1 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,319 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat. I'm so 3 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,639 Speaker 1: glad you're here. If you are new, I am a therapist. 4 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: I live and work in Nashville, and I started this 5 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,319 Speaker 1: podcast to help us learn more about ourselves in the 6 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: world and you know, all the things that are in 7 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,480 Speaker 1: between ourselves in the world. And before we get going today, 8 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: like always, I want to remind everybody that because I 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 1: am a therapist does not mean that this is therapy. 10 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: This is just a podcast where we get to talk 11 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 1: about things that might include therapy. And with that, I 12 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: cannot offer any kind of therapeutic advice or feedback or 13 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 1: I cannot be in a therapeutic relationship with you via podcast. 14 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: But I am here for you. I am here to 15 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: help you learn more about you, yourself, the world, higher powers, relationships, 16 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: all the things. Oh. Today is another exciting day here 17 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: because I have somebody who I've been talking to for 18 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 1: a long time about getting them on and randomly I 19 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: was like, you're doing it this Friday. Come on, We're 20 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: gonna have this conversation. And so we sat down and 21 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: we had it and it was awesome. And this person 22 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: is another therapist. Her name is Gina, actually her name 23 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: is Dr Gina Crean, and she works in the same 24 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: building as me, and she's great, she's awesome. She is 25 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 1: a social worker, so she's a licensed clinical social worker, 26 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: which is a little different than me. Still can do 27 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: the same stuff, but she has a different background and 28 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: she's a different specialty than me. So I had her 29 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 1: end here and we talked all about the differences between 30 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: what she does and what I do. And really we 31 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: talked about what she does. She works a lot with kids, 32 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,559 Speaker 1: and she does a lot of child therapy and adolescent 33 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: therapy and all of that. And it's a different animal, 34 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: you know, the brain is different. The things you do 35 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: can be different. And so I sat her down and 36 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: we had a conversation about the differences and just about 37 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: kids and the brain and the nervous system in general. 38 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: She's so smart. I mean, she's went to school for 39 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 1: about one million years. She's so smart. She's also so gentle, 40 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: so welcoming, so warm. You're gonna love her. I want 41 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: to shout out just her stuff before we get in. 42 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,639 Speaker 1: If you decide that, like you want to know more 43 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: about this human and you want more information from her, 44 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: maybe you want to work with her. Her instagram is 45 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,800 Speaker 1: solid Roots Therapy, so at solid Roots Therapy and so 46 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: you can find her there and then through that you 47 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: can either email her message her. You can also go 48 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 1: to solid roots Therapy dot com her website and learn 49 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: more about her there. So I don't have to do 50 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,839 Speaker 1: a lot of talking about her because she will show 51 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: you how wonderful she is. So without any more waiting, 52 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: here is my conversation with my friend Gina. All right, guys, 53 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: welcome back. I have a special guest with me. I 54 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: have to think of a different thing to say because 55 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I say special guests every time and 56 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: then it makes them not feel as special. But you 57 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: are special. I have my friend Gina here. Say hi, Hello, 58 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: Gina is a therapist. You're actually you're a doctor. I 59 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: am a doctor, So tell everybody what your credentials are 60 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: and where you went to school, all of that jazz. 61 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 1: So I am a doctor, but Kat knows I never 62 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: go by a doctor. So just Gina is fine. But 63 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: if you wanted to call her doctor you could, but 64 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: I could yes, um or you could um. So I'm 65 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: a social worker through and through. I have a Bachelor's 66 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 1: of social work, Masters of Clinical social Work with focus 67 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: on internal family systems, and a Doctorate of Social work 68 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 1: where I focused on trauma informed programming for kids in schools. 69 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: So what that really means is you're very smart and 70 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: you have a lot of training. I do, and I 71 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: also really just love school. Okay. I was gonna say 72 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: you love what you do, but you might just really 73 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: I did it, Okay. So the cool thing about Gina 74 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: is she's also a therapist, but she's a therapist with 75 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: a different background, different education, and different focuses specialties, a 76 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: large difference in what we specialize in. Where I cat 77 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: the therapist work with adults eighteen and up. Gina works 78 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: with children and adults and adults. But children is like, 79 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,840 Speaker 1: you're what would you call that? Like, You're like, that's 80 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: my niche I love. I love the little ones eighteen 81 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 1: and younger. Okay, So today we're going to talk a 82 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 1: lot about that because that's an area I don't know 83 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,119 Speaker 1: much about, mainly because I've just never done that, and 84 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 1: I think that there might be a misconception or I 85 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: might be making this up. But when you go to 86 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 1: school to become a therapist, whatever kind of therapists you 87 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: want to be. You learn the same things. Essentially, you 88 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: go to the same classes depending on what your degree 89 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: is in and what your masters is in. But how 90 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: you learn to be a therapist is in your practical ms, 91 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: in your internships, and like out in the field. So 92 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 1: if you don't ever go and get experience working with kids, 93 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: you're not really going to know how to do that. 94 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 1: And that's also okay because you can't know everything. And 95 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 1: just like a doctor, a medical doctor would specialize in 96 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: something and like their residency, so does a therapist. And 97 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: so where I work with adults, only Gina works with 98 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: adults and then mainly kids. So we're gonna talk about that. 99 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: We haven't ever talked about the podcast before. So I'm 100 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: excited and she's going to teach me stuff. She's going 101 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 1: to teach you guys stuff. It's going to be wonderful, 102 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: And this is how we're going to start. Let's do it. 103 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 1: The other day we're both black, and the other day 104 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 1: I was I don't know if it was like at night, 105 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 1: wasn't at night? Yeah, it was like one of our 106 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: last So oh, so Gina also works in the same 107 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: building as I do, so you know, we like to 108 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,840 Speaker 1: look out for each other, and if one of us 109 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: is here later at night, then we'll kind of like 110 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 1: make sure and check that they're okay or whatever and 111 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: turn off all the lights. And we know not to 112 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,280 Speaker 1: like completely shut down if somebody's sound machine is on, 113 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 1: because that means that they're in their office. Well, so 114 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 1: I go to the back to see her sound machine 115 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 1: is on, and I just hear this like banging, like throwing, 116 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: like somebody was throwing something. And in my first thought 117 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: was she's probably doing anger work with a client. And 118 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: so what that means is, in my experience of adults 119 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: will throw things, will hit things in a very controlled 120 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:23,800 Speaker 1: safe way. Um we use like phone bats or stuff 121 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: like that where you're not going to hurt anybody. That 122 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 1: was my first thought of, oh, she's doing she must 123 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: be doing anger work. But then like there wasn't really 124 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: any voices coming. It was just like banging. And I 125 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: also didn't know who she was with in there, and 126 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 1: you just never really know. I don't know if she 127 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: was with a kid or an adult, And so I 128 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: texted her, which I'm like, I'm dumb, Like what am 129 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: I going to text you? And you're just gonna pull 130 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: your phone out, But excuse me, I got text. I 131 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: text when I said are you okay? In there? So 132 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 1: I wear an Apple Watch, so I don't look at 133 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 1: my phone um during session. That's like a rule of mine. 134 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: But if I noticed that my Apple Watch keeps going 135 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: off with multiple text like I was getting from Cat, 136 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 1: I do tend to just make sense, yes, make sure 137 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: everything is okay, and my watch is blowing up with 138 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: texts and okay. Kat is like are you okay? Are 139 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: you okay? And in the room, I was with a 140 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 1: kiddo and we were I have a small basketball net 141 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: and we were actually doing some She was right on 142 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: frustration control work with this kiddo because we play basketball 143 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: and I'm a past basketball player, so I love it 144 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: so I can kind of keep up with the kiddos. 145 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,679 Speaker 1: And we were playing pig and through that the kiddo 146 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: was learning frustration control when he would not make a 147 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: basket or win. Yeah, so I thought she was being assaulted. 148 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: But it was just me doing child based therapy and 149 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: we I just tell you that story because I think 150 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,920 Speaker 1: it is a good segue into how therapy with kids 151 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: can be different and what it looks like than therapy 152 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: with adults. Where I might do frustration control with somebody, 153 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: but it's not going to look exactly the same way. 154 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: And also, I tell that story because it's always better 155 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: to be safe than sorry, because you never know. Thank 156 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: you for looking out for me. You're welcome. I appreciate you. 157 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. So let's start there. I want to 158 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: have a lot of questions for you, and we'll see 159 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: if we get to all of them. We might not, 160 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: but let's start there. So one, I want to know 161 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: about what led you into going the route you went, 162 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: especially with social work. Did you always know you wanted 163 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: to be a therapist? Did you always know you want 164 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: to work with kids? And then I want to know, like, yeah, 165 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: what does child therapy look like in the room, because 166 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: I can't have a conversation with a kid who's like eight, 167 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,599 Speaker 1: maybe even younger, like I can have a conversation with 168 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 1: somebody who's like forty five. Yeah, totally. So as far 169 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: as social work goes, I was actually always I come 170 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: from a family of nurses, so I always thought I 171 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,599 Speaker 1: was going to be a nurse until I was a 172 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: nurse assistant in the hospital and saw a situation with 173 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: a client where or with a patient rather where a 174 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: social worker came in and was able to really change 175 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: the situation for this patient. And that day I went 176 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: back to school and or back to my school and 177 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: change my major. So I've been hooked as far as 178 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: that goes, as far as kids go, I was actually 179 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: really lucky. So when I started the School of Social Work, 180 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: I had no idea what I wanted to do. To 181 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: be honest, I was like, am I going to work 182 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: in a hospital? Who am I going to work with? 183 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: I didn't even really know what a social worker did. 184 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: It was like on a whim, like I just saw 185 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: this one time, I think I have to do this. 186 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 1: So when I was in my bachelor's program, I actually 187 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,680 Speaker 1: met these amazing people that worked in a children's advocacy center, 188 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: which is works with children UM and the investigation team 189 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 1: when there's abuse or neglect or intense situations at home. 190 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: And I got the internship there and I've been hooked 191 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 1: ever since. It's really intense trauma work in those centers, 192 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:51,959 Speaker 1: and so I kind of just carried that through all 193 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: the way through my career. And that's why I do UM. 194 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: I see a lot of kids with trauma or adverse experiences, 195 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,320 Speaker 1: but that's kind of how I got started with social work. Yeah, 196 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: and going so and as far as the kids go, 197 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,559 Speaker 1: I love adults, I love all you know, I love 198 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: working with all my clients, but my heart really does 199 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,959 Speaker 1: do a little bit better with kids, which we need 200 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 1: people like that. I mean, we need all kinds of 201 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,719 Speaker 1: different helpers. And so I think that what I want 202 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 1: to say up top is whatever you specialize in doesn't 203 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,439 Speaker 1: make you good, bad, better, worse. We need all of it. 204 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,719 Speaker 1: So we need people like you because I don't have 205 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: that desire, I don't have that heart, and I don't 206 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: have the kind of patients that you might have. So 207 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 1: let's just talk about the experience of being a therapist 208 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,719 Speaker 1: working with kids. How does it differ because you work 209 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: with both, So why don't you tell, like, what do 210 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: you feel like the main differences are? Yeah, So me 211 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 1: and Cat talk a lot about situations, not clients specifically, 212 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,199 Speaker 1: but just situations. So we bounce things off of each 213 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 1: other because, like you said, we need people that work 214 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: with all. Right, So I'm working with the kids, but 215 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: they're going to grow up to be an adults, and 216 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,600 Speaker 1: the adults that have these kids are already already went 217 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: through child so essentially we're all working together for the 218 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 1: same goal, which is really interesting um work anyway. But 219 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: as far as adult therapy, right, I'm typically sitting in 220 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 1: the office with my client. They sit on my couch 221 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: and we do a lot of talk therapy or perhaps 222 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: in like E M d R trauma focus therapy. Most 223 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,679 Speaker 1: of the time they can verbalize to me what they're thinking, 224 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: what they're feeling, and I can assist them and prompt 225 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,680 Speaker 1: them to kind of process in a different way. Kiddos 226 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 1: do not work that way. They communicate through play. That's 227 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: their words. So for example, I always like this example, 228 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: when you have a bad day as an adult, you 229 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: can kind of talk to your support person and say, yeah, 230 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: my day was terrible. Kids aren't going to come home 231 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: from school or whatever and say I had a bad day. 232 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: They're going to grab your hand and say mom or dad, 233 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 1: come play with me, come sit with me. You know, 234 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: you need to focus on their behaviors of movement and play, 235 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: and that's how they communicate to you. It's kind of 236 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 1: the clues that they give you about how they're feeling. 237 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: So with therapy, a lot of my therapeutic ass us 238 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: with a kid is play and movement and basketball, And 239 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,079 Speaker 1: I bring up movement because it goes all the way 240 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: back to in utero. Kids are always looking for safety, 241 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: sense of safety. That is like their ultimate goal. So 242 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: any senses that they have anything they see here feel 243 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 1: even in a perceived safe therapeutic office, right, they go 244 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: back to their most primal sense of safety, which was 245 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 1: in utero, where mom, you can hear it's safe, it's quiet, 246 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:33,559 Speaker 1: it's they're being fed, um, it's warm, and they can 247 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,559 Speaker 1: hear a mother's heartbeat in utero, right, So normally it's 248 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: sixty two eighty beats. Resting is normal. You need to 249 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: get them on the same movement beats to redetermine that 250 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:49,559 Speaker 1: sense of safety. So I use a lot of movement um, walking, stomping, 251 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: throwing balls and things to replicate that to restore that 252 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 1: sense of safety. So things like that, that's what kids 253 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: type therapy, child based therapy looks like for a kid 254 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,720 Speaker 1: who's struggling to find a sense of safety in their 255 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: life based on whatever experiences they've had outside of you 256 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: knowing them. If they don't feel safe with you, how 257 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,120 Speaker 1: do you start that process? Because I went to therapy 258 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: as a kid and I didn't want to be there. 259 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,079 Speaker 1: I didn't want to go. My mom forced me to go, 260 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 1: and we called her the lady. I don't even know 261 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:24,319 Speaker 1: where her name was. I don't think my family knows 262 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: what her name is. Voted the lady, and I just 263 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: remember not speaking because I didn't want to be there. 264 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: So what do you do? Because I'm assuming that shows 265 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: up and I know I didn't want to be there. 266 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,280 Speaker 1: I don't know if it was that I knew that 267 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: I didn't trust her, but I just was mad and 268 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: wouldn't speak. So what do you do? So when we 269 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,679 Speaker 1: use the term safety, right, everybody listening, I want to 270 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 1: encourage you to like expand what you think about safety, 271 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 1: because safety we think mostly of like physical safety threat, right, 272 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: it could be emotional safety threat, social safety threat. Your 273 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: senses are inputting everything, so it could be I mean, 274 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: a smell in that office that triggers something that Nope, 275 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: I catalog that in my brain as a kid, that 276 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: that was no safety Like, I don't like it. So 277 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: essentially what I'm hearing you say too of with the 278 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: lady the lady, I love that the lady something about 279 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 1: that did not feel safe to you, and it might 280 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,360 Speaker 1: not even been her. No I just didn't before even 281 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: got to her office. So the the environment is very 282 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 1: important too. So okay, going back to your question about 283 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: what do I do about that? The first thing I 284 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: do is kind of as as a therapist, is assess 285 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: how this kiddo is reacting to his or her environment. Right, 286 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: they are very in tune. You will often see a 287 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: kid walk into the office and dart around the room 288 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: with their eyes to assess their safety and what they're 289 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 1: what they're looking at. So you have to pay attention 290 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: to that first, right, And then I do two things. 291 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: Usually a kid in their stress response will react one 292 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: of two ways. One way is called hyper arousal. These 293 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: are your kiddos that are kind of bouncing off the walls, 294 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 1: very talkative, will play with you, will go up, doesn't 295 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: know a stranger. That's kind of a hyper arousal reaction. 296 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: The other one is hypo arousal, which is when kids 297 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: won't talk, we'll kind of withdraw. You'll see them kind 298 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 1: of come into their body a little bit, lots of 299 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: space between them. I read that and I let them 300 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: know that it's okay. However they want to act. There 301 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: is no redirection in that unless there's a you know 302 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: their indirect safety risk of hurting themselves or hurting others. 303 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,560 Speaker 1: But in there, in the space of my office, they 304 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: can act and react. However their body is telling them 305 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 1: to act and react. And as as you as a therapist, 306 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 1: your job isn't to force them to talk. It's just 307 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: to get them into a place where they even would 308 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: feel comfortable in safe doing so if they wanted to. So, 309 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 1: you might have sessions where it seems like you do nothing, 310 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: but really you are doing something. They might sit there 311 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 1: and color for thirty minutes and to the session. It's 312 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,360 Speaker 1: a very hard concept, especially for parents that are there 313 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: like why what did you Why didn't you do anything? Yes? 314 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 1: And really what I say about for example coloring number one, 315 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: they learned how to restore and de escalate their own behaviors. 316 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 1: They learned how to cope. And honestly, when I'm coloring 317 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: with them a kiddo, when they start to color and 318 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: get that movement back that we just talked about, they're 319 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: going to start opening up. There's a place in the 320 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: brain when your stress response goes off called the Broca's area. 321 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: It's your speech and ability to like verbalize things, and 322 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: as your stress response relaxes, rather then your broken era 323 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: kind of opens up, and that gives kids as their 324 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: coloring de escalating relaxing, they're going to start to open 325 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 1: up verbally and tell me a little bit more and 326 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 1: be able to identify thoughts and feelings. That way, you're 327 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 1: making me want to work with children. Good come to 328 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: the dark sun. Okay, So all this is so fascinating. 329 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: I think people are gonna love learn about this, especially 330 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: people who have kids or have kids in their life 331 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 1: that they think might benefit from talking to somebody. You 332 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:18,640 Speaker 1: mentioned the term adverse childhood experience earlier, just in passing. 333 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 1: I want to come back to that because I want 334 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,960 Speaker 1: to talk about one what might bring a kid into therapy, 335 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 1: how to know if it's going to benefit them, and 336 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: just what is that explained that term? Talk to us 337 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:35,680 Speaker 1: about it. So the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, which I'll 338 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: call it ACES for short. It's kind of a big 339 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: buzzword right now in schools and other places that work 340 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 1: primarily with kids. But essentially what it is, the long 341 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,359 Speaker 1: story short of it is it is a study that 342 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: was done by Dr Robert and a Dr Vincent Feldi, 343 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:57,919 Speaker 1: both medical doctors that discovered adverse experiences that have happened 344 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 1: up until age eighteen are ten markers of it. Abuse 345 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 1: and neglect, domestic violence, a parent that's incarcerated, divorce, mental 346 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,360 Speaker 1: illness in the home, um. They all go into different categories. Okay, 347 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 1: but those are the ten main markers. They have discovered 348 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,919 Speaker 1: that if any of those have happened up until your 349 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:21,640 Speaker 1: eighteenth birthday, there are different mental effects from it, physical 350 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,040 Speaker 1: effects from it, and just overall social emotional effects from it. 351 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: They have discovered that if you have four or more 352 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: of those aces, essentially your life expectancy is reduced by 353 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 1: twenty years. Okay, but wait a second, I'm gonna pull back. 354 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 1: I just did. You couldn't see it, but I had 355 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 1: a visual jaw drop. The crazy thing about me is 356 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: I remember a lot of stuff that I guess I 357 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 1: want to remember. That's how the brain works. I didn't 358 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: remember that part about learning about this. But what I 359 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,959 Speaker 1: make of my head and I want to check it 360 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 1: with you is the reason that your life expects expectancy 361 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: goes down is because of the one of those the 362 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 1: mental health effects, and that might have something to do 363 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: with addictions or stuff like that that that would affect 364 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 1: your life expectancy. Yeah, absolutely, So it's yeah, it's addictions. 365 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: Not like you're gonna get pneumonia and die. It's like 366 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna You're more likely to engage in than these 367 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: behaviors to cope. And that's what happens, right exactly and 368 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,679 Speaker 1: same So the coping behaviors and even physical effects like 369 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 1: heart disease and things are raised, the rate of cancer 370 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: is raised just because of your whole overall health essentially. 371 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,119 Speaker 1: So the cliche thing that I'm about to say, you 372 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,879 Speaker 1: can't change what happened, but you can change what comes next, 373 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: is why it's so important. That's not cliche. I know, beautiful, 374 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,640 Speaker 1: it is beautiful, you know, thank you, we're leaving it, 375 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: we're lieving it. But in saying that, that's why I 376 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 1: am a huge advocate for just being proactive about getting kiddos. 377 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,920 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean therapy has to be forever. And parents 378 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: often or caregivers that I work with often, I just 379 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: want to encourage everybody to not catastrophize childhood therapy because 380 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,959 Speaker 1: they think like automatically when they reach out to me 381 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: as a childhood therapist, they're like, my kid is broken 382 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,760 Speaker 1: or this is going to be the rest of their life, 383 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 1: or they're so sick and they can't you know, pause 384 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,719 Speaker 1: for a second. We are being proactive about this, because 385 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,159 Speaker 1: what a beautiful gift you're giving to your child to 386 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: teach them how to understand their thoughts and feelings and 387 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: cope with those thoughts and feelings so it doesn't turn 388 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 1: into addiction or other maladaptive coping in the future. Yeah, 389 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: and the other thing I want to add to is 390 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,440 Speaker 1: this is a lot of the work that I even 391 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: do with adults, is I plant seeds, especially when it 392 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: comes to somebody who's in an active addiction or eating disorder, 393 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: anything like that, or just maladaptive behaviors. A lot of 394 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: times people are not going to change their behavior right away. 395 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: But what you're doing is you're planning seats, and you 396 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,040 Speaker 1: are either planning seats. A lot of times with me, 397 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: it might be information or something I've said, but also 398 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,399 Speaker 1: it's feelings because you might be planning seeds about this 399 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,479 Speaker 1: is what a safe relationship feels like. Or I know 400 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: that people will show up for me, or it might 401 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 1: not be something you verbally say ever, but you're maning 402 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,640 Speaker 1: seats that this kid will eventually or in my case, 403 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: as I don't will eventually come back to and remember, 404 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 1: They'll remember how you made them feel. Essentially. I have 405 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 1: the most beautiful example of that. I was working with 406 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 1: a kiddo and they were having some really increased anxiety 407 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,440 Speaker 1: as a result of a traumatic event that happened. And 408 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: I use a little stuffed animal to represent a part 409 00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: of the brain called the amygdala, which is essentially like 410 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 1: your fire alarm of your brain. It tells you when 411 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: your stressed response should go off. And this kiddo was 412 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,359 Speaker 1: not getting it forever, you know. In a couple of 413 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,119 Speaker 1: sessions later, they came in and they took the stuffed 414 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: animal off my like my desk that I have, and 415 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,920 Speaker 1: they said, this is the part of the brain that's 416 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: going off in my brain right now, and it's making 417 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: me feel very jittery, and you know what, I'm just 418 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,440 Speaker 1: going to throw it in the garbage. And I thought 419 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,399 Speaker 1: that was the most beautiful thing because I didn't know 420 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 1: that this kiddo was understanding what was happening in his brain, 421 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,879 Speaker 1: and they came right in and was able to identify. 422 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 1: And then as a follow up, this kid could also 423 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 1: tell me, all right, get out my coping skills book. 424 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: Which we keep in my office sometimes, and they picked 425 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,159 Speaker 1: out exactly what coping calmed them down, and so that 426 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 1: was a great success for that day for that kid. 427 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: But I use that example as just planning the seed. 428 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 1: It might not look like it's clicking right then. These 429 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: kids are sponges and they are like absorbing all of this. 430 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 1: So first of all, was at the stuffed animal that 431 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: got stolen. I don't want to talk about that stuff 432 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: that was, but no, it was for you guys that 433 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,400 Speaker 1: aren't aware, which is probably most of you. But our 434 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:43,360 Speaker 1: office did get broken into no confidentiality breaches, thank god. However, 435 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 1: they did take some things like my podcast equipment and 436 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:51,000 Speaker 1: then randomly Gina's stuffed animal, which is so weird. I 437 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,400 Speaker 1: have to two main stuffed animals that all my kids love, 438 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,200 Speaker 1: and this person that broke in decided to take both 439 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: of them for some reason. So I hope they're making 440 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: somebody happy somewhere. Surely, surely anyway, So I just think 441 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 1: that that is a really cool story. And I will 442 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 1: say to that, like, maybe you felt this as a 443 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,399 Speaker 1: person that has gone to therapy, or you felt this 444 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,399 Speaker 1: as a therapist, or even just as a friend. A 445 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: lot of times what we we feel like what we're 446 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: saying or what we're doing isn't getting through to somebody, 447 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: but it just takes them longer for it to actually 448 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,880 Speaker 1: sink in then we want it to sometimes. And that's 449 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 1: what you're saying, is like maybe that first day you 450 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: talked about that, they weren't like, oh yeah, that makes sense, 451 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: but they were soaking it in and eventually that seed 452 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,480 Speaker 1: grew and then it grew into this kid being able 453 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,959 Speaker 1: to actually not just even identify with an advocate for 454 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: what they needed in that moment. So cool, right, And kids, 455 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 1: and the kids are smart, they're so smart, and so 456 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: I guess that's a good just like segue to like 457 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 1: a lot of parents asked me like, okay, so how 458 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: do I support my kids at home? Right? Going off 459 00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 1: of that they are seeing and hearing, And what a 460 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 1: beautiful gift that you can give to your kids to 461 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 1: model for them appropriate coping and appropriate communication, but also 462 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,879 Speaker 1: giving them the time in the space that their reaction 463 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,959 Speaker 1: to that or their behavior might not look exactly like 464 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 1: you think it should in that moment. Give them the space, 465 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 1: give them the time, giving them the patience to know 466 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 1: that it's it's coming, it's working, they're they're working through 467 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: what that really feels and looks like for them. Can 468 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: you give an example of what it might look like 469 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 1: in the home as a primary caregiver to be supportive 470 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 1: of emotional regulation that you're working on in the therapy office. 471 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,360 Speaker 1: So let's say a kid came to you because they've 472 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 1: been acting out a lot, like let's say their behavior 473 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: is hyper I don't know what's going on, the kids 474 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 1: not listening, like they're getting in trouble at school, all 475 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,160 Speaker 1: this stuff. Because a lot of times these kids might 476 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: have had a dramatic experience that might be why they 477 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,120 Speaker 1: might not but they might not know that they even 478 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 1: had that, or it could be something in regards to 479 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 1: like maybe they have a D or maybe they have 480 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 1: one of these some kind of something that hasn't been identified, 481 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 1: and they're getting frustrated and they don't know how to 482 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,439 Speaker 1: express that. Okay, so that's the backstory. So this kid's 483 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,479 Speaker 1: coming in hyper active, all of the things you're working 484 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:20,680 Speaker 1: on regulating them, helping them express themselves versus lash out 485 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 1: or whatever. They're going home. You're really regulated, you're really patient. 486 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 1: You as a therapist, you're trained to do this. You're 487 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 1: only with them for thirty minutes to an hour a week. 488 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 1: Parents are with them a lot, and even like teachers, 489 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 1: what do you suggest for a parent to help aid 490 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 1: in this process because you cannot end quote fix somebody's kid, right. 491 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: That is a super great question, and I get it 492 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: all the time. There's a lot of layers to this. 493 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: The first step, brother, is what I would say is 494 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 1: I always encourage a caregiver to check their own temperature. 495 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:03,199 Speaker 1: There are things in your brain called mirror neurons, and 496 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 1: they're exactly what you would think a mirror. They read 497 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 1: something in your brain and then they mirror it back. 498 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:13,880 Speaker 1: So if your feelings are escalated, you're getting angry, your 499 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:18,160 Speaker 1: voice is raising kids. Mirror neurons are much more sensitive 500 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 1: than in adults because they haven't learned to kind of 501 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: factor out what what is safe and what is not 502 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,199 Speaker 1: yet right, So they're mirror neurons fire much faster and 503 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: much harder. So if they notice that your behavior or 504 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 1: your tone of voices escalated, they're going to mirror that. 505 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: If you're kind of raising your voice at a kid 506 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: out of your own frustration, which we're all humans, right, 507 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,840 Speaker 1: it happens, it is going to confuse them more that 508 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,320 Speaker 1: you're telling them to kind of check and regulate or 509 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 1: whatever you work on in therapy, and yet you're escalated. 510 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: So that's the first step. To be honest, Not everybody 511 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: has listened to this episode, but we did an episode 512 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 1: on what did a couple on the brain of the body, 513 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: and we talked about the nervous system in general, talk 514 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: about the vagus nerve, which this is going into that 515 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 1: of and if you want to talk about it, you can. 516 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: But the vagus nerve is this nerve that goes from 517 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 1: your brain into all of your organs and your body, 518 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,920 Speaker 1: and it connects your feelings and your thoughts and all 519 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,120 Speaker 1: of that to the organs in your body. And that's 520 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,159 Speaker 1: why it's so important to realize that your brain and 521 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: your body are not separate, and and your mental health 522 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 1: and your brain is going to affect your body it 523 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 1: they cannot be separated. But the vagus nerve, and there's 524 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: I should do a whole episode on like poly bagel theory, 525 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 1: it's so good. Anyway, The long and the short of 526 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,679 Speaker 1: it is that part of your nervous system responds to 527 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 1: calming carrying soothing voices. It's why things like meditation and 528 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:48,400 Speaker 1: yoga are so regulating because you are mirroring back as 529 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 1: a human that experience, and that really will calm you down, 530 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: and that calm sinks into your body. So the kid 531 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 1: is hyper aroused and you're yelling, then he's mirroring that 532 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 1: that nerve is going from her head to their body, 533 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,439 Speaker 1: and then their whole body is hyped up totally. You 534 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: like hit the nail on the head. That's exactly that's 535 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,879 Speaker 1: that was beautiful. So speaking of I know, I'm not 536 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,919 Speaker 1: even letting you fully answer any questions, but can we 537 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 1: talk about the difference between a kid's nervous system and 538 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,879 Speaker 1: an adults and if is there a difference in what 539 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 1: I know is and what I've shared with humans on 540 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,919 Speaker 1: this podcast before is that we do need our nervous 541 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: system to have to work. So that's how we become resilient. 542 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: Like we learn how to use our nerves. Our nervous 543 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 1: system learns how to function, and we learn how to 544 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 1: essentially survive hard things by surviving hard things. So the 545 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: point of or the goal if you want to walk 546 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 1: into a healthy adulthood is not to have a childhood 547 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: that has no bumps, right, but an adults nervous system 548 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: has been through things, and the kids, I guess learn 549 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 1: more learning. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I I always 550 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: describ right it as especially in the first about five 551 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: years of a kiddo's life there, I refer to it 552 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: as like cataloging in your brain, Like they're putting everything 553 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,000 Speaker 1: into different files, different catalogs. That's why we're talking about 554 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 1: different sense and things they hear and feelings and things 555 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 1: like that. I keep referring to it, but it's literally 556 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,959 Speaker 1: just all that sense of safety as far as nervous 557 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: system goes. It's almost fair to say that their nervous 558 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 1: system is just so fragile. Not that they can't cope 559 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: we're teaching them, but things that we wouldn't even think 560 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 1: would set them into that hypo or hyper arousal stress 561 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: response does because they've cataloged it differently and haven't learned 562 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,160 Speaker 1: to understand what the catalog means that what you do 563 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 1: with it. So let me backtrack two because this might 564 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: be helpful information. So your nervous system is in charge 565 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: of your threat defense system, which is your fight fight 566 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 1: er phreeze. So there's a part of your nervous system 567 00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 1: called the parasympathetic nervous system, and there's a part called 568 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: a sympathetic nervous system. Para would be your hypo arousal. 569 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,800 Speaker 1: It's like when you're totally shut down, like I think 570 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: of that part is controlled by your exhale. Your sympathetic 571 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,480 Speaker 1: nervous system is like the gas. It's your hyper and 572 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: that's more of like the fast intense breathing in Like 573 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 1: that's what that might look like. So as Gina is talking, 574 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,280 Speaker 1: what she's talking about is that thing is there for 575 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,600 Speaker 1: a reason, because your threat defense system is just that 576 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: your nervous system helps to defend you. It helps to 577 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,080 Speaker 1: let you know if something's scary or wrong or bad, 578 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,240 Speaker 1: if you need to run, if you need it's there 579 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: to protect you. But as a kid, based on your environment, 580 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 1: your experiences, what has been shown to be scary, what 581 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,400 Speaker 1: kinds of people, what kinds of voices, what kinds of shapes, 582 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: what kinds of temperatures, like literally anything, Like you said, 583 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,440 Speaker 1: a kid's a sponge. So in trauma a lot of times, 584 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 1: and this is for anybody. Then this has nothing to 585 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,880 Speaker 1: do with being a kid or an adult. But a 586 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 1: lot of times when you're experiencing trauma, let's say for 587 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: the sake of this to make it easy. I'm walking 588 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 1: through a dark alley at night, I get jumped and 589 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: something bad happens to me, and I think I'm going 590 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 1: to die, maybe I get held at gunpoint, whatever, So 591 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 1: my threat defense system is going to come up. I'm 592 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 1: gonna feel fear, I'm gonna something's gonna happen, and I'm 593 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: going to lock that in with I think I'm going 594 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 1: to die. This is not good, Okay. So if we 595 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 1: think about those experiences and what was happening. It was dark, 596 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 1: is that night, it was in an alley. Let's say 597 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 1: it was a man that jumped me, and there was 598 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: a gun, and let's say it smelled like, um, I 599 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: camp fire, I don't know. So your brain is locking 600 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,959 Speaker 1: all of that in and that's also sinking into your 601 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,400 Speaker 1: body because we know the body keeps the score. Yes, 602 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,040 Speaker 1: go read that book, everybody. So then as I moved 603 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: through life, anything that reminds me of those things, like 604 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: it's dark in an alley, maybe men, maybe the smell 605 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: of camp fires, guns like those things might trigger that 606 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:05,920 Speaker 1: threat defense system to turn on and I'm having that 607 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,239 Speaker 1: thought I'm gonna die, when really it might be like 608 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: I'm at a bonfire with my friends. But that smell 609 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 1: unlock something in my brain and that part of me 610 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: gets turned on. And based on how I survived it 611 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 1: in the actual attack, maybe I shut down and I 612 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,400 Speaker 1: associated hypo. Maybe I fought and I freaked out and 613 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 1: I screamed and I punched and I yelled and I 614 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: ran away as fast as I could hyper So that 615 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: is then going to trigger something in me at that 616 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,840 Speaker 1: moment in the here and now. So as she's talking 617 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: about your cataloging things, that's kind of what you're talking about, right. 618 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 1: So I'm cataloging things. I'm having these experiences, and I'm 619 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm putting them in different groups of safe unsafe, and 620 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 1: sometimes we put things in the unsafe category that are 621 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: actually really safe. We just had an experience that taught 622 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: us something that really isn't fully true about the world. Absolutely. 623 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 1: I worked with a kid in a school. I was 624 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 1: a school social worker for a little bit middle school kid, 625 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 1: and he had a lot of things happened that we're 626 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 1: pretty adverse in his life, and we got him back 627 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 1: on track. He was doing amazing, he was attending school. 628 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: New school year came around and he had one of 629 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,920 Speaker 1: our best you know, just great female teachers. We knew 630 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 1: a little bit about his past. He had a really 631 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:27,080 Speaker 1: adverse experience with his mother. He started acting out really 632 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 1: bad in class, really bad, like physical aggression, to the 633 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: point where we had to make sure that he got 634 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,280 Speaker 1: out of the classroom. We could not figure out what 635 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: was going on because when we talked to him, he said, no, 636 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 1: I love this teacher, like she's cool, like no problem, 637 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 1: I just feel like she hates me. So after a 638 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,160 Speaker 1: little bit of digging and digging, it was really interesting 639 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 1: because I noticed that this teacher used like a certain 640 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 1: kind of lotion on her on her table. And after 641 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,120 Speaker 1: digging a little bit, and this took a little bit 642 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:02,000 Speaker 1: of time, by it, I found out that the boy's 643 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: mom used the same lotion and he couldn't identify that, 644 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,880 Speaker 1: but the smell was good trigger, And so it was 645 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: a great thing when we figured that out because we 646 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 1: could build a different type of relationship with that teacher. 647 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 1: And honestly, once we took that trigger out of the equation, 648 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,840 Speaker 1: everything honestly turned a lot better. But until we figured 649 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: that out, so it cataloged just that smell and actually, 650 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,279 Speaker 1: very interestingly, there's a book What Happened to You Dr 651 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 1: Bruce Perry Oprah Winfrey just wrote a great highly recommend 652 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 1: I don't know if I can put a plug in 653 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 1: here if you, but it's very good. He actually tells 654 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: a very similar story and sense are very you know it. 655 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 1: He tells this almost very similar story about a kid 656 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 1: in school with another scent. You know. That makes me 657 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,800 Speaker 1: just think, and I just want to say this out loud, 658 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 1: is that I think a lot of times I do this. 659 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:57,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, adults are smarter than children, and like maybe 660 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: in some senses they know more information or sure that 661 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,720 Speaker 1: could fit in a certain circumstances. At the same time, 662 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,920 Speaker 1: children and kids because their brains aren't fully formed. I 663 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: remember being in a classroom and writing this down being like, 664 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,520 Speaker 1: this is the most fascinating thing it was. It was like, 665 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:19,240 Speaker 1: how many neurons per minute a child's brain throughout early 666 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,960 Speaker 1: development is creating or neural connections. It was so fascinating. 667 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: It was like an an insane number. That's all I 668 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 1: can tell you, guys. It's just a lot. But kids 669 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: are five thousand of what we're doing. They're looking and 670 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,399 Speaker 1: checking and paying paying attention and logging and and all 671 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: of that because they're developing and so sure, adults might 672 00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 1: be in quotes smarter and certain areas and no more 673 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 1: information and can put certain things together. But at the 674 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:51,160 Speaker 1: same time, kids are so aware and they pay attention 675 00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 1: to everything, even things you think they're not paying attention to. 676 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,959 Speaker 1: So the fact that that child could even like lock 677 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,719 Speaker 1: in that scent in that these things remind me it's 678 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,880 Speaker 1: because you're smart. Now, our job is to help. Okay, 679 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,600 Speaker 1: well what does that really mean and separate that out, 680 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: But like they're so brilliant. Well, and when you work 681 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 1: with adults, I'm not saying this happens all the time, right, 682 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:17,520 Speaker 1: but oftentimes adults have been maybe shamed for their ray actions, 683 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 1: are told that it's wrong or you know, and that 684 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,719 Speaker 1: creates a whole different thing. Sometimes the kids that I 685 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,040 Speaker 1: see haven't even you know, they're just showing these behaviors 686 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: for the first time. There's no they're like so unapologetically 687 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: like this is just my stress response and it's here 688 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 1: to say hello, you know, And it's very interesting to 689 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,600 Speaker 1: see when it hasn't been kind of censored yet we 690 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:40,040 Speaker 1: can really be proactive about how we support them that way. 691 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 1: We've talked a lot about therapy and kids and what 692 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 1: that looks like in our brains and and all that, 693 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,080 Speaker 1: and of course I can't cover it all on this podcast, 694 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:53,600 Speaker 1: but I'm also interested in the therapist of a child 695 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: and what it's like to be that person. So we 696 00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 1: know kind of what got you into it. I want 697 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:04,239 Speaker 1: to know two things from you of what has been 698 00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:07,360 Speaker 1: the most rewarding and the most difficult part of working 699 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 1: with kids. Okay, let's start with difficult. Um, Kids hold 700 00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:16,640 Speaker 1: a little bit of a different space in my heart, 701 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,760 Speaker 1: and you on the podcast talk a lot about being 702 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 1: intentional with how you care for yourself and take care 703 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,040 Speaker 1: of yourself. They have taught me, so I guess this 704 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:30,560 Speaker 1: is my rewarding way. They have taught me daily the 705 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,560 Speaker 1: importance of taking care of myself and what that looks 706 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:37,120 Speaker 1: like to connect with what I really need in that moment, 707 00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:42,600 Speaker 1: and just being so intentional about looking at it from 708 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: a different lens than what should be or shouldn't be 709 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 1: or what is expected. Yeah, because I mean all you're 710 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,360 Speaker 1: playing a lot in your office. You get to do 711 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,799 Speaker 1: a lot of play. And the funny thing is when 712 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,440 Speaker 1: with adults, I do a lot of and we're not 713 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,440 Speaker 1: playing the same sense that might be more of their 714 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,279 Speaker 1: homework assignment that I tell them to go do, but 715 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 1: we do a lot of inner child work of Okay, 716 00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 1: let's find that that younger version of you, the version 717 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,840 Speaker 1: of you that was hurt and never got attention, and 718 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,360 Speaker 1: let's find a way to let that person live and breathe. 719 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,400 Speaker 1: And you get to do that all day with these kids. Yeah, 720 00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:19,799 Speaker 1: and they're amazing. They kids teach me stuff every single day. 721 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,279 Speaker 1: And I truly mean, I'm not just saying that for 722 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,080 Speaker 1: the sake of it. So then what's hard about it? 723 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,160 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, getting back to that, Yeah, you wanted to 724 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,880 Speaker 1: do that first, and you did that. I got away. 725 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 1: How do I love my job? What's hard about it 726 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: is just that, like they hold a different spot in 727 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:42,240 Speaker 1: my heart, and so I carry things a little bit heavier, 728 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,279 Speaker 1: I think, just with how I'm built, and I take 729 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,960 Speaker 1: it home a lot, and so that goes where I 730 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,799 Speaker 1: have to be more intentional about how I take care 731 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,000 Speaker 1: of myself. Yeah. Yeah, and that goes to any helping 732 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 1: profession because going back to the planning seeds, we have 733 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,680 Speaker 1: a lot of really awesome stories of like redemption and healing. 734 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,640 Speaker 1: But even with kids and adults, we have a lot 735 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,600 Speaker 1: of stories that we won't ever know the ending, right. 736 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,080 Speaker 1: I was actually thinking about this last night. I was 737 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,440 Speaker 1: laying in bed not being able to sleep, and sometimes, 738 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,360 Speaker 1: just like old clients pop up in my head. If 739 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, I tell my clients all the time. 740 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I was driving just like kind in 741 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:25,560 Speaker 1: my head because our relationship ends and some people keep 742 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,320 Speaker 1: in touch, but a lot of don't. And that's okay, 743 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: that's totally okay. But I don't always get to know 744 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,560 Speaker 1: the end of the story, and that is hard when 745 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 1: I'm when I'm working with an adult, but like that, 746 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:39,200 Speaker 1: that's a different kind of difficulty. When you're working with 747 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,400 Speaker 1: a kid, you might be making a huge difference, but 748 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:45,480 Speaker 1: that difference might not happen for twenty years. Yeah, you're 749 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,680 Speaker 1: totally right. And they move, you know, especially when I 750 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,520 Speaker 1: worked in the schools and things. They move on to 751 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,600 Speaker 1: the next grade, they move on to the next season 752 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,480 Speaker 1: of their life. They're onto the next you know, elementary school, 753 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,799 Speaker 1: the middle school. And so my friends that are back 754 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,480 Speaker 1: I'm originally from Michigan, and I'm sure if they're listening 755 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,359 Speaker 1: to this, they'll be like, oh, yeah, we because I'll 756 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 1: call and check in and see how the kids are 757 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:07,560 Speaker 1: doing up in that school all the time, And you're 758 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,360 Speaker 1: totally right. That is a hard part of being a therapist. 759 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,279 Speaker 1: You want to just kind of check in and make 760 00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,759 Speaker 1: sure everything's okay. But what I've learned and what has 761 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,840 Speaker 1: really helped me in my personal life but as a therapist, 762 00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,439 Speaker 1: is what I've learned is that, like, the relationship might 763 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:25,600 Speaker 1: essentially end how we know it. I don't come see 764 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: you every week, or I don't whatever our relationship is, 765 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:33,680 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that relationship is fully over. We 766 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: used to use the term, and a lot of people 767 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,560 Speaker 1: still do, like termination, Like have a termination session. You're 768 00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:42,040 Speaker 1: terminating therapy, and I don't like that. I'd like transition. 769 00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,719 Speaker 1: It's a transition session, or we're going to transition you 770 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,320 Speaker 1: to a different therapist, or you're transitioning to a new state, 771 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:52,479 Speaker 1: rather than termination, because we can still have Think about 772 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 1: your friends. I have friends from college that like I 773 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,319 Speaker 1: don't ever really talked to. But I don't think that 774 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,360 Speaker 1: friendship is terminated. I think it's just moved into something else. 775 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:05,200 Speaker 1: I love that, and I'm taking that. I'm stealing it. Thanks, 776 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,440 Speaker 1: You're welcome. So my other question you already answered it 777 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,800 Speaker 1: was what have you learned about yourself through working with kids, 778 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,960 Speaker 1: and that's the rewarding part of your job, is that 779 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,400 Speaker 1: you get to learn that stuff and allow yourself to 780 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,560 Speaker 1: go totally pay kid and play basketball in the middle 781 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 1: of the day. Yeah, and and it's okay. We always 782 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:27,959 Speaker 1: talk about, you know, throwing out outside the door. There's 783 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,120 Speaker 1: no should bees, shouldn't bees? Would bees? Could bees allowed 784 00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:35,240 Speaker 1: in my office and we can assess if they're allowed 785 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,520 Speaker 1: once we leave. But all my kids that are old 786 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,839 Speaker 1: enough to understand those terms, no, And so we get 787 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,280 Speaker 1: to act however our brain is telling us it needs 788 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:49,319 Speaker 1: in that moment inside the office. Okay, So thank you 789 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: for being here, thank you for having me. We love 790 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: our jobs and we work a lot and we don't 791 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,279 Speaker 1: really get this time to sit down and talk about it. 792 00:41:56,640 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 1: How can people one work with you? Could you work 793 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,360 Speaker 1: with adults and kids? So if anybody's listening is like 794 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,360 Speaker 1: that sounds like somebody I want to work with, or 795 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,960 Speaker 1: I want to refer somebody, or maybe I want my 796 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 1: child to work with. How can people find you? My 797 00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,879 Speaker 1: practice is called Solid Roots Therapy, So you can either 798 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,000 Speaker 1: email me at solid Roots Therapy at gmail dot com 799 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: or I'm also on Instagram at Solid Roots Therapy. Those 800 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,000 Speaker 1: are two of the places that if you need to 801 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: get a hold of me, just send me a message. Yeah, okay. 802 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,880 Speaker 1: And while Gina is in Tennessee, she has this beautiful 803 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:33,000 Speaker 1: luxury of being licensed in two states, so you can 804 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,040 Speaker 1: work with her if you live in Tennessee or Michigan, 805 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,040 Speaker 1: which is different. I just get the Tennessee people, but 806 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,200 Speaker 1: also follow Yeah, even if you weren't working with me. 807 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,759 Speaker 1: So thank you for being here. I've loved it. And 808 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,480 Speaker 1: if you have questions, send them to Catherine at you 809 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:52,239 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com and we can have Gina 810 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,360 Speaker 1: back on a couch talks. She literally works in my office, 811 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:59,799 Speaker 1: almost lives in my office. I don't live here, but 812 00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: she has chosen to live here. She works in my 813 00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:05,959 Speaker 1: same office building. So that would be something really easy 814 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,160 Speaker 1: if you guys shot me a question and I can 815 00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:10,239 Speaker 1: have her come in and for ten minutes and answer it. 816 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,600 Speaker 1: So do that. Also, might as well plug myself while 817 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,920 Speaker 1: I'm talking. Follow me at cat dot defata. You can 818 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:20,880 Speaker 1: follow a podcast at at You Need Therapy Podcast. That's it, guys. 819 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,600 Speaker 1: Somebody gave me a review that said they get sad 820 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:25,960 Speaker 1: when the episodes aren't very long, so I'm just sitting 821 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,960 Speaker 1: here dragging it out. All right, guys, have whatever day 822 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,239 Speaker 1: it is you need to have, and I will be 823 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,680 Speaker 1: back talking to you guys on Wednesday.