WEBVTT - When You’re Feeling Judged, Consider the Source (Also: Labia Changes No One Talks About) 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:04.640 All right, break it down. 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:07.880 If you ever have feelings that you just won't some 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:11.400 Amy and Cat got your cove and locking No, brother, 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:14.960 ladies and felons, do you just follow an the spirit 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:18.880 where it's telling over real stuff, tell the chill stuff 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.799 and the m but sway. Sometimes the best thing you 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:27.360 can do it just stop you feel things. This is 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:28.640 feeling things. 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:29.360 With Amy and Kat. 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:32.040 Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and. 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:35.640 I'm Kat, and I am feeling empowered today. 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.280 That is the feeling of the day, feeling. 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:38.360 Of the day. 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:38.720 And why. 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:41.919 Well, so before I get into why I'm feeling empowered, 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:45.159 I do want to I guess you could call this 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:47.800 well it is a compliment. You know how we've talked 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:51.480 about not knowing how to dress and like watching these 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:54.600 people and them saying where this not that whatever, blah 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:59.320 blah blah. I've been seeing a lot of videos about 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:02.520 how the one piece of clothing you need for this 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:04.680 season is a crew neck sweater. 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:09.840 Oh you're wearing? Is that what I'm wearing? The white 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:14.120 T shirt underne Yeah you know this one girl. I 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:15.960 didn't do this today because I felt like I was 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:19.400 going to be uncomfortable. But She said she wears her 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:23.039 white shirts the T shirt she wears undersweaters backwards because 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:25.080 the back of the neck sits higher up, so that 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:28.360 way the white part really shows. So that could be 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:29.880 a pro tip that I've never tried. 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:33.600 Also, people take fashion tape and tape their crew neck 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:35.200 to their white shirt so it stays. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.440 Oh see, because I will say I've had the problem 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:40.679 today of like having to pull it down to make 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:42.959 sure that the white is showing, because. 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:45.520 The fashion tape is probably more comfortable, yeah. 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.600 Than wearing it backwards. You has a thick tag, and 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:51.200 I'm like, I don't want that like on my neck. 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:54.640 Yeah, but I just wanted to empower you. 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:59.840 Well, thank you pause pause, paws for the compliment. My boyfriend. 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:02.120 It's so cute, you know, because he listens to our podcast. 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:04.480 I didn't know he listened as much as he did, 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.240 and I can't say that he's listened to every single episode. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.799 But the other day he gave me a compliment and 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:13.639 I really didn't take it well, like I just sort 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:16.120 of like what no, And he was like he looked 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:19.840 at me and goes, thank you, pause paus, pause paus, 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:24.280 And I was like, oh, touche, Okay, you've been listening 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:27.679 to the podcast, so he knows and he retains info 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:32.280 and male listener check. All right, So why are you 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.400 feeling empowered? And thank you for empowering me. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:38.880 You're welcome. I'm feeling empowered because I was at a 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:42.520 presentation recently and I had taken these notes and I 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.160 just hadn't. I guess I forgot about them. I was 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.040 going back through like I was trying to clean up 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.560 my notes app, which I'm assuming your notes app looks 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:50.720 kind of like my notes app. 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:54.040 Yeah, but I've never thought about cleaning it up, should I? 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.200 Because I mean, I do have a storage is shoe? 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:57.840 Yeah, I think mine was because I have a storage 0:02:57.960 --> 0:02:59.640 shoe and I have all these notes and it's like 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:04.400 chicken thighs, What am I gonna do next Saturday? Like 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:06.560 it's like the randomest stuff on the same note, like 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:08.720 they don't make sense. But I had this. I found 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:10.919 this one note that had notes from this presentation I 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:14.160 went to and I don't know, I'm assuming it was 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:17.200 from this person. I wish I could credit them, but 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:20.400 of course, knowing me, the notes had no other context 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:22.960 of it, and it was just a quote that the 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.280 person said are you looking up your notes? 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:26.160 Yeah? 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:27.520 Well, what are your notes look like? 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:30.239 What did Santa bring the naughty soccer Flayer? 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:36.480 What Cole get it? 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:39.520 Gold col? Okay, I that was I don't know. That's 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:41.560 the note I ended up on. I have lots of those. 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:42.640 You probably could delete that. 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:48.680 What what if I need it? Here's another note. I 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:50.800 met Kat exactly four years ago. 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:51.440 Stop it. 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:53.880 And that was on February fifteenth, twenty twenty four. I 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:57.200 must have been journaling about it. Wait, why how did 0:03:57.200 --> 0:03:59.160 you just randomly find that? Just kidding? It must be 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:01.040 notes from a fifth a long time ago. 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:03.920 Yeah, we met on in February. 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:07.360 What, Well, it was February twenty twenty four, and we 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:09.840 met in February of twenty twenty. 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:12.440 Wait did that? Oh? That didn't say the date we met. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.960 It's a day that I made the notes, was what it? Well, 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:18.560 it must have been a fifth thing where we were 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:21.400 talking about maybe we met exactly four years ago at 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:24.440 that time, and it was February twenty twenty four, and 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:28.960 then if we met in February twenty twenty that's four years. Oh. 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.680 I was just hoping that the date was like maybe 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:32.760 the same day that I met Patrick that could be 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:37.280 like my lucky what day did you meet Patrick February fifteenth? 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:42.240 Oh no, I don't think. Yeah, maybe maybe we did. 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:44.640 Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. I will I could 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:46.200 look it up because I could look at what day 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:49.480 we recorded outweigh in twenty twenty, because Lisa flew into town. 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:52.800 I know that it was right before COVID hit New 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:56.719 York because she's from New York and she was in 0:04:56.880 --> 0:05:01.159 Nashville and then flew out, and then the torn happened here, 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:04.920 and then she got back and New York was starting 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.880 to get really eerie. Yeah, and so it was bizarre 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:11.039 for her. She's like wow, because it had the tornado 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:16.000 happened like earlier, she would have been here. No, No, No, 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:20.000 she didn't. She would probably wouldn't come because I had 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:23.200 no electricity. She stayed with Like, no, I had to 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.280 go stay in a hotel because it's like a block 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:26.279 from my house. 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:32.039 Because you were in your old house. Okay, every lane Okay. 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:34.400 So I'm feeling empowered because I came across this note 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:37.680 from this presentation. I can't remember who it was. I 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.320 could probably figure it out at some point, but the 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.960 note just said, when you're feeling judged to get down 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:46.560 on yourself, consider the source. Is the source qualified to 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:51.279 be giving judgment? Oh and I just thought, like it's 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:53.680 so simple. That's like the simplest thing ever. It's like 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:56.760 the we say things like that all the time. But 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.080 the thought of like, consider the source hit me a 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:03.760 little different because I'm so hard on taking information from 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:07.039 people that aren't reliable, you know that about me. I'm 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.280 not going to take recommendations for things from somebody who's 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.039 not qualified in the medical field, if it's about medical stuff, 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:15.400 if it's about nutrition, I'm not going to be taking 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:19.840 recommendations for somebody that's just a random person with no credentials. 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:23.760 And so why are we so quick to take judgment 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:28.720 or feedback or recommendations on how we should be living 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.279 or what we're doing wrong or right when the people 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:35.240 don't really know much about us and our stories. 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:37.479 And yeah, they're professional in US. 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:40.560 In US, well, I just thought that was so interesting, which. 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:42.520 A side note on that, you'll love that. In China, 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:49.520 I believe I think it was late October, they implemented 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:55.400 a law where people online like social media platforms, have 0:06:55.480 --> 0:07:00.640 to have some form of certification, license or degree in 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:01.840 whatever it is they're talking about. 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:02.920 Wait, are you for real? 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:07.200 I'm as for real as the article that I came across. Okay, 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:10.440 so I mean you can fact check it, but I did. 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:11.720 That's cool, see that. 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:15.120 I think maybe Mosh had it in his newsletter or something. 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:17.560 Now, the only thing that is coming up for me 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:22.200 as feedback for that or criticism of it, is it 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.640 kind of does censor your like freedom of speech. 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:26.320 A little bit? Well, you know, yeah, I'm not going 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:28.360 to say that that's what they're into, but yeah. 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.160 That might be what they're into. But part of that 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:33.559 makes sense because there's a lot of misinformation out yes, 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:35.920 and there's a lot of confusion, and you can get 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:39.560 very overwhelmed easily. Anybody who has the Internet knows that well. 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.680 And I'm the opposite of you of you. You know, 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:43.560 you're like, you know, I don't want to take advice 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.480 from anybody unless they are an expert in X Y Z. 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.000 And I'm like, did you see this person on TikTok? 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:52.040 I have no idea their background, but they said yeah, 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:54.000 and I you know. 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:55.440 Go with it, go with it. 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:58.320 So you're right, I need to be more cautious in 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:00.560 that area. And then here in the US, if we 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:03.560 could just implement that law, that'd be great, which I 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.000 do understand the censorship behind it, but it would be 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:09.680 great if if you're gonna talk about something medical or 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:15.080 give advice about serious then like, yeah, go ahead and 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.280 slap your credentials at the beginning of the video. 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:21.320 And if you want to talk about it, like this 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.800 could be taken different ways. So I want to be 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:27.560 somewhat careful and how I say it, but like, if 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.800 you want to be a therapist, you can do it, 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:34.040 Like you can go to school and get licensed in it, 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:36.719 and then there's a track for you to be able 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:37.880 to then have that channel. 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.120 You know, well, yeah, there's a lot of life coaches 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.880 that would be in trouble. Yeah, and I do if 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:44.880 we were in China and there's a place for life coaches, 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:45.760 I agree, you. 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:49.200 Say, like if you stay in your lane, I don't there. 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:52.080 I recommend some of my clients to go to life 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.600 coaches for certain things that like are out different from 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.040 what I do. So it's not even like hating on that. 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.560 It's like, oh, like if you want to be a 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:02.960 doctor be giving medical advice, like you could do that 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:05.480 now Easier said than done. I know that finances and 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:07.319 all of that, but still. 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:10.120 Yeah, I guess that's true. There's there's a nuance here, 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:11.760 and I guess it depends at the end of the 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:14.319 day ut or rather live here than there. 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.679 So yes, we just have Channa just put in our 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.400 doc a new rule, so you're not this is credible. 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:24.160 Oh yeah, back it up with the source. A new 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:30.040 role from Cyberspace Administration of China CAC requires influencers to 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:34.280 have a degree, license, or professional certification before creating content 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:38.160 on serious topics like medicine, law, or finance. Social media 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:43.920 platforms are now responsible for verifying influencer credentials, ensuring proper citations, 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:46.280 and adding disclaimers. I think part of that can be 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.200 very helpful. Yeah, Like, I think again it's more nuanced 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:51.120 than just like you have to have this. And this 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:55.160 also says like certifications, So there are plenty of certifications 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:57.440 that don't require to go to grad school to be 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.320 able to speak on certain things exactly. 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:00.000 Yeah. 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.040 Okay, So, as I was thinking about this quote that 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.400 I found, it was kind of just reflecting on some 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:10.400 things I was feeling a little bit. It's well, I'll 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.080 just say I won't even qualify it I was just 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:15.760 feeling insecure about of just thought about myself and feedback 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.679 that people might be having about myself. It reminded me 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:23.280 of I did a episode on You Need Therapy, probably 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:26.760 like three years ago, on failure, and I think it 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:29.080 was because I was asking people, like, what's the one 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:33.360 thing that keeps you from going out and following your 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:35.040 dreams or like going for the things you want? And 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:37.760 it was the fear of failure. So I did a 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:40.640 whole episode on it. And I found this report and 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:45.560 it was from Populace and Gallop. So if you want 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:46.120 to go back. 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:52.280 And life, yeah, and they said, while less than ten 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:57.520 percent of Americans to find personal success in status oriented terms, 0:10:58.320 --> 0:10:59.240 a vast. 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:02.800 Majority beliefs is at large does. So I'm gonna say 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:07.079 that again. So less than ten percent of Americans qualify 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:15.839 success within status oriented terms, So like money, career? Does 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:16.360 that make sense? 0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:16.600 Right? 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.880 But I'm thinking you even think it would be higher. Well, 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:22.400 so okay, follow up a higher percentage of people. 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:25.560 Well you're you're proving the point less than ten percent 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:30.960 people really qualify success within that realm. However, the vast 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:34.600 majority of people think that other people do. 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:37.880 Yes, we think it's higher, but it's really not. 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.360 Yes, So we live in a world where we're and 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:43.040 I think that there's this. Even explaining this, my head 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:46.360 kind of gets in like a swivel because it's hard 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:50.959 to grasp that. Like, we're all walking around, well most 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:53.720 of us, actually, the vast majority most of us are 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:58.320 walking around thinking that success comes from things like quality relationships, 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:03.120 or family, or or having connection and love, all having 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:05.559 fun like all of this stuff. Most of us are 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:09.640 walking around thinking that. But then we're walking around thinking 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.960 that everybody else is judging us in a different way, 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.840 and everybody else thinks a different way. So then what 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:20.040 happens is our behaviors because we want people to think 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:23.560 we're successful, and because I mean we live in a 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:27.360 world that values success, because we have a skewed idea 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:31.560 of what people think successes, we end up chasing things 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:35.520 that we don't actually even think matter. We think other 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:37.760 people think they matter, therefore then we think they matter. 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:38.880 Does that make sense? 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:40.840 Yeah? Okay, no, I see how you can get a 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:44.680 little twisted up with but yeah, it does make sense. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:48.080 And I do think that there is something in aging 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:53.680 and maturity and growth life experience that where that some 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:56.560 ages you may have that perspective and then there is 0:12:56.600 --> 0:13:00.560 a shift, like where something happens and you realize the 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.720 reality of like what's important hopefully if you're lucky, Otherwise 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:08.040 you could end up chasing that your entire life. I mean, 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:12.360 I think of my dad, for example, like he's someone 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:18.600 that chased something well into his late sixties. I think 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:21.800 it was maybe seventy even I don't know. I'd have 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:23.720 to look at the calendar to see when the actual 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:28.280 shift happened. But I was in my thirties and he 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.559 was really old when he had his sort of wake 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:32.920 up call of like, oh my gosh, I've been chasing 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:36.000 the wrong thing, and like this is what's really important. 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:38.960 And he did get to live out several years with 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:43.040 that perspective, thank goodness. But I think you probably wish 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:45.360 he would have had that epiphany sooner. Well. 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.840 I think that speaks to the quote in the beginning 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.199 of are those people qualified to be making judgment? 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:51.480 Is? 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.040 It's another way to look at do I need to 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:56.720 put so much of my stake in what other people 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:58.640 think about me? Because at the end of the day, 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:02.240 I don't really know, and like they might be basing 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.959 that off of a skewed idea as well, and that 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.280 also brings up we've talked about before. I don't know 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:10.439 if on this podcast, but on the fifth thing back 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.280 in the day, the Regrets of the Dying. Yeah, And 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:17.160 for anybody who isn't familiar, there is this hospice nurse 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.360 that she ended up writing this book. She would ask, 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:22.480 I mean she's at the end of the end stage 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.240 of life with all of her patients. 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.480 Which that's the end. That's what hospice is. I don't 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:30.000 know that everybody is familiar with it. I had never 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.440 heard of hospice till my mom entered it. Really, I 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:36.760 had no idea that hospice literally equaled end of life. 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:39.720 When we went to this hospice house in Austin, we 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.840 thought we could eventually be checking our mom out and 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:44.800 she was going to come home and like live life 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.280 like that was my ignorance. I didn't know. 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.880 It's also like a hard wake up called yeah. 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:51.640 But I guess I'm just sharing that because if you 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.720 haven't experienced it and you don't know, you may not 0:14:54.840 --> 0:15:00.320 really have a full understanding of like hospice's Yeah, you know, 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:02.840 you can be in hospice for your life. You could 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.680 be there for a long time, but your quality of 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:08.120 life is it's not necessarily going to improve. It just 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:12.920 meant to keep you comfortable palliative care. And I did 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.320 not realize that. And I remember when my sister and 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:17.560 I were there and they handed us this pamphlet that 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.480 was sort of explaining it, and I remember pacing the 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.560 hall and being like, why are they giving us this 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.840 pamphlet about like, you know, preparing for her death. 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.760 You know, like we literally know that's what you were doing. 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:33.000 No, we learned at the hospice house that she wasn't 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:34.680 ever going to leave the hospice house. 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.480 But so you weren't aware of like the stage of life. 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.160 No, that's why I guess I'm clarifying for anybody, like 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.840 they may not know, Oh, hospice nurse, Like that's specifically 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.360 a nurse that is dealing with people that are in 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.680 their final day's ish even though hospice can last a 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:50.680 long time for some people. But that's not very common. 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:54.720 But my mom before she fell conscious unconscious there because 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.520 she went unconscious at the hospice house. But before she's 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:59.480 like I want to leave, like I want to go home, 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:00.920 Like I don't, I don't know what's going on? But 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.720 I really really really want to be at home. And 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:07.600 once we realized this was going to be her final time, 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:12.160 then we totally didn't anticipate her losing consciousness. Like it 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:14.680 was a procedure where they need to put a catheter 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:18.320 in her and I can't remember if they sedated her 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.120 for that or something. It was going to be painful, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:23.720 and then she just like never came out. But what 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:25.920 was really terrible about that? Not to be a debbie 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:30.600 down her, but she yelled at me that morning and 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:32.640 it was only because I was trying to take her 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.640 to the bathroom, hence why we ended up needing the catheter. 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:38.560 But I picked her up, tried to carry her to 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.600 the bathroom and she just didn't have the strength and 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:44.360 me touching her, she was so frailed that she like 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:46.920 screamed at me. And then I was like, what do 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:48.920 you do? I'm trying to I'm like literally trying to 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:50.960 help you when you're yelling at me. But I did 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:54.200 not realize the like it just was, you know, you're 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:57.760 you're processing so much and I think I was just 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:01.240 surviving and I this one one of my last memories 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:03.720 with her being conscious and I'm like, well, dang it, mom, 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:09.080 to go out yelling each other, which is pretty like 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:12.600 our style attracts. So we had a really really difficult 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:15.639 relationship when I was a teenager. But then in my twenties, 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:20.480 after I my brain fully developed probably twenty five shout 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:23.840 out frontal cortex. You know, I think I needed to 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:27.960 fully mature to like have a good relationship with her. 0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:30.040 Your mom just wanted to remind you where you came from. 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:32.240 Yeah, And she would always tell me. She was like 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:35.439 you just wait, you just wait wait. I mean, and 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:37.760 then now I have kids and I'm like, okay, I 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:39.760 get it. I get it. I get it. But she 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.639 knowed to being my best friend, So there is hope. 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:45.320 So for other moms out there, like if you're having 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:49.720 a difficult time with your teenager, just wait until maybe 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:50.520 they're twenty five. 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:52.720 Yeah, I think that's pretty normal. 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:56.600 Yeah. So then we got tight and then yeah, back 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:59.560 to hospice. In case anybody didn't. 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:03.000 Know what that was, thanks us on that journey. 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:03.959 Just clarified it for you. 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:08.080 Well, I serve being shocked, yeah, anything like what like 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:10.840 I didn't know, And there was this place I was 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:13.840 also the Christopher House, like I thought, this cute little 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:15.240 house my mom's going to hang out in for a 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.440 couple of days, and it's like people die there. 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:19.199 But then my mom was very clear. So after she 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:21.280 went unconscious, we were like, we need to transfer her 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:23.520 to my sister's house because she wants to be in 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.840 a home. Yeah, and like then they were like, are 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.640 you sure. So then she was unconscious and we transferred 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:32.600 her to another bed unconscious. Did the hospice nurse come 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.080 to your house then yes, So then you set up 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.840 a plan where a hospice nurse can come to the house. 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:41.439 And her hospice nurses were so great. They were just 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:43.520 so great. They brought so much joy to our house. 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:44.920 Like they were just awesome. 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:47.840 Think about the type of person who would want to 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:48.719 go into that field. 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:52.400 You have to be awesome, well. 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:53.840 I would think, so, you have to be a I 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:56.679 think it takes a special type of person to work 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.840 in transitioning people into that. 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:04.800 Yeah, you know, we can add the final signs of death, 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:06.600 which is what we're originally talking about. 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.960 I don't signs of death, it's the regrets of the dying, 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:12.119 That's what I mean. 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:17.800 You know, let me share signs of death. 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:36.639 Purple skin cold to the touch. While I do this, Shannon, 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:38.119 can you look up the author of this book, The 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:39.520 Regrets of the Dying. I want to say her name 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:40.160 is Bonnie. 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:44.920 Yes, her name was Bonnie, yes, but I can't think 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:45.600 of her last name. 0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:51.720 Yeah. I think I started this Clyde Bronnie. I wanted 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:53.000 to say Bonnie Claire. 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.600 Okay, and I thought Bonnie Clyde. 0:19:55.960 --> 0:20:00.840 Bronnie where Bronnie where Bronnie where? Okay? So Brownie Ware 0:20:00.960 --> 0:20:04.119 was a hospice nurse and she would ask her patients 0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:06.960 what regrets they had, and she put them into these 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:09.360 five different categories. I can't remember all five of them, 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:11.800 so maybe Shannon can put those into the dock. But 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:14.560 the number one regret of the dying was I wish 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:17.320