Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3: In the top top time.
Speaker 4: We have a Dear Bonnie.
Speaker 2: Episode today that's right for y'all's hard hitting questions, concerns, emails, messages.
Speaker 4: We're here.
Speaker 5: Can I tease one that we'll end with? Remember a
Speaker 5: couple of weeks ago we talked about there was a
Speaker 5: listener from I want to say another country named Lilah.
Speaker 2: Oh that that she had kept trying to make plans
Speaker 2: was like her sister in laws and well.
Speaker 5: The key was that she had said we were We
Speaker 5: wondered aloud how she found us? Wasn't she in Denmark? Amsterdam?
Speaker 4: I thought it was.
Speaker 5: We talked, Yeah, we're trying to remember, we're trying to like,
Speaker 5: we're brainstorming how she may have found us. Well, we
Speaker 5: have the answer to how she found us.
Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, wow, that will be towards the end of
Speaker 2: the episode for letting us know.
Speaker 4: Shall we just jump right into it? Shall it?
Speaker 3: Shall we?
Speaker 4: Shall?
Speaker 5: We shall? Let's do it? Here we go from Taylor.
Speaker 3: Oh, you're discerning from the top, Should I not?
Speaker 4: Nope, That's what I like to do.
Speaker 5: Okay, take it from the top, Taylor says, Hi Becatanya
Speaker 5: Mark and Eastern longtime listener here an overall big fan.
Speaker 5: I was recently burned by a friend and I'm having
Speaker 5: a hard time moving on. My wife wlw relationship and
Speaker 5: I let a friend move into our basement while she
Speaker 5: was going through a divorce. As Thanksgiving approached, we had
Speaker 5: to do some problem solving because we booked a dog
Speaker 5: sitter as we were going to be traveling. The dog
Speaker 5: sitter was going to live at the house when we
Speaker 5: were gone. Well, that wasn't really fair to either one
Speaker 5: of them because they'd be forced to live alongside each
Speaker 5: other as strangers, which is weird. And explaining that to
Speaker 5: our friend, she said, hey, I'll watch the dogs. I'm
Speaker 5: going to be here. Don't pay for a dog sitter.
Speaker 5: I got you great, cancel the dog sitter. They were
Speaker 5: charged a cancelation fee for canceling dog sitter, but okay,
Speaker 5: still save us some money. We got a good plan here.
Speaker 5: Fast forward a few weeks, five days before we were
Speaker 5: supposed to leave, said friend texted saying, you know what,
Speaker 5: my plans have changed. I'm going to be traveling too.
Speaker 5: I can no longer watch those dogs. Well, luckily we
Speaker 5: were able to find out the dog sitters to cover this,
Speaker 5: but now we're paying the cancelation fee to the first
Speaker 5: one and now to other people to watch the dogs.
Speaker 5: And we thought it was right for her to maybe
Speaker 5: pay for those fees or help us pay for those fees. Instead,
Speaker 5: she abruptly moved out and has cut off all communication.
Speaker 5: I'm curious to know if you think it's fair that
Speaker 5: we asked her to cover the fees, and regardless, how
Speaker 5: do you suggest I let this go and move on.
Speaker 2: I think if y'all did hear that big of a favor,
Speaker 2: letting someone move into your home and crash is such
Speaker 2: a yes, a kind thoughtful thing to do for someone
Speaker 2: like that's a big undertaking.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And so for her to not even have, first of all,
Speaker 2: the respect of not offering to help y'all find a
Speaker 2: dog sitter or pay for one, or saying like, let
Speaker 2: me pay the cancelation fee. I'm sorry that that happened
Speaker 2: and that I changed last minute just kind of is
Speaker 2: exposing the type of person she is.
Speaker 4: And maybe she's going through a lot.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying maybe she's not her best self right
Speaker 2: now if she's going through a divorce and just trying
Speaker 2: to figure.
Speaker 4: Out her life.
Speaker 2: But I think maybe it's for the best, and maybe
Speaker 2: she did you a favor cutting off communication.
Speaker 1: I feel like the best piece of advice I've ever
Speaker 1: received is take people as they are. I'll say it
Speaker 1: again for the people in the back. Take people as
Speaker 1: they are. Like Becca said, she may not be in
Speaker 1: her best state right now going through divorce. She might be,
Speaker 1: you know, frazzled and not dealing with stuff that with
Speaker 1: it she normally would. But to me, like if she
Speaker 1: didn't offer to help pay for the fees and isn't
Speaker 1: like offering that to me, asking that is so awkward
Speaker 1: and such a waste of your energy because you're gonna
Speaker 1: work yourself up trying to like figure out how to ask,
Speaker 1: and then if she says no, then you're gonna work
Speaker 1: yourself up over that. You're gonna be working yourself up
Speaker 1: so much over this. It's kind of just like, know
Speaker 1: this about her now and.
Speaker 3: Just learn moving forward.
Speaker 4: She already asked her to pay she just hasn't.
Speaker 2: She just already asked her to pay the fees, and
Speaker 2: she just stopped corresponding.
Speaker 4: She's ghosted them.
Speaker 5: So does she owe you? Yeah, probably stayed with you,
Speaker 5: used your home dog fees, whatever. But here's the quote
Speaker 5: that I like to live by, good advice I received.
Speaker 5: We've discussed this before. Life becomes easier when you learn
Speaker 5: to accept the apology that you never got. So is
Speaker 5: she sorry? Let's assume she is. In fact, she probably is.
Speaker 5: Maybe she's embarrassed, maybe she's not. Maybe even if she's not,
Speaker 5: you know what, accept her apology whether it happens or not,
Speaker 5: and you move on. That's it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that maybe she felt embarrassed and isn't in
Speaker 2: a financial place to help pay fees.
Speaker 4: But in a perfect.
Speaker 2: World, she could have said, you know what, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm not able to pay those fees, like financially, is
Speaker 2: there any way else I can help you or do
Speaker 2: something to help you out? Because I feel really bad
Speaker 2: and I want to be a good friend to you.
Speaker 2: She might not have the capacity to do that or
Speaker 2: the tools to do that. And I also agree with Mark, like,
Speaker 2: there are just people in your life that you have
Speaker 2: to let go the expectation of getting an apology because
Speaker 2: you could waste your life and energy waiting to get
Speaker 2: something that will never happen. Yeah, and if you can't
Speaker 2: move on from it, you're just you're spending unnecessary energy
Speaker 2: on someone who's probably not ever going to think about
Speaker 2: it again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my god, I need to listen to this advice. Honestly,
Speaker 3: I work myself up over.
Speaker 5: Quite a lot about being treated poorly or treating others
Speaker 5: poorly in the past.
Speaker 1: Yeah, about being treated poorly, but it's like it's never
Speaker 1: going to change. That person is the way that they are,
Speaker 1: and I just have to live with it, take them
Speaker 1: as they are.
Speaker 2: Know. I one time had someone say something horrible to me,
Speaker 2: and like, after a few years, I finally called.
Speaker 4: And was just explaining.
Speaker 2: I explained my hurt to them, and I was still
Speaker 2: expecting an apology and dating of me an apology. And
Speaker 2: I had a moment where I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I have spent way more time thinking about this than
Speaker 2: they ever did.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I have.
Speaker 2: To let it go because I don't know that I'm
Speaker 2: ever gonna get what I thought I needed from them.
Speaker 3: Damn. Take that advice put in my pocket.
Speaker 5: This one is from her name for herself. She called
Speaker 5: herself almost thirty, flirty and trying not to dry heath
Speaker 5: here we go, Dear Banya and Mark and Easton. Last year,
Speaker 5: I celebrated my twenty ninth birthday by inviting a few
Speaker 5: friends to my favorite diner for dinner sweatshirts and sweatpants. Encouraged,
Speaker 5: A dear friend brought her new boyfriend. He is hilarious
Speaker 5: and he clearly loves her very much. One problem. He
Speaker 5: has horrible table manners. He burps loudly and often. Sometimes
Speaker 5: he says to excuse me, but not always, and he
Speaker 5: often makes a big show of blowing it away. It's
Speaker 5: so awkward, jarring, and honestly makes me gag. His burp
Speaker 5: stopped conversations multiple times because it was so startling. I'm
Speaker 5: planning the same get together to celebrate turning thirty in
Speaker 5: a few weeks, and I don't know how to address
Speaker 5: this with my friend right now. The invitation doesn't have
Speaker 5: the option for a plus one. But what if she
Speaker 5: asks to bring him? Do I invite him and ask
Speaker 5: him to be more mindful or do I just suck
Speaker 5: it up for her? Please help?
Speaker 3: Oh my god goes the same to this.
Speaker 1: Take people as they are. You cannot ask this man
Speaker 1: to like not burp it. There's no Maral in which
Speaker 1: that goes over well, I think you I think you
Speaker 1: could ask your friend.
Speaker 4: I could. I think you could have a conversation with
Speaker 4: your friend and be like, wait.
Speaker 2: This reminded my birthday's coming up and reminded me of
Speaker 2: last year when Tom kept burping loudly at the table,
Speaker 2: like he's still doing that? Does that bother you?
Speaker 3: And if she says no, it's so funny and cute,
Speaker 3: then what.
Speaker 4: Then be like, people, can you ask him not to
Speaker 4: do It's gonna gross.
Speaker 1: And then she's gonna be like, oh, do you not
Speaker 1: want him to come to your You don't want him around?
Speaker 3: And I don't need to bring him around?
Speaker 2: Then be like, I love him. He's so funny and
Speaker 2: everyone loved him. It was just the burping was a
Speaker 2: little jarring. Stop the conversation multiple times.
Speaker 5: I agree, I think talk to the friend.
Speaker 4: This isn't this isn't like a personality trait. This is like,
Speaker 4: he could very well not belch at the table.
Speaker 3: I just don't see a world in which this goes
Speaker 3: over well.
Speaker 5: But look, there's no plus one, so she has to
Speaker 5: call and say, hey, do you mind if Tom comes?
Speaker 5: Then you say love Tom. Tom's so funny, he clearly
Speaker 5: or however, however, the burping last year was a little
Speaker 5: much for me. Could we maybe give him an antacid
Speaker 5: or something to, you know, make it?
Speaker 4: Did jamake it?
Speaker 3: You say this now?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: I think this is when we were going to your
Speaker 1: birthday dinner and Robbie was burping like a sailor on Okay.
Speaker 2: Let's say I didn't have a plus one and you
Speaker 2: called and said, Beca, can I burt?
Speaker 4: What am I saying? Becca?
Speaker 3: Can I bring Robbie?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I would say hey. I'd be like, yes, I love Robbie.
Speaker 2: Can you ask him not to belt at the table
Speaker 2: this year? Yes?
Speaker 4: I would make it funny. And then you'd probably be like,
Speaker 4: what he burped?
Speaker 3: And he literally was blowing the burps away. I would
Speaker 3: say it smells like roses, what's your problem?
Speaker 2: You would not would Yeah, You'd probably be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: he does that because.
Speaker 5: It would bother you too on some level.
Speaker 3: I don't know about that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she probably yes, it would. She'd be like no,
Speaker 4: but I do.
Speaker 2: I think it could be funny if you were if
Speaker 2: if she said like, what he did that, and you
Speaker 2: can be yeah, just let him know if he does
Speaker 2: it again this year, we're putting him at another table.
Speaker 2: Make it funny. Funny, yeah, lighthearted. I would say something
Speaker 2: that is disgusting.
Speaker 5: You have a pepsid A c oh my god, slide
Speaker 5: it across the table. Funny, it's funny, it's not. It's
Speaker 5: not a nervous tick. This is an actual He's doing
Speaker 5: this on purpose.
Speaker 3: All right? What are you guys? Thinks?
Speaker 4: I say?
Speaker 2: Just no.
Speaker 5: Plus ones's another option from anonymous. Hi, beck Antani, I
Speaker 5: could you some help. I'm visiting my boyfriend's hometown and
Speaker 5: in a few weeks for a wedding. He will be
Speaker 5: the best man for the groom. Seems fine, right?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 5: I was browsing the wedding website to look for the registry,
Speaker 5: and while doing so, I saw the bridal party information
Speaker 5: and come to find out, I see a name that
Speaker 5: sounded familiar. Yep, his ex girlfriend is going to be
Speaker 5: part of the bridal party. I gasped, because this was
Speaker 5: news to me and he hadn't brought this up. I'm
Speaker 5: trying not to spiral here is maybe this is something
Speaker 5: he just forgot to share or felt like it wasn't necessary.
Speaker 5: Should I ask him about the ex? Should I ignore
Speaker 5: it and move on for the wedding. I'm going to
Speaker 5: be alone for a bit while the wedding party does
Speaker 5: their thing. How do you go about seeing your significant
Speaker 5: others X at a wedding. I'm trying not to make
Speaker 5: this awkward, but I'm feeling a bit nervous now as
Speaker 5: we are closer to it.
Speaker 4: I've never had a deal with this. Have you had
Speaker 4: to do with this?
Speaker 3: H I mean it's not quite the same.
Speaker 5: I see what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's not quite the same, right, because
Speaker 1: it's it's actually not the same.
Speaker 5: So no, I have not dealt with it that his
Speaker 5: ex is in your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, likes right, because there's children involved, so like I
Speaker 1: see her around and stuff like that. But it's it's
Speaker 1: different in the sense that, like my question to you.
Speaker 3: Goes though, I feel like the bridal.
Speaker 1: Party doesn't do much together aside from like take photos.
Speaker 1: So like, yeah, they're going to be like taking photos
Speaker 1: and stuff, but it's not like they're like hanging out
Speaker 1: and drinking, you know what I mean. Like the girls
Speaker 1: are going to be getting ready with the girls, the
Speaker 1: guys are gonna be getting ready with the groom, you know.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like there's not gonna be much overlap,
Speaker 1: So I feel like you shouldn't spiral too much because
Speaker 1: they're literally just gonna be taking photos together.
Speaker 4: Listen, she'son X for a reason. You're with him.
Speaker 2: Now, you're going to the wedding as his date. And
Speaker 2: I think that that there is nothing cooler than you
Speaker 2: knowing and not saying or in my opinion.
Speaker 5: Yes, and he is not keeping this from you.
Speaker 3: I agree. I think that he probably.
Speaker 5: Couldn't care less and doesn't it even think about yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: And if if there's a moment at the wedding where
Speaker 2: you're like you see him talk like you're kind of
Speaker 2: like what's going on, then it's a conversation of like, hey,
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't know.
Speaker 4: I don't even know. I don't think you say anything.
Speaker 5: No, you're better than this anonymous you won.
Speaker 4: I don't know that. I think you won.
Speaker 2: One.
Speaker 5: Yes, rise above to get involved in that stuff.
Speaker 1: Unless she wants to like make a joke, she could
Speaker 1: make a joke like, oh, I didn't know, Betty Lows.
Speaker 4: The joke always kind of like jokes for belching. The
Speaker 4: jokes are for belching.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think I think you just put on
Speaker 2: your best dress. Walking confident in her.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh you had a next name Martha Lou.
Speaker 3: No you can't, you can't. You can't go down that path.
Speaker 4: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3: No, no, no.
Speaker 2: Just introduce yourself like nothing's just like more screams confidence,
Speaker 2: like a strong introduction.
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, Martha Lou.
Speaker 3: I did that with Martha Lou.
Speaker 5: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna tease this next one. Okay,
Speaker 5: oh yes, Radio one oh one, all right. Coming up next,
Speaker 5: we have a long time listener with an issue with
Speaker 5: her boyfriend and it's a location issue. It is a
Speaker 5: long distance potentially issue, and that's we're going to get
Speaker 5: into next. Perhaps you can relate to someone in a
Speaker 5: long distance relationship potentially. That's next on scrubbing in.
Speaker 2: All right, we are back and we have a job
Speaker 2: predicament to handle.
Speaker 5: Dear Beckattanya Mark, longtime listener, an OG bachelor fan here.
Speaker 5: I've been dating my boyfriend for four years. We lived
Speaker 5: together at a solid relationship, were in our late twenties.
Speaker 5: I'm from the East Coast. He's from the West Coast.
Speaker 5: He came here for a five year PhD program and
Speaker 5: he was set to graduate next May. I am in
Speaker 5: a master's program to become a nurse practitioner, set to
Speaker 5: graduate next May as well. Since the beginning, my boyfriend
Speaker 5: has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to
Speaker 5: stay here. There are opportunities, but he wants to go
Speaker 5: back home, but back to the West Coast. Friend's family,
Speaker 5: all that stuff, and I've been excited at the prospects
Speaker 5: of living in a new place, and I said, I
Speaker 5: am on board, I'm flexible, let's go west. Well, my
Speaker 5: boyfriend took an internship this fall, so it means that
Speaker 5: his graduation is going to be pushed back, so we're
Speaker 5: no longer graduating at the same time. My degree requires
Speaker 5: a lot of clinical skills and knowledge that I'm worried
Speaker 5: that if I will then I'll lose those skills. If
Speaker 5: it don't immediately start a job when I graduate, I
Speaker 5: could fall back on being a nurse at my current
Speaker 5: job for a bit, but it's not something I want
Speaker 5: to do for too long. I'm excited to get started
Speaker 5: start my life. I wanted to be making the endp
Speaker 5: Bucks and Me says, I have to get a job
Speaker 5: for myself and focus on what's best for me. Modern
Speaker 5: woman power all the way. But there's this part of
Speaker 5: me that thinks am I jeopardizing our relationship by not
Speaker 5: waiting a few months for him to graduate figure out
Speaker 5: his stuff so we can all move together. For context,
Speaker 5: he's very supportive of me getting an MP job here,
Speaker 5: especially since we're in a city with some of the
Speaker 5: best hospitals in the country. He seems okay with being
Speaker 5: in two different places for a bit. He says, we'll
Speaker 5: make it work, we'll figure it out. But I can't
Speaker 5: help the thinking. The committee to do a job here
Speaker 5: is going to make things harder on our relationship. What
Speaker 5: are your thoughts? And by the way, thank you for
Speaker 5: being a continual happy place for me. You guys are
Speaker 5: the best.
Speaker 1: This one's tough because I feel like I don't know
Speaker 1: the intricacies of NP and like that job circuit because
Speaker 1: if you take if she takes the job there now
Speaker 1: and then he graduates in six months, can't she just
Speaker 1: look for another job in six months?
Speaker 3: Summow is right that poo pooed upon.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know either, but maybe that is something
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It seems like a very compromise. Get a job now
Speaker 1: straight out after you graduate, wait for him to graduate,
Speaker 1: and then transfer after six months wherever he goes, or why.
Speaker 4: Can't y'all stay for.
Speaker 2: Like agree to a time, Like let's say you agree
Speaker 2: to stay there for a year, you get a job,
Speaker 2: you're there for at least a year, and then you
Speaker 2: see if there's a transfer opportunity, and that way, when
Speaker 2: he graduates, he can get a job or something, and
Speaker 2: y'all can kind of be in the same place while
Speaker 2: you're doing what you want to do.
Speaker 4: With the potential of transferring somewhere else.
Speaker 5: Right, I think you'd be giving to him by getting
Speaker 5: a job and waiting for him, and then he should
Speaker 5: give to you by kind of waiting for you, because
Speaker 5: I think a year at a job that's reasonable. Right
Speaker 5: to leave after a year at a job, I don't know.
Speaker 5: It seems like I don't think you'd be looked down
Speaker 5: upon if you left after a year, No.
Speaker 2: Because I mean I think you just graduate, you get
Speaker 2: a job, and then it's kind of like, Okay, there's
Speaker 2: opportunities always to transfer and go to new places.
Speaker 5: I guess there's a danger that this is going to
Speaker 5: be a great job. She can love it, you love
Speaker 5: the people she works with. She's not I want to
Speaker 5: leave so much. I guess there's danger in that.
Speaker 4: I think here's the thing.
Speaker 2: If you're compromising and you're saying, well, he finishes, then
Speaker 2: I think that he compromises and stays till you feel
Speaker 2: ready to move on too. I think if this is
Speaker 2: your person and you'll want to be together, then you're
Speaker 2: going to figure it out wherever you are.
Speaker 5: How do you both feel about them spending say six
Speaker 5: months apart he leaves after he graduates. She does know
Speaker 5: the six months on the East coast? Is that dangerous
Speaker 5: as long as.
Speaker 1: There's an end date, right, Like, as long as you
Speaker 1: have a goal to be together. I think it's problematic
Speaker 1: when you do long distance and there's no end in sight.
Speaker 2: I think long distance is hard though, like I do,
Speaker 2: I think your relationship will experience the new challenges and
Speaker 2: if y'all.
Speaker 3: It doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 2: But I don't know that if Robbie said, hey, let's
Speaker 2: spend six months apart, that you would say, if it
Speaker 2: doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.
Speaker 1: If he said spend six months, I'd be like, really,
Speaker 1: so you're not getting.
Speaker 5: Out of that, But like, timeframe wise, okay. She graduates
Speaker 5: twenty five May, she gets a job, he graduates what
Speaker 5: I guess January twenty six, then he moves west. So
Speaker 5: you're looking at like maybe end to twenty six year together.
Speaker 5: That does seem like a long time from.
Speaker 3: Now, but they're in their late twenties. They have time.
Speaker 5: That's true.
Speaker 4: If this is your person, then ye'll figure it out.
Speaker 2: You're gonna and it might be hard, and you might
Speaker 2: go through some rocky time of you know, navigating what
Speaker 2: to do. But if this is your person, then the
Speaker 2: end will be all together somewhere.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 5: Is there anything to the theory that you should test
Speaker 5: a relationship like putting your relationship to a test like this.
Speaker 5: If you can survive this, he is definitely the one
Speaker 5: that you can survive anything.
Speaker 3: Personally, I don't agree on these tests.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think every relationship. I think if you
Speaker 2: get through it, then yeah, it was worked out and
Speaker 2: y'all were meant to be because you put in the
Speaker 2: work to make it work. But I don't know that
Speaker 2: every relationship needs to go through an LDR to know
Speaker 2: if it's right or not.
Speaker 5: Well, every relationship will be tested in its own ways.
Speaker 5: I suppose perhaps this.
Speaker 3: Is yours has its test.
Speaker 5: Objects, anonymous mother in law missing an action, Nope, made
Speaker 5: of honor, missing an action. I got my acronyms messed up.
Speaker 5: Hi Beckatania Market Eastern. I'm getting married next summer. My
Speaker 5: maid of honor has essentially ghosted me. For context, I
Speaker 5: named my two high school best friends as co maids
Speaker 5: of honor, and I have one other bridesmaid. My co
Speaker 5: maids of honor haven't always been the best communicators, but
Speaker 5: I knew that going in. I'm a planner. I have
Speaker 5: no issues of ranging the details of my bachelorette party
Speaker 5: and the wedding. That being said, I'll ask for input
Speaker 5: from time to time. It has been three months since
Speaker 5: I've heard from one of my maids of honor. We
Speaker 5: were so worried we even reached out to her sister
Speaker 5: and her husband. The only thing they told me is
Speaker 5: that works really busy and she's horrible at responding waiting
Speaker 5: on her to pay her portion of the bachelorette party,
Speaker 5: give input on the dresses, amongst other things, and I
Speaker 5: feel I've been hurt that she's not making the effort.
Speaker 5: I've even gone so far as to say, hey, I
Speaker 5: haven't heard from you in a long time, and I'm
Speaker 5: really worried. Please let me know you're okay. No response?
Speaker 5: How do I move forward? If she continues to not respond?
Speaker 5: Do I remove her from the bridal party? Or am
Speaker 5: I overreacting? Tanya? What would you do if one of
Speaker 5: your bridal party members stopped responding? Thank you guys so
Speaker 5: much for what you do. I've been listening since the
Speaker 5: very beginning and want you to know the Canadians love you.
Speaker 2: But first of all, can you imagine I'm just like
Speaker 2: stop responding.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I for one, wouldn't allow it. I
Speaker 1: would just keep texting until I got a response.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know that that's the best approach
Speaker 2: to annoy the person, but you know, if all else fails,
Speaker 2: I just don't know if this is the person you
Speaker 2: want representing your closest, most supportive people in your life
Speaker 2: standing next to you on your wedding day like you're
Speaker 2: about sing a huge commitment in your life, and the
Speaker 2: person that you want standing up or you know, not
Speaker 2: physically standing up, metaphorically standing up there with you, is
Speaker 2: ghosting you.
Speaker 4: I think you have your answer. Take people as they
Speaker 4: are as they are.
Speaker 1: I know, but she's in a little bit of a
Speaker 1: picklenaw because she's already asked her to be her maide
Speaker 1: of honor, so now she's honor, so you think she.
Speaker 2: I would just say, Hey, I feel like you have
Speaker 2: a lot going on. I don't want you to feel pressure.
Speaker 2: I I know I gave I asked you to be
Speaker 2: a maid of honor, and I I think maybe that
Speaker 2: what may have been too much for you to take
Speaker 2: on during this time in your life. So I would
Speaker 2: love for you to be a part of the wedding,
Speaker 2: but I also don't want you to feel like if
Speaker 2: it's too if there's too much happening, I don't want
Speaker 2: you to feel that pressure. And just maybe she'll respond
Speaker 2: to that. If she doesn't respond, then like I don't
Speaker 2: think she should be a part of your wedding.
Speaker 1: I do feel like there's become this like crazy expectation
Speaker 1: that like people have on their bridal party for like
Speaker 1: all of these things like basically like helping them like
Speaker 1: completely helping them plan their wedding, being so involved like
Speaker 1: do it. You know, Like I feel like there's so
Speaker 1: much pressure put on people for these things when we're
Speaker 1: all just trying to like live our lives and do
Speaker 1: our best and I think that obviously she cannot participate
Speaker 1: in the way that you want her to, so just
Speaker 1: work around her. If she's not getting back to you
Speaker 1: about a dress, like that's semi important, Like she needs
Speaker 1: to like that's.
Speaker 4: What I'm saying, get a dress or.
Speaker 3: Just be like, hey, like if this is too much, I'm.
Speaker 4: Totally cool with it.
Speaker 1: I really actually am Mary May has been doing an
Speaker 1: excellent job and she's happy to take on the full responsibility.
Speaker 1: And that way, you don't have to like do anything.
Speaker 1: You can just attend the wedding, have fun, be there,
Speaker 1: celebrate our love. But you don't have to do you
Speaker 1: don't have any of the responsibility.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just let her off the hook if
Speaker 2: that's if that's why she's not responding, But as a friend,
Speaker 2: aside from the nid of honor duties, I think it
Speaker 2: sucks that she's not responding period because she could communicate,
Speaker 2: like I just don't know if I have the bandwidth
Speaker 2: for this, and I want to be there for you,
Speaker 2: but I'm clearly not able to show it for you
Speaker 2: the way I need to, and.
Speaker 4: She's not doing that. Yeah, I agree, So I'm bothered.
Speaker 2: I'm bothered for you, but I think you just move forward,
Speaker 2: but they can't move forward.
Speaker 4: Like with the bachelortte party, she's not you just.
Speaker 1: You need to pay her portion, pay her out, pay
Speaker 1: her portion and cut her out.
Speaker 4: Oh well, we've changed pay portion and cut her out.
Speaker 3: Cut her out.
Speaker 1: You're trying to plan the bachelor party. She's not paying,
Speaker 1: she's not responding. You got to get the show on
Speaker 1: the road. Circus has got to go to town.
Speaker 5: So if she's not responding to you, give her a deadline.
Speaker 5: Do you say, Look, if I don't hear from you
Speaker 5: by the end of the year, we got to just
Speaker 5: plan this without you. And I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I like the year, end of the week, whatever, whatever,
Speaker 2: like set a timeline when you need it, Like when
Speaker 2: you need to know, just say, hey, if I don't
Speaker 2: hear from you by next Friday, we have to move forward.
Speaker 4: And I'm just I'm just gonna assume that you're not
Speaker 4: able to be.
Speaker 5: That gives her an hour. Yeah, without making her respond,
Speaker 5: she can just ignore you and then then you have
Speaker 5: every answer you need. By the way, how do you
Speaker 5: feel about a bride planning her own bachelorette party? Is
Speaker 5: that common?
Speaker 2: Allie? Basically did hers because she like wanted it in
Speaker 2: a very specific way, and she I would be like
Speaker 2: what about this? And she would go what about this?
Speaker 2: And I was a sounding board but she basically.
Speaker 5: So not not that uncommon. That sounds uncommon to me.
Speaker 4: But I don't guess if I would like to plan mine,
Speaker 4: you would.
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna plan mine?
Speaker 5: Really well, why don't you just let them take care
Speaker 5: of it?
Speaker 3: Time's a ticket, Mama's got to go. Mama's gotta go for.
Speaker 4: A location and date which week last time we did
Speaker 4: the podcast?
Speaker 1: You can figure out a date with all these people around,
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, we gotta go.
Speaker 5: I them a date in the city and then Becka
Speaker 5: and Paulina plan the whole thing. That's what I think.
Speaker 5: You You do well? Let go Not as easy as that.
Speaker 5: Why why not for the.
Speaker 3: We have some bumps in the road, do you Yeah?
Speaker 5: I guess we're not going to talk about those bumps.
Speaker 1: What there's just scheduling conflicts for different members of the
Speaker 1: bridal different members of.
Speaker 3: The bridal party. So it's like, do I just.
Speaker 1: Go on a weekend where everybody can attend and just
Speaker 1: say it's fine if people can't attend.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like that's or do I just do it in a
Speaker 1: way where it's less aggressive and people can attend.
Speaker 3: Everybody can attend. Does that make sense?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Kind of the bump.
Speaker 5: That's the debate right now. Well, just let me know.
Speaker 5: I can't wait.
Speaker 2: We're really looking forward to it, regardless of where we
Speaker 2: do it, whether.
Speaker 4: Afar or we need to get the ball rolling.
Speaker 3: Yeah, time, time is a ticking.
Speaker 5: Okay, all right, Coming up next, we're going to tell
Speaker 5: you how Leylah found us. By the way, I was wrong,
Speaker 5: She's not from another country. I was mixing up I
Speaker 5: scrub her email. Yeah, but she's the one that we
Speaker 5: went back through March and April's guests to figure out
Speaker 5: who drew her to us. Okay, well we have an answer,
Speaker 5: all right, and it's next.
Speaker 4: All right, we are back.
Speaker 2: I love when people give us updates on things because
Speaker 2: we never do. We never come through with updates, but
Speaker 2: they always come through for us.
Speaker 5: Lilah wrote to us for our last dear Banya, and
Speaker 5: we wondered how she found us. She said she found
Speaker 5: scrubbing in back in April. We were like, I wonder
Speaker 5: what that was? Why? In April of twenty twenty four.
Speaker 5: Did she find scrubbing in with Becca Antonya well? She
Speaker 5: wrote us back and Lilah said, thank you so much
Speaker 5: for answering my questions on the Dear Bonya to be
Speaker 5: continued episode, by the way, a classic, in my opinion,
Speaker 5: a classic. I wanted to reach back out to answer
Speaker 5: your fellow up for me. I found your podcast episode
Speaker 5: with Parvity wow Well. Looking for podcast interviews from the
Speaker 5: Traders participants and loved par from both Traders and Survivor.
Speaker 5: I love Parv as well. She's great, and I think
Speaker 5: that was one of our theories, wasn't it. When we
Speaker 5: were running down the possibilities in March and April, I
Speaker 5: think we mentioned poverty. I was then drawn back in
Speaker 5: with the Chelsea Blackwell interview from Love Is Blind. I
Speaker 5: listened to a few more episodes with just Tanya, Beckham,
Speaker 5: Mark and Easton, and by April I was hooked Wow Well.
Speaker 5: I knew and was more familiar with Becker from the Bachelor.
Speaker 5: I was really intrigued by Tany's intentionality and thoughtfulness, and
Speaker 5: I absolutely loved the banterler between Tanya and Beca. The
Speaker 5: way Mark and Eastern are included was also a big
Speaker 5: draw and a dynamic. I love to listen to keep
Speaker 5: doing what you're doing. I'm a scrubber for life. PS Tanya.
Speaker 5: I like the abbreviated TBC as a sign off as
Speaker 5: opposed to to be continued. It's shorter and as the
Speaker 5: same rhythm as love yea Baye, which feels short, sweet
Speaker 5: and familiar. My two cents TVC Oh.
Speaker 3: My god, I was so cute.
Speaker 4: I was so cute, the cutest ever.
Speaker 5: Thoughts on TBC.
Speaker 3: That'sn't TBC because people that don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so maybe I have to start with to be
Speaker 1: continued for a while as I get used to it,
Speaker 1: and then switch over to then like tuberculosis.
Speaker 3: I think she's like ABC. She's saying alphabet.
Speaker 5: Taking care of business.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're still troubleshooting.
Speaker 2: To be continued though, Yeah, TBD, TBDBC.
Speaker 3: I'd glad to have ParvE back on. I love PARV.
Speaker 1: She's got a couple shows that she's been doing. She's
Speaker 1: on Dealer and O Deeal Island and then like one
Speaker 1: other show she filmed.
Speaker 4: Are you excited about the New Traders coming up?
Speaker 3: Yes? Are you?
Speaker 4: I think so?
Speaker 3: I think so?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Roshelle Wells. I am excited to Seekshelle in Wells.
Speaker 3: Who else Brendy Spears husband, Yeah, I don't know. Home
Speaker 3: there also Sam as Rocky.
Speaker 2: I think the new what's the show where they do
Speaker 2: like really intense like Army.
Speaker 3: So Fox it's on Foxes.
Speaker 2: That cast is really good, better than Traders.
Speaker 5: Survivors going to be on Traders too?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's better and better.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good cast.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm still not going to watch that. But oh
Speaker 5: Jeremy from.
Speaker 4: Survivor too, wow wow, well he says.
Speaker 5: And Sam's Gowi is his name? I said it wrong.
Speaker 4: Well, anyways, I'm excited about Special.
Speaker 3: Forces too, that comes out next year, right, yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Think a lot of shows come. I think we're in
Speaker 2: a dead season for nothing else.
Speaker 3: What comes out the day after Christmas?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: Really?
Speaker 3: No good Games too?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yes, the perfect show to lift your holiday spirits.
Speaker 3: I know it's so weird.
Speaker 1: I thought it was weird timing too, but if you
Speaker 1: think about it, like the day after Christmas, like I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people just yea week.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a good That's a big week for Netflix,
Speaker 5: I'll bet.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Did you finish The Housemaid?
Speaker 5: No, but I'm getting closer now. I don't read. I
Speaker 5: do read a lot, but not for very much of
Speaker 5: the time. Yeah. Wow, Yeah, it's a quick read, but
Speaker 5: I like, you know, I'll refly like five minutes tonight. Okay,
Speaker 5: but it's very good. Yeah, the Houseman's had a nice
Speaker 5: littlewist and it's a good book.
Speaker 4: Yeah, great book.
Speaker 5: Yeah, wait, a book. Read that.
Speaker 3: What am I watching right now? I haven't had much
Speaker 3: watch time. I've been watching Shit's Creak again for the
Speaker 3: second time.
Speaker 5: What was your what's your weekend watch list going to be? Friday?
Speaker 3: Carry on?
Speaker 5: Carry on? Right?
Speaker 4: Watch that I'm going to watch carry On too.
Speaker 3: Honestly, it's really good.
Speaker 4: I'm excited.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, Shit's Creak it's better the second time around.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's such a good show.
Speaker 2: Well we'll be back on Monday, Yes we will. So
Speaker 2: have no fear, even though the weekend is here.
Speaker 4: We are not far. We're very near, to be clear,
Speaker 4: and to be continued.
Speaker 3: No, you gotta keep rhyming.
Speaker 4: I was done.
Speaker 3: Don't did you say fear?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, my stomach.
Speaker 3: I love you, my dear
Speaker 4: Okay, don't shut it, dear,