1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,960 Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff? Mom never told 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: you from House Towards dot com. Hey, and welcome to podcast. 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: This is Molly Edmonds and this is Kristen Conger. You know, 5 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: we don't usually say our last names when we say 6 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: hello to you all, but today to be talking about 7 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: maiden names. And since neither Kristen nor I are married, 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: old big since for old maids, we can talk about 9 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,880 Speaker 1: our maiden names. Since we still have them, we're still 10 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 1: clinging onto them for dear life. You know, my father 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: sends me emails about keeping my maiden name when I 12 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:46,160 Speaker 1: get married. He would rather I stay in Edmunds. Yeah, 13 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: like Conger. That's a nice ring to it. Kristen and Conger. 14 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,560 Speaker 1: You know there's a town um called Edmunds, Washington out 15 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: in Seattle. Should move there where I used to live, 16 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: and it's just a darling town. When my father and 17 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: I went out there, we took pictures with literally everything 18 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: that had Edmunds on it. At one point, Chris and 19 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,399 Speaker 1: I give you not this pickup truck drove by. I 20 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: don't know what this truck was for. Um, but the 21 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: back of the truck said Princess of Edmunds. And my 22 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: dad was like, getting the truck and get your picture 23 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: and uh and I mean, I hope the people who 24 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: actually owned the truck didn't see that. But I've got 25 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,600 Speaker 1: a great picture with with Princess of Edmunds over it. 26 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 1: She posted on our blog, how too sa related to 27 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,680 Speaker 1: nothing but just you know, well, the reason we've got 28 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: maiden names on the brain, Molly, is because of a 29 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:39,839 Speaker 1: survey that was recently released came from Indiana University found 30 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 1: that seventy percent of the survey respondents thought that women 31 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: should give up they're maiden names assumed their husband's name 32 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: when they get married. And even more surprisingly, I thought, 33 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: I was it. Fifty of those respondents thought it should 34 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: become a legal requirement for a woman to take her 35 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: spouse's last name. Yeah, and this is not you know, 36 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: some men asserting their authority. Both men and women were 37 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: in this survey And the fact that you know, people 38 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: wanted to be a legal requirement is so bizarre to 39 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: me because we already have so many people fighting against 40 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 1: laws about um, you know, what you can do when 41 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: you get married and who can get married? And all 42 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,519 Speaker 1: this stuff that you wouldn't think that all of the 43 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: su people would want to law about changing your name 44 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: after you get married. Right, And as we will talk 45 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: about a little later in the podcast, UM, a lot 46 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: of those similar kinds of laws have been struck down 47 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: a long time ago, So it seems like we would 48 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: be taking a legal, big old backwards step in where 49 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 1: to pass something like that. But um, right now, only 50 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: about five to ten percent of women who get married 51 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 1: keep their their maiden name. Right. There was another recent 52 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: survey done by the not and about eighty eight percent 53 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 1: of women and UM, I think there were eighteen thousand 54 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: couple surveyed we're going to uh change their name. So 55 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: maybe it's not even an issue. Maybe everyone just changes 56 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: their name regardless. But it seems like, you know, you 57 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: hear a lot about the famous hyphenated name. UM, you know, 58 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: women keeping their names. It seems like this big deal, 59 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,359 Speaker 1: and yet so many women just go along with tradition. Well, 60 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 1: and it is a big deal. With that same survey 61 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:18,239 Speaker 1: that you mentioned from the not dot Com, of those 62 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: respondents said that, um, this name change factor was the 63 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:27,239 Speaker 1: biggest post marriage change for them. And I remember when 64 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 1: my sister um got married. She it was a big 65 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: deal for her. I remember talking to her about it. 66 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: She thought long and hard about what to do UM 67 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: with conger and um for for her privacy. I will, 68 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: I will, you know, not not talk about the details, 69 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 1: but it was it was, you know, a big deal 70 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 1: for her because she was worried about, you know, this 71 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: idea of losing her identity. You know, she did assume 72 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: her husband's name, but at the same time wanting to 73 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: respect tradition and all of that. So I think it's 74 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: definitely a big deal for women. And it seems that 75 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: the reason most women's site for changing their name is 76 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: just a matter of convenience, especially if you have kids. 77 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: It's just easy to be able to go to school 78 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: and have you know, four people all with the same 79 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: last name. But what are the reasons for not changing 80 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: your name. Let's go back to that. Let's go back 81 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: to the first woman who bucked tradition and did not 82 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: change her married name. Yes, this is a suffragette named 83 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: Lucy Stone who in the eighteen fifties, when she got 84 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: married to an abolitionist named Henry Blackwell at the age 85 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,919 Speaker 1: of thirties seven, she decided to keep her name Lucy 86 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: Stone was going to remain Lucy Stone, and in women 87 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: founded the Lucy Stone League to devote themselves to this 88 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: cause of preserving women's names. Um. You know, that's when 89 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: you've got a lot of this women's right stuff kicking in. 90 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 1: But you know, even though women were getting more rights, um, 91 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: taking on greater roles in society, it didn't really catch on. 92 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 1: There weren't many, um, people who followed in Lucy Stone's 93 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: footsteps for a long time. Right. And at the time, 94 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 1: there were these things called head and master laws which 95 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: required women in some states to take a husband's name, 96 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: which is you know what I referred to earlier when 97 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: with people that respondents wanting similar laws to go back 98 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 1: on the books. Yeah, and it was. It's really kind 99 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 1: of scary. There are some states where you couldn't get 100 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,039 Speaker 1: a driver's license unless you had your husband's last name. Um. 101 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: In Tennessee, for example, you couldn't register to vote unless 102 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: you had your husband's last name. And you know, then 103 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: if you had the last name and got divorced, you 104 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,159 Speaker 1: couldn't take back your own name unless you could prove 105 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: definitively in court that the divorce was the husband's fault, 106 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 1: which I'm sure is not easy to do in a 107 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: court of law. Yeah, so there are all of these 108 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: restrictions um with a woman's last name. And then when 109 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 1: we have the rise of second wave feminism in the 110 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: nineteen seventies, we have a resurgence of this issue of 111 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: women keeping their last names when they get married, um. 112 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,919 Speaker 1: And at that time that's when a lot of those 113 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,279 Speaker 1: head and master laws are struck down and sort of 114 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 1: the changes that happened thanks to that way of feminism, 115 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,840 Speaker 1: things like women marrying later, um, going on for higher 116 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: levels of education. People really started to realize that you 117 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: can make your name for you make this name for yourself, 118 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: especially if you were in a career like writing or 119 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: the arts, that would be really damaging to change later on. 120 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: So as women started to get married later, you know, 121 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: it just it didn't make sense to spend almost half 122 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 1: your life as one thing and then all of a 123 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: sudden switched to another. And that's when we really start 124 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: to see the big numbers of women keeping their names. Yeah. 125 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,359 Speaker 1: And then in the eighties you have more of a 126 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 1: trend towards um women hyphenating, you know, between like the 127 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: husband husband's last name and her last name, so there's 128 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,040 Speaker 1: a little bit more of a compromise. And we came 129 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,919 Speaker 1: across a study by researcher at Harvard University that was examining, UM, 130 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,159 Speaker 1: how this this trend of women keeping their last names. 131 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: And she basically found that there was sort of a 132 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 1: spike in UM women keeping them in the seventies and eighties, 133 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: But then an interesting thing happened in the nineties when 134 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: that when that trend kind of plateaued and even dipped 135 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: down a little bit. Right. Uh, that same Harvard researcher 136 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: estimated twenty percent of women keeping their own last name. 137 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: By two thousand, it's down to sevent It's still pretty sizeable, 138 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: but we definitely are seeing a downward trend, uh for 139 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 1: reasons of convenience, UM. But also you know, one big 140 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: predictor of whether women are can keep their name is 141 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: a religious background, if they're getting writing a religious ceremony. 142 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: She went through uh, all these New York Times wedding 143 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: announcements and found usually that if there was a religious ceremony, 144 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: then the bride was more likely to take the husband's name. 145 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: It's interesting and I think from that same study, the 146 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 1: major predictors for whether or not a woman would keep 147 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: her name, or if she would get married at a 148 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: later age, whether or not she was in an arts 149 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: or writing career. Likes to say, we're not prime candidates 150 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: for changing her name. Uh and um, how how much 151 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: of a career she had built for herself? Right? And 152 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,800 Speaker 1: you know sometimes it looks like the field of the 153 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: career matters. It's you know, she was looking at women 154 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: with graduate degrees, and as Kristen said, arts and writing 155 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: it's a much bigger predictor of changing your name than 156 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: something like having an MBA or being in the business field. Okay, 157 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: so we've talked about reasons why women might keep their names, 158 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: but you know, there's there's just sort of these weird 159 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: combinations that erupt I do have. Um, some friends who 160 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: made up an entirely new name for themselves. They took 161 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: four letters from the female's name and four letters from 162 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: the male's name, smashed them together, and that's the last name. Name. 163 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: Smash a name smash. It's got a fun actually it 164 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: sounds fun. But you know, we're reading this article in 165 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: Salon about how are you cutting you know, your children 166 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: off from any sense of family history. You know, you're 167 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,839 Speaker 1: trying to give your kids the best of both worlds, um, 168 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: you know, an equal share in both their mother and 169 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: their father's side. But then do you end up with 170 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: these kids who just you know, are really kind of 171 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: cut off from both sides. And then with the issue 172 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: of hyphenated names. So you know, you you get married, 173 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: you hyphenate your name. You have a child, and he 174 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: or she has a hyphenated name. But what if you're 175 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: hyphenated child falls in love with another hyphenated child and 176 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,479 Speaker 1: then they get married, So will their children be hyphenated 177 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: hyphenated children? I don't know. I mean, it just gets 178 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 1: complicated at some point. It's already hard enough, you know, 179 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: to get a really long last name on some government forms, 180 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: you know, just that one hyphenated person might have enough trouble, 181 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: and then you you gotta throw in the other name. Well, 182 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: there's always there's an option we have not talked about yet. Okay, 183 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,079 Speaker 1: why can't the husband just take my name? Why can't 184 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: Why can't Mr Conger you know exist? Oh, Kristen, he can, 185 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 1: but he is going to have a lot of hoops 186 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,679 Speaker 1: to jump through to do so, not only just you know, 187 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 1: the egging on of his friends. We were reading articles 188 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 1: about men who did try to take their wise last name. 189 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: We read one article about a guy who took his 190 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,959 Speaker 1: wife's name and got a lot of feedback from his 191 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 1: friends that essentially amounted to, hey, bud, you need to 192 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: turn in your man card your man card. But the 193 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 1: fact that a man is willing to do that not 194 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: only shows some sort of you know, bucking up tradition, 195 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: but it's really hard to do, yeah, especially post nine eleven. Um, 196 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 1: changing your name for your legal name is not as 197 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: easy as it used to be. For a woman, it's 198 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: it's pretty simple when you get married. There. Um they're 199 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: actually kits, toolkits that you can buy forty bucks and 200 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,680 Speaker 1: it's got all the documents in it for you to 201 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: sign and send off to get everything changed for you. 202 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: But for a guy to do it, he has to 203 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: spend a lot more money, a lot more time. It's 204 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: a legal process. Yeah, so it's kind of a complicated 205 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 1: legal process for men to go through. Um, but you know, 206 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: some men are doing a little bit of a compromise. 207 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,680 Speaker 1: And I've seen couples where, um, the man and the 208 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: woman take both names, so you know, um, both of 209 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,319 Speaker 1: you would become you know, let's say you're a guy 210 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:39,080 Speaker 1: named Jones, both of you become like Conger Jones, which 211 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,079 Speaker 1: you know, then you just have friends who are lazy 212 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 1: and refused to call you by your entire name, and 213 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,319 Speaker 1: you get lazy too. It's not like you want to 214 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: always answer the phone and say, this is Kristen Conger Jones. 215 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 1: But what about um abroad, Molly, we're talking about last 216 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 1: name traditions in the States. I mean, other other countries 217 00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: have a little more creative UM customs. Right in Russia, 218 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: they have what's known as the patron patronymic name, so 219 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 1: that if you're a girl, you get a feminized version 220 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 1: of both your of your father's In Russia, they have 221 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: this tradition of the patronymic name where you get um 222 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: if you're female, uh, feminized version of your father's name, 223 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: so that your middle name and your last name are 224 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: a feminine version of your father's name, and um. If 225 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: you're a male, you get sort of another kind of 226 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,599 Speaker 1: male version of both names. That's why you know a 227 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: lot of people have trouble reading Russian literatures because everyone's 228 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,959 Speaker 1: got the same name. If you're reading a book about 229 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 1: a father with his five kids, they all have the 230 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: same name. And then in over in Iceland, there's sort 231 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: of a similar uh patronymic custom where all of the 232 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: last names are basically translated as son of and then 233 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: you know, whatever the surname is, so it carries on 234 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 1: through the father father's line. But then you were telling 235 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 1: me about naming in Spain um where the rain stays 236 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: mainly on the plane, and it's really interesting, it's really 237 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: good using to me. I think I still need a diagram, 238 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 1: but tell me about what they do. It is a 239 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: little confusing and I and I do have a diagram 240 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: in front of me that that I did draw out, 241 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 1: and I remember learning this in Spanish class and it 242 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: took my brain for a minute to pick up on it. 243 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: But this is the custom in um, in Spain and 244 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: in Latin American countries that I think provides a nice 245 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: compromise because the first thing was a Spanish name is 246 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: you have you know, let's say Gabriel Garcia Marquez, one 247 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: of my faiths um Garcia Marquez is actually Garcia is 248 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 1: not his middle name. He actually has two surnames, or Ados, 249 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: and Garcia is his primary surname, and then Marques is 250 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: his secondary same surname okay, and Garcia he got from 251 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: his dad, and Marques comes from his mom. So that's 252 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 1: way everyone's name is. It's like your first name and 253 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: then the surname from your father, and then the surname 254 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: primary surname from your mother. So let's say the Gabriel 255 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: Garcia mar Kez gets married to oh, I don't know, 256 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: Frieda Carlo called her own okay, So Carlo comes from 257 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: her dad and called her own comes from her mom. 258 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: So she gets married. First of all, it's not really 259 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 1: a big deal in um Spanish culture for a woman 260 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: just to you know, keep her her name as is 261 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 1: when she gets married. But if she does decide to 262 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: take on her husband's name, she would then become Freelo 263 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 1: Frieda Carlo Garcia. So she takes on his primary surname 264 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: and turns it into her secondary surname. Got okay. So 265 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,680 Speaker 1: the thing I like about that is even though you 266 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,959 Speaker 1: might be taking a name from your husband, you're still 267 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: retaining technically your last name, like Calo is your primary surname, 268 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:50,319 Speaker 1: and what would be um akin to our last names 269 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 1: you know in the States. But what if they have kids? Now, 270 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,679 Speaker 1: if they have kids, this is what I also like 271 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: the child has a name from the father and from 272 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: the mother, so both sides are represented. So if uh, 273 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: you know, Gabriel and Frieda had a little baby, it 274 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: would be you know, uh McGill Garcia Carlo wow, and 275 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: their household would be known as the Garcia Carlos. So 276 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: it recognizes the union of both the man and you know, 277 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: the woman, and but you're still able to trace the lineage, 278 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: but it recognizes a different household. That's cool. So if 279 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 1: he lives next door to his father, it's be easy 280 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: to say that's that house and that's that. Yes, the 281 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: Garcia Marquez is as opposed to the Garcia Carlos, but 282 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 1: they're all part of the same line. Nice, I thought, 283 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,680 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, it's still you still are taking 284 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: the the paternal surnames that end up tracing down the line. 285 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: But the woman still is able to keep that linked 286 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: to her family and to pass on her her name 287 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: from her family to her children. You know, it's interesting 288 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: you bring up paternal surnames because I would say that 289 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: even if women have this you know, internal dilemma about 290 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: whether to keep their name or not, there's usually, you know, 291 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: very rarely a question that the kids will get the 292 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: father's last name. I can only think of one instance, 293 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 1: write a co worker. Um, she was female and she was, 294 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: you know, the only side of that family that was 295 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: me like the only grandchild, and the father's side had 296 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: a lot of grandchildren. Said they gave the kid the 297 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: mother's last name. But there was this really interesting blog 298 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: um on psychology a day that talked about the reason 299 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: that we're so hung up on giving our kids their 300 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: father's name is because it's sort of this reinforcement of 301 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 1: the fact that the baby is theirs and they should 302 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: invest in it and you know resources. Yeah, and because 303 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: there's never really any question of whether or not you 304 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 1: are your mother's child. It's it's kind of a given. 305 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: But but with the there might be more of a question. 306 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 1: And so this guy is saying that, you know, it 307 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 1: goes back to evolutionary biology of you know, a woman 308 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 1: wanting you know, to entice you know, the man to 309 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: invest resources and his children. So she's gonna say, hey, 310 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: I'm gonna you know, this is your child, that is 311 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: your last name, so go hunt and gather. But um, 312 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,600 Speaker 1: but the nice thing, you know, we were talking about 313 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: all these weird choices, you know, they're not well, they're 314 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: not weird. But we have all these choices today, despite 315 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 1: the fact that many women are just choosing to go 316 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: a tradition. But the nice thing this kind of ties 317 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: back to what we were talking about in our feminism 318 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: podcast is that, you know, people might think that feminists 319 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 1: would be really disappointed in us with all this work 320 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 1: they did to keep your own identity, keep your own name, 321 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 1: But the fact that men have this choice and exercise 322 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: the choice is actually sort of a perfect demonstration of 323 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 1: how feminism has worked for us. Yeah, and it is 324 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: a personal decision. I mean, it's a you know, going 325 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: back to that survey from the not that said that 326 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: you know, sixt of the response said, you know, this 327 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: is one of the biggest issues going into two marriage 328 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: and it's and it's a personal decision for a couple 329 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: to talk about. And you know, if you need to compromise, 330 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 1: you ne'd be able to come to a compromise. If 331 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: you want to hyphenate, you want to make a name smash, 332 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 1: you want to you know, keep your own name, he 333 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 1: should take your name. Whatever, it's something you should talk 334 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 1: about it. And Moly, I think it will be interesting 335 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,199 Speaker 1: too in the coming years when we have um to 336 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: see how the rise of civil unions in gay marriage, 337 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,159 Speaker 1: how that might kind of change this whole concept too, 338 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: if that will kind of lessen the social stigma around it. Yeah. 339 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 1: So I've always said I'm only gonna change if it's 340 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: esthetically pleasing to me, and I think that's a big 341 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: consideration for people. Yeah. One of my sisters um names 342 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 1: once you got married, her first and last name now rhyme. Yeah, 343 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 1: I mean I don't want to be Molly, you Wally? 344 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 1: Or do I? Or do you? Well? We would like 345 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,360 Speaker 1: to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think that 346 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 1: women should keep their maiden names when they get married 347 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: or um? Do you think it doesn't matter just go 348 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,880 Speaker 1: with what's easy. And if you did change your name, 349 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: did you struggle with it, do you have it's your 350 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: own name? Or if you kept your name, did you 351 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: how that? How how'd that go? Basically, we want to 352 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,679 Speaker 1: hear every single keep point on this issue you possibly have. 353 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 1: We want to know your thoughts. And speaking of knowing 354 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 1: your thoughts, it is a good time now, Molly for 355 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:08,960 Speaker 1: a little bit of listener mail. This weekend listener mail, 356 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about polygamy. We got some interesting 357 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: feedback on our polygamy podcast. Um uh Tessin. And I 358 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 1: don't know where Tessin is from, but Tessin wrote in 359 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: and he um he is a Muslim, and he wanted 360 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 1: to comment on polygmy podcast. And he said, the translation 361 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: from the Koran that you quoted is correct. However, you 362 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: did fail to mention another verse, and this is from 363 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 1: Sarah chapter four, verse one, ye are never able to 364 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 1: do justice between wives, even if it is your ardent desire, 365 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,239 Speaker 1: but turned not away from a woman altogether, so as 366 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,920 Speaker 1: to leave her as it were hanging in the air. 367 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,400 Speaker 1: And he says, some scholars believe that if you take 368 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 1: this first into account, when looking at the meeting of 369 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: a prior verse, it suggested marrying two, three, or four 370 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,159 Speaker 1: women is okay um. But this verse basically says that 371 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: since you can ever treat your wives equally, that polygamy 372 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: is then forbidden. He says, Now, I completely understand that 373 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: this is not what is practiced in the Middle East, 374 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: but I just wanted to shed some light on the subject. 375 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to defend Islam as much as show 376 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 1: that some cultural ideologies or old traditions may come into 377 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: play when there's a disagreement or lack of consensus among 378 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: scholars about what particular verses mean. And myself, I'm a 379 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,479 Speaker 1: halfway married Musliman who's never considered and will never consider 380 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 1: polygamy because I do not think it just right. Okay, 381 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: So that's a very interesting perspective. And then we got 382 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:39,120 Speaker 1: in another email from Samuel who had a lot to say. Um, 383 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: And two of the points he brought up that I 384 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,639 Speaker 1: thought were interesting was he he saw a documentary b 385 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:49,120 Speaker 1: y U from a modern polygma spokesperson who was defending polygamy, 386 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,199 Speaker 1: and uh, he thought it was The guy made an 387 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 1: interesting argument saying that polygamy is regarded as taboo and wrong, 388 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 1: but at the same time, our culture seems to respect 389 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,439 Speaker 1: and promote men who sleep around with many women and 390 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: maybe have even fathered multiple children, making them seem cool 391 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 1: and hip living and cohabitation and uh, not committing to anyone. 392 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 1: Yet when you have a man who tries to form 393 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: a committed relationship with several women and provide for them 394 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: and take care and take care of them, it suddenly 395 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,920 Speaker 1: becomes wrong and evil. It seems backwards to me. Interesting thought, 396 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,439 Speaker 1: and then um, I liked this when he says, this 397 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: is just from my point of view, but there are 398 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,360 Speaker 1: a lot of scumbag men out there, as the stereotype promotes, 399 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: and a lot of good women, for example, single mothers 400 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 1: who are good and trying to live an honest life, 401 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,159 Speaker 1: who get abandoned by men and such. It deserved to 402 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: be with someone equally as good and committed and honest. 403 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: And I think that women are usually better and more righteous, 404 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: more righteous than men anyway. Um, so so many good 405 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 1: women and so little good men. Why not practice colignies 406 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,680 Speaker 1: so that all the good, so that all can enjoy 407 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: the goodness that comes from marriage and relationships. Wow, interesting perspective, Samuel, 408 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,640 Speaker 1: that is an interesting perspective. And one more on blog. 409 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 1: I mean this is from Sean Lee. I hope I'm 410 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 1: pronouncing that correctly. And you know, Christine, when we did 411 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 1: that podcast, we kind of started off with Big Love 412 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,480 Speaker 1: and then transitioned into this perhaps utopian world where women 413 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 1: have these choices, and Sean Lie lives in Utah and 414 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,439 Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that we know that, you know, 415 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 1: the realities of polygamy and Utah are nothing like Big Love, 416 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,119 Speaker 1: and that women don't have these choices, so she wrote 417 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 1: in that um, right, women in these situations do not 418 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: have choice of any kind. Most often, the sexual relations 419 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,840 Speaker 1: in these marriages are quite literally situations of rape. Not 420 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 1: only are they severely under educated, they are also taught 421 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,679 Speaker 1: from birth that they are inferior to men, have been 422 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: treated as such all their lives, and are often bought 423 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,639 Speaker 1: and sold like chattel. Um. But then she goes on 424 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,679 Speaker 1: once she talks about sort of the role of women 425 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: in Utah. UM. Other untold victims of polygamy and Utah 426 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: and this lifestyle are the young boys. Um. Contrary to 427 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,160 Speaker 1: our podcast, polygamy is not plagued with too many men, 428 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 1: nor do polygamist fathers want sense to carry on the 429 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 1: family name. Boys around twelve or thirteen are regularly dropped 430 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,919 Speaker 1: off in the local around parking lots of men for themselves, 431 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: and these boys are called the bloss Boys. And she 432 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 1: pointed us to a website child brides dot Org, which 433 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 1: is run from Utah to help people transitioning from a 434 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:16,479 Speaker 1: plugamist lifestyle. Yeah, that was we really like seeing everyone's viewpoints. 435 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking at that. Yeah, we had some great feedback 436 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 1: from that. So as always. If you have any questions 437 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,919 Speaker 1: or comments we just want to tell us a little story, 438 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,240 Speaker 1: feel free to send us an email at Mom's Stuff 439 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,760 Speaker 1: at how stuff works dot com. And if you just 440 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 1: want to expand your mind and learn more, go and 441 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: read some fascinating articles at how stuff works dot com 442 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 1: For more on this and thousands of other topics because 443 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 1: at how stuff works dot com. Want more house stuff works, 444 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: check out our blogs on the house stuff works dot 445 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:57,959 Speaker 1: com home page. Brought to you by the reinvented two 446 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: thousand twelve camera. It's ready, are you