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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello guys, Hello everybody. Hi, Oh God, what to cover?

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Speaker 1: What to cover? This is week three of my no

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Speaker 1: smoking pot with my boyfriend Shane, And now I don't

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Speaker 1: really don't even care about ever smoking a joint again,

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Speaker 1: quite frankly, Like now, I'm just like, what was that?

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Speaker 1: Are you partaking in any other sort of drugs? Are

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Speaker 1: you taking your chocolate mushrooms? Just no, I haven't had

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Speaker 1: the chocolate mushrooms in a while. I thought I would

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Speaker 1: take a break. I've been writing a lot, so I've

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Speaker 1: had to be sober for that, because I'm writing a

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Speaker 1: lot of my stand up which I started, so you know,

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Speaker 1: I've had to focus on that. So, yeah, it's a

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Speaker 1: good time. It's a good time for me to take

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Speaker 1: a break. And if Shane had not come into my

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Speaker 1: life in the moment he did, God, where would I

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Speaker 1: be now? I would be lost without him. Well, I

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Speaker 1: wonder if he feels the same. I wonder if he's

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Speaker 1: just elevated right now. It's on a different plane, cognitively,

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Speaker 1: very aware of his surroundings and what he needs to

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Speaker 1: be taking on the job site. Yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 1: when you have a connection like that, it can't just

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Speaker 1: be one way. It's got to be a two way connection.

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Speaker 1: Although we did speak to somebody who had no connection

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Speaker 1: with somebody and didn't understand that it was broken, so

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Speaker 1: I could also be playing that role in this scenario. Anyhow,

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Speaker 1: what else is New Brandon? What do you have to

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Speaker 1: say for yourself? Not much. You're going on trips, you

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Speaker 1: have stand up dates that you're doing all through the fall, now,

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Speaker 1: stand up dates, looking for a house, trying to plan vacations.

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Speaker 1: But you know now that things feel like they're opening

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Speaker 1: up again and people are vaccinated and getting out, you

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Speaker 1: see people without a mask, and it's very jarring. I

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Speaker 1: just did this podcast with these two girls and they

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Speaker 1: were saying that it's so different here than in New York,

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Speaker 1: Like New York has wrapped COVID up so much more

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Speaker 1: than we have here that they're not used to wearing

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Speaker 1: masks walking out to outdoor restaurants and stuff. And they

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Speaker 1: were saying it was so strange. They're like, oh, New

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Speaker 1: York has been over it for so long. But I

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Speaker 1: did a podcast where they asked me lots of really

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Speaker 1: personal sexual questions, and I just thought, who talks about

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Speaker 1: that stuff? You know? I don't love talking about personal

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Speaker 1: sexual proclivities or people like what are you into? What

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Speaker 1: kind of games and role playing that makes my vagina

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Speaker 1: clench tight it shuts. Yeah, I get that, And I

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Speaker 1: think that that's like a societal change that people are

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Speaker 1: really adamant, Like there's so much body empowerment that it's

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Speaker 1: like all about masturbation and yes, I watch porn, and

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Speaker 1: yes I finger bloss myself and yes, and it's almost like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I know the number of vibrators that your sent is

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Speaker 1: really STANDI in the mail like every other it looks

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Speaker 1: like you're an addict. It looks like you have a problem.

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Speaker 1: My brother sent me this Texas morning, my brother Glenn,

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Speaker 1: and he was like, hey, my friend sent you one

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Speaker 1: of these water bottles and I need you to post

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Speaker 1: it on Instagram. His son is starting a business. I

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Speaker 1: was like, do you know how much fucking ship I

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Speaker 1: get every single day? Like, give me a minute. And

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Speaker 1: I went to go look for the bottle and I

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Speaker 1: found two dildos while I was looking for this water

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Speaker 1: bottle that my brother wants me to post about. So

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Speaker 1: if you're my brother, or if you're this person with

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Speaker 1: a company, hold your fucking horses. I'll do it. When

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Speaker 1: I find it. And if your person selling a vibrator,

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Speaker 1: she's got enough. Yes, please no more vibrators for me, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I've lost them all. I'm reading this book called Set Boundaries,

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Speaker 1: Find Piece, a Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 1: not really reading it. I'm skimming through it. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to read it, but I just came upon this. Here's

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Speaker 1: a reminder for adults who experienced emotional neglect in childhood.

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Speaker 1: It was never your job to be the man of

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Speaker 1: the house. That applies to you. To be a confidant

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Speaker 1: for your parents also applies to you. Neither of those

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Speaker 1: apply to me. To take care of your siblings, that

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Speaker 1: applies to both of us. Well not when I was

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Speaker 1: growing up, though I didn't have to take care of them,

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Speaker 1: They took care of me to learn things without parental guidance.

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Speaker 1: Definitely for me, I mean that's why. Yeah, no one

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Speaker 1: ever said a thing to me about sex. You were

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Speaker 1: like Matilda, you were on your own. No one said anything.

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Speaker 1: All I did was know that my parents were having

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Speaker 1: sex and that I wanted to start having sex. Also

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Speaker 1: to keep the peace within a chaotic home. Does that

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Speaker 1: apply to you a little bit? Yeah? That doesn't apply

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Speaker 1: to me. I was the chaos to figure things out

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Speaker 1: without emotional support. Yep, that applies to me. That applies

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Speaker 1: to you. And to be responsible for bills when you

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Speaker 1: were a kid, Oh god, that's so luckily. My mom

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Speaker 1: worked like three jobs at a time to take care

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Speaker 1: of us, but we were always concerned about the bills.

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Speaker 1: Like that is something I don't wish on any child

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Speaker 1: to have that sort of awareness of what's going on.

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Speaker 1: I do think it probably helped me have appreciation for

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Speaker 1: money and things now. But yeah, I was annoyed by

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Speaker 1: my parents lack of savings account and like acumen towards

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Speaker 1: like future plans, Like they had no business acumen or

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Speaker 1: financial acumen about like, oh, eventually these children are going

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Speaker 1: to have to grow up and go to college. Luckily

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Speaker 1: I didn't have to because I didn't apply anywhere. I

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Speaker 1: like to think of you asking your parents about their

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Speaker 1: business investments. As a little child, I remember being like,

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Speaker 1: do I have a dowry? I was like three, And

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Speaker 1: I mean maybe I wasn't three, because I knew what

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Speaker 1: a dowry was, so I must have been like six,

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Speaker 1: And I said, and my dad goes, can you believe

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Speaker 1: the hutzpah. He always used to say that I had

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Speaker 1: so much hot spies, like can you believe the hutzpah?

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Speaker 1: And this girl? He would say to my mother like

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Speaker 1: I wasn't in the room, and she'd be like, she's

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Speaker 1: it's a good question. Scene more, where is the money?

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Speaker 1: And he'd be like, please, are you convolt we don't

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Speaker 1: have any. Don't worry about it. But yeah, I was

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Speaker 1: always questioning because I started a babysitting ring on Martha's

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Speaker 1: Vineyard when I was like twelve, you know, when I

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Speaker 1: was babysitting for older children sometimes because I lied and

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Speaker 1: said I was fifteen, but I was. I was twelve

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Speaker 1: and I was babysitting for our fourteen year old boy. Once,

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Speaker 1: I think we talked about this and I would come

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Speaker 1: home and I would count my money because I made

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Speaker 1: so much money. And yeah, I called all the hotels

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Speaker 1: and Martha's Vineyard and my babysat and I made thousands

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Speaker 1: of dollars that summer, and I had a little cigar

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Speaker 1: box and my dad would come up and be like,

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Speaker 1: I see you counting your money. I'm like, back the

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Speaker 1: funk up, I saw what you did. Well I didn't

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Speaker 1: because I was twelve at the time. But when I

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Speaker 1: had my bot Mitzvah, they threw me a party, like

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Speaker 1: but mitz was when you cash out as a Jewish person,

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Speaker 1: Like that is when you go chi ching ching from

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Speaker 1: my bot Mitzvah. All the money that was given to

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Speaker 1: me by my relatives, my parents took and I never

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Speaker 1: saw don My dad was like, we'll hold this for you.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh please, I was like kiss that goodbye. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: My dad was terrible with his finances. There were there

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Speaker 1: were weeks where like if he hadn't sold a car,

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Speaker 1: it was very very tense at my house because there

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Speaker 1: was no money coming in because he was always working

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Speaker 1: in cash right, And I remember once it was like

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Speaker 1: two months he hadn't sold a car, and then he

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Speaker 1: finally sold one and he walked into the living room

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Speaker 1: and handed my sister Shoshana and I each ten dollars. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this really is just like Matilda. Have you ever seen

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Speaker 1: the movie and you're gonna need to watch it. It

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Speaker 1: starts Danny DeVito, Ray Pearlman. I love Danny DeVito. I

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Speaker 1: love his shape, his body type. That is my type

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Speaker 1: of guy's. Her dad's a used car sales. When she's

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Speaker 1: left her own devices, she literally has to admit herself

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Speaker 1: into kindergarten. It sounds just like that's what I did.

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Speaker 1: I had to do that. You went to school, and

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Speaker 1: just like I think I need to be educated. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, but well no, I noticed that all the

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Speaker 1: other kids started disappearing after her, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: where did they go? And then on the weekend I

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Speaker 1: ran into one and I was like, hey, where were

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Speaker 1: you all week? And he's like, I went to kindergarten.

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Speaker 1: I was like kindergarten. I was like, what is everybody

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Speaker 1: doing that? And then when I went to my parents,

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Speaker 1: she's like, don't worry about it. You know, things don't

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Speaker 1: really take off until first grade. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: go to kindergarten. I'm like, I do have to go

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Speaker 1: to kindergarten. You fucking idiots. I like to think of

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Speaker 1: your mom is watching like soaps during the day. Yeah yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: as the world turns. General Hospital was good one days

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Speaker 1: of our lives. But Santa Barbara was for me, you know,

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Speaker 1: the one, the one I loved Kelly Capwell, who is

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Speaker 1: Robin right? I loved her and I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: come home and watch her swing her blonde air around

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Speaker 1: on the television and she was so beautiful and I

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Speaker 1: tried to call her. I called Information and I asked

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Speaker 1: for Kelly Capwell in Santa Barbara, and I called someone

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Speaker 1: named Kelly Capwell. I told Robin that story. She thinks

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Speaker 1: I'm making it up and she doesn't realize what could

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Speaker 1: we get her on the podcast for? I don't know what.

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Speaker 1: Robin's not a big talker, like she doesn't love being interviewed.

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Speaker 1: I did interviewer on Ellen. Actually, she was one of

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Speaker 1: the people that I interviewed on my episode of Ellen. Her.

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Speaker 1: They told me to pick who I wanted, and I

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Speaker 1: gave them a list of names, and I ended up

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Speaker 1: being Robin Wright was Khalifa, Kristen Bell and then a

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Speaker 1: nice cute human interest story because this woman was doing

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Speaker 1: an awesome that's a nice lineup act of kindness that

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Speaker 1: we wanted to highlight. Yeah, it was a nice lineup. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I heard something. So this guy Jason Baldoni, I think

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Speaker 1: his name is. He's an author. You've actually bought me

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Speaker 1: his book recently. Man Enough for I was on the

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Speaker 1: phone with my friend yesterday and she was telling me

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Speaker 1: that he was describing the time before you're born. You're

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Speaker 1: in a womb, right, You're in like a sack, and

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Speaker 1: you that is your reality, and that is technically a

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Speaker 1: different dimension than when you are born into the world.

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Speaker 1: And then you are part of something. So you're in

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Speaker 1: that little womb, you don't know anything. You're just developing, growing, sleeping, eating,

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Speaker 1: getting nutrients and turning into a human. And then the

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Speaker 1: human experience of being born when you're in the world. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So like you can look at those two things and

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Speaker 1: you're like, okay, I get that delineation. And then he

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Speaker 1: was saying how you have to think of death the

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Speaker 1: way you think of birth that then when you leave

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Speaker 1: the world, it's similar to the way you came into

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Speaker 1: the world. That you're not gone, you're just not here.

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Speaker 1: And I thought that was so yeah, I liked that.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to explain it to my sister Shanda

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Speaker 1: last night, and she's not on the same page as

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Speaker 1: I am with you know, the physics of it all,

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Speaker 1: because I have a hard time understanding physics, but I

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Speaker 1: understand what energy means. But when the math gets involved

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Speaker 1: and the dimensions get involved, I'm like, but I I

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Speaker 1: know that it's true because it's science that seems very

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Speaker 1: easy to digest and it makes sense, right. I thought

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Speaker 1: so too. I was like, this is an easy way

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Speaker 1: to explain it. There was an Instagram post. It was

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Speaker 1: a guy who had lost his brother three years earlier,

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Speaker 1: was shot and his brother did this ad campaign Prince

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Speaker 1: AD when he was like six years old, and it

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Speaker 1: was on the side of this truck. And his brother

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Speaker 1: took a picture of the ad that he had done

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Speaker 1: himself when he was six and right before he died,

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Speaker 1: and sent it to his brother. And on his birthday,

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Speaker 1: which would have been his thirtieth birthday, his brother was

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Speaker 1: driving along the freeway and the truck, there's only one

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Speaker 1: truck with that ad on it drove right past him.

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Speaker 1: And when you hear stuff like that, you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: there's something else at play here that we can't identify

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Speaker 1: and that we can't see because that's not just a coincidence. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think that's why people have a hard time accepting

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Speaker 1: things like this, because upon death, like the physical material

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Speaker 1: of our persons is no longer present, so they think,

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Speaker 1: like at conception, as soon as those cells merge, they

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Speaker 1: can understand, oh, a baby is being formed and then

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Speaker 1: a person is born. But then when you die and

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Speaker 1: you remove that factor, like that is what's hard for people,

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Speaker 1: I think, to reconcile or understand that you continue on

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Speaker 1: even though that material is gone, because like when you

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Speaker 1: ask for signs from a loved one who's died, some

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Speaker 1: people get them right away and some people don't. So

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Speaker 1: you're like, well, what does that mean? Why can some

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Speaker 1: people get them? And why are they available? You know,

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like I say to my mom, like I

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Speaker 1: need you right now, can you whatever? And I don't

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Speaker 1: feel her presence, and other times I feel her presence

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Speaker 1: all the time. So I guess maybe it's not up

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Speaker 1: to us to be summoning the people. But yeah, when

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Speaker 1: you think about it, like, Okay, that person is in

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Speaker 1: another dimension now, but they still exist in some realm,

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Speaker 1: you know, dimension matrix. I don't know. I mean, you

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Speaker 1: can use whatever word makes the most sense to you.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I did think that was an easy way

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Speaker 1: to understand it, and it makes death so much more palatable.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we're a little bit behind the eight

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Speaker 1: ball when it comes to death in this country, Like

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Speaker 1: it should be a little bit more of a celebration

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Speaker 1: of life when people are taken from us. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's hard to look at it like that in all circumstances,

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Speaker 1: especially when you know innocent people are gunned down by

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Speaker 1: the police force that is meant to protect. That's hard

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Speaker 1: to be like, oh, this should be a celebration instead

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Speaker 1: of a huge miscarriage of justice. Have you watched Surviving

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Speaker 1: Death on Netflix? People should watch that. It's a really

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Speaker 1: interesting take on what you experience after death or people's

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Speaker 1: experiences with it. There was a woman who knew she

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Speaker 1: was going to die while giving birth, and no one

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Speaker 1: would listen to her, and she did, and then she

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Speaker 1: came back and she knew exactly who was operating on her,

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Speaker 1: how they were trying to resuscitate her. Was fucking weird.

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Speaker 1: But Laura Lynn Jackson is in it. And Laura Lynn

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Speaker 1: Jackson wrote the book Signs, and that's you know about

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Speaker 1: like asking for signs from your loved ones who have

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Speaker 1: passed away, not passed on. Yeah, And so I started

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Speaker 1: doing that. And my grandmother's is dragonflies, which I never

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Speaker 1: see anywhere, but something will happen. I'm like, where the

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Speaker 1: fun did that guy come from? Like I literally had

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Speaker 1: one fly through the house the other day as you

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Speaker 1: never where the fund do you ever seeing fly right

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Speaker 1: right right right? Well, no, because there's mosquitoes everywhere, because

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Speaker 1: the world is melting, so ask for signs. I think

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Speaker 1: my mom is a bird, and I think of her

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Speaker 1: as one of my dogs, because she's definitely she's fucking

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Speaker 1: with me. All right, Well, before we dive in, why

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Speaker 1: don't we take a quick break? Okay, okay, who's on

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Speaker 1: deck up? First? We have actually call her. Her name

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Speaker 1: is Claudia, so why don't we get her. I pronounce

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Speaker 1: that Cloudia Claudia to see what she's got going on

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Speaker 1: high Cloudia. Hey, is it Claudia or Cloudia? It's funny

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Speaker 1: that you say Cloudia. Some people do say it, but

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Speaker 1: it is Claudia, so people say Claudia. That's what I thought.

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Speaker 1: Very South American of you. Yeah, I always tried an

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Speaker 1: air on the side of South American, especially when I'm

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Speaker 1: in North America. Well for me, oddly enough, it comes

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Speaker 1: from a German side. So oh a spreckenzie Deutsch mind bission.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, that's one more word than I know I

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Speaker 1: know how to say. Little. Oh yeah, yeah, I figured

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Speaker 1: my mom was German. Oh really, what about you? Who's

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Speaker 1: German on your side? Yeah? My mom. Her last name

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Speaker 1: is Humble, which is bumbledee. Oh is it? I guess

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Speaker 1: that's what she don't me. No, it is. Actually I

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Speaker 1: took three years in German in high school. I also

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Speaker 1: took three years of German in high school, but I

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Speaker 1: took four years. I know nothing besides it Cleveland Dick,

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Speaker 1: which means I love you, not I love Dick. I

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Speaker 1: think it means I love Dick. I can say it

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Speaker 1: depends on how you pronounce it. Do you pronounce it

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Speaker 1: cock or how do you pronounce it in German? Dick

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Speaker 1: or you Dick? I couldn't tell you. Is I I

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Speaker 1: know that? And sloth is sleep. Well, now that everybody's

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Speaker 1: gotten there, this is very educational. Yeah. Well it's always

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Speaker 1: been my intent to educate the masses. So okay, So Claudia, Yes,

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Speaker 1: tell us why you're calling in today, and nice to

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Speaker 1: meet you. We're nice to meet you too. Yeah. So

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Speaker 1: I was selling your producer when I wrote the letter.

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Speaker 1: I must have been very angry and it must have

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Speaker 1: been happening at the time. So my neighbor has been

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Speaker 1: redoing his home. We share a wall. It's a row

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Speaker 1: home in Philadelphia. There's no firewall, there's no instantly. Ashton

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Speaker 1: is just basically, you know, some wood slats and some

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Speaker 1: horse hair from a hundred years ago and that's it, right,

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Speaker 1: and then some plaster and I can hear him sneeze.

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Speaker 1: I can hear everything. And I've lived there for ten years,

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Speaker 1: or I lived here for ten years transplant from New

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Speaker 1: Jersey and um, you had to get out of there right, Well,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, that's a lateral move, though Jersey to

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Speaker 1: Philly is a lateral move totally. It's like I'm saving

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Speaker 1: all my property taxes, but everything else sucks. So my

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Speaker 1: vent here ten years. They had three adult children living

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Speaker 1: with them when we first moved in, and I was

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Speaker 1: considered them to be quiet neighbors, and I thought we

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Speaker 1: were the loud ones. We would have dinner parties and

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Speaker 1: friends over, but nothing ever really crazy. You know, we're adults.

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Speaker 1: It's and everybody's gotta work, so it's like not a

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Speaker 1: big deal. Well, slowly, over the past few years he's

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Speaker 1: been redoing the house and little things here and there.

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Speaker 1: But once the pandemic hit, it was like all day

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Speaker 1: from eight in the morning to six o'clock in the evening. Banging, hammering,

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Speaker 1: like floor shaking crap, right, you know, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: is he going to come through the wall, because either

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Speaker 1: he's going to come through the wall or I'm going

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Speaker 1: to go through the all Like what the funk are

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Speaker 1: you doing? So based on the sounds we hear, we

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Speaker 1: can guess what is he doing now? Like doing his

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Speaker 1: own electric is the one thing that we came to

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Speaker 1: that got a little scary, right, So we were like, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: houses are notorious for burning down in Philly. So then

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Speaker 1: we try to move right and then it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: you can't not unless you have like several hundred thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars cash in your pocket. Are you even able to

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Speaker 1: get out of your home at this point? So I'm

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Speaker 1: like okay, So now we tried to like play music,

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Speaker 1: turn up the television, I don't know, we just try

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Speaker 1: to like offset it, but it's always not so easy.

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Speaker 1: So what have the conversation has been like up to now?

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Speaker 1: My husband will say things like, hey, so it's pretty

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Speaker 1: loud today, and he'd be like, yeah, we're almost done.

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Speaker 1: We're doing the loud parts now, but we should be

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Speaker 1: done soon. And he'd be like, okay, you when he

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Speaker 1: comes inside and then he tells me, and then I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: that's great. And then three months later it's like, I

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Speaker 1: guess we're going to have to leave again today because

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Speaker 1: it's pretty loud. I know, they can't afford to pay

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Speaker 1: for somebody to do the work and get it done sooner.

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Speaker 1: So there's that, right. I don't want to be like

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Speaker 1: totally insensitive, but how many months has this been going

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Speaker 1: on for? Well? I mean how long has the pandemic nonsince? Like,

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Speaker 1: what a year ago? Yeah, so that's over a year. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was here and there, upton to that point and

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Speaker 1: we could handle it, I guess, but it was on

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Speaker 1: we got lockdown and they were like, okay, well we're

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Speaker 1: doing this now then, and we were like okay, well,

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Speaker 1: it would have been nice if we had a conversation.

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Speaker 1: I think this guy deserves You need to start playing

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Speaker 1: hardball with this asshole. Like he's gotten away with this

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Speaker 1: for a year. I mean, if he was giving you

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Speaker 1: an honest timeline, then that would be one thing. But

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Speaker 1: you're living with a connecting wall. It's a much different issue.

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Speaker 1: You can't just start construction without letting your neighbors know.

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Speaker 1: And that's clearly what he's doing. If you can hear

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Speaker 1: all of that, it is construction. Do you have any

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Speaker 1: lawyer friends, I would put together a letter that scared

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Speaker 1: the ship out of him. What do you think, Brandon, Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm going through construction in my house right now. Your

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Speaker 1: rental has construction next to it. So I totally understand

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Speaker 1: your frustration that it's at all year year. That's like abuse.

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Speaker 1: That's like, you know, chronic abuse a year. Yeah. If

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Speaker 1: he especially if he says we're gonna be done soon,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna be done soon. That guy is never going

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Speaker 1: to be done with anything, it sounds like. So, you know,

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Speaker 1: that's disrespectful to the neighbor. So it's one thing like

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Speaker 1: our house, the rental house I'm staying in next door,

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00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 1: they're building a huge monstrosity. There's nothing I can do

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Speaker 1: about that. That's that they own that lamb. They can

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Speaker 1: do whatever they want. But this, if you're sharing a

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Speaker 1: wall with somebody, it's basic common decency to be a

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Speaker 1: little bit more forthcoming with the actual facts of the

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Speaker 1: matter and when he will be done, because it feels

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Speaker 1: like there's no end date. You've been playing softball with

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Speaker 1: him and it's not getting you any results. So I

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00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 1: would start playing hardball, and even if that means you

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00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:45,240
Speaker 1: having a fucking meltdown running outside and just like throwing

397
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Speaker 1: ship at his house, like he needs to see that,

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Speaker 1: he needs to see that this is the last straw,

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Speaker 1: you know, like it's at the end and you're not

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Speaker 1: gonna be playing Mr. Nice guy anymore. Okay, totally, totally,

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Speaker 1: this sounds like a perfect assignment for me, though, to

402
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 1: walk in and fucking talk to your neighbor may just

403
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 1: fly her there because she will do it. Now it's

404
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 1: still as intense all day every day. Like for me,

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Speaker 1: if this were my neighbor, I would go over. I'd

406
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,159
Speaker 1: be like, hey, we need a schedule of when this

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00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 1: is happening because now it's such an inconvenience for me.

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00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 1: You need to work around my schedule and what I

409
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 1: have going on. And so these are the times where

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Speaker 1: you can make noise. These at times when I'll leave

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Speaker 1: the house, so we're not in this constant. Also, she's

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Speaker 1: on zooms. I mean, you're all in a pandemic. You

413
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 1: have to make you have to do zooms all day,

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Speaker 1: don't you? Are you in a job that means that

415
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,400
Speaker 1: I am and you know my work is they they're

416
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,080
Speaker 1: so good, you know, they don't care. They've got kids

417
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 1: and animals crawling all over them too, so they're cool.

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00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: They Yeah, but he that he doesn't know. If that's

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00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 1: the case, you could say to him, buddy, I'm about

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Speaker 1: to get fired from my job because of this noise.

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00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,439
Speaker 1: I do know many times I've had to hang up

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Speaker 1: on a zoom because of the noise coming from your house.

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Speaker 1: Like he has to feel your pain. Yeah, And I

424
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 1: think that's a good point. He doesn't know that you

425
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,439
Speaker 1: have nice colleagues and that they're accepting of this. He

426
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 1: doesn't need to know that it's a ship show as

427
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 1: far as he's concerned. Asking him for a schedule would

428
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 1: be really interesting because I think you guys are right. Like,

429
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 1: we have this conversation with my husband, and I like

430
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 1: it's almost like, does he have a mental problem, Like

431
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: you see one of those people that's like really literally

432
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,120
Speaker 1: going fucking crazy because he can't do anything else. Well,

433
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,199
Speaker 1: I think people who play with lots of tools do

434
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 1: have you know a little something that's something's a little

435
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 1: bit loose, right, and that's what they're trying to tighten.

436
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 1: But guess what fucking asshole. We're all in a pandemic,

437
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,960
Speaker 1: we're all about to lose it. So that's not an

438
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,160
Speaker 1: excuse either. And you know you definitely having a good

439
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 1: job or good work environment that's accepting of it is

440
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 1: of no relevance. He doesn't need to know that. But yeah,

441
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 1: asking for a schedule neither or presenting your schedule being

442
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 1: like this is when based on my schedule, you can

443
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 1: do this audible. Now, I think it should be the

444
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 1: other way around, because he's the one causing the problem.

445
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 1: She that's bending over backwards for him. Why she presenting

446
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,879
Speaker 1: her schedule then that gives him all these pockets to

447
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 1: do construction and well, because she can set that like

448
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 1: if she only wants him to do it from X time,

449
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: X times, she can be like, these are the times

450
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,920
Speaker 1: that you can work within that are convenient for me.

451
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 1: It's something like, give me your schedule and then I'll

452
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 1: take a look at it, and if I have something going,

453
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 1: I'll tell you you can't be working. Yeah, I just say,

454
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 1: you've had a couple of tricky zooms. Listen, Like you're

455
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 1: a professional. I understand you're doing work on your house.

456
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 1: But we've been pretty understanding for a year because that's

457
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:16,639
Speaker 1: how long it's been going on, right, you're not exaggerating, no, Right, Okay,

458
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 1: So it's been going on for a year, and I've

459
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: had some issues with work, and I need your schedule

460
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,439
Speaker 1: because I now need to schedule around your construction. He

461
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 1: doesn't have a construction schedule, it sounds like, so that's

462
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: going to throw him for a real loop de loop.

463
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,439
Speaker 1: Something you should also check this because it's something I

464
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 1: had to deal with, is you should check with the

465
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 1: city because there are working hours for construction of when

466
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 1: he can do something like the decibel of how loud

467
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: it can be with people around. So I'm sure that

468
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: there's some sort of city guideline or regulation you should

469
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: look into. Yeah, we have an agency called three one one,

470
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: and they definitely keep the work within the hours. It's

471
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 1: like between eight and eight. Like he's always really good

472
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 1: about that, but I will say he's able to do

473
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: construction until eight pm, eight to eight. Remind me never

474
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 1: to move to fucking Philadelphia. What is that? That's why

475
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 1: we're so angry here, Claudia. Just remember though, like there

476
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 1: is a light at the end of the tunnel now,

477
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 1: because if this is COVID or pandemic related, Like, everyone's

478
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,639
Speaker 1: gonna be coming out of it summer starting, people are

479
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,919
Speaker 1: getting vaccinated. He's going to want to not be in

480
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,359
Speaker 1: the house. His daughter just found out she's pregnant, so

481
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,120
Speaker 1: the mother said that they'll be going to visit more

482
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 1: often and that they won't be home as much. So

483
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 1: that'll be so there's a bright spot on the horizons.

484
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 1: One of the adult children that was living with him

485
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: when he when you moved in. Yeah, feeling that they're

486
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: going to move like I actually heard him on the

487
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 1: phone asking how much he had left on his loan.

488
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 1: But asking him for a schedule is a great first step,

489
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 1: especially for the rest of those Everyone would appreciate that. Yeah,

490
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: I think that's the most civilized way to go about it.

491
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: I have some other ideas, but it seems like that's

492
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: the one we should stick to for now. Why don't

493
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 1: you get back to us and we can if I

494
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 1: need to call him, I'm also open to doing that.

495
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 1: And what would you say, Oh, I have away with men.

496
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 1: They don't like to talk to me, so they want

497
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 1: the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. So

498
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 1: I have a way with like really making my voice

499
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,120
Speaker 1: be heard and them ensuring that they will not hear

500
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 1: from me again. No one wants a second call. Now.

501
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: I believe that I've had it up to here with men,

502
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I have no patience for

503
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: it anymore. And that is something, but absolutely like are

504
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 1: you fucking sitting there wasting space or are you contributing

505
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,920
Speaker 1: something right now? I just had an incident with a guy,

506
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 1: this pilot, and he was just wasting so much time.

507
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,199
Speaker 1: And I looked at him like, buddy, why are you

508
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 1: wasting so much time? Why not be pushing the ball

509
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: forward instead of holding us all back? And he's like, oh,

510
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 1: is that what you think I'm doing? And I'm like, yeah,

511
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: that's exactly what you are doing. And then he's like, well,

512
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 1: thank you for telling me. But it's like there's a

513
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 1: lot of people that are not doing much and are

514
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 1: taking up room. I agree, Well, maybe he's also fixing

515
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: the house up to sell it. That's the other thing, right,

516
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 1: So that makes sense. I mean, I don't want to

517
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: stop him from progressing in his life. Right. Well, you're

518
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 1: very nice, a little too sympathetic, Like if you go

519
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 1: out every day get bitten by the same dog, you

520
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 1: need to go make a left and then avoid that dog.

521
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: So you need a different framework from here on out.

522
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: I agree, So keep us posted. I will, okay, Claudia,

523
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: I will Chelsea, thank you, Okay, don't be a stranger.

524
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: I won't. Likewise by Claudia, by guys, she said, likewise,

525
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: how are we supposed to keep in touch with her? Brandon?

526
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 1: Did you get her digits? I'm going to hit her

527
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,679
Speaker 1: on the hip, don't worry about it. Does she have

528
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: a beeper? I hope? So. I want a beeper. That

529
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 1: would be so great for my drug deals. That would

530
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 1: be really nice for both of us, just be able

531
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 1: to page each other. Well, but that's why you have

532
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 1: fired your friends on me. So you see where I am.

533
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,479
Speaker 1: When I am lost, I always got an eye on you.

534
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, she seemed very normal and reasonable.

535
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: She was rational. She's going to be just fine because

536
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 1: she's gonna go Yeah, she's going to go into this

537
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 1: with an empathy. Yeah. Maybe it was an overabundance for

538
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 1: this man, but I think that's going to put her

539
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,919
Speaker 1: on much better footing than going out and just being

540
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 1: a total cunt. Yeah no, no, no, don't call me aunt.

541
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 1: Taught you the word cunt. I use it probably too

542
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,679
Speaker 1: much and think that it's like now, I've taken it

543
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: on because it's more appropriate for a woman to use

544
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: that word. And I feel like I can because I'm

545
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 1: a gay man. But I should probably rein it in

546
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 1: because it's pretty like they kind of. But I would

547
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 1: never call a woman in the street a count like

548
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 1: I would never call like to you. I would refer

549
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: to one of your girlfriends as a count, and you

550
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: have and she is and her name is. Should we

551
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 1: get the next collar on the line where I feel

552
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: like we're rocking and rolling here? I mean, it feels

553
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: really good to be listening to people. Let me read

554
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,480
Speaker 1: you his submission and then we can get right into him. Okay,

555
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,959
Speaker 1: his name is a mirror, he says, Dear Chelsea. I'm

556
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: a fifty two year old married man who looks like Mr.

557
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: Potato Head. Yet I find myself obsessing over looking good

558
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: to younger women. I know that there's no chance of

559
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 1: scoring at all with them, and I don't try. But

560
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 1: how do I get past this? Taylor's old as time?

561
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god, where's a mirror? A mirror? Hi? What

562
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: a cool surprises is? Who would who would have thought

563
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 1: well you did apparently when you wrote in your request

564
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 1: for advice. I'm here. Yeah, well, if you could see

565
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: my face, you'd realize I only look smart. Okay, well

566
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 1: that's a bad outlook on yourself, but we can get

567
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: to that in a minute. Brandon. Just read me your

568
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: submission and it talks about why you want to attract

569
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: younger women or be attractive to younger women, and that

570
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: you look like Mr Potato. How is that correct? Yeah,

571
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 1: that's pretty accurate. Okay, Well, I would like to start

572
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: by saying a why are you concerned with attracting younger

573
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 1: women when you are married? I don't know. And I'm

574
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 1: happily married too, and I would never consider cheating on

575
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: my wife. But that's what just goes through my head.

576
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,719
Speaker 1: I'm going through a weird midlife crisis, right. You just

577
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: want their approval, You want them to think you're attractive,

578
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 1: and that's all you need, right, Right, So that's your

579
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 1: own insecurity coming to the surface. And why do you

580
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,879
Speaker 1: think you're insecure? I don't know. Probably because I'm just

581
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: an average looking guy. In all my life, I've seen

582
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 1: all the other guys I know could all the attention,

583
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: So I think that might have something to do with it.

584
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 1: This is very interesting to me because so infrequently do

585
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: we hear a man talk about his comparison to other

586
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: men in relation to how they look so for me

587
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: or to write in and wanting to look good to

588
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: younger women, when really it's probably him internalizing like these

589
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,880
Speaker 1: handsome men that he's seen his entire life, Like, this

590
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: is something that men also deal with, and you know,

591
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 1: I deal with personally to try and adhere to I

592
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: guess a societal expectation of what we should look like,

593
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: so a mirror like to your point, you're constantly under

594
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: state of comparison to who's around you. You're pouring out

595
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: my heart right now, But I merre, I think the

596
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 1: thing and I'm going to take the lead on this

597
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 1: one since I'm a man, Well, thank you. What I've

598
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 1: realized for myself and here is that you can only

599
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: provide this to yourself. So when you feel good and

600
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: attractive and you have to find a way to make

601
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: yourself feel that way, you won't care about what someone

602
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: an onlooker thinks. But no one else has that responsibility

603
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: besides you. And for me, it was changing my diet

604
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 1: because I eat like a twelve year old. I mean

605
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: pop tarts for every meal and donuts. He would eat

606
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,679
Speaker 1: like six to seven donuts in one city. Yeah, he

607
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: had some bad habits. And Brandon's a really good looking guy,

608
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: but I felt so bad about myself. So typically people

609
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: who feel that way, what you're seeing is not a

610
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 1: representation of what the world sees. So like when I

611
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: look at myself sometimes it's like I have to take

612
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: a quick little glance and walk away, because as long

613
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 1: as I know I'm put together to go to a

614
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: meeting or wherever, I know that I'm seeing something much

615
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: different than what Chelsea sees. You have to be able

616
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: to recalibrate your brain and reassure yourself that you have

617
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: something of worth to provide. Not everyone looks like Daniel Craig.

618
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: I always say, I want to look like Ryan Reynolds.

619
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: Never gonna wake up one morning and look like him.

620
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: But there are other things that you have that someone

621
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: else doesn't, so like my attentiveness, like what I know

622
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 1: I can do and I don't have a skill or talent. Truthfully,

623
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: I tell people that all the time. But what I

624
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: can do is take care of people, and I'm good

625
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 1: at that, and I like to do it. You have

626
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 1: comedy like, you have a cooking skill like some everyone

627
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: has something that they can about it. What are your

628
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: best qualities and attributes? Wow, I don't know. We'll forget

629
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: about the exterior like to talk about like interior? What

630
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: is what's your personality like? What do people love about you?

631
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 1: What's your wife's favorite thing about you? Well? I'd like

632
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: to think of myself as a generally easygoing kind of guy.

633
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: I I think that so many things in life aren't

634
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: worth making an issue over. I see people getting upset

635
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 1: for the silliest things, and I just don't understand why

636
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: they expend that kind of energy. I try to be

637
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: non judgmental. I am open minded. I'm open to new

638
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: experiences because I think life is all about experience and

639
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: that adds to one's personality and breadth of knowledge. But

640
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: you know how many people don't have those things Like

641
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 1: those are traits that one are very hard to teach

642
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: or to be learned, and you have that in you already.

643
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: I'm someone who takes issue with everything, and I wish

644
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: my partners he tells me all the time. He goes,

645
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: I wish that you were lazier like I wish that

646
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 1: you were not as observant as you are, that thinks

647
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: not everything was life or death. And let me tell

648
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 1: you just one thing sthetically, Not everyone can pull off

649
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 1: a chunky glass and you're wearing glasses and you look great.

650
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: Yeah you do, kids, I couldn't wear those. I think

651
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: you have a negative narrative going, you know, And I

652
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: think a lot of people feel that way. They have

653
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 1: a negative narrative going in their head. Like you, you're

654
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: holding onto this one ideal that you know that's impossible

655
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 1: to reach. You're not gonna look like Daniel Craig, but

656
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: you have all these other attributes about yourself that you're

657
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: under playing where those should be in the forefront, Like

658
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: you need to leverage those, leverage those, like all of

659
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: the things about being open minded, being non judgmental. Do

660
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: you know how badly I wish I didn't judge people.

661
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 1: I fucking judge everybody. And it's a constant exercise to

662
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: try and dismantle that, you know, to do not look

663
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,239
Speaker 1: at somebody's shoes and go, oh my god, how does

664
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: anybody fuck that guy? You know? Like, so that's a

665
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: huge advantage you already have, and you know who were

666
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: the people in your life, like the closest people. Do

667
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: you have kids, No, no kids, it's just my wife.

668
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: Another reason to celebrate you have no children, I mean

669
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 1: awesome is that that you went through COVID and didn't

670
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: have to homeschool anybody. That's a victory dance right there.

671
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 1: I suppose you're right. I didn't think of it that. Yeah,

672
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: So I think you need to flip the narrative that's

673
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: going on. It feels like you're stuck with this idea

674
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: of something that's unattainable. So that's useless, and you need

675
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: to focus on what is attainable for you and what

676
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: you are good at, and then start bringing those qualities,

677
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 1: like really focusing on that going like thinking about your

678
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 1: open mindedness and how you can apply that to your

679
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: life in terms of if you want to make more

680
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 1: friends or if you want a bigger social life. You know,

681
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: you want to be more outdoorsy. No one's ever like,

682
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: you know, as far as your body and your weight

683
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: and exercise goes like, no one's ever gotten in shape.

684
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I just vomited. No one's ever gotten in shape.

685
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: And then and I have women no, No, See that

686
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: narrative just extinguish that that's self loathing and it's it's

687
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 1: not that makes me feel sorry for you, not go oh,

688
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: that's a fun guy that I want to hang out with. Well,

689
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 1: you just you just made a good point. How do

690
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: I get people to think that rather than think that

691
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 1: I'm pathetic? I mean when when these feelings of inadequacy

692
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: creep up? Can you suggest anything I should do to

693
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: try to get around you have to overdo it. I

694
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: was made fun of my entire life. When I walk

695
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 1: into a room, if people are laughing, it doesn't matter

696
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: if I know them or not they're my best friends.

697
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: I will automatically seem they're laughing at me. It has

698
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: nothing to do with me. You have to like in

699
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: those moments, I hold my head up a little bit higher.

700
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: It's like you're putting on a character. But I also

701
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: just want sorry. I want to jump in. I'd love

702
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: to interrupt people. I want to jump in because you're saying, like,

703
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: how do I get these people to like me by

704
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 1: applying your thought patterns to the things that you do have. Yes,

705
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: I'm outgoing, I'm open minded, I'm not judgmental. You know,

706
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: I'm easy going. All of those things are great qualities,

707
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: so amplify them, and that's how you get people attracted

708
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 1: to you. You have to make yourself believe those things too,

709
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: Like you know what's there because you're able to vocalize it.

710
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: And I think that again going back to the physical part,

711
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: so many women from Chelsea and Ice conversation, Chelsey conversation,

712
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 1: that power conversation, power control. There you go, great, look

713
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: at you, Look at you. Your great grammar too, So

714
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 1: there you go, put that in your bonnet and smoke it.

715
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 1: But being that outgoing and leveraging those other things that

716
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: you do have, like the physical part for most women

717
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 1: is not at the forefront, Like, yes, there has to

718
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 1: be a basis of attraction, but those other things like

719
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: making someone laugh or giving someone knowledge on something can

720
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: be equally as attractive and engagement. Yeah, and like you've

721
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: got to start believing it, you know, you've got to

722
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: whether it's affirmations is like lame as that sounds, you know,

723
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: think about it. You've got to change the pattern in

724
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: your brain. Now, high on yourself, you've gotta behind yourself.

725
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: You're alive, you're not dying, you have your whole life

726
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 1: ahead of you, So why not get after it. I

727
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: agree and that and that's the reason I wrote in

728
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: I want to learn how to seize the day. Well,

729
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: do you feel like we've given you some ideas that

730
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 1: are tangible enough for you putting into practice? Yeah, some

731
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 1: really good, really good advice. And what about your exercise routine,

732
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: because I think that always puts people in a good mood.

733
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 1: What I was saying earlier is that no one word

734
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: does makes that change in their life, like starts eating

735
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: more healthy and starts exercising and feels worse Like that

736
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: is a definite recipe for feeling better. Well, I I

737
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 1: bought it. I bought a bike and I usually go

738
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: for an hour long bike ride every day now, and

739
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 1: I have changed my diet, so I am losing weight. Great. Well,

740
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: that's awesome. It already sounds like you're on your way.

741
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 1: I have faith in you. You just need to hear

742
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 1: from a strong woman that you're valuable, and you are

743
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,399
Speaker 1: valuable to the mail race and to the human race.

744
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: That makes all the difference in the world to me,

745
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: especially coming from you. Yeah, Okay, as long as you're

746
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 1: not a sexual assaulter, we've got no problems. You couldn't

747
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: get laid in to morgue. Okay, well, we're gonna stop that.

748
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,320
Speaker 1: We're gonna stop those jokes. Couldn't get laid into morgue

749
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: isn't a funny joke, and it's not worth repeating. Okay, Okay,

750
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: what you know what a funny joke would be is

751
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 1: I could get laid into morgue. Not try. Okay, Well,

752
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: let's just leave the morgue out of it. But you know,

753
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: check back in with us, Okay in a few months,

754
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: I'd like to see how your progress is going, or

755
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: right us or whatever. Keep in touch because yeah, you

756
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 1: just need a little bit of a pep talk, and

757
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: if you need another one, we're happy to give it

758
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: to you. We'll do when I can't thank you enough

759
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: for your time. It's really appreciated, and I've got a

760
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: lot of good takeaways from the coal. Great, and don't

761
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: forget to have sex with your wife consensually. Okay, okay, consensually.

762
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 1: That will help you feel good too. We'll do thanks

763
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,240
Speaker 1: and try and make her feel good while you're at it. Okay,

764
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: what is next on the docket? Well, I mean we're

765
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: covering a lot of basic episode. We have more, oh god, okay,

766
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 1: keep plugging away. Yeah, I feel very motivated right now.

767
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: Let's just keep it going. Then. The next caller is

768
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: kit from southern California, age thirty two and tech sales, writes,

769
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,800
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, can you speak to your experience with shame

770
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: and do you have any advice for deep programming it

771
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: within oneself? Let's have you explain your back story. Kit Hi,

772
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 1: Kit Hi Hi thinks it's nice to meet you both.

773
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Yeah, my back story. So, I

774
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,800
Speaker 1: have had a couple I didn't dating until I was

775
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 1: in my late twenties, and I had a couple of

776
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 1: veiled relationships and realized that I kind of internalized the

777
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 1: responsibility for those field relationships, and so I started to

778
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 1: see a counselor and a therapist who's been really great,

779
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 1: and it's been really helpful. And as I've been kind

780
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:21,919
Speaker 1: of confronting things that have prevented me from self actualizing,

781
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: I suppose I've been realizing how shame has kind of

782
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: had this deep, insidious hold on my subconscious and has

783
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 1: been kind of at the wheel of a lot of

784
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 1: my decision making, and I'm hoping to combat that. I

785
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: recently was driving and listening to Justin Long's podcast. He

786
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 1: was talking to Kristen Bell and she was talking about

787
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: aging and being okay with aging because you know, she

788
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 1: got to be young and feel confident in a bikini

789
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,960
Speaker 1: and I kind of had to pull over and cry

790
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm kind of approaching the sunset

791
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 1: of my youth and I've never been comfortable in a

792
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: swim suit. And that's like body shame, but there's lots

793
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 1: of other shame. And so I'm really in awe of

794
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: a lot of the choices that you make and the

795
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,839
Speaker 1: things that you do, because it seems like shame does

796
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: not play a role in that at all. And I'm

797
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: hoping to maybe get some guidance from you and kind

798
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 1: of d programming the shame to live a little bit

799
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 1: more carefree. Well, the first thing I noticed is that

800
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 1: you said you had a couple of failed relationships, Like,

801
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: there's no reason to look at any relationship as a failure.

802
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 1: That's what relationships are there for a period of time.

803
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: I mean, did you want the first relationship you had

804
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: to be a success by way of marriage. I mean

805
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: then you would have no life experience, so they're not failed.

806
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: That's the first mistake you're looking at that as like

807
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 1: it's a negative. Like the whole purpose of life is

808
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,280
Speaker 1: to evolve, to have experiences, to become wiser, to become

809
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 1: more confident, to become less self conscious, right to have

810
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 1: less shame. So without plentiful experience, you can't move on

811
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: and experience the world in that way you're looking for

812
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,720
Speaker 1: like a home run in your first relationship. That's not normal.

813
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have those ex patients. You have to allow

814
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: room for things to lead in your view of a

815
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 1: success and failure like so we have to get those

816
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: words out of your vocabulary, because some relationships are neither

817
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 1: a success nor a failure. I've had I don't know

818
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: a few long term relationships, and I don't view them

819
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 1: as failures. I view them as incredible life experiences. They

820
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,399
Speaker 1: all gave me something I didn't have before. So that's

821
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: the first thing I know. Shame plays a very big

822
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 1: role in a lot of people's lives, especially a lot

823
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: of gay people's lives. I yeah, you're right. I don't

824
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: have a lot of shame, so it's not like I

825
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: have a lot to on earth of it. But I

826
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: have been witnessed to a lot of it, and it

827
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,800
Speaker 1: is really about the narrative that you're telling yourself about

828
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: the way you want your life to go. And you

829
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 1: have to be open to not planning, executing, and succeeding

830
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: in every single thing that you think you should do

831
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,360
Speaker 1: because of what society tells you to do. You have

832
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,919
Speaker 1: to explore what makes you happy, Like what does make

833
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: you happy? What are the things that make you happy

834
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,319
Speaker 1: in a relationship? Like what would make you happy? Do

835
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: you want to get married and have kids and have

836
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: a family. Is that what your goal is? Maybe marriage?

837
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 1: Maybe some dogs, a lot of plants, probably, So what

838
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 1: would a successful relationship look like to you? Then I

839
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 1: guess one in which there's a lot of challenge for

840
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: that kind of like mindfulness and intention and growth. I

841
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: did a meditation this morning and it was with Deepox

842
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 1: Shoprah's meditation with Oprah, and it said something he said,

843
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: every day is part of your path to get where

844
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: you're going, Like every single day, whether you see it

845
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: or not, or it feels like, oh that happened, Why

846
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 1: did I have this setback? Nothing is a setback. Everything

847
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: is moving you forward. Right as long as you have

848
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: the attitude that this is part of your journey, I

849
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 1: can't avoid using that word because it's just too everyone.

850
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 1: I hate it. I hate it so much. It reminds

851
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: me of the band Journey, which I also wasn't a

852
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: big fan of, but you know your journey. It's so

853
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 1: important for women espe actually to be okay with your

854
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: current circumstances and to not put all this pressure on

855
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: yourself about what you think you should be doing. You

856
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: have to really find out what brings you joy, what

857
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: brings you happiness, because there are plenty of things that

858
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: are going to bring you joy and happiness that you

859
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 1: don't even know about yet because you're thirty, right, Like

860
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: I didn't find out about my own interests and like

861
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 1: hobbies until I was older. I was just sitting there,

862
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 1: like running that kind of bicycle of life for a

863
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: long time, and so I was like thirty seven, thirty eight,

864
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 1: I didn't slow down and think, wait, what do I want?

865
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: What am I looking for? What do I want to

866
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 1: get out of life? And it's not saying that you

867
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 1: have to wait until your thirty eight or thirty nine

868
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 1: to find that out, but you do have to take

869
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: the pressure off of your shoulders, Like that's no way

870
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: for you to enjoy life. You can't put all of

871
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:51,240
Speaker 1: this pressure on. And that's where I think shame comes from,

872
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 1: is when you're not meeting the expectations of what you

873
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: think people expect from you. Yeah, Hunter, I know that

874
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 1: you're pretty familiar with the angiogram, and I'm like a

875
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: textbook one the perfectionist, So that that all makes a

876
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,759
Speaker 1: lot of sense, right right, So there you go. So

877
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,320
Speaker 1: you're a perfectionist and you yeah, and you want everything

878
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: probably wrapped up in a nice little bow. And I

879
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 1: would say, like, you know, do you have a dog

880
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: right now? Yeah? I do? Okay, Well, that must keep

881
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 1: you busy and that makes you happy, right, I know?

882
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: Dogs make me so fucking happy. Yeah, fat dogs. Do

883
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: you have a fat dog? I do. He's a hundred

884
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:31,959
Speaker 1: pound Mastiff named Abner, And there's just everything about that

885
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 1: visual It is very exciting for me. Yeah, we have

886
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 1: I love the drooling. I love when dogs are like

887
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 1: that when you get him off of sofa and the

888
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 1: whole sofa is just wet because of their big Most

889
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: people are grossed out by that, but we just get

890
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 1: our couches cleaned. So anyway, back to you, the moral

891
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: of the stories, how are we going to diminish her

892
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: shame Brandon, what's a good Okay? I really feel for

893
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,839
Speaker 1: you because I am a perfectionist in a way that

894
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: my boyfriend basically says it makes life enjoyable that I

895
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: have a certain expectation of how things should be at

896
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 1: all times, which makes me very good at my job

897
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: but really miserable in my personal life. So it could

898
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 1: be anything. I won't go to an event if I

899
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:14,280
Speaker 1: don't look or feel exactly how I thought I should

900
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 1: leaving the house like it's overwhelming at times, But what

901
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 1: I've realized is that feeling keeps me from doing so

902
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: much that life has to offer. And as soon as

903
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 1: I started to retrain how I approach situations and not

904
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,719
Speaker 1: feel a pressure of moving forward but being present and

905
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 1: being mentally engaged with what's going on today, Like all

906
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,760
Speaker 1: I can control is what's going on around me right now,

907
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: I would think so far ahead of the future and

908
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:45,399
Speaker 1: just trying to construct these ideals of what my life

909
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 1: should look like or be In that moment, I remember

910
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: turning thirty and feeling really fucking good about where I

911
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 1: was at. I was working for Chelsea, the only person

912
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 1: I wanted to work for. Went from an internship to

913
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 1: working for her. I make great money, we own a house,

914
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,919
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend. Like all these things, I thought,

915
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm in a great place. I literally got out of

916
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: the shower to go to my birthday dinner and was

917
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 1: crying because in the shower all I could think of

918
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: was how many people it said, like are you where

919
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 1: you thought you would be at thirty? Like, oh, you're

920
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: an assistant right now? Like you know, it was what

921
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 1: other people were putting on me. I'm like, I'm an

922
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 1: assistant who makes incredible money and does what I want

923
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: to do. Like you're in a miserable job sitting at

924
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: a desk that you fucking hate. So not kid, He's

925
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 1: talking yes in a broader scope. But I started to

926
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 1: remind myself that the pressures I was feeling were those

927
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: being placed on me, not what I actually was concerned about.

928
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 1: And so I guess my suggestion for you was what

929
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 1: helped me through this was I don't know if it's

930
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 1: a lifestyle per se or a thought process, but it's

931
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 1: called wobby sabby. It's a Japanese thing, and it's basically

932
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 1: embracing the imperfection and allowing that to be perfect for you.

933
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 1: So I literally got a tattooed on me. I never

934
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: thought that I would get a tattoo and it's my

935
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 1: little daily reminded. And mind you, the tattoo's fucked up

936
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: and it's like the universe. It's it's the Universe's way

937
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 1: of reminding me. When I looked down at it, it's

938
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,359
Speaker 1: all faded like some of the letters you can't even see,

939
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is this is exactly what it

940
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 1: should have been, because I would have gone to get

941
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: it lasered off, like if it wasn't exactly perfect and

942
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: it was hand done and very thin print. You have

943
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 1: to create a new mindset for yourself and basically allowing

944
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 1: yourself to feel imperfect and it being okay, Like I'll

945
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: look at things and almost be like wobby Sabby that

946
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 1: then't turn out how I wanted. It doesn't matter because

947
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: there's tomorrow. Like what the fund does? Most of this

948
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 1: matter that we are so worked up about, it doesn't. Yeah,

949
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 1: getting a mantra in your head or like do you

950
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: meditate ever? I have done it a couple of times,

951
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 1: yet my therapist is pretty on board with me doing

952
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: it more. Yeah, you should do guided meditation download like

953
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 1: Deepak Chopra's app or Headspace or Calm or any of

954
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 1: these apps guided meditation, that it's specific to your perfectionism. Right,

955
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 1: there are all of those, and it's about just being

956
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: in your life. If there's one about shame, like there

957
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 1: will be one about shame, there will be one about perfectionism,

958
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: there will be There are all sorts of things, but

959
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: it's really about accepting your life for what it is

960
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 1: in this moment, and if there are changes that need

961
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: to be made, knowing that you're capable enough to make them,

962
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: and knowing that that voice in your head is most

963
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: likely like that little girl version of you that's been

964
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 1: taught to be that's kind of stuck in this certain

965
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 1: kind of pattern of thinking. And it's almost like, you know,

966
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 1: my therapist gave this to me. Is like my little

967
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 1: girl version of me is like nine years old, and

968
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:23,840
Speaker 1: when I get scared or I get nervous, or I

969
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: get competitive, it's that nine year old girl thinking are

970
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 1: we gonna be okay? Are we gonna be okay? And

971
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 1: he goes, you need to talk to that little version

972
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: of you. You need to name her. I'm like little Chelsea.

973
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 1: He's like, well whatever, but name her, and so when

974
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 1: those feelings come up that you're not comfortable with, you

975
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:40,879
Speaker 1: know that to soothe her. It's like, no, I'm here now,

976
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: this is adult me. I've got this under control. This

977
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 1: is your life, and you're in control. I mean, you've

978
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 1: got your ship together enough to be calling in here.

979
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,839
Speaker 1: I can see you. You have your ship together, you know,

980
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 1: so you're not a hot mess, and there's power in

981
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: that and being able to acknowledge how you're feeling and

982
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,479
Speaker 1: that you know it's not how you want to feel.

983
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 1: You can literally pull your self out of that, and

984
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 1: that is power. Knowing that right now I'm feeling shameful,

985
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling happy where I want to be. In

986
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: that moment, you have the power to change that say like, oh,

987
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: I'm going to acknowledge this, but I'm going to make

988
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: an adjustment. Like some people never have that sense of

989
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 1: self or awareness, and so they just sink like you're

990
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 1: you're on the horizon. Like you there's so much ahead

991
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: of you because you've been able to acknowledge that you're

992
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 1: not where you want to be. But every day you

993
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: can make the choice to put yourself in a different position,

994
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: and every day will get easier to not feel that way,

995
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 1: to not feel ashamed, to not feel the pressure, and

996
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 1: to embrace where you're at and how you're going to

997
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 1: move forward. Are you crying? Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty amotive,

998
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 1: I think just naturally. I'm curious if you have experience

999
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 1: with like or advice for how to keep the faith.

1000
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: Uh huh yeah, yeah, it's a daily practice. You need

1001
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:58,479
Speaker 1: to write down there is no shame in my game

1002
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:00,879
Speaker 1: on your refrigerator, right, You need to write that down

1003
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 1: so you fucking look at it first thing in the

1004
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,319
Speaker 1: morning and you're like, and say it out loud, there

1005
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,839
Speaker 1: is no shame in my game. Make it fun, make

1006
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 1: it cool. You are going to be fine. The very

1007
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: fact that you're here is proof that it's right. You know,

1008
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 1: you are unique and you have qualities that nobody else

1009
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 1: in the world will have. So you have to always

1010
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 1: celebrate yourself. You have to always say like, oh, look

1011
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 1: what I did there, Look what I did there? You know,

1012
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: and challenge yourself and be brave when you need to

1013
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,320
Speaker 1: be a little brave so that you can even boost

1014
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 1: that confidence even more. Because I know when I do

1015
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: something that scares me, I always come out the other side.

1016
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 1: I'm like Okay, yeah, yeah, you're still brave, Like that's good,

1017
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: that's good. You're a badass, you know, and that helps

1018
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 1: me always. I think it's about Chelsea talks about this

1019
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 1: a lot. It's about retraining, like flip the script on

1020
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 1: the story that you're writing for yourself and not allowing

1021
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 1: it to be like what I don't have from those

1022
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 1: past relationships that didn't work, Like, look what's available to

1023
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:52,839
Speaker 1: me because they did not work, Like, look at how

1024
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,879
Speaker 1: many potential suitors are out there. Like, if you're holding

1025
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 1: onto that baggage, you're not gonna be able to pick

1026
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 1: anything new up. So you have to drop all that

1027
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 1: ship from the ask. You have to let that go,

1028
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 1: give yourself the space to allow new things in. It's

1029
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 1: like a hoarder, Like your house is packed, so you're

1030
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: gonna start tossing some shit out, cleaning that space and

1031
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 1: allowing new people to come in to occupy your mind,

1032
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 1: your heartor whatever that looks like for you, because it's

1033
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: it's not about what you've missed out on, it's about

1034
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 1: what you have available to you now. Yeah, you're thirty

1035
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: years old, you have your whole baby ahead of you,

1036
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 1: You have fire life ahead of you seriously, like, thirties

1037
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: nothing people by the time you're seventy, people are gonna

1038
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 1: be living till they're a hundred and fifties. So with science,

1039
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 1: we're all going to be here for a lot fucking

1040
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 1: longer than I wanted to be. And this is this

1041
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: is We've talked to a lot of people about this. Sadly,

1042
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 1: it's and it's something that Chelsea and I both struggle with.

1043
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 1: Everyone has their insecurities and things that seem overwhelming in

1044
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 1: certain moments. And I had a list wrote in my

1045
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: notes of everything I hated about myself and just to

1046
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: like physically see it written down, Like, do you realize

1047
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 1: like someone would kill to have any aspect of what

1048
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 1: you have? Like you're offering things that you don't even

1049
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 1: know that you embody or that you have to offer.

1050
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,839
Speaker 1: And so as soon as you start thinking about what

1051
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 1: makes you different, it will help you think why you

1052
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: have value, not what you don't have, what you do have. Yeah,

1053
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: what are the some of the things that you like

1054
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:20,359
Speaker 1: about yourself? Like what's your favorite thing about yourself? Um,

1055
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: I'm a pretty solid shit talker. That's the best. You

1056
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 1: know what that means? That means you're good at happy

1057
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,479
Speaker 1: hour and who doesn't love that. Oh I don't drink, well,

1058
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 1: you can eat there's happy hour food, which is basically

1059
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 1: what gets me there in the first place. I mean,

1060
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 1: do you feel like any of this advice has been

1061
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 1: helpful to you? I do, and I think that using

1062
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,839
Speaker 1: that horder analogy was really helpful. This has been one

1063
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:43,800
Speaker 1: of the hardest things is when we've had women. Colin

1064
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: and I have all sisters, So I just feel such

1065
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: sorrow for the way that we have conditioned women to

1066
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 1: believe like how their life should look. And you can

1067
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: cast a fucking really wide net and if one day

1068
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 1: doesn't work out, there's always another guy. It's not like

1069
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: these five are all that's available to you. Like, you

1070
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: are a beautiful woman, you have great hair, you have

1071
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: a beautiful smile. Like there again, you have to look

1072
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: at the things that you do have. I'm sure you

1073
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: see yourself differently in a mirror, and I hate to

1074
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: make it physical, but I'm looking at you. So this

1075
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: one that did not work, there is always another one.

1076
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 1: And it's not about men. It's about jobs, it's about opportunities,

1077
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:22,439
Speaker 1: it's about friends. Like you can't hold onto the things

1078
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: that did not work right right, and stop saying failures.

1079
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: Nothing's a failure. You know, who cares. It's a redirection.

1080
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 1: It's like, thank god, that's over, next, next, next. You know,

1081
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 1: everything is a stepping stone to get where you're going,

1082
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 1: and you have to have faith in that and you

1083
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 1: have to And I think meditation would help you just

1084
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 1: to be in the present moment, you know, it helps

1085
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 1: you to kind of get that noise out of your

1086
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: head and get that kind of negative thinking out of

1087
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: your head. So you might want to try one of

1088
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 1: those and try and do it for like ten days,

1089
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 1: make a commitment and see how you feel at the

1090
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 1: end of ten days. Ago. Huh, my therapist made me

1091
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 1: committed meditating for three months, every single day for three months,

1092
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: and it I saw the difference right away in my

1093
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 1: pattern of thinking. So I'm not easily influenced. So I

1094
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 1: think that it will help you. And going to counseling

1095
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,879
Speaker 1: is going to be helping you. And yeah, I think

1096
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 1: you just needed a pep talk. Probably thank you and

1097
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 1: thank you for an action item. That's helpful too. As

1098
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,320
Speaker 1: a perfectionist, Yeah, right right, you'll love to put that

1099
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,479
Speaker 1: in place. A little calendar and some check marks, I'm sure,

1100
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:22,919
Speaker 1: and go right that. Go write that message no shame

1101
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: in my game on your fridge. I'm going to I'm

1102
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:29,439
Speaker 1: going to request a really bad tattoo of it. Also. Now, great, well, match,

1103
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Keep us posted, let us know

1104
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,439
Speaker 1: how it's going. Well, Thank you very much. Why don't

1105
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 1: you give us a ten day check in on your meditation? Okay,

1106
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 1: I can do that. Thank you for keeping me accountable. Well,

1107
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 1: we'll be checking in so if we don't hear from you,

1108
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: you'll hear from us, So you better do it. Thank you. Well,

1109
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 1: we have a very special guest today. His name is

1110
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 1: Deepak Chopra, and he is going to talk to us

1111
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 1: about meditation, about his own probably personal experience. I do

1112
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,719
Speaker 1: his meditation an app all the time. He has a

1113
00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: new one with Alicia Keys called Activating the Divine Feminine,

1114
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 1: The Path to Wholeness. I feel very whole as a woman.

1115
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 1: Do you feel whole as a gay male? I feel

1116
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 1: like this is going to be the perfect meditation for

1117
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 1: me because I think it's going to cover a lot

1118
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 1: of bases. Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't even think about that.

1119
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: It's like, all, yes, it's intersectional, well as it should be.

1120
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: I did one yesterday and I did another this morning

1121
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:29,359
Speaker 1: to familiarize myself. But I listened to Deepak almost daily

1122
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 1: when I meditate. So feel less masculine? Now do I

1123
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: feel less masculine? Well? Right now, my breasts are the

1124
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 1: size of cantelopes and they are erect. Like when I

1125
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 1: got out of the shower, they almost hit me in

1126
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 1: the chin because when I get my period, they turned

1127
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 1: into water balloons. So do I feel less masculine today?

1128
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: I feel very feminine because of those two basketballs. But

1129
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:55,799
Speaker 1: when they deflate, I will go back to my more

1130
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:59,240
Speaker 1: masculine form. Well, then you'll have what nineteen or twenty

1131
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:02,400
Speaker 1: days left of the aland so so that'll that'll be

1132
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 1: perfect through my cycle. It feels like we talked about

1133
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 1: my period a lot on this podcast, but I keep

1134
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: it on my calendar just to know what's coming. Well,

1135
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 1: you know what, Brandon, when you were in Hawaii, I

1136
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,839
Speaker 1: got my period and I had no idea it was coming.

1137
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 1: Every shocking for you. It was shocking. I was like,

1138
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:22,240
Speaker 1: what what is this? Especially you know how forward leaning

1139
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: I am towards wrapping this little area. You're ready, So

1140
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 1: I am pro menopause all the way bring it on, please.

1141
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: Periods are for the birds such a pain and they

1142
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: asked to be a woman such a pain in the ass. Well,

1143
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 1: this seems like the perfect time to bring on deepak

1144
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:44,960
Speaker 1: Joe bra exactly, Hidepak, how are you a good? Sorry

1145
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 1: for being alate? Were you meditating? I like the playing

1146
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 1: all over your glasses cute? Look. Oh yeah, that's like

1147
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: ancient five years thirty five years you've had those glasses, yea,

1148
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:02,879
Speaker 1: their faith just like everything else about me, right right,

1149
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:06,400
Speaker 1: of course we're very excited because I do your meditations

1150
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:10,719
Speaker 1: all the time, and meditation for me has become a

1151
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:13,839
Speaker 1: great tool in my life to get my day off

1152
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,759
Speaker 1: on the right foot, to calm myself down, you know,

1153
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: all the good things that come from meditation. And I

1154
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 1: was hoping maybe that you could give us uh personal

1155
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 1: story about either you or someone that you've worked with

1156
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:31,319
Speaker 1: that had a huge transformation with meditation, somebody whose life

1157
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 1: changed for the better. Obviously. Okay, So the year is

1158
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: nine eighty and the date is October one, and I

1159
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 1: am a residented medicine in teaching hospital in Boston, Harvard

1160
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 1: Associated Harvard University Associated Medical School, and I've just resuscitated

1161
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: a patient to add a heart attack and put him

1162
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:06,720
Speaker 1: on a ventilater and put a pacemaker, and then walked

1163
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:11,719
Speaker 1: outside the hospital to smoke a cigarette. And there's a

1164
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: moment there where I asked myself what am I doing?

1165
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 1: At that time, I had thirty patients out patients, thirty

1166
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 1: patient patients in patient, fifteen patients in the I c

1167
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 1: U and totally burnt out. And that moment was what

1168
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,720
Speaker 1: am I doing. I'm you know, I'm trying to help

1169
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:41,720
Speaker 1: my patients and I'm burned out. So I threw away

1170
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,799
Speaker 1: my cigarette at that moment. And those days, I was

1171
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 1: also every weekend, you know, on Fridays, if I was

1172
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 1: not on call, I was getting smashed with alcohol. So

1173
00:55:54,600 --> 00:56:00,120
Speaker 1: that was one moment where everything shifted and I look

1174
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:03,840
Speaker 1: up meditation very seriously. Now I've grown up in India

1175
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: where it was a tradition, but when you go to

1176
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 1: medical school and you go through all the internship and

1177
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 1: residency and all the crisis, I was very poorly paid.

1178
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 1: I was making two dollars a month in nineteen seventies,

1179
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:26,840
Speaker 1: moonlighting in an emergency room after working in the hospital,

1180
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,799
Speaker 1: going without sleep for days on end. And then I

1181
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:35,400
Speaker 1: started meditation, and then you know, that led me into

1182
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: what today called mine body bendisine, that led me into

1183
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: what today we called integrative medicine, and ultimately led me

1184
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 1: to spirituality. So that's my journey. Wow, wow, I'm that's

1185
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 1: a great story. I didn't know that about you. I've

1186
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 1: read many of your books, but I didn't know that

1187
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 1: personal story about you. That's probably something so many people

1188
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 1: can relate to. You know, I certainly can being in

1189
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 1: that position, in under so much pressure and then not

1190
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 1: ever ever allowing yourself the rest to be practicing it

1191
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 1: in a mindful way, right or in a more mindful way.

1192
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,279
Speaker 1: A question I have for you is, by the way,

1193
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 1: I did your new Alicia Keys meditation about the Feminine? Yeah, yeah,

1194
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:19,920
Speaker 1: I loved it. Very spiritual, very yeah. I did it

1195
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 1: yesterday and this morning. I love your twenty one day

1196
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 1: challenges with Oprah. I do them all the time. How

1197
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:28,240
Speaker 1: to get Unstuck? I did that, So I love I

1198
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 1: love listening to your voice. It's so helpful for people

1199
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 1: who don't think that they know how to meditate. To

1200
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 1: do a guided meditation, it kind of takes the thinking

1201
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 1: out of it for you. So it's really good for

1202
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 1: anyone listening to download that app and find a series

1203
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 1: that applies to you or something that strikes your fancy

1204
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 1: to take. Can download the Choper app on iPhone or Android,

1205
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 1: and they can register online through the website as well.

1206
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 1: Talk to us a little bit about the things that

1207
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: I hear all the time, and I'm an automedical doctor

1208
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: even though I pretend to be the things I hear

1209
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 1: all the time, or people asking when are you doing

1210
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: it right? When are you meditating right? And how do

1211
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: you get yourself to stop thinking? What do you have

1212
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: to say to that? So, Jesse, it's the wrong question.

1213
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 1: If you're doing it, then you're doing it right, period.

1214
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 1: And how do you stop thinking? That's a thought, So

1215
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 1: to to stop thinking is also a thought, you know,

1216
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 1: So you don't try to stop thinking, because when you

1217
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 1: try to stop thinking, you have more thoughts. And all

1218
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 1: you do is follow the process and whatever happens is

1219
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,040
Speaker 1: appropriate for you at that moment. So some people say,

1220
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 1: my fall asleep, well that means they need more sleep.

1221
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:45,640
Speaker 1: Some people say, I get lots of thoughts and lots

1222
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:49,479
Speaker 1: of stress. Actually, all these demons start coming out while

1223
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 1: they're releasing stress. In fact, thoughts are a release of stress.

1224
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 1: Think of meditation as having an upward stroke and a

1225
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 1: downward stroke. So the downward stroke is the practice of megitation,

1226
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: whether it's a mantra meditation or its reflection or mindfulness whatever,

1227
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 1: that's the downward stroke. The upwards stroke is thought. So

1228
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 1: you have both. You can't have one without the other.

1229
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 1: It's like a wave that rises and then it subsides,

1230
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 1: and in between the rising and the subsiding of the

1231
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:27,360
Speaker 1: wave is a little bit of flatline. That flatlight is

1232
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 1: when you're in touch with your spirit, and you don't

1233
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 1: even know it, because when you're in touch with your spirit,

1234
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: time flies, and that's the only sign that there is.

1235
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 1: There was no time you say, I wonder where I went?

1236
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 1: You know, it's like and then there's an ahigh experience,

1237
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 1: and as you ground yourself in the experience, it becomes

1238
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 1: very delightful and very joyous. So that's the spiritual component

1239
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 1: of megitation. But there's a biological component. The biological component

1240
00:59:56,800 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 1: is your mind starts to settle, and then your body

1241
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:03,440
Speaker 1: starts to settle and then goes into what we call

1242
01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 1: homeostasis or self regulation. Inflammatory markers come down. Now recently,

1243
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 1: we've published a lot of research that has been replicated

1244
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 1: by others. But our research originally through our foundation, was

1245
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:22,360
Speaker 1: with Harvard and UCSD with the Nobel Laureate from UCSF

1246
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Blackburn, who discovered the enzyme telomeres, which is the

1247
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 1: anti aging enzyme. At the level of the genetic of

1248
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 1: our jeeves. What we found is all the genes that

1249
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: cause self regulation or homeostasis or healing, they went up

1250
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 1: some seven team fold. All the genes associated the chronic

1251
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: illness and information went down, and the level of the

1252
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:51,000
Speaker 1: enzyme telometers went up. Elizabeth Blackbird, who won the Nobel

1253
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:54,360
Speaker 1: Prize for discovering the enzyme, she was shocked. She she

1254
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 1: actually published a book after that called the Telomere Effect.

1255
01:00:58,640 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 1: Now similar ardeas have been replicated by others. So meditation

1256
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 1: is very profound biological consequences, but then also creates emotional resilience,

1257
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 1: emotional flexibility, more empathy, more compassion, more joy, more peace.

1258
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 1: So the benefits of biological, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Yeah,

1259
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:25,480
Speaker 1: that's helpful for people to know because I I always

1260
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 1: tell people it doesn't matter if you're doing it right.

1261
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,120
Speaker 1: It matters that you're setting aside the time to give

1262
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 1: to yourself and when it clicks, it will click, but

1263
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 1: it may not click each time, right, and when it does,

1264
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, the little bell goes off

1265
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:41,080
Speaker 1: and you've you've forgotten that you're even meditating. Is when

1266
01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 1: you feel I've done it. I did it. So tell

1267
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 1: us about this new exciting partnership you have with mine

1268
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:52,880
Speaker 1: med about psychedelics. This is so exciting. Okay, So mind

1269
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 1: made came about because I was looking of a way

1270
01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 1: to destigmatize both mental illness and psychedelics. There's a lot

1271
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:09,520
Speaker 1: of literature on psychedelics also creating a decrease activity in

1272
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:14,360
Speaker 1: a part of our brain that's called the default mode network.

1273
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 1: So we might want to read about it. It's on

1274
01:02:17,600 --> 01:02:21,640
Speaker 1: the internet, but also Michael Pollan's recent book talks about it,

1275
01:02:21,640 --> 01:02:24,280
Speaker 1: and many scientists talk about it. So this is a

1276
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 1: part of our brain which is the neural correlate of

1277
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 1: our ego drive. So when we're very aggressive, very predatory,

1278
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 1: very hostile, the default mode network gets activated. When you meditate,

1279
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 1: it goes down. But when you take psychedelics it also

1280
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 1: goes down. There, it cools down, which means your ego

1281
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 1: goes down. You have access to a broader awareness, which

1282
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 1: spiritual people call the spiritual demand. We don't have to

1283
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 1: call that. It's expanded awareness. And when there's expanded awareness,

1284
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:02,520
Speaker 1: there's also self regular lation also because you're not editing

1285
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 1: information out based on your habitual patterns of behavior and belief.

1286
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:13,960
Speaker 1: So when I saw mind Made is engaged in both

1287
01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:19,400
Speaker 1: increasing the awareness and education on the research on both

1288
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 1: mental depression, the stigma around mental disease, and the stigma

1289
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:27,960
Speaker 1: around psychedelics, I thought this was a good opportunity to

1290
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 1: partner with them. It's not about selling recreational drugs or

1291
01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 1: anything like that. It's about bringing awareness, education and research

1292
01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:41,360
Speaker 1: to remove the stigma and then go the f D

1293
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:47,480
Speaker 1: a route to get approval for psychedelics for assisted therapy,

1294
01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:52,240
Speaker 1: and not only depression and suicidal tendencies, but also in

1295
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:56,880
Speaker 1: chronic illness. Only five percent of disease related gene mutations

1296
01:03:56,880 --> 01:04:00,680
Speaker 1: are fully penetrat which means there's five percent of genetic

1297
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:04,440
Speaker 1: errors that guarantee the disease. You know. Angelina Jolie is

1298
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:07,360
Speaker 1: the example I side. She had she had the Baraka

1299
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 1: gene that predicts breast cancer, so she had to have

1300
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:13,840
Speaker 1: a preventive mast set to me for that. Now there

1301
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:17,080
Speaker 1: are new techniques that are being developed like crisper and

1302
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 1: gene editing. So I think in a few years you'll

1303
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:22,400
Speaker 1: be able to cut and paste genes the same way

1304
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: you cut and paste your email. You'll be able to

1305
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:27,960
Speaker 1: breathe the barcode of a gene, delete the defective gene,

1306
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:31,600
Speaker 1: insert the healthy gene, and Baila, the disease is cured.

1307
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 1: But that applies only to five of people, whether it's

1308
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 1: cancer or crowding illness, or heart disease or diabetes. Less

1309
01:04:40,240 --> 01:04:46,520
Speaker 1: than five percent are genetically determined completely. So when you

1310
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:54,040
Speaker 1: actually introduce things like good sleep, stress management, movement, yoga, breathing,

1311
01:04:54,760 --> 01:05:02,440
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence, nutrition, restoring biological rhythm, spiritual practice, and then

1312
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:07,680
Speaker 1: you add, in selective cases psychedelic therapy, that's a pretty

1313
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 1: good promise for the future of well being. And that's

1314
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,920
Speaker 1: why we partnered with bite Man. Okay, and what's your

1315
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 1: experience with psychedelics. I had my first experience when I

1316
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:24,400
Speaker 1: was seventeen years old in medical school and uh I

1317
01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:26,440
Speaker 1: was in India at that time, and we had some

1318
01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:31,400
Speaker 1: students from Harvard who had some madesty with them and

1319
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:37,320
Speaker 1: so one day they invited us, the Indians, to join them,

1320
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:40,000
Speaker 1: and it was a very interesting experience because you know,

1321
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:43,320
Speaker 1: I remember still I was looking at a poster of

1322
01:05:43,480 --> 01:05:48,360
Speaker 1: Mother Teresa and she was hugging and licking the wounds

1323
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 1: of children with leprosy, and we were told that when

1324
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 1: she did that, people got healed. I mean, that was

1325
01:05:55,600 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 1: the gossip on the street. But I had immense feeling

1326
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:04,040
Speaker 1: of compassion. I mean I sat there for the entire

1327
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:09,760
Speaker 1: session just feeling that deep, deep belonging to alleviate suffering

1328
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:14,280
Speaker 1: in the world. And that was my first experience, and

1329
01:06:14,320 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 1: then thereafter I actually I had a few other experiences

1330
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 1: while in medical school that I didn't think about it

1331
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:26,400
Speaker 1: at all. But recently I've been assisting with the people

1332
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,720
Speaker 1: who are experts, you know, people at n y O

1333
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:35,600
Speaker 1: and other experts. I've been assisting people go through the

1334
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 1: last phases of their life and their terminal and they're

1335
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 1: confronting death. And so far by experience, I'm not taking

1336
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:49,000
Speaker 1: the stuff myself. I'm just sitting there during assisted therapy,

1337
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,240
Speaker 1: and I've been amazed at how people lose their fear

1338
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:56,680
Speaker 1: of death, how they feel at peace, and how they

1339
01:06:56,760 --> 01:07:02,720
Speaker 1: become so calm that they they lose their pain, they

1340
01:07:02,760 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 1: lose their suffering. So that's been a very interesting recent

1341
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,760
Speaker 1: insight for me. But if you look at the literature

1342
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:16,520
Speaker 1: of pain management, treatment of addictions, treatment of severe anxiety depression,

1343
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 1: suicidal ideation PTSD, all the evidence is coming out right now. Yeah,

1344
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,080
Speaker 1: I've read a lot of that stuff, and I read

1345
01:07:24,080 --> 01:07:26,760
Speaker 1: Michael Pollan's book, and I yeah, I go to this

1346
01:07:26,840 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 1: conference annually called the Wisdom's Two Point Out Conference, where

1347
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:35,360
Speaker 1: there's a lot of neuroscientists, doctors, therapists, you know, psychiatrists

1348
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 1: of that sort of talking about the benefits. And there

1349
01:07:38,080 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 1: was some crazy statistic about something like seventy eight percent

1350
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 1: of people suffered from PTSD after taking micro doses guided LSD,

1351
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:52,080
Speaker 1: that like se of them after one year were cured

1352
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:55,560
Speaker 1: of their PTSDA. A lot of that researches on veterans

1353
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:59,160
Speaker 1: and you know, people who are suffered PTSD because of

1354
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:03,040
Speaker 1: the AMA of war. Yeah, yeah, well, this is all

1355
01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:06,440
Speaker 1: awesome information. Thank you so much for calling in. I

1356
01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:08,120
Speaker 1: was very excited to talk to you. I hope to

1357
01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 1: talk to you some more in the future, and I

1358
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:12,880
Speaker 1: just wanted to personally thank you for your meditations. They've

1359
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 1: really helped me. Your voice really is soothing and wonderful

1360
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 1: to listen to. First thing in the morning. Thank you.

1361
01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:21,040
Speaker 1: And I don't like men. I don't like men first

1362
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:24,400
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, So that's a that's a big compliment. Okay,

1363
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:28,600
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you Deepak, sweetheart. We didn't get you

1364
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:31,800
Speaker 1: to say anything that. I just wanted to hear your

1365
01:08:31,840 --> 01:08:35,240
Speaker 1: experience with meditation and you have done it for years now,

1366
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:37,800
Speaker 1: and then to hear someone who is so enlightened, I

1367
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 1: can't imagine. It must be a burden, honestly to have

1368
01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:43,760
Speaker 1: that level of responsibility. I mean, he's kind of the

1369
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 1: face of meditation. Well, there are a couple of paces. Yeah,

1370
01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:49,320
Speaker 1: he is definitely one of the biggest ones. You know.

1371
01:08:49,360 --> 01:08:52,520
Speaker 1: Eckart Totle is another one who I think is incredible

1372
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:55,080
Speaker 1: to listen to. They both put it in a scientific way.

1373
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:57,040
Speaker 1: And when you hear about the body and the mind

1374
01:08:57,479 --> 01:08:59,439
Speaker 1: getting on board with you know, like so even the

1375
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:03,439
Speaker 1: practice of meditation helps your body physically calm down is

1376
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:06,799
Speaker 1: a big thing. Something that he said, which is always

1377
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 1: important to remind everybody of, is that when you are

1378
01:09:09,439 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 1: acting in anger or frustration at any time like that

1379
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:17,679
Speaker 1: is operating out of ego. Anytime you're angry or yelling,

1380
01:09:18,280 --> 01:09:21,400
Speaker 1: it's your ego because there's no reason to yell, like

1381
01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:24,719
Speaker 1: unless you're in a war. I found that very interesting

1382
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:26,960
Speaker 1: as well. His reference to the ego and how it

1383
01:09:27,040 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 1: really affects you're intake of the things around you, because

1384
01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,599
Speaker 1: when it's filtered through that very personal lens, like you

1385
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:38,120
Speaker 1: don't have awareness to your surroundings, right. And it's like

1386
01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:40,679
Speaker 1: if you're driving in traffic. You know, I have friends

1387
01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:43,559
Speaker 1: who have like severe road rage. If you're driving in

1388
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:47,880
Speaker 1: traffic and you're getting that upset during traffic, like that's

1389
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:51,320
Speaker 1: not normal either. That's operating out of ego like that,

1390
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 1: even though it doesn't feel like it is, your anger

1391
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:57,280
Speaker 1: towards other drivers is almost like they're taking something away

1392
01:09:57,320 --> 01:09:59,960
Speaker 1: from you, and it's really not personal. I think every

1393
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:02,280
Speaker 1: one has had that or experienced it to some degree

1394
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:04,240
Speaker 1: where you're trying to merge onto a lane and people

1395
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,800
Speaker 1: are taking it personally sir, I have to get over

1396
01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:08,880
Speaker 1: this lane. Ends it's not about you. I'm not trying

1397
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:10,800
Speaker 1: to take anything from you or to prove a point

1398
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 1: to you, but they take it as like the cause

1399
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:16,080
Speaker 1: they're going to take up. Or also like somebody beeps

1400
01:10:16,080 --> 01:10:17,960
Speaker 1: at you or yells at you through the window and

1401
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,519
Speaker 1: you react like no, fuck you asshole. It's like, no, no,

1402
01:10:21,040 --> 01:10:24,000
Speaker 1: that's that's your ego. If somebody is an asshole to

1403
01:10:24,040 --> 01:10:26,639
Speaker 1: you out of nowhere or beeps at you, it's like,

1404
01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:29,720
Speaker 1: there's no reason to react that way. The response is, Oh,

1405
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:32,800
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I didn't see you, or oh that person

1406
01:10:32,880 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 1: is having a really bad day, like you know, don't

1407
01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:36,960
Speaker 1: be a cunt, don't give them the finger, don't be

1408
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,080
Speaker 1: a bit, and don't yell at strangers in traffic. Is

1409
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:41,519
Speaker 1: the bottom line. That's the moral of this episode is,

1410
01:10:41,720 --> 01:10:44,640
Speaker 1: please stop yelling at people in public. I don't know

1411
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:48,120
Speaker 1: who I'm talking to everyone, I've stopped doing it, so

1412
01:10:48,240 --> 01:10:50,400
Speaker 1: if you I can stop doing it. Almost anybody can

1413
01:10:50,439 --> 01:10:52,759
Speaker 1: stop doing it because I think I am the prime

1414
01:10:52,800 --> 01:10:56,280
Speaker 1: example of somebody that is not easily susceptible to changing

1415
01:10:56,280 --> 01:10:59,320
Speaker 1: their patterns of behavior. So anybody who thinks that they

1416
01:10:59,360 --> 01:11:02,120
Speaker 1: can't do some thing, please use me as your bounce house.

1417
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:07,000
Speaker 1: Did you get an erection about your breast? We talked

1418
01:11:07,040 --> 01:11:09,120
Speaker 1: about this. I'm trying to turn out we can't have

1419
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:11,280
Speaker 1: any more comments about my breast. I don't think unless

1420
01:11:11,320 --> 01:11:13,800
Speaker 1: I'm talking about another thing. I did want to add

1421
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:16,200
Speaker 1: on that we didn't get to during discussion is that

1422
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:19,759
Speaker 1: Deepak also has an organization called Never Alone, which focuses

1423
01:11:19,880 --> 01:11:25,120
Speaker 1: on mental health and suicide prevention. So anyone who needs

1424
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:27,360
Speaker 1: any serve of assistance, or you know someone who might

1425
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:30,920
Speaker 1: need some assistance, please go check out Never Alone. It's

1426
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:34,960
Speaker 1: curated information available twenty four hours a day. Also, let

1427
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:37,160
Speaker 1: me just go over the meditations that I've been doing

1428
01:11:37,760 --> 01:11:40,559
Speaker 1: on his app for people so that they have a

1429
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:43,799
Speaker 1: reference point if you're kind of looking. There's one called

1430
01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:47,599
Speaker 1: Journey to You, which is really good. It's like it's

1431
01:11:47,680 --> 01:11:50,400
Speaker 1: just about talking about how to meditate. It kind of

1432
01:11:50,439 --> 01:11:53,120
Speaker 1: gives you. There's an emotional s O S. There's a

1433
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:58,559
Speaker 1: mental revival, there's a balanced body spiritual activation, which is

1434
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:01,320
Speaker 1: a good intro. Like I've done all these courses, and

1435
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:03,479
Speaker 1: the ones with Oprah are really good too, because her

1436
01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:07,000
Speaker 1: voice is also like silk. And it's also twenty one

1437
01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:08,800
Speaker 1: days because that's how long they say it takes to

1438
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:11,400
Speaker 1: make or break a habit. Oh really, I thought it

1439
01:12:11,439 --> 01:12:15,200
Speaker 1: was three three days. Three days of a consistent habit

1440
01:12:15,320 --> 01:12:18,280
Speaker 1: usually sets the tone. But yeah, I don't know. I

1441
01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:19,680
Speaker 1: looked that up at one point because I was like,

1442
01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:22,000
Speaker 1: why twenty one days seems like a strange number. In

1443
01:12:22,560 --> 01:12:27,120
Speaker 1: eight days is a cycle mentual cycle, and it takes

1444
01:12:27,160 --> 01:12:29,360
Speaker 1: nine months to make a baby. It's also a movie

1445
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:31,600
Speaker 1: starring Sandy Bullock. I think she goes to rehab in

1446
01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:35,599
Speaker 1: that movie in Days. Yes, that is a Sandy Bullock movie.

1447
01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:39,479
Speaker 1: Watch it. I love I love stories about rehab. I

1448
01:12:39,479 --> 01:12:42,320
Speaker 1: love movies about rehab to anyway, Yeah, go rent that

1449
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:47,680
Speaker 1: movie and rent that movie, like people, what fucking go

1450
01:12:47,760 --> 01:12:51,360
Speaker 1: to Cockbuster and rent that movie. Okay, well, it sounds

1451
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:53,479
Speaker 1: like it's time to take a quick break, and I

1452
01:12:53,520 --> 01:12:58,280
Speaker 1: just can't wait to get back to you. I remember

1453
01:12:58,320 --> 01:13:00,679
Speaker 1: growing up and just looking at my parents thinking they

1454
01:13:00,840 --> 01:13:03,320
Speaker 1: do not have their ship together, and childhood is going

1455
01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:05,960
Speaker 1: to be a waste of my time. And I was

1456
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:08,799
Speaker 1: not interested in being a child. I thought other children

1457
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:13,040
Speaker 1: were also annoying, and I just wanted to sprout up

1458
01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:15,479
Speaker 1: and get my own apartment. All I could think about

1459
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,280
Speaker 1: was getting my own place. From the time I was

1460
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:20,439
Speaker 1: like three. I like to think of child Chelsea in

1461
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:23,760
Speaker 1: her own apartment, just running that show, smoking cigarettes, you

1462
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:26,400
Speaker 1: know what I mean. TV dinners on like a TV

1463
01:13:26,479 --> 01:13:30,000
Speaker 1: dinner tray as you watch the Nightly up my feet

1464
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:33,599
Speaker 1: up and I'm on like a bark a lounger. Yeah, yeah,

1465
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:35,800
Speaker 1: that makes the most sense. That was exactly why I

1466
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:38,479
Speaker 1: probably didn't feel right when I was born. I was like,

1467
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:41,280
Speaker 1: something is off with this scenario, Like it just doesn't

1468
01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:44,160
Speaker 1: seem right, Like it didn't seem like it felt like

1469
01:13:44,160 --> 01:13:46,840
Speaker 1: we were trying to fit a triangle into a round hole,

1470
01:13:47,960 --> 01:13:50,880
Speaker 1: and the round hole being my family, me being the triangle.

1471
01:13:50,880 --> 01:13:52,600
Speaker 1: In case you weren't able to follow that, I'm not

1472
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:55,280
Speaker 1: good with shapes. Okay. I don't know if you remember

1473
01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:58,000
Speaker 1: Nicole trans She was the woman that we spoke with

1474
01:13:58,040 --> 01:13:59,920
Speaker 1: who lived in the college town. It was basically just

1475
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,519
Speaker 1: surrounded by do she guys, And your advice was to

1476
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:09,080
Speaker 1: reapply that energy into herself. Well, she wrote in to

1477
01:14:09,160 --> 01:14:12,519
Speaker 1: do a little follow up, and she says, oh my god,

1478
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:16,439
Speaker 1: what's sad news. Well, it could be happy for her.

1479
01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:19,599
Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've taken your advice, and I've

1480
01:14:19,600 --> 01:14:21,479
Speaker 1: been focusing on myself and feels so much better not

1481
01:14:21,479 --> 01:14:24,320
Speaker 1: having to worry about anyone but me. Nicole Tran short

1482
01:14:24,320 --> 01:14:28,080
Speaker 1: and sweet. Wow, look at that, But I think that's

1483
01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:31,200
Speaker 1: a wise piece of advice for everyone. If you feel

1484
01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:34,439
Speaker 1: like you're watering a dead plant, whether that be dating

1485
01:14:34,560 --> 01:14:37,640
Speaker 1: or friendship. Like reapply that, take time for yourself, do

1486
01:14:37,760 --> 01:14:41,000
Speaker 1: things for yourself. You're never going to lose when you

1487
01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:44,800
Speaker 1: do that, right, Just don't become a narcissist. Okay, Well,

1488
01:14:44,840 --> 01:14:46,360
Speaker 1: I think the moral of the story here is that

1489
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:49,839
Speaker 1: meditation is helpful for many different things, many different struggles

1490
01:14:49,840 --> 01:14:52,040
Speaker 1: that you might be experiencing in your life. It's not

1491
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:56,200
Speaker 1: going to hurt you. No one's ever meditated and been like, well,

1492
01:14:56,800 --> 01:15:00,240
Speaker 1: that fucking ruined my life. It's just like therapy. You know,

1493
01:15:00,320 --> 01:15:02,439
Speaker 1: nobody ever comes out of therapy and was like, oh

1494
01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:05,840
Speaker 1: my life is ruined. That therapist ruined my life. I mean,

1495
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:08,760
Speaker 1: there are bad therapists, but obviously you have to find

1496
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:11,080
Speaker 1: somebody that understands you and it's coming from a good place,

1497
01:15:11,479 --> 01:15:13,400
Speaker 1: which shouldn't be too hard because they have to get

1498
01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:15,960
Speaker 1: a degree to do it. But I do understand chemistry

1499
01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:17,680
Speaker 1: is a thing for a lot of people, and I

1500
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:19,840
Speaker 1: know a lot of people go to a therapist, or

1501
01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:21,880
Speaker 1: they go to two therapists and they give up because

1502
01:15:21,920 --> 01:15:24,439
Speaker 1: there's not the right match. Well, like Depox said, there

1503
01:15:24,479 --> 01:15:27,040
Speaker 1: is no bad meditation. You can't be doing it wrong,

1504
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:30,200
Speaker 1: and any meditation is a good meditation because you're doing it,

1505
01:15:30,320 --> 01:15:33,120
Speaker 1: so that's a great starting place for people. Yeah, agreed,

1506
01:15:33,680 --> 01:15:36,919
Speaker 1: And of course you can always email your issues, your questions,

1507
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:40,960
Speaker 1: your thoughts to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Again,

1508
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:44,960
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Problem solved.