Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning love who I am again. I'm strong, I
Speaker 1: feel free, I know everybody of me. It's beautiful and
Speaker 1: I will always out way if you feel it, but
Speaker 1: yours here, she'll some love too. I give there, say
Speaker 1: good day and did you and die out way Happy Saturday,
Speaker 1: out wigh. It's leanne here. And today we're diving even
Speaker 1: deeper into this conversation that we started last week about
Speaker 1: recleaving your worthiness even if you don't feel like you
Speaker 1: fully embrace self love or acceptance or worthiness just yet.
Speaker 1: And so if you haven't listened to that episode, I
Speaker 1: definitely recommend going back and giving it a listen first,
Speaker 1: because it lays the foundation for what we're exploring here.
Speaker 1: And in that first episode, we unpacked why your worthiness
Speaker 1: isn't something that you have to earn or approve or
Speaker 1: work for, and how so many of us were wired
Speaker 1: to believe the exact opposite. But we also talked about, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's meet your skeptical brain where it is, where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if I've been looking in the mirror and telling myself
Speaker 1: I'm worthy and trying to pretend like I don't care
Speaker 1: about my weight. Why do I still feel like this?
Speaker 1: It's not clicking. So we address that as well, And
Speaker 1: so today we're taking it a step further and talking
Speaker 1: about the trap of looking for your worthiness in all
Speaker 1: the wrong places, especially your body, your achievements and your
Speaker 1: approval from others, or your assumption or desire to be
Speaker 1: approved by others, and how to stop chasing that external
Speaker 1: validation so that you can finally feel safe and at
Speaker 1: home within yourself. And so, if you've ever felt like
Speaker 1: you needed to earn your worth, or if you've ever
Speaker 1: measured your value by what you accomplish or how you
Speaker 1: look or how much you weigh or how well you
Speaker 1: perform or fill in the blank, and if you've ever
Speaker 1: tried to prove yourself to the world by being the
Speaker 1: you know, the air quo it's a good girl, or
Speaker 1: the achiever or the fixer or the helper. And that's
Speaker 1: the big one. A lot of women that I work with,
Speaker 1: it's a self sacrificial, self abandonment side of things, because
Speaker 1: they're trying to help everyone else, right, and that becomes
Speaker 1: a worthiness badge. Of honor. So first of all, I
Speaker 1: just want you to know you're so not alone. We
Speaker 1: all have our own stuff, right, we all have our
Speaker 1: own worthiness gap, right. And so not only is this
Speaker 1: something that I've walked through personally, it's something that every
Speaker 1: woman I work with is also walking through. And that's
Speaker 1: no coincidence because again, from a young age, most of
Speaker 1: us were taught, whether directly or indirectly, that our worth
Speaker 1: was conditional and that we had to work for it
Speaker 1: and earn it and strive for it. And so maybe
Speaker 1: you were praised when you were air quotes thinner right,
Speaker 1: or when you got straight a's, or when you were
Speaker 1: quiet or polite or helpful or agreeable or just didn't
Speaker 1: make a fuss. Or maybe you were told that you
Speaker 1: were too much when you were emotional or had boundaries,
Speaker 1: or that your personality was too much, or that you
Speaker 1: were too you know, much, taking up too much space
Speaker 1: or too much room, right, Or maybe you were never
Speaker 1: told anything explicitly, but your nervous system learned to associate
Speaker 1: love and acceptance with performance or perfection or approval, and
Speaker 1: so you grew up becoming really good at contorting yourself
Speaker 1: into who you thought you needed to be and you,
Speaker 1: just like me, you probably wore the mask and you
Speaker 1: played the role, and you shrunk or over extended or
Speaker 1: hustled to earn your place, and slowly but surely, you started,
Speaker 1: whether you knew it or not, outsourcing your worth to
Speaker 1: things that were never meant to define you, to the scale,
Speaker 1: to your appearance, to other people's opinions, things that we
Speaker 1: think are benign, but like things like productivity and being
Speaker 1: liked and being needed and being good. Trust me, there's
Speaker 1: no shame, there's no judgment. I've used all of those
Speaker 1: measuring sticks, right. And here's the thing. You may have
Speaker 1: gotten the applause, and you may have gotten the approval,
Speaker 1: and you may have gotten the affirmation, but deep down
Speaker 1: it never actually made you feel safe or whole or worthy.
Speaker 1: Because the truth is, if you have to chase it
Speaker 1: to feel worthy, it's not real worthiness. Right. If your
Speaker 1: worth can be gained, it can be taken, and if
Speaker 1: it's conditional, it's unstable, and if it depends on something
Speaker 1: outside of you, it's always at risk. Right. And that's
Speaker 1: the painful reality that so many women are waking up to.
Speaker 1: They've done all the things they've hustled for worth in
Speaker 1: their bodies, in their jobs, in their marriages, in their parenting,
Speaker 1: in their social circles, and no matter what they do
Speaker 1: or how much they accomplish, it still doesn't feel like
Speaker 1: enough because it was never about any of those things
Speaker 1: in the first place. And so many of the women
Speaker 1: I work with come to me in the middle of
Speaker 1: this loop and they're like, if I could just lose
Speaker 1: the weight, then I'd feel worthy, Or if I could
Speaker 1: just stop binging, then I'd finally love myself and not
Speaker 1: walk around with so much shame. Or if I could
Speaker 1: just get more control or more discipline or more willpower,
Speaker 1: then I'd be happy. But here's what I always tell them,
Speaker 1: and it's lovingly, but it's direct. The real issue isn't
Speaker 1: your body or your eating or your habits. It's what
Speaker 1: you believe those things say about you. Okay, Now here's
Speaker 1: what I really want you to get. Your brain has
Speaker 1: made up a story that if you were thinner, or
Speaker 1: more disciplined or more accomplished, you'd finally feel okay, and
Speaker 1: that your value lives in your outcomes, or that how
Speaker 1: you look or how well you perform is a reflection
Speaker 1: of your identity. But that's the wiring of survival mode, right,
Speaker 1: of what your brain is just programmed to do. It's
Speaker 1: not the truth, And that is your nervous system running
Speaker 1: an old code and an old message and an old program.
Speaker 1: And it's programming and conditioning that says I'm not enough
Speaker 1: unless right and fill in the blank. We've all done
Speaker 1: it right, and I still catch myself doing it today,
Speaker 1: only now I have the tools to dismantle it. But
Speaker 1: it's again, it's not something to be ashamed of. It's
Speaker 1: part of the conditioning that we grow up in. Right,
Speaker 1: So I'm not enough and less right. And what happens
Speaker 1: when you're wired that way, right, is that even when
Speaker 1: you do achieve something, the relief is temporary. The anxiety
Speaker 1: comes back, and the voice in your head finds something
Speaker 1: else to criticize, because your worth is still on the line. Right,
Speaker 1: And this is the part that gets really tender. So
Speaker 1: I want you to hear me. You know with your heart, Okay,
Speaker 1: you were never meant to prove your worth. You were
Speaker 1: meant to just know it. Okay, let me say that again.
Speaker 1: You were never meant to prove your worth. You were
Speaker 1: meant to just stand in the knowingness of it. That's
Speaker 1: what I truly believe. And you were never meant to
Speaker 1: earn your place. You were meant to just belong and
Speaker 1: be just as you are. But your brain has been
Speaker 1: operating like it's in a courtroom, right, like it is
Speaker 1: in court on defense, every choice, every emotion, every flaw.
Speaker 1: It feels like it's being put on trial, right, And
Speaker 1: you're the prosecutor and the defendant and the judge and
Speaker 1: the jury all rolled into one. And all of that
Speaker 1: is rooted in one thing. And that one thing is
Speaker 1: a belief that your worth is up for debate, that
Speaker 1: your worth is on trial. But what if it's not right?
Speaker 1: What if your worth was never meant to be on
Speaker 1: trial in the first place? Right? What if there was
Speaker 1: nothing to prove? And the real gain, for lack of
Speaker 1: a way of saying it, was just to remember and
Speaker 1: to know, because here's the truth that your brain might
Speaker 1: not believe just yet, is that again, your worth is
Speaker 1: not up for negotiation. It's not based on what you
Speaker 1: do or what you weigh or how others see you.
Speaker 1: And it's not earned and it can't be revoked. It
Speaker 1: just is is right. And this was the hardest thing
Speaker 1: for me to get I'm like, wait a minute, you're
Speaker 1: saying that, Like I have a hundred extra pounds on
Speaker 1: my body and I'm worthy of love and belonging, and
Speaker 1: like I don't have to prove my worth by losing
Speaker 1: weight or when I was in the throes of career change,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like a loser. I feel like
Speaker 1: a failure. I feel like fill in the blank because
Speaker 1: I don't feel successful yet and I don't have to.
Speaker 1: I'm still enough, Like I'm still acceptable and lovable right
Speaker 1: now in my low. And that's the thing about self
Speaker 1: love and self acceptance, like the true kind, right It's
Speaker 1: not about convincing yourself that you're amazing one hundred percent
Speaker 1: of the time. It's not about lying to yourself. It's
Speaker 1: about anchoring into your worth even when you don't feel
Speaker 1: like you deserve it and when you don't feel amazing,
Speaker 1: And it's about returning home to yourself, or having the
Speaker 1: ability to return home to yourself, especially when your inner
Speaker 1: credit critic is the loudest, and having the ability to
Speaker 1: talk back or supersede it or override it. But not
Speaker 1: in this like fake positivity kind of way, in a
Speaker 1: again anchoring into your worth kind of way, and it
Speaker 1: really is about choosing to be on your own side
Speaker 1: in a world that, let's be honest, it profits off
Speaker 1: you believing that you're broken. And when you stop chasing
Speaker 1: your worth through your body, your behavior, or your achievements,
Speaker 1: something wild happens. Okay, and I wouldn't have known it
Speaker 1: happened until it happened, right, But here's what happens. Your
Speaker 1: brain gets quiet, your nervous system softens, and for the
Speaker 1: first time in a long time, you can just be
Speaker 1: and you can eat without shame, and you can move
Speaker 1: your body without trying to punishment or earn calories, and
Speaker 1: you can speak your mind without overthinking it, and you
Speaker 1: can rest without guilt, and you can look in the
Speaker 1: mirror without spiraling because you're no longer trying to earn
Speaker 1: your place. You've already just claimed it. And ironically, it's
Speaker 1: from that place that real change becomes possible, when your
Speaker 1: worth isn't on the line, and you're no longer trapped
Speaker 1: in all or nothing patterns, and you're not swinging from
Speaker 1: restriction to rebellion, restriction to rebellion and trying to soothe
Speaker 1: your stress with food or overcompensate with control, and you're
Speaker 1: not trying to fix yourself. You're trying to know yourself.
Speaker 1: You're trying to get to know yourself, and that changes
Speaker 1: everything everything, Okay, And I know that's not what people
Speaker 1: are trying to tell you on Instagram, right, it's about
Speaker 1: like lose twenty pounds and twenty minutes, or here's the
Speaker 1: best smoothie for autoimmune or whatever it is, right, But
Speaker 1: it's like, what's causing the autoimmune, what's causing the nervous
Speaker 1: nervous system, what's causing you to be able to know
Speaker 1: what you can do, know what to do, but can't
Speaker 1: get yourself to do it right? And so it's not
Speaker 1: about trying to fix yourself with tactics. It's about knowing
Speaker 1: yourself so that you can stand in it. Right. It's
Speaker 1: an authority in who you are rather than outsourcing it,
Speaker 1: and that changes everything. And so if this message resonated
Speaker 1: with you, I want to just leave you with a
Speaker 1: gentle practice to try. Okay. And so every time you
Speaker 1: catch yourself thinking I need to do X to be enough,
Speaker 1: or I should be more X, or I don't deserve
Speaker 1: X until I why right, say this to yourself. Remind
Speaker 1: yourself my worth is not on trial. That is the lie.
Speaker 1: I don't have to earn my value today. My worth
Speaker 1: is not on trial. This is not up for debate.
Speaker 1: That's the fact that my worth is something I need
Speaker 1: to earn or hustle or work for today. That is
Speaker 1: the lie. And I don't have to earn it. I
Speaker 1: just have to see it and know it, and then
Speaker 1: I can go about my goals. This is not saying
Speaker 1: don't have goals. This is not saying don't try to
Speaker 1: better yourself. It's like, what if you grounded and rooted
Speaker 1: yourself in worthiness while you tried to go reach that goal.
Speaker 1: And I have to say, because I wouldn't be who
Speaker 1: I am if I didn't say it. Go use a
Speaker 1: strategy that's going to actually set you up for true
Speaker 1: health three dimensionally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of that, okay,
Speaker 1: But again, my worth isn't on trial. That is the lie.
Speaker 1: And even if you don't fully believe it yet, say
Speaker 1: it until your nervous system starts to settle right. Say
Speaker 1: it as many times as you need to interrupt the
Speaker 1: old pattern. And you know this is how the rewiring begins,
Speaker 1: not through perfection, but through practice and through repetition and
Speaker 1: through reminders, and you're not building self worth from scratch,
Speaker 1: you are returning to it, and you're reclaiming what was
Speaker 1: always yours. You just didn't know that you accidentally abandoned it, right,
Speaker 1: And I promise you it is not only possible, it
Speaker 1: is a certainty if you get in the reps. Okay, now,
Speaker 1: it's obviously there's more beyond the scope of this conversation,
Speaker 1: but this is where it starts. Is that acknowledging of like, nope,
Speaker 1: that whole thing that my worth is on trial, that
Speaker 1: is the lie. So that is it for today. Outweigh
Speaker 1: And if you want to learn more about how I
Speaker 1: teach my clients to turn off the part of their
Speaker 1: brain that's obsessed with their weight and food and go
Speaker 1: rewire their own brain and self image for pease and freedom,
Speaker 1: then head on over to stresslesseding dot com, where I've
Speaker 1: literally peeled back the curtain and walked you through the
Speaker 1: exact strategy. I teach my own clients to heal themselves
Speaker 1: from the all or nothing diet mentality and heal it
Speaker 1: for good without restricting themselves or punishing their bodies. So
Speaker 1: it's over there for you to access over on stresslesseding
Speaker 1: dot com and I will talk next week for Part three. Bye.