Speaker 1: Hello, Hello guys, Hello everybody. Hi, Oh God, what to cover?
Speaker 1: What to cover? This is week three of my no
Speaker 1: smoking pot with my boyfriend Shane, And now I don't
Speaker 1: really don't even care about ever smoking a joint again,
Speaker 1: quite frankly, Like now, I'm just like, what was that?
Speaker 1: Are you partaking in any other sort of drugs? Are
Speaker 1: you taking your chocolate mushrooms? Just no, I haven't had
Speaker 1: the chocolate mushrooms in a while. I thought I would
Speaker 1: take a break. I've been writing a lot, so I've
Speaker 1: had to be sober for that, because I'm writing a
Speaker 1: lot of my stand up which I started, so you know,
Speaker 1: I've had to focus on that. So, yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: good time. It's a good time for me to take
Speaker 1: a break. And if Shane had not come into my
Speaker 1: life in the moment he did, God, where would I
Speaker 1: be now? I would be lost without him. Well, I
Speaker 1: wonder if he feels the same. I wonder if he's
Speaker 1: just elevated right now. It's on a different plane, cognitively,
Speaker 1: very aware of his surroundings and what he needs to
Speaker 1: be taking on the job site. Yeah, I feel like
Speaker 1: when you have a connection like that, it can't just
Speaker 1: be one way. It's got to be a two way connection.
Speaker 1: Although we did speak to somebody who had no connection
Speaker 1: with somebody and didn't understand that it was broken, so
Speaker 1: I could also be playing that role in this scenario. Anyhow,
Speaker 1: what else is New Brandon? What do you have to
Speaker 1: say for yourself? Not much. You're going on trips, you
Speaker 1: have stand up dates that you're doing all through the fall, now,
Speaker 1: stand up dates, looking for a house, trying to plan vacations.
Speaker 1: But you know now that things feel like they're opening
Speaker 1: up again and people are vaccinated and getting out, you
Speaker 1: see people without a mask, and it's very jarring. I
Speaker 1: just did this podcast with these two girls and they
Speaker 1: were saying that it's so different here than in New York,
Speaker 1: Like New York has wrapped COVID up so much more
Speaker 1: than we have here that they're not used to wearing
Speaker 1: masks walking out to outdoor restaurants and stuff. And they
Speaker 1: were saying it was so strange. They're like, oh, New
Speaker 1: York has been over it for so long. But I
Speaker 1: did a podcast where they asked me lots of really
Speaker 1: personal sexual questions, and I just thought, who talks about
Speaker 1: that stuff? You know? I don't love talking about personal
Speaker 1: sexual proclivities or people like what are you into? What
Speaker 1: kind of games and role playing that makes my vagina
Speaker 1: clench tight it shuts. Yeah, I get that, And I
Speaker 1: think that that's like a societal change that people are
Speaker 1: really adamant, Like there's so much body empowerment that it's
Speaker 1: like all about masturbation and yes, I watch porn, and
Speaker 1: yes I finger bloss myself and yes, and it's almost like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know the number of vibrators that your sent is
Speaker 1: really STANDI in the mail like every other it looks
Speaker 1: like you're an addict. It looks like you have a problem.
Speaker 1: My brother sent me this Texas morning, my brother Glenn,
Speaker 1: and he was like, hey, my friend sent you one
Speaker 1: of these water bottles and I need you to post
Speaker 1: it on Instagram. His son is starting a business. I
Speaker 1: was like, do you know how much fucking ship I
Speaker 1: get every single day? Like, give me a minute. And
Speaker 1: I went to go look for the bottle and I
Speaker 1: found two dildos while I was looking for this water
Speaker 1: bottle that my brother wants me to post about. So
Speaker 1: if you're my brother, or if you're this person with
Speaker 1: a company, hold your fucking horses. I'll do it. When
Speaker 1: I find it. And if your person selling a vibrator,
Speaker 1: she's got enough. Yes, please no more vibrators for me, Okay,
Speaker 1: I've lost them all. I'm reading this book called Set Boundaries,
Speaker 1: Find Piece, a Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not really reading it. I'm skimming through it. I'm going
Speaker 1: to read it, but I just came upon this. Here's
Speaker 1: a reminder for adults who experienced emotional neglect in childhood.
Speaker 1: It was never your job to be the man of
Speaker 1: the house. That applies to you. To be a confidant
Speaker 1: for your parents also applies to you. Neither of those
Speaker 1: apply to me. To take care of your siblings, that
Speaker 1: applies to both of us. Well not when I was
Speaker 1: growing up, though I didn't have to take care of them,
Speaker 1: They took care of me to learn things without parental guidance.
Speaker 1: Definitely for me, I mean that's why. Yeah, no one
Speaker 1: ever said a thing to me about sex. You were
Speaker 1: like Matilda, you were on your own. No one said anything.
Speaker 1: All I did was know that my parents were having
Speaker 1: sex and that I wanted to start having sex. Also
Speaker 1: to keep the peace within a chaotic home. Does that
Speaker 1: apply to you a little bit? Yeah? That doesn't apply
Speaker 1: to me. I was the chaos to figure things out
Speaker 1: without emotional support. Yep, that applies to me. That applies
Speaker 1: to you. And to be responsible for bills when you
Speaker 1: were a kid, Oh god, that's so luckily. My mom
Speaker 1: worked like three jobs at a time to take care
Speaker 1: of us, but we were always concerned about the bills.
Speaker 1: Like that is something I don't wish on any child
Speaker 1: to have that sort of awareness of what's going on.
Speaker 1: I do think it probably helped me have appreciation for
Speaker 1: money and things now. But yeah, I was annoyed by
Speaker 1: my parents lack of savings account and like acumen towards
Speaker 1: like future plans, Like they had no business acumen or
Speaker 1: financial acumen about like, oh, eventually these children are going
Speaker 1: to have to grow up and go to college. Luckily
Speaker 1: I didn't have to because I didn't apply anywhere. I
Speaker 1: like to think of you asking your parents about their
Speaker 1: business investments. As a little child, I remember being like,
Speaker 1: do I have a dowry? I was like three, And
Speaker 1: I mean maybe I wasn't three, because I knew what
Speaker 1: a dowry was, so I must have been like six,
Speaker 1: And I said, and my dad goes, can you believe
Speaker 1: the hutzpah. He always used to say that I had
Speaker 1: so much hot spies, like can you believe the hutzpah?
Speaker 1: And this girl? He would say to my mother like
Speaker 1: I wasn't in the room, and she'd be like, she's
Speaker 1: it's a good question. Scene more, where is the money?
Speaker 1: And he'd be like, please, are you convolt we don't
Speaker 1: have any. Don't worry about it. But yeah, I was
Speaker 1: always questioning because I started a babysitting ring on Martha's
Speaker 1: Vineyard when I was like twelve, you know, when I
Speaker 1: was babysitting for older children sometimes because I lied and
Speaker 1: said I was fifteen, but I was. I was twelve
Speaker 1: and I was babysitting for our fourteen year old boy. Once,
Speaker 1: I think we talked about this and I would come
Speaker 1: home and I would count my money because I made
Speaker 1: so much money. And yeah, I called all the hotels
Speaker 1: and Martha's Vineyard and my babysat and I made thousands
Speaker 1: of dollars that summer, and I had a little cigar
Speaker 1: box and my dad would come up and be like,
Speaker 1: I see you counting your money. I'm like, back the
Speaker 1: funk up, I saw what you did. Well I didn't
Speaker 1: because I was twelve at the time. But when I
Speaker 1: had my bot Mitzvah, they threw me a party, like
Speaker 1: but mitz was when you cash out as a Jewish person,
Speaker 1: Like that is when you go chi ching ching from
Speaker 1: my bot Mitzvah. All the money that was given to
Speaker 1: me by my relatives, my parents took and I never
Speaker 1: saw don My dad was like, we'll hold this for you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh please, I was like kiss that goodbye. Yeah.
Speaker 1: My dad was terrible with his finances. There were there
Speaker 1: were weeks where like if he hadn't sold a car,
Speaker 1: it was very very tense at my house because there
Speaker 1: was no money coming in because he was always working
Speaker 1: in cash right, And I remember once it was like
Speaker 1: two months he hadn't sold a car, and then he
Speaker 1: finally sold one and he walked into the living room
Speaker 1: and handed my sister Shoshana and I each ten dollars. Okay,
Speaker 1: this really is just like Matilda. Have you ever seen
Speaker 1: the movie and you're gonna need to watch it. It
Speaker 1: starts Danny DeVito, Ray Pearlman. I love Danny DeVito. I
Speaker 1: love his shape, his body type. That is my type
Speaker 1: of guy's. Her dad's a used car sales. When she's
Speaker 1: left her own devices, she literally has to admit herself
Speaker 1: into kindergarten. It sounds just like that's what I did.
Speaker 1: I had to do that. You went to school, and
Speaker 1: just like I think I need to be educated. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but well no, I noticed that all the
Speaker 1: other kids started disappearing after her, and I was like,
Speaker 1: where did they go? And then on the weekend I
Speaker 1: ran into one and I was like, hey, where were
Speaker 1: you all week? And he's like, I went to kindergarten.
Speaker 1: I was like kindergarten. I was like, what is everybody
Speaker 1: doing that? And then when I went to my parents,
Speaker 1: she's like, don't worry about it. You know, things don't
Speaker 1: really take off until first grade. You don't have to
Speaker 1: go to kindergarten. I'm like, I do have to go
Speaker 1: to kindergarten. You fucking idiots. I like to think of
Speaker 1: your mom is watching like soaps during the day. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: as the world turns. General Hospital was good one days
Speaker 1: of our lives. But Santa Barbara was for me, you know,
Speaker 1: the one, the one I loved Kelly Capwell, who is
Speaker 1: Robin right? I loved her and I just wanted to
Speaker 1: come home and watch her swing her blonde air around
Speaker 1: on the television and she was so beautiful and I
Speaker 1: tried to call her. I called Information and I asked
Speaker 1: for Kelly Capwell in Santa Barbara, and I called someone
Speaker 1: named Kelly Capwell. I told Robin that story. She thinks
Speaker 1: I'm making it up and she doesn't realize what could
Speaker 1: we get her on the podcast for? I don't know what.
Speaker 1: Robin's not a big talker, like she doesn't love being interviewed.
Speaker 1: I did interviewer on Ellen. Actually, she was one of
Speaker 1: the people that I interviewed on my episode of Ellen. Her.
Speaker 1: They told me to pick who I wanted, and I
Speaker 1: gave them a list of names, and I ended up
Speaker 1: being Robin Wright was Khalifa, Kristen Bell and then a
Speaker 1: nice cute human interest story because this woman was doing
Speaker 1: an awesome that's a nice lineup act of kindness that
Speaker 1: we wanted to highlight. Yeah, it was a nice lineup. Wait,
Speaker 1: I heard something. So this guy Jason Baldoni, I think
Speaker 1: his name is. He's an author. You've actually bought me
Speaker 1: his book recently. Man Enough for I was on the
Speaker 1: phone with my friend yesterday and she was telling me
Speaker 1: that he was describing the time before you're born. You're
Speaker 1: in a womb, right, You're in like a sack, and
Speaker 1: you that is your reality, and that is technically a
Speaker 1: different dimension than when you are born into the world.
Speaker 1: And then you are part of something. So you're in
Speaker 1: that little womb, you don't know anything. You're just developing, growing, sleeping, eating,
Speaker 1: getting nutrients and turning into a human. And then the
Speaker 1: human experience of being born when you're in the world. Okay,
Speaker 1: So like you can look at those two things and
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, I get that delineation. And then he
Speaker 1: was saying how you have to think of death the
Speaker 1: way you think of birth that then when you leave
Speaker 1: the world, it's similar to the way you came into
Speaker 1: the world. That you're not gone, you're just not here.
Speaker 1: And I thought that was so yeah, I liked that.
Speaker 1: I was trying to explain it to my sister Shanda
Speaker 1: last night, and she's not on the same page as
Speaker 1: I am with you know, the physics of it all,
Speaker 1: because I have a hard time understanding physics, but I
Speaker 1: understand what energy means. But when the math gets involved
Speaker 1: and the dimensions get involved, I'm like, but I I
Speaker 1: know that it's true because it's science that seems very
Speaker 1: easy to digest and it makes sense, right. I thought
Speaker 1: so too. I was like, this is an easy way
Speaker 1: to explain it. There was an Instagram post. It was
Speaker 1: a guy who had lost his brother three years earlier,
Speaker 1: was shot and his brother did this ad campaign Prince
Speaker 1: AD when he was like six years old, and it
Speaker 1: was on the side of this truck. And his brother
Speaker 1: took a picture of the ad that he had done
Speaker 1: himself when he was six and right before he died,
Speaker 1: and sent it to his brother. And on his birthday,
Speaker 1: which would have been his thirtieth birthday, his brother was
Speaker 1: driving along the freeway and the truck, there's only one
Speaker 1: truck with that ad on it drove right past him.
Speaker 1: And when you hear stuff like that, you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: there's something else at play here that we can't identify
Speaker 1: and that we can't see because that's not just a coincidence. Well,
Speaker 1: I think that's why people have a hard time accepting
Speaker 1: things like this, because upon death, like the physical material
Speaker 1: of our persons is no longer present, so they think,
Speaker 1: like at conception, as soon as those cells merge, they
Speaker 1: can understand, oh, a baby is being formed and then
Speaker 1: a person is born. But then when you die and
Speaker 1: you remove that factor, like that is what's hard for people,
Speaker 1: I think, to reconcile or understand that you continue on
Speaker 1: even though that material is gone, because like when you
Speaker 1: ask for signs from a loved one who's died, some
Speaker 1: people get them right away and some people don't. So
Speaker 1: you're like, well, what does that mean? Why can some
Speaker 1: people get them? And why are they available? You know,
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like I say to my mom, like I
Speaker 1: need you right now, can you whatever? And I don't
Speaker 1: feel her presence, and other times I feel her presence
Speaker 1: all the time. So I guess maybe it's not up
Speaker 1: to us to be summoning the people. But yeah, when
Speaker 1: you think about it, like, Okay, that person is in
Speaker 1: another dimension now, but they still exist in some realm,
Speaker 1: you know, dimension matrix. I don't know. I mean, you
Speaker 1: can use whatever word makes the most sense to you.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I did think that was an easy way
Speaker 1: to understand it, and it makes death so much more palatable.
Speaker 1: I feel like we're a little bit behind the eight
Speaker 1: ball when it comes to death in this country, Like
Speaker 1: it should be a little bit more of a celebration
Speaker 1: of life when people are taken from us. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's hard to look at it like that in all circumstances,
Speaker 1: especially when you know innocent people are gunned down by
Speaker 1: the police force that is meant to protect. That's hard
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, this should be a celebration instead
Speaker 1: of a huge miscarriage of justice. Have you watched Surviving
Speaker 1: Death on Netflix? People should watch that. It's a really
Speaker 1: interesting take on what you experience after death or people's
Speaker 1: experiences with it. There was a woman who knew she
Speaker 1: was going to die while giving birth, and no one
Speaker 1: would listen to her, and she did, and then she
Speaker 1: came back and she knew exactly who was operating on her,
Speaker 1: how they were trying to resuscitate her. Was fucking weird.
Speaker 1: But Laura Lynn Jackson is in it. And Laura Lynn
Speaker 1: Jackson wrote the book Signs, and that's you know about
Speaker 1: like asking for signs from your loved ones who have
Speaker 1: passed away, not passed on. Yeah, And so I started
Speaker 1: doing that. And my grandmother's is dragonflies, which I never
Speaker 1: see anywhere, but something will happen. I'm like, where the
Speaker 1: fun did that guy come from? Like I literally had
Speaker 1: one fly through the house the other day as you
Speaker 1: never where the fund do you ever seeing fly right
Speaker 1: right right right? Well, no, because there's mosquitoes everywhere, because
Speaker 1: the world is melting, so ask for signs. I think
Speaker 1: my mom is a bird, and I think of her
Speaker 1: as one of my dogs, because she's definitely she's fucking
Speaker 1: with me. All right, Well, before we dive in, why
Speaker 1: don't we take a quick break? Okay, okay, who's on
Speaker 1: deck up? First? We have actually call her. Her name
Speaker 1: is Claudia, so why don't we get her. I pronounce
Speaker 1: that Cloudia Claudia to see what she's got going on
Speaker 1: high Cloudia. Hey, is it Claudia or Cloudia? It's funny
Speaker 1: that you say Cloudia. Some people do say it, but
Speaker 1: it is Claudia, so people say Claudia. That's what I thought.
Speaker 1: Very South American of you. Yeah, I always tried an
Speaker 1: air on the side of South American, especially when I'm
Speaker 1: in North America. Well for me, oddly enough, it comes
Speaker 1: from a German side. So oh a spreckenzie Deutsch mind bission.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's one more word than I know I
Speaker 1: know how to say. Little. Oh yeah, yeah, I figured
Speaker 1: my mom was German. Oh really, what about you? Who's
Speaker 1: German on your side? Yeah? My mom. Her last name
Speaker 1: is Humble, which is bumbledee. Oh is it? I guess
Speaker 1: that's what she don't me. No, it is. Actually I
Speaker 1: took three years in German in high school. I also
Speaker 1: took three years of German in high school, but I
Speaker 1: took four years. I know nothing besides it Cleveland Dick,
Speaker 1: which means I love you, not I love Dick. I
Speaker 1: think it means I love Dick. I can say it
Speaker 1: depends on how you pronounce it. Do you pronounce it
Speaker 1: cock or how do you pronounce it in German? Dick
Speaker 1: or you Dick? I couldn't tell you. Is I I
Speaker 1: know that? And sloth is sleep. Well, now that everybody's
Speaker 1: gotten there, this is very educational. Yeah. Well it's always
Speaker 1: been my intent to educate the masses. So okay, So Claudia, Yes,
Speaker 1: tell us why you're calling in today, and nice to
Speaker 1: meet you. We're nice to meet you too. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I was selling your producer when I wrote the letter.
Speaker 1: I must have been very angry and it must have
Speaker 1: been happening at the time. So my neighbor has been
Speaker 1: redoing his home. We share a wall. It's a row
Speaker 1: home in Philadelphia. There's no firewall, there's no instantly. Ashton
Speaker 1: is just basically, you know, some wood slats and some
Speaker 1: horse hair from a hundred years ago and that's it, right,
Speaker 1: and then some plaster and I can hear him sneeze.
Speaker 1: I can hear everything. And I've lived there for ten years,
Speaker 1: or I lived here for ten years transplant from New
Speaker 1: Jersey and um, you had to get out of there right, Well,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's a lateral move, though Jersey to
Speaker 1: Philly is a lateral move totally. It's like I'm saving
Speaker 1: all my property taxes, but everything else sucks. So my
Speaker 1: vent here ten years. They had three adult children living
Speaker 1: with them when we first moved in, and I was
Speaker 1: considered them to be quiet neighbors, and I thought we
Speaker 1: were the loud ones. We would have dinner parties and
Speaker 1: friends over, but nothing ever really crazy. You know, we're adults.
Speaker 1: It's and everybody's gotta work, so it's like not a
Speaker 1: big deal. Well, slowly, over the past few years he's
Speaker 1: been redoing the house and little things here and there.
Speaker 1: But once the pandemic hit, it was like all day
Speaker 1: from eight in the morning to six o'clock in the evening. Banging, hammering,
Speaker 1: like floor shaking crap, right, you know, and it's like,
Speaker 1: is he going to come through the wall, because either
Speaker 1: he's going to come through the wall or I'm going
Speaker 1: to go through the all Like what the funk are
Speaker 1: you doing? So based on the sounds we hear, we
Speaker 1: can guess what is he doing now? Like doing his
Speaker 1: own electric is the one thing that we came to
Speaker 1: that got a little scary, right, So we were like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: houses are notorious for burning down in Philly. So then
Speaker 1: we try to move right and then it's like, no,
Speaker 1: you can't not unless you have like several hundred thousand
Speaker 1: dollars cash in your pocket. Are you even able to
Speaker 1: get out of your home at this point? So I'm
Speaker 1: like okay, So now we tried to like play music,
Speaker 1: turn up the television, I don't know, we just try
Speaker 1: to like offset it, but it's always not so easy.
Speaker 1: So what have the conversation has been like up to now?
Speaker 1: My husband will say things like, hey, so it's pretty
Speaker 1: loud today, and he'd be like, yeah, we're almost done.
Speaker 1: We're doing the loud parts now, but we should be
Speaker 1: done soon. And he'd be like, okay, you when he
Speaker 1: comes inside and then he tells me, and then I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: that's great. And then three months later it's like, I
Speaker 1: guess we're going to have to leave again today because
Speaker 1: it's pretty loud. I know, they can't afford to pay
Speaker 1: for somebody to do the work and get it done sooner.
Speaker 1: So there's that, right. I don't want to be like
Speaker 1: totally insensitive, but how many months has this been going
Speaker 1: on for? Well? I mean how long has the pandemic nonsince? Like,
Speaker 1: what a year ago? Yeah, so that's over a year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was here and there, upton to that point and
Speaker 1: we could handle it, I guess, but it was on
Speaker 1: we got lockdown and they were like, okay, well we're
Speaker 1: doing this now then, and we were like okay, well,
Speaker 1: it would have been nice if we had a conversation.
Speaker 1: I think this guy deserves You need to start playing
Speaker 1: hardball with this asshole. Like he's gotten away with this
Speaker 1: for a year. I mean, if he was giving you
Speaker 1: an honest timeline, then that would be one thing. But
Speaker 1: you're living with a connecting wall. It's a much different issue.
Speaker 1: You can't just start construction without letting your neighbors know.
Speaker 1: And that's clearly what he's doing. If you can hear
Speaker 1: all of that, it is construction. Do you have any
Speaker 1: lawyer friends, I would put together a letter that scared
Speaker 1: the ship out of him. What do you think, Brandon, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm going through construction in my house right now. Your
Speaker 1: rental has construction next to it. So I totally understand
Speaker 1: your frustration that it's at all year year. That's like abuse.
Speaker 1: That's like, you know, chronic abuse a year. Yeah. If
Speaker 1: he especially if he says we're gonna be done soon,
Speaker 1: We're gonna be done soon. That guy is never going
Speaker 1: to be done with anything, it sounds like. So, you know,
Speaker 1: that's disrespectful to the neighbor. So it's one thing like
Speaker 1: our house, the rental house I'm staying in next door,
Speaker 1: they're building a huge monstrosity. There's nothing I can do
Speaker 1: about that. That's that they own that lamb. They can
Speaker 1: do whatever they want. But this, if you're sharing a
Speaker 1: wall with somebody, it's basic common decency to be a
Speaker 1: little bit more forthcoming with the actual facts of the
Speaker 1: matter and when he will be done, because it feels
Speaker 1: like there's no end date. You've been playing softball with
Speaker 1: him and it's not getting you any results. So I
Speaker 1: would start playing hardball, and even if that means you
Speaker 1: having a fucking meltdown running outside and just like throwing
Speaker 1: ship at his house, like he needs to see that,
Speaker 1: he needs to see that this is the last straw,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's at the end and you're not
Speaker 1: gonna be playing Mr. Nice guy anymore. Okay, totally, totally,
Speaker 1: this sounds like a perfect assignment for me, though, to
Speaker 1: walk in and fucking talk to your neighbor may just
Speaker 1: fly her there because she will do it. Now it's
Speaker 1: still as intense all day every day. Like for me,
Speaker 1: if this were my neighbor, I would go over. I'd
Speaker 1: be like, hey, we need a schedule of when this
Speaker 1: is happening because now it's such an inconvenience for me.
Speaker 1: You need to work around my schedule and what I
Speaker 1: have going on. And so these are the times where
Speaker 1: you can make noise. These at times when I'll leave
Speaker 1: the house, so we're not in this constant. Also, she's
Speaker 1: on zooms. I mean, you're all in a pandemic. You
Speaker 1: have to make you have to do zooms all day,
Speaker 1: don't you? Are you in a job that means that
Speaker 1: I am and you know my work is they they're
Speaker 1: so good, you know, they don't care. They've got kids
Speaker 1: and animals crawling all over them too, so they're cool.
Speaker 1: They Yeah, but he that he doesn't know. If that's
Speaker 1: the case, you could say to him, buddy, I'm about
Speaker 1: to get fired from my job because of this noise.
Speaker 1: I do know many times I've had to hang up
Speaker 1: on a zoom because of the noise coming from your house.
Speaker 1: Like he has to feel your pain. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: think that's a good point. He doesn't know that you
Speaker 1: have nice colleagues and that they're accepting of this. He
Speaker 1: doesn't need to know that it's a ship show as
Speaker 1: far as he's concerned. Asking him for a schedule would
Speaker 1: be really interesting because I think you guys are right. Like,
Speaker 1: we have this conversation with my husband, and I like
Speaker 1: it's almost like, does he have a mental problem, Like
Speaker 1: you see one of those people that's like really literally
Speaker 1: going fucking crazy because he can't do anything else. Well,
Speaker 1: I think people who play with lots of tools do
Speaker 1: have you know a little something that's something's a little
Speaker 1: bit loose, right, and that's what they're trying to tighten.
Speaker 1: But guess what fucking asshole. We're all in a pandemic,
Speaker 1: we're all about to lose it. So that's not an
Speaker 1: excuse either. And you know you definitely having a good
Speaker 1: job or good work environment that's accepting of it is
Speaker 1: of no relevance. He doesn't need to know that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: asking for a schedule neither or presenting your schedule being
Speaker 1: like this is when based on my schedule, you can
Speaker 1: do this audible. Now, I think it should be the
Speaker 1: other way around, because he's the one causing the problem.
Speaker 1: She that's bending over backwards for him. Why she presenting
Speaker 1: her schedule then that gives him all these pockets to
Speaker 1: do construction and well, because she can set that like
Speaker 1: if she only wants him to do it from X time,
Speaker 1: X times, she can be like, these are the times
Speaker 1: that you can work within that are convenient for me.
Speaker 1: It's something like, give me your schedule and then I'll
Speaker 1: take a look at it, and if I have something going,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you you can't be working. Yeah, I just say,
Speaker 1: you've had a couple of tricky zooms. Listen, Like you're
Speaker 1: a professional. I understand you're doing work on your house.
Speaker 1: But we've been pretty understanding for a year because that's
Speaker 1: how long it's been going on, right, you're not exaggerating, no, Right, Okay,
Speaker 1: So it's been going on for a year, and I've
Speaker 1: had some issues with work, and I need your schedule
Speaker 1: because I now need to schedule around your construction. He
Speaker 1: doesn't have a construction schedule, it sounds like, so that's
Speaker 1: going to throw him for a real loop de loop.
Speaker 1: Something you should also check this because it's something I
Speaker 1: had to deal with, is you should check with the
Speaker 1: city because there are working hours for construction of when
Speaker 1: he can do something like the decibel of how loud
Speaker 1: it can be with people around. So I'm sure that
Speaker 1: there's some sort of city guideline or regulation you should
Speaker 1: look into. Yeah, we have an agency called three one one,
Speaker 1: and they definitely keep the work within the hours. It's
Speaker 1: like between eight and eight. Like he's always really good
Speaker 1: about that, but I will say he's able to do
Speaker 1: construction until eight pm, eight to eight. Remind me never
Speaker 1: to move to fucking Philadelphia. What is that? That's why
Speaker 1: we're so angry here, Claudia. Just remember though, like there
Speaker 1: is a light at the end of the tunnel now,
Speaker 1: because if this is COVID or pandemic related, Like, everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna be coming out of it summer starting, people are
Speaker 1: getting vaccinated. He's going to want to not be in
Speaker 1: the house. His daughter just found out she's pregnant, so
Speaker 1: the mother said that they'll be going to visit more
Speaker 1: often and that they won't be home as much. So
Speaker 1: that'll be so there's a bright spot on the horizons.
Speaker 1: One of the adult children that was living with him
Speaker 1: when he when you moved in. Yeah, feeling that they're
Speaker 1: going to move like I actually heard him on the
Speaker 1: phone asking how much he had left on his loan.
Speaker 1: But asking him for a schedule is a great first step,
Speaker 1: especially for the rest of those Everyone would appreciate that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's the most civilized way to go about it.
Speaker 1: I have some other ideas, but it seems like that's
Speaker 1: the one we should stick to for now. Why don't
Speaker 1: you get back to us and we can if I
Speaker 1: need to call him, I'm also open to doing that.
Speaker 1: And what would you say, Oh, I have away with men.
Speaker 1: They don't like to talk to me, so they want
Speaker 1: the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. So
Speaker 1: I have a way with like really making my voice
Speaker 1: be heard and them ensuring that they will not hear
Speaker 1: from me again. No one wants a second call. Now.
Speaker 1: I believe that I've had it up to here with men,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I have no patience for
Speaker 1: it anymore. And that is something, but absolutely like are
Speaker 1: you fucking sitting there wasting space or are you contributing
Speaker 1: something right now? I just had an incident with a guy,
Speaker 1: this pilot, and he was just wasting so much time.
Speaker 1: And I looked at him like, buddy, why are you
Speaker 1: wasting so much time? Why not be pushing the ball
Speaker 1: forward instead of holding us all back? And he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: is that what you think I'm doing? And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's exactly what you are doing. And then he's like, well,
Speaker 1: thank you for telling me. But it's like there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people that are not doing much and are
Speaker 1: taking up room. I agree, Well, maybe he's also fixing
Speaker 1: the house up to sell it. That's the other thing, right,
Speaker 1: So that makes sense. I mean, I don't want to
Speaker 1: stop him from progressing in his life. Right. Well, you're
Speaker 1: very nice, a little too sympathetic, Like if you go
Speaker 1: out every day get bitten by the same dog, you
Speaker 1: need to go make a left and then avoid that dog.
Speaker 1: So you need a different framework from here on out.
Speaker 1: I agree, So keep us posted. I will, okay, Claudia,
Speaker 1: I will Chelsea, thank you, Okay, don't be a stranger.
Speaker 1: I won't. Likewise by Claudia, by guys, she said, likewise,
Speaker 1: how are we supposed to keep in touch with her? Brandon?
Speaker 1: Did you get her digits? I'm going to hit her
Speaker 1: on the hip, don't worry about it. Does she have
Speaker 1: a beeper? I hope? So. I want a beeper. That
Speaker 1: would be so great for my drug deals. That would
Speaker 1: be really nice for both of us, just be able
Speaker 1: to page each other. Well, but that's why you have
Speaker 1: fired your friends on me. So you see where I am.
Speaker 1: When I am lost, I always got an eye on you.
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, she seemed very normal and reasonable.
Speaker 1: She was rational. She's going to be just fine because
Speaker 1: she's gonna go Yeah, she's going to go into this
Speaker 1: with an empathy. Yeah. Maybe it was an overabundance for
Speaker 1: this man, but I think that's going to put her
Speaker 1: on much better footing than going out and just being
Speaker 1: a total cunt. Yeah no, no, no, don't call me aunt.
Speaker 1: Taught you the word cunt. I use it probably too
Speaker 1: much and think that it's like now, I've taken it
Speaker 1: on because it's more appropriate for a woman to use
Speaker 1: that word. And I feel like I can because I'm
Speaker 1: a gay man. But I should probably rein it in
Speaker 1: because it's pretty like they kind of. But I would
Speaker 1: never call a woman in the street a count like
Speaker 1: I would never call like to you. I would refer
Speaker 1: to one of your girlfriends as a count, and you
Speaker 1: have and she is and her name is. Should we
Speaker 1: get the next collar on the line where I feel
Speaker 1: like we're rocking and rolling here? I mean, it feels
Speaker 1: really good to be listening to people. Let me read
Speaker 1: you his submission and then we can get right into him. Okay,
Speaker 1: his name is a mirror, he says, Dear Chelsea. I'm
Speaker 1: a fifty two year old married man who looks like Mr.
Speaker 1: Potato Head. Yet I find myself obsessing over looking good
Speaker 1: to younger women. I know that there's no chance of
Speaker 1: scoring at all with them, and I don't try. But
Speaker 1: how do I get past this? Taylor's old as time?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, where's a mirror? A mirror? Hi? What
Speaker 1: a cool surprises is? Who would who would have thought
Speaker 1: well you did apparently when you wrote in your request
Speaker 1: for advice. I'm here. Yeah, well, if you could see
Speaker 1: my face, you'd realize I only look smart. Okay, well
Speaker 1: that's a bad outlook on yourself, but we can get
Speaker 1: to that in a minute. Brandon. Just read me your
Speaker 1: submission and it talks about why you want to attract
Speaker 1: younger women or be attractive to younger women, and that
Speaker 1: you look like Mr Potato. How is that correct? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's pretty accurate. Okay, Well, I would like to start
Speaker 1: by saying a why are you concerned with attracting younger
Speaker 1: women when you are married? I don't know. And I'm
Speaker 1: happily married too, and I would never consider cheating on
Speaker 1: my wife. But that's what just goes through my head.
Speaker 1: I'm going through a weird midlife crisis, right. You just
Speaker 1: want their approval, You want them to think you're attractive,
Speaker 1: and that's all you need, right, Right, So that's your
Speaker 1: own insecurity coming to the surface. And why do you
Speaker 1: think you're insecure? I don't know. Probably because I'm just
Speaker 1: an average looking guy. In all my life, I've seen
Speaker 1: all the other guys I know could all the attention,
Speaker 1: So I think that might have something to do with it.
Speaker 1: This is very interesting to me because so infrequently do
Speaker 1: we hear a man talk about his comparison to other
Speaker 1: men in relation to how they look so for me
Speaker 1: or to write in and wanting to look good to
Speaker 1: younger women, when really it's probably him internalizing like these
Speaker 1: handsome men that he's seen his entire life, Like, this
Speaker 1: is something that men also deal with, and you know,
Speaker 1: I deal with personally to try and adhere to I
Speaker 1: guess a societal expectation of what we should look like,
Speaker 1: so a mirror like to your point, you're constantly under
Speaker 1: state of comparison to who's around you. You're pouring out
Speaker 1: my heart right now, But I merre, I think the
Speaker 1: thing and I'm going to take the lead on this
Speaker 1: one since I'm a man, Well, thank you. What I've
Speaker 1: realized for myself and here is that you can only
Speaker 1: provide this to yourself. So when you feel good and
Speaker 1: attractive and you have to find a way to make
Speaker 1: yourself feel that way, you won't care about what someone
Speaker 1: an onlooker thinks. But no one else has that responsibility
Speaker 1: besides you. And for me, it was changing my diet
Speaker 1: because I eat like a twelve year old. I mean
Speaker 1: pop tarts for every meal and donuts. He would eat
Speaker 1: like six to seven donuts in one city. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: had some bad habits. And Brandon's a really good looking guy,
Speaker 1: but I felt so bad about myself. So typically people
Speaker 1: who feel that way, what you're seeing is not a
Speaker 1: representation of what the world sees. So like when I
Speaker 1: look at myself sometimes it's like I have to take
Speaker 1: a quick little glance and walk away, because as long
Speaker 1: as I know I'm put together to go to a
Speaker 1: meeting or wherever, I know that I'm seeing something much
Speaker 1: different than what Chelsea sees. You have to be able
Speaker 1: to recalibrate your brain and reassure yourself that you have
Speaker 1: something of worth to provide. Not everyone looks like Daniel Craig.
Speaker 1: I always say, I want to look like Ryan Reynolds.
Speaker 1: Never gonna wake up one morning and look like him.
Speaker 1: But there are other things that you have that someone
Speaker 1: else doesn't, so like my attentiveness, like what I know
Speaker 1: I can do and I don't have a skill or talent. Truthfully,
Speaker 1: I tell people that all the time. But what I
Speaker 1: can do is take care of people, and I'm good
Speaker 1: at that, and I like to do it. You have
Speaker 1: comedy like, you have a cooking skill like some everyone
Speaker 1: has something that they can about it. What are your
Speaker 1: best qualities and attributes? Wow, I don't know. We'll forget
Speaker 1: about the exterior like to talk about like interior? What
Speaker 1: is what's your personality like? What do people love about you?
Speaker 1: What's your wife's favorite thing about you? Well? I'd like
Speaker 1: to think of myself as a generally easygoing kind of guy.
Speaker 1: I I think that so many things in life aren't
Speaker 1: worth making an issue over. I see people getting upset
Speaker 1: for the silliest things, and I just don't understand why
Speaker 1: they expend that kind of energy. I try to be
Speaker 1: non judgmental. I am open minded. I'm open to new
Speaker 1: experiences because I think life is all about experience and
Speaker 1: that adds to one's personality and breadth of knowledge. But
Speaker 1: you know how many people don't have those things Like
Speaker 1: those are traits that one are very hard to teach
Speaker 1: or to be learned, and you have that in you already.
Speaker 1: I'm someone who takes issue with everything, and I wish
Speaker 1: my partners he tells me all the time. He goes,
Speaker 1: I wish that you were lazier like I wish that
Speaker 1: you were not as observant as you are, that thinks
Speaker 1: not everything was life or death. And let me tell
Speaker 1: you just one thing sthetically, Not everyone can pull off
Speaker 1: a chunky glass and you're wearing glasses and you look great.
Speaker 1: Yeah you do, kids, I couldn't wear those. I think
Speaker 1: you have a negative narrative going, you know, And I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people feel that way. They have
Speaker 1: a negative narrative going in their head. Like you, you're
Speaker 1: holding onto this one ideal that you know that's impossible
Speaker 1: to reach. You're not gonna look like Daniel Craig, but
Speaker 1: you have all these other attributes about yourself that you're
Speaker 1: under playing where those should be in the forefront, Like
Speaker 1: you need to leverage those, leverage those, like all of
Speaker 1: the things about being open minded, being non judgmental. Do
Speaker 1: you know how badly I wish I didn't judge people.
Speaker 1: I fucking judge everybody. And it's a constant exercise to
Speaker 1: try and dismantle that, you know, to do not look
Speaker 1: at somebody's shoes and go, oh my god, how does
Speaker 1: anybody fuck that guy? You know? Like, so that's a
Speaker 1: huge advantage you already have, and you know who were
Speaker 1: the people in your life, like the closest people. Do
Speaker 1: you have kids, No, no kids, it's just my wife.
Speaker 1: Another reason to celebrate you have no children, I mean
Speaker 1: awesome is that that you went through COVID and didn't
Speaker 1: have to homeschool anybody. That's a victory dance right there.
Speaker 1: I suppose you're right. I didn't think of it that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I think you need to flip the narrative that's
Speaker 1: going on. It feels like you're stuck with this idea
Speaker 1: of something that's unattainable. So that's useless, and you need
Speaker 1: to focus on what is attainable for you and what
Speaker 1: you are good at, and then start bringing those qualities,
Speaker 1: like really focusing on that going like thinking about your
Speaker 1: open mindedness and how you can apply that to your
Speaker 1: life in terms of if you want to make more
Speaker 1: friends or if you want a bigger social life. You know,
Speaker 1: you want to be more outdoorsy. No one's ever like,
Speaker 1: you know, as far as your body and your weight
Speaker 1: and exercise goes like, no one's ever gotten in shape.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I just vomited. No one's ever gotten in shape.
Speaker 1: And then and I have women no, No, See that
Speaker 1: narrative just extinguish that that's self loathing and it's it's
Speaker 1: not that makes me feel sorry for you, not go oh,
Speaker 1: that's a fun guy that I want to hang out with. Well,
Speaker 1: you just you just made a good point. How do
Speaker 1: I get people to think that rather than think that
Speaker 1: I'm pathetic? I mean when when these feelings of inadequacy
Speaker 1: creep up? Can you suggest anything I should do to
Speaker 1: try to get around you have to overdo it. I
Speaker 1: was made fun of my entire life. When I walk
Speaker 1: into a room, if people are laughing, it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: if I know them or not they're my best friends.
Speaker 1: I will automatically seem they're laughing at me. It has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with me. You have to like in
Speaker 1: those moments, I hold my head up a little bit higher.
Speaker 1: It's like you're putting on a character. But I also
Speaker 1: just want sorry. I want to jump in. I'd love
Speaker 1: to interrupt people. I want to jump in because you're saying, like,
Speaker 1: how do I get these people to like me by
Speaker 1: applying your thought patterns to the things that you do have. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm outgoing, I'm open minded, I'm not judgmental. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm easy going. All of those things are great qualities,
Speaker 1: so amplify them, and that's how you get people attracted
Speaker 1: to you. You have to make yourself believe those things too,
Speaker 1: Like you know what's there because you're able to vocalize it.
Speaker 1: And I think that again going back to the physical part,
Speaker 1: so many women from Chelsea and Ice conversation, Chelsey conversation,
Speaker 1: that power conversation, power control. There you go, great, look
Speaker 1: at you, Look at you. Your great grammar too, So
Speaker 1: there you go, put that in your bonnet and smoke it.
Speaker 1: But being that outgoing and leveraging those other things that
Speaker 1: you do have, like the physical part for most women
Speaker 1: is not at the forefront, Like, yes, there has to
Speaker 1: be a basis of attraction, but those other things like
Speaker 1: making someone laugh or giving someone knowledge on something can
Speaker 1: be equally as attractive and engagement. Yeah, and like you've
Speaker 1: got to start believing it, you know, you've got to
Speaker 1: whether it's affirmations is like lame as that sounds, you know,
Speaker 1: think about it. You've got to change the pattern in
Speaker 1: your brain. Now, high on yourself, you've gotta behind yourself.
Speaker 1: You're alive, you're not dying, you have your whole life
Speaker 1: ahead of you, So why not get after it. I
Speaker 1: agree and that and that's the reason I wrote in
Speaker 1: I want to learn how to seize the day. Well,
Speaker 1: do you feel like we've given you some ideas that
Speaker 1: are tangible enough for you putting into practice? Yeah, some
Speaker 1: really good, really good advice. And what about your exercise routine,
Speaker 1: because I think that always puts people in a good mood.
Speaker 1: What I was saying earlier is that no one word
Speaker 1: does makes that change in their life, like starts eating
Speaker 1: more healthy and starts exercising and feels worse Like that
Speaker 1: is a definite recipe for feeling better. Well, I I
Speaker 1: bought it. I bought a bike and I usually go
Speaker 1: for an hour long bike ride every day now, and
Speaker 1: I have changed my diet, so I am losing weight. Great. Well,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. It already sounds like you're on your way.
Speaker 1: I have faith in you. You just need to hear
Speaker 1: from a strong woman that you're valuable, and you are
Speaker 1: valuable to the mail race and to the human race.
Speaker 1: That makes all the difference in the world to me,
Speaker 1: especially coming from you. Yeah, Okay, as long as you're
Speaker 1: not a sexual assaulter, we've got no problems. You couldn't
Speaker 1: get laid in to morgue. Okay, well, we're gonna stop that.
Speaker 1: We're gonna stop those jokes. Couldn't get laid into morgue
Speaker 1: isn't a funny joke, and it's not worth repeating. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: what you know what a funny joke would be is
Speaker 1: I could get laid into morgue. Not try. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: let's just leave the morgue out of it. But you know,
Speaker 1: check back in with us, Okay in a few months,
Speaker 1: I'd like to see how your progress is going, or
Speaker 1: right us or whatever. Keep in touch because yeah, you
Speaker 1: just need a little bit of a pep talk, and
Speaker 1: if you need another one, we're happy to give it
Speaker 1: to you. We'll do when I can't thank you enough
Speaker 1: for your time. It's really appreciated, and I've got a
Speaker 1: lot of good takeaways from the coal. Great, and don't
Speaker 1: forget to have sex with your wife consensually. Okay, okay, consensually.
Speaker 1: That will help you feel good too. We'll do thanks
Speaker 1: and try and make her feel good while you're at it. Okay,
Speaker 1: what is next on the docket? Well, I mean we're
Speaker 1: covering a lot of basic episode. We have more, oh god, okay,
Speaker 1: keep plugging away. Yeah, I feel very motivated right now.
Speaker 1: Let's just keep it going. Then. The next caller is
Speaker 1: kit from southern California, age thirty two and tech sales, writes,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, can you speak to your experience with shame
Speaker 1: and do you have any advice for deep programming it
Speaker 1: within oneself? Let's have you explain your back story. Kit Hi,
Speaker 1: Kit Hi Hi thinks it's nice to meet you both.
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Yeah, my back story. So, I
Speaker 1: have had a couple I didn't dating until I was
Speaker 1: in my late twenties, and I had a couple of
Speaker 1: veiled relationships and realized that I kind of internalized the
Speaker 1: responsibility for those field relationships, and so I started to
Speaker 1: see a counselor and a therapist who's been really great,
Speaker 1: and it's been really helpful. And as I've been kind
Speaker 1: of confronting things that have prevented me from self actualizing,
Speaker 1: I suppose I've been realizing how shame has kind of
Speaker 1: had this deep, insidious hold on my subconscious and has
Speaker 1: been kind of at the wheel of a lot of
Speaker 1: my decision making, and I'm hoping to combat that. I
Speaker 1: recently was driving and listening to Justin Long's podcast. He
Speaker 1: was talking to Kristen Bell and she was talking about
Speaker 1: aging and being okay with aging because you know, she
Speaker 1: got to be young and feel confident in a bikini
Speaker 1: and I kind of had to pull over and cry
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm kind of approaching the sunset
Speaker 1: of my youth and I've never been comfortable in a
Speaker 1: swim suit. And that's like body shame, but there's lots
Speaker 1: of other shame. And so I'm really in awe of
Speaker 1: a lot of the choices that you make and the
Speaker 1: things that you do, because it seems like shame does
Speaker 1: not play a role in that at all. And I'm
Speaker 1: hoping to maybe get some guidance from you and kind
Speaker 1: of d programming the shame to live a little bit
Speaker 1: more carefree. Well, the first thing I noticed is that
Speaker 1: you said you had a couple of failed relationships, Like,
Speaker 1: there's no reason to look at any relationship as a failure.
Speaker 1: That's what relationships are there for a period of time.
Speaker 1: I mean, did you want the first relationship you had
Speaker 1: to be a success by way of marriage. I mean
Speaker 1: then you would have no life experience, so they're not failed.
Speaker 1: That's the first mistake you're looking at that as like
Speaker 1: it's a negative. Like the whole purpose of life is
Speaker 1: to evolve, to have experiences, to become wiser, to become
Speaker 1: more confident, to become less self conscious, right to have
Speaker 1: less shame. So without plentiful experience, you can't move on
Speaker 1: and experience the world in that way you're looking for
Speaker 1: like a home run in your first relationship. That's not normal.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have those ex patients. You have to allow
Speaker 1: room for things to lead in your view of a
Speaker 1: success and failure like so we have to get those
Speaker 1: words out of your vocabulary, because some relationships are neither
Speaker 1: a success nor a failure. I've had I don't know
Speaker 1: a few long term relationships, and I don't view them
Speaker 1: as failures. I view them as incredible life experiences. They
Speaker 1: all gave me something I didn't have before. So that's
Speaker 1: the first thing I know. Shame plays a very big
Speaker 1: role in a lot of people's lives, especially a lot
Speaker 1: of gay people's lives. I yeah, you're right. I don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of shame, so it's not like I
Speaker 1: have a lot to on earth of it. But I
Speaker 1: have been witnessed to a lot of it, and it
Speaker 1: is really about the narrative that you're telling yourself about
Speaker 1: the way you want your life to go. And you
Speaker 1: have to be open to not planning, executing, and succeeding
Speaker 1: in every single thing that you think you should do
Speaker 1: because of what society tells you to do. You have
Speaker 1: to explore what makes you happy, Like what does make
Speaker 1: you happy? What are the things that make you happy
Speaker 1: in a relationship? Like what would make you happy? Do
Speaker 1: you want to get married and have kids and have
Speaker 1: a family. Is that what your goal is? Maybe marriage?
Speaker 1: Maybe some dogs, a lot of plants, probably, So what
Speaker 1: would a successful relationship look like to you? Then I
Speaker 1: guess one in which there's a lot of challenge for
Speaker 1: that kind of like mindfulness and intention and growth. I
Speaker 1: did a meditation this morning and it was with Deepox
Speaker 1: Shoprah's meditation with Oprah, and it said something he said,
Speaker 1: every day is part of your path to get where
Speaker 1: you're going, Like every single day, whether you see it
Speaker 1: or not, or it feels like, oh that happened, Why
Speaker 1: did I have this setback? Nothing is a setback. Everything
Speaker 1: is moving you forward. Right as long as you have
Speaker 1: the attitude that this is part of your journey, I
Speaker 1: can't avoid using that word because it's just too everyone.
Speaker 1: I hate it. I hate it so much. It reminds
Speaker 1: me of the band Journey, which I also wasn't a
Speaker 1: big fan of, but you know your journey. It's so
Speaker 1: important for women espe actually to be okay with your
Speaker 1: current circumstances and to not put all this pressure on
Speaker 1: yourself about what you think you should be doing. You
Speaker 1: have to really find out what brings you joy, what
Speaker 1: brings you happiness, because there are plenty of things that
Speaker 1: are going to bring you joy and happiness that you
Speaker 1: don't even know about yet because you're thirty, right, Like
Speaker 1: I didn't find out about my own interests and like
Speaker 1: hobbies until I was older. I was just sitting there,
Speaker 1: like running that kind of bicycle of life for a
Speaker 1: long time, and so I was like thirty seven, thirty eight,
Speaker 1: I didn't slow down and think, wait, what do I want?
Speaker 1: What am I looking for? What do I want to
Speaker 1: get out of life? And it's not saying that you
Speaker 1: have to wait until your thirty eight or thirty nine
Speaker 1: to find that out, but you do have to take
Speaker 1: the pressure off of your shoulders, Like that's no way
Speaker 1: for you to enjoy life. You can't put all of
Speaker 1: this pressure on. And that's where I think shame comes from,
Speaker 1: is when you're not meeting the expectations of what you
Speaker 1: think people expect from you. Yeah, Hunter, I know that
Speaker 1: you're pretty familiar with the angiogram, and I'm like a
Speaker 1: textbook one the perfectionist, So that that all makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense, right right, So there you go. So
Speaker 1: you're a perfectionist and you yeah, and you want everything
Speaker 1: probably wrapped up in a nice little bow. And I
Speaker 1: would say, like, you know, do you have a dog
Speaker 1: right now? Yeah? I do? Okay, Well, that must keep
Speaker 1: you busy and that makes you happy, right, I know?
Speaker 1: Dogs make me so fucking happy. Yeah, fat dogs. Do
Speaker 1: you have a fat dog? I do. He's a hundred
Speaker 1: pound Mastiff named Abner, And there's just everything about that
Speaker 1: visual It is very exciting for me. Yeah, we have
Speaker 1: I love the drooling. I love when dogs are like
Speaker 1: that when you get him off of sofa and the
Speaker 1: whole sofa is just wet because of their big Most
Speaker 1: people are grossed out by that, but we just get
Speaker 1: our couches cleaned. So anyway, back to you, the moral
Speaker 1: of the stories, how are we going to diminish her
Speaker 1: shame Brandon, what's a good Okay? I really feel for
Speaker 1: you because I am a perfectionist in a way that
Speaker 1: my boyfriend basically says it makes life enjoyable that I
Speaker 1: have a certain expectation of how things should be at
Speaker 1: all times, which makes me very good at my job
Speaker 1: but really miserable in my personal life. So it could
Speaker 1: be anything. I won't go to an event if I
Speaker 1: don't look or feel exactly how I thought I should
Speaker 1: leaving the house like it's overwhelming at times, But what
Speaker 1: I've realized is that feeling keeps me from doing so
Speaker 1: much that life has to offer. And as soon as
Speaker 1: I started to retrain how I approach situations and not
Speaker 1: feel a pressure of moving forward but being present and
Speaker 1: being mentally engaged with what's going on today, Like all
Speaker 1: I can control is what's going on around me right now,
Speaker 1: I would think so far ahead of the future and
Speaker 1: just trying to construct these ideals of what my life
Speaker 1: should look like or be In that moment, I remember
Speaker 1: turning thirty and feeling really fucking good about where I
Speaker 1: was at. I was working for Chelsea, the only person
Speaker 1: I wanted to work for. Went from an internship to
Speaker 1: working for her. I make great money, we own a house,
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend. Like all these things, I thought,
Speaker 1: I'm in a great place. I literally got out of
Speaker 1: the shower to go to my birthday dinner and was
Speaker 1: crying because in the shower all I could think of
Speaker 1: was how many people it said, like are you where
Speaker 1: you thought you would be at thirty? Like, oh, you're
Speaker 1: an assistant right now? Like you know, it was what
Speaker 1: other people were putting on me. I'm like, I'm an
Speaker 1: assistant who makes incredible money and does what I want
Speaker 1: to do. Like you're in a miserable job sitting at
Speaker 1: a desk that you fucking hate. So not kid, He's
Speaker 1: talking yes in a broader scope. But I started to
Speaker 1: remind myself that the pressures I was feeling were those
Speaker 1: being placed on me, not what I actually was concerned about.
Speaker 1: And so I guess my suggestion for you was what
Speaker 1: helped me through this was I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: a lifestyle per se or a thought process, but it's
Speaker 1: called wobby sabby. It's a Japanese thing, and it's basically
Speaker 1: embracing the imperfection and allowing that to be perfect for you.
Speaker 1: So I literally got a tattooed on me. I never
Speaker 1: thought that I would get a tattoo and it's my
Speaker 1: little daily reminded. And mind you, the tattoo's fucked up
Speaker 1: and it's like the universe. It's it's the Universe's way
Speaker 1: of reminding me. When I looked down at it, it's
Speaker 1: all faded like some of the letters you can't even see,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is this is exactly what it
Speaker 1: should have been, because I would have gone to get
Speaker 1: it lasered off, like if it wasn't exactly perfect and
Speaker 1: it was hand done and very thin print. You have
Speaker 1: to create a new mindset for yourself and basically allowing
Speaker 1: yourself to feel imperfect and it being okay, Like I'll
Speaker 1: look at things and almost be like wobby Sabby that
Speaker 1: then't turn out how I wanted. It doesn't matter because
Speaker 1: there's tomorrow. Like what the fund does? Most of this
Speaker 1: matter that we are so worked up about, it doesn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: getting a mantra in your head or like do you
Speaker 1: meditate ever? I have done it a couple of times,
Speaker 1: yet my therapist is pretty on board with me doing
Speaker 1: it more. Yeah, you should do guided meditation download like
Speaker 1: Deepak Chopra's app or Headspace or Calm or any of
Speaker 1: these apps guided meditation, that it's specific to your perfectionism. Right,
Speaker 1: there are all of those, and it's about just being
Speaker 1: in your life. If there's one about shame, like there
Speaker 1: will be one about shame, there will be one about perfectionism,
Speaker 1: there will be There are all sorts of things, but
Speaker 1: it's really about accepting your life for what it is
Speaker 1: in this moment, and if there are changes that need
Speaker 1: to be made, knowing that you're capable enough to make them,
Speaker 1: and knowing that that voice in your head is most
Speaker 1: likely like that little girl version of you that's been
Speaker 1: taught to be that's kind of stuck in this certain
Speaker 1: kind of pattern of thinking. And it's almost like, you know,
Speaker 1: my therapist gave this to me. Is like my little
Speaker 1: girl version of me is like nine years old, and
Speaker 1: when I get scared or I get nervous, or I
Speaker 1: get competitive, it's that nine year old girl thinking are
Speaker 1: we gonna be okay? Are we gonna be okay? And
Speaker 1: he goes, you need to talk to that little version
Speaker 1: of you. You need to name her. I'm like little Chelsea.
Speaker 1: He's like, well whatever, but name her, and so when
Speaker 1: those feelings come up that you're not comfortable with, you
Speaker 1: know that to soothe her. It's like, no, I'm here now,
Speaker 1: this is adult me. I've got this under control. This
Speaker 1: is your life, and you're in control. I mean, you've
Speaker 1: got your ship together enough to be calling in here.
Speaker 1: I can see you. You have your ship together, you know,
Speaker 1: so you're not a hot mess, and there's power in
Speaker 1: that and being able to acknowledge how you're feeling and
Speaker 1: that you know it's not how you want to feel.
Speaker 1: You can literally pull your self out of that, and
Speaker 1: that is power. Knowing that right now I'm feeling shameful,
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling happy where I want to be. In
Speaker 1: that moment, you have the power to change that say like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to acknowledge this, but I'm going to make
Speaker 1: an adjustment. Like some people never have that sense of
Speaker 1: self or awareness, and so they just sink like you're
Speaker 1: you're on the horizon. Like you there's so much ahead
Speaker 1: of you because you've been able to acknowledge that you're
Speaker 1: not where you want to be. But every day you
Speaker 1: can make the choice to put yourself in a different position,
Speaker 1: and every day will get easier to not feel that way,
Speaker 1: to not feel ashamed, to not feel the pressure, and
Speaker 1: to embrace where you're at and how you're going to
Speaker 1: move forward. Are you crying? Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty amotive,
Speaker 1: I think just naturally. I'm curious if you have experience
Speaker 1: with like or advice for how to keep the faith.
Speaker 1: Uh huh yeah, yeah, it's a daily practice. You need
Speaker 1: to write down there is no shame in my game
Speaker 1: on your refrigerator, right, You need to write that down
Speaker 1: so you fucking look at it first thing in the
Speaker 1: morning and you're like, and say it out loud, there
Speaker 1: is no shame in my game. Make it fun, make
Speaker 1: it cool. You are going to be fine. The very
Speaker 1: fact that you're here is proof that it's right. You know,
Speaker 1: you are unique and you have qualities that nobody else
Speaker 1: in the world will have. So you have to always
Speaker 1: celebrate yourself. You have to always say like, oh, look
Speaker 1: what I did there, Look what I did there? You know,
Speaker 1: and challenge yourself and be brave when you need to
Speaker 1: be a little brave so that you can even boost
Speaker 1: that confidence even more. Because I know when I do
Speaker 1: something that scares me, I always come out the other side.
Speaker 1: I'm like Okay, yeah, yeah, you're still brave, Like that's good,
Speaker 1: that's good. You're a badass, you know, and that helps
Speaker 1: me always. I think it's about Chelsea talks about this
Speaker 1: a lot. It's about retraining, like flip the script on
Speaker 1: the story that you're writing for yourself and not allowing
Speaker 1: it to be like what I don't have from those
Speaker 1: past relationships that didn't work, Like, look what's available to
Speaker 1: me because they did not work, Like, look at how
Speaker 1: many potential suitors are out there. Like, if you're holding
Speaker 1: onto that baggage, you're not gonna be able to pick
Speaker 1: anything new up. So you have to drop all that
Speaker 1: ship from the ask. You have to let that go,
Speaker 1: give yourself the space to allow new things in. It's
Speaker 1: like a hoarder, Like your house is packed, so you're
Speaker 1: gonna start tossing some shit out, cleaning that space and
Speaker 1: allowing new people to come in to occupy your mind,
Speaker 1: your heartor whatever that looks like for you, because it's
Speaker 1: it's not about what you've missed out on, it's about
Speaker 1: what you have available to you now. Yeah, you're thirty
Speaker 1: years old, you have your whole baby ahead of you,
Speaker 1: You have fire life ahead of you seriously, like, thirties
Speaker 1: nothing people by the time you're seventy, people are gonna
Speaker 1: be living till they're a hundred and fifties. So with science,
Speaker 1: we're all going to be here for a lot fucking
Speaker 1: longer than I wanted to be. And this is this
Speaker 1: is We've talked to a lot of people about this. Sadly,
Speaker 1: it's and it's something that Chelsea and I both struggle with.
Speaker 1: Everyone has their insecurities and things that seem overwhelming in
Speaker 1: certain moments. And I had a list wrote in my
Speaker 1: notes of everything I hated about myself and just to
Speaker 1: like physically see it written down, Like, do you realize
Speaker 1: like someone would kill to have any aspect of what
Speaker 1: you have? Like you're offering things that you don't even
Speaker 1: know that you embody or that you have to offer.
Speaker 1: And so as soon as you start thinking about what
Speaker 1: makes you different, it will help you think why you
Speaker 1: have value, not what you don't have, what you do have. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what are the some of the things that you like
Speaker 1: about yourself? Like what's your favorite thing about yourself? Um,
Speaker 1: I'm a pretty solid shit talker. That's the best. You
Speaker 1: know what that means? That means you're good at happy
Speaker 1: hour and who doesn't love that. Oh I don't drink, well,
Speaker 1: you can eat there's happy hour food, which is basically
Speaker 1: what gets me there in the first place. I mean,
Speaker 1: do you feel like any of this advice has been
Speaker 1: helpful to you? I do, and I think that using
Speaker 1: that horder analogy was really helpful. This has been one
Speaker 1: of the hardest things is when we've had women. Colin
Speaker 1: and I have all sisters, So I just feel such
Speaker 1: sorrow for the way that we have conditioned women to
Speaker 1: believe like how their life should look. And you can
Speaker 1: cast a fucking really wide net and if one day
Speaker 1: doesn't work out, there's always another guy. It's not like
Speaker 1: these five are all that's available to you. Like, you
Speaker 1: are a beautiful woman, you have great hair, you have
Speaker 1: a beautiful smile. Like there again, you have to look
Speaker 1: at the things that you do have. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: see yourself differently in a mirror, and I hate to
Speaker 1: make it physical, but I'm looking at you. So this
Speaker 1: one that did not work, there is always another one.
Speaker 1: And it's not about men. It's about jobs, it's about opportunities,
Speaker 1: it's about friends. Like you can't hold onto the things
Speaker 1: that did not work right right, and stop saying failures.
Speaker 1: Nothing's a failure. You know, who cares. It's a redirection.
Speaker 1: It's like, thank god, that's over, next, next, next. You know,
Speaker 1: everything is a stepping stone to get where you're going,
Speaker 1: and you have to have faith in that and you
Speaker 1: have to And I think meditation would help you just
Speaker 1: to be in the present moment, you know, it helps
Speaker 1: you to kind of get that noise out of your
Speaker 1: head and get that kind of negative thinking out of
Speaker 1: your head. So you might want to try one of
Speaker 1: those and try and do it for like ten days,
Speaker 1: make a commitment and see how you feel at the
Speaker 1: end of ten days. Ago. Huh, my therapist made me
Speaker 1: committed meditating for three months, every single day for three months,
Speaker 1: and it I saw the difference right away in my
Speaker 1: pattern of thinking. So I'm not easily influenced. So I
Speaker 1: think that it will help you. And going to counseling
Speaker 1: is going to be helping you. And yeah, I think
Speaker 1: you just needed a pep talk. Probably thank you and
Speaker 1: thank you for an action item. That's helpful too. As
Speaker 1: a perfectionist, Yeah, right right, you'll love to put that
Speaker 1: in place. A little calendar and some check marks, I'm sure,
Speaker 1: and go right that. Go write that message no shame
Speaker 1: in my game on your fridge. I'm going to I'm
Speaker 1: going to request a really bad tattoo of it. Also. Now, great, well, match,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Keep us posted, let us know
Speaker 1: how it's going. Well, Thank you very much. Why don't
Speaker 1: you give us a ten day check in on your meditation? Okay,
Speaker 1: I can do that. Thank you for keeping me accountable. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll be checking in so if we don't hear from you,
Speaker 1: you'll hear from us, So you better do it. Thank you. Well,
Speaker 1: we have a very special guest today. His name is
Speaker 1: Deepak Chopra, and he is going to talk to us
Speaker 1: about meditation, about his own probably personal experience. I do
Speaker 1: his meditation an app all the time. He has a
Speaker 1: new one with Alicia Keys called Activating the Divine Feminine,
Speaker 1: The Path to Wholeness. I feel very whole as a woman.
Speaker 1: Do you feel whole as a gay male? I feel
Speaker 1: like this is going to be the perfect meditation for
Speaker 1: me because I think it's going to cover a lot
Speaker 1: of bases. Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 1: It's like, all, yes, it's intersectional, well as it should be.
Speaker 1: I did one yesterday and I did another this morning
Speaker 1: to familiarize myself. But I listened to Deepak almost daily
Speaker 1: when I meditate. So feel less masculine? Now do I
Speaker 1: feel less masculine? Well? Right now, my breasts are the
Speaker 1: size of cantelopes and they are erect. Like when I
Speaker 1: got out of the shower, they almost hit me in
Speaker 1: the chin because when I get my period, they turned
Speaker 1: into water balloons. So do I feel less masculine today?
Speaker 1: I feel very feminine because of those two basketballs. But
Speaker 1: when they deflate, I will go back to my more
Speaker 1: masculine form. Well, then you'll have what nineteen or twenty
Speaker 1: days left of the aland so so that'll that'll be
Speaker 1: perfect through my cycle. It feels like we talked about
Speaker 1: my period a lot on this podcast, but I keep
Speaker 1: it on my calendar just to know what's coming. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what, Brandon, when you were in Hawaii, I
Speaker 1: got my period and I had no idea it was coming.
Speaker 1: Every shocking for you. It was shocking. I was like,
Speaker 1: what what is this? Especially you know how forward leaning
Speaker 1: I am towards wrapping this little area. You're ready, So
Speaker 1: I am pro menopause all the way bring it on, please.
Speaker 1: Periods are for the birds such a pain and they
Speaker 1: asked to be a woman such a pain in the ass. Well,
Speaker 1: this seems like the perfect time to bring on deepak
Speaker 1: Joe bra exactly, Hidepak, how are you a good? Sorry
Speaker 1: for being alate? Were you meditating? I like the playing
Speaker 1: all over your glasses cute? Look. Oh yeah, that's like
Speaker 1: ancient five years thirty five years you've had those glasses, yea,
Speaker 1: their faith just like everything else about me, right right,
Speaker 1: of course we're very excited because I do your meditations
Speaker 1: all the time, and meditation for me has become a
Speaker 1: great tool in my life to get my day off
Speaker 1: on the right foot, to calm myself down, you know,
Speaker 1: all the good things that come from meditation. And I
Speaker 1: was hoping maybe that you could give us uh personal
Speaker 1: story about either you or someone that you've worked with
Speaker 1: that had a huge transformation with meditation, somebody whose life
Speaker 1: changed for the better. Obviously. Okay, So the year is
Speaker 1: nine eighty and the date is October one, and I
Speaker 1: am a residented medicine in teaching hospital in Boston, Harvard
Speaker 1: Associated Harvard University Associated Medical School, and I've just resuscitated
Speaker 1: a patient to add a heart attack and put him
Speaker 1: on a ventilater and put a pacemaker, and then walked
Speaker 1: outside the hospital to smoke a cigarette. And there's a
Speaker 1: moment there where I asked myself what am I doing?
Speaker 1: At that time, I had thirty patients out patients, thirty
Speaker 1: patient patients in patient, fifteen patients in the I c
Speaker 1: U and totally burnt out. And that moment was what
Speaker 1: am I doing. I'm you know, I'm trying to help
Speaker 1: my patients and I'm burned out. So I threw away
Speaker 1: my cigarette at that moment. And those days, I was
Speaker 1: also every weekend, you know, on Fridays, if I was
Speaker 1: not on call, I was getting smashed with alcohol. So
Speaker 1: that was one moment where everything shifted and I look
Speaker 1: up meditation very seriously. Now I've grown up in India
Speaker 1: where it was a tradition, but when you go to
Speaker 1: medical school and you go through all the internship and
Speaker 1: residency and all the crisis, I was very poorly paid.
Speaker 1: I was making two dollars a month in nineteen seventies,
Speaker 1: moonlighting in an emergency room after working in the hospital,
Speaker 1: going without sleep for days on end. And then I
Speaker 1: started meditation, and then you know, that led me into
Speaker 1: what today called mine body bendisine, that led me into
Speaker 1: what today we called integrative medicine, and ultimately led me
Speaker 1: to spirituality. So that's my journey. Wow, wow, I'm that's
Speaker 1: a great story. I didn't know that about you. I've
Speaker 1: read many of your books, but I didn't know that
Speaker 1: personal story about you. That's probably something so many people
Speaker 1: can relate to. You know, I certainly can being in
Speaker 1: that position, in under so much pressure and then not
Speaker 1: ever ever allowing yourself the rest to be practicing it
Speaker 1: in a mindful way, right or in a more mindful way.
Speaker 1: A question I have for you is, by the way,
Speaker 1: I did your new Alicia Keys meditation about the Feminine? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I loved it. Very spiritual, very yeah. I did it
Speaker 1: yesterday and this morning. I love your twenty one day
Speaker 1: challenges with Oprah. I do them all the time. How
Speaker 1: to get Unstuck? I did that, So I love I
Speaker 1: love listening to your voice. It's so helpful for people
Speaker 1: who don't think that they know how to meditate. To
Speaker 1: do a guided meditation, it kind of takes the thinking
Speaker 1: out of it for you. So it's really good for
Speaker 1: anyone listening to download that app and find a series
Speaker 1: that applies to you or something that strikes your fancy
Speaker 1: to take. Can download the Choper app on iPhone or Android,
Speaker 1: and they can register online through the website as well.
Speaker 1: Talk to us a little bit about the things that
Speaker 1: I hear all the time, and I'm an automedical doctor
Speaker 1: even though I pretend to be the things I hear
Speaker 1: all the time, or people asking when are you doing
Speaker 1: it right? When are you meditating right? And how do
Speaker 1: you get yourself to stop thinking? What do you have
Speaker 1: to say to that? So, Jesse, it's the wrong question.
Speaker 1: If you're doing it, then you're doing it right, period.
Speaker 1: And how do you stop thinking? That's a thought, So
Speaker 1: to to stop thinking is also a thought, you know,
Speaker 1: So you don't try to stop thinking, because when you
Speaker 1: try to stop thinking, you have more thoughts. And all
Speaker 1: you do is follow the process and whatever happens is
Speaker 1: appropriate for you at that moment. So some people say,
Speaker 1: my fall asleep, well that means they need more sleep.
Speaker 1: Some people say, I get lots of thoughts and lots
Speaker 1: of stress. Actually, all these demons start coming out while
Speaker 1: they're releasing stress. In fact, thoughts are a release of stress.
Speaker 1: Think of meditation as having an upward stroke and a
Speaker 1: downward stroke. So the downward stroke is the practice of megitation,
Speaker 1: whether it's a mantra meditation or its reflection or mindfulness whatever,
Speaker 1: that's the downward stroke. The upwards stroke is thought. So
Speaker 1: you have both. You can't have one without the other.
Speaker 1: It's like a wave that rises and then it subsides,
Speaker 1: and in between the rising and the subsiding of the
Speaker 1: wave is a little bit of flatline. That flatlight is
Speaker 1: when you're in touch with your spirit, and you don't
Speaker 1: even know it, because when you're in touch with your spirit,
Speaker 1: time flies, and that's the only sign that there is.
Speaker 1: There was no time you say, I wonder where I went?
Speaker 1: You know, it's like and then there's an ahigh experience,
Speaker 1: and as you ground yourself in the experience, it becomes
Speaker 1: very delightful and very joyous. So that's the spiritual component
Speaker 1: of megitation. But there's a biological component. The biological component
Speaker 1: is your mind starts to settle, and then your body
Speaker 1: starts to settle and then goes into what we call
Speaker 1: homeostasis or self regulation. Inflammatory markers come down. Now recently,
Speaker 1: we've published a lot of research that has been replicated
Speaker 1: by others. But our research originally through our foundation, was
Speaker 1: with Harvard and UCSD with the Nobel Laureate from UCSF
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Blackburn, who discovered the enzyme telomeres, which is the
Speaker 1: anti aging enzyme. At the level of the genetic of
Speaker 1: our jeeves. What we found is all the genes that
Speaker 1: cause self regulation or homeostasis or healing, they went up
Speaker 1: some seven team fold. All the genes associated the chronic
Speaker 1: illness and information went down, and the level of the
Speaker 1: enzyme telometers went up. Elizabeth Blackbird, who won the Nobel
Speaker 1: Prize for discovering the enzyme, she was shocked. She she
Speaker 1: actually published a book after that called the Telomere Effect.
Speaker 1: Now similar ardeas have been replicated by others. So meditation
Speaker 1: is very profound biological consequences, but then also creates emotional resilience,
Speaker 1: emotional flexibility, more empathy, more compassion, more joy, more peace.
Speaker 1: So the benefits of biological, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's helpful for people to know because I I always
Speaker 1: tell people it doesn't matter if you're doing it right.
Speaker 1: It matters that you're setting aside the time to give
Speaker 1: to yourself and when it clicks, it will click, but
Speaker 1: it may not click each time, right, and when it does,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, the little bell goes off
Speaker 1: and you've you've forgotten that you're even meditating. Is when
Speaker 1: you feel I've done it. I did it. So tell
Speaker 1: us about this new exciting partnership you have with mine
Speaker 1: med about psychedelics. This is so exciting. Okay, So mind
Speaker 1: made came about because I was looking of a way
Speaker 1: to destigmatize both mental illness and psychedelics. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of literature on psychedelics also creating a decrease activity in
Speaker 1: a part of our brain that's called the default mode network.
Speaker 1: So we might want to read about it. It's on
Speaker 1: the internet, but also Michael Pollan's recent book talks about it,
Speaker 1: and many scientists talk about it. So this is a
Speaker 1: part of our brain which is the neural correlate of
Speaker 1: our ego drive. So when we're very aggressive, very predatory,
Speaker 1: very hostile, the default mode network gets activated. When you meditate,
Speaker 1: it goes down. But when you take psychedelics it also
Speaker 1: goes down. There, it cools down, which means your ego
Speaker 1: goes down. You have access to a broader awareness, which
Speaker 1: spiritual people call the spiritual demand. We don't have to
Speaker 1: call that. It's expanded awareness. And when there's expanded awareness,
Speaker 1: there's also self regular lation also because you're not editing
Speaker 1: information out based on your habitual patterns of behavior and belief.
Speaker 1: So when I saw mind Made is engaged in both
Speaker 1: increasing the awareness and education on the research on both
Speaker 1: mental depression, the stigma around mental disease, and the stigma
Speaker 1: around psychedelics, I thought this was a good opportunity to
Speaker 1: partner with them. It's not about selling recreational drugs or
Speaker 1: anything like that. It's about bringing awareness, education and research
Speaker 1: to remove the stigma and then go the f D
Speaker 1: a route to get approval for psychedelics for assisted therapy,
Speaker 1: and not only depression and suicidal tendencies, but also in
Speaker 1: chronic illness. Only five percent of disease related gene mutations
Speaker 1: are fully penetrat which means there's five percent of genetic
Speaker 1: errors that guarantee the disease. You know. Angelina Jolie is
Speaker 1: the example I side. She had she had the Baraka
Speaker 1: gene that predicts breast cancer, so she had to have
Speaker 1: a preventive mast set to me for that. Now there
Speaker 1: are new techniques that are being developed like crisper and
Speaker 1: gene editing. So I think in a few years you'll
Speaker 1: be able to cut and paste genes the same way
Speaker 1: you cut and paste your email. You'll be able to
Speaker 1: breathe the barcode of a gene, delete the defective gene,
Speaker 1: insert the healthy gene, and Baila, the disease is cured.
Speaker 1: But that applies only to five of people, whether it's
Speaker 1: cancer or crowding illness, or heart disease or diabetes. Less
Speaker 1: than five percent are genetically determined completely. So when you
Speaker 1: actually introduce things like good sleep, stress management, movement, yoga, breathing,
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence, nutrition, restoring biological rhythm, spiritual practice, and then
Speaker 1: you add, in selective cases psychedelic therapy, that's a pretty
Speaker 1: good promise for the future of well being. And that's
Speaker 1: why we partnered with bite Man. Okay, and what's your
Speaker 1: experience with psychedelics. I had my first experience when I
Speaker 1: was seventeen years old in medical school and uh I
Speaker 1: was in India at that time, and we had some
Speaker 1: students from Harvard who had some madesty with them and
Speaker 1: so one day they invited us, the Indians, to join them,
Speaker 1: and it was a very interesting experience because you know,
Speaker 1: I remember still I was looking at a poster of
Speaker 1: Mother Teresa and she was hugging and licking the wounds
Speaker 1: of children with leprosy, and we were told that when
Speaker 1: she did that, people got healed. I mean, that was
Speaker 1: the gossip on the street. But I had immense feeling
Speaker 1: of compassion. I mean I sat there for the entire
Speaker 1: session just feeling that deep, deep belonging to alleviate suffering
Speaker 1: in the world. And that was my first experience, and
Speaker 1: then thereafter I actually I had a few other experiences
Speaker 1: while in medical school that I didn't think about it
Speaker 1: at all. But recently I've been assisting with the people
Speaker 1: who are experts, you know, people at n y O
Speaker 1: and other experts. I've been assisting people go through the
Speaker 1: last phases of their life and their terminal and they're
Speaker 1: confronting death. And so far by experience, I'm not taking
Speaker 1: the stuff myself. I'm just sitting there during assisted therapy,
Speaker 1: and I've been amazed at how people lose their fear
Speaker 1: of death, how they feel at peace, and how they
Speaker 1: become so calm that they they lose their pain, they
Speaker 1: lose their suffering. So that's been a very interesting recent
Speaker 1: insight for me. But if you look at the literature
Speaker 1: of pain management, treatment of addictions, treatment of severe anxiety depression,
Speaker 1: suicidal ideation PTSD, all the evidence is coming out right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've read a lot of that stuff, and I read
Speaker 1: Michael Pollan's book, and I yeah, I go to this
Speaker 1: conference annually called the Wisdom's Two Point Out Conference, where
Speaker 1: there's a lot of neuroscientists, doctors, therapists, you know, psychiatrists
Speaker 1: of that sort of talking about the benefits. And there
Speaker 1: was some crazy statistic about something like seventy eight percent
Speaker 1: of people suffered from PTSD after taking micro doses guided LSD,
Speaker 1: that like se of them after one year were cured
Speaker 1: of their PTSDA. A lot of that researches on veterans
Speaker 1: and you know, people who are suffered PTSD because of
Speaker 1: the AMA of war. Yeah, yeah, well, this is all
Speaker 1: awesome information. Thank you so much for calling in. I
Speaker 1: was very excited to talk to you. I hope to
Speaker 1: talk to you some more in the future, and I
Speaker 1: just wanted to personally thank you for your meditations. They've
Speaker 1: really helped me. Your voice really is soothing and wonderful
Speaker 1: to listen to. First thing in the morning. Thank you.
Speaker 1: And I don't like men. I don't like men first
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, So that's a that's a big compliment. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you Deepak, sweetheart. We didn't get you
Speaker 1: to say anything that. I just wanted to hear your
Speaker 1: experience with meditation and you have done it for years now,
Speaker 1: and then to hear someone who is so enlightened, I
Speaker 1: can't imagine. It must be a burden, honestly to have
Speaker 1: that level of responsibility. I mean, he's kind of the
Speaker 1: face of meditation. Well, there are a couple of paces. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he is definitely one of the biggest ones. You know.
Speaker 1: Eckart Totle is another one who I think is incredible
Speaker 1: to listen to. They both put it in a scientific way.
Speaker 1: And when you hear about the body and the mind
Speaker 1: getting on board with you know, like so even the
Speaker 1: practice of meditation helps your body physically calm down is
Speaker 1: a big thing. Something that he said, which is always
Speaker 1: important to remind everybody of, is that when you are
Speaker 1: acting in anger or frustration at any time like that
Speaker 1: is operating out of ego. Anytime you're angry or yelling,
Speaker 1: it's your ego because there's no reason to yell, like
Speaker 1: unless you're in a war. I found that very interesting
Speaker 1: as well. His reference to the ego and how it
Speaker 1: really affects you're intake of the things around you, because
Speaker 1: when it's filtered through that very personal lens, like you
Speaker 1: don't have awareness to your surroundings, right. And it's like
Speaker 1: if you're driving in traffic. You know, I have friends
Speaker 1: who have like severe road rage. If you're driving in
Speaker 1: traffic and you're getting that upset during traffic, like that's
Speaker 1: not normal either. That's operating out of ego like that,
Speaker 1: even though it doesn't feel like it is, your anger
Speaker 1: towards other drivers is almost like they're taking something away
Speaker 1: from you, and it's really not personal. I think every
Speaker 1: one has had that or experienced it to some degree
Speaker 1: where you're trying to merge onto a lane and people
Speaker 1: are taking it personally sir, I have to get over
Speaker 1: this lane. Ends it's not about you. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to take anything from you or to prove a point
Speaker 1: to you, but they take it as like the cause
Speaker 1: they're going to take up. Or also like somebody beeps
Speaker 1: at you or yells at you through the window and
Speaker 1: you react like no, fuck you asshole. It's like, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's that's your ego. If somebody is an asshole to
Speaker 1: you out of nowhere or beeps at you, it's like,
Speaker 1: there's no reason to react that way. The response is, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I didn't see you, or oh that person
Speaker 1: is having a really bad day, like you know, don't
Speaker 1: be a cunt, don't give them the finger, don't be
Speaker 1: a bit, and don't yell at strangers in traffic. Is
Speaker 1: the bottom line. That's the moral of this episode is,
Speaker 1: please stop yelling at people in public. I don't know
Speaker 1: who I'm talking to everyone, I've stopped doing it, so
Speaker 1: if you I can stop doing it. Almost anybody can
Speaker 1: stop doing it because I think I am the prime
Speaker 1: example of somebody that is not easily susceptible to changing
Speaker 1: their patterns of behavior. So anybody who thinks that they
Speaker 1: can't do some thing, please use me as your bounce house.
Speaker 1: Did you get an erection about your breast? We talked
Speaker 1: about this. I'm trying to turn out we can't have
Speaker 1: any more comments about my breast. I don't think unless
Speaker 1: I'm talking about another thing. I did want to add
Speaker 1: on that we didn't get to during discussion is that
Speaker 1: Deepak also has an organization called Never Alone, which focuses
Speaker 1: on mental health and suicide prevention. So anyone who needs
Speaker 1: any serve of assistance, or you know someone who might
Speaker 1: need some assistance, please go check out Never Alone. It's
Speaker 1: curated information available twenty four hours a day. Also, let
Speaker 1: me just go over the meditations that I've been doing
Speaker 1: on his app for people so that they have a
Speaker 1: reference point if you're kind of looking. There's one called
Speaker 1: Journey to You, which is really good. It's like it's
Speaker 1: just about talking about how to meditate. It kind of
Speaker 1: gives you. There's an emotional s O S. There's a
Speaker 1: mental revival, there's a balanced body spiritual activation, which is
Speaker 1: a good intro. Like I've done all these courses, and
Speaker 1: the ones with Oprah are really good too, because her
Speaker 1: voice is also like silk. And it's also twenty one
Speaker 1: days because that's how long they say it takes to
Speaker 1: make or break a habit. Oh really, I thought it
Speaker 1: was three three days. Three days of a consistent habit
Speaker 1: usually sets the tone. But yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: looked that up at one point because I was like,
Speaker 1: why twenty one days seems like a strange number. In
Speaker 1: eight days is a cycle mentual cycle, and it takes
Speaker 1: nine months to make a baby. It's also a movie
Speaker 1: starring Sandy Bullock. I think she goes to rehab in
Speaker 1: that movie in Days. Yes, that is a Sandy Bullock movie.
Speaker 1: Watch it. I love I love stories about rehab. I
Speaker 1: love movies about rehab to anyway, Yeah, go rent that
Speaker 1: movie and rent that movie, like people, what fucking go
Speaker 1: to Cockbuster and rent that movie. Okay, well, it sounds
Speaker 1: like it's time to take a quick break, and I
Speaker 1: just can't wait to get back to you. I remember
Speaker 1: growing up and just looking at my parents thinking they
Speaker 1: do not have their ship together, and childhood is going
Speaker 1: to be a waste of my time. And I was
Speaker 1: not interested in being a child. I thought other children
Speaker 1: were also annoying, and I just wanted to sprout up
Speaker 1: and get my own apartment. All I could think about
Speaker 1: was getting my own place. From the time I was
Speaker 1: like three. I like to think of child Chelsea in
Speaker 1: her own apartment, just running that show, smoking cigarettes, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. TV dinners on like a TV
Speaker 1: dinner tray as you watch the Nightly up my feet
Speaker 1: up and I'm on like a bark a lounger. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that makes the most sense. That was exactly why I
Speaker 1: probably didn't feel right when I was born. I was like,
Speaker 1: something is off with this scenario, Like it just doesn't
Speaker 1: seem right, Like it didn't seem like it felt like
Speaker 1: we were trying to fit a triangle into a round hole,
Speaker 1: and the round hole being my family, me being the triangle.
Speaker 1: In case you weren't able to follow that, I'm not
Speaker 1: good with shapes. Okay. I don't know if you remember
Speaker 1: Nicole trans She was the woman that we spoke with
Speaker 1: who lived in the college town. It was basically just
Speaker 1: surrounded by do she guys, And your advice was to
Speaker 1: reapply that energy into herself. Well, she wrote in to
Speaker 1: do a little follow up, and she says, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what's sad news. Well, it could be happy for her.
Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've taken your advice, and I've
Speaker 1: been focusing on myself and feels so much better not
Speaker 1: having to worry about anyone but me. Nicole Tran short
Speaker 1: and sweet. Wow, look at that, But I think that's
Speaker 1: a wise piece of advice for everyone. If you feel
Speaker 1: like you're watering a dead plant, whether that be dating
Speaker 1: or friendship. Like reapply that, take time for yourself, do
Speaker 1: things for yourself. You're never going to lose when you
Speaker 1: do that, right, Just don't become a narcissist. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I think the moral of the story here is that
Speaker 1: meditation is helpful for many different things, many different struggles
Speaker 1: that you might be experiencing in your life. It's not
Speaker 1: going to hurt you. No one's ever meditated and been like, well,
Speaker 1: that fucking ruined my life. It's just like therapy. You know,
Speaker 1: nobody ever comes out of therapy and was like, oh
Speaker 1: my life is ruined. That therapist ruined my life. I mean,
Speaker 1: there are bad therapists, but obviously you have to find
Speaker 1: somebody that understands you and it's coming from a good place,
Speaker 1: which shouldn't be too hard because they have to get
Speaker 1: a degree to do it. But I do understand chemistry
Speaker 1: is a thing for a lot of people, and I
Speaker 1: know a lot of people go to a therapist, or
Speaker 1: they go to two therapists and they give up because
Speaker 1: there's not the right match. Well, like Depox said, there
Speaker 1: is no bad meditation. You can't be doing it wrong,
Speaker 1: and any meditation is a good meditation because you're doing it,
Speaker 1: so that's a great starting place for people. Yeah, agreed,
Speaker 1: And of course you can always email your issues, your questions,
Speaker 1: your thoughts to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Again,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Problem solved.