WEBVTT - 3 Ways to Learn to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Times & Approaching Disagreements with Respect and Positivity in Your Relationship 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:05.560 adding a really special offering onto the back of my 0:00:05.680 --> 0:00:09.080 solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:12.160 series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:16.120 outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:18.880 free life. We dive into a range of topics and 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:22.480 the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long, 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:25.400 so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:28.840 how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.199 on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.640 you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:39.000 Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, I'm 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:42.600 sharing an inspiring story that motivates me and hopefully can 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:45.360 motivate you too. Of course, if you want to listen 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:48.159 to The Daily Jay every day, you can go subscribe 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:50.840 to Calm. So go to calm dot com forward slash 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:55.920 Jay for forty percent off your membership today. 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:00.880 Oh my gosh. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:01.240 You know. 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:04.720 Obviously, Burning in Hell is a mental health comedy podcast 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:07.520 and we have a lot of hilarious comedians on. We 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:10.800 have a lot of insightful people, but we've never had 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:16.120 a man who was a monk, and he's been everywhere 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:19.680 and now he's finally, you know, hit the top. He's 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:22.360 come to burning in hell, he's found the mecca of 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.880 mental health. Welcome Jay Sheddy to the pot. 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:28.440 Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:30.440 that I get to be with you today. Honestly, thank you. 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:32.400 You have very good energy. 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.000 Thank you because you never know. 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:37.360 I was. I thought I might be intimidated by you, 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:41.440 like he's all knowing, he's also very famous. There's like 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:43.840 a lot of things that could be intimidating, but you 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.479 kind of you have a very warm, warm energy that. 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:48.320 Means the world to me. That's that's the best thing 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:49.400 I could have had Today's. 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:50.880 Yeah, because I'm like, do people just like him because 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:53.160 he has blue eyes? Or is he actually you know? 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.080 I mean, you are on this book tour and you 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.040 sent it to me The Eight Rules of Love and 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:01.560 you're married, yes, which I kind of love because there's 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:04.320 a lot of like dating you know, people out there 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:08.160 and they've like never had a relationship before. But I 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.320 like that your book is not only like your teachings 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:13.200 and your research over the years, but you also say 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:16.280 a little bit more about yourself. So what I want 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:18.240 to bring into this podcast today, because I feel like 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:21.320 you have so much amazing knowledge everywhere, is to get 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:23.200 to know you a little more, get to know your 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:25.760 hell a little bit and that you've been through. Why 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:27.720 have I not been asked to become a monk yet? Like, 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.280 how do you get into the monk ship? How did 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:32.840 you get in? Because no one's I'm not on the 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:33.440 email list? 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:35.360 Yeah yeah you didn't. You didn't get the memo. No 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.720 I'm not. You subscribed, Yeah no, I didn't swipe up, 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:41.920 Yeah no. And it's and for me it was the same. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:45.880 It was I met a monk for the first time. 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.000 His name's Gouranga Das. I met him when I was 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:51.280 eighteen years old, and I met him because you still 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:53.760 had to go to events to meet people because there 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:56.600 was no YouTube podcasts, you know, it was it was 0:02:56.600 --> 0:02:59.040 a while ago, and so I would go to events. 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:03.480 I'd love hearing from CEOs and athletes and musicians about 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:06.639 their rags to riches stories. And I wasn't fascinated by 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.440 the rags and the riches. I was fascinated by what 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.880 you're fascinated about here, like people's challenges and their mindset 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.880 and how they got there. And one night my friend 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:17.520 said to me, hey, we should go and hear this 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:20.040 monk speak. And I said to them, I said, well, 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:21.560 what am I going to learn from a monk? I'm 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:24.560 fascinated by people who've gone from nothing to something, not 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:26.600 nothing to nothing, like what am I going to learn 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:28.880 from this guy? And they said, no, we should go, 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.360 and I said, okay, I'll only go if we go 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:34.840 to a bar afterwards. Like that was my negotiation tactic, 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:38.440 so to prove how spiritual I am. Yes, that's what 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:39.760 I was like as an eighteen year old, and my 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:42.119 friends were highly convincing. They said, yeah, sure, sure, sure, 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:44.160 we'll go to a bar afterwards. And so I went 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:46.520 to this event and I went there with very low expectations. 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:48.040 I thought I was going to walk in, walk out, 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.560 We're going to hit up this bar. And I walked 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.200 there and I found something I wasn't looking for. I 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:55.760 wasn't looking for spirituality, I wasn't looking for meditation, I 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:59.040 wasn't looking for well being. And the way this monk spoke, 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:02.400 he was talking about how serving others with your skills 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:07.080 is the purpose of human life, using your gifts to 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:10.000 impact and help other people is what we're meant to do. 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.480 And I'd never heard that before. So eighteen year old 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.160 me stayed behind wanted to shake his hand, like meet him. 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.480 I ended up traveling with him that whole week in London, 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:20.080 going to all his events. Then I spent all my 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:24.240 summer vacations and Christmas vacations traveling to India to live 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.240 with him in the monastery. And then when I graduated, 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.520 I lived as a monk for three years. And so 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:32.520 it was a very long journey of spending time with 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:34.320 this one monk, to then spending time with the monks, 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:37.000 and then actually living as a monk. Holy Sorry, that's 0:04:37.040 --> 0:04:37.640 the quick version. 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:40.479 No, that was that was beautiful. Oh and were you 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:42.280 in where were you based when you weren't in. 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.799 Two hours outside of Mumbai? And then we traveled across 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:46.200 Europe as well, so we'd live it different. 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:48.360 And where were you living when you were like with 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:49.440 your friends and stuff? 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:51.600 I was. I was in London, So I went to 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:55.840 university London Town, from London, from corner, raised in London. Yeah. 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:58.640 Very cool. And I also feel like you've transcended like 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:01.960 traditional what we think it is, which is honestly like 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:06.200 not relatable, and you've put it in this such like 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:08.000 like even your book, like you talk about boys and 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.920 stuff and it's the kind of stuff that we information 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:15.960 that we could retain. So you kind of have figured 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:20.120 out how to talk about love. But what did you 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:21.719 when you're a monk? Right? 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:24.760 No, you're not, definitely not. So you're like a ce 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:28.839 celibate and you don't talk too well for me the 0:05:28.839 --> 0:05:32.599 opposite sex, but you don't talk to the sex that 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:37.080 you're attracted to. So I'm completely living a celibate life. 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:39.840 I haven't spoken to a woman for those three years. 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.200 And the point isn't repression of suppression. The point is 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:45.800 to redirect your energy. And I always like to clarify 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:48.200 that because a lot of people think that monks think like, 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:49.960 oh women are bad or this, and it's not. Yeah, 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:52.800 it's actually a side of can I dedicate my mind 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:55.200 to mastering my mind? Like can I focus on that? 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.120 We do like really hot showers, so people think we're 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.240 connected as Satan sometimes as well men. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.720 Right, yeah, oh yeah, I got it. We did cold 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:06.119 showers and months for that music there you got. 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:08.880 You know, they do say the cold shower thing like 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:11.440 gets your mind, right, but I'm like, I'm like, that was. 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.320 The original that we were taking cold showers, like that 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:17.040 was that was a normal part of life, and and yeah, 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:19.360 it was just what I found that I got from 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.080 that experience is from age fourteen, which is when I 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:25.159 started dating, to age twenty one, I don't think I 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:27.960 ever had a gap between seeing someone or meeting someone 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:31.240 withing with someone, Like, yeah, your teen years, you're like 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:34.680 constantly moving relationship to relationship to relationship, and those three 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:36.560 years and if you think about it, even for yourself 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:39.640 maybe anyone who's listening, how many days have you actually 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.080 spent not in the pursuit of someone or not being 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:44.920 pursued by someone in your entire life. 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:45.680 It's such a drug. 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:48.719 It's it's very littal, it's so mental, so many. 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:51.680 Because I always say, like I'm a creative genius as 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:54.000 an I give me anyone and in my head, I 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:57.040 will make up something that I want, like put them 0:06:57.080 --> 0:07:01.000 on any pedestal. Because having your crushes like it gives 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:01.960 you a purpose. 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:05.560 Oh my gosh, it gives you a purpose, like waking. 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:06.919 Up in the morning is easier when you're like, I 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:08.919 hope I run into Jeremy at the cooler. 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:12.040 You know, Well, I ran into my first crush. I 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.560 still remember I was like eleven years old. How old 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:15.800 were you when you had your first crush? 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:17.800 Oh, I was desertive from a young age. 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:19.720 Cool. Yeah, it took me to eleven. So I was 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:23.160 the late bloomer by your standard. But I remember having 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.559 this crush and every guy in school had a crush 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:28.120 on this girl. And I was overweight growing up. I 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.680 was also pretty much one of the only Indians in 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:32.920 my whole class, and so I got bullied a lot 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.080 for both of those things. And so I remember turning 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.200 up to school late one day and everyone in the 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:39.080 class was laughing at me and pointing and giggling, and 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.760 I was like, what do they know? And then I 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:43.360 got a little slip from one of my friends and 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:44.920 I opened it up when you used to send notes 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:47.120 in class when you can text, And I opened it 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:49.640 up and it said she knows, and I was like, 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.560 she knows what? And so basically everyone in class had 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:54.520 told the one girl that everyone had a crush on, 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:56.960 that only I had a crush on her. And so 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:59.040 for the less rest of the day, all the girls 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:01.720 stood behind like the playground in class and we're just 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.160 shouting like you're not in her league, She's out of 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:08.120 your league. It was terrible. So that was my first experence. 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.360 Was very traumatizing. It's very traumatizing. But so it wasn't 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:14.560 a drug for me. It was, Yeah, it was. It 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:15.880 was a bad drug exactly. 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.440 There is a thin line between like the joy it 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.160 could bring you and the pain. And I do like 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.840 in your book that you talk about not only just 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.440 the joy, but like the joys of being alone, the 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.720 joys of a breakup, that there are positivities in it 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:32.320 is your book, how much is a gender based like 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:34.600 in terms of if you're a woman or a guy 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:35.200 reading it. 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:37.960 So I tried to take gender out of it because 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.720 I really feel that a lot of what we're experiencing 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:43.840 today is a complete mixture of experiences. I don't think 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:45.600 you could say, well, this is the same experience that 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.160 old women have. Yeah, Like, I just don't think that's 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:50.600 the case anymore. Like I have so many more of 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:52.760 my female friends that are like the breadwin is in 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:54.920 their relationship now and they're leading the way, or they're 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:57.559 more driven and ambitious than some of their partners. And so, yeah, 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:00.560 the stereotypes are all Yeah, they're all blood. And so 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:02.640 for me, I was trying to write a book that 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:05.640 anyone could pick up in this generation and go, Okay, 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:07.400 whether I'm looking for love with, whether I'm trying to 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:09.800 hold onto it, or whether someone just broke up with 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.440 me and hurt me, this book's going to help that person. 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.240 What I love about this book and I think you 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:18.040 might have said it on Call Her Daddy, Okay a girl, Alex, 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:21.680 we love is you were like, there's so much stuff 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:24.079 that are not taught to us in school, and it 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:27.040 sounds like you almost had whatever education you had and 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:30.280 then thought this wasn't enough for me. And then you 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.760 have gone into your own studies and research and experiences. 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:38.000 If you could have a j shuddy like high school, 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:42.280 what classes do you think are essential to living a 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:43.200 fulfilled life? 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:46.359 It is such a good and honestly a little. 0:09:46.080 --> 0:09:48.960 Too deep, and you know, well, I'm trying to challenge you. 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:52.920 Make it funny, Yeah, I'm trying to challenge you. 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:55.720 Most of us should not start a high school, including me, Like, like, 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:57.440 first of all, let's just put it out there. Starting 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.960 a high school or a primary school, I sorry, element 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.319 school as you call it here is such a deep 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.920 important task that no one should just start schools. I 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:09.720 think it's highly dangerous. And so even what I'm about 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.760 to say, it's caveatd with the fact that I don't 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:15.240 think even I know enough at this point to start 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.079 a school. I think that's unhealthy. 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:20.040 Yes, but if you were like ire on a townhall meeting, 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:24.240 can we add these classes? Yeah, this is our town meeting. 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.160 First of all, my biggest class would be emotional regulation. 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:29.800 That would be the number one class. And the reason 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:31.440 I say that, and it comes back to the Book 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.960 of Solitude, is that it's said that our heartbeats and 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:38.520 our heart rates they synchronize when we're close to other people. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.079 And so first our caregivers, whether it's your mother or 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.120 your father, your uncle or your aunt, whoever took care 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:45.959 of you, your heartbeat and your heart rate synchronizes with theirs. 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:48.160 And so the study says that the best thing for 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.280 your nervous system is another human being, but the worst 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:53.600 thing for your nervous system is another human being. 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.920 Okay, that sounds like a pyramid scheme, and I hate 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:58.439 that life has done this to us. 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.080 Yeah, And so what I find is that your heart 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:04.240 rate gets SYNCD up to your partners where you're now 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.319 sharing a mood. And so if you don't know how 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.480 to self regulate, if you don't have to regulate your 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:12.240 own emotions, you're just going to become dependent on whoever 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.040 you're around. And that's why codependency takes off because we 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:17.400 never learned to regulate our own emotions. So that's class 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:17.880 number one. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:19.440 And if you grew up with a parent who also 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.640 had trouble, then you could be anxious like they are, 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.040 anxious based on things that are out of your control. 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.440 Absolutely, and that's class number two. Healing from parents and 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:30.960 healing from first loves, because whether it's your parents who, 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:33.280 whether it's the first guy or girl or person you dated, 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:37.400 all of those first love experiences completely transform what you 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.520 want in a relationship. Maybe the first person you dated 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:43.680 like made you insecure about how you look. Now anyone 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:45.720 that tells you look good is like the next attractive 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:46.520 human beings. 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:48.760 When that person was projecting their own down to. 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:51.640 You exactly exactly. And the person who's being complimentary to you, 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:53.640 they may not even deeply like you. They may like 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:56.840 you only for that. And so I think unraveling the 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:59.280 gifts and gaps as I put in the book that 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.640 our parents get is class number two. 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:06.360 I'd like to call it reparenting. Yeah, where it's kind 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:09.520 of like the voices in your head are those negative 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.280 things where you can say, actually, how would I want 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:16.320 to have spoken to my inner child? What's the third class? 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:19.120 Well, I'm allowed another one? Yeah, all right, okay, class 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:22.640 number three. Class number three would have. 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:25.240 To be do you think meditation should be on it? 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.760 I was Actually I would put meditation there. I might 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.439 add that as a tool in emotional regulation. Yes, it's 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:31.760 a tool and a practice. 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:32.160 True. 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:35.640 I would say that's an after school program. Yeah, that's regular. 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.840 If you're smart, you get signed up. Yeah. No. The 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:44.080 other one that I'd add is financial master and financial training. 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:46.680 I just think that no one has any clue about 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.079 how much they should spend on rent, whether you should 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:50.640 get a mortgage or not, should you buy a house 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.719 or not, should you save up for one? Do you 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:54.400 save or do you invest? What do you invest in? 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.920 How do you know? Like, I think we have no idea. 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:58.920 Until you're like thirty four and someone goes, why haven't 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:01.080 you been putting this into an And you're like, is 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:01.679 that a STD? 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:01.920 Like? 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:05.800 What is an IRA? So that is so true. I'm 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.360 actually I grew up from a family of teachers, Like 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:10.520 my grandpa was a gym teacher, my mom was a principal, 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.960 my grandma was a librarian, and they I think about 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:15.800 teaching a lot, and I just think there's so many 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:19.640 holes because I was a people pleaser, and I always 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.200 I was a perfectionist. I just wanted straight a's. So 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:25.120 I wasn't like consuming it. I was just trying to 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:27.560 win the game and then I would forget it. And 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.440 then I entered life and it didn't matter that it's 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:34.880 straight a's. I was battling, you know, my perfectionism, anxiety depression, 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:38.120 performing so that I feel lovable. Look at this a 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.480 turn to a therapy session, but that's what it always does. 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:45.840 And within yourself, how is your levels of anxiety depression? 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.079 Do you deal with a cocktail of them? What is 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:49.200 your journey with that been? 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:53.080 Yeah, I feel like I really rebelled growing up against 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:56.120 what my parents or what my community wanted me to do. 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.360 So I kind of started dealing with that early on. 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:02.520 So I had the anxiety almost as a young teenager. 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.319 Of my parents wanted me to be good at maths 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.480 and sciences, yes, and while I was okay at those, 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:08.400 that's not what I wanted to do. What I wanted 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:12.680 to do was philosophy, aren't design psychology Economics was definitely 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:14.840 a part of that, And so those are the subjects 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.120 I loved, and so I started rebelling early on, saying 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.280 I'm going to do what I want and pushing for 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:22.880 what you want. When you're thirteen fourteen years old, it 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:25.200 kind of creates this really interesting place because now you're 0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:26.680 on your own because now it's like, well, you're the 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.360 only person doing that. Everyone's kind of following the trend. 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:31.960 And so I feel like that was it. But the 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:34.800 biggest when you talk about depression of anxiety, the hardest 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.360 part where I experienced that was just before I went 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.080 to become a monk and when I came back. So 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:44.120 I experienced it before I went anxiety because everyone in 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.000 my community was telling me, you've been brainwashed. You know, 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:49.440 you're wasting your time, No one's ever going to marry you, 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.120 You're never going to make any more money again. Like 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.440 imagine everyone in your community and your family extended family 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:56.760 going at you and just telling you that this is 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.360 the worst decision of your life. And you've just turned 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:01.600 down your job and have decided to make this thing, 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:03.600 and so there was a lot of anxiety attached to 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:04.160 the decision. 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:08.040 But it takes a real strong, like inner voice to 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:11.040 go against what you're Like you think your parents are 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:11.920 God's growing up? 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:12.240 Yeah? 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.640 Yeah, So where did that come from? For you to think? 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:16.000 I know and they don't know. 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.360 I feel my inner voice was so loud since I 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.040 was fourteen and I could not ignore it. Like it's 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:23.120 just been so and I feel like it's got louder 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:24.720 or stayed steady because I've listened to it. 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:26.320 Well, you don't live the kind of life you live 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:30.960 like following rules. Yes, because you have a very unorthodox career. 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:34.560 I mean you're kind of like a superstar in like 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.560 the I don't even want to say spiritual, but it's 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:40.680 just like this the self help community. How do you 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:44.400 do you ever get like hate from more like traditional 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.160 monks or spiritual people because you are so on the 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:51.640 internet and putting your face out there and making money. 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:52.200 Yeah. 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:55.440 I think this because they're kind of transcending traditional I think. 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.680 There's definitely a perspective around like, you know, is this 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:03.040 being you know, watered down or is it being put 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:05.920 out there in a way. But I think that overall, 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.200 I find that the people who really know me, or 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.120 are the people that I've gotten to know deeply, they 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:16.120 understand that I love the idea of making things simple, accessible, digestible, 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:20.600 relevant like me. That's how I was taught about this wisdom, 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.040 and that's what made it so it has to be demystified. 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:25.280 Well, like, look at me, I have it, HD. I'm 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:29.160 not reading a book, yeah, but I will stop at 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.800 a clip of you where you're looking, you know, and 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:34.960 you have the cool font and maybe some good music 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:36.080 in the back, and it's fifteen s. 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.359 That's one of us, and that's most of us today. 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:41.080 And that's a smart like marketing brain of yours. 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.240 Yeah, and I don't think we should be looking down. 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.840 It's not like, oh, you're getting the watered down version. Actually, 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.280 there's this beautiful statement by a writer named Ivan Pavlov 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:53.200 where he said that, well, he wrote this story. He's 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:55.120 not writer, but he wrote this statement that I love. 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.320 And he said that if you can't explain something simply, 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:01.560 you don't understand it well enough. Me. I'm constantly like 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:03.920 grappling with ideas, going how do I explain this simply, like, 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.840 how can I make this really accessible for myself because 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.000 then I can live it and for others so they 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.639 can live it. Like to me, that's a sort of compassion, 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:14.359 Like it's empathy. Like to me, compassion and empathy is like, 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:17.400 how can I make this so easy for anyone to understand, 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:19.600 because then I'll be able to live it and change 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.560 my life and they'll be able to do the same. 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:23.919 Well, even in your book you reference, is it Sands 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:24.480 grat Y. 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.480 Yeah, yeah, so I've liked the book. 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:31.880 I mean she scammed, but like I loved like when 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:35.120 you talked about karma, and like as someone who loves yoga, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:38.240 like I see these things kind of connecting. What is 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.160 your current religion? 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:44.800 So I have taken different practices from different traditions that 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:48.640 I find fascinating. Overall, I follow a text called the Vaders, 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:52.920 which is a universal text which doesn't have a religion 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:56.159 or particular spiritual path aligned to it. It's just speaking 0:17:56.240 --> 0:18:00.159 universally about practices like meditation and wisdom and knowledge. And 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:03.640 so for me, I practice three different forms of meditation, 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:07.280