1 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,039 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours, Golden Hour. Thanks so 2 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: much for joining us. We're so excited to be back, 3 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: aren't we. 4 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 2: Catthy always excited to see you, Susan. But here I've 5 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 2: got issues, like when am I going to see you again? 6 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 2: I need a haircut. 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: I soon, very soon. I'm packing This year is aren't 8 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: we going to California? 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 2: We're going to meet Okay, the end of the month, 10 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 2: we are. 11 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: We're going for my big birthday. 12 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,279 Speaker 2: It's not your big birthday, honey, it's a year. 13 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: It's not big, it's huge. 14 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 2: Oh my god, she's twenty sixty nine. Get over it. 15 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 2: Next year, when your seventieth birthday, we're planning a trip. 16 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: No, yeah, I better be somewhere far. I'm not turning 17 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: seventy though. I've decided I'm going to celebrate the anniversaries 18 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: of my sixty ninth. No you're not. Yes, seventy's fun 19 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: that count backwards. I'll go there. 20 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 2: Age is just a number, Susan. All right, Well, since 21 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 2: age is just a number, today this is I love 22 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 2: these episodes because today we're going to answer more of 23 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 2: your questions, fan questions, and these might get a little 24 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 2: tough because they're all about loneliness versus being alone, And 25 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 2: what do you think the difference there? 26 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: It's opposites almost. 27 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:22,919 Speaker 2: Agree. 28 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: It is such a huge difference in those two words. 29 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, tell me what you think. 30 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 1: Being alone is powerful? 31 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 2: Sometimes I think I just fell in love with you 32 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 2: all over again. 33 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,040 Speaker 1: What's this people, she's going to agree today? 34 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 2: No, it's true, it is. 35 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 1: It's very powerful. 36 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 2: It is very powerful. It's time for reflection time. Yeah, okay. 37 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,559 Speaker 2: And loneliness is. 38 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: Sad, feeling sorry for yourself. 39 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 2: Loneliness to me is sad. It's sad. That's the difference 40 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 2: being alone. To me, I can't even believe you said 41 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 2: that it is powerful. It's it's having time to reflect 42 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:14,079 Speaker 2: on yourself, reflect on your situation, finding your own strengths, 43 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 2: but celebrating yourself. 44 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: Loneliness and Kathy, If it's too long of a stretch, 45 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: I could see it turning into loneliness. Like as we 46 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: go on, we'll hear different questions. But some people were 47 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: so involved and they have big families, and then the 48 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 1: ones that go through like you did a little bit, 49 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: the empty nest when they went to college and all 50 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 1: you felt like. 51 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 2: That was loveliness. That was loneliness. I was very sad 52 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 2: that my kids left, but and when my. 53 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,920 Speaker 1: Husband died, it's part of them growing. 54 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 2: That's right. When my husband died, Now that that was loneliness, 55 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 2: horrible loneliness. But you know, God has a way. I've 56 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 2: learned to be alone and celebrate it, and I've gotten 57 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 2: to know myself better. And so yeah, it's from a 58 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 2: point of strength. So I can't wait. All right, here 59 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 2: we go. I just I love that we agree. 60 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: You have a question of the day. 61 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 2: Here we go with the question, and I'm going to 62 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 2: start it off with the question of today. What advice, Susan, 63 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 2: do you have to anyone, especially in their golden years, 64 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 2: that are having trouble being alone? 65 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 1: Talk to people, communicate with you have to have a 66 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: friend out there. Just share it with your family, with 67 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: your kids, with your pastor with your church, whoever. Talk 68 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: about it. Don't isolate yourself. 69 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 2: That's the word I think. So I think when people 70 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 2: say have trouble being alone, we just talked about that. 71 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: It's good to learn to be alone. I think it's 72 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 2: a learned characteristic. It's a learned trait. You don't work, 73 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 2: not born with that, were born. I think to be 74 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 2: social humans, to be in groups, community. That's what we're 75 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 2: that's what we're I think born to do. But I 76 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 2: think what you said earlier, if if you learn how 77 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 2: to be alone, it gives you strength. 78 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,799 Speaker 1: So for me, I had to learn it, Kathy, because 79 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,039 Speaker 1: we always had a housefully always had company. It was 80 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: always chaos, chaos case and I love chaos when that's 81 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 1: having a good time. Then I moved out on my 82 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 1: own and I was so fearful of being by myself. Yeah, 83 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: I grew to love it, but it took time. It 84 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: was an adjustment, just like people that are feeling sad 85 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 1: when their families are going or God forbid, they lost 86 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: children and they had nobody. How about the ones that 87 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: never had children and their spouse passes, you're alone? 88 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think this question is interesting because 89 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:03,280 Speaker 2: it really does underscore the question of loneliness or being alone. 90 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 2: I think people in their golden years sometimes feel alone 91 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: and sometimes feel loneliness and loneliness. You have to get out, 92 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 2: you have to meet people, you have to join groups, 93 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:20,480 Speaker 2: you have to find community somewhere. But being alone is 94 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 2: learning how to be introspective, learning how to occupy yourself 95 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 2: without needing others. Whether it's reading a book, gardening, needle pointing, 96 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 2: Bible state, whatever it is. 97 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: And it won't be every day you might get those feelings. 98 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 1: But loneliness, to me, the word depression comes in. If 99 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: you're feeling loneliness, I feel like you're sad, Like you said, 100 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: you're depressed or. 101 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 2: Right, yeah, I think so, yeah, so I agree with you. 102 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 2: So I think my advice is you have to determine 103 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 2: whether you feel alone or whether you're feeling loneliness. 104 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,840 Speaker 1: And you know there's people that are worried that feel lonely. 105 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,040 Speaker 2: That's right, because they're not connecting with their partner. Right. 106 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 2: So I think we all need connection. I think we 107 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:15,160 Speaker 2: all need community. And as we get older, at least 108 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 2: for me, it's harder to join, you know, like I'm not. 109 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 2: I've gone to bars with friends and stuff I join. 110 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 2: I go to needle point groups once in a while. 111 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 2: But you know, it gets harder, more difficult. 112 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: To do it by yourself. 113 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, you know, you know it's like geez, I 114 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 2: got to do this again by myself. So, but I 115 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 2: do think you're you hit on something, Susan. Loneliness in 116 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 2: the golden years. It's not a good thing. It's not. 117 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:45,360 Speaker 2: You've got to force yourself to get out. Research has 118 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:51,040 Speaker 2: shown that loneliness people being alone and not having community, 119 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,720 Speaker 2: it really does cause earlier death early, you know, it 120 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 2: causes problems. 121 00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: You know, I'm very curious what like chat has to say. 122 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 2: Oh, you don't look at chat, gubt, look at Gemini. 123 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 2: We support Google here Gemini. 124 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 1: But I do think this versus being alone. Yeah, are 125 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: just curious. Being alone is about circumstance. It's physical. You 126 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 1: might be by yourself, reading, traveling things, that's what we said. 127 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: And loneliness is about connection. It's emotional. You can't feel 128 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 1: lonely in a crowded room like we just said, in 129 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: a relationship or surrounded by family. If you don't feel seen, understood, 130 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 1: or valued, loneliness hurts. 131 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what's not good. That is what's not good. 132 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: Being alone is not necessarily negative. But when you're lonely, 133 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 2: that's really doing seen. 134 00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: That was that's that's really something. All right, it's time 135 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 1: to answer some of our fan questions. 136 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 2: Wait, I think some of these are going to be 137 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 2: about being alone and being lonely. 138 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: What do you think that is the topic for today? Okay, 139 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 1: I'll take the first one, and this is from Anonymous. Hi, 140 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: Kathy and Susan. I'm struggling right now and could really 141 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: use your help. How did you handle the transition from 142 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: living around your friends to reaching a level of adulthood 143 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: where you all go your own way? Excuse me, I'm 144 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: experiencing that right now. I've finally reached that point where 145 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: all my friends are settling down in different parts of 146 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 1: the country, and now it's just me and my husband. 147 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: We're trying to find new friends in our community. But 148 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: it's so fresh, and I'm just sad. How did you 149 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: get through this? Thanks? Ladies? 150 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 2: Can I take the first stab at this? 151 00:08:59,040 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: Please go right to. 152 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 2: Anonymous. First of all, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, 153 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 2: but I feel like this might be that you and 154 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 2: your husband don't have a strong enough connection, because if 155 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 2: you guys do, then together you would say, hey, let's 156 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 2: join a pickleball group, Let's do this. I think she 157 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 2: feels alone and not in good communication with her spouse. 158 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 2: That's just the feeling I get. You said, it's just 159 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 2: me and my husband. You know that. 160 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 1: Im being around a bunch of couples that you do 161 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 1: a lot with, and everybody moves away. And then you're 162 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: just looking at each other like what do we do now? 163 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: It is difficult to find a new crowd when you're golden, 164 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 1: but as you always say, join a group, join something, 165 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: get out there. But there's still not going to be 166 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 1: those lifelong friendships that they had with these other people. 167 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 2: Well, I don't know. This question says reaching a level 168 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 2: of adulthood where you all go in your own ways. 169 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, Like did they all 170 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 2: go to live where their kids live? You know? 171 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 1: Did Why do they retired? And who's retiring in Florida 172 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: or yeah, Charleston or wherever? 173 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 2: I would say, anonymous, what you're feeling. Everybody is feeling. 174 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,800 Speaker 2: It's like walking to a cocktail party where you don't 175 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 2: know anybody, or the first day of college campus right, 176 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 2: nobody knows anybody. So what you're feeling school, Yeah, exactly 177 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 2: what you're feeling other people are feeling. I would encourage you, 178 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 2: for you and your husband to take up a new activity. 179 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 2: Get out there. You'll make new friends. You know, it's 180 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 2: the old girl scout thing. Make new friends and keep 181 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 2: the old summer silver and the others are gold. And 182 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 2: where did that come from? Really? That was the thing. 183 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 2: So you know, get out there and you'll make some 184 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 2: new friends and it's a new chapter of your life. 185 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 1: Well, she does say, we're trying to find new friends 186 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: in our community, but it's so fresh. I'm just sad, 187 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: and it's normal to be sad, and it's okay to 188 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 1: miss them. And I would also if there's three different 189 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 1: couples that live three different places, I would make plans 190 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: to go visit. Yeah, we're going to visit. Yep, I'm 191 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: coming down. Yeah, And then you have something to look 192 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 1: forward to, and then you also have something to talk 193 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: about with your new friends. 194 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. I think Susan's right. It's about keeping relations. 195 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 2: Do you hear this? 196 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: She agrees with me, So let it go. 197 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 2: To your head. It's partially making friends new friends and 198 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 2: keeping the golden friends, you know, making new friends and 199 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 2: finding new activities and keeping in touch with your old friends. 200 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 2: And we wish you a lot of luck, and you know, 201 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 2: get your husband together and join figure out what you 202 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 2: guys want to do and make some new friends because. 203 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: And it's okay to feel sad, but you'll get it's okay. 204 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 2: I guess what, there are other people in your community 205 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 2: who are in the same boat as you are, all right, 206 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 2: but let us know, let us know what you decide, 207 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,319 Speaker 2: you know, what new things you find to do with 208 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 2: your own. 209 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: They're probably going to move where the best friends moved. 210 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 2: And if there's any single guys, send them to me. 211 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 2: I swear I'm going to say to you every question, 212 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 2: all right. The second question is also from an anonymous listener. Okay, 213 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 2: hi ladies, I love your podcast, and I really could 214 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,760 Speaker 2: use your advice right now. I'm the youngest sibling of 215 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 2: four kids, and it's finally time for me to move 216 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 2: out for good. I lived on campus for college, but 217 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 2: I was able to come back frequently and have always 218 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 2: stayed with my parents over breaks. Now I'm moving for 219 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 2: a new job to New York City, where all of 220 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,960 Speaker 2: my friends are. My question is how do I help 221 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 2: my parents during this time. They're really supportive, but I 222 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 2: can tell it's really hurting them that they won't have 223 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 2: any kids in the house anymore. What can I do 224 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 2: for them? What do you wish you could have done 225 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,439 Speaker 2: when you were first going through this? Ooh, what says you? 226 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: What can they do for them? I would leave little 227 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: notes that they'd find after I'm gone. To make their 228 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: day and tell them what a great job they did. 229 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 2: I would call them, you email them, text them, FaceTime. 230 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,719 Speaker 1: Them, stay in touch with today. You're going to get 231 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: involved in your own life and you're going to get 232 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: all caught up. I don't care if you put a 233 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 1: reminder on your calendar. 234 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,719 Speaker 2: Yes, call mom, Call mom, and I will tell you. 235 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,080 Speaker 2: And Susan, I think I've told this story before. When 236 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 2: my daughter went to college, she was a soccer player, 237 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 2: so she had to go early, you know, for soccer 238 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 2: season in August, and my husband and I went out 239 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 2: there like Labor Day weekend. It was her first scrimmage, 240 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 2: and can I just tell you, it makes me cry. 241 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 2: She had no time in retrospect. I get it. She 242 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 2: was in a new school, making new friends, and she 243 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,679 Speaker 2: didn't want mom and dad around, and we were missing her. 244 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 2: She was the youngest of our children. We were missing 245 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 2: her so much. We just wanted to be part of 246 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:11,319 Speaker 2: her life. So, you know, we all could have handled 247 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,719 Speaker 2: it better. We shouldn't. My husband I shouldn't have gone 248 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 2: out so early to see the scrimmage. 249 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: We should have waited like parents weekend or something. 250 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 2: No, no, no, we just went out for the first scrimmage. 251 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 2: Parents weekend was like in October, this was Labor Day weekend. 252 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 2: I mean we went out. She'd only been there like 253 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 2: two and a half weeks, but we missed her. We 254 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 2: wanted to see her scrimmage, so I didn't see terrible. 255 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 2: She was like, Mom and dad, I'm here. She was right, 256 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 2: she said, I'm here in a new school to make friends. 257 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 1: You know, so to start her life. 258 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right. So what you can do for your 259 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 2: parents is reach out to them, call them, FaceTime them, 260 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 2: and hope that slowly but surely they understand that you're 261 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 2: making a new life for yourself. And just take for 262 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 2: us parents. 263 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 1: But take a second to be grateful of how much 264 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 1: you are being loved, how much they love you, that 265 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 1: they're feeling this pain, and what a good kid you 266 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: probably are. Yeah, so continue to be the good kid 267 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 1: that they can brag about and call them mommy and yeah. 268 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 2: I mean I was married anonymous at twenty, so I 269 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 2: didn't go through what you're going through, but I did 270 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 2: go through it as the parent. And that's what I 271 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 2: can respond to, is Susan's right, You're probably a great kid. 272 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 2: Just tell them how much you appreciate them. And you 273 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 2: love them, send them a card in the mail, FaceTime. 274 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: Just the little things matter. 275 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: I also realized that this is part of life. You 276 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 1: do grow up and you do go out on your own. 277 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: Every parent has to go through this. 278 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 2: I don't like it. I want my children all to 279 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 2: move home. 280 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: I don't they don't live like I do. 281 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 2: That's right, Susan would be sweeping under the table. Stop 282 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 2: eating up, don't eat on the table, eat outside so 283 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 2: you don't have to sweep up before. 284 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 1: Okay, Kathy. Our next one is from Charlotte. She says, Hi, 285 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 1: Kathy and Susan, I was wondering if you could help 286 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,880 Speaker 1: me navigate finding alone time. Well, here you go. It's 287 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 1: the opposite. I've always been an extrovert and I love 288 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: being around people. It really helps me recharge. Oh my gosh, 289 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: she sounds like me. I've been with my boyfriend for 290 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 1: like three years now, and he is someone that definitely 291 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: needs some alone time. We were in the honeymoon phase 292 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 1: for what felt like a really long time, but now 293 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 1: that we live together, I feel like we've moved out 294 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: of that. So now he needs to have some alone 295 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: time regularly, which is fine. But I just don't know 296 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: what to do with myself. Lol. I'm starting to realize 297 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: I've never really have alone time because I'm always surrounding 298 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 1: myself with people. It's not that I need to constantly 299 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: be with him. I think I just never gave myself 300 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:17,399 Speaker 1: the space to be alone. What do people do? I've 301 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 1: always had a busy household growing up, lots of roommates 302 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: in college to chat and hang with. I could fill 303 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: my time with people. But now I'm realizing maybe I 304 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: should learn to be alone. What do you think? Thanks? Ladies, 305 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,639 Speaker 1: Like we just said, it's like I didn't see this coming. 306 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: It's everything we just said. First of all, she sounded 307 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:46,119 Speaker 1: so much like myself, and I had to adjust to 308 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 1: being alone, and then you end up loving it. 309 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:55,359 Speaker 2: Well, So I'm going to say again, reading this question, 310 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 2: hearing you read it, all I could think of was 311 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 2: my husband, who was an introvert, and I'm an extrovert, 312 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,919 Speaker 2: and so people being with people recharges me. That's how 313 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 2: it used to be when my husband was alive. I 314 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 2: never understood he would say to me, I need time alone, 315 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 2: I need to reacharge. I didn't. 316 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 1: I felt I would take that as a hurt. 317 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 2: I did. I felt it was a what's what I wanted? 318 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 2: I felt, I felt took it as rejection. Now i've 319 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 2: I've unfortunately I had to learn that one the hard way. 320 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:36,880 Speaker 2: But I think that Charlotte, learning to be alone, not lonely, 321 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 2: but alone will give you such a wonderful perspective. You'll 322 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 2: learn so much about yourself. You'll learn, you'll find things 323 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 2: that give you joy that aren't necessarily related to other 324 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,199 Speaker 2: people or your boyfriend or your husband or whatever. You know, 325 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 2: whoever it is, and. 326 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 1: He needs it regularly. So introverts do you need? They 327 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,919 Speaker 1: have to recharge on their own. They have to be 328 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: alone because that's what helps them. 329 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 2: But she said, what do people do? People, Charlotte, learn 330 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 2: to be alone, because you gain perspective on yourself. You 331 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 2: enrich your own self by giving your by learning to 332 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 2: be alone, not lonely, by learning to be alone and 333 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 2: doing things for you without needing the what's the word 334 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 2: I want, Susan, When you need like injections, That's not 335 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 2: the word I'm thinking of. 336 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,159 Speaker 1: But you know you need constant people. 337 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, you need that hit that, you need that the fix, 338 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 2: the fix that's exactly of other people. Learning to not 339 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 2: need that is really important in life I learned it 340 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: very late. 341 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,640 Speaker 1: I want to and I've traveled on my own, and 342 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,439 Speaker 1: I second guessed it the whole time I was planning it, 343 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,199 Speaker 1: and even when I stepped foot in Italy and I 344 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: thought to myself, oh my god, I'm here for fifteen 345 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: days and I got nobody. But I embraced it and said, 346 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,120 Speaker 1: this is going to make me stronger and appreciate who 347 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:12,240 Speaker 1: am I really. I always surround it like her myself 348 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,360 Speaker 1: with people, and I like to entertain, and I liked 349 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 1: I'm a giver and I want everybody to have fun 350 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: and it's constant. 351 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,880 Speaker 2: And then so you know, it's interesting about that, since 352 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 2: that's what's so interesting about that, And we've had this 353 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 2: conversation before. I've never traveled by myself. I think I 354 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:36,080 Speaker 2: could do it, but for me, the joy of sharing 355 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 2: the experience, sharing the experience. And so while I think 356 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,399 Speaker 2: it would be a growing experience if you will to 357 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 2: travel by yeah, I think it would be. I would 358 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,640 Speaker 2: feel like it was half a trip for me, because 359 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:54,359 Speaker 2: for me, it's it's sharing the experience. Now, there's a 360 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 2: lot of other things that I do that I've learned 361 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 2: to do by myself. 362 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,199 Speaker 1: For me, it being power I wanted to know that 363 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: I could do it. I could do this now. I 364 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: even wrote in a journal every day, and I've written 365 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: I don't know how many times those fifteen days. I 366 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,879 Speaker 1: really wish I had someone here to share this beauty 367 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 1: with and to share this moment with, but I didn't, 368 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: and I continued on. It was the best experience. Yes, 369 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm not saying I want to do it every year. 370 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a different experience for you. 371 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:34,479 Speaker 1: For me, it was just proving to myself that I 372 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 1: am okay alone as well as we recommend people go 373 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,720 Speaker 1: out to dinner by themselves and try not to get 374 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 1: on your phone. 375 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 2: Oh, now I can't do that. I'm not doing that either. 376 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,960 Speaker 2: All right, Well, Charlotte, let us know. I've got another 377 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,199 Speaker 2: question here. But I, Charlotte, let us know. I hope 378 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 2: that you learn to be alone and that you see 379 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 2: the benefits of it. Here's another question from Kennedy. Did 380 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,320 Speaker 2: I ever tell you that I almost named my daughter 381 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 2: Kennedy Kennedy? Yeah, yep, Okay, just a little factory there. Okay. Lately, 382 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 2: I've been noticing something about myself that feels different from 383 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:24,880 Speaker 2: everyone around me. All my friends are constantly making plans, 384 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:30,320 Speaker 2: filling every free hour with group dinners, facetimes, dates, weekend trips, 385 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,240 Speaker 2: you name it, and I keep finding myself doing the opposite. 386 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 2: After work, I crave going home, shutting the door and 387 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 2: just being by myself. It's not that I don't like people. 388 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 2: I love my friends, but being alone feels easier, calmer, safer. 389 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 2: It also does make dating hard, though, because I need 390 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,080 Speaker 2: this time. I need this alone time a lot. The 391 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,359 Speaker 2: thing is, I'm starting to wonder if something's wrong and 392 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 2: if I'll ever meet a partner who gets it. Is 393 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,200 Speaker 2: it normal to generally prefer being alone even when everyone 394 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,600 Speaker 2: else seems to crave constant connection? And how do I 395 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 2: know if this is healthy solitude or if I'm slowly 396 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 2: isolating myself without realizing it. 397 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 1: I mean, it's a good point, but are you ever 398 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 1: joining your friends? Like you have to answer that own 399 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:23,159 Speaker 1: question yourself. Do you occasionally join them or is this constant? 400 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 2: Well, she says, all of her friends are constantly making plans, 401 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 2: and she finds herself doing the opposite after work, She 402 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 2: creates going home. Now the question is in her job. 403 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 2: Does she have a job where she's interacting with people 404 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 2: all the time, and you know, that's a lot of social. 405 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 1: Funny me being behind the chair and doing how many 406 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: customers clients a day. When I used to get in 407 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,639 Speaker 1: the car and drive back to the city to my place, 408 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,399 Speaker 1: I couldn't even put the radio one. Sometimes, especially on 409 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 1: a Saturday, the buzz, the chaos just quite silent. Yeah, 410 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have a problem staying in on a 411 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,400 Speaker 1: Saturdays after working. 412 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. I may say to you, Kennedy, you know yourself, 413 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,920 Speaker 2: if you're feeling like you're spending too much alone time. 414 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 2: I mean, work is work, right, But if you're not 415 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 2: socializing very little, you're not doing those trips occasionally, you're 416 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 2: not going out for those dinners occasionally, you're not getting 417 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 2: together with your friends occasionally, then that's probably too much 418 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 2: alone time. If you're asking us if it's too much 419 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 2: alone time, it probably is. 420 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,440 Speaker 1: Friends are going to do things without you, and stop asking. 421 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:40,080 Speaker 1: That's another thing that happens. Yes, when you constantly turn 422 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 1: people down from an invite, eventually they don't ask it. 423 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:44,119 Speaker 2: That's right. 424 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: They'll say something like this, you know you're always invited. 425 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: You let us know when you want to come. 426 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,400 Speaker 2: Exactly, and you're not asked to get your feelings hurt. Yeah. Well, 427 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 2: and Kennedy says she's looking for a partner. If she said, 428 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,680 Speaker 2: if I ever get a partner who gets it, well, 429 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 2: sweet girl, Kennedy, to find a partner, you have to 430 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,359 Speaker 2: get out and socialize. They're not going to materialize on 431 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 2: your front yard. So you know, healthy solitude is one thing, 432 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,919 Speaker 2: but isolation. And you seem to know the difference because 433 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 2: you use those words. You know what is healthy and 434 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 2: what is going to be on the pale. And so 435 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 2: I would encourage you to sit down in your alone 436 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 2: time and maybe you know, look at your schedule. How 437 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 2: much time are you alone? How much time are you 438 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 2: devoting to others? 439 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,880 Speaker 1: That's true, right, That's absolutely true. 440 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,840 Speaker 2: It's just you know, Kennedy, let us know. We hope 441 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 2: that you get out, but let us know how you're feeling. 442 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,159 Speaker 2: We don't want you to feel isolated. So let us know. 443 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 2: And in the meantime, we're going to tell you, guys 444 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 2: what our ideal day alone looks like. So okay, Susan 445 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 2: oh no, I'm asking your girlfriend. 446 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,160 Speaker 1: First, if you have tire day to yourself to do 447 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: whatever you want it, what would you. 448 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:10,679 Speaker 2: Do for me? It's so easy from the point. I 449 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 2: would get up, have my couple of cups of coffee, 450 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,439 Speaker 2: water my plants. I have a lot of days by myself, 451 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,360 Speaker 2: so this is an easy question for me. Water my plants, 452 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 2: have coffee, take a walk, work on needle point, call 453 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:33,080 Speaker 2: my sister. It's you know, read. I love to read, 454 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,879 Speaker 2: bake something if I feel like it. I don't have 455 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 2: any trouble occupying my day. None. Sometimes, you know, I 456 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 2: listen to music, i'll pray, I do a variety of things. 457 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:54,400 Speaker 2: But I sometimes, though, especially lately, you know, my husband 458 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,479 Speaker 2: being gone creeps into my consciousness and I'm like, and 459 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 2: I have to guard against that, and that's when I 460 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 2: know I need to get out. What about you? 461 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: Well, it could be either or what does that mean? 462 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: A perfect day for me? It would be go out 463 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 1: and get a massage or a facial or go shopping, 464 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,720 Speaker 1: take myself out to lunch or dinner, or stay home, 465 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 1: make my house clean, all the laundry done, maybe clean 466 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 1: out of closet, open a bottle of wine, have some 467 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 1: cheese and crackers. Netflix it like they do these things. 468 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,520 Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. You and I, it's not fair 469 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 2: because you and I are mostly retired and we get. 470 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 2: We we get the option to do these things, and 471 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,520 Speaker 2: and I'm grateful for those times. I mean, I wake up, 472 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,199 Speaker 2: You're gonna laugh. I wake up in the morning, Like 473 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 2: this morning, I woke up. I'm embarrassed to tell you. 474 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 2: I woke up at four. I woke up at five. 475 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,720 Speaker 2: I woke up at six. At six o'clock, I said, 476 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,200 Speaker 2: damn it. I got up. 477 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 1: I mad, like I did the all night. I think 478 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: it was the full move. 479 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,239 Speaker 2: I don't know, but I was up all night. I 480 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 2: got up and made a cup of coffee, brought it upstairs. 481 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 2: The cats were like, oh goody, breakfast, eirly, mommy's up, 482 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 2: Mommy's up. I got up, I made a cup of coffee. 483 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:12,200 Speaker 2: I crawled into bed with my book and I sat 484 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 2: there and I read for an hour, and then I 485 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 2: fell back asleep for an hour and a half. I 486 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 2: mean it was and I literally sat there thinking, boy, 487 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,119 Speaker 2: if I had a guy in my bed next to me, 488 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,680 Speaker 2: this probably wouldn't go so well. 489 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: So you might be doing the same. 490 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,359 Speaker 2: Thing maybe, But I'm just saying it's like that, I'm 491 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 2: not lonely. I find loneliness for me. Just to round 492 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 2: out this whole episode. Sometimes I feel lonely. When I 493 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 2: go back and think about the time loss with my husband, 494 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 2: then I'm lonely and I have to fight against that. 495 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll look ahead and see I have nothing going 496 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: on for four straight days. It's almost fearful. It was, 497 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 1: We're not going to do it myself. I figure it out, 498 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 1: trust me. Yeah, but I do have those moments from 499 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:04,640 Speaker 1: back when I surrounded myself with people. Well, I'm sorry 500 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,920 Speaker 1: you did, or do quiet? Pardon me, I didn't hear you. 501 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 2: Did, or do surround yourself with people. I didn't know 502 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 2: what you said. 503 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 1: Always did, always, And now I'm okay not constantly being 504 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,640 Speaker 1: with people. I work with people every day, you know, 505 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 1: that was my whole career, right, And it's okay to 506 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,120 Speaker 1: have the quiet time. But there was a time I 507 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 1: would fear being alone. I don't want to be by myself. 508 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: It's no fun being by myself, you know. 509 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, sometimes when I think, I mean 510 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,480 Speaker 2: not to be morbid. But when I think, I'm I'm 511 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 2: pretty happy girl. But sometimes when I I think it 512 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 2: would be so nice to have someone, you know, when 513 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,600 Speaker 2: I went to Lakinga and visited my friend, my guy 514 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 2: friend who shall be nameless he you shall not be named. 515 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 2: We're just friends. But I thought, you know, we're so 516 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 2: comfortable with each other. I just I thought, this is 517 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 2: what it could be like to have a friend so 518 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 2: that you're not alone when you don't want to be alone, but. 519 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 1: And you don't isolate yourself from others, force yourself to 520 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 1: be a part. 521 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 2: Well. 522 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 1: I do always turn people down, like the one woman. 523 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 2: Was saying, oh no, saying yes, and opportunity has. 524 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,360 Speaker 1: To say yes for sure. Some people don't even want 525 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: to go. Just force yourself. A lot of times, you're 526 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 1: gonna have a good time. I remember somebody saying to me, 527 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,959 Speaker 1: you don't want me there, I'm not gonna be good company. 528 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,880 Speaker 1: Oh shut up, get dressed, come on, We're gonna make 529 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: you have fun. 530 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, I again, I think you and I 531 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,680 Speaker 2: are a point in our lives where we know the 532 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 2: difference between loneliness and being alone. And loneliness to me, 533 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,720 Speaker 2: you know, has a negative connotation. It just does. But 534 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 2: being alone that is a choice, and it's a choice 535 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,200 Speaker 2: where we get to grow and have fun and enjoy 536 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 2: ourselves and our activities. And with that, you know, I'm 537 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,560 Speaker 2: gonna go be alone right now. Susan, that's gonna do 538 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 2: it for this episode, I'm done with you. 539 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 1: Thanks everyone calls me in thirty minutes now. 540 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 2: Myself probably I will call her. But in the meantime, 541 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 2: thank you to everybody for listening in. We hope that 542 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 2: you learn something and maybe you can think about yourself. 543 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 2: Are you lonely or alone? And if you're lonely, do 544 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,239 Speaker 2: something about it. If you're alone, learn to enjoy it. 545 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 1: Definitely enjoy your time alone. It's empowering, yeah, and it's 546 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: discovering who you are, what your likes are. Don't be lonely. 547 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:34,320 Speaker 1: If you are feeling that, remove yourself from that situation. 548 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 2: Do something about it. 549 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, and be sure to keep sending us your 550 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 1: questions because we just love diving into these. And just 551 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 1: go to Bachelor Nation dot com slash Golden Hour and 552 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: submit away because that's what we're here for. 553 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 2: That's what we're here for. Listen to Batchelor Happy Hours 554 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 2: Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen 555 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,920 Speaker 2: to your podcasts. Until next time, have a great week, 556 00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:58,280 Speaker 2: have 557 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 1: A good one.