Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Meela. Happy Wednesday, Happy hump Day.
Speaker 2: How are you.
Speaker 1: I'm fucking amazing. I love that. I'm great. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: fucking happy. Honestly, I feel like I've come out from
Speaker 1: beneath the cloud.
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 1: It's me. Hi, how are you. It's me. I'm back.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm back. When you walked through the door,
Speaker 2: you were very chipper. I was like, okay, girl.
Speaker 1: Not chipper. I would like to say I'm generally chipper,
Speaker 1: but okay, no, you are.
Speaker 2: But it was to know sometimes you're like, hey, girl,
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: For the last three months has been in life, it
Speaker 1: was versus are making me sound like Daria.
Speaker 2: It was you are very've been very real.
Speaker 1: It's hey, I'm fine, everything's fine.
Speaker 2: I'm fine.
Speaker 1: Everything was not fine. I was fucking going through it.
Speaker 1: And you know now I'm doing a lot better. You know,
Speaker 1: retrograde is over too. I know, like it's just all
Speaker 1: I'm just all aligned at the same time. It was
Speaker 1: all going bad at the same time. Quickly it was
Speaker 1: going bad and then it's getting better at the same time,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, like, for real, for real, for all,
Speaker 1: I feel much much better.
Speaker 2: How are you do you want to tell people why
Speaker 2: you feel better? Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just doing better.
Speaker 2: I'm just better overall.
Speaker 1: I woke up and everything's great. I drank some milk.
Speaker 2: Are you four?
Speaker 1: I'm eating cereal. So I have been struggling. I haven't
Speaker 1: had like I've been in between places and staying at
Speaker 1: my mom's, staying here, staying there, And finally this week
Speaker 1: I got an apartment. Yesterday, I moved my shit in
Speaker 1: so fast. You've never seen a bitch move shit in
Speaker 1: so fast. Okay, it's never happened. I did it in
Speaker 1: two hours. Oh my god, you really can't kick me
Speaker 1: out here. I went through great lengths to get here,
Speaker 1: great lengths at one point and have a car and
Speaker 1: a house at the same time. And I was just
Speaker 1: like on a downward spiral. I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die. I didn't think I was gonna make it.
Speaker 1: I didn't see like I knew what the end goal was,
Speaker 1: but I just was like, it wasn't happening how I
Speaker 1: wanted to happen. So finally I made planted roots somewhere.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I realized it's really yeh.
Speaker 1: I'm still like remembering like, oh I live here, this
Speaker 1: is nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think because even like, wait, who are
Speaker 2: we talking to? You said you got an apartment, and
Speaker 2: and they were like are you excited? Like hello, You're
Speaker 2: like I just I'm excited.
Speaker 1: I just need to get in there, very excited. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited. I just needed to get there. I needed
Speaker 1: to get the keys. It took three days, close the door,
Speaker 1: closed the door, And I'm like, did you do that?
Speaker 2: Like what was that? Like? When everyone left, and.
Speaker 1: Just just like literally a weight lifted off of my shoulders,
Speaker 1: like literally I could not I could not think. I
Speaker 1: could not think. I could not think. I literally could
Speaker 1: only think about two things. And it was it was
Speaker 1: just it's been clouding me and I emotionally, i'd have
Speaker 1: an anxiety. I was feeling like this is going to
Speaker 1: be forever. My anxiety was going to be a forever situation.
Speaker 1: And I don't have anxiety anymore. And like I was
Speaker 1: catching triple digits and I kept just saying like I
Speaker 1: need an apartment. I need to get a place. I
Speaker 1: need get a place. And now I've been catching all
Speaker 1: these triple digits and I'm like, finally, but I wish
Speaker 1: you can change.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It feels good to just be like, oh that that's
Speaker 1: done now, like okay, now what I mean, Like even
Speaker 1: with this like whole breakup bullshit, like just clouded in that,
Speaker 1: Like I just feel so much better overall, Like none
Speaker 1: of that shit matters at fucking.
Speaker 2: All, because you have your own space, space to feel
Speaker 2: stable and love on yourself the way you want in private,
Speaker 2: in your own shit period. Yeah, you don't have to
Speaker 2: stay anywhere because you know what i mean, like if
Speaker 2: you get into it with someone that you're staying with,
Speaker 2: or you'd be like where am I going to go
Speaker 2: right now? I'm gonna figure this out right now. But
Speaker 2: now it's like no, bye, nigga, bye bitches, catch you later.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, And it's just the power cancer.
Speaker 2: You need your own little crab hole.
Speaker 1: I really do. I was really trying it this last year,
Speaker 1: you know, like literally trying it. This huge, huge struggle
Speaker 1: for me, and I'm just so happy to like to
Speaker 1: have let Luna have a room. I got two rooms,
Speaker 1: not one. I'm just putting stuff in her room. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just so happy that I'm putting
Speaker 1: stuff in her room. Ain't nothing in here yet, but
Speaker 1: it's hers, and I'm putting stuff in, you know, and
Speaker 1: like your stuff here, and I'm just so I took
Speaker 1: for granted how important like just being rooted somewhere is.
Speaker 1: You know, even if I want to like be a butterfly,
Speaker 1: I still need roots somewhere. And it's just even being
Speaker 1: like a creative and like trying to be inspired while
Speaker 1: going through very personal shit that feels like it's a
Speaker 1: train wreck. It's like, damn it, it's hard to like
Speaker 1: dedicate that your energy is so caught up in what's
Speaker 1: stressing you out and you can't Like I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like I could breathe. Like even when I got a car,
Speaker 1: I wasn't like I wasn't satisfied, but I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just sitting here for a minute, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, just sitting here for a minute. But just
Speaker 1: there's no better fucking feeling for real, I feel really good.
Speaker 2: Well, I am so proud of you. I'm so relieved
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 1: And I was probably stressing you out, stressing myself up.
Speaker 2: No, no, you you. I don't know how you do it,
Speaker 2: but you'd be pushing through a girl you push through.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I could do handle things the
Speaker 2: way you do, and I don't know if that's good
Speaker 2: or bad, but but I'm proud of you. I'm really
Speaker 2: excited for you and Luna to have your own ship
Speaker 2: and yeah, just have your own ship, you know. And
Speaker 2: I think I think I've realized too, like how important
Speaker 2: space is because like I fast forwarding to my trip trip,
Speaker 2: but I just really realized how much I really do
Speaker 2: enjoy being alone.
Speaker 1: I really the Patreon you were going in. Erica went
Speaker 1: in on Patreon her trip. I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: do anything. I'm HAPPI you're I'm not happy you're not
Speaker 1: doing well, but I'm happy you're creating content. You put
Speaker 1: that shit on Patreon. Girl, I was like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: she's doing what over there?
Speaker 2: Like I'm not even talking to you. You're you're on Patreon.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh wow, I had no idea Jucys stuff.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I just I had a good trip.
Speaker 2: Most of the time there was just me and my man.
Speaker 2: We're just not vibing. We were not getting along consistently
Speaker 2: enough for me. And I also had some self realizations
Speaker 2: that about myself, and I realize really how how I
Speaker 2: can turn off so easily girl, And I feel it happened,
Speaker 2: like in the middle of the conversation, I'll be like nope,
Speaker 2: and then it's like and then I can't even help
Speaker 2: it my smirk. I can't fucking am such a little bitch.
Speaker 2: I can't help but smirk at you because I think
Speaker 2: you're dumb. Not dumb, but like I don't really can't
Speaker 2: understand your feelings. I don't feel heard too, and so
Speaker 2: if I don't feel hurt, I'm not gonna hear you.
Speaker 2: That's really what it comes down to. And it's really
Speaker 2: hard to like work through that with someone when they
Speaker 2: genuinely feel like they're listening to you and you genuinely
Speaker 2: feel like they're not listening to you. Like it's like
Speaker 2: it's like two different conversations are happening. And so I
Speaker 2: don't know. I feel bad because I went with friends,
Speaker 2: and you know, I didn't want to like impose on
Speaker 2: their trip. You know, I want my friends to have
Speaker 2: a good time too, everyone spending their money to do
Speaker 2: the things that they want to do. And so I
Speaker 2: removed myself from the situation. I literally left my group
Speaker 2: and got my own hotel room and was like bye, bitches,
Speaker 2: and you know what, Like something in me was like,
Speaker 2: you can't do this. A big part of me was
Speaker 2: like you can't do that.
Speaker 1: That's crazy what I was proud of you, No, you can't.
Speaker 2: And then I was like fuck that, Yeah I can't.
Speaker 2: There was like a big ass of little person on
Speaker 2: my shoulder was like that all that shit. And I
Speaker 2: was going back and forth, back and forth in my
Speaker 2: head and I don't know, I really was kind of
Speaker 2: I'm I was proud of myself. Looky, like I know
Speaker 2: my partner might listen to this and he's probably gonna
Speaker 2: be really, I don't know, annoyed or mad or hurt,
Speaker 2: but like I really was proud of myself that I
Speaker 2: chose myself. And I was just like I have to
Speaker 2: do what I have to do. I know what I
Speaker 2: I know what I need in order to get to
Speaker 2: a place where I can have a conversation with someone
Speaker 2: right and some thought. And you know that might be selfish,
Speaker 2: you know it was selfish, but I needed to be.
Speaker 2: I needed this vacation so badly, like I needed to
Speaker 2: get out of LA. I needed time away from from
Speaker 2: my child I needed. And I already had guilt about
Speaker 2: that too, a lot of guilt about that, like mom guilt,
Speaker 2: fucking overload, and I just I was like, I'm getting
Speaker 2: this fucking vacation I'm going to get I'm going to
Speaker 2: take my bake back. And so I got this little
Speaker 2: hotel on the beach and it was like the best
Speaker 2: thing I've ever done. I went there. I did Molly
Speaker 2: by myself, which by the way, if you've never done that,
Speaker 2: highly recommend amazing. And I just spent time with myself.
Speaker 2: I rolled around my room. I fucking text my friends.
Speaker 2: I loved them and shit, and.
Speaker 1: I rolled around my room I did.
Speaker 2: I was like rolled. My sheets were so white and
Speaker 2: tight and cold, and it was like steamy, and it
Speaker 2: was like felt it was drugs. It was drugs, it was,
Speaker 2: but also it was great. So the little things you
Speaker 2: take for granted that you realize on Mollie amazing. I
Speaker 2: went to took myself. I went to dinner, and like
Speaker 2: the hotel like were so sweet because they knew I
Speaker 2: was sad because I rolled up in there like with
Speaker 2: an attitude. I came in and the hotel was like
Speaker 2: looked like it was under construction in the front, and
Speaker 2: I was like, hell, no hotels tonight, no wonder the
Speaker 2: shit was too affordable. And then I go in and
Speaker 2: they're like are you okay? And I was like what's
Speaker 2: going on in the front of the hotel? I was like,
Speaker 2: is it going to be loud? And they're like, no,
Speaker 2: it's fine, it's separate. Like how can we help you?
Speaker 2: What's wrong? I was like, I'm just not me and
Speaker 2: my boyfriend and not getting along. I just need I
Speaker 2: just need a room.
Speaker 1: I just need to be quiet.
Speaker 2: Just put me in the quietest place. Please. They're like, okay,
Speaker 2: they helped me and they put me there. How dramatic
Speaker 2: it was, please, But yeah, I was. I was not
Speaker 2: doing well. And then yeah, I went to dinner. They
Speaker 2: like came out saying happy birthday to me. I was
Speaker 2: literally the only person in the restaurant by myself, but
Speaker 2: it was like I was ocean front, so I was chilling,
Speaker 2: and yeah, it was just great. It was like I
Speaker 2: needed that time by myself. That's what I reco amazing
Speaker 2: that even on a vacation, I feel like from now on,
Speaker 2: I need to, like, within a vacation, go have another
Speaker 2: mini vacation even it's a day away.
Speaker 1: From people, it's very important.
Speaker 2: The whole trip was very like group oriented, orientated, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, doing this together. Let's go to
Speaker 2: lunch to let's go to dinner together, let's go to
Speaker 2: this thing together, let's go to that. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I love all that, but all these energies are fucking
Speaker 2: with me. Yeah, And so I just did what my
Speaker 2: heart told me, and I fucking did that shit. And
Speaker 2: if you're listening right now and you feel if you're
Speaker 2: in a situation and you just feel like fuck it,
Speaker 2: just do it. I swear to God, just do it.
Speaker 1: Just do it.
Speaker 2: Because I normally would have talked myself out of that
Speaker 2: and been like, that's crazy. I have to stay in this.
Speaker 2: I'll figure it out, and I'll suffocate my way through,
Speaker 2: you know, because that's what I would be doing, holding
Speaker 2: my breath the whole time. But overall, Mexico City's fucking amazing,
Speaker 2: beautiful city, so cheap, crazy cheap food, amazing people, amazing.
Speaker 2: I just love going to places where I can speak Spanish,
Speaker 2: and I just feel like it's a part of me
Speaker 2: that like I need to I want to spend more
Speaker 2: time in like even when I got back, I went
Speaker 2: to the restaurant and I almost spoke Spanish to the
Speaker 2: way server because I was like, I'm so used to it,
Speaker 2: and I kind of was like sad that I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I definitely want to move to a Spanish speaking country
Speaker 1: so I can work on We all know, okay, moi mahlan.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I I would definitely highly also recommend go
Speaker 2: to Mexico City do Molly by yourself, and she right,
Speaker 2: follow your intuition.
Speaker 1: Highly recommends going to a foreign coupan and doing Molly
Speaker 1: by yourself and following your into good moms indoors.
Speaker 2: No, I mean this is those things don't have to
Speaker 2: happen in the same place, but just all those things
Speaker 2: should happen at some point in your life.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: I also wanted to get away because of the election,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't really want to be
Speaker 2: here during this time, and it was really nice. I'm
Speaker 2: not really I don't watch TV anyway, but not even
Speaker 2: having a sense of anyone, like nothing was around me
Speaker 2: with it like that reminded me of it. I almost
Speaker 2: forgot it was election. Yeah, yeah, mailed in my ballot
Speaker 2: and was out.
Speaker 1: I feel like as I get older and as I grow,
Speaker 1: my intuition is like louder, like bitch.
Speaker 2: That's that's exactly what it is. It was so loud
Speaker 2: that I couldn't ignore it. Yeah, it was like yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly how she be. And you're like, I
Speaker 1: didn't hear anything. Oh my god, girl, if you're trying
Speaker 1: to ignore that, ship that is true, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And you know what I've been. I just yeah, I've
Speaker 1: had a lot of intuition and a lot of epiphanies
Speaker 1: and just a lot of just like you gotta be
Speaker 1: thankful for that. You gotta listen and you gotta be
Speaker 1: thankful because it's like leading you where you don't need
Speaker 1: to waste your time. Go do what you need to
Speaker 1: do for you. Go here, sit here, because it's just
Speaker 1: like you block your blessings fucking not listening to the
Speaker 1: because you don't want to listen. But you need to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's easy to just do what you do,
Speaker 2: what you've normally done. You know the result because you've
Speaker 2: been there, and even though you know the result, it's
Speaker 2: familiar and it's like okay, Like for me, like if
Speaker 2: I would have sayed like I. We probably would have, actually,
Speaker 2: I don't know. Also I'm different too, Like I can't
Speaker 2: ignore shit like I used to. I used to be
Speaker 2: able to like move past certain things and just like okay,
Speaker 2: you know, but like I knew that, like I was
Speaker 2: just gonna probably ignore him the whole trip after that,
Speaker 2: like and be there, and that would be weird, like me.
Speaker 2: We went to dinner and like my friend who's married,
Speaker 2: was with like worth our husband, Like we're together on
Speaker 2: like a double date. Essentially, we're not talking at all,
Speaker 2: so I'm only talking to her and her husband's chiming
Speaker 2: in every now and then, and I'm definitely not talking
Speaker 2: about it. So it's just like you here having a
Speaker 2: conversation but not you. And I realized how I could.
Speaker 2: I could do it too, But I was like, I
Speaker 2: don't want to do this.
Speaker 1: Who wants to do this?
Speaker 2: This is fucking awkward for them too, you know. But
Speaker 2: I did have a really big realization. It was crazy,
Speaker 2: Like I was the next morning, I was walking up
Speaker 2: and down the beach and like I was looking out
Speaker 2: into the water, and I've just been like thinking more
Speaker 2: and more about you know, We've talked about it before,
Speaker 2: like feeling like do I have I if Iri if
Speaker 2: I left this earth right now, like would Iri be good?
Speaker 2: You know, like could I have something to leave her?
Speaker 2: And like that was a really scary thing for me
Speaker 2: because no, the answer is no. And I was like
Speaker 2: looking out into the ocean, and I just I'm so
Speaker 2: connected to the ocean, like it's a hundred hundred times
Speaker 2: million percent confirmed, like I must be near it. That's
Speaker 2: another thing that my intuition is, like, won't let me
Speaker 2: ignore anymore too. But I was looking out and I
Speaker 2: was thinking, like, damn, I'm in Mexico. I am a
Speaker 2: Latino woman, I'm black. The odds have been stacked against
Speaker 2: my people since the beginning of time. But here I
Speaker 2: am yet here, I am on vacation, capable of getting
Speaker 2: my own room because me and my man had a fight.
Speaker 2: But I can still do this and I'm here and
Speaker 2: I'm okay, and it's all because of them, and like
Speaker 2: what that means for me, Like I have to, like
Speaker 2: the just I have to say, first of all, how
Speaker 2: grateful I am A Like that's how I felt overcome
Speaker 2: with gratefulness, like damn, like look at me here because
Speaker 2: of that, and like damn, I got to perform and
Speaker 2: what now, Like it just felt not I didn't feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 2: I felt like activated, Like let's get this shit bitch
Speaker 2: right right, Like fuck all the shit, fuck this argument, fuck.
Speaker 1: All this shit right Like when you when you have
Speaker 1: your eye on the goal, like when you can see
Speaker 1: the light at the end of the tunnel, Like none
Speaker 1: of the tunnel should fuck with you because there's this
Speaker 1: light and you know it and you see it and
Speaker 1: it's just like.
Speaker 2: It also made me be able to come to a
Speaker 2: place of like understanding and forgiveness with my partner because
Speaker 2: I was like, this fight doesn't matter, None of this
Speaker 2: shit matters. Actually like okay, we have some shit to
Speaker 2: work on, right, but I'm still like nothing at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, Like I know that I am.
Speaker 2: I feel my growth. The fact that I even felt
Speaker 2: like did that left and did that the fact that
Speaker 2: like all the things that I just feel like I
Speaker 2: have to acknowledge and like give myself credit. And I
Speaker 2: felt excited for myself, which sounds weird, but it's not.
Speaker 2: And like I felt excited for us and like I
Speaker 2: literally like Manifest did something on the beach, Like one
Speaker 2: night we went to we were into loom and we
Speaker 2: went to this like beach becomes a beach party. For
Speaker 2: it was like the whitest most venice beach. Like it
Speaker 2: was like out of a movie. Like I was like,
Speaker 2: is this real? Like this is so now she's gonna
Speaker 2: do spoken word and now the other bitches like calling
Speaker 2: her sister. And it was just so that everyone was white.
Speaker 2: And then there was this old man who was like
Speaker 2: Jesus and I just see him with like these young
Speaker 2: hot like younger girls, and he like dips his finger
Speaker 2: into molly and he's taking the molly and then he
Speaker 2: like closes his eyes and sets an intention and then
Speaker 2: like here comes the Palo Santo like it was then
Speaker 2: here's the shaman who's gonna bless us. Like oh my god,
Speaker 2: that sounds and I actually wish you were there. I
Speaker 2: was like, here would be fucking floating around the stitch. Okay,
Speaker 2: but yeah, so we did that and then I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go to the beach. And because the moon
Speaker 2: it was a full moon. It was Halloween right and
Speaker 2: it was November first actually, so the first day of
Speaker 2: the Mars. But it was like the moon was so
Speaker 2: full and like the ocean was like lit up by
Speaker 2: it and it had this like I'm gonna post a
Speaker 2: picture on Patreon of this picture because it's so beautiful.
Speaker 2: But it was like this path down the center of
Speaker 2: the ocean and then the moon. And I just sat
Speaker 2: there and like manifested and was thinking about Irie and
Speaker 2: thinking about my relationship, thinking about us, thinking about just
Speaker 2: all the things that I want. And I came back
Speaker 2: and I had a text from someone really important about
Speaker 2: something really important for us, and I was like what
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm fucking my powers are getting stronger.
Speaker 2: I feel them. They're getting stronger.
Speaker 1: It's a girl, the powers are getting stronger. It's true.
Speaker 1: It's true. It's funny that you say that because, like
Speaker 1: while you're in Mexico and Halloween, Like, first of all,
Speaker 1: I broke up with a venture babe, but we've probably
Speaker 1: have been seeing each other like the whole time with
Speaker 1: minus like two weeks, and you know, I was really
Speaker 1: adamant about person in this relationship because I fucked it up,
Speaker 1: but I really felt like we had this really good thing.
Speaker 1: So I was really putting over some really questionable I
Speaker 1: was always some pretty questionable behavior and just letting shit
Speaker 1: go letting shit go, letting shin go, and be like,
Speaker 1: you know what, it's cool. I'm let it go because
Speaker 1: you know, I fucked up, like he told me, seeing
Speaker 1: other people. But then like I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: having guilt. But then I'm just like, damn, you're doing
Speaker 1: a little much here. You're doing a little much, sir,
Speaker 1: Like all right, all right. But then I just like,
Speaker 1: you know, when you start to see someone for who
Speaker 1: they are, because the dynamic has changed, and there was
Speaker 1: just like little things I was noticing, Like I'm so
Speaker 1: used to having like direct disrespect and like direct meanness,
Speaker 1: like niggas you like, try to talk to my friends,
Speaker 1: call me bitch.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh okay, it's very direct, you know. But
Speaker 1: I just started noticing like just little shit, you know,
Speaker 1: like mentioning he was He told the girl he's talking
Speaker 1: to to listen to our podcast. She saw me. She's
Speaker 1: like we're nothing alike, Like, no shit, we're different people,
Speaker 1: that's right. And I'm like, why are you telling this
Speaker 1: new bish? She just meant to listen to my podcast.
Speaker 1: It's so personal. Why does she get have an insight
Speaker 1: on who the fuck I am? Who is she?
Speaker 2: Do?
Speaker 1: I do I get to get a diary fucking page.
Speaker 2: I would just if a man told me that that
Speaker 2: I was dating, I'd be like what the fuck? I
Speaker 2: would be like you should you might as well just
Speaker 2: go like what are you talking?
Speaker 1: It was just so odd, So I'm chilling, you know.
Speaker 1: Then there's like, you know, just mentioning what his friends
Speaker 1: had to really say about me, like you know, like
Speaker 1: they really you know, they were wondering if you know,
Speaker 1: well they did say you are like this type of
Speaker 1: person basically, or you like have a lot of sexual
Speaker 1: energy that needs attention, and like what is the point
Speaker 1: of you telling me that I thought they liked me?
Speaker 1: Like I went on a whole trip with that bitch.
Speaker 1: And not that I care take it personally, but I
Speaker 1: was just like I had to really start asking myself
Speaker 1: and asking what is your intention by telling me that
Speaker 1: what is your intention of sharing these like your these
Speaker 1: things about these other women that you're talking to that
Speaker 1: like you know, it's really gonna it's gonna it's horrorful,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, I just this is what I
Speaker 1: really dislike, Like I hate a nigga to downplay another
Speaker 1: like females to each other. And then like come out
Speaker 1: on top, you know, and I started to feel like
Speaker 1: that was happening, like telling me personal shit about someone's finances,
Speaker 1: you know, like he didn't feel like he didn't want
Speaker 1: to date someone it because she didn't have was you know,
Speaker 1: she wasn't in a good place financially. He didn't want
Speaker 1: to have to pay for everything, and like, you know, yeah.
Speaker 2: No, that's just so. But I'm like, I feel like
Speaker 2: that's just like elementary, yeah yeah, yeah, like yeah, it
Speaker 2: shows you how deeply like immature that he is in
Speaker 2: that way.
Speaker 1: And and then it just so anyway, we're hanging out,
Speaker 1: and in this moment, like about HALLOWEENI ish I had
Speaker 1: like just written a post just I was talking about
Speaker 1: like holding on to other people and I wasn't even
Speaker 1: talking about this situation at all, and I posted it. It
Speaker 1: was real deep, It was real deep in like in
Speaker 1: my feelings about releasing people and letting them go. And
Speaker 1: I just happened to like look over on his phone
Speaker 1: and I see that the girl keeps calling. Then I say,
Speaker 1: she writes, oh, you must be cupcaking. And I was
Speaker 1: like what because he kept saying like, it's not like that,
Speaker 1: even though I had really been like, you guys, I
Speaker 1: was really being stupid. I was really allowing some crazy
Speaker 1: like I've never been so I've never I had to
Speaker 1: like someone should have slapped me, like bitch, do you
Speaker 1: know who you are? And not even like it was
Speaker 1: just like I was. I just feel like I've been
Speaker 1: sleeping on myself, you know, like just not noticing things
Speaker 1: because it was just so indirect and like I just
Speaker 1: happened to look over and she's like, you must be cupcaking.
Speaker 1: But he told me I'm not into her. We're we're
Speaker 1: not talking anymore, like I'm not really like I'm impressed.
Speaker 1: I told her what it is. I told her and
Speaker 1: I'm like, well that doesn't seem like a text from
Speaker 1: someone that thinks. Then, since you guys are not, you know, chilling,
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you know what cupcaking means? He's like, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I wasn't sure what that meant. I was like,
Speaker 1: I know, you don't. It means what you're doing. So
Speaker 1: then girl got to be like he turned the phone over.
Speaker 1: The girl calls and he because she keeps calling and
Speaker 1: it turns over, it must have answered by mistake. She
Speaker 1: hears our conversation.
Speaker 2: What is the conversation you were having.
Speaker 1: I think it was like some sec shit. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what we're talking about. What we were talking with,
Speaker 1: some real open sexual sex shit. The phone turns back
Speaker 1: over and she's like, oh, you're with your ex. I
Speaker 1: can tell by her it's her. It sounds like your ex.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what the fuck you get. We're telling
Speaker 1: this this woman to listen to my motherfucking podcast, who
Speaker 1: didn't have any reason. And I'm like, and that's what
Speaker 1: you get, ha ha. And I'm like, and you're a
Speaker 1: liar because you just sat up here and made it
Speaker 1: seem like and I was like, and I know, bitches
Speaker 1: aren't crazy. Bitches don't be acting a certain way unless
Speaker 1: you're treating a bitch like a girlfriend. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: we just broke up. We've been fucking we've been seeing
Speaker 1: each other, and like the period where we had stopped talking,
Speaker 1: he reached out to me, like why did you block me?
Speaker 1: Like nigga, because this is over, but like pulling me
Speaker 1: back in.
Speaker 2: Just the attention, girl, Clearly he needs the attention.
Speaker 1: That's what it was. It is, And you know, it
Speaker 1: just started to see me, like started me seeing him
Speaker 1: for who he he like who he is right now.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be a nice guy and still want unhealthy attention.
Speaker 1: And I get it, everybody wants to unhealth attention, but
Speaker 1: like to what cause? At what expense? So it's unhealthy.
Speaker 1: It was just it was just and I was like,
Speaker 1: I said, I can't imagine what you're saying about me
Speaker 1: to this girl. I said, if this girl knows all
Speaker 1: like I can, if I know this girl's business, I
Speaker 1: can only imagine what you're saying about me. And I
Speaker 1: was like, and that's that's not.
Speaker 2: Cool, that's true, that's really true.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's just like I was just like,
Speaker 1: I just don't want guys who do that, because if
Speaker 1: you like her, just say you like her and you're
Speaker 1: pursuing that, just be real about it. You went through
Speaker 1: my shit. I was like, yeah, I fucked this person.
Speaker 1: I fuck that person. What do you want to do
Speaker 1: about it? It wasn't like, you know what I mean, pretending,
Speaker 1: And it just started just festered, and I started to
Speaker 1: like piss me off. And then girl, how about moments later,
Speaker 1: I just like touched the phone and it stops at
Speaker 1: a plane ticket to Mexico. This is like a movie.
Speaker 1: I swear to god, I just touched the phone and
Speaker 1: I was like, are you guys going to Mexico? And
Speaker 1: he's like, I was gonna tell you, Oh no, you
Speaker 1: are a fucking professional hinge dater and you're also a
Speaker 1: fucking liar. He said, I didn't buy her ticket. Her
Speaker 1: mom bought her ticket. I said, and that's weird. If
Speaker 1: you're going with a bitch, why did you buy her ticket?
Speaker 1: How are you gonna let the bitch mom buy her ticket?
Speaker 2: And then even he's still trying to hold onto some something.
Speaker 1: But that's what I'm like. I'm just like, why are
Speaker 1: you doing this with me? I don't really give a fuck,
Speaker 1: but like I don't really need this, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like I just and then lying, he said
Speaker 1: she invited herself. I said, nia this conversation, don't look
Speaker 1: like bitch that invited herself. She invited herself.
Speaker 2: Myself, not to your house.
Speaker 1: I was just like, and I asked him, are you
Speaker 1: going with someone to the ship? Because I keep in mind,
Speaker 1: we've been broken up like seven weeks and seen each
Speaker 1: other the whole time. But I was just like, and
Speaker 1: the night before, I meane that earlier, that day Erica
Speaker 1: had just called me and we had got some really
Speaker 1: like exciting news, and for a moment, I was just like,
Speaker 1: huh huh, you're tripping, and so am I I am
Speaker 1: really tripping hard, hard heart hard, okay, And in Twitch
Speaker 1: was like and was like dumb bitch, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm out. Yeah, I'm like I and and like when
Speaker 1: you say when I can turn some ship off, bitch,
Speaker 1: it's kind of scary. I'm just like huh huh, Like
Speaker 1: I know, I just can't feel anything anymore. I just
Speaker 1: don't care, and I just feel like it's just I
Speaker 1: just I love to see people when with like real lenses,
Speaker 1: you know, when you can like step back out of
Speaker 1: it and like reassess the situation. And granted, like I
Speaker 1: realize I am the cause of like the root of
Speaker 1: this but in some.
Speaker 2: Way, but maybe like you had to do that one
Speaker 2: last time and do that relationship so a you could
Speaker 2: see the type of people that you you still need to.
Speaker 2: There's there's wolves in Sheep's clothing, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean like he's a wolf. I just
Speaker 2: mean like like what you normally attract.
Speaker 1: And I love him, you know, I think he's a
Speaker 1: good person.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm just saying that. What I really want
Speaker 2: to say is that like what you normally attract like
Speaker 2: can be disguised in certain ways. I'm not saying that
Speaker 2: he is your baby daddy or those things, but there's
Speaker 2: qualities about him that are manipulative and that's something that
Speaker 2: you are used to doing and loving, you know, and so,
Speaker 2: but he's also treated you not great you so like
Speaker 2: that can be really fucking.
Speaker 1: Confusing, right right, So, like am I supposed to deal
Speaker 1: with this?
Speaker 2: You were supposed to cheat? I think you're to cheat.
Speaker 2: I'm here to say it was so glad you cheated,
Speaker 2: So fucking glad you cheated, Jamila, thank.
Speaker 1: You revealing the truth. That's that's the best friend share.
Speaker 1: It's perfect. It's you know, it's for the best that
Speaker 1: you cheated.
Speaker 2: This. I mean, I support your cheating. It's circle.
Speaker 1: I feel like it did comfortull Cir.
Speaker 2: I really feel that way. I'm not like, I'm not
Speaker 2: just saying that. I think it's come full circle and it.
Speaker 1: Just really like it did. Let me know, like there
Speaker 1: are got really first of all, can come in all
Speaker 1: different shape sizes, and like you have to have you
Speaker 1: have to know what what you're not going to deal
Speaker 1: with immediately, whether you're fucked up, whether you're like whatever
Speaker 1: it is. It's like, either what's the point of keeping
Speaker 1: relationships that are just like not good for you, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And you just have to like cheat,
Speaker 1: chose yourself. Choose yourself, even when it feels like you
Speaker 1: should be like fighting for something. There's a difference between
Speaker 1: like fighting for something and choosing yourself because I feel
Speaker 1: like it will just happen naturally, you won't have to
Speaker 1: like necessarily fight for it. Like I feel like if
Speaker 1: he was my nigga, like we could have really worked
Speaker 1: past the shit, because that's how I felt, and because
Speaker 1: we didn't, because it dragged on, and then I kept
Speaker 1: telling him, I'm like, be careful how you do this,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because once I turn off,
Speaker 1: I won't turn back on. I can't. I can't physically,
Speaker 1: I can't do it. And I'm just like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: look at God. And I told him that as soon
Speaker 1: as it happened, I said, that's motherfucking God. I said,
Speaker 1: that's God, because that's crazy. I mean, but I'm not
Speaker 1: looking through your shit. I was like, you're alive. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was like, girl, look, I'm gonna give you one
Speaker 2: more sign.
Speaker 1: I don't know how many need because at this point
Speaker 1: it had been like four hundred. It was like so many,
Speaker 1: so much shit. I was just like, how am I stupid? Am? I?
Speaker 1: I thought I was smart? But these actions are saying
Speaker 1: something else. Maybe I'll tell them Patreon, like just how
Speaker 1: stupid I was being. I'm too embarrassed to say it here.
Speaker 1: It's too bad. I told Erica later and I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to tell you, but You're.
Speaker 2: Like, this happened like forty five days ago, but listen, listen.
Speaker 1: To what I did. Yeah, but I am happy to
Speaker 1: say this is the adventure Bays retired after this episode.
Speaker 1: There will be no mention of the Adventure Bay. We're
Speaker 1: going to steal the.
Speaker 2: Files, get the get the glue gun.
Speaker 1: Not the glue gun. That's the Mom's ship I ever
Speaker 1: heard get get the ziplocks and the glue. We're a
Speaker 1: freezing bagging this ship.
Speaker 2: Get the stick g low elmersh my god, that's not secure.
Speaker 2: I wanted to cement that ship.
Speaker 1: But you know, all that to say is I was
Speaker 1: just going through and I just realized a lot of
Speaker 1: it like I was just torturing myself and adding shit
Speaker 1: that I didn't need to add, and I'm just such
Speaker 1: in a clear space, so much happier, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like that hurt, then I just kind I
Speaker 1: almost feel happier for him too, Like I think you
Speaker 1: are better off pursuing those situations. Like I like mistakenly
Speaker 1: scrolled past the picture of him and a girl and
Speaker 1: I was like, huh, I was high, keep in minds high,
Speaker 1: Like they're kind of like happy, they're kind of like
Speaker 1: really happy. I was like, good thing, I'm high. I
Speaker 1: didn't say shit, I just gave the phone back, But
Speaker 1: I was just like, sometimes god, I'd be like, you
Speaker 1: don't need to waste any time going down the road
Speaker 1: that's not for you, and you gotta respect it.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you have to do the letting go. I think
Speaker 2: the other person won't. They're not capable of it, and
Speaker 2: that's when it's hardest. That's the hardest shit ever, you know,
Speaker 2: But like for them, for them sometimes too, because it's
Speaker 2: for their own their best interest.
Speaker 1: It's usually me too. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So well, here's two new houses, new Beginnings and sealing.
Speaker 1: The files ceiling files.
Speaker 2: And also highly recommend doing molly alone foreign country. One
Speaker 2: of the other things I said, I don't remember.
Speaker 1: Rolling around in some cold sheets.
Speaker 2: No, health is really important to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not endorsing drugs. Do what you do,
Speaker 2: what you must. Whatever makes you feel like rolling around
Speaker 2: on cold sheets, do that.
Speaker 1: Do that for me. It's molly For me specifically, I
Speaker 1: enjoy rolling around cold sheets on molly. Maybe mushrooms mostly.
Speaker 2: Haven't been wanting to do mushrooms lately, like I need
Speaker 2: to take a break from from that. That's that planted
Speaker 2: for a moment I had. It did what it did.
Speaker 2: It did what it needed to do for me, which
Speaker 2: is like cure my anxiety, because I don't really haven't.
Speaker 2: I really haven't felt a lot of anxiety. Have I
Speaker 2: like felt like irritated, annoyed, anxious in some way, but
Speaker 2: like not like before, not like March COVID, July COVID.
Speaker 1: Oh, no, March COVID was like April COVID was like
Speaker 1: a mushroom month.
Speaker 2: There was no way I was making it without them.
Speaker 1: It really was. I have some mushrooms in my purse.
Speaker 2: Oh you know what? We had this like last minute
Speaker 2: little mini meetup situation the other day.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we oh yeah, we did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was with this afrobeats table party.
Speaker 1: It was called a brunch.
Speaker 2: It started We got there at nine o'clock. Okay, it
Speaker 2: was started at nine pm brunch, which I'm gonna have
Speaker 2: to talk to Joe or Joel or whatever his name is,
Speaker 2: Joe Jim, who's the guy?
Speaker 1: It tal him?
Speaker 2: He needs to rename his party because it's not a brunch.
Speaker 1: Not Joel. Joe said that Joe's party.
Speaker 2: Who the fuck is the guy's name is party? It
Speaker 2: is done, don't okay?
Speaker 1: And it was a three letter word Joe John. Those
Speaker 1: party where we got named John Joe. You met at
Speaker 1: Joe that night too, did I?
Speaker 2: Okay, that's maybe that's why we got to hang out
Speaker 2: with Blumplow and Mama shout out to Sanitria.
Speaker 1: Denise came up with her man. Yeah, one of our
Speaker 1: listeners came up. I was saying, they drove down. They
Speaker 1: didn't come up, they drove down. They came to kick it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they smoked with us, We took shots.
Speaker 2: She gave me a huge bottle of champagne. I don't know,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to save this for like a real brunch,
Speaker 2: a real serious brunch. Now, I need to have a
Speaker 2: brunch just for this champagne.
Speaker 1: You should have. You should have a pot luck brunch.
Speaker 2: Paula brunch. Okay, this weekend, I'm gonna town. Oh that's right, Jamila, Jimmila, Jimmy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So maybe next week maybe, yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: I was not feeling that great this week, but you
Speaker 2: know what, she so I restarted feeling a little like
Speaker 2: under the weather. And I got really nervous because I
Speaker 2: was like, anytime you know your kid gets sick, you
Speaker 2: automatically think like COVID.
Speaker 1: Even you, I'm like, my fa hurts.
Speaker 2: Oh no, but I did get COVID, So I got we,
Speaker 2: I got COVID tested. We all got COVID tested, and
Speaker 2: we came back from Mexico and so I got she
Speaker 2: wasn't feeling well anyway, So I got her COVID tested
Speaker 2: and I'm happy to confirm our status is negative. Oh
Speaker 2: my god. I had to send it to my therapist
Speaker 2: because my therapist.
Speaker 1: Won't see you until you Yeah, she was gonna do it.
Speaker 2: She was gonna be virtual. And it's like, I don't
Speaker 2: really feel comfortable. You've been traveling. I was like, here's
Speaker 2: my COVID test. Okay, witch relax, but yeah, she was negative.
Speaker 2: But I've been using these drops by a Joyspring.
Speaker 1: If you heard Joyspring Vitamins, I love joy Spring.
Speaker 2: Yeah they're really good. I don't know if you guys
Speaker 2: have ever heard of joy Spring, but they have so
Speaker 2: many like different vitamins on their website. They're all natural,
Speaker 2: they're all organic, and they fucking work. So I was
Speaker 2: using vitamin C plus zinc and elderberry blend because I'm
Speaker 2: a witch doctor and so I like to blend my medicines,
Speaker 2: even medicines. This is just like an herbal formula.
Speaker 1: I like to like boost like Luna's immune system. That way,
Speaker 1: if I feel here getting a little sniffle, a little
Speaker 1: just a little cough that I start upping them. I
Speaker 1: do it every day, but then I start upping them
Speaker 1: a little bit if she's feeling sick. And for the
Speaker 1: most part, she's pretty healthy. She doesn't really get sick.
Speaker 2: So I know, no, this this vitamin C right here though,
Speaker 2: this is this right here is the best. So if
Speaker 2: you guys want to check out Joyspring, make sure you
Speaker 2: go to Joyspring Vitamins dot com. And use Good Moms
Speaker 2: for twenty percent.
Speaker 1: Off the whole product line, and I have like a
Speaker 1: bunch of really good stuff, so check it.
Speaker 2: Out for adults too. So yeah, I know she's feeling
Speaker 2: better now, so but maybe next weekend because I was
Speaker 2: feeling such mom guilt when I was gone, like she
Speaker 2: she missed me so much. She was literally counting down
Speaker 2: the days, like every time I called her, four more days,
Speaker 2: three more days, two more days.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And then towards the end, because you know, I had
Speaker 2: to go take my own mini vacation, I was like,
Speaker 2: I did want to leave. I was like, maybe I'll
Speaker 2: just extend my trip one more day, just one more day,
Speaker 2: and then she called me. I was like, Okay, never mind.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's not happening. But yeah, I was
Speaker 2: feeling I don't know, as she gets older, like I
Speaker 2: feel like my guilt is worse because she's more aware.
Speaker 1: I know I feel the same way too, But I've
Speaker 1: also been feeling like I would need to go on
Speaker 1: a trip alone and feeling guilty about having the thoughts
Speaker 1: about going on a trip alone. But like and also
Speaker 1: I'll be getting into trouble alone me unsupervised, who knows
Speaker 1: I'll end up in another entry three new best friends,
Speaker 1: you know, at an aquarium. Who knows the weirdest shit
Speaker 1: happened to me. But I've been really feeling like I
Speaker 1: want to go out of town alone. But I also
Speaker 1: feel like I should take her somewhere.
Speaker 2: But I mean, my next trip is definitely gonna have
Speaker 2: to include her. She's not having that ship. She's not
Speaker 2: gonna take that from me, I think because her dad
Speaker 2: has gone too, and he's been gone for about a
Speaker 2: month now. So I just I just felt like bad,
Speaker 2: But Mama got I have a life too.
Speaker 1: Mama do have a gut, and that's why.
Speaker 2: Mama got to take a vacation on a vacation if
Speaker 2: she ain't enjoying her vacation. Yeah, yeah, dude, you gotta
Speaker 2: do girl, follow that intuition.
Speaker 1: I was proud. I was like, I wanna be like
Speaker 1: Erica when I grow up. Yeah, And honestly, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta get the fuck out of here. When I
Speaker 1: you had left the vacation, and plus I was under
Speaker 1: taking some bullshit, I was like, what am I doing
Speaker 1: over here? I'm the ship. I gotta get my ship up.
Speaker 1: I gotta go.
Speaker 2: Oh, my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well we gotta go buy plants.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna go buy some plants and be very
Speaker 2: domesticated today. What's your what's your style going to be
Speaker 2: of your apartment? Are you gonna like do you have
Speaker 2: like Pinterest board?
Speaker 1: I need to look at some ore Pinterest board. I'm
Speaker 1: just going for like bare minimum plant boho vibes, just
Speaker 1: minimal boho vibes, some splashes of color. I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: maybe some like mustard yellows.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm getting a pole for sure. I got this really
Speaker 1: dope shower curtain.
Speaker 2: I saw that with.
Speaker 1: Two indigenous lesbians, tribal lesbians, is making us beautiful. I
Speaker 1: love it. I've gotten it from art addict online on Instagram,
Speaker 1: and I've been waiting to put it out for three months.
Speaker 2: Oh you've had it for a while.
Speaker 1: I've had it for a while. Okay, get I need
Speaker 1: to get my pole. That's next, because I already got
Speaker 1: the shoes. Oh okay, and then I'm going to start
Speaker 1: my career as a professional poll dancer. Coming to you
Speaker 1: soon at an Instagram near you.
Speaker 2: You want miss right away? I can do a collab.
Speaker 1: We should do a collab. Yes, I love this right away,
Speaker 1: and I just looked back at our dms. I bestly
Speaker 1: literally DM turn like twenty sixteen, like, hey girl, do
Speaker 1: you want to meet me a priman? What total creep?
Speaker 1: Hey do you want to meet me and go take
Speaker 1: the girls on a hike? This is like hance their desperation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because this is a mom.
Speaker 2: That's perfect example. I'm desperate. We were for mom and friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Did she respond?
Speaker 1: I don't think she's a damn damn Ashley. She's like,
Speaker 1: why should we might just say something else? I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was ashamed. I am. I'm excited
Speaker 1: to just be in my own space doing spins. I'm
Speaker 1: a strip a pole in the full mirror, minimal shit
Speaker 1: in it. I gotta go throw some shit out. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm excited.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's gonna be great. Set the vibe, make a
Speaker 2: little altar or something or I don't know. Lots of plants, oxygen, oxygen, right, there's.
Speaker 1: A lot of little sunlight, so amazing.
Speaker 2: Well, if you need help painting or doing any of
Speaker 2: those things, you know, I love it. Okay, I don't
Speaker 2: do it, and uh you guys, we are going to
Speaker 2: go now.
Speaker 1: Because I've told all of our business.
Speaker 2: Told our business I'm high and in fact, I'm going
Speaker 2: to hit this one more time.
Speaker 1: I don't know that this is over. I can completely
Speaker 1: get into stupid and buy plants. If you guys haven't already,
Speaker 1: please support us. Subscribe to Patreon. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: cool shit on there, a lot of sexy shit, a
Speaker 1: lot of very deep intimate shits that we don't say
Speaker 1: on here, all of our real business.
Speaker 2: That's patreon dot com, backslash, Good Mom's Bad Choices. I
Speaker 2: highly recommend you get the Past your Bedtime tier because
Speaker 2: that really gets you access to all of our stuff.
Speaker 2: If you want to watch these episodes, you can watch
Speaker 2: them on Patreon as well. Make sure if you haven't already,
Speaker 2: all sixty thousand of you that listened to us, that
Speaker 2: haven't left a review, why don't we have sixty thousand reviews?
Speaker 2: Just we just need one, five minutes, just one review.
Speaker 2: Just go on Apple Podcasts. Please, please, please, They do matter.
Speaker 2: I know you think that doesn't matter, but they do matter.
Speaker 1: They matter to us.
Speaker 2: The matter, And go and leave a review and give
Speaker 2: us that five star rating and go check out our website.
Speaker 2: We have cool merch and guys, we're planning some cool events,
Speaker 2: so look out for those on our Instagram is. Then
Speaker 2: let's say ask