Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone,
Speaker 1: exciting news. Okay, my second annual I Choose Me Live
Speaker 1: Summit Women's empowerment event is coming to Los Angeles on Saturday,
Speaker 1: April twenty fifth, and I want you to be there.
Speaker 1: The I Choose Me movement began as three little words
Speaker 1: on Beverly Hills nine O two one oh in nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety five, but it has evolved into something so much
Speaker 1: more than that. A revolution, you guys. It's a message
Speaker 1: I feel so passionate about.
Speaker 2: I wrote the book on it.
Speaker 1: So please join me for this one day party shining
Speaker 1: a light on self care and self love. Our panelists
Speaker 1: are incredible.
Speaker 3: This year.
Speaker 1: We have Amanda Klut's, Bethany Joy Lenz, Genie Mai, Gabby Reese,
Speaker 1: Sarah Shahe my dear Friend, Gabrielle Carteris, Cameron Matheson, and
Speaker 1: more surprises. So please come for the powerful conversations, stay
Speaker 1: for lunch and cocktails. Make a commitment to choose yourself
Speaker 1: right here in sunny California. It's going to be amazing.
Speaker 1: Tickets are on sale now at veeps dot com. That's
Speaker 1: veeps dot com and all of the info will be
Speaker 1: in our show notes.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Welcome back to I Choose Me.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm back with Amy Landecker getting into some good
Speaker 1: stuff from directing debuts to dating don'ts, and what.
Speaker 2: She's learned about love.
Speaker 1: For Better or For Worse? Amy, we had a fantastic
Speaker 1: conversation about your new movie For Worse, navigating the second X,
Speaker 1: blending the families, the vulnerability of starting over. So I
Speaker 1: thought we could do a little fun word play with
Speaker 1: For Worse. You went back and forth acting and directing
Speaker 1: in For Worse and writing. By the way, what was
Speaker 1: the better and what was the worse? Did you like
Speaker 1: director more or acting more?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I know that's a really that's hard because I
Speaker 3: liked them both. I mean, for Better was doing both
Speaker 3: because I felt like, my I'm gonna chance change it
Speaker 3: up on you a little, because my acting was better
Speaker 3: because I was directing, And I think my directing was
Speaker 3: better because I was acting because both part parts of
Speaker 3: my brain were being used at the same time. For
Speaker 3: Worse is always the writing, because it's the hardest part,
Speaker 3: you know, it's it's writing is writing is one of
Speaker 3: those things where like when you're in it it's really fun,
Speaker 3: but getting in it is really painful.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's hard.
Speaker 3: It's like the on ramp. It's really long. The on
Speaker 3: ramp is hard.
Speaker 1: And then you you hand those papers to people and
Speaker 1: they read it, or even then they're they are asked
Speaker 1: to act it out, and I'm sure your mind is
Speaker 1: racing with oh my god, what are they thinking?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, And there were some lines I wrote where
Speaker 3: I was like, don't say that. I can't.
Speaker 2: That was so stupid, That's so terrible.
Speaker 3: I wrote that. No, And then you give it to
Speaker 3: people and they give you notes, and there's just nothing
Speaker 3: worse than that. Like it's like, I don't want your notes.
Speaker 1: I hate the notes because you wrote what you wrote,
Speaker 1: and like, how do you incorporate what someone else wants
Speaker 1: you to write?
Speaker 3: If the note is worth taking or not. They're not. Honestly,
Speaker 3: they're very helpful, but it is like, literally one of
Speaker 3: the hardest feelings in the world, because all you want
Speaker 3: is for someone to read it and go, this is
Speaker 3: the best thing I've ever read in my entire life.
Speaker 3: I have no notes. That's not how it goes. So okay.
Speaker 1: You've worked with everyone from the Cohen Brothers to Paul
Speaker 1: Giamatti to Judith Light, Gabby Hoffman, everyone, your husband, Bradley Whitford.
Speaker 1: Who is an actor or director that you would love
Speaker 1: to work with, who would make your work better? Maybe
Speaker 1: you've already worked with them.
Speaker 3: Well, that's really interesting for some reason, Like Jordan Peele
Speaker 3: is coming into my head. Jordan Peele is one of
Speaker 3: those people who like, he had a real passion for horror,
Speaker 3: right so he he his first film was get Out.
Speaker 3: Obviously I had connection to that because Bradley was in it.
Speaker 3: I thought it was like one of the best movies
Speaker 3: I've seen in a long time. It fired for me
Speaker 3: on like all cylinders. Yeah, he was someone that Bradley
Speaker 3: talked a lot about and I sort of took this
Speaker 3: advice from him, and I think why it would be
Speaker 3: fun to work with him as he was. I think
Speaker 3: actors make great directors, first of all. I just think
Speaker 3: they're they make great directors because they really understand how
Speaker 3: an actor wants to be talked to, and a lot
Speaker 3: of directors have no idea that like it's like are
Speaker 3: you kidding me?
Speaker 2: Like so bad?
Speaker 3: Sometimes I mean it's so bad, it's like and actors,
Speaker 3: you know, brobably always makes a joke like directors don't
Speaker 3: don't get to see other people direct, right, but we
Speaker 3: but we get yeah, we get laid. We're getting it
Speaker 3: all the time. But he said, like every actor needs
Speaker 3: it requires a complete like a different thing, Like I
Speaker 3: can't come to Ken Marino with the same thing that
Speaker 3: I come to Gabby Hoffman with because they might like
Speaker 3: work differently, and so I feel like I'd love to
Speaker 3: see how he would tailor to me. And I just
Speaker 3: think there's certain I did a play with David Kromer,
Speaker 3: who's a very well known theater director, and he was
Speaker 3: really hard. I found like it wasn't an easy process.
Speaker 3: But I felt like I would never be bad with him,
Speaker 3: Like he would never he wouldn't allow like it just
Speaker 3: his taste level was so high that like I would
Speaker 3: never suck in that situation. And so I kind of
Speaker 3: liked that too. I just like to feel like I'm
Speaker 3: in really smart, good hands so that my best is
Speaker 3: kind of brought to the surface.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's important.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, because I can be not I can
Speaker 3: be I mean, yeah bad, but I mean I'm bad
Speaker 3: in some things, like I'm like, oh my god, I
Speaker 3: can't watch that. Wait.
Speaker 2: I have to ask you this question.
Speaker 1: Okay, as the writer, director, producer, actress, the person promoting
Speaker 1: this movie, you're the movie when you when you watch
Speaker 1: yourself on screen, when you when you're you know, you
Speaker 1: said you didn't edit this much. But when you're watching
Speaker 1: those dailies, when you see the final cut, what's going
Speaker 1: on in what's the conversation going on in your mind?
Speaker 1: Because I am familiar with the conversations that go on
Speaker 1: in my mind, but I'm curious about you.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think there's this thing. There's always the
Speaker 3: first reaction, which is very physical. I just did like
Speaker 3: ADR today. I'm in I have a fun little part,
Speaker 3: very juicy little part in Chris Rock's movie called Misty Green,
Speaker 3: that I think is going to come out in the
Speaker 3: fall for A twenty four, and so I had to
Speaker 3: go in and do ADYR. I don't know if you remember.
Speaker 3: I don't know when last year was nothing worse than
Speaker 3: seeing yourself before color correction. And the first is always
Speaker 3: the physical. I mean, it's just judgment. I don't like
Speaker 3: the part on ourselves. It's so hard. I don't like this.
Speaker 3: I don't like that. I don't like this. In fact,
Speaker 3: when I work in TV or film or whatever. I
Speaker 3: go into the hair and makeup process and I do
Speaker 3: not look in the mirror again. Other actors like to
Speaker 3: sort of check themselves.
Speaker 2: Out or no me either. I really they did their
Speaker 2: exactly good. I'm sure it's good.
Speaker 3: I want to look. I don't want to look. I
Speaker 3: want to turn on like a totally different part of myself.
Speaker 3: But I couldn't do that with this movie. I was
Speaker 3: like going to be seeing myself. I knew a lot.
Speaker 3: There was no way not to look right, so I
Speaker 3: could like not watch stuff I'm in. I can, but
Speaker 3: this was and what was the most like cool part,
Speaker 3: I guess And I've sort of realized this with like
Speaker 3: exposure therapy, like I'll see a picture or something like
Speaker 3: oh not, just like stay with it, you know, and
Speaker 3: stay with it, and then all of a sudden, it's
Speaker 3: like like you can be kinder to yourself or you
Speaker 3: can like it doesn't look as bad, and it's just
Speaker 3: like giving yourself like enough familiarity because sometimes they think
Speaker 3: our image doesn't match how we feel inside. And it's
Speaker 3: like getting familiar with what you actually look like now,
Speaker 3: which is different than you looked like before. And you know,
Speaker 3: I obviously too. Also like I'm a Hollywood person and
Speaker 3: I spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars a
Speaker 3: year on my skin and trying to kind of fight
Speaker 3: that battle and optimize it. But like today, my it
Speaker 3: was tough, right. I'm just like and my girlfriend saw
Speaker 3: this movie. They saw an early cut and they're like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, you look so great in this movie,
Speaker 3: and it's like so anyway, long story, sure, the real
Speaker 3: delight watching the movie is that there was a point
Speaker 3: where I really stopped judging myself, like I stopped having
Speaker 3: any issue and all I was looking at and I
Speaker 3: was and there was a part of me like, are
Speaker 3: you narcissistic that you like this maybe so much? Or
Speaker 3: that you like yourself in the movie? Like I like
Speaker 3: my performance and I and what I see is someone
Speaker 3: who's really enjoying being in the scenes with the people
Speaker 3: that she's with. And that's that's what I'm seeing now,
Speaker 3: And I really see we all had a really wonderful time,
Speaker 3: like a really wonderful time, And that's what I see
Speaker 3: is like that joyous play that was going on.
Speaker 1: I love that you got there because that's what you
Speaker 1: took a few viewings I'm sure. Yeah, I love that
Speaker 1: you got there, because wow, it's just sucks being so
Speaker 1: hard on ourselves.
Speaker 2: And you know, everybody, let everybody else see that.
Speaker 3: I mean, but Bradley's like, women are insane, insane, Like
Speaker 3: you guys are so hard on yourself. I'm like, it's unreal,
Speaker 3: Like it's just it's it's never ending, you know, It's
Speaker 3: He's just you know, and he's like, I mean, he's like, look,
Speaker 3: I care about aging and I'm judgmental in myself, but
Speaker 3: I don't like it's it's not used as like a
Speaker 3: cudgel throughout the day, you know, and doesn't like change
Speaker 3: my mental health. I'm like, oh right, women, it's tough, it's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and hopefully we can just let it go because well, at.
Speaker 3: The end of the day, looking at yourself and going
Speaker 3: I love you this way I love you. I mean,
Speaker 3: it sounds so cheesy, but it works.
Speaker 1: It really does. SE mean, I say that to people
Speaker 1: all the time. Look in the mirror and tell yourself
Speaker 1: that you love your.
Speaker 3: You're beautiful, you look beautiful. I was doing downward facing
Speaker 3: dog with like nou with shorts on and like my
Speaker 3: thighs are like unrecognizable to me on a downward facing
Speaker 3: dog like it's.
Speaker 2: Just an angle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's literally, and I just instead of I remember
Speaker 3: going like you should go put pants on, I was like, no,
Speaker 3: just look, keep looking at it and be nice to
Speaker 3: yourself and like be glad that your legs are working.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're alive.
Speaker 3: That I can do downward facing tod and it's just
Speaker 3: fucking skin. And Bradley's always joking. He's like, women are like,
Speaker 3: we're like, looks good to me, Like you know, like
Speaker 3: we they're like fine with all of it. And then
Speaker 3: you're like, dude, choose to not believe.
Speaker 2: Him though, like when he says I like it, what
Speaker 2: does it matter? Like my husband's like.
Speaker 3: I don't see what you see. There are some men
Speaker 3: who like but like, I know my husband thinks I've
Speaker 3: got a great body. I know he does, and I
Speaker 3: think I have a hideous body if I'm in a
Speaker 3: certain part of my brain right like I'm like, this
Speaker 3: is wrong. That is wrong, and I mean part of
Speaker 3: what makes me feel better is his But he also
Speaker 3: is a man likes real like like he doesn't. There are,
Speaker 3: in my opinion, men who are really only interested in
Speaker 3: like twenty five year old body Oh yeah, I just
Speaker 3: don't need to be with those men, right, not your guy.
Speaker 3: Not to say it doesn't exist, that there aren't men,
Speaker 3: but I really do feel like in this might be controversial,
Speaker 3: but to say that women and gay men are probably
Speaker 3: the hardest on ourselves than anyone else.
Speaker 1: And I think that's why I have such a love
Speaker 1: for them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, men, gay men.
Speaker 3: Or kid, we're kindred spirits.
Speaker 2: We get each other. Yep, it's you, okay.
Speaker 3: So like the most straight guys are like, you know,
Speaker 3: looks good, looks good enough for you. I don't care,
Speaker 3: Get over there, down and let's have fun.
Speaker 1: So okay, okay, a romantic comedy. The Four Worst is
Speaker 1: a romantic comedy.
Speaker 2: So what has been.
Speaker 1: Like the best and the worst advice about love that
Speaker 1: you've either gotten or have given?
Speaker 4: Oh good question, or what's the best. What's the best
Speaker 4: advice that you would say ever got? The best advice
Speaker 4: I ever got was to put Iris.
Speaker 3: My child, my daughter first in every decision I was
Speaker 3: making about my professional life and my love life, and
Speaker 3: that if I put Iris's interests, it sounds weird because
Speaker 3: it's like, well, I should be put first. But there
Speaker 3: was something about putting my kid when my kid was younger,
Speaker 3: what I would feel would be best for her first
Speaker 3: was guiding me to better relationships and better better decisions
Speaker 3: with work, and it worked really well for me. It
Speaker 3: was like a like a you know, like what do
Speaker 3: you call that, like like the light that guides you whatever.
Speaker 3: It was just like a very healthy way to say,
Speaker 3: would this be good? And honestly, my friends were struggling
Speaker 3: a lot in their relationships, like because the person doesn't
Speaker 3: get along with the kid or they like, it's very hard.
Speaker 3: It's very hard to have any real happiness or peace
Speaker 3: when that's going on. So for me, it was really
Speaker 3: finding a man who could love my kid. And it
Speaker 3: was also not taking a big job, maybe because I
Speaker 3: was gonna I wanted to be present for my kid
Speaker 3: and realizing in retrospect, I'm so glad I didn't put
Speaker 3: like my ambition first, because I don't. I don't. I
Speaker 3: think the idea of our jobs, particularly as actors, like
Speaker 3: it sounds so good, right, It's like, but we know
Speaker 3: when you're really in it. Like my manager said to me,
Speaker 3: your job will never love you back, Like you can
Speaker 3: love your job, but your job is not going to
Speaker 3: love you back. Able to hear well, and it was
Speaker 3: and I was kind of, well, I don't know if
Speaker 3: that's true, because I've had some jobs that I really
Speaker 3: but the more that I thought about, I was like, no,
Speaker 3: people love you back, you know.
Speaker 2: Like the people at your job.
Speaker 3: Maybe, yes, absolutely, But the trappings of it, yeah, like oh,
Speaker 3: the money or the prestige or whatever I think is
Speaker 3: going to come from that thing is very transient.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is. You got to let all that go.
Speaker 1: And when you have a kid or kids, it just
Speaker 1: puts it all just like right into perspective.
Speaker 2: And a guy, like.
Speaker 1: When you're an actress or an actor, you're in this industry.
Speaker 2: Like especially an actress.
Speaker 1: It's like there's that part of you have to put
Speaker 1: put enough effort into yourself. You have to pay attention
Speaker 1: to the decisions and think about what your next move
Speaker 1: is and what's right for you. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: like me, me, me, me me.
Speaker 3: Yes in what we do. I had a very prestigious,
Speaker 3: like dream job, and I would be much more well
Speaker 3: known to today if I took it, and luckily I
Speaker 3: didn't take the advice. And it was people that I
Speaker 3: really like, thought very highly of who did always put
Speaker 3: their career first, and that's not a wrong choice for
Speaker 3: a person who wants to put their career first. That's
Speaker 3: i'd like, I'm not saying there's one writer the other, no,
Speaker 3: because it really is personal to you. I just had
Speaker 3: known that I had a child who needed me, and
Speaker 3: I knew if I was number one on a call
Speaker 3: sheet what that meant in terms of hours, and we
Speaker 3: were gonna have to move to another country, and I
Speaker 3: was dating Bradley and I but it wasn't even like, oh,
Speaker 3: because the kid, this is the cool part, right, It's
Speaker 3: like it's not just because of the kid, and it's
Speaker 3: not just because of Bradley. It's like I just know
Speaker 3: that I just knew intuitively that I wasn't that that
Speaker 3: wasn't something I was quite ready for, like in my
Speaker 3: life as a my nervous system, the way I work,
Speaker 3: the way I'm comfortable, and I might have used them
Speaker 3: as like additional reasons, but like it was also very
Speaker 3: true to myself. And it was really hard because when
Speaker 3: the project hit it it was very very popular for
Speaker 3: a while, and I spent some time going did I
Speaker 3: make the wrong decision? And again, coming back to what
Speaker 3: you're talking about earlier, I just whenever I got really quiet,
Speaker 3: I knew I made the right decision. I knew it,
Speaker 3: but it was all the fear around uh, power and prestige,
Speaker 3: right like, and enough time has passed, I always look
Speaker 3: back and I go, oh, thank god. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 3: I have a great relationship with my kid. My kid's
Speaker 3: doing really well. I'm married to the love I mean, like,
Speaker 3: none of that would have happened. No, and that job
Speaker 3: was over now right like so.
Speaker 1: Well, I think that's such a great insight because we
Speaker 1: often think like we have to make a decision right now,
Speaker 1: like this is opportunities going to pass five pm. I
Speaker 1: need your answer, And sometimes you've got to be like, no,
Speaker 1: you know what I need the night. I need some
Speaker 1: time to consider that now.
Speaker 3: First of I'll never make a decision after five pm
Speaker 3: because you're too tired. But also never if you're in
Speaker 3: a rush, stop, Like anytime I'm in a rush, I'm
Speaker 3: usually about to make a bad decision. If I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm in a rush, I have to text this person
Speaker 3: right now or I have to like that is a
Speaker 3: sign that I am not in alignment with myself and
Speaker 3: I need to just slow down. Pause pause, pause, pause.
Speaker 3: I'm a huge pause believer.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I pause all the time, and I think.
Speaker 3: Pause poses people must think, like, what where'd you go?
Speaker 3: It's so smart though, and definitely take twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: I mean for sure, you.
Speaker 1: Know, for sure, I love talking to you. I think
Speaker 1: you are a really inspirational lady. Let's hang out, let's
Speaker 1: get some tea or something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would love that. I am sober as well,
Speaker 3: so we're kidding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't happen all So finding the right date a.
Speaker 3: Couple of years now, we didn't even talk about that.
Speaker 3: I was going to say at some point like that
Speaker 3: was probably one of the biggest decisions that I if
Speaker 3: you want to, I didn't say, because I don't talk
Speaker 3: about it, but like that much. It's like, look, if
Speaker 3: you have a substance issue and you're trying to accomplish something,
Speaker 3: take care of that first, because you will you will
Speaker 3: not accomplish it with the joy and free and you
Speaker 3: might accomplish it, but it's not going to feel the
Speaker 3: same way. So that's a big thing that opened up
Speaker 3: pathways for my whole life for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just the clarity that you're like, I know that
Speaker 1: this is clear, Like it feels there's something so you can't.
Speaker 3: Hear your gut when it's covered with a lot of that.
Speaker 3: If you have an issue with it, it's covering it,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: And ya the best thing I did too, one of
Speaker 2: the best things. So we will hang.
Speaker 1: But I just want to make sure everybody knows how
Speaker 1: to find your film, your gorgeous film, just.
Speaker 3: Like Google, or go to Amazon. Really just go to
Speaker 3: Amazon and put in for worse movie, or go to
Speaker 3: Apple TV and search it, search it baby, and you
Speaker 3: can rent it or you can buy it. And you know,
Speaker 3: I would mean a lot to me and to all
Speaker 3: the independent filmmakers out there that are support support.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it, and I'm going to tell everybody about it.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, Jenny's Okay, thank you, Amy. I love it. Bye.