Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Dag
Speaker 1: and My Dick. Just like Brian Johnson trend. Uh, that's
Speaker 1: courtesy of one of the stories. You remember people remember
Speaker 1: that song right lying number, just like Brian Willson. Dude,
Speaker 1: you know, no, was that?
Speaker 2: Who is that?
Speaker 1: Who's that? Who's this guy? Who's this?
Speaker 2: Is this guy?
Speaker 1: Wait?
Speaker 2: Wait? What song is that?
Speaker 1: It was like on contemporary rock radio stations? Was it
Speaker 1: was barn Ladies? Brian will Soon, Dude, it was Barna
Speaker 1: Ladies singing a song called Brian Wilson. Anyways, that d
Speaker 1: age of my Dick, just like Brian Johnson. That's how
Speaker 1: I remember that guy's name is Brian Johnson, the guy
Speaker 1: who uh used his son, his kids, his kids, has
Speaker 1: used as son as a blood bag in order to
Speaker 1: accomplish his stated goal of having a younger dick. He's
Speaker 1: he's doing all sorts of stuff since then that have
Speaker 1: been too boring pay attention to. But he uh was
Speaker 1: just in People magazine because his face kind of blew
Speaker 1: up because he injected somebody somebody else's fat into his
Speaker 1: donor face. Donor fat into his face. Donor fat sounds
Speaker 1: like something Joe Biden would mumble under his breath. Uh,
Speaker 1: the it blew his face.
Speaker 3: His face looks it looks like his face is rejecting
Speaker 3: the donor fat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. He also that this
Speaker 1: article let us know he took out all the plasma
Speaker 1: in his body or play it with like a chemical
Speaker 1: that I'd never heard of. Yeah, album millennium aluminum. Anyways,
Speaker 1: it's terrifying. His whole existence is scary to me. The
Speaker 1: comments in the article are a great cross section of
Speaker 1: the just like what the sorts of people who I
Speaker 1: guess would be into this sort of thing. One person said,
Speaker 1: keep up the good work. You got great results. This
Speaker 1: will be the blueprint for future research to keep fit,
Speaker 1: healthy and young looking. The same people who are detractors
Speaker 1: are the same ones who use cosmetics, haircut stylists, yoga, exercise,
Speaker 1: vitamin supplements, and rap fashion with torn jeans to maintain
Speaker 1: a current and hip vibe.
Speaker 2: Not imatchine, you'll get the fuck.
Speaker 1: Out of here and rap fashion.
Speaker 2: That is the most.
Speaker 3: That ship sounds more racist to me than just saying
Speaker 3: the N word, Like, what the you're trying to say?
Speaker 2: What is this ship?
Speaker 1: You're just an airyan god using the edges of science
Speaker 1: to keep yourself young and good looking. By the way,
Speaker 1: like he has never looked anything other than like very
Speaker 1: strange like from Oh yeah.
Speaker 3: He's always looked artificially healthy like he Yeah, I'm not
Speaker 3: buying it for a second.
Speaker 1: He looks like a sex doll.
Speaker 2: Yeah but made but ai.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, he looks like my sex doll. There are
Speaker 1: you happy?
Speaker 2: Okay? What's it based on?
Speaker 1: It's based on him? Oh okay, just then absolutely Anyways,
Speaker 1: we also have an update. So there's one update for
Speaker 1: you on one important story. Also an update on yesterday's
Speaker 1: Jay Leno's story. Uh you know we so we we
Speaker 1: talked immediately after the video hit the Internet of him
Speaker 1: outside of a comedy club with an eyepatch and the
Speaker 1: entire side of his face being purple. We immediately thought
Speaker 1: something was off.
Speaker 3: According to him, he was just trying to go to
Speaker 3: a restaurant by his hotel and tumbled down sixty feet
Speaker 3: on a hill and smashed his head on a rock,
Speaker 3: had his fingernail torn off, and broke his wrist.
Speaker 1: Yeah it just so yeah, yeah it was. He was
Speaker 1: at a hotel, not in Los Angeles, not in New York.
Speaker 1: So he didn't have one of his thousands of cars,
Speaker 1: and the hotel told him, yeah, the only good restaurant
Speaker 1: is at the bottom of that hill, and he looked
Speaker 1: down and it was, you know, right there, just sixty
Speaker 1: seventy feet down. And then he looked at a map
Speaker 1: and it would have taken him a mile and a
Speaker 1: half to get there, and so he just dove down
Speaker 1: the hill head first like that, you know, as one does,
Speaker 1: and it didn't go as well as you would expect.
Speaker 1: It's a completely banana's story that he tells unconvincingly to TMZ,
Speaker 1: and people have questions. So some people are pointing out
Speaker 1: this is just the latest accident to befall. Jay Leno
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two, he had to get skin graphs after
Speaker 1: severely burning himself in a gasoline fire. Although again I
Speaker 1: mentioned this, I think the last time we talked about this,
Speaker 1: he didn't look like everyone was like so brave of
Speaker 1: him to like come out after the skin graphs, and
Speaker 1: he didn't look like he had skin graphs at that time.
Speaker 1: Not long before that, he broke his collarbone two ribs
Speaker 1: and cracked both of his kneecaps while riding a motorcycle.
Speaker 1: The Internet was immediately skeptical, partly because he's supposedly worth
Speaker 1: nearly half a billion dollars and the hotel where he's
Speaker 1: staying had never heard of an uber.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, well you know, he's in Greensburg, Pennsylvania, and
Speaker 3: look zeitgang, if you're in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. I need some
Speaker 3: recon because I've looked at Google Maps.
Speaker 2: I did a topography search.
Speaker 3: I tried to see which hill this may have been
Speaker 3: the closest one that looks like it's when he could
Speaker 3: have tumbled down, was like on the other side of
Speaker 3: a highway, so he would have had to cross a
Speaker 3: highway to get to this said to said hill, or
Speaker 3: the other side would have had him go into a
Speaker 3: residential neighborhood. Either way, there was no restaurant that looked
Speaker 3: like it was down the hill, at least from my
Speaker 3: cursory look at Google Maps. So I'm a little bit
Speaker 3: like I think again, we're still in the Dubious Explain
Speaker 3: The Dubious Explanations panel is still in session. Now. There's
Speaker 3: versions of people on the Internet being like, Yo, this
Speaker 3: dude is getting involved with the mob.
Speaker 2: I mean, two cracked kneecaps does sound.
Speaker 3: Like a mob, like you've like fucked up, they're going
Speaker 3: to crack you knee caps. But I don't know, And
Speaker 3: he has apparently has a history with talking about shit
Speaker 3: with the mob.
Speaker 2: That doesn't feel quite like the I don't know.
Speaker 3: I feel like Okham's razor is going to lead us
Speaker 3: to a place that's just like maybe just sad.
Speaker 1: I don't know, all right, Yeah, so like part of me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so the mob thing, I guess he's talked about playing
Speaker 1: mob owned clubs when he was younger. He said a
Speaker 1: mob bouncer once stabbed a guy during his set, and
Speaker 1: his friend later called Leno asking for help when he
Speaker 1: was arrested. He also said he was strong armed into
Speaker 1: playing a mob run church fundraiser by Frank Sinatra. And
Speaker 1: I don't know that, Like, so that's that's that's theory.
Speaker 2: What's the Illuminati theory?
Speaker 1: Any remote run in with someone having to do with
Speaker 1: the mob. For a person, Jay Leno's age is the
Speaker 1: most exciting a thing that they love to talk about again, right.
Speaker 3: So I'll just like, what is it, gam, that's the
Speaker 3: only thing you'd like, you're gonna get your shit cracked over.
Speaker 2: I guess based on me watching the sopranos a bunch.
Speaker 1: There's also a significant amount of online chatter around the
Speaker 1: black eye club, and I probably don't have to explain
Speaker 1: what that.
Speaker 2: Is, right, No, no, you don't know.
Speaker 1: It's a widespread conspiracy theory used to explain why various celebrities,
Speaker 1: including Pope Francis, my favorite celebrity, Kanye Doja Cat, as
Speaker 1: well as politicians like John Kerry and George W. Bush
Speaker 1: have turned up with black eyes. Happenn't really, Uh, They
Speaker 1: clearly are participating in rituals to get into the Illuminati
Speaker 1: that involved being punched on the eye and then like
Speaker 1: little birds going around your head and then you have
Speaker 1: like a big purple eye, I guess.
Speaker 3: And then they bonk you over the head with a
Speaker 3: mallet and then a big not shows up.
Speaker 2: On top of your scalp. Yeah yeah, yeah, perfect, perfect,
Speaker 2: and then you're in the Illuminati. Great.
Speaker 1: There's the QAnon interpretation that the black eye are really
Speaker 1: that the black eyes are really a side effect of
Speaker 1: being injected with adrenochrome, which I don't know. The big
Speaker 1: like purple thing on his face doesn't look like any
Speaker 1: injury I've seen before, so this seems like the most
Speaker 1: likely explanation. He's face, he's shooting adrenochrome, man, but.
Speaker 2: Just on the one side of his face. Pretty sure.
Speaker 1: It's also been suggested it's evidence of soul scalping by
Speaker 1: the Reptilians. I do love the idea that the Reptilian
Speaker 1: elite overlords are uh, you know, masquerading as seventy four
Speaker 1: year old comedian Jay Leno. I'm playing playing dates in Greenberg, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2: They got to keep it up, man, They keep it up.
Speaker 2: They got to keep it up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't know. I have seen suspense. Not
Speaker 1: gonna name names, but living in la you sometimes see
Speaker 1: famous people, and I have seen one famous person who
Speaker 1: every time I see them, looks like they've had the
Speaker 1: shit beaten out of them. Yeah, and no real explanation.
Speaker 2: You think it.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's like a rich people thrill because like they're
Speaker 3: so their existential threats are so limited that sometimes it's
Speaker 3: like maybe.
Speaker 2: I's kind of to fuck myself up a little bit
Speaker 2: to feel a lot, you know, like the same way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, those people went down to go see to the
Speaker 3: fucking Titanic and shit in a fucking like playmobile toy submarine.
Speaker 1: That makes the most sense to me. It's like some
Speaker 1: manner of affluenza where it's just like I don't feel
Speaker 1: anything anymore. Yeah, Like you know, I don't know that.
Speaker 1: One of the problems with the Black Eye Club theory
Speaker 1: is that some of the photos you'll find on the
Speaker 1: internet that point two. I mean, look at these Robert
Speaker 1: Downey Junior, Ryan Gosling are photographs from movies in which
Speaker 1: they're wearing black Eye makeup.
Speaker 3: So Sylvester Stallone, I mean, he got beat up real
Speaker 3: bad in the eighties.
Speaker 1: Did you see that motherfucker down at mar A Lago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one of the great Americas.
Speaker 3: I mean, are we surprised. I feel like if you're
Speaker 3: doing human growth hormone and shit like that, you're probably
Speaker 3: voting for Trump based on everybody that is, like Joe
Speaker 3: Rogan and Elon and this folk.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, well the HGH club.
Speaker 1: But I feel like the simplest explanation is usually the
Speaker 1: right one. So in Leno's case, it's probably just God
Speaker 1: punishing him for what he did to Conan.
Speaker 2: Right right, right, right right. If there is a God,
Speaker 2: that's what this is all about.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Also, and this is just me wild conjecture.
Speaker 1: Old people fall all the time.
Speaker 2: It's that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1: One of the leading causes of old person death.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, it's just a fatal tumble.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, because again a lot of things seem like
Speaker 3: the accident on the motorcycle, going up in flames in
Speaker 3: your garage. It could be like he's maybe insisting that
Speaker 3: he's he's still got it.
Speaker 1: It's still got it, man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he kind of fucking burned your garage down until
Speaker 3: you broke both your kneecaps and now you fell down
Speaker 3: a hill. I think I think you're coming to live
Speaker 3: with us dad.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, So I don't know, we'll see. Or it's
Speaker 1: probably the more interesting thing that he's in some secret
Speaker 1: society of yeah, yeah, cult. Yeah, it's one of the two,
Speaker 1: one of the two. We will keep you updated on
Speaker 1: this as theories and details, but mainly theories emerge. We'll
Speaker 1: be right back, and we're back. We are back, and
Speaker 1: we are back, and Wicked is coming with Gadiator is
Speaker 1: upawn us this weekend. Early screens of Wicked have uh
Speaker 1: found some audience members singing along to the movie too loud,
Speaker 1: which kissing people off.
Speaker 3: I mean, you have to fuck that y'all like this,
Speaker 3: Like anything with a huge following that involves singing, you
Speaker 3: put that in a movie theater, they're gonna be singing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just that's just it is what it is.
Speaker 2: But I guess some I don't know, is there edit
Speaker 2: around what it's?
Speaker 3: Is there any like except like for seeing I guess yeah,
Speaker 3: you would be like, hey, no one paid his he
Speaker 3: hear your ass sing?
Speaker 2: I came to watch this movie.
Speaker 3: I watched Ariana Grande Grandy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the etiquette is like, don't fucking do it,
Speaker 1: except like if it's a sing along musical.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right explicitly right, yeah, because they have those I
Speaker 3: remember like the Greatest Showmen when I was like, people
Speaker 3: watch that and the like, yeah they do.
Speaker 1: Like I even feel like with concerts, I feel like
Speaker 1: it's not quite as bad because the music is so loud.
Speaker 2: That like someone singing behind me.
Speaker 1: You have had somebody singing directly next to me in
Speaker 1: a way that was distracting and annoying for sure, But
Speaker 1: like with a movie that feels like next level, like
Speaker 1: get the fuck out of here man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I remember that those the Taylor Swift concert,
Speaker 3: those those people weren't even in their seats. They were
Speaker 3: just like, fuck it, we're dancing around here.
Speaker 2: It makes sense. It's a concert movie.
Speaker 1: It's a concert movie. I guess we we We've covered
Speaker 1: before the Bodyguard Musical stage show. Uh had to literally
Speaker 1: stop the show to throw people out because they just
Speaker 1: like couldn't help themselves.
Speaker 2: Singing that big fucking final tune.
Speaker 1: They're like, bro, serious, the singers, the themselves or like wait,
Speaker 1: so what.
Speaker 2: Are they are? They gonna kick people out?
Speaker 1: So uh, they're trying to get ahead of it. AMC
Speaker 1: is warning ticket buyers that singing of any kind is
Speaker 1: prohibited inside the theater at all times. They even have
Speaker 1: a special Wicked themed pre show video, like the way
Speaker 1: that the Maverick movie had the weird pre show video
Speaker 1: where Tom Cruise was just like, ah, fucking movies, man,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you came to watch a movie with
Speaker 1: me in it. This one is a pre show video
Speaker 1: that says no talking, no texting, no singing, no wailing,
Speaker 1: no flirting, and absolutely no name calling. Okay, I think
Speaker 1: they should have just said no singing. Like why they
Speaker 1: had to like make it into like a whole like
Speaker 1: cute thing.
Speaker 2: Let's be able to give me business blirt ith me,
Speaker 2: fuck around and find out. If we catch your ass singing,
Speaker 2: you're fucking gone. Welcome to AMC.
Speaker 1: Obviously, some people on social media have that they're going
Speaker 1: to sing no matter what, which, of course they have.
Speaker 1: We're in the era of unsupportable opinions proudly held, so
Speaker 1: why not.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to get vaccinated and I am going
Speaker 3: to full voice sing in the theater.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. Universal is releasing a special sing along edition
Speaker 1: of the movie, seemingly trying to discourage people from singing
Speaker 1: in the regular screenings. But it doesn't come out until Christmas.
Speaker 1: So if you can't just hold it, just hold it
Speaker 1: that much.
Speaker 3: Yeah right, Just edge your desire to sing until Christmas,
Speaker 3: and then you can let it all out.
Speaker 1: You can even just lip sync, do all the hand
Speaker 1: gestures in your seat while.
Speaker 3: You're Oh god, that's even more unsettling, just like a
Speaker 3: bunch of people like mouthing the words I think we
Speaker 3: are in the wrong universe.
Speaker 2: I think we need to leave.
Speaker 1: And finally, McDonald's is going to honor the spirit of
Speaker 1: Christmas and win back the people of America by selling
Speaker 1: big fucking jugs of McRib sauce. Oh my God, yeah,
Speaker 1: do they know how in?
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, their brand is right. Now, come on, McDonald's.
Speaker 3: The McRib fucking sucks. I've I took a bite of
Speaker 3: one years ago and I've never wanted to eat that
Speaker 3: shit again. And I know that there's always the manufactured
Speaker 3: the McRib is back or it's gone, and we know.
Speaker 2: You like to just fuck with people about it coming back.
Speaker 3: But the.
Speaker 2: Sauce is awful.
Speaker 3: M M.
Speaker 1: I mean that's just like your opinion, man, I've never
Speaker 1: fucked with the way the mcribb like the McRib itself
Speaker 1: to soft, the bread to not soft. So like there's
Speaker 1: something about like I feel like when I bite into it,
Speaker 1: it just like squashes out, you know, in a way
Speaker 1: the meat should squash squashes on it, bro, but I
Speaker 1: felt that, Yeah, I don't want to know squirshy meat. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So basically they're trying really hard to get people to
Speaker 1: come back after more than one hundred customers were sickened
Speaker 1: in the recent E Coli outbreak, and they have a
Speaker 1: bit of an ace up their sleeve. A half gallon
Speaker 1: jug of mic rib sauce sold in windshield wipe or
Speaker 1: fluid bottles. Yeah, right, in the like anti freeze bottles
Speaker 1: that you get at gas stations, like big old gallon
Speaker 1: jugs of a Yeah, I've only ever seen these bottles
Speaker 1: used to for like motor oil or you know, like
Speaker 1: you only see these style bottles that pep boys and
Speaker 1: O'Reilly's oh ohrilly, oh yeah grave stamp. That sounds a
Speaker 1: great stopping ladies sound.
Speaker 2: Just to take it there for a second.
Speaker 1: It might be the last thing that drifts through my
Speaker 1: brain before I die.
Speaker 2: Wow. Oh now the sound of your children's laughter.
Speaker 1: No, I think it might be the Yeah, depending on
Speaker 1: how I go.
Speaker 2: You know, as as you enter elysium, that's amazing.
Speaker 3: It's like the lassie in a gladiator and ship when
Speaker 3: he's dying, and it's like.
Speaker 2: It's just.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing my hand passing over the top
Speaker 1: of like some wheat in a wheat field. And then
Speaker 1: except the sound is just the grape stomping lady.
Speaker 3: Oh oh my god, dude, how much sugar is in
Speaker 3: that sauce?
Speaker 1: Though, by the way that makes it I mean, they
Speaker 1: better be putting that on there, the label I should.
Speaker 1: We don't want to make it sound like this is
Speaker 1: going to be unsuccessful. It's gonna hit because the label
Speaker 1: has been designed to look like a Christmas sweater, which
Speaker 1: is so cute. But yeah, I that, like, I'm assuming
Speaker 1: there will be Actually, I'm assuming there won't be health
Speaker 1: information on the side of this bottle because they wouldn't
Speaker 1: have done it if so.
Speaker 3: Like, right within this jug is.
Speaker 2: Seventy two pounds of sugar. Doesn't even weigh that? What
Speaker 2: the fuck is.
Speaker 1: This fucking The reason we have to keep suspending the
Speaker 1: McRib is because the process to just like boil down
Speaker 1: the hyper hyper soluble sugar like down to its most
Speaker 1: like baked in level, it takes years and years, in years.
Speaker 3: It's apparently seventy two cans of Coca Cola boiled down
Speaker 3: equals equals one.
Speaker 1: Table the most sugar saturated product ever sold. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I do. You got to respect McDonald's. Their solution for
Speaker 1: creating a health catastrophe is a giant jug of health catastrophe,
Speaker 1: getting someone COVID, then apologizing by buying them a carton
Speaker 1: of cigarettes.
Speaker 3: You know, sorry, Hey, you ever you ever smoke fiberglass? No?
Speaker 1: Waight? Is that good? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah, clove cigarettes. Check it out.
Speaker 1: Anything we want to talk about on the Trump side,
Speaker 1: what do we just.
Speaker 3: I mean, he's already just quickly another self imposed eli.
Speaker 3: He's doing the thing from that he did when he
Speaker 3: was president where he doesn't understand how anything works already
Speaker 3: and is complaining about it. So he's talking about all
Speaker 3: the judges the Democrats are confirming in the Senate right
Speaker 3: now in like this, you know, the in this liminal
Speaker 3: space between the now and the the Trump administration part two.
Speaker 3: And so basically, the Democrats are on a confirmation blitz
Speaker 3: to get as many judges confirmed to the bench as
Speaker 3: they can. And Republicans are current, they're pretty helpless, and
Speaker 3: they only hold forty nine seats in the Senate, so
Speaker 3: any chance they have it blocking some confirmations, it's completely
Speaker 3: predicated on every single Republican senator showing up. So cut
Speaker 3: to Tuesday, Trump drags along five senators with him to
Speaker 3: Texas to watch Elon's space toy test rocket test go,
Speaker 3: which by the way, ended in a literal fireball in
Speaker 3: the ocean. He did that on purpose, exactly, and I
Speaker 3: meant to do that because it gets more eyeballs on
Speaker 3: the situation. But basically, though so that lack of senator
Speaker 3: has made it a lot easier for these confirmations to
Speaker 3: go through, and like a lot of other Senate Republicans
Speaker 3: like what the fuck, Like, why are you taking these
Speaker 3: people like this is we are kind of trying to
Speaker 3: stop this. They're probably I mean, they just don't give
Speaker 3: a fuck. But this is in the Daily Beast when
Speaker 3: talking about like the kinds of criticism that Senate Republicans
Speaker 3: were just sort of like articulating quote not everyone is
Speaker 3: open to that kind of criticism. When a right wing
Speaker 3: pundit tried to call out JD Vance for missing the
Speaker 3: votes Tuesday, he had a complete meltdown, claiming he was
Speaker 3: way too busy to bother showing up and then it
Speaker 3: wouldn't make a difference if he did. Within an hour,
Speaker 3: he had deleted the temper trantum temper tantrum as it
Speaker 3: was explicitly at odds with what Trump had to demand
Speaker 3: it stop this shit. It's like, broll, you took them
Speaker 3: with you, so anyway, just that I mean, obviously, oh
Speaker 3: you'll well we talked about it on Tomorrow show. But
Speaker 3: Linda McMahons tapped as the secretary man hey yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: yeah yeah and.
Speaker 1: More ww yeah yeah yeah. All right, those are some
Speaker 1: of the things that are trending on this Wednesday, November twentieth.
Speaker 1: We are back tomorrow with the whole last episode of
Speaker 1: the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be
Speaker 1: kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't do nothing about
Speaker 1: white to phantasy, and we will talk to y'all tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Bye bye bye