1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,920
Speaker 1: Am I the A hope for telling my husband to

2
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,240
Speaker 1: stop grieving his high school sweetheart?

3
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 2: Okayop, this is okayop.

4
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,920
Speaker 1: I'm samuel daughter and we tell the funniest stories on

5
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:15,720
Speaker 1: the internet. And John, I have something for you about loss, loss,

6
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:21,640
Speaker 1: oh sadness, and weird relationships with ex girlfriends and current girlfriends.

7
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,440
Speaker 1: So it were Am I the A hope for telling

8
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,480
Speaker 1: my husband to stop grieving his high school sweetheart?

9
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,440
Speaker 2: An eyebriar raiser?

10
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,880
Speaker 1: That really sounds like you're the a But we shall

11
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,440
Speaker 1: reserve judgment until we read the stots.

12
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,760
Speaker 3: If there's one thing we've learned, don't judge. I write

13
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,600
Speaker 3: a story by its title.

14
00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:40,959
Speaker 2: Well it starts, I'm pretty sure I'm the A hole.

15
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,919
Speaker 3: Well come on, Ope, you have some faith in yourself.

16
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,159
Speaker 1: In some sense, because of course, grief is unpredictable. But

17
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:52,199
Speaker 1: there's something that feels insincere, weird about this whole situation.

18
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,680
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been married for four years,

19
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,280
Speaker 1: together for six we're expecting our first child.

20
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:02,760
Speaker 2: And ah allergic to this story?

21
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:07,400
Speaker 3: All right, yeah, Opie disgusts mes freaking allergic.

22
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,360
Speaker 1: We're expecting our first child in April. We're excited, but

23
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,920
Speaker 1: it's also been a rough year because we lost his

24
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,520
Speaker 1: mom to cancer.

25
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,319
Speaker 2: At the beginning of the year. Terrible rough.

26
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,360
Speaker 1: My mother in law was an absolutely lovely person and

27
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,920
Speaker 1: her passing was hard for all of us. But my

28
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,440
Speaker 1: husband's not that emotional. He'll share his feelings when I

29
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,080
Speaker 1: ask him, but he doesn't always talk freely. For instance,

30
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,760
Speaker 1: when his mom died, we just make an effort to

31
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,559
Speaker 1: spend extra quality time together alone and with his dad

32
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,160
Speaker 1: and siblings, but didn't talk directly about his mom, which

33
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,559
Speaker 1: I understand. Like sometimes he process grief in different ways.

34
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,759
Speaker 2: All right, for sure? For sure.

35
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:43,640
Speaker 1: Then this Thanksgiving, his former high school sweetheart passed away.

36
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,840
Speaker 1: It's pretty sad. She was the same age as us,

37
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,120
Speaker 1: thirty one, and died in a car accident. Oh and

38
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,640
Speaker 1: then suddenly the floodgates opened.

39
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:52,240
Speaker 2: Oh.

40
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,080
Speaker 1: She and my husband dated as teenagers fifteen to nineteen

41
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,440
Speaker 1: years old or so, and we're each other's first for

42
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 1: a lot of things up till now, I never really

43
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,360
Speaker 1: felt jealous of her. They stayed in touch till their twenties,

44
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,360
Speaker 1: but had mostly stopped talking by the time he and

45
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,040
Speaker 1: I got together.

46
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,680
Speaker 2: Where so she knows. Oh, there were maybe.

47
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,320
Speaker 1: A few happy birthday texts exchange since then, but that

48
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,840
Speaker 1: was it. She wasn't a hovering presence. I honestly didn't

49
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,840
Speaker 1: know too much about her because she was a figure

50
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:17,920
Speaker 1: of the past and.

51
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,080
Speaker 2: Didn't really come up much.

52
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 1: Right, But all of a sudden, it feels like she's

53
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,920
Speaker 1: haunting our house. He talks about her NonStop, digs up

54
00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,240
Speaker 1: old things that remind him of her. He talks to

55
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,919
Speaker 1: old friends who knew her and is now having long

56
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,040
Speaker 1: conversations about her. Oh my, which, like, you.

57
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:41,320
Speaker 3: Know, that's that's very sus like, Yeah, well, yeah, I

58
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,440
Speaker 3: don't know. Actually, actually, hold on, Yeah, think about this.

59
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,760
Speaker 3: If she was a really close friend but they were

60
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:50,000
Speaker 3: never romantic, that response would probably be appropriate.

61
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, so that's actually, I.

62
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,320
Speaker 1: Don't know, a first girlfriend has a lot of a

63
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:56,120
Speaker 1: lot tied to it.

64
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you.

65
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,919
Speaker 4: Know, just just beyond you know, you can have really

66
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,839
Speaker 4: ships romantic or not where it's like, wow, I would

67
00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:03,960
Speaker 4: really mourn this person.

68
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:04,399
Speaker 2: Yeah.

69
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 3: So honestly, yeah, now I think about it, that is

70
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,440
Speaker 3: seems like a pretty normal response.

71
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,519
Speaker 2: But let's keep reading. Let's keep going.

72
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,160
Speaker 1: He talks to old friends who knew her and is

73
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,880
Speaker 1: now having long conversations about her. He wasn't like this

74
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,799
Speaker 1: with his mom at all. So his mom is like

75
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,919
Speaker 1: tough little right guys. Hey, wait, his ex going friend.

76
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:23,880
Speaker 1: Now he's crying over.

77
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,120
Speaker 2: I tried to be.

78
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,880
Speaker 1: Comforting, especially when he got emotional. He cried a few

79
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,880
Speaker 1: times and only once since his mom passed. I love

80
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:37,160
Speaker 1: how he's keeping thollary mom x x X. I get

81
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,880
Speaker 1: that grief is not linear or logical, but I feel

82
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,120
Speaker 1: like I'm now by myself right because she's having a

83
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,400
Speaker 1: pregnancy right now, she's about to have a baby. I'm

84
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,920
Speaker 1: trying to move forward, stay focused on our baby, and

85
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,000
Speaker 1: make plans for expanding family while he sits around moping.

86
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,200
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything when he took an old framed

87
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,680
Speaker 1: photo of his ex and put it in our shared

88
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,400
Speaker 1: home office with our family photos.

89
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,840
Speaker 3: Ah but a bit where we're getting closer and clos

90
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:08,040
Speaker 3: meter is increasing, singing off right now. Then yesterday I

91
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,680
Speaker 3: was painting the nursery. When I went to find him

92
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,680
Speaker 3: and ask for help, he instead was sitting in the

93
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:17,400
Speaker 3: office going through old memorabilia of his ex, just very emotional.

94
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,680
Speaker 2: And that's when I snapped.

95
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,560
Speaker 1: I yelled at him that I needed him to be

96
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,240
Speaker 1: present and focus on the future of me and the

97
00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,560
Speaker 1: baby and to stop fixating on her. I also brought

98
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,839
Speaker 1: up how he wasn't like this at all with his

99
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,520
Speaker 1: own mother and that he should cut out the childish act.

100
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,279
Speaker 2: Oh whoa.

101
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to use the i'm pregnant and hermonal excuse,

102
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,240
Speaker 1: but I admit my own emotions have especially been up

103
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,200
Speaker 1: and down lately. I mean, lost sucks. But this seems

104
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,680
Speaker 1: like an overreaction, especially comparing it to his mom's passing.

105
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,719
Speaker 1: So the question is am I the a hole for

106
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:56,400
Speaker 1: telling him to stop mourning his dead X? Yeah, that's us.

107
00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:01,560
Speaker 1: That's that's for rough. Like, you know, grief isn't linear,

108
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,719
Speaker 1: right like grief can. Maybe it's the compounding of his

109
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,120
Speaker 1: mom and this girlfriend, and he's like centering the grief

110
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,520
Speaker 1: around his ex girlfriend.

111
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,560
Speaker 2: But like, the question that I have is was this

112
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,440
Speaker 2: a sade piece?

113
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:15,400
Speaker 4: Yeah?

114
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,440
Speaker 2: Like was he seeing her more recently than OP knows about? Yeah?

115
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,800
Speaker 3: She was like, oh, they only ever exchanged birthdays. Maybe

116
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:23,440
Speaker 3: that's because what.

117
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,880
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like a birthday exchange or exchangeing a

118
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:27,400
Speaker 1: little more.

119
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,279
Speaker 2: Maybe if you're.

120
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:35,000
Speaker 3: Knows Oh goodness, yeah, that's uh, I think I think

121
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,080
Speaker 3: for me, Like, okay, if I'm OP, right, I'm a

122
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:37,799
Speaker 3: pregnant woman.

123
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,919
Speaker 2: I'm not, but if I am, says white male is

124
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,080
Speaker 2: freaking now a pregnant weapon.

125
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,480
Speaker 4: So if if I'm O P I think my main

126
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:56,080
Speaker 4: beef would be like, you're not worried or concerned with

127
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,440
Speaker 4: me and the baby, Like if that's like if it's

128
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:03,040
Speaker 4: really really detracting from that, it's like, hey, look buddy,

129
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:06,200
Speaker 4: like you got a baby, yeah, in my stomach and

130
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,640
Speaker 4: you got me, So it's like you I it's it's

131
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,479
Speaker 4: not that he can't grieve.

132
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,159
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's care for your kid.

133
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, just like whatever, like duties and things around

134
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,600
Speaker 3: the pregnancy, Like he's not being very supportive or helpful.

135
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,280
Speaker 3: You need to be supportive and helpful with the pregnancy

136
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,200
Speaker 3: you created.

137
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, so helped create. Obie's husband definitely needs to do that.

138
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,760
Speaker 1: But I do not think the way that she brought

139
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:34,159
Speaker 1: up her grievances yeah, is the right way, especially when

140
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,360
Speaker 1: the husband is emotional. So I'd say Opie actually is

141
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,360
Speaker 1: the a hole and should have brought it up in

142
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,520
Speaker 1: in at a different time.

143
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,159
Speaker 2: That's fair earlier, you know, it's it's it's rare.

144
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,039
Speaker 4: We get an a hole, you know.

145
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,640
Speaker 2: I kind of like it. When we can't show the shirt,

146
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:49,719
Speaker 2: you know we can't.

147
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,520
Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on, wait a second, guys, wait a second,

148
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,600
Speaker 3: the ale We did it.

149
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:05,280
Speaker 1: But you know what you should always do subscribe.

150
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:08,240
Speaker 3: App, the subscribe button, the follow button. By the way,

151
00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,600
Speaker 3: real ones they follow on Spotify. That's that's that they do.

152
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,920
Speaker 3: And real real ones support the Boys with the mare.

153
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:23,600
Speaker 2: We Go shirts. Check out the Murder the Boys.

154
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,760
Speaker 3: Picture on all in can BYO and We'll see you

155
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:26,080
Speaker 3: next time.

156
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:26,600
Speaker 2: See you soon