WEBVTT - Leaning On Yourself

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so I have the amazing Cherie joining the podcast

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<v Speaker 2>today because we had asked people to send in their

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<v Speaker 2>questions and Shuri is incredible, so obviously we wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>get her back on to go through these questions since

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<v Speaker 2>I am not an expert and she is so CHERI.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi, so good to see you. Good to see you too.

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<v Speaker 3>Are you doing good? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah good. I am like it's one of those

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<v Speaker 2>things where I didn't realize how much I depended on

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<v Speaker 2>the other person in my life to like help, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>And it was one of those things where it's like, uh,

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<v Speaker 2>I hired a nanny and she quit, and so now

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<v Speaker 2>I have zero help. And it's one of those things

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<v Speaker 2>where I'm like, I had just a total meltdown there night.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I did not ask for this to be

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<v Speaker 2>like doing.

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<v Speaker 3>This alone, you know, it's so hard.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think I'm just like in a little funk.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm being totally honest, but I'm.

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<v Speaker 4>Gonna tell you though, I'm so sorry that she quit,

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<v Speaker 4>but you're gonna get used to it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I honestly like, I don't even need anybody.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I just needed someone and like for that

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<v Speaker 2>first month just to like help me with like things

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<v Speaker 2>that like you know, when I was struggling with like

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<v Speaker 2>depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay, I really

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<v Speaker 2>just need help on like I only really need help

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<v Speaker 2>like maybe one day a week because the other day

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<v Speaker 2>is like Jolie's going to school and but yeah it is,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's you know, it's just I have to Now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like the woman in the man of the house, right,

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<v Speaker 2>so it's like I have to like, oh, crap, I

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<v Speaker 2>forgot to take like I forgot to take out the

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<v Speaker 2>trash can this morning, and like I'm like, yeah, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like those are things that like weren't my responsibility. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, I'm like I was calling one of

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<v Speaker 2>my girlfriends, a Pamelin who I've had on the show

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<v Speaker 2>a bunch. I'm like, like the air filters in the house,

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<v Speaker 2>like I don't know what, Like I don't know what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm doing. And then I'm like how often do I

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<v Speaker 2>have to? So it's like learning all the like things

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<v Speaker 2>that usually a man would take care of. And again,

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<v Speaker 2>like I like the fact that I can now do

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<v Speaker 2>things on my time and like when I like stuff

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<v Speaker 2>gets done around the house, which I love now because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm in control of it. It's great. At the

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<v Speaker 2>same time, the other day, my poor neighbor. I called

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<v Speaker 2>one of my neighbor husbands and I was like bawling

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<v Speaker 2>and I was just like, there's a sprinkler like spewing

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<v Speaker 2>out and I don't even know who to call.

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<v Speaker 3>And like the same day, like.

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<v Speaker 2>My water heater, like I was trying to give Jason bath.

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<v Speaker 2>He's screaming. Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>to take a shower, and I'm like trying to turn

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<v Speaker 2>the water on hot and it wouldn't get hot, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, I can't, you know, You're just like

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<v Speaker 2>to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know how to turn the water heater back on.

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<v Speaker 3>But it's like learning those things now.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I'm like, I'm a total I'm a total

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<v Speaker 2>catch because I'm a man and a woman.

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<v Speaker 4>That's what I was gonna say. Seriously, because you can

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<v Speaker 4>I've never met somebody who is so capable like you,

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<v Speaker 4>who's just like running all the things. And we've talked

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<v Speaker 4>about that even before You're getting divorced, so you can.

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<v Speaker 4>And I think you're brilliant that you called the neighbor

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<v Speaker 4>husband because I was gonna say, I did things like, look,

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<v Speaker 4>I know that I have an equal masculine and we

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<v Speaker 4>all do and I can. I can do it all,

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<v Speaker 4>but I don't want to.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't want to.

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<v Speaker 4>Take out the trash. So I started, like I hired

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<v Speaker 4>man cleaners. So the man cleaners came to my house,

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<v Speaker 4>all dudes, because I was just like, oh, it's testosterone around.

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<v Speaker 4>It just has a different impact, you know, So task rabbit,

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<v Speaker 4>runt a husband, they're all out there for these reasons.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was.

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<v Speaker 2>I had some I had a few people over in

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<v Speaker 2>one of the guys the hut, like the husband's.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, they're like, you know, anything you needed

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<v Speaker 3>me to do?

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, I mean, if you want to

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<v Speaker 2>pick up the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely,

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<v Speaker 2>where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's

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<v Speaker 2>like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>how to do it. Having said that, I called my

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<v Speaker 2>mom because my mom went through a divorce when she

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<v Speaker 2>was well, when I was a freshman in high school,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, I called her freaking out about the

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<v Speaker 2>water heater, and I'm like, how do I relight it?

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<v Speaker 2>How do I know if it's broken if I need

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<v Speaker 2>a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like

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<v Speaker 2>Jason's screaming in my arm, because the last thing I

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to do was like call my ex or calls

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<v Speaker 2>you know, Like, I was like, I got to figure

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<v Speaker 2>this out like myself, you know. So I called my

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<v Speaker 2>mom because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.

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<v Speaker 2>She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part

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<v Speaker 2>and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like

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<v Speaker 2>she like she became the man too, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>to this day, she's like, you know, she lasts like

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<v Speaker 2>her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So she's

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<v Speaker 2>like she's like, yeah, she's like I can do all

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<v Speaker 2>of this. And so she told me how to like

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<v Speaker 2>relight it, and it was it was a nice little

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<v Speaker 2>bonding moment, but it's it is very interesting and you forget,

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<v Speaker 2>like you forget how much you do lean on that

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<v Speaker 2>other person.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and then I start to go.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe I should have

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<v Speaker 2>been more appreciative of like those moments since then I

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<v Speaker 2>start to like be upset about that, So I'm like, shoot,

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<v Speaker 2>like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.

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<v Speaker 4>There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I

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<v Speaker 4>always talk to you about, like what's the good reason

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<v Speaker 4>and what's the gift in all of this. You're just

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<v Speaker 4>becoming a better human moment by moment, And this is

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<v Speaker 4>like a note to all of us that we need

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<v Speaker 4>to teach our girls these things, because I don't think

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<v Speaker 4>it needs to be a gender role. It should be

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<v Speaker 4>that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the

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<v Speaker 4>best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished

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<v Speaker 4>by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking

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<v Speaker 4>out the trash or picking out the boop. So there

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<v Speaker 4>should be a way to outsource to whoever would enjoy

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<v Speaker 4>and not be taken out by these roles, not dependent

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<v Speaker 4>on our.

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<v Speaker 3>Gender for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I ended up even saying like I can't because

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<v Speaker 2>I thought I was gonna be able to like keep

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<v Speaker 2>both dogs, you know, because I have the kids, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I ended up saying like I can't

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<v Speaker 2>keep the dogs anymore. Like I'm like they're they're sending

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<v Speaker 2>me over the edge. Like I have too much to

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<v Speaker 2>take care of that like the fact that like the

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<v Speaker 2>dog dug up the sprinkler and broke it and then

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<v Speaker 2>dug up underneath. I was like, I like, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't have another ounce in my like or second

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<v Speaker 2>in my day to deal and I felt I feel terrible,

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<v Speaker 2>but at the same time and I'm like, I just

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<v Speaker 2>I can't. I can't have them around right now because

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<v Speaker 2>it's like the last thing I want is for me

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<v Speaker 2>to be yelling at my kids because my dogs are

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<v Speaker 2>not pissing me off.

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<v Speaker 4>No, sincerely, And I would take away the feeling terrible

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<v Speaker 4>right now because I've said it to you before. The

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<v Speaker 4>more you want to give, the more you need. And

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<v Speaker 4>you have a high bar for how you want to

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<v Speaker 4>run your business and your life and be a mama.

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<v Speaker 4>And if the dogs are leaking energy and there's an

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<v Speaker 4>equally lovely home for them to go to that would

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<v Speaker 4>have you be able to be the mom you want

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<v Speaker 4>to be, then that's a brilliant move.

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<v Speaker 3>And I was thinking it kind of could be cute.

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<v Speaker 2>To like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, maybe Christmas time when I have time and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm you know, I like want one dog not to

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<v Speaker 2>and not that destroy right, you know, but then again

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<v Speaker 2>a puppy wolf. I don't know, but maybe maybe I'll

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<v Speaker 2>be in a different spot and you know, however, many

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<v Speaker 2>months the way that is, we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So Shari, we have some listener questions and I want

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<v Speaker 2>to just dive in if that's cool. This is from Christina.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm currently going through a separation and I'm going through

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<v Speaker 2>a similar situation to Eu Jana and would love to

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<v Speaker 2>get your advice.

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<v Speaker 3>A little background.

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<v Speaker 2>My daughter is four and my son is nice eighteen months,

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<v Speaker 2>and I have no idea what to say to my

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<v Speaker 2>daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has

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<v Speaker 2>Jana talked to Jolie about anything going on or why

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<v Speaker 2>things are the way they are? If you feel comfortable,

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<v Speaker 2>I would love to know what you have said to

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<v Speaker 2>her or done to understand, help her understand, and I

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<v Speaker 2>would love to sre like what I had said to

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<v Speaker 2>Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are

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<v Speaker 2>are not going to be married anymore. I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>but we're going to be great friends and we still

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<v Speaker 2>love each other and we love you, and we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to have separate houses, and so you're going to have

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<v Speaker 2>a bet at Daddy's and you're going to have a

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<v Speaker 2>bed here, and this is your home and that's your home.

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<v Speaker 2>And like I just kept saying like we love you,

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<v Speaker 2>we love you, we love you, we love you. And

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<v Speaker 2>then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything

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<v Speaker 2>you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?

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<v Speaker 2>And the only thing that she I think she said

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<v Speaker 2>it was like can I watch my iPad? Now? I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>like I didn't know if like I didn't know, I

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<v Speaker 2>like it like a registered to her. But then my

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<v Speaker 2>friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like mommy

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<v Speaker 2>and Daddy don't live together anymore, Mommy and Daddy have

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<v Speaker 2>like separate houses. So I it now I know that

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<v Speaker 2>she gets it. And like last night was the first

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<v Speaker 2>night that it was overnights and that was so incredibly

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<v Speaker 2>painful because that was, yeah, the first time that I've

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<v Speaker 2>experienced not having the kids in my home and in

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<v Speaker 2>our house. And but I wonder, like, you know, is

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<v Speaker 2>it something because I've talked to a few people that

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<v Speaker 2>said that they send their kids to a place to

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<v Speaker 2>you know, talk to someone about it or and it's

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<v Speaker 2>so hard for me, and sure you like maybe for

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<v Speaker 2>this other person too, like she gets excited about Dad's

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<v Speaker 2>house and like a part of me like dies inside

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, that's great.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, oh my goodness, you love your room.

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<v Speaker 2>And then in my mind, I'm like, what do you

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<v Speaker 2>want in your room? Do you want new bump beds?

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<v Speaker 2>Like you know what I mean? And obviously I can't

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<v Speaker 2>do that because I'm like, how do you do that healthy?

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<v Speaker 2>Like obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's great. I'm so glad you love it so much,

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<v Speaker 2>but it kills me so help us out here?

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<v Speaker 3>How do we do it?

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<v Speaker 4>Ye?

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<v Speaker 3>Did I do it? That's so normal?

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<v Speaker 4>No, no, I think And you know, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 4>just tell everybody.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't think there's a wrong. There's no right or wrong.

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<v Speaker 4>For each one of us, with our children who chose

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<v Speaker 4>us in this life, We're going to go through this

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<v Speaker 4>at our own pace in a way that with the

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<v Speaker 4>best you know, with the best intentions, with all that

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<v Speaker 4>we have to give. So I just I want to

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<v Speaker 4>like have everybody take a deep breath about that. And

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<v Speaker 4>I think it's different for every home. So what you

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<v Speaker 4>did it was very similar to what I did is

0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.280
<v Speaker 4>I think we did a slow, you know, a sort

0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.760
<v Speaker 4>of slow transition, and I think that's always helpful when

0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:00.679
<v Speaker 4>it can be slow. It can't always be, but to

0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:04.560
<v Speaker 4>have the kids get used to they my kids were

0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:08.600
<v Speaker 4>already used to distance. Their dad didn't always he worked

0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.120
<v Speaker 4>in la and so he wasn't always home, so there

0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:14.360
<v Speaker 4>was some slow getting used to not having him around

0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:17.160
<v Speaker 4>as much. And then when we decided that we were

0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.960
<v Speaker 4>actually going to separate and that it would that it

0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.880
<v Speaker 4>would be permanent, we told them that we loved them,

0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.120
<v Speaker 4>and the exact same way that you did, like drenching

0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:28.520
<v Speaker 4>them with love. We both love you. We do still

0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.679
<v Speaker 4>love each other, because I think at the end of

0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.280
<v Speaker 4>the day, when you meet somebody, no matter what happens,

0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:36.320
<v Speaker 4>like I went through a lot of hard times with him,

0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:40.160
<v Speaker 4>but you can reduce, like a good reduction sauce the

0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.240
<v Speaker 4>relationship back to the feeling that was there in the

0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.920
<v Speaker 4>beginning that brought you together. And so we could genuinely

0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.960
<v Speaker 4>say we love each other, but we know we're better

0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.160
<v Speaker 4>as friends and we're going to have two households. And

0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:55.920
<v Speaker 4>it was exactly what and I think what they need

0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:59.600
<v Speaker 4>is as they're ready as they ask questions because it

0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.640
<v Speaker 4>they never can absorb at all, and they really don't

0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:04.520
<v Speaker 4>know the impact that it's going to have at the beginning.

0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:08.839
<v Speaker 4>But to tell them what's not going to change. Here

0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:10.440
<v Speaker 4>are all the things that are going to stay the same,

0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:13.760
<v Speaker 4>you know, and you can just lay it out in

0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:16.199
<v Speaker 4>great detail, like you're still going to have your favorite

0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.599
<v Speaker 4>and cheese. You know, you're still going to go to

0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:20.559
<v Speaker 4>the same school. We're still going to have all the

0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:24.000
<v Speaker 4>same friends, you know, all the things that they really

0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:27.680
<v Speaker 4>wonder about. And then to give them a chance to feel,

0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:31.480
<v Speaker 4>like you said, to grieve. If they need professional support,

0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:34.200
<v Speaker 4>there are so many great humans that focus on little

0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 4>ones that can work on this with them. And maybe

0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.960
<v Speaker 4>you go with them and you have some time to

0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:45.080
<v Speaker 4>throw it together. They will show you if they need that.

0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:47.960
<v Speaker 4>And I think you just being available for all the

0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:53.199
<v Speaker 4>questions as they process, you know, your sense of confidence

0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:57.160
<v Speaker 4>in the decision and knowingness is going to be like

0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.240
<v Speaker 4>a warm blanket for them. Yeah.

0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:02.520
<v Speaker 2>I definitely hear that. And I'm curious too, because I

0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:05.960
<v Speaker 2>have this a situation just arise and this is going

0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:10.840
<v Speaker 2>to make me sound really like mean and probably bitchy,

0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:12.920
<v Speaker 2>and I and I hate that and that I'm even

0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:17.480
<v Speaker 2>going to like admit this, but you know, it's all

0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.920
<v Speaker 2>about trying to learn a little growth here. But there

0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.600
<v Speaker 2>was because you know, I'm in charge of like, you know,

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:25.920
<v Speaker 2>the kids schooling and this and that and the other.

0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:28.760
<v Speaker 2>But a part of me and he was like, well,

0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:32.480
<v Speaker 2>let me know when you know it's her first day

0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:33.280
<v Speaker 2>or this or that and the other.

0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.199
<v Speaker 3>And a part of me wants to be like, it's online,

0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:35.679
<v Speaker 3>look it up.

0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:37.640
<v Speaker 2>Like why do I have to be in charge to

0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:40.480
<v Speaker 2>tell you when your daughter's first day school is or

0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:42.160
<v Speaker 2>when her first half day or when she has to

0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:45.040
<v Speaker 2>take Like I don't know why it bothers me, but

0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.080
<v Speaker 2>like the bigger person than me should be like, hey,

0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:48.599
<v Speaker 2>here's the calendar of all this stuff. But at the

0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:50.920
<v Speaker 2>same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.

0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:52.000
<v Speaker 3>Google it.

0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:55.559
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to build up,

0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:58.280
<v Speaker 4>because if you find, like I did, go through I

0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:01.000
<v Speaker 4>found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's share of

0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:02.840
<v Speaker 4>all of it, you know, And I think in the

0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.200
<v Speaker 4>beginning I wanted that control and I wanted you know,

0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.800
<v Speaker 4>that freedom, and I knew I could do it. But

0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:11.800
<v Speaker 4>after a while I was like, hey, sir.

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.840
<v Speaker 3>Can you like take over dunist stuff?

0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.439
<v Speaker 2>You know something well, and so I don't want to

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:20.400
<v Speaker 2>mean much of that. It's more like he wont like like, hey,

0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:22.080
<v Speaker 2>I want to know when this is, but I'm like,

0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.960
<v Speaker 2>it's it's public knowledge, like go on, go on their

0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:27.400
<v Speaker 2>school's website and find it out. Like and so is

0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:29.400
<v Speaker 2>it okay for me to be like hey or is

0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:31.880
<v Speaker 2>that bitchy of me to be like to say like,

0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:32.720
<v Speaker 2>this is what this is?

0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:36.320
<v Speaker 4>And that is no, not at all bitchy. It's it's

0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.800
<v Speaker 4>the bitchy part is saying this is giving more than

0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.560
<v Speaker 4>I have to give. That's a need in you that

0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.200
<v Speaker 4>you want to recognize and go, ah, that feels too much.

0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.120
<v Speaker 4>And to have your own back all the way along

0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:51.480
<v Speaker 4>is the greatest way to get through this. To know,

0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.040
<v Speaker 4>like what we've talked about this, you know, to put

0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:57.640
<v Speaker 4>yourself to bed, to get extra support, to say I've

0:14:57.720 --> 0:14:59.600
<v Speaker 4>that on me and I'm going to take care of

0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 4>me to get through this. So what it looks like

0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:04.080
<v Speaker 4>is if you're in charge of education, Let's say you're

0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:04.600
<v Speaker 4>in charge of.

0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.720
<v Speaker 2>That, I mean all of it, doctor, yeah, all of it,

0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:09.880
<v Speaker 2>the activities, you're in charge all of it.

0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:13.880
<v Speaker 4>Too much until you don't want to be in charge

0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:18.120
<v Speaker 4>of all the things. You can say, I can take education,

0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.320
<v Speaker 4>and I can happily give you the schedule and all

0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:24.200
<v Speaker 4>the things related to education. If you can take doctors

0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.520
<v Speaker 4>and other things like, think about the other things in

0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:29.680
<v Speaker 4>their life that he could take over that you would

0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:34.920
<v Speaker 4>gladly want to give up or bit by bit if

0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.320
<v Speaker 4>you say, I can do all the school stuff, but

0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.200
<v Speaker 4>I'm going to rely on you to keep yourself up

0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.480
<v Speaker 4>to date on the dates. It's got to be what

0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:46.000
<v Speaker 4>feels right. Don't try to like steamroll the feeling that

0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.360
<v Speaker 4>that's telling you it's too much. I don't want to

0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:53.000
<v Speaker 4>do that. Yeah, it's about making a deal, you know,

0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.720
<v Speaker 4>Like if I do this and I take on all

0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.560
<v Speaker 4>the updates for you and everything, then what about the

0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:01.160
<v Speaker 4>life like Kenny come and always be on poop duty

0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:02.560
<v Speaker 4>when he comes to pick up the kids?

0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:04.080
<v Speaker 1>Do you know what I mean?

0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 4>What parts do you want to give up so that

0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:07.600
<v Speaker 4>you don't feel like you're doing at all?

0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:23.600
<v Speaker 2>No, that makes sense, Danielle. I am loving this vibe

0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.280
<v Speaker 2>and energy you have lately now that you're single. What

0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:30.000
<v Speaker 2>is something you enjoy more now than when you were married? Also,

0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:31.800
<v Speaker 2>how have the kids been doing this seems so happy

0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:34.120
<v Speaker 2>as well. Now that you're single, what is something you

0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:38.560
<v Speaker 2>enjoy more now than when you were married. Sure, it's interesting.

0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:45.640
<v Speaker 2>I love my alone time, huh. And I have never

0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:51.280
<v Speaker 2>liked alone time. I love it, like love it.

0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.000
<v Speaker 4>If this was going to kick in when you were

0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.360
<v Speaker 4>so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really,

0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:56.400
<v Speaker 4>really really last.

0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:57.280
<v Speaker 3>Night was awful.

0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:58.800
<v Speaker 2>It was terrible, and I think it was because it

0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:01.040
<v Speaker 2>was the first time. But I'll get into a routine

0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.320
<v Speaker 2>of like, okay, like I'll do my like Bible study

0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:05.280
<v Speaker 2>stuff on Wednesday nights or whatever, like.

0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.320
<v Speaker 4>Oh, beauty, you will your friends will be like, I'm sorry,

0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.359
<v Speaker 4>you are living the dream. You get every other weekend off,

0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:13.760
<v Speaker 4>you know, you.

0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:16.240
<v Speaker 2>Start to get used to it, and I get that,

0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:17.920
<v Speaker 2>and but then also I'm like, but I didn't want

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.600
<v Speaker 2>every other weekend off. I didn't want every Wednesday off,

0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.679
<v Speaker 2>you know. So it's like having said that though, because

0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:25.880
<v Speaker 2>I do spend so much time with them, because I'm

0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:30.000
<v Speaker 2>with seventy thirty is our custody seventy percent of the time,

0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:33.680
<v Speaker 2>is like I need that, and now when I don't

0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:34.760
<v Speaker 2>have that, I have help.

0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:35.720
<v Speaker 3>I'm like Okay, I do.

0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.200
<v Speaker 2>I know I need that like day because I'm starting

0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:40.600
<v Speaker 2>to get like short or I'm starting to like my

0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, my my wheels need a little grease.

0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:47.840
<v Speaker 4>And yeah, I think one hundred percent for anybody is

0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:51.879
<v Speaker 4>really really hard, and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you

0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:56.719
<v Speaker 4>this now ability to see who you emerge as in

0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.639
<v Speaker 4>that space. I think space is vital for all of us.

0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.080
<v Speaker 4>Most of us don't get enough Srea.

0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:04.280
<v Speaker 2>This next question I definitely want to talk to you

0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.600
<v Speaker 2>about because I hadn't mentioned, I would say it's from Angela.

0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.639
<v Speaker 2>Last week on your podcast, you mentioned that you haven't

0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:11.720
<v Speaker 2>been happy and so long? Can you expand on that?

0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.160
<v Speaker 2>Was it you just going through the emotions but not

0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:18.000
<v Speaker 2>truly happy? And I realized when I said that, I'm like, man,

0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:21.840
<v Speaker 2>this is going to come off harsh to people that

0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.480
<v Speaker 2>probably follow us, because I did, like I should I was,

0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:28.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, I was, and and you know, the week

0:18:28.720 --> 0:18:32.360
<v Speaker 2>that I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man,

0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.919
<v Speaker 2>we're so good right now, like we're so happy and

0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.520
<v Speaker 2>like in love and like and I did feel that

0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.120
<v Speaker 2>having and then when I said, you know, I've been

0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:44.679
<v Speaker 2>unhappy for so long, that I am that I am

0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:51.159
<v Speaker 2>open to having that new maybe potential partner because I

0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:52.359
<v Speaker 2>have been miserable.

0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:55.000
<v Speaker 3>But and people are like, yeah, but you.

0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:56.840
<v Speaker 2>Want another baby, and I was like, I think I

0:18:56.960 --> 0:19:03.440
<v Speaker 2>said that because yes, like's it was a for seven years,

0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:06.680
<v Speaker 2>it was a struggle, like always wondering when the next

0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:08.800
<v Speaker 2>shoe is going to you know, like when the next

0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:11.880
<v Speaker 2>explosion was going to happen, or and it was always

0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:15.080
<v Speaker 2>like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes,

0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:17.560
<v Speaker 2>we had moments where we were happy and and I

0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:20.919
<v Speaker 2>believed in the book that we wrote and I but

0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:24.439
<v Speaker 2>there was also I don't think. I think all of

0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:26.960
<v Speaker 2>that stuff and all of the things that happened in

0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:29.840
<v Speaker 2>the marriage was such a weight on me that once

0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:33.119
<v Speaker 2>it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy,

0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:36.919
<v Speaker 2>Like I was being held down by all that energy

0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:41.239
<v Speaker 2>and it really affected like me, and like that's why

0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:42.879
<v Speaker 2>people now are like, oh, you look seem so happy,

0:19:42.840 --> 0:19:44.520
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like in light and like because I like

0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:46.000
<v Speaker 2>feel that way, and I'm like, oh my god, Like

0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.560
<v Speaker 2>I actually was like really unhappy. But I was just

0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:52.320
<v Speaker 2>like I wanted to I wanted to fight for it's

0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:54.639
<v Speaker 2>so bad because it was my kids, and it was

0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:56.840
<v Speaker 2>my family and it's like, God, this is what we've like,

0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, we were the good fight, you know, so

0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:01.800
<v Speaker 2>it's like, what a failure if I if like we

0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:03.639
<v Speaker 2>don't end up together And it was just all this

0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:07.879
<v Speaker 2>like stuff, and I'm like, is is it possible to

0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:13.400
<v Speaker 2>be unhappy but also coasting through and having moments of happiness?

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:16.080
<v Speaker 2>Like because it confused me too even when I said.

0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:19.600
<v Speaker 4>It, Yeah, well it's a big admission. You know, we're

0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.679
<v Speaker 4>all here trying to experience happiness in life. That's the

0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:24.920
<v Speaker 4>whole point of it, I think. And then when you're

0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:28.680
<v Speaker 4>not and you say it's been seven years, it's a

0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:31.920
<v Speaker 4>big it's a big thing to say, you know. And

0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:34.919
<v Speaker 4>I think it rocks people because we're all doing a

0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:37.480
<v Speaker 4>really good job on surface on social media looking like

0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.960
<v Speaker 4>we are, you know. But you were brave enough to

0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:43.240
<v Speaker 4>be honest about the weight. And I think that's it,

0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:49.240
<v Speaker 4>the heaviness. You're such a good coper. You are tolerating

0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:53.280
<v Speaker 4>and coping and doing your best despite this giant weight,

0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:56.280
<v Speaker 4>rise up and do all the things. And I think

0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:58.159
<v Speaker 4>a lot of us are a lot of us, in

0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:02.080
<v Speaker 4>different areas of our life, can probably admit that there's

0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:06.640
<v Speaker 4>there are a lot of obstacles and heaviness that we'd

0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.399
<v Speaker 4>love to remove, and you just showed everybody that you

0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:11.879
<v Speaker 4>can and that it doesn't have to mean that it's

0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:15.040
<v Speaker 4>a failure. Because what I'm interested in seeing now is

0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:18.879
<v Speaker 4>what's possible for you in the lightness. You know, when

0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:21.840
<v Speaker 4>you give someone actually freedom like that what they need

0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:27.680
<v Speaker 4>and you remove fear and the stress. I think you're

0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:30.879
<v Speaker 4>going to see that your soul actually did call this

0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:34.840
<v Speaker 4>all in because who you emerge as and the amazing

0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:37.080
<v Speaker 4>amounts of love that are going to come into Jason

0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:40.679
<v Speaker 4>Jolly's life, you know, through you, through Mike, through just

0:21:40.720 --> 0:21:44.840
<v Speaker 4>the extended community. Now you see neighbor husbands coming over,

0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:49.359
<v Speaker 4>friends coming over, like there's a whole lot added, not

0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:50.560
<v Speaker 4>just being lost.

0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:58.760
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I want to, Ashley, I don't know,

0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:00.639
<v Speaker 2>she wrote she was Does Mike I feel sorry for

0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:01.120
<v Speaker 2>what he did?

0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:02.680
<v Speaker 3>Did he want to try with you? Again?

0:22:02.880 --> 0:22:04.679
<v Speaker 2>For so long now we have heard both of you

0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:06.800
<v Speaker 2>talk on the podcast about relationship and have gotten both of

0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:08.080
<v Speaker 2>your points of view.

0:22:10.560 --> 0:22:18.600
<v Speaker 3>You know, Hm, I think.

0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:23.639
<v Speaker 2>We both realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving

0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:26.960
<v Speaker 2>either one of us, and I think there comes a

0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:31.600
<v Speaker 2>time where he knew that if something were to happen

0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:35.159
<v Speaker 2>to this extent that I said, I was done. And

0:22:35.240 --> 0:22:37.320
<v Speaker 2>for the first time in my life, I have threatened

0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:39.440
<v Speaker 2>it many times. I mean, you know, I separated from

0:22:39.520 --> 0:22:44.639
<v Speaker 2>him and I had to follow through with because if not,

0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:48.439
<v Speaker 2>I would have kept happening. And so I think I

0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:52.760
<v Speaker 2>think he realizes that. And I think here's something too

0:22:52.760 --> 0:22:57.119
<v Speaker 2>sure that I I think. I mean, he has said sorry,

0:22:58.040 --> 0:23:04.680
<v Speaker 2>but there's something in me that I don't feel that

0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:09.320
<v Speaker 2>certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. And

0:23:09.359 --> 0:23:13.080
<v Speaker 2>I told my therapist, you know, I was just like,

0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:18.119
<v Speaker 2>if I got a sorry that really felt off, like

0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:23.040
<v Speaker 2>really just like and that that's what I've like, I'm like,

0:23:23.119 --> 0:23:25.399
<v Speaker 2>then I can like, okay, move on and heal. But

0:23:25.680 --> 0:23:27.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever get

0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:31.120
<v Speaker 2>that because I don't think people in that situation will

0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:34.600
<v Speaker 2>ever fully grasp what I actually and what other people

0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:35.840
<v Speaker 2>actually feel in that situation.

0:23:37.000 --> 0:23:40.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and may I hope maybe one, but I can't wait.

0:23:40.720 --> 0:23:41.119
<v Speaker 3>I can't.

0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:44.480
<v Speaker 2>I have I have learned that I have to walk

0:23:44.520 --> 0:23:46.760
<v Speaker 2>away knowing I'll never get the sorry that I believe

0:23:46.800 --> 0:23:49.160
<v Speaker 2>that I deserve, so.

0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:49.600
<v Speaker 3>That makes sense.

0:23:49.640 --> 0:23:52.199
<v Speaker 2>And that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me.

0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:57.439
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I would be on my knees, like you know.

0:23:59.320 --> 0:24:04.560
<v Speaker 4>But I think that just is evidence though that if

0:24:04.560 --> 0:24:07.040
<v Speaker 4>there was the self awareness and the health and well

0:24:07.080 --> 0:24:09.160
<v Speaker 4>being enough to say a real.

0:24:09.000 --> 0:24:10.520
<v Speaker 3>Sorry like that, that.

0:24:10.960 --> 0:24:14.399
<v Speaker 4>You might not be here, you know, because then that

0:24:14.440 --> 0:24:19.880
<v Speaker 4>would suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware

0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:25.040
<v Speaker 4>and healed, you know, not going through the struggle. Like

0:24:26.320 --> 0:24:29.280
<v Speaker 4>I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced over

0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:32.879
<v Speaker 4>ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but I

0:24:32.920 --> 0:24:37.919
<v Speaker 4>still don't feel like there's a true awareness of what

0:24:38.040 --> 0:24:42.760
<v Speaker 4>this did and the pain that it caused. And where

0:24:42.800 --> 0:24:47.679
<v Speaker 4>I get my sorry, where I get closure and peace

0:24:48.560 --> 0:24:54.760
<v Speaker 4>is knowing that my soul called this in, knowing who

0:24:54.800 --> 0:24:57.480
<v Speaker 4>I've become because of it, Knowing that I work through

0:24:57.520 --> 0:24:59.840
<v Speaker 4>all my own childhood traumas through this man, that he

0:25:00.200 --> 0:25:04.040
<v Speaker 4>the perfect man to work it through. And you know,

0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:09.000
<v Speaker 4>the idea that we accomplished what we were here to

0:25:09.040 --> 0:25:13.240
<v Speaker 4>do in a ten year marriage versus a lifetime, Yeah,

0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:15.320
<v Speaker 4>sure that we did it.

0:25:15.520 --> 0:25:16.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we need to have.

0:25:16.720 --> 0:25:18.960
<v Speaker 2>Like I was talking to another girl too about this,

0:25:19.040 --> 0:25:21.640
<v Speaker 2>It's like we need to for the women that haven't

0:25:21.680 --> 0:25:23.560
<v Speaker 2>gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be able to

0:25:23.600 --> 0:25:25.840
<v Speaker 2>say like, I am sorry like that you had to

0:25:25.840 --> 0:25:28.600
<v Speaker 2>go through this, yes, because you like, hey, I want

0:25:28.640 --> 0:25:31.200
<v Speaker 2>that for you know. And it's like I would love

0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:33.119
<v Speaker 2>that if someone did that for me, you know. So

0:25:33.160 --> 0:25:35.240
<v Speaker 2>it's like there's something I think that could be really

0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:35.879
<v Speaker 2>cool around that.

0:25:36.040 --> 0:25:39.359
<v Speaker 4>For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I

0:25:39.400 --> 0:25:41.600
<v Speaker 4>actually learned a long time ago that you know, when

0:25:41.680 --> 0:25:45.199
<v Speaker 4>you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go

0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.560
<v Speaker 4>to the person who hit you in the car to

0:25:47.600 --> 0:25:48.479
<v Speaker 4>put you back together.

0:25:48.640 --> 0:25:49.560
<v Speaker 3>You'd go to a doctor.

0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:53.800
<v Speaker 4>You know that we can go to each other and say,

0:25:54.080 --> 0:25:56.960
<v Speaker 4>I am so sorry that you're going through this. I

0:25:57.000 --> 0:26:01.000
<v Speaker 4>am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt

0:26:01.680 --> 0:26:04.959
<v Speaker 4>when your kids leave, for their pain, and just do

0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:09.119
<v Speaker 4>a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other and

0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:10.800
<v Speaker 4>that is deeply healing.

0:26:11.760 --> 0:26:14.120
<v Speaker 3>It sure is. Sure, thank you so much.

0:26:14.160 --> 0:26:16.280
<v Speaker 2>I know you have to run, but thank you for

0:26:16.320 --> 0:26:18.720
<v Speaker 2>coming on and we'll definitely have you come back on

0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:19.560
<v Speaker 2>again very soon.

0:26:20.280 --> 0:26:22.359
<v Speaker 4>All right, I want to give you one more thing, okay,

0:26:23.520 --> 0:26:26.359
<v Speaker 4>on the note of the competition, you know, feeling like

0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:28.560
<v Speaker 4>I want my room or room to be better than

0:26:28.560 --> 0:26:30.480
<v Speaker 4>it likes, or I want to have a better time

0:26:30.520 --> 0:26:34.960
<v Speaker 4>here at my house. Just remember that this whole idea

0:26:35.000 --> 0:26:38.919
<v Speaker 4>that every child has two parents, there is only one, Jenna.

0:26:40.200 --> 0:26:43.080
<v Speaker 4>Those babies will only be able to get what they

0:26:43.160 --> 0:26:45.360
<v Speaker 4>need from you, through you and the way that you

0:26:45.400 --> 0:26:48.680
<v Speaker 4>give it. So love on yourself for wanting to meet

0:26:48.680 --> 0:26:51.159
<v Speaker 4>their needs and make them happy, like, oh, that's just

0:26:51.160 --> 0:26:53.359
<v Speaker 4>coming from a longing to give them the greatest life,

0:26:53.760 --> 0:26:58.920
<v Speaker 4>which is so unbelievably dear, And then just root down

0:26:59.040 --> 0:27:02.760
<v Speaker 4>and know that Mike is Mike. You or you. They

0:27:02.800 --> 0:27:05.440
<v Speaker 4>called in you both and they're going to get all

0:27:05.560 --> 0:27:06.359
<v Speaker 4>they need from you.

0:27:06.880 --> 0:27:10.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I love that. Thanks Serie. I appreciate you. All right,

0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:13.520
<v Speaker 3>I appreciate you, Honey. Talks soon, all right, talk soon,

0:27:15.240 --> 0:27:15.520
<v Speaker 3>all right.

0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:18.320
<v Speaker 2>We're going to take a break, and then why have

0:27:18.400 --> 0:27:21.800
<v Speaker 2>some more questions?

0:27:31.880 --> 0:27:32.080
<v Speaker 1>Hi?

0:27:32.240 --> 0:27:32.560
<v Speaker 3>Mark?

0:27:33.160 --> 0:27:33.520
<v Speaker 1>Hi?

0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:36.359
<v Speaker 2>First of all, how are you tell me about your

0:27:36.400 --> 0:27:38.359
<v Speaker 2>life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.

0:27:38.640 --> 0:27:41.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town

0:27:42.000 --> 0:27:44.520
<v Speaker 1>over the weekend, and we made up for a year

0:27:44.560 --> 0:27:46.520
<v Speaker 1>and a half of an activity in one weekend.

0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:49.000
<v Speaker 3>So you're exhausted.

0:27:49.720 --> 0:27:51.639
<v Speaker 1>You know, when you lived in La I'm sure you

0:27:51.680 --> 0:27:53.560
<v Speaker 1>had this people coming to visit, and so you have

0:27:53.640 --> 0:27:57.000
<v Speaker 1>to do all of the touristy things and everything you

0:27:57.040 --> 0:27:57.920
<v Speaker 1>can imagine.

0:27:58.240 --> 0:27:59.600
<v Speaker 2>You know what I would do though, I would just

0:27:59.640 --> 0:28:01.840
<v Speaker 2>like get car and be like there's the Hollywood Walk

0:28:01.880 --> 0:28:04.520
<v Speaker 2>of Fame. There's like never get out, which is it's

0:28:04.520 --> 0:28:04.960
<v Speaker 2>a drive.

0:28:05.560 --> 0:28:07.600
<v Speaker 1>We got out. We did a dodgery game. We did

0:28:07.600 --> 0:28:09.320
<v Speaker 1>the beach, we did the Walk of Fame, we did

0:28:09.320 --> 0:28:14.880
<v Speaker 1>the Observatory, we did the Santa Barbara Zoo like we

0:28:14.880 --> 0:28:15.440
<v Speaker 1>were ever.

0:28:15.800 --> 0:28:18.359
<v Speaker 3>That's a that's a cute zoo q zoo.

0:28:18.359 --> 0:28:20.680
<v Speaker 1>We did the Brady Bunch House, the Golden Girls House,

0:28:20.720 --> 0:28:27.040
<v Speaker 1>the Back to the Future house wow in three days.

0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:30.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch, this all

0:28:30.600 --> 0:28:32.400
<v Speaker 2>the other ones. So maybe when I come to LA

0:28:32.520 --> 0:28:35.320
<v Speaker 2>next week, you can do a round two and show

0:28:35.320 --> 0:28:35.480
<v Speaker 2>me a.

0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:39.480
<v Speaker 1>Rrady Bunch is great. Okay, the Future is great. They

0:28:39.480 --> 0:28:42.720
<v Speaker 1>look just like it. They're unchanged. Golden Girls was disappointed.

0:28:42.760 --> 0:28:44.680
<v Speaker 1>They've painted it, they put a fence up. They want

0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:46.880
<v Speaker 1>no part of the pop culture history that they're living.

0:28:46.920 --> 0:28:48.560
<v Speaker 1>And so that's too.

0:28:48.400 --> 0:28:52.720
<v Speaker 2>Bad, right, that is a bummer. Yeah, all right, do

0:28:52.760 --> 0:28:53.840
<v Speaker 2>we have any more questions?

0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:54.640
<v Speaker 4>All right?

0:28:54.680 --> 0:28:57.880
<v Speaker 1>Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my husband.

0:28:57.920 --> 0:29:00.640
<v Speaker 1>It did not expect to feel lost and fused like

0:29:00.680 --> 0:29:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I do. We were together for so long and jured

0:29:03.240 --> 0:29:05.800
<v Speaker 1>every part of our lives together. Is there anything I

0:29:05.800 --> 0:29:08.400
<v Speaker 1>can do to feel like myself again without having him

0:29:08.400 --> 0:29:09.880
<v Speaker 1>part of my life? What does help you?

0:29:11.480 --> 0:29:15.520
<v Speaker 2>So I have redone pretty much the entire house. I'm

0:29:15.600 --> 0:29:18.160
<v Speaker 2>about to do the podcast room. This is the last room.

0:29:18.320 --> 0:29:22.480
<v Speaker 2>But I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace,

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:27.600
<v Speaker 2>and I have just rearranged. I gotten new pieces, and

0:29:28.360 --> 0:29:32.880
<v Speaker 2>I actually I sold my ring, and that money from

0:29:32.880 --> 0:29:40.360
<v Speaker 2>the ring was the furniture and the the new additions

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:42.720
<v Speaker 2>to the house and like the new new chairs and this.

0:29:43.000 --> 0:29:45.320
<v Speaker 2>So that was like kind of my because I debated.

0:29:45.400 --> 0:29:46.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring and then

0:29:46.880 --> 0:29:50.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or

0:29:50.640 --> 0:29:52.600
<v Speaker 2>like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what

0:29:52.640 --> 0:29:55.080
<v Speaker 2>would make me happiest is to have new energy in

0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:57.920
<v Speaker 2>the house. And so I just I took that money

0:29:58.000 --> 0:30:00.440
<v Speaker 2>and then I gave it to my I heard these

0:30:00.560 --> 0:30:03.479
<v Speaker 2>entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and

0:30:03.720 --> 0:30:07.400
<v Speaker 2>redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because

0:30:07.400 --> 0:30:13.040
<v Speaker 2>this is our house, and we made memories here and

0:30:13.040 --> 0:30:17.400
<v Speaker 2>and I needed to create a new space that felt

0:30:17.400 --> 0:30:19.160
<v Speaker 2>like me and felt like mine. And so now I

0:30:19.160 --> 0:30:21.240
<v Speaker 2>have someone actually over right now painting the bar room

0:30:21.280 --> 0:30:22.920
<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to make it this really cool, little

0:30:22.960 --> 0:30:27.560
<v Speaker 2>like girly you know, you know, wine bar, and so

0:30:27.640 --> 0:30:31.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, I

0:30:31.480 --> 0:30:35.800
<v Speaker 2>mean I the first month, like I again, because I

0:30:35.880 --> 0:30:38.280
<v Speaker 2>liked that companionship. I was just you know, stared at

0:30:38.320 --> 0:30:41.120
<v Speaker 2>the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.

0:30:41.240 --> 0:30:44.320
<v Speaker 2>But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call

0:30:44.360 --> 0:30:46.880
<v Speaker 2>a friend, or I'm starting to make my own traditions

0:30:46.880 --> 0:30:49.680
<v Speaker 2>at night and you know, I'm reading books or I'm

0:30:50.320 --> 0:30:53.840
<v Speaker 2>watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind

0:30:53.840 --> 0:30:55.480
<v Speaker 2>of sit there. So the more that you kind of

0:30:55.480 --> 0:30:57.840
<v Speaker 2>get yourself out and start doing things, you start to

0:30:57.880 --> 0:31:00.600
<v Speaker 2>feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I

0:31:00.640 --> 0:31:03.120
<v Speaker 2>like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out

0:31:03.120 --> 0:31:06.080
<v Speaker 2>here by myself, or I like, you know, I like

0:31:06.160 --> 0:31:08.280
<v Speaker 2>catching up with old friends. So just I would just

0:31:08.400 --> 0:31:13.160
<v Speaker 2>find something that you try to create new spaces and

0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:16.440
<v Speaker 2>also you know, go through the emotions. But then also

0:31:16.520 --> 0:31:18.479
<v Speaker 2>figure out something that will make you happy and what

0:31:18.520 --> 0:31:19.040
<v Speaker 2>you want to do.

0:31:20.720 --> 0:31:24.440
<v Speaker 1>Sorry to jump back to this, Okay, the emotion of

0:31:24.520 --> 0:31:28.800
<v Speaker 1>selling the ring. Was it a get this away from me?

0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:32.440
<v Speaker 1>Or was it a pretty difficult thing or both.

0:31:35.440 --> 0:31:37.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's the second ring I've had to get

0:31:37.560 --> 0:31:39.960
<v Speaker 2>rid of from him, because the first ring, I was like,

0:31:40.000 --> 0:31:42.640
<v Speaker 2>I will never put this back on my hand. And

0:31:42.680 --> 0:31:45.480
<v Speaker 2>so he had reproposed to me in Napa a few

0:31:45.520 --> 0:31:50.360
<v Speaker 2>years ago with this now new ring, and I took

0:31:50.400 --> 0:31:52.280
<v Speaker 2>every diamond he ever bought me and I sold them

0:31:52.840 --> 0:31:56.320
<v Speaker 2>because I didn't want to look at them ever again

0:31:56.440 --> 0:31:59.760
<v Speaker 2>because to me, like, for example, he brought me this

0:31:59.800 --> 0:32:04.400
<v Speaker 2>be beautiful, I mean beautiful. It's actually made me sad.

0:32:05.200 --> 0:32:10.200
<v Speaker 2>It's a beautiful bracelet for our book to congratulate on

0:32:10.320 --> 0:32:13.720
<v Speaker 2>the best time seller, and you know, just like you know,

0:32:13.760 --> 0:32:16.040
<v Speaker 2>he thanked me for you know, the work that I

0:32:16.040 --> 0:32:19.000
<v Speaker 2>put in in our relationship, and I wanted to keep

0:32:19.000 --> 0:32:21.680
<v Speaker 2>it so bad because it was such a pretty bracelet,

0:32:23.160 --> 0:32:26.600
<v Speaker 2>but it represented something that was not true, you know.

0:32:26.920 --> 0:32:29.720
<v Speaker 2>For it was true that I, you know, worked very

0:32:29.720 --> 0:32:33.720
<v Speaker 2>hard for the relationship, but I just didn't like the

0:32:35.080 --> 0:32:39.160
<v Speaker 2>to me, it represented our book and the and it

0:32:39.240 --> 0:32:41.000
<v Speaker 2>hurt me too much to keep that. So I mean

0:32:41.040 --> 0:32:43.440
<v Speaker 2>I took every ear ring, I took every bracelet, I

0:32:43.440 --> 0:32:46.520
<v Speaker 2>took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends,

0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:51.640
<v Speaker 2>Shane Grimes and Sarah Gretzky, and we went to the

0:32:52.360 --> 0:32:56.360
<v Speaker 2>jeweler and I said take it, leton know how much?

0:32:57.080 --> 0:33:00.120
<v Speaker 2>And they yeah, you know, they called the guy and

0:33:00.200 --> 0:33:02.320
<v Speaker 2>it felt I mean, it was sad, but at the

0:33:02.360 --> 0:33:06.400
<v Speaker 2>same time, they could be the most beautiful things in

0:33:06.440 --> 0:33:12.520
<v Speaker 2>the world. But if it doesn't, what they represented made

0:33:12.560 --> 0:33:16.560
<v Speaker 2>them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right.

0:33:16.320 --> 0:33:19.280
<v Speaker 1>And they would It's almost like a curse or something

0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:22.120
<v Speaker 1>like every time you saw them, all these negative things

0:33:22.160 --> 0:33:24.000
<v Speaker 1>would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I

0:33:24.000 --> 0:33:25.240
<v Speaker 1>think is cathartic.

0:33:25.480 --> 0:33:26.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was.

0:33:26.120 --> 0:33:27.960
<v Speaker 2>And then that's when I'm like, okay, and now I've

0:33:27.960 --> 0:33:29.520
<v Speaker 2>got this check and that was well, I'm like, what

0:33:29.560 --> 0:33:31.800
<v Speaker 2>am I going to do with it? Well, I'm gonna

0:33:32.880 --> 0:33:34.720
<v Speaker 2>represent you know that, have cleaned the house with it,

0:33:34.800 --> 0:33:38.120
<v Speaker 2>and get new new stuff, new furniture, and then get

0:33:38.200 --> 0:33:40.440
<v Speaker 2>rid of the other stuff because I don't want that reminder.

0:33:41.760 --> 0:33:43.720
<v Speaker 1>We get rid of the plane pictures behind you.

0:33:43.880 --> 0:33:46.120
<v Speaker 2>Yes it's actually someone just got that today on Facebook.

0:33:46.160 --> 0:33:50.280
<v Speaker 2>Mark Place for fifty bucks, so nice, and the food done,

0:33:50.320 --> 0:33:51.640
<v Speaker 2>so I've got a hole, Like this room is going

0:33:51.680 --> 0:33:54.880
<v Speaker 2>to look sick, it's going to look so cool. So yeah,

0:33:54.880 --> 0:33:57.120
<v Speaker 2>this is the last room that needs to be done,

0:33:57.480 --> 0:33:58.200
<v Speaker 2>so excellent.

0:33:59.080 --> 0:34:03.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah all right, Kyle says, I'm curious where you are

0:34:03.840 --> 0:34:07.440
<v Speaker 1>currently with your anxiety, with anxiety and myself and you

0:34:07.520 --> 0:34:09.840
<v Speaker 1>had said it has calmed down so much since you

0:34:09.880 --> 0:34:12.320
<v Speaker 1>went your separate ways. Has this kept up and do

0:34:12.320 --> 0:34:14.920
<v Speaker 1>you have advice for me and how I can call mine.

0:34:16.400 --> 0:34:19.160
<v Speaker 3>Relationally or like it was okay, So.

0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:23.719
<v Speaker 2>I mentioned this on the podcast a few weeks ago,

0:34:23.840 --> 0:34:25.480
<v Speaker 2>But my anxiety has been.

0:34:27.040 --> 0:34:27.440
<v Speaker 3>Amazing.

0:34:27.480 --> 0:34:31.200
<v Speaker 2>Like, I haven't really had anxiety. The one time that

0:34:31.239 --> 0:34:33.840
<v Speaker 2>I had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning

0:34:33.880 --> 0:34:35.520
<v Speaker 2>of because when I was reading all the stuff on

0:34:35.560 --> 0:34:38.600
<v Speaker 2>like Twitter and Instagram, it was like China Grammar files

0:34:38.600 --> 0:34:40.719
<v Speaker 2>for divorce and it set me just like into a

0:34:40.760 --> 0:34:43.640
<v Speaker 2>tail span of anxiety and it was really really bad

0:34:43.640 --> 0:34:46.560
<v Speaker 2>and that was hard, and we talked about that previously.

0:34:46.640 --> 0:34:50.520
<v Speaker 2>But so since then, my anxiety has been great. It

0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:56.120
<v Speaker 2>only gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with

0:34:56.200 --> 0:35:00.160
<v Speaker 2>Mike and it's heated, it just it good brings me

0:35:00.239 --> 0:35:03.239
<v Speaker 2>right back to like those moments of just our relationship

0:35:03.280 --> 0:35:07.200
<v Speaker 2>and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety.

0:35:09.400 --> 0:35:13.480
<v Speaker 2>And then, honestly, like what helps for me is if

0:35:13.480 --> 0:35:15.840
<v Speaker 2>you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that you

0:35:15.880 --> 0:35:19.839
<v Speaker 2>can do sometimes, like I'll put my feet out, I'll

0:35:19.840 --> 0:35:22.280
<v Speaker 2>go outside and put my feet like you know, it's grounding,

0:35:22.320 --> 0:35:24.600
<v Speaker 2>like your literally your feet to the to the concrete

0:35:24.680 --> 0:35:27.640
<v Speaker 2>or grass or whatever. But there's a lot of tips

0:35:27.640 --> 0:35:30.239
<v Speaker 2>on how to ground yourself. And then, I mean, I

0:35:30.239 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 2>have no shame in it. I take medicine, and honestly,

0:35:35.600 --> 0:35:37.120
<v Speaker 2>though I was thinking the other day, I'm like, man,

0:35:37.160 --> 0:35:37.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I'm I have.

0:35:39.520 --> 0:35:40.600
<v Speaker 3>Such a weight lifted up.

0:35:40.640 --> 0:35:43.120
<v Speaker 2>And then because I don't have anxiety and wake up

0:35:43.160 --> 0:35:44.600
<v Speaker 2>in the middle of the night anymore, like I almost

0:35:44.640 --> 0:35:48.839
<v Speaker 2>don't even feel like I I.

0:35:48.840 --> 0:35:49.600
<v Speaker 3>Need it anymore.

0:35:49.640 --> 0:35:51.759
<v Speaker 2>But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that because maybe

0:35:51.760 --> 0:35:53.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm just maybe that's just the beginning.

0:35:54.600 --> 0:35:57.520
<v Speaker 3>So we'll see. But just give yourself grace.

0:35:57.640 --> 0:35:59.600
<v Speaker 2>And I will say this too, don't hide from the

0:35:59.600 --> 0:36:02.080
<v Speaker 2>fact that there's been plenty of times when I've been

0:36:02.120 --> 0:36:06.799
<v Speaker 2>afraid to talk to someone I'm like, oh, they're going

0:36:06.840 --> 0:36:08.840
<v Speaker 2>to think I'm ridiculous. I'm having a panic attack. The

0:36:08.920 --> 0:36:11.160
<v Speaker 2>more I say I'm having a panic attack right now,

0:36:11.160 --> 0:36:13.680
<v Speaker 2>like most of the times, people can be like, Okay,

0:36:14.040 --> 0:36:16.040
<v Speaker 2>how can I help you? And it helps me like

0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.920
<v Speaker 2>know that I'm all right, And I.

0:36:18.960 --> 0:36:22.120
<v Speaker 1>Think that that's a reason, like you were talking about

0:36:22.120 --> 0:36:27.120
<v Speaker 1>with Shari to send him the school calendar, you know.

0:36:27.239 --> 0:36:30.359
<v Speaker 3>But it makes me feel bitchy though, But you can

0:36:30.440 --> 0:36:30.719
<v Speaker 3>do it.

0:36:30.680 --> 0:36:32.880
<v Speaker 1>A different way, like you don't have to do it

0:36:32.880 --> 0:36:34.640
<v Speaker 1>bitch Like, here you go. I think this will help

0:36:34.719 --> 0:36:37.480
<v Speaker 1>you know whatever, try to spin it positively. But anything

0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:39.239
<v Speaker 1>that limits the communication I think is going to be

0:36:39.239 --> 0:36:39.920
<v Speaker 1>beneficial to you.

0:36:40.320 --> 0:36:43.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, yes, all right, Lauren.

0:36:45.280 --> 0:36:47.560
<v Speaker 1>How have you navigated learning the things your partner used

0:36:47.560 --> 0:36:48.920
<v Speaker 1>to be in charge of? Oh, we hit on this

0:36:48.960 --> 0:36:51.080
<v Speaker 1>a little bit earlier. For example, my partner was in

0:36:51.160 --> 0:36:53.160
<v Speaker 1>charge of maintenance around the house, and the other day

0:36:53.160 --> 0:36:54.920
<v Speaker 1>I had to fix a broken air conditioner. I had

0:36:54.920 --> 0:36:56.960
<v Speaker 1>no idea where to start. I want to learn to

0:36:56.960 --> 0:36:58.919
<v Speaker 1>do things on my own, but sometimes it's just too much.

0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:02.239
<v Speaker 1>It's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming for you. Are

0:37:02.239 --> 0:37:04.920
<v Speaker 1>there times you're stubborn asking for help from others.

0:37:06.719 --> 0:37:10.840
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I'm like, I have the hardest time asking

0:37:10.880 --> 0:37:16.080
<v Speaker 2>for help, and you know, I think you have to.

0:37:17.719 --> 0:37:20.839
<v Speaker 2>I think it's one of those things. Is as hard

0:37:20.840 --> 0:37:22.200
<v Speaker 2>as it is for me to ask for help.

0:37:22.480 --> 0:37:24.000
<v Speaker 3>Well, I don't even know the best thing. I don't

0:37:24.000 --> 0:37:30.480
<v Speaker 3>even have help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay.

0:37:30.600 --> 0:37:33.279
<v Speaker 2>So, for example, I was with Pamela on the other

0:37:33.320 --> 0:37:35.839
<v Speaker 2>day and I was like, I'm so stressed out. I

0:37:35.880 --> 0:37:39.200
<v Speaker 2>need help, and She's like, how can I help you?

0:37:39.239 --> 0:37:41.239
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, no, no, no, I'm fine, and she's like,

0:37:41.280 --> 0:37:45.120
<v Speaker 2>you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like

0:37:45.160 --> 0:37:48.520
<v Speaker 2>saying like how can I help you? And then I

0:37:48.560 --> 0:37:50.439
<v Speaker 2>was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone

0:37:50.480 --> 0:37:52.640
<v Speaker 2>to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of

0:37:52.680 --> 0:37:55.239
<v Speaker 2>town and I'm a town and I don't have anyone

0:37:55.280 --> 0:37:56.719
<v Speaker 2>that can help. She's said, great, what time do you

0:37:56.800 --> 0:37:58.520
<v Speaker 2>need me over there? I can bring the kids over,

0:37:59.360 --> 0:38:03.880
<v Speaker 2>And instantly I was like, oh, really, like okay, thank you.

0:38:03.920 --> 0:38:05.239
<v Speaker 2>But I'm like I don't want to burden any of

0:38:05.360 --> 0:38:08.000
<v Speaker 2>my friends too, right, But at the same time, I'm

0:38:08.040 --> 0:38:10.520
<v Speaker 2>like I'm I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I

0:38:10.920 --> 0:38:12.920
<v Speaker 2>feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.

0:38:14.440 --> 0:38:16.680
<v Speaker 1>Jackie says, You're doing it all and it's so amazing

0:38:16.719 --> 0:38:18.600
<v Speaker 1>to see. How do you juggle your kids, your work,

0:38:18.640 --> 0:38:21.839
<v Speaker 1>your friends, your family, and yourself and your healing. Where

0:38:21.880 --> 0:38:24.200
<v Speaker 1>do you put the priority and are there times you're

0:38:24.239 --> 0:38:26.759
<v Speaker 1>torn and what to focus on? Is this easier or

0:38:26.760 --> 0:38:28.480
<v Speaker 1>more difficult to do since ending.

0:38:28.280 --> 0:38:30.560
<v Speaker 3>Things with your Rex, I mean, I kind of.

0:38:32.320 --> 0:38:34.920
<v Speaker 2>It talks about that with Schui where my focus is

0:38:35.040 --> 0:38:37.000
<v Speaker 2>And I wrote this to an email with Mike. I

0:38:37.040 --> 0:38:39.240
<v Speaker 2>was like, I need you to take the dogs because

0:38:39.280 --> 0:38:41.960
<v Speaker 2>they're setting me over the edge and my focus is

0:38:42.000 --> 0:38:43.960
<v Speaker 2>the kids and the kids only, and I don't have

0:38:45.120 --> 0:38:48.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't have a second at the end of the day.

0:38:48.080 --> 0:38:50.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't because I'm with the kids and then I

0:38:50.239 --> 0:38:53.000
<v Speaker 2>work when they go down. So by like ten o'clock,

0:38:53.040 --> 0:38:54.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm exhausted. Do I want to go outside and pick

0:38:54.920 --> 0:38:55.439
<v Speaker 2>up dog poop?

0:38:55.520 --> 0:38:55.600
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:38:55.840 --> 0:38:56.360
<v Speaker 3>Do I want to?

0:38:56.400 --> 0:38:58.359
<v Speaker 2>Like, yeah, I'm like I can't. I'm like, or fix

0:38:58.400 --> 0:39:00.719
<v Speaker 2>the sprinkler head that was just broken. Like so I

0:39:00.719 --> 0:39:04.560
<v Speaker 2>think it's about knowing like my limitations and knowing that

0:39:04.640 --> 0:39:08.920
<v Speaker 2>like I can't handle an extra set of two dogs,

0:39:08.920 --> 0:39:12.719
<v Speaker 2>and it's like I so again, maybe down the road,

0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:15.439
<v Speaker 2>like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm not there

0:39:15.520 --> 0:39:17.319
<v Speaker 2>and I need and I need help. But I think,

0:39:17.480 --> 0:39:20.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, back to the question, which.

0:39:20.960 --> 0:39:24.200
<v Speaker 1>Was how do you balance it all?

0:39:24.200 --> 0:39:25.879
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to balance, but I think I'm just I'm

0:39:25.920 --> 0:39:28.880
<v Speaker 2>figuring out the new normal. I'm figuring out, Okay, what

0:39:29.080 --> 0:39:31.319
<v Speaker 2>can I handle and what can I not handle? Well,

0:39:31.400 --> 0:39:33.719
<v Speaker 2>right now, I can't handle the dogs, so they got

0:39:33.719 --> 0:39:33.880
<v Speaker 2>to go.

0:39:34.200 --> 0:39:35.600
<v Speaker 3>And you know that.

0:39:35.800 --> 0:39:39.239
<v Speaker 2>Some people might say I'm mean for that, but I'm

0:39:39.280 --> 0:39:41.239
<v Speaker 2>doing them a favor because honestly, I would love to

0:39:41.280 --> 0:39:43.960
<v Speaker 2>keep Waffles, but they love each other so much that

0:39:43.960 --> 0:39:46.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to separate the two sure Chance and Waffles,

0:39:46.360 --> 0:39:47.319
<v Speaker 2>so that's not fair for them.

0:39:47.600 --> 0:39:54.160
<v Speaker 3>So I'm actually being selfless and saying you're keeping them together.

0:39:54.440 --> 0:39:58.200
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I'm with you. I understand how that could be.

0:39:58.239 --> 0:40:02.000
<v Speaker 1>There's always going to be one way thing too many. Yeah,

0:40:02.120 --> 0:40:05.680
<v Speaker 1>Jazzy says, your girl's trip looked like so much fun.

0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:07.799
<v Speaker 1>Did you have to get into the mindset of having

0:40:07.800 --> 0:40:09.759
<v Speaker 1>fun and letting loose or was that easy to get

0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:11.560
<v Speaker 1>into that mode? Were you nervous at all about how

0:40:11.560 --> 0:40:14.279
<v Speaker 1>you would feel? Yeah?

0:40:14.320 --> 0:40:14.640
<v Speaker 2>I was.

0:40:14.760 --> 0:40:16.799
<v Speaker 3>I thought i'd be I was. I thought I would

0:40:16.840 --> 0:40:22.080
<v Speaker 3>be a lot sadder, but I was.

0:40:22.400 --> 0:40:22.640
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:40:22.640 --> 0:40:25.160
<v Speaker 2>It was fun, like I really like just had a

0:40:25.200 --> 0:40:27.120
<v Speaker 2>good time. And there was moments where I got a

0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:29.719
<v Speaker 2>little sad, but my girlfriends were like, snap out of it,

0:40:30.040 --> 0:40:32.440
<v Speaker 2>like you got this, like we're good, we're good, we're

0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:34.800
<v Speaker 2>having fun. You're letting your little girls out like like

0:40:35.480 --> 0:40:41.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, we're like or you know, like we're we're

0:40:41.160 --> 0:40:44.920
<v Speaker 2>we're doing this. And honestly, again, the only time that

0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:47.400
<v Speaker 2>I had a tough time was when I communicated with

0:40:47.440 --> 0:40:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes, no

0:40:49.719 --> 0:40:53.600
<v Speaker 2>communication because I know exactly who you're talking to right now,

0:40:53.719 --> 0:40:55.799
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, well but like and you know, she's

0:40:55.840 --> 0:40:58.799
<v Speaker 2>like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys are

0:40:58.840 --> 0:41:03.040
<v Speaker 2>not talking right now. So yeah, that was that was

0:41:03.320 --> 0:41:07.320
<v Speaker 2>the only time that I had was the communication.

0:41:07.800 --> 0:41:09.520
<v Speaker 1>So did you get hit on?

0:41:11.719 --> 0:41:17.239
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like I still got it.

0:41:17.840 --> 0:41:21.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know that's the whole point of the weekend.

0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:22.920
<v Speaker 3>Right, Yeah, it felt nice.

0:41:23.600 --> 0:41:28.000
<v Speaker 2>It was Yeah, but then he lost me at the

0:41:29.120 --> 0:41:33.239
<v Speaker 2>he like we're at this bar and he's like, you know,

0:41:33.320 --> 0:41:35.319
<v Speaker 2>he was cute, he's tall, he was cute and like

0:41:36.719 --> 0:41:38.400
<v Speaker 2>he came up and started talking to me, and I

0:41:38.440 --> 0:41:40.120
<v Speaker 2>was like, all right, like I'm you know, I'm just

0:41:40.120 --> 0:41:46.000
<v Speaker 2>gonna enjoy the flirt. And he was like he was

0:41:46.200 --> 0:41:48.360
<v Speaker 2>cute until he was like, can I come to Nashville

0:41:48.360 --> 0:41:49.560
<v Speaker 2>and play the ukulele for you?

0:41:49.640 --> 0:41:51.839
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, I.

0:41:51.760 --> 0:41:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Don't really think a ukulele isn't really like a sexy instrument.

0:41:58.320 --> 0:42:01.200
<v Speaker 3>No, Like I think I'm good.

0:42:01.880 --> 0:42:05.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So I turned that one down. And then yeah,

0:42:05.480 --> 0:42:09.759
<v Speaker 2>there was one other one who was like so the

0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:14.279
<v Speaker 2>night of my anniversary or would have been my anniversary,

0:42:14.360 --> 0:42:19.040
<v Speaker 2>there was these like married men, all married and but

0:42:19.080 --> 0:42:22.440
<v Speaker 2>they were like fun, you know, and they they were

0:42:22.520 --> 0:42:25.520
<v Speaker 2>kind of like having fun with us, and they're like

0:42:25.520 --> 0:42:26.720
<v Speaker 2>you should come on this yacht.

0:42:28.080 --> 0:42:29.680
<v Speaker 3>So that so that they sent over wine to us and.

0:42:29.600 --> 0:42:32.520
<v Speaker 2>We're like thanks, you know, and then after we got

0:42:32.560 --> 0:42:35.560
<v Speaker 2>done having our wine, they're like, come come sit with us,

0:42:35.560 --> 0:42:37.120
<v Speaker 2>and like they again they were like good guys. It

0:42:37.280 --> 0:42:39.759
<v Speaker 2>actually kind of made me sad because I'm like, you know,

0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:41.760
<v Speaker 2>they're like showing me pictures of their wives and their kids.

0:42:41.840 --> 0:42:44.840
<v Speaker 2>The one was like on the verge of a divorce.

0:42:44.880 --> 0:42:47.160
<v Speaker 2>So he was the one that started the like, you know,

0:42:47.280 --> 0:42:52.640
<v Speaker 2>the fun flirtatious thing going on, and you know they

0:42:52.640 --> 0:42:54.160
<v Speaker 2>were there was funny because they were all at the

0:42:54.200 --> 0:42:55.239
<v Speaker 2>table like trying to set me up.

0:42:55.239 --> 0:42:56.560
<v Speaker 3>They're like, oh, what about this guy? Oh what about

0:42:56.600 --> 0:42:56.839
<v Speaker 3>this guy?

0:42:56.880 --> 0:42:58.279
<v Speaker 2>Like, oh what about like my friend here, and they're

0:42:58.280 --> 0:43:00.480
<v Speaker 2>like showing me photos and I'm like, guys like and

0:43:00.480 --> 0:43:01.759
<v Speaker 2>then they're like, what about this guy.

0:43:02.040 --> 0:43:03.160
<v Speaker 3>He's got a big yacht.

0:43:02.960 --> 0:43:05.799
<v Speaker 2>And we're going on the yacht tomorrow. And I was like,

0:43:05.920 --> 0:43:08.480
<v Speaker 2>I Am not going on a yacht. I was like, well,

0:43:08.520 --> 0:43:10.560
<v Speaker 2>who's going these They're like, oh, these like twenty like

0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:13.240
<v Speaker 2>some like twenty girls, and like I'm like not happening,

0:43:13.360 --> 0:43:15.520
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm not, I don't care how much of money

0:43:15.520 --> 0:43:18.320
<v Speaker 2>he has, like, and they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire.

0:43:18.360 --> 0:43:19.319
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I don't care.

0:43:19.880 --> 0:43:23.520
<v Speaker 2>It does not like genuinely like I am self made

0:43:23.760 --> 0:43:25.680
<v Speaker 2>and I never want to rely on a man or

0:43:25.719 --> 0:43:28.160
<v Speaker 2>anything Like I'm fine, I can take care of myself.

0:43:28.320 --> 0:43:30.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't need to like go on this dude's yacht.

0:43:30.600 --> 0:43:33.200
<v Speaker 2>So we end up my friend Pamelain ends up finding

0:43:34.160 --> 0:43:37.160
<v Speaker 2>her friend was in town and she was on a yacht.

0:43:37.320 --> 0:43:40.160
<v Speaker 2>Well it happened to be at the same yacht. Uh,

0:43:40.840 --> 0:43:44.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, whatever harbor or whatever that they took off from.

0:43:44.400 --> 0:43:48.080
<v Speaker 2>So we are on another person's yacht and we were

0:43:48.480 --> 0:43:50.840
<v Speaker 2>texting the one of the guys and we're like hey,

0:43:51.280 --> 0:43:54.640
<v Speaker 2>like we basically see their boat. And the one guy

0:43:54.680 --> 0:43:56.200
<v Speaker 2>that they were trying to set me up with was like,

0:43:56.239 --> 0:43:58.080
<v Speaker 2>what are you doing on that boat? And I was like,

0:43:58.120 --> 0:43:59.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't need your boat.

0:44:01.880 --> 0:44:06.640
<v Speaker 3>I got my own boat. And it was like epic

0:44:06.840 --> 0:44:08.719
<v Speaker 3>because I'm like, dude, I don't give it. I don't

0:44:08.719 --> 0:44:11.520
<v Speaker 3>care like that. I'm like, you don't care.

0:44:11.600 --> 0:44:13.439
<v Speaker 1>But what if he was an awesome dude? Like take

0:44:13.480 --> 0:44:14.600
<v Speaker 1>the money out of it?

0:44:14.760 --> 0:44:15.799
<v Speaker 3>I mean, we ended up.

0:44:16.480 --> 0:44:18.680
<v Speaker 2>I ended up seeing him at the They invited us

0:44:18.680 --> 0:44:21.120
<v Speaker 2>to drinks the night that I got hit on by

0:44:21.200 --> 0:44:26.480
<v Speaker 2>yukulele boy, and and he was he was very nice,

0:44:26.800 --> 0:44:31.399
<v Speaker 2>like very nice guy. You know, it wasn't it was again,

0:44:31.440 --> 0:44:34.200
<v Speaker 2>it was nice to flirt, but it wasn't saying yes, yeah,

0:44:34.400 --> 0:44:34.799
<v Speaker 2>well I.

0:44:34.719 --> 0:44:36.879
<v Speaker 1>Think that was the time for flirting. It's not time

0:44:36.920 --> 0:44:38.160
<v Speaker 1>to go past flirting, right.

0:44:40.000 --> 0:44:42.680
<v Speaker 2>Unless I meet someone that like I really like, I don't,

0:44:43.840 --> 0:44:46.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, like I I'm open to it.

0:44:47.000 --> 0:44:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Good, Yeah, all right, I think we have one more.

0:44:49.440 --> 0:44:51.799
<v Speaker 3>He really is there one more, Corey.

0:44:52.040 --> 0:44:54.280
<v Speaker 1>I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject,

0:44:54.360 --> 0:44:56.400
<v Speaker 1>how I feel about it. I broke up with my

0:44:56.400 --> 0:44:58.080
<v Speaker 1>ex a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel

0:44:58.120 --> 0:44:59.960
<v Speaker 1>like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm

0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:02.799
<v Speaker 1>more finding someone new and what my ex will think

0:45:02.840 --> 0:45:05.720
<v Speaker 1>about me dating again. We share a little girl together,

0:45:05.800 --> 0:45:07.359
<v Speaker 1>so he's still in my life and I don't want

0:45:07.400 --> 0:45:10.680
<v Speaker 1>any negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I

0:45:10.719 --> 0:45:13.239
<v Speaker 1>tell him first or tell him only when I'm in

0:45:13.320 --> 0:45:15.600
<v Speaker 1>a future relationship. Well this segues nicely to what we

0:45:15.600 --> 0:45:16.320
<v Speaker 1>were just talking about.

0:45:16.520 --> 0:45:20.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I've definitely like I don't want to know

0:45:20.239 --> 0:45:22.279
<v Speaker 2>who Mike is hanging out with. I don't want him

0:45:22.320 --> 0:45:24.400
<v Speaker 2>to know who I'm hanging out with. But when it's serious,

0:45:24.520 --> 0:45:27.880
<v Speaker 2>that's then the conversation to be like, hey, you know,

0:45:28.000 --> 0:45:30.560
<v Speaker 2>this person is someone i've been seeing for six months

0:45:30.600 --> 0:45:36.839
<v Speaker 2>plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that I would.

0:45:36.520 --> 0:45:37.439
<v Speaker 3>Like the kids to meet.

0:45:38.320 --> 0:45:40.400
<v Speaker 2>I think you have to have that conversation and respect

0:45:40.520 --> 0:45:44.400
<v Speaker 2>your spouse or partner or whatever, because I would be

0:45:44.520 --> 0:45:46.640
<v Speaker 2>very upset if he introduced the kids to a girl

0:45:46.719 --> 0:45:51.319
<v Speaker 2>without my knowledge, for sure, and we had a we're

0:45:51.400 --> 0:45:55.080
<v Speaker 2>very on the same page with that, So you know,

0:45:55.160 --> 0:45:58.560
<v Speaker 2>I think it's again one of those things where if

0:45:58.600 --> 0:46:01.200
<v Speaker 2>it's serious and you can see yourself being in a

0:46:01.239 --> 0:46:06.520
<v Speaker 2>long term relationship with that person and it's involving the kids,

0:46:07.239 --> 0:46:09.319
<v Speaker 2>that's when you should say something. But until that point,

0:46:09.360 --> 0:46:11.800
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you have to say anything. None of

0:46:11.800 --> 0:46:14.319
<v Speaker 2>their business and all I don't want to know, So like,

0:46:14.680 --> 0:46:17.040
<v Speaker 2>only come to me when like you're about to introduce

0:46:17.840 --> 0:46:21.600
<v Speaker 2>the kids to the next maybe mom, stepmom, yeah, whatever.

0:46:21.400 --> 0:46:23.319
<v Speaker 1>You're going to date a lot of yukulele boys and

0:46:23.360 --> 0:46:25.600
<v Speaker 1>ex boyfriend doesn't need to know about every one of them.

0:46:25.640 --> 0:46:28.080
<v Speaker 2>That's fine, exactly like me and are going to go

0:46:28.120 --> 0:46:32.919
<v Speaker 2>out and yeah, like it's none of their business, is right.

0:46:32.840 --> 0:46:35.640
<v Speaker 1>Until the kids were involved? Then it becomes their business.

0:46:35.719 --> 0:46:39.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because you know that person is essentially and you know,

0:46:40.400 --> 0:46:41.960
<v Speaker 2>whoever is in my life is going to have the

0:46:42.000 --> 0:46:43.719
<v Speaker 2>kids seventy percent of the time, So they're going to

0:46:43.800 --> 0:46:46.560
<v Speaker 2>have more time with my kids than their own dad,

0:46:47.160 --> 0:46:50.320
<v Speaker 2>which I could not handle if that was the first

0:46:51.080 --> 0:46:52.000
<v Speaker 2>But I mean.

0:46:51.960 --> 0:46:53.640
<v Speaker 1>You're gonna have a hard time with a thirty percent.

0:46:53.760 --> 0:46:55.719
<v Speaker 1>But we'll cross that bridge, will we come to it?

0:46:55.840 --> 0:46:57.759
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I want a hundred, but I guess it's not

0:46:57.800 --> 0:46:58.600
<v Speaker 3>fair for the kids.

0:47:00.280 --> 0:47:03.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm actually thinking about my children and it's very hard

0:47:04.040 --> 0:47:08.960
<v Speaker 2>when I'm like, they're my kids. Oh anyways, well, fun show.

0:47:10.160 --> 0:47:11.360
<v Speaker 2>I opened up about Miami.

0:47:13.320 --> 0:47:13.960
<v Speaker 1>That was fun.

0:47:14.480 --> 0:47:17.839
<v Speaker 3>Oh lord yeah, mm hmm.

0:47:18.400 --> 0:47:18.600
<v Speaker 4>Oh.

0:47:18.640 --> 0:47:21.719
<v Speaker 2>Also, my friends tried to get me to sign up

0:47:21.719 --> 0:47:27.600
<v Speaker 2>for a dating app and I went on there and

0:47:27.640 --> 0:47:30.840
<v Speaker 2>I was like, guys, I have had zero hits. And

0:47:30.880 --> 0:47:32.320
<v Speaker 2>my friend's like, well, let me see the photo.

0:47:32.960 --> 0:47:35.360
<v Speaker 3>And they're like, because it's with you and your two kids,

0:47:35.560 --> 0:47:38.680
<v Speaker 3>and I was, oh gosh, what, I'm like, it's my kids.

0:47:40.480 --> 0:47:43.239
<v Speaker 2>My friend's like, you will not get any hits, and

0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:44.960
<v Speaker 2>I was like, well then, I like, then I'm getting

0:47:44.960 --> 0:47:45.600
<v Speaker 2>off of this thing.

0:47:45.760 --> 0:47:49.000
<v Speaker 3>Like then like if they don't like.

0:47:49.120 --> 0:47:51.759
<v Speaker 2>No, so I'm never I'm never going on a dating

0:47:51.800 --> 0:47:53.520
<v Speaker 2>app again. It lasted for one day.

0:47:54.239 --> 0:47:57.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't know a lot about dating apps, obviously, but

0:47:57.160 --> 0:47:59.560
<v Speaker 1>I do think it's I think protocol is you could

0:47:59.560 --> 0:48:02.120
<v Speaker 1>include that as one of your sub photos, so your

0:48:02.200 --> 0:48:03.879
<v Speaker 1>main photo cannot be that.

0:48:04.160 --> 0:48:06.800
<v Speaker 3>But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I understood.

0:48:06.920 --> 0:48:08.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm a mom and I love my kids, and I

0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:10.400
<v Speaker 2>thought I looked cute in the photo. But apparently like

0:48:11.760 --> 0:48:14.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like me, Jolie and Jay's like are really

0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:18.480
<v Speaker 2>rocking it, but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off,

0:48:18.560 --> 0:48:21.000
<v Speaker 2>like within that day. I was like, f this, Like

0:48:22.080 --> 0:48:24.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm not taking a picture of my kids down as

0:48:25.000 --> 0:48:27.160
<v Speaker 2>my main profile, because that is who I am.

0:48:27.920 --> 0:48:30.600
<v Speaker 3>You know, I suppose I see your.

0:48:30.480 --> 0:48:32.479
<v Speaker 2>Side too, Like I see your side too, Like hey,

0:48:32.719 --> 0:48:35.719
<v Speaker 2>but like I would want to know that they're a parent,

0:48:36.280 --> 0:48:38.080
<v Speaker 2>But maybe that's because I'm in this situation. So anyone

0:48:38.080 --> 0:48:40.440
<v Speaker 2>that's probably looking maybe the kids.

0:48:40.280 --> 0:48:42.279
<v Speaker 1>Saying hide that you don't want to hide it, and

0:48:42.360 --> 0:48:45.600
<v Speaker 1>it's just not the main first thing they seek because look,

0:48:45.800 --> 0:48:48.600
<v Speaker 1>they're going to be I already number three in your

0:48:48.680 --> 0:48:52.040
<v Speaker 1>life no matter what. And yes it's good to know that,

0:48:52.080 --> 0:48:59.000
<v Speaker 1>but no one wants to hear that the first thing. Wow,

0:48:59.160 --> 0:49:02.480
<v Speaker 1>fun swiping. I think swiping's fun just on somebody else's phone.

0:49:02.719 --> 0:49:05.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's great, But when nobody likes you back and

0:49:05.200 --> 0:49:10.720
<v Speaker 2>it really hurts the ego, like genuinely hurts the ego,

0:49:11.520 --> 0:49:13.640
<v Speaker 2>and they're like, put this picture up and then like

0:49:13.719 --> 0:49:16.200
<v Speaker 2>then you'll get a bunch I was like, no, again,

0:49:16.560 --> 0:49:19.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm off this thing, like I'm if I'm going to

0:49:19.200 --> 0:49:20.360
<v Speaker 2>meet someone you know.

0:49:20.400 --> 0:49:22.920
<v Speaker 3>It'll be through friends or you know.

0:49:23.520 --> 0:49:25.560
<v Speaker 1>Uh, that black and white Instagram photo from just a

0:49:25.600 --> 0:49:27.000
<v Speaker 1>few weeks ago. It's going to get you a lot

0:49:27.000 --> 0:49:29.479
<v Speaker 1>of swipe rights on it, on whatever dating app you choose.

0:49:30.080 --> 0:49:33.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm not doing anymore dating it. Okay, not happening. Oh

0:49:33.520 --> 0:49:34.000
<v Speaker 3>my goodness.

0:49:34.040 --> 0:49:35.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty, so I'm

0:49:36.000 --> 0:49:36.640
<v Speaker 2>getting off now.

0:49:36.719 --> 0:49:38.320
<v Speaker 3>I love you guys. We'll talk next week.