4: And it's Wednesday, bitch, Happy hump day, y'all.
Speaker 3: What's going on hump Day.
Speaker 1: Nothing, I feel good. I forgot my makeup today. I'm
Speaker 1: feeling good today. But we figured with my bay.
Speaker 3: Sorry, and he.
Speaker 1: Love the way I six. Sorry. Woa. Glorilla just came
Speaker 1: over me like the holy ghost.
Speaker 4: I really want, you know, speaking of Glorilla side note,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna answer how I'm doing today, but I really
Speaker 4: want her to win.
Speaker 1: I love Glorilla so much.
Speaker 3: I don't even I listened to her album and she
Speaker 3: had Kirk Franklin and she was talking God, she was
Speaker 3: she really incorporated God.
Speaker 4: Really versatility. I like that, and I just she just
Speaker 4: seems joyful. I want to be her friend, Glorilla. If
Speaker 4: you're listening or you know, Glorilla, can you have her
Speaker 4: call us because we want to hang out and I
Speaker 4: just want to a cappella sing outside.
Speaker 1: Went my bay.
Speaker 4: He gone. Gotta love Globerala so much and I keep
Speaker 4: missing her by a hair. She was at Ashley's Ashley
Speaker 4: Model Experience. I couldn't go. She's going to be at
Speaker 4: Tuskeegee homecoming. I'm not going to be able to. Why
Speaker 4: aren't you're going to there? It's going She's going like
Speaker 4: a day early the day after I don't think.
Speaker 1: She'll still be there the next day partying. I'm gonna marry.
Speaker 4: Hey, Gloria, hallelujah, Helleluiah. I don't think she has any time.
Speaker 4: She's booked and busy. She's like the ship right now.
Speaker 4: She's number one in her field.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, anyway, how are you doing. I'm doing great.
Speaker 1: I'm doing great.
Speaker 3: I don't have no Mascar on, which is really fucking
Speaker 3: with my my my self confidence. It's fan security, no messca.
Speaker 3: But you know, we're going for it. We're going full
Speaker 3: leash keys today.
Speaker 4: This is a new season and we're just embracing our
Speaker 4: naturalness and we're just you know, Mila said.
Speaker 1: Are we going to start like wearing no makeup? But
Speaker 1: I was like, absolutely not.
Speaker 4: Although there was a time, no, you said that and
Speaker 4: I said absolutely no, No you did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you also said that. No you said that today
Speaker 3: right now, yeah, and then you said no and then
Speaker 3: I said no. But there was a time remember one
Speaker 3: an episode when you said I was being a bitch
Speaker 3: when I was trying to talk about how it wasn't
Speaker 3: wearing makeup that day, and then you were like you
Speaker 3: would have bitched me all month, And I was.
Speaker 4: Like whoa ah that time we got into fight live
Speaker 4: on camera.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you caught me off guard and couldn't tell
Speaker 3: me off camera because you'd love to share everything on
Speaker 3: the podcast is where you feel most safe to share
Speaker 3: all your deep secrets about me.
Speaker 4: Are you bashing me? Or it's just the way of
Speaker 4: the way. I you ask, Orlando, you do a timpto,
Speaker 4: I know it?
Speaker 1: Whoa? Now how long you've been holding onto this.
Speaker 3: Since I had no makeup on that day and all
Speaker 3: I wanted to do was talk about my no makeup
Speaker 3: fucking Wednesday and you decided to bash me publicly.
Speaker 4: Okay, well, let's do podcasting, the bitch says. And then
Speaker 4: we're podcasting, and then I get comfortable podcasting, and then
Speaker 4: I'd be honest when I'm podcasting. And then it's too much.
Speaker 4: You know, woman can never do just do enough. It's
Speaker 4: always too much or too little. Oh well, I apologize
Speaker 4: for saying I forgave you a long time ago you
Speaker 4: look pretty without makeup. Sorry for calling you out that day.
Speaker 4: In the podcast, it is where I feel most comfortable.
Speaker 4: And Orlando has gotten some pretty heavy confessions on camera.
Speaker 4: But this is the this is the safety space that
Speaker 4: you've created friends. So here we are.
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm great, I'm good. I'm just you know, chilling.
Speaker 4: I've been trying to really combat my thirty years, like
Speaker 4: thirty five plus years old, because I'm always tired, I
Speaker 4: feel like and I always I can't focus, and I'm
Speaker 4: overstimulated and anxious a lot. And I used to think
Speaker 4: people were just bullshitting and they're like, I have anxiety,
Speaker 4: you know, like these kids are always talking about anxiety,
Speaker 4: But now.
Speaker 1: I have anxiety.
Speaker 4: And so I've just been trying to work on like
Speaker 4: being more zen and drinking more tea that reflects like
Speaker 4: a zen bitch.
Speaker 3: How's the parasite cleans going, because apparently that can also
Speaker 3: contribute to your overall anxiousness and wellbeingness. Well, honestly, I'm
Speaker 3: only like on day five, okay, so hopefully're getting the
Speaker 3: fuck out of there.
Speaker 1: You haven' shot any worms out yet?
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: I did look a few times, but I'm too scared
Speaker 4: to like a deep dive. But also, what are you
Speaker 4: talking about worms, parasites, being tired, anxiety? Damn, I'm not
Speaker 4: even high. I don't know how I forgot that already.
Speaker 4: Oh no, for no, okay.
Speaker 3: Uh well, anyway, y'all, we have a special guest today.
Speaker 1: This is a guest that.
Speaker 3: We've wanted to have on the show for a while now.
Speaker 3: We've had a few guys, a few of you guys
Speaker 3: send us her reels, her content, her music videos, and
Speaker 3: I'm really excited to introduce to the show. Author host
Speaker 3: of Your High Highest Self podcast.
Speaker 1: And Yarma coach Sahara Rose for having overall that bitch
Speaker 1: c My body is an altar. I love it. You
Speaker 1: don't want to know what we were thinking about doing.
Speaker 3: I was like, what if we like, what if we
Speaker 3: make our bodies the altar? And like we lay down?
Speaker 3: And then we asked her, like, how do we make
Speaker 3: our bodies alter? Like we put candles on them? Maybe
Speaker 3: we put candle in our mouth.
Speaker 1: We can still do that.
Speaker 4: I don't know if I can put my mouth around them,
Speaker 4: but we could try. You just see some snakes faith
Speaker 4: that you can put your mouth around many things. Wait,
Speaker 4: wait what you said.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can put my mouth around it.
Speaker 4: A glass candle, I don't know, but street wax, this
Speaker 4: is not related to anything.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna wait, why
Speaker 1: are we waiting go for it because it's the same space.
Speaker 4: This is literally not really anything we're talking about.
Speaker 1: Except my mouth going on things. But breaking news. You guys,
Speaker 1: this is so hard.
Speaker 4: I hate to interrupt your introduction with this, but this
Speaker 4: is very important. I don't know if I told you this,
Speaker 4: but Orlando, my partner has never I used to hate
Speaker 4: saying partner because it sounds like I'm lesbian, But my
Speaker 4: boyfriend has never come from head. But guess what, guys,
Speaker 4: guess what, after three years, after his whole life thirty
Speaker 4: three years plus three years of me being with him,
Speaker 4: he finally came from head from me. So I'm the
Speaker 4: only one in history in his whole life of existence.
Speaker 4: And I was like, yes, this gives me the tartle.
Speaker 4: What did Is there something special that happened? Like was
Speaker 4: there a preparation? Did you I do like some No,
Speaker 4: like no elemental meditations before just having some We're having
Speaker 4: some sexy time and.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, he's giving you an automus approval. This is
Speaker 1: going on. He's like, that's why, that's my girl.
Speaker 4: And honestly, I was like in a certain position and
Speaker 4: like I can't feel I'm getting into it. And usually
Speaker 4: I'm honestly, I'm kind of a lazy headgiver. I'm not
Speaker 4: even gonna lie, like you have to push my head down.
Speaker 4: My body won't let me choke automatically.
Speaker 1: I just won't do it.
Speaker 4: I'll just be like a nice little right here, and
Speaker 4: you have to just really manually do it. But not manually.
Speaker 4: You haven't manually choke me or I'm not gonna do
Speaker 4: it myself. But this time I felt like the I
Speaker 4: felt the energy and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 4: I was like, should I stop? My jaw started hurt,
Speaker 4: and I was like, you know what, he doesn't even
Speaker 4: know if he can come from head because he's never
Speaker 4: done it. So then I started gett competitive in my
Speaker 4: head and I was like, oh yeah, And then I
Speaker 4: start getting tired, and I was like, no, we're going
Speaker 4: to do this is the this is the inner dialogue
Speaker 4: of a conflict, of a conflicted how and I was
Speaker 4: really going for it. And then he was like, don't stop,
Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm not gonna I'm gonna get this.
Speaker 4: This is gonna happen. I'm gonna crack the code today.
Speaker 4: And then there win expelled right in my mouth, in
Speaker 4: my throat and I was like, oooh yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's what you did exactly. Yeah right after that,
Speaker 1: and I was like oooh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 1: Orlando was like I need a minute to process. I
Speaker 1: was like, you process it, you take a picture. God
Speaker 1: damn it. He has a whole new identity now.
Speaker 7: I identified as someone who could not come from Head,
Speaker 7: and now he has to like reframe everything from.
Speaker 1: Everything, changed everything. Oh my god, you got to.
Speaker 4: Change your pronouns now, baby come comes, he comes from Head.
Speaker 1: I need him to put this in his bio. It's
Speaker 1: very important. It comes from Head, but only with Mela.
Speaker 1: And you know, I was out.
Speaker 4: I'm like, we're talking about getting engaged and ship.
Speaker 1: So I'm like it's gone now. I mean.
Speaker 4: For sure, I was solidifying my role in this thing.
Speaker 1: He worked for that ring, bitch I did.
Speaker 7: I can't wait to like do it maybe like a
Speaker 7: penis ring next time.
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe instead of instead of like having like a
Speaker 3: really sentimental thing in scripted in the ring, it means
Speaker 3: to be like you made me come only comes from Head.
Speaker 1: You made me come from Head.
Speaker 4: I love Mila's head Kissed by an Angel's way more
Speaker 4: classic than.
Speaker 1: Anything we came up with. Thank you.
Speaker 7: Was kissed by a rose in your mouth. It's like
Speaker 7: the rose petals.
Speaker 1: Immediately Steal starts to play I'm a kissed my rose.
Speaker 1: I'm paid.
Speaker 4: I'm putting it in my vowels as the only woman who,
Speaker 4: in your whole entire life, has ever been able to
Speaker 4: make your penis. I spell semen for my oral, divine,
Speaker 4: divine mouth fillatio your I do? Okay? That was that
Speaker 4: was That's my announcement. Is that your horri for the day.
Speaker 4: It's a hor okay? Wow, I mean I have I
Speaker 4: have a few. It's been a minute, but that's the
Speaker 4: most important one. Congratulations, Thank you, Thanks for sharing.
Speaker 7: I was very vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 4: Can go back to you tune back into.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Show of Two Bitches of Ady D.
Speaker 1: That was good. That was some good too. That was
Speaker 1: an important share. It needed to happen.
Speaker 4: At the top of the show, talked about my mouth
Speaker 4: on candles and I said, this is the time.
Speaker 7: Your body was an alcer.
Speaker 1: You did it. Thank you, Amen, Amen Sahara. Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: I would love to know more about you all.
Speaker 3: I've obviously I've I've listened to your show, I've watched
Speaker 3: you on social media.
Speaker 1: Where are you from? Where did you come from?
Speaker 3: You just popped up in the ig ethos and started
Speaker 3: teaching women how to embody the divine feminine and tap
Speaker 3: into their you know, their their self. But like, where
Speaker 3: are you from and where did you come from? And
Speaker 3: how did you end up in this journey cliff Notes version.
Speaker 7: Yeah, So my family comes from Iran. My mom was
Speaker 7: a refugee, my dad was an immigrant. They came to
Speaker 7: the US really for like service. And so I was
Speaker 7: born in Boston and as a kid, I was very spiritual.
Speaker 7: I would always like see like ghosts and spirits, and
Speaker 7: I got really into like witchcraft. And I grew up
Speaker 7: near Salem, so I was like I was burnt at
Speaker 7: the stake and into it. And they were like, you're crazy.
Speaker 7: Even the teachers at school would like separate me from
Speaker 7: the other witch girls. And so growing up it was
Speaker 7: like kind of this like conflictedness of like I feel
Speaker 7: all these different things that no one else is seeing,
Speaker 7: feeling and experiencing, but I'm being like reprimanded for it.
Speaker 7: So at home, oh very much.
Speaker 1: So, because you grew up Muslim, or.
Speaker 7: My family is Muslim, but we didn't really grow up religious.
Speaker 7: So my dad was really like atheist if anything, so
Speaker 7: it was like facts, data science.
Speaker 1: Like my dad's mantra.
Speaker 7: To me was like be rational, not emotional because my
Speaker 7: dad actually grew up kind of like in Iran. It's
Speaker 7: like you look down on women, you know, very patriarchal.
Speaker 7: So for him, he wanted me to be safe. So
Speaker 7: to be safe is like to not be a woman,
Speaker 7: to be quiet. Yeah, Or for me, he's like be
Speaker 7: like academic and like like learned to be in your
Speaker 7: masculine basically. So I kind of like stayed away from
Speaker 7: the spiritual things, but eventually got into yoga, which brought
Speaker 7: me back into it. So I was practicing a lot
Speaker 7: of yoga. Now this is in college, and I was
Speaker 7: like a raw vegan and at that time I started
Speaker 7: to like first have a lot of digestive issues, hormonal imbalances.
Speaker 7: I went to get a blood test. I didn't get
Speaker 7: my period for two years, and doctor said, my body
Speaker 7: went into perimenopause. So they said, you like have completely
Speaker 7: gone menopausal. You have no more estrogen or testosterol. This
Speaker 7: is when you were twenty Yeah, when I was twenty
Speaker 7: one years old, Oh my god. Yeah, and they're like
Speaker 7: for sure, you're never going to have a child. Plus
Speaker 7: you're gonna have osteoporosis and all sorts of health issues.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 1: Oh we love the US medical system. Yeah, it's gonna
Speaker 1: tell your whole land. Yeah, you're blood.
Speaker 7: You have a jas pussy like I cannot have it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I get my powers.
Speaker 7: But I was like, fucking I eat anything even stay
Speaker 7: here exactly.
Speaker 1: So I went on this journey.
Speaker 7: Still is not ready for the meat, but I went
Speaker 7: on this journey of self healing, of just learning everything
Speaker 7: I could because they prescribe me like hormone replacement therapy
Speaker 7: and anti depressants and all these different things. And that
Speaker 7: brought me to Ierveda, which is the sister science of
Speaker 7: yoga based on the mind body connection. So in Ireveda
Speaker 7: there's these different archetypes. So my archetype vata was too
Speaker 7: much air energy, which I feel you guys have as well.
Speaker 7: So it's like, you're very creative, you're idealistic, you think
Speaker 7: outside of the box, you're fast moving, you love arts,
Speaker 7: you love visuals, you love like talking about concepts and ideas.
Speaker 7: I'm like, yes, that's me. But on the flip side, mentally,
Speaker 7: too much air is like like ADHD, changing your mind
Speaker 7: really quickly, not knowing exactly what you want, like feeling anxious,
Speaker 7: insomnia now in the body, too much air in the body.
Speaker 7: So if I told you, like, oh, I feel like
Speaker 7: I have a lot of air in my body, what
Speaker 7: would you think that means? Symptoms?
Speaker 3: Gas, gaseous belching, bloating.
Speaker 7: Exactly, gas like literal air in the stomach, bloating, cold
Speaker 7: like cold hands, dry skin, low hormones. So when I
Speaker 7: read about this, I was like, not only is all
Speaker 7: my health challenges, but it's like my personality, like in
Speaker 7: one thing, and I need to know everything about it.
Speaker 7: So I started studying Iraveda, and I was actually going
Speaker 7: back and forth to India a lot. At that time.
Speaker 7: I was like teaching health and sanitation the slums, and
Speaker 7: I had an Indian boyfriend. So I was like studying
Speaker 7: Ariveda now in India, And then lived in India for
Speaker 7: two years after college studying Ariveda, and just first of all,
Speaker 7: healed myself, not just physically, but all of a sudden
Speaker 7: I could follow through own ideas, and you know, I
Speaker 7: had so much more groundedness within myself.
Speaker 1: So I just became obsessed with.
Speaker 7: It and I wanted more people because I know so
Speaker 7: many women, especially in our generation, struggle with hormonal and
Speaker 7: digestive issues. So I'm like, I need to write a
Speaker 7: book about this. But I didn't know anyone who had
Speaker 7: written a book in my entire life. So I was
Speaker 7: just like, I'm just going to like write this book
Speaker 7: and then figure out how it gets out later. So
Speaker 7: I would just write right right, And you know, for
Speaker 7: two years I was writing this book, which eventually I
Speaker 7: met a literary agent. She pitched it to all these
Speaker 7: different publishers. All thirty of them rejected me, and they're like,
Speaker 7: this book's never going to happen.
Speaker 1: You're not a doctor.
Speaker 7: No one cares about Iravada blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 7: And that was And at this period of time, my
Speaker 7: parents were like, you are batshit crazy, Like you are
Speaker 7: going to end up homeless. You're not even I was
Speaker 7: living in India, like making no money, Like you know,
Speaker 7: I had some health coach clients that I lived off of.
Speaker 7: I lived in a two dollars a night hut in
Speaker 7: South India with rats in it. Like that is the
Speaker 7: level that I was like, I will not give up
Speaker 7: on this dream, even if it means living like this,
Speaker 7: and so at that time being rejected by all those
Speaker 7: publishers like, I'm like, I guess my parents were right,
Speaker 7: you know, I maybe this isn't going to happen. But then,
Speaker 7: interestingly enough, the literary agent was asked by the Idiot's
Speaker 7: Guide group looking for someone to write the Idiot's Gude
Speaker 7: to Araveda. I submitted, like I read every Idiot's guidebook, submitted,
Speaker 7: and then was hired. So I wrote that book, which
Speaker 7: I was like, I guess I have to write like
Speaker 7: a fucking textbook of Iraveda. But whatever book I can,
Speaker 7: I will do. So I put everything I could when
Speaker 7: I would write like sixteen hours a day, wrote that book.
Speaker 7: Flash forward a year later, I see Deepak Chopra at
Speaker 7: a conference and I'm just like he was like my idol.
Speaker 7: Like when I would fight with my parents, I'm like,
Speaker 7: one day I'm going to be like Deepalk chop They're
Speaker 7: like he's a charlatan and you're a charlotte. I'm just like, yeah,
Speaker 7: my dad was like extremely verbally like abusive. It was.
Speaker 7: It was really insane. So yeah, so I see Deepak
Speaker 7: Chopra and I'm like, this is the only chance of
Speaker 7: my life that I'm going to see him in real life.
Speaker 7: So I go up to him and I just tell him,
Speaker 7: I'm like, you have been such a role model for me,
Speaker 7: and I would love to send you a PDF of
Speaker 7: my book, thinking that that's going to be it, and
Speaker 7: then he gave me his email. I sent him the
Speaker 7: book and a few days later and this crazy synchronousity
Speaker 7: story we can talk about, but he ended up emailing
Speaker 7: me asking me for a meeting, and then writing the
Speaker 7: forward of that book.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 7: And then all of a sudden, I went from rejected
Speaker 7: by all the publishers, broke no idea, what's going to
Speaker 7: happen to writing this book deepoc Trope are writing the
Speaker 7: forward being on faculty of Chopra, and I'm like, what
Speaker 7: just changed in my life? And then I'm like, what
Speaker 7: shifted within me that my external reality started shifting so much?
Speaker 7: And that's when I started to get really deep into
Speaker 7: spirituality and into this concept of dharma, which is your
Speaker 7: soul's purpose, which is what I teach about right now.
Speaker 4: Wow, so interesting, and we're all about like syn synchronicity
Speaker 4: is taking a chance and things lining up at the
Speaker 4: exact right time, because magic. But damn, that's a beautiful,
Speaker 4: beautiful story. And you know, I've never heard it put
Speaker 4: that way, like, and we talk a lot about you know,
Speaker 4: shifts in our lives, but like what happened inside of
Speaker 4: me that then reflected on the outside, which I'd never
Speaker 4: heard anyone put that way. And that is a very
Speaker 4: profound statement because I'm like, there's been a lot of changes,
Speaker 4: what happened within me and all of those changes, but
Speaker 4: I was never looking within. I was just looking at
Speaker 4: the outside to reflect like success or whatever we think
Speaker 4: it is.
Speaker 1: But what did you find? What had shifted?
Speaker 7: I mean so much so our entire like outer realities
Speaker 7: or reflection of what's happening in our inner world. And
Speaker 7: you know, I really believe that everything in our life
Speaker 7: is connected by a red thread that you can really
Speaker 7: only see looking back on it. And so I started
Speaker 7: to just get really curious about what changed between those things.
Speaker 7: So this concept of a dharma is your soul's purpose.
Speaker 7: It's the big reason why you're here, and every single
Speaker 7: person has one. And it's not so much of like
Speaker 7: this is your career, this is how much money you're
Speaker 7: going to make, but it's who you are in action.
Speaker 7: So I believe like spiritually, our souls chose our parents,
Speaker 7: chose where we were born, chose obstacles we were going
Speaker 7: to overcome, because it was the perfect preparation to prepare
Speaker 7: us for our dharmas, our soul's purposes, and our soul's
Speaker 7: purposes their combination of our highest form of joy in
Speaker 7: our highest form of service. So it's like that thing
Speaker 7: like you guys doing this podcast, you're having fun doing it,
Speaker 7: and it's of service to all of the people listening
Speaker 7: to this and writing your book, and however you do it,
Speaker 7: you're doing it through the lens of your dharma, whereas
Speaker 7: someone could do the exact same thing and it not
Speaker 7: be the right frequency for that. So I believe when
Speaker 7: you're living in alignment with you your dharma, you start
Speaker 7: to get all this like universal support. Right, It's like
Speaker 7: we were all born on a highway and at the
Speaker 7: end of this highways are garment. It's like who were
Speaker 7: meant to be, how we're meant to show up and
Speaker 7: we were born right on track, like as children, we
Speaker 7: fucking know, you know, we know, But then society is like, oh,
Speaker 7: like you're going to make more money doing this. Your
Speaker 7: parents will love you if you do that. Everyone in
Speaker 7: your town does this. You think you're going to do that,
Speaker 7: And so we get off of these exits of the highway.
Speaker 7: And then the universe responds with what is called karma.
Speaker 7: So the actual meaning of the word karma is bound
Speaker 7: at action by the universe. The tap tap tap. Something's
Speaker 7: out of alignment. You're feeling anxious, something's feeling off. This
Speaker 7: isn't flowing. Most of us think life's tough. Get a helmet,
Speaker 7: keep going, drink more coffee, take more adderall just push
Speaker 7: ignoring it more right, So we keep getting off the exit.
Speaker 7: And then the universe is like, okay, bis, you don't
Speaker 7: want to listen. Punch punch, punch, like panic attack, collision,
Speaker 7: big thing happening. Some of us start to listen, others
Speaker 7: most of us don't until it's like an on your
Speaker 7: knees break down, like something so big, like for me
Speaker 7: getting disowned by my family and then later on my divorce,
Speaker 7: like something very very big, health challenges, getting fired by
Speaker 7: jobs that it shakes you. It's like the level of
Speaker 7: breakdown that you needed to make a shift again. Some
Speaker 7: people stay choose to live in those series of unfortunate
Speaker 7: events forever. But really that is karments, the bounded actions,
Speaker 7: the barricades on the side of the highway that gets
Speaker 7: you back on track. And sometimes the only way we
Speaker 7: can make those big changes is through pain.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 7: It's like that pain is our friend, that pain is
Speaker 7: our teacher. The darkness is actually where all of the
Speaker 7: possibilities are. So when we're in that, in that dark
Speaker 7: knight of the soul, to really ask ourselves, what is
Speaker 7: this teaching me? And how can I now take this
Speaker 7: wisdom and amplify myself even deeper towards my dharma. And
Speaker 7: then all of a sudden you start experiencing syncreticies like
Speaker 7: crazy shit, Like someone texts you something is exactly what
Speaker 7: you were thinking. You hear this podcast is exactly what
Speaker 7: you need to listen to someone. It's like you can't
Speaker 7: even explain, and I know you've been in it. So
Speaker 7: that feeling is called crea is boundless action by the universe.
Speaker 7: It's when you are in alignment with your dharma, the flow.
Speaker 7: You know, you're rolling with the currents, and that is
Speaker 7: how life was meant to be lived. And so I
Speaker 7: saw in myself what shifted within me is I moved
Speaker 7: from karma to Korea, and that's what letting me live
Speaker 7: in my dharma.
Speaker 4: That's a beautiful story and a beautiful way to put it.
Speaker 4: The highway is really clear. And you know what also
Speaker 4: made me think about I think people just like we
Speaker 4: were talking about what change inside of you when all
Speaker 4: those things change outside of you. But also like I
Speaker 4: think people rarely look at when you're in a really
Speaker 4: dark place or in a really bad situation, what is happening?
Speaker 4: What are you choosing to stay in this space? Because
Speaker 4: sometimes people are like everything.
Speaker 1: Bad's happening to me, God hates me, you know.
Speaker 4: But it's like people are rarely able to be like
Speaker 4: I'm choosing the wrong partner, who's being you know, disrespectful,
Speaker 4: and like this is where I need to and people
Speaker 4: are unwilling to put certain things down. And a lot
Speaker 4: of times it comes in the forms of people because
Speaker 4: you know, women, we love, we love to fix something,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 1: But it's that's an interesting, like perspective.
Speaker 3: I'm curious because I know that you teach, like you said,
Speaker 3: you teach people how to find their dharma. What is
Speaker 3: like when you have like a client that is maybe
Speaker 3: has that mindset of like everything as bad as happening
Speaker 3: in my life?
Speaker 1: Why why all the time? Like what would what.
Speaker 3: Is like the first step I guess to kind of
Speaker 3: recognizing what your darma could potentially be, or is like
Speaker 3: how do you even pull yourself out of that to
Speaker 3: even take the first step towards that self discovery.
Speaker 7: So I have five stages of darma discovery. So the
Speaker 7: first one is just realizing you have a darma. So
Speaker 7: if you don't believe you have a purpose, it's like
Speaker 7: it's not going to work. And most people are not
Speaker 7: even there, they're not even at stage one. So sometimes
Speaker 7: it's like your big ass crisis that makes you realize,
Speaker 7: like damn, this was exactly what I needed to make
Speaker 7: a change that I would have never made without this.
Speaker 7: So it's stage one is the realization. Stage two is
Speaker 7: self improvement. That's where most of the personal development self
Speaker 7: help space is at. How do I become my best self? Fitness, wollness, meditation, biohacking, psychology,
Speaker 7: these are all forms of improving yourself and it's very important.
Speaker 7: We can't skip that step.
Speaker 3: But it's step it's the hardest, it's one of the
Speaker 3: hard it's one of the hardest steps.
Speaker 7: I think it's the hardest, and it's never ending, and
Speaker 7: these cycles never end. But we get to a point
Speaker 7: that we've like maybe done all the therapy or you know,
Speaker 7: tract or macros or whatever the thing was, that we
Speaker 7: realize that maybe I am not a mind and a
Speaker 7: body to improve, but rather I am a soul to know,
Speaker 7: and maybe nothing was ever wrong with me. I didn't
Speaker 7: need to fix myself, but rather I just didn't know myself.
Speaker 7: And so that brings us to stage three, which is
Speaker 7: the spiritual wakening, which is maybe this deeper soul within me.
Speaker 7: It's it needs to be in a different environment, needs
Speaker 7: to be around different people, needs to be fed different nutrients.
Speaker 7: So you start to really dive deep into who am I.
Speaker 7: And for some people that looks like astrology, and for
Speaker 7: some people that looks like human design or medita. I mean,
Speaker 7: it's like a spiritual wonderland in here, you know. And
Speaker 7: so stage three you're like, oh my god, like we
Speaker 7: need to wake up the sheeple and like it can
Speaker 7: be really exciting and really overwhelming. There's all these different
Speaker 7: modalities out there, and so in this space, if you're
Speaker 7: stuck here, only it could be like, well, I don't
Speaker 7: know this. I need to know my gene kis. I
Speaker 7: need to know my this, I need to know my that.
Speaker 7: And it's never ending and it can negate us from
Speaker 7: the responsibility of actually like doing something with this. So
Speaker 7: stage four is when we go into dharma development of
Speaker 7: like taking the tools that actually work for us and
Speaker 7: like sticking with them. So maybe it's tero for you
Speaker 7: or even for someone else, could be art, it could
Speaker 7: be you know, whatever, gardening, whatever the thing is for them,
Speaker 7: but to really like develop your skills stay with something
Speaker 7: like our society, we're such dabblers and everything right, and
Speaker 7: the way that people have been like masters of different
Speaker 7: things is like they devote themselves like this energy of
Speaker 7: devotion from the heart. So stage four is really like
Speaker 7: devoting yourself to something like you all have been doing
Speaker 7: this podcast for seven years, devoting yourself to that, and
Speaker 7: that teaching shows you, which brings you to stage five
Speaker 7: dharma embodiment, when who you are in your work and
Speaker 7: you're outer world is the same, you are being you
Speaker 7: full time, you know, because before that it's like the
Speaker 7: me at my job and the meat everywhere else. And
Speaker 7: of course we always have different versions of ourselves. But
Speaker 7: it doesn't feel like I have to put on a
Speaker 7: mask every day, you know. And what happens interesting in
Speaker 7: stage five is like everything in your life that is
Speaker 7: not in alignment with full truth will go away. Relationships, friendships, homes,
Speaker 7: They will become so painful. It's like that little like
Speaker 7: that story of the p under the mattress. You know
Speaker 7: you're like couldn't sleep. It would be like that, you know,
Speaker 7: get bigger and bigger into your face because your dharma
Speaker 7: becomes like the most essential thing of who I am
Speaker 7: and how I'm here to serve humanity. That like anything
Speaker 7: that's holding you back from that needs to shift. And
Speaker 7: then we go on that journey again. So I would
Speaker 7: really for someone, I would say, where are you in
Speaker 7: that journey? Then what's the next step?
Speaker 3: When I think of step five, I'm thinking about out
Speaker 3: you and your relationship with your parents, like you said,
Speaker 3: And also we can talk about it in a bit
Speaker 3: about your divorce, like were you already in stage four
Speaker 3: and then these things started to happen like stage five
Speaker 3: as far as like the disownment of your I mean,
Speaker 3: I guess that would be them disowning you and less
Speaker 3: you being in control of that. But when you're in that,
Speaker 3: when you're in between those phases and stages, and that's
Speaker 3: a that's a very big one. I mean specifically the
Speaker 3: parental one, you know, like the people that brought us here,
Speaker 3: that have really instilled our core belief systems, really given
Speaker 3: us a lot of our self identity, safety, safety, Like
Speaker 3: how does how have you? I guess, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know if if you still have a relationship
Speaker 3: with your parents to you, yeah, have they come back
Speaker 3: now that you're well?
Speaker 7: I really ship with my mom, not my dad really.
Speaker 7: So that happened when I was twenty three and actually
Speaker 7: was a thing that led to my greatest liberation because
Speaker 7: before that I was subconsciously always living for my dad's rouval,
Speaker 7: the pat on the head, I'm proud of you, You're enough.
Speaker 7: When I finally heard the words of like you are
Speaker 7: dead to me and I want nothing to do with you, it.
Speaker 1: Kind of gave you Okay. It was just like, then
Speaker 1: what am I even living?
Speaker 7: I'm going to live for myself then, right, And it
Speaker 7: was like some I think in life we always have
Speaker 7: to go to our biggest fear, like that big thing
Speaker 7: that we never want to happen when you go right
Speaker 7: into it and you realize that you're going to be okay.
Speaker 1: Then it's like I don't give a fuck. When people
Speaker 1: on social.
Speaker 7: Media say I don't give a fuck, it's like you've
Speaker 7: already when you've been through the fire. It's like you
Speaker 7: start dancing with the fire you make that you start
Speaker 7: twirling that fire around and you become so much stronger.
Speaker 7: And it wasn't necessarily like a level four to five thing.
Speaker 7: I feel like these initiations continue to happen, like I've
Speaker 7: been living my dharma for over ten years now, but
Speaker 7: it's like attunemnts to it right. It's high high exactly
Speaker 7: like okay, or we're going to put you on a
Speaker 7: new path of what you're meant to teach. Like okay,
Speaker 7: you've been teaching about health and wellness for so long.
Speaker 7: Time to move on, Time to move into the dharma
Speaker 7: part of your journey and eventually teach it to others.
Speaker 7: Time to move into the love part of your journey,
Speaker 7: eventually teach it to others. So I feel those of
Speaker 7: us that are on the path of like like they
Speaker 7: call this janana the path of wisdom. It's like we
Speaker 7: have to personally go through all the shit that we're
Speaker 7: meant to eventually share with others.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you.
Speaker 3: Speaking of the just kind of going with your dharma
Speaker 3: and your purpose. I saw that, I've seen that over
Speaker 3: the last few years you've gotten into music, and I
Speaker 3: think about just like how society really likes to put
Speaker 3: us in boxes, specifically women, and like, oh, you've chosen
Speaker 3: this modality, Like how dare you step outside and do
Speaker 3: this thing? Like how how did that come to be?
Speaker 3: And like how did how has that process been since
Speaker 3: you started, since the beginning of choosing to do that
Speaker 3: and incorporating that into how you show up?
Speaker 7: Yeah, so after my divorce and we can go into
Speaker 7: the story, but essentially found out that he had been
Speaker 7: cheating on me throughout the marriage. And it was like
Speaker 7: a very quick instant knowing that I needed to leave
Speaker 7: this relationship because there was no going back. It was
Speaker 7: happening the entire time.
Speaker 4: Since since the day you got married to the day
Speaker 4: you found since before we were married. So he didn't
Speaker 4: think I'm getting married now, let me just like cut
Speaker 4: off this other bitch.
Speaker 7: No, he was just I mean, narcissism is a real thing.
Speaker 1: It is in his mind.
Speaker 7: He's like, would do you ever.
Speaker 4: Think that logic gas have logical I'm just getting down
Speaker 4: on one knee purchasing a ring.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you proposed to you.
Speaker 7: I was like, when you were saying your vows, you
Speaker 7: didn't feel like any kind of guilt something was coming up.
Speaker 7: He's like, I didn't even think about it.
Speaker 1: I'm like what he said that.
Speaker 7: He's like, I didn't eat, I didn't write. He didn't
Speaker 7: identify someone who cheated.
Speaker 1: I don't identify with that.
Speaker 7: But that's a scary thing because people can suppress things
Speaker 7: so deep in because we would have conversations of friends
Speaker 7: getting cheated on what you think, and he'd be like,
Speaker 7: that's so fucked up in this and like and believe it,
Speaker 7: believe it because of the cognitive dissonance of like the
Speaker 7: way it's like I think it would happen. It would
Speaker 7: be like one time things, and he would suppress it
Speaker 7: so far away and almost just like a Jacqueline had,
Speaker 7: which was related to his own traumas of just like suppressing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, was he also like Middle Eastern Okay, fucking shit?
Speaker 3: If he was like, you know, you guys were practicing
Speaker 3: together in spirituality.
Speaker 7: You know, I was the more spiritual one, and I
Speaker 7: brought him on the spiritual journey, which took years. We
Speaker 7: were together for seven years, so I would say maybe
Speaker 7: like four years in he started to get more spiritual,
Speaker 7: but his own path, and I was very much just
Speaker 7: like you know, you do you right, I have my
Speaker 7: more feminine path, he had his, And actually the spiritual
Speaker 7: path is what let he actually admitted to me about
Speaker 7: the cheating.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's how you found out.
Speaker 7: He told me through sitting with plant medicine of Wachuma
Speaker 7: San Pedro. So I'm actually really grateful for that because
Speaker 7: he didn't need to tell me. And it was like
Speaker 7: that was ready to be purged and so interesting because
Speaker 7: it's like you're in a relationship but there's like the
Speaker 7: snake underneath it that you don't see until you're ready.
Speaker 7: And it was like in divine timing because first of all,
Speaker 7: seven year cycles, as we know, everything in life is
Speaker 7: in seven year cycles. We change our DNA every seven years.
Speaker 7: So it was like honestly looking back on it because
Speaker 7: then I eventually sat with the San Pedro medicine, it
Speaker 7: showed me like it was so fucking divine, you know,
Speaker 7: like when I was going through all this, when I
Speaker 7: was like twenty three, I wanted to go to Peru
Speaker 7: and sit so San Pedro. For those who are wondering,
Speaker 7: people may have heard of ayahuasca. So ayahuasca is a vine.
Speaker 7: It's considered grandmother medicine, and so she really like tells
Speaker 7: it to you as it is. She's like very spunky,
Speaker 7: but like like visual and honestly, I had so much
Speaker 7: fun with ayahuasca. That was like these deep uncomfortable truths
Speaker 7: about myself. But in this like really like for me,
Speaker 7: it was actually did you guys remember Carmen the Hip Opera? Yeah,
Speaker 7: she presented the whole thing hip opera, battles musical.
Speaker 4: Only person I've ever heard say this, So you're gonna
Speaker 4: have pictures like in Nyahuasca.
Speaker 1: I think it's gonna be butt crack.
Speaker 7: Okay, no, no no no, I don't want outfits everything.
Speaker 7: She knew the way to my soul. She knew so
Speaker 7: iohuasca is really like that. But she was like this
Speaker 7: show and I'm like laughing. She's freestyle rapping with me
Speaker 7: about like how I'm like Kim Kardashian, so like poking
Speaker 7: fun of me, but like but like in this like
Speaker 7: really playful way. But then she's like, yeah, say the
Speaker 7: most uncomfortable thing about yourself and then kind of like
Speaker 7: come up and it's so life changing. You know, then
Speaker 7: Watchumu San Paedro's grandfather of medicine. So you actually take
Speaker 7: that medicine while hiking traditionally in Peru. So you're like
Speaker 7: hiking in nature and you're taking it, but you're not
Speaker 7: seeing anything. You're still in nature. But it's almost like
Speaker 7: this very wise, like elderly version of you was talking
Speaker 7: to you. And so for me, it was a lot
Speaker 7: of like call and response but also poetic as well
Speaker 7: as it would be like a thing of poetry. It's
Speaker 7: like trust the flow, trust the flow. Just surrender, just
Speaker 7: surrender the control.
Speaker 1: And I was like do you get it?
Speaker 5: Have you?
Speaker 7: Do you understand that? Okay, now we can move on.
Speaker 7: And it was like this like step by step like thing.
Speaker 7: So when I sat with the San Pedro in Peru,
Speaker 7: there was this moment that I like, you know, I'm
Speaker 7: like crying of.
Speaker 1: Like why am I single?
Speaker 7: And like all of the things, and it was just
Speaker 7: like brought me back to when I was twenty three
Speaker 7: years old and I wanted to sit with the medicine.
Speaker 7: I didn't have any money to and it was like
Speaker 7: the moment you decide to work with these medicines, they
Speaker 7: start working with your life. And I was like, so
Speaker 7: we decided the medicine in that time to take you
Speaker 7: into your biggest illusion that marriage is eternal safety and happiness.
Speaker 7: And like a month later I met him on bumble
Speaker 7: first person I matched with on bumble instant fell in love.
Speaker 7: That night I wrote first date with my husband. I
Speaker 7: knew he was my husband, and it was honestly a
Speaker 7: really smooth relationship, like we never fought, you know, it
Speaker 7: was never anything wrong. There was never would have been
Speaker 7: a conscious reason to divorce until I found out about this,
Speaker 7: but in divine timing, when I had my own business
Speaker 7: and knew myself and like could actually create this new
Speaker 7: version of myself. I feel like a lot of women
Speaker 7: who get cheated on, like how did I not know?
Speaker 7: How did I not know? And they really shame themselves
Speaker 7: around that, And it's like, your soul knew when you
Speaker 7: were ready to find out, So trust that when you
Speaker 7: know you are ready for what is next?
Speaker 1: Oh lord, yeah I was.
Speaker 3: I'm still thinking about how the men will literally have
Speaker 3: conversations with you about oh, like I can't believe my
Speaker 3: homeboy he got three baby mamas.
Speaker 1: I would never do that.
Speaker 3: You meanwhile, you're impregnating a bitch behind my back hit
Speaker 3: a sore spot. But I have so much gratitude for
Speaker 3: that was my personal experience.
Speaker 1: I can tell I have so much gratitude for that experience.
Speaker 3: And I think so many times when we are experiencing
Speaker 3: such I guess, soul busting ripping experiences that just don't
Speaker 3: feel like they make any sense.
Speaker 1: It really is kind of like or dharma, like knocking
Speaker 1: on the door, like.
Speaker 4: Hey, bitch, to do something different. Now, are we gonna choose?
Speaker 4: How are we gonna choose? We're gonna choose the same?
Speaker 1: Are you gonna you canna mother that baby? You're gonna
Speaker 1: sit here and do that? Can you do it? You
Speaker 1: can't do it? You do it? Look at that baby?
Speaker 1: Can you do it? I don't think so? Look again?
Speaker 2: Nope.
Speaker 3: So then how how music? How did music get into
Speaker 3: the mix of this?
Speaker 7: Oh? Yeah, So after my divorce, I'm processing so much,
Speaker 7: you know, like how did I not know?
Speaker 1: And hurt anger?
Speaker 7: Shame like like everything, And I also just kind of
Speaker 7: you know, there's like those tipping points to do all
Speaker 7: the healing works, like all my dad wound stuff and
Speaker 7: childhood and past lives and lineas and an ancestral And
Speaker 7: it was like like six months of just like fucking
Speaker 7: deep ass shadow work. And I could not listen to podcasts.
Speaker 7: I could not read books. I could like words, like
Speaker 7: you know, when you're like trauma brain and someone's talking,
Speaker 7: you can't even really hear what they're saying. I was
Speaker 7: like that. All I could do was listen to music,
Speaker 7: and like when you're in that open hearted, like broken hearted,
Speaker 7: open hearted state, like everything.
Speaker 1: Hits you so dull, like God, Yeah, I listen to
Speaker 1: music and be like damn, like has it has it
Speaker 1: always been like that?
Speaker 7: I know, I'm like, oh, like hear like the ad
Speaker 7: libs and like hear the production, and especially afrobeats music.
Speaker 7: I love afrobeats so, which I'm part Ethiopian, And I
Speaker 7: was just like, oh, like it was speaking to my
Speaker 7: soul and so and I've been DJing for a while,
Speaker 7: like five years before that, but I always and what's
Speaker 7: interesting is my ex husband produced music. But I always thought, oh,
Speaker 7: that's so complicated. I could never do that, never considered
Speaker 7: it for myself interesting enough. We're attracted to the people
Speaker 7: that subconsciously you want to be more like you know,
Speaker 7: they're like muses to us. And so I started thinking,
Speaker 7: I'm like, imagine I combined like Persian with afrobeats music.
Speaker 7: What would that be like? And and then I just
Speaker 7: started thinking, and I'm like going on YouTube like how
Speaker 7: to produce and just getting more interested and curious about it.
Speaker 7: And then eventually I went to this festival called Afro
Speaker 7: Nation in Portugal, met this guy. He was a dancer.
Speaker 7: We became friends and then he turned out to be
Speaker 7: a music engineer and we just started making music together.
Speaker 7: And it was like, so my biggest song it's called
Speaker 7: trust Flow, and lyrics are trust Flows, Surrender, let Go.
Speaker 7: And that was the affirmation I was telling myself again
Speaker 7: and again when I didn't where I was going to live,
Speaker 7: I didn't know what was going to happen next, like
Speaker 7: the future, and I'm a capricorn, I'm like, what I
Speaker 7: need a plan. It was like trust Flows, Surrender, let Go.
Speaker 7: I'm the one I've been waiting foe. And so when
Speaker 7: I produced that afrobeat song, I was like, fucking and
Speaker 7: I need to find like an amazing Nigerian artist, and
Speaker 7: I was like, I don't even know how, and then
Speaker 7: I just thought, what if I just try this affirmation
Speaker 7: on it, which no one does Affirmation's afrobeats. So I'm like,
Speaker 7: let me just try this, and so that's how it
Speaker 7: started and just kept going. So my album My Body
Speaker 7: is an altar really has been all of the music
Speaker 7: that you know has healed me. And the meaning of
Speaker 7: that is like seeing yourself as a sacred site that
Speaker 7: will only be treated as such. And because when we
Speaker 7: walk as if we had rose petals at our feet,
Speaker 7: you know, we're walking with reverence. Then people show up
Speaker 7: in our lives in such different ways. But when we
Speaker 7: walk as if like we don't fucking matter, you know,
Speaker 7: it's like that's the energy that we're going to receive.
Speaker 7: So and another big part of that journey too is,
Speaker 7: you know, being Middle Eastern marriage and Middle Eastern man,
Speaker 7: it was like cover yourself, how dare you show your body?
Speaker 7: How dare you dance? How dare you this that? Because
Speaker 7: women are men's properties in those cultures.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 7: So it was like I was finally free to just
Speaker 7: like be myself and not give a fuck and just
Speaker 7: like tap into these different archetypes that every woman has,
Speaker 7: Like every woman has like the hoe that you talked about,
Speaker 7: her shadow self, her her creative self, her warrior self,
Speaker 7: her medicine, woman's self, her priest as self. These are
Speaker 7: all aspects of us. But our day and age is
Speaker 7: like state, oh you're like this. It's like we're the
Speaker 7: air of like personal branding, like describe yourself at one
Speaker 7: hundred and eighty characters and like that is who you
Speaker 7: are forever. It's like, no, we're all here to be
Speaker 7: multi dimensional. And so like every song was me like
Speaker 7: playing with a different archetype and a different energy within myself.
Speaker 7: So it's been a vibe I've been making music ever since.
Speaker 1: That's dope.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I saw. I was like she's she's not
Speaker 3: over here doing festivals. She's like making it happen for
Speaker 3: herself everywhere, like everywhere. And I was like, this is
Speaker 3: really incredible, and it's a testament to like really the
Speaker 3: feminine essence and the power that we can cultivate once
Speaker 3: we decide to do something and then just go for
Speaker 3: it one hundred percent. I think also, I've heard you
Speaker 3: talk a lot about just the feminine embodiment and your
Speaker 3: embodiment practice in particular, And I'm just I'm curious, and
Speaker 3: I'm sure our audience is like, what for you is
Speaker 3: your personal like feminine embodiment practice. I mean, I know
Speaker 3: I've seen like I've seen a real of you doing one,
Speaker 3: like at the park, and like people were like, what
Speaker 3: the is she doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And it's funny because like I have, I have, I
Speaker 3: guess my own and in some capacity, I don't know
Speaker 3: if I've ever like coined it that that term, Hey,
Speaker 3: how did you come to it? And like how do
Speaker 3: you utilize it in your life?
Speaker 7: So in those like months after the divorce, I would
Speaker 7: wake up and just cry, you know, when you wake
Speaker 7: up and you're like is this my reality? Like wait,
Speaker 7: there's no one next to me. Wait, I'm in an airbnb,
Speaker 7: Like what the fuck just happened? It's so you have
Speaker 7: to like the fifty first dates yourself every single day,
Speaker 7: you know. And so I could not like do breathwork
Speaker 7: and all that shit. I would just cry and then
Speaker 7: I'm like, Okay, let me try to move this energy.
Speaker 7: So from the crying, I would touch myself as if
Speaker 7: I were my own lover, Like how would I want
Speaker 7: to be touched, like touching my face, touching my hands,
Speaker 7: like hugging myself, and I would play, even if it
Speaker 7: was just one song, you know, and just sit up
Speaker 7: on my bed and just like move my neck, move
Speaker 7: my shoulders and start to move. And then from there
Speaker 7: I would feel a little bit more creative. Maybe I
Speaker 7: would write a poem or just record a voicemail on
Speaker 7: myself talking something out. So I noticed I was emoting, embodying, expressing,
Speaker 7: and that's what became the triple E method emote, embody,
Speaker 7: and express. So how you do it is first feel
Speaker 7: whatever's you're genuinely feeling right now. If you're feeling super anxious,
Speaker 7: can you be like ah and like sound that anxiety out?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 7: What's so crazy and that brought me deeper into the
Speaker 7: journey of the womb. Is like we hold onto these
Speaker 7: emotions that if we can hit the right sound of it,
Speaker 7: we release it. So you know, when you're like, oh,
Speaker 7: it's actually hitting a frequency in your body that like
Speaker 7: that exact note is needed to release that. Or if
Speaker 7: you're like I mean like orgasms, right, it's like oh,
Speaker 7: it's like different, you know, different textures of it. So
Speaker 7: I would you know, kind of I was never like allowed.
Speaker 7: I was always like more quiet, so I'd be like
Speaker 7: trying to make sounds right. Car is such a good
Speaker 7: place to do it too, if you're like I have
Speaker 7: neighbors or roommates or something in your car just like
Speaker 7: scream grunts, you know the Collie breath, which is putting
Speaker 7: your tongue on going and just letting that out. And
Speaker 7: I know a lot of people are like, I feel
Speaker 7: like if I let myself really get angry or cry
Speaker 7: will never end. And trust me, one day you will
Speaker 7: wake up and not need to cry. But it's like
Speaker 7: you got to get to the bottom of that well,
Speaker 7: and sometimes it takes a really fucking long time because
Speaker 7: it's all the tears. You never let yourself cry your
Speaker 7: entire life. But it's like this is finally the tipping
Speaker 7: point that you actually manifested to finally feel all of
Speaker 7: those things. And what tends to happen is the body
Speaker 7: naturally starts to self regulate that after a few minutes,
Speaker 7: you're like, I.
Speaker 4: Feel exactly, feel relieved from whatever practice exactly.
Speaker 7: So then you move into embodies. So from emote you
Speaker 7: go to embody. So play a song of how you
Speaker 7: want to feel Do you want to feel sensual? Do
Speaker 7: you want to feel empowered? Do you want to feel
Speaker 7: you know, trusting God like whatever that energy is for you?
Speaker 7: And how can you embody that with your body? It
Speaker 7: can be through self touch, it can be through dance movement,
Speaker 7: rolling on the ground, stretching. I don't advise yoga because
Speaker 7: yoga is like a more masculine practice actually, which a
Speaker 7: lot of people don't realize, Like yoga was actually created
Speaker 7: for pre pubescent boys to keep them like calm so
Speaker 7: they could focus and eventually join the warrior cast.
Speaker 1: So who knew?
Speaker 7: Yeah? So I was doing so much yoga and that
Speaker 7: was also part of why I lost my period so
Speaker 7: much mask because it's like telling your body how to
Speaker 7: be rather than letting your body guide you. Right, and
Speaker 7: you're tucking your hips and you're pressing everything, and you're
Speaker 7: making it. Did I get the posture right?
Speaker 1: Right? That's that masculine conscious dat am I doing it right?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 7: It's like instead let your body guide you. It doesn't
Speaker 7: need to make sense, it doesn't need to look pretty,
Speaker 7: Like going to a dance class is not this practice,
Speaker 7: because that's again masculine performance. Do I look good in
Speaker 7: the mirror exactly. Like, even if it's just like getting
Speaker 7: on your hands and knees and just circling your hips
Speaker 7: and letting your body move, it's so it unleashes. It's primal,
Speaker 7: it's ancestral. Your body's gonna know what to do. It's
Speaker 7: like birthing a baby, you know, and then from there
Speaker 7: express Like this is when your truth can come out,
Speaker 7: whether it is writing four lines on your notes app
Speaker 7: whether it is you know, voice noting a friend, whether
Speaker 7: it's drawing something or coming up with a piece of
Speaker 7: content or whatever that thing is. I find these emotions
Speaker 7: want to be expressed. The feminine. You know, our yonis
Speaker 7: or vaginas are connected to our throat chukda, you know,
Speaker 7: the larynx and the vaginal opening. It look the exact same.
Speaker 7: So it's like when we can express that and turn
Speaker 7: into something greater, that's how we heal, because we're like,
Speaker 7: I didn't go through this pain in vain, but rather
Speaker 7: it has turned into art. And I feel the real
Speaker 7: healing happens, especially from heartbreak, is when you can say
Speaker 7: I would go through all that shit again to become
Speaker 7: this version, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: I mean I think about just the amount of healing
Speaker 3: that we've had in the space talking and using our
Speaker 3: voice and also together collectively like really feeling empowered to
Speaker 3: tap into into all the feminine parts of ourselves, the
Speaker 3: sexual parts, the sacred parts, the sensual parts, and how
Speaker 3: it's literally transformed ourselves and our.
Speaker 4: Lives by expressing and being honest. And I think people
Speaker 4: underestimate the medicine of honesty and expression. And then even
Speaker 4: back to what you were saying about, because this is
Speaker 4: like we do retreats and this, I mean the three
Speaker 4: ease without knowing the three's is something that we do
Speaker 4: we do in our workshop, and I really notice is
Speaker 4: like people have a hard time making sounds that aren't
Speaker 4: English words. It feels like what the fuck are you
Speaker 4: talking about? You know, like even I've seen in this
Speaker 4: space and we're like, okay, now we're gonna scream. And
Speaker 4: some people are like about thank god because I've been
Speaker 4: trying to hold it three clock yeah, And then some
Speaker 4: people are literally like why the fuck that I sign
Speaker 4: up for this?
Speaker 1: Like what am I doing?
Speaker 4: And we are as humans, I think we've been so
Speaker 4: deeply programmed to just for everything to have to make
Speaker 4: so much sense that sometimes the things that make the
Speaker 4: most sense. Are so extremely simple and so extremely basic,
Speaker 4: and it's like.
Speaker 1: But we lose that, like as we get older.
Speaker 4: It is like, of course there's noises that have to
Speaker 4: be made to like to move energy. Of course, you
Speaker 4: have to move your body to move energy. Of course,
Speaker 4: Like that's that's directly associated and connected to like anxiety
Speaker 4: and like all types of ailments and sicknesses in the body.
Speaker 4: But we're so we're so gung ho on, like I
Speaker 4: don't want to look stupid. I don't want to feel
Speaker 4: stupid or that's stupid. It's like, well, how about, bitch,
Speaker 4: you try it, because right now you're not doing so good,
Speaker 4: you know. But it's like even I did LSD like
Speaker 4: five years ago now almost four years ago now, and
Speaker 4: I came back and I was on one.
Speaker 1: I was just like and like the best, Like my
Speaker 1: nervous system.
Speaker 4: Was regulated because I went on this like seven day
Speaker 4: incubation trip with two people, and I came back to
Speaker 4: all my friends and I was high as fuck off
Speaker 4: a life and I was like and all my friends
Speaker 4: are like, I'm not moaning with you in this restaurant,
Speaker 4: including Erica, and I was like, come on, And then
Speaker 4: we're gonna how let the moon, let's do it. It's
Speaker 4: gonna be so fun of them with my white friends,
Speaker 4: and they do it all the time. And she was
Speaker 4: like no, and I was like come on. And now
Speaker 4: all the time we're like, you know, because sometimes that's
Speaker 4: the thing that you know, that small thing. It's such
Speaker 4: a small thing, but like that release is necessary. And
Speaker 4: as children, you do something to your kid, you piss
Speaker 4: them off, they're gonna fucking lay out and scream and
Speaker 4: kick and they have no there's nothing telling them that
Speaker 4: that's not okay, but that's how they're expressing it. And
Speaker 4: as adults are like, you're acting fucking crazy. But we
Speaker 4: lose somewhere in the adulthood, like from a childhood to adulthood,
Speaker 4: we lose the ability to express out concern about anybody
Speaker 4: else thinks.
Speaker 1: And like even in the privacy of your own home, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you're embarrassed by yourself, Like how I'm embarrassed by you, bitch?
Speaker 4: You know, like you're alone, but there's this this like
Speaker 4: it's so crazy to think about it that way, is
Speaker 4: like those are those are the tools we still need
Speaker 4: as an adult. If the tantrum may not look the same,
Speaker 4: you may not do it in seven to eleven when
Speaker 4: you didn't get the gum.
Speaker 1: However, it's still is required.
Speaker 4: Like sometimes it's just like I know people listening can
Speaker 4: probably relate to this, is like one thing happens to
Speaker 4: you that really isn't that big of a deal, But
Speaker 4: now you've been crying for an hour. It's because, bitch,
Speaker 4: you didn't cry for the last two years. It's like
Speaker 4: it's come. It's like the water is overflowing and you
Speaker 4: have to let it out some way. And that's why
Speaker 4: people think that they're just addicted to like the gym.
Speaker 4: Is like, no, your body needs to have a source
Speaker 4: of release, and we like forget that because we're on
Speaker 4: this fucking hamster wheel of work and money in social
Speaker 4: and like the one hundred and forty character bio and like,
Speaker 4: but instead of just the medicine is generally already inside
Speaker 4: of us and it may not make sense and it
Speaker 4: may not come in like a pretty book that has
Speaker 4: a cover and end, but like you are the book,
Speaker 4: and like going back inside of yourself is where you
Speaker 4: find what works for you. Because we all are probably
Speaker 4: doing some of the same shit, and it's called different things.
Speaker 4: It's from different and like lineages and different practices, but overall,
Speaker 4: like we are given all the tools as humans. We're
Speaker 4: self like we're self healing, and we forget that and
Speaker 4: we're constantly looking outward.
Speaker 3: Well that's what it is, is like a very like
Speaker 3: you said, like there's this forgetfulness, there's this forgettingness and
Speaker 3: then but it's not it's forgotten, but the the wisdom
Speaker 3: is in our bodies. And like thinking about like I
Speaker 3: know you were talking about earlier how you felt like
Speaker 3: you had a lot of air in your body, and like,
Speaker 3: you know what we learn. We're tantric practitioners and we
Speaker 3: followed the Cagpat Shack Shang Shang pag hag you lineage whatever.
Speaker 3: It's very influenced by the Bond tradition. And they talk
Speaker 3: about the five elements and how obviously like the elements,
Speaker 3: we are of the elements and sometimes you're heavier and
Speaker 3: and like if you're heavier in air, what do you need?
Speaker 3: Do you need more earth? Do you need more water?
Speaker 3: Do you need more space? You need less space? And
Speaker 3: once you kind of really figure out how to balance
Speaker 3: the elements in your body, like it sounds so like
Speaker 3: woo woo, but it's very simple and it makes the
Speaker 3: most sense. And it's like even like making these sounds
Speaker 3: that are primal or things that we actually do anyway
Speaker 3: when we're not thinking, like we yawn, we're like, we
Speaker 3: just do it because people, that's what we do when
Speaker 3: we yawn, and not realizing that sound actually can.
Speaker 1: Help calm your vagus nerve.
Speaker 3: And there's a reason why dogs and animals do these
Speaker 3: type of sounds when they're feeling anxious or they're feeling nervous.
Speaker 3: And it's all within us. But we've been endoctrined by
Speaker 3: the medical system, the Western medicine, that we need these
Speaker 3: different things, we have to take, these type of pills,
Speaker 3: we need to even exercise. I recently went on a retreat.
Speaker 3: I went on a darkness retreat, and so I was
Speaker 3: in total darkness for four days by myself, and the
Speaker 3: whole practice was really getting out of your mind and
Speaker 3: into your body, Like what is it that your body
Speaker 3: actually wants Because a lot of times when you think
Speaker 3: your body wants to work out, you're like, I need
Speaker 3: to work out right now, and it's like, actually, no,
Speaker 3: your body wants to rest. You go to the gym
Speaker 3: and it doesn't work, and you're like, why didn't work?
Speaker 3: Because you have too much fire in your body you
Speaker 3: actually didn't need to create more. So it's like when
Speaker 3: you start to really kind of pinpoint and listen to
Speaker 3: your body and not necessarily your mind, because like, right now,
Speaker 3: I've realized how how much I lead with my mind
Speaker 3: all the time, and how toxic it's been, and how
Speaker 3: much your mind actually lies to you, and that your
Speaker 3: body actually is the most intelligent thing and that's what
Speaker 3: you should be listening to. We're so disconnected from our
Speaker 3: bodies because it's by design and also by consumption the
Speaker 3: things we drink, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, which are all
Speaker 3: things that I do at different times, various times in
Speaker 3: my life. But also I know also in my body
Speaker 3: has had too much and it's like, hey, we need
Speaker 3: to stop, we need to disconnect. And I think a
Speaker 3: lot of times we resist that because we're scared of
Speaker 3: what's on the other side. And what's on the other
Speaker 3: side is fucking you and actually a lot of happiness
Speaker 3: and a lot of joy and a lot of peace,
Speaker 3: but there's a lot of turmoil and a lot of
Speaker 3: guk gulk in the middle of that we have to
Speaker 3: work through in order to get to the other side.
Speaker 3: And I think that's really what people are so scared
Speaker 3: of and are so fearful of. And even listening to
Speaker 3: you know, us talk about meditation or the elements or
Speaker 3: whatever it might be, there's a there was a resistance
Speaker 3: of like, eh, that's some bullshit. We don't need none
Speaker 3: of that. That's like, that's that witchy shit. I'm just
Speaker 3: gonna like that's spiritual. Yeah, like I don't do that,
Speaker 3: but like what you need.
Speaker 4: It, you know, and and and and also it's like
Speaker 4: I think sitting here with both of you too, is
Speaker 4: like this is why we're in this era of healers
Speaker 4: where people are waking up. It's because we're gonna there's
Speaker 4: gonna be a lot of different languages. That's gonna like
Speaker 4: say the same thing, but resident with different people in
Speaker 4: the community.
Speaker 1: And so very need is someone from every every practice.
Speaker 1: What'd you do? What did you do?
Speaker 4: Because maybe someone else is like that is so bobo.
Speaker 4: But then you someone else will come over and be
Speaker 4: like put it to you in a way, and you
Speaker 4: be like, okay, let me try it, you know.
Speaker 1: Sahara says, my body is alder.
Speaker 4: These bitches say, bitch, let me go over here, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean, Like people can like gravitate naturally
Speaker 4: to what it is. But you know what, when you
Speaker 4: said that reminded me of when you're talking about the
Speaker 4: like the like the energy I heard you say about,
Speaker 4: like the leaky energy, And I think that comes from
Speaker 4: that too, Like sometimes people like what happens if you
Speaker 4: never get to the point of like wanting to do
Speaker 4: any of these modalities, Like what happens when the energy
Speaker 4: gets so full?
Speaker 1: Like yeah, people like what do they call it? Spent?
Speaker 1: Spin out? What do they call it right now? Like
Speaker 1: crash out?
Speaker 4: But also like I think it shows up in ways
Speaker 4: that we don't recognize, like when men are like overly
Speaker 4: like overtly you know, like it's a leaky energy because
Speaker 4: you haven't fine tuned yourself. You haven't taken the time
Speaker 4: and energy to fine tune whatever's going on inside of you.
Speaker 4: And so like I heard you say that then, like
Speaker 4: I've heard that before, and I was like, what the
Speaker 4: fuck does that mean?
Speaker 1: Leaky ass energy?
Speaker 4: But now I understand it better, Like can you elaborate
Speaker 4: leaky energy in what sense?
Speaker 1: Like I don't know. I just saw some one of
Speaker 1: your podcasts about.
Speaker 7: Just like energetic leakages. Yeah, so our energy, if we
Speaker 7: think about it, it's like the strongest when we point
Speaker 7: and direct it towards something, but in our society it's
Speaker 7: like pointed and directed towards a million different things. So
Speaker 7: for example, you wake up and you check your phone
Speaker 7: and then you voice note three friends, and then you're
Speaker 7: drinking your coffee, but then one of them sent you
Speaker 7: a voicema box, so you stop what you're doing listen
Speaker 7: to that voice not and then you kind of forgot
Speaker 7: what you even just said. And then it's like this
Speaker 7: and now you're responding to an email and it's like
Speaker 7: all these fragments right, like even around voice snoting. So
Speaker 7: I was just in Guatemala doing this womb healing thing,
Speaker 7: and the first thing the spirit was like stop voice
Speaker 7: dooting people all the time, because it's like, if you
Speaker 7: think about it, it's like I'm in one time space
Speaker 7: reality and I'm having this thought, I send.
Speaker 1: It to you.
Speaker 7: You're listening to it hours later, and then you're in
Speaker 7: what whatever you're doing. You don't see my facial expressions,
Speaker 7: you don't know, we're not we're not together. And then
Speaker 7: you're like trying to even like remember what I just
Speaker 7: said at the end of it, because I just talked
Speaker 7: for ten minutes and then you're like, yeah, totally, and
Speaker 7: then you're just reporting back what's happening in your life.
Speaker 7: And then I hours later am listening to that out
Speaker 7: of my reality and I forgot what I even said
Speaker 7: to you, And it's like these fragments, and it's like,
Speaker 7: that's what most connection is today. Oh, we've voiced on
Speaker 7: every day. It's not going to give you anything that
Speaker 7: us being here in person making eye contact. Maybe sure
Speaker 7: there's bodies each other's energies.
Speaker 1: Is gonna do.
Speaker 7: It's like junk food connection. It's easy because I don't
Speaker 7: actually have to hop on a call and listen to
Speaker 7: you talk back. I'm just gonna word vomit all of
Speaker 7: my things and then you're gonna word vomit all of
Speaker 7: your things. But we're not actually connecting, we're not actually understanding.
Speaker 7: It's creating so much energy leakage in our world right now,
Speaker 7: especially women, like we are more primed to seek connection. Like,
Speaker 7: if you think about it, when we were in tribes,
Speaker 7: like we needed to know what the whole tribe was thinking,
Speaker 7: and do you like me and I we're gonna get
Speaker 7: kicked out. But that's like really working against us in
Speaker 7: the social world. Because you have a thought about someone,
Speaker 7: You're like, I need to message them, and then it's
Speaker 7: like we're con Like the moment you sit down and meditate,
Speaker 7: it's I need to message all these people. It's like
Speaker 7: that survival part of our brain that's like if I'm
Speaker 7: not top of mind, if I if people don't like me,
Speaker 7: then I won't be okay. And so a lot of
Speaker 7: it is actually getting really clear of like who do
Speaker 7: you want in your life, Like make who's your inner circle?
Speaker 7: You know, who are the five people you're actually really
Speaker 7: going to keep in touch with and invest your time
Speaker 7: and energy. Then who are like the ten people after that?
Speaker 7: And then and then maybe you have your acquaintances and
Speaker 7: really being aware because I feel we have so many
Speaker 7: of these like half sided, not really reciprocal friendships that
Speaker 7: we're just holding onto and it's just creating so much
Speaker 7: just energy energetic chaos. Plus the other thing about energy
Speaker 7: leakages is speaking about something that's still an idea that
Speaker 7: hasn't happened.
Speaker 1: So when we let's say I have this.
Speaker 7: Idea of like I want to create like a vegan
Speaker 7: ice cream shop, and I don't know if I'm going
Speaker 7: to be a to do it. I'm in my head
Speaker 7: And then I talk about it to my mom and
Speaker 7: she's like, yeah, no way, have you seen brick and mortar.
Speaker 7: They're failing right now, And you know, she would smash
Speaker 7: the idea down and then it would never happen. So
Speaker 7: so many people are like preemptively like asking for advice,
Speaker 7: you know, women, especially permissions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, permission? What do you think? What do you think?
Speaker 7: When I started dating, I was like, I have no
Speaker 7: idea how this works, especially like I was like, I
Speaker 7: can't trust myself with the man, you know, So I
Speaker 7: would just like, especially on these dating apps, I would
Speaker 7: like send the screenshots to like five of my friends.
Speaker 1: What do I say? Yeah?
Speaker 7: What color is his aura?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 7: What do you think about him? Like? And then so
Speaker 7: then they're all giving their feedback. So I'm having this
Speaker 7: conversation with him that five different people wrote. None of
Speaker 7: them are being me, and then I'm wondering why it's
Speaker 7: not going anywhere. It's like, if you want a relationship,
Speaker 7: you have to be real. And that's been another huge
Speaker 7: part of what I've been learning right now is most
Speaker 7: of us start relationships with like he took me on
Speaker 7: dates and he got me flowers, and it's like putting
Speaker 7: the best face forward. So you think you're getting in
Speaker 7: a relationship with that, but that is.
Speaker 3: Just And then they're like, he love bombed me. That's like, no, bitch,
Speaker 3: you told rush, you said everything that you wanted, and
Speaker 3: then he did it, and then he was burnt out
Speaker 3: and now he's.
Speaker 7: Because for some reason our society, dating and relationships are
Speaker 7: two different categories. You date to try to win that
Speaker 7: person over. I'm on the date thinking what do you
Speaker 7: like so I can be it rather than an actual relationship.
Speaker 7: Is let me show you the shittiest parts of me,
Speaker 7: you know, because that is who you're going to be.
Speaker 4: We ship forward, you know, and so you're going this, bitch,
Speaker 4: so this, I feel like we should start dating. Ship forward.
Speaker 4: Lay out all your ship let me decide if I
Speaker 4: can handle it. Come up, come blank face, no mascarat.
Speaker 4: You know, honestly, a bad day after work, I want
Speaker 4: to do the date today.
Speaker 1: I've had a horrible day. Let's let's talk now.
Speaker 3: You know, I think going back two things because I
Speaker 3: want to get I want to get into you know,
Speaker 3: your journey and dating and celibacy before we get out
Speaker 3: of here. But then also I have to go back
Speaker 3: because you were saying how women need a lot of permission,
Speaker 3: and you know, this is something that we teach at
Speaker 3: our retreats a lot and talk about in depth that
Speaker 3: our retreats and on the show, and even more recently,
Speaker 3: I realized how I was asking for permission and not
Speaker 3: realizing even going on this experience for my birthday. I
Speaker 3: went to do this with Darkness Retreat and I started
Speaker 3: telling people like you think I should go, like and
Speaker 3: then everyone started like throwing their shit at me, like
Speaker 3: what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Why would you ever want to do that? Like it's
Speaker 1: a cult. They're white people.
Speaker 3: Why are you gonna go in a hole in an
Speaker 3: organ They're gonna like they're gonna sell your organs on
Speaker 3: the black market. Did you look at the highlight reel
Speaker 3: They're looked like they were raising little cult babies. And
Speaker 3: I was like, holy shit, Like I like my first
Speaker 3: instinct was to go, like I had no fear, Like
Speaker 3: I was just like God said, for some reason, these
Speaker 3: dates aligned and they happened to be on my birthday.
Speaker 1: It sounds like I must go.
Speaker 3: And then I started asking for permission, and then I
Speaker 3: almost listened. And then when I was in the cave,
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck these people, Like I can't believe
Speaker 3: I almost let these people fucking like keep me from
Speaker 3: my cave, from my next awakening, and like I was like,
Speaker 3: how many times do people do this? And I know
Speaker 3: how many times people do it because I talk to them.
Speaker 3: I coach them at my retreats all the time, you know,
Speaker 3: And here I was, actually, you know, having this deep
Speaker 3: lesson for myself, because yes, what I did was intense.
Speaker 3: I'm an intense person. I'm a fucking scorpio. Like what
Speaker 3: do you want from me? I'm I'm made for death
Speaker 3: and rebirth. That's what I do. And of course I
Speaker 3: shouldn't ask you, miss safety, whatever sign you are, like
Speaker 3: I should. I need to go and do this for myself.
Speaker 3: And I just think about how often we literally hold
Speaker 3: ourselves back from our next right of passage, our next awakening,
Speaker 3: finding our dharma by asking other people they what we
Speaker 3: should do with our lives, where like we're not even
Speaker 3: on the same path, We're on totally two different paths. Like,
Speaker 3: of course this doesn't make sense to you, you know,
Speaker 3: And so if you're listening and you're in the middle
Speaker 3: of making a decision for your like, just do it.
Speaker 3: Don't ask for permission anymore.
Speaker 1: Stop it.
Speaker 3: Stop asking your mom, who was always judged every fucking
Speaker 3: thing you've ever done. Don't do it. Don't ask even
Speaker 3: your best friend who has a problem being alone. Why
Speaker 3: would you ask someone who literally can't be alone if
Speaker 3: you should go be alone?
Speaker 1: Of course they're going to tell you now. So anyway,
Speaker 1: I just had to say that I love that.
Speaker 7: Like, so, when I was really on the Dharmain discovery path,
Speaker 7: I went on advice detox around asking people what to
Speaker 7: do with my life because I would like meet someone
Speaker 7: and be like, so, what do you think I should
Speaker 7: do with my entire life? Like maybe maybe you know?
Speaker 7: And it was the same thing. I went to Bali
Speaker 7: and my my parents are these are all spiritual white people,
Speaker 7: like you're not like them, like, and I'm just.
Speaker 1: Like, damn, I've only had white hippie parents living my purpose,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 7: But but thank god, eventually I was like, I'm just
Speaker 7: going to stop asking advice from everyone, you know, because
Speaker 7: the white hippies were like that was their own world.
Speaker 7: But then my parents were their own world. And it
Speaker 7: was just like just really learning to listen to myself.
Speaker 7: But more recently in August, it was around dating because
Speaker 7: I was that was my crutch of just like it's
Speaker 7: almost becomes a bonding thing with your friends too, of
Speaker 7: like after be the entertaining one because I'm single, you know,
Speaker 7: So I'm just like I was a.
Speaker 1: Little this guy that guy.
Speaker 7: What happened, and and it was just like just stop it.
Speaker 7: Literally the voice of the medicine was like, stop asking
Speaker 7: for advice, stop talking about it, and see what happens
Speaker 7: by February fourteen. So ladies, I'll let you know after
Speaker 7: February fourteen, somebody that you're talking to right now, kind
Speaker 7: of which surprisingly happened like right after that. But then
Speaker 7: I catch myself of wanting to ask for advice, especially
Speaker 7: for me. I love an astrologer, I love a psychic.
Speaker 1: I can always go to a site.
Speaker 7: You It was like nothing, no powder, napp. I was
Speaker 7: already on that ship. We're soulmates, by.
Speaker 1: The way, is just saying so. But besides that, I'm
Speaker 1: so tempted. And it's like, because here's the thing.
Speaker 7: The Western astrologer told you something the Vedic astrologer told
Speaker 7: you something else, and then it's like it's just giving
Speaker 7: up your power again and again. It's like the truth is.
Speaker 7: You know what was so interesting when I found out
Speaker 7: I was being cheated on, I'm like fucking gritted this
Speaker 7: entire place. There's selen Nite, you know, all the crystals.
Speaker 7: I'm friends with every top healer, psychic, seanan astrologery.
Speaker 1: This none of them told me this there like you
Speaker 1: all don't know shit? Yeah, all my friendless fuck you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Then I was just like, how did you not see?
Speaker 7: And they're like, oh, just must have been like.
Speaker 1: A hidden it was a shadow. Yeah, he was really
Speaker 1: hiding it good.
Speaker 7: But that was like the humbling I needed of, just
Speaker 7: like like if you are not meant to know something,
Speaker 7: you will not know, and you just have to. It's like,
Speaker 7: instead of asking the psychic and spending four hundred fucking
Speaker 7: dollars on your sessions, wait like two weeks and you'll
Speaker 7: probably just know.
Speaker 6: You literally.
Speaker 3: I just had this conversation with my mom because my
Speaker 3: mom has been going through a challenging time in her
Speaker 3: life and she's really like my connection to the esoteric
Speaker 3: early on in my childhood, like always, like Susan Miller
Speaker 3: was like her God, and we were on astrology zone
Speaker 3: at like aged eleven and shit, and she's been going
Speaker 3: through this time and like you know, she's like she's
Speaker 3: into it, but she's also highly critical. So I'm always
Speaker 3: like curious, like why the fuck are you even meeting
Speaker 3: with these people because you like kind of hate them anyway.
Speaker 3: But like she was like asking me for all my connections,
Speaker 3: like hey, can you ask can you get an appointment? Blah
Speaker 3: blah blah, And then I was I got an apointment
Speaker 3: blah blah blah, and then like, hey, what about this
Speaker 3: other one? And can you get me appoint with her?
Speaker 3: And I'm like okay, I got in front with her,
Speaker 3: Hey can you And then like after like six people
Speaker 3: in like six months.
Speaker 1: I was like, mom, what are you looking for? Like
Speaker 1: because every time I ask you what happened and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it's cool, yes whatever, Yeah, maybe I'm like,
Speaker 3: so what the fuck is the point? Like you need
Speaker 3: to just sit with yourself and like, but I get it.
Speaker 3: When you're in a space of extreme you feel like
Speaker 3: the world is like pulling the rug from under you.
Speaker 3: You can't even you feel like you can't trust your
Speaker 3: inner voice, and so you need to you start seeking outwardly,
Speaker 3: when actually that is like the biggest time to go
Speaker 3: inward like that is when you're probably going to get
Speaker 3: the most, the truest answer.
Speaker 1: And but I get it. It's like, is it the
Speaker 1: true answer?
Speaker 3: Like that was I was, I've I've gone astray before,
Speaker 3: and it's like, no, typically you've gone astray because you've
Speaker 3: allowed other people to like help guide your life. And
Speaker 3: that really, I mean for her, I think that's really
Speaker 3: what it is too.
Speaker 7: And the answer hits different when you came up with
Speaker 7: it yourself and someone telling you could be like the
Speaker 7: most simple thing. It's like, trust your gut. But when
Speaker 7: you had that realization after four days of silence, you're
Speaker 7: gonna listen to that versus some psychic, you're like, oh,
Speaker 7: shouldn't really tell you anything.
Speaker 4: Right, You'll forget, You'll roll over that real exactly first
Speaker 4: you don't know shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So back to dating. I heard yourself of it.
Speaker 3: How long has it been?
Speaker 1: Almost two years? Congratulation, crazy congratulation. Yeah.
Speaker 7: At first, I was like, you know, when I first
Speaker 7: we came saying like I was with him, so I
Speaker 7: was twenty four, So I was like, I'm gonna go
Speaker 7: for Chris Brown.
Speaker 1: Miguel like, yeah, I know that toxic dank god.
Speaker 7: I was like in my mind, I was like, I'm
Speaker 7: gonna be wild and free, you know, And then I
Speaker 7: was just like, no, I also have you know, values
Speaker 7: and want to be safe.
Speaker 1: I know too much? Yeah, too much. But it was
Speaker 1: like almost, it's interesting.
Speaker 7: I feel like what happens in to break up, you
Speaker 7: like go back to like all the ages that you
Speaker 7: were in relationship. I've seen that happen with a lot
Speaker 7: of people. So I like went back to like being
Speaker 7: twenty four of like, because that was the last time
Speaker 7: I was single, So I didn't really know. I was
Speaker 7: just like, I guess, like you just go to the
Speaker 7: club and come on there. Well, and going to the club,
Speaker 7: I'm like, I don't think I would even talk to
Speaker 7: any of you guys. So that was an interesting journey.
Speaker 7: But my womb spirit guys really protected me. They were
Speaker 7: just like, we will not let anyone infiltrate the field.
Speaker 7: So it wasn't this conscious choice by any means, and
Speaker 7: it would just be like, honestly, I think I had
Speaker 7: just gone so deep spiritually that in my head these
Speaker 7: things sounded like a good idea. But the actuality of
Speaker 7: someone who was like not attuned to my emotions, so
Speaker 7: I would probably never hear from again. I was just
Speaker 7: like no, you know. And then the deeper I went into,
Speaker 7: so I would say the first six months were like
Speaker 7: the rewiring of like how we see sex as like
Speaker 7: intimacy and love and like closeness, and so it was
Speaker 7: like hard, you know. Also just like being around a
Speaker 7: physic like a man, right, It was just like it
Speaker 7: was just crazy to me. But after six months, I
Speaker 7: was like, wow, I feel so clear, And I started
Speaker 7: to realize how much the womb. Because the womb, it
Speaker 7: magnifies everything, it amplifies everything.
Speaker 1: It's literally creates life.
Speaker 7: So I was transmuting a lot of what my ex
Speaker 7: was going through without even knowing it. For example, I
Speaker 7: had a driving phobia for years. It happened once I
Speaker 7: was like driving a car in twenty nineteen and I
Speaker 7: felt kind of lightheaded, and I had this thought of
Speaker 7: like what if I lose control of the car, what
Speaker 7: would happen? And I was like, saw myself imagine I
Speaker 7: crashed this that, and then that really scared me. Then
Speaker 7: every time I would drive, that thought would come up,
Speaker 7: and it became a phobia. Then COVID happened, so I
Speaker 7: didn't need to drive a car, So for like three
Speaker 7: ish years I did not drive at all. I would
Speaker 7: just take ubers and I remember thinking, I'm like, damn,
Speaker 7: like if I have kids, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 7: Just uber around with them?
Speaker 1: Like I need to face this.
Speaker 7: But it was like that I would get like panic
Speaker 7: attacks while driving.
Speaker 1: Once I stopped having sex with this man, driving phobia
Speaker 1: was gone. You're like.
Speaker 7: Drive through the Swiss Alps in the frozen Arctic tundra.
Speaker 1: Like singing on Break Mine.
Speaker 7: Again, and like it was crazy.
Speaker 1: I was just like that, nothing happened.
Speaker 7: I was just like it was his own energy like this,
Speaker 7: and maybe even my own energy with him being out
Speaker 7: of control, like a psychic out of control, your life
Speaker 7: could crash kind of thing. And so I started to realize.
Speaker 7: I was like, damn, like be really mindful of who
Speaker 7: you let into your roomb space. Would you want to
Speaker 7: become this person? Because you are going to become more
Speaker 7: like that. So if I don't want to become like you,
Speaker 7: I'm not going to amplify you because I am creating life.
Speaker 1: And then lets you come in me, come near me.
Speaker 7: So after a year, I was like, oh my God,
Speaker 7: like I and then I went so deep into just
Speaker 7: like any kind of like sexual and relational shadow and wound.
Speaker 7: So I was just like after that, I was like,
Speaker 7: and I learned this about myself of like I really
Speaker 7: can't have sex without love, Like I need to feel
Speaker 7: that heart connection with someone for my body to open up,
Speaker 7: for me to feel safe, for me to like actually
Speaker 7: unleash my freak, you know. And so I just kind
Speaker 7: of decided like until I really feel a heart a
Speaker 7: deep heart connection, and the further along you go, it's
Speaker 7: like that kind of raises of like actually wanting a
Speaker 7: relationship with someone. And also I'm very deep into tantra
Speaker 7: as well, and I'm just like I don't even like
Speaker 7: guys that I've like made out with or whatever. It's
Speaker 7: just like I can already feel like the It's interesting
Speaker 7: because some men are amazing at dancing.
Speaker 1: But then when you go a little bit.
Speaker 7: Further, it's like this porn like disconnect thing that happens
Speaker 7: in their brains that they just become like like running
Speaker 7: a machine like a program. And I'm just like, it's
Speaker 7: just I mean, porn is such a huge epidemic with
Speaker 7: the men today, you know, And I really believe there's
Speaker 7: entities that are coming through with the pornography that a
Speaker 7: lot of like priests, women are realizing and talking about,
Speaker 7: because if you think about it, they're like giving their
Speaker 7: life force to you through yeah, not through not to
Speaker 7: you're giving it to these sex trafficked women who you
Speaker 7: know are against their will, and these really dark ways
Speaker 7: and a lot of these porn rabbit holes.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 7: You start with like, I don't know, like a little
Speaker 7: bit of something kinky, and then it's like maybe you
Speaker 7: like gangbangs, maybe you like trans hookers maybe, and it's
Speaker 7: like gets more and more extreme, and then once you
Speaker 7: see that thing, you're like you've become so stimulated by
Speaker 7: it that you need more and more and more are
Speaker 7: and then the shame that happens, especially if you grew
Speaker 7: up Christian or something, And it's a huge problem with
Speaker 7: the men today, you know.
Speaker 4: And they suppress these secrecy and like this exactly.
Speaker 7: So what a woman taught me is like, wait three
Speaker 7: months to have sex with the man, because it will
Speaker 7: take three months for you to really see his shadows
Speaker 7: and for you to really decide do I want to
Speaker 7: fuck with this energy? Or not, and so that's what
Speaker 7: I've been doing. And most of the time I find
Speaker 7: out around six weeks You're like, it's when the stuff
Speaker 7: comes out, and then you never regret not fucking them.
Speaker 1: Never ever. Anybody you wish you would have fucked me?
Speaker 4: Yeah, like is there now I'm thinking, like, I mean, probably,
Speaker 4: but best because they weren't in my in my in
Speaker 4: my like energy field for three months enough to know.
Speaker 1: It's more like they were a distant person.
Speaker 3: And I'm still like, I'm still fantasizing around what I
Speaker 3: what it could have been. Like, No one I wish
Speaker 3: I could have fucked that was in my stratosphere for
Speaker 3: three months and then didn't know I.
Speaker 1: Should give me some pussy. No no, no, no no.
Speaker 3: Perhaps when I was like much younger and insecure or
Speaker 3: something like, maybe he would have stayed if I would
Speaker 3: have given But I probably did give him pussy because
Speaker 3: I had way less boundaries.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I could have sat on Chris brown Stick.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry that he cheated on you, But up until today,
Speaker 4: I was like, I should have done that, But now
Speaker 4: I triedn't need to do that. Oh oh oh you
Speaker 4: you wish she.
Speaker 1: Pulled it out and made out with him, and then
Speaker 1: he pulled it out. I was really young.
Speaker 4: I was like eighteen, and I was like and he
Speaker 4: was really young too, and I was like in the
Speaker 4: back of a tour bus, and so I was like,
Speaker 4: this is a.
Speaker 1: Bit getting essential was the makeout central.
Speaker 4: It was a good makeout, but it was also like
Speaker 4: there's like there's these two girls that didn't know outside
Speaker 4: the bus waiting for me. I felt like a hoe
Speaker 4: and I was like, I gotta get out of here.
Speaker 4: For everybody thinks I'm a hoe. But up until yesterday,
Speaker 4: I was like, she just did it. She just sat
Speaker 4: on it. But yeah, I'm fine. I've survived and I
Speaker 4: didn't need to do it.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Was before he had any of the best allegations.
Speaker 3: Guys, this is this the first time you've been still
Speaker 3: of it, like consciously in this way.
Speaker 7: I mean, it's interesting because I do have a pattern
Speaker 7: when I'm single, like I tend to it's just hard
Speaker 7: for me. Again, I'm such a romantic person.
Speaker 1: Your Capricorn music.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so there was maybe like a pretty much a year,
Speaker 7: but never two years in my life and to not
Speaker 7: even be in a relationship for this long. So that's
Speaker 7: been really interesting, and I'm like, now, like it's at
Speaker 7: first I felt like my arm was chopped off. I
Speaker 7: didn't know how to be without relationship. And now I'm like, oh,
Speaker 7: I see why women in their fifties are like, fuck it,
Speaker 7: let's just live together. Like why I have.
Speaker 1: A pink apartment. I'm like, how can I let this go?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 7: But I do think there's this, like, you know, being
Speaker 7: single and doing all the things that I wish I
Speaker 7: could do, traveling, music videos, all the things. I'm like,
Speaker 7: I do feel, at least in my heart, there's just
Speaker 7: this special heart that is reserved for partnership that I
Speaker 7: just think is core to the feminine being of like
Speaker 7: we really are purposes, really are love, Like we are
Speaker 7: really here to.
Speaker 1: Give and receive love.
Speaker 7: And I think that's the biggest issue in our lives
Speaker 7: right now, is like the feminine wants to give so much,
Speaker 7: and it's like to give to someone who's going to
Speaker 7: and it's not always going to be fifty to fifty reciprocal,
Speaker 7: but like have a harmonious exchange. I have found that
Speaker 7: to be the challenge and also too, like the feminine
Speaker 7: has risen so much so like especially in La it's
Speaker 7: like we make more money than you. We're like more
Speaker 7: on our shit, more of this, moret that. So it's like,
Speaker 7: what do you actually do you inspire me? Do you
Speaker 7: anything for me? And so I see a lot of
Speaker 7: women in myself like struggle with that of like, Okay,
Speaker 7: if I am going to devote myself to someone, it's like,
Speaker 7: are you the person worthy of me devoting to Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh absolutely.
Speaker 3: I went on a celibacy journey and I recently ended it.
Speaker 3: And I've been with my partner almost for a year now,
Speaker 3: So you ended it.
Speaker 7: With your partner, Okay, I'd been a year mm hmm.
Speaker 3: We didn't have sex for the first seven months of
Speaker 3: our relationship and I've never done anything like that. I've
Speaker 3: never been like, yeah, this is my boyfriend and we've
Speaker 3: never fucked.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, is this Erica? Is this is you? Hello?
Speaker 3: But I had come out of such a toxic relationship
Speaker 3: and I did not trust myself. I did not I
Speaker 3: felt like I couldn't even imagine imagine like a penis
Speaker 3: approaching me, like getting even close to like my clothing.
Speaker 3: Like I was just like, get a fucking way and
Speaker 3: and so and he was also I think it was
Speaker 3: really helpful that he was also on his own celibacy journey,
Speaker 3: Like way before even meeting me, he'd already been celibate
Speaker 3: for over a year, So us saying okay, we're in
Speaker 3: this together was a lot easier because we could. There
Speaker 3: was a lot of checks and balances, like whenever there
Speaker 3: was a moment of weakness, like one person normally him
Speaker 3: would He's a very disciplined man, would like, you know,
Speaker 3: recenter us, but you.
Speaker 7: Choose a period of time like we're going to spend
Speaker 7: the first seven months of the relationship.
Speaker 1: No, there wasn't. We didn't. We didn't have a time
Speaker 1: limit on it. It was like when we know, we'll know.
Speaker 3: And it was such a beautiful chapter in our love space.
Speaker 3: And like I want to say I miss it because
Speaker 3: I'm very much enjoying the sex I'm having, but I
Speaker 3: would say it deepened the relationship and the sexual experience
Speaker 3: in a way that I've never experienced before. And creating
Speaker 3: intimacy and really having to get creative with how you
Speaker 3: share intimate intimacy with someone was like so profound and
Speaker 3: it still keeps unfolding in our relationship in different ways.
Speaker 3: And I just like I think that so many women
Speaker 3: we give up our bodies so easily out of fear
Speaker 3: because we think if we don't, they're going to leave us,
Speaker 3: or even out of like just our own sexual liberation
Speaker 3: and like wanting to receive pleasure. I deserve this pleasure,
Speaker 3: but it's like sometimes like at what cost though, because
Speaker 3: when that person leaves or it doesn't work out, of
Speaker 3: course we all feel like shit, right, like.
Speaker 1: Why the fuck did I give him that?
Speaker 3: Like I shouldn't have never done that, or sometimes we
Speaker 3: don't Like I've had times where I'm like, I don't
Speaker 3: regret it, fuck it, but I just I'm just I'm
Speaker 3: happy for you, and I'm really excited to hear like
Speaker 3: how how February fourteenth works out for you and and
Speaker 3: and beyond, just because I don't how powerful, how powerful
Speaker 3: that can be in rebuilding intimacy with with yourself most importantly,
Speaker 3: but then also the person that you choose to share
Speaker 3: your body with.
Speaker 1: So congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: So what practices where you guys doing to create more
Speaker 7: intimacy with each other?
Speaker 3: Just a lot like physically in the physical space, a
Speaker 3: lot of I gazing, a lot of just deep, deep
Speaker 3: conversations a lot of just body work, touching each other,
Speaker 3: a lot of aff for like affirmation to body parts.
Speaker 3: I mean, I was we were we were playing with things,
Speaker 3: but we were not you know, penetrating things. Created a
Speaker 3: lot of safety too, just in sitting with someone and
Speaker 3: being so vulnerable, even being naked, and then like not
Speaker 3: wanting anything from you and like not crossing the line,
Speaker 3: truly not crossing the line, like created such safety in
Speaker 3: my body because I did not trust myself. I did
Speaker 3: not trust I didn't trust my choice in men. I
Speaker 3: didn't trust my ability to say no. I didn't trust
Speaker 3: like even now, we had sex recently, and we have
Speaker 3: sex all the time, but we had sex the other
Speaker 3: day and I was telling him like I really had
Speaker 3: to check myself sometimes, like when I'm receiving pleasure, I've
Speaker 3: noticed how I still perform and it feels good.
Speaker 1: But does it feel that good?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Like, am I moaning really loud? Did I stroke his ego?
Speaker 1: It's not even him, it's my own. It's like my
Speaker 1: own shit.
Speaker 3: I don't even know, like if it's makes me a
Speaker 3: better lover, if I'm louder, like I told him this, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I did, was I wasn't telling him that he wasn't pleasing.
Speaker 3: It was just like I had this moment during sex
Speaker 3: where I was like, it's just am I moaning?
Speaker 1: Why my moaning so loud? Is it? Is it equal?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 1: Is it equal the what I makes receiving?
Speaker 3: I'm like just knowing how deeply ingrained the performative like
Speaker 3: sexual nature is to women and to me too, and
Speaker 3: and and then I asked him, like do men do this?
Speaker 3: Like do men like do you feel like performative when
Speaker 3: you're having sex? Like do you feel like And he
Speaker 3: said not in the way like that you think. It's
Speaker 3: more so like like when I'm like making checking to
Speaker 3: make sure that I'm not taking advantage of like my pleasure,
Speaker 3: like putting my pleasure before yours, and like using your
Speaker 3: body as like a masturbation a masturbation tool woman.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I kind of like money use
Speaker 1: my body because.
Speaker 3: I like I'm kind of a sub but I get it.
Speaker 3: But yeah, like he was like, no, I don't. I
Speaker 3: don't think a lot of men have that same approach.
Speaker 7: Even like they try to like disconnect from their pleasure
Speaker 7: pleasure to last longer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, whereas.
Speaker 7: We're trying to amplify the pleasure of like you know,
Speaker 7: and I do think it's like sometimes with moaning loud,
Speaker 7: it's like it makes you more turned on. And that
Speaker 7: may be where it's coming from, right, but only you know,
Speaker 7: like to what level it's true for you.
Speaker 3: But like just like slow kissing for like two hours,
Speaker 3: like even not kissing, like doing a lot of close
Speaker 3: intimate stuff and like never even never even taking it
Speaker 3: to that and then like walking away and like that
Speaker 3: energy that's built is just like it's electric. I remember
Speaker 3: there was one time when we were first were I
Speaker 3: didn't even realize we were dating. He knew we were dating,
Speaker 3: but I didn't because I was still.
Speaker 1: In trauma mode.
Speaker 3: Like we just like sat there and like stared at
Speaker 3: each other for like ten minutes, and we like talks
Speaker 3: a little bit in between, and then like he left
Speaker 3: and walked out of the door, and like slowly I
Speaker 3: could see him, like walking slowly really like taking in
Speaker 3: the evening and like all pensive and shit. And then
Speaker 3: like I would close the door and I was my panties.
Speaker 4: Were soaked, and I was like did I say myself,
Speaker 4: Like what the fuck is going through?
Speaker 1: I was like I literally think I just like I think.
Speaker 7: I like, yeah, well, in the Pamisuthroid they write about
Speaker 7: like one of the biggest things for women is to
Speaker 7: be it was.
Speaker 3: It was like an energetic orgasm that happened, like and
Speaker 3: I could feel like my womb pulsating and like nothing
Speaker 3: had happened except just like conversation, staring and like feeling safe,
Speaker 3: you know, and like is he very spiritual?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, very much.
Speaker 3: And so it's it's and it's and I'm so happy
Speaker 3: because I've been waiting for a man that I could
Speaker 3: even do these type of things with that would even
Speaker 3: allow the energy to build in this way and not
Speaker 3: violate the energy with like their shit, like okay, okay,
Speaker 3: that was enough, come over here, you know, you know.
Speaker 3: And so I feel very very grateful and very very blessed.
Speaker 3: And I really wish that for all women like to
Speaker 3: be able to like create that sacred space with their
Speaker 3: partner and find one that is willing to I don't
Speaker 3: want to say self sacrifice because at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, like it benefits both of us.
Speaker 7: And did he know all this stuff before you or
Speaker 7: was it his first time experiencing not with you?
Speaker 3: I think none he knew it before me, But I
Speaker 3: don't know. I think we've both been waiting for a
Speaker 3: person that we can fully put these things in practice with.
Speaker 3: I think we've had glimpses of it in relationships. We're
Speaker 3: both scorpios too, by the way, so it's like we're
Speaker 3: like just waiting for someone to be intense with that
Speaker 3: can match our intensities. And so I think that we've,
Speaker 3: like I said, like we've had glimpses of it, but
Speaker 3: never fully expressed like this.
Speaker 1: So it's really beautiful calling that in.
Speaker 4: I was going to say, it's coming, it's on. It's
Speaker 4: absolutely on its way. When you are intentional about your
Speaker 4: pussy and intentional about yourself, it's like inevitable that, like
Speaker 4: the inner like the next generation is going to be
Speaker 4: everything that you desire because you've taken the time and
Speaker 4: intention to really manifest and really sit in the energy
Speaker 4: of what that feels like and what that looks like.
Speaker 4: I think sometimes I was thinking about this as recently.
Speaker 4: Women are like I want him to be tall and
Speaker 4: dark and handsome and six' five and have make over seven.
Speaker 4: Figures you, Know but it's, like but what does it feel?
Speaker 4: Like what does the safety feel? Like BECAUSE i thought
Speaker 4: about that a lot BEFORE i was with my. Lover it's,
Speaker 4: like what kind of like the love That i'm desiring
Speaker 4: Because i'm kind of a wild girl AND i THINK i.
Speaker 4: WAS i was like gonna be a hoe. Forever no
Speaker 4: one can take, it you, know And i'm gonna be.
Speaker 4: JUDGED i talk about sex on the, internet but there
Speaker 4: was LIKE i need someone equally as, wild equally as
Speaker 4: like accepting equalis out of the. Box AND i would
Speaker 4: think about that energy a, lot like what does that
Speaker 4: feel like IF i had someone who's my friend and was, like, yeah,
Speaker 4: baby dance on that, table you know WHAT i? Mean
Speaker 4: and like that's really WHAT i called. In but it
Speaker 4: wasn't like what he looked like or how is he
Speaker 4: going to show? Up but it was like how is
Speaker 4: it going to? Feel to feel? Safe you? Know AND
Speaker 4: i think when you're intentional like you've, been you can't miss,
Speaker 4: babe That february fourteenth is gonna.
Speaker 1: Hit i'll keep you all.
Speaker 7: POSTED i can't, wait, Guys i'm still, solvent you.
Speaker 1: Know we'll. See we usually ask our guests to share an.
Speaker 4: Affirmation, wait, first pull a, card and Then i'm Gonna
Speaker 4: i'm gonna look it up when you share your, affirmation pull.
Speaker 1: A, card.
Speaker 7: Permit and.
Speaker 1: Oh the three pednacles.
Speaker 7: H read.
Speaker 1: Me, no you can tell us your. Affirmation i'm gonna
Speaker 1: look at.
Speaker 7: It i'm.
Speaker 1: Not i'm almost here a, queen.
Speaker 7: So my affirmation will be, trust, flow, surrender let. GO
Speaker 7: i find myself still saying that to myself in my
Speaker 7: head every TIME i try to future project and control
Speaker 7: and figure. Out and if this doesn't happen by the,
Speaker 7: state THEN i. Can't it's like trust to, flow, surrender let.
Speaker 7: Go i'm the One i've been wait, info, trust.
Speaker 1: Flow, surrender let. Go i've the One i've been wait,
Speaker 1: info Trust, somanda leg. Go i'm the One i've been wait. Info,
Speaker 1: okay just so.
Speaker 3: You, KNOW i DON'T i know you don't know this about,
Speaker 3: us But memila are expert video.
Speaker 1: Hosts we have been in four music videos. Together we're a.
Speaker 3: Team, Melanie, Fiona, Duran, Bernard, Jessica, Rose, Lizzy Jeff.
Speaker 7: Lizzy you have with, us and we have a music
Speaker 7: video coming. OUT i wish you guys were in It
Speaker 7: Rising yes and you.
Speaker 4: Guys lizzie even wrote a line about us in one
Speaker 4: of her, Songs yes, song.
Speaker 1: Smoking on that good bong listening to Good. Mom, YEA
Speaker 1: i love.
Speaker 7: That oh My.
Speaker 1: God shout out To Lizzie, jeff we Love.
Speaker 3: Lizzie if you haven't checked out our episodes With lizzie
Speaker 3: and make sure you.
Speaker 1: Do they are top top tier.
Speaker 3: EPISODES i think we did a four twenty one and
Speaker 3: then just a random random.
Speaker 1: ONE i love the next.
Speaker 7: Video i'm hitting all.
Speaker 3: Up, okay, yeah we're. Ready we're a team or a.
Speaker 3: Unit we only do videos. Together anyone.
Speaker 4: Listening if you have any videos dropping and doing some,
Speaker 4: casting just call. Us, yeah BOOKINGS a just feed us
Speaker 4: so it is our. PAY i just looked up The.
Speaker 4: Hermit this is very, interesting my. Dear soul, searching, introspection being,
Speaker 4: alone and inner guidance are some of the words that
Speaker 4: is for this.
Speaker 1: Card The hermit shows that you.
Speaker 4: Can you are taking a break from everyday life to
Speaker 4: draw your energy and. Attention which has.
Speaker 1: Happened i'm going to ask you to do.
Speaker 4: That The hermit shows that you are taking a break
Speaker 4: from every day life to draw your energy and attention
Speaker 4: inward and find the answers you seek deep within your.
Speaker 4: Soul you realize that your most profound sense of truth
Speaker 4: and knowledge is within yourself and not in the distractions
Speaker 4: of the outside. World you leave behind the mundane to
Speaker 4: set off on a journey of self, discovery led only
Speaker 4: by your inner wisdom and guiding. Light now is the
Speaker 4: perfect time to go on a weekend retreat or sacred
Speaker 4: pilgrimage To, dubai anything in which you can contemplate your,
Speaker 4: motivations personal values and, principles and get closer to your authentic.
Speaker 4: Self the hermit invites you to retreat into your private
Speaker 4: world and experience a deep sense of seclusion and. Interce
Speaker 4: you know that you need to take a journey alone
Speaker 4: or with a small antimate group of spiritual spiritually minded.
Speaker 4: People when you allow yourself to tune into your inner guiding,
Speaker 4: light you'll hear the answers you need and grow wise
Speaker 4: beyond your. Years find your, light shine in on your
Speaker 4: soul and create your unique. Path you'll see what lies
Speaker 4: ahead of, you not miles upon, miles but enough to
Speaker 4: know where to step. Next from, there take one step
Speaker 4: at a. Time shout out To Bitty.
Speaker 7: TARA i love that Because i'm going To india for
Speaker 7: a month. Before oh, really that would be my hermit.
Speaker 4: Time love. This see, now the cards never, lie do
Speaker 4: you want to hear The three pinnacles?
Speaker 1: Too, okay let's see that's not.
Speaker 7: It and it's funny because the thing that was hardest
Speaker 7: for me being single is being, alone, like and SO
Speaker 7: i would really sit with like why is that so
Speaker 7: hard for?
Speaker 1: Me you?
Speaker 7: Know and WHEN i would get to the bottom of,
Speaker 7: it was this feeling of like If i'm, alone LIKE
Speaker 7: i don't, EXIST i don't, matter And i'm, like why
Speaker 7: DO i feel like? That it's, like because If i'm
Speaker 7: not of service to someone, else THEN i don't deserve to.
Speaker 7: Live that was like the, deep unlike ancestral belief that
Speaker 7: probably so many women in my lineage.
Speaker 1: Act AND i was just, like of.
Speaker 7: COURSE i deserve to live If i'm not of service
Speaker 7: to someone. Else so the reason why WHEN i would
Speaker 7: feel that lonely, Feeling i'd be, like get On instagram each,
Speaker 7: chocolate get on a dating, out do something was because
Speaker 7: of that underlying core. Belief and ONCE i go was
Speaker 7: honest and reframed, that it was just, like of. Course
Speaker 7: and then what it made me realize is like what
Speaker 7: a gift it is to be?
Speaker 4: Alone you.
Speaker 7: Know it's, LIKE i, mean you guys have have. Daughters
Speaker 7: but it's like it showed me in the. Future it's
Speaker 7: like one day you're gonna have kids and you're gonna.
Speaker 1: Wish you had alone, too, girl you.
Speaker 7: Know and here you are crying an organ to be.
Speaker 4: Alone that speaks volumes too about your lineage in. General
Speaker 4: when you're thinking about you, know your you're like the
Speaker 4: women in like in your family who have probably felt
Speaker 4: a lot like their purpose was their. Men and just
Speaker 4: like how many like years and hundreds of years back
Speaker 4: has that that that existed in your, bloodline this, patriarchy
Speaker 4: and you like like breaking that. Shit you don't this
Speaker 4: is not your purpose and you're not needed in this.
Speaker 4: Way you have your own purpose and your own, dharma
Speaker 4: which was probably so cluttered with shit because of you,
Speaker 4: know the patriarchy and like religion and all these other.
Speaker 4: Things but all, yeah but just, Cellularly, yeah on a cellular,
Speaker 4: level it's hard to break because. Painful, yeah that's a
Speaker 4: specific thing to come.
Speaker 3: Up it's like it's not when a crackhead goes into
Speaker 3: like like three have and they're, like you know how
Speaker 3: painful it is to like detox draw the, ship, like, yeah.
Speaker 4: The three of, pinnacles the, stone the stone mason couldn't
Speaker 4: build the cathedral without the help of the, architects and
Speaker 4: they couldn't build it without. Him each person has an
Speaker 4: important role to, play and when they come together as
Speaker 4: a team they can they can create something much more
Speaker 4: significant than if they were undertaking the project on their.
Speaker 4: Own so when the three Of pinnacles turns up in
Speaker 4: the tarot reading take it as a sign to collaborate with,
Speaker 4: others create synergies to achieve big. Results the three Of
Speaker 4: pinnacles represents the value of different ideas and levels of
Speaker 4: experience and. Collaboration the architects respect and specialized knowledge of the.
Speaker 4: Stones the stonemason and the stone mason appreciates the wisdom
Speaker 4: and experience of the. Architects even though their, backgrounds, experience
Speaker 4: levels of expertise are very. Different they can come together
Speaker 4: to share their insight in a way that creates synergy
Speaker 4: and improves the finished. Product so this card is all about, teamwork,
Speaker 4: collaboration learning and.
Speaker 1: Implementation february.
Speaker 3: Four maybe after your, Hermity, yeah maybe after your pilgrimage.
Speaker 1: And make a. Team but, YEAH i think it's like women.
Speaker 7: Are the ones who ultimately support each other more than.
Speaker 7: Anything absolutely you, know it's like and you're in so
Speaker 7: much for a relationship and romance partner and spend all
Speaker 7: of our, time but it's, like at the end of the,
Speaker 7: day even when you're in the, relationship it's like your
Speaker 7: girls will understand you in a way that no one else.
Speaker 1: Will, Amen i'll shay to.
Speaker 4: That, yeah women understand. Women, well thank you badass women
Speaker 4: for coming on our. SHOW i really appreciate your energy
Speaker 4: and your. Sharing can you tell our people where they
Speaker 4: can find?
Speaker 7: You, yeah so they can connect with me On. INSTAGRAM
Speaker 7: i am SAHAR i Have dharma archetype quiz to learn
Speaker 7: more about your. DHARMA i have dosha quizes as. Well
Speaker 7: they're all on my website i amsaharos dot. Com you
Speaker 7: can check out my podcast as. Well hi a, self
Speaker 7: so thank you all so much for having me. Here
Speaker 7: we'll also link my music as.
Speaker 1: Well, yes, yes we have, to.
Speaker 3: And y'all know where to find us At Good Mom's
Speaker 3: Underscore Bad choices On, Instagram Good Momsbad choices dot. Com
Speaker 3: check out our, retreats check out our merch check out
Speaker 3: all the, shit and make sure if you're listening to
Speaker 3: this On, apple which eighty nine percent of you ARE
Speaker 3: i need you.
Speaker 1: To go and leave us a? Review pretty pretty?
Speaker 7: Please right?
Speaker 1: Now don't.
Speaker 4: Pasco don't let someone text you and send you a
Speaker 4: voice notes so you forget leave the fucking. Review you
Speaker 4: listen to all this. Beautiful if you.
Speaker 3: Don't know what to, say just say. Whatever your favorite
Speaker 3: part of this episode is in the Review easy.
Speaker 1: Peasy thank, YOU i love, you and little talkson hye
Speaker 1: hie please, Yeah i'm?
Speaker 4: Good this so?
Speaker 1: Good can't you?
Speaker 6: SALE i went through with drought that's STILL i found
Speaker 6: a will may might have been On. EARTH i used
Speaker 6: to be broken, hell now got the blues in to
Speaker 6: like beyoncey just hell throat shot or pop in his
Speaker 6: car where in their, voices patriarchy kept it in the
Speaker 6: box to it's. Footage women put the pee and, powers
Speaker 6: so what's? Pointless they want me to be, good SO
Speaker 6: i mean bad.
Speaker 1: Choices bad. Mom not a bad, mom but a bad.
Speaker 1: Mom it's in the cannapus in their.
Speaker 6: Bath bon walked in bossls cap AND i blew his cat.
Speaker 5: Balls hot.
Speaker 6: Dog Now i'm immune to the cat called her being,
Speaker 6: no waisted straight to it like a dollar. Sign mother
Speaker 6: rent the lover when too with it's like a water
Speaker 6: sign where you're renting winter essential With when the, SUMMERTIME
Speaker 6: i do What god ain't no one that needs to
Speaker 6: run it by