1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:01,880
Speaker 1: If you have your own story of being in a

2
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,000
Speaker 1: cult or a high control group, or if.

3
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,040
Speaker 2: You've had experience with manipulation or abusive power that you'd

4
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,039
Speaker 2: like to share, leave us.

5
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,640
Speaker 1: A message on our hotline number at three four seven

6
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,360
Speaker 1: eight six trust.

7
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,360
Speaker 2: That's three four seven eight six eight seven eight seven eight, or.

8
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,840
Speaker 1: Shoot us an email at trust Me pod at gmail

9
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:19,919
Speaker 1: dot com.

10
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,279
Speaker 3: Trust me, trust me.

11
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,000
Speaker 4: I'm like a swat person.

12
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,400
Speaker 3: I've never lied to you.

13
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,760
Speaker 2: I never If you think that one person has all

14
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:36,479
Speaker 2: the answers, don't Welcome to Trusting the podcast about cults,

15
00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:39,800
Speaker 2: extreme belief and the abusive power from two ladies who've

16
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,120
Speaker 2: actually experienced it.

17
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,080
Speaker 1: I am Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth, and I

18
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,600
Speaker 1: resent being called the lady.

19
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:46,720
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. What do you want?

20
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:47,200
Speaker 1: A woman?

21
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:48,200
Speaker 3: A bet?

22
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:49,959
Speaker 1: Well, that's that you are.

23
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,959
Speaker 2: Today we have comedian and actor Moses Storm on. You've

24
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:58,600
Speaker 2: seen Moses in NBC series Sunnyside and The love Birds

25
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,560
Speaker 2: starring Asa Ray and Kumi non Gianni, and he has

26
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,160
Speaker 2: a comedy special coming out on HBO Max.

27
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,319
Speaker 1: It's all very exciting.

28
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,240
Speaker 2: We're going to hear about his childhood spent traveling in

29
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 2: a bus proselytizing. I thought it was a van. It

30
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:18,400
Speaker 2: was a large vehicle of some kind. He spent traveling

31
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:21,760
Speaker 2: in a large vehicle proselytizing in a very aggressive but

32
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,399
Speaker 2: adorable way. As you will hear, and you will also

33
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,280
Speaker 2: hear about the group's connection to Andrea Yates, the woman

34
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,759
Speaker 2: who infamously murdered her children in the bathtub. We will

35
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,639
Speaker 2: get into all of that shortly. It's really interesting story.

36
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:40,000
Speaker 2: Moses is super funny. But before we get into that, Megan, Yes,

37
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,399
Speaker 2: do you want to tell me the cultiest thing?

38
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,240
Speaker 1: Oh, the cultiest thing that happened to me this week

39
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,080
Speaker 1: is that I went on a date with a celebrity.

40
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:52,680
Speaker 2: Oh, and I can tell his Do I know which

41
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,520
Speaker 2: celebrity this is?

42
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:53,920
Speaker 1: Yes?

43
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,200
Speaker 2: Oh shit, okay, sorry, we can't tell anyone.

44
00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,960
Speaker 1: I can tell he has built a call e's life

45
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,960
Speaker 1: where he's used to people treating him a certain way

46
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,000
Speaker 1: and doing what he says, and he's living in a

47
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,280
Speaker 1: bubble where he is a cult leader.

48
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:16,000
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, as happens with celebrities, absolutely a lot. I

49
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,080
Speaker 2: wish we could get into more specifics, but that's okay,

50
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:19,720
Speaker 2: we'll take that.

51
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:20,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's take it.

52
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:27,960
Speaker 2: I went to an acting an audition workshop this week.

53
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,680
Speaker 1: Oh, and.

54
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:35,280
Speaker 2: Was surrounded by actors at ZAG And you know, I'm

55
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:39,840
Speaker 2: not one for acting classes. I think that they can

56
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,200
Speaker 2: be great for people. I just they haven't really been

57
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,640
Speaker 2: my thing. But I went to this thing and I

58
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,720
Speaker 2: know that this is totally normal and people do this

59
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,320
Speaker 2: all the time, but it scared me so much. She

60
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,320
Speaker 2: had everybody do breathing exercises together. And it's this room

61
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,320
Speaker 2: full of I don't know how to do numbers, maybe

62
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,160
Speaker 2: fifty people. I don't know, a lot of people in

63
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 2: a room, and everyone was breathing together in and then

64
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,120
Speaker 2: you do the thing where you go out and you

65
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:09,560
Speaker 2: make a noise yep already, except it was actors doing it.

66
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,880
Speaker 2: So it was so loud and it went on for

67
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,839
Speaker 2: so long, and it was like hitting every different note

68
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,639
Speaker 2: in the spectrum, and they were all like, none of

69
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 2: them worked together. So it was like this maddening noise

70
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,600
Speaker 2: that went on for so long, and I was like,

71
00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 2: oh my.

72
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,440
Speaker 1: God, I'm going insane, what is happening.

73
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:29,880
Speaker 2: And then they had they had everybody just laugh because

74
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:35,080
Speaker 2: acting is hilarious, just laugh. And then this fucking giant

75
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,400
Speaker 2: room of actors is cackling to.

76
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,760
Speaker 1: Your describing how.

77
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,920
Speaker 2: This makes me never want to take an acting class.

78
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 2: But the yeah are they're all very happy learning.

79
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,280
Speaker 1: Did you learn anything from it?

80
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,640
Speaker 2: No? It kind of reiterated some stuff that I already think,

81
00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,280
Speaker 2: which is that, like meditation is good and if you

82
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,200
Speaker 2: feel anxious about something, you should try to detach from

83
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,480
Speaker 2: the outcome and just enjoy the experience and connect with

84
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,320
Speaker 2: But like, there's no you can't rely on those You

85
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,600
Speaker 2: just kind of have to hope that.

86
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,600
Speaker 1: You can do it and then yeah, happen. I don't know.

87
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,360
Speaker 2: I feel like there's no formula to it.

88
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,040
Speaker 1: So you're not going to join that cult. I'm not

89
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:19,680
Speaker 1: going to date that.

90
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:21,839
Speaker 2: Can I date him?

91
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,560
Speaker 1: No? I can't do that.

92
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,919
Speaker 2: But you like him somewhat, I mean you like the idea.

93
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:28,760
Speaker 1: I like the idea of him. It was a really

94
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,480
Speaker 1: stupid mistake to go on a date with him, because

95
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,080
Speaker 1: he's been my celebrity crush since like forever.

96
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,760
Speaker 2: So now did it shatter all your No?

97
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,599
Speaker 1: I didn't hook up with him, so I can still

98
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:42,040
Speaker 1: just pretend that he's who I thought he was right

99
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,880
Speaker 1: right now, size about that for the rest of my life.

100
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,000
Speaker 1: Not sad.

101
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,599
Speaker 2: Should we introduce Moses?

102
00:04:51,800 --> 00:05:00,360
Speaker 1: Let's do it.

103
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:11,920
Speaker 2: Okay, this is our friend Moses Storm. He is an actor,

104
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:16,839
Speaker 2: a comedian, a writer, a performance artist, sure, and other things.

105
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,920
Speaker 4: I think, yeah, I'll take all those things. I'll take

106
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,479
Speaker 4: as many hyphens as you want.

107
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,640
Speaker 1: Do you want to add anything?

108
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,480
Speaker 3: No, because that's even that's really sad. Here's this thing.

109
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:27,720
Speaker 3: It's obviously not going well.

110
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,000
Speaker 1: If I have to bring up that, I do it.

111
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a lot of things. He's very good at

112
00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,360
Speaker 2: all of them. He's very funny, and he also happened

113
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,760
Speaker 2: to grow up in a culty situation, which.

114
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's yes, that's a very polite way of putting it.

115
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, but yeah, what I was saying on the way

116
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,479
Speaker 4: in before we started recording is like, I wish something

117
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,520
Speaker 4: like this existed when I was getting out of the cult.

118
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,240
Speaker 3: Me, like the podcast you're doing.

119
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,400
Speaker 4: Cults just because it could be a very isolating feeling

120
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,479
Speaker 4: getting out of it, because you're leaving a community of

121
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,039
Speaker 4: people and a set of beliefs that you had, and

122
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,640
Speaker 4: it would have helped a lot in in just interpersonal

123
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 4: relationships with people, just knowing that other people had had

124
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,320
Speaker 4: gone through a similar thing.

125
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,000
Speaker 2: Totally.

126
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,800
Speaker 4: So thank you for doing this because I think it

127
00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:17,320
Speaker 4: will reach people and they will feel a.

128
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,080
Speaker 3: Little less alone.

129
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,279
Speaker 1: Let's start with the beliefs.

130
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,160
Speaker 4: So I was in an unsuccessful cult and if you

131
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,599
Speaker 4: had that on the show yet, we only got fame

132
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:29,120
Speaker 4: for a scandals, a light way of putting it, a

133
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:29,960
Speaker 4: murder trial.

134
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,880
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I did not know that.

135
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,159
Speaker 4: Yes, So that's where we're building too. So that's you

136
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,279
Speaker 4: get people on board at the beginning when we started

137
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:44,080
Speaker 4: at school and you know this hour three, we'll get

138
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,840
Speaker 4: into this after we plug post.

139
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:52,040
Speaker 3: Time Mattress dot com. So yeah, so my.

140
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:58,120
Speaker 4: My parents were followers, slash helpful creators of a religion

141
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,040
Speaker 4: that did not have a name. There were going by

142
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,760
Speaker 4: the Way for a little bit and then there's a

143
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,719
Speaker 4: way more successful cult called The Way.

144
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,840
Speaker 1: That was what my family is in. Yeah. I am

145
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,080
Speaker 1: so creeped out right now.

146
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, so then we found out about you kill It.

147
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,000
Speaker 3: I have a follower at least.

148
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

149
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,200
Speaker 4: So the religion was started by a guy named Michael

150
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,480
Speaker 4: Warnike who's my great great uncle. They started in Michigan

151
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,000
Speaker 4: and Kalamazoo, Michigan, and he was just he considers himself

152
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:32,320
Speaker 4: a prophet and he was raised hardcore Catholic, had an

153
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,520
Speaker 4: awakening when he was playing college football and he got injured.

154
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,360
Speaker 4: He walked off the field and he had his his

155
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,640
Speaker 4: coming to God moment.

156
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,040
Speaker 1: It was maybe a concussion or yes, yeah, now that.

157
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,320
Speaker 4: We have likes and researching, this guy was fully concussed.

158
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,800
Speaker 4: He had a full on concussion and they saw that

159
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:51,920
Speaker 4: as divine intervention.

160
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, So so then my mom was very.

161
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:59,640
Speaker 4: Susceptible to this just because of her situation that she

162
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,360
Speaker 4: was from, which was a maybe abusive and alcoholic father

163
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,720
Speaker 4: and also a very rigorous Catholicism upbringing.

164
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,679
Speaker 1: It makes me so sad.

165
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, so she was.

166
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,840
Speaker 4: She was into into Michael before she even met my dad.

167
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:21,680
Speaker 4: My dad was pretty much Christian with heavy leanings in Judaism,

168
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,320
Speaker 4: where he was always like interested in the Jewish faith.

169
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,960
Speaker 4: Like today he's a kabbala Jew or kuba lah as

170
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,080
Speaker 4: he says, And I'm like, you're you live in a swamp.

171
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,080
Speaker 3: In Florida, you're gonna call it kabbala like the rest

172
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,080
Speaker 3: of us. You get to say kubal la.

173
00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,520
Speaker 4: Essentially, what happened is they're very religious, and my dad

174
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,200
Speaker 4: was gay when when my well he's still gay, but

175
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,040
Speaker 4: he was gay when my mom met him. A Christian

176
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,960
Speaker 4: rock band in college, and then she was like, oh,

177
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,840
Speaker 4: I can fix that. And they had sex once and

178
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,520
Speaker 4: then got pregnant that once, and then had to get married,

179
00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,360
Speaker 4: and then they just kept going and kept doubling down

180
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,439
Speaker 4: on it and had five.

181
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,000
Speaker 3: Kids together together for fifteen years.

182
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,480
Speaker 4: My dad's pretty find the right word because I hate

183
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,160
Speaker 4: people say, oh, he's like passive or not traditionally masculine,

184
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:15,320
Speaker 4: but he's not very assertive. He is very willing to

185
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,840
Speaker 4: go along with a lot of things. He's the ideal

186
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:22,760
Speaker 4: follower for anything, very averse to any sort of conflict.

187
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,720
Speaker 4: And my mom is exactly the opposite. She's the first

188
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:29,160
Speaker 4: person to get in your face. She's very strong headed,

189
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,800
Speaker 4: very smart and charming as well, so was able to

190
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,000
Speaker 4: kind of get my dad on board. And then once

191
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,520
Speaker 4: my dad was on board, he played just as much

192
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,440
Speaker 4: as a part inent as she did as far as

193
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,840
Speaker 4: keeping this religion going. The tenets of the religion are

194
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:48,120
Speaker 4: essentially Judaism and Catholicism mixed together, like the greatest hits

195
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:48,720
Speaker 4: of those two.

196
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:54,240
Speaker 1: The job jams, the jack jams, just the hits.

197
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:53,840
Speaker 3: Just the hits.

198
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:58,080
Speaker 4: And then and it's it's adamantly against any sort of

199
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:04,720
Speaker 4: priest or past or, any middleman. Yes, so nothing that's

200
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,480
Speaker 4: going to get in the way between you and God.

201
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,600
Speaker 4: You and what is I would consider traditionally a Christian God.

202
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:15,800
Speaker 4: So any any Catholicism, many pastor, priest, rabbi, they're all evil,

203
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,000
Speaker 4: They're all going to hell. You are born with a

204
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,679
Speaker 4: sin nature as a child, and then you essentially get

205
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,960
Speaker 4: more evil as you grow up. And these would come

206
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,120
Speaker 4: out in really toxic ways where sometimes my mom would

207
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,719
Speaker 4: say things like, Oh, I wish I could just kill

208
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,439
Speaker 4: you kids right now, just run this car off the

209
00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:35,360
Speaker 4: road so you'd all go to heaven. And I don't

210
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,880
Speaker 4: know how much of that is just like being a mom,

211
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:42,480
Speaker 4: and that's just like stressful that I let them like

212
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,719
Speaker 4: I externalize that and say that out loud. Yeah, but

213
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,719
Speaker 4: I have talked to parents that are like, oh, just

214
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,400
Speaker 4: sometimes I want to, but I won't.

215
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:53,120
Speaker 3: I'll never. But but hers was enough where I'm like, oh,

216
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,120
Speaker 3: I'm scared. Yeah, that is not ideal.

217
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,200
Speaker 4: So what we would do for the first ten years

218
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 4: of my life is we following Michael and Michael has

219
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,840
Speaker 4: a wife and he has eight kids, and they were

220
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,199
Speaker 4: the model family for essentially what the other three families

221
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,439
Speaker 4: who were in this should do, and that's you sell

222
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,240
Speaker 4: your possessions and you give whatever you have to Michael

223
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,480
Speaker 4: essentially to help him with his mission. As you spread

224
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,600
Speaker 4: the word of this religion, and the way you spread

225
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,720
Speaker 4: it is we all got buses. Everyone got their own bus.

226
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,360
Speaker 4: It was an old Greyhound bus that my parents converted

227
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,199
Speaker 4: into an RV. Not well, like I watch these like

228
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,079
Speaker 4: HDTV shows where it's like a young couple and they're like,

229
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,040
Speaker 4: we live in Portland and they've converted a bus, and

230
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:42,400
Speaker 4: I get so angry, so jealous of the Yeah, everything

231
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,520
Speaker 4: is thought of, everything is so intuitive, all the tables

232
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,800
Speaker 4: fold off, everything just works.

233
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,440
Speaker 3: Ours did not work.

234
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:48,560
Speaker 2: Did it have a bathroom?

235
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,880
Speaker 3: Yet had a bathroom but you couldn't do number two?

236
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,959
Speaker 1: Why? I think that's normal.

237
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:55,920
Speaker 3: That's just like bad plumbing. I mean, if you just

238
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,000
Speaker 3: try to cut out.

239
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:01,040
Speaker 4: We all went to home depot tonight after this, and

240
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,240
Speaker 4: they just will we will we definitely. They just like

241
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,080
Speaker 4: asked enough employees, like how do you make a toilet

242
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,080
Speaker 4: and where it shouldn't be in a bus?

243
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,719
Speaker 3: We would mess up. And that's exactly what they did.

244
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,319
Speaker 4: They have the same level of skill that you and

245
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,280
Speaker 4: I maybe and they were maybe a little younger.

246
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,800
Speaker 1: That's so creepy when we look back at how young

247
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,920
Speaker 1: they were too. Yeah, like twenty years in general.

248
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,400
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, uh like twenty seven thirty. It's like

249
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,120
Speaker 4: when they decided that they were going to do this, So, yeah,

250
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,839
Speaker 4: they stripped out this whole bus eight my dad built it.

251
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,480
Speaker 4: And then they were a little afraid to go out immediately.

252
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,839
Speaker 4: So the first two years we just set it a

253
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,920
Speaker 4: campground that was two miles away from the house that

254
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:44,520
Speaker 4: we just sold. We just city house.

255
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,480
Speaker 3: I can't And this drove my mom and saying, you're

256
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:49,199
Speaker 3: like wanted to get out.

257
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,319
Speaker 2: There's the word operating people like in the campground.

258
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:54,800
Speaker 3: Yes, we would try.

259
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,600
Speaker 4: And then the problem with campgrounds is the turnover rate

260
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,400
Speaker 4: is so high, right, does not enough time to build

261
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,920
Speaker 4: a rapport people are there for I mean really the

262
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 4: limit at least in the early nineties is like you

263
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,400
Speaker 4: could stay a max of two weeks in a campground.

264
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,079
Speaker 4: So what my dad does He found two campgrounds that

265
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,360
Speaker 4: were within four miles of each other, and then we

266
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,760
Speaker 4: just move every two weeks, oh maybe a different campground

267
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,280
Speaker 4: and like you're back and we saw and the cameras

268
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,880
Speaker 4: is filled with people that are seeing the world.

269
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,719
Speaker 3: They have all these stories of all these places that

270
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,079
Speaker 3: we're back.

271
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,480
Speaker 4: You're like two miles from here, there's a great gas

272
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 4: nation that has the cleanest bathroom.

273
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,440
Speaker 1: Were you in school?

274
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,160
Speaker 3: No, I've never been to school.

275
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:39,200
Speaker 4: What. Yeah, still struggle with basic things like reading, writing,

276
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:44,520
Speaker 4: and arithmetic, just because like school was a way of like, oh,

277
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,520
Speaker 4: that's how the devil's gonna indoctrinate you.

278
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,240
Speaker 3: Wow, it's a bad influence.

279
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,439
Speaker 4: You been around other kids because they're not chosen, few

280
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,480
Speaker 4: will be saved, Like in the days of Noah's Ark.

281
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,880
Speaker 3: So I took that. I was like only eight, Wonder

282
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,600
Speaker 3: who's gonna die of my siblings? Yeah?

283
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,880
Speaker 4: So oh it was like any kid, or any friends

284
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,040
Speaker 4: or any outside influence is evil. And then if you

285
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,760
Speaker 4: zoom out and you talk about cults, that's a way

286
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,480
Speaker 4: of controlling people because you don't have free thought, You

287
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,160
Speaker 4: don't have anyone to bounce your ideas off of and

288
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,400
Speaker 4: be like, oh no, that that doesn't.

289
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,119
Speaker 2: Check out closer, which is the same as abusive relationships.

290
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,960
Speaker 2: Like we were talking about, isolation from outside people who

291
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,920
Speaker 2: can be like hey, this is kind of fucked up,

292
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,920
Speaker 2: is like a key component, like you have to isolate

293
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:26,400
Speaker 2: the people.

294
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,960
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it happens in romantic relationships. It is such

295
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,360
Speaker 4: a high concentration. Yeah, you don't even know, because a

296
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,240
Speaker 4: natural thing that happens in relationship is a lot of

297
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,760
Speaker 4: your friends die off just because you don't hang out

298
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:38,360
Speaker 4: with them, because you have.

299
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,640
Speaker 3: That one person. Yeah.

300
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're just rewatch the office every night and we

301
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,240
Speaker 4: get take out, and that's fine, that's a happy way

302
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,600
Speaker 4: to live. But you're so isolated from every other person

303
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 4: that if you are an abusive person or you're an

304
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,600
Speaker 4: abusive relationship, it's very easy to stay in that.

305
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,080
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, that's a whole other topic. We could

306
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,200
Speaker 2: talk about my ex boyfriend.

307
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Can I just slip some thing in really quickly,

308
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,800
Speaker 1: about something really funny I did in an abusive relationship.

309
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,280
Speaker 1: It takes like five seconds. I was dating a guy

310
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,200
Speaker 1: and then somebody called me it and he was like

311
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,920
Speaker 1: putting on the charm so hard, you know whatever. And

312
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,760
Speaker 1: a girl called me and she was like, he's actually abusive.

313
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,200
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, I see what he's doing.

314
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,800
Speaker 1: So I had him help me move while he was

315
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,840
Speaker 1: still in the phase of sucking up to me, and

316
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:21,760
Speaker 1: then broke up with him.

317
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 3: That's great.

318
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the way to do it, just you know,

319
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,760
Speaker 1: a little, a little.

320
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 4: If Yeah, yeah, I may have done something similar. I

321
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,800
Speaker 4: really have, like knew I was going to break up

322
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,520
Speaker 4: with a girl, and then we were still painting this

323
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,280
Speaker 4: apartment and.

324
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 3: I maybe wait until we were done.

325
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 4: Like in the hindsight, it wasn't a calculated move, but

326
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,360
Speaker 4: it was like it was too convenient from her perspective.

327
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,040
Speaker 3: I can only imagine it was like the second refinished.

328
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:50,280
Speaker 3: Can we talk?

329
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,680
Speaker 1: Can we put your paperrush down for a seconds?

330
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we're gonna do paint it by yourself.

331
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly right.

332
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,680
Speaker 1: So no school, if it makes you feel any better.

333
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,040
Speaker 1: I have gone to school and I can barely write

334
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,520
Speaker 1: and read and do arithmetic, so it's all good.

335
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,640
Speaker 2: I was homeschooled a lot. But were you homeschooled or

336
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:07,200
Speaker 2: you were just not.

337
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,400
Speaker 3: Seving governments asking absolutely? We thought absolutely.

338
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 4: If you have welfare is coming around and saying are

339
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 4: you guys in school, then yes. We had textbooks that

340
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:21,240
Speaker 4: we would pretend to look at and read because like

341
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,160
Speaker 4: social services would come every once in a while, depending

342
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,680
Speaker 4: on the state that we were in because we're constantly moving.

343
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,240
Speaker 3: That we could usually dodge them.

344
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,880
Speaker 4: But if we were in a place long enough, like

345
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,000
Speaker 4: we're in Florida, they would want to come and check out,

346
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,640
Speaker 4: especially if we're getting food stamps.

347
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,400
Speaker 3: They want to make sure that your kids are in school.

348
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 4: And I did go to unbeknounst to me, two semesters

349
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,800
Speaker 4: of a special ad school. I'm sorry, what well, So

350
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 4: we needed welfare in when we were in California briefly

351
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 4: before I moved back on my own, and we needed welfare.

352
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,880
Speaker 3: And this is like right when RAYM. George W.

353
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 4: Bush like did all the welfare loss. So you needed

354
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,959
Speaker 4: like very strict paperwork to prove that your kids were

355
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 4: in school. So my mom chose to enroll me in school,

356
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 4: and the idea was to get a report card and

357
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 4: then forged the names in the grades with white out

358
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,520
Speaker 4: and a typewriter for the rest of my four siblings.

359
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,680
Speaker 4: So I got enrolled into a middle school and what

360
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,960
Speaker 4: I thought was eighth grade, and then took the administrative

361
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,400
Speaker 4: test and then was placed into a class, and then

362
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 4: was really happy in the class because everyone was so nice.

363
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 3: The teachers are like.

364
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 2: Hey, you almost read that whole scented.

365
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,720
Speaker 3: I was like, I am a genius.

366
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,600
Speaker 4: I'm in the secret genius this whole time, and then

367
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 4: you notice that, like throughout the days, just kids would

368
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 4: come in and out, and there's like two different special ads.

369
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 4: There's like special AD where there's kids that are just bad,

370
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,600
Speaker 4: they have like anger management issues or attention definitive doors.

371
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:57,879
Speaker 3: And then there's another special.

372
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,040
Speaker 4: LED where there's whose kids are actually like mentally in

373
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 4: a cap people have cerebral palsy. That's the one that

374
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,560
Speaker 4: I was in. So I was the only kid that

375
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,120
Speaker 4: was not in a wheelchair. They thought it was that severe.

376
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:13,440
Speaker 2: They didn't notice that you no, no, they were like,

377
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 2: it's hard to swallow for you.

378
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh.

379
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well your first thought is that I'm in the

380
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 4: wrong place. Your first thought is like am I? Yeah right,

381
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 4: I'd have no barometer for this, so am I? And

382
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 4: then yeah, just through the teachers kind of sense that

383
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,359
Speaker 4: it was what was off. So then got transferred to

384
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,800
Speaker 4: the other, the other special AD, and then we got

385
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 4: the paperwork early and then my mom said we're moving,

386
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 4: and then you know, just skipped down.

387
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,520
Speaker 1: So the bus was moving in and out of different

388
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 1: states by now. Yeah.

389
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,639
Speaker 4: Well, the whole purpose of having the bus is that

390
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,080
Speaker 4: we would go to large demonstrations like today. We would

391
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:53,639
Speaker 4: go if we were still running it, we would go

392
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,679
Speaker 4: to Coachella and we'd stand out front with.

393
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 1: Large neon s yeah, oh my goodness.

394
00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 3: And we would street preach.

395
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,200
Speaker 1: And what were you saying to people?

396
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 4: The idea is like, you only have so much time,

397
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 4: so it's all about interest catchers. So it's the whatever,

398
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: the most jarring thing you could say, especially coming from

399
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 4: a child. So I would be yelling you headed for

400
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 4: hell as a child, you had it for hell?

401
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 3: Why would you could barely talk just around my siblings

402
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 3: and not in school? A little bit of an impediment.

403
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 3: Your teeth are still coming in, and it's so shocking.

404
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 4: You've never seen an adult's face when just a child

405
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 4: that comes up to you is adorable.

406
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 3: You're immediate, like.

407
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,600
Speaker 4: This never happens. Kids are always so shy. But we

408
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,959
Speaker 4: were like a courage to go up to adults alone

409
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 4: and then they're like, hi, little buddy, but you're gonna

410
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 4: burn a hell, and then they're hooked, and then my

411
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 4: parents would swoop in. But we would cold open people

412
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,080
Speaker 4: on the street, as it was called in the We

413
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 4: would have pamphlets with different religious propaganda on it that

414
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,399
Speaker 4: we would pass out and then they'd have these large,

415
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 4: large neon signs with sim similar interest catching statements.

416
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,400
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I have some questions.

417
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I have a lot of questions. But to

418
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 2: put this into context, like do you know how your

419
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 2: mom became converted in the first place?

420
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,160
Speaker 4: I think with a lot of people, it's like you're

421
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 4: in a bad place in your life. I think a

422
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 4: lot of people get into cults because their own sense

423
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 4: of community is not strong around them, or they go

424
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:43,120
Speaker 4: through some personal trauma, or if they want a better life.

425
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 3: It's almost a way of being a rock star.

426
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 4: Yes, if you're living in Kalamazoo, Michigan and nothing happens

427
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 4: and everyone you're in your town talks about doing something

428
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 4: big and no one ever leaves, it's very alluring. When

429
00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 4: someone comes and says, like you're actually special, you're chosen.

430
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 4: You need to travel the world and you need to

431
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 4: spread this message. That is so much more alluring than like, hey,

432
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 4: you can get a job as a pharmacy technician at

433
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 4: a Myers and live out your days. And it's a

434
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 4: way of like, I don't know, I don't know how

435
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 4: you cannot be drawn to that. I'm drawn to that now.

436
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: It's why I do what I do.

437
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, I could be a performer, I could

438
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,719
Speaker 4: be an actor. It's a way of feeling special. It's

439
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 4: the way of getting attention and feeling like you matter. Yeah,

440
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 4: and I think that was the main reason for her.

441
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 1: Yeah is it is.

442
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, I don't believe in what I grew

443
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 3: up in.

444
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 4: I've seen my own father and that's not that's not

445
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 4: a good form of Catholicism and that's not what I love.

446
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 3: And I mean, maybe this Michael guy is right.

447
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 4: And then what Michael does with Sinister and which falls

448
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 4: under cult is he in my head, I don't know

449
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 4: how calculated this was, but if you look back, he

450
00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 4: purposely went after women that struggle with mental health. M

451
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 4: And I think that I don't know how much of

452
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 4: this me is justifying my mom's behavior, but I do

453
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,919
Speaker 4: think she struggles with mental health. Some things that are

454
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,719
Speaker 4: just out of her control that she'll have. She'll look

455
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 4: back on it now and now she's very rational, but

456
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 4: she's just like, I don't even know, it's like this

457
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,640
Speaker 4: blackout moment of these horrific things that that she did.

458
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,879
Speaker 3: But I think with the age, she's.

459
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 4: Gotten perspective on it, but it is it is like

460
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 4: a blackout moment and that that is a very clear

461
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 4: sign of mental health issue where you're just you know,

462
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 4: almost in a blind rage.

463
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, is Michael still around?

464
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 4: Yes, he is still around, and he has a sparsely

465
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 4: attended YouTube channel that I keep tabs on.

466
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 3: I'm very Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's really will be

467
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 3: the other two hits on each other's links.

468
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is Yeah, it's weird because like I don't know,

469
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 4: it takes the allure out of it when they're like

470
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 4: they're trying to get it going on YouTube, because people

471
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 4: we know are trying to get it going on YouTube.

472
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 1: Totally.

473
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 4: It's just like, isn't this everything you preached against any

474
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 4: kind of organized society and religion? This seems like where's

475
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 4: the anarchy? Where's the fuck the system? We're underground? What

476
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 4: God needs to know this? Like we'll just go out

477
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 4: of the streets. We'll tell people, but try to like

478
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 4: I don't know, a catchy thumbnail going.

479
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,880
Speaker 2: But but if Michael says that there cannot be priests

480
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 2: or rabbis, but Michael's the head of this religion, every.

481
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 4: Call it is filled with contradictions and and huge gaps

482
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 4: and just basic basic intelligence because you can't. I mean,

483
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 4: you're you're you're saying every everything always comes back to

484
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 4: you gotta have faith, faith and nothing.

485
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 3: That's a bigger cop out than that.

486
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just know.

487
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: That's what my mom would always say.

488
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 2: I just know.

489
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 4: It's a feeling, and you'll see when you're dead. And

490
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 4: it's like no one will see when they're dead, will

491
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 4: be dead, It doesn't.

492
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: It's so frustrating. It's giving me hives right now.

493
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 4: I just want to Yeah, right, faith this this giant

494
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 4: catch all blanket for when you don't have the answers.

495
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 4: And it's very alluring because it's very comforting to have

496
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 4: someone say that they know the answer so much of life.

497
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,360
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm still dealing with it. I don't know anything,

498
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 4: and things are still very painful and hurt a lot,

499
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,120
Speaker 4: and I wish I knew whether when I did.

500
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 3: I don't know anything.

501
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I do. That's why I still see

502
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 2: the appeal of Yeah. I mean, maybe not the cult,

503
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 2: my cult experience specifically, but with Mormonism in general. I'm like,

504
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 2: I think about death all the time, and how like,

505
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 2: most likely I will just be dead. We don't know

506
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 2: for sure, but like it would be so much nicer

507
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 2: to think, oh, there are these three tiers of heaven,

508
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 2: and if you behave really well, you can get into

509
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 2: the highest tier of heaven. Like just the organization that

510
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 2: it provides.

511
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: It's always nice to have a purpose. It's always nice

512
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 1: direction and to not.

513
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 2: Have this like big question mark about what the meaning

514
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 2: of life is and why you're here.

515
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's a great coping mechanism too, because so

516
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 4: many things are so scary. The idea that you could

517
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 4: just you could be at a concert and you could

518
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 4: get shot up just because you were there, yeah, for

519
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 4: no particular reason.

520
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 3: And or you could just you could be in an earthquake,

521
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 3: you could.

522
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 4: Be in a natural disaster and just a picture frame

523
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 4: falls on your head at the wrong corner. The idea

524
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 4: that that it could all be over that fast is

525
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,879
Speaker 4: so is so scary that if anyone comes to you

526
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 4: and says that they have the answers and that you

527
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 4: got to trust me on this, that is it's very alluring.

528
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 4: So yeah, So we spent the first ten years of

529
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 4: my life traveling state to state, going to these big

530
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 4: events antime we could find money, and then just standing

531
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 4: outside and yelling at strangers. People would hear us out

532
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 4: because it's such a bold move for a little bit,

533
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 4: and they would either walk away or we would get

534
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 4: people on the hook for maybe two weeks before they

535
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 4: found out that we didn't have weed.

536
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 3: And it wasn't fun.

537
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 4: And then I don't think I can't remember any followers.

538
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 4: I call it an unsuccessful cult. And then every once

539
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 4: in a while Michael would come visit us, and he

540
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 4: was very successful.

541
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 3: I mean he was.

542
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 4: They were international. He had sold his his bus for

543
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 4: a boat, and they were they were going overseas and

544
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 4: spreading it. They they learned uh, Spanish and some Mandarin.

545
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 2: So your family is separate in his own separate bus.

546
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 2: They're doing really well.

547
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 3: Wow, they're doing really well.

548
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: It was on separate boat and a boat, and your

549
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: family is just like in the bus, like, yeah, we're

550
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 1: doing great too.

551
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 4: These two campground, these two campgrounds, and we gotta yelled

552
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 4: at so yeah, he would come back and he would.

553
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: Be furious and and oh my god, that's scary.

554
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, So then my parents would be on their best

555
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 4: behavior and we got to get back out there too.

556
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:49,160
Speaker 4: Kind of that's happened like every maybe two or three

557
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,959
Speaker 4: years where they would like, okay, let's get back out there,

558
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 4: and then we get really into it and then would

559
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 4: fizzle off because also like money, like what are you

560
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 4: what are you doing for money? My dad had like

561
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 4: odd construction jobs. My mom would sometimes like work at

562
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 4: the campground. But we were like dirt poor. It was

563
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 4: never never any money. We would go to the grocery

564
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 4: stores and we would eat from the garbage, like whatever

565
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 4: they threw out that day, and then we would just

566
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 4: get like trash from the side of the road, have

567
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 4: yard sales, trying to flip that junk. I think the

568
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 4: thing I hate the most, like it was just the

569
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 4: pure poverty of it. Yeah, that was the hardest part.

570
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 4: That was the part you feel as a kid.

571
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 2: Did he want you to be poor? Was that like

572
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 2: a part of it or something.

573
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's encouraged. It's definitely encouraged.

574
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 4: It's like I think poor people just oh, the religious

575
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 4: people are poor, and a lot of poor people are religious.

576
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 3: It's like the chicken in the egg thing. Poor people

577
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 3: were just more susceptible.

578
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, when you're in need, any any source

579
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 2: of relief, any source of like, okay, things will be

580
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 2: okay if there's a reason that this.

581
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 4: Is happening, right, So yeah, we did that until my

582
00:27:56,160 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 4: parents essentially ran out of money and then divorced. There

583
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 4: was maybe some infidelity. I hesitate to be gay in fidelity. Yes,

584
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 4: I hesitated to directly say what it is because I

585
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 4: don't know how much. Is my parents just bad mouthing

586
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 4: each other in a divorce and it's a little unfair

587
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 4: if they're not here to defend themselves. But from my

588
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 4: mom's perspective, it was my father's gay infidelity. I mean,

589
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 4: he's a gay person, so it's like, of course he's

590
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 4: gonna want to be with men.

591
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: Is that is that?

592
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 2: What are the rules on that in the religion on homosexuality?

593
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 1: Oh?

594
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. Yeah that is.

595
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, so he's he still won't admit it today. He'll

596
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 4: admit that he did those things, but he won't admit

597
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 4: that he is a gay person, or at least by

598
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 4: at least on the spectrum like he's married with a

599
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 4: new wife. Yeah, but it's honestly, it's more comfort for

600
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 4: him than.

601
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 3: Just accepting who it is.

602
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 4: It's just it's almost too late for that older generation

603
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 4: and people that were isolated more than we are. It

604
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 4: is it's you would never even enjoy sex with a

605
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 4: man because you would immediately have that rush of guilt

606
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 4: the second after you came.

607
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the shame is next in Mormonism, there's like

608
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: the freely high rate of suicide among.

609
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: Gay gay teens. I think, do you guys still feel

610
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 1: guilty about sex? Yes? Yeah, yeah, damn it.

611
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 3: I mean not in a.

612
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 4: Like long term relationship, right yeah, same, yeah, absolutely, there's

613
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 4: always this.

614
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: Like shame around it.

615
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: I yeah, same.

616
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 4: I think it might be different for men, just because

617
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 4: men are like sex sex like. The culture is not

618
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 4: saying that the sexual urges are different. I'm just saying that, like,

619
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 4: guys are constantly encouraged by home would do you have sex?

620
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 3: So it's easier for guys.

621
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 4: To get out of the cult mentality of that sex

622
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 4: is bad because it's so encouraged in male culture.

623
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, I would be interested to hear.

624
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 2: I mean, I first of all, it can be hard

625
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 2: for me to separate how much of it is shame

626
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 2: of sex and how much of it is just not

627
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 2: wanting to sleep with shitty men who.

628
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: Interesting.

629
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 2: But so I don't even have casual sex anymore. It's

630
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 2: just like not even a thing.

631
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: That I can. I do.

632
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 2: I'm just not comfortable with it. But there is this

633
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 2: thing that happens that I've talked about in therapy and

634
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 2: we haven't.

635
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: Quite figured out.

636
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 2: But when I'm in love in a relationship and I'm

637
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 2: allowing myself to feel vulnerable with somebody, that's when I

638
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 2: suddenly start bringing in shame about sex. And that's when

639
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 2: I suddenly start feeling like dirty. Yeah, it's like.

640
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 4: After someone has established I don't know, comfort, that's weird.

641
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I feel I mean, I would feel guilty

642
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 2: about having sex with random people for sure, but in

643
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 2: relationships it's fine. And then sometimes if I'm in love

644
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 2: with them, that makes sense. Actually I bring in the

645
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 2: shame because I feel like they're gonna get too close

646
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 2: or something, Yeah, which is like that might be a

647
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 2: whole separate thing.

648
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 4: We'll start a podcasting for you in the fear that

649
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 4: they will get too close or they'll get too attached,

650
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 4: So then you have the shame of letting them down

651
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 4: or you're the shame of like this is this dirty act.

652
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: I think it's a shame of.

653
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 2: I feel a shame, like this is a dirty act.

654
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 2: And if they touch me, like in a in an

655
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 2: intimate way. There will be times where I'm like this

656
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 2: is gross, Like this is bad, this is wrong. Yeah,

657
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 2: and then we're trying to figure that shit out. I

658
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: don't know what that's, what's to do with.

659
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:36,479
Speaker 4: That, but yeah, I zoom out often and sometimes we'll

660
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 4: zoom out mid sex and like, this is disgusting. This

661
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 4: is the most embarrassing thing, especially like now we're all

662
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 4: sitting at a table like none at this point, and

663
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 4: then the psychology to think that we have all done

664
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 4: this is very the grossest thing.

665
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 3: I mean, sex is gross, though disgusting. I think it

666
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 3: has not evolved out yet. It seems like one of

667
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 3: the things that's like, yeah, we don't like shot on

668
00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 3: the ground.

669
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: Anymore, stopped having sex. I think I've I'm like, I'm

670
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: done with it.

671
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 2: You're done.

672
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 1: I'm really done.

673
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 2: You're not done. You just haven't met someone recently who

674
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 2: makes you feel the things.

675
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: Okay, I guess I was going to claim that I'm

676
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 1: like the next evolution. I'm I'm being a prophet right now.

677
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 2: I would be feel like, maybe you're avoiding intimcy very much.

678
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, but the rest of the entire world is that's

679
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 3: making it spin.

680
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 4: Did you believe, believed in end of days was like

681
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 4: around the corner, and that everyone was in this room

682
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 4: is going to hell, and that everyone I came in

683
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 4: contact with was gonna was going to burn one hundred

684
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 4: percent up until way too late, up until sixteen.

685
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: What happened at sixteen I fell in love.

686
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 4: With the girl, and what I what I believed just

687
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 4: hearing that bounce off of her very sweet sixteen year

688
00:32:58,360 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 4: old ears.

689
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 3: Uh, it's just like what.

690
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 4: It was was was eye opening. I mean, it was

691
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 4: just it was a direct contradiction to everything. It's like,

692
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 4: I know what I feel for her, and I love her.

693
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 4: That is pure and you you can't deny it. I

694
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 4: mean a lot of that's hormones and a lot of

695
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 4: that's just being in your body. But it is like

696
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 4: this that feels real. Everything else does not feel real,

697
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 4: and you cannot deny certain feelings. And the religion said

698
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 4: I could not be with her because she wasn't in

699
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 4: the religion. Wasn't it she was going to go to hell?

700
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: That's so unfair. There's like ten people in the religion, right,

701
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 1: so who are you? At least in my religion.

702
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 3: There was like, well, there was a lot of things

703
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 3: that were leading up to this.

704
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 4: There's a lot of moments and a lot of that

705
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 4: was the uh, there's the trial that this was unraveling

706
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 4: very quick.

707
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 3: So when I met this girl that we worked at

708
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 3: a grocery.

709
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: Store with.

710
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 3: Instantly, it was almost instant.

711
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,959
Speaker 4: It was like maybe maybe two days of knowing her,

712
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that I was like, yeah, maybe this.

713
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 2: Is wrong, and then uh oh wow, it took two days.

714
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 4: It took two days just like yeah, I don't know,

715
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 4: I can't explain anything, and I don't know why I'm

716
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 4: not with her now. Besides like, oh yeah, it was

717
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 4: just a human being that I think you can love

718
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 4: multiple people, but yeah, it was she was detrimental into

719
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 4: me getting out.

720
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,919
Speaker 1: Did you have sex with her? Yes, we did while

721
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: you were still suck Sam.

722
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 4: No, it was like i'd known her for a while,

723
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,240
Speaker 4: so it's maybe like a year and a half after,

724
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 4: but still had so much shame around it that like

725
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 4: I could not get it up. I can't And it's

726
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 4: never happened since then, and especially it never happened as

727
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 4: an as an eighteen year old. You're if you ever

728
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 4: look at eighteen year old boy in the eyes, that

729
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 4: he's constantly erect something is severely wrong.

730
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 3: He is not arect there.

731
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 4: It was like a gentle breeze just anything. It was

732
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 4: just like constantly erect. But and it was so weird

733
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 4: thing because it was just like, this is something I

734
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 4: this is a person I've wanted to be with for

735
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 4: so long. Part of that is the pressure of that,

736
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 4: and then part of it was just like zooming out

737
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 4: and still feeling shame.

738
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,760
Speaker 2: That's so sad that that's your first sexual experience.

739
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

740
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 2: I cried for three hours after the first.

741
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: Time I had sex. Sam.

742
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 2: I like, I wasn't I didn't logically believe in Mormonism anymore.

743
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 2: I didn't logically believe in any of that, but it

744
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,320
Speaker 2: was still so ingrained in me that I was just like,

745
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 2: I'm bad.

746
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: I'm wrong. I'm bad, I'm wrong.

747
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,399
Speaker 2: And my poor boyfriend at the time was like, I'm

748
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 2: sorry here.

749
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think there's just this underlying current always that

750
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: I don't even know isn't me. That's just like you're bad,

751
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,320
Speaker 1: you're wrong. Yeah, And I haven't even gotten the presence

752
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 1: to like realize that's not me. Does that make sense?

753
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's some of that that's been helpful.

754
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 4: Like I've been able to I think be productive and

755
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 4: then still not feel productive. I only know that because

756
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,240
Speaker 4: people will tell me, hey, you work harder than anyone

757
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 4: I know, like and then but then I'll still be

758
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 4: at home likedio, what are you gonna do? You're gon

759
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 4: watch a FU video right now?

760
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 3: Get up?

761
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll still talk to myself in that very like

762
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 4: religious way of like you've.

763
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 3: Got to hold you get signs told you gotta get

764
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 3: out there.

765
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 4: So it has helped in some ways, like zooming out

766
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 4: I don't know, being maybe a nicer person because you

767
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 4: appreciate all this more.

768
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 3: And then there's just like a work ethic thing. A

769
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 3: lot of that's being poor too.

770
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, And for me, a lot of that too is

771
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 2: like realizing I wasn't special, I wasn't chosen by God,

772
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 2: Like is such a fuel for me now in my

773
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 2: career because I'm like, well, I'm.

774
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: Not chosing my God, so I have to be special

775
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 1: in some way.

776
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: I have to work constantly because there's no way I'm

777
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 2: going to.

778
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 3: Be special possible task from God to Yeah, I.

779
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: Was like wet free pop star and I have to

780
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 2: be famous.

781
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I remember hearing that from a young age too,

782
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 4: of like yeah, We're chosen, We're special, and I'm just

783
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 4: looking around like.

784
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 3: Us, it's a pretty.

785
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: My parents are big like God love humble, meek people.

786
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 1: That's why all the people in our religion are pretty weird.

787
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: Like I always felt like, oh, obviously they're all going

788
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: to heaven. I never felt chosen by God or like

789
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: I was any I never fully was n like I

790
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 1: always i'm doing something wrong, like I'm not getting it.

791
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: I'm definitely going to hell, like for sure. So I

792
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,879
Speaker 1: didn't have to lose that status in my mind, thank God,

793
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: because that would have been really hard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

794
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: we were.

795
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 2: We were bringing out My mom and I were bringing

796
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 2: about the end of days, and we were like the

797
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 2: two chosen.

798
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 3: But can you guys not a little longer, please getting

799
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:46,800
Speaker 3: it started.

800
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 4: This building is already burning and you're dousing the basement

801
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 4: with gasoline.

802
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you and your mom had a lot

803
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 1: of responsibility.

804
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 2: We had a lot of responsibility, damn. Yeah.

805
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 4: Because the prophet was like, I have these out there

806
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 4: that have been unbroken in Mormonism.

807
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 3: What this is a sect of Mormonism.

808
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 2: This was like an offshoot. This is just like a

809
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 2: dude who said he was a prophet and then like

810
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: separated me from my mom. She ended up being sex trafficked.

811
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 2: So he had his own ship going on, but it

812
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 2: was like an offshoot of Mormonism, which we were originally,

813
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 2: and that's.

814
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 3: Going to get the apocalypse going.

815
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: That was well, he had he had a charity for

816
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 2: poor people, so we needed to well, we've sold some

817
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 2: of our possessions, and then he sent her to this

818
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 2: place and uh, the goal was to fund his charity

819
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 2: to help people in need.

820
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 3: Let me guess that's not a real charity.

821
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: You got it.

822
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 3: Yep.

823
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,879
Speaker 2: But I did make the angel Fire website for it though,

824
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 2: So that's great. So you know it was real.

825
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:44,399
Speaker 3: We worked out.

826
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

827
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that is that is too familiar. I've been

828
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,399
Speaker 3: to Yeah too many. Oh where's this money going? Yeah,

829
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 3: directly to the top.

830
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, so your dude bought a boat. Yeah, so our

831
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,760
Speaker 4: dude is still traveling. He's still has a sparsely attended

832
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 4: you tube channel. One of the only people for my

833
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 4: past that I would be very interested in talking to,

834
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 4: and not like a recorded way or any like personal

835
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 4: benefit for like monetary value, but just be like, how why.

836
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 3: Did you do this?

837
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 4: How can you feel good about praying women that that

838
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 4: that struggle with with mental health. You have to know

839
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 4: talking to these people because the other and we're getting

840
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 4: to the murder part now, boy, So if you have

841
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 4: any ads, this is the time to get them in.

842
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 1: Mattresses are cool.

843
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 3: In general.

844
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 4: It's like the guy and they were just like prom

845
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 4: just milk in general. Hey, mattresses, you have a mattress.

846
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 4: If you're a guy, do not have a futon, do

847
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 4: not have couch. Christians, you need a mattress.

848
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 1: Thank you.

849
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 3: Period. And then maybe we're on a bed frame.

850
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 1: That's that's we're not doing bad frames. We're just doing mattresses.

851
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 3: Mattress that's a whole nother podcast.

852
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 2: Bed frames are very important if you're a grown man, right.

853
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 4: You should be able to on your bed and not

854
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,080
Speaker 4: like bruise your tail bumps from the city. Just like

855
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 4: use that as a measure, like if you're standing out straight,

856
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 4: sit in your bed and if it's like wow, then

857
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 4: your bed's way too low.

858
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 1: So order your mattress today, yes, or mattress in general

859
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: code absolutely, it's Michael, okay, Michael.

860
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 4: So then so the other family that that, I mean,

861
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 4: we're pretty close with those, like photos of us, but

862
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,839
Speaker 4: I don't really remember them that much. But it's it's

863
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 4: Andrea and Rusty Yates and uh, they were the other

864
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,800
Speaker 4: people that were in this religion. They also have five kids,

865
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 4: very similar names to my siblings. There's like photos of

866
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 4: us playing again, I was too young. They also had

867
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 4: a bus.

868
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: Uh.

869
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 4: They covered like Texas and the greater Southwest with this religion,

870
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 4: and then eventually they had to get a home because

871
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 4: Andrea in nineteen ninety nine tried to kill herself twice

872
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 4: in that year, one with sleeping pills and then when

873
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 4: she had like a knife, and then Michael was still

874
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 4: pretty involved in them, and then you know, didn't hear

875
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,919
Speaker 4: anything from them during this whole time.

876
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 3: But then.

877
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 4: In two thousand and one, I think it was he

878
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:19,280
Speaker 4: was like June twentieth, two thousand and one, Andrea, believing

879
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 4: that God, oh yes, I wanted this to happen, and

880
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 4: that the devil was talking through her and that your

881
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 4: kids get worse as they get older. Oh no, decided

882
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 4: to say for kids what she thought was at and

883
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 4: then she drowned her five kids.

884
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 2: I remember that it was in Texas, Yeah, yep, I

885
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 2: remember that.

886
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, wow.

887
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 4: And then no, yes, and then called her husband from

888
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 4: work and he came home and rest he found Yeah,

889
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 4: his children, My god. And she's currently serving a life

890
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 4: sentence in mental facilities, not like maximum security, she's not

891
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 4: even there, Like she want to die. She asked for

892
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 4: the death penalty during the trial. And then during that

893
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 4: time they reached out to Michael, who then reached out

894
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 4: to us to they wanted him to testify to essentially

895
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 4: get her insanity plea, to be like, well, obviously this

896
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 4: guy is in her head. He's saying these things that

897
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 4: kids are evil, and then get throughout that passl the

898
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,240
Speaker 4: haunting thing was like how similar the stuff that Andrea

899
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:29,359
Speaker 4: was saying and how similar the stuff my mom was saying.

900
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm crying.

901
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, awful truly. Yeah, one of the worst

902
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 3: tragedies that's happened.

903
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 2: And she was just one of like one of the

904
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 2: mentally ill women that he would target.

905
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I don't know how calculated it is, Like

906
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: that's what I wanted to I would ask him. It's

907
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 4: like you I had to know, because I mean, these

908
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:56,320
Speaker 4: are the only people that were like, yeah, this is

909
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 4: a good idea, we'll follow you, right, you know, you

910
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,959
Speaker 4: have to be in that pretty malleable and vulnerable state.

911
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 2: But I mean you don't though, like you really rational

912
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:08,839
Speaker 2: people joined cults all the time. Yeah, all the time.

913
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 4: Well, I was considered my dad very rational, Yeah, very rational,

914
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 4: very smart human being. He was very thoughtful, yeah, very sweet.

915
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 4: But it's also like he was just as invested in

916
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 4: this as she was at certain point.

917
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: So did Michael testify, I.

918
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 4: Don't know, because then we immediately started distancing ourselves. I

919
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 4: don't think he did. He did have to go on

920
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:33,800
Speaker 4: Dateline and they interviewed him on there, and you know,

921
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 4: he was like, I know Andrea was sick, and really

922
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 4: he you know, distanced himself from her and took no

923
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 4: accountability for that. It is the first thing that comes

924
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 4: up when you google his name, now, wow, and that

925
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 4: feels like some kind of justice.

926
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 3: But yeah, if you because so many.

927
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 4: People have like he's like very long YouTube videos attacking

928
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 4: him and essentially blaming him or at least blaming him

929
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 4: for part of what would because brandwashed.

930
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

931
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,720
Speaker 3: So that was like right after my parents' divorce.

932
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,400
Speaker 4: My mom moved us away from my dad across the country,

933
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 4: and then that that all happened in two thousand and one,

934
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 4: So everything kind of disbanded with the religion and then

935
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:16,720
Speaker 4: we were still.

936
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 3: Very religious about the we weren't street preaching or anything.

937
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 4: And then Michael came back into the picture in two

938
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 4: thousand and six, two thousand and seven, I was like, yeah,

939
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 4: everyone needs to be here, everyone needs to get jobs.

940
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 4: And then that's when I got a job at a

941
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 4: grocery store. Okay, when I was sixteen, and then that's

942
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 4: what got me out.

943
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: So after the murders, what, what was your mom's reaction?

944
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 4: Like, Oh, still on Michael's side for sure, Yeah, Like, yeah,

945
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 4: it's Nine's fault, that's Andrea.

946
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 3: She was obviously mentally ill and she.

947
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:51,319
Speaker 4: Was you know, it was I give my mom all

948
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 4: a credit for not acting on these impulses or the

949
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 4: things that were said to her and like direct brainwashing

950
00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 4: that happened to her.

951
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 3: Just Andrew. I think Andrew was just more susceptible to it,

952
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:04,439
Speaker 3: and it was just in a weaker place.

953
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 2: That sounds like she was truly ill, Like yeah, truly

954
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 2: suffering from mental health.

955
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 4: Yes, in a much more severe way. Yeah, like she

956
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:18,359
Speaker 4: had postpartum depression. But then Michael would always encourage them

957
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 4: to have more kids. It's essentially more followers because no

958
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,880
Speaker 4: one's following, so it's like, let's just make followers.

959
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 3: And that's why I'm here now. It's just like made

960
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 3: people to follow it.

961
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 4: So yeah, he encouraged them to have kids, even though

962
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 4: Andrea suffered from from a severe and very rare case

963
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 4: of postpartum depression. Like most of this baby blues the

964
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 4: last like maybe two weeks, but hers was was ongoing,

965
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:44,439
Speaker 4: like it never run away.

966
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 2: Man, Yeah, that's so sad. I feel like I wish

967
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 2: that there were but it's it's so amorphous. I don't

968
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,880
Speaker 2: know how you would, but I wish that there were

969
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:59,839
Speaker 2: ways for people to be culpable when they cause other

970
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 2: to go on thought spirals like that. The way that

971
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 2: Charles Manson was, I mean he was a little bit

972
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 2: more direct about it. He was like, murdered these people.

973
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,879
Speaker 4: But like or even more recently, the Michelle Carter case

974
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 4: where she essentially they're saying they're blaming her for her

975
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 4: boyfriend's suicide. Right, Yeah, it's like there's got to be

976
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 4: some accountability there.

977
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 2: It is a weird gray area. My mom it's different

978
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 2: because she didn't commit any crimes, but the our cult

979
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 2: leader she went to the police for help, like he

980
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 2: sent her into this, I'll have all of these horrible

981
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 2: things that were done to her. And they were like, well,

982
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 2: he's a religious leader, so it's protected by religion.

983
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, freedom of speech.

984
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 2: Yep, So like there's nothing we can do. And now

985
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 2: they're like starting to pay attention to ecclesiastical abuse as

986
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 2: it's called. But like, mostly people just get away with

987
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 2: shit because it's their religion.

988
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 4: Right, And there's a lot of protection in this country

989
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 4: specifically around like of religion, freedom of thought. Yeah, it's

990
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 4: only like when money starts getting involved in like types

991
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 4: of asion. It even like didn't even happen till like

992
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 4: until they were like, why are these people paying taxes?

993
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 3: Let's go over there.

994
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 4: The government went over there, and then that some people

995
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 4: say it triggered them to drink the kool aid.

996
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 3: They're going to disband all this.

997
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: So are any of your siblings still in it?

998
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 2: No?

999
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 3: No, my mom's not in it.

1000
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 4: She's really come around in a in a really big way.

1001
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 4: There's still like traces of it in there, but it's

1002
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 4: made huge leaps to get out of it. My dad's

1003
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 4: on it it, And no, my siblings are all pretty

1004
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 4: agnostic and or atheists.

1005
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: Wow, you guys are both lucky and let your family's out.

1006
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 1: My family is still very much.

1007
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's hard, especially around like holiday, see everyone like

1008
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 4: going away stuck at lax and then it's like.

1009
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 3: You could it could be really isolating, it isn't I

1010
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 3: go most of the time.

1011
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,760
Speaker 1: I think I said this on another episode. I can't remember,

1012
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 1: but like we'll I'll be sitting there and you know,

1013
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 1: somebody will pray, and I'll just be like, let me

1014
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,920
Speaker 1: just pray for those who aren't in the way anymore.

1015
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: And I'm just like mom my mom stood up and

1016
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,800
Speaker 1: just started bawling and like went to another room and

1017
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: was getting cleanexes. And I'm just like you guys, I

1018
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 1: don't say anything. I'm just like eating, but my inside

1019
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: is just dying God Like it's so it's anger, like shame,

1020
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: like why am I so bad? It's just hell and

1021
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:30,279
Speaker 1: I love them so much.

1022
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 4: So it's just this circular, get passive, aggressively praye.

1023
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,800
Speaker 3: The eye peeking up and looking at you.

1024
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: Is she emotional? Does she does she feel it? Is

1025
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,800
Speaker 1: she finding God? Oh my goodness.

1026
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 2: My dad is still Mormon and his wife is and

1027
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 2: one of my brothers, Wow, I was gonna say sons.

1028
00:48:54,760 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 2: I have no sons. But luckily I've been on Mormon

1029
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 2: at least for long enough that they've accepted it. My

1030
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 2: dad will still tell me to pray about stuff, and

1031
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 2: he'll still tell me that good things happen because he

1032
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 2: was praying, and I'm like, that's fine. I can deal

1033
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:16,720
Speaker 2: with that. It does suck that you can't ever connect

1034
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 2: on a deeper level with Yeah.

1035
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend and he just went

1036
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 1: and did like acid with his dad, and they're like

1037
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: talking about the universe and like, really, obviously not everyone

1038
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 1: can do acid with their dad, but I'm like that

1039
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 1: would be so tight.

1040
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, Well, because that's the problem when when your

1041
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 4: family is still deeply religious, is that conversations can only

1042
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 4: go so far before they start divulging until you gotta

1043
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 4: have faith.

1044
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 3: Like, I can't ever go to my parents for advice

1045
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 3: for ever.

1046
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 4: There's nothing that they can say that's going to bring

1047
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 4: me comfort because I just don't believe the same things

1048
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,880
Speaker 4: absolutely that there's a ceiling to that, and then that

1049
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 4: can be really isolating, Right, you can't help me.

1050
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't want me dating because I'm not dating

1051
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 1: people in their religion. They don't want me succeeding in

1052
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: this industry because they're not even allowed to have televisions

1053
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 1: or watch movies. They don't want me to like they

1054
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:06,360
Speaker 1: don't want to hear about it.

1055
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 2: So, oh, I'm sorry, Megan.

1056
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this podcast is actually about me. I'm getting saty. No,

1057
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. But it's truly, it is very isolating,

1058
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 1: and I'm glad that your mom doesn't have to be

1059
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: in it anymore, because it sounds like.

1060
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 4: No, she's remarried now and is getting more rational with age,

1061
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 4: if that makes sense, and has has admitted a lot

1062
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 4: of the stuff that she's done. She's been like very healing,

1063
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 4: and that's only because, like I've been talking about it publicly,

1064
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 4: and then she'll get upset about that, like she if

1065
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 4: she heard this, I imagine she'd be upset. And then

1066
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 4: I'll be like, well, no, that's it's my right to

1067
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:52,759
Speaker 4: talk about that. That's something that I went through. And

1068
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 4: your first thought should not be self preservation of like

1069
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 4: don't tell people what we did. It should be like

1070
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 4: are you okay? Obviously, if you're still talking about this,

1071
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 4: you're not okay with a lot of these things. So

1072
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 4: it's this weird balance where I'm at right now in

1073
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 4: career wise, where it's like it's encouraged to invest in

1074
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 4: this stuff that made me who I am. It's the

1075
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 4: reason I do this. I'm was legitimately not good at

1076
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 4: anything else. It's always a cop out when people's like

1077
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:19,919
Speaker 4: I'm an entertainment I'm a stand up because I can't

1078
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 4: do anything.

1079
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 3: I was like, you can't.

1080
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 4: You can go work at Taco Bell, That's fine. But

1081
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 4: it is like a thing of like, this is the

1082
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:27,479
Speaker 4: only way I can actually make money.

1083
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,919
Speaker 3: Want to be a lawyer. Can't do that. You can't

1084
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 3: do that with no school.

1085
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 1: It would have to be like a Billy Madison situation.

1086
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 3: It would have to be like luck into it.

1087
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: It is like going to kindergarten first grade.

1088
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 4: Right. It was the only thing of like at the

1089
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 4: time of like, oh I'm eighteen, I need to make

1090
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 4: money now, it was like, okay, I could do entertainment and.

1091
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 2: You made money at it, Yeah, wow, yeah, nice.

1092
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,399
Speaker 4: Well I also worked at a nightclub and after hours

1093
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 4: a nightclub to make money. But then for four years

1094
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:58,320
Speaker 4: but then yeah, no, I've just been living off of

1095
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 4: one hundred percent of my income is from entertainment.

1096
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,959
Speaker 2: It's from either stand up or acting freaking fantastic. Yeah,

1097
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 2: you go ahead, no you go, no, you go Okay,

1098
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 2: do you feel like like do you feel like it

1099
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 2: influences the art that you make?

1100
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I think you just stand up.

1101
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 4: In general, what is encouraged is a point of view

1102
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,319
Speaker 4: that is outside the normal, or at least of zooming out.

1103
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 4: And nothing makes you zoom out more than not feeling

1104
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 4: you're part of the group. And then the other thing

1105
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 4: is like contradictions. I look if like you for the listeners,

1106
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,319
Speaker 4: I look like a white piece of shit. I look

1107
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:38,400
Speaker 4: like the friddiest guy, like I was conceived in an

1108
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 4: a cappella concert.

1109
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 3: I'm here.

1110
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 4: But then the juxtaposition is like everything I went through

1111
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 4: is the opposite, is extreme poverty. It's it's the opposite,

1112
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 4: like the yachting regatta face that I have.

1113
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:56,280
Speaker 3: So yeah, so that helps. Also, just like I travel

1114
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:56,799
Speaker 3: a lot for.

1115
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 4: This job on the road, maybe two or three out

1116
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 4: of the month, So that's that's helpful in that. And

1117
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 4: then yeah, I don't know, it makes you feel more

1118
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 4: free in your body, but I wouldn't. Here's the thing though,

1119
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 4: I do this now, but I would trade it all

1120
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 4: for that stuff to have not happened, Yeah, I would.

1121
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 3: I would much prefer a normal life.

1122
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 4: People like you're so lucky now you go to these

1123
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 4: like general meetings and like you're you're happy all that

1124
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,880
Speaker 4: stuff happened to you. Like, no, I cope with it.

1125
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 4: I'm doing my best to transmute it into a positive

1126
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 4: and to I do entertainment partly because it's like that

1127
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 4: was the one my one escape, and it made me

1128
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 4: feel really good to just watch TV and things that

1129
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 4: wasn't the religion. So if I can give that in

1130
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,880
Speaker 4: any way, I feel like I'm doing something good, feel important.

1131
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:52,839
Speaker 4: And if I can transmut things that are legitimately very

1132
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 4: painful for me and and hurt a lot and have

1133
00:53:55,920 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 4: hurt personal relationships and maybe in hurt people that I

1134
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:03,279
Speaker 4: do care about because of these things that happened to

1135
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 4: me just because I did know how to deal with them,

1136
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 4: if I can turn that into something that it that

1137
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 4: does make people happy, then I don't know, it feels

1138
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 4: like it happened for a reason.

1139
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:20,360
Speaker 1: We're all is there anything about the cult that we're missing,

1140
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 1: like any any details.

1141
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 4: Or they also currently do Kappa Wetta to get attention

1142
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 4: on the streets. So they'll be in like Brazil, the

1143
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,320
Speaker 4: Michael's family, and they'll do kappa wetta, which is a

1144
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,560
Speaker 4: form of Brazilian dance fighting.

1145
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,919
Speaker 1: Whoa, I'm sorry, yep, that's a good fact.

1146
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:47,520
Speaker 4: They have like costumes that are like pretty legit, like

1147
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 4: bird costumes, and they'll be on the street doing these

1148
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,399
Speaker 4: like demonstrations because they figured out like, oh, maybe drop

1149
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 4: the hateful signs because it's so hack now everyone's doing that, right.

1150
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 4: So the way they're in now is the way to

1151
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 4: slip in is like so and people are like, you know,

1152
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:04,360
Speaker 4: you have to promenade.

1153
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:05,879
Speaker 3: I watch this. It's fucking weird.

1154
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 2: It's a lot more appealing.

1155
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:08,839
Speaker 1: Can you say what you would say one more time?

1156
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:10,840
Speaker 3: What you're going to go to?

1157
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:11,800
Speaker 1: How would you say it?

1158
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:17,879
Speaker 3: You head of for Hell, little buddy, I'm two feet tall?

1159
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: Hell, I mean I would talk to that kid.

1160
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 2: I was, oh my god, yeah, I'm very Westboro Baptist Church.

1161
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

1162
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,719
Speaker 1: I would tell everyone they are going to Hell too.

1163
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 1: But I wasn't supposed to like get in trouble. But

1164
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 1: I just be like, you're I'm sorry, like I have

1165
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 1: to tell you you're going to Hell? Literally, sorry.

1166
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:41,520
Speaker 2: We didn't believe in hell, but I did feel very

1167
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 2: superior to everyone at school when I was in school.

1168
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that is, Yeah, that is a tempting feeling

1169
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 4: I wish I had back. Yeah, that feeling like I'm chosen. Yeah,

1170
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:54,760
Speaker 4: like I know, it's a weird mix of like very insecure,

1171
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 4: like I'm not as chosen as everyone else. Something's wrong

1172
00:55:57,640 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 4: with me. I am fucking things up. I felt that

1173
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 4: that way, but then it was also like everyone else, like, yeah,

1174
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 4: I'm chousing.

1175
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,879
Speaker 1: At least I know about it, you know, yeaheah, yeah,

1176
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:11,319
Speaker 1: I know how to do it. Yeah, well unbelievable.

1177
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,760
Speaker 2: Unbelievable. I'm so sorry that happened.

1178
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:18,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, but nothing else will say yeah, yeah, I mean,

1179
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:19,799
Speaker 4: thank you.

1180
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 1: For sharing too.

1181
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 3: I'm fine now. Yeah, It's I feel like I'm in

1182
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 3: a healthy relationship now.

1183
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 4: And I mean just by talking about it, I feel

1184
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 4: like it's a sign of growth and a sign of

1185
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:34,640
Speaker 4: a distance from it, which is great. And I think

1186
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:36,600
Speaker 4: anything we can do, like we'll go back to where

1187
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 4: we started. That it's I think it's very cool that

1188
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 4: you're doing this, is very important that you're doing this.

1189
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 4: That if anyway, if I could have heard this when

1190
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 4: I was getting out of it. It would have been

1191
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 4: a shortcut for a good eight years of just just

1192
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 4: scrambling in the wake of all this.

1193
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:58,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope that people know that they're not alone.

1194
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 2: I hope that we can at least to somebody and

1195
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 2: make them feel like they're not alone.

1196
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 1: I feel more not alone just from this conversation same Yeah.

1197
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:08,919
Speaker 3: Yeah. The problem with feeling alone is like you don't

1198
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:10,319
Speaker 3: let people in. Yeah.

1199
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 4: Ever, so it wasn't a huge deal being in a

1200
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 4: cult growing up. It was it was only getting out

1201
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 4: of it and starting my own adult life where I

1202
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 4: was like, oh, yeah, that that was that was pretty

1203
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 4: fucked up because of missing certain things, and you you

1204
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 4: always put this wall up between you and everyone you

1205
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 4: meet because it's like, oh, they could never understand what

1206
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 4: I went through.

1207
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.

1208
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 2: I was ashamed. I didn't talk about it with anybody

1209
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 2: for years, and then something happened and I like wrote

1210
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 2: about it, and I was like, oh my god, I

1211
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 2: can actually talk about this.

1212
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: Do you guys still have that like totally buried in

1213
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 1: our child? That's like maybe it's real. Yeah, Oh my gosh.

1214
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 4: As early as the earthquakes that happened, I was like, oh,

1215
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 4: maybe I just stop praying again.

1216
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. Oh and so will it ever go away?

1217
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:00,440
Speaker 4: No, No, not when you're that malleable in the starts

1218
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 4: that young, It'll always be there. But I'm also like

1219
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,800
Speaker 4: very weary against people that are just straight across the

1220
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 4: board atheists, Like it's just something about the confidence of

1221
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 4: knowing anything.

1222
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's is equally amazing turn off.

1223
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,680
Speaker 3: Like I know there's nothing. It's like, really, do you

1224
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 3: how do you know there's absolutely?

1225
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1226
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I am an agnostic, strongly leaning toward atheism, but

1227
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 2: that's fine over yeah, I will.

1228
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:32,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, so take it in favor of any organized religion.

1229
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,160
Speaker 4: But I think saying anything there's absolute. I don't think

1230
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 4: it's anything that anyone has thought of yet it is.

1231
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 4: I do believe it's beyond our comprehension.

1232
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 1: Whatever it is. Wow, Moses, thank you so much. Thank you.

1233
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, thank you for having me, and thank

1234
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,160
Speaker 3: you for doing this in a very real way. Thank you.

1235
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 2: You can watch Moses in Sunnyside on Hulu. Now, you

1236
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 2: can watch The love Birds on Netflix and watch out

1237
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 2: for is forthcoming special on HBO. Max Congress, Yes, can't

1238
00:58:59,200 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 2: keep you.

1239
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 4: Down the cult, can I keep me up? But I

1240
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 4: will use this as a vehicle to get the cult

1241
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 4: back back.

1242
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 1: Up and going absolutely get YouTube.

1243
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 4: I'm gonna use this big network sitcon to really get

1244
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 4: some followers.

1245
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 1: Also, go see Mooses do stand up. I saw him

1246
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 1: do stand up once and I'm dead dying.

1247
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 2: Okay, Megan, it is time for the question would you

1248
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:22,840
Speaker 2: join this group?

1249
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:27,760
Speaker 1: Well, I've thought about it, and I'll trauma aside. You know,

1250
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:30,920
Speaker 1: some very horrific things happened. If I'm just looking at

1251
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:34,720
Speaker 1: it through child's eyes, I'm looking at the bus you

1252
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 1: were right by the way. It was a bus, not

1253
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 1: a van. And I'm looking at the no school and

1254
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:44,439
Speaker 1: I'm saying yes. But as an adult the answers are hard.

1255
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 4: No.

1256
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 1: But as a child, yes, sign me up totally.

1257
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 2: You know I was homeschooled as a kid as well,

1258
00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 2: as we talked about, and I got to say that

1259
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 2: part pretty cool, cool.

1260
00:59:56,480 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, the rest of it, man, do it that? Yeah,

1261
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 1: exactly exactly Where can they follow you at social media?

1262
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 2: Me Lola, follow me Lola on Instagram at Ula Lola

1263
01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:13,960
Speaker 2: oh O h l A l O l A.

1264
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 1: And you can follow me at Megan Granger m E

1265
01:00:16,720 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 1: A g A N G R A. I n G

1266
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 1: E R.

1267
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 3: Wow, we get it.

1268
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 2: So remember follow your gut, watch out for red flags

1269
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 1: And never ever trust run me, Bye bye, Thanks for listening.