1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:05,159 Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,120 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. 3 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 3: In the top top time. 4 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 4: We have a Dear Bonnie. 5 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 2: Episode today that's right for y'all's hard hitting questions, concerns, emails, messages. 6 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 4: We're here. 7 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 5: Can I tease one that we'll end with? Remember a 8 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 5: couple of weeks ago we talked about there was a 9 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 5: listener from I want to say another country named Lilah. 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 2: Oh that that she had kept trying to make plans 11 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 2: was like her sister in laws and well. 12 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,879 Speaker 5: The key was that she had said we were We 13 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:48,200 Speaker 5: wondered aloud how she found us? Wasn't she in Denmark? Amsterdam? 14 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 4: I thought it was. 15 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 5: We talked, Yeah, we're trying to remember, we're trying to like, 16 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 5: we're brainstorming how she may have found us. Well, we 17 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 5: have the answer to how she found us. 18 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, wow, that will be towards the end of 19 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 2: the episode for letting us know. 20 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 4: Shall we just jump right into it? Shall it? 21 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 3: Shall we? 22 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 4: Shall? 23 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 5: We shall? Let's do it? Here we go from Taylor. 24 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,120 Speaker 3: Oh, you're discerning from the top, Should I not? 25 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 4: Nope, That's what I like to do. 26 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 5: Okay, take it from the top, Taylor says, Hi Becatanya 27 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 5: Mark and Eastern longtime listener here an overall big fan. 28 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 5: I was recently burned by a friend and I'm having 29 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:25,399 Speaker 5: a hard time moving on. My wife wlw relationship and 30 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 5: I let a friend move into our basement while she 31 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 5: was going through a divorce. As Thanksgiving approached, we had 32 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 5: to do some problem solving because we booked a dog 33 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 5: sitter as we were going to be traveling. The dog 34 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 5: sitter was going to live at the house when we 35 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 5: were gone. Well, that wasn't really fair to either one 36 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 5: of them because they'd be forced to live alongside each 37 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,399 Speaker 5: other as strangers, which is weird. And explaining that to 38 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 5: our friend, she said, hey, I'll watch the dogs. I'm 39 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 5: going to be here. Don't pay for a dog sitter. 40 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 5: I got you great, cancel the dog sitter. They were 41 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 5: charged a cancelation fee for canceling dog sitter, but okay, 42 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 5: still save us some money. We got a good plan here. 43 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 5: Fast forward a few weeks, five days before we were 44 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 5: supposed to leave, said friend texted saying, you know what, 45 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 5: my plans have changed. I'm going to be traveling too. 46 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 5: I can no longer watch those dogs. Well, luckily we 47 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 5: were able to find out the dog sitters to cover this, 48 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 5: but now we're paying the cancelation fee to the first 49 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 5: one and now to other people to watch the dogs. 50 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 5: And we thought it was right for her to maybe 51 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 5: pay for those fees or help us pay for those fees. Instead, 52 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 5: she abruptly moved out and has cut off all communication. 53 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 5: I'm curious to know if you think it's fair that 54 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 5: we asked her to cover the fees, and regardless, how 55 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 5: do you suggest I let this go and move on. 56 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 2: I think if y'all did hear that big of a favor, 57 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 2: letting someone move into your home and crash is such 58 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,239 Speaker 2: a yes, a kind thoughtful thing to do for someone 59 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,680 Speaker 2: like that's a big undertaking. 60 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. 61 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,079 Speaker 2: And so for her to not even have, first of all, 62 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 2: the respect of not offering to help y'all find a 63 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 2: dog sitter or pay for one, or saying like, let 64 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 2: me pay the cancelation fee. I'm sorry that that happened 65 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 2: and that I changed last minute just kind of is 66 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,360 Speaker 2: exposing the type of person she is. 67 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 4: And maybe she's going through a lot. 68 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 2: I'm not saying maybe she's not her best self right 69 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 2: now if she's going through a divorce and just trying 70 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 2: to figure. 71 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 4: Out her life. 72 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,920 Speaker 2: But I think maybe it's for the best, and maybe 73 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,639 Speaker 2: she did you a favor cutting off communication. 74 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: I feel like the best piece of advice I've ever 75 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: received is take people as they are. I'll say it 76 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: again for the people in the back. Take people as 77 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 1: they are. Like Becca said, she may not be in 78 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: her best state right now going through divorce. She might be, 79 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: you know, frazzled and not dealing with stuff that with 80 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: it she normally would. But to me, like if she 81 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: didn't offer to help pay for the fees and isn't 82 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: like offering that to me, asking that is so awkward 83 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: and such a waste of your energy because you're gonna 84 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: work yourself up trying to like figure out how to ask, 85 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: and then if she says no, then you're gonna work 86 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: yourself up over that. You're gonna be working yourself up 87 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: so much over this. It's kind of just like, know 88 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: this about her now and. 89 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 3: Just learn moving forward. 90 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 4: She already asked her to pay she just hasn't. 91 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 2: She just already asked her to pay the fees, and 92 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 2: she just stopped corresponding. 93 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:14,839 Speaker 4: She's ghosted them. 94 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 5: So does she owe you? Yeah, probably stayed with you, 95 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 5: used your home dog fees, whatever. But here's the quote 96 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 5: that I like to live by, good advice I received. 97 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 5: We've discussed this before. Life becomes easier when you learn 98 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 5: to accept the apology that you never got. So is 99 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 5: she sorry? Let's assume she is. In fact, she probably is. 100 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:40,359 Speaker 5: Maybe she's embarrassed, maybe she's not. Maybe even if she's not, 101 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 5: you know what, accept her apology whether it happens or not, 102 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 5: and you move on. That's it. 103 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 4: Yeah. 104 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 2: I think that maybe she felt embarrassed and isn't in 105 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 2: a financial place to help pay fees. 106 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 4: But in a perfect. 107 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 2: World, she could have said, you know what, I'm sorry, 108 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,599 Speaker 2: I'm not able to pay those fees, like financially, is 109 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,720 Speaker 2: there any way else I can help you or do 110 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 2: something to help you out? Because I feel really bad 111 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 2: and I want to be a good friend to you. 112 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 2: She might not have the capacity to do that or 113 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 2: the tools to do that. And I also agree with Mark, like, 114 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 2: there are just people in your life that you have 115 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 2: to let go the expectation of getting an apology because 116 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 2: you could waste your life and energy waiting to get 117 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,480 Speaker 2: something that will never happen. Yeah, and if you can't 118 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 2: move on from it, you're just you're spending unnecessary energy 119 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,280 Speaker 2: on someone who's probably not ever going to think about 120 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: it again. 121 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,479 Speaker 3: Yeah, my god, I need to listen to this advice. Honestly, 122 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,799 Speaker 3: I work myself up over. 123 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 5: Quite a lot about being treated poorly or treating others 124 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 5: poorly in the past. 125 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, about being treated poorly, but it's like it's never 126 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: going to change. That person is the way that they are, 127 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: and I just have to live with it, take them 128 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: as they are. 129 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 2: Know. I one time had someone say something horrible to me, 130 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,239 Speaker 2: and like, after a few years, I finally called. 131 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 4: And was just explaining. 132 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 2: I explained my hurt to them, and I was still 133 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 2: expecting an apology and dating of me an apology. And 134 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: I had a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, 135 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 2: I have spent way more time thinking about this than 136 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 2: they ever did. 137 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 5: Yeah, and I have. 138 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 2: To let it go because I don't know that I'm 139 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 2: ever gonna get what I thought I needed from them. 140 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 3: Damn. Take that advice put in my pocket. 141 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 5: This one is from her name for herself. She called 142 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 5: herself almost thirty, flirty and trying not to dry heath 143 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 5: here we go, Dear Banya and Mark and Easton. Last year, 144 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,720 Speaker 5: I celebrated my twenty ninth birthday by inviting a few 145 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 5: friends to my favorite diner for dinner sweatshirts and sweatpants. Encouraged, 146 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 5: A dear friend brought her new boyfriend. He is hilarious 147 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 5: and he clearly loves her very much. One problem. He 148 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 5: has horrible table manners. He burps loudly and often. Sometimes 149 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 5: he says to excuse me, but not always, and he 150 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 5: often makes a big show of blowing it away. It's 151 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 5: so awkward, jarring, and honestly makes me gag. His burp 152 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 5: stopped conversations multiple times because it was so startling. I'm 153 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 5: planning the same get together to celebrate turning thirty in 154 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 5: a few weeks, and I don't know how to address 155 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 5: this with my friend right now. The invitation doesn't have 156 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 5: the option for a plus one. But what if she 157 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 5: asks to bring him? Do I invite him and ask 158 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 5: him to be more mindful or do I just suck 159 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 5: it up for her? Please help? 160 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 3: Oh my god goes the same to this. 161 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: Take people as they are. You cannot ask this man 162 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: to like not burp it. There's no Maral in which 163 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: that goes over well, I think you I think you 164 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: could ask your friend. 165 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 4: I could. I think you could have a conversation with 166 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 4: your friend and be like, wait. 167 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 2: This reminded my birthday's coming up and reminded me of 168 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 2: last year when Tom kept burping loudly at the table, 169 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 2: like he's still doing that? Does that bother you? 170 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 3: And if she says no, it's so funny and cute, 171 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 3: then what. 172 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 4: Then be like, people, can you ask him not to 173 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 4: do It's gonna gross. 174 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: And then she's gonna be like, oh, do you not 175 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: want him to come to your You don't want him around? 176 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 3: And I don't need to bring him around? 177 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 2: Then be like, I love him. He's so funny and 178 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 2: everyone loved him. It was just the burping was a 179 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 2: little jarring. Stop the conversation multiple times. 180 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 5: I agree, I think talk to the friend. 181 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 4: This isn't this isn't like a personality trait. This is like, 182 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 4: he could very well not belch at the table. 183 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 3: I just don't see a world in which this goes 184 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 3: over well. 185 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 5: But look, there's no plus one, so she has to 186 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 5: call and say, hey, do you mind if Tom comes? 187 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 5: Then you say love Tom. Tom's so funny, he clearly 188 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 5: or however, however, the burping last year was a little 189 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 5: much for me. Could we maybe give him an antacid 190 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,839 Speaker 5: or something to, you know, make it? 191 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 4: Did jamake it? 192 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 3: You say this now? 193 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 2: No? 194 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,839 Speaker 1: I think this is when we were going to your 195 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: birthday dinner and Robbie was burping like a sailor on Okay. 196 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: Let's say I didn't have a plus one and you 197 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 2: called and said, Beca, can I burt? 198 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 4: What am I saying? Becca? 199 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 3: Can I bring Robbie? 200 00:08:58,760 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 4: Yeah? 201 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 2: I would say hey. I'd be like, yes, I love Robbie. 202 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 2: Can you ask him not to belt at the table 203 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 2: this year? Yes? 204 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 4: I would make it funny. And then you'd probably be like, 205 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 4: what he burped? 206 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 3: And he literally was blowing the burps away. I would 207 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 3: say it smells like roses, what's your problem? 208 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 2: You would not would Yeah, You'd probably be like, yeah, 209 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 2: he does that because. 210 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 5: It would bother you too on some level. 211 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 3: I don't know about that. 212 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, she probably yes, it would. She'd be like no, 213 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 4: but I do. 214 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 2: I think it could be funny if you were if 215 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 2: if she said like, what he did that, and you 216 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 2: can be yeah, just let him know if he does 217 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 2: it again this year, we're putting him at another table. 218 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 2: Make it funny. Funny, yeah, lighthearted. I would say something 219 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,599 Speaker 2: that is disgusting. 220 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 5: You have a pepsid A c oh my god, slide 221 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 5: it across the table. Funny, it's funny, it's not. It's 222 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 5: not a nervous tick. This is an actual He's doing 223 00:09:59,480 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 5: this on purpose. 224 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,199 Speaker 3: All right? What are you guys? Thinks? 225 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 4: I say? 226 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 2: Just no. 227 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 5: Plus ones's another option from anonymous. Hi, beck Antani, I 228 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 5: could you some help. I'm visiting my boyfriend's hometown and 229 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 5: in a few weeks for a wedding. He will be 230 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 5: the best man for the groom. Seems fine, right? 231 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 2: Well? 232 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 5: I was browsing the wedding website to look for the registry, 233 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 5: and while doing so, I saw the bridal party information 234 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 5: and come to find out, I see a name that 235 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 5: sounded familiar. Yep, his ex girlfriend is going to be 236 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 5: part of the bridal party. I gasped, because this was 237 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 5: news to me and he hadn't brought this up. I'm 238 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 5: trying not to spiral here is maybe this is something 239 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 5: he just forgot to share or felt like it wasn't necessary. 240 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 5: Should I ask him about the ex? Should I ignore 241 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 5: it and move on for the wedding. I'm going to 242 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 5: be alone for a bit while the wedding party does 243 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,319 Speaker 5: their thing. How do you go about seeing your significant 244 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 5: others X at a wedding. I'm trying not to make 245 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 5: this awkward, but I'm feeling a bit nervous now as 246 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 5: we are closer to it. 247 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 4: I've never had a deal with this. Have you had 248 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 4: to do with this? 249 00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 3: H I mean it's not quite the same. 250 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 5: I see what you're saying. 251 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's not quite the same, right, because 252 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: it's it's actually not the same. 253 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 5: So no, I have not dealt with it that his 254 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 5: ex is in your life. 255 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, likes right, because there's children involved, so like I 256 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: see her around and stuff like that. But it's it's 257 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:23,559 Speaker 1: different in the sense that, like my question to you. 258 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,679 Speaker 3: Goes though, I feel like the bridal. 259 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: Party doesn't do much together aside from like take photos. 260 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: So like, yeah, they're going to be like taking photos 261 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,560 Speaker 1: and stuff, but it's not like they're like hanging out 262 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: and drinking, you know what I mean. Like the girls 263 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,079 Speaker 1: are going to be getting ready with the girls, the 264 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 1: guys are gonna be getting ready with the groom, you know. 265 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 1: Like I feel like there's not gonna be much overlap, 266 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: So I feel like you shouldn't spiral too much because 267 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 1: they're literally just gonna be taking photos together. 268 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 4: Listen, she'son X for a reason. You're with him. 269 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 2: Now, you're going to the wedding as his date. And 270 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 2: I think that that there is nothing cooler than you 271 00:11:56,559 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 2: knowing and not saying or in my opinion. 272 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 5: Yes, and he is not keeping this from you. 273 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 3: I agree. I think that he probably. 274 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 5: Couldn't care less and doesn't it even think about yeah, yeah. 275 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 2: And if if there's a moment at the wedding where 276 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 2: you're like you see him talk like you're kind of 277 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 2: like what's going on, then it's a conversation of like, hey, 278 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 2: you know, I didn't know. 279 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,559 Speaker 4: I don't even know. I don't think you say anything. 280 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 5: No, you're better than this anonymous you won. 281 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 4: I don't know that. I think you won. 282 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 2: One. 283 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 5: Yes, rise above to get involved in that stuff. 284 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 1: Unless she wants to like make a joke, she could 285 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 1: make a joke like, oh, I didn't know, Betty Lows. 286 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 4: The joke always kind of like jokes for belching. The 287 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 4: jokes are for belching. 288 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think I think you just put on 289 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 2: your best dress. Walking confident in her. 290 00:12:55,120 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, oh you had a next name Martha Lou. 291 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 3: No you can't, you can't. You can't go down that path. 292 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,400 Speaker 4: I'm just kidding. 293 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 3: No, no, no. 294 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,719 Speaker 2: Just introduce yourself like nothing's just like more screams confidence, 295 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 2: like a strong introduction. 296 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, Martha Lou. 297 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 3: I did that with Martha Lou. 298 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 5: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna tease this next one. Okay, 299 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,959 Speaker 5: oh yes, Radio one oh one, all right. Coming up next, 300 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 5: we have a long time listener with an issue with 301 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 5: her boyfriend and it's a location issue. It is a 302 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 5: long distance potentially issue, and that's we're going to get 303 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,560 Speaker 5: into next. Perhaps you can relate to someone in a 304 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,600 Speaker 5: long distance relationship potentially. That's next on scrubbing in. 305 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 2: All right, we are back and we have a job 306 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,080 Speaker 2: predicament to handle. 307 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:02,680 Speaker 5: Dear Beckattanya Mark, longtime listener, an OG bachelor fan here. 308 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 5: I've been dating my boyfriend for four years. We lived 309 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 5: together at a solid relationship, were in our late twenties. 310 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 5: I'm from the East Coast. He's from the West Coast. 311 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 5: He came here for a five year PhD program and 312 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 5: he was set to graduate next May. I am in 313 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 5: a master's program to become a nurse practitioner, set to 314 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 5: graduate next May as well. Since the beginning, my boyfriend 315 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 5: has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to 316 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 5: stay here. There are opportunities, but he wants to go 317 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 5: back home, but back to the West Coast. Friend's family, 318 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 5: all that stuff, and I've been excited at the prospects 319 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 5: of living in a new place, and I said, I 320 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 5: am on board, I'm flexible, let's go west. Well, my 321 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 5: boyfriend took an internship this fall, so it means that 322 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 5: his graduation is going to be pushed back, so we're 323 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 5: no longer graduating at the same time. My degree requires 324 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 5: a lot of clinical skills and knowledge that I'm worried 325 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 5: that if I will then I'll lose those skills. If 326 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 5: it don't immediately start a job when I graduate, I 327 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 5: could fall back on being a nurse at my current 328 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 5: job for a bit, but it's not something I want 329 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 5: to do for too long. I'm excited to get started 330 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 5: start my life. I wanted to be making the endp 331 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 5: Bucks and Me says, I have to get a job 332 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 5: for myself and focus on what's best for me. Modern 333 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 5: woman power all the way. But there's this part of 334 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 5: me that thinks am I jeopardizing our relationship by not 335 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 5: waiting a few months for him to graduate figure out 336 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 5: his stuff so we can all move together. For context, 337 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 5: he's very supportive of me getting an MP job here, 338 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 5: especially since we're in a city with some of the 339 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 5: best hospitals in the country. He seems okay with being 340 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 5: in two different places for a bit. He says, we'll 341 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 5: make it work, we'll figure it out. But I can't 342 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 5: help the thinking. The committee to do a job here 343 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 5: is going to make things harder on our relationship. What 344 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 5: are your thoughts? And by the way, thank you for 345 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 5: being a continual happy place for me. You guys are 346 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 5: the best. 347 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 1: This one's tough because I feel like I don't know 348 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: the intricacies of NP and like that job circuit because 349 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: if you take if she takes the job there now 350 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 1: and then he graduates in six months, can't she just 351 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: look for another job in six months? 352 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 3: Summow is right that poo pooed upon. 353 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know either, but maybe that is something 354 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 4: I don't know. 355 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 1: It seems like a very compromise. Get a job now 356 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: straight out after you graduate, wait for him to graduate, 357 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 1: and then transfer after six months wherever he goes, or why. 358 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 4: Can't y'all stay for. 359 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 2: Like agree to a time, Like let's say you agree 360 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 2: to stay there for a year, you get a job, 361 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 2: you're there for at least a year, and then you 362 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 2: see if there's a transfer opportunity, and that way, when 363 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 2: he graduates, he can get a job or something, and 364 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 2: y'all can kind of be in the same place while 365 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 2: you're doing what you want to do. 366 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 4: With the potential of transferring somewhere else. 367 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 5: Right, I think you'd be giving to him by getting 368 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 5: a job and waiting for him, and then he should 369 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 5: give to you by kind of waiting for you, because 370 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 5: I think a year at a job that's reasonable. Right 371 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 5: to leave after a year at a job, I don't know. 372 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 5: It seems like I don't think you'd be looked down 373 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 5: upon if you left after a year, No. 374 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 2: Because I mean I think you just graduate, you get 375 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 2: a job, and then it's kind of like, Okay, there's 376 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 2: opportunities always to transfer and go to new places. 377 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 5: I guess there's a danger that this is going to 378 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 5: be a great job. She can love it, you love 379 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 5: the people she works with. She's not I want to 380 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 5: leave so much. I guess there's danger in that. 381 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 4: I think here's the thing. 382 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 2: If you're compromising and you're saying, well, he finishes, then 383 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 2: I think that he compromises and stays till you feel 384 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 2: ready to move on too. I think if this is 385 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,120 Speaker 2: your person and you'll want to be together, then you're 386 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:22,800 Speaker 2: going to figure it out wherever you are. 387 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,920 Speaker 5: How do you both feel about them spending say six 388 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 5: months apart he leaves after he graduates. She does know 389 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 5: the six months on the East coast? Is that dangerous 390 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 5: as long as. 391 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,919 Speaker 1: There's an end date, right, Like, as long as you 392 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: have a goal to be together. I think it's problematic 393 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 1: when you do long distance and there's no end in sight. 394 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 2: I think long distance is hard though, like I do, 395 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 2: I think your relationship will experience the new challenges and 396 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 2: if y'all. 397 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 3: It doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. 398 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 4: That's true. 399 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 2: But I don't know that if Robbie said, hey, let's 400 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 2: spend six months apart, that you would say, if it 401 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,400 Speaker 2: doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. 402 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 1: If he said spend six months, I'd be like, really, 403 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 1: so you're not getting. 404 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 5: Out of that, But like, timeframe wise, okay. She graduates 405 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:16,399 Speaker 5: twenty five May, she gets a job, he graduates what 406 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 5: I guess January twenty six, then he moves west. So 407 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 5: you're looking at like maybe end to twenty six year together. 408 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 5: That does seem like a long time from. 409 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 3: Now, but they're in their late twenties. They have time. 410 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 5: That's true. 411 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,120 Speaker 4: If this is your person, then ye'll figure it out. 412 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 2: You're gonna and it might be hard, and you might 413 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 2: go through some rocky time of you know, navigating what 414 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 2: to do. But if this is your person, then the 415 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 2: end will be all together somewhere. 416 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 3: I agree. 417 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 5: Is there anything to the theory that you should test 418 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 5: a relationship like putting your relationship to a test like this. 419 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 5: If you can survive this, he is definitely the one 420 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 5: that you can survive anything. 421 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 3: Personally, I don't agree on these tests. 422 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,480 Speaker 2: Well, I don't think every relationship. I think if you 423 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,159 Speaker 2: get through it, then yeah, it was worked out and 424 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 2: y'all were meant to be because you put in the 425 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 2: work to make it work. But I don't know that 426 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 2: every relationship needs to go through an LDR to know 427 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 2: if it's right or not. 428 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,640 Speaker 5: Well, every relationship will be tested in its own ways. 429 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 5: I suppose perhaps this. 430 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 3: Is yours has its test. 431 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 5: Objects, anonymous mother in law missing an action, Nope, made 432 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 5: of honor, missing an action. I got my acronyms messed up. 433 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 5: Hi Beckatania Market Eastern. I'm getting married next summer. My 434 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,399 Speaker 5: maid of honor has essentially ghosted me. For context, I 435 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,640 Speaker 5: named my two high school best friends as co maids 436 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 5: of honor, and I have one other bridesmaid. My co 437 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 5: maids of honor haven't always been the best communicators, but 438 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 5: I knew that going in. I'm a planner. I have 439 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,200 Speaker 5: no issues of ranging the details of my bachelorette party 440 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 5: and the wedding. That being said, I'll ask for input 441 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 5: from time to time. It has been three months since 442 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,919 Speaker 5: I've heard from one of my maids of honor. We 443 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,160 Speaker 5: were so worried we even reached out to her sister 444 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 5: and her husband. The only thing they told me is 445 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 5: that works really busy and she's horrible at responding waiting 446 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 5: on her to pay her portion of the bachelorette party, 447 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 5: give input on the dresses, amongst other things, and I 448 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 5: feel I've been hurt that she's not making the effort. 449 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,239 Speaker 5: I've even gone so far as to say, hey, I 450 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 5: haven't heard from you in a long time, and I'm 451 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 5: really worried. Please let me know you're okay. No response? 452 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,880 Speaker 5: How do I move forward? If she continues to not respond? 453 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 5: Do I remove her from the bridal party? Or am 454 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,040 Speaker 5: I overreacting? Tanya? What would you do if one of 455 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 5: your bridal party members stopped responding? Thank you guys so 456 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 5: much for what you do. I've been listening since the 457 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 5: very beginning and want you to know the Canadians love you. 458 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 2: But first of all, can you imagine I'm just like 459 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 2: stop responding. 460 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:45,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I for one, wouldn't allow it. I 461 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: would just keep texting until I got a response. 462 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know that that's the best approach 463 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 2: to annoy the person, but you know, if all else fails, 464 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 2: I just don't know if this is the person you 465 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 2: want representing your closest, most supportive people in your life 466 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,400 Speaker 2: standing next to you on your wedding day like you're 467 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 2: about sing a huge commitment in your life, and the 468 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 2: person that you want standing up or you know, not 469 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 2: physically standing up, metaphorically standing up there with you, is 470 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 2: ghosting you. 471 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 4: I think you have your answer. Take people as they 472 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:24,680 Speaker 4: are as they are. 473 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: I know, but she's in a little bit of a 474 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,200 Speaker 1: picklenaw because she's already asked her to be her maide 475 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: of honor, so now she's honor, so you think she. 476 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 2: I would just say, Hey, I feel like you have 477 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,120 Speaker 2: a lot going on. I don't want you to feel pressure. 478 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 2: I I know I gave I asked you to be 479 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 2: a maid of honor, and I I think maybe that 480 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,360 Speaker 2: what may have been too much for you to take 481 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,240 Speaker 2: on during this time in your life. So I would 482 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 2: love for you to be a part of the wedding, 483 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 2: but I also don't want you to feel like if 484 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 2: it's too if there's too much happening, I don't want 485 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 2: you to feel that pressure. And just maybe she'll respond 486 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,400 Speaker 2: to that. If she doesn't respond, then like I don't 487 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 2: think she should be a part of your wedding. 488 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,720 Speaker 1: I do feel like there's become this like crazy expectation 489 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,479 Speaker 1: that like people have on their bridal party for like 490 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,199 Speaker 1: all of these things like basically like helping them like 491 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: completely helping them plan their wedding, being so involved like 492 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,119 Speaker 1: do it. You know, Like I feel like there's so 493 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 1: much pressure put on people for these things when we're 494 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 1: all just trying to like live our lives and do 495 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 1: our best and I think that obviously she cannot participate 496 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 1: in the way that you want her to, so just 497 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 1: work around her. If she's not getting back to you 498 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,440 Speaker 1: about a dress, like that's semi important, Like she needs 499 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: to like that's. 500 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 4: What I'm saying, get a dress or. 501 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,440 Speaker 3: Just be like, hey, like if this is too much, I'm. 502 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 4: Totally cool with it. 503 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 1: I really actually am Mary May has been doing an 504 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 1: excellent job and she's happy to take on the full responsibility. 505 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,960 Speaker 1: And that way, you don't have to like do anything. 506 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: You can just attend the wedding, have fun, be there, 507 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 1: celebrate our love. But you don't have to do you 508 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: don't have any of the responsibility. 509 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just let her off the hook if 510 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 2: that's if that's why she's not responding, But as a friend, 511 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 2: aside from the nid of honor duties, I think it 512 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 2: sucks that she's not responding period because she could communicate, 513 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 2: like I just don't know if I have the bandwidth 514 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,479 Speaker 2: for this, and I want to be there for you, 515 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 2: but I'm clearly not able to show it for you 516 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 2: the way I need to, and. 517 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,360 Speaker 4: She's not doing that. Yeah, I agree, So I'm bothered. 518 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 2: I'm bothered for you, but I think you just move forward, 519 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 2: but they can't move forward. 520 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 4: Like with the bachelortte party, she's not you just. 521 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 1: You need to pay her portion, pay her out, pay 522 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: her portion and cut her out. 523 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 4: Oh well, we've changed pay portion and cut her out. 524 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 3: Cut her out. 525 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: You're trying to plan the bachelor party. She's not paying, 526 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,639 Speaker 1: she's not responding. You got to get the show on 527 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: the road. Circus has got to go to town. 528 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 5: So if she's not responding to you, give her a deadline. 529 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,679 Speaker 5: Do you say, Look, if I don't hear from you 530 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 5: by the end of the year, we got to just 531 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 5: plan this without you. And I'm so sorry. 532 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 2: I like the year, end of the week, whatever, whatever, 533 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,920 Speaker 2: like set a timeline when you need it, Like when 534 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 2: you need to know, just say, hey, if I don't 535 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,479 Speaker 2: hear from you by next Friday, we have to move forward. 536 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,199 Speaker 4: And I'm just I'm just gonna assume that you're not 537 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 4: able to be. 538 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 5: That gives her an hour. Yeah, without making her respond, 539 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 5: she can just ignore you and then then you have 540 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,040 Speaker 5: every answer you need. By the way, how do you 541 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,879 Speaker 5: feel about a bride planning her own bachelorette party? Is 542 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 5: that common? 543 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,119 Speaker 2: Allie? Basically did hers because she like wanted it in 544 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,320 Speaker 2: a very specific way, and she I would be like 545 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 2: what about this? And she would go what about this? 546 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 2: And I was a sounding board but she basically. 547 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,679 Speaker 5: So not not that uncommon. That sounds uncommon to me. 548 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 4: But I don't guess if I would like to plan mine, 549 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:36,880 Speaker 4: you would. 550 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna plan mine? 551 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,360 Speaker 5: Really well, why don't you just let them take care 552 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 5: of it? 553 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,400 Speaker 3: Time's a ticket, Mama's got to go. Mama's gotta go for. 554 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,959 Speaker 4: A location and date which week last time we did 555 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 4: the podcast? 556 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: You can figure out a date with all these people around, 557 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: So I'm just like, we gotta go. 558 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 5: I them a date in the city and then Becka 559 00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 5: and Paulina plan the whole thing. That's what I think. 560 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 5: You You do well? Let go Not as easy as that. 561 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,640 Speaker 5: Why why not for the. 562 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 3: We have some bumps in the road, do you Yeah? 563 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 5: I guess we're not going to talk about those bumps. 564 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: What there's just scheduling conflicts for different members of the 565 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: bridal different members of. 566 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 3: The bridal party. So it's like, do I just. 567 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: Go on a weekend where everybody can attend and just 568 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,879 Speaker 1: say it's fine if people can't attend. 569 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:25,480 Speaker 3: You know what I mean? 570 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: Like that's or do I just do it in a 571 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 1: way where it's less aggressive and people can attend. 572 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 3: Everybody can attend. Does that make sense? 573 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 5: Yeah? 574 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 3: Kind of the bump. 575 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 5: That's the debate right now. Well, just let me know. 576 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 5: I can't wait. 577 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 2: We're really looking forward to it, regardless of where we 578 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 2: do it, whether. 579 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 4: Afar or we need to get the ball rolling. 580 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, time, time is a ticking. 581 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,919 Speaker 5: Okay, all right, Coming up next, we're going to tell 582 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 5: you how Leylah found us. By the way, I was wrong, 583 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 5: She's not from another country. I was mixing up I 584 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,679 Speaker 5: scrub her email. Yeah, but she's the one that we 585 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 5: went back through March and April's guests to figure out 586 00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 5: who drew her to us. Okay, well we have an answer, 587 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 5: all right, and it's next. 588 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 4: All right, we are back. 589 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 2: I love when people give us updates on things because 590 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,120 Speaker 2: we never do. We never come through with updates, but 591 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 2: they always come through for us. 592 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 5: Lilah wrote to us for our last dear Banya, and 593 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 5: we wondered how she found us. She said she found 594 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 5: scrubbing in back in April. We were like, I wonder 595 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 5: what that was? Why? In April of twenty twenty four. 596 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,040 Speaker 5: Did she find scrubbing in with Becca Antonya well? She 597 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 5: wrote us back and Lilah said, thank you so much 598 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,000 Speaker 5: for answering my questions on the Dear Bonya to be 599 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,680 Speaker 5: continued episode, by the way, a classic, in my opinion, 600 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 5: a classic. I wanted to reach back out to answer 601 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,400 Speaker 5: your fellow up for me. I found your podcast episode 602 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 5: with Parvity wow Well. Looking for podcast interviews from the 603 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,920 Speaker 5: Traders participants and loved par from both Traders and Survivor. 604 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,120 Speaker 5: I love Parv as well. She's great, and I think 605 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,679 Speaker 5: that was one of our theories, wasn't it. When we 606 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,760 Speaker 5: were running down the possibilities in March and April, I 607 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 5: think we mentioned poverty. I was then drawn back in 608 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 5: with the Chelsea Blackwell interview from Love Is Blind. I 609 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 5: listened to a few more episodes with just Tanya, Beckham, 610 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 5: Mark and Easton, and by April I was hooked Wow Well. 611 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,640 Speaker 5: I knew and was more familiar with Becker from the Bachelor. 612 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,919 Speaker 5: I was really intrigued by Tany's intentionality and thoughtfulness, and 613 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 5: I absolutely loved the banterler between Tanya and Beca. The 614 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,360 Speaker 5: way Mark and Eastern are included was also a big 615 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 5: draw and a dynamic. I love to listen to keep 616 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 5: doing what you're doing. I'm a scrubber for life. PS Tanya. 617 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 5: I like the abbreviated TBC as a sign off as 618 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,080 Speaker 5: opposed to to be continued. It's shorter and as the 619 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,200 Speaker 5: same rhythm as love yea Baye, which feels short, sweet 620 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,440 Speaker 5: and familiar. My two cents TVC Oh. 621 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:00,879 Speaker 3: My god, I was so cute. 622 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 4: I was so cute, the cutest ever. 623 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,160 Speaker 5: Thoughts on TBC. 624 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 3: That'sn't TBC because people that don't know. 625 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, so maybe I have to start with to be 626 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 1: continued for a while as I get used to it, 627 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 1: and then switch over to then like tuberculosis. 628 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 3: I think she's like ABC. She's saying alphabet. 629 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 5: Taking care of business. 630 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, we're still troubleshooting. 631 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:30,280 Speaker 2: To be continued though, Yeah, TBD, TBDBC. 632 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 3: I'd glad to have ParvE back on. I love PARV. 633 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: She's got a couple shows that she's been doing. She's 634 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 1: on Dealer and O Deeal Island and then like one 635 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,040 Speaker 1: other show she filmed. 636 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 4: Are you excited about the New Traders coming up? 637 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 3: Yes? Are you? 638 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 4: I think so? 639 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 3: I think so? 640 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, Roshelle Wells. I am excited to Seekshelle in Wells. 641 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 3: Who else Brendy Spears husband, Yeah, I don't know. Home 642 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:05,560 Speaker 3: there also Sam as Rocky. 643 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 2: I think the new what's the show where they do 644 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 2: like really intense like Army. 645 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 3: So Fox it's on Foxes. 646 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,680 Speaker 2: That cast is really good, better than Traders. 647 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 5: Survivors going to be on Traders too? 648 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's better and better. 649 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 5: Wow. 650 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good cast. 651 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm still not going to watch that. But oh 652 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 5: Jeremy from. 653 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 4: Survivor too, wow wow, well he says. 654 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 5: And Sam's Gowi is his name? I said it wrong. 655 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 4: Well, anyways, I'm excited about Special. 656 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 3: Forces too, that comes out next year, right, yeah, I. 657 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 2: Think a lot of shows come. I think we're in 658 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,160 Speaker 2: a dead season for nothing else. 659 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 3: What comes out the day after Christmas? 660 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 2: No? 661 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 5: Really? 662 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 3: No good Games too? 663 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yes, the perfect show to lift your holiday spirits. 664 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 3: I know it's so weird. 665 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 1: I thought it was weird timing too, but if you 666 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,000 Speaker 1: think about it, like the day after Christmas, like I 667 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,800 Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people just yea week. 668 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a good That's a big week for Netflix, 669 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 5: I'll bet. 670 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 671 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:16,560 Speaker 4: Did you finish The Housemaid? 672 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 5: No, but I'm getting closer now. I don't read. I 673 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 5: do read a lot, but not for very much of 674 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 5: the time. Yeah. Wow, Yeah, it's a quick read, but 675 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 5: I like, you know, I'll refly like five minutes tonight. Okay, 676 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 5: but it's very good. Yeah, the Houseman's had a nice 677 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,160 Speaker 5: littlewist and it's a good book. 678 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:32,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, great book. 679 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, wait, a book. Read that. 680 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:39,280 Speaker 3: What am I watching right now? I haven't had much 681 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 3: watch time. I've been watching Shit's Creak again for the 682 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:42,719 Speaker 3: second time. 683 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 5: What was your what's your weekend watch list going to be? Friday? 684 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 3: Carry on? 685 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 5: Carry on? Right? 686 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 4: Watch that I'm going to watch carry On too. 687 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 3: Honestly, it's really good. 688 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 4: I'm excited. 689 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 1: And then yeah, Shit's Creak it's better the second time around. 690 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's such a good show. 691 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,320 Speaker 2: Well we'll be back on Monday, Yes we will. So 692 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 2: have no fear, even though the weekend is here. 693 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 4: We are not far. We're very near, to be clear, 694 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 4: and to be continued. 695 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 3: No, you gotta keep rhyming. 696 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 4: I was done. 697 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 3: Don't did you say fear? 698 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, my stomach. 699 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 3: I love you, my dear 700 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 4: Okay, don't shut it, dear,