Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I have the amazing Cherie joining the podcast
Speaker 2: today because we had asked people to send in their
Speaker 2: questions and Shuri is incredible, so obviously we wanted to
Speaker 2: get her back on to go through these questions since
Speaker 2: I am not an expert and she is so CHERI.
Speaker 3: Hi, so good to see you. Good to see you too.
Speaker 3: Are you doing good? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah good. I am like it's one of those
Speaker 2: things where I didn't realize how much I depended on
Speaker 2: the other person in my life to like help, you know,
Speaker 2: And it was one of those things where it's like, uh,
Speaker 2: I hired a nanny and she quit, and so now
Speaker 2: I have zero help. And it's one of those things
Speaker 2: where I'm like, I had just a total meltdown there night.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I did not ask for this to be
Speaker 2: like doing.
Speaker 3: This alone, you know, it's so hard.
Speaker 2: So I think I'm just like in a little funk.
Speaker 2: I'm being totally honest, but I'm.
Speaker 4: Gonna tell you though, I'm so sorry that she quit,
Speaker 4: but you're gonna get used to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I honestly like, I don't even need anybody.
Speaker 2: I think I just needed someone and like for that
Speaker 2: first month just to like help me with like things
Speaker 2: that like you know, when I was struggling with like
Speaker 2: depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay, I really
Speaker 2: just need help on like I only really need help
Speaker 2: like maybe one day a week because the other day
Speaker 2: is like Jolie's going to school and but yeah it is,
Speaker 2: but it's you know, it's just I have to Now
Speaker 2: I'm like the woman in the man of the house, right,
Speaker 2: so it's like I have to like, oh, crap, I
Speaker 2: forgot to take like I forgot to take out the
Speaker 2: trash can this morning, and like I'm like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: like those are things that like weren't my responsibility. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you know, I'm like I was calling one of
Speaker 2: my girlfriends, a Pamelin who I've had on the show
Speaker 2: a bunch. I'm like, like the air filters in the house,
Speaker 2: like I don't know what, Like I don't know what
Speaker 2: I'm doing. And then I'm like how often do I
Speaker 2: have to? So it's like learning all the like things
Speaker 2: that usually a man would take care of. And again,
Speaker 2: like I like the fact that I can now do
Speaker 2: things on my time and like when I like stuff
Speaker 2: gets done around the house, which I love now because
Speaker 2: I'm I'm in control of it. It's great. At the
Speaker 2: same time, the other day, my poor neighbor. I called
Speaker 2: one of my neighbor husbands and I was like bawling
Speaker 2: and I was just like, there's a sprinkler like spewing
Speaker 2: out and I don't even know who to call.
Speaker 3: And like the same day, like.
Speaker 2: My water heater, like I was trying to give Jason bath.
Speaker 2: He's screaming. Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want
Speaker 2: to take a shower, and I'm like trying to turn
Speaker 2: the water on hot and it wouldn't get hot, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I can't, you know, You're just like
Speaker 2: to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I
Speaker 2: don't know how to turn the water heater back on.
Speaker 3: But it's like learning those things now.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like, I'm a total I'm a total
Speaker 2: catch because I'm a man and a woman.
Speaker 4: That's what I was gonna say. Seriously, because you can
Speaker 4: I've never met somebody who is so capable like you,
Speaker 4: who's just like running all the things. And we've talked
Speaker 4: about that even before You're getting divorced, so you can.
Speaker 4: And I think you're brilliant that you called the neighbor
Speaker 4: husband because I was gonna say, I did things like, look,
Speaker 4: I know that I have an equal masculine and we
Speaker 4: all do and I can. I can do it all,
Speaker 4: but I don't want to.
Speaker 3: I don't want to.
Speaker 4: Take out the trash. So I started, like I hired
Speaker 4: man cleaners. So the man cleaners came to my house,
Speaker 4: all dudes, because I was just like, oh, it's testosterone around.
Speaker 4: It just has a different impact, you know, So task rabbit,
Speaker 4: runt a husband, they're all out there for these reasons.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: I had some I had a few people over in
Speaker 2: one of the guys the hut, like the husband's.
Speaker 3: I was like, they're like, you know, anything you needed
Speaker 3: me to do?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I mean, if you want to
Speaker 2: pick up the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely,
Speaker 2: where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's
Speaker 2: like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 2: how to do it. Having said that, I called my
Speaker 2: mom because my mom went through a divorce when she
Speaker 2: was well, when I was a freshman in high school,
Speaker 2: and you know, I called her freaking out about the
Speaker 2: water heater, and I'm like, how do I relight it?
Speaker 2: How do I know if it's broken if I need
Speaker 2: a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like
Speaker 2: Jason's screaming in my arm, because the last thing I
Speaker 2: wanted to do was like call my ex or calls
Speaker 2: you know, Like, I was like, I got to figure
Speaker 2: this out like myself, you know. So I called my
Speaker 2: mom because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.
Speaker 2: She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part
Speaker 2: and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like
Speaker 2: she like she became the man too, and you know,
Speaker 2: to this day, she's like, you know, she lasts like
Speaker 2: her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So she's
Speaker 2: like she's like, yeah, she's like I can do all
Speaker 2: of this. And so she told me how to like
Speaker 2: relight it, and it was it was a nice little
Speaker 2: bonding moment, but it's it is very interesting and you forget,
Speaker 2: like you forget how much you do lean on that
Speaker 2: other person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I start to go.
Speaker 2: Oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe I should have
Speaker 2: been more appreciative of like those moments since then I
Speaker 2: start to like be upset about that, So I'm like, shoot,
Speaker 2: like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.
Speaker 4: There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I
Speaker 4: always talk to you about, like what's the good reason
Speaker 4: and what's the gift in all of this. You're just
Speaker 4: becoming a better human moment by moment, And this is
Speaker 4: like a note to all of us that we need
Speaker 4: to teach our girls these things, because I don't think
Speaker 4: it needs to be a gender role. It should be
Speaker 4: that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the
Speaker 4: best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished
Speaker 4: by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking
Speaker 4: out the trash or picking out the boop. So there
Speaker 4: should be a way to outsource to whoever would enjoy
Speaker 4: and not be taken out by these roles, not dependent
Speaker 4: on our.
Speaker 3: Gender for sure.
Speaker 2: No, I ended up even saying like I can't because
Speaker 2: I thought I was gonna be able to like keep
Speaker 2: both dogs, you know, because I have the kids, and
Speaker 2: I was like, I ended up saying like I can't
Speaker 2: keep the dogs anymore. Like I'm like they're they're sending
Speaker 2: me over the edge. Like I have too much to
Speaker 2: take care of that like the fact that like the
Speaker 2: dog dug up the sprinkler and broke it and then
Speaker 2: dug up underneath. I was like, I like, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't have another ounce in my like or second
Speaker 2: in my day to deal and I felt I feel terrible,
Speaker 2: but at the same time and I'm like, I just
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't have them around right now because
Speaker 2: it's like the last thing I want is for me
Speaker 2: to be yelling at my kids because my dogs are
Speaker 2: not pissing me off.
Speaker 4: No, sincerely, And I would take away the feeling terrible
Speaker 4: right now because I've said it to you before. The
Speaker 4: more you want to give, the more you need. And
Speaker 4: you have a high bar for how you want to
Speaker 4: run your business and your life and be a mama.
Speaker 4: And if the dogs are leaking energy and there's an
Speaker 4: equally lovely home for them to go to that would
Speaker 4: have you be able to be the mom you want
Speaker 4: to be, then that's a brilliant move.
Speaker 3: And I was thinking it kind of could be cute.
Speaker 2: To like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe Christmas time when I have time and
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I like want one dog not to
Speaker 2: and not that destroy right, you know, but then again
Speaker 2: a puppy wolf. I don't know, but maybe maybe I'll
Speaker 2: be in a different spot and you know, however, many
Speaker 2: months the way that is, we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: So Shari, we have some listener questions and I want
Speaker 2: to just dive in if that's cool. This is from Christina.
Speaker 2: I'm currently going through a separation and I'm going through
Speaker 2: a similar situation to Eu Jana and would love to
Speaker 2: get your advice.
Speaker 3: A little background.
Speaker 2: My daughter is four and my son is nice eighteen months,
Speaker 2: and I have no idea what to say to my
Speaker 2: daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has
Speaker 2: Jana talked to Jolie about anything going on or why
Speaker 2: things are the way they are? If you feel comfortable,
Speaker 2: I would love to know what you have said to
Speaker 2: her or done to understand, help her understand, and I
Speaker 2: would love to sre like what I had said to
Speaker 2: Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are
Speaker 2: are not going to be married anymore. I was like,
Speaker 2: but we're going to be great friends and we still
Speaker 2: love each other and we love you, and we're going
Speaker 2: to have separate houses, and so you're going to have
Speaker 2: a bet at Daddy's and you're going to have a
Speaker 2: bed here, and this is your home and that's your home.
Speaker 2: And like I just kept saying like we love you,
Speaker 2: we love you, we love you, we love you. And
Speaker 2: then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything
Speaker 2: you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?
Speaker 2: And the only thing that she I think she said
Speaker 2: it was like can I watch my iPad? Now? I'm like,
Speaker 2: like I didn't know if like I didn't know, I
Speaker 2: like it like a registered to her. But then my
Speaker 2: friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like mommy
Speaker 2: and Daddy don't live together anymore, Mommy and Daddy have
Speaker 2: like separate houses. So I it now I know that
Speaker 2: she gets it. And like last night was the first
Speaker 2: night that it was overnights and that was so incredibly
Speaker 2: painful because that was, yeah, the first time that I've
Speaker 2: experienced not having the kids in my home and in
Speaker 2: our house. And but I wonder, like, you know, is
Speaker 2: it something because I've talked to a few people that
Speaker 2: said that they send their kids to a place to
Speaker 2: you know, talk to someone about it or and it's
Speaker 2: so hard for me, and sure you like maybe for
Speaker 2: this other person too, like she gets excited about Dad's
Speaker 2: house and like a part of me like dies inside
Speaker 2: and I'm like, that's great.
Speaker 3: Like, oh my goodness, you love your room.
Speaker 2: And then in my mind, I'm like, what do you
Speaker 2: want in your room? Do you want new bump beds?
Speaker 2: Like you know what I mean? And obviously I can't
Speaker 2: do that because I'm like, how do you do that healthy?
Speaker 2: Like obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's great. I'm so glad you love it so much,
Speaker 2: but it kills me so help us out here?
Speaker 3: How do we do it?
Speaker 4: Ye?
Speaker 3: Did I do it? That's so normal?
Speaker 4: No, no, I think And you know, I'd love to
Speaker 4: just tell everybody.
Speaker 3: I don't think there's a wrong. There's no right or wrong.
Speaker 4: For each one of us, with our children who chose
Speaker 4: us in this life, We're going to go through this
Speaker 4: at our own pace in a way that with the
Speaker 4: best you know, with the best intentions, with all that
Speaker 4: we have to give. So I just I want to
Speaker 4: like have everybody take a deep breath about that. And
Speaker 4: I think it's different for every home. So what you
Speaker 4: did it was very similar to what I did is
Speaker 4: I think we did a slow, you know, a sort
Speaker 4: of slow transition, and I think that's always helpful when
Speaker 4: it can be slow. It can't always be, but to
Speaker 4: have the kids get used to they my kids were
Speaker 4: already used to distance. Their dad didn't always he worked
Speaker 4: in la and so he wasn't always home, so there
Speaker 4: was some slow getting used to not having him around
Speaker 4: as much. And then when we decided that we were
Speaker 4: actually going to separate and that it would that it
Speaker 4: would be permanent, we told them that we loved them,
Speaker 4: and the exact same way that you did, like drenching
Speaker 4: them with love. We both love you. We do still
Speaker 4: love each other, because I think at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, when you meet somebody, no matter what happens,
Speaker 4: like I went through a lot of hard times with him,
Speaker 4: but you can reduce, like a good reduction sauce the
Speaker 4: relationship back to the feeling that was there in the
Speaker 4: beginning that brought you together. And so we could genuinely
Speaker 4: say we love each other, but we know we're better
Speaker 4: as friends and we're going to have two households. And
Speaker 4: it was exactly what and I think what they need
Speaker 4: is as they're ready as they ask questions because it
Speaker 4: they never can absorb at all, and they really don't
Speaker 4: know the impact that it's going to have at the beginning.
Speaker 4: But to tell them what's not going to change. Here
Speaker 4: are all the things that are going to stay the same,
Speaker 4: you know, and you can just lay it out in
Speaker 4: great detail, like you're still going to have your favorite
Speaker 4: and cheese. You know, you're still going to go to
Speaker 4: the same school. We're still going to have all the
Speaker 4: same friends, you know, all the things that they really
Speaker 4: wonder about. And then to give them a chance to feel,
Speaker 4: like you said, to grieve. If they need professional support,
Speaker 4: there are so many great humans that focus on little
Speaker 4: ones that can work on this with them. And maybe
Speaker 4: you go with them and you have some time to
Speaker 4: throw it together. They will show you if they need that.
Speaker 4: And I think you just being available for all the
Speaker 4: questions as they process, you know, your sense of confidence
Speaker 4: in the decision and knowingness is going to be like
Speaker 4: a warm blanket for them. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I definitely hear that. And I'm curious too, because I
Speaker 2: have this a situation just arise and this is going
Speaker 2: to make me sound really like mean and probably bitchy,
Speaker 2: and I and I hate that and that I'm even
Speaker 2: going to like admit this, but you know, it's all
Speaker 2: about trying to learn a little growth here. But there
Speaker 2: was because you know, I'm in charge of like, you know,
Speaker 2: the kids schooling and this and that and the other.
Speaker 2: But a part of me and he was like, well,
Speaker 2: let me know when you know it's her first day
Speaker 2: or this or that and the other.
Speaker 3: And a part of me wants to be like, it's online,
Speaker 3: look it up.
Speaker 2: Like why do I have to be in charge to
Speaker 2: tell you when your daughter's first day school is or
Speaker 2: when her first half day or when she has to
Speaker 2: take Like I don't know why it bothers me, but
Speaker 2: like the bigger person than me should be like, hey,
Speaker 2: here's the calendar of all this stuff. But at the
Speaker 2: same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.
Speaker 3: Google it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to build up,
Speaker 4: because if you find, like I did, go through I
Speaker 4: found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's share of
Speaker 4: all of it, you know, And I think in the
Speaker 4: beginning I wanted that control and I wanted you know,
Speaker 4: that freedom, and I knew I could do it. But
Speaker 4: after a while I was like, hey, sir.
Speaker 3: Can you like take over dunist stuff?
Speaker 2: You know something well, and so I don't want to
Speaker 2: mean much of that. It's more like he wont like like, hey,
Speaker 2: I want to know when this is, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: it's it's public knowledge, like go on, go on their
Speaker 2: school's website and find it out. Like and so is
Speaker 2: it okay for me to be like hey or is
Speaker 2: that bitchy of me to be like to say like,
Speaker 2: this is what this is?
Speaker 4: And that is no, not at all bitchy. It's it's
Speaker 4: the bitchy part is saying this is giving more than
Speaker 4: I have to give. That's a need in you that
Speaker 4: you want to recognize and go, ah, that feels too much.
Speaker 4: And to have your own back all the way along
Speaker 4: is the greatest way to get through this. To know,
Speaker 4: like what we've talked about this, you know, to put
Speaker 4: yourself to bed, to get extra support, to say I've
Speaker 4: that on me and I'm going to take care of
Speaker 4: me to get through this. So what it looks like
Speaker 4: is if you're in charge of education, Let's say you're
Speaker 4: in charge of.
Speaker 2: That, I mean all of it, doctor, yeah, all of it,
Speaker 2: the activities, you're in charge all of it.
Speaker 4: Too much until you don't want to be in charge
Speaker 4: of all the things. You can say, I can take education,
Speaker 4: and I can happily give you the schedule and all
Speaker 4: the things related to education. If you can take doctors
Speaker 4: and other things like, think about the other things in
Speaker 4: their life that he could take over that you would
Speaker 4: gladly want to give up or bit by bit if
Speaker 4: you say, I can do all the school stuff, but
Speaker 4: I'm going to rely on you to keep yourself up
Speaker 4: to date on the dates. It's got to be what
Speaker 4: feels right. Don't try to like steamroll the feeling that
Speaker 4: that's telling you it's too much. I don't want to
Speaker 4: do that. Yeah, it's about making a deal, you know,
Speaker 4: Like if I do this and I take on all
Speaker 4: the updates for you and everything, then what about the
Speaker 4: life like Kenny come and always be on poop duty
Speaker 4: when he comes to pick up the kids?
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: What parts do you want to give up so that
Speaker 4: you don't feel like you're doing at all?
Speaker 2: No, that makes sense, Danielle. I am loving this vibe
Speaker 2: and energy you have lately now that you're single. What
Speaker 2: is something you enjoy more now than when you were married? Also,
Speaker 2: how have the kids been doing this seems so happy
Speaker 2: as well. Now that you're single, what is something you
Speaker 2: enjoy more now than when you were married. Sure, it's interesting.
Speaker 2: I love my alone time, huh. And I have never
Speaker 2: liked alone time. I love it, like love it.
Speaker 4: If this was going to kick in when you were
Speaker 4: so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really,
Speaker 4: really really last.
Speaker 3: Night was awful.
Speaker 2: It was terrible, and I think it was because it
Speaker 2: was the first time. But I'll get into a routine
Speaker 2: of like, okay, like I'll do my like Bible study
Speaker 2: stuff on Wednesday nights or whatever, like.
Speaker 4: Oh, beauty, you will your friends will be like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: you are living the dream. You get every other weekend off,
Speaker 4: you know, you.
Speaker 2: Start to get used to it, and I get that,
Speaker 2: and but then also I'm like, but I didn't want
Speaker 2: every other weekend off. I didn't want every Wednesday off,
Speaker 2: you know. So it's like having said that though, because
Speaker 2: I do spend so much time with them, because I'm
Speaker 2: with seventy thirty is our custody seventy percent of the time,
Speaker 2: is like I need that, and now when I don't
Speaker 2: have that, I have help.
Speaker 3: I'm like Okay, I do.
Speaker 2: I know I need that like day because I'm starting
Speaker 2: to get like short or I'm starting to like my
Speaker 2: you know, my my wheels need a little grease.
Speaker 4: And yeah, I think one hundred percent for anybody is
Speaker 4: really really hard, and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you
Speaker 4: this now ability to see who you emerge as in
Speaker 4: that space. I think space is vital for all of us.
Speaker 4: Most of us don't get enough Srea.
Speaker 2: This next question I definitely want to talk to you
Speaker 2: about because I hadn't mentioned, I would say it's from Angela.
Speaker 2: Last week on your podcast, you mentioned that you haven't
Speaker 2: been happy and so long? Can you expand on that?
Speaker 2: Was it you just going through the emotions but not
Speaker 2: truly happy? And I realized when I said that, I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: this is going to come off harsh to people that
Speaker 2: probably follow us, because I did, like I should I was,
Speaker 2: you know, I was, and and you know, the week
Speaker 2: that I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man,
Speaker 2: we're so good right now, like we're so happy and
Speaker 2: like in love and like and I did feel that
Speaker 2: having and then when I said, you know, I've been
Speaker 2: unhappy for so long, that I am that I am
Speaker 2: open to having that new maybe potential partner because I
Speaker 2: have been miserable.
Speaker 3: But and people are like, yeah, but you.
Speaker 2: Want another baby, and I was like, I think I
Speaker 2: said that because yes, like's it was a for seven years,
Speaker 2: it was a struggle, like always wondering when the next
Speaker 2: shoe is going to you know, like when the next
Speaker 2: explosion was going to happen, or and it was always
Speaker 2: like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes,
Speaker 2: we had moments where we were happy and and I
Speaker 2: believed in the book that we wrote and I but
Speaker 2: there was also I don't think. I think all of
Speaker 2: that stuff and all of the things that happened in
Speaker 2: the marriage was such a weight on me that once
Speaker 2: it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy,
Speaker 2: Like I was being held down by all that energy
Speaker 2: and it really affected like me, and like that's why
Speaker 2: people now are like, oh, you look seem so happy,
Speaker 2: and I'm like in light and like because I like
Speaker 2: feel that way, and I'm like, oh my god, Like
Speaker 2: I actually was like really unhappy. But I was just
Speaker 2: like I wanted to I wanted to fight for it's
Speaker 2: so bad because it was my kids, and it was
Speaker 2: my family and it's like, God, this is what we've like,
Speaker 2: you know, we were the good fight, you know, so
Speaker 2: it's like, what a failure if I if like we
Speaker 2: don't end up together And it was just all this
Speaker 2: like stuff, and I'm like, is is it possible to
Speaker 2: be unhappy but also coasting through and having moments of happiness?
Speaker 2: Like because it confused me too even when I said.
Speaker 4: It, Yeah, well it's a big admission. You know, we're
Speaker 4: all here trying to experience happiness in life. That's the
Speaker 4: whole point of it, I think. And then when you're
Speaker 4: not and you say it's been seven years, it's a
Speaker 4: big it's a big thing to say, you know. And
Speaker 4: I think it rocks people because we're all doing a
Speaker 4: really good job on surface on social media looking like
Speaker 4: we are, you know. But you were brave enough to
Speaker 4: be honest about the weight. And I think that's it,
Speaker 4: the heaviness. You're such a good coper. You are tolerating
Speaker 4: and coping and doing your best despite this giant weight,
Speaker 4: rise up and do all the things. And I think
Speaker 4: a lot of us are a lot of us, in
Speaker 4: different areas of our life, can probably admit that there's
Speaker 4: there are a lot of obstacles and heaviness that we'd
Speaker 4: love to remove, and you just showed everybody that you
Speaker 4: can and that it doesn't have to mean that it's
Speaker 4: a failure. Because what I'm interested in seeing now is
Speaker 4: what's possible for you in the lightness. You know, when
Speaker 4: you give someone actually freedom like that what they need
Speaker 4: and you remove fear and the stress. I think you're
Speaker 4: going to see that your soul actually did call this
Speaker 4: all in because who you emerge as and the amazing
Speaker 4: amounts of love that are going to come into Jason
Speaker 4: Jolly's life, you know, through you, through Mike, through just
Speaker 4: the extended community. Now you see neighbor husbands coming over,
Speaker 4: friends coming over, like there's a whole lot added, not
Speaker 4: just being lost.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to, Ashley, I don't know,
Speaker 2: she wrote she was Does Mike I feel sorry for
Speaker 2: what he did?
Speaker 3: Did he want to try with you? Again?
Speaker 2: For so long now we have heard both of you
Speaker 2: talk on the podcast about relationship and have gotten both of
Speaker 2: your points of view.
Speaker 3: You know, Hm, I think.
Speaker 2: We both realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving
Speaker 2: either one of us, and I think there comes a
Speaker 2: time where he knew that if something were to happen
Speaker 2: to this extent that I said, I was done. And
Speaker 2: for the first time in my life, I have threatened
Speaker 2: it many times. I mean, you know, I separated from
Speaker 2: him and I had to follow through with because if not,
Speaker 2: I would have kept happening. And so I think I
Speaker 2: think he realizes that. And I think here's something too
Speaker 2: sure that I I think. I mean, he has said sorry,
Speaker 2: but there's something in me that I don't feel that
Speaker 2: certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. And
Speaker 2: I told my therapist, you know, I was just like,
Speaker 2: if I got a sorry that really felt off, like
Speaker 2: really just like and that that's what I've like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: then I can like, okay, move on and heal. But
Speaker 2: I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever get
Speaker 2: that because I don't think people in that situation will
Speaker 2: ever fully grasp what I actually and what other people
Speaker 2: actually feel in that situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and may I hope maybe one, but I can't wait.
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 2: I have I have learned that I have to walk
Speaker 2: away knowing I'll never get the sorry that I believe
Speaker 2: that I deserve, so.
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
Speaker 2: And that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I would be on my knees, like you know.
Speaker 4: But I think that just is evidence though that if
Speaker 4: there was the self awareness and the health and well
Speaker 4: being enough to say a real.
Speaker 3: Sorry like that, that.
Speaker 4: You might not be here, you know, because then that
Speaker 4: would suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware
Speaker 4: and healed, you know, not going through the struggle. Like
Speaker 4: I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced over
Speaker 4: ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but I
Speaker 4: still don't feel like there's a true awareness of what
Speaker 4: this did and the pain that it caused. And where
Speaker 4: I get my sorry, where I get closure and peace
Speaker 4: is knowing that my soul called this in, knowing who
Speaker 4: I've become because of it, Knowing that I work through
Speaker 4: all my own childhood traumas through this man, that he
Speaker 4: the perfect man to work it through. And you know,
Speaker 4: the idea that we accomplished what we were here to
Speaker 4: do in a ten year marriage versus a lifetime, Yeah,
Speaker 4: sure that we did it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to have.
Speaker 2: Like I was talking to another girl too about this,
Speaker 2: It's like we need to for the women that haven't
Speaker 2: gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be able to
Speaker 2: say like, I am sorry like that you had to
Speaker 2: go through this, yes, because you like, hey, I want
Speaker 2: that for you know. And it's like I would love
Speaker 2: that if someone did that for me, you know. So
Speaker 2: it's like there's something I think that could be really
Speaker 2: cool around that.
Speaker 4: For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I
Speaker 4: actually learned a long time ago that you know, when
Speaker 4: you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go
Speaker 4: to the person who hit you in the car to
Speaker 4: put you back together.
Speaker 3: You'd go to a doctor.
Speaker 4: You know that we can go to each other and say,
Speaker 4: I am so sorry that you're going through this. I
Speaker 4: am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt
Speaker 4: when your kids leave, for their pain, and just do
Speaker 4: a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other and
Speaker 4: that is deeply healing.
Speaker 3: It sure is. Sure, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I know you have to run, but thank you for
Speaker 2: coming on and we'll definitely have you come back on
Speaker 2: again very soon.
Speaker 4: All right, I want to give you one more thing, okay,
Speaker 4: on the note of the competition, you know, feeling like
Speaker 4: I want my room or room to be better than
Speaker 4: it likes, or I want to have a better time
Speaker 4: here at my house. Just remember that this whole idea
Speaker 4: that every child has two parents, there is only one, Jenna.
Speaker 4: Those babies will only be able to get what they
Speaker 4: need from you, through you and the way that you
Speaker 4: give it. So love on yourself for wanting to meet
Speaker 4: their needs and make them happy, like, oh, that's just
Speaker 4: coming from a longing to give them the greatest life,
Speaker 4: which is so unbelievably dear, And then just root down
Speaker 4: and know that Mike is Mike. You or you. They
Speaker 4: called in you both and they're going to get all
Speaker 4: they need from you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that. Thanks Serie. I appreciate you. All right,
Speaker 3: I appreciate you, Honey. Talks soon, all right, talk soon,
Speaker 3: all right.
Speaker 2: We're going to take a break, and then why have
Speaker 2: some more questions?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 3: Mark?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 2: First of all, how are you tell me about your
Speaker 2: life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.
Speaker 1: I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town
Speaker 1: over the weekend, and we made up for a year
Speaker 1: and a half of an activity in one weekend.
Speaker 3: So you're exhausted.
Speaker 1: You know, when you lived in La I'm sure you
Speaker 1: had this people coming to visit, and so you have
Speaker 1: to do all of the touristy things and everything you
Speaker 1: can imagine.
Speaker 2: You know what I would do though, I would just
Speaker 2: like get car and be like there's the Hollywood Walk
Speaker 2: of Fame. There's like never get out, which is it's
Speaker 2: a drive.
Speaker 1: We got out. We did a dodgery game. We did
Speaker 1: the beach, we did the Walk of Fame, we did
Speaker 1: the Observatory, we did the Santa Barbara Zoo like we
Speaker 1: were ever.
Speaker 3: That's a that's a cute zoo q zoo.
Speaker 1: We did the Brady Bunch House, the Golden Girls House,
Speaker 1: the Back to the Future house wow in three days.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch, this all
Speaker 2: the other ones. So maybe when I come to LA
Speaker 2: next week, you can do a round two and show
Speaker 2: me a.
Speaker 1: Rrady Bunch is great. Okay, the Future is great. They
Speaker 1: look just like it. They're unchanged. Golden Girls was disappointed.
Speaker 1: They've painted it, they put a fence up. They want
Speaker 1: no part of the pop culture history that they're living.
Speaker 1: And so that's too.
Speaker 2: Bad, right, that is a bummer. Yeah, all right, do
Speaker 2: we have any more questions?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 1: Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my husband.
Speaker 1: It did not expect to feel lost and fused like
Speaker 1: I do. We were together for so long and jured
Speaker 1: every part of our lives together. Is there anything I
Speaker 1: can do to feel like myself again without having him
Speaker 1: part of my life? What does help you?
Speaker 2: So I have redone pretty much the entire house. I'm
Speaker 2: about to do the podcast room. This is the last room.
Speaker 2: But I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace,
Speaker 2: and I have just rearranged. I gotten new pieces, and
Speaker 2: I actually I sold my ring, and that money from
Speaker 2: the ring was the furniture and the the new additions
Speaker 2: to the house and like the new new chairs and this.
Speaker 2: So that was like kind of my because I debated.
Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring and then
Speaker 2: I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or
Speaker 2: like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what
Speaker 2: would make me happiest is to have new energy in
Speaker 2: the house. And so I just I took that money
Speaker 2: and then I gave it to my I heard these
Speaker 2: entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and
Speaker 2: redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because
Speaker 2: this is our house, and we made memories here and
Speaker 2: and I needed to create a new space that felt
Speaker 2: like me and felt like mine. And so now I
Speaker 2: have someone actually over right now painting the bar room
Speaker 2: and I'm going to make it this really cool, little
Speaker 2: like girly you know, you know, wine bar, and so
Speaker 2: I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, I
Speaker 2: mean I the first month, like I again, because I
Speaker 2: liked that companionship. I was just you know, stared at
Speaker 2: the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.
Speaker 2: But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call
Speaker 2: a friend, or I'm starting to make my own traditions
Speaker 2: at night and you know, I'm reading books or I'm
Speaker 2: watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind
Speaker 2: of sit there. So the more that you kind of
Speaker 2: get yourself out and start doing things, you start to
Speaker 2: feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I
Speaker 2: like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out
Speaker 2: here by myself, or I like, you know, I like
Speaker 2: catching up with old friends. So just I would just
Speaker 2: find something that you try to create new spaces and
Speaker 2: also you know, go through the emotions. But then also
Speaker 2: figure out something that will make you happy and what
Speaker 2: you want to do.
Speaker 1: Sorry to jump back to this, Okay, the emotion of
Speaker 1: selling the ring. Was it a get this away from me?
Speaker 1: Or was it a pretty difficult thing or both.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's the second ring I've had to get
Speaker 2: rid of from him, because the first ring, I was like,
Speaker 2: I will never put this back on my hand. And
Speaker 2: so he had reproposed to me in Napa a few
Speaker 2: years ago with this now new ring, and I took
Speaker 2: every diamond he ever bought me and I sold them
Speaker 2: because I didn't want to look at them ever again
Speaker 2: because to me, like, for example, he brought me this
Speaker 2: be beautiful, I mean beautiful. It's actually made me sad.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful bracelet for our book to congratulate on
Speaker 2: the best time seller, and you know, just like you know,
Speaker 2: he thanked me for you know, the work that I
Speaker 2: put in in our relationship, and I wanted to keep
Speaker 2: it so bad because it was such a pretty bracelet,
Speaker 2: but it represented something that was not true, you know.
Speaker 2: For it was true that I, you know, worked very
Speaker 2: hard for the relationship, but I just didn't like the
Speaker 2: to me, it represented our book and the and it
Speaker 2: hurt me too much to keep that. So I mean
Speaker 2: I took every ear ring, I took every bracelet, I
Speaker 2: took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends,
Speaker 2: Shane Grimes and Sarah Gretzky, and we went to the
Speaker 2: jeweler and I said take it, leton know how much?
Speaker 2: And they yeah, you know, they called the guy and
Speaker 2: it felt I mean, it was sad, but at the
Speaker 2: same time, they could be the most beautiful things in
Speaker 2: the world. But if it doesn't, what they represented made
Speaker 2: them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right.
Speaker 1: And they would It's almost like a curse or something
Speaker 1: like every time you saw them, all these negative things
Speaker 1: would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I
Speaker 1: think is cathartic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: And then that's when I'm like, okay, and now I've
Speaker 2: got this check and that was well, I'm like, what
Speaker 2: am I going to do with it? Well, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: represent you know that, have cleaned the house with it,
Speaker 2: and get new new stuff, new furniture, and then get
Speaker 2: rid of the other stuff because I don't want that reminder.
Speaker 1: We get rid of the plane pictures behind you.
Speaker 2: Yes it's actually someone just got that today on Facebook.
Speaker 2: Mark Place for fifty bucks, so nice, and the food done,
Speaker 2: so I've got a hole, Like this room is going
Speaker 2: to look sick, it's going to look so cool. So yeah,
Speaker 2: this is the last room that needs to be done,
Speaker 2: so excellent.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, Kyle says, I'm curious where you are
Speaker 1: currently with your anxiety, with anxiety and myself and you
Speaker 1: had said it has calmed down so much since you
Speaker 1: went your separate ways. Has this kept up and do
Speaker 1: you have advice for me and how I can call mine.
Speaker 3: Relationally or like it was okay, So.
Speaker 2: I mentioned this on the podcast a few weeks ago,
Speaker 2: But my anxiety has been.
Speaker 3: Amazing.
Speaker 2: Like, I haven't really had anxiety. The one time that
Speaker 2: I had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning
Speaker 2: of because when I was reading all the stuff on
Speaker 2: like Twitter and Instagram, it was like China Grammar files
Speaker 2: for divorce and it set me just like into a
Speaker 2: tail span of anxiety and it was really really bad
Speaker 2: and that was hard, and we talked about that previously.
Speaker 2: But so since then, my anxiety has been great. It
Speaker 2: only gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with
Speaker 2: Mike and it's heated, it just it good brings me
Speaker 2: right back to like those moments of just our relationship
Speaker 2: and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety.
Speaker 2: And then, honestly, like what helps for me is if
Speaker 2: you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that you
Speaker 2: can do sometimes, like I'll put my feet out, I'll
Speaker 2: go outside and put my feet like you know, it's grounding,
Speaker 2: like your literally your feet to the to the concrete
Speaker 2: or grass or whatever. But there's a lot of tips
Speaker 2: on how to ground yourself. And then, I mean, I
Speaker 2: have no shame in it. I take medicine, and honestly,
Speaker 2: though I was thinking the other day, I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm I have.
Speaker 3: Such a weight lifted up.
Speaker 2: And then because I don't have anxiety and wake up
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night anymore, like I almost
Speaker 2: don't even feel like I I.
Speaker 3: Need it anymore.
Speaker 2: But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that because maybe
Speaker 2: I'm just maybe that's just the beginning.
Speaker 3: So we'll see. But just give yourself grace.
Speaker 2: And I will say this too, don't hide from the
Speaker 2: fact that there's been plenty of times when I've been
Speaker 2: afraid to talk to someone I'm like, oh, they're going
Speaker 2: to think I'm ridiculous. I'm having a panic attack. The
Speaker 2: more I say I'm having a panic attack right now,
Speaker 2: like most of the times, people can be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: how can I help you? And it helps me like
Speaker 2: know that I'm all right, And I.
Speaker 1: Think that that's a reason, like you were talking about
Speaker 1: with Shari to send him the school calendar, you know.
Speaker 3: But it makes me feel bitchy though, But you can
Speaker 3: do it.
Speaker 1: A different way, like you don't have to do it
Speaker 1: bitch Like, here you go. I think this will help
Speaker 1: you know whatever, try to spin it positively. But anything
Speaker 1: that limits the communication I think is going to be
Speaker 1: beneficial to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yes, all right, Lauren.
Speaker 1: How have you navigated learning the things your partner used
Speaker 1: to be in charge of? Oh, we hit on this
Speaker 1: a little bit earlier. For example, my partner was in
Speaker 1: charge of maintenance around the house, and the other day
Speaker 1: I had to fix a broken air conditioner. I had
Speaker 1: no idea where to start. I want to learn to
Speaker 1: do things on my own, but sometimes it's just too much.
Speaker 1: It's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming for you. Are
Speaker 1: there times you're stubborn asking for help from others.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm like, I have the hardest time asking
Speaker 2: for help, and you know, I think you have to.
Speaker 2: I think it's one of those things. Is as hard
Speaker 2: as it is for me to ask for help.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't even know the best thing. I don't
Speaker 3: even have help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay.
Speaker 2: So, for example, I was with Pamela on the other
Speaker 2: day and I was like, I'm so stressed out. I
Speaker 2: need help, and She's like, how can I help you?
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, no, no, I'm fine, and she's like,
Speaker 2: you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like
Speaker 2: saying like how can I help you? And then I
Speaker 2: was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone
Speaker 2: to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of
Speaker 2: town and I'm a town and I don't have anyone
Speaker 2: that can help. She's said, great, what time do you
Speaker 2: need me over there? I can bring the kids over,
Speaker 2: And instantly I was like, oh, really, like okay, thank you.
Speaker 2: But I'm like I don't want to burden any of
Speaker 2: my friends too, right, But at the same time, I'm
Speaker 2: like I'm I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.
Speaker 1: Jackie says, You're doing it all and it's so amazing
Speaker 1: to see. How do you juggle your kids, your work,
Speaker 1: your friends, your family, and yourself and your healing. Where
Speaker 1: do you put the priority and are there times you're
Speaker 1: torn and what to focus on? Is this easier or
Speaker 1: more difficult to do since ending.
Speaker 3: Things with your Rex, I mean, I kind of.
Speaker 2: It talks about that with Schui where my focus is
Speaker 2: And I wrote this to an email with Mike. I
Speaker 2: was like, I need you to take the dogs because
Speaker 2: they're setting me over the edge and my focus is
Speaker 2: the kids and the kids only, and I don't have
Speaker 2: I don't have a second at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: I don't because I'm with the kids and then I
Speaker 2: work when they go down. So by like ten o'clock,
Speaker 2: I'm exhausted. Do I want to go outside and pick
Speaker 2: up dog poop?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Do I want to?
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I'm like I can't. I'm like, or fix
Speaker 2: the sprinkler head that was just broken. Like so I
Speaker 2: think it's about knowing like my limitations and knowing that
Speaker 2: like I can't handle an extra set of two dogs,
Speaker 2: and it's like I so again, maybe down the road,
Speaker 2: like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm not there
Speaker 2: and I need and I need help. But I think,
Speaker 2: you know, back to the question, which.
Speaker 1: Was how do you balance it all?
Speaker 2: It's hard to balance, but I think I'm just I'm
Speaker 2: figuring out the new normal. I'm figuring out, Okay, what
Speaker 2: can I handle and what can I not handle? Well,
Speaker 2: right now, I can't handle the dogs, so they got
Speaker 2: to go.
Speaker 3: And you know that.
Speaker 2: Some people might say I'm mean for that, but I'm
Speaker 2: doing them a favor because honestly, I would love to
Speaker 2: keep Waffles, but they love each other so much that
Speaker 2: I don't want to separate the two sure Chance and Waffles,
Speaker 2: so that's not fair for them.
Speaker 3: So I'm actually being selfless and saying you're keeping them together.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm with you. I understand how that could be.
Speaker 1: There's always going to be one way thing too many. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Jazzy says, your girl's trip looked like so much fun.
Speaker 1: Did you have to get into the mindset of having
Speaker 1: fun and letting loose or was that easy to get
Speaker 1: into that mode? Were you nervous at all about how
Speaker 1: you would feel? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 3: I thought i'd be I was. I thought I would
Speaker 3: be a lot sadder, but I was.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was fun, like I really like just had a
Speaker 2: good time. And there was moments where I got a
Speaker 2: little sad, but my girlfriends were like, snap out of it,
Speaker 2: like you got this, like we're good, we're good, we're
Speaker 2: having fun. You're letting your little girls out like like
Speaker 2: you know, we're like or you know, like we're we're
Speaker 2: we're doing this. And honestly, again, the only time that
Speaker 2: I had a tough time was when I communicated with
Speaker 2: Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes, no
Speaker 2: communication because I know exactly who you're talking to right now,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well but like and you know, she's
Speaker 2: like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys are
Speaker 2: not talking right now. So yeah, that was that was
Speaker 2: the only time that I had was the communication.
Speaker 1: So did you get hit on?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I still got it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know that's the whole point of the weekend.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, it felt nice.
Speaker 2: It was Yeah, but then he lost me at the
Speaker 2: he like we're at this bar and he's like, you know,
Speaker 2: he was cute, he's tall, he was cute and like
Speaker 2: he came up and started talking to me, and I
Speaker 2: was like, all right, like I'm you know, I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna enjoy the flirt. And he was like he was
Speaker 2: cute until he was like, can I come to Nashville
Speaker 2: and play the ukulele for you?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't really think a ukulele isn't really like a sexy instrument.
Speaker 3: No, Like I think I'm good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I turned that one down. And then yeah,
Speaker 2: there was one other one who was like so the
Speaker 2: night of my anniversary or would have been my anniversary,
Speaker 2: there was these like married men, all married and but
Speaker 2: they were like fun, you know, and they they were
Speaker 2: kind of like having fun with us, and they're like
Speaker 2: you should come on this yacht.
Speaker 3: So that so that they sent over wine to us and.
Speaker 2: We're like thanks, you know, and then after we got
Speaker 2: done having our wine, they're like, come come sit with us,
Speaker 2: and like they again they were like good guys. It
Speaker 2: actually kind of made me sad because I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: they're like showing me pictures of their wives and their kids.
Speaker 2: The one was like on the verge of a divorce.
Speaker 2: So he was the one that started the like, you know,
Speaker 2: the fun flirtatious thing going on, and you know they
Speaker 2: were there was funny because they were all at the
Speaker 2: table like trying to set me up.
Speaker 3: They're like, oh, what about this guy? Oh what about
Speaker 3: this guy?
Speaker 2: Like, oh what about like my friend here, and they're
Speaker 2: like showing me photos and I'm like, guys like and
Speaker 2: then they're like, what about this guy.
Speaker 3: He's got a big yacht.
Speaker 2: And we're going on the yacht tomorrow. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I Am not going on a yacht. I was like, well,
Speaker 2: who's going these They're like, oh, these like twenty like
Speaker 2: some like twenty girls, and like I'm like not happening,
Speaker 2: Like I'm not, I don't care how much of money
Speaker 2: he has, like, and they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire.
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't care.
Speaker 2: It does not like genuinely like I am self made
Speaker 2: and I never want to rely on a man or
Speaker 2: anything Like I'm fine, I can take care of myself.
Speaker 2: I don't need to like go on this dude's yacht.
Speaker 2: So we end up my friend Pamelain ends up finding
Speaker 2: her friend was in town and she was on a yacht.
Speaker 2: Well it happened to be at the same yacht. Uh,
Speaker 2: you know, whatever harbor or whatever that they took off from.
Speaker 2: So we are on another person's yacht and we were
Speaker 2: texting the one of the guys and we're like hey,
Speaker 2: like we basically see their boat. And the one guy
Speaker 2: that they were trying to set me up with was like,
Speaker 2: what are you doing on that boat? And I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't need your boat.
Speaker 3: I got my own boat. And it was like epic
Speaker 3: because I'm like, dude, I don't give it. I don't
Speaker 3: care like that. I'm like, you don't care.
Speaker 1: But what if he was an awesome dude? Like take
Speaker 1: the money out of it?
Speaker 3: I mean, we ended up.
Speaker 2: I ended up seeing him at the They invited us
Speaker 2: to drinks the night that I got hit on by
Speaker 2: yukulele boy, and and he was he was very nice,
Speaker 2: like very nice guy. You know, it wasn't it was again,
Speaker 2: it was nice to flirt, but it wasn't saying yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: well I.
Speaker 1: Think that was the time for flirting. It's not time
Speaker 1: to go past flirting, right.
Speaker 2: Unless I meet someone that like I really like, I don't,
Speaker 2: I don't know, like I I'm open to it.
Speaker 1: Good, Yeah, all right, I think we have one more.
Speaker 3: He really is there one more, Corey.
Speaker 1: I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject,
Speaker 1: how I feel about it. I broke up with my
Speaker 1: ex a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel
Speaker 1: like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm
Speaker 1: more finding someone new and what my ex will think
Speaker 1: about me dating again. We share a little girl together,
Speaker 1: so he's still in my life and I don't want
Speaker 1: any negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I
Speaker 1: tell him first or tell him only when I'm in
Speaker 1: a future relationship. Well this segues nicely to what we
Speaker 1: were just talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I've definitely like I don't want to know
Speaker 2: who Mike is hanging out with. I don't want him
Speaker 2: to know who I'm hanging out with. But when it's serious,
Speaker 2: that's then the conversation to be like, hey, you know,
Speaker 2: this person is someone i've been seeing for six months
Speaker 2: plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that I would.
Speaker 3: Like the kids to meet.
Speaker 2: I think you have to have that conversation and respect
Speaker 2: your spouse or partner or whatever, because I would be
Speaker 2: very upset if he introduced the kids to a girl
Speaker 2: without my knowledge, for sure, and we had a we're
Speaker 2: very on the same page with that, So you know,
Speaker 2: I think it's again one of those things where if
Speaker 2: it's serious and you can see yourself being in a
Speaker 2: long term relationship with that person and it's involving the kids,
Speaker 2: that's when you should say something. But until that point,
Speaker 2: I don't think you have to say anything. None of
Speaker 2: their business and all I don't want to know, So like,
Speaker 2: only come to me when like you're about to introduce
Speaker 2: the kids to the next maybe mom, stepmom, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1: You're going to date a lot of yukulele boys and
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend doesn't need to know about every one of them.
Speaker 2: That's fine, exactly like me and are going to go
Speaker 2: out and yeah, like it's none of their business, is right.
Speaker 1: Until the kids were involved? Then it becomes their business.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you know that person is essentially and you know,
Speaker 2: whoever is in my life is going to have the
Speaker 2: kids seventy percent of the time, So they're going to
Speaker 2: have more time with my kids than their own dad,
Speaker 2: which I could not handle if that was the first
Speaker 2: But I mean.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have a hard time with a thirty percent.
Speaker 1: But we'll cross that bridge, will we come to it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want a hundred, but I guess it's not
Speaker 3: fair for the kids.
Speaker 2: I'm actually thinking about my children and it's very hard
Speaker 2: when I'm like, they're my kids. Oh anyways, well, fun show.
Speaker 2: I opened up about Miami.
Speaker 1: That was fun.
Speaker 3: Oh lord yeah, mm hmm.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 2: Also, my friends tried to get me to sign up
Speaker 2: for a dating app and I went on there and
Speaker 2: I was like, guys, I have had zero hits. And
Speaker 2: my friend's like, well, let me see the photo.
Speaker 3: And they're like, because it's with you and your two kids,
Speaker 3: and I was, oh gosh, what, I'm like, it's my kids.
Speaker 2: My friend's like, you will not get any hits, and
Speaker 2: I was like, well then, I like, then I'm getting
Speaker 2: off of this thing.
Speaker 3: Like then like if they don't like.
Speaker 2: No, so I'm never I'm never going on a dating
Speaker 2: app again. It lasted for one day.
Speaker 1: I don't know a lot about dating apps, obviously, but
Speaker 1: I do think it's I think protocol is you could
Speaker 1: include that as one of your sub photos, so your
Speaker 1: main photo cannot be that.
Speaker 3: But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I understood.
Speaker 2: I'm a mom and I love my kids, and I
Speaker 2: thought I looked cute in the photo. But apparently like
Speaker 2: I mean, like me, Jolie and Jay's like are really
Speaker 2: rocking it, but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off,
Speaker 2: like within that day. I was like, f this, Like
Speaker 2: I'm not taking a picture of my kids down as
Speaker 2: my main profile, because that is who I am.
Speaker 3: You know, I suppose I see your.
Speaker 2: Side too, Like I see your side too, Like hey,
Speaker 2: but like I would want to know that they're a parent,
Speaker 2: But maybe that's because I'm in this situation. So anyone
Speaker 2: that's probably looking maybe the kids.
Speaker 1: Saying hide that you don't want to hide it, and
Speaker 1: it's just not the main first thing they seek because look,
Speaker 1: they're going to be I already number three in your
Speaker 1: life no matter what. And yes it's good to know that,
Speaker 1: but no one wants to hear that the first thing. Wow,
Speaker 1: fun swiping. I think swiping's fun just on somebody else's phone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great, But when nobody likes you back and
Speaker 2: it really hurts the ego, like genuinely hurts the ego,
Speaker 2: and they're like, put this picture up and then like
Speaker 2: then you'll get a bunch I was like, no, again,
Speaker 2: I'm off this thing, like I'm if I'm going to
Speaker 2: meet someone you know.
Speaker 3: It'll be through friends or you know.
Speaker 1: Uh, that black and white Instagram photo from just a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago. It's going to get you a lot
Speaker 1: of swipe rights on it, on whatever dating app you choose.
Speaker 3: I'm not doing anymore dating it. Okay, not happening. Oh
Speaker 3: my goodness.
Speaker 2: Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty, so I'm
Speaker 2: getting off now.
Speaker 3: I love you guys. We'll talk next week.