1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill, 2 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: the podcast where you come to listen to learn, to 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:14,560 Speaker 1: grow and too glow. I hope you all are having 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: a fabulous day and you're feeling great because you deserve it. 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,279 Speaker 1: I I'm feeling good. I'm not feeling one hundred today. 6 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,480 Speaker 1: I'm probably like at eighty. I'm not necessarily sad. I 7 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: think I'm just pensive. I have a lot on my mind. 8 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 1: But I'm happy to be here and talking to you 9 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: because my podcast always does make me feel better, So 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: thank you for that. And talking about thinking. I was 11 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: thinking the other day how I am seriously in the 12 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: best relationship with my life. I have a great husband, 13 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,240 Speaker 1: a husband that cares about me, that values me, and 14 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and 15 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: that makes me want to be the best wife I 16 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,919 Speaker 1: can possibly be for him. But what does it mean 17 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: to be a good wife. I'm sure everyone has their 18 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: own definition, but I wanted to hop on the mic 19 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: and explain to you guys what my definition of being 20 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: a good wife looks like in my situation, because I 21 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: think it is situational. So I thought this would be 22 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: a good episode because people have asked me what I'm 23 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,320 Speaker 1: doing different, So I want to share that with you, guys, 24 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: because I'm definitely doing things differently this time. So let's 25 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: get this episode started, shall we. Okay, guys, So I 26 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: wrote a few things down, but I kind of just 27 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: want to let my heart speak right now. I have 28 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: learned quite a bit in the relationships I've been in. 29 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: I am so grateful for every relationship I've been in 30 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 1: because I have learned. I've learned to be a better 31 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 1: version of myself through the pain. And now I'm in 32 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: a relationship where my partner puts in the same amount 33 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: of effort and that has just helped me thrive as 34 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: a girlfriend as now a wife. And I had to 35 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: unlearn a few things. I had to learn a few things, 36 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: and I had to unlearn a few things. And I 37 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 1: can tell you confidently that I am a good wife 38 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: because I'm very intentional. I know, I'm very busy, and 39 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: I listen to my partner. Here's one thing, guys, listen 40 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: to your partner. Listen to understand, not to just react. 41 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: And I used to do that a lot. I would 42 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: listen to defend myself instead of listening and reading between 43 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: the lines. And now when he's telling me something, I 44 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,080 Speaker 1: am listening and I'm like, Okay, I want to be 45 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: my best self for this person, for this relationship, because 46 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: he's worth it, and because he also does and gives 47 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: the same right. Another thing that I've done differently is 48 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: I don't talk about the issues that I have in 49 00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: my relationship, not with my sisters, not with my friends. 50 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 1: I have found that I am talking less and less 51 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: about my issues with other people. Joyce Meyer one of 52 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: my favorite pastors pastorettes. She says, go to the throne, 53 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: not to the phone, and I feel that that has 54 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: helped me a lot in my life, especially in my relationship. 55 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 1: Why why do I tell you this Because I have 56 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: done and I have made that mistake in my past 57 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: where I overshare and then I make up with my 58 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: partner because that's just what happens. And then the person 59 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: that I shared it with, being my sister, being my grandmother, 60 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: or being my friend, they have a sour taste in 61 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: their mouth of my partner, and it makes things harder 62 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: for me. So I've learned to just pray about it 63 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: or talk to my therapist about it and not overshare. 64 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessary and it's really helped my relationship. 65 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: So that's just a piece of an I said I'll 66 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: give you guys, off the top, try not to share 67 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: those things with people because it will affect your relationship, 68 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: I promise you, especially with family members, people that love 69 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: you and write hard for you. When someone's hurting you, 70 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: and sometimes it's unintentional, guys, Like things happen in a relationship. 71 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: You're mad and you say things that you don't mean, 72 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 1: or you act a certain way when you're just not 73 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: being your best self that day, and shit happens, you know, 74 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: So it's best not to tell your loved ones because 75 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: they want the best for you, and your partner is 76 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: probably the best person for you, but in that situation, 77 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 1: in that moment, they're not, and it goes. It's vice versa, 78 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: it goes both ways, guys. So those are the two 79 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: things listen, especially when we're arguing. Okay, I have learned 80 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: to argue. I know that sounds weird, but I have 81 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: learned to argue, and I've learned to not raise my 82 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: voice and try to speak in a way that I 83 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: want to be spoken to. And there are times when 84 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 1: I raise my voice and things get a little crazy, 85 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: so I have to just excuse myself and take a 86 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 1: breather and then come back and apologize. Being in a 87 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: relationship is difficult because you have to put your ego 88 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 1: to the side. And before in my past relationships, I 89 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: used to love to argue. I wanted to have the 90 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,919 Speaker 1: last word. I wanted to be right, and that doesn't work. 91 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 1: If you want a long lasting relationship, you have to compromise. 92 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 1: You both have to learn to argue and know how 93 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: to speak to each other. You're not always going to 94 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,480 Speaker 1: be on the same page, and that's okay. You are 95 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: two different human beings and you're coming together, and that's 96 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,480 Speaker 1: difficult because you have your own beliefs, you have your 97 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: own thoughts, your own opinions, and so does that person. 98 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: And also you need to because I had to do this, 99 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,800 Speaker 1: learn that that person doesn't have to think like you. 100 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: I had to stop trying to control situations and my 101 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 1: partner and I had to learn that it's not necess 102 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: necessarily control the way your partner can see it, because 103 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: sometimes it's control in wanting to protect, and we call 104 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: it control, but it's not that. It's just they want 105 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 1: to protect you from Sometimes yourself you know, and I've 106 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,919 Speaker 1: had to understand that and also ask questions guys like 107 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: let me ask my partner, hey, I don't understand this. 108 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 1: Are you trying to control me? Or sometimes I'll tell 109 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: the media or like I'm like hey, like I am 110 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,719 Speaker 1: still my own person. Like I understand that it makes 111 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: you a little uncomfortable that I go out with my friends, 112 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,280 Speaker 1: but you can do the same, and I'm okay with that. 113 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: I have to be okay. We have to be fair 114 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: with one another, and you also have to trust me, 115 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,480 Speaker 1: like this is who I am. I still want to 116 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: be myself. I still want to honor that and honor 117 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,359 Speaker 1: my friendships and the relationships that I had before you 118 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: came into my life, and you're a part of those relationships. 119 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: And sometimes I also want to just do me and 120 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: that is a okay. I just talked to this lady 121 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: the other day, and I always like to ask, what's 122 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: your secret for your relationship? You know, they were together 123 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: or they are together, it's been like fifteen years or 124 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: something like that, and she told me that they set 125 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: the tone early on in their relationship about them not 126 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 1: going out with their friends or anywhere without each other. 127 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: And I feel the complete opposite, Like I'm like, I 128 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: still want to be me again. I think you have 129 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 1: to figure out what works best for you, and your 130 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: definition of being a good wife is going to be 131 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 1: very different from mine. But I'm just telling you from 132 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: my personal experiences and how I was doing things for 133 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: so long that didn't necessarily work. Because obviously I'm not 134 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: with them anymore, and I take responsibility for what I 135 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,239 Speaker 1: did and didn't do in that relationship to make it work. 136 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: But the way it's working now and what I'm doing 137 00:07:56,120 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 1: now works. Another thing that is being submissive. I wasn't 138 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: necessarily submissive before. And I don't mean submissive like in 139 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 1: a religious way because people interpret it differently. I mean 140 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: like I enjoy making my partner happy, and there are 141 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: things that I am not necessarily willing to change, Like 142 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: if you were to tell me, oh, you can't hang 143 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: out with your friends anymore, Like that's something that I'd 144 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: be like, hey, like, I don't want to do that. 145 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: I think it's important that we keep our individuality. But 146 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,199 Speaker 1: then there are other things that I'm willing to compromise 147 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: or completely lean into, like whatever is going to make 148 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: him happy, for instance, not getting home too late. You 149 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 1: know when I go out with my friends. He's totally 150 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: fine with me going out with my friends. He's like, yeah, 151 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: go have a good time, but please try not to 152 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: get home too late. Because in the beginning of our relationship, 153 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: I would go out with my friends or out to 154 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: a meeting and I would forget to check my phone 155 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: and check in with him, and that would really upset 156 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 1: him and cause a fight, and I would get in 157 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: at two in the morning. I wasn't doing anything bad. 158 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: I mean, if he called me, I would answer, but 159 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 1: I was just so engrossed in the conversation or having 160 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 1: fun that I just would forget to say hey, I'm 161 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: almost done, or I would just it would just take 162 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: a long time. Now I'm more mindful when I go 163 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: out with my friends, I'm like, okay, cool, I can 164 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: go out. I'm going to be home at a decent time, 165 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: and I check in. And it's not that he's trying 166 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: to control it's just I'm communicating with my partner. Hey, babe, 167 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: I just got here. Okay, babe, we're about to order, Like, 168 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,560 Speaker 1: I don't mind doing that. Before it was like, oh 169 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: my god, they're trying to control me. And I used 170 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: to ask that of my old partners, and they felt 171 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,559 Speaker 1: that I was being controlling, but in reality, it was like, 172 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: I just want to make sure you're okay, and you're 173 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: checking in with me because you're not forgetting about me. 174 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: I think that that's okay. Like I've learned, I'm growing 175 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,839 Speaker 1: to learn that that in media, it's not like he's 176 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: trying to control my every move. It's just being considerate 177 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: of his feelings because he's at home or he's working, 178 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: and he just wants to make sure his partner is okay. 179 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: And those are things and changes that I've made because 180 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: I love this person and because again, I think what 181 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 1: has made me flourish in this way is the fact 182 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: that he brings us out in me, Like he doesn't 183 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: ask for anything that he's not willing to give, and 184 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 1: vice versa, Like I do my best even though I'm busy, 185 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: I have a busy schedule. It's let me be present, 186 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: let me look at him in his eyes, put my 187 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: phone down and be like, hey, babe, how are you doing, 188 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,199 Speaker 1: how are you feeling? Let me hug you, and that 189 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: one little hug that lasts two seconds, guys, three seconds, 190 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: it's just like, hey, I'm here with you. Makes him 191 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: feel so good and so wanted and seeing that it 192 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: changes everything. He could be having a bad day, or 193 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: he could be feeling like he's disconnected from me, because 194 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 1: he also has told me that, like, hey, I feel 195 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: little disconnected from you because I'm so busy and I'm like, 196 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 1: I'm a person that focuses and i just focus and 197 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: I'm all in and I've learned He's taught me to 198 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: just like be present. I'm like, hey, work is there, 199 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: it's gonna get done. Let me just take a few 200 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 1: minutes to speak to my partner and to be with 201 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 1: them in like minutes. Guys. Like, even when we kiss, 202 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 1: we do this thing, and I think I've probably shared 203 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,960 Speaker 1: it briefly with you guys, but I'll tell him, like, 204 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: it's not just a kiss, like I I'll tell him, hey, 205 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: I need a six second kiss. It's not just a 206 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: little peck like Okay, bye, I see you later. I'm like, 207 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: I want I need six seconds. Six seconds we're counting. 208 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: It doesn't even have to be with tongue like making out. 209 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: It's just six seconds of connecting and it makes a 210 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: world of a difference, you guys. It's crazy how it 211 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: just connects you with your partner. It's not just like 212 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: a routine thing where it's like okay, kiss No, it's 213 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 1: like hey, six seconds and he knows and it feels great. 214 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: I've been telling him like I'm good at communicating, like hey, 215 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: I we're not doing this enough. Like I'm like, hey, 216 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 1: I want to like make out while we're making love. TMI. 217 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: I know, TMI, but kissing and making out is just 218 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: I don't know, especially with your person of course, and 219 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: when you're making love it's something crazy. I don't know, 220 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I need you to kiss me. I 221 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: need a little bit more for place. So I'm very 222 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: I communicate my needs and he also does as well, 223 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 1: because life happens, guys. And I know that we are 224 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: a little over a year in in our marriage, but 225 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: I think if we keep this thought process of staying intentional, 226 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,079 Speaker 1: of knowing like okay, things are getting a little stagnant, 227 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: what can we do to light the fire again so 228 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't become this routine thing like I'm with a roommate, 229 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,839 Speaker 1: you know, like I don't want that type of relationship. 230 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 1: I've been in that type of relationship and it goes 231 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 1: both ways. It's not just the other person it's me 232 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: as well, Like I leave him notes. I'll leave him 233 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 1: a note randomly like hey, I love you, babe, have 234 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: a good day. The other day he sent me flowers 235 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: randomly and sent me like my favorite Macha drink and 236 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: my favorite tuna toast and things like that that just 237 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: keep things exciting. And I again, he makes me want 238 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 1: to do the same for him, to cook for him, 239 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: to say, you know what, like I'm going to carve 240 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 1: out two hours of my day and maybe I don't 241 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: even have those two hours, but I'm gonna make the 242 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: time because he's important to me to cook for him 243 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 1: because that connects us, and I'm going to sit down 244 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 1: and eat with him. And even like taking care of 245 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 1: myself guys, like physically emotionally, because not only do I 246 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 1: want to be my best self for myself and feel good, 247 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: but if I feel good and I'm connected and I'm 248 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,439 Speaker 1: taking care of my body, my mind's soul and spirit. 249 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: My mind body and soul, there you go and spirit. 250 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 1: It just it's attractive to your partner. Like when I 251 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: see him going to the gym and I see his 252 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,320 Speaker 1: muscles growing and he's taking care of himself, and like 253 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:04,559 Speaker 1: there's discipline that that shit makes me horny guys like, 254 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,719 Speaker 1: and I don't mean just horny, like horny like sexually, 255 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,200 Speaker 1: but I mean like it excites me for like I'm like, wow, 256 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: he looks great, and instead of thinking, oh, he's getting 257 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: handsome for other people like like no, I got to 258 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 1: keep up with him, Like I'm going to go to 259 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,320 Speaker 1: the gym too. I want to look great because my partner, 260 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: like that's what he tells me all the time. He's like, 261 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: I'm getting sexy and I'm getting muscular because I want 262 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: you to look at me and be like, that's my man. 263 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: And it's true. Like when we were in Hawaii and 264 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: we were on the beach and I was just like 265 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: gazing at him, looking at him, and I'm like, damn, 266 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: he looks fine as heck right now, and it made 267 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: me want to get up. The next day, I'm like, 268 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to go to the gym. I want to 269 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 1: take care of myself because I just do. And I 270 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: don't know if it's just this like thing that I'm 271 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: on that I'm like really wanting to treat my body 272 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: better because this is the only body that I have, 273 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: but it's also because I do I want to love 274 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:55,640 Speaker 1: myself enough and for my husband not to want anyone else. 275 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: Of course, he's gonna look. There are a beautiful women 276 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: everywhere at the gym. Guy's the gym that we go to. 277 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 1: There are some really hot women that I even stare at. 278 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 1: And we go to the same gym, and it is 279 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: what it is like, I'm like, there are going to 280 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 1: be beautiful women everywhere he can look. But if he stares, 281 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: and then I'm like, okay, wait, I want him to stare 282 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 1: at me. He can look a bit. All that girl's cute, 283 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,000 Speaker 1: all right, cool, look away. I used to be like jealous, 284 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 1: like oh my god, like I want to be perfect 285 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 1: all the time. And it's like, oh my god, if 286 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,359 Speaker 1: he looks at girls even on television, Like how ridiculous 287 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: is that? Like, no, there are beautiful women everywhere their 288 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: way that there are good looking guys. I'm not going 289 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: to be disrespectful to my husband. I'm always going to 290 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 1: respect myself first and foremost. But I'm not blind, and 291 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: neither is he, you know, And I have to be 292 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: realistic and that has helped me so much where I'm like, well, 293 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: you know, I used to do this, guys. I used 294 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 1: to think and drive myself nuts where I'm like, oh 295 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: my gosh, like does my ex you know, like this 296 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 1: type of girl, and maybe I need to become this 297 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: type of girl and dress like this girl. And no, no, 298 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: that is the worst thing that we can do is 299 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: compare ourselves to other people and want to be other 300 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: people and not ourselves. Like the way I've been dressing 301 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 1: lately has been a little funky, and I used to 302 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 1: do that a lot, like before, and then just society 303 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 1: got to me, and I just, you know, you get 304 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 1: kind of lost, and that's okay. I came back, and 305 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: I don't I dress for myself. I want him to 306 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: think I'm cute, of course, and he thinks I'm cute, thankfully, 307 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 1: he thinks that when I wear the headbands. He loves 308 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: anything in my hair, he loves what I'm dressed like 309 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: a hippie. So I'm so grateful for that. But I 310 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 1: used to dress myself for my partner, and I used 311 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: to even change my sense of style for my partner, 312 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 1: and we do that, like I want to obviously make 313 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: my husband happy and I want him to like what 314 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: he's looking at. But now I'm like, I'm going to 315 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: wear what I want and what makes me happy, and 316 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 1: that's what's going to ultimately attract him the most me 317 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: is when I'm being myself, being my authentic self. Anyway, 318 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 1: I went on like a whole tangent, but the point 319 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: being that there's finding this balance between pleasing yourself and 320 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 1: obviously being your best self, because I think when people 321 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 1: say you can't love another person unless you love yourself, 322 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:24,919 Speaker 1: I really do believe that. I believe that until you 323 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: come to terms with who you are, what you want 324 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,439 Speaker 1: to change the things, you can't change your flaws. You know. 325 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never been this confident in a relationship, 326 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 1: and I think it has to do with where I 327 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: am and how I've gone through, like the healing process 328 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 1: of just healing certain wounds that has helped. That has helped, 329 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 1: for sure, but also it's the partner that I'm with 330 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,959 Speaker 1: that I think also helps that out in me. And 331 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 1: now that I know and can recognize the difference, there's 332 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 1: no way I can go back to any relationship I've 333 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 1: ever had or go back to something similar. Obviously, I'm married. 334 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,159 Speaker 1: I want this relationship to last forever. But I'm saying, 335 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 1: like I don't know, I've come to terms with who 336 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: I am and I like myself and I think that 337 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: also has helped my relationship. And again, it wasn't just 338 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: a perfect relationship from the jump. Guys. No, Emilio did 339 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: his work, his therapy, I've done mine, We've done couple's therapy, 340 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 1: We've were learning to communicate. I think it's going to 341 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,479 Speaker 1: be like this forever. But now I want to be 342 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,919 Speaker 1: a good wife. And everything I just mentioned and so 343 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: many other things as well, like are what I think 344 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: are making me a good wife? Like he just told 345 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 1: me today this morning, He's like, you are an amazing wife. 346 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,360 Speaker 1: And I don't remember what it is that I did. 347 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 1: What did I do that made him say that? Oh? 348 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,960 Speaker 1: I made him a shake, you know. I was like, hey, 349 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: you're going to the gym. I got you. I'm gonna 350 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: help you with your drink, and little things like that 351 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,959 Speaker 1: where it's like, hey, you care about me, like you 352 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: care about my well being. You take care of me. 353 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 1: I think all of those things go a long way. 354 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,159 Speaker 1: And it's not about financial things, guys, about your partner 355 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: buying you things or me buying him stuff. It's just 356 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: really those small little things that go a long way, 357 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: like leaving a note or making his shake or steaming 358 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: his shirt for him, Like I didn't realize maybe before 359 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 1: in relationships, I was a little bit selfish and it 360 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 1: was more about me, Like you made me unhappy, you 361 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: did this to me, so now you have to kind 362 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 1: of kiss my butt. And that's not fair either. You know, 363 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,920 Speaker 1: if you're going to forgive someone for what they did, 364 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: then you just kind of have to clean the slate 365 00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 1: and not punish the person. And I think I used 366 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,119 Speaker 1: to do that and that's exhausting for the other person. 367 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,880 Speaker 1: Now I'm like, Okay, I got to pick and choose 368 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: my battles. I'm not going to fight over this. Like 369 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: he left his socks on the side of the bed. 370 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: He does that a lot. I'm learning to just be 371 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,199 Speaker 1: like I'm not going to pick them up either. Like 372 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 1: I'm just like, okay that those are your socks, those 373 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,479 Speaker 1: are your shoes, that's your side of the bed. If 374 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: you want to keep it messy, I'm not gonna let 375 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 1: it bother me. I'm not going to make it a 376 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 1: fight because I love other things about you, But I'm 377 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: also like not going to pick up after you, Like 378 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: I have come like there's a balance there because I 379 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:31,720 Speaker 1: also don't want to become his mom. Now that we're 380 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: talking about mothering, I had to learn that I am 381 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: an older sister. I am very used to taking care of, 382 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 1: to controlling situations, and it's not even again. One of 383 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 1: my ex partners took it as me controlling, wanting to like, 384 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 1: not that they were my property. Because that's another thing 385 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,400 Speaker 1: I've had to learn is that we're not each other's property, 386 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,360 Speaker 1: you know, And that's something where it's like they are 387 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,360 Speaker 1: their own person. I love this person for who they are. 388 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,639 Speaker 1: They're going to make their own decisions and I have 389 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 1: to trust that they're going to be smart enough to 390 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 1: make the right decisions that aren't going to ultimately hurt 391 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,880 Speaker 1: me and hurt our relationship. It's all about trust, literally, 392 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: just trusting and having faith blindly and having faith that 393 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:22,240 Speaker 1: if there's anything that I need to know, it will 394 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,600 Speaker 1: be revealed to me in one way or another. And 395 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: that has saved me so many headaches and so much 396 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 1: mental torment, guys, and emotional torment that you have no idea, 397 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 1: So I highly recommend that. But going back to the 398 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 1: mothering part of it, when I met Emilio, I was 399 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,400 Speaker 1: certain that I wasn't going to date anyone younger than 400 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 1: myself and not my age, not younger. I was like, 401 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,159 Speaker 1: I need an older man because I'm very mature for 402 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 1: my age. Blah blah blah, very wise, all this stuff. Right, 403 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 1: of course, God set me what I needed. But getting 404 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:54,679 Speaker 1: back to the point, I would mother him, although in 405 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 1: my defense, I will say he did act very childish 406 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:02,399 Speaker 1: in certain situations, and he wasn't very disciplined, and there 407 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 1: were things that didn't make me admire him. And I 408 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 1: think it is important for you to admire your partner, 409 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 1: Like for me, it's important that I admire my partner. 410 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,359 Speaker 1: That there is something that they're doing with their life, 411 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,600 Speaker 1: for how they conduct themselves, and that just makes you 412 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: admire them and it makes you want to be a 413 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,199 Speaker 1: better person. I didn't have that experience in my in 414 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: one of my past relationships, and I would catch myself 415 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 1: speaking to him in a way of like, that's not cool. 416 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 1: It was a little condescending, and yes, it was something 417 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: I had to work on and something I had to unlearned, 418 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 1: but also it was the way that he was acting. 419 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,360 Speaker 1: I did feel like I had to be financially responsible 420 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: and financially and not only financially responsible, but of the 421 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: home and telling him what he needed to do, and 422 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,960 Speaker 1: and it was just too much, you know. It was 423 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: like it was very heavy on me. And that's not sexy. 424 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: That doesn't make me want to have sex with you. 425 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,159 Speaker 1: That doesn't like, it's not cute, you know, Like I 426 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,199 Speaker 1: don't know. And it doesn't even matter if I make 427 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 1: more money or he does. It's more of just on 428 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 1: a life level of like we're sharing these responsibilities. It 429 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: just doesn't fall on me because I'm the woman and 430 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to wash your dishes and cook and make 431 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,959 Speaker 1: the bed and also I'm working. It's like, no, we 432 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 1: need to help each other. And that's the kind of 433 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,639 Speaker 1: relationship I want. Now. If you're a type of woman 434 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 1: that stays home and you do everything, your husband works, 435 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 1: and that's what you guys have, I think that's great, 436 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 1: that's awesome, Like whatever works for you right for me, 437 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: It's like I do want a partner that's willing to 438 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: do his part without me having to ask. And that's 439 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:42,199 Speaker 1: one thing I've had to talk to Amelia about is 440 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to have to tell you to take 441 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 1: out the trash or what to do to take care 442 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: of our home. Because this is our home. There are 443 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,200 Speaker 1: times when I have to point things out because as women, 444 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,879 Speaker 1: we see everything. We're very detailed. Men are more of like, 445 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,719 Speaker 1: very focused and logical. So there are things that I've 446 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 1: had to point out, like hey, can you I don't know, 447 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: clean up the backyard or something I don't know, something 448 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 1: like that. And it's a of course, the way I 449 00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 1: say it and ask. If i'm demanding it, I'm not 450 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,879 Speaker 1: going to get a good response. But if I'm asking 451 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,440 Speaker 1: and saying, hey babe, do you mind whenever you have 452 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,960 Speaker 1: a chance, can you please, you know, pick up the 453 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: trash outside or something? And that has helped a lot 454 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 1: because before I didn't communicate that as well. It was 455 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,359 Speaker 1: more of like you're so damn lazy, like you're not 456 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: doing anything. I have to do everything, Like I feel 457 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: like the mother. You're acting like a kid. You need 458 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: to grow up. I would say all of those things 459 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: that made him feel worse and maybe emasculated him, and 460 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,400 Speaker 1: I've learned not to do that because I don't want 461 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 1: to do that. Even if a medial is acting a 462 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: little immature in certain situations, I am very careful with 463 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: how I say it, and I am very clear with 464 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: I want a partner. It doesn't matter if you're seven 465 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: years younger than me. I'm not your mama. I don't 466 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: want to be your mom. It makes you very sexy 467 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,439 Speaker 1: to me if you are doing what you need to 468 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: do in the relationship and for yourself and taking care 469 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 1: of your bills, and I don't have to remind you 470 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: like that is very sexy to me. And I need 471 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: that in my relationship. So I communicated that from the 472 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 1: very beginning. And there are times when maybe he forgets 473 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: certain things and I remind him gently, and also where 474 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 1: sometimes I catch myself saying things in a way that 475 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,719 Speaker 1: isn't cool that I'm like, I have to correct myself 476 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: and be vulnerable enough and humble enough to say, Babe, 477 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that wasn't cool. I shouldn't have said it 478 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 1: that way. I do apologize. I'm a different woman, and 479 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,520 Speaker 1: I think it's because of everything that I've gone through 480 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 1: and I've learned and I've grown and I've matured, and 481 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,239 Speaker 1: I told myself, I don't want to go through this 482 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,800 Speaker 1: heartache again, and I need to really look internally, and 483 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,919 Speaker 1: I did that, and it's so different now, guys, and 484 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: I know I've talked about so many different things, so 485 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 1: many different topics, and I'm hoping it all made sense 486 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 1: because I didn't know where to start with this episode 487 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,439 Speaker 1: because there's so much to unpack here, which is why 488 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 1: I always just let my heart lead. But I think 489 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 1: when we set the intention of wanting to be our 490 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,399 Speaker 1: best selves in anything that we do, and just saying 491 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,680 Speaker 1: I want to be a good wife, a good girlfriend, 492 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 1: a good employee, a good mother, a good friend. Like, 493 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,399 Speaker 1: when you set that intention, like, I feel like something 494 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: in the universe opens up and allows you and gives 495 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 1: you signs and gives you opportunity to be that. So 496 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,920 Speaker 1: this is my opportunity. I'm not telling you my relationship 497 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,200 Speaker 1: is perfect, because it's not. We have our ups and 498 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 1: our downs. We have rough patches as well. But also 499 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 1: it's how we argue very differently. Now, I communicate differently. 500 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,399 Speaker 1: I take space. I say, hey, I think we're not 501 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: going to get anywhere right now with this conversation. I'm 502 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,680 Speaker 1: going to excuse myself. I'll come back, give me a 503 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,960 Speaker 1: little bit, I gotta go, just do me real quick, 504 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,159 Speaker 1: and I'll come back to this conversation. All those little 505 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,040 Speaker 1: things have made a big difference in my life, in 506 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,439 Speaker 1: my relationship as a wife. And I think that's why 507 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:09,919 Speaker 1: I can say I'm a good wife because I'm willing, 508 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:14,439 Speaker 1: I am open. I want to be a good wife, 509 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,440 Speaker 1: and I don't care what anyone else thinks. That's another thing. 510 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,239 Speaker 1: I don't care if my friends think, oh my god, 511 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,199 Speaker 1: it's when I'm Onnelona or she always has to like 512 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: communicate or call him. I don't care if my friends 513 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,040 Speaker 1: have never told me this. They might think it. They 514 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 1: haven't told me this, but even if they did, I'd 515 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,400 Speaker 1: be like, look, I get it, but like I want 516 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 1: this relationship to work, and this is the way that 517 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, and if you don't agree 518 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,199 Speaker 1: with it, then maybe you're not meant to be in 519 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 1: my life. Like that's where I'm at now, and I'm 520 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 1: going to do what I need to do to make 521 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 1: my relationship work. Whether people agree with it or not, 522 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: or how if they do things differently, that's totally fine. 523 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to compare my relationship to anyone else's. 524 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 1: We're doing our thing and we're doing it the way 525 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 1: that works for us. You know, we do a lot 526 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 1: of date nights. That's another thing. Like I want to 527 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 1: get dressed up for my man, I want to put 528 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,919 Speaker 1: on something nice at night, like because I will be 529 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,119 Speaker 1: that girl that I'm like funky at night. I just 530 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: want to put on anything that's comfortable, and I'll do that, 531 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: but then I'll surprise him like Okay, I'm gonna put 532 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 1: on this little nightie, like I just want to look 533 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,959 Speaker 1: cute for you. It's all about keeping that, like you know, 534 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:24,119 Speaker 1: the flame on. Anyway, Guys, that's that. That's this episode, 535 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 1: and I hope that you've enjoyed it and that it 536 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 1: also inspires you to be your best self and not 537 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 1: even if you're not a wife yet, for you as 538 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: a future wife or just in anything, you know. I 539 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: think it's just being intentional guys, and living with intent 540 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: and not just half assing things. You know. It's like 541 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,880 Speaker 1: I am very like that. I like to finish what 542 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 1: I start. I want to be good at what I do, 543 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: and I'm going to try until trying is no longer 544 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,600 Speaker 1: an option. And yeah, I mean I want my husband 545 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,720 Speaker 1: to look at me and and remember why he fell 546 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: in love with me without feeling so much pressure. I 547 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: don't want it to feel like work. It's just when 548 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: you are stepping into who you really are and you 549 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: are in your authentic self, you don't even have to pretend. 550 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 1: And that's the thing, Like that can only last for 551 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 1: so long. And I feel like one of my ex 552 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 1: partners did that, like they pretended to be someone that 553 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 1: they weren't and then the mask falls off. And that's 554 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 1: why I felt so bamboozled because I was like, this 555 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,800 Speaker 1: is not the person that I thought I had been with, 556 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: or you know what I mean. Like, so I think 557 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,240 Speaker 1: when you're just working and living and moving from your 558 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:40,480 Speaker 1: authentic self, like it just works as a wife, as 559 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: a friend, as an employee, as an influencer, as an artist, whatever, 560 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 1: it's just moving from your authentic self, from like the 561 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: core of your being, and it just saves you a 562 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 1: lot of headaches. So anyway, I did want to just 563 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: share all of this. It just became so many different 564 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,880 Speaker 1: things in one episode. But this is what I love 565 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 1: about my podcast, what I love about you guys, because 566 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:03,959 Speaker 1: you guys come and listen to all of my things. 567 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: So thank you for listening, thank you for being here, 568 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 1: thank you for checking in with me each and every week. 569 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,479 Speaker 1: And don't forget about Dear Cheeky's. We have a new 570 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: episode coming on Wednesday and anyway, I love you. I 571 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,040 Speaker 1: love you, and I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you 572 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,360 Speaker 1: guys so much. I appreciate you, and I'll catch you 573 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: on the next episode of your favorite podcast. Cheek is 574 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:29,880 Speaker 1: in Chill. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the 575 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:34,480 Speaker 1: Micaeldora podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, 576 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 1: then follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q U 577 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:41,720 Speaker 1: I s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, 578 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.