WEBVTT - Trust and Flow Feat. Sahara Rose 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:00.960 Speaks to the planning. 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:02.520 I'll go by the name of Charlamagne the God and 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:04.920 guess what I can't wait to see y'all at the 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:08.319 third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:11.360 back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:14.760 Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:16.120 May Be Be and Weezy. 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:16.439 Okay. 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:19.040 We got the R and B Money podcast with taking 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:21.560 Jay Valentine. We got the Women of All Podcasts with 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:24.600 Saray Jake Roberts, we got Good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:26.920 Champion will be there with her next sports podcast and 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:29.600 the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced. And 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:31.960 of course it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:35.680 Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses plus the food truck 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:38.680 court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:41.800 you don't want to miss this. Tappen and grab your 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:46.160 tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival Atlanta. 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:49.000 Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:51.920 on April twenty six, We're pulling up at the Black 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.360 Effect Podcast Festival. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.800 That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot 0:00:56.840 --> 0:01:00.640 podcasts like R and B, Money Trap Nerds, Naked Sports, 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:01.960 and Sarah Jakes. 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:04.120 And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:05.120 Choices show. 0:01:05.480 --> 0:01:08.360 You know it gets real, real bad, and we. 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:10.720 Have some special guests. So I'm so excited to meet 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:13.360 our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April twenty 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:16.160 six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get your 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.800 tickets at Black Effect dot com Slash Podcast Festival. 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:20.319 See you there. 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:24.080 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.160 She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.240 man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:33.200 She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.160 a good woman who always made good choices. 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:40.199 That shit off, we're good Mom's Bad Choices. Who's single mom? 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.840 Who said fuck the patriarchy shared all their bad choices 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:44.800 and sound out they were so bad after all, we're 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:48.200 expert Overshares and your new bestie Sit back and hear 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:48.640 the ride. 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:50.400 I can do a pat. 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:55.760 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:58.080 I'm Meila. 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:01.120 And it's Wednesday, bitch, Happy hump day, y'all. 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:04.279 What's going on hump Day. 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:07.560 Nothing, I feel good. I forgot my makeup today. I'm 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.200 feeling good today. But we figured with my bay. 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:14.760 Sorry, and he. 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:20.560 Love the way I six. Sorry. Woa. Glorilla just came 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:21.720 over me like the holy ghost. 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.000 I really want, you know, speaking of Glorilla side note, 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:27.399 I'm gonna answer how I'm doing today, but I really 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:28.160 want her to win. 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:30.160 I love Glorilla so much. 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.280 I don't even I listened to her album and she 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:34.520 had Kirk Franklin and she was talking God, she was 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:35.880 she really incorporated God. 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:39.079 Really versatility. I like that, and I just she just 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:41.800 seems joyful. I want to be her friend, Glorilla. If 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.240 you're listening or you know, Glorilla, can you have her 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:45.880 call us because we want to hang out and I 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.480 just want to a cappella sing outside. 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.239 Went my bay. 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:55.239 He gone. Gotta love Globerala so much and I keep 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.200 missing her by a hair. She was at Ashley's Ashley 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:00.600 Model Experience. I couldn't go. She's going to be at 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.960 Tuskeegee homecoming. I'm not going to be able to. Why 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:05.400 aren't you're going to there? It's going She's going like 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.480 a day early the day after I don't think. 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:10.280 She'll still be there the next day partying. I'm gonna marry. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:15.600 Hey, Gloria, hallelujah, Helleluiah. I don't think she has any time. 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:17.960 She's booked and busy. She's like the ship right now. 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:19.200 She's number one in her field. 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:20.040 Yeah. 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:22.680 Yeah, anyway, anyway, how are you doing. I'm doing great. 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:23.320 I'm doing great. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.519 I don't have no Mascar on, which is really fucking 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:31.720 with my my my self confidence. It's fan security, no messca. 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.560 But you know, we're going for it. We're going full 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:36.560 leash keys today. 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:38.680 This is a new season and we're just embracing our 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:41.160 naturalness and we're just you know, Mila said. 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.960 Are we going to start like wearing no makeup? But 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:43.920 I was like, absolutely not. 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:46.000 Although there was a time, no, you said that and 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:48.160 I said absolutely no, No you did. 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:50.520 Yeah, you also said that. No you said that today 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:52.320 right now, yeah, and then you said no and then 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:53.800 I said no. But there was a time remember one 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:55.240 an episode when you said I was being a bitch 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:57.000 when I was trying to talk about how it wasn't 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:58.200 wearing makeup that day, and then you were like you 0:03:58.240 --> 0:03:59.480 would have bitched me all month, And I was. 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.440 Like whoa ah that time we got into fight live 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:03.040 on camera. 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:05.200 Yeah, and you caught me off guard and couldn't tell 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:07.600 me off camera because you'd love to share everything on 0:04:07.640 --> 0:04:09.440 the podcast is where you feel most safe to share 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:10.640 all your deep secrets about me. 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:12.800 Are you bashing me? Or it's just the way of 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:14.920 the way. I you ask, Orlando, you do a timpto, 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:15.280 I know it? 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.159 Whoa? Now how long you've been holding onto this. 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.040 Since I had no makeup on that day and all 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:23.599 I wanted to do was talk about my no makeup 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.680 fucking Wednesday and you decided to bash me publicly. 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:31.880 Okay, well, let's do podcasting, the bitch says. And then 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:34.200 we're podcasting, and then I get comfortable podcasting, and then 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:36.400 I'd be honest when I'm podcasting. And then it's too much. 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.600 You know, woman can never do just do enough. It's 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:42.159 always too much or too little. Oh well, I apologize 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.000 for saying I forgave you a long time ago you 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:49.120 look pretty without makeup. Sorry for calling you out that day. 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:51.359 In the podcast, it is where I feel most comfortable. 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:55.320 And Orlando has gotten some pretty heavy confessions on camera. 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:57.839 But this is the this is the safety space that 0:04:57.880 --> 0:04:59.720 you've created friends. So here we are. 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:06.839 How are you? I'm great, I'm good. I'm just you know, chilling. 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:09.719 I've been trying to really combat my thirty years, like 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.960 thirty five plus years old, because I'm always tired, I 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:17.320 feel like and I always I can't focus, and I'm 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.160 overstimulated and anxious a lot. And I used to think 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.680 people were just bullshitting and they're like, I have anxiety, 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:24.839 you know, like these kids are always talking about anxiety, 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:25.560 But now. 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:26.400 I have anxiety. 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:28.680 And so I've just been trying to work on like 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:32.560 being more zen and drinking more tea that reflects like 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:33.360 a zen bitch. 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.840 How's the parasite cleans going, because apparently that can also 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:41.400 contribute to your overall anxiousness and wellbeingness. Well, honestly, I'm 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:44.440 only like on day five, okay, so hopefully're getting the 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:44.919 fuck out of there. 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:46.200 You haven' shot any worms out yet? 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:46.359 No. 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.600 I did look a few times, but I'm too scared 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:52.640 to like a deep dive. But also, what are you 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:56.839 talking about worms, parasites, being tired, anxiety? Damn, I'm not 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:00.400 even high. I don't know how I forgot that already. 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:07.360 Oh no, for no, okay. 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:09.720 Uh well, anyway, y'all, we have a special guest today. 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:10.960 This is a guest that. 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.760 We've wanted to have on the show for a while now. 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:14.719 We've had a few guys, a few of you guys 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:19.600 send us her reels, her content, her music videos, and 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:24.400 I'm really excited to introduce to the show. Author host 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.200 of Your High Highest Self podcast. 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:35.159 And Yarma coach Sahara Rose for having overall that bitch 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:42.680 c My body is an altar. I love it. You 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:44.640 don't want to know what we were thinking about doing. 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:46.159 I was like, what if we like, what if we 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.200 make our bodies the altar? And like we lay down? 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:49.720 And then we asked her, like, how do we make 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:51.840 our bodies alter? Like we put candles on them? Maybe 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:52.880 we put candle in our mouth. 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:53.880 We can still do that. 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:57.600 I don't know if I can put my mouth around them, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:00.200 but we could try. You just see some snakes faith 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:02.320 that you can put your mouth around many things. Wait, 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:04.320 wait what you said. 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:05.880 I don't know if I can put my mouth around it. 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:11.520 A glass candle, I don't know, but street wax, this 0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:12.640 is not related to anything. 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:14.600 And you know, I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna wait, why 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:16.960 are we waiting go for it because it's the same space. 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:20.720 This is literally not really anything we're talking about. 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.920 Except my mouth going on things. But breaking news. You guys, 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:26.480 this is so hard. 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.960 I hate to interrupt your introduction with this, but this 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.160 is very important. I don't know if I told you this, 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.880 but Orlando, my partner has never I used to hate 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.720 saying partner because it sounds like I'm lesbian, But my 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:41.960 boyfriend has never come from head. But guess what, guys, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.680 guess what, after three years, after his whole life thirty 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:47.920 three years plus three years of me being with him, 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.520 he finally came from head from me. So I'm the 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.840 only one in history in his whole life of existence. 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.840 And I was like, yes, this gives me the tartle. 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:58.680 What did Is there something special that happened? Like was 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:00.920 there a preparation? Did you I do like some No, 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:05.800 like no elemental meditations before just having some We're having 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:06.840 some sexy time and. 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:08.920 Like, oh, he's giving you an automus approval. This is 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:10.760 going on. He's like, that's why, that's my girl. 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.360 And honestly, I was like in a certain position and 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:16.040 like I can't feel I'm getting into it. And usually 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:18.680 I'm honestly, I'm kind of a lazy headgiver. I'm not 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:20.480 even gonna lie, like you have to push my head down. 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:22.520 My body won't let me choke automatically. 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:23.240 I just won't do it. 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:26.360 I'll just be like a nice little right here, and 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:29.320 you have to just really manually do it. But not manually. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.080 You haven't manually choke me or I'm not gonna do 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.600 it myself. But this time I felt like the I 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:35.400 felt the energy and I was like, you know what, 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:37.600 I was like, should I stop? My jaw started hurt, 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:39.079 and I was like, you know what, he doesn't even 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:40.400 know if he can come from head because he's never 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.200 done it. So then I started gett competitive in my 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:44.640 head and I was like, oh yeah, And then I 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:46.679 start getting tired, and I was like, no, we're going 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:50.080 to do this is the this is the inner dialogue 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:53.320 of a conflict, of a conflicted how and I was 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:55.200 really going for it. And then he was like, don't stop, 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:56.720 and I was like, I'm not gonna I'm gonna get this. 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:58.600 This is gonna happen. I'm gonna crack the code today. 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:01.960 And then there win expelled right in my mouth, in 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:05.160 my throat and I was like, oooh yeah. 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:08.400 Wow, that's what you did exactly. Yeah right after that, 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:09.600 and I was like oooh. 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:13.080 Yeah, congratulations, thank you. 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:17.720 Orlando was like I need a minute to process. I 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:19.480 was like, you process it, you take a picture. God 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:21.559 damn it. He has a whole new identity now. 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:23.920 I identified as someone who could not come from Head, 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.080 and now he has to like reframe everything from. 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:30.440 Everything, changed everything. Oh my god, you got to. 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:35.440 Change your pronouns now, baby come comes, he comes from Head. 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.040 I need him to put this in his bio. It's 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:40.680 very important. It comes from Head, but only with Mela. 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:42.600 And you know, I was out. 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:45.000 I'm like, we're talking about getting engaged and ship. 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.079 So I'm like it's gone now. I mean. 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:52.160 For sure, I was solidifying my role in this thing. 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:53.840 He worked for that ring, bitch I did. 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:55.800 I can't wait to like do it maybe like a 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:57.680 penis ring next time. 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:01.160 Maybe maybe instead of instead of like having like a 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:03.560 really sentimental thing in scripted in the ring, it means 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:07.920 to be like you made me come only comes from Head. 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:09.840 You made me come from Head. 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:15.319 I love Mila's head Kissed by an Angel's way more 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:16.000 classic than. 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:17.200 Anything we came up with. Thank you. 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.080 Was kissed by a rose in your mouth. It's like 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:21.040 the rose petals. 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:26.760 Immediately Steal starts to play I'm a kissed my rose. 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:27.720 I'm paid. 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.240 I'm putting it in my vowels as the only woman who, 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.880 in your whole entire life, has ever been able to 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:43.440 make your penis. I spell semen for my oral, divine, 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:52.560 divine mouth fillatio your I do? Okay? That was that 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:56.120 was That's my announcement. Is that your horri for the day. 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:58.920 It's a hor okay? Wow, I mean I have I 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:01.120 have a few. It's been a minute, but that's the 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.760 most important one. Congratulations, Thank you, Thanks for sharing. 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:04.680 I was very vulnerable. 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:05.920 Thank you. 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:09.480 Can go back to you tune back into. 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:12.760 Welcome to the Show of Two Bitches of Ady D. 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:17.880 That was good. That was some good too. That was 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:19.280 an important share. It needed to happen. 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:20.920 At the top of the show, talked about my mouth 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:22.800 on candles and I said, this is the time. 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:23.959 Your body was an alcer. 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:29.840 You did it. Thank you, Amen, Amen Sahara. Hello, Hi, 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:33.000 I would love to know more about you all. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:35.920 I've obviously I've I've listened to your show, I've watched 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:36.800 you on social media. 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:38.880 Where are you from? Where did you come from? 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:42.040 You just popped up in the ig ethos and started 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:45.160 teaching women how to embody the divine feminine and tap 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:48.360 into their you know, their their self. But like, where 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:50.120 are you from and where did you come from? And 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:53.000 how did you end up in this journey cliff Notes version. 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.000 Yeah, So my family comes from Iran. My mom was 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.560 a refugee, my dad was an immigrant. They came to 0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:01.280 the US really for like service. And so I was 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:04.360 born in Boston and as a kid, I was very spiritual. 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:06.640 I would always like see like ghosts and spirits, and 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:09.040 I got really into like witchcraft. And I grew up 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:10.839 near Salem, so I was like I was burnt at 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.800 the stake and into it. And they were like, you're crazy. 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:17.280 Even the teachers at school would like separate me from 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:20.840 the other witch girls. And so growing up it was 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:24.240 like kind of this like conflictedness of like I feel 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:26.040 all these different things that no one else is seeing, 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:28.920 feeling and experiencing, but I'm being like reprimanded for it. 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:32.240 So at home, oh very much. 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:33.880 So, because you grew up Muslim, or. 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.280 My family is Muslim, but we didn't really grow up religious. 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.880 So my dad was really like atheist if anything, so 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.400 it was like facts, data science. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:43.920 Like my dad's mantra. 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.640 To me was like be rational, not emotional because my 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.360 dad actually grew up kind of like in Iran. It's 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.319 like you look down on women, you know, very patriarchal. 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:54.640 So for him, he wanted me to be safe. So 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.439 to be safe is like to not be a woman, 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.280 to be quiet. Yeah, Or for me, he's like be 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.319 like academic and like like learned to be in your 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:07.240 masculine basically. So I kind of like stayed away from 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.320 the spiritual things, but eventually got into yoga, which brought 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.040 me back into it. So I was practicing a lot 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.720 of yoga. Now this is in college, and I was 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.360 like a raw vegan and at that time I started 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.359 to like first have a lot of digestive issues, hormonal imbalances. 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.120 I went to get a blood test. I didn't get 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.560 my period for two years, and doctor said, my body 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:27.800 went into perimenopause. So they said, you like have completely 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.640 gone menopausal. You have no more estrogen or testosterol. This 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:32.520 is when you were twenty Yeah, when I was twenty 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:34.720 one years old, Oh my god. Yeah, and they're like 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.520 for sure, you're never going to have a child. Plus 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:39.480 you're gonna have osteoporosis and all sorts of health issues. 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:39.800 You know. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.360 Oh we love the US medical system. Yeah, it's gonna 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.000 tell your whole land. Yeah, you're blood. 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:50.640 You have a jas pussy like I cannot have it. 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.920 Okay, I get my powers. 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:58.680 But I was like, fucking I eat anything even stay 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:00.760 here exactly. 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:02.160 So I went on this journey. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.199 Still is not ready for the meat, but I went 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:06.360 on this journey of self healing, of just learning everything 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:08.959 I could because they prescribe me like hormone replacement therapy 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.720 and anti depressants and all these different things. And that 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.240 brought me to Ierveda, which is the sister science of 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.760 yoga based on the mind body connection. So in Ireveda 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:21.480 there's these different archetypes. So my archetype vata was too 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.280 much air energy, which I feel you guys have as well. 0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:26.880 So it's like, you're very creative, you're idealistic, you think 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:30.200 outside of the box, you're fast moving, you love arts, 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.960 you love visuals, you love like talking about concepts and ideas. 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.160 I'm like, yes, that's me. But on the flip side, mentally, 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:40.480 too much air is like like ADHD, changing your mind 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.680 really quickly, not knowing exactly what you want, like feeling anxious, 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:48.160 insomnia now in the body, too much air in the body. 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:49.960 So if I told you, like, oh, I feel like 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:51.800 I have a lot of air in my body, what 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:53.520 would you think that means? Symptoms? 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:57.800 Gas, gaseous belching, bloating. 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:02.000 Exactly, gas like literal air in the stomach, bloating, cold 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:07.680 like cold hands, dry skin, low hormones. So when I 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:09.560 read about this, I was like, not only is all 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.840 my health challenges, but it's like my personality, like in 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.120 one thing, and I need to know everything about it. 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.680 So I started studying Iraveda, and I was actually going 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:18.720 back and forth to India a lot. At that time. 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:21.120 I was like teaching health and sanitation the slums, and 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:25.480 I had an Indian boyfriend. So I was like studying 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:28.640 Ariveda now in India, And then lived in India for 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:32.280 two years after college studying Ariveda, and just first of all, 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:35.040 healed myself, not just physically, but all of a sudden 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:37.840 I could follow through own ideas, and you know, I 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.640 had so much more groundedness within myself. 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:42.240 So I just became obsessed with. 0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:44.000 It and I wanted more people because I know so 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:46.720 many women, especially in our generation, struggle with hormonal and 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:48.920 digestive issues. So I'm like, I need to write a 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:51.440 book about this. But I didn't know anyone who had 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.760 written a book in my entire life. So I was 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:55.160 just like, I'm just going to like write this book 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.880 and then figure out how it gets out later. So 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.640 I would just write right right, And you know, for 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:04.840 two years I was writing this book, which eventually I 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:06.920 met a literary agent. She pitched it to all these 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:09.840 different publishers. All thirty of them rejected me, and they're like, 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:10.920 this book's never going to happen. 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:11.440 You're not a doctor. 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.000 No one cares about Iravada blah blah blah blah blah. 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:15.880 And that was And at this period of time, my 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.840 parents were like, you are batshit crazy, Like you are 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:20.760 going to end up homeless. You're not even I was 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:23.280 living in India, like making no money, Like you know, 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:25.400 I had some health coach clients that I lived off of. 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:26.880 I lived in a two dollars a night hut in 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:28.880 South India with rats in it. Like that is the 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:31.880 level that I was like, I will not give up 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:34.520 on this dream, even if it means living like this, 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:38.200 and so at that time being rejected by all those 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:40.720 publishers like, I'm like, I guess my parents were right, 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:44.040 you know, I maybe this isn't going to happen. But then, 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:48.360 interestingly enough, the literary agent was asked by the Idiot's 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.280 Guide group looking for someone to write the Idiot's Gude 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:54.040 to Araveda. I submitted, like I read every Idiot's guidebook, submitted, 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:57.200 and then was hired. So I wrote that book, which 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:58.520 I was like, I guess I have to write like 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:01.520 a fucking textbook of Iraveda. But whatever book I can, 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:04.119 I will do. So I put everything I could when 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.200 I would write like sixteen hours a day, wrote that book. 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.800 Flash forward a year later, I see Deepak Chopra at 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.439 a conference and I'm just like he was like my idol. 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:12.760 Like when I would fight with my parents, I'm like, 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:14.440 one day I'm going to be like Deepalk chop They're 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.920 like he's a charlatan and you're a charlotte. I'm just like, yeah, 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.639 my dad was like extremely verbally like abusive. It was. 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.240 It was really insane. So yeah, so I see Deepak 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.000 Chopra and I'm like, this is the only chance of 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.160 my life that I'm going to see him in real life. 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.800 So I go up to him and I just tell him, 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.119 I'm like, you have been such a role model for me, 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:35.800 and I would love to send you a PDF of 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.239 my book, thinking that that's going to be it, and 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.639 then he gave me his email. I sent him the 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:44.840 book and a few days later and this crazy synchronousity 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.440 story we can talk about, but he ended up emailing 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:49.520 me asking me for a meeting, and then writing the 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:50.479 forward of that book. 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.240 Oh wow, that's amazing. 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.280 And then all of a sudden, I went from rejected 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:58.119 by all the publishers, broke no idea, what's going to 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:01.080 happen to writing this book deepoc Trope are writing the 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.879 forward being on faculty of Chopra, and I'm like, what 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:06.840 just changed in my life? And then I'm like, what 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:10.240 shifted within me that my external reality started shifting so much? 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:12.600 And that's when I started to get really deep into 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:15.879 spirituality and into this concept of dharma, which is your 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:17.800 soul's purpose, which is what I teach about right now. 0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.160 Wow, so interesting, and we're all about like syn synchronicity 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.040 is taking a chance and things lining up at the 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:27.760 exact right time, because magic. But damn, that's a beautiful, 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.160 beautiful story. And you know, I've never heard it put 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:32.919 that way, like, and we talk a lot about you know, 0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:35.760 shifts in our lives, but like what happened inside of 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:39.040 me that then reflected on the outside, which I'd never 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:41.560 heard anyone put that way. And that is a very 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.399 profound statement because I'm like, there's been a lot of changes, 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:46.480 what happened within me and all of those changes, but 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:48.119 I was never looking within. I was just looking at 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:51.600 the outside to reflect like success or whatever we think 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:51.919 it is. 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:53.880 But what did you find? What had shifted? 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.240 I mean so much so our entire like outer realities 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.439 or reflection of what's happening in our inner world. And 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.600 you know, I really believe that everything in our life 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:04.600 is connected by a red thread that you can really 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:07.320 only see looking back on it. And so I started 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:11.399 to just get really curious about what changed between those things. 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:14.359 So this concept of a dharma is your soul's purpose. 0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:17.040 It's the big reason why you're here, and every single 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:19.280 person has one. And it's not so much of like 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:21.280 this is your career, this is how much money you're 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:23.160 going to make, but it's who you are in action. 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:27.960 So I believe like spiritually, our souls chose our parents, 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:30.480 chose where we were born, chose obstacles we were going 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:34.280 to overcome, because it was the perfect preparation to prepare 0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:38.200 us for our dharmas, our soul's purposes, and our soul's 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:41.359 purposes their combination of our highest form of joy in 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:43.840 our highest form of service. So it's like that thing 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:46.280 like you guys doing this podcast, you're having fun doing it, 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:48.520 and it's of service to all of the people listening 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:50.960 to this and writing your book, and however you do it, 0:19:51.000 --> 0:19:53.200 you're doing it through the lens of your dharma, whereas 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:55.000 someone could do the exact same thing and it not 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:58.840 be the right frequency for that. So I believe when 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:01.120 you're living in alignment with you your dharma, you start 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:04.320 to get all this like universal support. Right, It's like 0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:06.440 we were all born on a highway and at the 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:08.239 end of this highways are garment. It's like who were 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:09.760 meant to be, how we're meant to show up and 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:11.760 we were born right on track, like as children, we 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:15.680 fucking know, you know, we know, But then society is like, oh, 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.000 like you're going to make more money doing this. Your 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:19.840 parents will love you if you do that. Everyone in 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:21.959 your town does this. You think you're going to do that, 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:24.760 And so we get off of these exits of the highway. 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:28.040 And then the universe responds with what is called karma. 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.120 So the actual meaning of the word karma is bound 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.879 at action by the universe. The tap tap tap. Something's 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:37.439 out of alignment. You're feeling anxious, something's feeling off. This 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:41.240 isn't flowing. Most of us think life's tough. Get a helmet, 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:44.200 keep going, drink more coffee, take more adderall just push 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.200 ignoring it more right, So we keep getting off the exit. 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:48.760 And then the universe is like, okay, bis, you don't 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:53.560 want to listen. Punch punch, punch, like panic attack, collision, 0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:57.160 big thing happening. Some of us start to listen, others 0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:00.239 most of us don't until it's like an on your 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:03.280 knees break down, like something so big, like for me 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:06.120 getting disowned by my family and then later on my divorce, 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:09.359 like something very very big, health challenges, getting fired by 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:12.280 jobs that it shakes you. It's like the level of 0:21:12.320 --> 0:21:14.919 breakdown that you needed to make a shift again. Some 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:17.920 people stay choose to live in those series of unfortunate 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:21.560 events forever. But really that is karments, the bounded actions, 0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:23.480 the barricades on the side of the highway that gets 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:26.359 you back on track. And sometimes the only way we 0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:28.240 can make those big changes is through pain. 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:28.919 You know. 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:30.639 It's like that pain is our friend, that pain is 0:21:30.680 --> 0:21:32.919 our teacher. The darkness is actually where all of the 0:21:32.960 --> 0:21:36.080 possibilities are. So when we're in that, in that dark 0:21:36.119 --> 0:21:38.280 knight of the soul, to really ask ourselves, what is 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:40.639 this teaching me? And how can I now take this 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:44.919 wisdom and amplify myself even deeper towards my dharma. And 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:47.720 then all of a sudden you start experiencing syncreticies like 0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:50.359 crazy shit, Like someone texts you something is exactly what 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:52.359 you were thinking. You hear this podcast is exactly what 0:21:52.400 --> 0:21:55.120 you need to listen to someone. It's like you can't 0:21:55.119 --> 0:21:57.480 even explain, and I know you've been in it. So 0:21:57.560 --> 0:22:02.159 that feeling is called crea is boundless action by the universe. 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:04.680 It's when you are in alignment with your dharma, the flow. 0:22:05.040 --> 0:22:06.879 You know, you're rolling with the currents, and that is 0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:09.360 how life was meant to be lived. And so I 0:22:09.400 --> 0:22:11.920 saw in myself what shifted within me is I moved 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.200 from karma to Korea, and that's what letting me live 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:14.720 in my dharma. 0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.080 That's a beautiful story and a beautiful way to put it. 0:22:19.440 --> 0:22:21.960 The highway is really clear. And you know what also 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:25.760 made me think about I think people just like we 0:22:25.800 --> 0:22:28.000 were talking about what change inside of you when all 0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:30.680 those things change outside of you. But also like I 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:32.680 think people rarely look at when you're in a really 0:22:32.760 --> 0:22:37.040 dark place or in a really bad situation, what is happening? 0:22:37.080 --> 0:22:40.400 What are you choosing to stay in this space? Because 0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:41.840 sometimes people are like everything. 0:22:41.520 --> 0:22:43.639 Bad's happening to me, God hates me, you know. 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:47.119 But it's like people are rarely able to be like 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:51.080 I'm choosing the wrong partner, who's being you know, disrespectful, 0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:52.840 and like this is where I need to and people 0:22:52.840 --> 0:22:54.600 are unwilling to put certain things down. And a lot 0:22:54.600 --> 0:22:56.240 of times it comes in the forms of people because 0:22:56.560 --> 0:22:59.080 you know, women, we love, we love to fix something, 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:00.240 you know. 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:03.240 But it's that's an interesting, like perspective. 0:23:03.880 --> 0:23:06.000 I'm curious because I know that you teach, like you said, 0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:07.959 you teach people how to find their dharma. What is 0:23:08.000 --> 0:23:10.600 like when you have like a client that is maybe 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:14.320 has that mindset of like everything as bad as happening 0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:15.000 in my life? 0:23:15.040 --> 0:23:17.560 Why why all the time? Like what would what. 0:23:17.520 --> 0:23:19.199 Is like the first step I guess to kind of 0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:23.879 recognizing what your darma could potentially be, or is like 0:23:23.920 --> 0:23:26.679 how do you even pull yourself out of that to 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:29.840 even take the first step towards that self discovery. 0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:33.600 So I have five stages of darma discovery. So the 0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:36.639 first one is just realizing you have a darma. So 0:23:36.680 --> 0:23:38.320 if you don't believe you have a purpose, it's like 0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:40.480 it's not going to work. And most people are not 0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:42.680 even there, they're not even at stage one. So sometimes 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:45.360 it's like your big ass crisis that makes you realize, 0:23:45.400 --> 0:23:48.200 like damn, this was exactly what I needed to make 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:50.280 a change that I would have never made without this. 0:23:50.440 --> 0:23:53.359 So it's stage one is the realization. Stage two is 0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:57.200 self improvement. That's where most of the personal development self 0:23:57.200 --> 0:24:06.320 help space is at. How do I become my best self? Fitness, wollness, meditation, biohacking, psychology, 0:24:06.880 --> 0:24:10.159 these are all forms of improving yourself and it's very important. 0:24:10.200 --> 0:24:11.280 We can't skip that step. 0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:13.080 But it's step it's the hardest, it's one of the 0:24:13.080 --> 0:24:14.879 hard it's one of the hardest steps. 0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:16.960 I think it's the hardest, and it's never ending, and 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:19.520 these cycles never end. But we get to a point 0:24:19.560 --> 0:24:22.320 that we've like maybe done all the therapy or you know, 0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:25.440 tract or macros or whatever the thing was, that we 0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:28.760 realize that maybe I am not a mind and a 0:24:28.760 --> 0:24:31.679 body to improve, but rather I am a soul to know, 0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:34.920 and maybe nothing was ever wrong with me. I didn't 0:24:34.960 --> 0:24:38.800 need to fix myself, but rather I just didn't know myself. 0:24:39.560 --> 0:24:41.359 And so that brings us to stage three, which is 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:46.520 the spiritual wakening, which is maybe this deeper soul within me. 0:24:47.080 --> 0:24:49.280 It's it needs to be in a different environment, needs 0:24:49.280 --> 0:24:51.920 to be around different people, needs to be fed different nutrients. 0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:54.800 So you start to really dive deep into who am I. 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:56.840 And for some people that looks like astrology, and for 0:24:56.920 --> 0:25:00.560 some people that looks like human design or medita. I mean, 0:25:00.560 --> 0:25:03.280 it's like a spiritual wonderland in here, you know. And 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:05.959 so stage three you're like, oh my god, like we 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:08.080 need to wake up the sheeple and like it can 0:25:08.119 --> 0:25:11.679 be really exciting and really overwhelming. There's all these different 0:25:11.680 --> 0:25:15.560 modalities out there, and so in this space, if you're 0:25:15.600 --> 0:25:17.920 stuck here, only it could be like, well, I don't 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:19.280 know this. I need to know my gene kis. I 0:25:19.280 --> 0:25:20.520 need to know my this, I need to know my that. 0:25:20.560 --> 0:25:23.119 And it's never ending and it can negate us from 0:25:23.119 --> 0:25:26.840 the responsibility of actually like doing something with this. So 0:25:27.359 --> 0:25:29.679 stage four is when we go into dharma development of 0:25:29.720 --> 0:25:32.359 like taking the tools that actually work for us and 0:25:32.440 --> 0:25:35.000 like sticking with them. So maybe it's tero for you 0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:37.760 or even for someone else, could be art, it could 0:25:37.800 --> 0:25:41.080 be you know, whatever, gardening, whatever the thing is for them, 0:25:41.119 --> 0:25:44.160 but to really like develop your skills stay with something 0:25:44.200 --> 0:25:47.960 like our society, we're such dabblers and everything right, and 0:25:48.320 --> 0:25:50.720 the way that people have been like masters of different 0:25:50.720 --> 0:25:53.280 things is like they devote themselves like this energy of 0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:56.280 devotion from the heart. So stage four is really like 0:25:56.320 --> 0:25:58.480 devoting yourself to something like you all have been doing 0:25:58.480 --> 0:26:02.320 this podcast for seven years, devoting yourself to that, and 0:26:02.359 --> 0:26:05.800 that teaching shows you, which brings you to stage five 0:26:05.920 --> 0:26:09.480 dharma embodiment, when who you are in your work and 0:26:09.520 --> 0:26:11.520 you're outer world is the same, you are being you 0:26:11.600 --> 0:26:14.159 full time, you know, because before that it's like the 0:26:14.200 --> 0:26:16.159 me at my job and the meat everywhere else. And 0:26:16.200 --> 0:26:18.240 of course we always have different versions of ourselves. But 0:26:18.280 --> 0:26:19.560 it doesn't feel like I have to put on a 0:26:19.600 --> 0:26:22.879 mask every day, you know. And what happens interesting in 0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:24.919 stage five is like everything in your life that is 0:26:24.960 --> 0:26:30.120 not in alignment with full truth will go away. Relationships, friendships, homes, 0:26:30.320 --> 0:26:33.879 They will become so painful. It's like that little like 0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:36.840 that story of the p under the mattress. You know 0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:38.840 you're like couldn't sleep. It would be like that, you know, 0:26:39.080 --> 0:26:41.359 get bigger and bigger into your face because your dharma 0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:44.200 becomes like the most essential thing of who I am 0:26:44.280 --> 0:26:46.840 and how I'm here to serve humanity. That like anything 0:26:46.920 --> 0:26:50.000 that's holding you back from that needs to shift. And 0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:51.680 then we go on that journey again. So I would 0:26:51.680 --> 0:26:53.960 really for someone, I would say, where are you in 0:26:54.000 --> 0:26:55.480 that journey? Then what's the next step? 0:26:58.000 --> 0:27:00.320 When I think of step five, I'm thinking about out 0:27:01.080 --> 0:27:04.240 you and your relationship with your parents, like you said, 0:27:04.359 --> 0:27:06.920 And also we can talk about it in a bit 0:27:06.960 --> 0:27:10.280 about your divorce, like were you already in stage four 0:27:10.320 --> 0:27:13.000 and then these things started to happen like stage five 0:27:13.040 --> 0:27:14.919 as far as like the disownment of your I mean, 0:27:14.960 --> 0:27:17.000 I guess that would be them disowning you and less 0:27:17.160 --> 0:27:20.600 you being in control of that. But when you're in that, 0:27:20.880 --> 0:27:23.240 when you're in between those phases and stages, and that's 0:27:23.240 --> 0:27:26.119 a that's a very big one. I mean specifically the 0:27:27.400 --> 0:27:30.200 parental one, you know, like the people that brought us here, 0:27:30.600 --> 0:27:35.520 that have really instilled our core belief systems, really given 0:27:35.600 --> 0:27:39.280 us a lot of our self identity, safety, safety, Like 0:27:39.880 --> 0:27:43.600 how does how have you? I guess, I don't know. 0:27:43.640 --> 0:27:45.240 I don't know if if you still have a relationship 0:27:45.240 --> 0:27:47.040 with your parents to you, yeah, have they come back 0:27:47.080 --> 0:27:47.800 now that you're well? 0:27:47.840 --> 0:27:50.080 I really ship with my mom, not my dad really. 0:27:50.520 --> 0:27:53.080 So that happened when I was twenty three and actually 0:27:53.160 --> 0:27:55.919 was a thing that led to my greatest liberation because 0:27:55.960 --> 0:28:00.399 before that I was subconsciously always living for my dad's rouval, 0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:03.640 the pat on the head, I'm proud of you, You're enough. 0:28:04.440 --> 0:28:06.720 When I finally heard the words of like you are 0:28:06.760 --> 0:28:09.000 dead to me and I want nothing to do with you, it. 0:28:09.040 --> 0:28:10.880 Kind of gave you Okay. It was just like, then 0:28:10.920 --> 0:28:11.880 what am I even living? 0:28:11.920 --> 0:28:13.679 I'm going to live for myself then, right, And it 0:28:13.720 --> 0:28:15.439 was like some I think in life we always have 0:28:15.520 --> 0:28:17.800 to go to our biggest fear, like that big thing 0:28:17.800 --> 0:28:20.400 that we never want to happen when you go right 0:28:20.400 --> 0:28:22.200 into it and you realize that you're going to be okay. 0:28:22.760 --> 0:28:24.280 Then it's like I don't give a fuck. When people 0:28:24.280 --> 0:28:24.960 on social. 0:28:24.680 --> 0:28:26.920 Media say I don't give a fuck, it's like you've 0:28:27.000 --> 0:28:29.520 already when you've been through the fire. It's like you 0:28:29.560 --> 0:28:31.600 start dancing with the fire you make that you start 0:28:31.640 --> 0:28:34.360 twirling that fire around and you become so much stronger. 0:28:35.040 --> 0:28:38.440 And it wasn't necessarily like a level four to five thing. 0:28:38.600 --> 0:28:41.240 I feel like these initiations continue to happen, like I've 0:28:41.240 --> 0:28:43.960 been living my dharma for over ten years now, but 0:28:44.000 --> 0:28:47.120 it's like attunemnts to it right. It's high high exactly 0:28:47.280 --> 0:28:49.040 like okay, or we're going to put you on a 0:28:49.040 --> 0:28:50.880 new path of what you're meant to teach. Like okay, 0:28:50.920 --> 0:28:53.080 you've been teaching about health and wellness for so long. 0:28:53.560 --> 0:28:55.600 Time to move on, Time to move into the dharma 0:28:55.640 --> 0:28:57.840 part of your journey and eventually teach it to others. 0:28:57.880 --> 0:28:59.880 Time to move into the love part of your journey, 0:29:00.040 --> 0:29:02.280 eventually teach it to others. So I feel those of 0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:04.640 us that are on the path of like like they 0:29:04.640 --> 0:29:07.120 call this janana the path of wisdom. It's like we 0:29:07.200 --> 0:29:08.920 have to personally go through all the shit that we're 0:29:08.960 --> 0:29:10.640 meant to eventually share with others. 0:29:13.560 --> 0:29:14.560 I was gonna ask you. 0:29:16.680 --> 0:29:20.360 Speaking of the just kind of going with your dharma 0:29:20.520 --> 0:29:24.840 and your purpose. I saw that, I've seen that over 0:29:24.840 --> 0:29:27.600 the last few years you've gotten into music, and I 0:29:27.640 --> 0:29:31.000 think about just like how society really likes to put 0:29:31.040 --> 0:29:34.280 us in boxes, specifically women, and like, oh, you've chosen 0:29:34.320 --> 0:29:36.960 this modality, Like how dare you step outside and do 0:29:37.080 --> 0:29:40.240 this thing? Like how how did that come to be? 0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:44.320 And like how did how has that process been since 0:29:44.440 --> 0:29:47.600 you started, since the beginning of choosing to do that 0:29:47.640 --> 0:29:50.240 and incorporating that into how you show up? 0:29:50.800 --> 0:29:54.960 Yeah, so after my divorce and we can go into 0:29:55.000 --> 0:29:56.880 the story, but essentially found out that he had been 0:29:56.920 --> 0:29:59.360 cheating on me throughout the marriage. And it was like 0:29:59.440 --> 0:30:02.840 a very quick instant knowing that I needed to leave 0:30:02.880 --> 0:30:05.040 this relationship because there was no going back. It was 0:30:05.080 --> 0:30:06.680 happening the entire time. 0:30:06.800 --> 0:30:08.880 Since since the day you got married to the day 0:30:08.880 --> 0:30:11.480 you found since before we were married. So he didn't 0:30:11.520 --> 0:30:13.560 think I'm getting married now, let me just like cut 0:30:13.600 --> 0:30:14.400 off this other bitch. 0:30:17.920 --> 0:30:21.520 No, he was just I mean, narcissism is a real thing. 0:30:23.000 --> 0:30:24.360 It is in his mind. 0:30:24.520 --> 0:30:26.040 He's like, would do you ever. 0:30:25.920 --> 0:30:31.000 Think that logic gas have logical I'm just getting down 0:30:31.000 --> 0:30:32.520 on one knee purchasing a ring. 0:30:32.560 --> 0:30:34.360 I'm assuming that you proposed to you. 0:30:34.440 --> 0:30:36.400 I was like, when you were saying your vows, you 0:30:36.440 --> 0:30:38.920 didn't feel like any kind of guilt something was coming up. 0:30:38.920 --> 0:30:40.080 He's like, I didn't even think about it. 0:30:40.080 --> 0:30:41.520 I'm like what he said that. 0:30:41.600 --> 0:30:43.840 He's like, I didn't eat, I didn't write. He didn't 0:30:43.880 --> 0:30:49.040 identify someone who cheated. 0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:50.200 I don't identify with that. 0:30:50.320 --> 0:30:53.160 But that's a scary thing because people can suppress things 0:30:53.280 --> 0:30:56.360 so deep in because we would have conversations of friends 0:30:56.400 --> 0:30:58.120 getting cheated on what you think, and he'd be like, 0:30:58.160 --> 0:31:01.520 that's so fucked up in this and like and believe it, 0:31:02.200 --> 0:31:04.800 believe it because of the cognitive dissonance of like the 0:31:04.840 --> 0:31:06.760 way it's like I think it would happen. It would 0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:09.080 be like one time things, and he would suppress it 0:31:09.240 --> 0:31:11.760 so far away and almost just like a Jacqueline had, 0:31:11.800 --> 0:31:14.880 which was related to his own traumas of just like suppressing. 0:31:15.120 --> 0:31:18.480 Yeah, was he also like Middle Eastern Okay, fucking shit? 0:31:20.400 --> 0:31:23.400 If he was like, you know, you guys were practicing 0:31:23.480 --> 0:31:25.479 together in spirituality. 0:31:25.680 --> 0:31:27.760 You know, I was the more spiritual one, and I 0:31:27.800 --> 0:31:30.760 brought him on the spiritual journey, which took years. We 0:31:30.760 --> 0:31:32.840 were together for seven years, so I would say maybe 0:31:32.880 --> 0:31:35.360 like four years in he started to get more spiritual, 0:31:35.360 --> 0:31:37.280 but his own path, and I was very much just 0:31:37.320 --> 0:31:39.200 like you know, you do you right, I have my 0:31:39.240 --> 0:31:42.400 more feminine path, he had his, And actually the spiritual 0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:44.640 path is what let he actually admitted to me about 0:31:44.640 --> 0:31:45.080 the cheating. 0:31:45.240 --> 0:31:46.440 Wow, that's how you found out. 0:31:46.520 --> 0:31:49.520 He told me through sitting with plant medicine of Wachuma 0:31:49.520 --> 0:31:52.880 San Pedro. So I'm actually really grateful for that because 0:31:52.880 --> 0:31:54.680 he didn't need to tell me. And it was like 0:31:54.760 --> 0:31:57.760 that was ready to be purged and so interesting because 0:31:57.800 --> 0:31:59.960 it's like you're in a relationship but there's like the 0:32:00.120 --> 0:32:03.040 snake underneath it that you don't see until you're ready. 0:32:03.360 --> 0:32:05.600 And it was like in divine timing because first of all, 0:32:05.600 --> 0:32:08.480 seven year cycles, as we know, everything in life is 0:32:08.520 --> 0:32:11.840 in seven year cycles. We change our DNA every seven years. 0:32:12.200 --> 0:32:14.600 So it was like honestly looking back on it because 0:32:14.600 --> 0:32:16.840 then I eventually sat with the San Pedro medicine, it 0:32:16.880 --> 0:32:19.760 showed me like it was so fucking divine, you know, 0:32:19.920 --> 0:32:21.920 like when I was going through all this, when I 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:24.040 was like twenty three, I wanted to go to Peru 0:32:24.120 --> 0:32:26.800 and sit so San Pedro. For those who are wondering, 0:32:27.080 --> 0:32:30.040 people may have heard of ayahuasca. So ayahuasca is a vine. 0:32:30.040 --> 0:32:34.400 It's considered grandmother medicine, and so she really like tells 0:32:34.400 --> 0:32:37.000 it to you as it is. She's like very spunky, 0:32:37.120 --> 0:32:41.640 but like like visual and honestly, I had so much 0:32:41.720 --> 0:32:45.120 fun with ayahuasca. That was like these deep uncomfortable truths 0:32:45.160 --> 0:32:47.640 about myself. But in this like really like for me, 0:32:47.680 --> 0:32:51.240 it was actually did you guys remember Carmen the Hip Opera? Yeah, 0:32:51.520 --> 0:32:55.880 she presented the whole thing hip opera, battles musical. 0:32:56.040 --> 0:32:58.640 Only person I've ever heard say this, So you're gonna 0:32:58.640 --> 0:32:59.800 have pictures like in Nyahuasca. 0:33:00.000 --> 0:33:03.520 I think it's gonna be butt crack. 0:33:03.600 --> 0:33:08.040 Okay, no, no no no, I don't want outfits everything. 0:33:08.280 --> 0:33:12.040 She knew the way to my soul. She knew so 0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:15.120 iohuasca is really like that. But she was like this 0:33:15.200 --> 0:33:17.480 show and I'm like laughing. She's freestyle rapping with me 0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:19.560 about like how I'm like Kim Kardashian, so like poking 0:33:19.560 --> 0:33:21.720 fun of me, but like but like in this like 0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:24.640 really playful way. But then she's like, yeah, say the 0:33:24.680 --> 0:33:26.720 most uncomfortable thing about yourself and then kind of like 0:33:26.800 --> 0:33:30.520 come up and it's so life changing. You know, then 0:33:30.640 --> 0:33:33.920 Watchumu San Paedro's grandfather of medicine. So you actually take 0:33:33.920 --> 0:33:37.680 that medicine while hiking traditionally in Peru. So you're like 0:33:37.800 --> 0:33:40.320 hiking in nature and you're taking it, but you're not 0:33:40.520 --> 0:33:43.320 seeing anything. You're still in nature. But it's almost like 0:33:43.720 --> 0:33:46.959 this very wise, like elderly version of you was talking 0:33:47.000 --> 0:33:48.760 to you. And so for me, it was a lot 0:33:48.760 --> 0:33:51.240 of like call and response but also poetic as well 0:33:51.240 --> 0:33:53.240 as it would be like a thing of poetry. It's 0:33:53.280 --> 0:33:56.840 like trust the flow, trust the flow. Just surrender, just 0:33:56.880 --> 0:33:58.200 surrender the control. 0:34:00.480 --> 0:34:01.400 And I was like do you get it? 0:34:01.520 --> 0:34:01.760 Have you? 0:34:01.800 --> 0:34:03.800 Do you understand that? Okay, now we can move on. 0:34:03.840 --> 0:34:06.440 And it was like this like step by step like thing. 0:34:07.160 --> 0:34:10.040 So when I sat with the San Pedro in Peru, 0:34:10.120 --> 0:34:12.399 there was this moment that I like, you know, I'm 0:34:12.400 --> 0:34:14.360 like crying of. 0:34:14.280 --> 0:34:15.520 Like why am I single? 0:34:15.600 --> 0:34:17.200 And like all of the things, and it was just 0:34:17.239 --> 0:34:19.359 like brought me back to when I was twenty three 0:34:19.440 --> 0:34:21.080 years old and I wanted to sit with the medicine. 0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:23.440 I didn't have any money to and it was like 0:34:23.680 --> 0:34:25.719 the moment you decide to work with these medicines, they 0:34:25.719 --> 0:34:27.560 start working with your life. And I was like, so 0:34:27.600 --> 0:34:31.040 we decided the medicine in that time to take you 0:34:31.080 --> 0:34:35.440 into your biggest illusion that marriage is eternal safety and happiness. 0:34:36.000 --> 0:34:38.280 And like a month later I met him on bumble 0:34:38.360 --> 0:34:41.279 first person I matched with on bumble instant fell in love. 0:34:41.280 --> 0:34:43.359 That night I wrote first date with my husband. I 0:34:43.440 --> 0:34:46.040 knew he was my husband, and it was honestly a 0:34:46.080 --> 0:34:49.600 really smooth relationship, like we never fought, you know, it 0:34:49.680 --> 0:34:51.920 was never anything wrong. There was never would have been 0:34:51.960 --> 0:34:55.239 a conscious reason to divorce until I found out about this, 0:34:55.960 --> 0:34:58.880 but in divine timing, when I had my own business 0:34:58.880 --> 0:35:01.520 and knew myself and like could actually create this new 0:35:01.600 --> 0:35:03.319 version of myself. I feel like a lot of women 0:35:03.320 --> 0:35:04.719 who get cheated on, like how did I not know? 0:35:04.760 --> 0:35:06.520 How did I not know? And they really shame themselves 0:35:06.560 --> 0:35:09.080 around that, And it's like, your soul knew when you 0:35:09.120 --> 0:35:11.880 were ready to find out, So trust that when you 0:35:12.000 --> 0:35:16.120 know you are ready for what is next? 0:35:17.800 --> 0:35:20.400 Oh lord, yeah I was. 0:35:20.760 --> 0:35:23.600 I'm still thinking about how the men will literally have 0:35:23.680 --> 0:35:29.080 conversations with you about oh, like I can't believe my 0:35:29.160 --> 0:35:31.080 homeboy he got three baby mamas. 0:35:31.080 --> 0:35:32.080 I would never do that. 0:35:32.360 --> 0:35:35.879 You meanwhile, you're impregnating a bitch behind my back hit 0:35:35.880 --> 0:35:40.439 a sore spot. But I have so much gratitude for 0:35:41.360 --> 0:35:42.640 that was my personal experience. 0:35:42.680 --> 0:35:46.640 I can tell I have so much gratitude for that experience. 0:35:46.640 --> 0:35:49.080 And I think so many times when we are experiencing 0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:55.960 such I guess, soul busting ripping experiences that just don't 0:35:56.040 --> 0:35:57.920 feel like they make any sense. 0:35:58.960 --> 0:36:00.960 It really is kind of like or dharma, like knocking 0:36:00.960 --> 0:36:01.640 on the door, like. 0:36:01.520 --> 0:36:04.799 Hey, bitch, to do something different. Now, are we gonna choose? 0:36:04.800 --> 0:36:06.319 How are we gonna choose? We're gonna choose the same? 0:36:06.360 --> 0:36:09.279 Are you gonna you canna mother that baby? You're gonna 0:36:09.280 --> 0:36:10.480 sit here and do that? Can you do it? You 0:36:10.520 --> 0:36:12.439 can't do it? You do it? Look at that baby? 0:36:12.440 --> 0:36:15.080 Can you do it? I don't think so? Look again? 0:36:15.160 --> 0:36:15.440 Nope. 0:36:17.560 --> 0:36:20.160 So then how how music? How did music get into 0:36:20.400 --> 0:36:21.040 the mix of this? 0:36:21.360 --> 0:36:24.640 Oh? Yeah, So after my divorce, I'm processing so much, 0:36:24.760 --> 0:36:26.319 you know, like how did I not know? 0:36:26.480 --> 0:36:27.680 And hurt anger? 0:36:27.880 --> 0:36:30.520 Shame like like everything, And I also just kind of 0:36:31.160 --> 0:36:33.000 you know, there's like those tipping points to do all 0:36:33.040 --> 0:36:35.759 the healing works, like all my dad wound stuff and 0:36:36.040 --> 0:36:38.520 childhood and past lives and lineas and an ancestral And 0:36:38.560 --> 0:36:41.520 it was like like six months of just like fucking 0:36:41.640 --> 0:36:45.880 deep ass shadow work. And I could not listen to podcasts. 0:36:45.880 --> 0:36:47.640 I could not read books. I could like words, like 0:36:47.640 --> 0:36:49.399 you know, when you're like trauma brain and someone's talking, 0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:51.360 you can't even really hear what they're saying. I was 0:36:51.400 --> 0:36:53.920 like that. All I could do was listen to music, 0:36:54.360 --> 0:36:56.799 and like when you're in that open hearted, like broken hearted, 0:36:56.880 --> 0:36:58.440 open hearted state, like everything. 0:36:58.200 --> 0:37:00.480 Hits you so dull, like God, Yeah, I listen to 0:37:00.560 --> 0:37:02.880 music and be like damn, like has it has it 0:37:02.880 --> 0:37:03.600 always been like that? 0:37:04.080 --> 0:37:06.120 I know, I'm like, oh, like hear like the ad 0:37:06.160 --> 0:37:09.080 libs and like hear the production, and especially afrobeats music. 0:37:09.120 --> 0:37:11.239 I love afrobeats so, which I'm part Ethiopian, And I 0:37:11.280 --> 0:37:12.880 was just like, oh, like it was speaking to my 0:37:12.960 --> 0:37:16.080 soul and so and I've been DJing for a while, 0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:18.279 like five years before that, but I always and what's 0:37:18.320 --> 0:37:21.640 interesting is my ex husband produced music. But I always thought, oh, 0:37:21.640 --> 0:37:24.120 that's so complicated. I could never do that, never considered 0:37:24.120 --> 0:37:26.880 it for myself interesting enough. We're attracted to the people 0:37:26.880 --> 0:37:30.000 that subconsciously you want to be more like you know, 0:37:30.040 --> 0:37:33.279 they're like muses to us. And so I started thinking, 0:37:33.280 --> 0:37:36.080 I'm like, imagine I combined like Persian with afrobeats music. 0:37:36.120 --> 0:37:38.560 What would that be like? And and then I just 0:37:38.560 --> 0:37:40.640 started thinking, and I'm like going on YouTube like how 0:37:40.640 --> 0:37:43.759 to produce and just getting more interested and curious about it. 0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:46.200 And then eventually I went to this festival called Afro 0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:49.600 Nation in Portugal, met this guy. He was a dancer. 0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:51.920 We became friends and then he turned out to be 0:37:51.920 --> 0:37:54.320 a music engineer and we just started making music together. 0:37:54.840 --> 0:37:57.879 And it was like, so my biggest song it's called 0:37:57.960 --> 0:38:01.239 trust Flow, and lyrics are trust Flows, Surrender, let Go. 0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:04.720 And that was the affirmation I was telling myself again 0:38:04.719 --> 0:38:06.239 and again when I didn't where I was going to live, 0:38:06.239 --> 0:38:07.520 I didn't know what was going to happen next, like 0:38:07.920 --> 0:38:10.279 the future, and I'm a capricorn, I'm like, what I 0:38:10.320 --> 0:38:13.080 need a plan. It was like trust Flows, Surrender, let Go. 0:38:13.320 --> 0:38:16.000 I'm the one I've been waiting foe. And so when 0:38:16.040 --> 0:38:17.960 I produced that afrobeat song, I was like, fucking and 0:38:17.960 --> 0:38:20.279 I need to find like an amazing Nigerian artist, and 0:38:20.320 --> 0:38:21.839 I was like, I don't even know how, and then 0:38:21.840 --> 0:38:24.120 I just thought, what if I just try this affirmation 0:38:24.520 --> 0:38:27.080 on it, which no one does Affirmation's afrobeats. So I'm like, 0:38:27.160 --> 0:38:29.400 let me just try this, and so that's how it 0:38:29.440 --> 0:38:31.920 started and just kept going. So my album My Body 0:38:31.960 --> 0:38:33.800 is an altar really has been all of the music 0:38:33.840 --> 0:38:36.440 that you know has healed me. And the meaning of 0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:38.960 that is like seeing yourself as a sacred site that 0:38:39.040 --> 0:38:41.839 will only be treated as such. And because when we 0:38:41.880 --> 0:38:44.120 walk as if we had rose petals at our feet, 0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:47.000 you know, we're walking with reverence. Then people show up 0:38:47.000 --> 0:38:49.120 in our lives in such different ways. But when we 0:38:49.200 --> 0:38:51.880 walk as if like we don't fucking matter, you know, 0:38:52.000 --> 0:38:54.080 it's like that's the energy that we're going to receive. 0:38:55.120 --> 0:38:58.080 So and another big part of that journey too is, 0:38:58.120 --> 0:39:00.799 you know, being Middle Eastern marriage and Middle Eastern man, 0:39:00.800 --> 0:39:04.440 it was like cover yourself, how dare you show your body? 0:39:04.440 --> 0:39:06.720 How dare you dance? How dare you this that? Because 0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:09.520 women are men's properties in those cultures. 0:39:09.080 --> 0:39:09.279 You know. 0:39:09.400 --> 0:39:11.400 So it was like I was finally free to just 0:39:11.440 --> 0:39:13.880 like be myself and not give a fuck and just 0:39:13.920 --> 0:39:17.080 like tap into these different archetypes that every woman has, 0:39:17.440 --> 0:39:20.279 Like every woman has like the hoe that you talked about, 0:39:20.280 --> 0:39:24.880 her shadow self, her her creative self, her warrior self, 0:39:24.960 --> 0:39:27.399 her medicine, woman's self, her priest as self. These are 0:39:27.400 --> 0:39:30.600 all aspects of us. But our day and age is 0:39:30.640 --> 0:39:33.319 like state, oh you're like this. It's like we're the 0:39:33.320 --> 0:39:35.400 air of like personal branding, like describe yourself at one 0:39:35.440 --> 0:39:37.000 hundred and eighty characters and like that is who you 0:39:37.040 --> 0:39:39.120 are forever. It's like, no, we're all here to be 0:39:39.200 --> 0:39:42.040 multi dimensional. And so like every song was me like 0:39:42.080 --> 0:39:45.040 playing with a different archetype and a different energy within myself. 0:39:45.080 --> 0:39:47.360 So it's been a vibe I've been making music ever since. 0:39:47.520 --> 0:39:48.000 That's dope. 0:39:48.120 --> 0:39:51.080 Yeah, yeah, I saw. I was like she's she's not 0:39:51.160 --> 0:39:54.279 over here doing festivals. She's like making it happen for 0:39:54.320 --> 0:39:57.040 herself everywhere, like everywhere. And I was like, this is 0:39:57.080 --> 0:40:00.560 really incredible, and it's a testament to like really the 0:40:01.160 --> 0:40:04.200 feminine essence and the power that we can cultivate once 0:40:04.239 --> 0:40:06.400 we decide to do something and then just go for 0:40:06.480 --> 0:40:10.840 it one hundred percent. I think also, I've heard you 0:40:10.880 --> 0:40:13.000 talk a lot about just the feminine embodiment and your 0:40:13.040 --> 0:40:17.000 embodiment practice in particular, And I'm just I'm curious, and 0:40:17.360 --> 0:40:20.160 I'm sure our audience is like, what for you is 0:40:20.520 --> 0:40:24.200 your personal like feminine embodiment practice. I mean, I know 0:40:24.280 --> 0:40:27.200 I've seen like I've seen a real of you doing one, 0:40:27.440 --> 0:40:29.000 like at the park, and like people were like, what 0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:30.120 the is she doing? 0:40:30.480 --> 0:40:31.320 Yeah? 0:40:31.360 --> 0:40:33.080 And it's funny because like I have, I have, I 0:40:33.080 --> 0:40:35.200 guess my own and in some capacity, I don't know 0:40:35.200 --> 0:40:39.160 if I've ever like coined it that that term, Hey, 0:40:39.200 --> 0:40:41.400 how did you come to it? And like how do 0:40:41.440 --> 0:40:42.680 you utilize it in your life? 0:40:43.600 --> 0:40:46.239 So in those like months after the divorce, I would 0:40:46.239 --> 0:40:48.080 wake up and just cry, you know, when you wake 0:40:48.160 --> 0:40:50.000 up and you're like is this my reality? Like wait, 0:40:50.040 --> 0:40:51.880 there's no one next to me. Wait, I'm in an airbnb, 0:40:52.080 --> 0:40:53.880 Like what the fuck just happened? It's so you have 0:40:53.920 --> 0:40:56.640 to like the fifty first dates yourself every single day, 0:40:56.719 --> 0:41:00.799 you know. And so I could not like do breathwork 0:41:00.840 --> 0:41:02.640 and all that shit. I would just cry and then 0:41:02.680 --> 0:41:05.480 I'm like, Okay, let me try to move this energy. 0:41:05.920 --> 0:41:08.839 So from the crying, I would touch myself as if 0:41:08.880 --> 0:41:10.640 I were my own lover, Like how would I want 0:41:10.640 --> 0:41:13.320 to be touched, like touching my face, touching my hands, 0:41:13.800 --> 0:41:16.279 like hugging myself, and I would play, even if it 0:41:16.320 --> 0:41:18.279 was just one song, you know, and just sit up 0:41:18.280 --> 0:41:20.520 on my bed and just like move my neck, move 0:41:20.560 --> 0:41:22.960 my shoulders and start to move. And then from there 0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:24.640 I would feel a little bit more creative. Maybe I 0:41:24.640 --> 0:41:27.160 would write a poem or just record a voicemail on 0:41:27.239 --> 0:41:32.160 myself talking something out. So I noticed I was emoting, embodying, expressing, 0:41:32.600 --> 0:41:35.040 and that's what became the triple E method emote, embody, 0:41:35.080 --> 0:41:37.600 and express. So how you do it is first feel 0:41:37.600 --> 0:41:42.120 whatever's you're genuinely feeling right now. If you're feeling super anxious, 0:41:42.120 --> 0:41:45.839 can you be like ah and like sound that anxiety out? 0:41:45.880 --> 0:41:46.080 You know? 0:41:46.200 --> 0:41:48.600 What's so crazy and that brought me deeper into the 0:41:48.640 --> 0:41:51.319 journey of the womb. Is like we hold onto these 0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:53.480 emotions that if we can hit the right sound of it, 0:41:53.600 --> 0:41:56.000 we release it. So you know, when you're like, oh, 0:41:57.320 --> 0:41:59.839 it's actually hitting a frequency in your body that like 0:42:00.440 --> 0:42:03.759 that exact note is needed to release that. Or if 0:42:03.800 --> 0:42:07.200 you're like I mean like orgasms, right, it's like oh, 0:42:07.680 --> 0:42:10.880 it's like different, you know, different textures of it. So 0:42:11.400 --> 0:42:14.520 I would you know, kind of I was never like allowed. 0:42:14.560 --> 0:42:16.040 I was always like more quiet, so I'd be like 0:42:16.080 --> 0:42:19.160 trying to make sounds right. Car is such a good 0:42:19.200 --> 0:42:20.279 place to do it too, if you're like I have 0:42:20.320 --> 0:42:22.960 neighbors or roommates or something in your car just like 0:42:23.160 --> 0:42:26.759 scream grunts, you know the Collie breath, which is putting 0:42:26.800 --> 0:42:32.719 your tongue on going and just letting that out. And 0:42:32.800 --> 0:42:34.239 I know a lot of people are like, I feel 0:42:34.280 --> 0:42:36.319 like if I let myself really get angry or cry 0:42:36.400 --> 0:42:39.799 will never end. And trust me, one day you will 0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:41.880 wake up and not need to cry. But it's like 0:42:41.920 --> 0:42:43.560 you got to get to the bottom of that well, 0:42:43.600 --> 0:42:45.640 and sometimes it takes a really fucking long time because 0:42:45.680 --> 0:42:47.520 it's all the tears. You never let yourself cry your 0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:50.440 entire life. But it's like this is finally the tipping 0:42:50.480 --> 0:42:53.360 point that you actually manifested to finally feel all of 0:42:53.360 --> 0:42:56.160 those things. And what tends to happen is the body 0:42:56.239 --> 0:42:58.640 naturally starts to self regulate that after a few minutes, 0:42:58.640 --> 0:42:59.680 you're like, I. 0:42:59.640 --> 0:43:03.080 Feel exactly, feel relieved from whatever practice exactly. 0:43:03.120 --> 0:43:06.000 So then you move into embodies. So from emote you 0:43:06.040 --> 0:43:08.120 go to embody. So play a song of how you 0:43:08.160 --> 0:43:10.320 want to feel Do you want to feel sensual? Do 0:43:10.360 --> 0:43:12.240 you want to feel empowered? Do you want to feel 0:43:12.520 --> 0:43:15.319 you know, trusting God like whatever that energy is for you? 0:43:15.400 --> 0:43:17.360 And how can you embody that with your body? It 0:43:17.400 --> 0:43:20.240 can be through self touch, it can be through dance movement, 0:43:20.400 --> 0:43:24.960 rolling on the ground, stretching. I don't advise yoga because 0:43:25.040 --> 0:43:27.600 yoga is like a more masculine practice actually, which a 0:43:27.640 --> 0:43:29.840 lot of people don't realize, Like yoga was actually created 0:43:29.880 --> 0:43:33.640 for pre pubescent boys to keep them like calm so 0:43:33.680 --> 0:43:36.640 they could focus and eventually join the warrior cast. 0:43:37.440 --> 0:43:38.560 So who knew? 0:43:38.800 --> 0:43:40.560 Yeah? So I was doing so much yoga and that 0:43:40.600 --> 0:43:42.799 was also part of why I lost my period so 0:43:42.880 --> 0:43:45.239 much mask because it's like telling your body how to 0:43:45.239 --> 0:43:48.359 be rather than letting your body guide you. Right, and 0:43:48.400 --> 0:43:50.359 you're tucking your hips and you're pressing everything, and you're 0:43:50.360 --> 0:43:51.879 making it. Did I get the posture right? 0:43:52.000 --> 0:43:55.000 Right? That's that masculine conscious dat am I doing it right? 0:43:55.560 --> 0:43:55.799 You know? 0:43:55.920 --> 0:43:58.160 It's like instead let your body guide you. It doesn't 0:43:58.160 --> 0:44:00.120 need to make sense, it doesn't need to look pretty, 0:44:00.400 --> 0:44:02.640 Like going to a dance class is not this practice, 0:44:02.680 --> 0:44:05.840 because that's again masculine performance. Do I look good in 0:44:05.880 --> 0:44:09.280 the mirror exactly. Like, even if it's just like getting 0:44:09.280 --> 0:44:11.720 on your hands and knees and just circling your hips 0:44:11.719 --> 0:44:15.600 and letting your body move, it's so it unleashes. It's primal, 0:44:15.640 --> 0:44:18.160 it's ancestral. Your body's gonna know what to do. It's 0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:21.600 like birthing a baby, you know, and then from there 0:44:22.400 --> 0:44:25.600 express Like this is when your truth can come out, 0:44:25.640 --> 0:44:28.480 whether it is writing four lines on your notes app 0:44:28.520 --> 0:44:31.520 whether it is you know, voice noting a friend, whether 0:44:31.560 --> 0:44:34.480 it's drawing something or coming up with a piece of 0:44:34.560 --> 0:44:38.640 content or whatever that thing is. I find these emotions 0:44:38.680 --> 0:44:41.280 want to be expressed. The feminine. You know, our yonis 0:44:41.600 --> 0:44:44.239 or vaginas are connected to our throat chukda, you know, 0:44:44.360 --> 0:44:47.480 the larynx and the vaginal opening. It look the exact same. 0:44:47.760 --> 0:44:49.759 So it's like when we can express that and turn 0:44:49.800 --> 0:44:52.880 into something greater, that's how we heal, because we're like, 0:44:52.880 --> 0:44:54.919 I didn't go through this pain in vain, but rather 0:44:54.960 --> 0:44:57.399 it has turned into art. And I feel the real 0:44:57.440 --> 0:45:00.360 healing happens, especially from heartbreak, is when you can say 0:45:00.440 --> 0:45:02.880 I would go through all that shit again to become 0:45:02.920 --> 0:45:08.120 this version, right, Yeah. 0:45:07.920 --> 0:45:08.440 I agree. 0:45:08.520 --> 0:45:11.280 I mean I think about just the amount of healing 0:45:11.280 --> 0:45:15.080 that we've had in the space talking and using our 0:45:15.160 --> 0:45:19.560 voice and also together collectively like really feeling empowered to 0:45:19.600 --> 0:45:23.239 tap into into all the feminine parts of ourselves, the 0:45:23.760 --> 0:45:27.520 sexual parts, the sacred parts, the sensual parts, and how 0:45:27.560 --> 0:45:31.720 it's literally transformed ourselves and our. 0:45:31.600 --> 0:45:36.120 Lives by expressing and being honest. And I think people 0:45:36.280 --> 0:45:39.799 underestimate the medicine of honesty and expression. And then even 0:45:39.800 --> 0:45:41.319 back to what you were saying about, because this is 0:45:41.400 --> 0:45:43.640 like we do retreats and this, I mean the three 0:45:43.640 --> 0:45:46.040 ease without knowing the three's is something that we do 0:45:45.880 --> 0:45:48.360 we do in our workshop, and I really notice is 0:45:48.440 --> 0:45:53.000 like people have a hard time making sounds that aren't 0:45:53.040 --> 0:45:56.000 English words. It feels like what the fuck are you 0:45:56.040 --> 0:45:58.120 talking about? You know, like even I've seen in this 0:45:58.160 --> 0:46:00.839 space and we're like, okay, now we're gonna scream. And 0:46:00.960 --> 0:46:03.600 some people are like about thank god because I've been 0:46:03.640 --> 0:46:05.640 trying to hold it three clock yeah, And then some 0:46:05.680 --> 0:46:07.759 people are literally like why the fuck that I sign 0:46:07.880 --> 0:46:08.200 up for this? 0:46:08.320 --> 0:46:09.479 Like what am I doing? 0:46:09.960 --> 0:46:13.440 And we are as humans, I think we've been so 0:46:13.520 --> 0:46:16.200 deeply programmed to just for everything to have to make 0:46:16.280 --> 0:46:19.000 so much sense that sometimes the things that make the 0:46:19.040 --> 0:46:23.480 most sense. Are so extremely simple and so extremely basic, 0:46:23.560 --> 0:46:24.120 and it's like. 0:46:24.480 --> 0:46:26.400 But we lose that, like as we get older. 0:46:26.440 --> 0:46:28.680 It is like, of course there's noises that have to 0:46:28.760 --> 0:46:31.120 be made to like to move energy. Of course, you 0:46:31.120 --> 0:46:33.160 have to move your body to move energy. Of course, 0:46:33.200 --> 0:46:37.040 Like that's that's directly associated and connected to like anxiety 0:46:37.239 --> 0:46:41.920 and like all types of ailments and sicknesses in the body. 0:46:41.960 --> 0:46:44.680 But we're so we're so gung ho on, like I 0:46:44.719 --> 0:46:46.279 don't want to look stupid. I don't want to feel 0:46:46.280 --> 0:46:48.600 stupid or that's stupid. It's like, well, how about, bitch, 0:46:48.600 --> 0:46:50.560 you try it, because right now you're not doing so good, 0:46:50.600 --> 0:46:54.040 you know. But it's like even I did LSD like 0:46:54.760 --> 0:46:56.600 five years ago now almost four years ago now, and 0:46:56.640 --> 0:46:58.239 I came back and I was on one. 0:46:58.320 --> 0:47:03.600 I was just like and like the best, Like my 0:47:03.760 --> 0:47:04.759 nervous system. 0:47:04.480 --> 0:47:06.399 Was regulated because I went on this like seven day 0:47:06.680 --> 0:47:09.000 incubation trip with two people, and I came back to 0:47:09.000 --> 0:47:10.759 all my friends and I was high as fuck off 0:47:10.760 --> 0:47:13.640 a life and I was like and all my friends 0:47:13.640 --> 0:47:16.120 are like, I'm not moaning with you in this restaurant, 0:47:16.200 --> 0:47:18.120 including Erica, and I was like, come on, And then 0:47:18.120 --> 0:47:19.759 we're gonna how let the moon, let's do it. It's 0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:21.399 gonna be so fun of them with my white friends, 0:47:21.400 --> 0:47:23.360 and they do it all the time. And she was 0:47:23.560 --> 0:47:26.360 like no, and I was like come on. And now 0:47:26.600 --> 0:47:33.799 all the time we're like, you know, because sometimes that's 0:47:33.840 --> 0:47:37.479 the thing that you know, that small thing. It's such 0:47:37.520 --> 0:47:40.719 a small thing, but like that release is necessary. And 0:47:40.760 --> 0:47:43.560 as children, you do something to your kid, you piss 0:47:43.600 --> 0:47:45.920 them off, they're gonna fucking lay out and scream and 0:47:46.000 --> 0:47:48.759 kick and they have no there's nothing telling them that 0:47:48.760 --> 0:47:51.520 that's not okay, but that's how they're expressing it. And 0:47:51.640 --> 0:47:54.960 as adults are like, you're acting fucking crazy. But we 0:47:55.040 --> 0:47:58.040 lose somewhere in the adulthood, like from a childhood to adulthood, 0:47:58.080 --> 0:48:02.320 we lose the ability to express out concern about anybody 0:48:02.360 --> 0:48:03.239 else thinks. 0:48:03.400 --> 0:48:06.040 And like even in the privacy of your own home, Yeah, 0:48:06.080 --> 0:48:09.200 but you're embarrassed by yourself, Like how I'm embarrassed by you, bitch? 0:48:09.840 --> 0:48:11.880 You know, like you're alone, but there's this this like 0:48:12.600 --> 0:48:14.600 it's so crazy to think about it that way, is 0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:16.719 like those are those are the tools we still need 0:48:16.760 --> 0:48:19.480 as an adult. If the tantrum may not look the same, 0:48:19.480 --> 0:48:20.960 you may not do it in seven to eleven when 0:48:20.960 --> 0:48:21.719 you didn't get the gum. 0:48:21.960 --> 0:48:24.080 However, it's still is required. 0:48:24.200 --> 0:48:26.920 Like sometimes it's just like I know people listening can 0:48:27.000 --> 0:48:29.880 probably relate to this, is like one thing happens to 0:48:29.920 --> 0:48:31.400 you that really isn't that big of a deal, But 0:48:31.440 --> 0:48:33.439 now you've been crying for an hour. It's because, bitch, 0:48:33.440 --> 0:48:36.480 you didn't cry for the last two years. It's like 0:48:36.520 --> 0:48:39.200 it's come. It's like the water is overflowing and you 0:48:39.360 --> 0:48:41.439 have to let it out some way. And that's why 0:48:41.440 --> 0:48:43.759 people think that they're just addicted to like the gym. 0:48:43.880 --> 0:48:46.560 Is like, no, your body needs to have a source 0:48:46.600 --> 0:48:49.239 of release, and we like forget that because we're on 0:48:49.239 --> 0:48:52.280 this fucking hamster wheel of work and money in social 0:48:52.360 --> 0:48:54.880 and like the one hundred and forty character bio and like, 0:48:55.440 --> 0:49:00.000 but instead of just the medicine is generally already inside 0:49:00.200 --> 0:49:01.759 of us and it may not make sense and it 0:49:01.760 --> 0:49:03.719 may not come in like a pretty book that has 0:49:03.719 --> 0:49:05.520 a cover and end, but like you are the book, 0:49:05.800 --> 0:49:08.200 and like going back inside of yourself is where you 0:49:08.280 --> 0:49:11.280 find what works for you. Because we all are probably 0:49:11.360 --> 0:49:14.160 doing some of the same shit, and it's called different things. 0:49:14.160 --> 0:49:18.279 It's from different and like lineages and different practices, but overall, 0:49:19.040 --> 0:49:22.640 like we are given all the tools as humans. We're 0:49:22.719 --> 0:49:25.440 self like we're self healing, and we forget that and 0:49:25.440 --> 0:49:27.120 we're constantly looking outward. 0:49:27.560 --> 0:49:30.040 Well that's what it is, is like a very like 0:49:30.080 --> 0:49:34.560 you said, like there's this forgetfulness, there's this forgettingness and 0:49:34.600 --> 0:49:37.320 then but it's not it's forgotten, but the the wisdom 0:49:37.360 --> 0:49:39.560 is in our bodies. And like thinking about like I 0:49:39.600 --> 0:49:41.279 know you were talking about earlier how you felt like 0:49:41.280 --> 0:49:42.680 you had a lot of air in your body, and like, 0:49:43.120 --> 0:49:46.279 you know what we learn. We're tantric practitioners and we 0:49:46.360 --> 0:49:51.360 followed the Cagpat Shack Shang Shang pag hag you lineage whatever. 0:49:51.400 --> 0:49:53.839 It's very influenced by the Bond tradition. And they talk 0:49:53.920 --> 0:49:57.120 about the five elements and how obviously like the elements, 0:49:57.200 --> 0:50:00.280 we are of the elements and sometimes you're heavier and 0:50:00.280 --> 0:50:02.040 and like if you're heavier in air, what do you need? 0:50:02.200 --> 0:50:04.000 Do you need more earth? Do you need more water? 0:50:04.560 --> 0:50:06.360 Do you need more space? You need less space? And 0:50:06.400 --> 0:50:08.360 once you kind of really figure out how to balance 0:50:08.400 --> 0:50:11.520 the elements in your body, like it sounds so like 0:50:11.640 --> 0:50:15.600 woo woo, but it's very simple and it makes the 0:50:15.640 --> 0:50:19.040 most sense. And it's like even like making these sounds 0:50:19.120 --> 0:50:22.400 that are primal or things that we actually do anyway 0:50:22.440 --> 0:50:26.080 when we're not thinking, like we yawn, we're like, we 0:50:26.200 --> 0:50:28.080 just do it because people, that's what we do when 0:50:28.120 --> 0:50:31.320 we yawn, and not realizing that sound actually can. 0:50:31.200 --> 0:50:32.560 Help calm your vagus nerve. 0:50:32.840 --> 0:50:36.600 And there's a reason why dogs and animals do these 0:50:36.640 --> 0:50:40.040 type of sounds when they're feeling anxious or they're feeling nervous. 0:50:40.120 --> 0:50:45.520 And it's all within us. But we've been endoctrined by 0:50:46.000 --> 0:50:49.879 the medical system, the Western medicine, that we need these 0:50:49.920 --> 0:50:52.520 different things, we have to take, these type of pills, 0:50:52.560 --> 0:50:55.680 we need to even exercise. I recently went on a retreat. 0:50:56.760 --> 0:50:59.080 I went on a darkness retreat, and so I was 0:50:59.120 --> 0:51:03.040 in total darkness for four days by myself, and the 0:51:03.040 --> 0:51:05.719 whole practice was really getting out of your mind and 0:51:05.760 --> 0:51:07.920 into your body, Like what is it that your body 0:51:07.920 --> 0:51:11.200 actually wants Because a lot of times when you think 0:51:11.239 --> 0:51:13.799 your body wants to work out, you're like, I need 0:51:13.800 --> 0:51:15.319 to work out right now, and it's like, actually, no, 0:51:15.360 --> 0:51:17.479 your body wants to rest. You go to the gym 0:51:17.480 --> 0:51:19.480 and it doesn't work, and you're like, why didn't work? 0:51:19.520 --> 0:51:21.440 Because you have too much fire in your body you 0:51:21.480 --> 0:51:24.040 actually didn't need to create more. So it's like when 0:51:24.040 --> 0:51:27.840 you start to really kind of pinpoint and listen to 0:51:28.719 --> 0:51:32.600 your body and not necessarily your mind, because like, right now, 0:51:32.760 --> 0:51:36.440 I've realized how how much I lead with my mind 0:51:36.560 --> 0:51:39.680 all the time, and how toxic it's been, and how 0:51:39.880 --> 0:51:42.520 much your mind actually lies to you, and that your 0:51:42.560 --> 0:51:45.719 body actually is the most intelligent thing and that's what 0:51:45.760 --> 0:51:48.839 you should be listening to. We're so disconnected from our 0:51:48.840 --> 0:51:53.440 bodies because it's by design and also by consumption the 0:51:53.480 --> 0:51:56.880 things we drink, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, which are all 0:51:56.880 --> 0:51:59.000 things that I do at different times, various times in 0:51:59.000 --> 0:52:01.319 my life. But also I know also in my body 0:52:01.360 --> 0:52:03.279 has had too much and it's like, hey, we need 0:52:03.320 --> 0:52:06.120 to stop, we need to disconnect. And I think a 0:52:06.120 --> 0:52:08.600 lot of times we resist that because we're scared of 0:52:08.600 --> 0:52:10.759 what's on the other side. And what's on the other 0:52:10.800 --> 0:52:14.880 side is fucking you and actually a lot of happiness 0:52:14.920 --> 0:52:16.480 and a lot of joy and a lot of peace, 0:52:16.800 --> 0:52:18.799 but there's a lot of turmoil and a lot of 0:52:18.880 --> 0:52:21.080 guk gulk in the middle of that we have to 0:52:21.120 --> 0:52:22.759 work through in order to get to the other side. 0:52:22.800 --> 0:52:25.400 And I think that's really what people are so scared 0:52:25.440 --> 0:52:27.520 of and are so fearful of. And even listening to 0:52:28.719 --> 0:52:34.239 you know, us talk about meditation or the elements or 0:52:34.280 --> 0:52:36.960 whatever it might be, there's a there was a resistance 0:52:37.000 --> 0:52:38.719 of like, eh, that's some bullshit. We don't need none 0:52:38.760 --> 0:52:41.239 of that. That's like, that's that witchy shit. I'm just 0:52:41.280 --> 0:52:44.680 gonna like that's spiritual. Yeah, like I don't do that, 0:52:44.800 --> 0:52:45.800 but like what you need. 0:52:45.640 --> 0:52:48.239 It, you know, and and and and also it's like 0:52:48.280 --> 0:52:50.480 I think sitting here with both of you too, is 0:52:50.520 --> 0:52:53.240 like this is why we're in this era of healers 0:52:53.280 --> 0:52:55.359 where people are waking up. It's because we're gonna there's 0:52:55.400 --> 0:52:57.920 gonna be a lot of different languages. That's gonna like 0:52:58.520 --> 0:53:00.880 say the same thing, but resident with different people in 0:53:00.920 --> 0:53:01.520 the community. 0:53:01.560 --> 0:53:04.400 And so very need is someone from every every practice. 0:53:04.560 --> 0:53:05.600 What'd you do? What did you do? 0:53:05.800 --> 0:53:07.680 Because maybe someone else is like that is so bobo. 0:53:07.800 --> 0:53:09.759 But then you someone else will come over and be 0:53:09.800 --> 0:53:10.920 like put it to you in a way, and you 0:53:11.000 --> 0:53:13.480 be like, okay, let me try it, you know. 0:53:13.560 --> 0:53:14.919 Sahara says, my body is alder. 0:53:14.960 --> 0:53:16.719 These bitches say, bitch, let me go over here, you 0:53:16.760 --> 0:53:19.680 know what I mean, Like people can like gravitate naturally 0:53:19.760 --> 0:53:21.560 to what it is. But you know what, when you 0:53:21.600 --> 0:53:25.160 said that reminded me of when you're talking about the 0:53:25.640 --> 0:53:29.120 like the like the energy I heard you say about, 0:53:29.120 --> 0:53:31.719 like the leaky energy, And I think that comes from 0:53:31.760 --> 0:53:34.279 that too, Like sometimes people like what happens if you 0:53:34.400 --> 0:53:36.560 never get to the point of like wanting to do 0:53:36.600 --> 0:53:39.080 any of these modalities, Like what happens when the energy 0:53:39.120 --> 0:53:39.840 gets so full? 0:53:39.920 --> 0:53:42.360 Like yeah, people like what do they call it? Spent? 0:53:42.520 --> 0:53:44.040 Spin out? What do they call it right now? Like 0:53:44.440 --> 0:53:45.040 crash out? 0:53:45.120 --> 0:53:47.479 But also like I think it shows up in ways 0:53:47.480 --> 0:53:50.640 that we don't recognize, like when men are like overly 0:53:50.760 --> 0:53:53.960 like overtly you know, like it's a leaky energy because 0:53:54.000 --> 0:53:57.919 you haven't fine tuned yourself. You haven't taken the time 0:53:57.960 --> 0:54:00.279 and energy to fine tune whatever's going on inside of you. 0:54:00.320 --> 0:54:02.000 And so like I heard you say that then, like 0:54:02.040 --> 0:54:04.040 I've heard that before, and I was like, what the 0:54:04.040 --> 0:54:04.799 fuck does that mean? 0:54:04.880 --> 0:54:05.880 Leaky ass energy? 0:54:06.200 --> 0:54:09.520 But now I understand it better, Like can you elaborate 0:54:10.800 --> 0:54:11.959 leaky energy in what sense? 0:54:12.120 --> 0:54:13.120 Like I don't know. I just saw some one of 0:54:13.160 --> 0:54:14.320 your podcasts about. 0:54:14.120 --> 0:54:19.120 Just like energetic leakages. Yeah, so our energy, if we 0:54:19.160 --> 0:54:21.760 think about it, it's like the strongest when we point 0:54:21.800 --> 0:54:24.560 and direct it towards something, but in our society it's 0:54:24.600 --> 0:54:27.319 like pointed and directed towards a million different things. So 0:54:27.440 --> 0:54:29.759 for example, you wake up and you check your phone 0:54:29.760 --> 0:54:32.759 and then you voice note three friends, and then you're 0:54:32.960 --> 0:54:34.480 drinking your coffee, but then one of them sent you 0:54:34.520 --> 0:54:36.200 a voicema box, so you stop what you're doing listen 0:54:36.200 --> 0:54:37.520 to that voice not and then you kind of forgot 0:54:37.520 --> 0:54:38.799 what you even just said. And then it's like this 0:54:38.920 --> 0:54:40.400 and now you're responding to an email and it's like 0:54:40.440 --> 0:54:43.360 all these fragments right, like even around voice snoting. So 0:54:43.400 --> 0:54:46.000 I was just in Guatemala doing this womb healing thing, 0:54:46.000 --> 0:54:48.399 and the first thing the spirit was like stop voice 0:54:48.480 --> 0:54:51.520 dooting people all the time, because it's like, if you 0:54:51.520 --> 0:54:53.720 think about it, it's like I'm in one time space 0:54:53.760 --> 0:54:56.400 reality and I'm having this thought, I send. 0:54:56.160 --> 0:54:57.000 It to you. 0:54:57.000 --> 0:54:59.759 You're listening to it hours later, and then you're in 0:54:59.800 --> 0:55:02.080 what whatever you're doing. You don't see my facial expressions, 0:55:02.080 --> 0:55:04.359 you don't know, we're not we're not together. And then 0:55:04.400 --> 0:55:06.520 you're like trying to even like remember what I just 0:55:06.520 --> 0:55:08.160 said at the end of it, because I just talked 0:55:08.160 --> 0:55:12.400 for ten minutes and then you're like, yeah, totally, and 0:55:12.440 --> 0:55:15.160 then you're just reporting back what's happening in your life. 0:55:15.400 --> 0:55:17.919 And then I hours later am listening to that out 0:55:17.920 --> 0:55:20.560 of my reality and I forgot what I even said 0:55:20.560 --> 0:55:23.440 to you, And it's like these fragments, and it's like, 0:55:23.480 --> 0:55:27.759 that's what most connection is today. Oh, we've voiced on 0:55:27.840 --> 0:55:30.600 every day. It's not going to give you anything that 0:55:30.719 --> 0:55:33.279 us being here in person making eye contact. Maybe sure 0:55:33.280 --> 0:55:35.040 there's bodies each other's energies. 0:55:34.760 --> 0:55:35.200 Is gonna do. 0:55:35.960 --> 0:55:38.600 It's like junk food connection. It's easy because I don't 0:55:38.680 --> 0:55:40.160 actually have to hop on a call and listen to 0:55:40.239 --> 0:55:43.480 you talk back. I'm just gonna word vomit all of 0:55:43.520 --> 0:55:45.360 my things and then you're gonna word vomit all of 0:55:45.360 --> 0:55:48.279 your things. But we're not actually connecting, we're not actually understanding. 0:55:48.440 --> 0:55:51.520 It's creating so much energy leakage in our world right now, 0:55:51.880 --> 0:55:55.239 especially women, like we are more primed to seek connection. Like, 0:55:55.280 --> 0:55:56.960 if you think about it, when we were in tribes, 0:55:57.040 --> 0:55:59.239 like we needed to know what the whole tribe was thinking, 0:55:59.280 --> 0:56:00.600 and do you like me and I we're gonna get 0:56:00.640 --> 0:56:02.880 kicked out. But that's like really working against us in 0:56:02.880 --> 0:56:05.280 the social world. Because you have a thought about someone, 0:56:05.320 --> 0:56:07.239 You're like, I need to message them, and then it's 0:56:07.239 --> 0:56:09.040 like we're con Like the moment you sit down and meditate, 0:56:09.040 --> 0:56:11.319 it's I need to message all these people. It's like 0:56:12.120 --> 0:56:14.239 that survival part of our brain that's like if I'm 0:56:14.280 --> 0:56:16.200 not top of mind, if I if people don't like me, 0:56:16.840 --> 0:56:19.920 then I won't be okay. And so a lot of 0:56:19.920 --> 0:56:21.880 it is actually getting really clear of like who do 0:56:21.920 --> 0:56:25.360 you want in your life, Like make who's your inner circle? 0:56:25.719 --> 0:56:27.640 You know, who are the five people you're actually really 0:56:27.680 --> 0:56:29.799 going to keep in touch with and invest your time 0:56:29.840 --> 0:56:32.920 and energy. Then who are like the ten people after that? 0:56:33.080 --> 0:56:35.440 And then and then maybe you have your acquaintances and 0:56:35.480 --> 0:56:38.280 really being aware because I feel we have so many 0:56:38.320 --> 0:56:42.840 of these like half sided, not really reciprocal friendships that 0:56:42.840 --> 0:56:45.640 we're just holding onto and it's just creating so much 0:56:45.800 --> 0:56:50.120 just energy energetic chaos. Plus the other thing about energy 0:56:50.200 --> 0:56:52.960 leakages is speaking about something that's still an idea that 0:56:53.000 --> 0:56:53.720 hasn't happened. 0:56:54.600 --> 0:56:56.000 So when we let's say I have this. 0:56:56.000 --> 0:56:57.840 Idea of like I want to create like a vegan 0:56:57.880 --> 0:56:59.680 ice cream shop, and I don't know if I'm going 0:56:59.760 --> 0:57:02.000 to be a to do it. I'm in my head 0:57:02.520 --> 0:57:04.160 And then I talk about it to my mom and 0:57:04.160 --> 0:57:07.000 she's like, yeah, no way, have you seen brick and mortar. 0:57:07.040 --> 0:57:09.200 They're failing right now, And you know, she would smash 0:57:09.239 --> 0:57:11.919 the idea down and then it would never happen. So 0:57:11.920 --> 0:57:15.000 so many people are like preemptively like asking for advice, 0:57:15.239 --> 0:57:17.280 you know, women, especially permissions. 0:57:17.320 --> 0:57:19.360 Yeah, permission? What do you think? What do you think? 0:57:19.600 --> 0:57:22.120 When I started dating, I was like, I have no 0:57:22.240 --> 0:57:24.560 idea how this works, especially like I was like, I 0:57:25.320 --> 0:57:27.560 can't trust myself with the man, you know, So I 0:57:27.600 --> 0:57:29.960 would just like, especially on these dating apps, I would 0:57:30.000 --> 0:57:32.320 like send the screenshots to like five of my friends. 0:57:32.320 --> 0:57:33.439 What do I say? Yeah? 0:57:33.560 --> 0:57:34.760 What color is his aura? 0:57:34.880 --> 0:57:35.000 Like? 0:57:35.080 --> 0:57:37.760 What do you think about him? Like? And then so 0:57:37.840 --> 0:57:40.160 then they're all giving their feedback. So I'm having this 0:57:40.200 --> 0:57:42.240 conversation with him that five different people wrote. None of 0:57:42.280 --> 0:57:44.200 them are being me, and then I'm wondering why it's 0:57:44.240 --> 0:57:47.920 not going anywhere. It's like, if you want a relationship, 0:57:47.960 --> 0:57:50.680 you have to be real. And that's been another huge 0:57:50.720 --> 0:57:52.720 part of what I've been learning right now is most 0:57:52.720 --> 0:57:55.080 of us start relationships with like he took me on 0:57:55.160 --> 0:57:57.200 dates and he got me flowers, and it's like putting 0:57:57.240 --> 0:57:59.320 the best face forward. So you think you're getting in 0:57:59.360 --> 0:58:01.360 a relationship with that, but that is. 0:58:01.440 --> 0:58:05.760 Just And then they're like, he love bombed me. That's like, no, bitch, 0:58:05.880 --> 0:58:08.080 you told rush, you said everything that you wanted, and 0:58:08.120 --> 0:58:09.800 then he did it, and then he was burnt out 0:58:09.840 --> 0:58:12.840 and now he's. 0:58:11.840 --> 0:58:14.200 Because for some reason our society, dating and relationships are 0:58:14.240 --> 0:58:16.720 two different categories. You date to try to win that 0:58:16.760 --> 0:58:19.160 person over. I'm on the date thinking what do you 0:58:19.240 --> 0:58:22.760 like so I can be it rather than an actual relationship. 0:58:22.920 --> 0:58:25.360 Is let me show you the shittiest parts of me, 0:58:25.800 --> 0:58:27.560 you know, because that is who you're going to be. 0:58:27.960 --> 0:58:31.400 We ship forward, you know, and so you're going this, bitch, 0:58:31.440 --> 0:58:34.480 so this, I feel like we should start dating. Ship forward. 0:58:35.000 --> 0:58:37.360 Lay out all your ship let me decide if I 0:58:37.360 --> 0:58:40.360 can handle it. Come up, come blank face, no mascarat. 0:58:40.760 --> 0:58:43.360 You know, honestly, a bad day after work, I want 0:58:43.360 --> 0:58:44.200 to do the date today. 0:58:44.600 --> 0:58:46.520 I've had a horrible day. Let's let's talk now. 0:58:47.480 --> 0:58:50.240 You know, I think going back two things because I 0:58:50.240 --> 0:58:52.320 want to get I want to get into you know, 0:58:52.440 --> 0:58:54.960 your journey and dating and celibacy before we get out 0:58:54.960 --> 0:58:56.880 of here. But then also I have to go back 0:58:56.920 --> 0:58:59.960 because you were saying how women need a lot of permission, 0:59:00.200 --> 0:59:02.320 and you know, this is something that we teach at 0:59:02.320 --> 0:59:05.080 our retreats a lot and talk about in depth that 0:59:05.160 --> 0:59:09.640 our retreats and on the show, and even more recently, 0:59:09.680 --> 0:59:12.480 I realized how I was asking for permission and not 0:59:12.520 --> 0:59:15.520 realizing even going on this experience for my birthday. I 0:59:15.560 --> 0:59:17.880 went to do this with Darkness Retreat and I started 0:59:18.080 --> 0:59:20.440 telling people like you think I should go, like and 0:59:20.480 --> 0:59:22.760 then everyone started like throwing their shit at me, like 0:59:23.120 --> 0:59:23.680 what the fuck? 0:59:23.720 --> 0:59:25.480 Why would you ever want to do that? Like it's 0:59:25.520 --> 0:59:26.520 a cult. They're white people. 0:59:26.520 --> 0:59:27.640 Why are you gonna go in a hole in an 0:59:27.720 --> 0:59:30.200 organ They're gonna like they're gonna sell your organs on 0:59:30.240 --> 0:59:31.919 the black market. Did you look at the highlight reel 0:59:31.960 --> 0:59:34.080 They're looked like they were raising little cult babies. And 0:59:34.120 --> 0:59:37.600 I was like, holy shit, Like I like my first 0:59:37.640 --> 0:59:39.840 instinct was to go, like I had no fear, Like 0:59:39.880 --> 0:59:42.160 I was just like God said, for some reason, these 0:59:42.280 --> 0:59:45.000 dates aligned and they happened to be on my birthday. 0:59:45.160 --> 0:59:46.400 It sounds like I must go. 0:59:47.640 --> 0:59:49.880 And then I started asking for permission, and then I 0:59:49.960 --> 0:59:52.880 almost listened. And then when I was in the cave, 0:59:53.600 --> 0:59:56.520 I was like, fuck these people, Like I can't believe 0:59:56.520 --> 0:59:59.160 I almost let these people fucking like keep me from 0:59:59.160 --> 1:00:02.160 my cave, from my next awakening, and like I was like, 1:00:02.400 --> 1:00:04.480 how many times do people do this? And I know 1:00:04.520 --> 1:00:07.240 how many times people do it because I talk to them. 1:00:07.280 --> 1:00:10.040 I coach them at my retreats all the time, you know, 1:00:10.240 --> 1:00:14.680 And here I was, actually, you know, having this deep 1:00:14.760 --> 1:00:17.320 lesson for myself, because yes, what I did was intense. 1:00:17.360 --> 1:00:19.800 I'm an intense person. I'm a fucking scorpio. Like what 1:00:19.800 --> 1:00:22.800 do you want from me? I'm I'm made for death 1:00:22.800 --> 1:00:25.480 and rebirth. That's what I do. And of course I 1:00:25.480 --> 1:00:30.320 shouldn't ask you, miss safety, whatever sign you are, like 1:00:30.480 --> 1:00:32.640 I should. I need to go and do this for myself. 1:00:32.640 --> 1:00:36.440 And I just think about how often we literally hold 1:00:36.440 --> 1:00:40.320 ourselves back from our next right of passage, our next awakening, 1:00:40.760 --> 1:00:46.080 finding our dharma by asking other people they what we 1:00:46.120 --> 1:00:49.280 should do with our lives, where like we're not even 1:00:49.320 --> 1:00:52.200 on the same path, We're on totally two different paths. Like, 1:00:52.640 --> 1:00:55.080 of course this doesn't make sense to you, you know, 1:00:55.200 --> 1:00:58.920 And so if you're listening and you're in the middle 1:00:58.960 --> 1:01:01.280 of making a decision for your like, just do it. 1:01:01.440 --> 1:01:02.960 Don't ask for permission anymore. 1:01:03.040 --> 1:01:03.520 Stop it. 1:01:03.720 --> 1:01:06.960 Stop asking your mom, who was always judged every fucking 1:01:07.040 --> 1:01:09.880 thing you've ever done. Don't do it. Don't ask even 1:01:09.920 --> 1:01:12.200 your best friend who has a problem being alone. Why 1:01:12.200 --> 1:01:15.000 would you ask someone who literally can't be alone if 1:01:15.000 --> 1:01:16.120 you should go be alone? 1:01:16.280 --> 1:01:18.920 Of course they're going to tell you now. So anyway, 1:01:18.920 --> 1:01:20.520 I just had to say that I love that. 1:01:20.640 --> 1:01:23.200 Like, so, when I was really on the Dharmain discovery path, 1:01:23.240 --> 1:01:25.840 I went on advice detox around asking people what to 1:01:25.840 --> 1:01:27.240 do with my life because I would like meet someone 1:01:27.240 --> 1:01:28.360 and be like, so, what do you think I should 1:01:28.400 --> 1:01:30.440 do with my entire life? Like maybe maybe you know? 1:01:32.400 --> 1:01:34.120 And it was the same thing. I went to Bali 1:01:34.240 --> 1:01:36.840 and my my parents are these are all spiritual white people, 1:01:36.920 --> 1:01:38.720 like you're not like them, like, and I'm just. 1:01:38.680 --> 1:01:42.600 Like, damn, I've only had white hippie parents living my purpose, 1:01:42.680 --> 1:01:42.840 you know. 1:01:43.920 --> 1:01:46.160 But but thank god, eventually I was like, I'm just 1:01:46.200 --> 1:01:48.400 going to stop asking advice from everyone, you know, because 1:01:48.400 --> 1:01:50.600 the white hippies were like that was their own world. 1:01:50.640 --> 1:01:52.200 But then my parents were their own world. And it 1:01:52.240 --> 1:01:54.200 was just like just really learning to listen to myself. 1:01:54.200 --> 1:01:57.320 But more recently in August, it was around dating because 1:01:57.360 --> 1:01:59.440 I was that was my crutch of just like it's 1:01:59.440 --> 1:02:01.680 almost becomes a bonding thing with your friends too, of 1:02:01.800 --> 1:02:04.800 like after be the entertaining one because I'm single, you know, 1:02:04.880 --> 1:02:05.680 So I'm just like I was a. 1:02:05.640 --> 1:02:06.840 Little this guy that guy. 1:02:06.920 --> 1:02:09.760 What happened, and and it was just like just stop it. 1:02:10.000 --> 1:02:12.520 Literally the voice of the medicine was like, stop asking 1:02:12.560 --> 1:02:15.280 for advice, stop talking about it, and see what happens 1:02:15.280 --> 1:02:17.480 by February fourteen. So ladies, I'll let you know after 1:02:17.520 --> 1:02:21.720 February fourteen, somebody that you're talking to right now, kind 1:02:21.720 --> 1:02:27.080 of which surprisingly happened like right after that. But then 1:02:27.080 --> 1:02:29.560 I catch myself of wanting to ask for advice, especially 1:02:29.600 --> 1:02:32.160 for me. I love an astrologer, I love a psychic. 1:02:32.400 --> 1:02:33.200 I can always go to a site. 1:02:33.200 --> 1:02:37.320 You It was like nothing, no powder, napp. I was 1:02:37.320 --> 1:02:39.200 already on that ship. We're soulmates, by. 1:02:39.120 --> 1:02:45.919 The way, is just saying so. But besides that, I'm 1:02:45.960 --> 1:02:48.360 so tempted. And it's like, because here's the thing. 1:02:48.640 --> 1:02:51.480 The Western astrologer told you something the Vedic astrologer told 1:02:51.520 --> 1:02:54.160 you something else, and then it's like it's just giving 1:02:54.200 --> 1:02:56.480 up your power again and again. It's like the truth is. 1:02:57.200 --> 1:02:58.720 You know what was so interesting when I found out 1:02:58.760 --> 1:03:00.760 I was being cheated on, I'm like fucking gritted this 1:03:00.960 --> 1:03:04.080 entire place. There's selen Nite, you know, all the crystals. 1:03:04.120 --> 1:03:06.920 I'm friends with every top healer, psychic, seanan astrologery. 1:03:07.000 --> 1:03:09.240 This none of them told me this there like you 1:03:09.320 --> 1:03:12.160 all don't know shit? Yeah, all my friendless fuck you. 1:03:12.280 --> 1:03:12.480 Yeah. 1:03:12.520 --> 1:03:14.760 Then I was just like, how did you not see? 1:03:14.840 --> 1:03:17.040 And they're like, oh, just must have been like. 1:03:17.120 --> 1:03:20.720 A hidden it was a shadow. Yeah, he was really 1:03:20.800 --> 1:03:21.560 hiding it good. 1:03:21.680 --> 1:03:23.840 But that was like the humbling I needed of, just 1:03:23.880 --> 1:03:26.040 like like if you are not meant to know something, 1:03:26.040 --> 1:03:28.080 you will not know, and you just have to. It's like, 1:03:28.160 --> 1:03:30.600 instead of asking the psychic and spending four hundred fucking 1:03:30.640 --> 1:03:32.919 dollars on your sessions, wait like two weeks and you'll 1:03:32.960 --> 1:03:33.680 probably just know. 1:03:34.360 --> 1:03:34.920 You literally. 1:03:34.960 --> 1:03:37.120 I just had this conversation with my mom because my 1:03:37.120 --> 1:03:38.800 mom has been going through a challenging time in her 1:03:38.840 --> 1:03:41.560 life and she's really like my connection to the esoteric 1:03:41.640 --> 1:03:44.280 early on in my childhood, like always, like Susan Miller 1:03:44.400 --> 1:03:46.400 was like her God, and we were on astrology zone 1:03:46.400 --> 1:03:49.760 at like aged eleven and shit, and she's been going 1:03:49.760 --> 1:03:53.240 through this time and like you know, she's like she's 1:03:53.280 --> 1:03:55.800 into it, but she's also highly critical. So I'm always 1:03:55.800 --> 1:03:57.400 like curious, like why the fuck are you even meeting 1:03:57.400 --> 1:03:59.520 with these people because you like kind of hate them anyway. 1:04:00.800 --> 1:04:03.480 But like she was like asking me for all my connections, 1:04:03.480 --> 1:04:05.480 like hey, can you ask can you get an appointment? Blah 1:04:05.480 --> 1:04:06.880 blah blah, And then I was I got an apointment 1:04:06.880 --> 1:04:08.680 blah blah blah, and then like, hey, what about this 1:04:08.720 --> 1:04:09.960 other one? And can you get me appoint with her? 1:04:09.960 --> 1:04:11.800 And I'm like okay, I got in front with her, 1:04:12.040 --> 1:04:14.960 Hey can you And then like after like six people 1:04:15.080 --> 1:04:16.800 in like six months. 1:04:16.480 --> 1:04:20.000 I was like, mom, what are you looking for? Like 1:04:20.160 --> 1:04:22.840 because every time I ask you what happened and you're. 1:04:22.680 --> 1:04:27.440 Like, yeah, it's cool, yes whatever, Yeah, maybe I'm like, 1:04:27.480 --> 1:04:30.080 so what the fuck is the point? Like you need 1:04:30.120 --> 1:04:33.960 to just sit with yourself and like, but I get it. 1:04:33.960 --> 1:04:37.560 When you're in a space of extreme you feel like 1:04:37.640 --> 1:04:40.120 the world is like pulling the rug from under you. 1:04:40.120 --> 1:04:41.960 You can't even you feel like you can't trust your 1:04:41.960 --> 1:04:45.360 inner voice, and so you need to you start seeking outwardly, 1:04:45.520 --> 1:04:48.120 when actually that is like the biggest time to go 1:04:48.240 --> 1:04:51.360 inward like that is when you're probably going to get 1:04:51.480 --> 1:04:53.680 the most, the truest answer. 1:04:54.000 --> 1:04:56.080 And but I get it. It's like, is it the 1:04:56.080 --> 1:04:56.680 true answer? 1:04:56.720 --> 1:04:59.520 Like that was I was, I've I've gone astray before, 1:04:59.560 --> 1:05:01.240 and it's like, no, typically you've gone astray because you've 1:05:01.240 --> 1:05:05.040 allowed other people to like help guide your life. And 1:05:05.040 --> 1:05:06.640 that really, I mean for her, I think that's really 1:05:06.680 --> 1:05:07.400 what it is too. 1:05:08.160 --> 1:05:10.000 And the answer hits different when you came up with 1:05:10.040 --> 1:05:12.040 it yourself and someone telling you could be like the 1:05:12.080 --> 1:05:14.840 most simple thing. It's like, trust your gut. But when 1:05:14.880 --> 1:05:17.080 you had that realization after four days of silence, you're 1:05:17.080 --> 1:05:19.680 gonna listen to that versus some psychic, you're like, oh, 1:05:19.720 --> 1:05:21.160 shouldn't really tell you anything. 1:05:21.000 --> 1:05:23.919 Right, You'll forget, You'll roll over that real exactly first 1:05:23.960 --> 1:05:24.520 you don't know shit. 1:05:24.680 --> 1:05:27.640 Yeah, So back to dating. I heard yourself of it. 1:05:28.000 --> 1:05:28.800 How long has it been? 1:05:29.160 --> 1:05:33.160 Almost two years? Congratulation, crazy congratulation. Yeah. 1:05:33.240 --> 1:05:35.240 At first, I was like, you know, when I first 1:05:35.240 --> 1:05:36.560 we came saying like I was with him, so I 1:05:36.640 --> 1:05:38.120 was twenty four, So I was like, I'm gonna go 1:05:38.200 --> 1:05:39.400 for Chris Brown. 1:05:39.320 --> 1:05:43.360 Miguel like, yeah, I know that toxic dank god. 1:05:43.920 --> 1:05:46.720 I was like in my mind, I was like, I'm 1:05:46.720 --> 1:05:48.800 gonna be wild and free, you know, And then I 1:05:48.840 --> 1:05:52.040 was just like, no, I also have you know, values 1:05:52.080 --> 1:05:52.800 and want to be safe. 1:05:52.840 --> 1:05:55.840 I know too much? Yeah, too much. But it was 1:05:55.840 --> 1:05:56.800 like almost, it's interesting. 1:05:56.800 --> 1:05:57.960 I feel like what happens in to break up, you 1:05:58.040 --> 1:05:59.640 like go back to like all the ages that you 1:05:59.640 --> 1:06:01.520 were in relationship. I've seen that happen with a lot 1:06:01.520 --> 1:06:02.800 of people. So I like went back to like being 1:06:02.840 --> 1:06:04.960 twenty four of like, because that was the last time 1:06:04.960 --> 1:06:06.680 I was single, So I didn't really know. I was 1:06:06.720 --> 1:06:08.480 just like, I guess, like you just go to the 1:06:08.480 --> 1:06:11.080 club and come on there. Well, and going to the club, 1:06:11.120 --> 1:06:12.640 I'm like, I don't think I would even talk to 1:06:12.680 --> 1:06:15.800 any of you guys. So that was an interesting journey. 1:06:17.040 --> 1:06:19.360 But my womb spirit guys really protected me. They were 1:06:19.400 --> 1:06:22.520 just like, we will not let anyone infiltrate the field. 1:06:22.520 --> 1:06:25.400 So it wasn't this conscious choice by any means, and 1:06:25.440 --> 1:06:27.840 it would just be like, honestly, I think I had 1:06:27.880 --> 1:06:30.919 just gone so deep spiritually that in my head these 1:06:30.920 --> 1:06:33.200 things sounded like a good idea. But the actuality of 1:06:33.240 --> 1:06:35.120 someone who was like not attuned to my emotions, so 1:06:35.200 --> 1:06:36.920 I would probably never hear from again. I was just 1:06:36.960 --> 1:06:40.320 like no, you know. And then the deeper I went into, 1:06:40.400 --> 1:06:42.440 so I would say the first six months were like 1:06:42.680 --> 1:06:45.280 the rewiring of like how we see sex as like 1:06:45.360 --> 1:06:47.840 intimacy and love and like closeness, and so it was 1:06:47.880 --> 1:06:50.560 like hard, you know. Also just like being around a 1:06:50.560 --> 1:06:53.640 physic like a man, right, It was just like it 1:06:53.680 --> 1:06:56.760 was just crazy to me. But after six months, I 1:06:56.840 --> 1:06:59.840 was like, wow, I feel so clear, And I started 1:06:59.880 --> 1:07:02.080 to realize how much the womb. Because the womb, it 1:07:02.240 --> 1:07:04.720 magnifies everything, it amplifies everything. 1:07:04.720 --> 1:07:05.800 It's literally creates life. 1:07:05.840 --> 1:07:08.400 So I was transmuting a lot of what my ex 1:07:08.520 --> 1:07:11.360 was going through without even knowing it. For example, I 1:07:11.440 --> 1:07:15.120 had a driving phobia for years. It happened once I 1:07:15.200 --> 1:07:18.480 was like driving a car in twenty nineteen and I 1:07:18.520 --> 1:07:20.680 felt kind of lightheaded, and I had this thought of 1:07:20.760 --> 1:07:23.480 like what if I lose control of the car, what 1:07:23.520 --> 1:07:25.640 would happen? And I was like, saw myself imagine I 1:07:25.640 --> 1:07:28.040 crashed this that, and then that really scared me. Then 1:07:28.040 --> 1:07:30.160 every time I would drive, that thought would come up, 1:07:30.320 --> 1:07:32.960 and it became a phobia. Then COVID happened, so I 1:07:32.960 --> 1:07:36.120 didn't need to drive a car, So for like three 1:07:36.760 --> 1:07:39.000 ish years I did not drive at all. I would 1:07:39.040 --> 1:07:41.680 just take ubers and I remember thinking, I'm like, damn, 1:07:41.760 --> 1:07:42.880 like if I have kids, what am I gonna do? 1:07:42.960 --> 1:07:44.400 Just uber around with them? 1:07:44.480 --> 1:07:45.440 Like I need to face this. 1:07:45.520 --> 1:07:47.120 But it was like that I would get like panic 1:07:47.160 --> 1:07:48.280 attacks while driving. 1:07:49.760 --> 1:07:52.920 Once I stopped having sex with this man, driving phobia 1:07:53.320 --> 1:07:54.200 was gone. You're like. 1:07:56.680 --> 1:08:02.600 Drive through the Swiss Alps in the frozen Arctic tundra. 1:08:02.400 --> 1:08:04.400 Like singing on Break Mine. 1:08:06.800 --> 1:08:09.320 Again, and like it was crazy. 1:08:09.360 --> 1:08:10.840 I was just like that, nothing happened. 1:08:10.880 --> 1:08:13.840 I was just like it was his own energy like this, 1:08:14.920 --> 1:08:17.080 and maybe even my own energy with him being out 1:08:17.080 --> 1:08:20.280 of control, like a psychic out of control, your life 1:08:20.280 --> 1:08:23.719 could crash kind of thing. And so I started to realize. 1:08:23.760 --> 1:08:26.160 I was like, damn, like be really mindful of who 1:08:26.200 --> 1:08:27.920 you let into your roomb space. Would you want to 1:08:27.960 --> 1:08:31.200 become this person? Because you are going to become more 1:08:31.320 --> 1:08:33.920 like that. So if I don't want to become like you, 1:08:33.960 --> 1:08:36.799 I'm not going to amplify you because I am creating life. 1:08:36.680 --> 1:08:39.559 And then lets you come in me, come near me. 1:08:41.680 --> 1:08:44.880 So after a year, I was like, oh my God, 1:08:45.000 --> 1:08:47.200 like I and then I went so deep into just 1:08:47.200 --> 1:08:50.320 like any kind of like sexual and relational shadow and wound. 1:08:50.320 --> 1:08:51.519 So I was just like after that, I was like, 1:08:51.720 --> 1:08:53.639 and I learned this about myself of like I really 1:08:53.680 --> 1:08:56.160 can't have sex without love, Like I need to feel 1:08:56.160 --> 1:08:58.479 that heart connection with someone for my body to open up, 1:08:58.520 --> 1:09:00.759 for me to feel safe, for me to like actually 1:09:00.800 --> 1:09:04.519 unleash my freak, you know. And so I just kind 1:09:04.560 --> 1:09:06.640 of decided like until I really feel a heart a 1:09:06.680 --> 1:09:09.080 deep heart connection, and the further along you go, it's 1:09:09.160 --> 1:09:11.720 like that kind of raises of like actually wanting a 1:09:11.760 --> 1:09:15.519 relationship with someone. And also I'm very deep into tantra 1:09:15.560 --> 1:09:17.240 as well, and I'm just like I don't even like 1:09:17.280 --> 1:09:19.479 guys that I've like made out with or whatever. It's 1:09:19.520 --> 1:09:23.160 just like I can already feel like the It's interesting 1:09:23.160 --> 1:09:25.040 because some men are amazing at dancing. 1:09:25.400 --> 1:09:26.679 But then when you go a little bit. 1:09:26.560 --> 1:09:29.400 Further, it's like this porn like disconnect thing that happens 1:09:29.400 --> 1:09:32.479 in their brains that they just become like like running 1:09:32.560 --> 1:09:34.880 a machine like a program. And I'm just like, it's 1:09:34.960 --> 1:09:37.120 just I mean, porn is such a huge epidemic with 1:09:37.160 --> 1:09:39.639 the men today, you know, And I really believe there's 1:09:39.760 --> 1:09:42.200 entities that are coming through with the pornography that a 1:09:42.200 --> 1:09:45.280 lot of like priests, women are realizing and talking about, 1:09:45.560 --> 1:09:47.320 because if you think about it, they're like giving their 1:09:47.360 --> 1:09:51.280 life force to you through yeah, not through not to 1:09:51.360 --> 1:09:54.320 you're giving it to these sex trafficked women who you 1:09:54.360 --> 1:09:56.479 know are against their will, and these really dark ways 1:09:56.520 --> 1:09:58.839 and a lot of these porn rabbit holes. 1:09:58.920 --> 1:09:59.160 You know. 1:09:59.240 --> 1:10:01.920 You start with like, I don't know, like a little 1:10:01.920 --> 1:10:03.960 bit of something kinky, and then it's like maybe you 1:10:04.040 --> 1:10:06.599 like gangbangs, maybe you like trans hookers maybe, and it's 1:10:06.600 --> 1:10:08.320 like gets more and more extreme, and then once you 1:10:08.360 --> 1:10:12.120 see that thing, you're like you've become so stimulated by 1:10:12.160 --> 1:10:13.640 it that you need more and more and more are 1:10:13.680 --> 1:10:15.519 and then the shame that happens, especially if you grew 1:10:15.560 --> 1:10:18.360 up Christian or something, And it's a huge problem with 1:10:18.400 --> 1:10:19.679 the men today, you know. 1:10:19.640 --> 1:10:23.800 And they suppress these secrecy and like this exactly. 1:10:24.000 --> 1:10:26.920 So what a woman taught me is like, wait three 1:10:26.920 --> 1:10:28.880 months to have sex with the man, because it will 1:10:28.880 --> 1:10:31.520 take three months for you to really see his shadows 1:10:31.560 --> 1:10:33.880 and for you to really decide do I want to 1:10:33.880 --> 1:10:36.040 fuck with this energy? Or not, and so that's what 1:10:36.040 --> 1:10:37.519 I've been doing. And most of the time I find 1:10:37.520 --> 1:10:40.320 out around six weeks You're like, it's when the stuff 1:10:40.360 --> 1:10:43.679 comes out, and then you never regret not fucking them. 1:10:43.720 --> 1:10:51.400 Never ever. Anybody you wish you would have fucked me? 1:10:51.680 --> 1:10:58.000 Yeah, like is there now I'm thinking, like, I mean, probably, 1:10:58.040 --> 1:11:00.960 but best because they weren't in my in my in 1:11:01.040 --> 1:11:03.880 my like energy field for three months enough to know. 1:11:04.000 --> 1:11:05.840 It's more like they were a distant person. 1:11:05.880 --> 1:11:09.800 And I'm still like, I'm still fantasizing around what I 1:11:10.000 --> 1:11:12.880 what it could have been. Like, No one I wish 1:11:12.960 --> 1:11:15.840 I could have fucked that was in my stratosphere for 1:11:15.920 --> 1:11:18.320 three months and then didn't know I. 1:11:18.320 --> 1:11:21.439 Should give me some pussy. No no, no, no no. 1:11:22.479 --> 1:11:25.200 Perhaps when I was like much younger and insecure or 1:11:25.200 --> 1:11:27.040 something like, maybe he would have stayed if I would 1:11:27.040 --> 1:11:28.840 have given But I probably did give him pussy because 1:11:28.840 --> 1:11:30.599 I had way less boundaries. 1:11:30.760 --> 1:11:33.880 I mean, yeah, I could have sat on Chris brown Stick. 1:11:33.920 --> 1:11:37.040 I'm sorry that he cheated on you, But up until today, 1:11:37.120 --> 1:11:39.040 I was like, I should have done that, But now 1:11:39.200 --> 1:11:41.920 I triedn't need to do that. Oh oh oh you 1:11:41.920 --> 1:11:43.800 you wish she. 1:11:43.760 --> 1:11:45.439 Pulled it out and made out with him, and then 1:11:45.479 --> 1:11:47.479 he pulled it out. I was really young. 1:11:47.520 --> 1:11:49.479 I was like eighteen, and I was like and he 1:11:49.600 --> 1:11:51.280 was really young too, and I was like in the 1:11:51.280 --> 1:11:52.960 back of a tour bus, and so I was like, 1:11:52.960 --> 1:11:53.360 this is a. 1:11:53.280 --> 1:11:55.160 Bit getting essential was the makeout central. 1:11:55.200 --> 1:11:57.000 It was a good makeout, but it was also like 1:11:57.000 --> 1:11:59.080 there's like there's these two girls that didn't know outside 1:11:59.120 --> 1:12:00.559 the bus waiting for me. I felt like a hoe 1:12:00.560 --> 1:12:01.519 and I was like, I gotta get out of here. 1:12:01.520 --> 1:12:05.320 For everybody thinks I'm a hoe. But up until yesterday, 1:12:05.360 --> 1:12:08.360 I was like, she just did it. She just sat 1:12:08.439 --> 1:12:11.400 on it. But yeah, I'm fine. I've survived and I 1:12:11.439 --> 1:12:12.120 didn't need to do it. 1:12:12.240 --> 1:12:15.360 Mm hmm. Was before he had any of the best allegations. 1:12:15.400 --> 1:12:18.200 Guys, this is this the first time you've been still 1:12:18.280 --> 1:12:20.200 of it, like consciously in this way. 1:12:20.320 --> 1:12:22.679 I mean, it's interesting because I do have a pattern 1:12:22.680 --> 1:12:24.880 when I'm single, like I tend to it's just hard 1:12:24.880 --> 1:12:26.960 for me. Again, I'm such a romantic person. 1:12:27.040 --> 1:12:28.000 Your Capricorn music. 1:12:28.120 --> 1:12:33.160 Yeah, so there was maybe like a pretty much a year, 1:12:33.240 --> 1:12:35.400 but never two years in my life and to not 1:12:35.439 --> 1:12:37.200 even be in a relationship for this long. So that's 1:12:37.240 --> 1:12:40.599 been really interesting, and I'm like, now, like it's at 1:12:40.640 --> 1:12:42.160 first I felt like my arm was chopped off. I 1:12:42.200 --> 1:12:44.360 didn't know how to be without relationship. And now I'm like, oh, 1:12:44.400 --> 1:12:46.360 I see why women in their fifties are like, fuck it, 1:12:46.400 --> 1:12:48.400 let's just live together. Like why I have. 1:12:48.360 --> 1:12:50.479 A pink apartment. I'm like, how can I let this go? 1:12:50.680 --> 1:12:50.960 You know? 1:12:51.120 --> 1:12:54.200 But I do think there's this, like, you know, being 1:12:54.240 --> 1:12:55.680 single and doing all the things that I wish I 1:12:55.680 --> 1:12:57.600 could do, traveling, music videos, all the things. I'm like, 1:12:57.600 --> 1:12:59.360 I do feel, at least in my heart, there's just 1:12:59.400 --> 1:13:03.479 this special heart that is reserved for partnership that I 1:13:03.520 --> 1:13:05.840 just think is core to the feminine being of like 1:13:05.880 --> 1:13:08.519 we really are purposes, really are love, Like we are 1:13:08.560 --> 1:13:09.360 really here to. 1:13:09.680 --> 1:13:10.960 Give and receive love. 1:13:11.040 --> 1:13:14.080 And I think that's the biggest issue in our lives 1:13:14.160 --> 1:13:16.880 right now, is like the feminine wants to give so much, 1:13:16.920 --> 1:13:19.040 and it's like to give to someone who's going to 1:13:19.920 --> 1:13:22.040 and it's not always going to be fifty to fifty reciprocal, 1:13:22.080 --> 1:13:24.920 but like have a harmonious exchange. I have found that 1:13:25.000 --> 1:13:27.040 to be the challenge and also too, like the feminine 1:13:27.040 --> 1:13:30.280 has risen so much so like especially in La it's 1:13:30.320 --> 1:13:32.160 like we make more money than you. We're like more 1:13:32.160 --> 1:13:33.880 on our shit, more of this, moret that. So it's like, 1:13:34.040 --> 1:13:36.880 what do you actually do you inspire me? Do you 1:13:37.360 --> 1:13:39.960 anything for me? And so I see a lot of 1:13:40.000 --> 1:13:42.679 women in myself like struggle with that of like, Okay, 1:13:42.680 --> 1:13:45.600 if I am going to devote myself to someone, it's like, 1:13:47.040 --> 1:13:49.479 are you the person worthy of me devoting to Yeah? 1:13:49.560 --> 1:13:50.920 Yeah, oh absolutely. 1:13:51.400 --> 1:13:54.760 I went on a celibacy journey and I recently ended it. 1:13:55.040 --> 1:13:57.400 And I've been with my partner almost for a year now, 1:13:57.560 --> 1:13:58.080 So you ended it. 1:13:58.080 --> 1:14:00.439 With your partner, Okay, I'd been a year mm hmm. 1:14:05.760 --> 1:14:07.400 We didn't have sex for the first seven months of 1:14:07.400 --> 1:14:11.200 our relationship and I've never done anything like that. I've 1:14:11.200 --> 1:14:13.599 never been like, yeah, this is my boyfriend and we've 1:14:13.640 --> 1:14:14.280 never fucked. 1:14:16.280 --> 1:14:19.559 I was like, okay, is this Erica? Is this is you? Hello? 1:14:20.280 --> 1:14:22.560 But I had come out of such a toxic relationship 1:14:22.600 --> 1:14:24.640 and I did not trust myself. I did not I 1:14:24.640 --> 1:14:29.639 felt like I couldn't even imagine imagine like a penis 1:14:30.240 --> 1:14:34.480 approaching me, like getting even close to like my clothing. 1:14:34.680 --> 1:14:39.000 Like I was just like, get a fucking way and 1:14:39.000 --> 1:14:41.040 and so and he was also I think it was 1:14:41.080 --> 1:14:44.200 really helpful that he was also on his own celibacy journey, 1:14:44.240 --> 1:14:46.439 Like way before even meeting me, he'd already been celibate 1:14:46.479 --> 1:14:50.160 for over a year, So us saying okay, we're in 1:14:50.200 --> 1:14:52.800 this together was a lot easier because we could. There 1:14:52.840 --> 1:14:54.880 was a lot of checks and balances, like whenever there 1:14:54.920 --> 1:14:57.760 was a moment of weakness, like one person normally him 1:14:58.000 --> 1:15:03.120 would He's a very disciplined man, would like, you know, 1:15:03.200 --> 1:15:05.960 recenter us, but you. 1:15:06.000 --> 1:15:07.800 Choose a period of time like we're going to spend 1:15:07.800 --> 1:15:09.160 the first seven months of the relationship. 1:15:09.280 --> 1:15:11.840 No, there wasn't. We didn't. We didn't have a time 1:15:11.920 --> 1:15:14.080 limit on it. It was like when we know, we'll know. 1:15:15.640 --> 1:15:21.679 And it was such a beautiful chapter in our love space. 1:15:21.960 --> 1:15:23.840 And like I want to say I miss it because 1:15:23.840 --> 1:15:27.519 I'm very much enjoying the sex I'm having, but I 1:15:27.520 --> 1:15:32.320 would say it deepened the relationship and the sexual experience 1:15:32.400 --> 1:15:36.280 in a way that I've never experienced before. And creating 1:15:36.360 --> 1:15:39.880 intimacy and really having to get creative with how you 1:15:39.920 --> 1:15:44.200 share intimate intimacy with someone was like so profound and 1:15:44.000 --> 1:15:47.120 it still keeps unfolding in our relationship in different ways. 1:15:47.640 --> 1:15:50.920 And I just like I think that so many women 1:15:51.720 --> 1:15:54.519 we give up our bodies so easily out of fear 1:15:54.600 --> 1:15:56.280 because we think if we don't, they're going to leave us, 1:15:56.400 --> 1:15:59.120 or even out of like just our own sexual liberation 1:15:59.320 --> 1:16:02.080 and like wanting to receive pleasure. I deserve this pleasure, 1:16:02.400 --> 1:16:05.759 but it's like sometimes like at what cost though, because 1:16:06.000 --> 1:16:08.320 when that person leaves or it doesn't work out, of 1:16:08.360 --> 1:16:09.840 course we all feel like shit, right, like. 1:16:09.840 --> 1:16:10.920 Why the fuck did I give him that? 1:16:11.000 --> 1:16:12.880 Like I shouldn't have never done that, or sometimes we 1:16:12.960 --> 1:16:14.360 don't Like I've had times where I'm like, I don't 1:16:14.360 --> 1:16:18.880 regret it, fuck it, but I just I'm just I'm 1:16:18.920 --> 1:16:21.439 happy for you, and I'm really excited to hear like 1:16:21.520 --> 1:16:24.439 how how February fourteenth works out for you and and 1:16:24.439 --> 1:16:28.439 and beyond, just because I don't how powerful, how powerful 1:16:28.479 --> 1:16:32.639 that can be in rebuilding intimacy with with yourself most importantly, 1:16:32.680 --> 1:16:34.200 but then also the person that you choose to share 1:16:34.200 --> 1:16:34.760 your body with. 1:16:34.840 --> 1:16:37.080 So congratulations, thank you. 1:16:37.400 --> 1:16:37.679 Yeah. 1:16:37.720 --> 1:16:39.760 So what practices where you guys doing to create more 1:16:39.760 --> 1:16:40.880 intimacy with each other? 1:16:42.040 --> 1:16:46.080 Just a lot like physically in the physical space, a 1:16:46.120 --> 1:16:50.120 lot of I gazing, a lot of just deep, deep 1:16:50.160 --> 1:16:52.920 conversations a lot of just body work, touching each other, 1:16:53.640 --> 1:16:57.320 a lot of aff for like affirmation to body parts. 1:16:57.320 --> 1:17:01.120 I mean, I was we were we were playing with things, 1:17:01.200 --> 1:17:07.000 but we were not you know, penetrating things. Created a 1:17:07.000 --> 1:17:13.479 lot of safety too, just in sitting with someone and 1:17:15.040 --> 1:17:17.960 being so vulnerable, even being naked, and then like not 1:17:18.360 --> 1:17:22.120 wanting anything from you and like not crossing the line, 1:17:22.439 --> 1:17:25.800 truly not crossing the line, like created such safety in 1:17:25.840 --> 1:17:28.240 my body because I did not trust myself. I did 1:17:28.280 --> 1:17:30.840 not trust I didn't trust my choice in men. I 1:17:30.840 --> 1:17:34.200 didn't trust my ability to say no. I didn't trust 1:17:34.560 --> 1:17:37.000 like even now, we had sex recently, and we have 1:17:37.040 --> 1:17:38.479 sex all the time, but we had sex the other 1:17:38.520 --> 1:17:40.200 day and I was telling him like I really had 1:17:40.200 --> 1:17:44.000 to check myself sometimes, like when I'm receiving pleasure, I've 1:17:44.080 --> 1:17:49.840 noticed how I still perform and it feels good. 1:17:49.840 --> 1:17:51.080 But does it feel that good? 1:17:52.360 --> 1:17:52.559 You know? 1:17:52.880 --> 1:17:56.240 Like, am I moaning really loud? Did I stroke his ego? 1:17:57.160 --> 1:17:59.680 It's not even him, it's my own. It's like my 1:17:59.760 --> 1:18:00.320 own shit. 1:18:00.360 --> 1:18:02.240 I don't even know, like if it's makes me a 1:18:02.280 --> 1:18:06.880 better lover, if I'm louder, like I told him this, Yeah, 1:18:06.920 --> 1:18:09.120 I did, was I wasn't telling him that he wasn't pleasing. 1:18:09.360 --> 1:18:11.320 It was just like I had this moment during sex 1:18:11.360 --> 1:18:14.679 where I was like, it's just am I moaning? 1:18:14.680 --> 1:18:16.400 Why my moaning so loud? Is it? Is it equal? 1:18:16.479 --> 1:18:16.559 Like? 1:18:16.680 --> 1:18:18.839 Is it equal the what I makes receiving? 1:18:19.560 --> 1:18:23.080 I'm like just knowing how deeply ingrained the performative like 1:18:23.120 --> 1:18:27.439 sexual nature is to women and to me too, and 1:18:27.439 --> 1:18:29.280 and and then I asked him, like do men do this? 1:18:29.520 --> 1:18:32.720 Like do men like do you feel like performative when 1:18:32.720 --> 1:18:34.920 you're having sex? Like do you feel like And he 1:18:35.000 --> 1:18:37.720 said not in the way like that you think. It's 1:18:37.760 --> 1:18:42.479 more so like like when I'm like making checking to 1:18:42.479 --> 1:18:46.639 make sure that I'm not taking advantage of like my pleasure, 1:18:46.680 --> 1:18:49.280 like putting my pleasure before yours, and like using your 1:18:49.320 --> 1:18:52.760 body as like a masturbation a masturbation tool woman. 1:18:52.800 --> 1:18:54.200 I was like, well, I kind of like money use 1:18:54.240 --> 1:18:55.480 my body because. 1:18:55.360 --> 1:19:01.400 I like I'm kind of a sub but I get it. 1:19:01.920 --> 1:19:03.640 But yeah, like he was like, no, I don't. I 1:19:03.640 --> 1:19:06.280 don't think a lot of men have that same approach. 1:19:06.120 --> 1:19:08.360 Even like they try to like disconnect from their pleasure 1:19:08.520 --> 1:19:09.559 pleasure to last longer. 1:19:09.680 --> 1:19:11.560 Yeah, yeah, whereas. 1:19:11.320 --> 1:19:13.720 We're trying to amplify the pleasure of like you know, 1:19:13.760 --> 1:19:16.120 and I do think it's like sometimes with moaning loud, 1:19:16.200 --> 1:19:18.360 it's like it makes you more turned on. And that 1:19:18.439 --> 1:19:21.600 may be where it's coming from, right, but only you know, 1:19:21.920 --> 1:19:23.400 like to what level it's true for you. 1:19:23.400 --> 1:19:27.000 But like just like slow kissing for like two hours, 1:19:27.920 --> 1:19:31.120 like even not kissing, like doing a lot of close 1:19:31.400 --> 1:19:35.000 intimate stuff and like never even never even taking it 1:19:35.040 --> 1:19:37.360 to that and then like walking away and like that 1:19:37.600 --> 1:19:40.880 energy that's built is just like it's electric. I remember 1:19:40.880 --> 1:19:42.760 there was one time when we were first were I 1:19:42.760 --> 1:19:44.800 didn't even realize we were dating. He knew we were dating, 1:19:44.800 --> 1:19:46.479 but I didn't because I was still. 1:19:46.479 --> 1:19:47.960 In trauma mode. 1:19:48.840 --> 1:19:51.000 Like we just like sat there and like stared at 1:19:51.000 --> 1:19:53.080 each other for like ten minutes, and we like talks 1:19:53.120 --> 1:19:56.080 a little bit in between, and then like he left 1:19:56.200 --> 1:19:59.200 and walked out of the door, and like slowly I 1:19:59.200 --> 1:20:02.320 could see him, like walking slowly really like taking in 1:20:02.400 --> 1:20:05.800 the evening and like all pensive and shit. And then 1:20:05.840 --> 1:20:08.920 like I would close the door and I was my panties. 1:20:08.479 --> 1:20:11.760 Were soaked, and I was like did I say myself, 1:20:11.840 --> 1:20:13.400 Like what the fuck is going through? 1:20:13.680 --> 1:20:16.240 I was like I literally think I just like I think. 1:20:16.240 --> 1:20:19.880 I like, yeah, well, in the Pamisuthroid they write about 1:20:19.920 --> 1:20:21.640 like one of the biggest things for women is to 1:20:21.680 --> 1:20:22.320 be it was. 1:20:22.479 --> 1:20:25.519 It was like an energetic orgasm that happened, like and 1:20:25.760 --> 1:20:28.679 I could feel like my womb pulsating and like nothing 1:20:28.720 --> 1:20:33.439 had happened except just like conversation, staring and like feeling safe, 1:20:34.400 --> 1:20:36.160 you know, and like is he very spiritual? 1:20:36.280 --> 1:20:37.800 Yes, yes, very much. 1:20:37.800 --> 1:20:41.080 And so it's it's and it's and I'm so happy 1:20:41.080 --> 1:20:43.160 because I've been waiting for a man that I could 1:20:43.160 --> 1:20:45.639 even do these type of things with that would even 1:20:45.720 --> 1:20:47.680 allow the energy to build in this way and not 1:20:47.800 --> 1:20:50.760 violate the energy with like their shit, like okay, okay, 1:20:50.800 --> 1:20:53.559 that was enough, come over here, you know, you know. 1:20:53.840 --> 1:20:56.719 And so I feel very very grateful and very very blessed. 1:20:56.720 --> 1:20:59.640 And I really wish that for all women like to 1:20:59.640 --> 1:21:01.960 be able to like create that sacred space with their 1:21:02.000 --> 1:21:05.479 partner and find one that is willing to I don't 1:21:05.520 --> 1:21:07.320 want to say self sacrifice because at the end of 1:21:07.400 --> 1:21:09.400 the day, like it benefits both of us. 1:21:09.479 --> 1:21:11.240 And did he know all this stuff before you or 1:21:11.360 --> 1:21:13.360 was it his first time experiencing not with you? 1:21:13.800 --> 1:21:16.240 I think none he knew it before me, But I 1:21:16.280 --> 1:21:18.640 don't know. I think we've both been waiting for a 1:21:18.680 --> 1:21:22.599 person that we can fully put these things in practice with. 1:21:22.680 --> 1:21:26.680 I think we've had glimpses of it in relationships. We're 1:21:26.720 --> 1:21:28.960 both scorpios too, by the way, so it's like we're 1:21:29.040 --> 1:21:32.120 like just waiting for someone to be intense with that 1:21:32.160 --> 1:21:36.599 can match our intensities. And so I think that we've, 1:21:36.680 --> 1:21:38.439 like I said, like we've had glimpses of it, but 1:21:38.600 --> 1:21:41.000 never fully expressed like this. 1:21:42.040 --> 1:21:44.200 So it's really beautiful calling that in. 1:21:45.000 --> 1:21:46.639 I was going to say, it's coming, it's on. It's 1:21:46.640 --> 1:21:49.200 absolutely on its way. When you are intentional about your 1:21:49.200 --> 1:21:53.439 pussy and intentional about yourself, it's like inevitable that, like 1:21:53.600 --> 1:21:55.640 the inner like the next generation is going to be 1:21:55.800 --> 1:21:58.200 everything that you desire because you've taken the time and 1:21:58.320 --> 1:22:01.920 intention to really manifest and really sit in the energy 1:22:01.960 --> 1:22:03.800 of what that feels like and what that looks like. 1:22:03.840 --> 1:22:05.880 I think sometimes I was thinking about this as recently. 1:22:05.920 --> 1:22:07.760 Women are like I want him to be tall and 1:22:07.840 --> 1:22:11.160 dark and handsome and six' five and have make over seven. 1:22:11.200 --> 1:22:13.759 Figures you, Know but it's, like but what does it feel? 1:22:13.800 --> 1:22:16.240 Like what does the safety feel? Like BECAUSE i thought 1:22:16.280 --> 1:22:18.680 about that a lot BEFORE i was with my. Lover it's, 1:22:18.720 --> 1:22:21.639 like what kind of like the love That i'm desiring 1:22:21.640 --> 1:22:23.960 Because i'm kind of a wild girl AND i THINK i. 1:22:24.320 --> 1:22:25.920 WAS i was like gonna be a hoe. Forever no 1:22:25.960 --> 1:22:27.720 one can take, it you, know And i'm gonna be. 1:22:27.800 --> 1:22:30.040 JUDGED i talk about sex on the, internet but there 1:22:30.120 --> 1:22:32.519 was LIKE i need someone equally as, wild equally as 1:22:32.600 --> 1:22:34.840 like accepting equalis out of the. Box AND i would 1:22:34.840 --> 1:22:37.120 think about that energy a, lot like what does that 1:22:37.200 --> 1:22:40.080 feel like IF i had someone who's my friend and was, like, yeah, 1:22:40.120 --> 1:22:42.360 baby dance on that, table you know WHAT i? Mean 1:22:42.439 --> 1:22:44.479 and like that's really WHAT i called. In but it 1:22:44.520 --> 1:22:46.040 wasn't like what he looked like or how is he 1:22:46.080 --> 1:22:47.439 going to show? Up but it was like how is 1:22:47.439 --> 1:22:50.200 it going to? Feel to feel? Safe you? Know AND 1:22:50.240 --> 1:22:53.760 i think when you're intentional like you've, been you can't miss, 1:22:53.800 --> 1:22:55.559 babe That february fourteenth is gonna. 1:22:55.600 --> 1:22:57.960 Hit i'll keep you all. 1:22:57.960 --> 1:23:02.640 POSTED i can't, wait, Guys i'm still, solvent you. 1:23:02.680 --> 1:23:06.519 Know we'll. See we usually ask our guests to share an. 1:23:06.560 --> 1:23:09.240 Affirmation, wait, first pull a, card and Then i'm Gonna 1:23:09.280 --> 1:23:11.719 i'm gonna look it up when you share your, affirmation pull. 1:23:11.520 --> 1:23:12.280 A, card. 1:23:25.600 --> 1:23:26.799 Permit and. 1:23:29.120 --> 1:23:31.040 Oh the three pednacles. 1:23:31.920 --> 1:23:33.280 H read. 1:23:33.360 --> 1:23:35.800 Me, no you can tell us your. Affirmation i'm gonna 1:23:35.800 --> 1:23:36.000 look at. 1:23:36.000 --> 1:23:36.439 It i'm. 1:23:36.439 --> 1:23:38.280 Not i'm almost here a, queen. 1:23:38.800 --> 1:23:42.120 So my affirmation will be, trust, flow, surrender let. GO 1:23:42.800 --> 1:23:45.280 i find myself still saying that to myself in my 1:23:45.320 --> 1:23:48.200 head every TIME i try to future project and control 1:23:48.280 --> 1:23:50.320 and figure. Out and if this doesn't happen by the, 1:23:50.360 --> 1:23:53.400 state THEN i. Can't it's like trust to, flow, surrender let. 1:23:53.439 --> 1:23:56.640 Go i'm the One i've been wait, info, trust. 1:23:56.360 --> 1:23:59.559 Flow, surrender let. Go i've the One i've been wait, 1:23:59.640 --> 1:24:04.479 info Trust, somanda leg. Go i'm the One i've been wait. Info, 1:24:04.640 --> 1:24:05.320 okay just so. 1:24:05.400 --> 1:24:07.120 You, KNOW i DON'T i know you don't know this about, 1:24:07.160 --> 1:24:09.200 us But memila are expert video. 1:24:09.280 --> 1:24:13.200 Hosts we have been in four music videos. Together we're a. 1:24:13.240 --> 1:24:18.439 Team, Melanie, Fiona, Duran, Bernard, Jessica, Rose, Lizzy Jeff. 1:24:18.479 --> 1:24:20.639 Lizzy you have with, us and we have a music 1:24:20.720 --> 1:24:23.599 video coming. OUT i wish you guys were in It 1:24:23.760 --> 1:24:24.960 Rising yes and you. 1:24:24.960 --> 1:24:27.360 Guys lizzie even wrote a line about us in one 1:24:27.360 --> 1:24:28.960 of her, Songs yes, song. 1:24:29.000 --> 1:24:33.000 Smoking on that good bong listening to Good. Mom, YEA 1:24:34.360 --> 1:24:34.800 i love. 1:24:34.880 --> 1:24:35.360 That oh My. 1:24:35.439 --> 1:24:37.280 God shout out To Lizzie, jeff we Love. 1:24:37.320 --> 1:24:39.960 Lizzie if you haven't checked out our episodes With lizzie 1:24:39.960 --> 1:24:40.519 and make sure you. 1:24:40.600 --> 1:24:42.800 Do they are top top tier. 1:24:43.160 --> 1:24:44.920 EPISODES i think we did a four twenty one and 1:24:44.960 --> 1:24:46.920 then just a random random. 1:24:46.920 --> 1:24:48.000 ONE i love the next. 1:24:48.120 --> 1:24:48.920 Video i'm hitting all. 1:24:49.000 --> 1:24:51.080 Up, okay, yeah we're. Ready we're a team or a. 1:24:51.160 --> 1:24:53.160 Unit we only do videos. Together anyone. 1:24:53.160 --> 1:24:55.200 Listening if you have any videos dropping and doing some, 1:24:55.240 --> 1:24:58.880 casting just call. Us, yeah BOOKINGS a just feed us 1:25:00.200 --> 1:25:04.240 so it is our. PAY i just looked up The. 1:25:04.280 --> 1:25:09.719 Hermit this is very, interesting my. Dear soul, searching, introspection being, 1:25:09.760 --> 1:25:12.840 alone and inner guidance are some of the words that 1:25:13.000 --> 1:25:13.920 is for this. 1:25:14.120 --> 1:25:15.760 Card The hermit shows that you. 1:25:15.800 --> 1:25:18.640 Can you are taking a break from everyday life to 1:25:18.720 --> 1:25:21.240 draw your energy and. Attention which has. 1:25:21.280 --> 1:25:22.559 Happened i'm going to ask you to do. 1:25:22.600 --> 1:25:25.160 That The hermit shows that you are taking a break 1:25:25.200 --> 1:25:27.200 from every day life to draw your energy and attention 1:25:27.360 --> 1:25:30.680 inward and find the answers you seek deep within your. 1:25:30.720 --> 1:25:33.679 Soul you realize that your most profound sense of truth 1:25:33.720 --> 1:25:36.200 and knowledge is within yourself and not in the distractions 1:25:36.240 --> 1:25:38.920 of the outside. World you leave behind the mundane to 1:25:38.960 --> 1:25:41.679 set off on a journey of self, discovery led only 1:25:41.760 --> 1:25:45.200 by your inner wisdom and guiding. Light now is the 1:25:45.200 --> 1:25:47.439 perfect time to go on a weekend retreat or sacred 1:25:47.439 --> 1:25:50.800 pilgrimage To, dubai anything in which you can contemplate your, 1:25:50.880 --> 1:25:54.080 motivations personal values and, principles and get closer to your authentic. 1:25:54.120 --> 1:25:57.120 Self the hermit invites you to retreat into your private 1:25:57.120 --> 1:26:00.000 world and experience a deep sense of seclusion and. Interce 1:26:00.840 --> 1:26:02.679 you know that you need to take a journey alone 1:26:02.760 --> 1:26:05.879 or with a small antimate group of spiritual spiritually minded. 1:26:05.960 --> 1:26:09.160 People when you allow yourself to tune into your inner guiding, 1:26:09.400 --> 1:26:12.280 light you'll hear the answers you need and grow wise 1:26:12.400 --> 1:26:15.400 beyond your. Years find your, light shine in on your 1:26:15.400 --> 1:26:18.200 soul and create your unique. Path you'll see what lies 1:26:18.240 --> 1:26:20.760 ahead of, you not miles upon, miles but enough to 1:26:20.800 --> 1:26:23.439 know where to step. Next from, there take one step 1:26:23.439 --> 1:26:24.960 at a. Time shout out To Bitty. 1:26:25.000 --> 1:26:27.920 TARA i love that Because i'm going To india for 1:26:27.960 --> 1:26:30.439 a month. Before oh, really that would be my hermit. 1:26:30.520 --> 1:26:33.680 Time love. This see, now the cards never, lie do 1:26:33.680 --> 1:26:34.879 you want to hear The three pinnacles? 1:26:34.880 --> 1:26:36.920 Too, okay let's see that's not. 1:26:37.040 --> 1:26:40.639 It and it's funny because the thing that was hardest 1:26:40.680 --> 1:26:42.920 for me being single is being, alone, like and SO 1:26:42.960 --> 1:26:45.240 i would really sit with like why is that so 1:26:45.439 --> 1:26:45.880 hard for? 1:26:45.960 --> 1:26:46.320 Me you? 1:26:46.320 --> 1:26:48.240 Know and WHEN i would get to the bottom of, 1:26:48.280 --> 1:26:51.280 it was this feeling of like If i'm, alone LIKE 1:26:51.320 --> 1:26:53.680 i don't, EXIST i don't, matter And i'm, like why 1:26:53.680 --> 1:26:55.200 DO i feel like? That it's, like because If i'm 1:26:55.240 --> 1:26:57.720 not of service to someone, else THEN i don't deserve to. 1:26:57.800 --> 1:27:02.280 Live that was like the, deep unlike ancestral belief that 1:27:02.400 --> 1:27:04.559 probably so many women in my lineage. 1:27:04.600 --> 1:27:06.599 Act AND i was just, like of. 1:27:06.600 --> 1:27:08.759 COURSE i deserve to live If i'm not of service 1:27:08.760 --> 1:27:11.400 to someone. Else so the reason why WHEN i would 1:27:11.400 --> 1:27:13.840 feel that lonely, Feeling i'd be, like get On instagram each, 1:27:13.880 --> 1:27:15.920 chocolate get on a dating, out do something was because 1:27:15.920 --> 1:27:18.200 of that underlying core. Belief and ONCE i go was 1:27:18.280 --> 1:27:21.880 honest and reframed, that it was just, like of. Course 1:27:21.960 --> 1:27:24.200 and then what it made me realize is like what 1:27:24.240 --> 1:27:25.000 a gift it is to be? 1:27:25.040 --> 1:27:25.720 Alone you. 1:27:25.760 --> 1:27:27.960 Know it's, LIKE i, mean you guys have have. Daughters 1:27:28.000 --> 1:27:29.680 but it's like it showed me in the. Future it's 1:27:29.680 --> 1:27:31.519 like one day you're gonna have kids and you're gonna. 1:27:31.280 --> 1:27:33.720 Wish you had alone, too, girl you. 1:27:33.720 --> 1:27:41.000 Know and here you are crying an organ to be. 1:27:41.040 --> 1:27:45.080 Alone that speaks volumes too about your lineage in. General 1:27:45.080 --> 1:27:47.840 when you're thinking about you, know your you're like the 1:27:47.880 --> 1:27:51.000 women in like in your family who have probably felt 1:27:51.000 --> 1:27:53.599 a lot like their purpose was their. Men and just 1:27:53.640 --> 1:27:56.240 like how many like years and hundreds of years back 1:27:56.280 --> 1:27:59.480 has that that that existed in your, bloodline this, patriarchy 1:27:59.520 --> 1:28:03.720 and you like like breaking that. Shit you don't this 1:28:03.760 --> 1:28:05.519 is not your purpose and you're not needed in this. 1:28:05.600 --> 1:28:07.559 Way you have your own purpose and your own, dharma 1:28:07.720 --> 1:28:11.479 which was probably so cluttered with shit because of you, 1:28:11.520 --> 1:28:13.840 know the patriarchy and like religion and all these other. 1:28:13.880 --> 1:28:17.080 Things but all, yeah but just, Cellularly, yeah on a cellular, 1:28:17.280 --> 1:28:20.559 level it's hard to break because. Painful, yeah that's a 1:28:20.560 --> 1:28:21.599 specific thing to come. 1:28:21.680 --> 1:28:24.120 Up it's like it's not when a crackhead goes into 1:28:24.240 --> 1:28:27.120 like like three have and they're, like you know how 1:28:27.200 --> 1:28:34.200 painful it is to like detox draw the, ship, like, yeah. 1:28:32.560 --> 1:28:35.799 The three of, pinnacles the, stone the stone mason couldn't 1:28:35.840 --> 1:28:38.479 build the cathedral without the help of the, architects and 1:28:38.520 --> 1:28:40.559 they couldn't build it without. Him each person has an 1:28:40.600 --> 1:28:42.640 important role to, play and when they come together as 1:28:42.680 --> 1:28:45.439 a team they can they can create something much more 1:28:45.479 --> 1:28:48.400 significant than if they were undertaking the project on their. 1:28:48.439 --> 1:28:50.280 Own so when the three Of pinnacles turns up in 1:28:50.320 --> 1:28:53.200 the tarot reading take it as a sign to collaborate with, 1:28:53.240 --> 1:28:56.280 others create synergies to achieve big. Results the three Of 1:28:56.320 --> 1:28:59.120 pinnacles represents the value of different ideas and levels of 1:28:59.160 --> 1:29:03.439 experience and. Collaboration the architects respect and specialized knowledge of the. 1:29:03.439 --> 1:29:06.639 Stones the stonemason and the stone mason appreciates the wisdom 1:29:06.840 --> 1:29:10.360 and experience of the. Architects even though their, backgrounds, experience 1:29:10.479 --> 1:29:13.160 levels of expertise are very. Different they can come together 1:29:13.240 --> 1:29:15.919 to share their insight in a way that creates synergy 1:29:15.960 --> 1:29:21.759 and improves the finished. Product so this card is all about, teamwork, 1:29:21.840 --> 1:29:23.040 collaboration learning and. 1:29:23.080 --> 1:29:25.799 Implementation february. 1:29:25.800 --> 1:29:29.320 Four maybe after your, Hermity, yeah maybe after your pilgrimage. 1:29:28.760 --> 1:29:33.360 And make a. Team but, YEAH i think it's like women. 1:29:33.200 --> 1:29:35.040 Are the ones who ultimately support each other more than. 1:29:35.040 --> 1:29:37.920 Anything absolutely you, know it's like and you're in so 1:29:38.000 --> 1:29:39.960 much for a relationship and romance partner and spend all 1:29:40.000 --> 1:29:41.160 of our, time but it's, like at the end of the, 1:29:41.240 --> 1:29:42.960 day even when you're in the, relationship it's like your 1:29:42.960 --> 1:29:44.599 girls will understand you in a way that no one else. 1:29:44.640 --> 1:29:46.519 Will, Amen i'll shay to. 1:29:46.560 --> 1:29:51.639 That, yeah women understand. Women, well thank you badass women 1:29:51.840 --> 1:29:54.759 for coming on our. SHOW i really appreciate your energy 1:29:54.800 --> 1:29:56.519 and your. Sharing can you tell our people where they 1:29:56.520 --> 1:29:56.880 can find? 1:29:56.920 --> 1:29:59.320 You, yeah so they can connect with me On. INSTAGRAM 1:29:59.360 --> 1:30:02.599 i am SAHAR i Have dharma archetype quiz to learn 1:30:02.600 --> 1:30:04.599 more about your. DHARMA i have dosha quizes as. Well 1:30:04.680 --> 1:30:08.120 they're all on my website i amsaharos dot. Com you 1:30:08.120 --> 1:30:10.160 can check out my podcast as. Well hi a, self 1:30:10.280 --> 1:30:12.080 so thank you all so much for having me. Here 1:30:12.080 --> 1:30:13.320 we'll also link my music as. 1:30:13.360 --> 1:30:15.120 Well, yes, yes we have, to. 1:30:15.640 --> 1:30:17.639 And y'all know where to find us At Good Mom's 1:30:17.800 --> 1:30:21.599 Underscore Bad choices On, Instagram Good Momsbad choices dot. Com 1:30:21.680 --> 1:30:24.719 check out our, retreats check out our merch check out 1:30:25.040 --> 1:30:27.519 all the, shit and make sure if you're listening to 1:30:27.560 --> 1:30:30.240 this On, apple which eighty nine percent of you ARE 1:30:31.280 --> 1:30:31.800 i need you. 1:30:31.760 --> 1:30:33.639 To go and leave us a? Review pretty pretty? 1:30:33.640 --> 1:30:34.080 Please right? 1:30:34.120 --> 1:30:34.719 Now don't. 1:30:34.880 --> 1:30:36.720 Pasco don't let someone text you and send you a 1:30:36.800 --> 1:30:39.439 voice notes so you forget leave the fucking. Review you 1:30:39.479 --> 1:30:42.240 listen to all this. Beautiful if you. 1:30:42.200 --> 1:30:44.960 Don't know what to, say just say. Whatever your favorite 1:30:44.960 --> 1:30:47.679 part of this episode is in the Review easy. 1:30:47.479 --> 1:30:51.400 Peasy thank, YOU i love, you and little talkson hye 1:30:51.560 --> 1:30:55.000 hie please, Yeah i'm? 1:30:55.040 --> 1:30:55.559 Good this so? 1:30:55.720 --> 1:30:56.280 Good can't you? 1:30:56.439 --> 1:30:58.880 SALE i went through with drought that's STILL i found 1:30:58.880 --> 1:31:00.920 a will may might have been On. EARTH i used 1:31:00.960 --> 1:31:03.120 to be broken, hell now got the blues in to 1:31:03.240 --> 1:31:06.040 like beyoncey just hell throat shot or pop in his 1:31:06.160 --> 1:31:08.680 car where in their, voices patriarchy kept it in the 1:31:08.760 --> 1:31:11.639 box to it's. Footage women put the pee and, powers 1:31:11.680 --> 1:31:13.720 so what's? Pointless they want me to be, good SO 1:31:13.840 --> 1:31:14.519 i mean bad. 1:31:14.680 --> 1:31:17.479 Choices bad. Mom not a bad, mom but a bad. 1:31:17.560 --> 1:31:19.800 Mom it's in the cannapus in their. 1:31:19.880 --> 1:31:22.720 Bath bon walked in bossls cap AND i blew his cat. 1:31:22.800 --> 1:31:23.320 Balls hot. 1:31:23.439 --> 1:31:26.120 Dog Now i'm immune to the cat called her being, 1:31:26.200 --> 1:31:28.519 no waisted straight to it like a dollar. Sign mother 1:31:28.600 --> 1:31:30.479 rent the lover when too with it's like a water 1:31:30.600 --> 1:31:33.440 sign where you're renting winter essential With when the, SUMMERTIME 1:31:33.640 --> 1:31:35.400 i do What god ain't no one that needs to 1:31:35.479 --> 1:31:35.960 run it by