Speaker 1: Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio in partnership
Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media.
Speaker 2: What's Up, Princessful?
Speaker 3: She got a stomach out? Look at it?
Speaker 2: Just oh, we got a little mid drift.
Speaker 3: I'm almost done, Okay, I love you. I tried.
Speaker 1: One of the things that I tried to do in
Speaker 1: my life is not have beef with six year olds.
Speaker 3: But I'm not always successful. Welcome to y'all.
Speaker 1: Welcome home, y'all supposed to say, welcome home.
Speaker 3: Jesus, I gotta help you, y'all just saw.
Speaker 1: We just had a special cameo from Sadie Ellen Sellers
Speaker 1: and she is going to be seven in January, along
Speaker 1: with her brother. You may hear them in the background
Speaker 1: because we out of school on this Thanksgiving week, but
Speaker 1: we are enjoying every bit of it. And shout out
Speaker 1: to the Nutcracker. I hope some of y'all are going
Speaker 1: to get a chance to see friends and family in
Speaker 1: special shows. But Angela had a unique she wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about, So I'm gonna let you bring it in
Speaker 1: because you described it so well.
Speaker 4: So all of us have siblings, and I think I
Speaker 4: at least have a ton of cousins too. And so
Speaker 4: we spend our holidays all together. As you all know,
Speaker 4: we've spent a lot of time trafficking and internet beef.
Speaker 5: Some that we requested, some we.
Speaker 4: Didn't ask for, but some if we can't escape. Always
Speaker 4: during the holidays, there's.
Speaker 5: Some family beef.
Speaker 4: So I want to talk about conflict resolution on the
Speaker 4: other side of Thanksgiving and wondering how y'all navigated through
Speaker 4: some of the trials and tribulations of cousin beef, sibling beef,
Speaker 4: and all things in between. Did you get in trouble
Speaker 4: for making the macaroni and cheese bad? Did you get
Speaker 4: in trouble for putting marshmallows on top of the camps?
Speaker 4: Did you get in trouble for some age oh beef
Speaker 4: that we don't know about. I want to hear about it.
Speaker 4: I want to hear about how y'all have resolved conflict
Speaker 4: with plant family.
Speaker 5: I got some that's not quite resolved.
Speaker 4: I'm talking about that too.
Speaker 6: And you're talking about like light hearted beef, and there's
Speaker 6: like heavy beef that happens, and it depends on how
Speaker 6: you perceive its like heavy beef for some people. As
Speaker 6: you renigged back in nineteen ninety eight. You said you
Speaker 6: ain't have no clubs spoken in decades.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 8: Yeah, marriages break up.
Speaker 2: Over when like and your your cousin female dance too
Speaker 2: close to your new husband. Oh, y'all, you know.
Speaker 3: They already knew, they already knew each other.
Speaker 2: Andrew not, Well, I don't know what don't.
Speaker 3: That's why you got it. That's why you gotta get
Speaker 3: your card.
Speaker 8: You got to get your Thanksgiving.
Speaker 5: I want to hear about this.
Speaker 2: But we all together now, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's why you gotta have it was a beef.
Speaker 2: No that sounds let's get let's start light up.
Speaker 8: Okay, Well.
Speaker 6: I don't really I don't spend the holidays with my family,
Speaker 6: so I don't really have like and it's not like
Speaker 6: family beef.
Speaker 8: It's just we all choose our piece.
Speaker 6: So and we're recording. We're recording this early. So for Thanksgiving,
Speaker 6: these people don't know. But for Thanksgiving, I may be
Speaker 6: a Tamern's house because I'll be in New York. I'm
Speaker 6: either go go to Tammer's house in Sunny's house, or
Speaker 6: I might take the train back to DC and be
Speaker 6: at my friend's house. But I really don't because I'm
Speaker 6: you know, usually with like chosen family. I don't really
Speaker 6: have beef around the holidays, but I do like to
Speaker 6: talk a.
Speaker 5: Lot of.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't have beef. And the reason I don't have
Speaker 1: beef is because I am affectionately calling myself a human
Speaker 1: gas lighter. I am the person who you want to
Speaker 1: have beef with. And then I just withdraw from communication.
Speaker 3: Because I don't. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I can't do all of that and the family group
Speaker 1: chats as soon as the beef pop off. You see,
Speaker 1: Bacari left the conversation in the middle.
Speaker 2: Of family group chats or prayers.
Speaker 5: You really don't.
Speaker 8: Hold on real quick like you or do you just ignore?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I mean, if y'all piss me off, I don't.
Speaker 1: I will leave a group chat in a heartbeat because
Speaker 1: I want you to the part of the gas lighting
Speaker 1: is you have to see the little line at the
Speaker 1: bottom that says Macari, seller's left the.
Speaker 3: Conversation, left the chat.
Speaker 6: So it's not just like this, Well, can you tell
Speaker 6: us what happens the last time you did?
Speaker 1: So, just as a just I am about to tell
Speaker 1: the truth, just as a One of the things people
Speaker 1: will never say about me is I lie, but as
Speaker 1: a part of a larger thing. I believe that a
Speaker 1: relationships go both ways. And I hate to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship where I just give. That drives me crazy
Speaker 1: because I when I just give, I get exhausted. And
Speaker 1: then it's like when I give and then somebody comments
Speaker 1: on how I give what I give, or if I
Speaker 1: gave the right amount of effort, then that is when
Speaker 1: I'm about done.
Speaker 5: Give me an example, b Come.
Speaker 3: On, I mean what I mean. No, no, no.
Speaker 1: I take care of my parents, all right, and so
Speaker 1: I take care of Gwen and Cleve. They get allowances
Speaker 1: I pay for. You know, I'm just calling up No
Speaker 1: they with you, Andrew and SKOPI conversation so but you know,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you just want people to help shoulder that load.
Speaker 1: And it's okay to do it by yourself. But I
Speaker 1: don't need critique on how I'm shouldering the load. That's
Speaker 1: my only point. I think that's what people don't to
Speaker 1: whom given, to whom much is given.
Speaker 6: You got three people on this side of the screen,
Speaker 6: like handler. If y'all listening to Angelo point.
Speaker 1: Ellen is one of the most special people I'll ever
Speaker 1: meet because one of the things that that happened when
Speaker 1: we got married. Is I married a really really good partner.
Speaker 1: I married and she hates when I say this. I
Speaker 1: married it because I saw she was going to be
Speaker 1: a good mother because we had a bonus child, so
Speaker 1: that's always But I found out she's a really really
Speaker 1: good partner. So she helps me shoulder that load and
Speaker 1: tries to get me reintegrated with with friends and family
Speaker 1: who otherwise, you know, I am okay not having conversations
Speaker 1: with people. I am just fine without. Do I miss
Speaker 1: it sometimes?
Speaker 3: Hell?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Does it drive me crazy sometimes?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Do I worry about getting into heaven? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But I'm also going to make sure that I have
Speaker 1: my peace of mind because I ain't gonna let y'all
Speaker 1: mess up my holidays. Ain't that much weed in the world.
Speaker 4: You know, not with the red cup entering the conversation too, Tip,
Speaker 4: it's five am somewhere. Now here's the thing that, here's
Speaker 4: the thing why I pointed at the screen, Tip, and
Speaker 4: I know you can relate to it too, because one
Speaker 4: of the things we talked about, I think last week
Speaker 4: is in my call to action around caretaking. And what
Speaker 4: I think is so interesting about this moment is how
Speaker 4: care can turn into conflict. Care can turn into the battle,
Speaker 4: because what you don't always realize is in caretaking knowing
Speaker 4: that it is your responsibility and sometimes joyful in your pleasure.
Speaker 4: Right when people have something to say about what you
Speaker 4: didn't do or how you're doing it, that is remarkably frustrating.
Speaker 5: And I want to give y'all.
Speaker 4: I wasn't even gonna get into this because I didn't
Speaker 4: think about it.
Speaker 5: But when be just brought this up.
Speaker 4: You know, last week, my mom was in the hospital
Speaker 4: after having a fall we talked about and she had
Speaker 4: to be transferred to a rehab facility. Well, I'm one
Speaker 4: visiting all these rehab facilities. Ain't nobody going with me, Daddy, no, Shaye.
Speaker 4: But I went by myself and my dad was he
Speaker 4: had a call so he couldn't go. So, you guys,
Speaker 4: by the third one I went to, I'm in the
Speaker 4: car sobbing because I'm like, I can't put my mom
Speaker 4: in any of these places, right, I'm like, she will
Speaker 4: look at me like, and you got me confused, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean, I'm not going. Yeah, And so
Speaker 4: I was like, what am I gonna do? So I'm
Speaker 4: literally like text pleading with the place where I want
Speaker 4: her to go. Thankfully, you know, spoiler alert, she ends
Speaker 4: up there. But like I got people in the family
Speaker 4: text but to me like did you get her in yet?
Speaker 5: It hasn't happened yet, Like and I'm like, did you?
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, did you make a call?
Speaker 4: And I'm feeling tender about it cause I'm like nobody's helping.
Speaker 4: I'm looking at the board members to see who I
Speaker 4: can reach out to to get my mom in the
Speaker 4: facility that is preferred, you know.
Speaker 5: But it's frustrating when it's not even critique.
Speaker 4: I won't even say critique, it's it is the quiet
Speaker 4: resentment by the way that I'll feel from carrying what
Speaker 4: I believe is my responsibility. But it would still be
Speaker 4: nice if somebody just was like, hey, do you need
Speaker 4: any support here? So I end up getting mad over
Speaker 4: something I never even expressed to anyone, right, but I
Speaker 4: just feel it.
Speaker 5: I see you not intip.
Speaker 8: Can I ask, though? Can I ask.
Speaker 6: If someone in your family had tried to be just
Speaker 6: as invested as you just invested in calling, would they
Speaker 6: have the space to do that?
Speaker 8: Or would you say, like.
Speaker 6: Do you want to be the person who's handling it
Speaker 6: like if your cousin or your sibling, or you have
Speaker 6: like siblings that you grew up with or cousins who
Speaker 6: you grew up.
Speaker 8: With as siblings.
Speaker 6: So if they jumped in and they were like, okay,
Speaker 6: I'm gonna call these three, are are they going to
Speaker 6: get the antelip It's like, oh.
Speaker 8: Thank you so much for shouldering it's with me or the.
Speaker 6: Antelopus, Like, well, I'll do it because I know my
Speaker 6: mom and I know how I wanted and did you
Speaker 6: ask this and did you ask that? And did you
Speaker 6: do it the right way? And so maybe they might
Speaker 6: feel like I'm not going to intervene are you reception?
Speaker 5: Very much?
Speaker 4: So, in fact, the only difference I would say, though
Speaker 4: my standards here are my moms. I was very careful
Speaker 4: to ask my mom what does she want? I'm like, Mom,
Speaker 4: here are the things that I'm thinking through. Does this
Speaker 4: align with what you want? I'm operating strictly off what
Speaker 4: she wants right like she is she Thank God, she
Speaker 4: has her right mind. She can make these decisions right Like,
Speaker 4: I'm absolutely yielding to that. Now if somebody calls and
Speaker 4: it's like, oh, this facility can take her, but hey,
Speaker 4: you haven't visited, and you don't have time, I still
Speaker 4: got to go.
Speaker 5: Check it out, right.
Speaker 4: So if they are like, oh, I'm gonna go, look like,
Speaker 4: I know my cousin Me, I know my cousin Mary,
Speaker 4: I know my cousin Ronda, ma A Learetta. I was, yeah,
Speaker 4: and he has been here to help, you know. Like
Speaker 4: so like everybody, they all have the same standards. Now,
Speaker 4: I got some other cousins where I might not yield
Speaker 4: to you, son, because I.
Speaker 5: Don't know what type of time you want.
Speaker 4: So yes, I think so, But I think what's most frustrating,
Speaker 4: and I be quiet here is my brother. My parents
Speaker 4: will probably be mad for me saying this, but it's true.
Speaker 4: My brother just turned sixty this past Friday. I have
Speaker 4: not talked to him in over a year. He did,
Speaker 4: in his defense, call my mom recently, but my mom
Speaker 4: hasn't talked to him over a year.
Speaker 5: And when she heard his voice on the phone, she
Speaker 5: starts crying.
Speaker 4: And I think for me, I was like, damn, I
Speaker 4: didn't realize how much this was an open hole for her,
Speaker 4: and it's a wound, and so like, I want to
Speaker 4: be grateful that he showed up, but I also want
Speaker 4: to cuss his ass out because I haven't seen him,
Speaker 4: haven't heard from him, he ain't done nothing. It's irritating.
Speaker 4: And so for me, like if there was family beef,
Speaker 4: well there is family beef. I have beef with him,
Speaker 4: bless you to. I have beef with him right now
Speaker 4: for how he's moved with my parents. Like he don't
Speaker 4: have to talk to me, but I don't like how
Speaker 4: he's moving with my parents, and he better not to
Speaker 4: Bacari's point, come around, critique and shit right now, because
Speaker 4: I will definitely remove myself from that conversation. By the way,
Speaker 4: Nick's in the chat saying, Bacary, that's not gaslighting, that's
Speaker 4: called stonewalling.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Next, white privilege, White privilege, tell me about.
Speaker 3: My brother.
Speaker 1: Nick is my brother. He's getting me through my terrible
Speaker 1: technological days. Go ahead, Andrew you over there with you
Speaker 1: looking like you're about to run off on one of
Speaker 1: your patent at twelve minutes.
Speaker 2: You and know you and I both get the same DRUMA.
Speaker 2: I'm managing uh three children upstairs, and when they started
Speaker 2: getting stompy on the floor, somebody about to push somebody
Speaker 2: and whatever. So these are beats, family beasts and ours range.
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, we y'all family group chats are a
Speaker 2: lot more active around situations than ours. Ours ours are
Speaker 2: prayers usually we have also regular family once a month
Speaker 2: prayer calls, h cousins, aunts, my siblings, and I know
Speaker 2: we all. I'm one of seven number five of seven,
Speaker 2: all boys, and then my baby sister, my little sister, Monique,
Speaker 2: And where our drama mostly resides is around these days.
Speaker 2: I think my systere Monique has taken on like a
Speaker 2: tremendous amount, traveling back and forth from the DMV back
Speaker 2: to South Georgia to help out with my mom. And
Speaker 2: I've got guilt around the fact that I'm you know,
Speaker 2: a few hours away and but just three children and
Speaker 2: a partner who works, and I have, you know, things
Speaker 2: I got to It's just by the time you look up,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh my god, and I'm so sorry my
Speaker 2: da da da d And so what I what, I
Speaker 2: really appreciate one. I've got siblings that look after me,
Speaker 2: and we try to look after each other. We try
Speaker 2: not to guilt each other about the time stuff like
Speaker 2: who's spending more time with you know whom, and who's
Speaker 2: doing the initial outreach to somebody, not a beef, but
Speaker 2: I think a reconciliation, and that is I think we
Speaker 2: all got to a place because I was kind of
Speaker 2: sick of the whole You barely ever call and when
Speaker 2: we call you, we can't ever reach you. Were talking
Speaker 2: to your assistance or this is that and the third
Speaker 2: this is really in a former life, and then in
Speaker 2: my new position, it really is like I just don't
Speaker 2: be near them and I don't really like to pay
Speaker 2: a whole bunch of attention to them. And I think
Speaker 2: we all have different kind of chips on the shoulder
Speaker 2: with each other about some of those kinds of accessibility things.
Speaker 2: And so what we decided was if I reach out
Speaker 2: to you, I'm reaching out to you with no I
Speaker 2: love to talk to you and I would love to
Speaker 2: have a conversation with you, but if I don't reach you,
Speaker 2: I don't want you to beat yourself up about trying
Speaker 2: to you know, get back to me. Just know that
Speaker 2: you were on my heart. I wanted to reach out,
Speaker 2: and when you get a minute, I trust that you'll
Speaker 2: reach back out and we'll go from there. And I have,
Speaker 2: really it feels like a really light lifted load that
Speaker 2: you know I'm not feeling the pressure around you sometimes
Speaker 2: avoid that call because of how long you have been
Speaker 2: able to you know how how much time has passed
Speaker 2: since you were able to make the return call. So
Speaker 2: the lifting of the pressure. I don't know how how
Speaker 2: if all of us are a hundred percent fully committed,
Speaker 2: because I got one brother, one of my older brothers,
Speaker 2: who seem a little touched still by inaccessibility when they
Speaker 2: want you. But but that's helped a lot. It's just like,
Speaker 2: how about you take the action because it's in you
Speaker 2: to take and have no anticipation for the outcome. Just
Speaker 2: just move because you felt so moved, or do because
Speaker 2: you feel so do you know to do but you're
Speaker 2: not doing it? Because I want you to know that
Speaker 2: I call it. I need you to pick up the
Speaker 2: fun and call me back to acknowledge that I've called you. Nope,
Speaker 2: But when I do get back with you, know that
Speaker 2: it's love and I'm here one hundred percent. And if
Speaker 2: it's an emergency, I'll drop everything. But if it is
Speaker 2: us just checking in this week is a little rough.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna push this on Sunday, and please don't have
Speaker 2: heat for me for that.
Speaker 3: Nobody knows.
Speaker 8: I get that, Andrew. We've talked about that before.
Speaker 6: That's a pet peeve of both of ours, not just
Speaker 6: with family, but with anybody. Like if I call you
Speaker 6: and the first thing I hear is I've been trying
Speaker 6: to call you. I called you eighteen times or whatever,
Speaker 6: it's gonna be a real short conversation because my attitude
Speaker 6: is like I'm calling you back now, like what's up.
Speaker 6: If I didn't call you, it's because I was dealing
Speaker 6: with and it could have been that I was busy,
Speaker 6: that I was back to back to back to back
Speaker 6: to back, or I didn't have the mental capacity to
Speaker 6: engage another human being at that, you know, like I
Speaker 6: was dealing with all kinds of stuff that I'd never
Speaker 6: bring to you, that you don't know about. But now
Speaker 6: I found made the time to talk to you. Let's
Speaker 6: just be in this moment here. But what I was
Speaker 6: struck by what you said. And I think some people
Speaker 6: may feel this way during the holidays, that sometimes you
Speaker 6: don't have the desire to to engage, And I wonder
Speaker 6: what that reason is. I don't want to, you know,
Speaker 6: put you on the spot. So I'll say that I
Speaker 6: don't always have the desire to engage because it might
Speaker 6: be past family trauma or memories or you know. I mean,
Speaker 6: I'm pretty open about the fact that I left home
Speaker 6: when I was sixteen, and I remember the last Christmas
Speaker 6: I spent with my family, and I remember saying, I
Speaker 6: will never spend another Christmas with these people again.
Speaker 8: I remember being sixteen years old.
Speaker 6: No, at this point, I was eighteen, and I was
Speaker 6: in a hotel by myself, like a holiday and some
Speaker 6: hotel that cost like you know, it cost by an hour,
Speaker 6: and I was by myself trying to get my money
Speaker 6: right cause back this is back when you can fly
Speaker 6: a ticket air train, no boars, and I was trying
Speaker 6: to get the f ck out of the air and
Speaker 6: just get away. But I was like, it's Christmas Day
Speaker 6: and I'm in this nasty ass hotel by myself because
Speaker 6: I was trying to see my family, and that shit
Speaker 6: went real left and I'm a child at the time.
Speaker 6: I felt like an adult, but I'm like, you're eighteen
Speaker 6: year child and this is how you're spending the holiday,
Speaker 6: and I have such a bad taste in my mouth
Speaker 6: around it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear it that.
Speaker 6: It's just when you all were talking about Thanksgiving last
Speaker 6: week and like, what time did you in your family?
Speaker 6: I'm like when we did, you know, twenty five years ago,
Speaker 6: thirty plus years ago, but like we not having Thanksgiving
Speaker 6: dinner together. So I just want to affirm people out
Speaker 6: there who are not necessarily spending the holidays with their family.
Speaker 6: Maybe you don't even have friends to spend the holidays
Speaker 6: with that you you know, you might be going to
Speaker 6: the movies or by yourself or whatever, like those things
Speaker 6: are okay to create your joy.
Speaker 2: Well, you always welcome here, by the way, I will share,
Speaker 2: But do you always always always at our house?
Speaker 8: I have every place to go.
Speaker 6: People are always like come over, but sometimes I do once,
Speaker 6: Like sometimes I do want to be but I typically
Speaker 6: go to my friend Kim Professor Kim Jones, He's a
Speaker 6: dean at Howard to shout out to her. She us
Speaker 6: being a civil engineering so I love talking to her
Speaker 6: about water conservation. But I've been going to her house
Speaker 6: for like probably the past ten years. But I'll be
Speaker 6: in New York. So I was like, I'm just pop up.
Speaker 2: And then you got something you should I was going
Speaker 2: to tell you.
Speaker 6: I was like, Sonny, Liza up there, so I might
Speaker 6: be at the Houstins for Thanksgiving, so we'll see or
Speaker 6: I might be on the train and just come back home.
Speaker 6: But I just want other people to know, like there
Speaker 6: are people out there who aren't doing anything but anything,
Speaker 6: you know.
Speaker 2: I just I want to affirm that. And you actually
Speaker 2: caused me to think a lot about a different how
Speaker 2: different people show up in spaces and not everybody shows
Speaker 2: up the same way. To the question of where I
Speaker 2: find myself and withdrawal, I'll do two responses. One since
Speaker 2: since twenty you know, eighteen, and then twenty twenty and
Speaker 2: my life big inflection points I have. I have for
Speaker 2: the longest of time, ever since I can remember, been
Speaker 2: the one who's always had things together, you know, you know,
Speaker 2: have it all together, and that kind of thing. And
Speaker 2: I think part of when I don't feel like I
Speaker 2: have it all together, I don't want to be pressed.
Speaker 2: And it's a really terrible thing because all the people
Speaker 2: who want me to be president desire is to be
Speaker 2: and share a space so that they can help, so
Speaker 2: that they can support, so that they can do whatever
Speaker 2: it is that they can do to make sure that
Speaker 2: I'm propped up on whatever my leaning side is. So
Speaker 2: it really is me. It's not that anyone out you know,
Speaker 2: any of my family member or loved ones make me
Speaker 2: to feel any less than it is. It's me who
Speaker 2: puts myself in the place where it's like, God, I
Speaker 2: just don't feel like I just I can't talk right
Speaker 2: now until I get this together. When I get this together,
Speaker 2: then I can be. Then I can talk, and then
Speaker 2: I can take on what it is that you have
Speaker 2: for me to take on, because I always do feel,
Speaker 2: truly that on the other end, is something else for
Speaker 2: me to do. And that isn't always the truth. Sometimes
Speaker 2: it really just is the check in. But a lot
Speaker 2: of times and this is built out of a pattern, right,
Speaker 2: we know, patterns of behavior have conditioned us to to
Speaker 2: presuppose some things. So it's not without its history that
Speaker 2: I said to feel that way. And then, particularly if
Speaker 2: other people are down, I never want to be the
Speaker 2: person in the position who can't prop up, who can't
Speaker 2: lift up, who can't help. And so when you don't
Speaker 2: have the reservoir of support for yourself, and then even
Speaker 2: more when I can't rally for myself, I can somehow
Speaker 2: figure out how to rally for others, But then you're
Speaker 2: both pulling up blank. It's like I will do better
Speaker 2: for everybody sometimes be absent so that we don't have
Speaker 2: to we don't have to run into that situation. That's
Speaker 2: what's caused a lot of my And then second it
Speaker 2: has been I've managed a lot less when by my
Speaker 2: like I used to have a staff and a lot
Speaker 2: of folks helped with a lot of things scheduling this
Speaker 2: I mean my children's doctors appointments is the third and
Speaker 2: I realize now I have to pay real attention to
Speaker 2: what it is I'm doing. I'm gonna muck something up,
Speaker 2: and I can't muck it up with three. I can't
Speaker 2: have my kids waiting at the camp because I didn't
Speaker 2: know it was my day today to do it, because
Speaker 2: it happened once over this summer. And my son got
Speaker 2: in the car and this mfor was folded his hands
Speaker 2: and he was just quiet.
Speaker 3: Are you okay?
Speaker 2: And then he said fine, And I said, baby, Daddy's
Speaker 2: so sorry. I got confused of who was picking you
Speaker 2: up from camp today. I would never ever ever want
Speaker 2: to leave you anywhere, and I'm just really sorry, and
Speaker 2: his the waterfalls started just poured out, crying and when
Speaker 2: he finishes, thank you daddy. I love you, Daddy, but
Speaker 2: I was distressed for I mean a week because I
Speaker 2: felt like my kid had the feeling of abandonment because
Speaker 2: I messed it up. So I'm really concentrated. I got
Speaker 2: priorities here. There are there a pecking order, and at
Speaker 2: the tippity top of that list, behind Jay are my
Speaker 2: three kids, if not often in competition with the time
Speaker 2: for her. And so I gotta get that right. And
Speaker 2: what I mean to say about this is that I
Speaker 2: take on a lot less. I can't do twenty tasks
Speaker 2: at once anymore. I have to do the thing that
Speaker 2: I've got to do, and when I'm done with that,
Speaker 2: I'll do the next thing and then the next thing.
Speaker 2: So there's self care things. But it's also like inadequacies
Speaker 2: that are showing up that I didn't know I had.
Speaker 6: We all do, Angela? Do you for your brother? Do
Speaker 6: you have space for him in your life even if
Speaker 6: you're mad at him? Do you have space for him
Speaker 6: to be in your life?
Speaker 4: Yes, especially because it was very clear that that's what
Speaker 4: my mom wants. And it's probably foolish of me to
Speaker 4: say this, but understanding like the connection between a parent
Speaker 4: and a child. I just know, like there's there's a
Speaker 4: void that she's missing that she hasn't expressed. She's far
Speaker 4: less expressive than my dad is, and so yeah, like
Speaker 4: it's you know, it's a conversation I even have with
Speaker 4: my dad, Like listen, Mom has always said make big
Speaker 4: things small, and small things nothing, and so in my mind,
Speaker 4: like all of that is water under the bridge. If
Speaker 4: that means that you can be present for mommy in
Speaker 4: a part of her healing journey and in a way
Speaker 4: helping her to recover, to rebound to you know, exist
Speaker 4: in whatever her new normal is. But I think it
Speaker 4: would be great for him.
Speaker 5: To be present. I think it'll be great for both
Speaker 5: of them.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I think one of the biggest worries I have
Speaker 4: that I still have to yield to him is he's
Speaker 4: an adult in his own sovereignty. Is you know, how
Speaker 4: will you feel if you completely miss out on this
Speaker 4: phase of her life? And I don't think he'd ever
Speaker 4: forgive himself for that. He's very like, you know, an
Speaker 4: EmPATH who just has you know, struggled. So I just
Speaker 4: I hope that he can come around to that for
Speaker 4: his own sake. But you know, I wouldn't mind if
Speaker 4: we went light for just a second. Yeah, please, you
Speaker 4: guys are okay, okay, y know, I think we have
Speaker 4: definitely Kari because his computer never works. I don't understand
Speaker 4: how Beyonce got a broke ass computer when in all
Speaker 4: these ways, when in all these settlements, Internet don't never work,
Speaker 4: computed don't never work. So I'm trying to figure out
Speaker 4: what is he spending the money on it?
Speaker 6: He said, left the conversations.
Speaker 2: Conversation he would me has messed with me because I
Speaker 2: wouldn't notice or care.
Speaker 4: That's so funny, you guys. Okay, So you know, there
Speaker 4: might be a family member and I'm not saying it's
Speaker 4: in my family, that there might be a family member
Speaker 4: or a friend tif of a family member who wants
Speaker 4: to make something, uh for the dinner, for the holiday dinner,
Speaker 4: and it's not tasty, but they always want to bring
Speaker 4: the thing.
Speaker 7: And so.
Speaker 4: Okay, Andrew said, put it on the kids table. I'm
Speaker 4: curious to know how you saw for it. Do you
Speaker 4: try to cook the thing together? Do you send recipe ideas?
Speaker 4: Do you? Bacari welcome back. Abacaris joined the story because
Speaker 4: we went thought we have he might not even your
Speaker 4: Sorry you left the conversation.
Speaker 6: Well, while you're getting it together, I will enquiry.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, go ahead, tip, he'll understand what it is
Speaker 5: by it.
Speaker 8: Okay.
Speaker 6: So it's in the situation where somebody doesn't cook well.
Speaker 6: I have to tell you, in forty six years of
Speaker 6: holidays of friends, I've only spent holidays with black families,
Speaker 6: and I have never encountered someone who did not make
Speaker 6: something well. So I hear these stories all the time.
Speaker 6: Now people make things I don't eat, but that doesn't
Speaker 6: mean it wasn't cooked well. But my grandmother was one
Speaker 6: of the best cooked. She taught all of her sons
Speaker 6: that she had, all boys, she taught them how to cook.
Speaker 6: Like we all learned from her how to cook extended family.
Speaker 6: She was the person to teach everybody how to cook
Speaker 6: and then an other. I mean, I grew up in
Speaker 6: Atlanta and Cleveland, so you did not meet black folks
Speaker 6: who couldn't throw down. They had their own recipe. I
Speaker 6: started to hit you in the chat, anst'll be like,
Speaker 6: drop that seafood recipe. I just don't know. I haven't
Speaker 6: made dressing since I stopped eating meat, So I'm like, damn,
Speaker 6: how do I even make the dressing if because I
Speaker 6: would make the turkey stock and put it in the dressing.
Speaker 6: So I'm like, how would I do that now? And
Speaker 6: I was like, I could try to make that seafood
Speaker 6: dressing and ANSL was talking about but I'm like, I
Speaker 6: don't even know how to do the dressing without the meat.
Speaker 6: So I might be the person, you know that would
Speaker 6: mess it up this year. But I've always had really
Speaker 6: great culinary experiences with us.
Speaker 5: I have had them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I real quick, tif I wanted to just black
Speaker 4: free my my cornbread dressing still got smoke turkey in it,
Speaker 4: and trying to figure out a remix for you. I will,
Speaker 4: I'll figure it out. Go ahead, a G I'm sorry, No,
Speaker 4: I said, I think you got to.
Speaker 2: When somebody makes a bad dish, one I would ask
Speaker 2: yourself before interfering, do they know that everybody knows that
Speaker 2: this is not a good dish?
Speaker 8: Because sometimes have you had the bad dish?
Speaker 5: Andrew?
Speaker 2: And what was just saying? I know, because if you
Speaker 2: if you make it to our table for thanksgiving up dish,
Speaker 2: you don't you just don't show up at people's stuff
Speaker 2: putting you bring can sodas.
Speaker 5: Or the people in your family.
Speaker 2: Everybody, well, yes, but everybody can't cook everything the best.
Speaker 2: Some people better.
Speaker 8: So you have had an experience where somebody I have.
Speaker 2: A family member who changed the type of macaroni they
Speaker 2: used for the macaroni. What do you call them? Can't
Speaker 2: even tell you the name other stuff, but but they
Speaker 2: were all kind of shapes and stuff and stuff, and
Speaker 2: it was different than the regular macro and it maybe
Speaker 2: it looked really nice in the dish, but everybody revolted.
Speaker 4: Even taste it when it's wrong. It's not an elbow.
Speaker 4: We got a problem is nobody asked.
Speaker 6: Made spaghetti mac and cheese.
Speaker 2: Like you want to do.
Speaker 5: Mom. I remember, I was like, what is this? They
Speaker 5: were like, oh, this is macrod was like, no, it's
Speaker 5: not just a spaghetti with cheese on it. I don't
Speaker 5: like that. That's disrespectful.
Speaker 8: We've had both.
Speaker 6: We it's never just spaghetti like somebody always does a
Speaker 6: regular mac and cheese.
Speaker 5: And but I'm like, oh, I didn't tell you.
Speaker 4: This must be a Midwest thing because it's another Midwest moment.
Speaker 4: Because I'm like, do not do this, guys, don't do this.
Speaker 4: This is unacceptable. I don't know why it has to
Speaker 4: be an elbow, but I need it to be an elbow.
Speaker 2: I don't want to know.
Speaker 5: I don't want to know.
Speaker 4: Uh listen, I want that.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 6: That what's the ones The elbow is good because the
Speaker 6: cheese gets in there, like the juice gets in there.
Speaker 2: So I don't know any of these. But the mac
Speaker 2: and cheese you see, you know, regular space tables, yes,
Speaker 2: But the other stuff is you know, you might think
Speaker 2: it's pretty and and Guiata or whoever on TV you
Speaker 2: know did it, but you know, just don't bring it
Speaker 2: to Thanksgiving, Just just use it for another day.
Speaker 4: But Kari, do you have somebody in your family that
Speaker 4: can't cook but insists on cooking? And if so, how
Speaker 4: do you deal with telling them please don't bring this back.
Speaker 1: No, we don't play them games something Thanksgiving? You better experiment,
Speaker 1: experiment on the child's birthday. Hell, they can't tell, no difference.
Speaker 2: But Angela, I was asking two questions. Are one. If
Speaker 2: they're aware, then maybe they're just letting you know. They
Speaker 2: don't give up, right.
Speaker 7: I think that's in which case then you have permission
Speaker 7: not to give a But if it is the case
Speaker 7: that they are not aware, that everybody shares this opinion
Speaker 7: and you good with cousin. I would pull cousins to
Speaker 7: the side and just say, you know, those those greens,
Speaker 7: and I know you love doing them, but I just think,
Speaker 7: I think Thanksgiving is not going to be the time anymore.
Speaker 2: And I'm wondering, if you have another dish, you.
Speaker 5: Might They're not gonna say nothing about the greens because
Speaker 5: I make the greens.
Speaker 4: But let me ask you all this, what about any
Speaker 4: political drama that comes up during the holiday. It's like, well,
Speaker 4: I have a cousin that voted for Trump and he
Speaker 4: decided to make an announcement about that at the last
Speaker 4: like big.
Speaker 5: Christmas, like he was supporting Trump.
Speaker 4: I was so outdone because it was sixty niggas in
Speaker 4: the house with matching pajamas on.
Speaker 2: We used to have a Republican uncle.
Speaker 8: I saw those pictures that year.
Speaker 2: Would you say, no, we have a I have an
Speaker 2: uncle who when he you know, voted Republicans quite a
Speaker 2: bit for a number of years administrations and whatnot. And
Speaker 2: when I was younger, like middle school, high school, younger,
Speaker 2: I would like engage him, and now nobody it's I mean,
Speaker 2: hell no, and we're not having political debates.
Speaker 6: Yeah right now, yeah, everybody sitting around talking about crazy
Speaker 6: it is. It's definitely not. Nobody's introducing the counterpoint. Nobody's
Speaker 6: talking about.
Speaker 2: But I never said that. Watch the words.
Speaker 5: He did.
Speaker 8: Angie did not say that I'm to.
Speaker 2: Go the kal home. You don't know what you know
Speaker 2: what the rocks outside they deserve kicking you, but.
Speaker 4: You do.
Speaker 8: You have political conversation.
Speaker 3: Thanksgiving is easy.
Speaker 4: The fact that here with Mary a beef story late
Speaker 4: with broke internet and you ain't.
Speaker 2: You can't go ahead and release us with just just
Speaker 2: close us out.
Speaker 1: First of all, First of all, with the bullying of
Speaker 1: the guys, it stopped the episode one hundred So Andrew,
Speaker 1: I got your back forever and always welcome home, y'all, come.
Speaker 2: Home, home home.
Speaker 1: That is, that's how, That's how you stopped somebody hand
Speaker 1: on the beef.
Speaker 4: You just he exited the conversation, came back and exited
Speaker 4: again to.
Speaker 2: You know, he finds really convenient.
Speaker 6: Can I do a quick call to action for our
Speaker 6: viewers because Christmas is coming out?
Speaker 2: So thank you.
Speaker 6: That was on another episode, on this episode, because we're
Speaker 6: talking about beef and Christmas, Thanksgiving this past and Christmas
Speaker 6: is coming up. I do want to hear from people
Speaker 6: all the things that we talked about. So if you
Speaker 6: have a family member that makes something like, drop us
Speaker 6: a comment and let us know how you're handling.
Speaker 8: What if you have a beef, what was the dish?
Speaker 8: What was the problem with the dish?
Speaker 6: And how did your family handle or if there's other
Speaker 6: beef that you're anticipating this Christmas holiday. I'm just I
Speaker 6: just want to be in your business. Yeah, give us
Speaker 6: the drama. I want to hear. And on a serious note,
Speaker 6: I do want to tell people who this is. Something
Speaker 6: is happening at college campuses. And so a friend of
Speaker 6: mine was explaining to me that because of their final schedule,
Speaker 6: a lot of kids can't go home for Thanksgiving. They
Speaker 6: have to stay and so they're for young people. Anybody
Speaker 6: who's like spending the holidays alone. Live in abundance and
Speaker 6: just know that, yeah, like this, because you're out with
Speaker 6: a bunch of people doesn't mean it's a bad time
Speaker 6: or a bad day.
Speaker 8: Your futures are bright and ahead of you.
Speaker 6: And I, like I said, I'll be with tamern Ers
Speaker 6: any or who knows where I'll be for Christmas.
Speaker 8: Remember that year we flew.
Speaker 2: To I just heard that you and uh Leticia James
Speaker 2: are gonna have a very great holiday started with Thanksgiving.
Speaker 4: Yes, well, very good that we celebrating it with them
Speaker 4: on the other side of Thanksgiving today, and I just
Speaker 4: you know, I just I just want to tell people
Speaker 4: to make sure you resolve conflict. Life is not long,
Speaker 4: it is very short, and so make sure you get
Speaker 4: through it. Please tell us your business. We definitely told
Speaker 4: you ours, but thank you, and I hope that you
Speaker 4: all arrest on the other side of this holiday. Get
Speaker 4: it pedicure, manicure, but still make sure you ain't buying it.
Speaker 5: On this on this Black Friday. So y'all, Welcome home.
Speaker 1: Welcome home, Welcome home, y'all. Native Lampard is a production
Speaker 1: of iHeart Radio and partnership with Reason Choice Media. For
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