WEBVTT - Family Beef in These Thanksgiving Streets | MiniPod 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.520 Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio in partnership 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:06.240 with Reason Choice Media. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:08.680 What's Up, Princessful? 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:10.119 She got a stomach out? Look at it? 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.840 Just oh, we got a little mid drift. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.560 I'm almost done, Okay, I love you. I tried. 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:19.119 One of the things that I tried to do in 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:21.080 my life is not have beef with six year olds. 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:24.800 But I'm not always successful. Welcome to y'all. 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:30.280 Welcome home, y'all supposed to say, welcome home. 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:32.720 Jesus, I gotta help you, y'all just saw. 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:35.920 We just had a special cameo from Sadie Ellen Sellers 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:39.160 and she is going to be seven in January, along 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:40.760 with her brother. You may hear them in the background 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.440 because we out of school on this Thanksgiving week, but 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:45.519 we are enjoying every bit of it. And shout out 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:47.280 to the Nutcracker. I hope some of y'all are going 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.280 to get a chance to see friends and family in 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.920 special shows. But Angela had a unique she wanted to 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:55.360 talk about, So I'm gonna let you bring it in 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:56.720 because you described it so well. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:02.440 So all of us have siblings, and I think I 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:05.240 at least have a ton of cousins too. And so 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:08.680 we spend our holidays all together. As you all know, 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:11.320 we've spent a lot of time trafficking and internet beef. 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:12.880 Some that we requested, some we. 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:17.240 Didn't ask for, but some if we can't escape. Always 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:19.080 during the holidays, there's. 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:19.960 Some family beef. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:22.520 So I want to talk about conflict resolution on the 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:27.240 other side of Thanksgiving and wondering how y'all navigated through 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.880 some of the trials and tribulations of cousin beef, sibling beef, 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:33.360 and all things in between. Did you get in trouble 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:35.640 for making the macaroni and cheese bad? Did you get 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:37.880 in trouble for putting marshmallows on top of the camps? 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:40.480 Did you get in trouble for some age oh beef 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:42.840 that we don't know about. I want to hear about it. 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:45.480 I want to hear about how y'all have resolved conflict 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:46.319 with plant family. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:47.960 I got some that's not quite resolved. 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.880 I'm talking about that too. 0:01:51.200 --> 0:01:53.600 And you're talking about like light hearted beef, and there's 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.160 like heavy beef that happens, and it depends on how 0:01:57.160 --> 0:02:00.240 you perceive its like heavy beef for some people. As 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:02.720 you renigged back in nineteen ninety eight. You said you 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:06.400 ain't have no clubs spoken in decades. 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:06.920 You know. 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:08.960 Yeah, marriages break up. 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:14.320 Over when like and your your cousin female dance too 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:17.520 close to your new husband. Oh, y'all, you know. 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:20.720 They already knew, they already knew each other. 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.520 Andrew not, Well, I don't know what don't. 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:25.200 That's why you got it. That's why you gotta get 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:25.639 your card. 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.520 You got to get your Thanksgiving. 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:28.600 I want to hear about this. 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:30.720 But we all together now, you know. 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:33.640 Yeah, but that's why you gotta have it was a beef. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:37.800 No that sounds let's get let's start light up. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:41.040 Okay, Well. 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:45.360 I don't really I don't spend the holidays with my family, 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:47.680 so I don't really have like and it's not like 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:48.440 family beef. 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:51.080 It's just we all choose our piece. 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:56.480 So and we're recording. We're recording this early. So for Thanksgiving, 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.799 these people don't know. But for Thanksgiving, I may be 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:00.680 a Tamern's house because I'll be in New York. I'm 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:02.359 either go go to Tammer's house in Sunny's house, or 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:04.679 I might take the train back to DC and be 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:06.799 at my friend's house. But I really don't because I'm 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:09.679 you know, usually with like chosen family. I don't really 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:11.760 have beef around the holidays, but I do like to 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:12.040 talk a. 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:12.240 Lot of. 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:14.720 I don't. 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:16.760 I don't have beef. And the reason I don't have 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.960 beef is because I am affectionately calling myself a human 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.880 gas lighter. I am the person who you want to 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:26.520 have beef with. And then I just withdraw from communication. 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:27.000 Because I don't. I don't care. 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.679 I can't do all of that and the family group 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:30.919 chats as soon as the beef pop off. You see, 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:33.200 Bacari left the conversation in the middle. 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:34.480 Of family group chats or prayers. 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:35.560 You really don't. 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.400 Hold on real quick like you or do you just ignore? 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:41.280 Yeah? I mean, if y'all piss me off, I don't. 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.000 I will leave a group chat in a heartbeat because 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:46.880 I want you to the part of the gas lighting 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:49.440 is you have to see the little line at the 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:51.480 bottom that says Macari, seller's left the. 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.520 Conversation, left the chat. 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:58.160 So it's not just like this, Well, can you tell 0:03:58.240 --> 0:03:59.920 us what happens the last time you did? 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:05.000 So, just as a just I am about to tell 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.280 the truth, just as a One of the things people 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.960 will never say about me is I lie, but as 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:12.760 a part of a larger thing. I believe that a 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.880 relationships go both ways. And I hate to be in 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:19.719 a relationship where I just give. That drives me crazy 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:24.920 because I when I just give, I get exhausted. And 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:28.920 then it's like when I give and then somebody comments 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:33.760 on how I give what I give, or if I 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.160 gave the right amount of effort, then that is when 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:38.320 I'm about done. 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:40.520 Give me an example, b Come. 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:45.400 On, I mean what I mean. No, no, no. 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:47.600 I take care of my parents, all right, and so 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.480 I take care of Gwen and Cleve. They get allowances 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:55.320 I pay for. You know, I'm just calling up No 0:04:55.360 --> 0:05:01.960 they with you, Andrew and SKOPI conversation so but you know, 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.520 and sometimes you just want people to help shoulder that load. 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:08.159 And it's okay to do it by yourself. But I 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:12.000 don't need critique on how I'm shouldering the load. That's 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:14.520 my only point. I think that's what people don't to 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:16.160 whom given, to whom much is given. 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:18.120 You got three people on this side of the screen, 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:24.440 like handler. If y'all listening to Angelo point. 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.680 Ellen is one of the most special people I'll ever 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:28.760 meet because one of the things that that happened when 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.880 we got married. Is I married a really really good partner. 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:33.560 I married and she hates when I say this. I 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:34.919 married it because I saw she was going to be 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.279 a good mother because we had a bonus child, so 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:39.440 that's always But I found out she's a really really 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.880 good partner. So she helps me shoulder that load and 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:45.800 tries to get me reintegrated with with friends and family 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:50.120 who otherwise, you know, I am okay not having conversations 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.480 with people. I am just fine without. Do I miss 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:54.000 it sometimes? 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:54.200 Hell? 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:54.479 Yeah? 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:55.800 Does it drive me crazy sometimes? 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:56.039 Yeah? 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:57.520 Do I worry about getting into heaven? Yeah? 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.719 But I'm also going to make sure that I have 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:01.600 my peace of mind because I ain't gonna let y'all 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:03.760 mess up my holidays. Ain't that much weed in the world. 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:08.200 You know, not with the red cup entering the conversation too, Tip, 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:14.680 it's five am somewhere. Now here's the thing that, here's 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:17.560 the thing why I pointed at the screen, Tip, and 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:19.760 I know you can relate to it too, because one 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:21.200 of the things we talked about, I think last week 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:25.240 is in my call to action around caretaking. And what 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:28.360 I think is so interesting about this moment is how 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:33.560 care can turn into conflict. Care can turn into the battle, 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.039 because what you don't always realize is in caretaking knowing 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:41.560 that it is your responsibility and sometimes joyful in your pleasure. 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:45.760 Right when people have something to say about what you 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:50.240 didn't do or how you're doing it, that is remarkably frustrating. 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:51.200 And I want to give y'all. 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:52.840 I wasn't even gonna get into this because I didn't 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:53.400 think about it. 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.000 But when be just brought this up. 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:58.919 You know, last week, my mom was in the hospital 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:01.920 after having a fall we talked about and she had 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:04.960 to be transferred to a rehab facility. Well, I'm one 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:08.719 visiting all these rehab facilities. Ain't nobody going with me, Daddy, no, Shaye. 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:10.880 But I went by myself and my dad was he 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:13.600 had a call so he couldn't go. So, you guys, 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:15.560 by the third one I went to, I'm in the 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:18.160 car sobbing because I'm like, I can't put my mom 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:21.000 in any of these places, right, I'm like, she will 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:23.480 look at me like, and you got me confused, you 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:26.520 know what I mean, I'm not going. Yeah, And so 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.280 I was like, what am I gonna do? So I'm 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:31.120 literally like text pleading with the place where I want 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.560 her to go. Thankfully, you know, spoiler alert, she ends 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.360 up there. But like I got people in the family 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:38.440 text but to me like did you get her in yet? 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.680 It hasn't happened yet, Like and I'm like, did you? 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:43.560 I'm sorry, did you make a call? 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:46.760 And I'm feeling tender about it cause I'm like nobody's helping. 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:48.760 I'm looking at the board members to see who I 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:50.880 can reach out to to get my mom in the 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.040 facility that is preferred, you know. 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:55.320 But it's frustrating when it's not even critique. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:59.080 I won't even say critique, it's it is the quiet 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:02.880 resentment by the way that I'll feel from carrying what 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.360 I believe is my responsibility. But it would still be 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:08.240 nice if somebody just was like, hey, do you need 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:10.760 any support here? So I end up getting mad over 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:14.040 something I never even expressed to anyone, right, but I 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:14.680 just feel it. 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:15.920 I see you not intip. 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.480 Can I ask, though? Can I ask. 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:24.000 If someone in your family had tried to be just 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:27.760 as invested as you just invested in calling, would they 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:29.240 have the space to do that? 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.880 Or would you say, like. 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:34.800 Do you want to be the person who's handling it 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:37.840 like if your cousin or your sibling, or you have 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.040 like siblings that you grew up with or cousins who 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:41.559 you grew up. 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:42.400 With as siblings. 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:44.360 So if they jumped in and they were like, okay, 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:47.160 I'm gonna call these three, are are they going to 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:48.360 get the antelip It's like, oh. 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:51.040 Thank you so much for shouldering it's with me or the. 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:53.319 Antelopus, Like, well, I'll do it because I know my 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:54.960 mom and I know how I wanted and did you 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:56.520 ask this and did you ask that? And did you 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.760 do it the right way? And so maybe they might 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:02.000 feel like I'm not going to intervene are you reception? 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:02.640 Very much? 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.400 So, in fact, the only difference I would say, though 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:08.880 my standards here are my moms. I was very careful 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:11.480 to ask my mom what does she want? I'm like, Mom, 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:13.440 here are the things that I'm thinking through. Does this 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:16.760 align with what you want? I'm operating strictly off what 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:19.920 she wants right like she is she Thank God, she 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:22.920 has her right mind. She can make these decisions right Like, 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:26.319 I'm absolutely yielding to that. Now if somebody calls and 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.640 it's like, oh, this facility can take her, but hey, 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:30.720 you haven't visited, and you don't have time, I still 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:31.199 got to go. 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:32.280 Check it out, right. 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:35.760 So if they are like, oh, I'm gonna go, look like, 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:37.760 I know my cousin Me, I know my cousin Mary, 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:41.120 I know my cousin Ronda, ma A Learetta. I was, yeah, 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:43.200 and he has been here to help, you know. Like 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.400 so like everybody, they all have the same standards. Now, 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:48.440 I got some other cousins where I might not yield 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:49.680 to you, son, because I. 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:51.199 Don't know what type of time you want. 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:55.160 So yes, I think so, But I think what's most frustrating, 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:58.680 and I be quiet here is my brother. My parents 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.040 will probably be mad for me saying this, but it's true. 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.319 My brother just turned sixty this past Friday. I have 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.680 not talked to him in over a year. He did, 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:11.440 in his defense, call my mom recently, but my mom 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:12.559 hasn't talked to him over a year. 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:14.920 And when she heard his voice on the phone, she 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:15.760 starts crying. 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:17.480 And I think for me, I was like, damn, I 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.880 didn't realize how much this was an open hole for her, 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.040 and it's a wound, and so like, I want to 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.080 be grateful that he showed up, but I also want 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.400 to cuss his ass out because I haven't seen him, 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.360 haven't heard from him, he ain't done nothing. It's irritating. 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.120 And so for me, like if there was family beef, 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:35.240 well there is family beef. I have beef with him, 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:37.640 bless you to. I have beef with him right now 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.040 for how he's moved with my parents. Like he don't 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:41.560 have to talk to me, but I don't like how 0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:43.360 he's moving with my parents, and he better not to 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:47.240 Bacari's point, come around, critique and shit right now, because 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:49.600 I will definitely remove myself from that conversation. By the way, 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.360 Nick's in the chat saying, Bacary, that's not gaslighting, that's 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:53.199 called stonewalling. 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:56.280 Thank you. 0:10:56.360 --> 0:11:01.240 Next, white privilege, White privilege, tell me about. 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:05.080 My brother. 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:11.080 Nick is my brother. He's getting me through my terrible 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.160 technological days. Go ahead, Andrew you over there with you 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:15.920 looking like you're about to run off on one of 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:17.439 your patent at twelve minutes. 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:22.439 You and know you and I both get the same DRUMA. 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:27.800 I'm managing uh three children upstairs, and when they started 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:31.160 getting stompy on the floor, somebody about to push somebody 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:34.920 and whatever. So these are beats, family beasts and ours range. 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:38.720 I mean, honestly, we y'all family group chats are a 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:43.439 lot more active around situations than ours. Ours ours are 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:50.040 prayers usually we have also regular family once a month 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:56.040 prayer calls, h cousins, aunts, my siblings, and I know 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.320 we all. I'm one of seven number five of seven, 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:02.520 all boys, and then my baby sister, my little sister, Monique, 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:09.199 And where our drama mostly resides is around these days. 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:11.920 I think my systere Monique has taken on like a 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:15.800 tremendous amount, traveling back and forth from the DMV back 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:18.040 to South Georgia to help out with my mom. And 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:20.200 I've got guilt around the fact that I'm you know, 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:25.360 a few hours away and but just three children and 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:28.559 a partner who works, and I have, you know, things 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:30.800 I got to It's just by the time you look up, 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:32.839 it's like, oh my god, and I'm so sorry my 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:35.400 da da da d And so what I what, I 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:38.440 really appreciate one. I've got siblings that look after me, 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.760 and we try to look after each other. We try 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:44.640 not to guilt each other about the time stuff like 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:48.000 who's spending more time with you know whom, and who's 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:54.400 doing the initial outreach to somebody, not a beef, but 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:57.240 I think a reconciliation, and that is I think we 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.280 all got to a place because I was kind of 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:02.280 sick of the whole You barely ever call and when 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.200 we call you, we can't ever reach you. Were talking 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.520 to your assistance or this is that and the third 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:09.959 this is really in a former life, and then in 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:14.960 my new position, it really is like I just don't 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:16.959 be near them and I don't really like to pay 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.400 a whole bunch of attention to them. And I think 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.000 we all have different kind of chips on the shoulder 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:24.800 with each other about some of those kinds of accessibility things. 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:29.560 And so what we decided was if I reach out 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:33.040 to you, I'm reaching out to you with no I 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:34.640 love to talk to you and I would love to 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.560 have a conversation with you, but if I don't reach you, 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:39.880 I don't want you to beat yourself up about trying 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.840 to you know, get back to me. Just know that 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.160 you were on my heart. I wanted to reach out, 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:47.320 and when you get a minute, I trust that you'll 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:50.120 reach back out and we'll go from there. And I have, 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:54.959 really it feels like a really light lifted load that 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.840 you know I'm not feeling the pressure around you sometimes 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.719 avoid that call because of how long you have been 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.000 able to you know how how much time has passed 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:06.000 since you were able to make the return call. So 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.040 the lifting of the pressure. I don't know how how 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:09.880 if all of us are a hundred percent fully committed, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:11.880 because I got one brother, one of my older brothers, 0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:16.520 who seem a little touched still by inaccessibility when they 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.760 want you. But but that's helped a lot. It's just like, 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:23.360 how about you take the action because it's in you 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:27.640 to take and have no anticipation for the outcome. Just 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.600 just move because you felt so moved, or do because 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.240 you feel so do you know to do but you're 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:36.560 not doing it? Because I want you to know that 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:37.920 I call it. I need you to pick up the 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.880 fun and call me back to acknowledge that I've called you. Nope, 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.600 But when I do get back with you, know that 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:45.560 it's love and I'm here one hundred percent. And if 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:48.680 it's an emergency, I'll drop everything. But if it is 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.680 us just checking in this week is a little rough. 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.960 I'm gonna push this on Sunday, and please don't have 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.160 heat for me for that. 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:03.840 Nobody knows. 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.560 I get that, Andrew. We've talked about that before. 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.840 That's a pet peeve of both of ours, not just 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:14.720 with family, but with anybody. Like if I call you 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:16.400 and the first thing I hear is I've been trying 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:18.400 to call you. I called you eighteen times or whatever, 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.200 it's gonna be a real short conversation because my attitude 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:23.320 is like I'm calling you back now, like what's up. 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:25.600 If I didn't call you, it's because I was dealing 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:27.200 with and it could have been that I was busy, 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:29.240 that I was back to back to back to back 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:32.200 to back, or I didn't have the mental capacity to 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.840 engage another human being at that, you know, like I 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:37.160 was dealing with all kinds of stuff that I'd never 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.320 bring to you, that you don't know about. But now 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:43.360 I found made the time to talk to you. Let's 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:45.760 just be in this moment here. But what I was 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.120 struck by what you said. And I think some people 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.080 may feel this way during the holidays, that sometimes you 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:56.400 don't have the desire to to engage, And I wonder 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:59.040 what that reason is. I don't want to, you know, 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.160 put you on the spot. So I'll say that I 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:06.360 don't always have the desire to engage because it might 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:10.280 be past family trauma or memories or you know. I mean, 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:11.960 I'm pretty open about the fact that I left home 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:15.160 when I was sixteen, and I remember the last Christmas 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:17.400 I spent with my family, and I remember saying, I 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.320 will never spend another Christmas with these people again. 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:22.280 I remember being sixteen years old. 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.160 No, at this point, I was eighteen, and I was 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:28.880 in a hotel by myself, like a holiday and some 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:32.120 hotel that cost like you know, it cost by an hour, 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:36.960 and I was by myself trying to get my money 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:38.720 right cause back this is back when you can fly 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:42.200 a ticket air train, no boars, and I was trying 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:45.640 to get the f ck out of the air and 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.800 just get away. But I was like, it's Christmas Day 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:51.800 and I'm in this nasty ass hotel by myself because 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.240 I was trying to see my family, and that shit 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:56.720 went real left and I'm a child at the time. 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:58.880 I felt like an adult, but I'm like, you're eighteen 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.560 year child and this is how you're spending the holiday, 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:03.480 and I have such a bad taste in my mouth 0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:03.960 around it. 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:05.080 Yeah, I hear it that. 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.560 It's just when you all were talking about Thanksgiving last 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:08.880 week and like, what time did you in your family? 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:13.400 I'm like when we did, you know, twenty five years ago, 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:16.840 thirty plus years ago, but like we not having Thanksgiving 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:19.560 dinner together. So I just want to affirm people out 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:22.840 there who are not necessarily spending the holidays with their family. 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.160 Maybe you don't even have friends to spend the holidays 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:27.639 with that you you know, you might be going to 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.080 the movies or by yourself or whatever, like those things 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:31.480 are okay to create your joy. 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:34.280 Well, you always welcome here, by the way, I will share, 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:37.320 But do you always always always at our house? 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:39.159 I have every place to go. 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:42.000 People are always like come over, but sometimes I do once, 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:44.479 Like sometimes I do want to be but I typically 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:47.040 go to my friend Kim Professor Kim Jones, He's a 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:50.560 dean at Howard to shout out to her. She us 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:52.359 being a civil engineering so I love talking to her 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.800 about water conservation. But I've been going to her house 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:56.600 for like probably the past ten years. But I'll be 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:58.440 in New York. So I was like, I'm just pop up. 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:01.879 And then you got something you should I was going 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:02.200 to tell you. 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:04.360 I was like, Sonny, Liza up there, so I might 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.639 be at the Houstins for Thanksgiving, so we'll see or 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.400 I might be on the train and just come back home. 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:11.840 But I just want other people to know, like there 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.240 are people out there who aren't doing anything but anything, 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:14.560 you know. 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:16.840 I just I want to affirm that. And you actually 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:21.800