Speaker 1: Wind down and you're getting better and better at that.
Speaker 1: You're just taking my role. There. I love it. So
Speaker 1: here we are again, and we're going to start pretty
Speaker 1: much every episode by plugging our own book because because
Speaker 1: why not. Well, I'll say this. I was talking to
Speaker 1: Bobby Bones the other day and it was so cool
Speaker 1: because he acknowledged during the interview that pre orders are
Speaker 1: so important for especially first time authors like us because
Speaker 1: in order to make the you know, the New York
Speaker 1: best time selling lists like it's um, they take into
Speaker 1: account um the pre orders. But it's only that first week,
Speaker 1: so you know, it's just so important to have people
Speaker 1: pre order it. Um. That way we have a chance
Speaker 1: at it maybe you know. Yeah, I mean so from
Speaker 1: now until the time it's physically on aile is really
Speaker 1: the most crucial time. Why buy it? Why buy it?
Speaker 1: Great question, honey, UM buy it because it's funny and
Speaker 1: it's real and it's You're gonna read things about us
Speaker 1: that you haven't heard on this podcast, which is surprising.
Speaker 1: But let's give him something. You're gonna hear. We talked
Speaker 1: about this when we first introduced it last week, but
Speaker 1: you're gonna hear you know, each chapter us starting off
Speaker 1: with a story from our relationship of some kind of conflict,
Speaker 1: some heavier than others, some super surface level and silly,
Speaker 1: but some kind of conflict where we're almost positive that
Speaker 1: majority of you out there that do read it will
Speaker 1: kind of nod your head and be like, I've been there,
Speaker 1: you know, in one end of the in either shoes
Speaker 1: of that relationship, Like I feel like, you know, most
Speaker 1: people and couple ships will be like yea that us
Speaker 1: or yep, I'm this person, or what about if you're single?
Speaker 1: If you're single, the same thing, because it's not just
Speaker 1: about your current relationship, it's about relationships of your past.
Speaker 1: But like, oh, I remember what I was dating so
Speaker 1: and so, Like that was so us or I definitely
Speaker 1: did that or he or she definitely was was that way.
Speaker 1: And then going on from there, the tools that we
Speaker 1: we talked about and that we've learned in our experience
Speaker 1: can be things that anyone who's single right now can
Speaker 1: use into their next relationship. Why did you want to
Speaker 1: write a book? I feel like I'm interviewing you, I know, right,
Speaker 1: bring it um. You know it took me a while.
Speaker 1: It took me a while to get comfortable with the
Speaker 1: idea because of the first Originally it was yours, like
Speaker 1: we had kind of touched on where you had a
Speaker 1: book you were going to write and tell things primarily
Speaker 1: from your side. It was more about your life before us,
Speaker 1: but then obviously the majority of it was the abusive relationship.
Speaker 1: So once uh, you know, you kind of put that
Speaker 1: thought in my head and started sharing d m s
Speaker 1: with me and people's comments about you know, how the
Speaker 1: little things we were saying at the time could be helpful,
Speaker 1: and it has been helpful, it can be helpful. I
Speaker 1: slowly started to see that silver lining. And it's taken
Speaker 1: you know, the past year of us working on this
Speaker 1: project to to get to where we feel like the
Speaker 1: book is the best it can possibly possibly be. What's
Speaker 1: one thing in the book where you still struggle with
Speaker 1: maybe what you wrote because we wrote every word and
Speaker 1: we're typing like we talk, and it's, uh, there's some
Speaker 1: things why I even call myself out in the book
Speaker 1: where I like, I feel like a little bit writing
Speaker 1: this right now. I feel like an idiot. I feel
Speaker 1: so stupid writing what I'm writing in this moment, and
Speaker 1: I literally say that in the book, like I feel
Speaker 1: so embarrassed right right right now writing this, but blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. What do you mean?
Speaker 1: Just the vulnerable feelings on my feeling a moment that
Speaker 1: that made seem so like, that felt silly even me
Speaker 1: writing it about it, I was like, God, looking back
Speaker 1: on that, that was so stupid, that was so immature,
Speaker 1: that was so whatever. But that's how it was in
Speaker 1: that moment. So it was just you know, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: is there one thing where like you read and you're like,
Speaker 1: I have to do better at that? Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean a lot of it. I mean that's the thing
Speaker 1: that you know, we gotta we gotta practice what we preached,
Speaker 1: you know, significantly more consistently. And for me, it's being
Speaker 1: consistent with my actions, always being honest and you know,
Speaker 1: being soft and being empathetic and not being not getting
Speaker 1: mean when I get angry. And so yeah, there's all
Speaker 1: of it I can work on. I mean, there's no
Speaker 1: one's gonna master parts of your relationship because I mean
Speaker 1: I can say the same thing for me to like,
Speaker 1: I you know, I should pause more or I should
Speaker 1: you know, I'm very quick to to be triggered and
Speaker 1: to you know, which is why I like the Pauls
Speaker 1: should come first. And so it's funny like when you know,
Speaker 1: because we're still editing certain things in our book and
Speaker 1: we're still having to reread it, and it's so interesting,
Speaker 1: like we we write it because we've been taught it,
Speaker 1: but we still don't do it perfectly. And so sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, how could we say this if we're
Speaker 1: not even doing it perfect and so but I that's
Speaker 1: just what I've come to find out that it's we're
Speaker 1: will never do it perfectly. We'll just we just do
Speaker 1: it better, right, I mean, therapists have therapists even when
Speaker 1: our therapist is like yeah, I mean you know the
Speaker 1: wife had that saying, I'm like, wait, so you still
Speaker 1: have those like it doesn't just stop, like so like
Speaker 1: this will continue to be the thing. But I think
Speaker 1: hearing that kind of squashed any kind of reality in
Speaker 1: my brain that it is normal. Even when I was
Speaker 1: walking with one of my walking crew, it's like, oh
Speaker 1: he yels like so it's it's almost like you you
Speaker 1: imagine it humanizes almost like your relationship to and be
Speaker 1: like oh okay, like all right, and then I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: how often does he yell so, but it's just it's interesting,
Speaker 1: how you know, you you there's things that we are
Speaker 1: still trying to do better and learn from. But I
Speaker 1: think it's great that we can still which is why
Speaker 1: I asked you that because I know for me, I
Speaker 1: looked back and I was like, oh, yeah, I can,
Speaker 1: I can do better with do better with this um
Speaker 1: and especially since we're I don't want to say teaching it,
Speaker 1: but especially since we're giving the gift of what we've
Speaker 1: been given to others, you know, hopefully they can they
Speaker 1: can use those tools too. Yeah, And I think that's
Speaker 1: a the whole point of it. The whole point of
Speaker 1: this book is for people to realize that they aren't
Speaker 1: just like you're saying, oh they he yells too or
Speaker 1: you you know, it's that's the whole point of this book.
Speaker 1: It's for people to not feel alone and the things
Speaker 1: that they go through and the fact that we talked
Speaker 1: about obviously have talked about so much of you know,
Speaker 1: taboo subjects like infidelity and even things like infertility and
Speaker 1: miscarriages and all of that. It's, you know, we talk
Speaker 1: about all those things and you don't want to normalize that, like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just another thing you have to deal with. But again,
Speaker 1: we're trying to give a gift of not feel alone. Sure,
Speaker 1: and again for those people that you know, because I
Speaker 1: had a lot of people reach out to me being like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm single, I don't really think I need it. But
Speaker 1: there's so many things, especially the communication chapter or um
Speaker 1: being part of a team, or um, you know, cleaning
Speaker 1: your side of the street, seting your side of the street,
Speaker 1: which is huge, and like I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: wish I had this book when I was single, because
Speaker 1: there's so many things that I maybe wouldn't have repeated
Speaker 1: patterns and relationships. I would have looked in the mirror
Speaker 1: and stopped, you know, even when it comes to like
Speaker 1: my parents, Like I blamed my dad for so long,
Speaker 1: Like it's not my dad, that's fault that like I
Speaker 1: continue to do these things, it's my fault, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I might have seen certain things, but it's not like
Speaker 1: it's and I just I wish I had that gift.
Speaker 1: The two of the first chapters, Cleaning your Side of
Speaker 1: the Street and Baggage are chapters that are perfect for
Speaker 1: people that aren't even in relationships. It's perfect. It's obviously
Speaker 1: perfect for people in relationships, but it's almost even better
Speaker 1: for people that aren't, because these are two areas that
Speaker 1: the more you know about cleaning your start of the street,
Speaker 1: the more you acknowledge the baggage that you bring into
Speaker 1: a relationship, that better prepared you are to be close
Speaker 1: to and intimate with that person. Can you imagine the
Speaker 1: gift you would have given. I mean, I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, well, yeah, never mind what nothing, No, I
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, to be able to do
Speaker 1: your work before you get into the next relationship is
Speaker 1: such a gift for the other person. Oh yeah, and yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and yourself because then you know, you know where this
Speaker 1: stuff comes from. You know what you're going into the
Speaker 1: table and what you have to deal with, and so
Speaker 1: you're you're more emotionally stable for the relationship. But it
Speaker 1: takes two. Look, we're we're just so excited about this
Speaker 1: and we just hope you'll give it a chance because
Speaker 1: we really think they could help a lot of people. Yeah, So, um,
Speaker 1: go to Jana and Mike dot com to preorder your
Speaker 1: copy and I we will personalize a copy if you
Speaker 1: go to the Parnassis so Jana Mike dot com and
Speaker 1: if you want a personalized copy. UM, click on the
Speaker 1: Parnasis tub because we are supporting our local bookstore here
Speaker 1: and they really needed those sales, and we got a
Speaker 1: letter from the owner. Basically we saved essentially their store.
Speaker 1: So we're just if we soldies just to that store
Speaker 1: the first we're in the first weekend, but I think, um,
Speaker 1: we want to reach out to any other bookstore. So
Speaker 1: if you guys have any other bookstores that you know
Speaker 1: might need the help, we definitely want to highlight some
Speaker 1: other stores as well, just because especially during this time,
Speaker 1: you know, people obviously aren't going to their local bookstores
Speaker 1: and we know how easy it is to you know,
Speaker 1: be able to just go online. So UM, if you
Speaker 1: have any local bookstores that you guys want us to
Speaker 1: shout out and um try to get our books in
Speaker 1: there to uh have people pre order, let us know
Speaker 1: and just go to the wind Down podcast and d
Speaker 1: M S. Let's take a break and then let's talk
Speaker 1: about our guests, all right, So we have Nicole lapin
Speaker 1: coming on the show later today. Super excited about her.
Speaker 1: She's the New York best selling author of Rich Bitch
Speaker 1: and Boss Bitch. UM super excited to talk to her.
Speaker 1: She's got a new book out right now called Becoming Superwoman.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get my notepad and pen ready because
Speaker 1: I'm super pumped about that. Anything new in your world, Michael,
Speaker 1: I've just gotten too cycling. Yes, you did, for those
Speaker 1: of those who for those of you who do not
Speaker 1: follow Joanna on Instagram. So I was kind of that
Speaker 1: and I've always kind of wanted to do it because
Speaker 1: my joints are bad from playing football and it's it
Speaker 1: kind of helps with you know, load bearing and stress
Speaker 1: relief on your joints. But I really dove in, haven't I?
Speaker 1: You have? Yeah? I mean you different outfits, survived every
Speaker 1: day to the door, so you're really you're really going
Speaker 1: for it. I like it, though, I mean, I'm proud
Speaker 1: of you that you're, you know, you found something that
Speaker 1: you really like to do and you're you've stuck to
Speaker 1: it and it's been, you know, something for you that
Speaker 1: you love, and you know, we've kind of like how
Speaker 1: my walks are for me, and we've been able to
Speaker 1: be like, okay, like when are you walking, When when
Speaker 1: are you biking, and knowing that we both need that
Speaker 1: for our sanity during this time because we're still practicing
Speaker 1: the stay at home. Yeah, it's been good. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and I feel I know, I feel better too, because
Speaker 1: you know, you would have your walks almost every day
Speaker 1: or your workout time, and I wasn't as diligent on
Speaker 1: my workout time, and it didn't really feel like I
Speaker 1: was getting away. It was just in the garage. So
Speaker 1: to be able to go out for an hour or
Speaker 1: two hours and ride, you know, are we going to
Speaker 1: two hours? Because I mean last week the like twenty
Speaker 1: five miles I was, you know, I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: up my walk time then because look, hey, I don't
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna be working to that like sixty seventy
Speaker 1: five mile range where I'm going for like five hours.
Speaker 1: But it's I've really enjoyed it, and it's one of
Speaker 1: those things again I said, I I've always had an
Speaker 1: interest in doing physically, and now I'm finally I'm finally
Speaker 1: doing it. Is there anything like for you physically that man,
Speaker 1: rock climbing has always been something or there's something like
Speaker 1: that that you're kayaking on a regular basis that you've
Speaker 1: always been intrigued by. I mean, I remember the last
Speaker 1: time I went rock climbing. I went with this person
Speaker 1: and I was just like crying the entire time because
Speaker 1: I was like, please give me down because I was
Speaker 1: so afraid the witch and mccaule thing was going to break.
Speaker 1: But it was. I mean, it was fun, but not really. Um.
Speaker 1: I love hiking, and you know how many times I'm
Speaker 1: I was like, I want to hike out, Let's go hiking.
Speaker 1: And so it's that's one thing that I really miss,
Speaker 1: like not living in Los Angeles, because I just I
Speaker 1: love going for hikes. So do you like glorified walking
Speaker 1: hiking or do you like when we went to BlackBerry Farms,
Speaker 1: you know in Tennessee, and that was awesome. We were
Speaker 1: like straight up hands and knees. The incline was so steep.
Speaker 1: That was a little mind. But I like like the
Speaker 1: you know, the Percy Warner Hike here in Nashville, and
Speaker 1: I just I love that because just to be in nature,
Speaker 1: and I'm such an outdoor person like I I would
Speaker 1: love to do that more often. It's just it's just
Speaker 1: hard because again we're you know, we don't really have
Speaker 1: the the help for that right now. For sure, I'll
Speaker 1: be interested in on what other things are out there
Speaker 1: that people have been interested in doing physically. That's just different.
Speaker 1: I mean, I want to do um volleyball. How many
Speaker 1: times have I said, like, I want to do sand
Speaker 1: volleyball more often? Like if I could do a volleyball
Speaker 1: game like once a week, I would be the happiest
Speaker 1: person ever. Like, I just think it's so cool. That's
Speaker 1: some good exercise, I know, And I'm really good at it.
Speaker 1: I'm so good, so of course I want to do it.
Speaker 1: You know, only wants to do things that she's going
Speaker 1: to be the best at. That's not true. You're so competitive. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just competitive. I'm really not that good. Actually, I'm
Speaker 1: like the shortest person, so I can't spike for ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but your good support. I'm a good cheerleader. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how's the mental game? How are you mentally? Mentally? Huh
Speaker 1: what a deep question. Um, I'm good. I'm good. Um
Speaker 1: it's I think I'm just hitting a routine. Like we're
Speaker 1: kind of in our routine. We're kind of you know,
Speaker 1: days blend together, but we're doing our thing we have.
Speaker 1: You know, we're rving up to michigandist to your family
Speaker 1: for the fourth of July, and so we're looking forward
Speaker 1: to that that's kind of like the light at the
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel. I think right now, for me mentally,
Speaker 1: we're in another month, We're going to be hitting the
Speaker 1: road and just kind of getting out of dodge for
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yeah, what about you. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I think I I go into waves like I'm bummed
Speaker 1: that you know, we're probably not going to have I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm bummed on the missed opportunities of this year.
Speaker 1: Um because again, like those things don't come around as often,
Speaker 1: like the movie and things like that, and you know,
Speaker 1: just I mean financially everyone's kind of in well not everyone,
Speaker 1: but the people that you know, our entertainers and stuff,
Speaker 1: and you know, beyond entertainment, there's a lot of people
Speaker 1: that are struggling right now. So I you know, we
Speaker 1: can't complain, you know, because we we we can still
Speaker 1: do this and other things. But I think just having
Speaker 1: those like missed opportunities has been has just been a
Speaker 1: bummer for um. And like the tour and um, you know,
Speaker 1: all of that has been just something where it's kind
Speaker 1: of like that stinks. And so some days I think
Speaker 1: about it and then it kind of gets me down.
Speaker 1: But but then I positively think, Okay, well, look how
Speaker 1: much time because I remember in the beginning of the year,
Speaker 1: I started to have massive anxiety. Remember I said, every
Speaker 1: single weekend I'm going to be gone, whether it's a
Speaker 1: wine down, or it's the movie or it's a show
Speaker 1: on the road. I was going to be gone almost
Speaker 1: every single years, every weekend except for one every month.
Speaker 1: It's like three weekends out of every month, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be gone. Yeah. Like, I just started to have like
Speaker 1: anxiety about it. And then you know, me and my
Speaker 1: girls had planned a trip together one of those weekends,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I didn't remember I told you.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to cancel it because I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't be away from the kids this much. And now,
Speaker 1: you know, I think that was like all right, it's
Speaker 1: like I'm taking it all away. You're complaining, I'll take
Speaker 1: it all What's completely off subject. But again, people follow
Speaker 1: you know that we like to play games. What's a
Speaker 1: favorite game that we've played kind of during this this
Speaker 1: break that you've just really enjoyed. I mean, Cube is
Speaker 1: always a good one. And then I just like the
Speaker 1: easiness and the fastness of Mencola. Yeah, it's just it's
Speaker 1: just easy. It's just like, let's throw some like the
Speaker 1: little pepples in some little holes. Yeah, it's like that's
Speaker 1: just fun. Yeah, so it's easy, it's sinless. There's no
Speaker 1: real thinking about it. No, it's just I like that
Speaker 1: one that just in the middle of games. And then yeah,
Speaker 1: Ronnie Cube's obviously one of my faiths for that. And
Speaker 1: then I really want to play Frutigo again. Gina wants
Speaker 1: to play Strategic Strtigo because she would my ask the
Speaker 1: first time we played it. She never even heard of
Speaker 1: the game. I used to play it as a kid
Speaker 1: all the time with my best friend growing up, Eric,
Speaker 1: and we played all the time. And I bring it out, like, Jenna,
Speaker 1: you're gonna love this game. She's like, fine, I'll play
Speaker 1: it with you. Whoops, my ass. She's like, let's play again.
Speaker 1: We have not played since, so we need to. I
Speaker 1: guess do that. Hey, what book are you reading right
Speaker 1: now in your morning meditation time? How to be an
Speaker 1: adult in a relationship? Really? What are you learning? Tell
Speaker 1: me more? Um, it's right now because I started it
Speaker 1: before I started uh and respect, love and respect. So
Speaker 1: I've been recapping some things and a lot of it's
Speaker 1: redundant with you know. Uh, there's he does like the
Speaker 1: five a's is like accountability, acknowledge, acceptance, awareness, and I
Speaker 1: don't remember the fifth one, but he's just talking about
Speaker 1: all of those like within your relationship and kind of
Speaker 1: how you know you you It's it's his way of
Speaker 1: kind of saying owning your side, like controlling what you
Speaker 1: can control. Um. So I'm I'm looking forward to diving
Speaker 1: deeper into that book and reading new, newer stuff that
Speaker 1: no new stuff yet, no, because I didn't. I wanted
Speaker 1: to make sure I didn't skip anything like just really skim,
Speaker 1: you know. So I wanted to make sure I'm still
Speaker 1: grasping the concept of the things I've read. Anything stick out, nothing,
Speaker 1: nothing right now, nothing that we haven't talked about, Nothing
Speaker 1: that's that's really new, especially stuff that I've that we've
Speaker 1: brought up before. So but I'll be in touch with
Speaker 1: you all about what I'm learning and how to be
Speaker 1: an adult in a relationship. All right, We're gonna take
Speaker 1: one more break before we have a Nicole lapping on
Speaker 1: and talking to her about everything she's got going. All right,
Speaker 1: Jane and I are so excited to have our next guest.
Speaker 1: She is a New York Times bestselling author of the
Speaker 1: books Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch, and now she's on
Speaker 1: to promote her third book, which she's gonna tell you
Speaker 1: all about. Welcome Nicole Lapping. Hey girl, hey lady. You
Speaker 1: know we were on the Doctors together. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you remember. I was like a segment after you,
Speaker 1: and then I was hosting Founder Made and we reconnected her.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right, that's right, that's you know, I look
Speaker 1: like a homeless person now, but when I no, no no same,
Speaker 1: I've no makeup, just got out of the shower. So
Speaker 1: this is this is the new the new look. But no, yes,
Speaker 1: absolutely remember um? And so how Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch?
Speaker 1: How when did those come out? Rich Witch was my
Speaker 1: first book, and now we're on the fourth edition, which
Speaker 1: is bananas because people still keep buying it. You know,
Speaker 1: there is not a resetta stone for finance, and I
Speaker 1: think a lot of women want to get their financial
Speaker 1: lives together, but it's really complicated with the jargon in
Speaker 1: the language. So that actually out six years ago. Then
Speaker 1: Boss which came out after that, then Becoming Superwoman came out,
Speaker 1: and I may be birthing more book babies. No actual
Speaker 1: babies yet, just a lot of book babies. I like
Speaker 1: and I know I love it. How did you get
Speaker 1: into the whole like with rich bitch? Like, how did
Speaker 1: you start off, like, you know, basically becoming that rich bitch?
Speaker 1: So I grew up in an immigrant family, first generation American,
Speaker 1: just use cash, had like a super broken home, needed
Speaker 1: to start working early on, and I just needed a job,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be in TV news, So you
Speaker 1: go back in the day there was like no skipping
Speaker 1: steps on YouTube and whatever. Like. I went to small
Speaker 1: markets in South Dakota and Kentucky and tried to work
Speaker 1: my way up, and I got a job as a
Speaker 1: business news reporter and they asked me if I knew
Speaker 1: anything about business, and I totally on live and I
Speaker 1: said absolutely. And I faked it till I made it.
Speaker 1: And I realized that money is just language like anything else.
Speaker 1: And if you go to China you don't seech Chinese,
Speaker 1: you'll be super confused. And if you go to wall Stream,
Speaker 1: you don't speak the language with money, you'll be super confused.
Speaker 1: But once I figured it out, and I'm the least
Speaker 1: likely person to do it, like I didn't want to
Speaker 1: do anything with money. Guys, my boyfriend in high school
Speaker 1: said he wanted to be a hedge fund manager. I
Speaker 1: thought you wanted to be gardening. So like, I'm extremely
Speaker 1: I was extremely clueless. I love it. And then now
Speaker 1: your book Becoming Superwoman, So what's it says is it's
Speaker 1: simple twelve step planned to go from burnout to balance.
Speaker 1: So tell me, like, tell me all of that, Like
Speaker 1: how how did you get to the book? Like? How
Speaker 1: do I become a superwoman? What do I have to do? Do?
Speaker 1: I write an S on my chest like what? What?
Speaker 1: What telled me? All the ways? I am here for that?
Speaker 1: And by the way, you already are a superwoman and
Speaker 1: a total boss this um So I ended up getting
Speaker 1: to network news way earlier than I expected as an
Speaker 1: a gru on CNN and then CNBC and Bloomberg, and
Speaker 1: I worked and self prescribed, not drugs or alcohol, but
Speaker 1: work to hide from that really traumatic upbringing I had.
Speaker 1: And I ultimately, you know, worked and work some more
Speaker 1: and it kicks my butt. And I had a mental emotional,
Speaker 1: physical breakdown that stemmed from severe burnout and an emergency
Speaker 1: itatements to the hospital that made me rethink everything and
Speaker 1: how I was working, And at that moment, I realized
Speaker 1: I was trying to be Superwoman, the character with a
Speaker 1: one word version who tries to do it all and
Speaker 1: be it all and be all things to all people,
Speaker 1: so ultimately she's nothing to herself. And I wanted to
Speaker 1: just be a super space woman, a woman who puts
Speaker 1: or oxygen mask on first before helping others. So how
Speaker 1: do you do it? Though? Like tell me, like what,
Speaker 1: like what's the first step in in in doing that
Speaker 1: and finding that balance? Because I feel like right now
Speaker 1: this book is an amazing time for COVID because I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of us feel burnt you know,
Speaker 1: we feel that burntout feeling, and I feel like this
Speaker 1: is coming at the best time to almost reinvent yourself
Speaker 1: through all the burnout totally. And the first step is
Speaker 1: always admitting you have a problem. All my books are
Speaker 1: twelve step plans because that is the first step, you know.
Speaker 1: I did the lads of study ever done on women
Speaker 1: and burnout, and I found that women are reaching burnout
Speaker 1: and breakdown levels in the eighty and ninety ranges, but
Speaker 1: only half of us think that that's the problem. So
Speaker 1: there's a huge difference between actually swimming and just not drowning.
Speaker 1: And so we're saying like, oh, it's overwhelming, but it's cool,
Speaker 1: nothing to see. We just can keep going. And that's
Speaker 1: where the issue lies. And I think now when we're
Speaker 1: trying to figure out this new noise normal and boundaries
Speaker 1: and balanced here you know, as you guys know, the
Speaker 1: whole day can be really chaotic, but your morning and
Speaker 1: evening routines are what you can control. So you know,
Speaker 1: if you start your day off with gratitude and not
Speaker 1: going down email fire fighting rabbit hole, it changes the
Speaker 1: course of your day. Um. Studies have shown that, you know,
Speaker 1: gratitude helps us actually look for more of that throughout
Speaker 1: the day. And then at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: I used to think, like, how am I never able
Speaker 1: to sleep well? Hello, Captain obvious? Maybe it was because
Speaker 1: I shined a bright light of my phone in front
Speaker 1: of my eyeball, um until I fell asleep. So I
Speaker 1: think that those are what we can control. Like, we
Speaker 1: can't control the global economy it's bad, um, but we
Speaker 1: can control ourselves and our own economy is that's all
Speaker 1: we can control. And any relationship, by the way, you're
Speaker 1: only responsible you can only control of that fifty when
Speaker 1: that's you. So your book so it focuses on on
Speaker 1: life balance, but also financial balance as well. Absolutely, And
Speaker 1: I think the trick is to figure out what the
Speaker 1: definition of balances because a bunch of ladies in particular
Speaker 1: will say like, I'm lost balance or I'm most budget.
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, did you even have a budget? You
Speaker 1: even have a definition of balance? Or are you just
Speaker 1: comparing yourselves to other ladies on Instagram who are baking
Speaker 1: banana bread and feeling bad about yourself? But like, is
Speaker 1: that's not on your definition of balance, then like, then
Speaker 1: don't feel bad about yourself. That's maybe that ladies definitions.
Speaker 1: But first I think it's important to figure out what
Speaker 1: that looks like to you and stop changing the bar
Speaker 1: because for so long in my career I felt like
Speaker 1: I would be happy or I would be balanced when
Speaker 1: I got there a certain job or a certain salary,
Speaker 1: And then I got there and there was almost immediately
Speaker 1: another there there, and so we keep changing the old
Speaker 1: posts on ourselves. I do have a question too about
Speaker 1: kind of the times right now. Is there a financial
Speaker 1: mistake that people might be making right now? During COVID times?
Speaker 1: A lot, and I am I've never worked so hard. Actually,
Speaker 1: it's like a financial new super Bowl right now because
Speaker 1: women in particular care because we're reactive in that nature.
Speaker 1: It's hard to get you to care about finances proactively,
Speaker 1: but now everybody has to. And so you know, pulling
Speaker 1: out of the market, for instance, whether it's with your
Speaker 1: retirement fund or your investments, is all emotional, right, And
Speaker 1: there's two adages on wall streets that are true. Everything
Speaker 1: else is subjective. One of them is by low sell high.
Speaker 1: So right now things are more towards the low than
Speaker 1: the high. Stuff is on sale. So instead of pulling out,
Speaker 1: I think the biggest mistake, um is not actually putting
Speaker 1: more in if you can. So, so to put more
Speaker 1: in is is the right thing to do if you
Speaker 1: have a long term investment horizon, so if you're not
Speaker 1: retiring in the next five or ten years, and if
Speaker 1: you're not putting all your money in there and your
Speaker 1: dollar cost averaging, which is fancy terminology for just putting
Speaker 1: in a little bits at a time to hedge for
Speaker 1: all the fluctuations. And it is a great time, and
Speaker 1: great fortunes have been made during tough economic times. Recessions
Speaker 1: and depressions and economic downturn. With that said, though, too,
Speaker 1: what about refinancing your house? So if you can refinance,
Speaker 1: this would be an awesome time to do it. Are
Speaker 1: you guys thinking about that? Well, I mean we got that,
Speaker 1: we got a great rate, but I know that we
Speaker 1: could actually even get lower now. Um. So I was
Speaker 1: just wondering if that's something where it would only be
Speaker 1: like a point something off, It wouldn't be an actual
Speaker 1: whole number down. So is that is that worth it
Speaker 1: or no? Girl? Absolutely a point something. I don't say,
Speaker 1: I know nothing about like the you know, Michael's the
Speaker 1: you know he's he's the thirty year fixed and I'm like,
Speaker 1: let's do five. And because because I'm always looking at
Speaker 1: the lower number, like of you know, the mortgage, and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not as much. Um, so, okay, that's interesting.
Speaker 1: I'll have to call. Oftentimes we end up spending double
Speaker 1: the amount we paid for our house just in interest.
Speaker 1: So if you can point something per sentially, if you
Speaker 1: can have a calculator, girl, that is going to turn
Speaker 1: out to be a lot of money. And by the
Speaker 1: some folks are refinancing lower because back in the day,
Speaker 1: like our parents would think you know, six percent is
Speaker 1: an awesome mortgage. Now that sounds really high, and even
Speaker 1: if you spend more on your monthly payments, but you
Speaker 1: shorten the term, that could really be great in the
Speaker 1: long run. Never been this blow even if it's like
Speaker 1: a point to difference. Girl like like, I like, I
Speaker 1: know nothing. So that's why I'm like, because I would think, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's say if a mortgage rate was four six and
Speaker 1: you can get it for three six, Like that's different
Speaker 1: to me, Like that's because that's a one percent difference.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know if like a point something would
Speaker 1: make a difference. If it's like ask a question if
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, can I give you a hundred
Speaker 1: dollars or a thousand dollars and you're like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna take the hundred dollars because not a thousand dollars? Okay,
Speaker 1: point maybe okay, got it. I'm gonna we're going to
Speaker 1: call the business manager as soon as we're all alright.
Speaker 1: Speaking of money and everything, you have this money school
Speaker 1: challenge they're talking about. Tell us about that in our
Speaker 1: listeners as well. These are challenging times, of course, and
Speaker 1: you know we have so many questions about how to
Speaker 1: save money. I had to budget money, how to make money,
Speaker 1: and so I put together my money master class, which
Speaker 1: is called the Money School. I was so tired for
Speaker 1: years and years and years saying like, why don't we
Speaker 1: learn that stuff in school? We learned such ads, stuff
Speaker 1: like as you guys know and you probably homeschool, Like,
Speaker 1: so why do we need to know geometry and the
Speaker 1: Pythagrean theorem. Why don't we learn how to do the
Speaker 1: budget or taxes or business plan like that would be
Speaker 1: really more valuable, or figure out how to refinance. And
Speaker 1: so I was saying that so much that I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I might as well just make that I'll just
Speaker 1: do it. And so I created twelve video modules and
Speaker 1: worksheets and quizzes, and then I put all of my
Speaker 1: templates and everything together in a bundle. So if people
Speaker 1: do want to get their financial life together and focus
Speaker 1: on financial literacy, you know, we complain a lot about money,
Speaker 1: but actually ask yourself, how long have you actually done
Speaker 1: something about it? Like take the same amount of time
Speaker 1: that you would have used to plan a vacation or
Speaker 1: buy boots, and just like read some financial book or
Speaker 1: it doesn't even have to be mine or take a
Speaker 1: class and actually educate yourself about it. Because we can't
Speaker 1: hear our heads in the stand. We can't assume that
Speaker 1: a man is a financial plan Like I cannot stand
Speaker 1: when I hear that, or I used to hear that
Speaker 1: at events across the country. Um, you know, I think
Speaker 1: we didn't learn it in school. We may have had
Speaker 1: a terrible upbringing. Okay, so we didn't learn it. That's
Speaker 1: no excuse now, like forgive your former self for what
Speaker 1: she didn't know, but to say, like it's not a
Speaker 1: pain moving forward. I got to get my big girl
Speaker 1: andyvon and handle it. I think that's so true because
Speaker 1: I didn't. I mean, this is you're gonna like probably like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, But I didn't start. Actually, I didn't
Speaker 1: have a I didn't put any money into a portfolio
Speaker 1: until probably just a few years ago because I didn't know,
Speaker 1: and like I was so worried about the number and
Speaker 1: the account and my business manager, you know, he was like,
Speaker 1: you have to start putting money into some kind of
Speaker 1: like so you your money can make something for you.
Speaker 1: But I was so fearful because of the industry that
Speaker 1: you know, I've I've been in there. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm ever going to make money again,
Speaker 1: and what if that money goes away, I'm screwed, Like
Speaker 1: I won't have anything. But all that time that I
Speaker 1: could have had it in something growing, it just it's
Speaker 1: it's slowly been just annoying me to be like, like,
Speaker 1: why did it? Why wasn't I smarter with my money?
Speaker 1: Why wasn't I Why didn't I take more risks? And
Speaker 1: why didn't I almost bet on myself because I for
Speaker 1: all those years, my entire twenties into my early thirties,
Speaker 1: I didn't bet on myself. I just I bet on uncertainty,
Speaker 1: and I bet on you know, things not working out,
Speaker 1: and I bet on you know, going in the right again.
Speaker 1: Because for the the pretty much my entire twenties, my
Speaker 1: bank account would go from red to normal, from red
Speaker 1: to normal, from red to normal until really my late
Speaker 1: twenties was when I started to actually make some kind
Speaker 1: of money. And it's just I get frustrated that I
Speaker 1: never put anything away because I just started my retirement
Speaker 1: and I'm thirty six years old. Um so I do
Speaker 1: get a little why are you laughing at me? But yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I just wish I would have I
Speaker 1: would have been smarter. But it's it's hard to bet
Speaker 1: on yourself, I guess. But it's the would as should have,
Speaker 1: could haves. And we you know, we're never as young
Speaker 1: as we are today, right, And it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's never too late to start, truly, and the earlier
Speaker 1: you do, you get to reach the benefits of compounding interest,
Speaker 1: which you know we have seen probably used against us
Speaker 1: with credit card debt and how quickly that snowball's out
Speaker 1: of control. Like, imagine what that can do when it's
Speaker 1: in your favor and it's compounding. So your money is
Speaker 1: making money, and the goal could be to have your
Speaker 1: money make you so much interest that you don't have
Speaker 1: to work. If you want to work, God's get on
Speaker 1: with your bad self. But like you don't have to
Speaker 1: or you're not stuck in a relationship that's abusive or
Speaker 1: bad because you can't make your own money. Like truly,
Speaker 1: money is freedom. It's freedom to make the choices you
Speaker 1: want to make work because you love it, stay with
Speaker 1: somebody you love, and don't have money be a factor
Speaker 1: in musation. I love that is there when you kind
Speaker 1: of look at you know someone situation and what what's
Speaker 1: like the top three things that you're like, it's you're
Speaker 1: just wasting your money. Is there anything where you can say,
Speaker 1: like just get rid of this or get rid of that,
Speaker 1: or something where you can stop buying this? Is that
Speaker 1: in the equation or is it just solely like putting
Speaker 1: buying stocks and things like that. So I don't advocate
Speaker 1: any sort of deprivation. I think a financial diet is
Speaker 1: a lot like a regular diet. You know, if you
Speaker 1: allow yourself small indulgences, you won't end up thinching later on.
Speaker 1: So I don't know about you, but abla lot a
Speaker 1: lot of crazy craft diets in my life, Like we're
Speaker 1: dup cleanses and grapefruit cleanses and whatever. And I was
Speaker 1: starving and I ended up in the middle of the the
Speaker 1: night naching on a big, a hunkle chocolate case because
Speaker 1: Mama was so hungry and so deprived. Like the same
Speaker 1: thing goes for a financial diet if you don't allow
Speaker 1: yourself a latte. Like I argue against all the financial
Speaker 1: folks who are like, don't biology, I'm like, no, you
Speaker 1: need to buy something that makes you happy. That's why
Speaker 1: we're working and living life anyway. You can't be in
Speaker 1: like doom and gloom, death destruction, you know, clipping cupon
Speaker 1: and have this deprivation mentality. Because when people say I
Speaker 1: cut out the morning, latta, you would be so proud
Speaker 1: of me for my New Year's resolution. Come like April
Speaker 1: or May they say, Hey, I've got a Gucci perse
Speaker 1: because I was so good. I'm like, God, if you
Speaker 1: just bought that lay every single day and made yourself
Speaker 1: happy when me that Gucci, I think absolutely, allow yourself
Speaker 1: for the extras, but just have them being no more
Speaker 1: than about fifteen percent in normal times of your overall stending.
Speaker 1: I love that. And then what do you tell people
Speaker 1: that have financial anxiety? So I have, like I deal
Speaker 1: with a lot of financial anxiety and fears about you know, money,
Speaker 1: and and it's is there something like to to help
Speaker 1: ease anything like that or is it is that just
Speaker 1: is that normal? It's totally normal. I have financial anxiety too.
Speaker 1: I mean I know a lot, I don't know everything,
Speaker 1: and it's so understandable. Money is the root of every
Speaker 1: I think conflict if you really get down to it,
Speaker 1: it's more the humanity is part that's most anxiety provoking,
Speaker 1: the mass part like a fifth grader can do. It's
Speaker 1: the idea of talking to your significant other about money.
Speaker 1: It's the idea of the prenup. It's the idea of
Speaker 1: getting your friend to pay you back. It's all the
Speaker 1: emotional stuff that gets in the way. And I would say,
Speaker 1: you know, the biggest enemy is often between our ears,
Speaker 1: and sometimes we suffer more in imagination than in reality.
Speaker 1: So like you don't open up your credit score or
Speaker 1: you don't open up your taxes because you're just like
Speaker 1: in denial. It's like you want to lose weight, if
Speaker 1: you don't step on the scale or you don't know
Speaker 1: the calories, then it's cool because you're just in this
Speaker 1: denial mode so it doesn't actually feel real. But once
Speaker 1: you do it, you know, once you rip off that
Speaker 1: band aid, then I think you see that it's actually
Speaker 1: not as complicated and not as very as you made
Speaker 1: it out to be in your head. I like it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: great question. Well, I just I just feel like, because
Speaker 1: that's kind of what to what you said, Nicole, Like
Speaker 1: I in the very beginning, I didn't want to want
Speaker 1: my business manager called. I would decline the call because
Speaker 1: I was so nervous of him saying like okay, because
Speaker 1: I had this awful manager in the beginning of my
Speaker 1: career and she sued me and she just I mean,
Speaker 1: she's just she was awful, and so I always it
Speaker 1: was just so much like financial stress at that time,
Speaker 1: and so I just never wanted to talk to him.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to see the money. I just I
Speaker 1: just was always so fearful because I just knew it
Speaker 1: was like I was, I was afraid it was going
Speaker 1: to go away. And now it's like now I'm so
Speaker 1: almost controlling to a fault because I'm so afraid to
Speaker 1: lose it. And now I'm like, okay, like you know,
Speaker 1: we've lost a lot of money this year with COVID,
Speaker 1: like everyone else has, and like how are we going
Speaker 1: to keep it? And okay, we gotta cut down here,
Speaker 1: and we gotta cut down there, and we were for
Speaker 1: allowing this person and like so it's just like now
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to like navigate how to like not
Speaker 1: let it completely control my mood throughout the day. So
Speaker 1: I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, it's understandable. I think
Speaker 1: you know, we talked about everything before. We talk about money.
Speaker 1: I mean, you guys have talked about this on the
Speaker 1: show like sexty times, the Keening, watch this, fertility, like
Speaker 1: all the things, and then all of a sudden, when
Speaker 1: we used to see human beings in real life, I
Speaker 1: would say to my girlfriends over dinner, like, hey, how
Speaker 1: much are you making this year? Or how much is
Speaker 1: in your bank account? And it would be cricket. I'm like, girl,
Speaker 1: you just told me about your landing strip and you're
Speaker 1: not telling me about looking your bank account. Like we have.
Speaker 1: We have to reprogram ourselves around that, because I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm starting to help you. If we don't talk about it,
Speaker 1: we're not going to get ahead. It's like trying to
Speaker 1: price your health without knowing the camp of the area.
Speaker 1: So I always go first. I'm like, I'll show you
Speaker 1: mine if you show me yours. See, I don't know
Speaker 1: if I could do that. That gives an anxiety because
Speaker 1: then I would almost be like I'd almost maybe get jealous,
Speaker 1: like you're skinnier than me or so That's that's interesting though,
Speaker 1: because even just the other day I was asking somebody
Speaker 1: I don't remember who it was, but you know how
Speaker 1: you phrase those questions. I was like, Hey, if you
Speaker 1: don't mind me asking like how much did you pay
Speaker 1: you to have this done? Just because I was curious
Speaker 1: for my own I get reasoning, but but still it's
Speaker 1: like it's such a personal thing, like like to Nicole's point,
Speaker 1: you talk, you know, and with this person I was with,
Speaker 1: I've talked about way more deeper things than than you know,
Speaker 1: how much this one job cost that he had done
Speaker 1: or something. But it is interesting, That's true. It did.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Sean about something and I said,
Speaker 1: and it took me a minute to ask her, like
Speaker 1: how much did you make on that? Because you can
Speaker 1: just see, you know, and it's it's it is that
Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable and they're like our best friends. It's interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem telling people. Guys have less
Speaker 1: of a problem, see I I don't. I guess it
Speaker 1: does make me uncomfortable. If someone asked me, like, if
Speaker 1: someone just at me flat out, how much did you
Speaker 1: guys pay for this, I'll oh that I don't care.
Speaker 1: But I do parent price. I do. I do give
Speaker 1: a parent price. I'm like, it's like a couple hundred dollars,
Speaker 1: and my friends like it's a thousand dollars and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: but I don't. But here's my thing. I don't buy
Speaker 1: anything I don't like to buy. I'm very, very like um, frugal,
Speaker 1: but I like to buy things for other people. So
Speaker 1: that's where I spend my money, Like because I have
Speaker 1: to force her to do something for yourself to your
Speaker 1: point in qual like for the latte for Jana's she
Speaker 1: andrew coffee, but for whatever her quote unquote latte is is.
Speaker 1: I'm like, honey, you work so hard, like do this
Speaker 1: it's not a lot, Like it's okay. And she'll come
Speaker 1: to me because we don't we have a budget that
Speaker 1: we have agreed upon if it's anything over this amount,
Speaker 1: we talk about and it'll be something under that amount,
Speaker 1: and she'll come be like and ask me like she's
Speaker 1: a little kid. I'm like, first of all, you're like
Speaker 1: the breadwinner in this family. I was like, you don't
Speaker 1: really need to, you know, ask me too much, but
Speaker 1: I appreciate the respect and when you do come to
Speaker 1: me and to discuss it, like you don't have to
Speaker 1: ask like that, Like I never care, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know what is that? What? Why why do guys
Speaker 1: care less to the all, No, I think, you know,
Speaker 1: it's obviously fraught with so many other emotions. And I
Speaker 1: think to your point that you might feel bad if
Speaker 1: somebody's like skinny or rich or whatever like that on you,
Speaker 1: I have to say, like, you have to do some
Speaker 1: work and say is my worth tied to money? Is
Speaker 1: it not? And so you know you can you can
Speaker 1: only control how your reaction is. And so I like
Speaker 1: to talk about it transparently because I think that's the
Speaker 1: way we can help each other and negotiate. It's the
Speaker 1: way we can help each other with best practices. And
Speaker 1: I go for so in all my books, I talk
Speaker 1: about what I made at CNN what I meant you
Speaker 1: see what I made for my book Advances, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is going to read this is like what does
Speaker 1: this film make for this? And so I just put
Speaker 1: it in there because I think it's important. And I
Speaker 1: had to put my money literally where my mouth was. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I respect that. Yeah, I respect that because not a
Speaker 1: lot of people do that. Um So to find out more,
Speaker 1: go to the Money School challenge dot com and then
Speaker 1: also get her book it's out right now. Becoming Superwoman
Speaker 1: a simple twelve step planned to go from burnout to balance. Nicole,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, UM for coming on. Really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to check out the money challenge because
Speaker 1: that sounds very interesting. I need to be more knowledgeable
Speaker 1: about my points literally to Alright. Okay, thank you he guy.
Speaker 1: All Right, So Nicole was awesome, super excited. I have
Speaker 1: an S on my chest. I'm about to be superwoman. UM.
Speaker 1: Email Stephanie. I suffered a miscarriage in December two thou nineteen.
Speaker 1: My husband and I was we're trying for our second child.
Speaker 1: I have a beautiful son who was a year and
Speaker 1: a half um, and I honestly didn't think having a
Speaker 1: miscarriage was going to happen to me. I lost the
Speaker 1: baby around ten weeks and I had um never felt
Speaker 1: more sad, her and angry than I did during that time.
Speaker 1: Push forward to today, I am currently twenty two weeks
Speaker 1: pregnant with our second child, a baby girl. She's my
Speaker 1: rainbow baby. I love her so much, but honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: still terrified. I feel myself trying to not get too
Speaker 1: excited about her because the chance of losing her would
Speaker 1: completely destroy me. I know Janna and Mike experienced several
Speaker 1: miscarriages before baby, and I guess I want to know
Speaker 1: how you let yourself enjoy the pregnancy that gave you
Speaker 1: a baby. I want to grow this little girl with
Speaker 1: all my love, and I'm afraid, Um, I'm afraid my
Speaker 1: fear of losing her is keeping me from doing that. Um. Stephanie,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you suffered a miscarriage. I you know, we
Speaker 1: we both know how that feels. Um, I'm so excited
Speaker 1: for you that you have your rainbow baby on the way.
Speaker 1: I honestly wish I could give positive but that when
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with Jason, like every single time this
Speaker 1: is a little like Team I, but every single time
Speaker 1: I wiped, I was like, there's going to be blood.
Speaker 1: Like I was always fearful of wiping and seeing blood.
Speaker 1: And that's just the reality of like having so many miscarriages.
Speaker 1: Of like, it's not it's can of course, it's it's
Speaker 1: like I'm going to lose it. Of course, even even
Speaker 1: when I was in my you know, twenty something weeks,
Speaker 1: I still was just like when I got to thirty,
Speaker 1: I think it was like No. Seven or twenty eight
Speaker 1: where they say that the baby has a chance of
Speaker 1: living and that's when I stopped being so crazy. Um,
Speaker 1: but no, I mean every single time I wiped, I
Speaker 1: looked to see if there was blood. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's like I don't want to project that
Speaker 1: on Stephanie, Like I want to say, don't worry about it,
Speaker 1: like it's gonna be great, but like I can't really
Speaker 1: say that because that wasn't that wasn't reality for us.
Speaker 1: And I remember with Chase, how often you would you know,
Speaker 1: kind of think out loud to me, uh and say, okay,
Speaker 1: it's you know, so and so weeks they say they
Speaker 1: can still survive like outside the womb, and it was
Speaker 1: like a countdown in your head for every like milestone. Um,
Speaker 1: you know. So I do remember that, and it's it's
Speaker 1: hard not to it's it's easier for it's not easier.
Speaker 1: It's simpler for men because it's not our body, right,
Speaker 1: so it's not unconscious thing every single day, every month,
Speaker 1: moment like y'all. So with that, I empathize for women,
Speaker 1: but you know it is it still involves both of
Speaker 1: you and for the husband, it's just our job too,
Speaker 1: not like I try to do a good job with Jace.
Speaker 1: From what I remember of not diminishing you saying that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I wasn't trying to
Speaker 1: take that away from you and just say, baby, you
Speaker 1: can't do anything about that, don't worry about it. Like
Speaker 1: just you know, I don't want to minimize your feeling
Speaker 1: around it at all. I just try to be understanding
Speaker 1: and supportive of it the best that I could be.
Speaker 1: And so I think it's to your point. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's natural for anyone, for any you know, a couple,
Speaker 1: ship or um or woman that's kind of gone through
Speaker 1: that that's going to be normal. Yeah, And I mean
Speaker 1: I would just say this is the worst advice, but
Speaker 1: like you're so close to that one moment where they
Speaker 1: can be possibly living out of the womb, so um,
Speaker 1: just know that like a twenty two weeks, the chances
Speaker 1: are so so, so so small. But again, I I,
Speaker 1: I can't really be like, just be positive and be
Speaker 1: happy because you're a mom and we are going to
Speaker 1: worry for the rest of our lives. That's just the
Speaker 1: reality for sure. All Right, don't want to read this
Speaker 1: one from Shannon because I want to hear your response
Speaker 1: is awesome, baby boy. On the way, I'm expecting. I'm
Speaker 1: expecting our first child. Yeah, I'm expecting our first child.
Speaker 1: I knew deep down from the second we found out
Speaker 1: that we were pregnant he was a boy. And sure
Speaker 1: enough our ultrasound confirmed it. I always and sure enough
Speaker 1: our ultrasound confirmed it. I always saw myself having a
Speaker 1: little girl mini me with lots of feute outfits, Bose,
Speaker 1: playing with barbies, etcetera. I'm curious, now that you have Jace,
Speaker 1: what is the mother's son bond like and what it's
Speaker 1: and what is it like to be a boy mom.
Speaker 1: It's the best, It's the best. I truly did not
Speaker 1: want a boy. I mean I wanted whatever we could have,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously because of the miscarriage is and stuff like.
Speaker 1: I was so grateful, But I imagine two girls and
Speaker 1: then yeah, I just I I never saw myself as
Speaker 1: a boy mom. I didn't know. I mean, we had
Speaker 1: Jolie first, so um, it was just one of those
Speaker 1: things where I didn't really know kind of what to expect. Um.
Speaker 1: It's I remember that when we had Jason. It was
Speaker 1: weird because it was just you know, second time around.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, Like I felt different
Speaker 1: when I had him the luve, it just was a
Speaker 1: different kind of love. And so then I started comparing
Speaker 1: it and like, well, do what did I did I love?
Speaker 1: Do I love him as much as I love Jolie
Speaker 1: When I had Jolie, And it was just it kind
Speaker 1: of like played with me a little bit there emotionally.
Speaker 1: But the love that I have for Ja'son is so
Speaker 1: different than the love that I have for Jolie. And
Speaker 1: it's hard to explain, but just he's he's just like
Speaker 1: he's my man, Like he's my little boy. Like I
Speaker 1: just like I'm so obsessed with him, and I just
Speaker 1: can't wait to teach him how to treat a lady
Speaker 1: and and and be respectful and and you know, I
Speaker 1: can't wait to teach him how to you know, skate
Speaker 1: and play hockey or whatever he wants to do. Like
Speaker 1: I just I can't wait to like throw a ball
Speaker 1: with him. And he's just he's so much fun and
Speaker 1: that bond, Like his cuddles are just something beyond my
Speaker 1: daughter's cuddles. Like you know, when Jolie cuddles with me,
Speaker 1: it's it's sweet, but like Ja'son really cuddles with me,
Speaker 1: like he's just like he melts in my arms. And
Speaker 1: it's probably just because the age. But Jolie never did that,
Speaker 1: like she'll cuddle, but she Julie never sat there like Jason, truly,
Speaker 1: even when she was his age. She would just kind
Speaker 1: of get up and keep moving. Jason will sit there
Speaker 1: like lay on. I just I mean, I dore both
Speaker 1: my kids. But the bond with this son, all my
Speaker 1: friends said that, every single one of my girlfriends said
Speaker 1: the mother son bond is something like unlike anything else,
Speaker 1: and it's so true. I love it. All right, let's
Speaker 1: do this last one right here from Lisa c section.
Speaker 1: I've been dealing with the emotional effects and I've been
Speaker 1: dealing with the emotional after effects of a C section
Speaker 1: for a while. Now my daughter is five months old.
Speaker 1: I keep thinking what if or maybe I could have
Speaker 1: done something different to have a vaginal birth. I also
Speaker 1: feel like the physical part of it is tough too.
Speaker 1: I was always into fitness, but now I feel like
Speaker 1: I have extra weight or the bubble above this car
Speaker 1: to get rid of. I know Jason was a C section.
Speaker 1: Did you feel this way at all? How did you
Speaker 1: get through it? And how do you lose the extra
Speaker 1: bubble above this car bubble and going nowhere. Um showed
Speaker 1: Mike it the other day when I was wearing a
Speaker 1: bathing suit. I said, oh my god. I was like, Babe,
Speaker 1: do you see this? And I was like, look at
Speaker 1: this really big dip right here and then the bubble
Speaker 1: above it. And he was like okay, and I was like, really,
Speaker 1: I can't even tell. But I was like, I'm so
Speaker 1: self conscious of it, but at the same time, I'm
Speaker 1: not because I'm like, it's my mom's car, like it's
Speaker 1: it's what makes me mom. I embrace the saggyear belly,
Speaker 1: and you know, my my trainer always says stop drinking
Speaker 1: wine and your drink work stuff, and I say, I'm
Speaker 1: good with the belly. Then I'm great. I don't care,
Speaker 1: Like I've always kind of had a little bellies since
Speaker 1: high school, like this just the bottom part. But I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, like it's I'm just I'm not. I've never
Speaker 1: had a natural flat stomach. Ever when I'm laying down,
Speaker 1: I do, but like, never naturally flat. And now that
Speaker 1: I'm my mom, it's obviously stretched a little bit. And
Speaker 1: I embrace highwaisted stuff and I'm fine with it. I
Speaker 1: don't care enough to quit drinking and stop eating pizza
Speaker 1: and cookies like I don't, I don't care enough. And honestly,
Speaker 1: it's like I'm embracing the mom bod. So I just say,
Speaker 1: Lisa embraced the mom bod and then vaginal verse C section.
Speaker 1: I mean, sure what I've loved to have tried, yes,
Speaker 1: but we're not peeing ourselves when we jump up and down.
Speaker 1: So like, well, you did try, but Jolie had to
Speaker 1: be taken out and so that kind of set the
Speaker 1: stage for the next one. Yeah, and for the next one,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, maybe I'll try v back and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've already got the scar let's just go
Speaker 1: for it. Um but no, I mean I think it
Speaker 1: God's that was God's plan, God's way, Baby's way, and
Speaker 1: you can't, um second second guess that. But anyhow, I
Speaker 1: love you guys, d MS on the wind Down podcast.
Speaker 1: If you have any questions, and um, don't forget to
Speaker 1: go to Janna and Mike dot com to pre order
Speaker 1: The Good Fight. Tell your friends, tell your cousins, tell
Speaker 1: your parents, and tell everybody. See you all next week.