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Speaker 1: I told a client they are too fat for a massage?

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 2: I'll be honest, Sam, it sounds like it. It's pretty

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Speaker 2: cut and dry.

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Speaker 1: It does. But it's like, what if they're just a

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Speaker 1: monstrosity of of a human that came out wrong? What

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Speaker 1: if they're too fat?

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Speaker 2: What if they're Yeah, just whatever procedures or whatever.

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Speaker 1: They can't fit through the door.

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Speaker 2: You know what to say?

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Speaker 1: I need to make a new door.

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Speaker 2: That is potentially a scenario. Could we could we utilize

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Speaker 2: a window? What are the other gaping holes in the building?

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Speaker 1: Do we loop them up and try to squeez him through?

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know it seems possible. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: we innovate. I think we can engineer. I think we

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Speaker 1: can always engineer. I say we go for it, or

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Speaker 1: maybe we cut out like a little I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you've seen that that video of like trying to

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Speaker 1: move the world's fattest man and they have to get

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Speaker 1: a crane and knock down his and so they like

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Speaker 1: crane him to another location. No, yeah, real thing, look

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Speaker 1: it up.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: I twenty five mail work as a mussur for a

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Speaker 1: somewhat small spot, and I've been doing so for three years.

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Speaker 1: This week I had to do something that I had

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Speaker 1: never had to do before. A different kind of massage. Hmm,

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Speaker 1: a happy ending massage. I've meant calf oh, craft muscles. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I meant a thick massage.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I had to turn someone away. What happened was

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Speaker 1: that we had a group booking for four people. As

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Speaker 1: per usual, I grabbed the questionnaire and waiver for the

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Speaker 1: client I was going to take. But then when I

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Speaker 1: saw her, I became concerned. Uh oh, she was clearly

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Speaker 1: well over four hundred pounds. That's hafty.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's hafty. That's hafty. It is how much

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Speaker 2: do you weigh? I'm like one, uh was one sixty

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Speaker 2: or one seventy? I think one seventy. I think I'm

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Speaker 2: around the same. I'm between like one sixty five to

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Speaker 2: like one seventy five.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's like three of us in a human.

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Speaker 2: You know, I never thought about it that way.

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Speaker 1: That's three of us.

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Speaker 2: Can we find another person our exact same weight and

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Speaker 2: just tape ourselves together? We could and just see what

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Speaker 2: the experience is like. Yeah, Like imagine just carrying that

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Speaker 2: all the time. A lot that seems different. I mean,

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Speaker 2: you probably bulked up under there. Say, I feel like

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Speaker 2: you'd be bulked up under there.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, under all that fat like you're I

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Speaker 1: mean you can you can lift packing packing baby. Aside

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Speaker 1: from the weight capacity four hundred pounds, it's a lot

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Speaker 1: of weight. I wasn't sure if she would have been

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Speaker 1: able to fit on the table, but I put that

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Speaker 1: concern aside. So it's not only that the table could

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Speaker 1: just break under the sheer force of the gravitational pull

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Speaker 1: pulling all those pounds to the floor into the center

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Speaker 1: of the Earth. But it's like there's also a lot

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Speaker 1: of surface area there, you know, super quick solution.

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Speaker 2: I recently watched Nathan for You episode. Yes he had

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Speaker 2: overweight people on horses with helium balloons. Yes, he actually

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Speaker 2: did it. So all you need is like maybe three

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Speaker 2: to four giant helium balloons twenty pounds off per balloon.

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Speaker 1: Wow, per balloon. Dude, that is a weight loss program

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Speaker 1: that I can get behind.

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Speaker 2: Could be the solution.

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Speaker 1: Hey, but you know not everyone's a brilliant engineer like

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Speaker 1: John doesn't think with his blown We'll see what he does.

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Speaker 2: We'll see.

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Speaker 1: For the sake of safety, I decided to weigh her

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Speaker 1: with the result being four hundred and sixty five pounds,

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Speaker 1: with the table's capacity being four hundred and ninety five pounds.

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Speaker 2: So we're in the clear. So we're done. Yeah, what's

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Speaker 2: the story.

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Speaker 1: There's no reason so I give a massage. I decided

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Speaker 1: to not risk it, and the most polite I feel

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Speaker 1: like the bigger issue is not like the weight capacity,

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Speaker 1: because a lot of those things are built for like

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Speaker 1: over like to like well exceed the weight capacity. I

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Speaker 1: think it's more like, how is this person going to

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Speaker 1: even fit on the table? Those things are skinny. I

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Speaker 1: barely fit on the table, right right, right right. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, have you been on a massage table like

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Speaker 1: my Like I have like fairly broad shoulders. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: and my shoulders are like exactly poking out, but they're

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Speaker 1: right on the line. So if you're like a rather

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Speaker 1: heftier gal, if you're you know, three of us might

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Speaker 1: be a little hard to fit on.

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Speaker 2: Could be a challenge. Could be a challenge, Okay.

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Speaker 1: In the most polite way I could. I decided to

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Speaker 1: not risk it. I told her that for her safety,

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Speaker 1: I can't service her. As an alternative, I offered our

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Speaker 1: other services where her weight wouldn't be an issue. Just

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Speaker 1: put it on the ground. Just get a like a

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Speaker 1: dog in the streets.

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Speaker 2: Just get a freaking like like a like a pellet

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Speaker 2: or something, and.

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Speaker 3: Just like yeah or literally yeah, just like like what's

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Speaker 3: the deal with Like why can't do you need to

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Speaker 3: be in a massage table to have a massage?

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Speaker 2: Why do we gotta be horizontal?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Why are these questions never asked?

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you've ever done a massage train,

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Speaker 1: but like you can do that standing, sitting, you'd be vertical,

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Speaker 1: laying down on the floor coming down. Hello, Hello, we

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Speaker 1: are providing solutions. We have everything from floor solutions to

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Speaker 1: helium sealing solutions.

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Speaker 2: Massages by Sam and John.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and if you subscribe to our patreot oh

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Speaker 1: goodness s tear baby. Oh yeah, that stands for massage. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: she was too upset embarrassed. As a result, she and

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Speaker 1: her group decided to cancel their appointments. And because of this,

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Speaker 1: three of my colleagues absolutely hate my guts. Now. They

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Speaker 1: all believe that I should have been more accommodating to her. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let me know what you think in the comments. Should

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Speaker 1: ope have turned this? Uh? This lady, this hefty lady

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Speaker 1: away or should ope have done some kind of solution, John,

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Speaker 1: what do you think?

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Speaker 2: So? Look, we mentioned many solutions, helium balloons, vertical massages,

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Speaker 2: but I got an even simpler solution. Go to the

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Speaker 2: person and be like, here's the deal. The table is

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Speaker 2: four ninety five, you're four sixty five. Are you cool

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Speaker 2: with that? If she's cool with it, why not?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? We just like have her sign an extra safety waiver.

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Speaker 2: Extra safety you know, little signature, and get op gets money.

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Speaker 1: Yeah paid. Yeah, I guess like you are opening yourself

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Speaker 1: up for suit if she just like I imagine the

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Speaker 1: massage table just snaps in half, she gets impaled by

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Speaker 1: a piece of wood, and you have just like a

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Speaker 1: bleeding up. But maybe the fat would protect again some paling.

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Speaker 1: See like at least the vital organ.

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Speaker 2: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I think

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Speaker 2: it's fine, let's do it.

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for demanding my husband pay

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Speaker 1: me back the one thousand dollars that he owes to me.

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Speaker 2: Busts ount knows pockets. Baby spent it behind my back.

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Speaker 1: Run it baby, run it back, baby, give deposit that

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Speaker 1: shit in my ass. Crack uh fun place to get money. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's the best place. It's the stripper heide hole, baby.

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Speaker 2: Green for your brown mixing collars. We are artists.

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Speaker 1: H my goodness. All right. My husband thirty three and

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Speaker 1: I are thirty one, used to have a two income home.

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Speaker 1: But in twenty twenty we lost our home and whatever

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Speaker 1: incomes his ooh, that is the sucks, sorry, OPI. Twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty was rough for many of us. True. True. We

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Speaker 1: moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things

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Speaker 1: and give up most of our costly habits. Wonder what

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Speaker 1: those habits are? Starbucks heroin.

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Speaker 2: The opposite ends of the spectrum, ladus a gentleman. Do

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Speaker 2: you know where me and Sam's been? Out of respect dollars?

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Speaker 2: This is where you're a cupie dollars.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the fun. Sam's heroin addictions. And then John's

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Speaker 1: just bailing me out of jail. All the Starbucks. And

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Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh, look at us, just our two

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Speaker 1: quirky habits.

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Speaker 2: So random, this is little.

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Speaker 1: My husband has an expensive habit of going to the

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Speaker 1: spa for a weekly massage session. A weekly massage session,

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Speaker 1: he sounds nice, all right, all right, treat yourself. I

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Speaker 1: guess we'll live in an urban area. So this stuff

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Speaker 1: is ridiculously expensive. A single session is the one hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty dollars. Wow, that's rude, that's red. That's right.

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Speaker 1: You could live in the messuse's hands and he has

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Speaker 1: to have it every week. So that's me A thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars a month, Bro, A thousand dollars a month on

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Speaker 1: massages and you lost your job. No, I don't know, man,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if that flies, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Unless you got like some Robinhood investments.

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Speaker 2: You have to you have to have like a million

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Speaker 2: in the bank.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a million the bank, no job, that's okay, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but not a million the bank and the job and

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Speaker 1: you're getting those massages. I don't know, man. Do you

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Speaker 1: know what we should do when we cross a million

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Speaker 1: on TikTok massages?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: And John and I a couples massage where we read

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Speaker 1: read it stories.

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Speaker 2: And we have U we do it. We do it

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Speaker 2: like nude, but so you can't see anything against the table. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so like am I pants to the butt?

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Speaker 1: Yes? That would actually, that would be funny. That would

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Speaker 1: be a funny series Spotify.

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Speaker 2: We could do it Spotify Spotify?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 1: I offered him to have his session at a regular spa,

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Speaker 1: but no, he has to get it from the luxurious

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Speaker 1: two hundred and fifty dollars a session spa near the

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Speaker 1: restaurant we used to go, saying the lady who gives

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Speaker 1: the massage is an expert, and he's used to expert?

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Speaker 2: What exactly?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Is that? Is that a happy ending massage that

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Speaker 1: you're getting?

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Speaker 2: Are we slobbing on some knobs over here?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? You are?

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Speaker 2: You?

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Speaker 1: Are you leaving with some spiderwebs dangling from your ding

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Speaker 1: dung connecting to the ceiling six foot spread?

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Speaker 2: Tom Holland over here, that's his name, right.

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Speaker 1: Problem is, I'm the only income earner and I'm struggling

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Speaker 1: to make ends meet for my freaking husband's massage addiction.

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Speaker 1: I'm also pregnant. I need to save money to prepare

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Speaker 1: her nursery. Are you pregnant with his kid? Like? Are

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Speaker 1: we pregnant? Is this this little family over here? Hopefully?

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Speaker 1: I mean it'd be back both ways. That'd be even worse,

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Speaker 1: way worse it wasn't his child. Yeah, I mean, I guess,

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Speaker 1: or maybe not, I don't know. I think it would

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Speaker 1: be it would it would look better for him, maybe

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Speaker 1: because if it wasn't his kid.

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Speaker 2: If anyone that should get the massage. Sorry, she caring.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah maybe yeah, she got you gotta get this football, Yeah, dude,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know this guy. This guy seems

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Speaker 1: like a freelow. He doesn't seem like a proper parent,

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Speaker 1: you know. I told him to cut his sessions, but

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Speaker 1: he refused. I told him I won't be paying for

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Speaker 1: them anymore, and he said he'd get the money himself.

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Speaker 1: How are you gonna get the money with no job?

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Speaker 1: Do it? OnlyFans start a podcast? Yesterday I checked and

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Speaker 1: saw that he's been using my credit card for his

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Speaker 1: sessions for a whole month, and he maxed out the

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Speaker 1: card completely. Oh oh. I found that out when I

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Speaker 1: went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I

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Speaker 1: had no money. This woman is trying to care for

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Speaker 1: a child, the child beat dead ass dead husband named

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Speaker 1: doing shit. I had to return everything and then went

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Speaker 1: home and just went off at him. Good preach girl.

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Speaker 1: I told him he maxed out my card and made

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Speaker 1: me look like an idiot in the store. He said

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Speaker 1: he didn't tell me because he knew I'd have an

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Speaker 1: issue with it because you're freaking stealing.

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Speaker 2: Of course she would have an.

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Speaker 1: Issue, gard you would have who would who wouldn't. You're

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Speaker 1: stealing money, bro, you steeling, You're steely. Steelerson de manded

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Speaker 1: he payback the one thousand dollars he spent, but he refused.

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Speaker 1: I yelled at him, calling him irresponsible, and he got

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Speaker 1: upset and called me selfish and told me to stop

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Speaker 1: playing victim, and that this is affecting both of us

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Speaker 1: since he's going to be a parent too. How it is,

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Speaker 1: it's both their kids, and it's stressful for him, and

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Speaker 1: I keep dismissing his own needs as a human bruh bro.

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Speaker 1: Also like, if you don't get a job, get the

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Speaker 1: baby supplies at least, why see out here doing all

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Speaker 1: the work. How about you care about the needs of

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Speaker 1: your fetus, broh bro. That fetus needs to be fed,

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Speaker 1: that fetus needs us yale. I went upstairs and he

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Speaker 1: went out. He started giving me the silent treatment, but

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Speaker 1: I kept demanding the money back. He said I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: expect it back since we're married, then my money is

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Speaker 1: technically his, and I should stop using his unemployment against him. Bro,

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Speaker 1: you are a deadbeat, dead ass husband, care for your baby.

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Speaker 2: Mike drop out